#like if you gave her one of those things
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10, 26, and 27 please!!! 🧡🧡
Ahhhh! Yay! Thanks anon you're the best!
10) Pick an element for them! What is it?
For Jean, that's kind of a tough one but it'd probably be lightning! It's quick and flashy! I think she'd like the feeling of the crackle too! Plus she wouldn't need an Amp anymore! She would be the Amp!
26) What are their loved/liked gifts?
Oh! This isn't something I've thought a lot about! So thanks for asking this one!
Loved: Honey, pins and patches, stupid stickers, anything she can wear that will remind her of you, home cooked meals! (She cannot cook for shit, please help her.),
If you give her cds and records, she's on one knee with a ring out. Congratulations.
Liked: Any cool rock you find, plants (the only reason this isn't love, is because she's afraid she'll kill it and it'll make her sad), guitar picks, and energy drinks!
27) What are their hated/disliked gifts?
Again! Not something I thought about! This one is gonna be tricky Jean's not usually a picky person! She's just happy you thought of her.
Hated: anything too expensive - she's not a fan of people spending too much money on her, money (she'd rather you just keep it and use it on yourself)
Oh! Nuts! She's allergic! So she'll die. (Because that stupid ass will want to eat them very badly.)
Dislikes: Most gems (again, it's a bit too much. It's not that she doesn't appreciate it. It's just..not her style). Books (again, not that she doesn't appreciate it, she just won't have the time to read it.) She can't read.
And then probably things like mugs? She's never home so again it's another gift that will just collect dust.
#oc ask list#ask list#oc ask meme#ask game#oc lore#Jean Wellman#oooooh dude this is so much fun!#had me thinking!!#I have a hard time imagining Jean dislike/hating anything#went off the old stardew logic#like if you gave her one of those things#you'd never know#because she'd do everything in her power to try to like it#a lot of her disliked gifts are just there because she feels bad#they're stuff she wouldn't get to use so it would just be forgotten#and that sucks!#I could go on for days about her spoiling you though#if you mention liking a shit she's got her wallet out and asking you what color you want it in!#she loves buying things for people#especially if it's something silly or stupid#like if she finds an ugly antique and it makes her laugh#she's buying it and someone's getting it#matching bracelets and necklaces#if she can put in a piercing that makes her think of you?#raaaaah she's all about it#Jean just loves her friends and people#material things that hold memories#that's where it's at baby#the element question was fun too!#thinking about her shooting lighting is fun
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thinking about how mulder loves to get scully a gift, usually terribly heartfelt, even if disguised as something flippant:
the superbowl vhs tape he brings her when she wakes up from her coma in one breath (and her deadpan "i knew there was a reason to live")
tickets for a football game to watch together in irresistible
bringing her flowers to the hospital in memento mori (he lies, saying he stole them from a guy with broken legs to make her laugh)
the birthday keychain in tempus fugit (and when she finds a meaning to it, he claims "i just thought it was a pretty cool keychain")
that is a man who is always thinking about her.
#you can just picture him at the store thinking “oh boy she's gonna love this :)”#i think the superbowl vhs one chokes me up the most because he's trying so hard to play it cool when he had just lost her#and he needs to break the ice somehow because he hates to put those big feelings into words#he's more into saying what he means with touch and subtext#it's as if he needed SOMETHING off of the shelf at the store to say “i'm glad you're back. i missed you. i hope you're well”#so he goes with a dumbass VHS she is never going to watch. just to see her recognize his coded declaration of love.#and that exhausted smile she reserves for his antics#and it makes me tear up! still! thinking about it!#i know love languages are problematic but i do think there is something underrated about giving gifts as an act of love#of having your thoughts for someone being represented with a physical object. making that love tangible. you can touch it.#(it works very well on me because i tend to assume if you're out of sight you're not thinking about me)#(so looking at a little trinket someone gave me is like oh!!! they actually are thinking about me often. enough to find this Thing)#anyway. that is my emotional ramble for the evening. please enjoy#AND DISCLAIMER: i am sure there are other examples of him giving gifts i forgot and that there are more yet to come#but as a reminder i have only seen up to s5 ep 3 so! pls no spoilers even if i do tag this for the general public#okay promise? promise no spoilers in the tags? thank youuuuu mwah#the x files#txf#msr#fox mulder
