#- i feel so irrationally angry and betrayed i feel like a poisoned shard of glass has been dug all the way into my stomach
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'yeah its np, I don't care!'
fifteen minutes of quietly sobbing into my pillow later: 'okay. so I decidedly do care'
#mini vent incoming...#lowkey guys#i am gonna throw up#i feel so ill#i literally feel like my life is crashing around me suddenly in the span of a day#but i know im very much overreacting and im honestly the only one at fault if even - i dont even think anyones at fault but-#- i feel so irrationally angry and betrayed i feel like a poisoned shard of glass has been dug all the way into my stomach#nobodys even at fault!!! i asked!! i shouldve kept my mouth the fuck shut i feel so stupid i wish i didnt know what i do now#bpd is bpding rn#one of my closest fucking friends wants to fuck my fp that he knows im still practically in love with#but hes so nice about it hes not persuing him because he knows im involved#and i shouldnt feel insecure because me and my fp are really close still#but im not his fucking boyfriend so i dont get to tell him who to fuck and who to hold hands with and who to want and what to do i feel sick#he can do what he wants its meant to be casual and just friends who fuck and i dont wanna ruin it its so fragile but i feel so sick#both of them are so nice about it#but i still feel like im about to throw up#im so tired this is so stupid im making a big thing out of nothing so i wish my stupid brain could get past the stupid disorder-#-that is telling me that i need to blow up everyone in my life and then kill myself#erm#sorry gang#pretty long vent actually#bpd stuff
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