#this time she will thank instead of forgive. because she’s already forgiven.

[teapot-of-tyrahn]

hey. hey... chat,

i think we need to discuss an incredibly plausible probability right now:

we've figured out how the life system works. if a red or yellow kills a player of a higher colour than them, then they get their life.

pearl “has died at least 1 time per session so far” pearlescentmoon is on her yellow life. she has two lives left.

scott "always sacrificing himself for his allies" smajor is on six.

the likelihood of scott killing himself for pearl again is statistically high.

and i think it will be a beautiful parallel. because this time she really will forgive him after all.

[lovelywritinglady]

Demon slayer Rui (platonic) x big sis reader. And can it be hurt/comfort is possible? Thanks!! Sorry if you need a more specific scenario (^-^)/

I’ll see what I can do!

Big Sister

Rui x sister!reader

In which Rui gets mad at your for spending time with “mother” instead of him.

Hurt, angst, comfort, little brother/big sister relationship (platonic). Rui might be a lil out of character.

Rui Pov

Where in the hell is Y/n? She's been missing all night and she won't come no matter how much I call out for her. I feel like I've been walking for hours. I sighed looking around once more and after a few minutes I found her. She was cuddles up with mother and they were laughing and giggling while I was suffering. How could she do this to me? After all that I've done for her. A big sister is suppose to love and protect her younger brother and yet here she is spending time with mother. How selfish could she be do abandon me like this? She always said that I was her favorite and that she would spend time with me tonight. Maybe I should let father deal with mother while I deal with big sister. How annoying, I hate when they don't listen to me. God I felt so frustrated right now. I decided that the only thing to do was confront my big sister and make her explain why she would betray me.

I quickly appreared to them and the nerve of those two to seem surpiried that I would interrupt them. How dare they be surprised! I was about to speak when my big sister interrupted me.

"Aww Rui how wonderful of you to join us. Funny enough I was just about to come and get you." She spoke excitedly which confused the hell out of me.

"I don't believe you." I snapped moving closer to her as to intimidate her.

"Oh, I'm sorry Rui but I promise I'm not lying." Y/n pleated but I really didn't care anoymore.

"Then why are you here when you're suppose to be with me." I argued trying to get her to tell the truth.

"Oh my sweet Rui, I really was hoping I could show you later as-" She began to speak but I had heard enough. I slashed her face making her beautiful pale skin stained with blood. I was expecting her to cry or to beg for mercy, but instead she just sat there as calmly with a sweet smile on her face. This made me uneasy and the realization that I just hit her sunk in as I had never had any reason to do this to her before.

"Why did you make me do that!" I screamed at her mad that I hurt her. I was about to run away to try and get some space when I felt her embrace me. She held me so tightly and I couldn't help but feel so comforted by her embrace. "Is this what it's like to have a big sister?" I thought to myself.

"Rui, my sweet little brother, I wanted to surprise you with a human that I found wandering the mountain tonight. This one was beautiful and I thought that you would want to have it. I should have just told you and I'm so sorry." She admitted and a strange sensation bubled up in my belly. One that I didn't like nor did I wish to welcome. I then decided to forgive my big sister and take her gift as an apology.

"You're forgiven big sister, just never hide anything from me again." I told her pulling myself from her embrace.

"Thank you Rui, I promise I won't." She promised me and for some reason I believed her.

"Why were you with mother?" I questioned her as she smiled at my question.

"Oh, I was hoping that she would wrap the human for you. Mother's web is very beautiful." She told me and I believed her

"Good, now lets go see that human that you got for me." I told her but just as I was walking away she hugged me once again.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you Rui, just know that I love you and you're the best little brother I could have ever asked for." Y/n spoke. I suddenly felt tears on my head and I looked up to see her crying. I grimiced at this as I really hated when she cried because I knew she was hurt.

"I already forgave you, but thank you for apologizing again. I'm sorry for hurting your face." I admitted in a soft whisper hoping that she wouldn't hear me.

"Don't worry about that, we demons heal rather quickly and I have already forgotten about it." She proclaimed and softly stroked my hair.

"Now, lets go." she said as she grabbed my hand walking in the direction of the human that my big sister was kind enough to gift to me.

Thank you so much for reading!💜 Thank you to whoever requested this! I apologize if this fic wasn't exactly what you wanted I tried my very best.

Please feel free to like, comment, request, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n and any original characters•

L.W.L

[waklman]

i seriously need to read bradley and mouse asap!!!! but i’m currently thinking of the chaos that is jake and princess baking. do they even bake? i feel like they wouldn’t have time but occasionally one of them would whip out one of mama seresin’s recipies on a special occasion and make something. i have so many conflicting thoughts of how good of a cook any of the members of the dagger squad are so i’m wondering what your thoughts are on that. anyways, i love you and good luck on your exams, you’re going to ace them!!!! and take your time with the requests <3

prompt: the disasters of jake and princess baking.

warnings: none, fluff, a little steamy kiss (?) i dont know how it took a turn okay, jake being a pest as usual, 18+ blog, minors dni.

side note: honestly i feel like everyone would be a great cook, maybe with the exception of jake he’d probably swear up and down that he’s the best but everyone spits out his food once they try it (sorry jake). and thank you drewbear!! i will be studying my ass off but it will be worth it i hope..!

fake it masterlist

“You better stay right there,” you pause your stirring, letting the whisk rest against the bowl, eyes lifting to where you commanded Jake to stand. 

Behind the kitchen counter, Jake’s toes wriggle in his socks, battling the urge to disobey your warning. Dusted across the planes of his shoulders is the baking powder you were trying to use for his mom’s special oatmeal cookie recipe. And on his tongue rests a chunk of raw dough he scooped into his mouth without your permission.

Baking with Jake being present was clearly a mistake, and the only way to correct that was to put him on time out. 

“I can’t breath when I’m away from you,” he whines, complaint muffled by the wad of cookie dough in his mouth.

“Okay,” you start, voice as sweet as the mixture you’re beginning to stir again. Jake’s already moving out of his spot, pleased that you’ve decided to forgive him. But then, your tone turns ice cold, “Looks like you’re dying then,” you answer flatly, reverting your attention back to the mixing bowl, as if you didn’t just shoot him down. 

At that, Jake retreats back to his original stance with slouched shoulders this time. You’re keeping him on time out.

Though, this isn't exactly his first instance of being put under the spotlight of punishment.

The last time Jake found himself in this much trouble was eight years ago—when he had the grand idea to shove you in the pool. Back then, it was an excuse to get some mouth-on-mouth action with his best friend, because how else would he be able to figure out, if he had a crush on you or not? After letting you drown for a little bit, Jake planned to play life guard. He’d pull you out, lay you flat against the towel he had set up, and plant his lips on yours—to resuscitate you, of course.

But what twelve year old Jake didn’t account for in his poorly laid out scheme, was his mother. Mrs. Seresin had been one foot out the door, plate of freshly cut fruit in hand when she witnessed her son kick you into the deep end, evil grin stretched across his tiny face. Instead of Jake coming to your rescue that afternoon, Evelyn Seresin did. With the platter of neatly decorated fruit dropped to the ground, and her mama-bear instincts cranked to an all time high—she fished you out of the water and wiped away your panicked tears. 

Not a second after, Jake got dragged by the ear towards the time out zone, designated just for him.

He was forced to stand off in the corner of the backyard that day, pruned fingers scrunching the bottom of his swim shorts in guilt and waterlogged blond hair sticking to his forehead as the sun began to dry him off.

When he finally lifted his teary eyes up to you, your little fingers were already curled into the shape of a heart, directed right at him. It was a silent assurance that you still loved him, even when he nearly killed you. The very second you caught the pout tugging down his bottom lip, you had forgiven him. That quality about you, was the only reason why Jake had any kind of long-term friendship. 

But your patience for him seems to have dialed down over the last eight years—because Jake got thrown into time out again, not by his mother, but by you this time.

Unable to stay still for more than a few minutes, Jake silently stalks over to you. You currently have your back turned from just setting the sheet of cookies into the oven. 

“There we g—Jacob! P-Put me down!” In one move, Jake has you flipped around and thrown over his shoulder like a sack of rice. Despite the initial protest, you’re draped limply over his back, surrendering to him entirely.

Coming to a halt in front of the sofa, Jake lazily throws you into the cushions and crawls on top of you. It’s a routine at this point—where Jake’s chin sits over your belly button, large hands slipped under your shirt to rest on your waist, and thumbs sweeping over the goosebumps there. The way your body reacts to him gives him a bit of reassurance, but sometimes—he needs more.  

“Would you actually let me die,” he pouts, looking up at you with furrowed brows. 

You stiffly blink at him, reminded of the day he drowned you—on purpose. It would be mean to bring it back up when you’ve previously forgiven him, but this is revenge for him messing with you in the kitchen. 

“It’s only fair—you almost let me die once,” you put forth, a serious expression dawning on your features. Though, it’s merely an act, because internally—you’re waging a war against yourself, wanting to give into him already.

The furrow of his brows deepen. Jake grips your waist tighter in remorse. “I was tryna’ get it on with you!”

“So you decided to drown me?”

He’s now reminded of how cruel his plan was.

Jake’s face falls flat against your stomach, nose prodding into your flesh. “...Yes,” he mumbles against you. With Jake unable to see you, the tight look you’re wearing dissipates. You silently let out a breath you were holding, dropping the angry act you put up.

Jake continues to sulk, nuzzling his nose against you, resisting the urge to kiss your tummy. Hardly two seconds go by, before the sight of him writhing in his guilt breaks you. 

“Jake. I–I think I’m drowning,” you whisper nervously, heart starting to race at your own statement. 

Jake stiffens. 

Slowly, he lifts his head to rest his chin back onto your stomach. Jake then swallows thickly, wide-eyed as he meets your stare. “...And you need savin’?”

Your hesitation lingers for a grueling moment before you finally nod, bottom lip caught between your teeth. 

“…Yeah, I think I do.”

Jake jumps into action, seizing the moment his twelve year old self would’ve let you die over. Not expecting his quick reaction, a yelp escapes you as he pulls you down to face him.

His mouth is latched onto yours in an instant.

Jake allows you to set the pace at first, it’s slow, shy, intimate—just as you are. But once he feels your fingers wrap around the back of his neck, pulling him down against your front with a small noise leaving your mouth—Jake is overtaken by a hunger to hear it again.

Your skin runs hot against him now, burning against the couch, burning against his digits under your shirt. With an expert tilt of his head, Jake kisses you deeper—rougher, expelling all the air from your lungs. And it certainly doesn’t help when his warm tongue darts into your mouth, teasingly swirling against your own wet muscle—all while his calloused palms explore further up the oversized tee. The combination was enough to make your head spin, despite laying steady against the cushions.

If he were to stretch his hands any higher, his finger tips would hit the band of your bra. And god, you don’t know if you could handle that.

It's unconscious but you shiver under him, and Jake’s unable to fight the smile making its way onto his face. He slows the movement of his lips against yours, retracting his tongue—despite your weak efforts to get him to return back to his bruising pace, with a pinch of his nape.

His previous need to see you unravel under him is dropped, replaced by a stronger desire to crack a joke instead. Jake pulls back chuckling, hands lowering to your waist again, pinning you down as you try to chase his lips.

Underneath him, you’re flushed with embarrassment, blinking at him like a deer in headlights.

The tongue—that was previously shoved into your mouth is being traced over his bottom lip, in amusement.

“Woulda tried drowning you again, if I knew you were gonna react that way.”

As you open your mouth to scold him, it snaps shut again.

A silence passes through, while you reconsider your reply.

Finally, you shrug underneath him—deciding to supply a more truthful response instead, “I…yeah, I wouldn’t mind.”

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[archivalofsins]

So, this is what I've gathered from the information that came out from Deep Cover and this is what I definitively believe happened.

There’s an article that Kotoko was reading in the middle of Deep Cover that has been translated. The contents of the article explain that Kotoko was taken to court after the incident in the warehouse. Kotoko testified that what she had done was self-defense. That her and the perpetrator of the kidnapping got into a scuffle as she was trying to rescue the girl and he died as a result of that.

This conflicts with what we are shown in Harrow.

In Harrow we see that Kotoko does not intervene while witnessing the girl being abducted. Instead deciding to come back to the location later after changing her attire.

This already conflicts with Kotoko's testimony that she ended up fighting the victim as she caught him red-handed as he tried to abduct another victim.

According to the female university student, she claimed that she had no other choice but to kill the victim in order to stop the jostling between the two when she caught the victim, who was a child kidnapper, red-handed.

Red-handed means in the middle of the act by definition.

She just did not fucking do that. It's illustrated to us that she did not do that in Harrow. So we already know her testimony is a lie off of this alone.

Yet, we are further shown that her plea of self-defense is baseless from Harrow as well. Since we are shown Kotoko surprise attacking the perpetrator.

Furthermore her first music video blatantly shows us her attempting to track down the victim. As we see her paying others for information on the matter. Along with her very obvious wall of baddies to hunt down. Where she has the victim circled before even encountering him.

Making her actions premeditated as well.

This makes it clear to the Milgram audience (who have access to this information unlike the court) that Kotoko had no intention of letting the perpetrator live to begin with regardless of what he was doing.

Just like the wall implies with her other victims in Deep Cover-

"Everytime death comes. The soul moves forward." "It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for? Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion. “I didn’t mean to offend”, “I won’t do it again” How many wins in a row?" - "Who don’t we want? Give me the verdicts of GUILTY." "I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target."

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Kotoko had no intention of letting anyone on that wall live. That wasn't an investigation it was a hit list. She just happened to conveniently find that guy in the middle of commiting a crime. Unlike the other guy she found living his everyday life and just chased into a side alley and jumped. This is more than likely why she didn't initially intervene when she saw the child being abducted in broad daylight.

Because if she did the chances of her being seen by someone else were more likely. If she waited until they were inside and changed her attire to better conceal her identity the likelihood of others intervening would be slimmer. If she only ever wanted to save that girl she could have did so right then and there when she did in fact catch him red-handed abducting her.

Yet, it was never about that. It was always about killing him and continuing on her personal crusade for justice.

The article then goes onto discuss how the elementary school age victim testified corroborating Kotoko’s story of self-defense. Stating that with her testimony and Kotoko's the defense stated that a case of genuine self-defense was established. Mr.Kaneshiro the newspaper president and father of the victim in this case later held a press conference discussing the barbaric nature of Kotoko’s actions. This seems to have taken place after Kotoko had been acquitted of any wrong doing.

