#mammon is superior

[luxthestrange]

Incorrect quotes#800 HouseWife Mam

In the Near Future-In the human world

Mam*In an apron glaring at the dirty window*What's up homie you pulling up on me or what-*Takes out the index cleaner out midair and starts shooting the window*BRAH BRAH BRAH!

Mam*Looking at the camera phone*Ey Welcome to another day as a Cholo Housewife, When My Treasure's at work being a Pan-winner~I get the kid's lunches ready for school!*Gives Luke and the LilDs their own lunch bags and a kiss on their foreheads as they run out to catch the bus*

Mam*Outside on the lawn on top of a yoga mat, fighting the air*I also get my morning Karate-Cholo on!-PUES ORALE STEP INTO THE RING AND THROWN DOWN ESE!?

Mam*Back inside taking the clothes out the dryer*I get the laundry done-OH!And I start watering the plants I call this one Mc 2!*Watering a small houseplant*

-Outside the house, you arrive still talking on the phone with a stack of papers in one hand-

Mam"Oh mi amor is home-I better prepare my mamacita/papacito slippers!"*Runs to the door and puts slippers at the ready for you*"Ey if they're here who's running heaven?~"

Mc*Is talking to your assistant and smiles taking off your shoes and the slippers on, letting Mammon take your belongings*

Mam"Damn look at em, still workin', Too bad our husband Rafa quit after he met me at the Christmas party"There you go my Treasure!~Take these off"Damn why do your feet still smell like roses..."

Mc*Looks up at him and caresses his face, laying a kiss on his cheek as you then hurry to the bathroom*

Mam"Oh, They're looking at me!-DONT CRY DONT CRY DONT CRY!"*Red checks as his Adam's apple goes up and down*Now one thing about my treasure, they got a cute little bladder

Mam*Uses magic to get to the bathroom door and open it for you to run in*Right this way treasure~Windows open and candles lit~*Closes the door and then naruto runs down the hallway*NOW BACK TO THE KITCHEN WHERE I BELONG!~

...I think about Mammon being my wife ...a normal amount~(I DONT)

[books-and-catears]

Demon MC: I already told you Satan is superior! You think anyone in all three realms can compare to his smarts?!

Angel MC: I shall be humbly like to remind you that Simeon has been around longer and his list of accomplishments far exceed anyone else's here.

Mammon: As much as I thought I would love the thought of 2 MCs...this is not what I had in mind.

Levi: I'm completely confused, can someone explain?

Satan: *with demon MC laying across his lap* Solomon and MC were experimenting around with clones - he accidentally divided our MC into two halves.

Belphie: So now we have a demon MC and an angel MC?

Simeon: *angel MC resting in his embrace* Honestly it's been fine. They've not caused any trouble.

Satan: Exactly, it's not as bad as you think.

Asmo: That's because MC is only paying attention to the two of you Satan and Simeon!

Lucifer: And did you forget them yelling and arguing about who's the better between you the two of you?!

Satan: Well I was simply lost listening to all the compliments MC had for me.

Simeon: Indeed it just shows us how highly MC regards us.

Solomon: Ah MC I'm back with a solution to this problem.

Demon MC and Angel MC in unison: Solomon! You're here!

Solomon: *blushes, getting tackle hugged and kissed on both cheeks* Aww did you miss me?

Satan: ....

Simeon: ....

Beel: I think Solomon wins.

[demonvibez]

Hello, I came here to ask you a request: Mc is wearing a pajama (nightgown, little shorts, whatever you want) that shows a little bit too much. So one day, Mc comes down to the kitchen in the middle of the night, taking advantage about the brothers sleeping in their rooms so no one would see her like this, and suddenly, she bump into one of the brothers. How would they react?

A/N: Thank you so much for this request, and sorry for the delay! I started working on it, got writer's blocked, solved the block, then got...inspired, lol. This ended up being like 8 lil narrative one shots. Anyways - This is only part one of two; hope you like! ♡

Characters: [Lucifer / Mammon / Leviathan / Satan] x F! Reader

Word Count: 4.6k+

Rating: Teen [Suggestive Themes]

Tags: suggestive/sexual themes, making out, light petting/groping, reader = she/her pronouns, each demon has a lil backstory

[Part One of Two - Read Part Two Here]

It was late at night in the House of Lamentation, and you had just finished preparing yourself for bed. You had finished your homework for the day, as well as your nighttime routine, and it was time for you to settle down. Just as you sit down on the edge of your bed, you start thinking about how it would be nice to have a quick little snack before you turn in to sleep for the night. Picking up your DDD from the nightstand, you check the time to see just how late it was. You decide that it was probably late enough for everyone to be asleep, and it was safe to venture out into the house alone with what you are wearing - a skimpy spaghetti strap tank top and tiny shorts that leave little to the imagination. You push yourself up off the bed and cross the room, making your way towards the door. Leaving your bedroom door open, you make your way towards the kitchen next door . . .

For the Avatar of Pride, staying up late and overworking himself was a normal part of his daily routine. Usually after dinner, he hides himself away in his study so that he can start working his way through the mountains of paperwork sent to him from his superiors. Usually every night, he has the same routine - he finishes his RAD related paperwork, takes a break to patrol the House, stops by the kitchen for a cup of Hell Coffee and then back up to his study to deal with the paperwork associated with his political duties. 

Lucifer starts making his way down the hall for his nightly rounds through the House, as he normally does at this hour. He usually does this in order to make sure his brothers’ mischief was kept at a minimum, but it’s in order to keep you safe as well. He couldn't help but to notice that the chaos in their House had increased quite a bit since you had arrived - some of it from his brothers dragging you into their antics, some of it chaos created all on your own, and some of it external chaos that seeks to consume your beautifully shiny soul. When you first arrived here, you used to be a major source of his headaches. He used to struggle with how to punish you, seeing as you were the fragile little human sent here for Lord Diavolo's exchange mission. But now, the more Lucifer thinks about you, he cannot deny to himself the fondness that has grown for you within his heart. A smile twitches at his lips for a brief moment before he refocuses himself on his task.

Just as he is making his way down the stairs to check the first floor, he hears a noise coming from the kitchen area, a faint glow emitting from its frame and spilling into the hallway. He lets out an exasperated sigh to himself, believing it to be Beelzebub on one of his frivolous late night snack missions. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he strides towards the kitchen door, scripting the lecture he wants to give in his mind as he walks. How many times must he punish the Sixth Born? 

