#living with the hurt

[wildlife4life]

Inspiration Saturday

Tagged by @steadfastsaturnsrings Thank you!

Do I have other wips besides NFL Buck? Yes. But lately I have been on an writing roll with this fic and I love all the anticipation there is for it. So, here is a mood board (collage?) and short snippet for inspiration Saturday. It is a continuation of Buck's perspective of draft night from yesterday. (Go here for all things NFL Buck)

"Ali is the sneakiest bitch." Buck mumbles in his boyfriend's shoulder and it shakes with his amusement, "She's also becoming my favorite person in the world." Eddie unburied his face from Buck's hair and dragged the tip of his nose down to press into the younger man's temple, "I agree with the sneakiness. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell she was able to get me in the theater to see you be drafted on such short notice. Also, either Ali is the nicest, most compelling agent or just downright frightening because that woman got the hotel staff to break their privacy policy and give me a key to your room over the fucking phone." Buck lets out a barking laugh and squeezed Eddie even tighter, "I've learned to never question her methods and just enjoy the end results." He pulled his face from the paramedic's shoulder and put a scant few inches between them so he could look into those soft tawny eyes he'd had hoped to see this day. God they were so much better than his imagination, wide and sparkling with pride and elation. "I am enjoying this result so fucking much." Eddie's warm calloused hand gently clamped the back of Buck's neck and closed the short distance put between them. Plush, warm lips pressed eagerly into Buck's and pushed away the last of his disheartened emotions from the draft. Almost everything he'd been wanting that evening, came to fruition, just not in the way he expected. But it was okay. Buck was kissing a man who he never even hoped of finding, yet here was Eddie, wanting him, loving him just as much as Buck does. The unexpected, helped him achieve his NFL dreams and so much more. So it was okay that Christopher wasn't present. Buck would see his best friend in a few short days and throw a just as grand celebration with him. (As for Maddie, soon the rookie quarterback will have the means and connections to help her.) It was okay that a part of himself had to be kept hidden, it wouldn't be forever. Eddie supported and understood staying a secret because he truly loved Buck and wanted him to achieve his dreams. It was okay and the ache in Buck's chest loosened. He still wants so much, but Buck understands he can't have it all at once. For the time being, he can embrace what he already has and that especially applied to his surprise guest. Eddie's kiss deepened and the fingers on his free hand traced the top button on the Texan's draft pick's dress shirt. Buck's own hands released their tight grip on Eddie's forearms and slid down to his hips. Buck breaks the kiss, just a for a quick second to whisper, "I want you." "You have me." Eddie replies breathlessly before giving Buck a devilish smirk, "But you can have me however you want." And Buck is definitely okay with that.

I know we all want things to be more than okay for Buck and Eddie. And maybe it will be. Or maybe, just maybe I really put these the boys through the ringer a few times... Wouldn't be a 911 fic if I didn't. Lol. But I do hope you all enjoyed!!!!!

Tagging (no pressure): @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @disasterbuckdiaz @devirnis @fortheloveofbuddie @wikiangela @exhuastedpigeon @spotsandsocks @lover-of-mine @jesuisici33 @bekkachaos @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @eddiebabygirldiaz @hippolotamus @rainbow-nerdss @spaceprincessem @athenagranted @eddiescowboy @evanbegins @elvensorceress @malewifediaz @911onabc @911-on-abc @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @try-set-me-on-fire @ladydorian05 @bigfootsmom @watchyourbuck @thekristen999 @spagheddiediaz @monsterrae1 @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess @bitchfacediaz @buck-coded @housewifebuck @glorious-spoon @buddierights @prosperdemeter2 @lemonzestywrites @gayedmundodiaz @cal-daisies-and-briars @transboybuckley

[bigfatbreak]

dad villain au doodle pile

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[nedlittle]

genuinely i think it's important for adults, especially in the plague times, to play pretend in our day-to-day lives. when i rub my back down with tiger balm so i can sleep without pain, i imagine i am a valiant knight tending to an old injury i received from a dragon. when i go to the store to pick up eggs and milk, i am a lone cowboy riding into town on a mission. when i turn my collar up against the wind i am a femme fatale who's killed 4 husbands and is scoping out a 5th. when i stomp around in the snow i am a doomed polar explorer. if being a little bit silly about my walk to the pharmacy helps me remember that life can be full of joy and whimsy, then so be it.

[ancient-reverie]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[milkywayes]

memento vivere

[teapot-of-tyrahn]

hey. hey... chat,

i think we need to discuss an incredibly plausible probability right now:

we've figured out how the life system works. if a red or yellow kills a player of a higher colour than them, then they get their life.

pearl “has died at least 1 time per session so far” pearlescentmoon is on her yellow life. she has two lives left.

scott "always sacrificing himself for his allies" smajor is on six.

the likelihood of scott killing himself for pearl again is statistically high.

and i think it will be a beautiful parallel. because this time she really will forgive him after all.

[seth-whumps]

very specific scene of living weapon whump when, against all orders, they do something soft. they cradle a flower in their palm; they hesitantly pat a small dog on the head; they wipe a tear from a dear one's face. these hands are made for hurting, and gentleness takes so much work. i just love it.

[hanmegumi]

LMAO

edit: turning off reblogs because some of the people that are reblogging are extremely fucking moronic. holy shit

[featheredadora]

[hajihiko]

It runs in the family

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Good morning, Sleepyhead.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[emilybeemartin]

On today's episode of LotR AU: Boromir Lives, it's after the battle of Pelennor Fields! There are so many great possibilities to explore when Boromir finally, finally returns to Minas Tirith--- making the agonizing decision to follow Aragorn through the Paths of the Dead instead of going straight to the city with Theoden, fighting like a demon outside the gates, learning about his father's death, and then choosing to leave again to accompany Aragorn to the Black Gate, but right now it's WHUMP TIME.

Obviously, first up is Faramir. If Boromir is with Aragorn, he won't enter the city until after the battle, and so he wouldn't know anything about Faramir's flight from Osgiliath or the pyre in the tombs.

In the few days between the battle and leaving for the Black Gate, I envision Boromir operating on undiluted adrenaline as the wounded and dead are tended. Who needs food? Who needs sleep? Not Boromir. He's returned to his city at its lowest possible moment and he's going to DO EVERYTHING TO FIX EVERYONE ALL AT ONCE.

The scene where Pippin finds Merry wounded and dazed and wandering the streets, has always been a favorite of mine and was one of the first LotR illustrations I ever did ~20 years ago. In the book, Gandalf is the one who comes to carry Merry up to the Houses of Healing. In this AU, you know it's Boromir.

Anyway, eventually Legolas and Gimli probably have to force some rudimentary self-care.

Boromir Lives AU: Aragorn's Coronation

Boromir Lives AU: Faramir and Eowyn's Wedding

[strawlessandbraless]

Supernatural was good actually

[demaparbat-hp]

Want to know what I believe, it's right here

Dig a little deeper and it's crystal clear.

Clear by Twenty One Pilots