The jury ruling this as a legitimate case of self-defense. During the press conference he stated that an independent investigation of events had been done. During which another autopsy had been conducted and established that there were injuries on the victim that could have only been caused by an excessive use of force. Additionally he announced that the school student who had testified corroborating Kotoko’s statement as saying that she had saved her recanted their testimony.

He speculated that Kotoko had threatened or coerced the girl into giving the testimony to begin with. Given Kotoko’s history with law.

Q.07 What did you study at university? Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else I want to do, though.

It is more than likely that Kotoko coached/groomed the elementary schooler to lie on the stand to better strengthen her case. If two witnesses are corroborating the same story and one of them is the elementary aged victim as jury is more likely to believe them than a dead child abductor.

The article even mentions that Kotoko goes to a famous university. Given that we know Kotoko was studying law and the school she was going to is famous/prestiguous or well renowned we can now track it down. The University she was more than likely going to could very well be-

Keio Law School in Tokyo, Japan

Or some play on it. It's so famous in fact that just googling famous law school Tokyo results in this.

So, that's another university down. (I say this tentatively because I didn't do that deep of a search into this or much of a search at all. Again this is the first school to come up searching the information provided to us. Honestly this post isn't about how finacially well off Kotoko is and whatever expensive illustrious college she goes too.)

Though I wonder how a prestigious or famous school would feel about one of it's students being involved in such a case. Was she really taking a break or did whatever school she was going to no longer wish to affiliate with her due to the accusations. Scandals like this aren't that good for schools of that caliber. Plus, even though the article doesn't mention the school by name just looking into Kotoko herself would show her ties to it.

This is an article on a press conference featuring concerning the death of wealthy business owners son. Someone who very well could have ties to the school Kotoko is attending. That's enough to well I don't ruin all her life plans honestly. People have been expelled for less and this guy now has pretty good standing to say that you're a brutish menace to society who shouldn't even be allowed on the street let alone studying and practicing law.

Who wants a murderer for a lawyer are these the sort of students this place takes in. Students who use excessive violence and coerce and threaten minors?! That'd certainly be a big scandal wouldn't it? The only thing that could make this worse is well if the father of the man she killed was the president of a news paper-

Kaneshiro Isamu’s (68) President of Senkou Newspaper loses only son in display of excessive force by student from xxxxx University.

Now that's a headline and he can run it as many times as he wants. I mean he's the president of the newspaper after all. He's a grieving father after all even if his son did have problems. Having someone like that have an issue with your school or you well that would be bad.

Back to what the audience in shown in Harrow. We know that Kotoko got the jump on her victim in an enclosed space with wooden flooring in contrast to the open space of the warehouse where the victim died later.

Giiven Kotoko's connection and knowledge of law among these other factors I believe this is the most likely timeline of the warehouse incident-

Kotoko takes the victim by surprise attacking him in the enclosed space.

The victim grabs the hammer near his feet and attempts to fight Kotoko off.

As we've been over previously, despite what the victim's shadow alludes to he is shown physically swinging the hammer ahead of him and facing forward not to the side.

The victim flees the enclosed space trying to put distance between himself and his assailant. Possibly even trying to flee the scene entirely.

Kotoko chases the victim down into the larger area of the warehouse. The part with concrete flooring. Catching him and finishing the man off.

Punching and stomping him out with an excessive use of force after already getting him to the ground.

After the incident Kotoko groomed/coached this child to lie in court for her. What Kotoko did is blatantly illustrated to be grooming.

Ove the course of the Deep Cover mv the young girl begins to mimic Kotoko’s behavior.

First through getting a hat of her own to be more like Kotoko,

Then on the street she is shown to be imitating how Kotoko walks and glares,

Before spotting Kotoko and trying to speak to her.

Taking advantage of this clearly traumatized child who she again left to suffer through this situation longer by choosing to not intervene when she saw her being taken to begin with.

Someone who more than likely looked up to her as her hero. The person who saved her from that. What is an elementary schooler going to do when someone who saved their life, the person who got them out of such a harrowing situation tells them that they may be punished for it. That they might go to jail for just trying to rescue them and the only way they can avoid that is by saying that the excessive use of force that this child more than likely witnessed was self-defense.

Their rolemodel, their hero, no their savior couldn't be wrong. This couldn't have been-

"Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?"

This wasn't excessive it needed to be done for you to be safe. Besides-

"I've never asked for your understanding!"

Kotoko even incentivises and goads this idolization from the girl in the lyrics of Deep Cover stating,

“Come on, rely on me, go on.”

Kotoko attempts to implement the same tactics we see her use here within Milgram on Es. Over the course of her first and second voice drama. However, it is made more apparent in her second voice drama than in her first.

Kotoko Voice Drama 1, Kotoko Voice Drama 2.

After the girl recanted her statement possibly because of what she saw Kotoko do later on the street in Deep Cover (or maybe even at the behest of her parents who have every right to be suspicious of this type of person hanging around their young daughter but that’s a bit too speculative) Kotoko meets up with her in the park. As she is reading the article discussing the recanting of the girl's statement during this scene she more than likely is meeting with the girl to discuss it.

This meeting may be an attempt to persuade the girl into retestifying on her behalf or coming out with a statement of her own in defense of Kotoko. This is more speculative but it would not be hard for Kotoko to frame it as though Mr.Kaneshiro had threatened the girl into recanting the testimony. Becuase he is a very wealthy and powerful individual it would not be difficult for people to believe that during this independent investigation he coerced the girl into withdrawing her statements to strengthen his own case.

Many can probably guess how that conversation turned out from her second trial glitched voice line.

“From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!”

It is likely that the girl refused to retestify. She may have even told Kotoko that she chose to recant her statement of her own volition. Not liking the behavior, she saw later. At this point it is highly likely that at the refusal to retestify on her behalf Kotoko came up with another plan. It would be incredibly easy to kill the girl herself then claim that she planned to retestify.

That she had come crying to her about how she'd been threatened into recanting her statement and she was too scared to say anything by herself, but someone must have seen. They were in public after all and then this happened. Better to that than to risk having the girl not only recant her testimony but possibly tell others about what she had seen her do recently as well.

Especially while the police were still seeking the assailant in the incident of the man in the back alley. Right now, they thought it was a man but if the girl told then it would be all over for her. The girl simply knows too much. Plus, with the news already framing her as a violent barbarian it'd be easy for people to believe she'd assaulted the other man as well.

While we don’t have solid confirmation of the girl’s death yet. The fact of the matter is most of the music videos of trial two have been focused on the victim’s side of things. The fact that Kotoko’s mv isn’t from the perspective of/highlights the child abductor or the man she jumped in the alley later is incredibly telling. Her glitched voice line in the second trial voice trailer being,

“From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!”

Is very telling as well. Since the statement implies that she is addressing a useless weakling, someone that cannot protect themselves, someone who needs her, someone that looks up to her. Someone that's outlived their usefulness to Kotoko because they refuse to defend/support her behavior anymore. All the things this child is shown to do throughout Deep Cover.

Making it increasingly more likely that Kotoko did not just kill the child abductor but the child as well. Because from the beginning Kotoko has said-

"If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it- I’ll gouge you out with my fangs."

It doesn't matter to her whether the person getting in the way of her dream is an adult or child.

20/06/18 Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this. Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach. Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that. Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

If her dream if all she ever wanted was a target. Someone to execute that whom she could feel justified in executing then anyone will do. It doesn't matter how small or large the offense. Evil is evil. Even if that evil is as simple as disagreeing with her actions or recanting a statement.

Even worse voting her Innocent just to vote her guilty later is a lot like recanting a statement isn't it. Man those Haruka and Kotoko parrallels keep growing. Didn't he say that if we got close we wouldn't like him, didn't he just argue about how unfair it is to say he's good and then change our mind later during his second voice drama.

"Tell me why you tell me, “Stop”. Don’t you dare stop now."/"Tell me why? Please don’t change."

Just a really interesting thing going on there.

Kotoko even apologizes to Es for not being able to properly deliver punishment to Amane Momose and Mikoto Kayano at the beginning of her second voice drama. Finding it laughable that Es expected that she would not deliver punishment to Amane just because she was a child. Reiterating that she in fact planned to jump the girl as she did Mahiru and Futa as well. However, she was deterred not only by how much time she spent fighting Mikoto but by Kazui as well who intervened once she reached Futa.

So, she has no qualms with killing or severely injuring minors or manipulating them in order to get away with her own actions. At the end of the day-

This is Milgram.

People can vote whichever way they want for any bias under the sun. They can turn away from whatever information they dislike and prop up whatever best fits the narrative they want to see. They can be just as self-centered, coniving, and dishonest as the prisoners themselves. Because when you like someone, when you admire them, you'd do anything to make sure they're doing okay even lie in court or withold information from the police.

Because you believe deep down they're good and if you just give them the opportunity to be that then they will. If you're just sympathetic and try to talk to them about it certainly they'll understand.

"Say that sympathy is useless."

Kotoko's shown us exactly where thinking like that gets you with her- Does anyone feel lucky enough to test that again?

[imaginespazzi]

hey nivi! i've read GH since the beginning and always look forward to bookclub reviews so i thought i'd write my own since ive been suffering for 42 days without a new chapter 😆

heartbreaking to see the moment paige's hope gets crushed. like why was i hoping azzi would show up in that moment... unrealistic bc you like to break our hearts sm

WE NEED TO KNOW THE DETAILS OF THE BREAKUP RNNN i feel like azzi had good reason to be hesitant but its killing me that we dont know what. the miscommunication angst is gonna go crazy

Drew doesn’t really remember Paige without Azzi- doesn’t remember a time before his sister knew how to heal without the brunette’s touch HELPPPP their breakup def shattered his perception of love

Because Drew and Paige are cut from the same material and letting Azzi into the folds seems to just come naturally to both of them. rly giving me hope that everything was gonna be okay.. when is drew gonna come around 🙁 im wondering if paige ever explained why they broke up

“I won’t let it happen again.” i fear drew is not gonna let it slide this time.. i can sense the obstacles its gonna take for them to be together again

i love when paige calls azzi baby.

i dont know why i was surprised but it makes sense that paige hasn't forgiven azzi yet. im curious to see if paige truly knows azzis reasoning for saying no. maybe if they have that conversation later and azzi reveals why she did it then paige might have clarity and forgive her so they can move on

“I know what she deserves. I think I know what’s good for my daughter,” Azzi says steely and Paige feels something cold squeezing through her ribcage, “no soda Stephie. End of discussion.” guys i dont think this is about soda.. i think this is the beginning of azzi pulling away and realizing how much paige has attached herself to their life and its scaring her

“what are you gonna do when she walks away again? When she lets you go again, what are you gonna do Paige?” if azzi overheard this i hope she takes it as motivation to reassure paige she wont leave instead of running away again. in her head she probably thinks that leaving sooner rather than later is the best choice but the only real choice is to STAY!!!

"Paige feels the blood drain out of her body as she slowly turns around to find Stephie and Azzi -their faces ashen with identical expressions of betrayal- staring at her. " earth shattering. stephie finding out this way was heartbreakingggg. i thought that paige could stay if she wanted to though i think this could be worked through but in this moment everyone is so heated and azzi and stephie are definitely thinking the worst things rn NIVI FIX THIS!! i think everyone just needs to talk it out and take small steps to forgive each other.

anyways thank you so much nivi for writing the best pazzi series ive ever read. it is always the light of my day, week, and month when you post. im so excited to see how this plays out i am craving moree. but take your time i will be right here when you are ready to release the next chapter

love,

-💋💄

Hello hello friend, welcome to book club!

It would just be too simple if she had shown up and I like to keep things a little....complex shall we say.

I think Azzi's reason were valid but perhaps not the greatest execution. I'm very excited to eventually go into her POV about it and keen to see how y'all respond to that.

Drew's worldview was changed by the breakup and now he's very guarded about himself and his sister.

Interesting theories :)

I really like seeing y'alls responses because I think y'all might be surprised by how I eventually decide write things out in comparison to what y'all are expecting but it also helps me add a little bit to what I'm already planning.

Thank YOU so much my love for reading and taking the time to give me your thoughts, that's always so very appreciated.

[scarletsaphire]

26 gray ghost AT YOUR SERVICE o7

you're the best thank you

26 - Kisses while giggling

Send me a number and a ship and I'll write a snippet!

Valerie climbed up on top of the dumpster, grabbing hold of the ledge of the roof, and pulled herself up. It was easier than it had been a few months before, but practice would do that to you. She made her way to the center of the roof until she arrived at the only clean spot. Danny was already sitting there, waiting for her, his soft glow only visible from up here.

She took the seat next to him and pulled the bag out of her backpack, setting it in front of him. "I believe that will cover it," she said.

Danny opened the bag, scanning through the contents. As if she didn't know his order by heart. "Everything is accounted for," he said. He grabbed a couple of french fries and tossed them into his mouth. "You're good to go whenever you need," he said, his mouth still full.

"I'm going to wait for you to finish at least," Valerie replied. "It's only fair."

"You don't have to," he said. "Our deal is complete. No need to waste any more of your time hanging around this dump."

Valerie laughed. Dump was a nice way of describing the Nasty Burger, in her opinion, but she did work there, so it probably wasn't a fair comparison. "You're the one who keeps getting food here."

"Maybe its because I want to keep seeing you around."

Valerie rolled her eyes. "We can meet wherever you want to meet. You have my number."

"Yeah," Danny said with a dopey smile. "I do."

"You could stand to use it more," Valerie remarked. "You sent me what, three texts in as many days?"

"It's not my fault I was stuck in the ghost zone the whole time! Be glad I got you that many."

"Yeah, yeah, but you're the one who got arrested."

Danny angrily took another bite of fries. "Walker's rules are bullshit and we both know it."

"I'm not saying their not," Valerie said. "I'm saying you shouldn't have gotten caught."

"I said I was sorry!" Danny complained.

"And I said that I forgive you!" Valerie said with a laugh. "And I do." She leaned over and kissed him, scrunching up her nose at the fry grease on his lips. She wiped it away quickly.

"I don't know, that didn't look like you forgave me," Danny said, setting the bag down to the side.

Valerie narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"You wiped away the kiss!" Danny protested. "Obviously that means I'm not forgiven."

"No, you just taste like french fries," Valerie argued. Danny didn't listen to her. He rolled over on top of her, pinning her down, and started to try and kiss her face. Lucky, Valerie had managed to keep her hands unpinned to fend him off.