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Old limbus women but one of them is my OC LMAOOOO
#bart#limbus company#limbus company oc#her name is Eglantine if you rly wanna finally know#she has more issues than she has atoms#lcb oc#ahab limbus company#lcb ahab#Eglantine is like if you put all the radiation made by humanity and put it in a old woman#she has beef with everyone that isn't her late wife and late child LMAOOO#i dont count that fuckass eye wrinkle as hag shit okay. i dont count outis and you cant fucking make me and i dont count hermann#old white people get insanely dusty its actually scary#also its a way of me shooting out my little play on ahab. shes kinda low-key infected by the pallidifcation but yknow...its ahab#everyone knows her deteriorating mass but its almost as if she has infested her own insanity as her faith which she has#thats just normal#and Eglantine....she has a severe hatred for those that exhibit a sort of almighty thought process in anyway#i almost just gave up a shit ton of Eglantine lore but naur....not yet#i need to reblog some other stuff up in here#these two will NEVER interact but like i took some liberties and Eglantine is about to attack ahab#Eglantine not being able to justify shit normally so she sees some shit and is jsut “close enough. welcome back holy ones”#I'm going to be specifically abnormal about pallidification hope y'all are readt#im a fucking weirdo when ut comes to anatomy and how the body works with said shit among other things
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roger who's nickname for buggy was "junebug" cause they found him in june and his hair is the same color.... buggy who hates it at first until he's climbing into his captain's bed at night bc of a nightmare and his captain says ever so softly, "oh junebug, c'mere"..... the nickname getting adopted by everyone on the crew until nobody calls him buggy anymore..... them meeting up with thr whitebeard pirates and getting irrationally jealous when the whitebeards use the nickname bc that's their nickname and who the fuck do these people think they are getting so close to their junebug.... rouge who has never met buggy calling him junebug in her head.... roger whose last words to buggy that fateful day before loguetown was "you shine like the sun, junebug. never stop"..... buggy who waits for years after the execution for a call from one of his former crew members, hoping every time the den-den one day it'll be rayleigh or seagull or gaban or sunbell on the other side with a familiar "hey junebug", except no one ever calls and the years go by and buggy slowly learns to stop waits, and gives on being the roger's junebug and learns how to be buggy the clown, buggy the genius jester, buggy the immortal, everything and anything other than junebug
#the thing about buggy is that he is always loved but never enough yknow?#and he'll never be his dad's junebug again and it kills him some days#he'll never argue with shanks again and have rayleigh come and break them apart with a 'junebug! shanks! enough you're both dumbasses'#toki-neesan will never let him curl up with momo and hiyori again#those days are over and yet somedays he looks in the mirror and he is still 14 wtching his captain's head hit the ground with a splat#he is still 12 watching his dad walk away from them and knowing in his heart that this was the end#he is still 8 and climbing onto his new home and when his captain asks for his name he says 'buggy sir' and capt laughs and says#'what an ordinary name for a boy like you!' as shanks look ready to well shank capt for the perceived slight against buggy#he is still 8 and sitting on captain's shoulders as his dad says 'do you see how beautiful she is junebug? you carry her with you'#he'll never be junebug again but by god he wants it so badly he thinks he'll die from the ache of it#(junebug is dead and has been dead for a long time but smtimes when he sits by shanks and they're sharing a drink as they carefully tiptoe#around certain topics; shanks'll just Look at him and for one soft gut-wrenching moment junebug is alive again#and then the moment passes and they're back to being buggy and shanks: two broken men desperately trying to make sense of the cards#gave them)#op buggy#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#gol d. roger#roger pirates#anyway how y'all doin?
