This is the Milgram sideblog for @gunsli-01. This is my space to be critical of what I enjoy to my hearts content. I've always been a fan of murder mysteries. Focusing on the ins and outs of what they may have done and why while messy is what I find the most fun! Hopes for the series is finishing it with an appreciation for all the cast not just a select few.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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Where is this place?
I've lost my way
Even though it should have been what I desired
Both correctness and mistakes
I pretend to understand foolishly And yet, my failures overflow
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For some reason, I feel like crying
alts / original under the cut
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in 09's T2 appearance, they gained an additional strap that's similar to a prisoner tag, maybe because milgram has acknowledged john's existence + given him an identifier ("john")
#i think the extra tag is to show that his restraints were being tightened in some way before he broke out of them#eventually I will get to the post on that though doing something else right now#nice catch
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Kotoko is such an insecure person………I need to give her a gun just to see her powertrip moree
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✽ Penelope - trial one - page ✽
Round one - voting - form
Main - page - link
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MILGRAM Profile Template
Hello everyone! I recently tried replicating MILGRAM's First Trial profiles for use in my OCgram, and thought it may be helpful for someone else.
The template isn't a perfect replica but I think it gets the job done :3 Please note that it is only in .clip format for Clip Studio Paint. (i tried to convert it to psd but it just broke all the text layers, feel free to try for yourself. you're free to reshare the converted files as well :D)
The folder includes two versions of the template, one with horizonal quote text and one vertical. You will need the font Rosseau Deco for it to display properly. (https://rostype.com/rousseau-deco)
Credit to @shiro-hatzuki for the noise texture!
Let me know if there are any issues!
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Art trade with @good-beansdraws
Lineart/color swap featuring concepts/scenes from Order of Attack
Beans's lineart, which I colored, was Amane as Kotoko in Purge March (or vice versa?) :3
I colored the Amanes traditionally, but then I decided to go ham with the rendering. There was this neat little post about rendering tips that I reblogged on main.
Keep an eye out for Beans's post too!
Original scans and alt coloring under the cut.
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youtube
MILGRAM 1st Anniversary Stream Translation Part 1
Translated by @/JuriTea_ and @/CatDraft0307 29 Pages, 7200 words.
🎴 Host 🔸Takuya Yamanaka (Scenario writer)
🎴 Guest Voice Actors 🔸Amami Yurina (Es) 🔸Horie Shun (Haruka) 🔸Aimi (Kotoko)
🎴 Translation begins 10 minutes in the Stream.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Ever since this has been published, there hasn’t been much on Kotoko.
🔸Horie (Haruka): That’s true, Kotoko is one of the last.
🔸Yamanaka: It’s tough being the 10th.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Exactly!
🔸Horie (Haruka): Even I personally don’t really know much about what kind of person Kotoko is, and not really clear on what she had done, so I’m excited to find out.
🔸Yamanaka: It’s a long spanning game. I’m sure there are people who are increasingly shocked as the Milgram stories are released charater by character. We can only wonder about Kotoko, who is the last.
🔸Everyone: Please look forward to it!
🔸Yamanaka: We’ve received a lot of comments, we have around 2000 viewers already.
🔸Amami (Es): Hello~ I mean, Good evening~
🔸Yamanaka: We’ll be addressing the comments as well
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): There are a lot of fans from overseas
🔸Yamanaka: There are! We have a lot of comments from our overseas fans
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): There are shout outs for Kotoko
🔸Yamanaka: Kotoko, what are the two of you holding?
🎴Jackalope Bunny Plush Talk
🔸Yamanaka (Around 11.59): Let’s go over a recap of what’s been happening on Milgram so far. Please see the first slide.
🔸Yamanaka: The project Milgram started one year ago, on 04/27/2020. Viewer participatory/interactive music project. All songs are produced by DECO*27, world building and scenario by Yamanaka Takuya, and music video by OTOIRO.
🔸Yamanaka: The viewers become prison warden Es, and speculate the sins of the 10 “murderers” to pass judgment whether to forgive/not forgive. The story progresses based on the results of the judgment.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): I’m sure all of you (viewers) were excited when this was announced, but we were also super excited when we received offers to join this project.