When he reaches the doorway, he halts at the unexpected sight before him, and he can’t help but to stand back and observe. He sees you in the kitchen, illuminated by the light of the refrigerator, looking through what’s left of its contents for a snack. You look so innocent while doing so, completely unaware of your surroundings. He wasn’t used to seeing you like this - hell, he wasn’t even used to seeing you dressed like this. Usually dressed in your RAD uniform, the attire you were currently wearing is much more revealing than what he is used to seeing you in. The way the thin cotton fabric clings to your curves, he couldn't stop his eyes from roaming your entire body. You grab something from the fridge, closing it before making your way over to the kitchen island with the leftover Acidic Hell Fries you found. Sitting down with your back turned to the door, you open up the tray and lean in to take a bite, all the while Lucifer can’t help but notice the way your shirt rides up the arch of your back, the way the waistband of your shorts sit right at your hip, the way your skin just looks so soft. He wasn’t sure how a human could stir up such emotions in him, but he was in fact curious to see where it would take him. 

In a rare moment of impulsivity, Lucifer swiftly makes his way towards you. Before you even have time to register the Avatar of Pride's presence, he sets both of his hands on the table on each side of you, effectively trapping you between him and the counter. He leans down closer to your ear, the scent of his cologne filling your senses, as he whispers your name into your ear with a very seductive tone. "What do you think you're doing here," he asks, his tone husky as you can feel the warmth of his breath fanning against your skin. Your pulse accelerates as he presses his lips to your earlobe, his gloved hands now slowly finding their way around your waist as Lucifer trails light kisses down the soft flesh of your neck. You would usually have some sort of snarky comeback for Lucifer, stating how it was obvious why you were in the kitchen shoveling fries into your face at half past midnight. But in this moment you couldn't muster up a retort, your brain beginning to fog up with the haze of pleasure that Lucifer's touch can bring. As he continued to tease your neck, occasionally nipping at it with his fangs, his hands began to drift lower on your body, lightly teasing at your waistband. One of his hands pulls your chin up to him, your eyes fluttering shut as his lips collide with yours in a way that sets your soul ablaze with passion.

He slowly pulls away from the kiss, your eyes slowly opening to see his crimson orbs gazing back at you with lust, love and admiration. He slightly loosens his hold on you, before turning you around on the barstool you sat upon to face him. He brushes the hair out of your eyes, tucking it back behind your ear before leaning down to press one more kiss on your lips. When he pulled away this time, you chased his lips with his own, filling him with a sense of pride at the idea that you're craving more of him - much like he craves more of you. He lets out a small chuckle before suddenly sweeping you up in his arms, your legs dangling over one side while your arms instinctively wrap around his neck for safety.  "We're heading straight to my room," he said along with your name in a confident tone, "and I hope you have plenty of energy, because we won't be getting much sleep tonight." He carried you out of the kitchen and up the stairs, taking no time getting you to his room and into his silk sheets. 

Mammon had just recently arrived home about an hour ago from one of his many side hustles he did to help earn some extra Grimm and pay back a few of his debts. The witches have been hassling him even more than normal recently, threatening a variety of curses if he doesn't comply with their demands, so he's had to take up multiple side hustles in order to make enough money. He could have sworn he paid them off a while ago - math is one of Mammon's strong suits and he always keeps his debt ledger up to date. He's pretty damn sure the witches are just jealous of you, and take it out on him one of the few ways they know will work. They would never mess with you directly - and risk earning the wrath of all seven Avatars of Sin? And perhaps even the Future King of the Devildom himself? Hell nah. They'll just keep toying with Mammon the way they know best.

Normally, Mammon would be pretty exhausted after a grueling shift of serving tables at Hell’s Kitchen, but tonight for some reason, he was feeling restless and couldn’t seem to settle down. He had completed his nightly routine and settled into bed, but he found himself feeling restless, scrolling Devilgram instead and finding himself growing bored rather quickly. After tossing and turning in his bed for what felt to him like an eternity, he let out an annoyed groan and pushed himself out of bed. If he couldn’t lull himself to sleep, he might as well go find his favorite human. He crossed the room to pick up his designer underwear and sweatpants off the couch, slipping them both on before making his way to the door. Once his door is closed, he starts briskly but silently making his way across the hall and down the stairs, doing his best to avoid running into any of his brothers - namely, Lucifer. 

Making a beeline straight for your room, Mammon notices the door is open and just walks inside as if he owns the place. “Oi, human! I’m bored, why don't ya-” he says, before looking around to see that the room is actually empty. “Where the hell even are ya,” he mumbles to himself with an exasperated huff, turning about-face and exiting your room. As he steps out into the hallway, he finally notices the kitchen light is on. He starts stomping his way over to the kitchen, mumbling something about how much work it is to watch after one stupid little human, when he crosses the threshold of the door and almost bumps into you as he is turning the corner. "Aye, what gives," he says in an almost shouting tone, "ya gotta watch it, human! Ya gotta be more careful! Ya ain't always gonna have the Great Mammon to..." he trailed off as he finally looks down at you, taking in fully just how you look and what you are wearing. His eyes widen and his jaw drops, standing there completely frozen in shock as his eyes scan you up and down repetitively. 

Despite the many times the two of you have shared a bed, he has never seen you wear something so small and form fitting as pajamas before. Usually when he was over, you'd just wear an oversized tee shirt and some baggy sweatpants, which was usually cute and endearing in its own way. But tonight, since you assumed you would be spending the night alone, you wore something you thought no one would see you in. And now here you are in the kitchen, the Avatar of Greed stood in front of you, a blushing and stammering mess. The more of his golden eyes took in of you, the more he could feel the greed rise up within him. Every little inch of skin, every little curve of your body has Mammon craving more and more, his avarice knowing no bounds when it comes to you. Typically, in moments like these, the tsundere side of Mammon's brain would kick in, and a flurry of denials would leave his lips before you could even playfully accuse him of anything. Seeing you like this has Mammon forgetting all about those silly habits, his mind focused on wanting only one thing - you.

