blondiest

[blondiest]

my only one, my smoking gun

rating: explicit | word count: 3,276 | chapters: 4/4

tags: spectrophilia, praise kink, canonical character death, edging, masturbation, bittersweet, hurt/comfort, angst with eventual relief, a small amount of smut and a substantial amount of angst

summary:

For as long as he can recall, he’s ached over Near. It wasn’t always like this, though; he didn’t realize he wanted Near until it was too late to actually have him. He should be grateful, really, because he’s been able to linger here after death, and that’s more than he deserves, but God, Mello would give anything to kiss him just once.

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kissing you on the forehead

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feeling fragile so i thought id share the song im working on with you guys

im pretty proud of how it's going, just added a whole bunch of harmonies to keep myself busy. one day ill learn how to mix better, but for now i think i managed to make it listenable at least!!

everything's been tough recently so i thought sharing might make me feel a little better. idk. i usually avoid posting non fandom related things (other than the occasional rant/textpost) but this was inspired by megumi so im giving myself a pass

will probably delete later. idk. leaving this here and running away with my tail between my legs

[blondiest]

if you're feeling powerless right now—and god knows I am—here's a reminder you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Trans Law Center, Gaza Soup Kitchen, the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and hundreds of other charities that will work to mitigate the damage that has been and will continue to be inflicted

life continues. we still have the capacity to do good, important work. that matters

[blondiest]

I hope none of you disappear in the coming days. Seriously don't do anything that can't be undone.

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a year and a day

Everyone knows that if you want to make a deal, you go to Eddie Munson.

Desperate to be rid of Jason once and for all, Chrissy makes a deal with the local demon. The consequences are…not what she expected. A story of friendship, love, and paying one’s debts.

Chapters: 1/13 Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Relationship: Chrissy Cunningham/Eddie Munson Tags: Alternate Universe - No Upside Down, Demon Deals, POV Chrissy Cunningham, Friendship, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Found Family, Roommates, Domestic Fluff, 1990s, Caretaking, Pining

Chapter One: June

Everyone knows that if you want to make a deal, you go to Eddie Munson.

---

It takes until the rehearsal, when Jason says, “I do” with a look on his face of complete and utter triumph, that Chrissy realizes, quite suddenly, that she doesn’t think she wants to do this. 

“And do you, Chrissy Elizabeth Cunningham,” the pastor drones in the echoing hall of the church, “take this man, Jason Harrison Carver, to be your wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do you part?” 

She’d told him she didn’t want obey in the vows. He’d argued that it was traditional, and he wanted to get married with the same vows both of their parents had.

“Angel. Chrissy.”

Chrissy swallows hard, words sticking in her throat as Jason prompts her. The smile on his face doesn’t disappear, but his eyes grow flinty. His hands start to hurt on hers. 

“I…” she manages with a wince, but the rest still refuses to come out. 

“Chrissy!” her mother hisses from the front pew; her face, when Chrissy glances over, is rapidly turning the color of the inside of a watermelon. Her father looks uneasy, and her brother is glancing between all of the adults with confusion written all over his face. 

Jason turns his broad, All-American grin on the pastor and says in a jocular tone, “A little nervous. All brides are, right? Excuse us for a moment.”  

He drags her into the storage room off the side of the hall, where boxes of communion wafers and industrial-sized pallets of juice crowd the walls. 

“What the hell, Chris?” he demands, shutting the door with a small slam that belies the calm he’d been showing to the others. 

“I—I’m not sure that…” Chrissy winces again, tugging at her hand. “Jason, stop. That hurts.” 

He doesn’t let go. His grip only grows tighter, squeezing until it feels like her bones are grinding against one another. 

“What the hell do you mean, not sure? We’ve been waiting for this for four years. I’ve been waiting for you for four damn years,” he hisses, conveniently ignoring the fact that, while he was ‘waiting,’ he’d enjoyed the company of all kinds of other women. He hadn’t exactly made a secret of it, calling on the phone only a few months into her freshman year to confess and announce all in one breath that a guy has needs, Chrissy, angel; you understand.

Chrissy had been more discreet about her own needs, though she hadn’t allowed herself to give much thought as to why she’d kept it from Jason.

