#like there are no good guys there are no bad guys there’s just this 30 year crush on your best friend

[irrealisms]

Hey so I want to get into lifesteal. I don’t exactly feel like watching hundreds of hours of vods. I did also watch one of the three hour long summaries by one of the members but most of it went right over my head. At this point I’m mainly interested in watching pangi’s and clown’s pov. Could you catch me up with the lore and maybe recommend a few vods?

absolutely!!! the first thing i'll say is that lifesteal is sort of like hermitcraft or the life series (if you're familiar with those), in that it has multiple seasons, each of which is on a different server and comes with new teams/plotlines/builds/etc., although they do sometimes reference past seasons. so if you want to only watch some seasons and not others, that's an option! both pangi and clown joined in s2 and are still members today in s6; clown is imo most famous for his s3, which is where clownzy comes from.

(if you don't want to watch hundreds of hours of vods but don't mind watching like a hundred hours of edited videos i also have playlists of all the edited videos buuuuuut i assume that you do not want to do that either lol. i'll link the playlists of Just clown and Just pangi povs though bc those should b shorter!)

the good news is that clown doesn't really stream and does make edited videos, and pangi is also pretty good at making edited videos. the bad news is that pangi streams a lot. the other good news is that i love Talking About Lifesteal.

uhhhh first off. some edited-video playlists:

clownpierce s2 (11 videos, 2.5 hours)

pangi s2 (2 videos, 15 minutes)

clownpierce s3 (9 videos, 3.5 hours)

pangi s3 (5 videos, 45 minutes)

clownpierce s4 (3 videos, 1 hour)

pangi s4 (10 videos, 2 hours; has some videos not by pangi if they are relevant to pangi's story)

clownpierce s5 (7 videos, 3 hours)

pangi s5 (2 videos, 30 minutes)

[there are no clownpierce videos for s6]

pangi s6 (16 videos, 2.5 hours)

general overviews of the seasons and whether/how much i recommend them:

i quite like clownpierce's s2; it's kinda old and a bit messy, it's from when he and lifesteal really blew up as youtubers, and also from when he was cracked at crystal pvp. he's very involved in the ~main plot, between the M.O.B. (clown's team) and the Poggies (parrot's team). he gets some delightful monologues and fun moments. if you have derangements about Content and Narrative within mcyt the way i do i definitely recommend his s2. pangi ... only joins halfway through s2 and doesn't really do much lol

clownpierce's s3 is REALLY good. there is a reason that clownzy is the #1 lifesteal ship on ao3, and it's because of clown and branzy's s3. i personally prefer branzy pov of s3 tbh but clown pov is also quite good! evil clown runs casino, falls in love, does a lot of scamming and murder. very good imo. pangi's s3 is good but kind of forgettable imo, although it (especially the last video) is good as leadup for...

pangi's s4! once again i REALLY like pangi's s4. (not to brag but you can spot me in the twitch chat of one of his videos.) he gets very involved in the plot this season; he starts shit with the NPPP, clownpierce, and team awesome, in that order, and has a deeply messy relationship with princezam, including "princezam literally flying to the netherlands and using pangi's minecraft account to give pangi's hearts to his enemies", "princezam pretending to be on pangi's side when pangi declares himself king only to actually be double-agenting", and "pangi traps a suicidal princezam in bedrock". love those guys. and pangi's s2-3 (but ESPECIALLY the princezam empire) sets up their friendship a bit more if you end up interested in them! you can skip the valentines date & escape room if you are primarily watching for major plot events, they're very filler-y, but they're a fun time and they were pangi videos from s4 so

clown's s4 is. fine? it's got one video of "this event is also covered in the pangi playlist" (shades vs clown duel) and two videos that are fun for clown but pretty disconnected from The Rest Of The Server. that said if s3 got you invested in clownzy you should check out I Trapped Him In Minecraft's Safest Base. clown basically did not log on for most of s4 and it shows ToT

pangi's s5 is another. it's fine? it's really really short. it is literally two videos. one of my favorite s5 streams that never went anywhere or got made into a video is related to pangi but it, uh, never went anywhere or got made into a video lol. tl;dr: he and zam are teammates this season! for real this time and they aren't going to have a big dramatic breakup!!! this lasts...about half the season until they have a big dramatic breakup (not shown in the youtube videos, which are all set before that). he also got involved in some Dragon Egg Shenanigans and started some shit with subz early-season but nothing huge.

clown gets more involved again in s5! he's not quite as involved as he was in s2-3 but he is There for a lot of stuff: he makes the PMC with Minutetech, Leowook, and Sort Of Branzy, doesn't log on for a while, logs back on to help with the scavenger hunt during void arc (aka "do our scavenger hunt or else we turn all of spawn into void"), and then betrays the PMC for end-of-server. there's some good stuff in there imo.

pangi's s6 is ... mostly just Silly Bits rather than Getting Involved, both in videos and vods. that said it might be worth watching some of it as a realm viewer bc it's the origin of his current bits--eg the therapy thing is a lifesteal s6 original!

in terms of character stuff about the two of them:

with clown there are a couple things i want to talk about. the main thing everyone talks about is clownzy, and i'd also like to talk about the broader phenomenon that creates clownzy, which is that clown really loves having a Little Guy: someone who's kind of pathetic and bad at pvp, so that clown can Protect Them and be a little threatening to them and even more threatening to their enemies. the other thing i want to talk about is actually not clownzy-related? clown likes (and is quite good at!) playing evil menacing villains, but he's in many ways a believer in politeness and fair play; he's a very gracious loser, to the point where lifestealers have said before that they feel kinda bad when they win against him, and he tends to strongly favor fair fights over traps or exploits. which is interesting to me! uhhhh another thing that's interesting is that (as is the case with many/most lifestealers) his videos tend to editorialize; his s3 especially stands out to me for this, for a few moments but one that stands out to me is that when mr. cube successfully rigs the casino against him he just cuts this out of his video even though he's got the moments right before and right after it in his video.

with pangi something that sticks out to me is .... well first of all i could talk about his relationship with zam for aaaaaaages. there's a thing there of. he and zam are quite close ooc, and so zam tends to take him for granted as an ally, even when zam treats him quite poorly and doesn't prioritize him? this was most obvious in s4 but i would say even in s5 when they teamed up again uhhhhhh zam does very much (a) find another team that zam ends up much closer with (b) plan to spawnkill pangi. but pangi's still very much in a position where his strongest/closest relationship is usually zam. there's also a thing where he's currently known as a Silly Lighthearted Bits guy and not someone who gets seriously involved in the LoreTM and i think sometimes people forget that this wasn't always true? but even in s4 when he was much more involved in things there's some level of disconnect; in late s4 there was a lot of "major developments happen while pangi's asleep, the next day zam catches pangi up on everything that happened". and i would also argue that all of this is v related to pangi being european time zone and lifesteal being overwhelmingly american. it's harder for pangi to form strong bonds or get super involved in things when people are just... not online at the same time as him.

uhhhh also if u just want to jump in w s6 u can do that. pangi hasn't had any Big Lore this season you can just start watching him. go for it. clown doesn't really stream it bc he hates us but he hasn't done much in s6 so far so if he starts doing stuff, again, you won't be missing things, u can just jump in

i was going to talk more about the lore for each season beyond whether i recommend it, since you mostly wanted me to give summaries that catch you up, buuuuuut this post is already absurdly long. most of my favorite pangi vods either got made into videos or i mostly enjoy them for other characters (e.g. there are at least three pangi s4 vods i really like because zam is being incredibly suicidal in them lol) BUT. have the princezam-pangi divorce vod from s5 in which zam tries to spawnkill pangi bc zam needs hearts and pangi gets away and then they argue for like an hour. this is the aforementioned stream that never got made into a video. i know it is a zam pov stream but i really like it for pangi as well :3

if you prefer vods to edited videos and want me to recommend a few others that did make it to videos, or if you want a more in-depth summary of any of the seasons: just send another ask and i will happily yap more!!! this is kinda all over the place bc i'm sick rn but i will do my best. i am torn between "i hope this wasn't too long" and "i am worried it should have been significantly longer in order to actually answer your questions abt lore instead of just linking videos" lol but ! as i said feel free to just, send another ask, u have no idea how excited i was to get this ask, i love talking about lifesteal ^w^

[stupidlittlespirit]

Ford getting sick and you have to take care of him. hes so stubborn, I bet he refuses to accept that he's sick and even once he does he thinks it won't interfere with his work or anything anyways. minutes later he's passed out at his desk. poor thing. drag him to bed and help him through the fever dreams and unsavory symptoms. doctor, he needs cuddles, stat!