In this moment, Mammon can't help but succumb to his greed. His hands reach out to pull you into his bare chest, his demon form now on full display and eyes glowing as gold as Grimm. His arms tighten around you in a possessive hold as he buries his face in your hair, your scent as intoxicating to him as the most expensive Demonus on record. You feel his hands roam your body, feeling both his soft skin and his rings' hard metal gliding up and down your back. You melt into his touch, your arms instinctively wrapping around his torso.  "I've been lookin' for ya," he mumbles into your hair. Before you can even fathom a response, Mammon's hands find their way under your ass, hoisting you up and setting you on the counter. He leans in and presses his lips to yours with a sense urgency you hadn't seen from the Avatar of Greed previously, his yearning and need for you growing with each kiss. As his tongue brushes your lips, they part and allow him entrance, and the way your two tongues dance with each other sends Mammon over the edge, feeling that same greed start to build within you. Mammon's kisses became hungrier and sloppier the more he could feel his sin in the air, a hint of lust mixing with it as his hands squeeze your ass, your own hands roaming his beautifully brown torso. "Mine," he states simply, as he breaks the kiss momentarily. 

He picks you up once again, your legs squeezing his waist as you fling your arms around his neck. He runs off with you to his room to have his way with you - and to hoard you to himself like the Devildom's finest treasure.

It wasn’t at all unusual for Leviathan to stay up all hours of the night. On this night in particular he was counting down the hours until the newest merch drop from his favorite idol group, Sucre Frenzy. He picks up his Bufo Egg Milk Tea to take a sip, only to hear the slurping sound of his cup being empty. Looking at the clock at the bottom right of his monitor, he mentally notes that he still has an hour and a half before the drop, which should be more than enough time to run downstairs and raid the fridge. He presses pause on the song he was listening to on Devilfy, pulling off his headset and making his way out of his bedroom door. He pulls his DDD out of the pocket of his hoodie, swiping it open and pressing on the 'Mononoke Land' app. Checking to see if there were currently any in-game spirits lurking in the House, Levi games as he presses forward towards the kitchen, his own IRL mission falling to the back of his mind as he continued to focus on the side quest on his phone. One hand in his pocket while the other clutches his device, his tail slides along the handrail of the staircase, making sure he doesn't stumble as he tunes out the rest of the world. 

He really hopes you can make it to hang out for the drop tonight! When he invited you at dinner you seemed interested, but you told him you weren't sure if you'd be able to stay awake that late or not. He would really love it if you are able to - everything is more enjoyable for the Lord of Shadows when he has his Henry by his side! It makes him excited even thinking about it! Maybe he'll swing by your room on the way back from the kitchen and see if you're awake! Or...that maybe awkward? What if you're asleep and he wakes you up? What if he annoys you? Maybe he'll just send you a text instead. Either way, he loves you more than all of his anime combined, and it would be the highlight of his entire month to spend tonight's event with you.

Refocusing on his game, he turns the corner to cut back towards the kitchen. He doesn't even notice the kitchen light on ahead, nor does he hear the clattering and clanking coming from inside. All he can seem to focus on is Mononoke Land. As he walks past your room, he does a double take, expecting to see you in your bed. On second glance, he notices you missing from your room, and Leviathan couldn't help but be confused as he pauses in your doorway. It's almost one in the morning and you aren't in your room?! Where in the Devildom could you possibly be?! You're probably hanging out with one of his brothers, aren't you?! You're probably in one of their rooms, in one of their beds, doing Dia knows what while he's down here getting some stupid snacks for his stupid merch drop. 'Stupid stupid stupid I'm so stupid! Of COURSE she wouldn't want to waste time her time with a disgusting otaku like me! IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!!' A wave of envy washes over him so powerful that he fights everything within himself not to summon Lotan and flood the House. His fists clench his DDD, stressing it from the pressure as his knuckles turn white. His eyes blaze a bright orange as jealousy rages within him like a hurricane brewing over the sea.  

Wanting nothing more than to barricade himself in his room and never come out, Leviathan angrily marched onward towards the kitchen, determined to get his snacks and get the hell back to his room so he can wallow in his feelings. Hastily making his way through the kitchen's threshold, he doesn't see you as he barrels straight into you, knocking you backwards. Before his mind can fully process what's going on, his tail grabs ahold of you, wrapping around your waist and preventing you from hitting the floor. His eyes finally connect with yours, and he realizes that it's you he has run into. A quick scan of the room tells him you had been in here alone, and suddenly he feels foolish for the jealous tantrum he was throwing in his mind. 

"I-I'm s-s-sorry...I didn't see y-you th-" he stammers, now looking down at you to see exactly what you were dressed in. Is this what you normally wear to bed? Levi hadn't ever seen anything like it in real life. The way the fabric highlights all of your best features, putting just the right amount of emphasis on how perfect your curves were...he could have sworn you were drawn by his favorite manga artist. His eyes roamed your body up and down, his face heating up as rapidly as his heart rate is rising. 'OH FUCK, I'm staring aren't I?! She probably hates me, I'm so gross, such a worthless perv, I need to stop staring WHATTHEFUCKDOIDO?!?' he panics internally, his hands starting to tremble. He tilts his head down to focus on the floor, when he finally processes that his tail has been autonomously wrapped around your waist the entire time. "I'M SO SORRY," he half shouts at you, as he starts to unravel his tail. 

Suddenly, Levi takes pause, as he hears you gently call out his name, one of your hands resting on his tail while the other reaches out to stroke his cheek. "Levi...whatever you're thinking right now...stop," you reassured him. Before he could hide his face from you, you leaned in to press your lips to his in a soft but loving kiss. At first, Levi just stands there frozen in shock but after a moment he kisses you back. He's still unsure of what to do with himself - he doesn't want to ruin this moment - but he doesn't want it to end either, so he stands with his hands awkwardly at his sides and pours every ounce of love of passion he can into the kiss. While he may not know what to do with his hands, his tail seemed to enjoy exploring your body, causing you to let out a tiny soft moan when it makes its way around the top of your thigh. You wrap your arms around his neck, continuing the kiss as you press your body against his. 

After a few more moments, the two of you pull away from each other, both trying to catch your breaths. Before Leviathan could even muster a response, you grab his hand, the sweetest of smiles plastered across your face. "Come on, let's go to your room, Levia-chan. I can think of a few ways for us to kill time until your merch drop launches," you said as you start pulling him towards the door. Suddenly you weren't tired, and Levi didn't care about the snacks - with you, he may even end up forgetting about the merch drop.