“I know,” Chrissy says. “I know that, it’s just—I really don’t like the vows, Jason. I told you that.”

He scoffs. His blonde hair is perfectly parted, not one strand out of place. He has a Ken-doll perfection that she’d always found appealing, but now it’s at odds with the puce color he’s gaining in his face.

“It’s just words, Chrissy. I told you we should do the traditional ones and you agreed!”

“No,” she says, “I didn’t. Words matter, Jason, and—”

“Why does it matter?” he interrupts, stepping closer still. Her wrist and hand are aching; his cologne, usually pleasant, begins to make her nauseous as he puts every inch of their height difference toward making her feel small. “You and me, we’ve always been on the same page. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“If I’m going to promise something, I want to feel comfortable with it—”

“Then hurry up and get comfortable,” Jason snaps. “They’re the vows we’re using. I’m the man, and you’re the wife, and this is what we’ve been waiting all this time for.”

In the traditional vows, the man doesn’t vow to obey the woman. He promises instead to worship her. It sounds laughable to her now. Vow or no vow, he’ll never worship her.

Chrissy looks into the eyes of Jason Carver, the man she’d said yes to four years ago when it had felt romantic to promise her future to her high school boyfriend. 

Even knowing they’d have to spend the majority of her undergraduate degree states apart, she’d felt so adult and worldly, going off to college engaged. True, they’d talked less and less as the semesters progressed—they’d talked on the phone every week, at first, and then every other, and then once a month until they only spoke when they saw each other in Hawkins on school breaks. 

But Chrissy’s future marriage to Jason was part of the facts of her universe: psych paper due on Tuesday, and she’s going to marry Jason after graduation. Avoid the inedible dining hall meatloaf, and she’s going to marry Jason after graduation. Bring James or Brian or Katie home for the night, and she’s going to marry Jason after graduation. 

It was so inevitable a truth that it seemed inconsequential, the way you know an orange falling from a tree will land on the ground but you’re hardly going to worry about gravity.

Until you’re the one falling, that is. And that’s what it had felt like, ever since graduation. Chrissy had come back to Hawkins and squeezed herself into her old life like it was a dress a size too small—church on Sundays, stingy dinner plates and comments about the freshman fifteen, wet mouth on her neck and a cool, clammy hand clamped possessively around hers—and spent the last month feeling that sickening rush in her stomach. Like she’d been on an elevator falling from the hundredth floor, waiting for impact.

In the space of a single breath, Chrissy finally understands why.  

She can’t marry him.

But when she looks into the eyes of Jason Carver, sees the rage narrowing them and feels the punishing grip his fist still has around hers, she knows, deep in her bones, that he’ll never let her go.

“You’re right,” Chrissy says eventually, the words tasting sour. “I’m just…nervous. But you’re right. We’ve been waiting a long time for this.” 

“Good. Jeez, Chris. Couldn’t you have gotten the hysterics over with before the damn rehearsal? What, are you PMSing or something?” Jason grumbles, but his hackles are coming down and his grip is growing looser.

She bites her tongue, then makes herself say, “Maybe that’s it. It is close to that time of the month.”

He grimaces, then pulls her back toward the door. “Come on. You’ve already caused a scene; let’s get this done.”

Bracing herself with a deep, silent breath while his back is turned, Chrissy goes back out into the church, pastes a smile on her face in front of the pastor, and says, “I do.”

Then, as the rehearsal wraps up and their families filter out of the church to drive to Enzo’s for the dinner, she places her right hand on Jason’s shoulder and murmurs in his ear. 

“I think you were right about the PMS. I’m having a feminine issue,” Chrissy tells him. Her hand is still red; the marks will deepen to a bruise by tomorrow. “I need to run to the store for some stuff. Drop me off and I’ll meet you at Enzo’s?” 

He rolls his eyes and tugs her up against him for a kiss. “Told you. Hurry up, Chris.” 

She smiles at him, pecks him on the lips one more time. “I will.” 

On the street a block over from Melvald’s, Chrissy shuts the passenger door and waves cheerfully as he drives on, then walks down the sidewalk toward the cross street that would take her to the general store. She listens to the roar of the engine, the gradual dissipation of sound as Jason drives the opposite direction to Enzo’s.  