🔸Es/Horie (Haruka): We were!
🔸Yamanaka: You probably couldn’t make sense of any of it just from the documents right?
🔸Horie (Haruka): Still, it tickled my otaku-heart, like to forgive or not to forgive, or the fact that everyone has committed some sort of sin.
🔸Amami (Es): The world building is phenomenal
🔸Yamanaka: We listed out everything the characters did in the documents when we sent them to you, so it must be not be easy to voice act while hiding that knowledge.
🔸Everyone: True, you have a point.
🔸Yamanaka: And now we’re faced with the super difficult challenge of being asked all sorts of questions on live, and not allowed to disclose any spoilers.
🔸Amami (Es): We’re pretty limited on what we’re allowed to disclose.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Especially Kotoko-san.
🔸Yamanaka: Kotoko-san is still a complete enigma.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): You guys know nothing about her yet, right?
🔸Yamanaka: Only that she’s cool.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): I know everything though.
🔸Horie (Haruka): What’s wrong with you?
🔸Yamanaka: It’s fun to look at all the speculations when you know everything already.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Yup. Speculations are fun to read
🔸Everyone: Yup.
🔸Yamanaka: There’s a lot of clues scattered throughout the MVs, and I get startled sometimes when I read all the speculations.
🔸Horie (Haruka): There are a lot of them that are on the right track.
🔸Amami (Es): I think to myself “that’s so close!” as I read all the theories in the comments. There’s also a lot of comments in English from overseas fans, but unfortunately I’m bad at English so I don’t understand. I do feel immense passion though, I truly thank everyone for the comments!
🔸Yamanaka: When we designed the characters and their sins, we tried to design them in a way that is open for interpretation depending on how each viewer feels, and encourage differences in opinions. For example, some sins may be legally wrong, or something that you can’t forgive emotionally, and some may be interpreted differently due to cultural differences and different upbringings. So we encourage people from all walks of life to participate, to increase the diversity and depth in the results.
🔸Yamanaka: Next I want to ask… Do you have a prisoner that you’re interested in other than your own character?
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Ohh…
🔸Horie (Haruka): What a difficult question.
🔸Amami (Es): I’d like to know from you two.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Umm.. you know…?
🔸Amami (Es): Yes, I know everything. laughs
🔸Horie (Haruka)/Aimi (Kotoko): contemplates
🔸Amami (Es): It’s alright, Milgram has everything
🔸Yamanaka: That’s right… from emotion to law to ethics to your tastes/preferences/kink (TN: 性癖 Not sexual. A lot more innocent in Japanese).
🔸Amami (Es): An abundance.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Ummm I felt the pressure from Yamanaka-san earlier to like Amane-chan, but I’m kind of scared of Amane-chan… I mean, it’s not limited to Amane-chan, but there are a lot of characters that look like they have a line that I shouldn’t cross. I feel like if I stepped over that line, there’s no going back… and everyone has that line. Honestly it’s hard to find a bias.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Bias, huh. When it comes to finding a bias, I mean, everyone is kind of… weird.
🔸Amami (Es): So who do you like?
🔸Horie (Haruka): Well if we are talking looks, I like Amane-chan.
🔸Amami (Es): Thank you.
🔸Horie (Haruka): But it’s a difficult question.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): I’m actually interested in Haruka a lot. Horie-san’s songs are so good. I get into a lot of things through songs, so when I first heard them, I thought “Wow, what a voice” and it left a strong impression on me.
🔸Amami (Es): It’s very delicate.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Weren’t we so nervous?
🔸Amami (Es): Yes!
🔸Horie (Haruka): You were the first and I was the second - now I’m first - being the first person to create such music content made me so nervous. Plus, Undercover was so well done, so I was extra nervous going after you.
🔸Yamanaka: We gathered voice actors who can sing well from all times and places.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): All times and places laughs
🔸Everyone: Thank you.
