#like that sounds dumb

[trans-queen-administrator]

One year ago, give it take a few days, I started reading Worm. I finished it in a week. I don't think I'll ever read a story that affects me as much as Taylor's did, and since it's the anniversary of me reading Worm I think I might as well get sappy and emotional and write out how much Worm impacted me.

Tw: talking about suicide

I was in a terrible spot before Worm. Behind in every single class, failing to eat or drink or even just get out of bed for entire days, ghosting all of my friends and family just because I couldn't work up the will to talk, I just rotted in my dorm all day and let the tasks pile up higher and higher because I didn't know how to dig myself up, so I just gave up. I found Worm from some stupid meme that I saw while scrolling through social media for 13 hours a day in an attempt to drown out thoughts, and for reasons I still don't know I started to read it instead of returning to my blank inertia. I hadn't had the mental willpower to read or even feel anything in months, and it was completely out of character to immediately read it instead of just saying I'd do it later.

My sleep schedule was already fucked, once I got started it wasn't really a shock that I stayed up until like 5 am.

The week went by, I got to Leviathan, the Nine, Echidna, countless incredible interludes, and somewhere early on I think Worm became some sort of last hurrah. I'm not totally sure if I would have done it, but I had rough plans for methods of killing myself. Worm is a long work, impressively so, I was telling myself I'd finish it so I had something to be at least somewhat proud of before I went. It was a means of procrastination for the end since I didn't want to leave it unfinished, and also a road to it since once I was done reading then it would be time.

I became completely closed off from the world, even more than I had been previously. I dropped any pretenses of passing or attending class, what would the point be when I wouldn't be around for the grade? My meals became even less frequent, and when I had them it was always accompanied by reading. My sleep time was cut in half, I was waking up earlier and going to bed later all to read Worm. It was a week long fugue where I ceased to exist except for my ability to read the text. Once I was done reading, that would be it for me, and since I had closed myself off from pretty much everything there were no outside sources to convince me to change my mind. Just Worm. And it managed to do it.

Something about Taylor's absolutely insane amount of willpower just hit me hard. I remember when I read Speck and was reduced to a sobbing wreck for a day that was one of my strongest thoughts about her. She just tried so hard for everything, and absolutely never gave up as long as there was some way she could try to do something. I never learned how to put all my effort into stuff, but Taylor was inspiring enough that I wanted to at least try to learn how to try. It sounds cringey to write down, but if she could try so hard that she united all of humanity to kill an omnicidal god, then I could at the very least try to eat lunch.

Speaking of lunch, I read 90% of Speck in the corner of my college dining hall. It was like 4:00 and I was the only one there somehow, which is great because I was breaking down the entire time as I read Taylor fall apart. I don't think I'll ever read anything that hurt as much as Speck.

Another part of Taylor that was just as crucial to making me want to live was showing how much her self destructiveness hurt others. How could I justify killing myself when I just read how much it fucking tore at Taylor's friends when she became Khepri? When Lisa scrambled to just barely save Taylor from a suicide attempt in the first chapter of Gold Morning? Even when she just left them behind, Rachel's anguish was palpable, so who was I to ghost my friends because I was too scared to text anyone? I always knew on a logical level people would be sad if I died, but seeing such solid depictions of hurt from similar situations just... I dunno, I couldn't justify it when it was so much clearer to me how much it would hurt people I love.

I took a day to emotionally recover from the mental rewiring that comes from finishing Worm, and then I called my parents and told them how poorly I had been doing. I hadn't done it before because I didn't want to be a burden. They were happy to help. I dropped all my classes and went home. Worm stayed with me, it gave me some sort of substance to my life, something to latch on to. Making ideas for fanfics that I'd never write, talking with friends I'd made through Worm, rereading Speck if I needed a good cry, all of it kept me going and made my life feel less flat. Like five months later I started posting to this account and that was another outlet. It was just fun to analyze the text and make up theories about this work that did so much for me, and when I finally started posting them online that was good fun too. Thank y'all for reading my dinky little rambles, somehow I've cracked 400 followers on what was originally just a place for me to write down my thoughts during lunch hour at a mental hospital. Whenever I get a detailed comment in the notes, or I see someone like/reblog 20 of my posts in a row as they scroll through, or I see the names of people I always see in my notifications it just makes my day. Y'all are lovely.

