#like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn
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#every now and then i think abt deleting every single social media and dying . like#i really genuinely think abt just dying fr like#👎👎👎#there's only 1 person i've been wanting to talk to lately#and like no one else lol#i just feel so fucking out of my head#why is everything so fucking bad#i barely leave the basement these days .. i just stay in bed and sleep#and i have less than a week to get the fuck over this random stupid rut i'm in#because fucking classes start on tuesday#i wanna kms so bad lol#like i would rather be dead than do another year of college rn#it's so fucking bad for me lmfao#i don't have any support or anyone to talk to and i feel like i'm going fucking crazy#i'm on academic probation is the best part so if i fuck up this semester i get kicked out which like part of me would love ik like#the part of me that's tired and exhausted and just done with everything i wouldn't mind being kicked out but#the ik . that my parents would fucking kill me knowing that i wasted 4 years worth of tuition money and just fucking flopped as a student#waking up wishing i hadn't woken up every fucking day... i feel sick inside...#my anxiety is spiking all over again and i can barely even organize my thoughts lately#i literally threw up last night cause i worked myself up into such hysterics . like lmfao...#i cant get a grip and i cant get the fuck over how bad i feel and no one fucking LISTENS when i saw i hate this and i'm not good enough for#this fucking subject i wanna fucking kill myself holy fuck it's crazy how much i wanna die..#i used to wonder abt that 4th year kid who killed himself when i was at my old uni like how fucking bad was it for him that in his last year#he just couldn't take it anymore and now i'm in the funniest position of literally understanding exactly where he was lol#last year... and i cant do it... i just cant fucking do it and i wanna kill myself i think about it every day i think about it 24/7 and#i'm just so... tired doesn't even encompass what i'm feeling right now i'm fucking exhausted and empty and i have nothing left man i cant#fucking do this... every day im dragging myself kicking and screaming to school and dealing with a 4 hr round trip commute in the shitty ass#weather that we get and getting verbally and emotionally abused by profs and getting 0 acknowledgment for ANYTHING and it's not like my work#is even GOOD enough to begin with so ofc it's not gonna get any acknowledgment like jdjdjdkdkskd i just dont . have it in me to do this#for another fucking year... i literally cannot do this... and i have no other thoughts in my head other than killing myself lmfao...
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Professor Parker Ch. 1| Professor, Peter Parker x Student, Reader
a/n this fic doesn’t follow the marvel cinematic universe but assume that peter has been what he’s been through with the exception that tony lived, and bruce is still bruce, sorry but i just can't deal with endgame hulk/bruce rn emotionally or mentally. im sorry nat is still dead but dw i'll actually treat it with respect unlike endgame like goddamn where was her funeral, am i right? the stages of grief thing they did was interesting though. im sorry i digress, this is set in nyc (because heyo im a new yorka) and the avengers/stark tower is still a thing, peter is fucking traumatized and has turned kind of cold as a result. this fic may contain a smut chapter in the future? not sure yet, where this fic goes depends on the feedback, thanks for reading also sorry im not the proudest of this first chapter so ill probably edit it but promise itll only improve from here just not in the best mental state rn
University life wasn’t exactly everything that you imagined it to be. There was hardly time to do anything that people claimed was good about coming to university. The parties, the epic heartbreaks, and romances, they were just nowhere to be seen. In fact, there was nothing particularly extravagant about your experience thus far. You went to class, studied, and went to your internship. Your internship was probably the most exciting thing about your life at the moment, you were lucky to be accepted into the Stark Industries student internship, the company paid college tuition and only required around twenty hours of lab work a week, you couldn’t complain. Of course, the exciting part of the whole ordeal was the name attached to it, “Stark,” not that you had ever met him, but it was nice to have a unique feature like that in such an impressive student body.
So here you were on the first day of your third year of university. You lived off-campus, about a five-minute walk from the Stark Tower, but a twenty-minute subway ride to your campus. However, having an 882 square foot space to yourself was really nothing you could truly complain about despite the distance. The studio apartment being yet another benefit reaped from Stark Industries. Thank you Tony Stark, the unseen benevolent God in your life.
Typically you would start your mornings off quietly and in no rush, a shower, a cup of coffee, maybe some studying before heading off to your campus, but your phone had other plans for you today. Instead of your alarm going off like it was supposed to, you were woken up by the sound of a particularly loud car horn, and oh how grateful you were for that. As soon as you were jolted awake you shifted to grab your phone and turned it over to see an alarming 8:40am glaring back at you.
Holy shit. You were late.
You scrambled out of bed nearly face planting several times in your hurry to get dressed and only barely ran out the door with everything you needed at 8:47am.
By the time you managed to get to the subway and clamor onto the right train it was already 8:55am. Out of breath and panicking, you considered your options. You could explain after class, you could shoot an email, there were a plethora of things you could do but none of them seemed to justify being late as a third-year to a level 500 class. You had googled all of your professors while registering for classes as was common practice. You couldn’t find a RateMyProfessor on Professor...Parker? You were pretty sure it was Professor Parker, but you do remember seeing on the STEM department page that he was currently a Ph.D. student, so you could only hope that as a fellow student he would be at least a little understanding towards your lateness.
You stood outside of the lecture hall huffing and trying to catch your breath at 9:32am, psyching yourself up, you pushed open the door to the class and attempted to go unnoticed. The class was in a lecture hall despite being only composed of around thirty students, so if you were lucky maybe nobody would even see-
“Ms.(y/l/n), I presume?.” Shit.
“Professor Parker?” Shit.
“You are aware that class starts at 9am, and not 9:30am, would this be correct Ms.(y/l/n)?”
“Yes, Professor, it’s just that I had an emergency.” The lying route. Not exactly the highlight of your academic career.
“I regret to inform you that I only take valid excuses Ms.(y/l/n), please take a seat, and next time, don’t bother disrupting class halfway through the lesson.” Fuck. You mustered a quiet “ok,” and a small nod before escorting yourself to the back of the room, thirty-something eyes following you until you sat down.
You couldn’t focus for the rest of the class, it was just too embarrassing, time moved forward but you couldn’t help but be stuck on what had just happened. For the first ten minutes after sitting down you felt like dropping out of the whole class out of sheer fucking humiliation. This was of course before you reminded yourself that this class was a requirement to graduate in your field of study. You quietly bargained with yourself before sighing quietly and settling on the conclusion that Professor Parker was just a dick. A dick who certainly didn’t deserve the satisfaction of you switching out of his class. If he wanted to be like that, you decided, you would simply return the favor.
“I know, Ms.(y/ln), why don’t you tell us DeBroglie’s equation?”
“With pleasure, Professor Parker.” Yeah, you’d return the favor alright.
“Ms.(y/l/n), you stay.” Fuck that. You looked the other way and feigned ignorance as you kept making your way towards the door. About to leave, the door shut on your face.
“What the fuck!” You jumped before turning around and you felt your face heat up.
“Ms.(y/l/n), please refrain from using profanities in my classroom.”
“I’m sorry Professor Parker. I was just startled.”
“Mhm,” he took his glasses off and laid them on his desk, “Just don’t do it in the future Ms.(y/l/n).”
“Of course. My name is (y/n), by the way, Professor Parker, you can just call me that, actually, I prefer that people refer to me by (y/n).”
“Rest assured, I’m aware of your name, Ms.(y/l/n). My name is Peter, but you can continue to call me Professor Parker.” You could have sworn that you saw a ghost of a smirk on his lips. He knew what he was fucking doing, asshole. You held back from rolling your eyes into the back of your head.
“Of course, Professor Parker.”
“As you know, Ms.(y/l/n), I did request that you stay after class.”
“Oh? I sincerely apologize Professor Parker, I really didn’t hear you.”
“I’m sure, Ms.(y/l/n).” Fucking. Dick.
“Well, what exactly did you want Professor Parker? I do have another class soon.” Professor Parker narrowed his eyes at you in obvious distaste before reaching behind himself into a bin underneath his desk and pulling out a stack of papers,
“These are the handouts you missed from the beginning of the class. Textbook requirements, syllabus...Crucial information to have if you care to succeed in my class Ms.(y/l/n).” So coldly, so maliciously, Professor Parker placed the stack into your arms.
“I take my work very seriously, Ms.(y/l/n), I do my part as your professor so I only have the simple request that my students do the same.” You nodded feeling your face heat up again.
“Of course, Professor Parker, it won’t happen again,” you said with a tightlipped smile.
“Mhm,” Professor Parker turned around and began shuffling around some paper and without giving you a second glance said, “You are dismissed.” You nodded and hurriedly made your way out of his classroom. Of course, you had lied. You didn’t have another class until late in the afternoon. So you called your coworker instead,
“Hey, Harvey.”
“(y/n).”
“Wow, okay, don’t get too excited.”
“Sorry, just woke up.”
“Tsk, the early bird gets the worm, Harvey.”
“I don’t want a worm.”
“Fuck you. I’m headed to the lab, can I expect you?”
“Yeah, yeah.” You had been working with Harvey for around four years now, he was quite the impressive specimen, having attended MIT and graduating Summa Cum Laude at age 20 was no easy feat, he was closer to Tony Stark than you would ever get, he was quite personable, and you couldn’t deny that he was quite good looking. You’d never tell him that though, he didn’t need another ego boost. Besides, you had some connections of your own.
“Hey, (y/n).”
“Banner!”
“Can we expect Harvey today?”
“Honestly, not sure.” You both knowingly smiled at each other before you made your way over to what he was working on,
“Do you ever get bored here?”
“With you and the other idiot always running around? How could I?” You laughed,
“No, seriously, like wouldn’t you rather be doing nerd shit with Tony or something? Isn’t it a little tiresome babysitting us?”
“Tiring? Maybe sometimes, but not nearly as tiring as doing ‘nerd shit’ with Tony. He’s exhausting,” Bruce smiled at his own joke, “I don’t mind playing babysitter at all kid.” He fiddled with the handle of a mug that read, “Don’t be so Na Cl,” which you had gotten him a year back as a joke, but he still used it.
You really loved Bruce for all he was. Since losing your family back in 2012 during the battle in NYC, you didn’t really have any familial figures. But since landing this internship you found yourself with a parental figure again, and you would never be able to put into words how much it meant to you, so you didn’t. Besides, you didn’t want him to feel pressured about it, especially after everything he had been through himself. Frying half your body and losing the love of your life in such a short span of time was really nothing less than horrifying. Yet, here he was, smiling, laughing...You loved him for it.
“First day of junior year? How was that?”
“Shit.”
“Huh?” Bruce stopped tinkering with the device in his hands and looked over at you, “I’ve never heard of a course being too hard for (y/n) (y/l/n), what is it? Aerospace? Quantum?”
“No, just one giant dick.”
“Pardon-”
“My professor, he’s a fucking asshole.”
“Ah, I see. If he’s really harassing you (y/n), I don’t mean to overstep, I really think we should alert administration, what’s his name?” Bruce took a sip of his coffee.
“Professor Parker,” Bruce choked on his coffee, “Oh my God, Bruce, are you okay?”
“Yeah-” he said, still coughing, “Just a little too strong.”
“Okay, are you sure?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Bruce caught his breath, “What did he do kid?”
“He’s just a dick that’s all.”
“You sure you don’t want me to do something about it?”
“Yeah, it’s fine, I don’t know what you could do anyways. Thank you though.”
“Actually, you’d be surprised.”
Sitting at your desk stressing over school work at 3am, it was nothing out of the ordinary for you. Everything appeared ordinary. The ordinary cup of tea, the familiar glow of your computer, and a morning chill creeping through your window. It was all so breathtakingly normal until there was a rap on your window. You took an earbud out of your ear, certain you were just hearing things, you looked to your window. Holy shit.
You opened your window wide so that he could crawl in.
“(y/n)?”
“Mr.Spiderman.” Still too in shock to fully process the situation you started to take in the scene in front of you,
“Please, it’s just Spiderman.”
“Oh-Oh my God, what happened?” Head to toe the suit seemed to have blood seeping through, tears in the body of the suit revealed gashes and a bullet wound.
“Bad guys. I know this guy-said he knew a medical student close by, you are (y/n)? Right?”
“Y-Yeah, but I’m really just a student, I’m not really a prof-”
“This guy, he said you might as well be.”
“I don’t know Mr.Spiderman, really, maybe I could take you to the hospital though.”
“-Spiderman, it’s just Spiderman, listen, (y/n), you know I can’t go to a hospital, it would ruin this whole secret identity thing I got going on here, and this guy, he’s probably the smartest guy I know, so if he says you can handle it, you can.” You swallowed and nodded,
“Yeah-” you wring your hands together, “Yeah-Sorry, let me go get my first aid kit.”
#tom holland x reader#peter parker#peter parker x reader#tom holland#spiderman#spiderman x reader#marvel#marvel x reader#bruce banner#tony stark#iron man#idk#sorry#ill prolly rewrite this seven times
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Heathers au: Beautiful Songfic
This is more centred around Veronica/Marinette so not really any mentions of Heather/Heather/Heather. Sorry if someone’s done this before I apologise I just got into Heathers like two days ago. Also I changed some lyrics and took others out to make it more “realistic”. Sorry I suck at endings, it’s 5:30am rn and this is my first fic so be nice please! (I’m on mobile so I can’t add the keep reading tag so sorry if you don’t like this) xxx
I brushed down my dress: I couldn’t give them anything to criticise me over. Everything had to be perfect. I had to be perfect. Chloé sat next to me, my beautiful fiancée, slipping on her kitten heels. She may be 3 months pregnant but no Bourgeois woman would be seen wearing flats. I was in a red floor length a line dress — I grew out of my childish pink years ago, before it even went out of fashion! My hair was twisted into two plaits that were knotted together into a stylish bun at the back. Chloé meanwhile had stuck to her white and gold aesthetic, currently in a slim fitting white dress, showing off her small baby bump, decorated with gold jewellery. I rummaged through my drawers, trying to find a lipstick, when a thin book toppled out. I picked it up, and laughed fondly when I saw what it was.
My old Collège and Lycée diary.
I flipped through it, landing on the page that stuck most clearly in my mind. It was the day my class reminded me of my current reality at that time, shocking me out of a bubble that had surrounded me during the summer holidays that year.
September 1st, 1989.
Dear Diary: I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year!
And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?
I bit my lip. What happened? I knew darn well what happened. Lila Rossi. She came in, flaunting her friendships and connections, a new disability every other week to cry about, another rumour about me coming out every 3 days.
Alya ended our friendship, Adrien continued to cry about Lila’s feelings. Lila just kept doing what she did best. The class gave up on changing my mind and instead decided that calling me names would be better. Because logic?!
“Freak!” ���Slut!” “Burnout!” “Bug-eyes!” “Poser!” “Lard-ass!” Were the insults they liked to yell daily. Yeah, they weren’t the most creative...
We were so tiny, happy and shiny. Playing tag and getting chased. Singing and clapping, laughing and napping. Baking cookies, eating paste.
Nino and Kim used to come over to the bakery when we were kids, where we’d gorge ourselves on sweets, before celebrating our sugar rushes by chasing each other in the park and then crashing on my sofa, cuddled in blankets and laying on top of each other.
Then we got bigger, that was the trigger. Like the Huns invading Rome. Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school: This is the Thunderdome. Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon. College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful...Just not today.
I scoffed at my optimism back then. Them changing? They never did, I don’t know why I bothered trying at that point. I should’ve moved on but hey! We all make mistakes. It’s just that sometimes you make 11 friendships worth of mistakes.
“Freak!” “Slut!” “Cripple!” “Homo!” “Homo!” “Homo!”
I cringed as I read their old “insults”. They would write homophobic messages across my locker, getting Alix to spray paint a few slurs across my work after I came out as bisexual.
Things will get better soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. Wake from this coma, take my diploma. Then I can blow this town. Dream of ivy-covered walls, no smoky French cafés. Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
I had purposefully sent out applications to universities far away from these people, from Paris. All three schools accepted me, something I can’t say about my classmates, most of whom were rejected for essays on false information (sourced by Lila) and a quick scan over the Ladyblog meant not a single newspaper would even consider my ex-best friend. Gabriel Agreste, as I later found out through my internship in America, had to bribe several schools with double tuition to get even one to accept Adrien, after he got exposed as sexual harasser and disgraced hero “Chat Noir”. I turned back to my diary, having to peel off rock hard gum from the page that someone had smeared in “revenge”.