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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i do not enjoy harry potter anymore and even when i did, snape was not a character i ever liked, but for some reason my ‘for you’ page is just full of dedicated snape stan accounts and i hate it
#anti jk rowling#anti severus snape#anti harry potter#like okay i remain a strong proponent of ‘you are allowed to like whatever fiction you like’#but it’s important to consider whether the author—when presenting certain subjects—critically evaluates their own opinion on those subjects#like how stephanie meyer in twilight thinks it’s funny to have all the vampires make dog jokes at jacob because he’s a werewolf#but he’s native so it comes off as REALLY racist#(and also in the case of jkr specifically she’s using her money from hp to fund terf shit LET HP DIE)#and the dozen-ish snape takes i’ve seen seem to demonstrate these accounts are either not interested in or cannot critically evaluate snape#a character written by a woman to be a redeemable asshole who take out a petty schoolyard resentment against a kid’s dad ON THE KID#the orphaned abused kid i might add—when the redeemable man in question is implied to have come from an abusive home himself#i just saw one like ‘oh if it’s okay to call him ‘snivellus’ then it must be okay to call luna ‘loony’ right?#sorry when was luna joining a hate group against muggles and muggle-borns#i don’t deny james and co bullied snape quite viciously but he gave back just as much and also never grew out of that pettiness#not to mention he only turned from voldemort because he was specifically going to kill lily#all other muggleborns dying was apparently just fine by him#i still don’t get the love of this character not because it’s a bad thing to like villainous characters#but it’s ALWAYS the justification of his actions—as if he was in the right to bully harry (an orphaned abused child) because of harry’s dad#there’s no criticism consideration of the author’s biases in there#should you not be a bit concerned that she thinks calling your best friend a slur ‘ONE TIME’ is something that should be just forgotten#aj abstractions
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I love spuffy as much as the next guy but ohhh my gawddd I really kinda wish it had been buffy wil and xand to finish the fight. they started it together, and while they've always had outside help, I just think it would've been so good if each of them had their own big important parts to play since this was the last we get to see of them
#ik there's comics but I have no intentions of reading those so. this is the last I get to see of them all fighting the big fight together!!!#I suppose buffy was the one leading everyone into battle... but that doesn't feel like much#but seriously why wasn't xander given anything special to do </3#he could simply be motivation if nothing else. we know the girls like him he could help give them strength when they feel like it's hopeles#and especially buffy. he is determination!! I have talked about this before!! let that show when it counts!!#willow did her part so good for her. it was beautiful and I love her#the only thing that would've been even better is if releasing all that slayerness had given buffy (& faith) a boost. to tie wil to them mor#...I cannot think off the top of my head what buffy could've done more. she shared her power with others by handing off the scythe.#she gave them strength in leading them I guess. open to ideas here if anyone wants to chime in with something#they're the heart the spirit the power grrrrr they are connected and (should) need one another to continue on#and okay ik buff and xand and willow are all in totally separate places but I want them CONNECTED together are we getting the picture here#I actually kinda like them being separate now that I've thought about it. each part of the whole running a different section so they're all#spread out and able to take care of everything. but I want moreee for them#y'all have better have fuckin meant it when you guys said y'all wanted to hear about my buffy/willow/xander thoughts#buffy x willow x xander#buffy summers#willow rosenberg#xander harris#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer
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jesus some of y'all have some insane expectations for taylor it's truly baffling. you don't even consider her as an actual human being, you think she needs to be a saint 24/7 and that is just unrealistic and unreasonable. it's one thing to be critical of certain behaviors and expect more, it's another to expect her to move the earth and solve the entire planet's problems like touch grass!!! she is a popstar!!!!!
#she gave away 200 million dollars in bonuses and it's 'oh that's pocket change for her'#1) that's not true#2) she still had to WORK FOR THAT MONEY! 200 MILLION DOLLARS!#3) those bonuses are enough to change people's lives like what other billionaires do you know giving bonuses like this????#like name one!!!! oh you can't#she is kind and generous end of story and we have known this from the very beginning#she's not perfect but one thing for sure is that she is kind and treats people well!!!
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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Last arcane episode ever..... here we fucking go....
