#make me want to blow my fucking brains out

[housewarningparty]

🖤 / Fuffy / Glass

em, you're diabolical

cw: cancer

-

“Buffy?” Faith’s voice is tentative, soft.

“I’m okay,” Buffy says, perfectly calm. There’s no reason to freak Faith out. She needs to hold it together, needs to stay— 

The glass shatters before Buffy even realizes she’d picked it up, a spray of shards erupting from her fist like sharp, dangerous confetti. Her palm is sliced to shreds and there’s blood, suddenly, and no, god, no it’s all going wrong. 

She lets go of the shards and suddenly Faith is there, a hand on her wrist, whispering in her ear, soothing nonsense — it’s okay, we’re alright, it’s okay— as she guides Buffy’s hand to the sink, under the faucet. Buffy barely feels the cold water, barely feels the pain from the wound, just stares at Faith’s hands guiding hers, so carefully, spreading Buffy’s palms flat, rinsing the wound, gently brushing away stray pieces of glass.

In a daze, she lets Faith settle her at the kitchen island in one of those stupid, too-high bar stools Faith thought were so badass looking (“They remind me of this dive I used to go to.”). Faith wraps her hand in a towel, holding it tight against her until the bleeding starts to slow.

“Do you wanna go to the hospital?” Faith asks.

Buffy wants to scream.

Surprisingly, she laughs at the irony. Giddy, hard laughter that, judging by the way Faith flinches, is probably kind of manic and scary. Buffy’s not sure at what point the laughter turns to something else, but suddenly she can’t breathe through the snot in her nose, cant’ see through the tears blurring her vision.

Faith is right there with her, the hand not staunching Buffy’s bleeding is cupping Buffy’s jaw, dragging her forward. Buffy doesn’t expect the kiss, not when she’s gross like this, ugly-crying and falling apart, but she can’t bring herself to pull away. She leans in, struggles to catch her breath and kisses Faith desperately, like she might not get another chance to do it.

“It’s okay,” Faith whispers, shushing Buffy gently, kissing her again and again, soft, soft, soft. “We’ll figure it out, B.”

“You can’t figure out cancer,” Buffy bites out, hating herself for how harsh she sounds, but hating Faith a little too for having the gall to say that to her of all people. Not when Buffy knows better.

“Doc says it’s treatable,” Faith protests. “Chemo and maybe a surgery. Other stuff too, maybe, I don’t know. They’re doing some more tests. Plus, y’know, with the slayer stuff — I might have a real shot.”

Might.

Buffy wants to crumple to the floor. She wants to wail and scream. Make a pact with a demon. Fix this. Undo this.

She wants to wake up.

“I don’t wanna tell a bunch of people yet,” Faith says. “I wanna know more. But I couldn’t keep it from you. I just… Fuck, I wish I wasn’t doing this to you. I’m sorry.”

“But you quit,” Buffy protests, as if she can reason their way out of this. Faith hadn’t smoked a pack of cigarettes in at least three years. “You don’t even…”

Faith shrugs, offers a helpless, little wobbly smile that doesn’t meet her eyes.”Day late, dollar short.”

“Will you take this seriously?” Buffy snaps.

“I think you’re taking it serious enough for both of us,” Faith says, smiling infuriatingly when Buffy scowls at her.

“Faith, please…”

“I know,” Faith says. She reaches across the counter to yank a paper towel off the dispenser and offers it to Buffy, waits patiently for her to blow her nose before continuing. “I know what this is to you. I wish it was something else. I wish…”

“I don’t know if I could take losing you,” Buffy says. It hurts to even say it out loud. She thinks of all the time they wasted — five good years together since the fall of Sunnydale, since they figured out what they could mean to each other. It’s not enough time. Buffy hasn’t been able to love her long enough.

“I’d put a bullet in my brain,” Faith says, so suddenly, so bluntly, so matter of factly that it startles a laugh out of Buffy. “I’m dead serious. But you’re not like that, Buff. You were always stronger than me. You’d make it.”

Buffy shakes her head. She hates where this is going, dreads the thought of continuing the conversation, of arguing with Faith over whether any of that is true at all. She doesn’t feel strong right now in the least.

Faith must read something of it on her face because she leans in again and kisses Buffy once more. This one is deep, lingering, sweet. When she pulls away, Faith is breathing a little shakier but smiling. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves. You’re not giving up on me this early, are you, B?”

“No,” Buffy says. She swallows hard, past all the fears crowding her chest, the ice cold terror that hasn’t let go of her heart since Faith said the words Hey, there’s something we gotta talk about. But she means it. Faith needs her to say this. Needs her to mean it. “No, I’m not giving up on you, Faith.”

[cannibaleather]

.