Le Chiên Kim. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick.
“What did you say to me, skank?” He would yell, his fist raised in the hallway.
“Aah, nothing!” I then cowered. I may be Ladybug, but he was 150lbs of pure rage. No one can compete with that!
But I know, I know... Life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, For a better way. We can be beautiful...
“Marinette! Wide load! Honnnnnk!”
He was the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.
“Hey! Pick that up! Right now!”
“I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?” He used to snarl, his hands covered in sauce from knocking my tray.
I stood my ground, I had been practising for this moment. “Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on me. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.”
Kim then smirked, crouching down to eye level and pressing a finger to my forehead. “You have a zit right there...” he pointed out, causing the cafeteria to laugh at my expense.
I used to ask myself “Why... Why do they hate me?”
And hear Adrien whisper “Why don't I fight back?”
Watch as Max Googled “Why do I act like such a creep?”
Listen in on Lila stamping her feet in the bathroom asking “Why won't he date me?” Clearly frustrated.
Kim panicking as he wondered “Why did I hit him?”
And Chloé sob down the phone “Why do I cry myself to sleep?”
I would stay up late, screaming, begging. At my lowest points I would cry out “Somebody hug me! Somebody fix me! Somebody save me! Send me a sign, God! Give me some hope, here! Something to live for!”
I remember when I first met my real friends. The famed trio had gone into the bathroom and I followed after them, clearly my throat.
“Who are you?”
“Uh... Marinette Dupain Cheng. I crave a boon”
“What boon?” Chloé asked, filing her nails.
“Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. If our class think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...”
Chloé threw her nail file out and began circling around me, running her hands through my hair, commenting that “For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure!” Before coming to a conclusion.
“And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful. Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, and we're on our way. Get this girl some blush; and Kagami, I need your brush. Let's make her beautiful.” Sabrina and Kagami, chimed in, echoing her words.
“Let's make her beautiful...”
“Let’s make her beautiful...”
“Make her beautiful...Okay?” Chloé ordered, dragging me out with Kagami and Sabrina, driving me to her hotel. They sat me down, taking my hair out of its bunches and brushing it out. Kagami painted my nails a deep navy with surprising precision, manning my cuticles. Sabrina twirled my hair into a high bun, leaving a few pieces at the front to frame my face. Chloé came back from her wardrobe, throwing a blue blazer and grey skirt at me. I changed into my outfit for them, to which they clapped their hands in glee. They dragged me back to school, taking in everyone’s reactions to the new and improved me. This became my new daily outfit for the rest of the year — the class couldn’t find anything bad about it, and even if they did Chloé would threaten them with her father’s power.
I was happy with my squad. Kagami taught us Japanese and Chloé taught us American English that she’d picked up from her mother. I taught them self defence, under the guise of learning it from my mum, unknowingly training them for the day I would rip Chat Noir’s miraculous from him, before slamming it into Kagami’s palm. I needed help that day, so thrust them bee and the fox miraculous at Chloé and Sabrina respectively. They became permanent heroes, Kagami under the name “Noirette”, Chloé under the new guise of “Buttercup” and Sabrina “Renard Rouge”. Akuma attacks have never lasted more than 15 minutes since we got rid of that alley cat, and we’ve been closing in on Hawkmoth recently.
I shook my head, snapping the crude book shut, throwing the diary in the bin. Today was going to be the day I made peace with all that happened, our 10 year school reunion. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna make up with anyone, just that I will finally leave everything behind. I found my lipstick and smeared on the crimson lip, smacking my lips together. I grabbed my clutch and helped Chloé stand up, though she wobbled a little in her heels. I slid her miraculous into her updo, blowing a kiss at her as to not ruin her makeup.
We met up with Kagami and Sabrina in the hallway, Kagami in a wine red suit with gold jewellery, and Sabrina was in emerald green to compliment her red hair. We stepped into the limo awaiting us outside and set off, arriving at the school 10 minutes later. We walked up the steps, hitching up our dresses and arrived in the courtyard. It had been lit up with fairy lights, with stands of food and drinks scattered around the court. Our old classmates were huddled in small groups, whilst Mlle. Mendeleiev’s was in a large group, enjoying each other’s company after 10 years apart.
No one noticed us, until Rose pointed at me and whispered “Who’s that with Chloé?” The group turned to stare at us, trying to place my face. Adrien looked up from talking to Lila, who seemed to be flaunting a rather tacky Gabriel engagement ring, and whispered,
“Marinette?!”
The class began gossiping amongst themselves, “Marinette? Marinette? Marinette?!”
I ignored them, their childish ways were behind me, and walked up to Aurore and Mireille, fawning over their relationship. They turned Kagami, asking her about her life and squealing over her Olympic medal for fencing. I grinned as I watched my old class, happy that they had moved on from each other — well apart from Alya and Adrien, who were still hooked on Lila. I was finally, content! I thought back on my diary, one particular paragraph standing out to me at this time.
And you know, you know, you know, life can be beautiful. You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels, lookin' like hell on wheels...My God, it's beautiful! I feel so beautiful... And when you're beautiful...It's a beautiful frickin' day!
Chloé boasted my achievements, my business, my awards, and the entire of Mendeleiev’s class started chanting “Marinette! Marinette! Marinette!”, much to my embarrassment. I boasted her’s in return, Sabrina revealed how far she’d come as a lawyer, Kagami swung her prized sword from side to side as she listened to us all catching up, laughing at the memories.
It really was a beautiful day.
#lila salt#adrien salt#class salt#marinette deserves better#alya salt#mlb#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir#chloe sugar#kagami tsurugi#sabrina raincomprix#heathers au#beautiful heathers#songfic
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On Love
So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:
Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible
Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything
Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.
El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh
Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college
A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited
Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me
Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love
to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:
Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.
H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour
Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart
Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet
O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D
to beautiful quotes:
Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN
Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)
Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things
Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne
Mary: "Love is watching someone die."
Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"
Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"
V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?
Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!
Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka
Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention
to practices of love:
Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro
A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.
L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.
Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)
Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift
Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.
Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random
Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror
to crushes and potential loves:
Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.
Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine
Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants
Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else
Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes
Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still
Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me
to the trials of love:
Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk
Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it
Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.
Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love
L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start
Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him
Sean: Good luck it dont exist
Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3
13: I don’t know anymore
M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol
to beloved characters:
Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension
Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love
to advice and prose:
Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...
Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.
Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love
H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love
Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures
Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others
to the small, the simple, and the sweet:
Ireal: Poems
O: Flowers
Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.
Ad: we love LOVE
A: <3
Isak: small things
H: intense
Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away
S: her
E: <3
Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^
Catboy: wholesome
J: i love love so much it hurts
Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3
Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great
Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring
M: i love love
to food!
Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!
Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?
and animals too <3
Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!
96: raccoons ????
DJ Big Penis: cats
:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,
I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.
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I’ll put a summary here L8er
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten
warnings: cursing, murder, torture, mentions the words domestic abuse & rape
masterlist | guidelines | lullaby m.list
August was an unusually stressful month for you, given your circumstances. Moving away from home, back to Eclipse University, into your small, lonesome apartment was not all that exciting. Starting your last year of law school wasn’t exciting either. A new year meant two new semesters full of tough courses, a paid internship, and the dreaded Bar exam at the end of it all. Stress was eating at you all summer as you tried to prepare yourself for this last year of schooling before fully entering the real world. The one thing you always looked forward to when coming back to this little college town though, was seeing Bambam.
“Y/n! Long time, no see!” Bambam, your beloved best friend, practically screamed the second he laid eyes on you entering his department store.
You giggled, accepting the bear hug he was pulling you into. “Hey B, I missed you so much!” As you pulled away you noticed him look you up and down and shake his head.
“Damn, girl. Did you get hit by a bus this summer? You look like hell,” he raised an eyebrow. You lightly smacked his shoulder and laughed.
“No! It’s just been really stressful lately. And I literally just moved all my stuff back into my apartment, okay!”
Bambam noticed another customer enter the store then, looking over your shoulder rather than at you.
“I wasn’t too sure if you’d be here actually, B. I was gonna call and make sure before I walked all the way here, but I decided to make it a surprise,” You explained, moving to the side so he could walk past, following close behind.
Bambam never let an opportunity to make a customer glamourous pass, not even for his best friend he hasn’t seen in months.
“Oh yeah, I just got back actually. I hosted a fashion show in Milan last week, but I’ll be here for another month maybe,” He explained as he reached the young lady browsing the racks of his expensive, well designed blouses. He turned away from you to greet her, so you decided to leave him be, and just call after he closed the shop for the day. After giving a small wave to Bambam as you walked out the shop, mouthing a ‘I’ll call around 7’ as to not interrupt the client, you wandered back into the streets of Eclipse. The August sun was strong, and you noted the nice weather as you passed by the other shops and restaurants of Downtown. Bambam’s shop was only about a fifteen minute walk from your apartment, but in the heat, it seemed like ages. So, you decided to stop at a little ice cream parlor before heading all the way back into campus.
Kim’s Ice Cream was practically empty. Upon walking in you noticed two things immediately, the first was that they didn’t serve chocolate ice cream, the second was the only other customer present in the building. He sat in the corner with a half melted milkshake in front of him, watching something intently out the window. So, curiosity got the best of you and after settling for the next best ice cream flavor (second to chocolate), you wandered over to his table.
He seemed to notice you immediately, which wasn’t that abnormal since you were the only other customer there. But, he looked up and cocked his head to the side, almost like a questioning puppy.
Smiling, you greeted him, “Hey, is this seat taken?”
He furrowed his eyebrows, and shook his head. “No, no. Please,” He motioned towards the empty seat across from him, and finally returned the smile.
“I’m Y/n. I just happened to notice you watching something outside,” you nervously laughed, “Curiosity sort of urged me over here to ask what it was.” Upon finishing your sentence, you ate a spoonful of ice cream. He looked up and made complete eye contact with you for the first time. His eyes were full of focus, and deep with thought.
With a lazy grin he licked his lips and answered. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”
With a nod and a soft smile you quickly replied “But the cat knew the truth.”
He raised an eyebrow and shook his head with a laugh. “I was watching the birds. I’ve always found them so intriguing,” He glanced outside once again, and looked back with a darker twist in his large pupils. You always noticed the smallest things about people, and the eyes ahead of you were certainly the eyes of someone hurting.
“I’m Mark” he stuck his hand out for you to shake. Calloused fingers and bruised knuckles engulfed your smaller hand.
****
Several hours after the introduction, you found yourself laying in bed wide awake. While finishing unpacking you grew tired, but somehow you can’t seem to fall asleep.
With a frustrated sigh, you reached to the nightstand to pick up your phone and check the time. Seeing 4 unread texts from Bambam, you decided to read and respond, it wasn’t like you were going to get any sleep anyway.
-Sorry you had to leave earlier I had to glam that bitch
-Hey idk if youve seen the news but theres some scary shit happening in eclipse rn, you should be careful ok?
-? y/n
-Y/N!!!
You shook your head and rubbed your eyes. The last text was only sent five minutes ago, maybe Bambam was still awake. You decided to turn the news on before calling him.
“Residents of Eclipse please be extra cautious! Breaking News reports a string of murders throughout the town, focused around Eclipse University’s campus. We’re reminding all citizens to lock your doors, and remain calm. We all need to stick together at this time.”
Your eyes grew wide as you flung the blanket from your form and ran to your front door. Locking the deadbolt, you immediately FaceTimed Bambam.
“Bambam! What the hell is happening?” You almost yelled through the phone.
“Shh shh, calm down. It’s okay, you’re okay,” he comforted you with a soft tone. Bambam always knew when your anxiety flared up, and stayed gentle with you to help you calm down. He stayed on the phone until he knew you were alright.
“Just remember to be careful, y/n.” He whispered after a while, and you finally managed to fall asleep.
Bambam huffed as he hung up the phone. The truth was that he was terrified. He knew he would be alright, he owned a few guns and he was away from Eclipse for weeks at a time anyway. But, he also knew you didn’t live the same life as him. You didn’t own any weapons, you were stuck here, and you trusted far too easily. The murders sent shivers down Bambam’s spine and his head started to ache at the thought of his best friend in danger. Worried hands typed vigorously on his phone as he dialed the phone number of the one person he hated most. He knew that despite his hatred, this person would be the only one close enough to you that Bambam trusted to ensure your safety when he left.
“Bambam? What the fuck do you want? It’s three in the fucking morn-“ Jackson’s voice was husky and rough after being awoken.
“Shut the fuck up and listen.” Bambam was already annoyed with the boy on the other line.
Jackson scoffed and rolled his eyes, despite Bambam not being able to see.
“Have you seen the news?” Bambam ran a hand through his hair and walked out onto the balcony.
“Yeah, if you’re calling to accuse me of any shit I won’t hesitate to block you.” Jackson’s defensive tone was enough to piss Bambam off.
“I’m not accusing you of anything. You might think you’re tough shit but you’re no killer. I’m calling about y/n”
Jackson’s ears perked up at hearing your name.
“Y/n? What about her? Is she okay?” His voice suddenly grew softer.
“She’s fine. But, I’m worried about her. You know how she is, and I’m not sure how I can make sure she’s safe when I leave Eclipse,” Bambam sighed. “That’s why I called. Me, you and Yugyeom don’t get along, but I know you both care for her as much as I do.” A slight breeze caused him to shiver.
Bambam heard rustling on the other end of the line.
Jackson pulled his shirt on and tied his shoelaces.
“When are you leaving?”
Bambam looked out over the silent town, and shook his head to himself.
“Soon,”
Jackson grabbed his keys and reached for the doorknob.
“She’s in good hands, Bambam.”
The line went dead as Bambam leaned his head back, eyes closing.
“She damn well better be. She’s all I’ve got in this world.” He whispered softly to the wind.
Jackson pulled the door of his Corvette open and slipped inside. The curfew didn’t let up for another hour, but he needed to see Yugyeom. His best friend needed to know what Bambam called about, and he wasn’t sure how Yugyeom would react to the prospect of seeing you again. Shifting gears, he sped away in the direction of Downtown.
Yugyeom opted to move to Eclipse permanently after his first semester of law school. His home life wasn’t ideal, and he was happier here than there. His little house on the corner of Main Street and Downtown boulevard was perfect for him. He was in a deep sleep when he awoke to the sound of constant banging on his door. Groaning and reaching for the 9mm pistol in his nightstand, he pushed himself up and rubbed his eyes. He opened the front door to be met with the worried eyes of his best friend.
“Fucking hell, bro. I thought you were a murderer or something!” Yugyeom furrowed his eyebrows as he let Jackson in.
“Funny you mention that…” Jackson rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I just got off the phone with Bambam.”
***
Mark held the printed photograph up next to the sorry male in front of him. The picture matched the guy perfectly, and with a dark chuckle he licked his lips.
“I knew I’d find you.”
The man roughly jerked against the belt that secured him to the chair. Flailing helplessly to try to break away, screaming into the duct tape secured on his mouth.
“Stop trying to break away. Nobody will help you.” Mark cocked his head to the side, grinning at his prey. The man’s muffled screams began again. Mark pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. The only light came from an exposed lightbulb hanging from the ceiling above them. The lighting created a halo above the bloodied man. How ironic.
“I have some questions for you, before I have some fun, so you just nod or shake your head in response. And if you lie, you’re gonna regret it.” He held up a knife in one hand, and a gun in the other.
“This is how this is gonna work, I’m going to ask a question, you will truthfully answer me. If you cooperate, I’ll use this,” he held up the gun, pulling the slide back, “if you don’t cooperate, I’ll use this,” he held the knife up again, skillfully spinning them through his fingers. The man’s eyes widened in fear.
Mark’s eyes gleamed with excitement.
“First question! Have you ever seen this girl?” He held up another printed photo of a smiling young woman. The man vigorously shook his head.
