#mini diary entries

[phynewrites]

SOS

I made lore for my wip but I don't know how to insert it in the actual story (nor if I even need to put it in the actual storyyyyyyy)

[bymeraki]

I’m vegan, but I don’t care what other people eat. What really gets under my skin, though, are the people who act like they’re morally superior because they’re vegan. You know, the ones who say things like, “How can you eat that egg? It’s a bird fetus!” And I’m just sitting there like, Wait, no. That’s not it.

If you’re gonna point out how gross eggs are, at least get it right. Unfertilized eggs aren’t bird fetuses—they’re not some baby chicken just chilling inside there waiting to hatch. No, eggs are… well, they’re bird ovulation.

Bird. Ovulation.

I mean, you’re cracking open an ovulation and scrambling it up like it’s no big deal? I don’t know about you, but I can’t look at an egg the same way after that.

So yeah, I’ll stick with my tofu scramble, thanks. You can keep your bird ovulations.

Side note: to anyone looking for a vegan egg subsitute, I recommend JUST Egg. It works well for scrambling, quiches, baking, etc. Works, looks, and tastes (in my opinion, I haven’t had a real egg since I was like 13) like actual eggs.

[inmyglowupera]

Dating is wild.

Cause like how do I even explain that my type is “so-genius-smart-he-lacks-social-awareness”? That I’m immediately drawn in if he paints miniature figures, had an unhealthy relationship with Pokémon GO growing up, or knows way too many BTS anecdotes about Lord of the Rings? If he’s reading some obscure non-fiction about a long-forgotten philosopher, I’m like—oh, maybe he’s the one. That Dwight from The Office? Ideal man.

But what if I’m not my type’s type? What if my eager, overly extroverted, can’t-shut-up self is a huge turnoff? I do be yapping for hours about anything that excites me. And what if he hates that I scream-sing Taylor Swift while cooking? Or that I’m so basic I own a Hallmark Christmas movie-watching mug and start counting down to pumpkin spice season in July?

What if I can’t even find my type on dating apps because they’re either too anxious to be there or too disgusted by what I assume they’d call “performative online mating rituals”?

Or was my type already snatched up by wiser women in their twenties while I’m still figuring things out in my thirties?

I don’t know, dating is wild. Thoughts and prayers, y’all. Thoughts and prayers.

[rottennorgg]

Just Ranting

I am not self diagnosing myself here, though I've had awful symptoms of misophonia for a while. It wouldn't even matter if I got diagnosed. There's literally no cure. I love my family, I do. It's so panful that I can't spend time with my brother anymore. He's in his late 30's and most definitely autistic. He has his repetitive phrases which never end. Repetitive phrases/noises are one of my biggest "triggers". He also refuses to take acid reflux medicine, which would have zero negative side effects. This wouldn't be a huge deal if I didn't wake up to him throwing his guts up in the middle of the night. His coughs are distinct and make me want to peal my skin off. Throat noises make me want to genuinely die.

He just came in, offering to take me to the mall. I had to decline because my girlfriend in coming over. I've stayed up all night. I'm drugged up on Vyvanse but I'll probably take more since I'm getting too sleepy and hungry. My heads also twitching and I'm tripping over my words. I hate medication. Except Vyvanse. I love Vyvanse.

Anyways, this was just like a diary entry or whatever. I need to shower. I haven't in days. I've just been in bed and in school the past week (besides my manic cleaning one afternoon).

Make sure to drink water! I sure need to lol

[sativasgirlblog]

I’m the youngest person at my job and I feel like the most useless. I don’t know anyone here and I have nothing to do. I thought things would be better. And they are a little bit. But I’m still very unhappy. Maybe that’s just how it is.

[beatlblog]

{x}

[lola-x]

today i haven't engaged in my morning ritual.

12.22.24.

today i am forcing myself not to open instagram because i know if i do i will check to see if you still follow me.

i hyper-fixate on the number of followers i have. not because i care if someone unfollows me; but because i care if you unfollow me.

"you can't be serious."

"whattttttt," i groaned.

"for a girl who's chronically online, you really seem to hate my posts."

i rolled my eyes, "i like this oneeee." i handed him my phone.