#50 MINUTES YEAAAAHHH!! IM SO GLAD THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING LONGER THERE WAS NO WAY!!!#the last drop no..... YEEEEEEEEEEES EKKO!!!!!! OH MY GOOOOOD YEEEEEEEES always a dance with you OOOOOOOOHHHHH she even has the same hair 😭#is she gonna build the new zaun for isha.... like vander wanted for vi and powder.... 😭😭😭 with ekko 😭😭😭#watching jinx kill herself over and over is something else that was so funny.... im sorry but ajdkansk#WHATS WITH THOSE CUTS WHATS GOING ON.... WDYM WE ARE MEANT TO LOSE THIS FIGHT??? IN THE FUTURE HE SAW RIGHT???#OH ITS THAT GIRL VI IS CARRYING OMG BUT SHE IS LOOKING FOR JINX!!! NOOO SHE FUCKING DIEEED AMBESSA IS A BEAST!!! DID THEY GET CAIT???#VANDER NOOOO OOOH ITS VIKTOR TOO!!ITS OOOOOOVER maddie being there still..... a consensual workplace relationship... cait....#LORIS!!!! VIIIIIIIIIIIII caitlyn looks so good..... and vi too.... but did they run out of armors.... the guy who left his family DIED TOO!!#caitlyn that was so hot.... they got her.... MADDIE!!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK I THOUGHT THAT WOULD NOT EEEEEVER HAPPEN!!! AK WITH HER OWN GUN!#OH MY GOD MEL!!! MADDIE EXECUTED FOR HER CRIMES!!!! i know people are cheering!!! JINX ON HER BLIMP!!! the egg was a distraction.....#jayce be ready for your divorce.... THE HALO!!! THE VOICE!!! his voiced softened when he said to see you omg... SEVIKA NOOOOOOOOO#cait and mel joining forces to maximize their joint (literal) slay against ambessa.... and vi and jinx vs vander.... cruel#beef squashed..... no way she died????? omg... we havent seen caits left side.... and she was bleeding.... one fear. VIKTOR IS SO TALL!!!#how does it feel to look up jayce.... also jinx saying they are always together 🥺🥺 they are flying again.... omg jinx looks so scared...#OH NOOOOOO SEE CAIT HURT HER EYEE viktor saying they want better lives but emotion clashes with reason after a season of just that.... omg#series thesis.... this is actually so meta if i may say so.... vander and silco.... jinx and vi and the rocket... cait and ambessa....#and finally jayce saving viktor.... and jayce searching for the arcane after he was saved as a kid.... all of it..... ALL OF IT....#THE BOY SAVIOR!!!! VIKTOR IS BACK!!!! HE WANTS HIS PARTNER BACK OMG#YES THE MAGE IS VIKTOR!!!! OH MY GOOOD!!! ONLY YOU CAN SHOW ME THIS! CAITVI FUCKED ON SCREEN AND SOMEHOW THIS IS GAYER!!!#JAYCE!!! YOU ARE ALRIGHT!!! EKKO MADE THAT WITH AN INVERSION OF JAYCES RUNE!! OF COURSE!!! THE WTO MEN AND THE ANOMALY!!!#they are literally adam and steve... VI OMG!!!! SHE CANT TAKE IT NOOOOOO JINX AND VANDER!!!! NOOOO EKKO ALONEEEE NOOOO#SEVIKA COUNCIL MEMBER!!! CAIT GAVE HER HER SEAT!!! AND SINGED AND HIS DAUGHTER!!! MEL WHAT THE HELL!!! BACK TO NOXUS???#caitlyn seeing that jinx escaped through the air ducts... yeah..... she is on that blimp#can you believe we ended arcane with two happy lesbians..... like everything went to hell jayce and viktor saved it and disappeared....#through it all one thing remained.. two lesbians in love <3 can we get an applause for two lesbians in love.... they made a band about this#(love of lesbian)#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#you know towards the end the characters looked a lot more like normal 3d animated... idk how to explain it
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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overthinking it
#esp bc of the contrast with 10s face#who was so loud abt it#i think 12 had things most like balanced. was somewhat at peace with the cognitive dissonance of how he carried out his values#and also found maybe the best way to carry them out#13 deals with the cognitive dissonance by just i think compartmentalising like crazy?#like hard split between the doctor thats Nice and Fun and the doctor that kills#we see her try to manage the dissonance as loudly as 10 does when she Cant separate them so much#'you saw right? i gave it a chance'#10 doesnt try to separate as much i think#but then once 13 is forced to be the doctor that kills by necessity in villa diodati#after that i think she just stays on that side#she just accepts being the doctor that kills. she commands the fam like theyre soldiers. yaz like a second in command#she directs actual unit soldiers without any resistance whatsoever#like theres a kind of acceptance to it that i think shows here between them#no im wrong abt 12. there was a resignation there but no peace with it. hes a doctor of war but that doesnt mean he wants to be#he wouldve killed himself over it#so 13 KNOWS she is a doctor of war#and when people in s11 are like 'youre great i wanna be just like you' she looks ashamed bc she knows they shouldnt be#because SHE shouldnt be. but she is. and i think she just kinda gives in in the second half. stops pretending shes not#so these two also know#'name: the doctor. occupation: not a doctor'#its interesting tho bc the war doctor was like. the disowned one. the one removed from the personal history from memory#exactly like all those in the fobwatch#i think she assumes theres probably a lot of doctors in there like the war doctor#who did things that would undoctor them#occupation: not a doctor