The second she rounds the corner, she’s running for the woods.  

[click here to read the rest of chapter one on ao3]

[blondiest]

were there any out trans people in your high school?

[blondiest]

come together rated E | 2,175 words

“What,” Mello says, trying for derisiveness again, “are you trying to figure out how it works?” Near doesn’t flinch or falter. “No. I’m quite familiar with self-pleasure. I was just looking.” “Creep.” “I was not the one to suggest masturbating together,” Near says. “And you were looking at me, too.” -- In which Mello and Near touch themselves, and watch each other.

for @dnkinktober day 24: mutual masturbation. also fits for day 3 (voyeurism) <3

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i know we make a lot of jokes on this site about enrichment and stuff but like. i was just talking to one of my clients today about the importance of novelty to the human brain. if you've been feeling bored, detached, just kind of gross, floating from day to day, get some enrichment in that brain!!

doing Something Weird And Unusual can drastically improve the mood of a bored brain. but i also recognize that its hard to think of stuff when youre in that zone, so i came up with a list to help out! it has a balance of sensory, physical, intellectual, outdoor, indoor, cheap, and free stuff

some tips:

choose a consistent time/amount to use the list (suggestion: once a week, which isn't too time consuming but is enough to see benefits when used short- and long-term)

if youre struggling with decision making or commitment, roll a d20 to decide what to do. reroll if it's something you do often anyway, if weather does not permit, if you dont have money/supplies, etc

if you do a lot of intellectual/escapist activities, maybe focus on grounded, physical, and outdoor stuff. opposite applies too, if you're a physical/active person, focus on intellectual, artistic, and indoor stuff

not everything is accessible to everyone, so feel free to make your own list with stuff you can do! i require no credit for anything on here, reuse or edit how you please. if you repost with your own, linking back to the original is nice but not required

the enrichment list:

take 5 photos of things you've never seen/noticed before

try a new food (bonus for spicy/crunchy/sensory)

make a sculpture with play doh or clay

collect leaves to press into a book

make a paper cut out scene

read a chapter of a book backwards by page

make a mud pie

listen to 5 songs in a new music genre & write your thoughts on them

fingerpaint

make a pillow fort

create a 1 page TTRPG

read a play out loud (by yourself or with friends)

paint your nails if you don't usually (try designs if you do)

prepare an interesting meal/dessert

take a walk somewhere new (or take a new route home)

do a body scan meditation

do elaborate, fun makeup (designs! glitter! tiger stripes!)

draw a self portrait (/in a new medium)

read 5 randomly generated wikipedia articles

dance for 10 minutes/dramatically perform a song

have fun enriching those brains!!

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talking with your ‘co-worker’ be like:

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in honor of midnights 2-year anniversary, put your top three tracks in the tags

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♫ Am I dreaming or did you just kiss me You don't know it but you already miss me ♫

KYLE GALLNER & EMILY SKEGGS Dinner in America (2020) dir. Adam Rehmeier

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btw i dont necessarily think grad school is hell on earth always but it is hell on earth if you try to get an applied physics degree without any background in physics or engineering. like i got through the math prereqs no problem, straight A's, but by the time i reached advanced electromagnetics about halfway thru my degree it was becoming extremely clear that working full-time while trying to teach myself introductory, intermediate, and advanced physics topics all at once was a pretty bad idea, actually,

[blondiest]

we’ll pretend it ends tomorrow rated E | 5,775 words

“What’s happening?” Near asks. “I’m not sure,” Mello says. “I think we might’ve been kidnapped.” Near makes a soft sound of disapproval. Mello bristles at this, because it sounds like Near is mad at him over their abduction, even though it’s obviously not Mello’s fault. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he reminds himself that Near is probably feeling super-scared and vulnerable, and that, considering the situation, he may not be thinking through the potential implications of the sounds he’s making. He probably didn’t mean for it to seem accusatory. -- A dire situation tests Mello and Near’s ability to work together, bringing out the good, the bad, and the intensely sexual.

for @dnkinktober day 19: spit. also fits for day 18 (virginity) <3