I like to think that once he's returned from the portal, he's got an exceptionally developed immune system. I mention it in Spores (with the death cap thing) and I do think he'd have picked up so many foreign germs that he just kind of becomes super resilient to bugs and stuff in his home dimension, to a certain extent.

BUT, there's nothing funnier to me than imagining him believing this 1000% and never taking precautions, then catching the most regular ass flu and being devastated by it. Like, picture War of the Worlds: all these crazy aliens who are super developed end up dying out because they catch fucking H1N1 LMAOOOOOO

He gets the first twinges of the flu (headaches, soreness etc) and assumes it's just being old/typical chronic pain/because he's been overworking, and so he just ignores it. It's no big deal.

Except, the next day, he wakes up feeling absolutely rotten. Head throbbing, body aching, feeling like he's moving through molasses, sweaty, snotty, just generally disgusting.

Everyone can see that he's poorly, except for Ford. He starts losing his voice because he refuses to shut up and rest his throat, and if he takes the advice then he has to acknowledge that he's unwell. So he refuses. He just goes on in the way he usually does, over explaining things and lecturing until it goes completely. Nothing more than a squeak.

He'll keep working, though. He's just got to power through it, he won't back down! He's in the lab wondering why he's got double vision when he tries to concentrate on his samples and he ends up getting mad at himself for not being able to focus, so he retires to his study in the hopes that maybe he can get some shitty paperwork done.

Which is where, as you say, you find him a few hours later, slumped over his desk, passed the fuck out and drooling on his papers.

You're loathe to move him because he never sleeps this soundly, but he's going to totally fuck up his back if he stays hunched over like that, so you have to very carefully wake him up and gently (but firmly) convince him that he has to go to bed for his own good. I expect his willpower to resist at that point would be very low and so it wouldn't take much.

So you guide him into his bed and fetch him tea and soup and cold medicine, and tend to his needs like the perfect nurse. Maybe he asks you to bring some books to bed because he thinks he'll be bored, but because he's too exhausted to even sit upright, you offer to read them to him until he passes out again.

And I definitely think he'd end up falling asleep on you. He won't outright be vulnerable and ask for a cuddle but he'll allude to it heavily, and you'll pick up what he's putting down because at this point, you've gotten used to his weird communication issues. So you prop yourself up next to him in bed and he snuggles up close.

I do think Ford's a big guy, though, so he'd pin you with his dead weight and you wouldn't be able to move without disturbing him.

Thankfully, he doesn't have any nightmares. I think usually he would but instead of the typical fever dreams most people get when they're suffering a bad flu, Ford gets the reverse: just a dead, black sleep. It ends up being quite pleasant for him and he conks out each night for like 14 hours straight for the first time in like 30 years.

He'd be soooo utterly pathetic and needy; can't do anything for himself and even needs help to be bathed when the flu peaks because he's so weak..... He totally groans and complains non stop, bless him.

When he gets back to normal though, he's totally revitalised and energetic from all the rest and TLC. It's like he's a young man again, raring to go and bouncing off the walls ("I should get sick more often, this is wonderful!").

And then a few days later, when you start sneezing and aching, Ford has to do all the same things for you.... In between several fruitless attempts to synthesize a cure for the common cold just for you. (He fails every time, of course, but he tries his best).

[rayyanishere1]

hello gang i made something

a jerk!ford fighting card! is that what theyre called? i have no idea, i was never a playing cards sort of guy

stats:

health: 100

attack: 30

sanity/intelligence: 500

charisma: -500

speed: 400

description:

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Break My Heart!

This Stanford's strangely personal insults stuns enemies and lowers their sanity.

It's ineffective towards Anti-Ford.

i know charisma isnt how much people like you but instead your force of presence, sadly the negative is already there and too small to erase properly (⁠^⁠_⁠^;)

translations for the stuff that's in bahasa melayu:

DAH LAH AKU PENAT = ENOUGH I'M TIRED

kurangkan gila = lower the craziness/insanity

yapping under the cut AS PER USUAL

made this while bored in class, i actually started drawing it yesterday but only finished it today

my friend and i got some free cards when buying chocolate. i dont know how to actually play with them, i decided to put it to good use and feed my jerk!ford obsession!

i used my friends as drawing references for the foreshortening. i eventually gave up on it as i still cant draw that properly. they have all started using the middle AND ring finger when flipping the bird, just like ford. of course, none of us have six fingers, but that doesnt seem to stop any of us

one of said friends also drew a very bad might i say penis in the description while it was blank. she laughed maniacally about it before erasing it. tbf, jerk!ford kinda deserves it, but my poor drawing book doesn't (⁠눈⁠‸⁠눈⁠)

im slowly spreading the knowledge of jerk!ford like it's the gospel. two people at school have heard me paraphrase the lore at this point. we'll see if that number ever goes up

ANYWAY GANG REMEMBER; REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM, BUY GOLD, BYEEEE (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ

[romana-after-dark]

Our Gentle Sins: Part 13

Thank you so so so much to @plasticbabies for making this beautiful header!!!! we finally have a good one!

Dark!Logan Howlett x fem!reader

Series Masterlist : Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist

Spotify Playlist

Follow @romana-updates and click follow, join my tumblr community or ask to join the tag list to keep up!

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

Chapter summary: Past. Dolly is a part of a family. Present. Seeing Stevie

Warnings: This fic features non con, pregnancy, and themes of religious trauma. I will not be saying everything that happens to warm you, by clicking read more you are prepared for extremely dark themes and that you at 18+. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

a/n: PAST is a short chapter. the floor of the next few chapters is.... bad?? so im trying to chop it all up the way its best but its so hard trying ot match themes up with the before and after ;-; so im sorry. I feel like this chapter was boring.

Before

You tried, he really fucking tried to go back to normal after that, but ever since kissing you, feeling you body… things became more charged than normal.

You sat closer to him now, his body warm and inviting and buzzing with energy with everyone piling into the media room to watch a movie. Earlier today, Remy came into your room while you taught, trying to rally everyone together for a movie night.

*

You hear the door creek and glance over, smiling when you see Remy’s black and red eyes popping through the cracked door. Waving him in, you continue with the lesson. At 6’1 but not built too wide, Remy would not be out of place in your height school class seats…

Unfortunately, he was sitting in on your small elementary class.

Most mutations manifest with puberty, but some, especially second generation mutants, have the x gene activated much earlier. Your class was small, small enough you usually had to figure out how to teach content at 3 different grades at the same time… You couldn’t have a whole class just for the one 1st grader. When Remy came in, you were getting ready to read a book. You explained that each of the grades would have an assignment based off the book, and what each grade should be thinking about during the book, but to try and concentrate on the story first and foremost.