“You fucking LIAR!” Mark screamed the last word. He rolled his eyes and stood from his chair.
“You lied straight away! Nobody ever lies from the first question!” He laughed out, and ripped the duct tape from the man’s mouth.
“Now, count backwards from 100 in sets of 3,” Mark pressed the knife against the bottom of the man’s pinky finger.
“Fucking count!” Mark screamed in his face. He began counting as Mark sawed away at his fingers. Blood dripped down the armrest of the chair and onto the rotting carpet. Mark was in euphoria. The red color was glittering under the harsh lighting and the smell made his grin a little wider.
Many hours into Mark’s fun he grew bored and decided it was time for judgement. The man was on the very brink of passing out anyway, and the smell of blood started to give Mark a headache.
“Alright, man. I’m done.” Mark huffed out. The man looked almost relieved. ”I hereby render you guilty of domestic abuse, and the rape of Yang Jimin. I sentence you to death.” Mark smirked at the man’s appearance, and inability to speak after having his tongue ripped out. He untied the man and laid him out on the floor. He began softly singing, “Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed,” he pulled the gun from his pocket and pressed the barrel to the man’s forehead. “Lullaby and goodnight, thy mother's delight, bright angels beside my darling abide,” He pulled the trigger, blood splattering over his face and clothes. Humming the song again, he brought the knife to the dead man’s stomach. After etching the word “goodnight” in scratchy rough lettering, Mark shook his head.
“Justice is served,” he chuckled and pulled matches from his pocket. Picking up the gasoline in the corner, he walked around the tiny raggedy house, lighting his cigarette with a match before pitching it behind him, walking away and disappearing into the night.
***
Morning light drifted through your blinds when your alarm rang. You blinked your eyes open and yawned before turning the annoying noise off. Stretching, you got up and got ready for the day. You only had one class, but after you had to report to your first day of interning with Eclipse’s best attorney, Lee Kwang, who also happened to be your professor. Upon walking to your car, you never expected to see the familiar black Jeep parked next to your little blue Corolla.
“Kim Yugyeom. It’s been a while,” you smiled halfheartedly to the owner of said Jeep.
“We need to talk.” He seemed on edge, but you figured it was because the last night you spoke in person was a night everyone involved wished to forget.
You unlocked your car and opened the back door, dropping your backpack in the seat. “There’s not much to talk about.” You looked anywhere but at him.
“I talked to Bambam last night,” he leaned his back against the door, arms crossed.
The realization hit you a second later.
“No. Absolutely not. I don’t need anyone’s protection. I’m a grown woman.” You seethed at the thought that these boys saw you as someone so weak.
“It’s not about that, y/n. We just care about you,” he tried to reason with you.
“Who cares about me? Because you and Jackson are the last people who act like they care about me.” You shook your head to stop tears from falling. Slipping into your car, you pulled away from the parking lot.
***
Mark’s eyes met yours the second you walked into the law firm. He waved and smiled as you walked towards him.
“Hey! I never thought I’d see you here!” You beamed at the boy you met yesterday.
“Yeah, small world. I was just on my way out, but before I go, I just, I forgot to ask back at the ice cream shop,” he blushed a little and scratched the back of his head. “Can I maybe, get your number?”
Your face flushed red, yet you smiled widely.
“Yeah! Of course!” You reached for a pen and scribbled numbers onto a sticky note.
“Thanks, I’ll call you later!” He smiled as he walked away.
You took a deep breath and knocked on Professor Lee’s door, not noticing the way Mark looked back at you as he left the building.
#kpop#got7#got7 igot7#mark tuan#got7 mark#got7 yugyeom#got7 youngjae#got7 jinyoung#got7 jaebeom#got7 bambam#got7 jackson#bambam#jackson wang#got7 jb#got7 jaebum#got7 fanfic#got7 fluff#got7 smut#got7 au#got7 scenarios#got7 imagines#got7 reactions#got7 drabbles#got7 x reader#mark tuan imagines#mark tuan scenarios#mark tuan fanfic#bangtan#skz stray kids#foreverthesickestkidz lullaby
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2020 - 20 facts tag game
ay thanks for the tag, @sharkmartini and @angelsfalling16 !!!
1. Do you make your bed? shit, depends, really. i feel a lot more mentally at peace climbing into a made bed to sleep, but i don’t have the energy to do it nearly as often as i want.
2. Favorite number? 27 (3^3. i have a thing with 3.)
3. What’s your job? uh shit. a couple things? i freelance illustrate generally tho so let’s go with that
4. If I could would I go back to school? i’m a college freshman rn, but i’m going to a private art school, so if i could like, redo my decision, i would go to a school with in-state tuition and either go for pre-med or poli-sci/communications kid so i could go right back into my activism on a more hands-on way, rather than through art.
5. Can you parallel park? bro i cannot drive at all (and my spacial relations are SHIT)
6. A job people would be surprised I had? i modeled for the Hollister pride campaign last year. given i’m not particularly skinny, it comes as a shock to a lot (it came as a shock for me too, when i got asked to be part of it, because i was like “shit are they gonna let someone shoot when i can’t even fit into their pants?”)
7. Do you think Aliens are real? i’d be terrified if they weren’t, honestly
8. Can you drive a standard car? sorry i’m gay and disabled i can’t drive ://////
9. What’s your guilty pleasure? listening to Mindless Self Indulgence, reading my own finished works, and getting late night korean food way too often
10. Tattoos? currently, four of them! i have a coffin (to represent both baz and mcr) on my inner left arm (i plan on getting vampire teeth on the opposite inner arm), i have a lighter with flowers coming out of it on my right outer ankle, i have a stick n poke single line face on my left thigh (my friend’s design), and just tonight my friend had the first session of stick n poke-ing frank iero’s symbol on my right inner wrist today. ik it doesn’t ask for this, but i also have a few piercings (ears, septum, and left eyebrow--just got the eyebrow a few weeks ago). both of my stick n pokes are only one session in, so we’re giving them some breathing room to heal before my friend goes back in and thickens/darkens some lines, but those should both be done before valentine’s day, which is ironically when i’m getting another “proper” tat (aka in a studio).
11. Favorite color? maroon or teal
12. Things people do that drive you crazy? if you drag out sentences without needing to, it drives me off the walls. i talk fast and move fast and don’t like when things drag on. i know someone who unnecessarily draws on sentences just to be dramatic and it makes me wanna scream and tell them to talk faster, but i stop myself.
13. Any Phobias? everything? everything. especially spiders. and heights. and everything.
14. Favorite childhood sport? MMA--i especially liked grappling classes and my filipino kali classes. but i also liked that solid year of softball that i did
15. Do you talk to yourself? all the time. i try catch myself vocally doing it because my poor roommates don’t deserve my constant dialogue, but i’m always having conversations with myself. it’s how i work through everything.
16. What movie do you adore? scott pilgrim vs the world is my favorite movie, but the mommy dead and dearest documentary is really interesting (and so is going clear). i’m a big fan of the hobbit movies (guiltily), and shrek is unironically one of my favorite movies.
17. Do you like doing puzzles? depends!!!! i like those apps where the puzzle shapes are like tetris shapes and you gotta fill a figure with the blocks because it’s relaxing, and i like packing bags because it’s kinda like a puzzle, but i don’t like big flat picture puzzles.
18. Favorite type of music? type? uh. shit. like punk/rock/emo/alt /goth etc? i like a lot of sub-genres of punk and rock. i unapologetically love mcr (and, by extension, all the music created by gerard, frank, ray, and mikey post-split pre-reunion, especially frank. frank’s shit means a lot to me), but my music taste is generally a little all over the place.
19. Tea or coffee? depends on what hits at the moment. generally, tea. i don’t drink coffee to enjoy it, though. with tea, i do.
20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? an egyptologist. i had a pretty in-depth picture book describing the mummification process and all the steps and history, and i decided i wanted to study mummies and the outcome of mummification............. i had a weird childhood.
---
aa i don’t know if many people did it yet but i tag @krisrix @warriorbeeofthesea @carryonvisinata @thehoneyedhufflepuff @vkelleyart @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @carryonmylovelies @pipsqueakparker @giishu !!!!
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Survey #215
i’m not dead yet, just not into surveys very much lately.
What is your favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus. <3 Would you rather live with wolves or tigers? Hypothetically, if I wouldn't be harmed, wolves. I love social species. Have you ever forgotten what a certain kind of pain felt like? Getting my nose re-pierced like fuck man. What do you remember the most about your childhood? I think the strongest memory is my parents not getting along. Or the stories I made playing with my favorite toys. Would you rather have a pet dinosaur or have mythical creatures be real? Have mythical creatures exist. I want a tame, little dragon. Do you have a favorite toy from childhood still? Astonishingly, no. I was incredibly surprised to find out I got rid of them at some point when I wanted to add the crocodile to my room as a cute decoration and memory. What are your thoughts on the end of the world? *shrug* Not like we can do anything about it, unless you count our own carelessness as a selfish species, but that won't actually end the "world," just mankind. Which sports do you enjoy watching? Dance. Would you ever have a breed of dog that is considered aggressive? I don't want another dog, but hypothetically, yes, because no species is inherently mean. It all depends on how the owner raises it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would your childhood self be disappointed? FUCK YES SHE WOULD BE. God, the thought is depressing. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Animals and my niece. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Is it too far into imagination to say it's possible in the one we're already in? You have zombie viruses in things like bugs, so in time, something developing that can affect humans isn't out of the question. But anyway, anyone who answers "yes" to this, as in they'd like it, are full of shit. Most of us would die in a heartbeat. You'd witness others that you love die. Every day you question if you'll see the next. The zombie apocalypse has been so romanticized in many forms of media, but please, tell me you'll still be having fun when you watch your mother be eaten or some shit. Have you ever gotten into an accident with you parents’ car? No. What’s the wallpaper on your computer? A meerkat pup looking close up to the camera. What was the most difficult decision you’ve ever had to make? Deciding Jason couldn't be my entire world anymore and I had to let go. Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular. There's a YouTube artist named Jonathan Young that I MARVEL over the fact he's not signed with someone. My mom didn't even believe he wasn't professional the first time I played some songs in the car. Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)? I'm certain I could. What is the first vehicle you recall your parents/guardians owning? A greenish-blue van. What was the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? I don't know. I'm not really that rebellious. Pick one: Laundry, Dishes, or Vacuuming? I actually don't mind vacuuming. Have you ever moved and had to change schools growing up? No. Name the most meaningful thing a non-relative has done for you. When my former best friend let me live with her while we were homeless. Memories like that sometimes make me question my decision to cut her off permanently... though I remind myself the bad outweighed the good and our relationship was just never going to be stable. The highway and back roads take you to the same place; Choose your route. Depends on what's quicker to save gas. Are you more likely to give up or persist when you’re having trouble? It depends on the situation. Tbh I think I give up more often. Do you resemble one parent more than the other? I don't think so. Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of yours? That's my girlfriend. So duh. Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last 2 years. I physically met Sara. Do you end up regretting things you say often? I don't know about often. Name one thing you look forward to as you get older. Hopefully being financially stable. Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? Yeah. You own a huge business; what is it? I can't even imagine myself owning a "huge" business. Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it? Sometimes. Depends on who I'm asking. Name somebody you think died before their time. A LOT OF PEOPLE. I think above all of my options, Steve Irwin. Fucking saint, teacher, and pilot of conservation and loving our fellow animals. Name the possession you’ve had the longest. I have a lot of infancy stuffed animals up in the attic. You’re writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc.? Fantasy. Would you consider yourself an interesting person in general? I guess. I know I'm at least different. Have you ever gotten in trouble for running up your phone bill? No. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't plan on changing the style any time soon. Hopefully at some point soon I can get to the damn hair salon and get it dyed lilac, though. But it'll be expensive for a pro to do it (I'm very much so done with anyone less trying to do so, as it always fails), so that's something I don't think will come soon. It's not high on my priorities. Who was the last person to see you cry? Is this person special? I'm sure it was my mom. Probably. Of course she is. What season would you like the world to experience year-round? Autumn. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? Lmao it was of something funny on Facebook that I texted to Sara a few days ago. Are you currently drifting away from anyone? Who is it? No. Would you say you are really close to the members of your family? Most, no. I barely see anyone outside my immediate fam. Is there anyone who lives in the same house as you, that you can’t stand? The stupid dog. Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? No, but it was likely RP-related. Think of the last person you kissed, when was the first time you talked to them on the phone? She knows I hate talking over the phone, so we use Skype to talk. I think the first time I called her via phone though was when I was having an emotional breakdown. What does your phone do when you get a new message? It makes the sound from Spyro when you pick up gems if it's not on vibrate, and when the screen goes black, a green light blinks. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you party too much? I never did. Who were you last on the phone with? I answered a number I didn't recognize, and it wound up being some bullshit about my car warranty or something when I don't even have a car. I just hung up the moment I knew what it was. Last movie you watched? The Lion King live action remake. Incredible. If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Fuck, I want collarbone dermals so badly. Do you like holding hands? With Sara. Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked? Yes. What are you listening to? "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" by Manson is on rn. Do your parents allow you to date? I'm 23. They never really restricted me from it. Then again, I started dating in the 7th grade, so I was older than most first couples. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yes. Would you rather have long or short hair? I could not be happier than I have short hair now. It's so much easier to manage, and it really did me well chopping it all off considering my bad self-care episodes. I recommend it soooo much to anyone struggling with that. Do you want to have children? Big No. Do you think you’ll have the same boyfriend/girlfriend a year from now? Realistically, yes. How old were you when you stopped sleeping with a nightlight? I don't know. What topic did you write your last essay about? This awful book "Masters of Doom" or whatever I had to read in game design in college, I think. Whose car did you ride in last other than yours? Dad's. What was the last clothing article you purchased? Some pants. Who was the last person that made you cry [accidentally or on purpose]? Probably myself. Is there construction going on in/near your neighborhood? No. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went to Jason's senior prom and he came to mine. What language[s] did you study in school? Latin for one awful semester, then German for four. I miss German, honestly. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, that sounds so boring. Choose two dead celebs who could be your biological parents - explain why? Steve Irwin for my incredible love of animals and uh... I'm not sure about a mom? I thought about this for like two minutes and really don't know lmao. If you were living in the past, which job that doesn’t exist anymore would you like to have? No idea. Which animal are you afraid of? Most afraid of, probably some spiders, like huntsmen spiders. I'm afraid of most spiders in general (if they're near me or in my house, anyway), I cannot stand maggots and larvae of that sort, and whale sharks freak me out. AND WASPS. FUCK WASPS. How would your wedding bouquet look like? *shrugs* It would probably depend on the wedding theme. What kind of game would you like to play that doesn’t exist yet? I can't even swallow how unbelievable Shadow of the Colossus would be in VR. What is one thing you would never ever eat? Escargot. Is there a music video that you would like to see turned into a movie or a TV show? Which one? *shrugs* Which character in your favorite movie do you hate the most? It's impossible to hate any from TLK. How do you think the world will end? A meteor striking, or a deadly volcano going boom. Either way, it's gonna be smoke shrouding the sun. Do you own anything clown related? No. If you were a celebrity - which celebs you would befriend? Y'all done know one, but I think the celeb I would connect to most and most easily befriend would be Shane Dawson. He is such a goddamn sweetheart, chill as fuck, and #relatable. There's really a lot... All YT-related lmao. Except Bindi Irwin. Damn, would I love to meet her. If you were going to make a horror movie that you would be scared of yourself, what would it be about/how would it look like? I can't handle those movies about women being raped and impregnated by a demon and shit. I can't. Fuck The Rite. If you could take a pill that would cure something in you that isn’t an illness - what would you be cured off? How ungodly shy and awkward I am. Ew. Do you like Rihanna? I don't know most of her music, but I don't enjoy most pop, so. Have you ever experienced hydroplaning? Not severely, anyway, and not while I was driving. What’s your opinion on the legalization of weed? Legalize it medicinally. What’s your current favorite song? Man idk. Have you ever hit a girl? I hit my sister once as a kid. What was your New Year's resolution? I don't make them. Do you find Eminem attractive? Not particularly. Are you wearing nail polish? I never do. Have you ever been/considered being vegetarian? I was for a couple months and definitely plan on going back to it once I get to the weight I want... if that ever fucking happens. What’s the last concert you went to? Alice Cooper. Do you own a cat? Yes. :') He's my best buddy. Do you like cats? I love cats. Do you like watching music videos? No. How are your grades? I'm not back in school yet. But SOON. Do you listen to Aerosmith? YO "Love In An Elevator" just finished on my iTunes. I love them. Have you climbed a tree in the past month? I never have. Were you ugly in middle school? Jfc save that child. What’s your type? CHARISMATIC. Stand out, man, and be proud of it. Having a smart head isimportant, too. Having a loving heart. Have a good sense of humor. Don't judge. Do you sleep with one of those mask things on your face? No. Have you ever straightened your hair? Yes. What kind of calculator do you use? The one on my phone or laptop. Have you ever seriously tried to count the stars? Lol no. Did you see the lunar eclipse? I'm guessing you're talking about the biggie from early this year? Yes. It was incredible. Do you have a bank account? No. Did you go on vacation last summer? What's a "vacation?" Where to? N/A Have you ever been in a choir? At church as a kid as well as elementary school. Are you happy with your looks? No. Have you ever gone streaking? You couldn't have paid me to do so even when I was in great shape. Are any of your siblings married? Yes. Were you in the wedding party? Yes. Have you ever seen a ghost? I've sure as hell seen something. Do you even believe in ghosts? I absolutely do. Have you ever had an eating disorder? Thank God no. What big corporation(s) do you support, particularly because you like what they stand for (many vegan items, donate large amount of money to charities, pay their workers a living wage, etc)? I'm really not educated on the morals behind most businesses. Oh, I do know Jeffree Star's products are entirely vegan and cruelty-free though, so his company definitely is one. If you wear foundation or have in the past, what type of applicator do you use (beauty sponge, foundation brush, fingers, etc)? Is there a type of applicator that doesn’t work for you? I've always just used my hands because we don't have anything else for foundation, I think. For those of you that do listen/watch ASMR videos, what are your favorite “triggers”? If you don’t watch ASMR, what are your thoughts on the whole phenomenon that seemed to happen the past couple years over it? I don't listen to it, but I don't care if others do. It doesn't do anything for me. I personally find the talking ones super uncomfortable, but if someone likes that, whatever. Are there any true crime cases that bother you immensely because of the story or verdict of the court case (ex. OJ Simpson)? I know there're some I've seen on Facebook and such. Do you use store loyalty programs? If you don’t use them, what is your reasoning behind that? What store loyalty programs do you feel offer the best incentives, regardless if you aren’t a member of them? I think I am for Hot Topic? I know I have a card for there. I think Sam's Club is a great place to have membership; that place has some damn deals. Mom used to be one, as well as an employee, and that shit was great. When it comes to skincare, what product could you not go without over the other ones? Where are you most likely to shop for your skincare needs? I could go without any, save of course for a wet washcloth. If I get something for skincare, it's just gonna be at Wal-Mart. Regardless if you aren’t someone who hoards or keeps stuff for a long time, what is one (type of) item that you have a hard time getting rid of? STUFFED ANIMALS. FUCKING CHRIST. If you eat meat, what is at least one vegan item (not necessarily a banana) that you like or would like trying (such as trying a soy ham substitute)? If you don’t eat meat, what is one meat item that you like and understand why people eat it? I have no idea. Being vegan just sounds... gah. I couldn't imagine. Major respect for vegans, man. What is a food that is always better homemade? How about a food that is always better at a restaurant? I don't know about the homemade one. Maybe like... cobblers? Meanwhile, steaks tend to be better at restaurants, I've found. If you watched teen dramas growing up (such as 90210 or One Tree Hill), which one was your favorite or you liked the best? If you watched family sitcoms growing up (such as Full House or The Fresh Prince), which one was your favorite or liked the best? I'm not sure if I watched teen dramas. For family sitcoms, ummm... I loooooooooooved/still love The Nanny. I like the two mentioned as well. What is a tradition either within your country or family that you feel is not needed or could in fact even be bad (ex. using paper plates for every party, eating hot dogs every weekend during the summer, etc)? Getting drunk as a motherfucker on New Year's Eve. Is there something you said you wouldn’t do, but in the end you did it? Yeah, a few things. Are you originally an American, or are you some other kind of nationality? I'm just American, save for like, if ancestry is involved. Then I originate from Europe. Do you sometimes pretend to do things you don't know how to do? No? What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? Hm, I don't know. Have you ever had one of those pregnancy scares? When did this take place? Two completely unrealistic ones in high school. Are you someone who puts ranch dressing on everything you eat? No. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? Not to my knowledge. What, to you, is the best way a guy can smell? Give examples? I personally like gentle colognes. How many times a day, on average, do you think critically about something? Twice or so. Are you someone who speaks their mind, or do you hold it all in? It depends. Where do you work at this moment in time? Does this place have insurance? I don't currently work bc I can't be a functioning adult in a work environment without collapsing into panic attacks. :^) If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The inside of my forearm. Are you currently in the process of ‘bettering’ yourself as a person? I'm trying to grow more independent. What is something you tend to not be able to stand in the least bit at all? Anti-LGBT bullshit. OH BOY, or anti-vax insanity. Do not even interact with me if you're a "vaccines cause autism" imbecile. Does it make you angry when people complain an excessive amount around you? If it's over stupid shit or an issue you brought about yourself, then yes. At what age did you actually hit puberty? Was it hard for you to handle? I don't remember, and yes, it was. I remember crying outside the day I got my first period because I realized I wasn't a kid anymore. Are you considered a graceful person or are you more clumsy? I'm the clumsiest fuck you'll meet in your entire life. Have you ever sucked in helium? Did your voice change at all? No. Do you know any girls who have an overly manly voice and features? Girls can't be "overly manly," just as men can't be "overly feminine." Do you play any sports? If so, did you meet new friends that way? I did, and yes. Do people ever make fun of you for something you really can't help? No. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No. Have you ever tried chocolate chip waffles? Are they now your favorite? Yes; no. What company are you signed up for car insurance, if any at all? N/A Are you someone who really likes to cook? What’s your favorite meal? No. Are you the candle lighting type? I prefer incense. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? If he looks anything like he did, yeah. But I haven't even seen a picture of him in forever. Coffee in the morning, yay or nay? Don't like coffee. Do you ever drink your coffee black? N/A Body waxing, yay or nay? Ow, I would never do it. Honeymoon, where? I'd love the pink beaches of the Bahamas... but fuck Bermuda's Triangle, my conspiracy theory ass ain't going near that shit lmao. The black beach in I think... Scotland or whatever will do. Anal sex, yay or nay? Never tried, never will. The concept just really grosses me out. Has anyone ever written on you? Probably. Have you ever dated a fat person? I'd prefer the term "overweight," but w/e, once or twice depending on if you count one relationship as "dating." How many foreign friends do you have? In which countries do they live? Quite a few, having been on the Internet so long... I've got some in Europe and one in Australia. How long have you known the oldest friend you have? "Old" as in who I've had the longest? Since I was ten, I think. If you include my "real" friends. What’s the most interesting story you’ve never told anybody? Good question. When’s the last time you went to a bookstore? What did you buy? Last year when we were threatened by a really bad hurricane. I got The Fault In Our Stars and only read like... ten pages lmao. It wasn't because the book was bad, I just don't read anymore. What’s the most complicated meal you’ve cooked? Hunty I can't cook. I've cooked scrambled eggs and spaghetti like once lmao. What is truly attractive to you? Wisdom, for one. Have you ever come up with your own game? As a kid, yeah. What is something you value a lot in your life? The fact I have my mom in my life hit me first. I. Don't know where the fuck I'd be in life right now if my mom wasn't here with me. Whose hand did you hold last? Sara's. What was the last thing you planted? Oh boy, I have no idea. Oh wait, years ago I grew habaneros only to find out non-pickled ones are fucking gross. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? I have no clue. I don't really do that. Did anything exciting happen just before you went to sleep last night? Well, my cat literally peed on Mom. That was "exciting." When’s the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? I don't know. What’s the most selfless act you have done? Man, a lot of "I don't know" in this one. You see a spider web in the corner of your room. What do you do? I'm finding that guy or moving. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? No. How do you like your favorite beverage? Cold. What’s your big family secret? We don't have one. Do you answer the phones at your work? I don't have a job. Have you ever given up on someone and then went back to them? Many, many times with my former best friend. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I do every single night, and it sucks ass. What shows do you watch? None. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. When’s the last time you had a headache? I think I had a mild one a few days ago? I don't remember. My days are sooo blurred together. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you laughed with them? A whole lot. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating of on you? Yeah, because of his ex and a believable lie. It was ultimately a good thing that that was what immediately turned me away though, as I don't want to imagine how a long-term relationship with him would've gone, honestly. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life? No. Who’s the last person you sent a friend request to? I've no clue. I don't really send requests because I don't know more friends on there. Is anyone in your family a criminal? Not by blood. Who was the last person you told to shut up? I don't recall; I don't tell people to shut up, generally. I haven't had a confrontation in a long time, besides the occasional arguments with my mom, and I wouldn't tell her to shut up. What was the last thing you lied to your mother about? I don't remember. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No. Name a song that reminds you of a past relationship: I could name 50 that remind me of Jason and myself if I cared enough to. Do you think anyone hates you? One person probably does, at least. What do you think your last ex would say about you? I don't know, but probably something nice. He's my closest friend irl. Do you still talk to the first person you fell in love with? No. Do you still want the last person that hurt you to have a happy life? Yeah. Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? No. I, along with like every girl in class, found a former band teacher attractive, but I definitely didn't have an actual crush on the dude. Thank God considering he was eventually fired for relations with a student. Why did your last relationship end? I learned I didn't like him romantically, and also because I discovered I liked Sara instead. How long did it take you to get over your last heartbreak? A year and a half. And that's just when I started moving on. Do you know anyone that looks up to you? I doubt it. Which one of your friends is always serious? I don't think any qualify for that. Are there any people in your life that you wish you never met? Yeah. Do people think you’re a bad person? Probably someone. Do they also think that you’re a slut? I don't see how a single person could think that. Are you with the last person you kissed? Yes. Have you ever been punched? No. How many people do you know that have been to jail? Multiple. Three off the very top of my head. Do you know anyone that sells drugs? I don't think so? Do you know anyone that does drugs? Yes. Do you care about what’s happening in other countries? Well yeah. I care about the world being a good, safe place. Do you think you have a pretty good reputation? I guess, at least as far as being a decent person goes. Meanwhile, I'm sure my rep as being a proper adult and such is shit. Where do you see yourself in 25 years? I don't want to think of that. You’re at a bar, you witness a man drugging some girls drink. What do you do? I'm not even REMOTELY kidding, I'm knocking the fucker OUT, calling the cops, and of course telling the girl. Fuck that guy getting out of that without a black eye. Who is more attractive, someone who is edgy or preppy? I could never, ever be attracted to a preppy person, so guess. I wouldn't want an excessively edgy person either, but I'm NOT into the preppy jazz. Short term dating, or long relationship? I've always been about long-term relationships. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? *Bugs Bunny "no" meme* Ever play that game MASHO?? "I’ve played MASH. I don’t know if MASHO is similar or something different entirely." <<< Same. A sad child, skinny and underfed, approaches you. What do you do? Obviously ask them what's up if they approach me, and from there, it would depend on what they tell me. I'd most likely call the cops first about a child like that because I wouldn't know the appropriate place to actually call; if the kid is underfed to an obvious degree, odds are I shouldn't find their parents first. I'd think it wiser to get some kind of officer to do so and determine if that child should even be with those people for their own good. What happens after death? I hope some kind of peace, but who really knows. Would you cheat on your BF/GF if you knew they would never know? No??????? Because I would know?????????????? And I have a conscience???????????????????????? Do you think there will ever be peace on earth? Why or why not? No. People as a whole can't get along and too many find violence to be the ultimate solution to big problems. Favorite childhood story growing up? I remember I particularly liked Stellaluna because of the drawings, and I enjoyed the actual story of Chrysanthemum. Worst way to die? Why? Some form of slow torture, I'm sure. Because if you've gotta die, make it quick. And humane. What were you in school? Jock, nerd, prep etc… I was recognized as an emo/metalhead thing. Did you ever eat playdoh at a child? I don't think so. Your dreams tend to be? As of the late, violent, at least those that I remember... I wake up attacking the air a lot. Describe your aesthetic? A quiet pastel bunny and a furious but awkward gothic demon are aggressively fucking 24/7 while trying to decide who's top and who's bottom. Do you believe in the afterlife? I believe in something. What book have you re-read so many times that the cover is completely worn? None. Are you a morning person or a night person? I'm in a brighter mood in the morning. Who do you most admire? There're multiple people I look up to for different things. But as for most, yeah, probably Mark. What is your favorite thrift/antique shop find? I love this shipwreck lamp that I have. What is the most incredible place in nature you’ve visited? The mountains. What is your greatest achievement? Still being alive lmao. Is something expensive better than something made with love? Almost never. What do you think of stealing? Uh, don't do it??????? If you could be told when you were going to die, would you want to know? NO. What would you do in case of the zombie apocalypse? Die very early on lmao. Okay but realistically, I'd want to climb somewhere. I'm going to assume a zombie can't figure out ladders 'n shit. What have you learned from pain? You yourself play a big part in making things better. Are you more worried about doing things right or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Eat biscuits like a fucking caveman by separating parts and eating each individually lol. Would you ever adopt a child? If I actually wanted a kid, yeah. If you could make anything glow in the dark, what would it be? *shrugs* Could you ever picture someone writing a biography about you? Hell no, my life's uneventful as could be.
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Coming of witch
Hi friends!
I’m reasonably sure that I don’t have too many followers, and that’s totally ok. This is more for myself and for posterity reasons. I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life. I’m going to get some detail in here, but I won’t worry about my ENTIRE life story. It's still going to be long, hold on for the ride!
I mean, I guess I should start at the beginning since this is where all stories start. So here goes.
It really all started when I was little. I grew up catholic. As a child, I didn’t really have an opinion of religion, but overall, I felt far more connected to the native american religions than anything else and tended to embrace the wild side of life as most children do. I stayed in the faith at a distance (making my first holy communion there) until the end of high school and converted to protestantism at the behest of my boyfriend at the time.
I made confirmation in the protestant church I was in. I went on a mission trip to Mexico over a Thanksgiving break and got out of working black Friday in retail. I felt great, I was on top of the world. I was active in the youth group and with the church. My boyfriend and I broke up. I still stayed with my new family in the church (I still keep in touch with some of them). I spent several years in the church. I had some people of faith who were rather awful and had some traumatizing experiences. I started distancing myself from the church in my pain. Bless the good folks, as they all tried to keep in touch and keep me involved. I became an agnostic.
I moved to California and back for a relationship and to get away from the abuse I suffered. My dad has always been a great support and lovingly took me back in at home. I started going back to the church again, looking for a semblance of normalcy all the while not following a lot of the tenets of being Christian. I was in my wild mid-20s.
Another trauma later, I was a few more relationships down the road, partying, and had met another guy. Things moved quickly, we moved in together, I quickly learned his drug abuse was not a thing of the past, but the darkness my life was thrown into. I worked with him to help him through, offered support and tried to help. My payment? He tried to steal, sell my stuff, and emptied out one of my bank accounts. One of his former best friends helped me move out.
We were thick as thieves, me and this girl. We became fast friends, doing almost anything together. I was in nursing school, she was in EMS. I met her two roommates, one who was her boyfriend, and the other another single male. All three of them were in EMS. She was into Wicca, and sort of practiced, though I don’t remember seeing much while in the house. After several months, I started dating the single roommate. More months later, I moved in. the four of us were inseparable and always going on adventures. My new boyfriend worked an hour + from home and took the train, many nights, it was my best friend, her boyfriend and me. I was always dragged along for various antics. It was a great time. It was around this time I started to look into Wicca and identified with it (going so far as to change my facebook profile religion to this), but not actively practicing. I had nursing on my plate (if anyone has been through nursing school, you understand me), and was working 3 part-time jobs.
