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Just need to vent a moment.
I finally had to bite the bullet and visit a dr for the first time in years because I'm having some concerning health issues, and I just want to know if I'm dying.
So when I got an appointment with a new doctor, it started off with the him calling me "fat" even though I'm only 140 lbs. But I had to grin and bare it because my insurance would only let me see the specialist that I wanted to go to for my issues with a referral from the doctor.
Luckily I did get the referral and was able to see the specialist. And I also had blood work done for both doctors. Everything looked fine except for one test which had really high levels.
But then this morning, I get a fun email email telling me that I owe $500 for one of the visits and $50 for the other even though they're supposed to be fully covered by insurance. They also told me I have additional bills on top of that for the blood tests, which once again, are supposed to be fully covered by insurance.
So now I have to spend one of my days off trying to fight these charges, which idk if they'll be willing to drop. But if they still make me pay for it, then I'll be cancelling the upcoming tests that the doctor also wanted me to do and all my follow up appointments.
Thankfully since all my test results are posted online, I know exactly what's wrong with me now without needing to do anymore visits. And I can try some herbal remedies to at least assist with my issues instead of having to get a doctors prescription for medicine.
Funnily enough, the disease I have turns out to be a hereditary thing. And I’ve been mentioning these issues to doctors my whole life, but they always just shrugged and told me that it was “normal for women”. But it wasn’t until I had a period that lasted 51 days that they were like “hmmm maybe something is wrong…” 😤
It's just so frustrating that this is the state of healthcare in this country. I pay $800 a month for insurance and still it won't cover the medical fees for visits that they're telling me I need to do annually. And I have to become my own doctor on top of it all.
But I've stopped caring. I'm too exhausted to care anymore. I work 11 hours a day at my job, which is not only physically tiring, but mentally exhausting and stressful as well.
And if I'm going to be forced to spend so much on medical services, I'd rather use that money to live comfortably instead. Because I literally can't afford those medical bills. My rent already takes half of my monthly income, and groceries and other bills take up the rest.
So I'd rather live a short life and try to enjoy every minute that I have of it, then to save up for a future I may never get.
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I don't really want to be Serious right now, but...
Work is really really busy because summer is our busy time. Which I see other people being like ah, May, it's spring! It's summer here already, so I should probably start taking three water bottles to work again because I was sweating today on the second floors of the properties. It'll be close to 90 tomorrow.
I had a dentist appointment today and they took X-rays and I was very brave about it but there were so many things in my mouth and I hate things being in my mouth. I woke up a bit too early from the gallbladder removal surgery and there was still something in my mouth and I remember immediately just pulling it out. And yes, I paid for it with severe throat pain for a few hours afterwards. I cannot stand weird and wrong and claustrophobic sensory feelings in my mouth.
There was a lot of traffic and people going slower than the speed limit and people not watching for other cars at all in roundabouts and just general traffic stress.
I am so backed up on pic editing and uploading tours and I only have two days and then I am on vacation, and emails keep coming in demanding boxes and pics for properties that are so far away and require so much driving and owners being so precious about all the pics they want, including pics of things just near the property.
And on top of all this my brother decided to get emo about my mother's memory issues today and he keeps texting me and texting me and I am like, look, I love my mother but also she's a big part of the reason I dealt with PTSD and anxiety for 20 years and I feel really weird when she texts me wanting to solve things for her and now you're also just ripping away at me and tearing me apart and demanding demanding demanding and just....
I want to rest. I want to hug the spousal person, the only person I know IRL who doesn't constantly demand me for things and who doesn't rely on me for everything and who actually listens to me and cares about me and sees me as a person, not just a problem solver and filler of endless emotional needs.
Saw a poll about "burnt out gifted kid" on here and the answers were so far removed from my experience. What if you were identified as gifted when you were seven, a few months after your father died, and then your family depended on you to think and feel for them and to solve all their problems forever afterwards?
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HELP FUCK I NEED HELP GODDAMNIT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE MY STUPID FANART JOKES
I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT TIKTOK THIS WAS, BUT MY UNATTENDED HAMSTER IN A HAMSTER BALL IN THE LIVING ROOM OF A BRAIN JUST LET IT TUMBLE ACROSS MY MINDSCAPE AND MAN, “HAHA I CAN SEE THE RISE TURTLES DOING THIS, WOULDN’T IT BE FUNNY TO DRAW IT”
EXCEPT I CAN’T FIND IT, IT HURTS MY CIRCA 1997 INTERNET GREMLIN BRAIN THAT I CANNOT FIND THIS STUPID HILARIOUS VIDEO OF FOUR DUDES
IT’S ALL DANCE COMPILATIONS AND THIRST TRAP CRINGE, FUCK ALL I REMEMBER IS SOMEONE GOING, “WOW LOOK AT ALL THESE FUNNY WALKING CYCLES.”, “WEIRD WAY TO TALK ABOUT SOMEONE’S GAIT.”, “OH I HEARD FROM SOMEONE THEY HAD TO BE DANCERS FROM THE WAY THEY HOLD THEIR UPPER BODIES AS THEY WALK. ALSO THEIR SHOES.” AS YOU CAN SEE THAT DOES NOT HELP THE SEARCH RESULTS
I JUST WANT TO MAKE THE STUPID JOKE AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE, FAAAAACK HELP ME TUMBLR USERS AGES 25 AND UNDER
listen i know 25+ also have an equal probability of knowing which one it was but... c’mon, we both known we’re all too tired to expend our energy like this twice in a day, save it for something else.
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