“I’ll be doing a think-aloud, so I will be modeling to you how readers think through books as we go.” You don’t have any degree, but you've been doing research on how to be an effective teacher.

Remy listened intently, looking like he’s about to REALLY enjoy the story, but you have some mercy. His legs look like they are losing circulation.

“Okay friends, how about we read the book on the carpet.” The kids erupted into cheers. “IF we can show Mr. LeBeau out best quiet feed and listening ears, okay?”

It was not very quiet, but they didn’t run.

“Mr. Lobo!” Said Micheal, not watching where he was going. “Are you and Miss Palmer in wuv?”

Remy bursts out in laughter, while your face burns red, quickly apologizing to Remy and trying to quell the kids. 

“No!” Another kid, Katy, piped up. “She loves Mr. Howlett!”

Remy was no help, your handful of students arguing that you were in love with “Mr. LeBeau”, “Mr. Howlett”, “Mr. Summers” and even one kid asked about “Miss Grey”, which felt like the start of a very convoluted love… square?

“1, 2, 3, eyes on me!”

The children chimed back. “1, 2, eyes on you.”

“Okayyyy” You cleared your throat. “You guys don’t need to worry about who loves who. Me and Mr. LeBeau are just friends, and he is going to model good listening for me.”

30 minutes later, Remy did not model good listening, but he did at least help the younger kids with their assignment, so there was that.

“You’re a pain, you know that?” You tidy up before heading to the high school English room. This room was used for most subjects so the elementary school so most of your kids just stayed in the room coloring or reading or talking.

“A pain in your ass?” He whispered, and you gasped in response, smacking him with crumple cardboard paper.

“Hey! I whispered!” But he stopped swearing. “I wanna have a movie night with all of us, are you in?”

As much fun as it sounded, big groups of friends still made you nervous. Remy was friends with everyone, and although no one had treated you badly, there were people you knew still thought you were weird. They weren’t wrong. Moreso, it was hard with a large group of people who all were friends together. Then there was you. Last week's dance was enough for a little while. “Whose all coming?”

“Well, Logan of course, but I think he’s assuming you’ll be there.” He answered, and smirked at your little smile. “Kurt and Ororo said yes, Hank said maybe, you know how he gets caught up in his work, and I’m gonna invite Scott and Jean after you tell me yes because you love me so much????”

Your head sank a little at that. You liked Scott a lot, and Jean was always kind to you. You had no reason to dislike them…

“I don’t… I don’t think I can make it. Papers to grade and all that…”

Remy’s face crumbled. “Why? What? Too many people? I’ll uninvite everyone!!  I’ll grade all the papers! Pistache, you’re the one I actually want there!”

You don’t know what to do with that. You knew Remy loved you, and that he was your good friend, but you weren’t used to someone choosing you first.

“It’s just… Well, don’t uninvite people, that’s crazy.”

“But I want you to come! What is it?”

He was too loud, some of the kids were trying to eavesdrop (nosy little things. You loved ‘em.) so you pull him off to the side, talking quieter. 

“It’s just… Scott…”

Remy frowned at that, a little concern on his face. “What, has he given you problems? I thought he’d be understanding, knowing he knows what you-” But then he stops himself.

You almost missed it. Pinching your brows, you shake your head, “N-no, Remy, he’s fine- he- it’s Logan and Scott, Remy, come on. The fight?”

He relaxed. “Oh. Well, aren’t they over it?”

Over it? You don’t think they’d ever be over it. There was never friendship, never something to rebuild, only jealousy, anger, and a little bit of attempted murder. 

You sigh, pinching your brow. “Remy. Logan tried to kill him. Scott keeps accusing him of abusing me. Logan slept with his wife. Scott accused him of m-o-l-e-s-t-i-n-g Rogue”

“Wait, what?”

“I can’t expect them to get along. And if Jean’s in the mix I- Remy, why would you want to invite all three of them?? Are you trying to start another fight?” The tone was harsher than you wanted it to be, but you’d had an intense week, and he gave you a piece of information you weren’t sure what to do with.

Your friend in front of you completely deflated, his normally happy face falling and his red eyes looking down. “Yeah, you’re right… I didn't think it through…”

You instantly felt bad. How could you be so mean to Remy? Sweet, sweet Remy? Remy who’d been there for you though it all. “I know. You’re friends with everyone, so you want everyone to be friends. I get it. I’m sorry.”

Remy gives you a small smile, seemingly recovered. “It’s alright, Pistache. What if I just don’t tell Scott and Jean? Or we could just watch something together? I uh… I heard from Rogue today. Got a letter and it… wasn’t very long, is all. Bit worried she’s forgotten about me in her grand adventures.” He gives a little laugh, but it’s nervous.

You consider the people coming, and decide it’s a small enough group. And Logan will be there, so you won’t be alone.

“Yeah, the movie sounds fun. Thanks for inviting me, Remy.”

*

You leaned against Logan, snuggled up to him comfortably as everyone found their spots. Kurt poofs in front of the large TV, see’s you in Logan’s arms, and his yellow eyes light up. “YAYYYYYY! Darauf habe ich gewartet!!” He teleports to you and Logan, squeezing both your cheek, poofing onto Logans shoulders to hug his whole head, then to behind the couch where he gave you a hug that clearly respected your personal space stuff.

“What are you on about, elf?” Logan pretends to be grumpy, but other than Wade, Kurt is his best friend.

He’s standing in front of you two again, grinning wildly and you can see his sharp teeth. “You two!” He gestures. “I’ve been knowing something is going on between you! Liebe, nein? I’m so happy it had finale happened!”

Morph threw a popcorn kernel at him. “Nothings happened yet. They are in denial.”

“We’re not in denial!” Logan barks, but he’s blushing. “We’re just…” he looks at you. “Taking it slow…”

“Oh.” Kurt’s shoulders drop. “Then… wat eez all dis?” He gestures to Logan’s arm around your shoulder.

You giggle. “Well, like he said, we’re not in denial.”

Kurt observes you for a second. “Mph. Well, dis eez… embarrassing for me, ja?”

You were about to protest when when Remy throw a pillow at him, yelling something about sitting down and shutting up. Kurt BAMF’d away, and reappeared on the armrest next to Logan.

“Dis guy.” Kurt gestures to Remy, whispering a little too loud. “Get’s broken up with vone time and he’s a mess.” He shimmers down between the arm rest and Logan, forcing the wide older man to scoot himself and you over, muttering, ‘well excuse me, I guess.’. Kurt settles into his spot opposite you, next to Logan. “Meanvile, I get broken up with, MANY TIMES! Including by him, and wat do I get!”

“We weren’t dating!”

“But you like to say I love you during sex, no? Oh, Kurt! Mo linm twa!” he mimicked, but the humor was in his voice, as it was in Remy’s as he retorts.

“At least I don’t pray the Hail Mary after sex!”

“At least I know the Hail Mary”

“I’m Cajun, do you really think I don’t know basic catholicism?”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I just have catholic guilt about.”

“You could use a little guilt, mein freund.”

“I’ll leave that to Scott.”

Hank slaps the armrest of his seat. “If we’re not actually going to watch a movie-”

Remy and Kurt laugh, and Remy starts the movie.

As you watched, you couldn’t help think about how good life had gotten. A peaceful, easy feeling comes over you as you listen to Kurt and Remy whisper to each other the whole time, Logan telling them to ‘shut the hell up or I will stab you.’ Morph loudly booing the cheesy sex scene, and Hank letting all of us know what is impossibly and unrealistic in the movie. Things were good.

There was, however, a gnawing piece of your mind… it reminded you what Remy said. Scott knows. Scott knows what you’ve been through… or what you’ve done, you didn’t let Remy finish.

