#a choice i wouldnt have even been presented with

[mothpdf]

.

[youaremysunshine-court]

Highkey gonna cry I looked up this uni I have to go to on Insta and literally it looks like the worst fit for me

[rnaeborowski]

i want it to be wednesday already.. i wanna relax in the hot springs right now...

[cherllyio]

Do you think monkey king/Sun Wukong will die in season 5. Because we don’t see him the last Lego set made for monkie kid so he probably sacrificed himself to become the earth stone since he was that yellow stone all along since it does make sense and does prove that it’s were the show likes to end off his journey and to save the world. Even though wukong will be dead I’m far more worried about MK since we do see him crying in the trailer. That might mean wukong sacrificed himself or he’s suffering or could come back since nüwa could replace herself from the earth stone I could see that happening.

I’m chattering my teeth once I think about it cause I don’t want him to die in the show😭

Wukong will not die

Yes, I said it, and i will die on this hill (though i do think its a cool theory).

And yes, i know there is that whole "mentor die trope", but this wouldnt make sense, for Wukong (atleast for his characther arc, so far).

First proof: He needs to finish the arc with Macaque.

Theese two monkeys have one of the most complicated relationships, I have seen in a while, and they are just starting to realise what went wrong in the past. (when they went back through their memories)

Therefore, ending it now? It would be increbly rushed and would leave it uncompleted. (And also omg, they need to both apologise to eachother)

Second proof: He needs to finish the arc with MK

MK said in the season 4 special: "I am not ready, to not have a mentor".

So we got that-

BUT ALSO

Sun Wukong clearly knows more, than he lets on about MK's past:

And being like- one of the only people acutally having some idea, where MK is even from (and that he has some form of "biological" relation to him), it would be weird for them to end it so suddenly now.

They still have so much to clear out about how they are even connected.

Final Proof: He needs to finish his own arc

Sun Wukong is still growing.

Yes: He is thousands of years old, and has been on the JTTW, but he is still evolving as a person.

He messed up badly with the Samdadhi Fire, and he is truly trying to be better now. But he still has a lot to learn. Which I can only explain through one line:

"We cant change the past, but we can make better choices today."

That was something he taught MK in season 4, but he clearly needs to relearn it too.

After all MK did tell him the very same thing in the season 4 special, and Wukong clearly listend to it.

But we didnt see much of Wukong arc after that, we had Azure's ass to beat after all.

So, i theorise, that we will see more of that in season 5.

Aka Wukong (re)learning, that you can fuck up, again and again, but as long as you try to become better now in the present, you still deserve to live. You still deserve love.

...

Also, I just don't Wukong to die ;-;

[betweenblackberrybranches]

So i wrote a little thing for the RLGL au

Its a prologue of sorts, the first actual meeting between the guys and y/n at work before they become neighbours

Be warned though i am not a writer and typed this out quickly on my phone while i was supposed to work so it is probably not that good (i think i just randomly switch between present tense and past tense so it just be like that)

Warning for suggestive themes. But nothing explicit is mentioned

There you stood, one hand grabbing the handle of the sleek chrome and wooden door. This was not part of your job description. And this was really not something you wanted to do. You were a janotor. Fixing minor electrical things, looking after the plumming, washing all sheets that the cleaners brought into the washing room and fixing and cleaning up the rough stuff. Every day was busy and you had always kept to yourself and the many staff only hallways, away from the rich red and black velvet and the polished wooden floors, raw concret where the eyes of the customers wouldnt see.

You felt safe in your domain, the low humming of the heating filling the basement rooms like the breathing of a sleeping dragon. Or atleast that was what you liked to imagine it as. It made your work seem atleast a little more exciting and kept your mind of the various fluids you had to painstakingly rinse out of the white and burgundy sheets.

You straighten your sleeves, a black turtleneck black slacks and a black baseball cap with fazCOs logo, not really the usual uniform for the people interacting with customers, worlds away from the white button up and vest you should be wearing. But this was an emergency. Well as far as the rich bozo in this room was concearned atleast. So who knows on what level the "mess" was, this could be anything from some spilling to..... well no need to think about worst case szenarios.

Straightening your cap one last time you enter the dimmly lit room. You immidiatly regret every single choice that led you to this specific sight. The hairs on your arms rising in protest as you try to nonchalantly step further into the mess, the customer having left apparently, not even waiting for the emergency roomservice to arrive after calling for it. Red wine and some gunk that looked like it had been food once that had been chewed and spit out again smeared all over the couch and carpet. You call out to make sure the coast is clear, trying very hard to not gag.

As soon as you are sure there is no human in the room you rush to a lifeless form of satin metal and plastic on the ground, swallowing hard as salvia and gall rise up in your throat. You find the second one bundeled up on the bed, lanky arms and legs positioned in a way that sent a shiver down your spine, one of his arms was popped out of the shoulder, only hanging by the many thin cables running under the outer casing.

Shaking hands finding the small power button at the base of the blue ones head you wait, counting five and then ten seconds. This isnt something you should be doing. This is against company policies, and yet you cant just leave them like this for a technician to find after you cleaned up. The soft hum of the reboot sent your hand back as if burned and you kneel down to repeat the action on the yellow one. You knew they had names, pretty obvious ones at that.. sun and moon. You had only seen them from afar until now. Especally because you were not a waiter or maid, someone who would walk past them regularly in the flashy suits and club rooms, no you were someone working in the shadows. A shame that the one time you saw them this closely it felt like you should avert your gaze, because even under the questionable liquids and gunk they still looked stunning. The yellow one started humming under your touch and you hurridly got up, starting the cleaning process and ignoring the two stiring bodies like you were supposed to.

Moon sat up straight, unfurling from his nothing but explicit position, his left arm dragging on the bed. No mind was given to the worker bustleing around the furthest corner as moon leaped forwards and down to the ground, shaking arm immidiatly finding his bright counterpart who was in the process of opening his eyes. Sun looked up and welcomed the soft embrace of moon, foreheads pressed together best they could with their orbish heads, giving themselves just one moment of comfort before dealing with the situation at hand.

You had started to clean the bathroom first, wanting to give the two robots enough time to regain their baring and hide their bodies away if they so wished. A bitter taste on your lips you reenter the main suite with two steaming hot towels and a big box of wet wipes, wordlessly pressing them in the hands of the two, now sitting on the bed encased in a thin sheet. With any interaction between general staff and escorts being prohibited you were pretty much towing the line of doing something that could get you fired, but you felt like this needed to be done.