Before you had even thought of grabbing a snack from the kitchen, Satan had already made his way down there and was rifling his way through the fridge looking for something suitable to feed his secret kitten friend out in the garden. Earlier in the night, Satan came outside to the garden in order to calm down and let his inner rage subside. He had wanted to spend the remainder of his evening with you curled up in his lap as he reads to you, a warm fire crackling in the fireplace nearby, as the two of you ignore the world for each other and a great plotline - there was no other way he'd rather spend his evening. But of course, his insufferable eldest brother had to stick his prideful nose in where it didn't belong and drag you away, just as he was asking you to join him after dinner. It was almost as if the Avatar of Pride has an extra sense for when Satan wanted alone time with you, always interfering and coming up with some smug excuse as to why you need to be stolen away right when Satan needs you. That pompous ass was always going out of his way to stoke the flames of Satan's wrath on purpose! 'One day he'll get back at that bastard, he'll put him right in his place!'  

Satan continued pacing in circles in the garden, his demon form on full display as rage flows through him like an ice river through one of the lower pits of hell. He wasn't doing the best job at calming himself down at first, you not being there to help ground him, so it was taking a bit longer than normal. It was always so much easier to calm himself with you there - just a few simple words or a quick hug usually doing the trick. But for now he was alone, and he was drawing a blank on what he else should do. He completed one more pace around the garden before, before letting out an annoyed huff and sat himself down on the nearest bench. As he was about to pull out his DDD to text you to see where you were, he hears a rustling in the bushes. His emerald eyes scan the area, no signs of life immediately apparently, before he sees a pair of glowing eyes peer out at him from underneath one of the bushes. A small smile tugs at his lips as it dawns on him who the eyes belong to - one of his stray feline friends that likes to wander through every now and then. He pushes himself up off the bench and slowly crosses over towards the cat, holding out his hand as he tries to coax it out of the bush. The cat immediately starts to back into the bush, shaking it's head at Satan, causing him to take pause. He chuckles to himself as he comes to the realization of what she is asking for - the cat wants a treat. 

Satan straightens himself up, making his way back into the House to find some cat friendly snacks in the kitchen. When he arrives there, he is alone, and makes a beeline straight for the fridge. It was usually wishful thinking for anyone in the House of Lamentation to try to hide food in the kitchen, but sometimes Satan was able to get away with it for the sake of his kitten buddies. Crouching down to open the bottom drawer, Satan reaches in to pull out some of the Devildom cat treats he had stashed back behind the drawer. Setting the pouch of treats on the counter, he opens up one of the cupboards and pours what is left of the treats onto a saucer, before tossing the empty wrapper in the trash and making his way towards the kitchen door. Little did he expect in all of this, you came walking through the door at the same time, neither of you really paying attention. Before either of you can stop yourselves, you quite literally run into each other, the saucer of meaty cat treats smooshing against Satan's chest and then dropping to the floor. Satan can feel his wrath rising inside him once again, drenching him like an ice cold shower, his aura turning dark as his demon form makes an appearance once again. He hasn't even looked up to see who caused the collision, assuming one of his brothers is to blame yet again, his jaw clenching as his mind races to formulate it's retaliation. 

His glowing green eyes finally lift to see exactly who the guilty party is, only for his eyes to meet yours instead. You begin to stammer out a stream of apologies, but seeing you immediately calms the inner turmoil of his mind, the storm suddenly calm within him. 

His gazes roams over you for a moment, Satan suddenly finding himself speechless as he takes in exactly how breathtaking you look in such casual attire. The way straps of your tank top accentuate your collar bones, giving way to how the fabric hugs your perfect chest...Satan suddenly couldn't remember what he was mad about in any point in the day. He couldn't even bother to care why he was in the kitchen in the first place. He gently takes one of your hands with both of his, raising it to his lips to press a kiss into your knuckles. A warm smile spreads across his face as his hands find your hips, pulling you closer into him. One of his hands moves to rub the small of your back as the other tilts your chin upwards to him. He holds your gaze for a moment, adoration apparent in his eyes, before he leans in to share a passionate kiss with you. 

The moment his lips caress your own, your heartbeat goes through the roof, and you can't help but to lean into him and melt into his touch. His hand on your chin moves to hold the back of your neck, his tongue brushing your bottom lip, asking for more. Your hands find themselves on his chest as your lips back, your tongues clashing together in a desperate bid to feel more of each other. Your hands slide down his chest and abs, lightly tugging at his belt when you get to his waist. He chuckles into the kiss before nipping at your bottom lip with one of his fangs, grabbing your hips with both hands as he slows the pace of the kiss. 

Eventually he breaks the kiss, resting his forehead on yours. "You always know how to make me feel better, kitten," he said as you slide your hands up his front and lace them behind his neck. "What do you say we retreat to my room to continue this encounter?" he leans in to steal one more kiss from you lips before taking you by the hand and pulling you up to his room.

· demonvibez ♡ 2023 · do not copy, repost or modify ·

· likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! ♡ ·

[pinkgy]

𝗪𝗛𝗕 !

𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦

𝗢𝗿𝗮𝗹 (𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴) 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀

GN!Neutral Reader + Reader has a pussy

𝗖𝗧: Oral (giving), Squirting, Pussy Slapping, Spanking, Breath Play, Teasing, Cum Eating, Hickeys, Face Sitting, Fingering, 69, Food Play, Possessiveness, Praising, Degradation.

𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗔𝗡

⇾ He’s the biggest tease and just the thought of teasing you till you lose your shit gets him sooo hard.

⇾ He’s messy, he’s the type to gather your juices between his fingers and then push them in your mouth and he’s the type to slurp in your come and push his long tongue in your hole while he gropes your thighs.

⇾ Satan would slap your thighs every time you tried to close your legs, he likes them wide open and if he’s not using his hands with your pussy, he’s using them to hold your legs tightly.

⇾ Please sit on his face just like that out of the blue, he’ll be the happiest demon out there.

⇾ He would abuse your clit, it goes from furiously rubbing it to slapping it.

⇾ “Why are you crying ? Is it too much ? So bad I have to keep going, I’m far from finished”

𝗠𝗔𝗠𝗠𝗢𝗡

⇾ Mammon fingers you with his rings on while he sucks your clit, that’s it, that’s the headcanon.

⇾ He eats you out while you’re with your ass up and with your face is buried in a pillow or in the mattress, and when he’s at it he gropes your ass and slaps it.