You’d figured Charles had told Scott at least a baseline of what you’d experienced. Scott was his man on the ground, the one who had these day to day interactions with you, the staff, the teens. It made sense, and you didn’t expect the top teacher and school leadership (and basically the HR department) to NOT know one of his staff was severely traumatized. 

You’d JUST told Logan what you’d done. You’d told Remy last month. You just wanted them and Mr. Xavier to know… had he gone and told Scott you were a killer? Did people other than Scott know?

After

Jean was all ready at the table when Logan brought you in, gently laying you down on the bed for Jean to examine.

“What happened?” She asked, frowning as she looked at your slightly bloodied face. The cabinet hit your forehead and nose.

Logan began to answer. “She hit her face on-”

“I was asking Miss Palmer.”

Scowling, Logan shut his mouth. “I… I slipped on water cleaning up from the party. My face hit the cabinet.”

“Did you fall?”

“No, I caught myself. Or- I think Logan caught me? It’s kinda hard to remember.” It was fuzzy, honestly. You’d thought he hit you, the ghost of the slap still stinging your cheeks… but that was probably something else.

“Yeah, I caught you.” He strokes your cheek, soothing the leftover pain there.

Jean does her work, informing you that you were mildly concussed.

“You’ll need to rest. No work for a few days minimum.” She raises an eyebrow at you. “No repeats of when you got sick and refused to tell anyone until you passed out. You’re going to take off the rest of this week.”

You open your mouth to argue, but she points a finger with a slight smile. She’s tired, but her bedside manner is compassionate. “No. We can shuffle a few things around. Wade can take over a few simple classes while he’s here and move those teachers to your kids, and Hank can easily slide back into teaching English. Well, maybe high school and middle. I can handle the littles.”

She turned to Logan.

“Logan, I don’t think we can get you off that long, but we’ll get you off a few classes so you can look after her. I’m sure Wade will be happy to teach gym, and Professor can take on history. Next week is finals anyway, so I know you guys have a lot of study periods planned.” She touches your shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

You nod, but there’s a more pressing issue. “And Stevie?”

Jean smiles. “He’s doing fine. Don’t take aspirin as it could cause bleeding but tylenol is okay for your head pain. Stay hydrated, nothing caffeinated.” She types everything up for you, then prints it out. “Here’s a care plan, but know I’m right here if you need me.” 

“Thanks, Jean.”

Logan gave a nod. “Yeah, thank you. I know you were in bed.”

She closed up her laptop. “Not a problem. Now, I know you’re seeing a regular doctor, and that’s okay… but I thought… if you’d like, I could share what I saw when I checked on Stevie.

You blink. “You mean… like an ultrasound?”

“Kind of, but much more clear. It’ll be almost like you’re there with hi-”

“Yes!” You’re so excited you almost forget any fear or pain.

Logan nods his head, eyes wide, and takes Logan’s hand before laying her other one on your stomach again. Suddenly, her mind’s eye was your own, and you could see him. You little baby asleep in your stomach, and it was like he was in a pool of water; not quite totally clear, but not blurry either. It was incredible.

You begin to cry.

“Go get your girl to bed, Logan.”

*

Logan laid you down on to bed after having you drink a bunch of water. “Wake me up when you need to pee, okay?”

You don’t look at him. “Okay.”

There is a short pause. “Hey.” Logan cups your face, bringing it to you. “It was an accident, okay? Just an accident.”

And all you can do is give him a smile, because you don’t know what option you have. “I know. I’m kinda tired, Lo. Can we talk in the morning?”

He gave a sad smile back. “Yeah dollface, we’ll talk in the morning. You’ll see. It’s all be better in the morning. I’m gonna step out for a sec, but I promise I’ll be here if you need me, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Goodnight, baby doll.” He kisses your tummy. “Goodnight, Stevie.”

*

Logan’s head was reeling. How did that happen? What the hell even happened? He hurt you, he hurt you, his pregnant fiance, his sweet, loving girl, carrying his child. What if something had happened to Stevie? Jean said he was fine…. But what the fuck did she know? Nothing! That bitch and her smug attitude. Stupid fucking cunt. She was probably just lying, trying to sabotage him. Not wanting to have his baby wasn’t enough. She can’t let him be happy. She won’t let anyone else have his baby. She’s just as bad as Scott, stupid mother fucking pansy ass shithead. Couldn’t fuck his wife right then got mad she needed someone else to satisfy her. Must’ve learned how to take it up the ass like he’s always dreamed and won her back, now he can’t let him be happy.

They are out to get him.

Logan needed to clear his head. He needed to let it out.

He needed insight from someone who, while being God perfect idiot, had a strangely good sense of the world. Sure, he didn’t understand what the fuck the mouth was talking about half the time, but Wade understood the world in a way Logan couldn’t.

When Wade answered his door, he was in a hello kitty t-shirt. That was it.

Logan only paused a moment before saying. “Meet me in the west lounge in 5?”

“Hell yay!” Wade sleepily cheered. “I’m on my way!” He began stepping forward, but Logan stuck a hand out to shove him back, He glanced down to his dick, then back up. “Pants on, Wade.”

*

An hour later, Logan had spilled it all. The slap, the… sex he might have been a little forceful on, how Stevie’s conception was from that… half drunk, he let it all out.

And for once, the merc with the mouth only had 4 things to say.

“Jesus fucking christ, Logan.”

Okay, next chapter we see logan baring it all and i think??? I think we see what triggered logan into the assult

ugh its soooo hard to plan i keep changing the outline so much. This series has given me the most problems out of every series ive written! and ive written many ;-;

Anyway guys im talking to a guy and he knows x men stuff and is chronically online like me and i realllllly like him we met on hinge bc he made a Jim Croce reference which if you know me you know i looooove old music!!! heres too hoping!

I sent him my x men restaurant au bc he's familiar with fanfiction! he really enjoyed it :))) Im taking requests for the restaurant au drabbles!

I also started a romcom/omegaverse/enemies to lovers Logan x reader! Im leaning into the goofy and silly bc too much dark i think isnt good. dark fics help me work through things but too much is.... too much. Im not in a great place mentally rn so i dont wanna linger you know?

I also want to just highlight my go fund me bc im once again struggling greatly to pay for school and im just... so close .;-;

@multiversed-daydreamer @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @del-ightfulling @miraclesabound @hindi-si-ikay @samsamsantos @madamerubrum @shybluebirdninja a @hornystan @rogueinmymind @accountforreading123 @yawnetu @princessanglophile @and-claudia a @new-genesis100 @teaganthemorningstar @oldloganslittleslut @zaggprincess2 @bugsinmyeyez @groundclueless @cosmolight @nonamevenus

[wolvertooth]

i feel like a lotta my posts come across as being like 'sabretooth is a pure sweet lil angel😇' nah this guys a HUGE cunt hes just. yknow. also multifaceted. he can be sweet n caring when needed, or when actually given the chance to

the way i choose to sorta incorporate the fucked up logic of 'canon' is just seeing him as going thru different phases, like any of us would(especially those of us with mental illness)

hes had good times, hes had bad times, hes had times of therapy, hes had times where the urges get painfully uncontrollable, hes had times where he just zones out at work, hes had times of having friends, hes had times where hes fucked off from society entirely, etc etc

like. imagine how hard itd be to be stuck in ur mid / late 30s for eternity with incredibly unresolved childhood ptsd + trigger happy anger issues + a mutation thats basically on par with being neurodivergent + majority of the people hes gotten close with either betraying him or dying. not to play the Poor Little Meow Meow card but..i think theres a reason that weapon xforce was the best thing that ever happened for his mental health(being on a team of mutual cunts proving themselves to be more than just that)

[harunade]

moots . zhang hao

pairing: camboy!zhang hao x camgirl!reader

synopsys: the drought in your wallet made you start being a camgirl. not only did you never expect it do go so well, you never expected a camboy to donate a large sum of money to you and ask you to collab.

wc: ~1.2k

warnings: mdni!! no smut, fingering, not that much written smut lmao.. simp zhanghao lowkey

a/n: slightly modified version of my anon’s ask!! This is very different frim my usual type of writing so i hope you will love it :’)) if this gets love i might post a part2 :)) stay tuned!!