Moving on you cleaned the carpet, trying to ignore the two bots meticulously wiping down eachother. You sigh. This all felt so wrong. You grab the cleaning rag tight as you rub at the carpet and wish you could do more for the two than gracefully ignoring them and their disheviled apearances, assuming theyd even want any help from a random janitor.

They are still cleaning and fixing up eachother when you put away the last stained pillowcase and wipe down the low table one last time. You swallow dryly. All you can think of doing for them is grabing two small post it notes from your cart and make small origami flowers, one of like three things you know how to fold. Leaving them behind on the stack of clean clothing you plop down on one edge of the bed. It is hard not to sneak one last look at the two, hovering around eachother, deeply concentrated on reapplying eachothers makeup with gentle brushstrokes.

The most beautiful constelation. But you feel like this is not something you are supposed to whitness.

You leave the room, softly dragging the door shut behind you and the cleaning cart with a click, disappearing back into the concrete lined corridors of the staff only areas, back to whatever you were doing before, the two robots in their gentle embrace at the border of your mind.

Cream fingers close around the neon colored paper flowers, to be carefully deposited in an inner jacket pocket and transported home. To be kept safe in a small cardboard box under their bed. To be forgotten but never lost.

[gamblersdoll]

PUT MY NAME ON IT, NOW IT DESIGNER 6

angst, hurt to slight fluff, violence and graphic imagery.

“i didnt do shit.” hakari seethed, his hands scrambling for a good reason he was on the spot. he couldnt understand how it had happened, how possibly he had the money but had no transfers from your account to his or vice versa.

“well, how is it in your account!?” you seethed back. sinji had been long gone, which did make you question him, but you were more focused on hakari.

“i told you, i dont know girl!” he shouted, pacing back and forth and in circles.

you were growing tired. so torn in between believing him or giving him the benefit of doubt. a part of you chanted the fact that he had taken money or manipulated you into giving him some money when you were vulnerable, making it hard for his truth. and another part whispered about the past few months he had spent with you, the dates he took you on, the happiness you hadnt felt with sinji, everything. how could you believe him when your money was infact in his bank account ? how could you not believe him and it was a mistake on the transfers end?

you had been in your head for too long, and that worried hakari too much.

“hello?!” he shouted, snapping his fingers in your face. yes you hated when he did that outside of sex, but you needed that snap back to reality. “i didnt touch your money, babydoll. im way past that, dont you realize that?” he asked, tilting his head and looking at you to hope that you came to your senses.

you looked away from him, holding your arms and sighing deeply. you couldnt decide whether or not to believe him. you should believe him! but what if he actually did take the money? what if he didnt? if he didnt, then who did? would you have to start over? what about hakari?

“for now, just leave kinji.” you said, keeping your voice low and gaze away from him. you were definitely shaking, shaking with anxiety and fear, and deep regret. you dont know what exactly you regretted, but that emotion was just present.

hakari sucked his teeth, grabbing his jacket and then you in a fit. he grabbed you ahold by your arm, pulling to his stature and looked down at you. you felt scared for only a glimpse, knowing he isnt the type to beat on women, yet you got startled.

“when i prove this shit false, its gon be me and you.” he said, with somewhat malice and he gritted his eyebrows together. you and him? you wouldnt understand what his version of that was.

and he left without a second glance, slamming the door behind him. he was pissed, most definitely. pissed wasnt the word to use, seething, he was practically melting with rage and revenge. because he wasnt that kind of boy no more that would do that shit. he was grown, grown and well financially capable of taking care of himself, you, and certainly much more. so the fact he was even accused of theft from you drove him absolutely mad.



and the weeks of not talking to kinji were pure fucking hell. you wanted to reach out, you had to. you could actually say that you missed him, contrary to what you would verbalize. you couldnt land a finger on what had happened. and the truth could be right in front of you. hell, you know its some shit when even maki or panda were shocked– especially panda, since hakari was supposedly to exploit him.

and the house was no better. you were alone, but by choice. sinji of course would reach out to you and talk as if nothing had happened, as if he didnt just cause discord between you, him, and kin. you didnt want sinji, you wanted hakari, more than anything. you made the bed, you need to lie in it.

New notification!

you sprung out of your chair, hoping and praying to the gods it was hakari, your hakari, hoping he had texted you about seeing him, anything to show he was innocent like you wanted him to be.

“Sinji: what you wearin? 👀”

you groaned, throwing your head back and choosing to not reply. maybe you wouldnt talk to hakari ever. maybe that was the end of your chapter.

or so you thought.

it was maybe around one in the morning, you slowly drifting to sleep and having just binged watched some show that was trendy.. what was it? love is blind? you got ran the fuck over with that statement. but you felt your phone go off, groaning in annoyance and opening your phone. your heart shot up.

New notification!

“hakari: link @ that coffee shop you like first thing, dont keep me waiting.”

and you didnt keep him waiting, tapping your thumbs together and tapping your foot. he was sitting across from you, not even looking but you can tell he had maybe finally calmed down, he was unreadable at this time.

“hakari i-“ you started, but he interrupted you by putting his hand up, pausing you before you even started. you almost swatted his hand away, just from natural reaction, but you caught it before he caught you. he whipped his phone out, opening his transaction history and having you read it. “read that shit back to me.”

you read it slow, analyzing and gazing at everything. and you had never felt more confused or just slow.

“… what does any of this mean, kin?” you asked, failing to see the bigger picture or maybe you were just slow with a capital “s”.

“hard transaction deposit.” he repeated back, folding his arms together and looking at you. “that means that a third party went into your account, took your money, transferred it to my account, and was using a burner.” he said, he always did his best to not mansplain things but it was needed.

“okay, so.. was it any of your boys?” you asked, “because didnt you transfer money to me when we started talking again?”

“did i send it, or did i take money?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “i have the option to send and transfer money to you, not take it out. and using last time isnt a good excuse ‘cause you sent it to me. neva had the option to take yo money straight from the accounts.”

“okay, thats true, ill give you that..” you said, chewing on your thumb nail, and causing hakari to move your hand away from your mouth. and receiving a ‘stop biting your nail, mama,’ “then who did?”