🔸Es/Kotoko/Haruka? (TN: everyone is talking at the same time and it’s all jumbled T_T): I want to taste the betrayal/betrayal is part of the fun
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Even if you like their looks, maybe you’ll be like “oh no, I can’t support that anymore!” later on, or the opposite might be true too.
🔸Yamanaka: It happens in real life too, right? Some people turn out completely different from their first impressions.
🔸Horie (Haruka): It happens.
🔸Yamanaka: Just like Horie kun said, first impressions may change, and they might betray you, but if you gather the courage and make them your bias regardless, you can enjoy the impact from the change in character.
🎴 UNDERCOVER by Es
🔸Yamanaka: Next slide please. The first song is from the warden who oversees the prisoners, Es, “Undercover”. How did you feel when you received the documents for Undercover and was asked to sing?
🔸Amami (Es): I love Deco27-san’s songs, and the song was packed with Deco27-san’s worldview, so I was really really happy when I was asked to sing this song. I was looking forward to the recording every single day
🔸Yamanaka: As you know I write the scenarios and Deco-san uploads the music. When I hear the music from Deco-san, I am astounded every time. Especially when I heard the intro for Undercover, I was like, “Ah, this is amazing, this is the beginning”
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Have you sang as a boy before this?
🔸Amami (Es): No, I haven’t. I didn’t have much experience with music contents. To me, Es is my magnum opus. But I’ve always wanted to sing in this kind of voice, so this allowed me to achieve a lot of my dreams, as we speak.
🔸Horie (Haruka): I like Undercover so much, that I just spam the link to actors who aren’t even involved in Milgram.
🔸Amami (Es): Thank you lol
🔸Yamanaka: I’ve had the opportunity to listen to Amami-san’s voice before, so Deco-san and I knew what to expect
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): It’s amazing that you’re able to pick such a perfect fit
🔸Amami (Es): Thank you.
🔸Yamanaka: It’s fun to do a role you’ve never done before right?
🔸Amami (Es): Yes, thank you for the opportunity.
🔸Yamanaka: So Undercover was released on 5/15, then followed by the prisoners’ songs. Next slide please… oh sorry I made a mistake. Here we have an intriguing scene, we have Es, warden, and scattered boxes… this scene feeds everyone’s imagination.
🔸Haruka/Others: The number of the boxes also trigger intrigue.
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s take a look at the next slide… It’s the chorus. In the choruses, we can see the fearful faces of the prisoners come together gradually. Next slide please.
🔸Horie (Haruka): This looks kind of scary when you take a closer look.
🔸Amami (Es): There’s a lot of comments asking about what’s going on in this scene.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): True, it’s hard to tell what’s going on here
🔸Yamanaka: What do you think? It seems like there’s a lot being done to Es.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Everyone speculates about the prisoners and whether to forgive or not, but the speculation already starts here.
🔸Yamanaka: I started this project wanting to enjoy the speculation with the viewers, but the depth and speed that everyone forms their speculations far exceeds my expectation… I’m a little startled. So that’s how Milgram began, and the first song from a prisoner is this. Next slide please.
🎴 Weakness by Haruka
🔸Aimi (Kotoko)/Amami (Es): Ah, here it goes
🔸Yamanaka: What do you think? It’s about you..
🔸Horie (Haruka): Um… What should I do?! Is what I thought. I thought it was very difficult from the documents I received. I’ve had the opportunity to sing a lot of character songs that are catchy and melodious, but it was my first time working on a more serious and full-fledged song made by Deco*27. There’s a lot of falsettos and the key was pretty high.
🔸Amami (Es): It’s very high isn’t it?
🔸Horie (Haruka): I haven’t had much opportunity to sing these kind of songs so I was nervous and excited as I recorded it.
🔸Yamanaka: Haruka was very fun.
🔸Amami (Es): Is that so?
🔸Yamanaka: Even the voice recordings were super fun.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Regardless whether it was voice recordings or the song, Yamanaka-san told me to make it nauseating.