Nobody particularly knew about your side hustle of being a camgirl, but you didn’t have the heart to tell anyone either. It had started off with you needing some extra cash, and your friend sarcastically suggesting it.

“Your body is tea, Y/n. If i were you i would definitely post that ass online and get my money up” it was supposed to have come as only a joke from Heejin, the friend that has been with you through your ups and downs, but you actually started considering it.

You could vividly remember opening the erotic site and signing up. “that should be good” you murmured as you created your account. lovelyyn it read.

—

For the next few days, you started at your blank account with 0 followers. Creating it was supposed to be the hard part, right? Well, no, you actually had to post on it as well. Nobody was going to donate to a ghost.

With hair rolls in your hair, you got ready to post your first picture on said account. Your makeup was flawless, and it accentuated your features. The red lipstick that sat boldly on your plump lips matched perfectly the lingerie set that you planned on wearing.

The flash snapped in your mirror, capturing a picture of you. A very teasing one, at that. You were in a sitting position, your thighs exposed and red lace barely covering the rest of your body. Your face wasn’t that visible, but that was okay. You didn’t want anyone to know it was you, yet.

Uploaded!

—

The next morning you naturally woke up before your 8 am alarm. Although you had classes to attend soon, there was something else on your mind that kept you from sleeping any longer.

Hurriedly opening your laptop, you opened the site and checked your stats.

10 followers 12 likes and 3 comments

“That’s not too bad for my first day” you thought to yourself. Deciding to read the comments, all of the complimented you and suggested that you would go live

Unbeknownst to you, going live was definitely better than posting pictures. That way, people can comment in real time, you can talk to them and they can donate! That was certainly next on your to do list.

—

It felt as if the planets had aligned for this very moment, because you had a very rough day at uni. Everything that could have gone wrong did in fact go wrong. That meant that your car ran out of gas in the middle of the road, you were late to the first class which just happened to be the most important one, and you forgot to pack a lunch, so you starved all day. But you decided to make the most out of this unfortunate series of events. Yes, you were stressed, but that stress had to be relieved somehow, right?

“Going live in 30 minutes!!! Join & see me play with myself xxx “ you wrote and posted on your account.

You had 30 minutes to get ready. You could already see notifications popping on your phone and laptop, so you took it as a good sign.

“Would it be weird if i wore the same thing twice?” you wondered as you slipped in your red lingerie once again. Even your make up was similar to the one from the previous day, but nobody would notice it anyway.

—

“hii guys” you shily waved at the camera. While people were still joining the livestream, you checked yourself in the camera. The slightly lower resolution your laptop made you stick out even more, because of the contrast of colours and what else.

Shortly after, you got to work. Your camera was adjusted slightly, so it could fit your whole figure that laid in your undone bed. As soon as you shoved two of your fingers in your pussy, the donations started coming in. The rage varied. Someone would done $1, someone else $5 and someone even gave you $20. This sure wasn’t hard!

Things were going smoothly until you glanced at the chat. So far, messages were calling you beautiful or suggested that you changed the angle. Now, they were full of something else

@/ilovemarklee: omg hes here!!!

@/orbittillidie: i cant believe it TT

@/randomuserjwnsn: HES ASKING TO COLLAB???

You were a little confused to say the least. Who was asking to what? You stopped your actions mid way, and although the sense of loss was present, your curiosity took over. “What are you guys even talking about?” you chucked as you scrolled up and read comments you had missed. Then you saw it.

@/sheloveshao: wanna collab, pretty? ;)

You were intrigued by this person’s appearance. You weren’t that familiar with this website yet. Sure, you browsed once or twice (or thrice..) before, but never really memorised anyone’s username. You only had one guy that you like and that was about it.

—

After the live ended, you checked the balance. You were pretty confident, donations kept coming in, so you must have made at least $100. Even if it was a little less, that would be okay. You only needed $50 to assure gas for the next 2 weeks. “$324” ????? You couldn’t believe your eyes. When did it even get to that point? You had to see it for yourself.

Donation list:

@/ilovehaechan sent $10

@/loonaforever sent $1

@/sheloveshao sent $200

“What?? This is insane” who was this guy? and how could he afford to send you so much money?

After scrolling in his account, your mouth was left hanging open. He had a community of 100 thousand followers… and he was fine as hell. Not only was he very beautiful and fit, he was very familiar to you. Oh. He was the guy you liked. And he sent you basically this month’s rent? What was going on..?

After pondering for a bit, you decided to message him. The worse he could say is no, right?

@/lovelyyn: hi there :) saw you commenting on my livestream earlier && your donation. thank you so so much!!

@/sheloveshao: don’t mention it dear. are you new here? don’t think i’ve seen you before

@/lovelyyn: yeah actually!! this was my first livestream:’) started yesterday

@/sheloveshao: i see~~ maybe we can collab one day ;)

@/lovelyyn: well.. i definitely wouldn’t oppose! keep in touch?

@/sheloveshao: you know it

After the conversation ended, your cheeks were burning with heat. This guy had a way of talking that shot right through you. You were sure you would spend the next hours binge watching his account. Said and done, you weren’t surprise to see he was like a Greek god, and possibly one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen.

This arose a question in you. Will you actually collab with him? What would that even mean?

[annunen]

NHLWAM S12 E7: Niko Mikkola & Eetu Luostarinen

I translated the highlights of the video for any florida finns fans to enjoy.

TLDR: the finns love chirping each other and Lundy needs a babysitter.

Manninen and Putkonen are the NHLWAM hosts.

Under the cut <3

Manninen: We've got two Finnish Fort Lauderdale locals here. Niko Mikkola, new guy, and Eetu Luostarinen, who's already one of the vets. So what's up?

Mikkola: Nothing bad, getting to know new places and the sun shines. Great people here.

Luostarinen: It's always fun to get more finns here. Always welcome.

Manninen: Eetu, how would you describe Niko as a person and a teammate?

Luostarinen: He's a chill Oulu guy. Chill company, easy to hang out with him, he gets along with everyone. Really nice.

Manninen: Do you agree?

Luostarinen: Sure, i'll take what i'm given.

Manninen: Counterquestion for you.

Mikkola: We've known each other pretty long. He's one of those Savo guys, a little twisted like they all are. But there's only great guys here, like i said, so it's been easy to come here.

Manninen: You got pretty lucky, your training center moved from the middle of nowhere (lit. horse ass) to the neighbor. You could bike there, have you ever done that?

Mikkola: I don't have a bike but i've been planning to buy one. It's 5 minutes away so it would be pretty nice to bike there.

Manninen: Or an electric scooter! Has anyone ever come with one?

Mikkola: No, but Kaapo Kakko always used one in NYC. I'd walk and he'd drive past me.

Luostarinen: I haven't biked there either but some guys have electric bikes. And golf carts, pretty cool that you can come to the rink with a golf cart.

Manninen: Now that's style!

-----

Manninen: I asked "Lunkka" Lundell this same question, now i want to ask you Eetu too. Looking at your points, this season hasn't been as good as the last. The big crowds only look at points, they're thinking "what's up with Eetu, he hasn't scored points". So what do YOU think, has this season actually been worse than the last, or have you actually gone forward as a player?