“the burner traces back to sinji, obviously.” he said, rolling his eyes and sucking his teeth. “the dumbass forgot about IP addresses and shit. i didn’t expect you to know cause numbers dont go good with you.” he jabbed, but thats just how he was. he wasn’t being a dick, though. he just knew the truth.

“im sorry-“

“oh, you will be.” he paused you again, giving a small smile. that scared the shit out of you, the whole saying of ‘fuck around find out’ shit from him.

“hakari chill out!” you said, but one of his clients holding their hand out in front of you to stop you in your tracks, shaking his head at you.

your current position? watching your.. ex? sneaky link? side man? hakari pounding his fist into sinji’s jaw and focusing only on that. sinji wasnt looking too hot.. shit , when did he ever? he was all bruised and purple, also soaked in blood from his broken nose and limp jaw that was clearly dislocated. this had gone on for at least ten minutes. and everyone knew that it was done now, you question how he was able to take a beating like that from hakari.

but for hakari, for one good last blow, stomped his shoulder blade in, hearing a crunch and sinji writhing in pain.

“ill but you a new carpet tomorrow, yall–“ he pointed at the clientele he had hired for his fight club, and shooing them out. “yall leave but be round at arms reach.” he said. “you.” he pointed at you, beckoning his finger at you, “cmere.” and you had no choice to.

“hak-“

“unt unt, no talking, you gon listen to this shit.” he said, putting a hand on your back and one around your throat softly. “you my girl now, no more sinji, in fact he gon watch me while i fuck you.” he said, gritting his eyebrows together and nibbling at your throat. “you and me.” he growled softly. “i fucken love you.”

you cant get a chance to respond, but you were already on your back while he was gripping at your clothes. it made you aroused, not lying to yourself. you needed this, because sinji hadnt dicked you down, and can never now.

“and bitchboy over here is going to hear, and watch me fuck my girl, whether he likes it or not.”

[valeskawhore]

“Y/n Dracula?”

A Wednesday x FEM! Vampire! Reader! Fan fiction!!!

(1/?)

Word(s): 1.4k

Character(s)/parings: Wednesday Addams x FEM! Y/n Dracula!!

WARNING: Hello everyone and welcome, this story will stay to the original plot in the show just with my own reader insert!!! Somethings will be changed so y/n can fit in the story but that’s expect and yes,I will give a heads up before hand every time!! I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! EVERYONE LIKE THIS IDEA!!!!

THIS IS PART ONE!! AN INTRODUCTION!!

*~*~*~*~

I never saw my father anymore, not even on my birthday.

I have vague memories of him though from when I was just a young girl, And of course there’s the various family paintings spread throughout the mansion chambers but, his face was always blurred or torn out by his own hand.

Not even any printed pictures, he despised them.

It was like living with a ghost. I always felt his presence but it's like he was invisible to the naked eye. Despite never seeing him or hearing orders directly from his own mouth, I still receive them from our house keepers.

Holidays were useless and such a waste of time. We never celebrated them anyways since it was too much pain to remember.

My mother had died around thanksgiving. Ironic? I know. The one time of year when everyone would celebrate the giving season, but given our history– it was not a time to be happy in our household.

That holiday was a lie anyways– it wouldnt even exist if it wasnt for mass genocide so I wasnt necessarily torn up about not celebrating it anyways.

I don't remember much about her, she was human from what I know and from what others have told me she was a very bright woman. So happy and optimistic, definitely a “glass is half full kind of person”-- Or atleast, that’s what I've been told. —-That’s another story for another time though, no use mourning over someone I barely knew.

Still, sometimes I'd long for normality. But in my case, that was merely a dream. Someone like me couldn't be normal no matter what spell or mortal concoction this pathetic world seemed to brew up. I couldn’t even go outside without my ‘ring of cursed sunlight’ on. If I didn't have that, then it was back to the o’l trench coat and sunglasses.

I am Y/n Dracula, the only living heir of the count himself. And no, I can not see my reflection in the mirror.

*~*~*~*~

I am 16 years old. Quite young for a vampire, I'm aware– but I've still got quite the ways to go. According to my research, a half-blood like myself would last only a few hundred years. I'm not completely immortal like a true count should be.

It’s the highest dishonor in my family and because of it, I was considered a sham.

The one living heir to the Dracula legacy wasn't even a full vampire. I was a regret from the moment I was born in my father’s eyes. I’ve never had any other reason to believe otherwise because it’s not like we had a healthy father-daughter relationship like most, He didn’t even talk to me.

On my sixteenth birthday, I received a letter from a principal in a small little town located near a cemetery surrounded by a body of water. Where the skies were dark and gloomy, rain was common, and happiness died along with its resident’s hopes and dreams…

It was like a dream come true, I know.

But what I wasn't particularly fond of was what the school represented, outcasts.

Nevermore Academy; The school of outcasts and those who were rejected from the normal lifestyle we know today. Where weirdos and stoners, rejects and ‘misunderstood’ ‘troubled’ teens got sent to.

What’s even worse was, APPARENTLY— it was my father’s idea.

What better way to make sure your child knows you’re ashamed of them? What a nice birthday present dad.

I didn’t even have a choice either. My bags were already packed for me, and my transporter, Alec, was patiently waiting at the bottom of the stairs, ready to hand me my coat and ring.

I received many hugs and presents from my housekeepers, the closest thing I had to a family.

With a final wave goodbye, I saw myself out of the mansion. Only looking back for a brief moment to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything but,

something had caught my sharp attention when I finally took a seat in the passenger side of our vehicle.

From a far window above,

The one window in my fathers corridor,

The one window he always kept shut and locked without even the slightest bit of light shining through,

I could have sworn, I saw a pale white stoic face glaring at me through the window before disappearing. Almost as if the count himself wanted to see my dissatisfied face before leaving.

‘What a smug bastard.’ I had thought to myself, adjusting in the seat and pulling my sunglasses over my eyes.

As we rounded the mansion's fountain, making a U-turn to be let out the tall dark gate, Alec said my name.

I turned towards him,

“Young mistress, your father wanted me to hand you this, tis’ your birthday present.” His older face crinkled into an eye closed smile.

He held a black velvet box out to me, wrapped in the darkest of ribbons and bows, with a letter and a black rose tucked between the packaging. I took the box,

Pulling the letter from the packaging and removing the dark crimson wax melted “D” from the opening so I could read the letter,

“T’was your mothers, she wanted you to have it on this day.” the letter had read in big bold fancy writing,

And in the box was a small beautiful mirror crusted with rubies and black gems, rimmed with gold and silver.

