#mini dick

[frownyalfred]

the batkids play the “what’s the most annoying injury you’ve ever had?” game but it’s lighthearted (“I broke both thumbs on a bad landing and couldn’t play video games for a month” “one time I got a cut on my leg that reopened every time I stood up” etc) until Bruce walks in. someone asks him the most annoying injury he’s ever had and he doesn’t even stop to think about it.

“Fracturing my spine.”

“Oh jeez,” Dick said, making a face. “Yeah, that’ll do it. That’s definitely…well, annoying isn’t the word I’d use.”

Bruce, expressionless: “Mostly because I couldn’t walk or complete other daily activities without assistance for an extended period of time.”

Dick, glancing at Jason. “Uh….huh.”

“What about that time Ivy hit you with that leaf and you couldn’t eat legumes for a year?” Jason asked, redirecting the suddenly maudlin group. “Wasn’t that more annoying?”

“Hmm.”

Tim leaned back, looking curious. “Just legumes?”

“Legumes,” Jason repeated, waving a hand. “It got ugly.”

“I’m not a huge fan of peanuts,” Bruce said, thoughtful.

“Yeah, no shit, I wonder why.”

[itsdabatt]

jason might be rubbing off on him

Part 1

[aingeal98]

Ultimately the resolution of Jason and Cass fights comes down to the fact that while he has his own ideals that don't mesh with the bats, Jason can be flexible. DC skipped the whole reconciliation with the family but while he's willing to kill it's generally a means to an end to him, not the whole entire point unless you're talking about Joker. Meanwhile for Cass the question of killing vs not killing is dead serious to her which means any time they're working together and things start going off track it's like:

Jason: Look if we kill this guy we send a message to his boss which makes it easier for us to negotiate with him from a position of power and I just think that-

Cass, snatching one of his guns and pointing it at her own head: Go on, pull the trigger. Kill him. Kill me. Go tell Batman that you let his daughter die to make a negotiation easier. He already let you die so no problem right? You think we should die? You think our life only worthwhile as part of a plan, just because we're killers? Are we doomed? Are we rotten to the core with no hope of redemption? Go on then, kill us and kill part of your soul alongside it. You clearly don't care for it so why are you even trying? Kill yourself along with us, come on Jason let's all just die right?

Jason, slowly backing away: I think you may be projecting a tiny bit so just. Calm down before I call the suicide hotline please.

Cass, slowly lowering the gun and knocking the random henchman unconscious: Yeah that's what I thought, fucking pussy.

Jason: Mm yeah you know what I hate you actually. Fuck this mission I'll just shoot you right now if you're going to be this annoying about it.

Jason, explaining things later to Dick: So I just kept shooting at her until I ran out of bullets and we both calmed down enough to call a truce. We tracked the guy down and didn't kill anyone but I did blow up the batplane just as a last minute screw you. Is she always this uh... intense?

Dick: Yeah, one time I broke up with Barbara and she threw me out a window. She's just like that.

[itsgravesart]

This idea has been rotting in my head for weeks. Bonus Panel:

[violent138]

Tim, looking around the darkened corridor: "You think it's a good idea to be breaking into random places right now?"

Jason said nothing, fumbling in his pockets.

Dick: "You live here, don't you?" Which gets everyone's attention laser-focused.

Jason just cast him a look, getting the door open.

Steph entered first, smacking into something that falls over. "Jeez." She complained, stumbling backward until Cass steadied her by the shoulders. "Sorry, that's my bad."

Duke turned on the lights in one motion, making everyone blink and wince.

"Get off me." Damian snapped, and Dick carefully let him go, letting him limp angrily into a chair. He frowned, scrutinizing the place. "You live here? Why would anyone--"

"Guys." Dick rubbed his eyes over the mask, cutting off Damian and Jason’s sharp answer. "First aid kit?" Dick asked Jason tiredly.

Jason nodded, moving to get it and heard Damian ask "What?" in response to a patented glare he must be getting.

Tim had made a beeline for the kitchen. "Dude, why do you have a singular set of dishes? And why are there just guns in this cabinet?"

Jason scoffed, handing Dick the kit. "Didn't realize I was running a fucking bed and breakfast."

"There's guns in this cabinet too!" Tim shook his head, opening and closing two more. "Oh good, just large knives in this one."

At Tim's raised eyebrows, Jason went into the kitchen and shooed Cass down the counter she was perched on, grabbing the paper plates he kept in a drawer and shoving them into Tim's chest.

Glancing at the way Steph was rubbing her neck, slouched at the table, Jason grabbed two ice packs, sliding one her way and throwing the other to Damian.

Duke, taking a book off Jason's meticulously organized shelf: "Why do you have seven copies of Pride and Prejudice? Did you keep forgetting you bought it, or--?"

Jason, storming over to put the book back. "Stop."

Dick looked up from the wound he was stitching. "Are they different at at all?"

"Are they in different languages?" Steph asked.

"Did you barter them for food? Because your fridge is fucking empty." Tim reported.

Jason groaned, realizing that they weren't going to drop it. "One has a different introduction and one is the zombies version. And yes, the rest are the same, now could you all stop touching stuff?"

"Why do you have five copies of the same book?"

[spite-and-waffles]

Bruce, picking up a stray: "He reminds me of me!" :333

Bruce, a couple of years later: "Why is he such a stubborn, self-destructive drama queen??" >((

[frownyalfred]

I'm seeing a lot of "ugh, so we can't even criticize fic authors anymore?" posts popping up on here and the ao3 subreddit and I just want to say, for the record: No one's saying you can't criticize (fanfic) authors publicly. They're saying it's rude and antithetical to positive fandom experience. And, yes there's a difference.