[harukamitsuki]

(spoilers for dcmk ahead)

detective conan seriously needs to stop wasting our time and end already. gosho just keeps introducing more and more characters that we either don't care about or are just there to be the love interest.

i love dcmk, i really do. but, and i can't believe i'm saying this, it's too long!! and, trust me, i'm no slouch when it comes to length. (aka, has rewatched one piece at least 10 times).

but it's dragging out! it's clear that gosho has realised he has fans who will stick with it regardless, because the overarching plot is interesting, but how are we supposed to stay invested if we rarely get to see the plot?

there are less episodes where the black organisation appears than there are tv original episodes. don't get me wrong, i love... some of them, but i love the plot-heavy episodes so much more.

it has, canonically, only been six months since shinichi was turned into a child. SIX MONTHS! AND DCMK HAS BEEN OUT FOR 28 YEARS!!

we don't need each character to have a romantic sub-plot. we don't need an in-depth backstory for each character.

we don't need to see each and every case they come across.

i'm all for slice of life - i love it, in fact. but not when there's such a strong plot behind it.

i feel like the desperate revival arc should have been the turning point, where it starts to be more head-strong in the plot, maybe throwing in a kaitou kid chapter/episode for a break. but it doesn't.

instead, we are 210 chapters into the Rum Arc with no sign of it stopping soon. the bourbon and akai arc was 276 chapters, and we all remember how long it took for that to end.

i'm at the point where i just pick and choose episodes to watch, (thank you detectiveconanwiki), because nobody cares about the will they? wont they? for anyone but shinran and maybe heizuha but that's been dragged out more than enough.

seriously, heiji didn't realise he had feelings for kazuha until 600 episodes in? and he called kazuha 'his' but pretends he didn't because it wasn't as amazing as shinichi's confession? i stopped caring the second momiji was introduced because, oh, can't have a love story without an obstacle! FUCK OFF

ran's character went from a strong female woman who was struggling with the fact that the love of her life is gone, to 'help us, shinichi!'. like- come ON! she grew up with shinichi and you're telling me she doesn't have any deductive prowess? what happened to her suspecting conan of being shinichi? BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE SHE'S FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT

and it's so hard to come up with your own ending, because there's still so much that hasn't been answered.

what is the aptx 4869 being used for? (have my own theory, and wouldn't be surprised if it was right). what is the 'silver bullet' haibara's parents were working on? what's the black orginisation's goal? is karasuma renya still alive? what is vermouth's relation to him? why hasn't she aged?

AND SO ON AND SO FORTH

JUST GET ON WITH IT GOSHO

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

[pidoop]

Honestly still salty about my 22 y/o sister who last night called asking to kiss someone the first time “weird”, “cringe”, and even “millennial”??? And it’s so wild to me for a young woman to have such an anti-consent standpoint.

Like you’ve said you don’t get accosted at bars, and hooray for that. But as someone who’s been groped in what can barely be considered a crowd once or twice, I’m partial to establishing that someone respects and considers me early on.

And Ik you’ve only dated from your friend group (I do not), so you feel more comfortable reading each other, which once again, great. But that doesn’t guarantee safety or that they’ll magically know what you want in the future when you’ve established that it’s cringe to ask and better to guess.

That’s how people get it wrong and cross your boundaries without knowing. And then you’re hurt but feel like you can’t blame them because you didn’t say anything and how would they know? Misunderstandings that can often be avoided by establishing clear and open communication about consent from day one.

Starting off your very first physical and sexual interactions with clear verbal consent is an easy way to set the precedent of asking for consent. Like cool you’ve been going out with this dude for 8 months and never seen a dick. Regardless of your pace, you should be thinking ahead and establishing how you’d like to be treated in sexual scenarios as soon as humanly possible.

I guess I thought society had moved past “it’s just kinda weird and awkward to ask though”, “you don’t have to say anything to know”, “just feel it out”, etc.

It’s also so clear how this prude, sex-negative culture makes it so that you can be comfortable engaging in an act but still feel icky about asking about / for it.

[pine-arten]

now look at this

[thedappleddragon]

Hmm

[ev-enhotterthanyou]

'yeah its np, I don't care!'

fifteen minutes of quietly sobbing into my pillow later: 'okay. so I decidedly do care'

[blinkbats]

I really dont know how im ever gonna feel like a real person and im really really tired of trying so hard and never getting anywhere

[kendallroygf]

i once read something that described kendall as taking up maximum space at the dinner table, scoffing everything down and even picking at the food stuck between his teeth at the end . and it’s like. what a wild misunderstanding of the character. he’s constantly wilting, has literally never finished his plate and it’s actually. odd how absent he is at every dinner table , constant dissociation that’s framed as normal as everybody chats around him

[crossbackpoke-check]

re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on

https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share

(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.

(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)

anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂

- @bondedpairs

ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!

[gregmarriage]

this was meant to be a funny post, but then it got deep imao

not a relationship person, but i believe in their beliefs

[seafoam-taide]

You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE

[seventh-district]

several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold

[kitsunelike]

i really want to rewatch fullmetal alchemist. and madoka magica. i never finished either and it feels like a crime

[cherrysnax]

hello hi howdy what do u do when feel ur like brain deteriorating asking for a friend