“Your mother always had taste.” Alec smiled once more.

The sight of the mansion soon disappeared in my rear view mirror, I sighed.

‘What kind of a ridiculous name is Nevermore anyways?’

*~*~*~*

LET ME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK !! DO YOU THIS SHES GOOD ENOUGH TO CONTINUE THE STORY!???? <333

[scary-grace]

hey, if it isn't too much to ask, in the next few days im gonna go through some tough changes, could you share some fluffy hc/little facts about the characters in kairos? (love how my comfort fic is also the one that fucks ne up the most but oh well wouldnt have it any other way lmaokdnak)

I can give you some fluffy headcanons! Here are just a few:

Kili has a very hobbit-like view of birthdays, even before he meets Bilbo. He likes to give people presents rather than receive them, because the best present for him is everyone being happy at his party.

Bard's radio was a gift from his mom. He's been using the same one for twenty years, and he's able to repair it whenever it breaks, however it breaks.

Tauriel makes friends easily following the move to New Hampshire, but when it comes down to it, she would rather be with her family than anywhere else. She has grand plans of hosting a sleepover at the estate.

Thorin owned exactly one record before he met Bilbo, and it was Simon and Garfunkel's greatest hits, which was released in 1972. His favorite songs are The Sound of Silence and Mrs. Robinson, and his family has developed almost Pavlovian rage responses to hearing either one.

When it comes to clothing and decor, Thranduil secretly enjoys bright or rich colors. He inherited most of his furniture, but if he had a choice, he would go with whatever caught his eye. His preference for color also appears in his artwork. Left to his own devices, he'd probably get really into Impressionist-style works.

Thank you for the ask! I can do a few more characters as well if anyone would like. I hope your tough times go as easily as possible and you feel a little better soon. <3

[soulreapin]

um Here’s a take

i understand why allura decided to give herself to save the universe? and it makes sense to me? and i kind Of like it?

she was 10,000 years old and like yeah she hadn’t aged past like 20 because allura WAS an adult in like the pilot until they aged her down for lance

sure team voltron was her family. yes she had coran and romelle and new altea. but allura was literally Completely alone

her best friends her advisors the guy she bought drinks from in the square all gone. and i mean im not allura but if my entire culture had completely disappeared and its not like. a generation later where a grandkid might still be alive or something, EVERYBODY and every connection she had is gone

NOBODY made it from altea except for allura and coran they were literally the last bastions of old altea (yada yada the altean colony escaped altea but they were most likely just Dudes. many of which allura probably never met and wouldnt have been able to connect to)

and thats. thats a lot of pressure for a girl who’s wrangling BEING ten thousand years old, whos also saving the universe and being a diplomat and heading a coalition and trying to end the reign of the space nazis that obliterated her people

so when at the end of the world allura is presented with either go back to the current day where you’re all alone and have so many different leadership responsibilities and can never fully be understood OR see your parents and peers and friends again because they are waiting for you in the afterlife, and you get to return to your homeland that was ripped away from you as a child….i get it

i would make the same choices

and its not that team voltron didnt need her, they were truly her family, but she knew that they would be able to make it without her presence and they would continue to preserve her memory

allura got to make one decision for herself and her wellbeing after putting it all aside for the war effort and the rehab effort and for everyone else and shit. i really like it

plus she probably knew that coran would pass away before her since he was maybe 20 years her senior and even an altean lifespan does not last that long, and who knows if the people of new altea shared the same long lifespan that her and coran do

idk. allura got her good end. did it kind of ruin everyone else’s ending? sort of, but allura’s decision was deservedly selfish and i am going to die on this damn hill

[mejomonster]

So I've been rewatching The Untamed. Im to episode 28. I remember why I loved this show so much. I watched Guardian, then the untamed was the second cdrama I watched, and had so much charm and quality I got into more authors than priest, got into more genres. I remember learning ni fangxin from the untamed.

The music <3 the costumes <3 the acting is TRYING and i appreciate it. The strongest aspect, outside of the clear effort of the team working on the show putting their care into it, is the writing and pacing. The pace never dwindles for 5-10 episodes like a lot of cdramas ive dropped (although this is a rewatch, maybe i forgot the pace slowing later in the Present plot). The pace is a touch slow sometimes, when it drags out a moment, but it does serve to intensify the moment so its not a pointless choice. The show purposely does a Ton of cliffhangers, which is annoying, but also sure does work as a motivator to keep me going "well just one more episode, they didnt finish my favorite scene!" Im never bored, and on rewatch i realize how many scenes i didnt grasp on my first watch or forgot thinking of as "less important" are actually doing something great. Every scene, from the class scenes showing Wei Wuxian saying how he thinks cultivation can be done (at surface the show off class clown, in reality the foreshadowing that his views of what is okay to help others is not orthodox, not acceptable, and when the time comes he'll use that method and see if it works). To the scene where Wei Wuxian asks Jiang Yanli why she'd like someone outside (i always figured it was slightly about lan zhan, but on rewatch its also wei wuxian trying to figure out WHY she likes jin zixuan, and him and jiang cheng trying to figure out what SHE wants regarding that mess). Or the scene where lan wangji says he wants to take someone back to cloud recesses, on rewatch its clearer that he saw the blood on the wall... the clans planning to bully wei wuxian to give them his amulet and submit, or paint him as an evil man and kill him. That he is asking because theres not much time. Because he planned to try and heal wei wuxian from the resentment, forced ot not, (not knowing the core is missing or why wei wuxian wont agree to be healed), but by the time theyre at the banquet its way more serious. Theres a time crunch. And lan wangji goes to chongqi road. And maybe he couldve stopped the jins and freed the wen prisoners, civilly, if he got there first. Maybe he wouldve joined wei wuxian, if he arrived during, and saw the jins killing the remaining wens. Or maybe he was always going to be late. And thats the point: he was so close, to dragging wei wuxian home to cloud recesses and healing him. But by the time he gets there, wei wuxians already used the resentment inside again, to kill a bunch of jins. A bunch of lan clan and jiang clan allies. Basically done what allies cant do. Not just that, wei wuxian did it with the unorthodox corruptive resentment that lan wangji wants to heal. But the point is he gets there too late. Theres no way to take wei wuxian home. Theres no way to heal him, surely wei wuxian would have done something else if he had a powerful option to save people besides the resentment - and even if he'd still do this by choice? Wei wuxian is right, as he leaves. He swore to help people, to do the right thing in this world. And lan wangji knows what the allies did was wrong, that saving these people was the right thing to do. Not the easy thing, but the right thing. The heroic thing that needed to be done, with no reward, knowing the steep cost it'll have.