⇾ When he’s eating you out (and if you allow him to), he switches from eating your pussy to eating your ass.

⇾ Your pleasure is his main focus, and Mammon would do Anything to make you feel the best you can, and he’s up to anything you ask him to do, but his greed can get the best of him and he will tease you till you’re in the verge of tears.

⇾ He gets off on eating you out, and if he’s feeling particularly needy one day, he might even cum untouched.

⇾ “Arch your back a little more master, I want to see you wide open. Y-yes just like that, you’re doing so good”

𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗟𝗭𝗘𝗕𝗨𝗕

⇾ He would put whipped cream in your pussy lips and then he would eat it, and then he would eat you out.

⇾ Beelzebub would bury his nose in your clothed pussy and would sniff it deeply, and he always does that without a fail when he goes down on you.

⇾ He’s the type to do absolutely everything he can to make you squirt, he drinks your juices like a starved man and loves to smear them all over your body, he’s that messy.

⇾ He’s the opposite of Satan, asphyxiate him with your thighs, push his head between your legs, he’s down for it.

⇾ He leaves a lot of hickeys and bite marks in your thighs, that’s his way of claiming you.

⇾ “If you could only look at you right now, you look so messy, but something’s missing, you know ? So go ahead and cum one for time for me”

𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡

⇾ It’s expected that is hard to get Leviathan, the demon king of envy, to pleasure you and only you, but the only thing you have to do to make him eat you out is to praise him, just be careful to not use any praise that makes you sound superior that him, if you do, get a wheelchair.

⇾ He’s the biggest fan of 69, this because he feels jealous if you’re the only one being pleasured, but he also feels jealous if he’s not pleasuring you because that means that you are not feeling good and he’s doing a bad job and you might search for someone else to pleasure you. (Leviathan Math)

⇾ He tends to be selfish, so you’d better praise him or else he’ll get jealous and will eat you out very roughly just to vent up.

⇾ Choke him with your thighs and he’s cumming in his pants.

⇾ He has pretty and long hands, but he thinks that they look prettier when they’re entering your pussy rapidly, and he often eats you out while he fingers you.

⇾ “This is my cunt, you get it ? Only I can pleasure you and only I can make you feel this good, so stop being a slut and let me enjoy what’s mine”

[kannouo]

Thoughts on Maddi

so, apparently hating/not hating maddi is kind of a touchy subject for some people, but i have some thoughts on her too.

we know that maddi is beautiful and a witch. the only other things we know about her is that she so badly harassed diavolo in an attempt to get him to marry her that he actually almost had to give in, and did something to mammon that traumatised him so badly he came home crying, stopped spending money for a while and experienced night terrors. she also pursued and harassed lucifer, who has a chat in which he specifically says he couldn't get rid of her because of her status.

we don't know what exactly she did to mammon, but solmare did clarify that it wasn't sexual assault, and that's all the insight we have.

i totally understand the criticism of misogyny in this fandom — thirteen haters i will find you — but the widespread hatred of maddi does not stem from misogyny. it comes from the fact that the only things we know about her point to the fact she sexually harasses people and did something bad enough to traumatise one of the main love interests in the story, who of course people are going to sympathise with.

in fact, and this may be controversial, i think people trying to defend her stems from sexism more than the hatred of her does. like it or not, there is still a stigma around accepting men can be victims of harassment by women. that inherently stems from the belief that women are incapable, and men as the "superior" gender can't be taken advantage of.

as much as i hate the "imagine if the roles were reversed" argument usually, i will actually use it here just because i think it fits. imagine if lucifer and diavolo were female characters and maddi was male. imagine how the stories about her harassing diavolo into a romantic relationship and outright refusing to leave him alone would be interpreted then.

anyway, maddi is a cool and interesting character to think about, but fuck her.

[tealvenetianmask]

Hell's royalty has a culture that enables Stella's abusive behavior.

Point 1: Keeping up appearances is valued above all else. And I specifically mean the appearance of things being the way they're supposed to be. Conformity basically.

Conformity in this culture seems to include a kind of stoic dignity ("you know excitement is unbecoming of a goetia"), an air of superiority ("don't bow to that one- he bows to us!"), and, of course, some good old fashioned toxic masculinity ("cease this bitch crying").

Individuals at the very top are not immune. Even though he gets past it, Asmodeus seems to spend a lot of time and effort on keeping his relationship with Fizz quiet in order to keep up the appearance of fulfilling his "lust" role.

Point 2: The members of the aristocracy who don't conform are seen as the problem, not the members who are being cruel.

Speaking of Ozzie, there's a chance he'll face real consequences for getting out of line . . . Mammon seems pretty confident about getting revenge. Also, if Ozzie had decided that his reputation was important enough to avoid stepping in to help his partner, well . . . I'm just saying. Cultures of conformity create bystanders who stand by and let abuse happen. So it's good that this guy has the courage (and a good heap of privilege and power) to enable him to step out. Yes, I realize that the crowd at Mammon's celebrated Ozzie and Fizz, but the crowd was distinctly NOT aristocratic.

Now look at Stella's party- this woman is not subtle about being cruel to her husband.

She calls the party a "Not Divorced" party. She openly talks negatively about Stolas in a blatant attempt to humiliate him. She's not trying to hide that she hates the man.

Because he's . . . an oddball. Gentle, not as polished as others in his social sphere, awkward and mostly friendless, probably autistic. And importantly, I think, not traditionally masculine.

So Stella has no need to hide that she treats him poorly. She's proud of it. And her social circle seems to support her in it, or at least, they don't push back. Because based on the aristocracy's unspoken (or if we look at Paimon, very much spoken) value system, Stolas's failure to fulfill all of his expected roles gracefully is worse than Stella's cruelty.

Point 3: Stolas's parenting, while much better than his own father's, still reflects this value system in some ways, and that's . . . complicated.

In some ways, Octavia is doing great. She has her own interests (music! gothy fashion!) that don't seem to be based on any role prescribed to her by others. She has a genuine bond with her dad that's based on care and not on molding her into some ideal princess.

But Stolas still puts on an facade in front of Via. We know that he pretended things were fine when they distinctly weren't for most of her childhood. We could argue endlessly about whether Stolas was right (as Georgia Dow explained in her video) or wrong to stop himself from explaining the situation with Stella to Via in Loo Loo Land, but honestly, the man could let his nearly grown up daughter know that abuse was happening without all out trauma dumping. It would enable her to make more informed decisions, and I think she would want to be able to do that.