"yeah; shirt off, abs out, bicep flexed."

i flopped backwards onto my bed, covering my face, giggling.

he handed me back my phone; the heart now red.

in an act of desperation, i type in your instagram handle.

close one.

update: i did just check your instagram but for the purposes of this post... and it's not the morning! plus i wanted to see that picture again. oops!

[whirepoole]

[themuseoftheviolets]

theres a tv in the break room at work and someone has their computer hooked up to it and the profile pic is likeafunerall remus and the name on the profile is adam. we don't have an adam

[nanno-arts]

reasons i hate insecure people:

dear, stupid hos

1. ur literally sexy, beautiful, god, deity goddess. it's so tiring reminding you every second that you're literally stunning. jaw on the floor, can't stop staring at you.

2. you are STUPID. DUMB. DUMB. you know how short life is? waste your life hating yourself and for what? ur the bomb, period. push against the discomfort. success doesn't have to be linear, it'sa process, get into it!!

3. you'd rather be a lamey instead of miss fkn universe, a baddie. make ur life a movie. be so unserious always.

4. breathe in

5. breathe out

6. "who are you? who are we? we are that bitch" —clermont twins

—from a socially anxious person that's constantly growing

[phynewrites]

Me writing is 90% researching and 10% progressing my draft

[bymeraki]

Why are psychiatrists so focused on handing out diagnoses like candy? Instead of relying on brief questionnaires and a 30-to-60-minute assessment, they should also be conducting thorough medical evaluations. This should include gathering a comprehensive background and medical history, having doctors run full medical workups, investigating the root causes of a patient’s symptoms, and addressing the specific challenges the patient is facing—rather than simply treating an ambiguous diagnosis that may not even be accurate.

If around 20% of mental health conditions are directly linked to physical health issues, it would make sense for psychiatrists to incorporate routine medical workups, such as blood tests and sleep studies, to rule out underlying physical causes before prescribing psychiatric medications. Yet, many psychiatrists don’t take this approach, relying solely on symptom-based questionnaires and subjective assessments. This leads to misdiagnoses and unnecessary medication prescriptions when the real issue might be a thyroid disorder, a vitamin or mineral deficiency, chronic inflammation, a sleep disorder, etc.

For example, I was prescribed Ritalin to treat my severe chronic fatigue. It didn’t even work—it made me feel jittery and physically awake, but underneath, I still had a deep, aching exhaustion I couldn’t shake. It took me years to finally discover that what I really needed all along was a CPAP machine.

I have a deep-seated hatred for the current psychiatric healthcare system—one more focused on slapping on labels and handing out pills rather than actually helping people find the real root causes of their issues and solutions for said issues.

[evee-lyn]

i don’t understand people that can get angry at little things… like just stop caring whether you win this badminton game come onn it’s not that deep

and then they’ll be huffy and complaining for forever like bro just get over it i ain’t dealing with your shit if you’re in a bad mood that’s your problem

i really think my life got exponentially better when i stopped caring about shit that doesn’t matter

[kennieswrld]

love

lately it feels as though everyone wants me to give up the love i feel right this moment in order to keep myself in practice mode of finding that one love that will be there in the future because if i choose someone super young then the chances of it not working out will be higher. that was a long ass sentence but, is it also because you had more time to think about it/have an experience with it rather than chase after it until a certain deadline. i do however believe in the idea of not letting love completely blind my life until i have a stable career and life going for myself and vice versa with my partner. but maybe im just too young to currently see that the stability i want to seek out in my future may be further than what i might be imagining. i hope this has made any sense so far. i am just always double guessing my love for the fear that this will end and i will have to start again. i want to be with my current partner until maggots crawl through my skin. i can’t imagine a future without him. and i feel like i drown in this worry for a future of this evil monster that loathes me has come up with where he leaves me and im doomed to this terrible cycle of almost’s. but. i am also learning how to shut the analysis in my brain down when its not needed. i am believing in the art of shutting my brain down when im with my partner as a way of giving them my complete focus, no thoughts of the future or past just the moment we are having then and there. i will not lie, ive been having my ups and downs with this method, but its helped. i am trying to rewire my thoughts of the future as being amazing if our lives intertwine in that way rather than thinking its a “must” that we be together and ill do anything to make it happen. i dont know why im telling you this but it needed to go somewhere. thanks.