Luostarinen: I wouldn't say it's been worse than last season, pretty equal. Just haven't had those successes. There's also a lot happening in the background, in the game. I play a lot shorthanded too, i've got to take credit for that. If i can't get confidence from points, i have to find it somewhere else in the small things.

Manninen: Are the points so important? I don't remember if you lead the league right now, but as a team you're playing really well.

Luostarinen: It's a team game, if your team is doing well, you're doing something right, and you have to be happy about that. But if i have less points than Mikkola, that's when i should be worried.

Mikkola: Why am I suddenly being attacked?

Putkonen: God damn, throwing you under the boat, right there under that Catamaran.

Manninen: What about you Niko, do you ever set - even though you're known as a defensive brush, let's not say broom (that's Hakanpää's "nickname") - do you set some personal goals for points when starting the season?

Mikkola: Defensive brush, i'll take that. Good name. I don't really set any goals for points. The beginning of the season was pretty wild for me, but now i've returned to a normal phase. Probably getting close to 30 straight pointless games now.

Luostarinen: Yeah, early in the season they were throwing the nickname "Niko Norris" around there.

Putkola: You were on a phase for 80 points.

Mikkola: It was crazy, but now we're back to the roots. You can't only get confidence from points. You need some guys who play shorthanded, keep the own net clear. Take some confidence from those.

-----

(Someone walks by with a dog.)

Putkonen: Cool dog. How's your dog doing?

Luostarinen: Yeah, we have a new one in the family - cavapoo, it's a cavalier poodle mix. And then we have Rose, she's a little over 4 years old now.

Putkonen: Who in your team would you not let dogsit your dogs?

Luostarinen: Lunkka. Even if we speak the same language, i wouldn't trust him with them.

Manninen: Is Lunkka your team's little rascal?

Luostarinen: He is, a little. You need to watch what he's doing sometimes.

Mikkola: But he's so young still.

Manninen: You're allowed to be careless when you're young. We've been careless too.

Putkonen: ...older too.

-----

Putkonen: Roberto Luongo was in the net at your practice. He still catches pretty well.

Mikkola: Yeah. I've said that he'd only need one training camp and he could play an NHL game again. I can't score on him either.

Luostarinen: Best possible EBUG.

-----

Putkonen: Let's take some fan questions. Does Sasha "whip" (reprimand) you?

Luostarinen: No, just constructive criticism.

Mikkola: He's flicked me a couple times with a video where I ice the puck or something. More as a joke. He doesn't really "whip" (reprimand) me.

Manninen: But he gives that to Lunkka!

Mikkola: Lunkka is "in his teeth" a little. In a good way.

Putkonen: Yeah, he was already the last time we visited. Gave him an earful from some celly, telling him "don't jump to the glass, only juniors celly like that".

-----

[archaeren]

Oh yeah, sounds like you'll be fine on Sou route! c: Don't get me wrong, Neji's the most divisive but I wouldn't call him weird taste! From what I can tell, he and Fumi are the two most popular. If he's for you, you'll have lots of people to gush about him with. c: I think how Neji comes off to different people is largely affected by their own trauma. If you take him at his word and believe he's being honest with you, you're more likely to like and sympathize with him and appreciate his route. If he pings the 'manipulative liar' alarm bells for you, his route is gonna be a rough ride. (Unless you find that personally relatable, which is a valid third option! I do know Neji fans who like him for this reason.) I don't actually have a problem with the summer competition thing either. Like, I absolutely understand why the characters are mad about it, but I'm like... well, he did it to make her better? It wouldn't really be the end of the world if she transferred to Rhodonite or Onyx... I'm pretty fine with anything Neji does to push people's talent tbh, like... that's what you guys are here for? The goal IS actually learning the craft, not winning the theatre festival or being the best class. Don't lose sight of the forest for the trees! (Though Neji can also lose sight of that sometimes for sure) Like, kinda not cool that he didn't respect her autonomy there by not asking her opinion, let alone giving her a choice in the matter, but otherwise I don't have a problem with this. I was actually completely fine with everything he did in common route, even stuff other people have said is 'mean' (mostly stuff in winter arc). I don't see an issue with any of the things he does to force the others become better performers (and this is why nobody questions why I'm a Tanakamigi Chui fan lmao... no, actually sometimes they do, and then I give them an essay XD) It wasn't until I actually played Neji's route that I was like, oh HELL no. XDDD oops... I do appreciate that this game allows Kisa to Be Cool And Good At Things. She doesn't really get downplayed at all from what I remember. I adore Kisa. I would fight Suzu and Sou to be her Jack Ace and I would win. I'm glad the guide was helpful and interesting! Though if you're currently on track for the bad end, you might need to focus your stats a little more. You need to max out your current man's stat at 30 to get his best end and it gets harder the higher it goes. If you're on track for the bad end, that means you must be spreading out your stats evenly. And apparently none of the LIs like it if you're too multi-talented...? (what's the meta on this?? XD) It's easiest to do the bad end while you're doing Kisa route, because you need to be on Kisa route to get the opportunity for the bad end to happen. Personally, I think it also makes more sense if you've played Kai's route already, but that could just be based on how I interpret the events of the bad end (which are, admittedly, super fucking vague. XD)

Why is this woman targeted otome game making me feel seen in a way no overtly transmasc media ever has (Jack Jeanne on Switch)

For context the MC (Kisa Tachibana) is a girl crossdressing as a boy to go to an all boys drama school called Univeil, since it’s all boys some of them play girls for the plays, the ones who play boys are called Jacks and the ones who play girls are called Jeannes

I was guessing since it was a female protag they would make her a Jeanne for the whole game as not to alienate their audience but for her second performance she’s given a male role as a Jack, she struggles with the role at first and has some lines that resonated HARD with me when looking at them through a transmasc perspective:

I’m sure I don’t need to explain much how a transmasc could relate to this, but it was such a nice surprise to have this nuance in a game I really wasn’t expecting to touch on gender this much; I’m not an avid otome game player so maybe I went into it with a lot of bias as I though it would be targeted towards a straight female audience but it was really nice to see them explore Kisa’s gender expression like this. There are more examples I could talk about with the gender commentary but I don’t want to spoil it too much. If you’re interested in the game I should also mention half the guys look like girls it’s literal transmasc bisexual heaven

Overall I’m really enjoying this game so far, I know the community for it is kind of small but if any other Jack Jeanne fans are here I’d love to hear some more opinions too. I’m only up to around the end of the summer holidays/hotel training camp and when they’re moving into the fall performance practice, so I’d appreciate if you could avoid spoilers past then.

[bobacupcake]

#oceanquest2023

(some flashing images from 1:50 to 2:40)

[howtodisappearcompletelyand]

20/10 stars little guy

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

whaddaya think makes tracks like that? / needletail and violetpaw

[thetomorrowshow]

Whumptober 30 - Recovery

title: one of the vaguer divinities

fandom: hermitcraft smp

more of sleep cycle :)

~

The moment they get back is when Tango finally bursts into tears.

He’d been holding them back for a week now, and when everyone had burst in with the rescue party he’d still held them back, too focused on getting Impulse out of his binds and letting the man slump against him, entirely unconscious.

But stepping onto Hermitcraft, seeing the colorful spawn with everyone’s starter houses and being surrounded by worried faces, loud and pushing forward? That’s the final straw.

Tango practically collapses, his sobs shaking his frame so badly that he can’t hold himself up anymore. He would have fallen to the ground entirely, if it wasn’t for Bdubs suddenly at his side, supporting him as they all move quickly toward the medical building set up for this express purpose.