Instead, Stolas keeps it to himself. Because he feels like Via SHOULD have this picture perfect childhood. Look at the pictures that are up in his palace. Look at his attempt to gloss over the fighting in the household by taking Via to an idealized childhood destination.

A part of him still thinks that good parenting is keeping up appearances, and that the ugly things are best kept hidden. Look at how hard he still tries to avoid crying in front of people. The values he was taught as a child are part of him.

And while it's not his fault (it's Stella's fault, obviously- these are HER actions), his inability to be open allows Stella and Andrealphus to scheme and (we'll see . . .) probably manipulate Via because of her lack of knowledge.

We're meant to see the moments where Stolas breaks expectations and behaves raw and even a little unhinged as triumphant. Sleeping with Blitz. That is the sound of a fucking divorce. Actually going through with the fucking divorce. Insisting on it. Appearances be damned.

And yeah, more of that please. Because if the people around Stella stop caring about aristocratic social trappings, all she'll have going for her is her shitty personality.

Thanks @akirathedramaqueen for inspiring this post with a conversation.

[daytaker]

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Luke

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[witheringwidgetwrites]

I think my favorite part about the brothers being demons is that none of them truly understand how humans function! I would love to hear your HCs about what they completely misunderstand or not know of when it comes to MC and humanity in general! (PS love your writing your recent series is wonderful and the Levi one really sent me over to the moon and back!)

Alright! This is just my general take, I have no specific headcanons atm!

Lucifer and his superiority complex seem to underestimate humans generally all the time. He's seen MC fall down multiple times and was sure they immediately broke a bone. Just a small trip, but he assumed they broke everything.

Driving. Mammon assumed driving was only a Devildom thing. When Mc hopped in the drivers seat of Lucifer's soccer mom van, he laughed and asked if their feet could reach the pedal.

Leviathan is the most absorbed in human culture. His worst assumption would probably be assuming you've played every game he mentions that humans have, or that you know of it. "You HAVEN'T played World of Warcarft? It's like, a staple normie game!"

When you read together with Satan, there have been a few times where you're reading something and he sounds out the word for you, because he thinks you can't read big words, or he assumes they're not normal human words. (Which is sometimes true. But still. Ick.)

Asmodeus has always assumed that humans skin peels once a month. He saw it on tiktok a few months before MC moved in, and just took it as fact. He assumed MC had a health issue when they didn't peel for 3 months in a row.

Out of all the demons, Beelzebub is probably one of the closest to humans, ever since Lilith. He had always assumed that every human ate the same king of food. Like every human eats burgers and fries, no other culture of cuisine existed.

Humans need 16 hours of sleep, according to Belphegor. The first week of school for MC, after they had grown closer and he realized they had definitely not slept their full 16 hours. He was a little surprised to find out you spend most of the day awake.

[bevy-obeyme]

Character Study - Lucifer, The epitome of pride and how family makes you risk everything. {{Part 1}}

— Spoiler Warning for Lessons in Original Obey Me —

Art by https://x.com/pyunrim/status/1687472597787897856 on twitter/x

As we are all aware, Lucifer was once a greatly admired Seraphim who was also God’s favourite. An ethereal angel with three pairs of wings and yet he disgraced himself - why?

First things first, we all know that even during Lucifer’s period of stay in the Celestial Realm, you’d be surprised to see he still retains most of his qualities during his 'angelic years’.

For example, during Lesson 52-3 when Satan (''Sully’’) and MC go back into the past during a dream, we meet the Seraph as shown above.

It is evident Lucifer still held a sense of pride and superiority, not afraid to exert his authority and influence to get MC and Satan to help with his bidding, as well as portraying himself to be mockingly condescending at first.

However, even Lucifer himself wasn’t opposed to breaking the rules as during Lesson 52-5 he directly goes against the rules in the library to satisfy Satan’s curiosity in books.

This conveys that Lucifer ( even with his high ranking position ) cared not for petty rules and as such wasn’t afraid to dismiss them or rule them out when it came to a favour.

Later on in the same lesson we see that same lesson that Lucifer is still quite cunning, actively playing along to the disguises Satan and MC have brought up and tricking Satan into opening a blank book that acted as a restraint.

Whilst it does not differ from what Lucifer would’ve done in the present, his goal is noticeably much more genuine and appears to be more honest of what he wanted to ascertain which was to find out if Satan was a demon and therefore if he was a danger to the Celestial Realm. In addition, we see that Seraph Lucifer is able to let go of his pride without as much struggle as he apologises to Satan without hesitation or spite. This implies that back then, pride wasn’t as powerful to Lucifer. Even if he did carry more than the average angel, it was balanced out by his honesty and genuine intent.

So we have assured that Lucifer is not much different to what he was like in the Celestial Realm, so why did he fall?

The answer is rather simple; Love. Or rather, his strong dedication to family.

The brothers were very much mischievous as they are now - Mammon was originally a troublemaker under Michael’s care who was then subdued when Lucifer took him in. Belphegor snuck off to the human world often as he was fascinated and ended up dragging Lilith along with him.

Despite the annoyance this caused, Lucifer referred to them as '’small’’ problems which Raphael was actually quick to quip at according to Lucifer. However, he confirms that he never minded and it is evident the eldest even covered for his siblings during their mishaps. Until.

Lilith met a human. We learn during Lesson 15 the history of Belphegor’s hatred for humanity and Lilith’s perish - which was linked to humans.

Falling in love with a human as an angel was heavily against the rules as celestial beings are only meant to guide humans and offer their utmost devotion to the Father (God). Having a lover would surely meddle with duties and especially that of Lilith’s choice being a human - a race both demons and angels alike deem weak and inapt.

Despite this, we see that Lucifer does not hold a bias towards his sisters’ choice as many would have and actively supported her.

He did at first put on a caring and what may have appeared stern face when he went to check on his sisters’ lover, but ultimately, it is understandable. Lucifer was the eldest and Lilith was their only sister and the youngest at that - he wouldn’t want danger to come to her if she had chosen a dangerous man to fall in love with that she could potentially become victim to which explains his protective tendencies - much like that strict father that insists to meet your boyfriend and asses him.