If this website was a conference and I had just spent a whole afternoon listening to a presentation on [unpopular fic trope] and after that was done, I got up on stage and very publicly told the audience that [unpopular fic trope] was illogical and anyone who writes it is woefully misinformed and should be banned from writing [relevant character], that would in fact be a dick move.

"But the canon character would never--" it doesn't matter. You're shouting down the hall at the person who just happily did a whole seminar on their OOC version of that character. "But I don't like that the author chose to make them--" good, you're well-acquainted with your likes and dislikes, time to find another fic.

We all run into fics and interpretations we don't like. But there's a huge difference between loudly talking about it on Tumblr where the author can see it, and just venting in a private discord or other group. Also, gentle reminder that this is a hobby for most writers and something they do purely because they enjoy it. Stop being massive dicks just because you feel entitled to a certain flavor of fanfiction you will probably be chasing until the Reformation of Krypton.

[justhereforsomethingnice]

In many fics Danny gets his phd. In many fics Danny is the ghost king. Now I need a fic where just for maybe one sentence, they use the sentence ‘dr. King Phantom.’ For some reason or the other. The title just seems hilarious to me.

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

Movie night is a vital part of the Red Team experience

plus an honorary Doc to make the snack runs

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

Batfam ranked from best to worst at Driving:

Jason gets pulled over the most because he follows road laws in Gotham, something that people only do if they’re not from Gotham, and if you’re not from Gotham why the fuck would you come there -very suspicious behavior. He does ignore the speed limit in an emergency though

Bruce does not follow driving laws expect from when one of his kids (or any kid) is in the car, if which he gets very close to following them

Duke is newer to driving, but is well on his way to becoming a menace and as Signal uses a motorcycle he does not have a license for

Tim has never followed the speed limit in his life, even as a civilian. He adds modifications to every for a transportation he owns (cars, Redbird, his skateboard) to make them go as fast as possible, but is somehow still has a very quick reaction speed and though he is a hazard to those in his car, everyone outside the car is fine

Dick is the worse driver of the kids despite not growing up with Gotham’s streets and I don’t have a reason, I just think it would be funny Dick and his Mini Copper are the go to car for all the batkid while also being a hazard to society

And last but not least, the worst driver:

Alfred. He’s the one who taught all of them.

Not mentioned:

Damian- Is 9-14. Should not be driving. (Would fall between Bruce and Duke)

Cass- I have decided that Cass can’t drive a car. A tank or a jet, sure, but not a car

Steph- will never be the designated driver because what is the point of having rich friends if you can’t ride in their luxury cars

BatMobile- Only Bruce uses it like an actual car, everyone else always ends up crashing it (this is not explained)

[teaandduckss]

Robins on a Rooftop <3

[violent138]

"I'm telling you," Tim said. "We don't take our secret identities seriously enough."

Dick inhaled deeply, clicking through evidence the Zodiac Master had left behind. "I'm technically on vacation in France." He reminded Tim. "A double of me is currently using the Wayne funds left and right so I can convince people that Dick Grayson and Nightwing aren't the same person."

"I was thinking more if we ever got de-masked."

Dick made a go on gesture.

Tim's eyes glinted brightly. "The CIA gives out poison pills--"

"You think if you're dead they'll somehow be unable to figure put who you are?" Dick asked sharply, not bothering to make the obvious emotional argument.

"No, but it would prevent the sharing of secrets. What my real suggestion is that we line our domino masks with small capsules of acid, so if anyone tries to forcibly take them off--"

"Or we get punched too hard, or accidentally get stranded without any way to safely melt the glue, we get Two Faced?" Dick scoffed and Tim shrugged, clearly considering that a minor loss.

"No dice, Timmy, and don't you dare even bring it up with B." Dick held up a finger. "He might even start looking into it, you know how impressed he was with Jason's helmet bomb."

"Dick--"

"Shut up and let me enjoy my vacation."

[amevdw]

[rougerave]

Hear me out, okay. Damian is a very casual person. Like he knows slang and swears like a sailor (Jason's fault) and knows memes like he knows his colour pallet, but not in English.

You can't tell me that the first language Talia spoke to Damian was English. No you fool! It was Arabic, then Chinese, then Persian before English.

Because his whole life was surrounded by these three languages, he learned to have more casual conversations in them.

The only reason he speaks so formally in English is because Jason would read him classical literature, and that's the problem. Classical literature if formal and old. Jason never bothered to talk to Damian in English for him to know how to converse in casual conversation, and this being the case Damian grew up thinking this is how people talk.

This being said this is the only reason the family knows Arabic and Persian (they all knew Chinese). The only way to have a casual conversation with him is to talk to him in these languages, and this is how the family leard that Damian is a comedian. Like he can make Bruce and Alfred belly laugh at the most inane, sexually explicit and cras things at the drop of a hat (just like Jason).

He is the only one rivaling Jason in the swear jar, Dick was so shocked he actually cried. This gets worse when he hits 19.

Like that one time he and Tim were walking to the office when they were approached by paparazzi. Like Damian went from cussing their ancestors to dissing their appearance, to saying Joker thinks their joke all in one breath, all with a straight face that it had his 26 year old brother rolling on the floor. Bruce seeing this from the lobby - Where he was talking to a very important ambassador-, comes out to drag both of them inside by their ears. Damian is still going off and Tim is still clutching his stomach.

And the paparazzi is so confused because one: they know Damian to be a very formal young man, if not a little dry and sarcastic, and two: They didn't understand shit. This whole thing has Gotham shocked. Jason and Talia have never been so proud.

[sarahreadstoomanycomics]

Tales of the Teen Titans #1-4 main covers by Nicola Scott.