🔸Yamanaka: I don’t care if no one likes Haruka, just make it as nauseating as possible
🔸Horie (Haruka): That’s what he told me! There was a part of me that wanted to make Haruka a popular and likable character, but I was told to expel all impure thoughts and intentions
🔸Yamanaka: It didn’t matter if Haruka couldn’t get a single view – that’s how much I emphasized on just building the character.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Even with that, I saw a lot of comments saying they’ll support Haruka for life.
🔸Yamanaka: There’s the reality in a character that has been finessed.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): The chorus is very memorable… I always end up singing it at home.
🔸Horie (Haruka): People who start by liking him are probably those who like to make life difficult for themselves.
🔸Yamanaka: Are you sure you want to say that? There’s one right beside you.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Oh right lol!
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Umm… I guess you’re right. Oh, and you got to do a cover for Two Breaths Walking, I’m very envious.
🔸Horie (Haruka): I think it was my generation. When I was a student, it’s a song that was played over the speakers at school during lunch. It’s that kind of song. (TN: in Japan, the school would play various music/songs during lunch hour through the school PA system)
🔸Yamanaka: You’re in that generation?
🔸Amami (Es): That was our youth.
🔸Yamanaka: I feel a generation gap. I’m the same age as Deco-san, so those type of songs wouldn’t play during lunch for us. Let’s take a look at the MV. Here we have Haruka, we used a collage-multimedia style MV.
🔸Amami (Es): It looks unsettling.
🔸Yamanaka: It’s a change from the anime-style Undercover.
🔸Amami (Es): Can I ask a question? I’ve been reading the comments and there’s a lot of questions around whether if the Haruka seen here is actually Haruka, or his sibling.
🔸Yamanaka: I can’t answer that. Next please.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Oh no it moved on.
🔸Amami (Es): I really want to know!
🔸Yamanaka: Yes, I understand many of you want to know, but I can’t tell you anything at the current stage, so we’ll just have to speculate.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Only suspicion.
🔸Yamanaka: Next slide please. The last scene.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko?): ah, it’s precious
🔸Horie (Haruka): Which emotion?
🔸Yamanaka: Which emotion does this represent?
🔸Amami (Es): I wonder which?
🔸Yamanaka: I hope everyone can enjoy speculating which is it.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): It’s so heartbreaking.
🎴 Umbilical by Yuno
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s move on to the next song. Yuno’s Umbilical was release on July 17th. The change in musical style after Haruka’s Survival of the Fittest (TN: the Japanese title of Haruka’s song Weakness) must have been a surprise.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko?): It’s very different.
🔸Horie (Haruka): I thought the style would be consistent with Weakness.
🔸Amami (Es): Me too.
🔸Yamanaka: People wonder what would come after Undercover and Weakness, and then we’re hit with this.
🔸Horie (Haruka): It took me by surprise.
🔸Yamanaka: we’re receiving a lot of comments that Yuno is cute.
🔸Amami (Es): Yuno-chan is so popular. When I search Milgram on Twitter, I see how immense Yuno-chan’s popularity is. I want to rest on her lap for 1000 yen too.
🔸Yamanaka: 1000 is cheap.
🔸Amami (Es): For real. Please, I beg you!
🔸Horie (Haruka): Who are you begging?
🔸Yamanaka: She’s begging Yuno-chan.
🔸Yamanaka: Yuno chan is pretty prickly in the dramas… She’s not an easy person to deal with and it’s demonstrated well through the great acting.
🔸Horie (Haruka): That’s true, Aisaka-kun’s way of acting and singing captures Yuno’s essence exquisitely… I can’t get into more details, but really shows Yuno’s vibe.
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s take a look at the MV
🔸Everyone: so cute! I love the colors.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Um this scene… you’ve heard it from Yamanaka-san already right? This scene really traumatized me.
🔸Aimi(?): Trauma?
🔸Horie (Haruka): Yes… traumatic.
🔸Yamanaka: Next please! Here we have デイのシーン? (TN: I couldn’t really catch what scene he’s referring to. He says Day Scene, but idk what a day scene is?)
🔸Amami (Es): this is nice, the karaoke screen at the back is a cover song.
🔸Yamanaka: Yes, there are easter eggs.