"Acshept my love," he said through her fingers.

"No!" she protested, laughing the whole time. "My hands are already covered in grease from working with the stuff, I don't need it on my face too."

She knew that was a bad thing to say before she even finished saying it. Danny licked her hand before she could pull it away.  "Doesn't take like fries to me," he said with a grin. "Still tastes good though."

"You are the worst," Valerie said, wiping his spit on her suit.

"Maybe," Danny agreed. "But I do win."

Valerie couldn't bring her hand up fast enough to block his next kiss attack, and when he got one in, he got more, planting them all over her cheeks, her lips, her nose, and her forehead. Even when she turned her head to try and escape, he started kissing her ear, her jaw, and her neck instead. He only stopped once she managed to push her arms back between them, a much harder feat with them both giggling as much as they were.

When she finally did manage to push him off of her, her first move was to, once again, try and get the grease off of her face. The good news was it had mostly come off during the first couple kisses, so she only needed to focus on wiping off her nose and one cheek. "Weren't you supposed to be patrolling? That was the whole point of the bribe."

Danny nodded. "Yeah, but the blob ghost round up can wait a couple more minutes. You're more important."

Valerie didn't have anything to throw at him, otherwise she would've. "Go get to work," she said with a laugh.

Danny gave a lazy salute. "Whatever you say babe." He disappeared, the fast food bag disappearing with him.

[bnhaobservation]

I just read your post about Enji’s atonement to Touya very well written and an interesting read but quick question - “the rest of his family wanted to forgive him way before he were to do something” when you say that the family was looking to forgive before he do something, so you mean they were looking to forgive Enji before he even started atoning?? Because I can see it with Fuyumi and maybe even Rei, but Shouto was not looking to forgive his father until Enji started to atone and looked to possibly forgive if Enji showed what type of father he would be!

Also I think Shouto also called Touya by his name after the reveal 🤔 oh actually I think if I remember correctly he slipped a little in the start but he also mostly called him by his name.

Thank you for enjoying my meta!

First of all a clarification.

When I said the family wanted to forgive him, I don't mean the family HAS FORGIVEN him. Their forgivance is conditional, they don't want to go back to how they were before but they're okay with giving him a chance.

Okay, so let's go through the timeline of Enji's atonement.

Around the end of September Enji has his talk with All Might. [Chap 165] According to chap 192 this is what kickstarts his idea he should atone... or, at least, that he should atone differently by how he was doing before.

This will lead him to try to approach Shouto in a manner that, I guess is different from before.

He reaches out, respects Shouto's refusal for it, tells him he's proud even if Shouto mainly used his ice and he's there because he failed his licence exam, there's no complaining but also no pressure on how he should have done this or that or that once Shouto gets his licence he should join his agency.

I'm not 100% sure about this but also Enji's speech to Shouto seems a step in his atonement path as he says he wants to make Shouto's proud, which, from my understanding, is not generally something Japanese fathers say. It's kids who've to make fathers proud and be grateful because the fathers gave them life, not the other way around.

By the end of November he's crowned Number 1 and then moves to Kyushu where he ends up fighting the high end.

While he's doing so, we learn he'll also started sending flowers to Rei and shows up to her hospital many times but she can't meet him yet and he respects this (I'm not sure if he started back then or he already did, poor Rei is a character HUGELY neglected so it can be that Rei is more willing to forgive Enji because actually there was more than just 2 months of flowers and visits)

Rei thinks this means Enji isn't leaving his past or his family behind.

As soon as Enji is back from Kyushu, Fuyumi throw a party for him and invites Natsuo and Shouto.

According to Natsuo, by this time, his mother and sister are willing to forgive him.

Shouto doesn't say he's willing to forgive him... but he makes clear he's willing to give him a chance, which is the first step on the path.

Fuyumi is touched and offers him more soba.

In the same month Enji sends plenty of texts to Shouto until Shouto replies he wants to learn flashfire fist.

After the Christmas Eve party at U.A. Shouto invites Midoriya and Bakugou to intern with him at Endeavor agency. Enji doesn't really want them but accepts to please Shouto.

On January 1st Shouto makes clear he will study under Enji but not because he's his father but because he's the Number 1 so doesn't want to be handled like a son. Enji accepts.

A week after Fuyumi invites them at a dinner.

At the end of it we get Shouto saying he doesn't know how to feel about Enji out of obligation due to how he hurt his mother... who however instead wants to forgive him, and Midoriya saying that Shouto is trying to get himself ready to forgive him.

Later the discussion about Touya also comes up.

I'll stop here.

A bit of cultural contest now.

Japan is pretty big about the need of harmoniously getting along. For all I searched about families who're victims of abuse (husbands abusing wife, parents abusing kids) but also other things abou bullying and so on, it seems one of the main goals wasn't so much to punish the culprit but to ripristinate the harmoniously getting along.

So I think in a way this too plays as a factor in why the family is the way it is.

Now what we have here?

Fuyumi ALWAYS wanted a family, so I think she always wanted to forgive him if he were to make an effort.

We don't exactly know where Rei stood before she decided she wanted to forgive him. Since Rei comes from a traditional family she was probably educated into Confucian values so she likely felt guilty for how things went wrong. She also might want to rebuld her family for her children's sake. So, even though she's still traumatized, she wants to forgive him and she might have always want to forgive him.

I tend to think Enji started sending her flowers when he decided to atone but don't we really know when he started so this might have had a longer build up or not.

Shouto doesn't really blame Enji for what he put him through even though it was traumatic, for him it was always what he did to his mother that was the worst sin. After the fight with the High End Shouto says he's not ready to forgive him... but, as Bakugo pointed out much later he doesn't say 'I'll never forgive him'. As Midoriya pointed out, Shouto wants to but he's not ready yet. Possibly he wants to for his mother and sister since they're willing to give this a try, maybe he wants to because, deep down, he'll also like to have a family. Hard to say.

The only one who states he'll never forgive Enji is Natsuo.

It's true, the fight with the High End is AFTER Enji decided to atone but... what exactly had he done that we know of by then beyond deciding to atone and sending Rei flowers?

Since Shouto claims he hadn't seen anything, I take for him he hasn't done anything.

Yet, Rei, Fuyumi and Shouto were all willing to give him a chance... Shouto's chance was likely more conditioned than the one Rei and Fuyumi were willing to give him (Shouto wants him to do something while probably Rei and Fuyumi would content themselves with Enji not doing anything bad) but still they were willing to give him one.

And having to deal with people who're willing to give you a chance makes things A LOT easier and since Enji did many things to atone in the end, it's easy to assume they will forgive him.

That's what I was trying to say, sorry if it didn't come out clear.

In regard to Shouto calling Touya with his name... Shouto alternates the two.

Post reveal, facing him, he goes for Touya, no 'Nī' (= "Brother") attached which is very rude and many won't do it even if their brother were to trying to kill them.

Then, once he's not facing him, when thinking about him or talking about him, he tends to call him 'Touya Nī' unless he's talking of him as a Villain ("Dabi's existence is my family crime").

When he faces Touya again, first he calls him 'Baka aniki' (馬鹿兄貴 “stupid brother”), then starts with 'Touya' (without 'Nī') but immediately switches to 'Dabi' and calls him as such through all the fight.

Okay, no, when Touya tells him he'll burn all Enji loves, Shouto calls him again 'Baka aniki' when he tells him he won't let him do it.

For the rest of the fight it's all Dabi.

Then after Shouto has frozen Touya and Touya has unfrozen himself, when he thinks about him he goes back to 'Touya Nī' and keeps on calling as such.

I think I didn't miss anything but I'm open to corrections if I did.

[blondiest]

good luck for the wip meme :3

hehehe thank you for the ask!! this one is matthalle in. to no one's fucking surprise. the universe of it's you and me, that's my whole world. because idk when ill finish this one im just gonna post most of what i have lol

Matt knows she's lucky to be alive.

She felt the blood seeping from her body, pooling on the pavement beneath her, felt the tight pain bloom in her chest whenever she tried to breathe, felt herself slipping from consciousness and thought— so this is it.

The doctors and nurses keep reminding her how lucky she is. She doesn't begrudge them that— they've taken good fucking care of her they've and been terribly patient with her piss-poor Japanese, her mediocre skills worsened by fatigue and all the drugs they have her on. Some of those drugs she's pretty sure they're not supposed to have— she wasn't allowed to bring Adderall into the country, so she'd be surprised if oxy was considered totally kosher— but she doesn't mention it. She appreciates not being in immense amounts of pain, and besides, her last comment on the laws here was met with a shower of bullets.

Come on, since when were the Japanese allowed to carry such big guns?

It's Matt's suspicion that she has Near's team to thank for her reduced suffering, and for the fact that she hasn't been dragged off to jail. Another thing she's fucking lucky for— luck, luck, more luck. Except after a few days of sitting alone in a cold, weird-smelling room, discomfort and isolation start to wear on her. Even the good shit only goes so far when it comes to managing pain, and she's got a good five gunshot wounds and a collapsed lung, and she's alone all day except when she has to shower, which is the one time she *wants* to be alone, and fuck, it gets harder and harder to stay grateful and not grouchy.

During the five days she spends in the hospital, Matt's irritability builds to something of a fever pitch. She gets exactly one visitor on day three, and it isn't even Mello or Near; it's one of Near's agents, a beefy blonde man who comes bearing a care package and gives his name as Rester. She jokingly asks if she can bum a cig, and he stiffly tells her he doesn't think smoking with a collapsed lung is wise. All further efforts at sparkling banter are promptly abandoned.

By the time she's finally deemed stable enough to discharge, Matt is itching to leave. The doctors take out her IV, give her instructions on how to proceed with her recovery, stick her in a wheelchair and tell her to wait. Her ride is meant to arrive soon, she's told.

So Matt waits. She waits ten, twenty, forty minutes, getting more and more pissed-off as the time ticks by. When the door to her room finally opens after almost an hour of waiting, she's full-on glowering, but the expression is instantaneously wiped out when she sees the woman in the doorway.

“You’re not the guy from before,” Matt blurts.

The woman smiles thinly, stepping forward and stooping slightly to offer her hand to Matt, who thankfully has the presence of mind to shake said hand instead of pressing her lips to the woman's knuckles like a fucking weirdo.

“Halle,” she says. “Forgive me for being late. Traffic was a mess.”

Matt had frankly already forgiven her the moment she walked through the door, and would forgive her in the span of a few seconds even if Halle reared back and kicked her in the stomach right now.

“Don't worry about it,” Matt manages. “I’m Matt.”

[neallo]

Fem slash halle x matt and og halle x matt give me life 😻😻😻😻😻😻

this is literally so old at this point but i'm clearing out my inbox so i will toss another excerpt in here :3 this takes place in the same universe as it's you and me, that's my whole world.

--

Matt knows she's lucky to be alive.

She felt the blood seeping from her body, pooling on the pavement beneath her, felt the tight pain bloom in her chest whenever she tried to breathe, felt herself slipping from consciousness and thought— so this is it.

The doctors and nurses keep reminding her how lucky she is. She doesn't begrudge them that— they've taken good fucking care of her they've and been terribly patient with her piss-poor Japanese, her mediocre skills worsened by fatigue and all the drugs they have her on. Some of those drugs she's pretty sure they're not supposed to have— she wasn't allowed to bring Adderall into the country, so she'd be surprised if oxy was considered totally kosher— but she doesn't mention it. She appreciates not being in immense amounts of pain, and besides, her last comment on the laws here was met with a shower of bullets.

Come on, since when were the Japanese allowed to carry such big guns?

Those would've been some stupid last words.

It's Matt's suspicion that she has Near's team to thank for her reduced suffering, and for the fact that she hasn't been dragged off to jail. Another thing she's fucking lucky for— luck, luck, more luck.

Except after a few days of sitting alone in a cold, weird-smelling room, discomfort and isolation start to wear on her. Even the good shit only goes so far when it comes to managing pain, and she's got a good five gunshot wounds and a collapsed lung, and she's alone all day except when she has to shower, which is the one time she wants to be alone, and fuck, it gets harder and harder to stay grateful and not grouchy.

During the five days she spends in the hospital, Matt's irritability builds to something of a fever pitch. She gets exactly one visitor on day three, and it isn't even Mello or Near; it's one of Near's agents, a beefy blonde man who comes bearing a care package and gives his name as Rester. She jokingly asks if she can bum a cig, and he stiffly tells her he doesn't think smoking with a collapsed lung is wise. All further efforts at sparkling banter are promptly abandoned.

The doctors take out her IV, give her some paperwork, some instructions on how to proceed with her recovery, stick her in a wheelchair and then tell her to wait, since her ride should arrive soon. So she waits ten, twenty, forty minutes, getting more and more annoyed as the time ticks by and thinking of what sort of clever snippy comment to make when Rester finally arrives to collect her.

When the door to her room finally opens after almost an hour of waiting, Matt is ready to just glower at the guy, but the bitchy expression is wiped out by one of surprise, because—

“You’re not the guy from before,” she blurts stupidly.

The woman in the doorway smiles thinly, stepping forward and stooping slightly to offer her hand to Matt, who thankfully has the presence of mind to shake said hand instead of pressing her lips to the woman's knuckles like a fucking weirdo.

“Halle,” she says. “Forgive me for being late. Traffic was a mess.”

Matt had frankly already forgiven her the moment she walked through the door, and would forgive her in the span of a few seconds even if Halle reared back and kicked her in the stomach right now.

[lomappreciationblog]

Thoughts on the Legend of Mana: Teardrop Crystal Episode 12 (Director's Cut)

In short form - this director's cut fixed most of my issues with the initial final episode released last year!

Here's the video on MuseAsia, which thankfully was uploaded with English subs.

For anyone who hasn't watched this anime adaptation, I beg you, spare yourself from the pain and watch the director's cut instead of the one they initially released. The director's cut shows crucial character interactions and a smoother fight scene that was missing in the initial released episode.

Spoiler thoughts below:

The first thing I noticed was that, thank the Mana Goddess, they removed the very awkward moment they shook Sandra's frame up and down to indicate her moving because wow, that was an early indication of how bad a janky mess the final episode was without its scenes.

So what did the director's cut add back in? Quite a lot, actually! But most especially transitions between certain moments in the fight, so Shiloh wasn't actually just standing dumbly when Sandra attacked him.