[allsassnoclass]

Spooky Season Mini Masterlist

Now that it's officially October, I thought I'd gather a list of my season-appropriate fics! The following either deal with supernatural elements or Halloween fun!

AO3 fics:

The Vampire Michael series: exactly what it sounds like! A series where Michael is a vampire, Calum is also a vampire, and Luke and Ashton are... alive, I'll say

my only weakness (you know all my secrets): 8k of Michael and Ashton falling in love in a 5+1 format blood on my shirt, heart in my hands: sequel scene where Michael feeds from Ashton (oh, your love is) sunlight: cake spinoff scene

black coffee and sufur: another 5+1, but this time with demon!Calum and hunter!Ashton

The Catch: a fluffy little thing featuring photographer!Luke, witch!Michael, and a magical black cat

Ask box prompts:

Ashton gets a scared from a horror movie and asks Michael to come over

Michael and Luke preparing to pass out candy for Halloween

OT4 visit a haunted house attraction

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I've been considering getting hair cut short. One of those bob styles cause hate how the heat makes my medium length hair feel so icky~

Read a few articles on styles and on hair. Did you know you're hair grows the fastest between ages 15 to 20 or 25 depending on article? Apparently guys after 30, may experience thinning and hair loss because hair doesn't grow as quickly after 30 and for girls it's like after 40 to 50 that hair doesn't grow as quickly according to various beauty articles.~

So I don't know, mean could cut hair short but what if it took forever and a week to grow back out? I don't even think short hair would look good on me, less variety for styling but at the same time I just dont think am pretty atm either~

I think def want to try blunt or curtain bangs tho, they look cute and are kinda childish and tbh I want the adorable factor tho maybe I am just not that cute?~

Also like never ever foam hot cocoa pple, I ordered a small hot cocoa and the barista made it like it was a latte and the taste, sooo awful but didn't want to waste the purchase. I mean if I were a more less caring or wasn't worried about being confrontational in public I would have said something~

Pillows, I need a good pillow, am sure if I had one it might help improve sleep but I've yet to find a good one. Itd have to be fluffy like a cloud and cool like a winter breeze. I saw the most adorable pillow ever but problem is it's 270 with tax. Like if it were 80, I'd consider it sure expense but might be worth it if it's as good quality as claimed by advertising.~

Unfortunately I am just not sure, I mean I'd have to save for like at least a few months to get it and do I really need it? Its childish cause shaped like a dashound in a hot dog costume... but like where would I find such an adorable pillow again, it's unique~

I need to decide Halloween costume too, I mean if do go ahead and get gothic outfit from poll could pair it with some bat wings or angel ones and have costume. But that's like putting a bulleyes on yourself, dressing like an angelic being or succubus/bat demon girl would make people stare~

Plus the demon/succubus aspect is kinda ironically hilarious cause I can't even flirt with guys or girls for that matter, little miss shy and awkward~

I was brave and contacted customer service over missing package and about refund. I was ping ponged back and forth between company and shipping provider until finally got confirmation they'd issue refund as package was lost and couldn't determine where it got lost at etc~

I didn't actually talk, it was online communication through service line but still~

I took some pictures of sky because the clouds were particularly picturesque and fluffy~ I felt so self conscious though like do I just look weird or something? Haven't you ever seen someone look up at sky with camera before?~

I am tempted to just avoid public all together until October but realistically I'll get lured out in July for cotton candy vendors, fresh squeezed fair lemonade and prize contests to try to win cute plushies <4th of july>. Do I think fireworks are beautiful? Yes but am one of those people that would want to wear noise cancelling headphones and look like a dork cause of it~ the loud noise though just unsettles me, it's like really loud thunder or lighting makes me jump scare myself sometimes~

I found a Harry Potter themed bar crawl event and golf event that I kinda want to go too. Not so much the bar as mini golf the thing is I know it'll be crowded and am not the best at mini golf soooooo do I really want to torture myself mentally by weaving through crowds, long lines and ultimately failing to win prizes by missing the getting the golf ball into the hole?~

Plus I'd want to wear a harry potter themed costume and have nothing to wear for that~

Including pictures of clouds because I can~