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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Since we're talking about Grandfather Spider can we Girls please just take one single moment of the day to remember and think about his, "I am beyond angry with you, but I could never hate you." quote to Grandmother Raven please. Please. Please can we do that? I will become sick as fuck if someone doesn't acknowledge this with me
#that was one of the most powerful fucking things ive ever personally read#can we please applaud the emotional maturity and intelligence on spider's part here please. to be able to tell and admit the difference-#-between feelings of anger and resentment and flat out hate#there's like not even really a word spider could find that could sum up all his negative feelings other than 'anger'. its not just anger-#-its so much more than that. but its not hate. he doesn't hate her and never has hated her#also the acknowledgement that things (at that point in time) between them are still Not Okay#like. they're not fighting any longer. they recognized their harmful actions but those feelings still havent gone away theyre still hurt#i think the ending to their arc was very decent because it still gave them room to grow in peace#they're not okay RIGHT NOW but with enough work maybe they will be. it will take years and years and years but maybe it will be okay.#“hey look im not all that comfortable with you yet but i recognize your regret and willingness to work on us so i can do the same for you”-#-hey what if i died right now. what if i died from that right fucking now.#wizard101#wiz101#w101#text posts#grandfather spider
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 59
Chapter; Highlights
His ears still rang with the din of battle, his breath a rasping beat echoed by Aelin.
Atop the blood-slick battlements, their allies and companions around them, Rowan wordlessly passed Aelin the waterskin. She drank deeply, then handed it to Fenrys.
An unleashing and release. That's what the battle had been for his mate.
Hasar at last looked Aelin over. "I heard you put on a show today."
Rowan braced himself.
Aelin turned from the battlefield and inclined her head. "You look as if you did, too." Indeed, Hasar's ornate armor was splattered with black blood. She'd been in the thick of it, atop her Muniqi horse, and had ridden right up to the gates. But the princess made no further comment.
Irritation, deep and nearly hidden, flashed in Aelin's eyes. Yet she didn't speak again-didn't push the princess about their next steps. She just watched the battlefield once more, chewing on her lip.
She'd barely stopped during the battle, halting only when there had been no more Valg left to kill. And in the minutes since the walls had been cleared, she'd remained quiet— distant. As if she was still climbing out of that calm, calculating place she'd descended into while fighting. She hadn't bothered to remove any of her armor. The bronze battle-crown was caked with blood, her hair matted with it.
Chaol's father had taken one look at her armor, at Rowan's, and gone white with rage.
For now. They had bigger things to consider. Things that drove his mate to gnaw on her lip. When Prince Kashin's army might arrive, if they would indeed head northward to Terrasen. If today had been enough to win them over.
"Any nearby are to run here. Those farthest out will have to flee for the forest." Rowan met Aelin's stare. Her hands began shaking.
This cannot end here, she seemed to say.
Panic—panic indeed flared in her eyes. Rowan gripped her trembling hand and squeezed.
But there was no truth or lie that might soothe her. No truth or lie to save the army on the plain.
Something had gone wrong. Something was wrong.
The battlefield stretched into the distance, healers darting amongst the felled bodies with white banners high to indicate their locations. So many. So many dead and wounded. A sea of them.
Elide reached Chaol's side just as Nesryn Faliq leaped atop her beautiful ruk, launching into a dive for the army below. No-the other ruks.
Elide laid a hand on Lord Chaol's shoulder, drawing his attention from where he watched Nesryn fly off. Blood-splattered, but his bronze eyes were clear. And full of terror.
Any message that Yrene had given Elide faded from her memory. "What's wrong?"
It was Aelin who answered, her bloodied armor strange and ancient. A vision of old. "The dam is going to break," the queen said hoarsely. "And wipe away anyone on the plain."
Oh gods. Oh gods.
Elide glanced between them, and knew the answer to her next question: What can be done?
Nothing.
Ruks took to the skies, flapping toward them, soldiers in their talons and clinging to their backs.
"Has anyone warned the healers?" Elide pointed to the white banners waving so far out into the plain. "The Healer on High?" Hafiza was down there, Yrene had said.