There are still a few narrative snarls: How did Serafina defeat Blackpearl unscathed? They did Blackpearl very dirty.

And what exactly happened to the Lord of Jewels remained unexplained, but it's sad that he became...a bit of a loser who couldn't really do anything. He was such an intriguing character in the game, too.

And for the life of me, I still couldn't understand exactly why Sandra chose to sacrifice herself to be the last core when Elazul offered his. According to Serafina, she understood it to mean Sandra wanted Elazul to be Florina's Knight, but honestly that's really weird to me. Sandra loved Florina, so why would she let Elazul take her place? The only explanation I can think of is, Sandra knew Elazul's core was damaged and offered her own because it would be more successful. And possibly, she was impressed that Elazul declared he would rather die for Florina than for no reason, but it's still a weird thing to me.

If I were to fix this episode, I think it would have been better if the Sword of Fate wasn't wasted on some Jewel Beasts. I would rather that after Sandra offered her own core, the Lord of Jewels did assume his 1000 form. Shiloh would then be forced to use the Sword of Fate on Lord of Jewels to defeat him, and Serafina attacked him afterwards for trying to ruin her and Sandra's plan. But as it is, in the director's cut there was a smoother flow of dialogue and interaction between the characters. Say, it is actually explicitly shown here that Serafina reacted so poorly to Shiloh pleading with her to find another way, because Serafina already knew Sandra had tried other ways and failed, things like that.

Oh, and we actually get to see Esmeralda reunite with her sisters, too! With the exception of Marina (poor girl), all the other major Jumi characters get a moment in the finale, and thankfully even Sandra as well, who is shown mourning for Serafina, which really adds to the scene - it is still strange to me that Sandra would adopt Serafina, but it is clear they loved each other and it must have been incredibly crushing for Sandra to find out, her previous efforts of slaying the Jumi was for nothing, and what saved them in the end was love - but in the process, she lost Serafina, or so she thought. See, it's just one scene of Sandra crying for Serafina, but it adds so much to the character and the story.

I do think Serafina is still way too easily forgiven, but at the same time, Shiloh is a soft heart so I can't say it was too out of character for him to forgive her even after she betrayed him.

This review is messy, but all I can say is, HUGE improvement over the one they initially released, and a much more satisfactory ending!

And - maybe even a tease? For a brief moment, the ending sequence showed Larc and Escad, so maybe they'll go on to animate the Dragon and Faerie arcs, too! But please, no more releasing episodes even though they're unfinished. Apparently, Episode 12 was released the mess it is because of pandemic reasons, which is completely understandable, but I wish they had pushed back released that episode and released this version rather than the initial episode 12.

[syafura-blog]

A letter from me to you. 

I don't know, maybe it's just random thoughts at 2 am, but if this letter reaches you, it means the universe is ready to send it to you. 

Oh, if your wife reads it too, I just want to say hello there. Don't worry, this letter doesn't mean your man is still in touch with me. No, we haven't talked since you two got married. This letter is not about me trying to romanticize our memories again. No, it's not. This letter is about me trying to heal.

Okay, let's start. First of all, I'm sorry. I apologize for being a spoiled baby and a crazy person who tried to control and change you. Perhaps I was too young to understand you. I thought I only needed love in our relationship, and I forgetting about other important things to maintain it.

When I say to you that “I've forgiven you but can't forget you” it's not just about the mistakes you've made but also the mistakes I made that failed our relationship, 

although your mistakes were WAY worse, haha.

What kind of boyfriend turns off his phone and plays with another girl?

What kind of boyfriend go to matchmaking event with another girl? 

What kind of boyfriend says harsh words to his girlfriend? 

What kind of boyfriend tells his girlfriend to go away when she's trying to explain her feelings? What kind of boyfriend surrenders when his girlfriend leaves? 

What kind of boyfriend already sleeps with another girl when his girlfriend is still thinking about getting back together (yes, I know because I checked your phone when you took time to pray 😄🙏🏻)? 

what kind of man spreads fake stories that I was caught cheating in my room?

Indeed, you're the kind of man who doesn't have the courage to let go a girl you never truly wanted in the first place. Instead, you stay with her hold her hand so tight but leaving her wondering about her presence in your life all this time.

Haha, that's why I say I CAN'T FORGET, BUT I CAN FORGIVE. you owe me not only the apologies 🤣🤣

But Finally, I am sending you this letter to share something great with you , that after a long time of carrying all the grudges of anger and sadness, I've decided to let them all go. 

I’VE FORGIVE AND I’VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING. 

I'm letting it go to the universe, so I can walk through this fleeting life properly and lightly.

Only love and beautiful memories do I keep as a sign of my love for myself.

Thank you for everything.

May Allah Bless you and your family.

[archivalofsins]

Kotoko second trial interrogation question two be like. Oh no, more shit I knew and pointed out already. Kotoko, I feel I've gotten to know you so well over this short period of time.

Q.02 Have you heard of the "Justice Alliance"?

Kotoko: What. I don’t know what that is but it’s probably useless if they need to band together to achieve justice.

Merriam-Webster, Cambridge Dictionary, Google Oxford Languages Definition

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings? Kotoko: No. Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo! Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

Union buster, boot licker I feel like I've used these descriptors before too actually. But I have no clue where at this point, I talk a lot of shit about Kotoko and every other character here. So, that's not surprising but like would be nice to find it eventually. I've been looking for it but no dice.

She blatantly says whatever this group was doing was more than likely useless because they needed to band together to do it. Directly reinforcing her actions and statements towards Mikoto have highlighted Kotoko does not believe in unionizing or allying herself with other individuals. In fact, she thinks doing so is a sign of weakness.

She has a "Fusion is a cheap tactic to make weak gems stronger mindset." Children programs from decades ago far before the one I just referenced have proven her wrong. That's wild. Oh, but she wanted to team up with Milgram and work beneath Es. That's not an alliance that's a business relationship but alliances can be with corporations too.

Yes, they can be. However, alliances between a corporate entity and those made amongst individuals are different. Kotoko's answer is highlighting that she recognizes the difference between the two and does not think favorably of a bunch of individuals banding together to fight evil.

Which goes well with her previous statements about how she never asked for anyone else's opinion in her second glitched voice line. Then why in her second voice drama she states that Es should just stop thinking about all of this and leave everything to her. Because Kotoko is not aligning herself with individuals she does not have to take said individuals opinions into account. She just needs access and backing from entities that will allow her to either gain power or have closer proximity to it.

This could be applied to why she refers to Es as Prisoner 011 and puts Milgram before them when discussing whom she's working with. Because like many of the other prisoners she's come to recognize that Es isn't the one in power here Milgram is.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

This plays into why Kazui highlights what she's doing isn't apart of Milgram's System instead of calling to attention the guard didn't ask her to do any of this. Because he recognizes the guard's opinion to her is secondary to Milgram's rules. Something Kotoko has no issue highlighting herself when she states that Kazui is making a pointless argument.

His argument is pointless because Milgram is neither in favor of them using violence against each other nor against it. The only time that this behavior is prohibited is during the trials when the prisoners can't attack to harm or injury each other but only to incapacitate. As shown in Kazui and Mikoto's first voice dramas. Yet anything goes after the trials have concluded.

So, Kotoko hasn't broken any rules. She highlights that it isn't exactly not allowed either later just as she did with the rooms not having locks in her trial one interrogation. Because Milgram allows the prisoners to attack each other as long as there is no trial going on, their cells have no locks, and the facility has given them a supply closet full of tools at their disposal to use how they see fit.

Kotoko's free to do as she pleases just like everyone else is. Her mindset is if Milgram were against any of them acting in this way it would have stated such or enacted measures against such behavior. Since the facility hasn't and has instead made it easier for people to act in such a way that means what she's doing isn't incorrect or prohibited exactly.

Kotoko regards Milgram first when talking to Mikoto on her birthday, further emphasizing how she's come to understand the hierarchy in this situation. Milgram is at the top, then Es after, and then her. This is why she makes a bid in trial two to be allowed to be the guard instead of Es who she doubts can do a good job. Though this is something she's wanted from the beginning.

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but for now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate. Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself. Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……![TN: The word “me” here uses first person pronoun “boku”.] Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

If the Justice Alliance were a real entity with renown and power as Milgram has proven itself to be she'd respect it more. Hell, if Milgram was called the Justice Alliance instead of Milgram, she'd be all for the Justice Alliance. Just like she was quick to respect Es enough to offer teaming up with them for their benefit of course yet when Mikoto someone in the same situation she is in offered to join forces with her she brushed it off completely.

Because to her the fact that he wants to team up already means he's weak. Which given the whole I'll beat you at your own game thing might not have been a good assumption to make. Especially since in that Birthday interaction between the two Mikoto is quick to highlight that neither of them really has allies at the moment.

Though taking into consideration Kotoko's talk with Haruka it's hard to say she's completely isolated.

Ultimately my point is that people who ignore, belittle, and further dehumanize others going through the same circumstances as them to better align themselves to the groups in power or differentiate themselves from the bad ones... Are not individuals likely to consider independent unions/alliances made by weaklings (people living under an abusive system who do not have the power to change it on their own in this case) dependent of the status quo a legitimate means of fixing the situation or obtaining their goal.

To change things, they believe the most important thing is power and they will position themselves in whatever way that allows them to get more of that. So, Kotoko and Haruka working together makes sense because like Haruka said in his second voice drama-

He can kill anything smaller than him and Kotoko did kind of fail at doing that during the first trial intermission. Because she just didn't have enough power.

It's good to see that she's still the same person as usual. Though I wonder how that's going to work out for Amane. Since she's the antithesis of Kotoko's mindset. Plus, she's actively been trying to align herself with others more to spread her beliefs.

It really all depends on how well those efforts to sway people to her side works out and how many people she gets on board.

[ellakomskaikru]

Didn’t it bother you that in the the southern raiders Katara’s anger became all about her mother’s death instead of about Zuko betraying her in Ba Sing Se? It didn’t make a lot of sense to me that Katara just forget about that at the end and forgave Zuko just because he took her on their little field trip. It felt like Zuko was just trying to distract her from her anger at him by directing it towards the man who killed her mom.

Hello anon!

I have seen this take before, and I don’t see it that way. I interpreted it in a different way. Katara’s anger at Zuko for the betrayal in Ba Sing Se was addressed. Remember this exchange?

Katara: I was the first person to trust you remember? Back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me! Betrayed all of us!

Zuko: What can I do to make it up to you?

Zuko did not get angry and yell at her in return. Instead he looked angry at himself, and then calmly asks her how he could make it up to her. Then Katara tells him that he could do things that are basically impossible, like reconquering Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King and bringing her mother back, which implies that Katara’s anger has become the result of many other things that she is projecting onto Zuko, because she was already rightfully angry at him for Ba Sing Se.

Zuko has already expressed that he is remorseful for Ba Sing Se by asking how he can make it up to her. He can’t go back in time and fix his mistake at Ba Sing Se. But he can help her find her mother’s killer and hopefully help her get closure. Zuko realized that Katara’s anger was way deeper when she mentioned her mother’s death, which is why he goes to Sokka and asks him about the details of what happened to Kya.

I didn’t see that as Zuko trying to distract her. Katara was right to be angry at Zuko for the betrayal at Ba Sing Se, but she was projecting her anger from the death of her mother onto him, and he saw how hurt she was, which is why he decided to tell her that he could help her find her mother’s killer. Of course Zuko hoped that Katara would forgive him. But that doesn’t make his actions in that episode any less genuine.

Firstly, Zuko could personally relate to the pain of losing a mother, and therefore wanted to help her get closure. He also expressed empathy for her when they were imprisoned together in Ba Sing Se before. Secondly, unlike how some others have claimed, he was not pressuring Katara to kill Yon Rha. And I don’t buy the claim that it was “implied” because they didn’t want to say the word “kill” because in that same episode, Zuko literally said, “I know who killed your mother.”

So if Zuko had been secretly pressuring her to kill him, he would have told Aang, “Killing this man is the only way Katara can move forward” and he didn’t. He just argued against the idea that forgiveness was the only way to move forward. And when Zuko and Katara got back from their field trip, Katara seen sitting alone with her toes in the water. Zuko was not pressuring her to forgive him afterwards. He gave her her space.

So if Zuko’s only reason for taking Katara on the trip had been to get her to forgive him, he would have been right beside her side afterwards asking if he was forgiven, but he wasn’t. Katara was the one who went to him, and forgave him when she was ready. And the claim that Zuko was selfish in his reasons for taking Katara on the field trip also ignores one of his primary character traits, empathy. It shouldn’t be so hard to believe that he genuinely wanted to help her, especially because he experienced the same pain in his own life.

And Katara didn’t forget about Ba Sing Se. But she saw that he was truly remorseful and she knew he couldn’t actually take back what he did. So after the field trip, she forgave Zuko.

Thanks for the ask!

[ignitedbynatsu]

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Natsu

A/N: Woowie it has been a while hasn’t it 😅 Writers block can be a bitch but I think I have a few more ideas for the other boys. Let me know who you want me to write for next!!

warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel like you feel like your magic isn’t compatible, cursing

genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Bickslow ~ Gajeel ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting ~ Rogue

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Tension had been running high for Natsu when his fire attacks had been cancelled one after the other by the wind magic user, but when you were the one that accidentally nullified his attack with your water magic, that’s when he completely snapped.

You had taken note of the rising irritation in your boyfriend's behaviour, and you thought that he hadn’t noticed the attack coming his way so in the heat of the moment you decided to step in. As a result, your water extinguished his flames and you both could dodge his attack your opponent’s attack just in time.

“Natsu, I’m so sorry-“ “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You were a bit taken back by his sudden tone as he had never yelled at you before. He took notice of your sudden state of shock, but that wasn’t enough to prevent the vicious word from coming from his mouth “Why the fuck did you think that was a good idea? Don’t you see that you’re a nuisance to me? All you do is fuck up my fire and get in my way. I don’t want your magic near me, can you get that through your thick skull?”

“Natsu!” Erza called out to the stressed fire dragon slayer “This is not the time nor the place”

“I won’t get in your way next time” You whispered before heading over to help Lucy with her opponent.

After a while, you overpowered your foes and were now on a train making your way back to Magnolia. You sat next to Lucy, while Carla and Wendy were seated in front of you. Natsu, Gray, Erza and Happy were seated in the boot next to yours.