🔸Amami (Es): I want her to come Karaoke with me~
🔸Yamanaka: After the project took off, eventually the MVs will come out. But when I first wrote the story and Deco san composed, then I’m like, ah, so this is how (the story) is portrayed. I’ve had a lot of moments like that. I think it will build up to an exciting result one prose at a time. Next slide please. Yuno-chan falling.
🔸Horie (Haruka): She’s falling.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): She’s wearing an undershirt. No peeking at her tummy.
🔸Yamanaka: I like that. Usually people would wear it.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): True, usually people wear an undershirt but in 2D world usually you get to peek at their tummy.
🔸Yamanaka: I’m the type who want to make them wear undershirts.
🔸Horie (Haruka): you prefer realistic portrayals. Old man’s peculiar taste.
🔸Yamanaka: that’s a bit, um…
🔸Amami (Es): Please stop that lol.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Please stop that? LOL.
🎴 Bring it On / Jihen Jotou by Futa
🔸Yamanaka: What we have next is very different once again.
🔸Everyone: AHHHHH Fuuta… wahh….
🔸Amami (Es): Amazing!
🔸Horie (Haruka): Lounsbery-san is a genius, for real.
🔸Yamanaka: He’s really given his all for us.
🔸Amami (Es): His growling is top notch
🔸Horie (Haruka): Like where is that voice coming from?
🔸Yamanaka: We really had him give his all.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): It sounds like it would strain his throat.
🔸Horie (Haruka): What was this throat like after it was done?
🔸Yamanaka: He’s really tough. We told him, “we’re good with this take” but he’ll ask us if he can do another take.
🔸Horie (Haruka): He’s so cool.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko)/Amami (Es): So dependable
🔸Yamanaka: I was amazed by the musical range of Milgram.
🔸Amami (Es): Why is Futa wearing a mask?
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s move on to the next slide!
🔸Horie (Haruka): Even that’s classified?
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): It’s an arcade.
🔸Yamanaka: My only choice is to deny all questions. It’s so sad.
🔸Yamanaka: In this scene we get a peek into Futa’s daily life.
🔸Horie (Haruka): He seems so left out.
🔸Everyone: LOL not fitting in.
🔸Horie (Haruka): They’re together, but…
🔸Yamanaka: Next slide please
🔸Amami (Es): This is so awesome!
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Very awesome!
🔸Amami (Es): It’s so unique to portray an MV like a game.
🔸Yamanaka: This MV is like a peek into his mind/how he sees the world in his mind, it lets us see how he sees his own sin. It really demonstrates Otoiro-san’s techniques and creativity.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Could there be a meaning to the number 1014?
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s move on to the next slide.
🔸Horie (Haruka): I want to know what the 1014 means.
🔸Yamanaka: This scene shows us that Futa has this side to him as well.
🔸Amami (Es): He’s been coming off strong/confident up until now, but this scene suddenly shows uncertainty/anxiety and makes people wonder.
🔸Yamanaka: Futa is usually full of himself, but he has a weaker side, and this shows that people are multifaceted.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): There’s a gap in personality.
🔸Amami (Es): True, everyone is head over heels for this gap.
🔸Yamanaka: True, Futa-kun is loved.
🔸Amami (Es): Cocky characters receive all the love.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Ultimately, they’re adorable.
🔸Horie (Haruka): And yet, he wasn’t forgiven.
🔸Yamanaka: It’s really a test of whether you can still think they’re cute or cool once you find out the truth about them.
🎴 Afterpain by Mu
🔸Yamanaka: We have a problematic person coming up as well… next slide please. Mu-chan.
🔸Everyone: Ahhh…. She’s here.
🔸Amami (Es)/Aimi (Kotoko?): A pretty girl.
🔸Horie (Haruka): So ephemeral. Her voice is really clear.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko?): Her voice is the best.
🔸Amami (Es): She really sounds ephemeral.
🔸Yamanaka: I agree. The clarity of her voice and (the clarity/ephemeralness) of her character really matches well. I can say this for everyone, but Kouri-san’s singing is so good.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): She’s really good! She can sing any kind of songs.