I met so many people through my roommates. Eventually, I felt a strong connection with a friend of theirs. The relationship I was in was headed south quickly. I had previously dealt with some awful drug abuse, slander, and other awful things, and was now dealing with an alcoholic who was financially using me. I now had an ex-boyfriend and a new boyfriend quickly. In the transition, I was clearly not totally innocent, and looking back, I would change the way this happened and be more upfront and honest, but the past is the past.
New boyfriend and I also moved quicker. Within 6 months, I had now graduated from college and become an RN and moved 6 hours from home to a new job, a new life, and my other half. He supported me through many changes, including my bachelor’s degree in nursing and most recently my master’s degree and board certification to become a nurse practitioner. We got married (now almost 4 years ago) and bought a house. We are blissful (still, after 7 years together and just about 4 years of wedded bliss). I married a catholic man.
Due to the nature of our initial connection, you can assume he works in EMS. It’s almost easier that we’re both in the medical field. We can both relate to the kinds of bad days we have and share a very similar dark and twisted sense of humor. We get along stellar, with only minimal tiffs. No major fights or arguments here yet. No secrets. Communication flows freely and honestly.
I am still essentially agnostic at this point but leaning towards a more pagan path.
I started making new friends and becoming friends with his coworkers. One day, he came home and told me that he wanted to bring me by someone’s house one night for a bonfire. He assured me that he hadn’t told this person anything about me other than that I was the most incredible person he had ever met. We go over, I meet this coworker and his wife. His coworker greets me to his home with a hug and a firm handshake. He looks my husband dead in the eye and says to him “Shit, you married a natural witch man, good for you”. This caught me by surprise. We sat around the fire and talked. The conversation turned towards religion. Dear husband loves a debate and good intelligent conversations. My views of religion and spirituality were questioned and I answered some really uncomfortable questions for me. I finally realized my beliefs were pagan.
I tossed this idea around for a while, bought a couple books and read only a few chapters of each. I wasn’t too serious about it but liked the idea of pretending to be. I’d get curious and join some Facebook groups, post some questions, read through. I started a year and a day class through one of the groups. I made it for 8 weeks. School was in the way (at this point, I’m in my master’s program working nights and life sucks). I still hadn’t made any great strides with my spiritual life at this point.
The fall came around. School required me to make a trip to Boston to sign off on some skills prior to starting the next part, which was clinical rotations. We made a long weekend of it and checked out Gloucester and Salem. Dear husband has lived in and worked in Gloucester and Salem respectively. I had my tarot read in a well-known shop. I’m on the right path, awesome.
Flash forward to the end of the year, I start the year and a day class again. I’m doing well, I make it 12 weeks. I can’t hang with the work. I’m embarrassed to practice in front of dear husband (not for lack of support, but I keep a lot of me private). I’m still casually practicing.
It’s now May 2019, I’m graduating from school (I went online, I already had my degree at this point, but wanted to walk due to the huge achievement). We trek back to Boston. My parents meet us separately (they’re divorced) and we go to the ceremony. It’s nice. Madonna ThunderHawk speaks and received an honorary doctorate for her work advocating for native americans in her life. Her tribe presents her with the Lakota Star Quilt. I’m crying. We go to Salem again the next day (because I love it there and missed the town).
I get another tarot reading at the same place. I meet the reader, who is incredibly intense, but comforting. /He shakes my hand firmly and looks me in the eye. “I’m so happy to read for a witch, I love reading for witches, you guys are my favorite. I wish I didn’t have another reading after you, I would spend more time with you”. I’m shocked. We sit down. He asks who my deities are. I tell him that I’ve not really identified who it is. He asks what pantheon I’m particularly interested in. I’m really enjoying learning about Norse culture. He smiles and tells me he figured and has some interesting news to share.
My reading delves more into my spiritual side. Essentially, Odin wants to work with me, he’s hanging around. the first card he turns over is the hanged man - one of Odin’s names. He tells me that I need to manifest and manifest large. He recommends picking up tarot (tells me to get a more basic deck for beginners), and suggests to also work with runes. I’m told I’ve been working magic in my sleep and likely don’t realize it. He recommends books. Now the reading is done. My head is spinning. I grab a Rider-Waithe deck. I’m pleased and we leave.
I’m so forgetful, and I forget the name of the book. I contact some Wiccan/pagan friends for help on finding information about Odin. This leads to another conversation and I’m called out AGAIN as a witch. She tells me she knew the first time she met me that I was a witch, and was surprised I didn’t know it.
That brings us to here and now. I’m reading up a storm, I’m working through the Poetic Eddas right now. I received my runes in today (they look awesome by the way). I’ve been pulling a tarot card daily and letting my intuition guide me. I’ve been journaling. I’m trying to work on remembering my dreams. I’m logging everything that I can at this point and I’m diving in whole-heartedly. I’m partially out of the broom closet at this point. I live at the top of the bible belt, and my “kind” aren’t welcome around here. I don’t always shy away from saying yes, I’m a witch when asked; however, I do try to keep it personal. I’m in the public eye and have to worry about how patients will perceive me if this information got out. However, I’m going to make the best of it that I can at this point!
Thanks for reading. It was long, somewhat drawn out on occasion, but this is me and where I’m at currently.
Blessed Be brothers and sisters. <3
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1-100 hoe
I hate you so much.
1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?
Spotify for sure
3. what color are your eyes?
Ugly ass brown
6. describe your personality in 3 words or less
Really obnoxious
8. what kind of car do you drive? color?
I have a black 2013 Nissan Altima
9. where do you shop?
As much as I hate them, I do most of my shopping on Amazon. I’ve started using Thrift Books when I buy books, but I also want to start going to local bookstores since some have opened up nearby.
10. how would you describe your style?
The stereotypical person who listens exclusively to music on Bandcamp but doesn’t want to commit to buying clothes at Goodwill
11. favorite social media account
Tumblr but I’m kind of warming up to Twitter
13. any siblings?
Yeah I have an older sister
14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?
I would say at this stage in my life I would like to live in Spain or Argentina. I’d really like to just be somewhere out of North America where I can speak Spanish all the time. I feel like it would be a nice change of pace
15. favorite snapchat filter?
I deleted snap like four months ago but I really liked the one that just hid all of your blemishes lmao
17. how many times a week do you shower?
Like 10-12 on average
18. favorite tv show?
Either Eric Andre or the Twilight Zone
19. shoe size?
16 which makes shopping for shoes impossible
20. how tall are you?
6′5″
21. sandals or sneakers?
Sneakers. I only wear sandals if I’m running somewhere for less than 30 minutes
22. do you go to the gym?
I kind of neglected that this semester but before that I was going about 5 days a week
24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?
$5 lmao
25. what color socks are you wearing?
White
26. how many pillows do you sleep with?
Just two I don’t like having too many
27. do you have a job? what do you do?
Not rn I just finished up working as a research assistant and I’ll be applying for that position again this summer
28. how many friends do you have?
idk if I had to guess somewhere around 30 but I see about 10 of them weekly the rest kind of rotate in and out
29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?
This girl was going to sit down when I was in high school and I thought it would be funny to pull the chair out from under her. It was not particularly funny and it still haunts me because it was so unnecessarily mean
30. whats your favorite candle scent?
Fuck I don’t know what it’s called but when I’m home for the holidays my parents always burn this one candle that just reminds me of Christmas. Very cinnamon-y but also smells like pine needles
31. 3 favorite boy names
James, Antonio, David
32. 3 favorite girl names
Autumn, McKenzie, Maria
33. favorite actor?
I don’t think I watch enough movies to have a strong opinion on this one
34. favorite actress?
Same
35. who is your celebrity crush?
Shakira for sure
36. favorite movie?
I watch so few movies that my favorite movie is basically the last good movie I watched so I’d say Madeinusa. If we’re going for movies that are so bad that they’re awesome I’d say Bloodsport
37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?
Yeah I love reading! I’d say it’s tied between The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway and 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
38. money or brains?
Brains for sure
39. do you have a nickname? what is it?
People used to call me Chief Keef all the time but I don’t have one anymore
40. how many times have you been to the hospital?
I think like when I was born was the only time lol
41. top 10 favorite songs
In no particular order:
Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
Sun Kil Moon - Pancho Villa
Algernon Cadwallader - Fun
American Football - Stay Home
Shakira - Se Quiere, Se Mata
Sun Kil Moon - Micheline
Sufjan Stevens - Impossible Soul
The Microphones - The Glow, Pt. 2
Frank Dominguez & Elena Burke - Imágenes
Sufjan Stevens - Romulus
42. do you take any medications daily?
Nah
43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)
I’d say pretty oily I have to shower the moment I wake up because my hair looks like a mess from the oil
44. what is your biggest fear?
Heights
45. how many kids do you want?
If I decide I want kids, probably just one
46. whats your go to hair style?
I like to keep it pretty short and put some gel in it it’s pretty basic
47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)
I live in an apartment right now but my parents’ house is kind of small compared to all my friends’ growing up.
48. who is your role model?
I try not to have a role model per se because every time I learn about famous people they disappoint me in one way or another. I had a lot of respect for Anthony Bourdain though
49. what was the last compliment you received?
My friend told me yesterday that I’ve made a lot of positive changes in my life this past month, which meant a lot to me
50. what was the last text you sent?
“Dead af” which is pretty par for the course
51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?
I think I was 9 when I decided he didn’t exist. No one really confirmed or denied it until I was like 12
52. what is your dream car?
I used to say corvette but I can’t fit in one lol
53. opinion on smoking?
I can’t really get on a high horse about it because I smoke when I’m very drunk but I don’t enjoy the really strong smell of a smoker’s house
54. do you go to college?
Yeah! I’m studying history and Spanish and I should be graduating spring 2020
55. what is your dream job?
I want to be a professor and hopefully teach Latin American history
56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?
Since my indie folk days are behind me, suburbs for sure
57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?
No my hair seems to hate those so I have to bring my own shampoo when I go places
58. do you have freckles?
nah
59. do you smile for pictures?
Yeah I like my smile a lot so
60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?
1629 according to my camera roll
61. have you ever peed in the woods?
Oh yeah absolutely
62. do you still watch cartoons?
I keep up with Steven Universe by force of habit but otherwise no
63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?
McDonald’s. Wendy’s chicken nuggets are whack
64. Favorite dipping sauce?
Chick-Fil-A sauce
65. what do you wear to bed?
Basketball shorts
66. have you ever won a spelling bee?
I won this in-class one and they asked me to go to the school-wide one but I didn’t go
67. what are your hobbies?
Reading, writing, and learning languages mostly. I’d like to get more social hobbies at some point like get into playing pool but I haven’t gotten around to it
68. can you draw?
Oh hell no. I tried super hard up until like 7th grade and then I accepted fate
69. do you play an instrument?
I am trying to learn the banjo but I need to get more consistent
70. what was the last concert you saw?
I saw Fleet Foxes in March, which was an amazing show. I missed American Football in August which I’m still really upset about
71. tea or coffee?
Coffee, though I’d like to learn more about tea
72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?
Dunkin Donuts just because it’s cheaper
73. do you want to get married?
Yeah I have a crippling fear of ending up alone lmao
74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?
I don’t really have a crush but the girl I’m seeing’s initials are BS which is interesting to say the least
75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?
No but I probably should because my last name is bland af
76. what color looks best on you?
I think I look good in a deep purple
77. do you miss anyone right now?
Unfortunately yes but I’m getting over it slowly
78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?
Closed. I have this irrational fear that I will wake up and someone is watching me, but in all reality an unlocked door won’t stop them if that’s what it is going to come to
79. do you believe in ghosts?
Nah
80. what is your biggest pet peeve?
People who read, watch, or hear something slightly out of the ordinary and go “WOW I WONDER HOW MANY DRUGS THEY MUST HAVE BEEN ON TO COME UP WITH THAT”
81. last person you called`
My parents like two hours ago
82. favorite ice cream flavor?
Cookies and cream
83. regular oreos or golden oreos?
Regular, I didn’t know people liked the golden ones
84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?
Rainbow
85. what shirt are you wearing?
A UCF football shirt! Go Knights
86. what is your phone background?
Salamovka at Night (Judy’s Window Lit) by Lois Dodd
87. are you outgoing or shy?
Very outgoing lol
88. do you like it when people play with your hair?
Ugh I love it so much
89. do you like your neighbors?
Never talked to em but they’re quiet so I can’t complain
90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?
Yeah before bed and after my shower
91. have you ever been high?
Many times
92. have you ever been drunk?
Many times
93. last thing you ate?
I got a chicken tender sub at Publix!
94. favorite lyrics right now
Don’t leave home, again
If empathy takes energy
‘Cause everyone feels just like you
But that’s life, it’s so social
95. summer or winter?
Winter because I like when it’s a bit chillier, even though Florida does not get very cold. It’s been in the 40s and 50s this week which has been incredible and I wish we had more days like that.
96. day or night?
I like the night during summer and the day during winter.
97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?
Milk chocolate
98. favorite month?
October
99. what is your zodiac sign
Libra
100. who was the last person you cried in front of?
My ex-girlfriend about three years ago.
I still hate you for this.