And that all hurts. Inside Lan Wangji, its all piles of hurt on top of: he was about to take Wei Wuxian away and protect him. But now its too late.

Its the way Jiang Cheng buys that comb for wen qing. And she gives it back because wei wuxian would save her and a ning, and he wouldnt have. The way when jiang cheng was sick and unfixable without a golden core, that wen qing helped cure him. That wen ning saved jiang cheng and recovered his parents remains. The way that by the time Wei Wuxian takes the wens to the burial mounds, he is trying to do the possible and save wen ning. The way wen qing helped do this for wei wuxian, his little brother. The way he got the wens out to safety, the way wen ning got jiang cheng and wei wuxian and jiang yanli to the safety and protection of wen qing during the war. There are so many parallels. And jiang cheng saying wen ning isnt even human now, qas that how jiang cheng thought of himself without a core? The difference in values, when it really comes to it. Wen Qing picks her brother (family) above all, just like jiang cheng prioritizes his family's safety even if others will die. But wen qing still took the risk of helping outsiders. Jiang cheng when put in the same position, cant understand why wei wuxian would take the risk.

Thw way in the cave with the turtle monster, wei wuxian saves mianmian. He saves someone, stands up for whats right, and ends up blaming himself for helping her... as what started the war and got jiang clan killed. But when push comes to shove, he keeps picking to do whats right the next time things come down (except at his most vengeful and paranoid at the height of getting revenge during the war against the wens). The way the allies turn against wei wuxian as he tries to save wen prisoners being killed. But mianmian stands up to everyone, because she knows whats right. And he is doing the right thing here, and has done it before. And it makes sense she is the cultivator to leave the allies. To stand up for whats right.

Theres so many little details, the map maker spy being meng yao, the way his father uses him as a speaker to redirect anger to jin guangyao, the way jin guangyao and lan xichen and nie mingjue become sworn brothers (and how jiang clan and jin clan arent included), how jin guangyao utilizes political skills from nie work to be a spy at the wens, then uses it to be a political player and even spy (for his own dad about clans) in jin clan, how it keeps jin guangyao alive since it pleases father and he needs to defend himself as father uses him as a shield to take the brunt of the negative reactions to his fathers power hungry actions and offensive controlling toward other clans. The way jiang yanli and lan wangji are the two people who can calm down wei wuxian. The way the jiang siblings and wei wuxians ages, positions, skillsets, heavily influence how they handle the world and others handle them. Jiang Yanli is oldest and most politically savy, as set as her mother when she wins political battles, but she has an illness that makes it impossible for her to lead the clan militarily. Jiang Cheng is the birth son, so hes set to be heir, but hes also wei wuxians junior and has always been in a younger brother position. Servant wei wuxian more talented than him in every way, more free like their clan motto, more coddled by their dad and sister, ordering HIM jiang cheng around because ultimately wei wuxian is older and trying to protect him, but then that means jiang cheng struggles to order wei wuxian in return about clan stuff or politeness despite the fact jiang cheng NEEDS to prove he can control those things. Even over wei wuxian. The way outsiders see wei wuxian and jiang yanlis closeness. The way jiang yanli really is the oldest in terms of ready to protect and help her brothers, in terms of knowing the wisest action if only they TELL HER. But wei wuxian, the middle child, always protected jiang chengs feelings. Always was told it was his job to help jiang cheng. And always wants to pay back jiang family for taking him in (which he focuses on jiang yanli as the older figure in his life who nurtured him, loved him unconditionally, and was always there for him). So when people insult yanli (like jin zixuans many misunderstandings and slights) he just cant help personally feeling the need to defend her. Yanli is on a pedestal for him, the only family left whos wiser than him, who he needs to protect and hold onto, the only person who loves him unconditionally in the way a parent could and so hes got to do Anything to return the favor and give her unconditional love back. As they turn into adults it means starting to lie to her, despite her wisdom realizing hes keeping secrets and suffering and her going to lan wangji to ask. It means him trying to hard to fix things so she isnt as pained by him, as the jiang clan leader and madam yu... who died in wei wuxians mind because of his mistakes.

Anyway. All this to say its finally got me in the right mindset to check out the books. I have wanted to for years. But it just never quite was the right time to click. But now seeing un retrospect how tight the show writing was. I want to see the book, the additional details, the original details that the show changed. The way the characters are different. And I will eventually read the english translation (which has its own things to notice comparing vs the original), which i know i have the first volume of in a box somewhere.

But instead ive been listening to the audiobook. Wondering how much ximalaya cut lol. Because i wanted to practice more chinese audio listening practice anyway.

[gardensnakie]

.@nav-i-nav

YES AJSSHNSXBJSNS (referring to your stranger thoughts)

Stranger would most likely hold resentment to both Basil and Sunny. After everything, the final battle, after the realization of the truth and managing to self-forgive. It didnt help Stranger. Sure, he did what he was meant to do. A purpose fulfilled and he was meant to be erased, but he couldnt accept that. What did he want? Stranger was never acknowleged, it was always one-sided. And it was with the one person, the one hope, Stranger could rely on. Stranger remembers pieces of Basil, about how Sunny knew of his secrets, dreams, worries, all of it. It is painful, because Sunny still tried to shut him out. Stranger wants to save him, but there has to be a point where you ask "why do i try?". It might be selfish, but Stranger didnt exactly do anything wrong. He is a manifestation of the pieces of Basil Sunny was afraid him, that base eventually making him into the person he is in the present. Stranger wasnt actually there to tie the rope, he remembers it, sure, the guilt is overwhelming, but he still didnt do it. Also, while Stranger is hurt from Sunny/Omori's, he holds back a lot of his feelings for him. He is created with the outer knowledge that Stranger is a manifestation in a nightmare. Of course Sunny wouldnt think of Stranger as a person, there is no reason to be aggressive. That would probably fill that resentment further after he arrives in Faraway, since he is given that chance to be human. It seemed like Sunny's well being came first, no doubt, he was basically a god.