[jaegerdilf]

pairings: mammon x f! reader

warnings: cum play + scent marking ? + jealousy + plus size! reader + oral + fingering + exhibtionism + blood + spit

💌: miss writing soso much n mammon brainrot is horrible so hear me out!!!!

mammon with a big girl is something that just sounds perfect to me… he’s so jealous n greedy ‘nd is obsessed with claiming you in the messiest n most carnal way <3 he’s obsessed with marking you with his cum and his seed is so messy n potent n he cums soso much it’s almost overwhelming. he’ll cum on your tits, face, tummy and on your cunt because he loves the thought of other demons being able to smell him on you even after you’re all cleaned up afterwards. their sense of smell is superior to humans so even if you think you’re fine, they’ll still be wary of getting too close because his scent’s just that strong and who in their right mind would want to provoke one of the avatars of sin?

he’ll paw at your tummy and grip your hips so tight it leaves you sore, completely enamored with how you look beneath him, covered in cum and spit yet still begging for more. splays a hand across your tummy while his cock is still ballsdeep in your sensitive cunt and presses down, his sticky semen gushing out around his dick because there’s just so much inside.

mammon’s a biter too… puts his sharp teeth to use when in his demon form and leaves lovebites on your chest n thighs and even across your stomach <3 laves his tongue over the marks when they start to bleed a bit because he accidentally sank his teeth a little too deep in your soft skin.

if he’s feeling a little possessive, he’ll stuff your cunt and have you keep his cum inside n take you around the devildom, a knowing smirk on his face because he can hear even the slightest hitch of your breath and smell how aroused the thought of him showing you off makes you <3

he can never get enough of you either, always has to use you whenever he wants because his greed is uncontrollable. draws orgasm after orgasm from you, nearly salivating because you’re just as selfish as he is! wrapping a hand around his wrist while he’s fingering you or clenching your thighs around his head while he eats you out because you need to cum and you’ll do anything to reach your climax

[harunayuuka2060]

Mammon: You and Leviathan are very good writers.

Leviathan and MC: ...

Leviathan and MC: *both gives him a glare*

Leviathan: How dare you, my dear brother, to compare me with this human?

MC: He's right. Leviathan only writes in his diary. While I, on the other hand, writes a novel.

Leviathan: Are you implying that you are more superior to me?

MC: Yes, Majesty Leviathan. If you were only being honest to yourself, you felt envious after reading one of my masterpieces.

Leviathan: Envious? Please. I didn't even care to glance on its cover.

MC and Mammon: ...

MC: Oh?

Leviathan: ...

Leviathan: *gets up from his chair and leaves*

Mammon: It seems I have caused another argument between you two.

MC: We always argue even if no one starts it.

Leviathan: Hmph. That arrogant child of Solomon. *opening the book written by MC* *smiling after only reading a paragraph*

Leviathan: I will never get tired of reading this.

[sparkbeast20]

Cons of being a wandering king

These panel said a lot of how Beelzebub feels of the whole situation of being a wandering king when he has MC to stay in Avisos.

Is not just MC, but also his region and his people as well.

He's a good king, for the most part. Or more so that he isn't the stereotypical king siting on his throne type. He gets involve when it's necessary. But most of paper and diplomatic and affairs are handled by Bael.

Beelzebub has the power of the seven deadly sins, but not as the same responsibility as others who stays in their region.

Aside from Satan. Mammon and Leviathan handle the paper, diplomatic affairs of their region. Until we meet the other three kings to change my view on this.

I want to discuss the reasoning of why Beelzebub became the wandering king.

There are two points to view this.

Killing a Seraph place a permeant target on him: No, people would argue that... "But the Seraphim are trying to kill each other-" Hold that thought. These angels have some sort of pride and strong belief that they are superior of all the beings. But having one of their top/high rank angels get killed and eaten by a devil. This wounded their pride, thus they have this grudge against the devil who did it.

Beelzebub is the most powerful of the sins and the angels knows this: I'll be honest, I have least faith on this point. Mostly cause all of them, the kings themselves and their nobles are bias as fuck. So whenever they say "His majesty is the most powerful" I have doubts and hesitation. We still don't know the other kings potential in battle as Beelzebub as in his card stories. Plus, the other three with Lucifer being a fallen angels and a Seraph to boot. Also, PB's favorite sin Asmodeus (This is more on loyalty cause he was the first of the seven to be in their first game lol)

These are reason why Beelzebub is wandering and not staying in one place.

And these possible reason why he can't be by MC's side.

And why I see there's more in these two panels about Beelzebub's inner conflict of being a wandering king.

Added note:

I forgot to mention that, in his attacker prologue. When MC asked about Avisos' inner workings. Beelzebub just said that Bael knows more than he does. Which I assumed that he forgot how his own region is runs now.

[anthurak]

Okay it seems like everyone is already assuming/already assumed that Lucifer usurped Satan as ruler of Hell, BUT I don't actually think that is what this episode was implying.

Satan only speaks of how he "ruled the endless dark", not anything specific to Hell, "before the Golden Angel fell".

AND we also have Ozzie's comment back in the midseason special that he's known Mammon "since the START of Hell"

So I think what they're hinting at is less that Satan ruled 'Hell' but rather whatever was down here BEFORE Hell. And 'Endless Dark' definitely feels more like some kind of chaotic, primordial wasteland rather than some kind of actual kingdom.

And that rather than being usurped, Satan, Lucifer, Lilith and the other Sins all CREATED Hell as we see it today.

For one, far from being some usurped former ruler, it's clear that Satan holds MASSIVE power in Hell. He is "THE LAW", and it seems his word is respected, even by the other Sins.

And what I think it really INTERESTING about this is that I think this is implying that the six other sins are nowhere near as subservient to Lucifer as we've been expecting.

Yes, he may LEAD, but he's not full-on superior to the other Sins. Or at the very least, the Seven (really Eight, counting Lilith) of them are all more or less on the same level of power and authority.

UPDATE:

Apparently Satan is actually, quote: "FULL OF SHIT"

This just keeps getting more and more INTERESTING XD

[briardoll]

All of Obey Me! As ice-cream flavors!