“(Y/N)” Natsu whined “I’m dying, please help me” You usually summoned some water in the palm of your hand and let it softly swirl against his forehead. For some reason, it helped with the nauseous feeling, and you were about to give in until you realized his words from earlier. He wanted your magic nowhere near him. What if you somehow fucked up and splashed water all over him. You did not want to be yelled at again.

“Tell Natsu I’m asleep or something” You mumbled lowly, so only Lucy could hear, while you laid your head on her shoulder. She gave you a sad smile, knowing the outburst was still fresh on your mind. She complied, making Natsu groan in response but eventually gave up. He didn’t look too much in it as he knew how tired you could get from these jobs.

Once out of the train, you didn’t spare Natsu a second look. You walked in front of everyone, but Erza quickly caught up to walk next to you, while the other looked after the two Dragon Slayers that were still feeling a bit nauseous from the train ride “Are you okay?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” You asked.

Erza clicked her tongue as she looked at you from the corner of her eyes, absolutely not believing the lie that just fell from your tongue “Natsu was way out of line”

“He was just stressed, it can happen to the best of us” You shrugged it off, hoping that if you treated it lightly it wouldn’t weight down later in your mind.

“Still not an excuse to work it out on you” She pointed out.

“I know, thank you for caring, but really Erza, I promise I’m okay.” You gave her a small genuine smile which she returned.

You didn’t return to the guild as the others did, instead, you went home, telling the others you were too tired from the mission to deal with the shenanigans from Fairy Tail. Natsu offered to walk you home, but you kindly denied it, leaving him a bit confused. He realized he should probably give you some space since he lashed out at you. He made a mental note to apologize next thing in the morning when he’d see you.

“(Y/N)! Baby!” Natsu ran over to you and hugged you tightly while spinning you around making you squeal in surprise “put me down, Natsu”

“Only if you forgive me for what happened yesterday,” he said.

“I forgive you. You were stressed, I get it, it’s no big deal” You forgave him.

“I knew you’d understand, you’re the best” He kissed your cheek as he placed you back on your feet “anyway Happy and I found this job and-“

“I think I’m gonna take a day off, still feel a little tired from yesterday, you can go, though, have fun” you cut him off before he could fully explain the mission.

“Alright, make sure you take care of yourself today! I’ll be home as soon as I can, so we can cuddle” He kissed your forehead before turning to the Exceed “Let’s go Happy! Let’s go ask if Lucy wants to join”

That’s how the following weeks went. You always found an excuse to not join Natsu and Happy on the job. Sure you had forgiven him for his outburst since he was under a lot of stress. He shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but you also knew it could happen to the best of us when you’ve hit your limit. However, you couldn’t help but see some truth in his words.

Your magic was not compatible and made you doubt yourself. You associated yourself strongly with your magic, as every wizard did, so I made you think if you and Natsu were suited for each other. After all, that was one of the many reasons why Natsu and Gray shared such a peculiar friendship.

You had often heard of the saying that opposites attracted, but nothing could be further from the truth. The human race is a narcissistic species and wants nothing more than finding themselves in their significant others. Huge differences might be exciting and fun at first but are bound to break in the long run.

“(Y/N), you wanna go on a mission with us?” Natsu asked as you stood in front of the board with job applications.

“Can’t, I promised Gajeel I-“ You started to explain but cut yourself off when Natsu threw you over his shoulder “Natsu! Let me go! Natsu!”

“No we need to talk,” He said in a serious tone, making you stop struggling against his grip and let him take you outside, so you could talk in private.

“What do you wanna talk about?” You asked softly as you took notice of the sincere expression on his face.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked as his black orbs were searching for answers in your eyes.

“I am not” you deflected his question, but you breaking eye contact as soon as the words past your lips proved you were lying.

“Ever since that day I lashed out at you, you haven’t gone on a mission with me” He pressed.

“That’s not true” you denied once again which made him frown. Why were you dishonest with him?

“Okay, when was the last time we went on a job together?” He asked. Your silence was a clear answer and you both knew it. Your gaze averted to the ground, but he refused to let you shy away from him as he placed a finger under your chin to tilt your head back up until your eyes meet once again. His hand softly from underneath your chin to lay on your cheek “are you still upset with me?”

Your heart shattered at how vulnerable he was right now. His playful antics long replaced by guilt that had been slowly eating away at him for the past days. “No, of course not”

“Then please tell me what I did wrong. I can’t stand the thought of me deliberately hurting you. Please tell me what’s troubling you, so I can fix it” He pleaded.

“Do you-“ You paused to collect your thoughts “do you think we’re right for each other?”

“What do you mean?” 

“That day you said my magic was a nuisance. It got me thinking and you were right. You have to evade my magic so often, and it's all because it isn’t compatible with one another. I just didn’t want to be more of a hinder than I already was, that’s why I started to join others on their jobs just so I wouldn’t mess up yours. I just sometimes wonder if my magic isn’t the only thing that isn’t compatible with you.” You frowned as you hear yourself your insecurities out loud.

“Hey, no, stop. What I said that day was completely out of line. I took my frustration and took them out on you and I shouldn’t have. I have no excuse for how I acted that day. You didn’t deserve it, and I’m sorry for making you feel bad. So what if we’re a little different. I thought you always liked a good challenge?” He apologized.

“Sure I like the thrill of our relationship, but it doesn’t take away from the fact our magic isn’t suitable for one another. I just think we’re setting ourselves up for failure. A challenge is fun for a little while but we both know that stability is what you need if you want a relationship to survive in the long run” You explained.

“Then we’ll defy those odds. I’ll show everyone and especially you that you don’t need something like psychology to prove if a relationship will work or not. Please let me prove to you how much I can love you and let me prove to you that I’ll eventually become that stability you crave.” He vowed. “I always thought you weren’t one to be quick on giving up when things get rough”

“I’m not, I just don’t want to put my heart out there if I know from the start it’ll only get broken” You uttered somberly.

“I promise you it won’t. I’ll love you with every fiber in my body until the day I die. I will never make you doubt yourself or our relationship again” He told you, sincerity audible in his voice.

You smiled softly at him as your arms sneaked around his waist while your head laid on his chest. His arms immediately reacted at your touch, shielding you away from the world as his lips planted a soft kiss on your head “I love you”

[troubatrain]

want you to want me - m. tkachuk

a/n: i’m awful at intros but this fic is my whole ass child. i started it months ago and i picked it up back and then i just couldn’t stop writing. now we’re at a whopping 10k words and i’m really happy with the way this one came out. i hope you guys like it as much as i loved writing it.

big thanks to @hookingminor @igor-shestyorkin & @tkafuckit for reading this as i wrote it and gassing me up ily all sm

warnings: smut

You were Matthew’s dream girl, and you didn’t have a fucking clue. You were leaning against the cold metal bleachers of your former high school, chatting with whatever teacher probably wanted to hear all about that shiny NWSL contract you signed right out of college with the Chicago Red Stars. It was well deserved, a few national titles in college put you in the position in the first place, and Matthew respected the hell out of you. You wouldn’t know, by the way he never seems like he actually wants to speak to you and the few snide remarks about your sport in general. That started forever ago, when Matthew royally fucked up any chance he had with you later in life because he was a competitive asshole.

It started when you were twelve, and middle school was nothing short of a mess. Matthew was growing into his own, adding a near foot to his height over one summer while his father and coaches doted on the fact that he was getting bigger. Getting bigger meant getting better, and for a few years winning was the most important thing in the world. But, becoming a hormonal preteen came with something else, feelings about the girl who sat three rows behind him in almost all of his classes.

Then third period gym class came around, and Matthew was a competitive monster. The kind of kid who took that way too seriously, and you accidentally became public enemy number one. You were the only person in his class who could even come close to beating him at anything, because you were just as much of an athlete as he was. Soccer had become your craft, and much like Matthew, you declared you’d go pro one day. So, Matthew did what any other insecure twelve year old boy would, he teased you relentlessly. It was awful, but by the time Matthew had gone off to play for the National team you had forgotten about his bullshit.

Apparently, you’d done something in a past life to warrant dealing with Matthew for longer than you ever anticipated. Jamie was your little sister, and Taryn’s best friend. Best friend was probably understatement, the pair were inseparable on and off the field. They trained together, they played on the same teams and that meant way too much time with the rest of the Tkachuk’s. You learned quickly, that the rest of their family was wonderful and Matthew seemed to be too thick headed to fall in line.

You tolerated Matthew, brushing his silly remarks off just like you did when you were younger. The thing was, Matthew didn’t want you to just tolerate him, but he didn’t know how to get you to stop hating him. You make your way over to Matthew who’d been standing next to his brother since the start of your sister’s game.

“Hi Brady,” You greet, tapping Brady on the shoulder who pulled you into a bone crushing hug. That annoyed Matthew the most, the way you seemed to love his siblings and despise him. In your defense, nobody was more supportive of your professional career than Brady, who’d made a promise to catch a game the second he could, “Hi Matthew.”

You were waiting for something from Matthew, an acknowledgement for finally achieving a dream of yours. You’d gotten the congratulations from the rest of his family, a massive celebration because Keith thought you deserved it. Matthew probably didn’t think you did. You could practically hear his smug little voice about how much his recently inked contract was compared to yours, because you’d heard it since you were kids. He used to rip on your athletic abilities every chance he could, something about how it didn’t matter how hard you could kick a ball you couldn’t hold a hockey stick so he was just better.

“You’re here!” You hear the chipper voice of your little sister approach, Jamie’s sweaty postgame arms wrapped around your waist. You’d been in Chicago, signing some paperwork and looking into finding a place to stay when you had to go for camp. You promised you’d make it back in time, and your flight landed less than five hours ago but you made it.

Matthew bit the inside of his cheek to keep his smile to himself, watching his own sister push past him to see you. Taryn loved you, because sometimes she just needed a big sister and her brothers were in another country most

of the time. It was the part that killed him the most, seeing you with his family. You fit right in, a fierce athlete with drive that rivaled his own. Brady side-eyed his own brother, watching him instead of the scene unfolding in front of him. He was frustrated with his own brother for not just telling you the truth, that he teased you because he was an idiot who didn’t know how to handle having a crush on you.

But Brady was going to do it himself if his brother didn’t.

***

Matt, you don’t have a girlfriend right?

Matthew knew damn well he should not have answered his sister’s question, but when he realized her best friend had been sitting right next to her in the kitchen, his curiosity got the best of him. So he did, telling his sister he was single and sparing her details of any of the girls he’d gone on dates with the past year. That was his life is Calgary, a constant revolving door so no one would see what was underneath layers of sarcasm and angst. But every summer, he’d come home and wonder when he’d start to build a life for himself, and if he’d ever find that person to do it with. That was when his brain would start to wander, fantasies of a future that always seemed to involve you. He loved to imagine it, the years that you’d both spend supporting the other’s dream. Matthew would do anything to make sure you achieved yours, and he thought you’d do the same. Then you’d both settle down, the big house with the white picket fence and a shiny ring on your finger Matthew put there himself and years of arguing about what sport your future children would play - he’d even consider letting you have just one.

Unfortunately, none of that could be real until he figured out how to get you to hate him less. Taryn apparently had the same idea, and had been scheming with your sister for months. The two girls were looking at Matthew with devilish grins on their faces, like whatever they came up with would totally work.

“Y/N doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Your sister hums, sipping the smoothie they forced Matthew to drive them to go get, “It’s sad actually-”

“We think you should date,” Taryn explains, Matthew’s eyes went wide. His sister didn’t know the whole story, or just how far back this stupid fued went. Taryn always loved you, so Matthew just kept his remarks to himself.

“I know you know Y/N doesn’t like me very much,” Matthew explains, “So tell me how that’s going to work.”

“Apologize to her, if she can forgive me for anything she’ll forgive you,” Jamie sighs, thinking of all the times you’d shown her mercy when she didn’t deserve it.

“You’ve got to be sorry,” Brady interrupts, mouth full of food while he goes to go look for more in the fridge. He turns around, Matthew’s eyes giving him daggers, “What? You were a dick to her for years, you’ve got to fix that first.”

It didn’t take much convincing after that, Taryn had already planned out what Matthew should say to you. Matthew wasn’t going to repeat those words, because he knew exactly what he’d say to you if he ever got the chance. He was trying to fix his past, because the way he acted towards you was the one thing he regrets. 

So with the help of your little sister and the Find my Friends app, Matthew was pulling up to a soccer field he’d been to plenty of times. He used to run through the park nearby, catching a glimpse of your practices when you were in high school and Matthew was an afterthought. He hops out of his car, smiling when he could see you running drills alone. You were dribbling the ball, counting to yourself while you were weaving through cones you set up.

“I’ve never been good at those,” Matthew calls out, walking over to you while you stopped and caught your breath, “I kick the cones with my skate every single time.”

“Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are,” You tease, grabbing your water and guzzling it down, “What are you doing here?”

“I, uh, I came to apologize?” Matthew admits, knowing his face was probably bright red. He was nervous, the good kind like he got before a big game, “I was just an insecure kid then, and you didn’t deserve what I did just because I was afraid you’d beat in something.”

Matthew left out the part where he felt like he was still that kid all the time. All of those insecurities about himself seemed to be picked up by every reporter in Canada when he was there. You bit your lip, pretending like you were trying to debate whether or not you should forgive Matthew at all. In reality, you would have forgiven him ages ago if he’d just apologized sooner. It was so long ago, and sometimes you thought Matthew’s constant taunting made you better. He was pleading, baby blue eyes staring at you sadly while he waited for your answer. He looked like he didn’t think he deserved to be forgiven, shoulders slumped while he tried to read your body language. It was something you noticed about Matthew forever ago, he could have everything in the world but when he looked at you he seemed almost sad.

“I mean I could forgive you, but only if you beat me,” You cross your arms, raising an eyebrow at Matthew, “If I win, I don’t have to and if you win all is forgiven.”

“Really? Isn’t that why we were in this situation to begin with?” Matthew points out, crossing his arms at you.

“I thought you weren’t that kid anymore,” You remind of his own words, testing him to see if he’d put his money where his mouth was. Matthew smirks, chuckling to himself, “C’mon Tkachuk let’s see what you got.”

Matthew shook his head, laughing and lining up next to you. You both counted to three, sprinting down the field at full force. Matthew knew his height was the only thing working to his advantage while he tried to keep up with you. You were nearing your finish line, and Matthew didn’t think he was going to win. You were going to forgive him regardless, but Matthew didn’t know that. His arms stretched out, grabbing your waist and pulling you into his chest. Matthew turned his body around, stepping over the line before you did.