Resentment for Basil develops from the memories Stranger has from the recitial. "A desperate, shameful image acussed him of being somebody meant to be forsaken" is a line (maybe different wording im going off memory) i used in the fanfiction where Stranger wonders if he could possibily be a little selfish in life. Stranger doesnt want to be that unstable mess who couldnt find reason in a stressful situation.

And i agree what you said about Basil being careless about his own life and Stranger resenting that. Their abadonment struggles definetly differ from each other since Basil willingly hid away in the belief that he was undeserving of being listened to. Even so, it pulled him into such a sprial where Basil pinned those 4 lonely years on Sunny during the fight. Mostly influenced by the fact that Sunny was moving away and that Basil wasnt in the right mind space.

Stranger had no choice and had to face it all alone without any reason except for the memories he was given.

Rambling a lot, uhhhjmshsbs, about the rest of the gang, Stranger doesnt have a lot of thoughts about them. He barely remembers them, he only remembers the idea of pinics, flowers, friends, and family. He knows that the dreamworld versions are copies, so he doesnt have much to say since they were gone after the funeral.

Since Stranger is going to meet them again in the world world, he might get complex feelings seeing everyone all grown up. He might get anxious and wonder if he could really make up for what he lacked for his entire life. Its what he wanted, to belong AAAHHH LIKE YOU SAID Stranger may feel like he cant truly be friends with them. Meeting them again might make him hyper aware of who he is. An actual stranger to these people, who all changed. I have a small headcanon that Stranger would always call Hero "Henry" despite it always being his nickname because he doesnt want to seem intrusive or rude by assuming that he is close enough to call him that (unaware that literally everyone calls him Hero). Also because Stranger has never been around adults before and would probably use Ms. to address Polly as well.

Other things I think about is how Stranger precieves himself, like his human-self. He doesnt want to look too closely at his body and usually changes his clothes in the dark. Stranger isnt a human, he is a manifestation based off somebody else. A creature? He was created. Its complicated. His body is a complicated topic, one that he doesnt want to know about quite yet.

There is so much more ideas I have about Stranger. like the idea of death coming back to him, him actually thinking and wanting to go back to the darknees at one point, witnessing senseless cruetly, asking for help, the idea of aging, that fact that so many people have different minds (Stranger only deeply understood one, Sunny), self-expression, sickness, purpose and the thought of living itself.

Oh hooligans, those sillies. Stranger, as 'Rowan', hangs around with Kim and the others. Getting to know new people was suggested and Stranger got to know them a little more. I like thinking about them cause its important :>

Kim is suspcious and Stranger has to either keep lying or willingly tell the truth. Just some trust issue stuff. Cough ive been typing a lot and vomited a lot of words so yippe [good conclusion here]

[infernaltenor]

maybe im just a super salty person bc its 5am and im Still not sleepingn and Still thinking about it but i cant help but feel that qtubbo fans are some of the most hypocritial people ive ever seen. this is like. full of generalizations and just observations ive made as a crow and im. typically defensive and salty so im gonna try to be objective but at the very least im not trying to neg on the characters or the ccs, since im directing this towards the fans. its also like a solid two months of build up .so. oops?

but uh. how to start explaining this. well for one im taking this as a recent fan who is a phil watcher pretty much only. but i tend to chronically read posts about other characters since when im into things i like to be informed on all cases (idk constant instinct i have lol). like i said im gonna focus on qtubbo here, if i go into qphil stuff its purely as a comparison point. i cant speak much on interactions with other fanbases since i simply am Not informed enough but yknow.

for one, i think both tubbo and phil ahve similar things when remembering lore that is Not their own. not a neg on either one, since i dont expect them to remember it, but both have forgotten major stuff recently, ie. fred's kidnapping (phil) and the birdhouse (tubbo). both things happened before purgatoryand the subsequent forgetting happened after so even in character it makes sense (they had more to worry about), but i also think reactions in character tends to fuck with audience perception. ie, tubbos very visceral reaction to the ill timed fred joke phil had made (and it was ill timed, and thats all that i feel was criminal about it. tubbo and phils friendship is very much based on banter and friendly barbs, lots of teasing from either side. phil simply shot back on a smilar level as tubbo had originally, making his joke about "phil and who?". other people have spoken on that so im not gonna rehash about whos comment was worse, since imo they were both just shy of being insensitive, had tubbo not been dealing with freds presumed death at the time. im not gonna talk about the funeral, becasue if i do i'll get mad.). likewise, when tubbo forgot birdhouse phils reaction was much less outwards. he just said a birdhouse wouldnt be slaying- given the imprisionment he had, it makes sense that phil would associate it negatively, especially since it catalzyed all of his future derealization episodes. both of these are simply ooc things imo, from their original standpoint. i dont think either is in the wrong for forgetting. but what annoys me is the fandom perception.

this is a problem im going to link back heavily to purgatory. im not sure if it was present beforehand, as i only really got into qsmp the last two-three weeks in october (bad timing) and had only really been watching vods in order to catch up. that being said, i think the bolas and soulfire rivalry had widened the gap between the fans, which in turn affects negative perception. later weeks in november had full bad faith interpretations of phil because he was critical of tubbos choices or simply didnt understand sunnys character perfectly. and there were. a lot of those. purgatory had happened just a few weeks prior, so i liken it to that. maybe it is just my expierence, but the phrasing of a lot of character crit and analysis between the two has wildly different interpretations of a character (to wildly different results)

you can get qphil fans explaining against a bad faith interpretaiton, and people will (and have) called them excuses to defend against character analysis. i have noticed, however, when qtubbo fans do the same thing (and they have) it seems to be more of a matter of adding context to the conversation. thats.... exactly what qphil fans are doing however? when talking critically about qtubbo not communicating with other parents and friends both his and sunny insecurities, its all that hes younger and in a bad mental state. but you have something about phil not understanding sunnys character perfectly, and hes a cruel stepmother and such; and when an explanation is added to why hes not a bad father nor a good father, just an imperfect one trying his best, its simply a "mindless defense against a crit of his character". are these not the same things? providing context to a percieved bad faith interpretation? idk. i cant tell if its the age or the percieved roles theyre supposed to take, but why is tubbo allowed to be imperfect and doused in outward angst, especially when interacting with other characters (ramon had to take the initiative to communicate with tubbo. and yet. age age age.) phils just as complex and imperfect and unwell. all of qsmp is unwell. it is an explanation, not an excuse.

anyway. i think i was thinking about this because of the flightless bird/ostrich dna joke. ill timed, just like the fred one. but phils reaction speaks volumes doesnt it? if its an age one maybe he'll overdramaticize, but he laughs it off mostly. theres a lot he laughs off. he doesnt. "if your kid wasnt here id kill you". tubbo doesnt know about phils failed flight. he probably wont for a while (i cant help but think qphil is embarassed. he was knocked unconcious from hitting the water too hard. and he knows how to fly? fuck, man). i think its wild, however, that one fred joke gets the entire fanbase ready to deface and mischaracterize the whole character. but one wing joke gets maybe shocked laughter and about two posts complaining? idk. maybe im just complaining about nothing, im tired as fuck.

tldr is that tubbo fans are so wildly hypocritical that they cant see when theyre doing the same thing as everyone else. im sure im being hypocritical in this post, its human. but its annoying as fuck when its everywhere, and i think purgatory made it worse.