🔸Yamanaka: That’s true. She’s really good at getting the pitches right.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): She’s a genius at giving the right nuances.
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s take a look at the next slide.
🔸Amami (Es): Thumbnail!
🔸Yamanaka: Mu-chan had a lot of specific scenes.
🔸Amami (Es): True, she had scenes that were expressed in direct/literal ways.
🔸Yamanaka: Her character is also pretty different between her MV and her drama, and how you interpret her character really changes depending on how far you pursue this character.
🔸Amami (Es): That’s true… the comments from the people who heard her drama part are mostly confused, like “What should I do with this (information)?”
🔸Yamanaka: Even in the real world, for example a news story about a murder, you’d have very different opinions depending on if you just read the headline, vs when you watch the whole thing, vs when you do more research on the person.
🔸Amami (Es): yes, the information keeps getting updated.
🔸Yamanaka: The interpretation completely changes depending on people’s interest levels
🔸Yamanaka: Next slide please.
🔸Yamanaka: Who is this?
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Who?
🔸Yamanaka: I wonder who?
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): It’s an obviously different face, drawn in a such a clear shot.
🔸Yamanaka: Yes… for the other characters, everyone other than themselves are drawn rather abstractly.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Yeah, even for Haruka, the other characters were rather scribbly.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Yeah we couldn’t see their faces.
🔸Yamanaka: I wonder we’ll find out who she is eventually…?
🔸Amami (Es): Aww, eventually…!
🔸Yamanaka: I like this part.. Next slide please.
🔸Amami (Es): Ahh, it’s here, the scene in question.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Judging by the results we know this scene, but it’s hard to tell which one is which (TN: I’m assuming she means which one is initiating the killing). Only these two know.
🔸Yamanaka: Mu-chan said it herself; it’s true that she committed murder, but you wouldn’t understand unless if you’ve been in her shoes.
🔸Amami (Es): It’s drawn pretty directly here, but she was forgiven. “Not forgive” was the majority until near the end of the vote, but ultimately “forgive” won at the end. I wonder if the wardens have had a change of heart.
🔸Horie (Haruka): “I forgave her, even though I didn’t want to” I’ve been seen these in the comments.
🔸Yamanaka: It feels like real society, where you have people who know the complete story currently available through both the drama and song, trying to convince people who only listened to the song to listen to the entire story before forgiving her.
🎴 Throw Down by Shidou
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s move onto the next song. Shidou-san.
🔸Aimi (or Amami): The one in charge of sexiness.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): He’s so stylish.
🔸Yamanaka: Throw Down, in terms of musical range, is rather unexpected for Shidou.
🔸Amami (Es): It’s so good.
🔸Yamanaka: He’s so cool.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): The way he sings is also sexy.
🔸Yamanaka: This song makes me feel mellow.
🔸Amami (Es): Yes.. but initially, he was singing one octave lower right?
🔸Yamanaka: yes… We practically had him retake it until it fit Shidou’s image. We spent as much time as we could on the vocals.
🔸Horie (Haruka): whose proposal was it to raise an octave?
🔸Yamanaka: Originally we were doing it in this key, because we were focused on Shidou’s image and to make sure it suits Shidou’s appearance, so we were like let's do it in this octave. But ultimately, we said, let’s raise an octave. There were a lot of trial and error.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Shugo-san is amazing for being able to keep up with all of that.
🔸Yamanaka: Yes… it’s a unique case, but we recorded the voice (lines), then the song, and we did retakes of the voice stocks to match results of the song.
🔸Amami (Es): Ehh, really?!
🔸Yamanaka: Yeah.. Shidou’s a complex person so there were a lot of trial and error.
🔸Yamanaka: Let's take a look at a shot from the MV.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): Ah, so good! His gaze.
🔸Horie (Haruka): He’s beautiful.
🔸Amami (Es): His skin is so clear.
🔸Horie (Haruka): He has such fair skin.
🔸Amami (Es): there are no bad people among people who part their hair at the middle.
🔸Yamanaka: I don’t think that’s true.