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BABE ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I’m gonna fight u
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? u2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? u... and my nj peeps at the end of the semester4. Are you easy to get along with? ye i think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? u do lol6. What kind of people are you attracted to? u 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes (:8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? i’m wondering how my little brothers are making out in college!!9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? wendy, lexie, or dom I’m not sure11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “she’s just bein safe!!”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Rivers and Roads” by The Head and the Heart, “Feels like Summer” by Childish Gambino, “Fallingwater” by Maggie Rogers, “Peach Scone” by Hobo Johnson, and I can’t think of another rn but I’m listening to “17″ by Youth Lagoon.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yeah15. What good thing happened this summer? I got to spend it with u making memories16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hell yeah (;17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes!!20. Do you like your neighbors? i don’t know them /:21. What are you bad habits? i’m messy tbh22. Where would you like to travel? oh god everywhere, but i’d really like to meet my cousins in Scotland23. Do you have trust issues? I did but I feel good now24. Favorite part of your daily routine? putting my feet up at the end of the day to eat and watch New Girl or Big Mouth25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? maybe my teddies mostly bc they hurt my back lol26. What do you do when you wake up? i hit snooze about 6 times27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nah i’m chill28. Who are you most comfortable around? wendy29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? all but one30. Do you ever want to get married? yes i do31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? rihanna and harry styles are prob my top33. Spell your name with your chin. sd jk,hg34. Do you play sports? What sports? i don’t anymore lol35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? that was my entire childhood-adolescence 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, they don't bother me rly38. Describe your dream girl/guy? u wendy!!!!39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like thrift stores, h&m, target, honestly wherever40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m gonna be a music therapist41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m probably either observing, spaced out, sleepy, or fuming.43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? there’s stuff i gotta do46. What are you paranoid about? figuring out internship stuff coming in the next year47. Have you ever been high? once48. Have you ever been drunk? plenty49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray51. Ever wished you were someone else? when i was like 12/13 i did a lot52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was a little more organized53. Favourite makeup brand? thATS HARD54. Favourite store? barnes and noble55. Favourite blog? urs56. Favourite color? dark green57. Favourite food? eggplant parmesan 58. Last thing you ate? a lifesaver gummy that my client’s sister gave me!59. First thing you ate this morning? baby carrots60. Ever won a competition? For what? idk honestly lol i’ve won singing things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? i’m falling right now.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was taken advantage of so it kind of blew65. Are you hungry right now? very66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i like you all equally!!!!67. Facebook or Twitter? neither68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? i have quite a few71. Craving something? What? u wendy i want to snug72. What colour are your towels? turquoise72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes but i usually hug wendy or my pillow74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 1, I got rid of everything but a sloth that my friend got me when i got into my car accident75. Favourite animal? dogs and owls76. What colour is your underwear? i’m not wearing any lol77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate all the way78. Favourite ice cream flavor? chocolate fudge brownie ben and jerrys
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? gray-blue
80. What colour pants? gray81. Favourite tv show? i love the office, criminal minds, and new girl82. Favourite movie? When Harry Met Sally or Dead Poets Society83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? original84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? idk they’re different types of funny lol85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? squirt87. First person you talked to today? lexie88. Last person you talked to today? my supervisor89. Name a person you hate? i don’t really hate anyone, i just distance myself from people that are toxic to my wellbeing.90. Name a person you love? I love you, Wendy.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? nope!92. In a fight with someone? nope!93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 pairs maybe94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many (i.e. not enough)95. Last movie you watched? Scarface96. Favourite actress? eh97. Favourite actor? eh98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? I HAVE A BUNNY HERE IN AZ AND IN JERSEY I HAVE TWO DOGS AND A FISH AT MY PARENTS100. How are you feeling? p good 101. Do you type fast?decently fast if i don't think about it lol102. Do you regret anything from your past? not really103. Can you spell well? yes my grandpa made me spell all the time as a kid104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes they're my fave106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? my session summaries and activity write-up for tomorrow109. Is something irritating you right now? i slammed my foot getting out of the car and idk if i super fucked something up bc its hurts rly bad110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah111. Do you have trust issues? i did but i’m ok now112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? probably wendy113. What was your childhood nickname? M&M114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah115. Do you play the Wii? i have before lol116. Are you listening to music right now? yes “let’s talk about feelings” by joywave117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes118. Do you like Chinese food? YES119. Favourite book? idk i rly like classics120. Are you afraid of the dark? partially121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? N O 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no i suck124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no but you can click w someone125. Do you believe in true love? sure126. Are you currently bored? no127. What makes you happy? you, my friends, my family, animals, music128. Would you change your name? thought about changing it to my middle name129. What your zodiac sign? libra130. Do you like subway? eh jersey mikes is better131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say thanks but i love wendy132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i think i already answered this133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? no i lose focus easily135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk lol136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed and often locked137. How tall are you? 5′2138. Curly or Straight hair? i have straight hair but i love curly hair139. Brunette or Blonde? i love brunette hair140. Summer or Winter? summer in jersey, winter in AZ141. Night or Day? night142. Favourite month? October143. Are you a vegetarian? not a chance144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? DARK CHOCOLATE145. Tea or Coffee? i like both146. Was today a good day? yeah it was my session went rly well w my client147. Mars or Snickers? snickers all the way148. What’s your favourite quote? “If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow there is hope for me” - @tylerknott149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i don’t have a book anywhere near me unfortunately lol
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i had a perfect relationship. i had liked her and thougut she was goals from the start of moving up here in august. she was funky, peppy, aesthetic, cute and just. i liked her a lot. she had a bf since 14. and everyone has a highschool sweet heart in maine it seems. but it was abusive, and not good, stealing , the most horrible treatment. like. she’s at class at a hospital and her her snap maps is glitched and shows her on a street corner. and he KNOWS she’s at work, studying to be nurse. and he’s belittling her that she’s a fucking hooker working the corner good for nothing. i didnt talk to her for months. maybe a reply on story here or there talked about snow tubing. until one day in may 19’ we started talking, hard. when she was away on a trip to florida. so easy time to talk. no boy to be there. while they on the out of the relationship. and what nice ass guy comes in to play? who’s also hot af and shit! meee. broke up bout a month later, and we started kinda stuff a month later. then made official like another month. one night in september , she wasn’t responding and she was very sick at the time, i thougut she passed out from maine, with kidney infection and i drive over to make sure she’s not dead or some shit to location at mcdonald’s. and theyre ptfo in the front seats. it was some insurance issue bc he was so dumb in life her parents provided everything. i knew no cheating bc she was in horrible pain. so i didn’t really feel that bad about it and i’ve dealt with some shit before and made it though and were all okay. she had a very sincere apology i beleive. so i thougut id be ok. and i did. also much wasn’t going for me still then so as i knew. one time i was told she was in an amottos with him holding hands. but i still don’t know about that one, as that girl was jealous and wanted to fuck. but jul also hated amottos so like i was like nah. i don’t want to know if she did or not because it doesn’t matter. time goes on we flourish, have fun, no issues at all. 0. then november she had a bad breakdown, really bad. stopped seeing me. started to get real shady. used work as excuse to not see me late, and was with him. only saw me like once a week. barely spent a night. and then went back to ex. and also rehab i believe for mental issues. we ended stuff few days after christmas. got cheated and was broken. i’d say to 0. never got closure. i saw her once at a gas station in feb. and them walking into kfc and she had my purple pants i bought her on. i never stopped thinking about her, and had all my trauma issues daily. always wanted her back. as it felt whole. the tale of juliet shaw.
3am yesteday i receive a text “you were right” from a green text, 207. i knew instantly who it was. now i don’t know anyone with androids, or someone who wouldn’t be in my contacts at 3am as well. i could have just deleted the text, and went on with life. but i sat and decided to respond. it has been so long. i assumed stuff was over. i asked her if i did anything to cause it, she said no, which i believe. i asked her why she did. and she said her brain. and lost weight really skinny now, bad brains. it’s sad, but i’m just glad she’s gone from him. ive have gone though so many different scenarios about how if i’d meet her again, or if she did do something like this. and i decided to talk..bc what else do i have to lose? my college is fine. i’ll have associates. i have 0 anyone interested in me. just two times i’ve hu this year. so what’s the worst that can happen. she’s in such a shit state too. left the relationship months ago she says, but didn’t wanna talk about it , but i assume it went really bad, and she’s broken and wants to get back with me. we’ve been apart longer than we were together. 7 months known 11 months apart now. the problem is, no one would support. my family saw me break down into my moms arms that she went back to ex. they would be pissed like they were mayson. she wouldn’t be allowed in the house most likely. but my mom cheated on dad, and theyre still together. but what do i feel to think? it’s not like she would make the mistake again, she agreed we were perfect, and i know it was. i’m the main character in my life. what am i to do? she was, still is the girl of dreams here. we did everything together. i’d rather make this work in maine than just go off to a college and fuck and stuff. and never had quarrels about our relationship. did random things. loved to drive. smoked. sex was the best ever. if i tread the water and see really what’s up, i should go. i already felt better now that i got some closure and that she just came back. it’s as if she knows what is here and good and yeah. it doesn’t sit right with me to just push away and not do anything about it. that’s really not who i was raised as. granted my mom would, but i can’t. legit have 0 ppl going for me, nothing on tinder bumble anything. clssses former. gonna be like sorry. i feel no self worth too, bad. i even rn got anxiety sending her pics right now of myself, even tho i’ve never been happier with my looks. just maybe wouldn’t be enough somehow. but look at it just from the standpoint of me. right now i got over it, mostly. and right now i can have it back? feels like the move to do. i worked so hard for it before, enough that she came back, feel like that just says something worth it. so i get over the issues, and then get to have the girl i loved forever back? sounds good to me....worth the risk bc i still can just gtfo anytime to another state. but also could be in an apt in portland. go to USM. get some lined pants, my coat. bundle up. and be with the girl of my dreams? maybe. i knew if i keep talking to her, it’ll go back to us dating. which will make me happy. and then if so prob marriage. if we end up together for a year, or more so. and i have to be like to mom and dad i’m sorry i did this though and came back. it’s been smooth and not a single issue. guess we’ll see. contact back to juls 💜 bc why not just go back in full steam. only way to go i feel. cant just be friends. she even said she wanted to keep talking so. all the time listening to Folklore falling asleep. to The One all the night. and but it woulda been fun, if you woulda been the one. o7
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92 Truths About Me
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. I was tagged by: @midnight-forest, @lovely-amethyst-witch and @itslikelymagick
LAST: Last drink: coca-cola Last phone call: my younger sister Last text message: to my mom- “Sorry ! I’m off too I could stop by sometime today. Oooo that looks yummy!” Last song you listened to: Fool’s Gold by One Direction :) Last time I cried: Sept 12th, bad falling out with my mother-in-law, lots of crying!
HAVE YOU EVER: Dated someone twice: nope Been cheated on: nope Kissed someone and regretted it: nope Lost someone special: yes Been depressed: I don’t think so, I had job once that I hated so much that I just lived in dread and I’ve always told people that was a time in my life that was the closest I was to being depressed, I quit that job (rather carelessly) without having another one lined up! Been drunk and thrown up: more than I would like to admit to haha
IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU: Made a new friend: Yes Fallen out of love: i don’t know if I can say yes, but I also don’t think I can say no for a fact, my marriage has been a real struggle this past year Laughed until you cried: yes Met someone who changed you: yes Found out who your true friends were: yes Found out someone was talking about you: Yes
GENERAL: How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: I met up with several wonderful women for a 1D concert, they are FAB and it was a blast! Do you have any pets?: two! german shorhair- Bristol, cockatiel- Junior Do you want to change your name? no What time did you wake up this morning?: literally 10:40 am, the LATEST I have slept in for a long time! What were you doing last night?: cross-stiching, tumbling, being crafty Name something you cannot wait for: sending my gift for the Secret Witch Event! Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: one maybe? What’s getting on your nerves rn?: my husband being out of a job, although he finally got one and he starts next wednesday (THANK GOODNESS) Blood type: O+ Nickname: Britt Relationship status: married Zodiac sign: virgo Pronouns: she/her Favorite tv show: VERONICA MARS, like seriously if I could beg every person to watch that show I would, also The Walking Dead!! College: nada Hair colour: Brown Long or short: long Do you have a crush on someone: nope What do you like about yourself: I’m a passionate person :)
FIRSTS: First surgery: none First piercing: tongue (at age 13) First best friend: woman from work, ETA: lmao I really missed the FIRST aspect to this! It would be a girl who lived across the street from me, such good memories running around the neighborhood with her! First sport you joined: lol none First vacation: idk we took so may road trips as a kid I don’t know which was first, but maybe it was to Niagara Falls? First pair of sneakers: no clue Eating: we had pizza earlier Drinking: soda I’m about to: do some more cross-stitching Listening to: The Faculty of Horror podcast, their new episode just popped up yesterday, so excited! Want kids: yes, one would be nice…but I am 33 and not sure it will happen Get married: I am :) Career: idk I’ve always wanted to do the stay at home mom thing if I do have a child, but I am very happy where I work (at a bank) and I guess if I could do a dream job it would be selling crafty stuff online and working from home every day!
WHICH IS BETTER: Lips or eyes: Eyes Hugs or kisses: hugs Shorter or taller: taller Older or younger: i don’t get this one, i think neither is better than the other Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous Sensitive or loud: Sensitive Hook up or relationship: relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant
HAVE YOU EVER: Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: yes Lost glasses/contacts: yes, probably at some point Sex on first date: nope Broken someone’s heart: Yes Been arrested: nope Turned someone down: nope Fallen for a friend: nope
DO YOU BELIEVE: In yourself: yes Miracles: i’m not sure Love at first sight: yes, a form of it I suppose Heaven: i’m not sure, but I guess no Santa Claus: No (but I absolutely LOVED believing in him as a kid! only good memories!)
I’ve been meaning to do this one so I finally finished with it! :)
I tag (25? oh dear) @madamehearthwitch @crownandsea @green-witch-aesthetic @she-who-treads-on-water @earthystuffandmoondust @honeycatsabi @figsntwigs @magicalpandulce @newitchontheway @babydollneko @antiquewitch @babylavenderwitch @muscle-witch-magic @laceforest @nokothesecretwitch @supernovasweetheart @witchand2cats @chiefgrumpkin @persephoneandthepomegranates @themadmage @jadeiteheart @borrowers-of-the-night @chronicallywitchy @writingswitch @mai-muse
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I was sick for like half of this week which probably explains why this list is so long? Unfortunately didn’t write much, bc a lot of what i’m doing is behind the scenes stuff with no visible results rn (working on my shitbang fic, working on a few things that I haven’t finished yet). However, I read like 20+ super amazing fics??? As always, pls rec me any you’ve written/enjoyed, because I want to read them so much!!
What I Read This Week (7/9-7/16)
I Don’t Know ‘Bout Me but I Know About You - ouroboros - @ouroborosbites - Set at the GPF a year-ish pre-canon. JJ, having a sexuality crisis, propositions Victor, who, having not found his direction through Yuuri yet, is enough of a mess to accept. (My review: JJ/Viktor? And I enjoyed it? No, seriously, surprisingly good!!)
Let Me Sail Across the Sea for there is Never One Who Loved You More Than Me - tothebatcave53 - @tothebatcave53 - Victor has always loved the ocean, he is drawn to it's beauty and it's power. He sets out, a simple day in a simple boat with a simple desire to just exist in peace out in the ocean. When Victor wakes it is to the turmoil of the waves, desperate to sink him and his tiny boat into it's murky depths. It is only the most beautiful hallucination that keeps Victor sane in what he assumes are his last moments. (My review: AHHHH guys i always need mermaid aus i’m fricken screaming this one is so a+ everyone read it)
i’m someone you maybe might love - xylophones - @xyloophones - Viktor sighs. “It’s nothing. It’s just––you never look at me like this.” / “How am I looking at you?” / “Like I’m someone special. Like I’m someone you might love.” / Yuuri frowns. “You are someone I love.” / Viktor shakes his head and laughs, just on this side of bitter. “Not like that, Yuuri.” / (Or: Viktor is not as observant as he thinks he is.) (My review: this is a super precious high school au that i would suggest to everyone because it’s so many amazing tropes wrapped up in one fic)
come with me and escape - La_Temperanza - @teekettle - Viktor meets a hypnotizing stranger dancing in the club and, well, things just naturally progress from there. (My review: hooooo boy nsfw viktuuri week is a Treat. yes. i love this. this is a good trope)
For Your Eyes Only - opalish - tumblr unknown (pls tell me if you know?) - Yuuri once told Victor that Phichit was the only foreign skater he considered a friend. Yuuri lied. He's been Seung-gil's dirty little secret for well over a year. (My review: O H MY GOD so that art of seunggil and yuuri being friends is one of my favorites so i’m ??? so glad someone acted on it)
black box (Ch. 1) - SKnight - @sephknight - The entire world is thrown into madness when all the best actors team up for a new TV show about... skating? Doesn't matter, all the fans know is that this means roughly 273.15% more ice cube jokes, the potential resurrection of some dead memes, and 9999% more Victuuri to scream about and die from. The fans have been thirsty for more Katsuki-Nikiforov co-starred content since 2011, and this oncoming show about ice could just be the thing to quench that thirst. ...Oh god, the bad jokes are already starting. (My review: look we all know i have a Thing for fics with fake social media and this one is ALL fake social media so i’m pumped to see more)
third time lucky - katsukiy - @yuriplisetsk - This year, for Tanabata, Viktor decided to wish for something a little different. (My review: not even double but Triple yuuri!!! oh god we all know here that i have a Thing for multiples, but this is so good)
Dinner For Two - Yuripaws - @yuripaws - Viktor dreams of two delicious bowls of katsudon only to find that he isn't invited to dinner. But he is invited to the show. (My review: MORE. DOUBLE. YUURI. guys i’ll never be sick of this trope and this one is so a+ with our desperate viktor mmm yes)
love’s not a competition (but i’m winning) (Ch. 1) - LittleLostStar, spookyfoot - @iwritevictuuri, @katsukiyuuristrophyhusband - Victor Nikiforov is the leader of the best burlesque revue in the city, and well on his way to achieving his dream goal of a Upper-Level Lesser Kardashian-level stardom, complete with his own reality TV show. So when rival burlesque dancer Yuuri Katsuki scoops Victor's theme night and refuses to back down (or fire those hips that will not quit), it doesn't take long before war is declared—a tense and glittery battle featuring anarchic stagehands, orange light gels, fake eyelashes...and some occasional hate-sex that may not be hate-sex at all. (My review: give me more glitter or give me death! you can expect nothing else from spooky and star than just the absolute best and that’s this.)