“God, you’re such a fucking cheater Matthew,” You hit his chest, Matthew’s hands still firmly placed on your hips.

“I didn’t want to lose,” Matthew admits, all of his smug attitude diminishing immediately, “Just want you to forgive me.”

“I’ll forgive you if you never pull that shit on me again,” You poke his chest, slipping out of his grip and running to your stuff before he could notice how nervous he was making you. 

No. Absolutely not. You told yourself while you checked your phone, rolling your eyes at the warning text from Jamie that Matthew was on his way, you couldn’t have anything but indifference to Matthew Tkachuk. It got harder everytime you saw him, the past few years had been nothing short of kind to him, he was growing from a dumb immature boy to a man more and more every summer. You turn around, peeking at Matthew who was sitting down and catching his breath, a winning smile on his face, the same kind he had the very first time he schooled everyone at floor hockey in middle school.

Maybe you could be friends.

***

Matthew liked having you as a friend, mostly because as of right now that was all he was going to get. You definitely didn’t trust him, which was valid considering Matthew had been a dick to you for years, but he was working on it. He had to, that uncontrollable feeling that he cared about you was getting harder to shove back down with every year that passed.

“You’re friends now, you don’t need to stare at her like a creep anymore,” Brady scoffs, watching his brother gawk at you from afar. Matthew couldn’t help it, you just had a glow about you, you always did, but somehow in the summer you were golden. Tonight you looked even better, maybe it’s because you smiled at him when he walked instead of scowling like you usually did.

“He’s in love with you,” Steph giggles, sipping her drink and giving Matthew a side eye, “He’s been staring at you all night.”

“He apologized to me,” You confess, holding in that little secret about Matthew’s visit to the field even from your best friend. You had the same friends, the same group of people who’d been pushing the two of you to work it out for years. It wasn’t that you didn’t want them to know that they no longer had to worry about one of you blowing up because the other was there, you just wanted everyone to let it go too. Matthew deserved a little forgiveness, you could only imagine the pressure he felt on himself back then, and while he didn’t totally deserve your protection - you were going to give it to him, “Don’t-”

“Oh wonder why, I know it’s because he looooves you,” Steph teases, “Did you forgive him?”

“Yeah I mean we’re both older and I’d like to think he’s wiser, and besides our parents are way too close,” You knew this was going to be your excuse for a while. It was better for everyone that you forgave him, Jamie and Taryn spent more time together than you’d spend with anyone and you're just as close with the rest of their family. It wasn’t untrue that it was in fact for the best, but that didn’t mean Matthew’s stupid dimples didn’t persuade you before you could think about anyone else, “Can we stop talking about this?”

Matthew’s eyes didn’t leave you once that night, especially after the way Steph downed tequila shots and convinced you to join her. You deserved to celebrate, you’d accomplished something Matthew knew was your biggest dream because it was the same as his. He was proud of you, not that he’d gotten a chance to show it.

“If you’re going to go pro Y/N, you’ve got to start keeping up,” Brady chirps, watching you stumble over your own feet to walk over to him and Matthew. Matthew had seen this once before, a level of drunkenness where you turned into bambi but that was so long ago he never thought he’d see it again.

“I’ll go pro in beating your ass Brady,” You snap back, shooting daggers over Brady who was already cracking up, “Hi Matthew.”

“Hi,” Matthew’s voice was small, a weird sound considering he was usually the loudest in the room. Brady scoffs, walking away from the two of you before he snaps at how hopelessly in love his brother was. You turn your head in confusion, your mind far too hazy to realize why Brady was so annoyed in the first place, causing Matthew to chuckle, “Want to play? Might be best if we’re on the same team.”

Matthew’s thumb shot over to the beer pong set up on the other side of the room, a mischievous smirk on face, “I mean if it’s for the best.”

Matthew’s arm wrapped around your shoulders holding you close to his chest while you both played pong was definitely not for the best, and it wasn’t helping that stupid crush you had on him. You could feel Steph’s stare from the corner of the room, and you look at her to mouth a don’t at her. It was nice having Matthew on your team, finally a moment where instead of arguing with each other about who’s elbow was clearly over the table - you got to do the same thing to Brady.

“Brady you’re cheating,” You call out, Matthew’s head thrown back in laughter at your seriousness.

“You heard her Brady, elbows over the table,” Matthew breathes out, his body still rumbling with laughter at his little brother’s expense.

“Oh look at you two, you’re just gonna raise some winners one day aren’t you?” Brady chirps back, both happy to see you getting along and annoyed once he realizes that means he was going to get roasted by both of you now. You felt heat rush to your cheeks, tucking your face into Matthew’s arm in hopes no one saw the way you shrunk at that stupid joke.

“We’re winners right now,” Matthew calls out, his last ball landing in the cup and sealing the game for the two of you. Matthew would raise winners with you, it was something he thought about from time to time, but those thoughts were never going to see the light of day, “Alright drunky I think it’s time to get you home.”

“You can stay, I’ll just catch a ride with someone,” You waive Matthew off, who shook his head no at you before you even started speaking.

“One, my dad would kick my ass if he knew I left you,” Matthew starts with, holding up one finger with another on the way, “Two, we’re friends now and I’d like to make sure you don’t die before you see a pro game.”

Matthew had seen you this drunk before, but what he didn’t know was that getting you home would be more difficult than he thought. You started in the direction of your house, but apparently you were a runner and a speedy one at that. Now you were barely two blocks away from Matthew’s parents place and if he could at least get you there he’d be able to call it a night - which wasn’t fucking easy.

“Alright I’ve had enough,” Matthew huffs, jogging to catch up with you and scooping you into his arms. You were hanging over his shoulder, Matthew making his way down the street with the house in his sightline. You could have cared less, laughing your ass off while Matthew walked up the stairs and finally placed you back down on your feet, “Be quiet, go up to my room and get some clothes and go sleep in the guest room.”

You weren’t quiet, not at all and Matthew was amazed not one of his parents came down to see what all the chaos was about. After Matthew had to walk you up the stairs, running back down for some water and hoping you weren’t a disaster by the time he got back - he found you in his bed. You were curled up right in the middle, an old London Knights shirt on your body, Matthew’s favorite. Matthew grabs his comforter, throwing it over your body. He sighs, leaning against his door frame and smiling to himself at how comfortable you looked, flicking off the light and retreating to the guest room.

Matthew hated the guest room. He hated how hard the mattress was and after a few hours of no sleep and tossing and turning - he gave up. Matthew hoped no one else was up, but not to his surprise his mother was already in the kitchen, and judging by the look on her face, she knew who was upstairs.

“Care to explain?” Chantal smirks, raising her eyebrows at her son. Matthew’s face got red, his landing on the back of his neck to cover the blush.

“She fell asleep before I could even get her to the guest room,” Matthew shrugs, hoping his mom wouldn’t push it any further, “I, uh, apologized the other day.”

“Good,” Chantal hums, a knowing look on her face. She didn’t like to push Matthew, her one kid who seemed to be a little rougher around the edges than the others, but that silly feud never sat right with her, “Here, bring her a coffee, I’m sure she needs it.”

Matthew nods, grabbing the mug his mother was holding out and starting to make his way up the stairs. He heard the tell her you made it from his mother and shook his head. He knew what she was thinking, especially with the way Chantal seemed to talk about you. His mother thought you were nothing short of perfect, and Matthew would be a liar if he didn’t think the same thing.

“Did I fall asleep here?” You’d woken up confused, your question only answered by the jerseys hanging on the walls, you were in Matthew’s room. You rub your eyes, the door creaking open way too loudly for how dead you felt.

“Only after you almost fell down the stairs and ran three blocks in the wrong direction,” Matthew chuckles, sitting on the edge of the bed and handing you the mug, “You know you’re fast right?”

“Yeah,” You muse, smirking to yourself and taking a sip of coffee, “I’m sorry I did that to you, and stole your bed - I can go.”

Matthew stopped you, telling to finish your coffee and relax and he’d drive you home after. You fell into a comfortable conversation, something Matthew never thought would happen.

And watching you walk up to your steps in his shirt still wasn’t something he thought he’d see, but it was better than he imagined.

***

“Hey it’s Jamie, can’t get to the phone right now…”

You groan, tossing your phone onto your bed and continuing your pace around the room. It was well after midnight, and your sister had been out all night, and past her curfew. Usually you’d cover for her, definitely taking the prize home for the cool older sister who picks her siblings and their friends up from parties. That’s what had you so worried. Sure, Jamie was a teenager and she snuck in a few little white lies with your parents just like you’d done, but Jamie always told you the truth. She’d check in with you more than her parents, letting you know that she’s going to be out late but she’s safe and if she needed anything she knew who to call. You texted sometime around ten, just checking in since it was Saturday and you were sure she had a more riveting social life than yourself. No answer. Then eleven rolled around and you didn’t hear anything, so naturally you double texted and now it’s twelve thirty and you still haven’t heard anything. You cross your arms, looking at your phone as if you could will an answer into existence. You grab it, dialing a number you weren’t even sure would work.

“Hello?” Matthew’s voice appeared on the other side of the line, clear confusion in his voice. You let out a sigh of relief, hoping Matthew would have the answer you wanted to hear so desperately.

“Is my sister at your house?” You ask, biting your lip and throwing on a pair of sweats so you could pick her up and murder her for scaring you like that. You were sure it was innocent, Jamie slept over at Taryn’s all the time, staying up way too late watching movies or when Jamie would hide going to a party from your much stricter parents.

Matthew tells you to give him a minute, and you can hear him walking through the house. By the time you heard a door open and a small fuck under his breath, your stomach dropped, “She was supposed to be home by midnight.”

“Alright, thanks anyways,” You sigh, “Do you know where they might have gone? It’s just, Jamie hasn’t answered me in hours and she usually does even if she’s out past curfew and I’m just-”

“I’ll be at your house in ten,” Matthew says, his keys alright in his hand and his foot halfway out the door. He was more mad than worried, sure his sister was out a party past curfew. Matthew was her biggest brother, and he was far more protective over her than Brady ever could be. He hated when she did this, and Matthew was pissed. You waited on your steps, Matthew car coming into view while you sprung up and practically sprinted into his car.

“You look mad,” You observe, as if it wasn’t completely obvious. You knew why, trying countless times to remind Taryn that her brother loves her and that’s why he’s like that. You thought he could go a little easier on her, but you wouldn’t dare get in the middle of that.

“I am mad,” Matthew grits out, knuckles white on his steering wheel while he drives slowly down the street. You just drove, in hopes you’d find what was obviously a house party and hopes your sisters were inside. You squint, hoping your eyes weren’t fooling you.

“Wait, pull over I think I see my neighbor,” You yell, Matthew’s foot flying on the break and you hop out. You were right, the bright orange tuft of hair you saw was like a miracle, “Hey Henry have you seen my sister?”

“Oh yeah I think she’s still inside,” Henry points to the house behind him, music blasting and a party in full swing, “I think she’s with Taryn.”

Matthew hops out of the car, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the house with him. Matthew’s fingers were laced with yours with every step he took, weaving through the crowd in hopes you’d see them. It took three bedrooms and a laundry room until you finally saw Taryn standing in the doorway. Her eyes went wide, and you pushed past them both to see Jamie with her head in the toilet. She was fine, well she was definitely in deep shit, but it wasn’t the worst thing to stumble upon. You throw her hair up, your attention moving to Matthew yelling at his sister in the hallway.

“Why didn’t you call someone,” Matthew yells, trying so damn hard to not completely snap on his baby sister. Taryn yells that her phone had died and then Jamie got sick and she didn’t know what to do. Of course they didn’t. You were probably more sympathetic, and you knew just how pissed off Matthew could get. You get up, pushing Taryn back into the bathroom and telling her to watch your sister.

“Calm down before you talk to her, please,” You plead, grabbing Matthew’s shoulders, “Besides, I sort of need some help right now.”

There it was. The very moment Matthew realized all along you could’ve been helping him. Your hands were wrapped around his biceps, a finger gently rubbing the skin right under the sleeve of his shirt. Every bit of anger disappeared from his body, a calm feeling replacing it. He knew you were right, and he’d be thankful for it later. Matthew knew he had to do the right thing by you, and he nodded, willing to follow any directions you gave him.

Matthew carried Jamie out of the house, getting both of your sisters in the car and finally heading back to your house. You knew he was still pissed off, a present frown on his face so you just took the chance. Just like he’d done before for you, you grabbed one of his hands from his steering wheel, lacing your fingers together. You caught the smile on his face, your thumb rubbing over his hand while his shoulders seemed to just relax. Once

Matthew finally helped you get Jamie inside, a night of laying on her floor to make sure she was okay ahead of you stood in the doorway with Matthew across from you.

“Thank you, I know we’re working on this friendship thing but you really didn’t have to do that,” You were eternally grateful, wrapping your arms around Matthew’s waist and tucking your head into his chest.

“You’d do the same thing for Taryn,” Matthew hums, knowing full well he definitely owed you for being Taryn’s replacement sibling with him and Brady in Canada for most of the year, “Get some rest okay?”

“Wait,” You stop Matthew, grabbing his hand one more time, “Don’t kill your sister, please she’s just a kid-”

“You’re way too easy on them,” Matthew chuckles, shaking his head at you. He knew Taryn was probably scared, and after he calmed a bit he understood where you were coming from. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to tell her that if she ever pulls that shit again - he was going to rat her out to their parents.

And when Matthew finally got back in the car, he could see his sister’s grin in the backseat, “Don’t say it.”

She held your hand, are you sure you’re not going to malfunction now?

***

Maybe you were spiraling.

You’d been waiting for this moment your entire life, now you had a few more weeks until camp started and you were afraid. You knew you were good enough, you had to be. But what if you weren’t? You could feel the anxiety settling in, a feeling you hadn’t felt since Matthew told you soccer wasn’t a real sport in fourth grace. It’d been eating at you for weeks, deteriorating any confidence you had left in yourself. So you started pushing yourself even harder. The harder you worked the less like you were to fuck it all up. Your muscles were sore, your body was tired and it was just all becoming too much.

And Matthew noticed.

You were pushing yourself too hard, even the time you were supposed to relax with your families before your seasons started was being spent training. He understood it, the term first round exit lived rent free in his head every single time his skate hit the ice over the summer, but that didn’t make it okay. You looked tired, sluggish while you moved because you were running twice a day and training in between. And he was pissed everyone seemed to be fine with it. You should start working harder then Matthew. If it bothers you so much maybe you could join her. It wasn’t that he was jealous of your work ethic, he was worried. Matthew’s eyes followed you as you ran past his house again. The third time in one day, he’d finally decided he had enough.