Tango lets Bdubs help him to a bed, despite the fact that he’s really just got a couple of bruises. He watches, through his relentless tears, as Doc fights the effects of the turtle-master potion that they ease down his throat, one arm missing and a screwdriver stuck in his eye. He watches as Ren chews on his nails, wincing every time Scar rubs a bit more fire-resistance into the burns on the soles of his feet. He watches as Mumbo trembles and panics silently, refusing all touch and offers of sedation. He watches as Impulse lies entirely still, Cleo and Joe trying to categorize the plethora of injuries that litter his body.

“I don’t need to be here,” he chokes out, but Bdubs just pushes him onto his back.

“You can rest, Tango,” he insists. “It’s okay. We got you out.”

He has rested. He has.

He’s a little bit tired from the rescue, though, so he doesn’t fight to get back up, just lies there and lets Gem check his vitals.

When she gives him the all-clear, Tango sits back up. When it becomes clear that no one’s paying a lot of attention to him, too focused on the others, he slips out of the room. When he runs into no opposition, he makes a break for it, sprinting for the nearest Ender chest to collect his elytra.

With no eyes on him, Tango flies home.

-

He isn’t avoiding Impulse.

He really, really isn’t. It’s just that Decked Out takes all his time, anyways. It isn’t out of the ordinary for him to be buried in work in his fortress, too busy to do more than casually respond to messages.

They have to take Impulse off-world for surgery. Something about his shoulders that they want to make sure is sorted before they force a respawn. Tango shows up when they bring him back, sleepy and not-quite-there, but he can’t bring himself to enter the room and just watches from the doorway, before eventually leaving, handing a ‘get well’ card to Gem to give to him.

He spends the rest of his time in the inner mechanisms of Decked Out. He sees the notification for Impulse’s death and respawn, following Ren’s, and later joined by Doc’s. They’d decided that Mumbo’s wouldn’t change anything, as most of the visible effects that the imprisonment had had on him were malnutrition and wouldn’t be solved by a respawn.

Tango hadn’t even had any clue that Mumbo was trapped in there with them. He hadn’t known until False had emerged from the building with a trembling Mumbo in her arms.

Tango also hadn’t merited a respawn, but he wasn’t hurt. It was Impulse who was hurt the most, he thinks. Even Doc and Ren got to sleep. Even Doc and Ren got breaks.

Tango works absentmindedly on the wiring of one of the key releases while he thinks, debating on whether or not he should message Impulse.

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, so there shouldn’t be any inner debate.

He really wants to, though.

Impulse had made it clear that he didn’t want to see him. He’d glimpsed him in the doorway after returning home from the surgery and had turned away with a shudder, and maybe that had been instrumental in Tango leaving, because clearly Impulse couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Tango remembers what he said, back in that awful place. About how he never wanted to see Tango again.

The least he can do is honor that wish. He tried so hard to show Impulse that he didn’t want to hurt him, that he was forced to, but it obviously hadn’t worked. And that was okay! It wasn’t Impulse’s fault that Tango’s face was linked to his trauma. If it makes it easier for Impulse to get better, Tango would happily never see him again.

Well. Not happily, he supposes. But he’ll do it, for Impulse.

It keeps him up at night. Thinking about Impulse, about everything that he could’ve done to try and make it even better.

He could’ve given in.

He could have, and it wouldn’t have been too huge of a problem! He could’ve said it’ll take a while, then start designing some crappy piece of redstone and spend days on it, long enough to let the others find them. It was only a week, after all. He could have done that, and then Impulse would be fine.

It’s his fault, really.

He’s the one who held out so stubbornly, he’s the one who beat Impulse, he’s the one who got to sleep.

He’s the one—

Zzzt!

Tango yelps as the wires he’s holding suddenly zap him; drops them to the stoney ground.

What’s that all about?

He picks them back up, muttering darkly about his singed fingers, and examines the wire ends. They look fine, but when he tries to connect them, they short-circuit again, shocking him a second time.

Tango curses, then reaches into the shulker box behind him. He can replace them, he’ll just need. . . .

He’s out.

Perfect. Well, it’s not like he was making much progress, anyway. He’s been working on this one spot for hours, now, and it’s absolutely time to go for a walk or something to clear his head.

Something to stop thinking about the abrupt end to his and Impulse’s friendship.

It’s nighttime when Tango leaves, which comes as a surprise, because wasn’t it nighttime last time he left to grab a bite to eat? He’s been working for longer than he thought, no wonder his work was getting slow.

He should probably go to Scar’s redstone shop, but the place is overpriced at the best of times. Maybe he can just dip in on Cub and steal some? Surely the guy wouldn’t notice.

His thoughts of thievery are cut short, however, by the sound of demonic screeching behind him. Tango grimaces. Phantoms.

iBuy looms ahead of him. iBuy sells some redstone stuff, right? It has string, at least, and he definitely needs string.

Impulse won’t be in. It’s the middle of the night; nobody else will even be up, let alone Impulse. Why would Impulse visit his own shop, anyway? The only reason to visit one’s own shop is to restock, and there’s no reason anyone would be restocking at this time.

Why would he even think to steal Cub’s redstone before checking iBuy? It makes sense to go there first. It’s closer, everything will be sorted, no chance of accidentally running into someone. Way better.

That doesn’t stop the dread creeping up his throat when he lands on the doorstep.

The first drops of a midnight rain shower are hitting the ground when he hurries in, slamming the door to the shop right before the phantoms swoop in after him. They continue to attack the side of the building and windows, but Tango ignores him as much as he ignores the rain picking up.

Tango starts browsing the shop, glancing around for the particular wires that he needs. He doesn’t see a redstone section, but that’s not the end of the world—he needs to restock on several things, really. Good thing he ended up going to iBuy. The place had just about everything (redstone not included).

He nabs some shulker shells, then an entire box of bamboo (he doesn’t need near that much for his scaffolding plans, but he isn’t sure how to pay half a diamond for only half a box so he just gets the whole thing). He’s about to head up to the fourth floor when—

“Tango?”

Tango shrieks, spinning around.

Impulse.

Impulse is standing there, among the shelves, and he looks—

The shadows under his eyes are dark and thick, his stubble is almost a beard. His hair is unbrushed, and he still looks too thin, a bit hunched over on himself.

He looks tired.

Tango’s fingers twitch.

“You should be sleeping,” Tango blurts out, then curses silently as Impulse winces.

“You’re the one with the phantoms,” he replies, gesturing toward the window.

True. Still. “Yeah, but that’s . . . that’s normal. What are you even doing here?”

“Restocking.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“What are you doing?”

“Uh. Shopping.”

Impulse raises an eyebrow. Okay, maybe it is a bit hypocritical. Can he blame Impulse for being here when he’s here, as well?

“You should still be in bed. You know. . . .” Tango waves vaguely, hoping he doesn’t need to say it.

Impulse’s face shutters closed. “Right. Thanks.”

He’s messed up.

He’s messed up big time. Impulse looks down at his shoes, and Tango’s such an idiot, because of course Impulse doesn’t want to think about it, of course he doesn’t want to see Tango—

Tango doesn’t wait a moment longer. He steps back into the elevator and shoots down to the first floor, where he sprints out the door. He’d rather take the rain and the phantoms over hurting Impulse any more.

Some secret, lonely part of him hopes that Impulse will follow him, drag him into some sort of cover to keep him dry and safe from the phantoms.

He doesn’t.

-

“I miss him,” Tango admits, cursing his throat for choking up.

Doc raises an eyebrow.