Lucifer is of course coffee ice cream, he literally NEEDS caffeine to function, he’s bitter at first, but becomes sweeter the more you’re around him

Mammon is mango, he’s so sweet like mangoes and also yummy like them (I may be biased)

Levi is chocolate chip, pretty basic but a very safe choice, he’s liked it forever and we all know how much he hates getting out of his comfort zone

Satan is a caramel ice cream fan, and he may or may not think it makes him superior to other people who like more basic options, because he chooses a flavor you don’t think about everyday (as if his own isn’t also kinda basic)

Asmo is vanilla! Which is such a contradiction to his personality, but it’s sweet and elegant, always a popular choice too!

Beel likes ALL ice cream but if he had to choose only one, it would be birthday cake flavor! It’s so yummy and has such appetizing colors!

Belphie’s favorite flavor is cookie dough, but he always chooses mint chocolate chip instead because it was Lilith’s favorite.

Diavolo like rocky road! It’s the castle favorite actually! But he enjoys pudding more personally.

Barbatos likes butter pecan, occasionally he will eat rocky road with Dia but he tends to stick to what he’s particular to.

Simeon is old, he doesn’t know slang, he can’t use the internet, and he likes pistachio ice cream, end of story.

Luke likes strawberry! It’s a sweet and soft treat and fits him perfectly.

Solomon only eats coconut. Because he’s weird. Yeah.

Thirteen likes cotton candy better than any other flavor (her pronouns are diabetes and her diet is cavities)

Raphael likes the ice cream that Solomon makes homemade (coconut but worse)

Miphisto likes chocolate and chocolate only.

[rae-pss]

Good afternoon rae! hope you have a nice day 😌

So about the whb self aware Au , The reader ( us ) is control the Mc ( Ra-on ) nody right? even so there will be a difference bitween reader/us and the Mc like : souls , aura right? the devil or even the angel pretty much can sense it but need some time to distinguish between both. Like when the reader control or even talk through Mc body is will show ( little / much ) the difference right? I just wonder how they will reaction about it when they start to knowlege that the mc being control by us for that moment can be? ( No need all the reaction of them , like the seraphim or the king ) 🤔🤭

masterlist

˗ˏˋ꒰ 💭 ꒱ . . . good afternoon to you too! damn, inspiration tends to come to me once per month or how is this even possible; yet, i'll post separately the seraphim ones (one i manage to write it down). well, whatever, once more thanks for sharing your ideas with me, sweetie. i hope you like it, dear anon (<3). ˗ˏˋ꒰ 💭 ꒱ . . . lowercase intended, 448 words.

〔 SATAN 〕

—satan's the first to realize the sudden changes that the human suffered at times. the fact of being with her most of the time gives him the privilege of being able to notice those strange quirks before anyone else.

—that said, sadly, it didn't dawn on him that it could be a sign that the presence he felt at times seeing him was manifesting in ra-on. It wasn't until he found himself lost in her eyes that her pieces wanted to form the puzzle.

—loves being able to talk, being able to just be with you whenever the opportunity presents itself. this demon seems to live longer every time that, for some other reason, he manages to feel an iota of anger in you when you are in the human body.

〔 MAMMON 〕

—when he realized how his master's aura was becoming more intense, and how her behavior was consequently changing, it didn't take long for mammon to connect one point with another.

—now he understood why the others, aka the gehenna demons, seemed to not want to leave her alone with anyone else for long.

—he doesn't miss an opportunity to talk to you, that superior being who seems to control ra-on in the crazy adventure he lived there in hell. once even admitting that there was when he could touch your bottom directly.

〔 LEVIATHAN 〕

—observative and perceptive as he alone, it did not take leviathan long to realize that these changes in the human were due to the presence that seemed to be over everyone.

—firstly, as it should be, he took it in a somewhat bad way. his envy shining brightly knowing that some already knew before him. the audacity… despite that, as it should be, he had to accept that even with his internal rage.

—if the opportunity arose, he would spend it with you in her castle, preferably inside her chambers where nothing and no one could interrupt you.

〔 BEELZEBUB 〕

—of all of them, I would say that beelzebub is the last, or one of them, to realize what is happening regarding you and the position of ra-on's body. for nothing other than the reason we all know, his constant disappearances and unforeseen appearances.

—of course, he only needed to be in front of that new human aura once to decipher who he was really talking to. that characteristic side smile of his showing itself on his features.

—every time he gets the opportunity to be close to you, be sure that he will take advantage of it. however, don't get too attached, because as always, he will end up leaving before you know it.

[chaifootsteps]

maybe this is an exaggeration, but glitz and glam feel like stella on crack to me, because its not one, but two women, who have to not only sexualize themselves for the sake of a job they probably wouldnt be doing if they had a choice for a better paying career, (because they fucking hate each other obviously, they dont want to work together at all, even if theyre good at it,) they also have to sexualize their other sibling.

imagine if you had to sexualize yourself and the twin sister youve grown up with your entire life, because you dont have any other monetary option. why else would they be doing it at all if they fucking despise the other, if not for income? viv making them hate each other so much and trying so goddamn hard to make them unjustified assholes, accidentally did the opposite, because just like stella, the anger they feel towards someone else they're forced to be with is justified, no matter how the narrative wants you to think theyre not.

especially when family doing sex work together, especially women, parallels the real world scenario in which it happens as well, making money off of peoples (mostly mens) incest fetish, by giving them the real deal. that's what glitz and glam are supposed to be, except it's supposed to be bad that they're making bank off of people in hell wanting to see sisters flashing their tits, and actually, theyre the bad guys for exploiting a nasty kink people have, and for working with mammon exclusively for money instead of out of passion like fizz did- money that they probably need to live far more then mr. immortal-bride-to-be-of-fucking-asmodeus-himself needs!

and y'know what the worst part is? it literally didn't have to be this way. squidderdoodles concept art only showed the glitz and glam sisters serving cunt with their outfits/designs and serving actually clowning on the stage, not sexualized fan service, but viv threw that away and was like, "nah, actually, i think they should be siblings! that rub their asses and flash their tits together :)" just because she wanted fizz to look better in comparison, and understood she needed a comedically bad villain in comparison, because she must think her audience is too stupid to understand that youre supposed to root for fizz in this ep, unless theres a newly made and conveniently placed character to make that obvious to the viewer. i mean, why else does oliver exist? i genuinely think thats the only reason theyre written like caricatures of bitches, despite the fact they unintentionally have just as much of a potentially sympathetic backstory/episode to me as stella does.

An entire, Viv-free series based off of Salem's vastly superior concept is what Glitz and Glam deserve, what Salem deserves, and what we all deserve.