Matthew took the walk to your house, charming the pants off your mother for her to tell him you were upstairs because you just got back in. He knocks twice, hearing a come in from the other side.

“What are you doing here?” You question, rolling one of your ankles that just seemed to be getting more swollen every time you started to practice. Matthew noticed it, your hands freezing one you caught his gaze.

“You’re overworking yourself,” Matthew stands his ground, he knew you could have told him to fuck off because no one hates advice they didn’t ask for quite like him, “Don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“That’s rich coming from the kid who’s played with more broken bones than anyone I know,” You remind him of a few mistakes Matthew’s made playing through injuries he really shouldn’t, “I’m not fucking frail.”

“That’s not what this is about,” Matthew scoffs, it never once crossed his mind that he thought he was tough enough to play through injuries but you weren’t, “It’s about taking a break so you don’t get hurt.”

“I’m fine,” You huff, getting up and trying your best to hide the pain in your ankle when you stood on it. You fell forward, Matthew catching you in his arms and putting you back down the edge of your bed.

“Tell me what’s wrong?” Matthew asks with soft eyes, he bent down to take your ankle in his hand and inspect it the best he could. It was swelling, probably from the amount of pressure you’d been putting on your body with no breaks.

“What if I never score a goal?” You whisper, teary eyes finally meeting Matthew’s. His brows shot up, alarmed at how one of the best athletes he’s ever seen could feel the same way he felt right before his first NHL game. Matthew sits down next to you, hand on your thigh while you let out a cry, “What if I’m just a bust? Like I get there and nothing works and I suck.”

“You’ll score eventually,” Matthew scoffs, understanding how ridiculous you sounded but just how you felt at the same time, “Everyone does.”

“You scored like four games into your fucking career Matt,” You remind him, Matthew smiling a bit that you knew that to begin with. It would have been impossible not to know, or pretend like you didn’t keep a few tabs on his career. Matthew Tkachuk was a legend in the making, and whether or not you could feel butterflies in your stomach every time he dropped the gloves was a secret you’d take to the grave.

“I got suspended my first season too,” Matthew jokes, a teary eyed laugh escaping your lips, “I’d put down money you score in your first game.”

“Well good thing you have money to lose,” You sigh dramatically, the fear of fucking up still on your mind.

“You’ll find your groove, all legends do,” Matthew promises, throwing his arm around your shoulders. You snuggled into his side, a realization that he was becoming a comforting presence in your life with each passing day, “And if you don’t, you can always hide out in Canada with me.”

“Matty!” The same silly nickname Matthew introduced himself to you on your very first day of kindergarten slipped through your lips without realizing it. Matthew hadn’t been called that in ages, but it was welcome from you. You push his chest, “That’s not making me feel any better.”

“What if I told you the only reason I was so mean to you was because I was intimidated by how talented you were?” Matthew confesses, scratching your head with his fingers, “If I win a cup one day I think I owe you one.”

Matthew didn’t mention that in his wildest fantasies of raising that cup over his head, you were there. He’d owe you one and he hoped it was because you were there for him until he got there. Matthew saw it the same way every time, you’d tell him to go see his parents first but he’d fly right past them to get to you - the person who accidentally pushed him to be his best. He had plenty of daydreams about you winning too, remembering times you used to brag you’d go to the Olympics one day, and he hoped you were right. He wanted to see you succeed, more than anything, and he thought it would work.

“Legally you have to let me drink out of it,” You muse, shutting your eyes and letting yourself just rest against Matthew.

“It has to be Bud Light,” Matthew teases while watching you fake a gag. You grab his outstretched hand, letting him pull you up. His hands rested on the side of your face, eyes flickering to your lips for just a second. He wanted to kiss you, but he knew he had to wait. Wait for you to be ready. Wait for you to settle down. Or even just wait until he thought he had a real shot at forever.

Forever with you.

***

Matthew was kind of pissed off.

The press didn’t bother him, none of that mattered and at the end of the day Matthew was able to sleep at night knowing he was a good teammate and a decent person most of the time. This one got him though, some writer criticizing the A on his jersey, and how someone who plays like he does didn’t deserve a letter.

A letter he earned.

You could tell something was off, the way Matthew had been running alongside you was aggressive to say the least. He insisted he came with you, something about forcing you to take breaks. He was being your friend, even though your sisters seemed to disagree. Taryn’s words were replaying in your head, Matt doesn’t even care if I get hurt. That didn’t mean anything, those two had no idea what love was and Matthew caring about you a little bit didn’t mean he loved you. Besides, the way he was acting right now told a completely different story.

“Are you mad at me?” You finally slow down, sitting on a rock that was next to the hiking trail you were on.

“No?” Matthew stops dead in his tracks, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach that he fucked this up too, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

“No, tell me what’s wrong,” You push, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes at Matthew. You could tell he was pressed about something, his neck covered in a red flush the same way it used to.

“Some stupid article about my letter, don’t worry about it,” Matthew grits, repeating his words again. His defense was up, even after you confessed to him that you were scared of not being enough.

“Get the fuck out of here with the tough guy act Matthew,” You challenge him, poking him right in the chest, “If we’re going to be friends you need to cut that shit out.”

“You really want to hear it?” Matthew barks back, fully yelling at you, “I’m tired of people thinking I don’t deserve things because I threw a few bad hits. Do you know how it feels to have everyone think you’re shitty? No you don’t, because you’re so fucking perfect that my own parents like you more than me.”

You stood there, silent while you tried to figure out how to tell him that simply wasn’t true. His entire body was shaking, the anger coursing through his veins like you’d seen many times before that. Matthew looked like he did the first time you hit a homerun in gym class, except this time it was because that same pressure never got released. You couldn’t come close to understanding the way he probably felt. You didn’t have the comparables in your own family, the constant reminders of Brady’s points tally compared to his, let alone the career his father had.

“Matty,” You whisper, grabbing his hand and running your fingers over the scars on his knuckles, “Why is this bothering you so much?”

You were sure this wasn’t the first time someone’s said he was a pest, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be the last. Matthew sighed, the better part of his brain screaming at him to stop before he lost you too.

“I’ve felt like this forever,” Matthew whispers, eyes fixated on your hand in his, “From the moment I started getting bigger, there’s just been this pressure to play a certain way and act a certain way. I was a fucking kid, and while all of my friends got to go wherever they wanted all I ever did was practice. Then I finally get to where I wanted and I’m still getting shit on.”

“Except no one thinks you don’t deserve to be where you are,” You whisper, quiet words as if you were going to startle him, “And I know it doesn’t make up for things people say, but the people who love you think you deserve it.”

Matthew nods, pulling you into his arms and holding you close. Your arms wrapped around his waist, his words mumbled against your forehead, “I needed that.”

“I know,” You nod, smiling wide up at him, “And we need to practice more because you’re too slow, soooo catch me if you can!”

You slipped out of his arms, running away with a giggle and a smile. Matthew stopped for a second, his Neanderthal brain checking out your ass while you jogged away and his more logical one trying to process what just happened.

But what mattered most was that whatever you did worked and that meant something to Matthew.

***

Just admit you think he’s hot.

You wanted to kill your sister for making this weekend harder than it had to be. You were doing a good job at just friends with Matthew until Jamie was curled up in your bed while you packed for a lake trip with your friends. She pushed it for hours, rambling on about Matthew is actually your type and Taryn swears he’d be a good boyfriend if someone just understood him. The problem was, you were starting to see her point. Matthew had a glow up a few years ago, like one summer he’d gotten home and you were infatuated with him. It used to annoy you, because he’d been such an ass to you that you hated how attractive he was. Then things changed, and now looking at him was just frustrating you. You were terrified about the way he made you feel, like everything would be okay with one look of those blue eyes and a smirk. You felt like he had your back, a vast change from how you used to feel and it was just getting hard to hide it anymore.

Especially when Matthew looked like he did right now. He was holding himself up on the dock, shoulders broad and glistening in the moonlight above you. All your friends were inside, moving their party away from the water as the night lingered on. You wanted to run your fingers through his wet curls, the temptation was almost too much.

“I’ll be in Chicago a few times you know,” Matthew hums, enjoying the time alone he was getting with you. Anytime without Brady teasing him about what the Tkachuk’s had been referring to as the hand holding incident. He didn’t want them to think he didn’t want you, because he did, but he just needed to move at his own pace.

“You want to come see me play?” You ask, leaning back on the palms of your hands. You were surprised by the kind of man Matthew had become, it was a completely different person that he used to be. He cared so much about his loved ones, and you were starting to feel like maybe you had a place there.

“Actually thinking you could come see me play,” Matthew teases, sarcasm dripping from his words. You lifted your foot up, kicking some of the water below you to splash him, but he’d caught your ankle before you could. He stopped for a moment, running a thumb over your skin, “This looks better.”

“Don’t make you admit you were right,” You whine, Matthew swiftly pulling you into the water with him. You yelp, the water way too cold for any normal person, “It’s freezing.”

“C’mere then,” Matthew grabs your waist, pulling your body against his. His hands were splayed across your back, heat radiating off of them. One of your hands was on his shoulder, your other on his chest. You could feel his heart beating quickly, his eyes locked on yours, “Middle school Matthew would be so jealous of me right now.”

“Why’s that?” You hum, running your fingers along Matthew to play connect the dots with the beauty marks on his skin.

“Because he had the biggest crush on you,” Matthew confesses, his grip on you a little tighter, as if he was afraid you’d slip right through his fingers again, “But he was too thick headed to do anything about it.”

“What about grown up Matthew?” You ask, biting your lip. Matthew was practically holding you both up in the water, pressed so close together you could hear the hitch in his breath at your question, “Is he too thick headed to do something too?”

You wrapped your legs around Matthew’s waist, pressing your lips to his and tugging on the curls at the base of his neck. He pushed you up against the dock, helping you back up and pulling himself up next to you. You grabbed the back of his neck, latching your lips back on his. His hand was on your back, fingers toying with the back of your bathing suit, “Think we can get upstairs without anyone noticing?”

Matthew was cool most of the time. He never faltered under the pressure from his career, most of the time, and he definitely didn’t fold when it came to a pretty girl. You had him in the palm of your hand, every part of his brain malfunctioning in response to your words. You bit your lip, wondering if you’d read this entire situation. Matthew rubs a thumb along your lip, “When are you going to realize I’d do whatever you asked me to?”

The two of you snuck up the stairs, giggles and stolen kisses left in your wake. You open the door, Matthew’s hands still toying your bathing suit top, “Just take it off already Matty.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” Matthew breathes, his lips pressed against your neck while the garment falls to the floor, “So fucking beautiful.”

You back hit the mattress, Matthew’s hands running up your body slowly. Slow wasn’t in Matthew’s vocabulary, but he was taking his time just in case he never got this opportunity again. His fingers hooked under your bathing suit bottoms, sliding the wet fabric down your legs. You looked so beautiful, spread out just for Matthew like he’d dreamed about numerous times. His lips moved down to your breasts, teeth grazing against your skin while his tongue swirled against your nipple. You let out a breathy moan, Matthew’s ego boosting from the sound. You plucked at his curls while his mouth moved down to where you were craving him most, a gentle kiss to your clit, “Matty, please.”

“I didn’t peg you for the type to beg,” Matthew hums, pressing feather light kisses around your core. He stopped, gripping your thighs and looking up at you, “You sure about this?”

“Yes, please,” You whine, pussy dripping from Matthew’s hot breath fanning over it. Matthew chuckles darkly, fingers digging into your thighs when he flicked his tongue over your clit. You moan, completely unbothered by the blaring music a floor below you. Matthew didn’t seem to be bothered either, his tongue teasing your entrance while his nose rubbed against your clit, living for the way you were whimpering above him, “Matty-”

“Close baby?” Matthew groans, slipping a finger inside of you and curling it. You back arched, his name falling through your lips was enough to answer his question. Your legs shook, pleasure washing over your body from Matthew and all of it just felt so right. Matthew’s lips were latched to your skin until he finally met your eyes again. He smiles softly, nudging his nose with yours while you caught your breath, “So good for me.”

“Should’ve known you were that good with your mouth with the way you run it,” You tease smiling against his lips.

“Not with you, not anymore,” Matthew promises, soft blue eyes looking into yours, he meant it. He didn’t know how else to make it clearer, he wanted you. You kissed him slowly, hands trailing down his abs and stopping where his shorts hit his waist. Matthew kicks off his swim trunks, cock springing free. You grab the back of his neck, pulling your lips to his and rolling over top of him and straddling his waist. It was criminal how good you looked on top of him, “Gonna ride me babe?”

You nod, lining his dick up your core and lowering yourself on top of him. You let out a whine, Matthew’s smug smile on full display once he realized it was because of how big he was, “We don’t have to if my dick’s too big.”

“Oh shut up,” You roll your hips, watching the way Matthew’s head fell back, smirking because he really thought he had control here. Matthew’s hands gripped your waist, moving your hips faster. His finger flicked over your clit, causing you to lunge forward on top of him. Matthew flipped you over, wrapping a leg around his waist so he could hit your g-spot. Your hands gripped his shoulders, nails leaving scratches Matthew was going to wear pride later. You were seeing stars, noises leaving your throat you’d never even heard yourself make, “Fuck, Matty, I’m gonna cum again.”

“Look at me,” Matthew grabs your chin, pressing his forehead against yours and watching while your eyes roll back with pleasure. Your pussy clenched around him, his own cum spilling into you from the sensation, a loud groan following. Matthew pressed a kiss to your forehead, his cock still buried inside of you, “I wasn’t bullshitting you, I mean every word Y/N.”

“Matthew,” You whisper, running a finger along his back, “The distance…”

You didn’t mention everything, the way that if this was real it meant it would end up ripping you both apart. You were set to live in a different city, Matthew all the way in another country. The way your dreams included a spot on the U.S. National team, and the idea that wanting to be with Matthew would hold you back was terrifying. The way his dreams probably meant staying in Calgary forever, a C on his jersey and a cup over his head. It wasn’t going to be easy, you weren’t ever going to be the doting girlfriend he probably needed. There would be years of travel schedules and games that overlapped, and a part of you thought that maybe Matthew wouldn’t be able to do it. You’d get a year in and he’d find someone who would be there more and finally you’d end it.