Here Comes The Sun - henrywinter (bakkhant) - @bakkhanalia - Written for YOI Catfish Prompt Party 2017, for the prompt ‘apocalypse au with it being their last day on earth!’. This...probably isn't what you wanted. (My review: ahh such a cool au!! i love the take on the prompt they had and it was so well written :))
Partner, Let Me Upgrade You (Series - Parts 1-4, Ch. 1-6 (Part 1), Ch. 1-2 (Part 3) - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Z’s Popstar AU (My review: z, i was going to rec all of these individually but then my rec list would hvae gone on for like 50 years. but asfkl; i finally got around to reading it and i’m dying for my Extra sons)
Baby, I’m Preying on You Tonight (Ch. 8) - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Yuuri and Phichit registered and named the pet shop when they were drunk. They didn’t exactly expect it to become the most popular pet shop in Seattle. (It was only supposed to be a front to fund Phichit’s (undercover) animal rescue missions.) Enter Viktor Nikiforov, the man with the pink Cadillac and the giant brown poodle (that's stolen Yuuri's heart), and Yuuri might have lost his mind, because apparently he keeps flirting with a client – and he never even notices. (My review: the jjs will never cease to slay me. viktor and chris especially cute in this chapter)
patellofemoral pain syndrome (Ch. 3) - seventhstar - @pencilwalla - It’s just…does Viktor not get bored with doing it the same way every night? Doesn’t he want to spice things up? Is Yuuri being unreasonable? He’s pretty sure that if Viktor told him his performance in bed was unsatisfying his soul would flee his body for a more merciful plane of existence, but…Viktor is thicker-skinned than he is. And so here they are. Viktor’s bed is wide and soft, and Yuuri is lying there with wet hair and ratty boxers while Viktor absently trails kisses over his shoulder. It’s nice. It’s soft. It’s good. Viktor’s headboard is enormous and Yuuri keeps thinking about Viktor’s wrists bound to it, black rope over white skin. Fuck. He should say something. (My review: mmm arthritis porn except nuri didn’t give me porn this chapter)
conjecture - seventhstar - @pencilwalla - The first is that he and his new husband are now alone, and will continue to be alone until they reach Yu-topia. Yuuri has never been gregarious, and finds it difficult to make prolonged conversation with strangers at parties; he dreads having to speak to Viktor for so many hours. If his aunt’s description of him is accurate, the only thing they have in common is a love for money, and that is hardly wedding night conversation. The second is that when Yuuri finally looks at Viktor, rather than looking anywhere but directly at him as he has been, he realizes that Viktor is… (My review: have i mentioned that i love this series? i have, but.... it’s just,,, so good.)
By Anointment Only - La_Temperanza - @teekettle - He starts with the feet.It makes the most sense. After all, a figure skater’s greatest commodity is often their feet, taking the brunt of the damage required to hone their craft. He knows whatever tender loving care he gives now isn't enough to erase years of self-inflicted abuse, not in a single session. But it doesn't mean he's not going to at least try.So, Viktor starts with the feet. But the thing is, he rarely gets much further than that. (My review: FOOT FETISH i hate feet and this story was still a+)
The Katsulanont Guide to Surviving College (Rice Cooker Required) - xylophones - @xyloophones - It’s Phichit’s fault. It’s always Phichit’s fault. (Or: A friendship told through three hamsters, a rice cooker, and the resurrected trade-and-barter system.) (My review: i think i laughed like 3/4 of this story it’s just,,, so in character for them and ridiculous)
Colored Pencils and Markers - RainyTea - @rainyteawrites - Viktor finds Yuuri’s poster collection, but there’s another surprise in there too. (My review: yuuri’s poster collection with a twist ;) ;) loved it)
Wanted: Skating Lessons - slightlied - @forovnix - Wanted: Skating Lessons / Hi. I am Victor and I need to learn how to skate before Saturday. My parents have been paying for me to get skating lessons every week for the last fifteen years but I never actually attended any of the lessons and I spent the money on marble busts instead. Now they want me to perform to ‘Stammi Vicino’ at their wedding anniversary on Saturday. / If you can teach me, be here at Ice Castle tomorrow at 7:27am with an extra pair of skates. I am a fast learner (well, at least my dog Makkachin is–it took me only two weeks to teach him how to roll over) so I am pretty sure I will pick it up quickly. In return, I can teach you how to say some pick-up lines in Russian or tell you some facts about my love life. Whichever you prefer. Not both, though. / Yours sincerely, / Victor / PS. I’m a size 8 --- Or, Yuuri answers an ad he sees on Ice Castle's community board. (My review: THIS WAS PRECIOUS asdfjkl i loved it so much and i know it’s been around for a while but i just found it and like,,, i’m glad i did)
Meet Your Idol! - RoseusJaeger - @roseus-jaeger - Ryuugazaki Rei has been a fan of Katsuki Yuuri since he was in grade school, admiring his beauty and grace on the ice. It's Katsuki's last season on the ice before his marriage to Victor Nikiforov and Rei would do anything for an autograph before his official retirement... or at least he thought until his boyfriend, Nagisa Hazuki, actually plots to get him an autograph at the NHK Cup. (My review: what you probably sort of know about me is that i love free! so this was a great read and roseus did so well with all of the character and i loved it)
(Let’s Get Married) At First Sight - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Yuuri is just your average medical resident trying to survive an emergency room rotation at a large, city hospital, when a perfectly gorgeous stranger interrupts his after-work coffee break with the assumption that Yuuri is his blind date. What’s Yuuri to do? – Pretend he’s definitely on a blind date, too! Or, the "I know you're on a blind date and I'm not the right guy, but it's been a while and now I don't know how to tell you that you sat at the wrong table. Call me?" AU. (My review: this is so super precious asfdsljlk i love that yuuri just went for it instead of correcting him)
He Just Up and Ran Away (So I’m Never Going Back) (Ch. 1-2) - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - The back of the silver card reads Fantasies by Lilia, and Viktor lets his thumb brush over it with intense scrutiny. The name on the front winks at him with the glint of danger: Alex. “Oh, Yuuri, are you cheating on me?” Viktor whispers to himself, crumbling on the bed with the onslaught of a panic attack. Yuuri is Viktor’s everything; the first boyfriend he’s had in almost a decade, after years spent too busy lost between circuitry and code. But then he notices that there’s a stack of similar looking cards that read Celeste, Adrian, Robert, Michael, and Yuuri. All of them read Fantasies by Lilia. Or, welcome to the story in which Viktor discovers his boyfriend Yuuri is a high-class escort who takes on different identities and lives for different clients, including Viktor, who thought he was saving a stripper by putting a ring on his finger. (My review: i hvae read like maybe 1 escort au in this fandom bc i’m always very,,, eh about it but i’ll try anything z does nad it’s??? so good)
Katsuki’s Pet Needs (Ch. 1) - nerdlife4eva - @n3rdlif343va - Yuuri Katsuki owns a small pet store in a little town on the coast. He loves running his own business, and especially loves Sundays when his best friend, Phichit, runs adoption events for his animal rescue organization in his store. Victor Nikiforov has always wanted a dog, excitedly attending the scheduled pet adoption hoping to find his first furever friend. Another universe where these two find each other, this time with a little help from the brown fluff of Makkachin herself. (My review: THIS IS VERY PRECIOUS. if you want shameless fluff, read this!!)
Hunter of Eros (Ch. 4-5) - LalodyBear - @lalody - Lord Eros is perhaps the oldest of all living vampires and a legend among hunters. For thousands of years no-one has been able to slay him and stop his evil reign. Victor Nikiforov is the greatest hunter to have ever lived. ~ After seemingly endless sightings of newborn vampires appearing across Japan, Yakov's hunters are sent to put a stop to it. During a hunt, Victor Nikiforov has his first ever innocent witness to a slaying - Yuuri Katsuki, an utterly adorable local. After being cornered into staying with the group of Russian hunters, Yuuri just prays Victor doesn't find out his secret and slay him in his sleep. (My review: ahh it’s been so long since this updated, and i’m so glad i’m patient because i love this au so much. i don’t even care it took so long like ?? take that long always if you’re gonna give me quality content like that (which i’m sure you will))
What I Wrote This Week (7/9-7/16) (nothing on ao3, only tumblr this week)
the latin fic (I’m a shameless classics major)
the headcanon posts (Cary’s excuse to write crack fics while disguising them as headcanons)
the gum fic (#MoreExtraThanExtra)
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I guess it’s time to overshare again...
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. tagged by @duckybeth99
LAST: Last drink: It was probably grapefruit juice lmao Last phone call: Mama Last text message: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQZ70ttAsjM I love you I love you I love you"
(to my girlfriend) Last song you listened to: MapleStory’s Sleepywood Theme Last time I cried: I’m pretty sure a couple days ago...
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice: Nah, I mean, kinda? Me and my gf took a break a couple years back but it wasn’t like we weren’t planning on coming back to each other... Been cheated on: No. Kissed someone and regretted it: Not as far as I can remember... Lost someone special: Yes...
Been depressed: :) Been drunk and thrown up: No, I haven’t even had an alcoholic bev outside of a few sips.
IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
Made a new friend: Yes...!! A few..!! Fallen out of love: Depends on what sense you mean that in... I’ve fallen out of love with certain media, a few people I used to call friends, a creative inspiration... but not with my girlfriend...! Laughed until you cried: Absolutely. I drown my sorrows in YouTube comedies. Met someone who changed you: Yeah. A few people, and in a few ways. Found out who your true friends were: I... guess...? I mean I went through that song and dance when I graduated high school so not much has changed... Found out someone was talking about you: Yes.
GENERAL:
How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: I don’t know if you mean “outside of tumblr” (like an extensive social time on skype or discord) or literally I have physically met them. I’m just going to leave it to “I can count the number on my hands” because either way that’s true. Do you have any pets?: I have had a lot of pets over the course of my life. My family loves animals and we need a cat to take care of the rodents. It’s mostly been cats, I’ve known... like five cats in the years I’ve been conscious..? We currently only have one left... and then we’ve had four dogs (three at the same time at one point) and currently only have one left. We also currently have a goldfish named Dimples. (who used to be a classroom pet in Mama’s classroom) Do you want to change your name?: Nah, I was named after my grandmother and I value that... The name means a lot to Papa and my family. I do have a masc./neutral name but I don’t consider my legal name my dead name?? Pls don’t be afraid to use it. What time did you wake up this morning?: lmao like 4:30 AM bc cramps are the worst. What were you doing last night?: I drew something right before I went to bed, but other than that, I got my hair bleached and dyed, and was in the process of dyeing some fabric.
Name something you cannot wait for: halloween halloween hALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN!!!!! (+ Halloween at Disneyland lmao) Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes my cat’s name is Tom and I have to yell at him all the time.
What’s getting on your nerves right now?: If menstrual cramps and acne could both just stop existing I’d be really happy. Blood type: I don’t know, I got my blood tested recently and they wouldn’t fukcing tell me. All I know is that Papa is an O type so maybe I am too...?? Nickname: Fina/Artsy Relationship status: *inhales* I LOVE MY GF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zodiac sign: Cancer Pronouns: he/him/she/her
Favorite tv show: I’ve got a lot of favorites... too many favorites, really. I’ll have to compile a list someday... College: SF State. Hair color: Most of my hair is brown, but my bangs are pretty much the bisexual flag. Do you have a crush on someone: I mean....... @duckybeth99 is pretty damn cute~~ But I also have a long list of fictional character crushes too. What do you like about yourself: I guess... I.... like that I have really vivid, lucid dreams...? It’s entertaining, at least...
FIRSTS:
First surgery: I had to get a baby tooth removed because it refused to fall out. First piercing: I am a virgin in that regard... First sport you joined: I guess ballet/tap, but if you want like a non-performing arts sport, then basketball (which I ended up playing for like 8 years) First vacation: My family went to visit my grandmother in Warshington a couple months after 9/11 so like that was pretty wild... First pair of sneakers: Again like I don’t know how you expect anyone to remember that unless they had a vivid childhood memory concerning their sneakers. Dude, I remember the first time I ate a pack of instant ramen better than I remember my first sneakers. If I had to make an educated guess, they were probably Velcro sneakers because I had an abhorrence for tying my shoes.
Eating: I should be eating breakfast it’s like 6:55 rn... Drinking: And I’ll have some grapefruit juice with that breakfast I’m sure... I’m about to: Make breakfast fuck I’m hungry.... Listening to: The world waking up, birds chirping... and idk the sound of my keyboard is pretty nice too... Want kids: Yes. Get married: Absolutely. Career: Listen I would adore spending the rest of my life as a comic artist, storyboarder, or character designer... I really, that’s what I want to do with my whole entire life. But just... the way things are, doesn’t really feel like I’m going to be able to get there.... So I’ve set myself up a path of getting my credentials to become an art teacher at my local high school and replace the godawful one there now...
WHICH IS BETTER:
Lips or eyes: Don’t make me choose between that. I love both of those things.... Hugs or kisses: Same. Shorter or taller: Really depends... I like taller guys and shorter girls... (or... I mean... I could BE the taller guy too I am 100% A-OK with that.) Older or younger: Yeah this makes me uncomfortable, so I’m gonna pretend this is a general life question and I gotta say adulthood is rather underrated if you can keep your childhood interests in your heart. Basically I have money now and that’s pretty baller. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive... Loud is fine but I like when people are emotionally open... Hook up or relationship: Mama always said not to date anyone I couldn’t see myself marrying... Troublemaker or hesitant: Idk I’m chill with both, but I guess with hesitant people you got yourself more of a chance of staying alive haha
HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger: No.
Drank hard liquor: Nope. Lost glasses/contacts: Of course, I do that all the fucking time, all the FUCKING TIME. Sex on first date: ...I am a virgin in that regard, as well... Broken someone’s heart: Yes, I know for sure that I have. Been arrested: No. Turned someone down: Yes, and the entire situation was unpleasant as fuck please do not ask me to elaborate on that ever. Fallen for a friend: My girlfriend is my friend ;)
DO YOU BELIEVE:
In yourself: Complicated, next question. Miracles: To a degree, yeah. Love at first sight: Yeah, but I’m a goddamned romantic *shrugs* Heaven: ehhh.... another Complicated.
TAG: I don’t know 25 people to tag. I guess some mutuals would be @tisbubb, @xxthederptorxx, @lastoneout, @ilananight, and @chanditoys (only if you guys want to!) other than that uuuuhhhhhhhh if you reading this and you wanna, go ahead lmao I can’t stop you.
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hello @ciaoloueh (or her phansona, danielbear) has tagged me to do this thingy and it’s long bUT THATS FINE BECAUSE I FIXED IT SO NOW I CAN MENTION PEOPLE AND DO A READ MORE AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFU
Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!