And well, now it's been a year. Worm was supposed to be the final story I read, a countdown to the end in 1.7 million words, but it managed to convince me to keep going. I didn't think I'd make it to the next year or even the next month, but it's November again and I'm still here. I'm not doing great, but I'm here and I have Worm to thank for that.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,

[sabrebash]

Celebrity Lookalike

[xochimillilili]

Kinktober day 2: Knotting

Shit I wanna fuck my knot into my pretty little puppy so badly. Need to grip their hips and bend them over, keep them pinned down with my weight as I tear their underwear off. Shove their face lower into their plushie when they start whining that it won't fit, as I start shoving my thick throbbing cock between their legs

You're okay puppy, you're alright I've got you. I'm right here, I'll hold your hand, kiss your back and rub your hips. You're my good pup, my precious love and and I'm not stopping until I've popped my knot into your warm tight little fuck hole. We're not done until you're pumped full of my pups, and you're a blissed and fucked out puppy for me, and don't worry, I'll make it fit~

[forgettable-au]

CHAPTER TWO | The Scientific Method

FORGETTABLE-AU (page 73-77)

* His brother is annoying.

[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]

[0ccuria]

Saw a tag on my post about low approval Halsin that said he sounded like Gordon Ramsay when angry and, well... 💀

[jjkyaoi]

it’s time for me to be that one friend that is too woke, but the “vi and jayce are stupid together so they can’t get anything done” jokes are funny to an extent. i love himbo friendships more than anything. but some of the things you guys are saying about vi is crazy “i bet she can’t read because who knows what zaun’s education was” THESE COMMENTS ON THIS TIKTOK.

it’s crazy how people can watch a show like arcane, and understand the themes and still not understand how this is kind of weird??? people from zaun aren’t stupid or less than. that is the whole point. viktor comes from the undercity, jinx as well, and ekko, and they are all. canonically genius’. vi is not a stupid child. PLEASEEE stop treating her as one with your basis being her under-privilege and a few brash qualities of her personality

[homkamiro]

Sooo....are we gonna acknowledge Sniper's voicelines or

[ask-the-pioneer]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

[redysetdare]

Ppl will say being AroAce is boring but personally I think the fact that I'm not like a majority of people and have a different experience of the world than them makes me rather unique and interesting.

[l3viat8an]

MC: Don’t any of you have a little voice in your head that tells you when something is a bad idea?!

Mammon: Ya mean the one that sounds like Lucifer?

Levi: Yours sounds like Lucifer too?!?!? 

Satan: Huh, I thought that was only me.

MC:….I should’ve seen that coming….

[sunanthonyz]

fellows what to do when your furry @bluepatt friend is kinnie of walking fluffy marshmallow hippo-

[corviiids]

ok i don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't sound nuts but i have the two mini nendo L and Light figures and consistently since i have owned them, when i am not in the room and absolutely nobody has been in the room let alone touched anything near them, L will fall over

this has happened so many times now and it's almost always L. it was Light like one time. but every other time has been L. he is seated perfectly stably, it never happens when im watching, and it always happens when absolutely nobody has even been near them all day. i have put them in different places in different configurations next to each other and without fail L will tumble over when im not looking. i just don't know what to make of this

[eaissilyy]

Trust me I know what the formless mother is thinking. It revealed to me in a dream. The outer god has reached me. Anyways the lands of shadow’s formless mother franchise is not looking good. (Sorry bloodfiend. why do you have a weapon that is just called… fork?)

I used to draw FM as in Miquella’s egg with a arm, but now had to change to a bloody flesh of armless meat. Don’t know if this is a downgrade or not but girl your range of appearance is WIDE.

[jedi-starbird]

My Feemor proposal

A popular headcanon for Feemor is that he's a Jedi Shadow. Shadows are spies and basically detectives. Feemor's lineage has a reputation for being eccentric, infamous, and finding trouble everywhere they go. So, walk with me here, Feemor's an eccentric, famous, blonde detective.

This is Feemor.