[pasharuu]

THIS IS THE FIRST PART.

idk why but i wanna show tumblr my aranara quests themed custom tarot deck lmao. i finished it in february but since i created this acc just recently, i gotta put it here now. im just really proud of this project and the fact that i actually finished it.

unfortunately tumblr will only allow me to add 10 pics per post, while there are 23 cards, so that kinda sucks. will have to separate em it seems. i'll also explain a little about my choices on these. so here we go, first ten.

0 the fool - "where the journey begins". i think its already a tradition to put some main figure on the fool card and so did i. glad i used his correct design for the card-

basically theres nothing to explain except for the monarch butterfly symbolism, which usually is a sign of a chosen. not like Arama is any "chosen" in a common sense, but i felt like adding this anyway. 6/10 nice Arama card.

I the magican - creation and manipulation. Aranimba got here for his exclusive sense of beauty and the will to create the beauty. he is an artist after all.

the story of the bg is kinda wonky. it was at release of 3.4 and due to my disappointment i made a pic where Aranimba points at that shiny cave northwest the mt. damavand with excitement. well, now its a boss enterance, but back then i had no clue, i made it literally at the release day lol. but it worked well on the bg of this card. i think you wouldnt guess it was that cave if i didnt tell, and that was done on purpose as well. 8/10 for backstory, and im proud of this card overall.

II the high priestess - waiting for the impulse from outside, confidence. first of all, the high priestess to me was always associated with some whimsy loud woman, and if you ask me, this is where Arapacati fits. however here she is depressively hugging a viparyas cuz she kicked her brothers a decade ago and now shes sad. what did i tell u about whimsy woman? 6/10, solid.

III the empress - the mother, fertility, the birth of a new. THIS IS WHERE WE STARTED, THE MAMA. no need to explain why i put Rukkhadevata here? 6/10, i struggled with this card cuz i hate drawing people, but it came out solid imo.

IV the emperor - the father, discipline, responsibility. to remind you, Araja is basically the one who runs the Vanarana dream realm, the tree of dreams. he is also here for a very simple reason because of being a big boss here, and looking like one as well. 7/10, nice mustache.

V the hierophant - attention to visible and invisible, search of the essence. if you ask me why i put Arapandu here, theres my answer - because he was the only major character who didnt have a card in the process of planning. i have some really vague explaination why exactly on hierophant, its mostly because of Varunastra actually, not Arapandu. i honestly dont have any emotional connection to Arapandu, he's kinda boring. 4/10.

VI the lovers - chosen by heart, determination and aspiration. ONLY BECAUSE OF SUCH INTERPRETATION. im against shipping aranara x anyone.

i think i wouldnt even make any better choice for this card whatsoever. they are here because they share dreams and aspirations and i really love their duet. 9/10 i teared.

VII the chariot - knowledge of the world, searching for the new. these goofy guys are here mostly because of "searching for the new", even though their methods were unsafe and archon knows what would happen to these dummies without any sense of self-preservation if we werent around. fact: they've been wondering for at least 4 years, but i love to say a decade. nay, theyre just very lucky. 5/10.

VIII justice - "play nice, and others will play nice with you". this is a card for Nara Varuna specifically and i decided to make both Lumine and Aether so that everyone will be satisfied. since Nara Varuna did nice in the past, all the aranara praise their name in the present.

the bg is again kinda symbolic. these are runes on Varuna contraption: "the water", when the rain pours, for Lumine, and "the sky", when its sunny, for Aether. i only hate how i made them so vague that theyre barely recognizable eh. but overall good cards, 6/10.

THATS ALL FOLKS.

for now. i bumped into images limit. gotta complete it in the next two posts!!!

[selfundiagnosed]

One time i saw a tiktok on instagram that was the life of someone with intrusive thoughts and she was like “i should dye my hair” or some other impulse and this guy stitched it and was like hmm weird mine are more like “i should put my hand in this blender” and im like weird! youre both just experiencing impulsive thoughts not instrusive thoughts the modern dilution of psychobabble is so surreal..!!😭 one of U just experiences violent impulsive thoughts and the other has quirky ones. Neither are indicative of intrusive thoughts.. Intrusive thoughts are like having an omnipotent entity giving you flashes of images in your head of horrible things happening to you/your loved ones.. thinking “I should ___” is not an intrusive thought SHRUG sorry if that offends you or invalidates your violent impulses. its more like a horrible scenerio in which you would be so out of control that the thing would occur on accident. or would happen TO you. Its not an active conscious (albeit random) choice to be thinking about something. I should bite this chunk of lava (i know it would kill me but it seems satisfying to chomp into). and youre disturbed by the implications of dying trying to eat lava… it just isnt the same as an intrusive thought which is placed in your head by what feels like a secret 3rd party… and i fear this is why so many people think people with niche ocd subtypes MAKES you that thing. Why people are disgusted when they find out about pedophilia ocd. Gender identity ocd. Morality ocd. Saying you have intrusive thoughts about an awful timeline in which youre a pedophile or abuser means to them youre fantasizing about it because to the general population intrusive thoughts have been watered down to mean silly or even maybe insane impulses you know you shouldnt do but omg wouldnt it be sooo cool if you could do it just once with no consequences? in reality its as if your mind has conjured up your worst nightmare timeline without your control. It makes you become whatever you think society hates the most and this will be based on each person’s individual experiences navigating the world. Some real social taboos like being a rapist or imaginary ones based off cultural beliefs like being gay/transgender. All in all the dilution of this type of psychobabble effectively alienates mentally ill people from their own niche communities leaving us with no space to seek solidarity for our specific issues caused by our disorders. Sorry you think she isnt suffering because she has hair dye impulses and you have real impulses like put hand in blender but at the end of the day you guys both experience impulses like everyone else does. And heres the thing is we all experience intrusive thoughts like even neurotypicals they just dont present like “i should do x y z” that would be an impulse. they present like vivid gifs in your head like thats so raven style or maybe some other specific way that doesnt imply a conscious choice in whether youre acting on the thought or not. But im not Gd or your boss or your father so dont listen to me!