“We can make it work, baby I want you, I always have and I probably always will,” Matthew starts, baring his soul to another person for the first time in his goddamn life, “I want to support your dreams and have you be there for mine. I’m all in here, I don’t know how else to tell you.”

“Can I have some time?” You plead, holding onto Matthew’s shoulders because you knew he could leave and tell you to never speak to him again. Matthew sighs, understanding the way you were shitting yourself about starting your own professional career, remembering the way rookie Matthew would have died before he considered settling down that first year, “Please don’t leave me-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Matthew promises, rolling over and letting your rest on his chest, “I’ll wait for you.”

You smile, snuggling closer to him. Matthew didn’t sleep a minute that night, running every single scenario that could possibly happen with the two of you. Matthew was sure it would work out, it had to, because if it didn’t he wasn’t sure he’d be able to recover.

So now all he could was wait.

***

You know this is creepy right?

Matthew stares at Sam, punching his teammate in the arm lightly and telling him to shut up. He had a night off in Chicago, and after four straight hours of staring at your contact in his phone, Matthew finally just bought the tickets. He’d been good at keeping his distance, you needed space and he respected you enough to try and give it to you. He wasn’t doing so hot, Matthew consuming more soccer games than hockey games at this point. It started with your first game, because how was he supposed to just pretend like it wasn’t happening? You scored too, and it took everything in his power not to call you to tell you that not only was he right, he was insanely proud of you.

And he’d been hearing it from everyone. Your sister thought it was bullshit, Taryn and Jamie almost had Matthew on a flight to Chicago ready to show up like a terrible Lifetime movie. Brady thought it was hilarious the way Matthew was simping like this for one girl. Now, his teammates were on him, wondering why on Earth their friend who historically ran through women faster than he did mouthguards could be this hung up on someone he had a crush on in middle school.

“What number is she?” Sam asks, sipping the beer he forced Matthew to buy after making him go along with this.

“Nineteen,” Matthew smiles, pointing down at you on the field. You looked so happy, warming up with one of your teammates and a bright smile on your face. It seemed like a good fit, your team and your new city, and it made Matthew’s heart grow four sizes.

“Did she choose your number?” Sam jokes and Matthew mumbles something under his breath, “What?”

“It was her number first,” Matthew admits, not wanting to ever confess to another soul that you crossed his mind when he kept that camp number. Sam howled next to him, leaning over his seat and cracking up at his teammate.

You looked out in the crowd about halfway through the game, rubbing your eyes to make sure you weren’t seeing things. That tuft of curls was hard to miss, not to mention you knew just how big Matthew was. He was far too into the game to realize you caught him, up in arms about a call against your team that was valid but he’d argue it wasn’t. You asked for space, and it was getting harder to stick to your guns. Especially when he was making it so clear that he wanted this.

And whether or not you went to his game the next night, was a secret you’d take to the grave.

***

You were so close you could have tasted it.

While the final seconds of your season came to a close, all you could do was hold your head in your hands and hope no one caught the tears. A semi-final loss was devastating, but a semi-final loss where there wasn’t anything you could have done differently was even worse. Every athlete had off nights, a point Keith pushed right before you left to start your season, and he was right. Unfortunately, that was this game. Your biggest fear had come true and there was nothing you could do about it now. The game was over and you weren’t moving on.

And Matthew watched it.

Matthew promised you space, and he swore he’d give you the time you needed to settle down. But, this was something he couldn’t ignore. He could tell you were off, your entire rookie season was almost perfect and watching the way you folded during this game was gut wrenching. Matthew knew better than anyone, losing sucked. So he took the chance, grabbing his phone and shooting you a text he’d been waiting to send.

Doors open in Calgary.

and I’m so fucking proud of you.

It was the very last text you saw before you went to bed that night, tossing and turning for a few hours thinking about that loss. You couldn’t stop, every bone in your body was aching and you didn’t know what to do. So you bought a flight, packed your shit and was walking down the hallway to Matthew’s apartment without a second thought. You’d left him on read, calling Brady in the middle of the night and asking for his address, who gave it to you reluctantly with a reminder that if you needed to see him this badly you should rethink the needing time thing.

Matthew let out a groan when he had a bang at his door at three in the morning. Noah definitely was trying to walk into the wrong apartment again, and Matthew was grouchy when he whipped his door open. Except it wasn’t Noah after he’d had too many. It was you, teary eyed with your shit in a suitcase and a broken heart.

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” You admit, whispering something you never thought you’d say to anyone, “I just didn’t do enough-”

Matthew didn’t say a word, pulling you into a bone crushing hug and holding you as tightly as he could. You didn’t need to hear it from him, about how things were out of your control and you did your best. You didn’t want that right now, you wanted him, “Baby…”

“Everything hurts,” You whimper, finally just letting it all out. You were bruised and battered from the season, the physical pain alone was enough to upset you, let alone the loss you just took. Matthew carded his fingers through your hair, letting you soak his bare chest with your tears because he wouldn’t have it any other way. You came back to him. You came back to him when things got too tough because you trusted him to bring you some peace, and he was happy about it.

You passed out sometime after that, your tears finally running dry and the exchaustion taking over your body. Matthew woke up early the next day, grateful for the optional morning skate so he could stay with you for just a little bit longer. The sun was just starting to peek through the curtains in his room, a calm snowy morning in Calgary so the city was just a bit quieter. 

Matthew settled on breakfast, working away in his kitchen with the only thing he knew how to make. Tell her you made it, his mom’s words from just a few months prior in his head while he cooked. You padded out his bedroom, one of Matthew’s god awful beer shirts hanging from your frame while you wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed a kiss into his back, “It’s cold here.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Matthew hums, internally pumping his fist when he felt your lips form a smile against his skin. You turned your head, pressing your cheek against his against and letting out a laugh, “What’s so funny?”

“You framed my jersey?” You ask, your eye catching a jersey that was way too familiar. It was hung up beside Matthew’s from his first all star game, both number nineteens staring back at you.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my favorite player,” Matthew hums, a blush covering his cheeks, “I’m so proud of you.”

“You keep saying that,” Matthew finally turns around, pressing a quick peck to your lips.

“I’ll keep saying it long after we both retire,” Matthew speaks, words clear and sure because he’s had plenty of time to practice this one, “I’ll say it when you win a World Cup gold, I’ll say it when we have kids, I’ll say when you play at the Olympics. I’m going to say it over and over again.”

“But…” You trail off, all of those same demons you’d been fighting when it came to your whatever this was with Matthew, “What I’m not around enough for you?”

Matthew knew what you were thinking about, he’d thought about it plenty too. There were countless sleepless nights where all he did was wonder if you’d find someone in Chicago who could support you better than he could. He’d do his best, he swore he would, but in order for you to be happy, your passion came first. There was always going to be times when he couldn’t be there and it killed him.

“You’re more than enough,” Matthew promises, his lips ghosting over yours, “I want you to seize every opportunity in the world, I just want to be there to tell you that I love you and use the goat emoji on Instagram when you do.”

You let out a laugh, Matthew’s smile wide enough to see his dimples you loved so much, “I think I want to stay a little while.”

“I think you should,” Matthew agrees, capturing your lips in his, “Besides I’m playing tonight and I think I need to show off now.”

“You’re a cocky asshole.”

“But now I’m your cocky asshole.”

***

One year Later

You had a good reason to be late.

You swore Matthew couldn’t possibly be mad at you for this one. You’d missed your flight to Calgary, a few days post a second loss in the semi finals that you’d been taking much better this time around. Mainly because Matthew wasn’t there, but his stupid smile and words of encouragement where there on facetime hours later. That wasn’t the reason you were late, the reason you were late was because you’d received the most insane news of your life and it was an important phone or that flight. You’d caught the next one, legs shaking not to just call him and share the news, but you needed to tell him in person.

You’d finally gotten by the doors to the locker room entrance, out of breath from spriting there from your cab. There was Matthew, tapping his phone and staring at the clock on his phone with furrowed eyebrows. He was still in his suit, tie pulled a little looser, a nervous habit you realized he had some time ago, “Matty-”

“Don’t call me that just because you know you’re late,” Matthew huffs, already ready for the pout that would have followed so he’d forget all about the fact that you promised you’d make it on time. He holds his hand out, waiting for the handshake he made up in the car on the way to the first game you went to after he finally locked it down. You laugh, slapping your hand against his and letting him pull you closer for a kiss.

“They want me on the National Team,” You mumble against his lips, the words spilling out of your mouth when you pull away with an excited smile. Matthew stood there stunned, while you shuffled your feet in the little dance you did when you were really happy. He grabs your cheeks, pressing kisses to your lips again and again.

“We’re celebrating after this, holy shit,” Matthew cheers, still stunned by your news, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, now go score a few goals so we have even more to celebrate,” You kiss him one more time, pushing him before the door before he was late.

“Anything I do seems unimportant now!” Matthew calls out, a light laugh to his voice as he watched you walk away to go sit in the stands.

And that’s how Matthew thought it should be.

[writerboylikeme]

I'm the anon who asked you the AU questions hahaha, the one who was a bit shy to show himself 😊 (actually I once asked you a question by private message, maybe you remember, but anyway). 

I think you make some very good points (thanks for your always elaborate answers, they are great!) and I certainly hadn't thought about how bad things could have gone between them if they had actually been together for a while already. However, I think it's because I tend to have a more positive view. 

For me, having been together for a year or so since the end of season 2, although they don't know each other that well and there are many insecurities hanging around, their relationship is more established and despite the Knockout discussion, after the shots, Castle does not let Beckett leave him to recover alone, without contact, for 3 months. It would have involved them arguing, Castle pushing, but that's his role, and I think Beckett would have give in. During those 3 months, the messages and phone calls, as well as Castle's visits to the cabin, make their relationship rebuild. And when Beckett comes back to the precinct, he does too. Of course, their relationship is tentative, because of his mother's hanging murder, the PTDS, etc. And although when he gets the call from Smith, Castle hesitates to tell Beckett, he does. Obviously, she wants to go after the guy, investigate him, continue with the case, but Castle's objections and the time she takes for reflection help her agree with him and not rush, let the case rest for now. I think Castle, as her romantic partner and not just as her partner, would have had more influence on her to make her make that decision. 

The confrontation in Always still happens, because it's reached a point where Beckett has a thread to follow and she's already waited a year, she’s not going to wait any longer. Would it be harder for Castle to forgive her when she shows up on his doorstep, remorseful, and trust her again? Probably yes, It would hurt more, it would have cost Beckett more than a few kisses and an apology, because they were already toguether for a long time at that point. He could struggled with forgiving her, they would have had to have converstations, recognizing mistakes… Pero he would’ve forgiven her in the end and she would prove to him that she is trustworthy again. 

And the truth? Cause of that, I think in season 5 they would be together. And that, in a way, it would be even easier than what we saw on the screen. Because they’ve got together in A Deadly Game and also the whole plot of the secrets didn’t occur during the 4th season -so there was no Jacinda, Castle didn’t follows Slaughter, etc.- there are insecurities that don’t occur, especially on Beckett’s side. Castle leaving with Gina made her feel that she was wrong about Castle's feelings towards her, because he had replaced her so easily, that influences in season 3,when it is so hard for her to trust him with her heart again; when Castle shows up with Jacinda, Beckett feels similar to when he left with Gina, replaced, by someone "fun and uncomplicated"; in the 5th, with the whole video game thing, Vaughn, etc., I think Beckett felt that Castle was losing interest in her, a thought that I think is partially influenced because at a certain point in their relationship, in the past, he was moving away -see Gina at the end of the 2nd, Jacinda in the final stretch of the 4th-, so, if all this doesn’t happen, and keeping in mind that they have been together for several years and communicate a little better, there is uncertainty and pain that is not there to complicate their relationship. So the rest of the story doesn't change much for me: she gets DC's offer, but she discusses it with him, instead of hiding it. He proposes and she goes to DC with the ring, they try the long distance relationship until they fire her, they catch Bracken... 

Maybe it's an overly optimistic way of how things could happen, maybe it's not too realistic in some parts. Maybe I have too much faith that going through some of the difficult parts of their history together would have softened their positions on some issues, would have made them stronger, even if it would also have been more difficult and, as I said, it would have required more effort.

I often read people on tumblr or in fics (the writer through the characters, especially Beckett) say that if they had gotten together at the end of the season 2, Castle and Beckett wouldn't have worked out, they would have fallen apart. But I have to disagree. It may have taken more effort to them, but I strongly believe that they would have overcome the obstacles. Your thoughts?

I tend to think the same as most of the fandom , Anon. I don't think they would have broken up permanently or anything -- my view is that they're destined to be together and it'll work out someway, somehow -- but I do think that if Gina hadn't shown up and things progressed to a relationship between Castle and Beckett that it's a rather rocky road for them. Like I can't see them surviving her shooting, for example. She's going to be reeling and she's going to hide away, and Castle's going to force a confrontation that explodes with her ordering him to leave and not come back. He'd still work the case with the boys without her knowledge, and when Beckett is back at work she'd let him hang around because she does miss him, but she's not ready for all her feelings. Do they get back together at the end of season 4? Sure, but I think there's now a lot of frustration and distrust on Castle's part. And if he still harbors his secret meetings and keeps pushing her away from her mom's murder, you're looking at another solid breakup. And this time it's Castle walking away and drawing a line in the sand. That's the one I think they have a hard time bouncing back from. Because Kate also feels betrayed and like she can't forgive him. Even if she almost falls off the roof and goes back to him, I don't think it's so easy for Castle to give in to her. It's not like she's finally admitted her feelings as it is in Always. They would have been together for nearly two years by that point. And I don't think he's quite as willing to let her throw her life away. Season 5 -- I think they're broken up, he's in and out of the precinct, there's strained banter and maybe a few close calls where danger brings their feelings back up. But they don't get back together, KB goes to Washington without a marriage proposal and she stays until she gets fired. What's going to bring them back together is Castle's disappearance. Obviously not before their wedding, but he's still kidnapped and missing, and it's months of her agonizing over that. And then when he's back, when he's recovered, they dive in and that's the time it sticks. Not without a lot of hard talks about their past issues and resolving to communicate better and stop keeping secrets. In this AU-verse (man, I'm on a kick with those lately), they get engaged after solving Johanna's murder and arresting Bracken. They get married a year later, after taking down LokSat and legitimately fake breaking up vs. actually breaking up.