Tango hasn’t left his fortress since that terrible midnight encounter, so Doc had had to track him down. Tango had seen in chat that Doc was uncomfortable with being alone, followed by multiple Hermits volunteering to get a schedule of people hanging out with him until he felt a bit better. Tango had loved the idea, but hadn’t put his own name in.

It seems like that didn’t matter. Doc found him anyway, in the depths of Decked Out.

“He doesn’t want to be around me, and that’s fine,” he continues. “But—I mean, it’s Impulse. He was one of my best friends. It’s hard.”

“Why did you say, ‘was’?” Doc asks, frowning. “He did not die.”

“I mean, we aren’t best friends anymore. So, was. You know?”

Doc stares at him for a long time. “Tango, you look exhausted,” he says. “Are you sleeping?”

Tango waves him off. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Is Impulse sleeping? Do you know?”

“Maybe you should ask him.”

“I don’t want to upset him.”

“Why would you upset him?”

“Because—he doesn’t want me around, okay?”

Doc hums. “I would think that if you were best friends, he would be missing you as much as you are missing him.”

“He isn’t. He—he doesn’t want to see me.” Tango runs his hands through his hair and finally sits down, abandoning the fine detailing he’d been painting onto the wall of this room. Doc has been seated in a chair for the past thirty minutes, watching Tango paint, but he hadn’t brought a second chair, so Tango ends up on the floor. “You don’t know what I did to him.”

“No,” Doc shrugs. He grimaces at the movement, but keeps rotating his half-built mechanical arm. “Stupid wires,” he mutters. “Keep pinching. No, I do not know what you did to him. I do not know what he did to you.”

“He didn’t—”

“We all did something to each other,” Doc says, waving his hand dismissively. “You feel guilty. Do you know how to overcome that guilt?”

Tango knows what Doc wants to hear. He knows that Doc is going to tell him that the only way to overcome the guilt is make things right with Impulse.

He messes with the laces of his boots for a moment. “I hurt him,” he says eventually, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “I—they wouldn’t let him sleep, but they let me sleep, and—and to keep him awake, I hurt him. I chose to, I thought I’d be—be better than his guards. I kept him awake. I—I was his hell for a whole week, and he said—”

He can’t get it out.

A tear drips down his nose.

“That sounds . . . very hard,” Doc responds after a moment, sounding uncomfortable. “But I’m sure—”

“I can’t make that right,” Tango cries. “I can’t—I don’t deserve to. I don’t deserve his forgiveness. And he won’t forgive me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He said—he—he never wants to—to see me, ever again! I can’t. I can’t try to—to overstep that. I can’t!”

He buries his face in his knees, hiding from Doc’s judgemental eyes. He sobs, then, just as he had when they got back to Hermitcraft, five days and a lifetime ago.

“I . . . I hurt Mumbo,” Doc admits after a long moment, and Tango looks up.

Doc’s face is twisted in some strange mixture of guilt and disgust, his fingers tapping against his chair. “They—I am having a hard time talking about it. They made me choose to hurt either Mumbo or Ren. I—I’m ashamed to say I hurt Mumbo.”

Oh.

Oh, that sounds terrible. Having to pick between two friends, knowing that in one’s safety is the other’s condemnation? That’s the worst.

And that answers the question of how Doc had known that Mumbo was there, when no one else had any clue.

“Dude, that sucks,” Tango manages, running the heel of his hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. I . . . I have not told Mumbo, yet. I don’t know if he knew it was me. I want to apologize to him but . . . I don’t want him to hate me.”

“It isn’t your fault, though,” argues Tango. “Like, it isn’t your fault they made you hurt someone. I’m sure Mumbo will forgive you, he’ll get it.”

“Yes, but I chose to hurt him. I could have chosen Ren.”

“That just means you would have to be apologizing to Ren right now,” Tango says. “Like, either way, someone would get hurt. You say it was your choice, but they didn’t give you a real choice. That isn’t your fault.”

Doc nods, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. “I will talk to Mumbo,” he says eventually. “And you will talk to Impulse.”

“I—what?”

“All the advice you just gave me? It isn’t my fault? Mumbo will forgive me? I did not have a real choice?”

“It’s not—”

“It is not the same,” Doc agrees before Tango can even fully say it. “But the solution is no different. Let’s meet again in three days and report back, okay?”

Doc stands, nods, and leaves.

And Tango?

Tango throws a paintbrush at the stupid wall and goes back to crying.

-

It takes Zed staging an ‘accidental’ meeting for Tango to see Impulse next, two days after Doc talks to him.

“Oh my goodness! Impulse! I didn’t know you were coming to the shopping district, too!”

“You invited me,” Impulse says, eyes fixed on Tango.

“Well. Now how about that? My memory these days,” Zed says, shaking his head sadly. “Speaking of, I forgot! I have a Zedvancement with Cleo right now! Silly me, making all these scheduling errors. I guess I’ll just have to leave you two here!”

And Zed leaves.

Tango’s pretty sure that Doc is genuinely going to show up to their recap meeting, so even though Impulse looks like he’s about to leave again, Tango goes for it.

“I’m so so sorry,” he blurts out, and Impulse freezes.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry for what I did, and—I didn’t want to, I hated it, and it kills me that I did it, and you don’t have to forgive me but I needed to tell you sorry.”

Impulse doesn’t answer for a long moment. When he does, it’s with slight confusion painting his haggard features. “Dude, what?”

Tango tries to rub away the burning of his eyes. He can’t cry again, not when he’s finally facing Impulse. “I’m sorry for hurting you,” he says, as clearly as he can. “I should’ve done something to help you. I should’ve been someone safe, but I hurt you, just like them. I—I know you don’t want to see me again, and that’s okay. I just wanted to say sorry.”

Impulse bites his lip. “Did you and Zed plan this?”

“Oh, absolutely not,” Tango says, trying (and failing) to laugh. “That’s all Zed. Sorry about that—I didn’t want to make you talk to me.”

Tango looks away, now. He’s probably two seconds away from crying, and he’s not going to do that right now. He doesn’t want to guilt-trip Impulse.

“I don’t hate you, Tango,” Impulse says, and Tango’s head jerks back to him.

What?

Impulse’s eyes are wet, his face open and honest. He sticks his hands in his pockets. “Dude, I’m sorry. I thought—it doesn’t matter. Why do you think I don’t want to see you again?”

“I—you said it. Back—when—”

Impulse pulls a face. “I don’t remember a lot of those last few days. But—but I was definitely lashing out, I know that. Whatever I said, I didn’t mean it, promise. I just—why didn’t you come talk to me?”

“I—I thought you didn’t want to see me.” It’s a surprise to Tango when Impulse makes up the distance between them with two giant steps and wraps him in a hug.

He missed this. He really, really missed Impulse’s hugs, the way Tango fits just perfectly between his arms. Impulse’s hugs mean comfort, home, happiness.

Tango’s crying before he can stop himself, clinging to Impulse like he never has before. Impulse is crying, too, he realizes, squeezing Tango almost too tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Tango sobs, and he’s sorry for everything, for the kidnapping and the torture and avoiding him and the crying, and probably a bunch of other stuff. He hopes Impulse picks up on all that.

“I forgive you,” Impulse tells him, voice hitching.

Tango hadn’t needed medical help. He had sat on the bed and watched his friends be healed, before slipping away. He hadn’t thought he had anything to be healed.

He was wrong.

Here, now, in Impulse’s arms, he thinks he finally starts healing from a wound he hadn’t realized he had.

[poisonousquinzel]

she's writing this to Harley and Harley only

[o-i-w-u]

im going insane actually this was meant to be like a 30-minute solo run what

anyway random screenshot time

and

glisten weeping next to his poster gwegahh :(

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

[platypusisnotonfire]

well.

I'm 30.