THE LAST… 1. Drink: water! I tried to drink some after waking up (and another sip just now) because who knows if I drink enough it might be a step to being healthier
2. Phone call: my mom, who called to ask what kind of math my brother has
3. Text message: cbs™ got a very excited text about how i can mention people now, it’s truly revolutionary
4. Song you listened to: green light by lorde i think
5. Time you cried: i remember crying in my dream last night but can’t remember the actual time sorry
HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: nope
7. Been cheated on: nope
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope
9. Lost someone special: yup
10. Been depressed: well I think so, but like it wasn’t officially diagnosed and all, do feel tons better rn even if it isn’t all that amazing yet
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope
LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:
12. dark red
13. dark blue
14. the purple/olive green/brown aesthetic that hana gave me lmao
I JUST LOVE A LOT OF THINGS OKAY FIGHT ME
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes! though the real life ones aren’t proper friends but the online ones are I guess :D
16. Fallen out of love: sort of??? maybe it was before this past year so idk let’s say no so I feel better about it
17. Laughed until you cried: i’d sure hope so
18. Found out someone was talking about you: ha yes but not that i care too much about it, trying to not have any contact with those people anyway
19. Met someone who changed you: not sure, don’t think so
20. Found out who your true friends are: sort of? i kind of decided to not try too hard for people that don’t try for me? like there’s a difference between being scared to start conversations and just generally not caring abt me as a person u know
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m going to count it hold up -- 44 out of the 51
23. Do you have any pets: sadly no
24. Do you want to change your name: sort of did but not anymore? i like to use bus because it’s easy and a nickname but i can live with my name i guess (though maybe change the official spelling lmao)
25. What did you do for your last birthday: i had some friends over and had a chilled out get together (and my mom had cooked dinner) which was nice I guess (also two of my friends got me a book which nearly made me cry but all right)
26. What time did you wake up: around nine I think? woke up around 6.25 then around 8.06 and then somewhere before 9.30 (i’m being specific if u care to read this far you won’t mind anyway)
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep by daydreaming
28. Name something you cannot wait for: I cannot wait for a bunch of things but myself aside i can’t wait for one direction to come back?? which sounds selfish i mean i love their solo careers but boys i miss u
29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last night when she had made some tea but it was too sour for me and then i went to bed (i just went downstairs and saw her again, if that makes u happier)
30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: we can’t get into this now fully, but i feel like having tons of money could make a big change to my current situation
31. What are you listening to right now: nothing tbh (also changed to green light when i came back, i was halfway through)
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lmao yes he helped teach maths at uni which was cool i guess
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me but also in general the state of the world, but also me a lot
34. Most visited website: tumblr probably lmao
35. Elementary: was cool I guess, i had a real good year and then it was shitty again but overall could have been worse
36. High School: wasn’t the best, could’ve been worse. i don’t really feel any type of Big Feelings towards any of these
37. College/university: sadly didn’t finish the one thing, so next year i’m starting law? (wish me luck tbh) and afterwards i want to genuinely study physics/chemistry at some point again but who knows if it will happen and when 38. Hair colour: brown
39. Long or short hair: short, but it’s been growing quite a lot
40. Do you have a crush on someone: not that i know of and boy is it good i love it finally time to focus on MYSELF am i rite ladies
41. What do you like about yourself: my mind mostly, physically i don’t LIKE anything but i’m not in full hatred either so there’s that
42. Piercings: i had my ears pierced but i don’t wear jewelry so
43. Blood type: i believe O but i’m not sure and don’t know the positive/negative thingy
44. Nickname: lmao hana literally referred to me as bus here so that, don’t really have any others?? bush but i don’t really like that one so
45. Relationship status: single and v v v v happy with that
46. Zodiac sign: libra
47. Pronouns: she/her
48. Favourite TV show: brooklyn nine-nine, merlin, elementary (and well doctor who, victoria and dirk gently too) (also liked selfie?? and atlantis, galavant, agent carter)
49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right (though i want to learn writing with both hands tbh)
FIRST… 51. Surgery: i think they did something with my ears when i was really really young so I don’t even remember it (and i’m scared of surgery so let’s keep it this way)
52. Piercing: the one but also none u feel
54. Sport: i did ballet which i loved but then i had to stop or go on with people who were like two or three years older than me and were way better so i quit
55. Vacation: i mean i went to turkey every year even as a tiny baby i think so that probably?
56. Pair of trainers: i was a tiny child, how should i remember this
57. Eating: ah okay not first so um had a tiny bit of chocolate but still deciding on breakfast
58. Drinking: the water is still there, i’ll take a sip now
59. I’m about to: figure out what to read whilst i hide from the cleaning lady for three hours (and probably eat something first)
60. Listening to: currently it’s royals also by lorde
61. Waiting for: a simple thing rn because we’re not that deep yet: a burst of motivation to go shopping tonight with my sister and her friend
62. Want: general Big Life Things, but also just books??? i fucking love books NO FUCK I WANT TIME LOTS OF TIME SO I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO
63. Get married: not planning to but who knows life is weird
64. Career: okay look the most ideal one would be a scientist and an author but we all know studying law won’t get me there so we’re still figuring it out, but scientist and author??? especially scientist??? id die for that man
YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: currently feeling a good hugs (woah, we would never have guessed tumblr user cuddlingsun)
66. Lips or eyes: eyes i guess??
67. Shorter or taller: taller??? look I don’t Know these things
68. Older or younger: probably older??? but also like younger is fine??? idk
70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I DON’T KNOW EITHER HANA whichever one that person wants??? like i’m not very specific on these things
71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive I guess but like hana said, you could be both
72. Hook up or relationship: relationship lmao what would i get out of a hookup except for years of pining
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, but also a teeny bit mischievous otherwise i’d get bored --------- keeping hana’s answer here
HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: nope
75. Drank hard liquor?: nope
76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i lost a lens once when i slept with them in accidently, but later found it on my pillow (i think) which was quite odd
77. Turned someone down: HA if we’re HONEST yes but like,,, i was twelve,,, he was weird,,, let’s forget it ever happened
78. Sex on first date: um no -- hana catching my feelings perfectly
79. Broken someone’s heart: well that would be a maybe but i hope not lmao
80. Had your heart broken: L M A O yes way too easily
81. Been arrested: nope
82. Cried when someone died: yes, though it usually takes other people crying for me to Get There
83. Fallen for a friend: yes? no? idk what came first but honestly i’d like to have it be a friend rather than a stranger lmao
DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: in all honesty no, but i’m trying to
85. Miracles: yes, in a way
86. Love at first sight: sort of?? like not love exactly but a feeling that turns into actual love yeah that’s possible i guess
87. Santa Claus: nope, but i dont remember if i ever believed in him to begin with so i should ask me mum probably
88. Kiss on the first date: idk???
89. Angels: yeah i mean yeah with the religion thing and stuff i guess that’s a yes
OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: honestly idk like i have many best friends and i don’t really have a solid best friend anymore but that’s fine because i lov so many people anyway
91. Eye colour: also brown
92. Favourite movie: don’t??? but all righty some time ago i’d have said spongebob the movie so that, hidden figures, prisoner of azkaban, dead poets society, brave (also pride and prejudice & austenland probably)
i tag @bothhappy--andsad because she usually wants to do these kinds of tags and if they want to: @ryanperch @floralaesthetlc @klainederful cus u guys are super cool and i wanna know if you care to do it (and anyone else that wants to do it can say i tagged them cus i wanna READ)
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Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
"Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr
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Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
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Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
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Cheapest auto insurance?
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Hello, I come here because everyone I ask just tells me not to worry about it and I JUST WANT TO KNOW! Sorry if this is way too long. I don't want to miss anything. Anyways, I got into a minor accident recently. When I say minor, I mean minor. I bumped them at a red light because I scooted up without looking. Didn't even touch the gas. This is my first accident. I'm twenty years old. When I went to look at our cars my car was a little scuffed, nothing that a little buffing couldn't take off. Their car, was even less. One of the passengers (there were 5 adults total, two children sitting on laps) claimed his back hurt. I was in panic mode as the driver told me that we could handle this without contacting insurance. Later I came to my senses when I realized that this guy with the back injuries was going to keep coming back to me asking for more money, so I told them to call my insurance agency. My question is, does anyone know in the state of Florida what determines how much your car insurance goes up? His injuries (not positive but almost positive) are not bad enough to go into my bodily injury. His PIP should cover it. For example, will your insurance go up based on the damages you have to pay for ? Since I made very VERY minimal damage, will my insurance only go up a little ? Thanks for reading my giant ramble and thanks for responses. Sara""
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What is the approx cost of car insurance ( group 18) for a teen driver? UK?
Why do so many people complain about Health Care and not as much Car Insurance?
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How can i get someones car insurance info if they wont give it to me? They wouldnt give it to the cops either.
The cops wouldnt let me speak with the other driver and he would not show them proof of insurance. His guardian said he had insurance but she would not give it to me. She wouldnt even give me her name. I have the license plate number but I cant find out who they are insured under. The police report stated that the other driver was at fault for the accident but the police say that they can't make them give upt hat information. I know that by law they have to give me that info. please help i have no idea how to get this information
Anyone know where to get affordable international health insurance?
I am wondering where I can get some decent health coverage to cover me during my international adventures . Does anyone know where to look for this stuff? Please give websites and phone #'s if you have them. Thank you.
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
What is the best insurance for a 16 year old?
Got limited money
Is the car insurance company right?
I was in my first EVER car accident and it was my fault. I was driving my fiancs car and I wasnt on his insurance, his insurance company said that they wouldnt cover his car because I wasnt on the insurance but they covered the other car and that was the last of it until 6 months later we buy a new car and cancel that insurance and get new insurance for both cars and we added me on it. A few weeks later we get a phone call from the old car insurance company saying we need to pay them back for the other car which was close to 8,000 bucks we asked them why we are just now hearing about this we were never not once told we would have to pay anything and 6 months later you call us and tell us to pay you 8 grand all they had to say was sorry you werent contacted sooner they said they mailed us stuff but we didnt get anything. They mailed us a letter saying what they policy was saying that the reason we have to pay them is because it was a MATERIAL MISS REPRESENTATION we thought something isnt right so we took it to a lawyer and he said it cant be a material mss representation because that mean they wouldnt have covered me if I were on the policy which isnt true because my driving record was PERFECT not one thing wrong with it. They lawyer want 3 grand up front to fight it but we dont know what to do. Is the insurance company right?""
Which would be cheaper to insure for a 16 yr old male?
a hyundai tiburon (not gt, just the regualar one, probably a 2004 or 05 because of the added anti theft put on the car after 2003, which lowered the insurance rate) and the tiburon is NOT considered a sports car, so dont try to convince me that it is,lol. or a scion tc 2005(regualr, not gt or whatever scion calls its sport verson) i really like the scion tc but this will be my first car and i cant be picky, id have to go wtih which ever is cheaper to insure. any advice (dont tell me to buy a cheap clunker, my dad doesnt want me to get one, he wants me to find a nice, afordable car) thanks!""
Do car insurance and registration have to be under the same name?
let's say Sally buys a car and it's under her name but gets car insurance under her sister's name. is that okay? or both have to be under Sally's name?
How Much Does Dog Owner Liability Insurance Cost?
I am looking in to getting a basenji/ miniature pinscher mix. The dog is only 19 lbs so it not a very big dog but the apartments I live in require this kind of insurance in case it bites someone. I would like to know monthly and yearly cost. (I dont have renters insurance I just want to know dog liability insurance)
ABOUT how much is scooter/moped insurance cost?
if it is 150cc? i will be 16 when i get it. any good brands to look for? thanks
""I'm 17,passed my car test.have a 1litre vauxhall corsa 3dr,wondered if ne1 knows of cheap insurance companies?""
Hello, I'm 17 years old, i have just passed my car test. I have a 1litre vauxhall corsa, 3doors, which is meant to be a very low insurance group, I just wondered if anyone knows of a cheap insurance company? Or any good ways of getting cheap insurance for a couple of years until I get a full time job - like named driver or something? The best quote i have so far is 2100 for a year. Thanks.""
What is the telephone number to American Standard Insurance?? *car*?
thanks!!
About US Motor Insurance?
Where I can learn the basics of US motor Insurance (need not be state specific)
""I will b learning to ride a bike soon, if i get a Ducati 500cc 2ndHand bike howmuch insurance it will cost me?""
I will b learning to ride a bike soon, if i get a Ducati 500cc 2ndHand bike howmuch insurance it will cost me?""
Is it cheaper to get insured on your parents insurance?
Is it cheaper to get insured on your parents insurance?
""What kind of life insurance is better for me, term insurance or permanent insurance?""
Is there any advantage to permanent insurance over term insurance or vis versa? I mean, basically it looks like term is the better deal because I can buy more death benefit for a lot less money, but permanent insurance gives me money with a death benefit. I'm in my late 40's, have a wife and 2 kids, normal bills, mortgage, etc. Does anyone have any opinions about what is really the better deal long term?""
Car insurance 17 year old?
I just passed my test afew days ago and have been looking at insurance. Most insurers won't give me a quote and if they do it's 19k. But i was looking into classic car insurance for a mini and got a quote from adrianflux for 3500 but i was i told i was to young for classic car insurance. I tryed a 1000cc yaris and they would not even quote me. I checked my details twice and there all right. I asked over the phone why there is such a change im price when they have the same size engine and he just said there cheaper to repair n that . and just so it's clear the minii quote was not classic car insurance. So any one know the logic behind this? + any other suggestions about insurance will help.
How much would it cost for a 17 year old for provisional drivers insurance?
How much around, price brackets?""
""Car purchase, insurance and parking permit in MA?""
Hi, I plan to buy a new car in Mass and have a couple questions: 1. I used to live with my parents who live in Boston. I no longer do now, but I still visit them often enough that I'd really like to get a resident parking permit. Can I get one by adding my Dad as a co-owner of the car? Or must he be the sole owner? 2. I pay a much lower auto insurance rate than my Dad, should I expect to pay an amount in between mine and my dad's rates if I add him as co-owner? 3. I have much better credits than my dad, can I finance the car loan myself and pay for the car alone, even though my dad will be a co-owner? Will he have to pay taxes because I am in essence giving my dad the car by adding him as a co-owner? What if he's the sole owner, and I am paying for him? Thanks!""
""Do you believe in having life insurance? If so, do you have life insurance?""
I have a friend who sells insurance so I wanted to ask you guys... 1.) Do you have life insurance? 2.) If not, why have you NOT purchased life insurance? 3.) If you HAVE purchased life insurance, what motivated you to purchase life insurance?""
Price of car insurance?
say im 17 and buying my first car and its a 2003 bmw how much will insurance cost for it per month?
What is the best auto insurance in southern california?
i want to know the cheapest is south coast insurance any good
Can I Switch my Auto Insurance to Full Coverage Just To Get It Fixed????????????????
Currently I have liability auto insurance and i hit a deer. I have a really nice car but can't afford to get it repaired at the moment.(THE DAMAGES COSTS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!) Is there anyway that i can switch my car insurance to FULL COVERAGE JUST to get it fixed????? I heard that some people get full coverage and are able to fool the insurance company into paying for there damages, BUT HOW. IS THAT REALLY POSSIBLE WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT. IF SO , PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW. I REALLY LOVE MY CAR, BUT CAN AFFORD TO GET IT FIXED. I REALLY NEED SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!""
Insurance companys are evil?
So my dad is a very involved liberal democrat. We both really like obama (for the most part) and we've been invited to some protest down in Washington DC about how insurance companys are evil and need to change the way they do things. Which i'm excited about, i've never been to washington and it sounds fun. But the problem is.. i dont know very much about how insurance even works. I'm only eighteen, i've never had to deal with it before. I know a little, but since i'm young, its mostly just from the daily show. which is a crappy way to base any opinions i have off of. I'm more informed than most 18 year olds, but i'd still like to know more, if i end up going to this thing. So, can anyone explain to me why they're evil and what needs to change? Id ask my dad but he never shuts up once you get him started..""
Im a new driver. Best Auto insurance with my family?
I just got my license a few weeks ago and my mom cant add me to the insurance because we dont have the money to. we have 3 cars, and 4 names on 2 and 3 names one 1, and it think its a hole in the wall company that were with. What i want to know is that is there an affordable insurance company we can switch over to and add me to the cars and still have it be affordable?""
Insurance- dui-?
if i get convicted of a dui- my insurance will go up correct, the question i have is how long will i be paying the higher premium? 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? and also what is the avergae price it goes up considering i am 23 years old no tickets or accidents till the dui accident(hit a tree) live in southern california and drive a mustang gt i pay 160 with the accident right now(i think i paid 100-125ish before the accident. thanks""
I want to take a used car home from the dealer but I have no car insurance or insurance card...?
What do I have to do to make this possible? I'm trying to take this used car home for the night and drive it around but I have no insurance card.... I have a license..but no car insurance and all the salesman is asking is for my insurance card. What do I need to do to get around this?
How much did your car insurance go up when your teen began to drive?
How much did it rise? Did they get their own car or did they drive yours? Did they have a good student discount? Did they take drivers ed (and get a discount)? Are they a boy or a girl? Anything Else? Thanks... Just trying to figure out how much ours is going to go up
I need to get health insurance. What's affordable and good?
I live in Southern California. Recently, my neck has really started to hurt and I think I might need an xray. I haven't had health insurance in so long. What would be the proper steps to take? I need something affordable.""
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
Memphis Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 38190
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