🔸Horie (Haruka): Really? I think there are plenty lol.
🔸Yamanaka: The two beauty marks under his eyes are sexy.
🔸Amami (Es): It’s too sexy that they are a pair.
🔸Yamanaka: Let’s take a look at the next slide
🔸Yamanaka: We get to learn about what kind of person Shidou is in real life for the most part.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): His profession is clear.
🔸Amami (Es): Like a doctor, most likely.
🔸Yamanaka: It’s a difficult job, so there’s probably a lot going on.
🔸Amami (Es): it’s a job that affects human lives.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): there’s a comment saying they want to listen to the lower octave song.
🔸Amami (Es): I want to listen too.
🔸Yamanaka: sorry… for being the only ones who had heard it.
🔸Yamanaka: Shidou-san’s drama and interrogation also causes confusion on what kind of person he is. He’s that type of person, so I hope you’ll watch over him from now too. Next slide please.
🔸Amami (Es): This place collapses right?
🔸Yamanaka: yes. He’s making human shapes from flower arrangements in the MV, and ultimately it collapses at the end.
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): He was in a white coat just now, but now he’s in a black shirt. The color scheme changed completely.
🔸Yamanaka: Yes.. when I saw the MV from Otoiro-san, I felt that expressions were portrayed in very intricate ways. I hope they are viewed many times.
🔸Amami (Es): it’s very detailed.
🔸Yamanaka: I’m being told that the way I brush past questions with a chuckle is scary.. I’m sorry for that. That’s my only option.
🔸Amami (Es): Ah true, there’s a lot that you can’t disclose.
🔸Yamanaka: I don’t mind telling it all though, just spoil everything.
🔸Amami (Es): Still, we’ll just keep asking you questions regardless.
🔸Yamanaka: Okay. I’ll say “I can’t answer any of that.”
🔸Aimi (Kotoko): We know what to expect now.
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so I have always been a bit boggled by the idea of "self esteem." like I have always liked myself and wanted the best for myself and thought I was awesome and yet therapists have constantly been accusing me of having "low self esteem"
and it's only very recently that I have worked out that by Self Esteem they mean more like-- trusting myself. to be able to do what I want done. and my whole life I have been real shaky on that not because I don't think I'm awesome but because I have become increasingly and miserably aware that I have a fucking neurological condition. or two. that make it extremely difficult to do certain things no matter how much I want them done
and now that I've gotten myself diagnosed and medicated I am more getting what they mean. like. now I know I probably CAN do the thing if I am properly medicated and have gotten a good night's sleep and deploy the right playlist. and everything is way less scary because of that
but it's not because. like. I just needed to esteem myself more?? it's like if I fought and fought and finally got a wheelchair and was like "okay NOW I know I can make it through an entire trip to the grocery store" and people were like "see! you just needed to believe in yourself!" no I needed Y'ALL to fucking believe me
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Amanevember Day 20
Fuuta: Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong. Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it.
My interpretation of Fuuta's 2022 birthday timeline
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sounds silly but. one of the greatest things ever as someone with a trauma background is learning that things aren't inherently as bad or as scary as I thought. it IS possible to assemble Ikea furniture without arguments. is IS possible to discuss boundaries without having something thrown at me for speaking out of turn. it IS possible to spend hours on end sharing your favourite things with your favourite people, and not get called annoying for it. the world is an incredible place
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What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless
FOOD
Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food
grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread
different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.
some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit
SHELTER
Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment
sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it
Some churches offer short term residence
Find your nearest homeless shelter
Look for places that are open to the public
A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry
HYGIENE
A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.
Public libraries have bathrooms you can use
Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.
Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver
Local beaches, go for a quick swim
Some truck stops have showers you can pay for
Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet
Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket
OTHER
first aid kit
sunscreen
a travel alarm clock or watch
mylar emergency blanket
a backpack is a must
downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards
sleeping bag
travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror
swiss army knife
can opener
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Random Mikoto drawings I have (first two are from 2024 and the other is from 2023)
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009 & 002 x deco*27 2008~2012 collection & sou ai sei ri ron
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