[multidimensional-trashcan]

No don't apologize for the Stucky stuff! I only watched Endgame once in the cinema because it pissed me off so much.

And I just did it again expecting to maybe be a little more forgiving. But NO I am still pissed off mainly because of this part...

same for me! watched endgame once and it pissed me off sooo much. im not sure whether i watched it ever again but im sure that in the future i definitely wont! and y'know for me its not even about shipping them (tho i do somewhat in the sense of i love their dynamic and want to see more of it no matter whether platonic, queerplatonic (or romantic)). but in the movies it is shown that there is no one more important to steve than bucky (man didnt want to fight against him although he was brainwashed and ready to kill him) and bucky literally broke 70 years of mind control for steve (and you dont just establish such a beautiful line as 'til the end of the line' in one movie and then betray that sentiment). they literally love each other! but for some reason people cant fathom platonic love (which it is in canon) greater than romantic love so they think if given the choice steve would go back to peggy. which is the direct opposite of what the three captain america movies showed us! he moves on! he learns she had a happy life, he goes to her funeral for fs sake! he kisses her niece (also dumb ass move of the directors guess they thought it would make people stop shipping stucky or whatever, hate that they basically just included sharon for love interest reasons). and in endgame hes been in the present for about 11 years! thats double the time he knew peggy in the 40s. and he. moves. on. (sorry it annoys me that they just ignored the whole character development). also the same goes for peggy. while she still was pretty one-dimensional love interest like in the movies, the series about her finally did something with her besides being the woman captain america likes. and she also. moved. on! and then they just erased all that, booted the series out of canon and just made her a cardboard-cut love interest again! ugh. also someone please tell me how it makes sense that Steve Rogers, the man that searched 2 years for Bucky without knowing whether hed find him and who fought out a civil war (at least partially) for him, would just sit around in the 50s while knowing that bucky was being tortured by hydra right now. he just wouldnt. thats so completely out of character i wanna scream! oh god this is long. anyway once again:

STEVE AND BUCKY'S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IS CANON! AND JUST BECAUSE STEVE LOVED (yes ill say loved see 'he moved on') PEGGY ROMANTICALLY THAT DOESNT MEAN ITS MORE IMPORTANT OR GREATER THAN HIS LOVE FOR BUCKY. SAME GOES FOR IF HE STILL LOVED HER! THIS IS TRUE IN REAL LIFE TOO! PLATONIC LOVE IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY LESSER THAN ROMANTIC LOVE! THIS ALSO MEANS THAT 'THERES NO OTHER EXPLANATION THAN ROMANCE FOR STUCKY IS ALSO WRONG'. YES YOU CAN HEADCANON THEM AS ROMANTIC BUT IT IS NOT THE ONLY EXPLANATION.

and yes im aware that even with steve staying in the present, steve and bucky's relationship would still have been sidelined in favour of a romantic, straight (its marvel what are we expecting) one. i guess thats what i mean when i say im shipping them. they are made for each other ('its difficult to find someone with shared life experience' -> bucky shows up, god i love this) and their relationship is one of the most important in their lifes (if not the most) and relationships with other people (romantic, platonic, queerplatonic or other) would not change anything about that. but marvel (and lets be real the people watching) dont see this. so i have something to rant about for days :)

[strangestcase]

i promised myself i wouldnt talk about the gothic lit fandom drama anymore but i will just say that, while i dont care for other people curating their fandom experience and blocking whomever they like, it is very telling that big name fans are systematically blocking people that speak up against the racism and ableism that go unchecked in the fandom, and rallying other fans into doing the same claiming it's bullying. it's not. it's criticism and it's not even particularly biting.

if you keep using "it's satire" to defend uncritical consumption of racist media (marghen), harrass those that ask for an antisemitism warning even if it is a redundant one (dathen), miss the picture and paint the fans of a character mistreated by the fandom as violent for speaking up (draculadailybracket), or double down when confronted with the fact your writing is ableist and that certain stereotypes shouldnt be met with praise in 2023 (see-arcane and company), people have a right to be uncomfortable. sorry not sorry but that sort of behavior IS criticism-worthy.

i do agree that callout/cancel culture is unhealthy, but that doesnt mean you are free from accountability. when someone walks up to you and says, "what you're doing is bigoted [accidentally or not]", or hell, even, "i don't agree with this creative choice because [reason]", you can either

consider if what they're saying really is worthwhile, and meditate on it; apologize if needed, dismiss if they're wrong.

double down without a second thought

and a lot of big name fans are, sadly, doing the second, and convincing otherwise decent people to block "bullies" that are genuinely just concerned fans. i don't know- maybe a small speck of tumblr fame got to their heads. they certainly did not behave like that during the dracula daily run of 2022, and while the gothic literature fandom -like any fandom- has always had rampant issues with racism and ableism (made even more blatant by the fact the source material IS openly racist and ableist more often than not!), this is the first time I've seen fans put people on a blocklist for the offense of calling it out.

the old gothic lit fandom blocklist wasn't great but they certainly treated ableism within the fandom seriously.

like. idk. i just find it rather disgusting that the new big name fans are seeing a handful of people look at their creations and go, hey, this is not cool, and here's why, now, can you stop?, and reacting by painting us as violent bullies.

i've been put on the blocklist for pointing out LXG fanworks -specially "fixit fic" ones- should keep Mina as the protagonist instead of having her share that position with her husband that wasn't even present in the comics/movie, for fuck's sake. i've had a blog block me for saying a fanfic that depicts a villain as an extremely ableist caricature of dissociative identity disorder was gross (because it was!). like... are you aware that it is you who are being assholes here, right? i might be being rude or pushy at times but it's honestly grotesque that so many people are hailing some Shyamalan's Split grade shit as good, innovative, and progressive writing and "the antidote to bad Hollywood adaptations".

do you hear yourselves?