Silence. Then Prince Sartaq swore in his own tongue, and sprinted for his golden ruk. He was spearing for the battlefield within seconds, his shouts ringing out. Kadara dipped every few moments, and when she rose again, another small figure was in her talons. Healers. Grabbing as many of them as he could.
Elide whirled to her companions as soldiers began running for the keep, trampling corpse and injured alike. Orders went out in the language of the southern continent, and more soldiers on the battlefield leaped into action.
"What elsewhat else can we do?" Elide demanded. Aelin and Rowan only stared toward the battlefield, watching with Fenrys and Gavriel as the ruks raced to save as many as they could. Behind them, Princess Hasar paced, and Chaol and his father murmured about where they might fit everyone in the keep. Those who survived.
Elide looked at them again. Looked at all of them.
And then asked quietly, "Where is Lorcan?" None of them turned. Elide asked, louder, "Where is Lorcan?" Gavriel's tawny eyes scanned hers, confusion dancing there. "He ... he went out onto the battlefield during the fighting. I saw him just before the khagan's troops reached him."
"Where is he?" Elide's voice broke. Fenrys faced her now. Then Rowan and Aelin. Elide begged, voice breaking, "Where is Lorcan?" From their stunned silence, she knew they hadn't so much as wondered.
Elide whirled to the battlefield. To that endless stretch of fallen bodies. Soldiers fleeing. Many of the wounded being abandoned where they lay. So many bodies. So, so many soldiers down there.
"Where." No one answered. Elide pointed toward the battlefield and snarled at Gavriel, "Where did you see him join with the khagan's forces?"
"Nearly on the other side of the field," Gavriel answered, voice strained, and pointed across the plain. "I—I didn't see him after that."
"Shit," Fenrys breathed.
Rowan said to him, "Use your magic. Jump to the field, find him, and bring him back."
Relief crumpled Elide's chest.
Until Fenrys said, "I can't."
"You didn't use it once during the battle," Rowan challenged. "You should be fully primed to do it."
Fenrys blanched beneath the blood on his face, and cast pleading eyes to Elide. "I can't."
Silence fell on the battlements.
Then Rowan growled, "You won't." He pointed with a bloody finger to the battlefield.
"You'd let him die, and for what? Aelin forgave him." His tattoo scrunched as he snarled again.
"Save him."
Fenrys swallowed. But Aelin said, "Leave it, Rowan." Rowan snarled at her too. She snarled right back. "Leave it."
Some unspoken conversation passed between them, and the hope flaring in Elide's chest went out as Rowan backed down. Gave Fenrys an apologetic nod. Fenrys, looking like he was going to be sick, just faced the battlefield again.
Elide backed away a step. Then another.
Lorcan couldn't be dead.
She would know if he were dead. She would know it, in her heart, her soul, if he were gone.
He was down there. He was down there, in that army, perhaps injured and bleeding out — No one stopped her as Elide raced inside the keep. Each step limped, pain cracking through her leg, but she didn't falter as she hit the interior stairwell and plunged into the chaos.
She had made him a promise.
She had sworn him an oath, all those months ago.
I will always find you.
Soldiers and healers fled up the stairs, shoving past Elide. The shouting was near-deafening, bouncing off the ancient stones. She battled her way down, sobbing through her teeth.
I will always find you.
Pushing, elbowing, bellowing at the frantic people who ran past her, Elide fought for each step downward. Toward the gates.
People screamed, a never-ending flood surging up the stairs. Still Elide pushed her way down, losing a step here, another there. They did not even look at her, even try to clear a way as they flowed upward. It was only when Elide lost another step that she roared into the stairwell, "Clear a path for the queen!"
No one listened, so she did it again. She filled her voice with command, with every ounce of power that she'd seen the Fae males use to intimidate their opponents. "Clear a path for the queen!"
This time, people pressed against the walls.
Elide took the small opening, and screamed her order again and again, ankle barking with every step down.
But she made it. Made it to the chaotic lower level, to the open gates teeming with soldiers. Beyond them, bodies stretched into the horizon. Warriors and healers and those bearing the wounded rushed toward any stairwell they could find.
Elide managed all of five limping steps toward the open gate before she knew it would be impossible. To cross the field, to find him on the endless plain, before that dam burst and he was swept away. Before he was gone forever.
He was not dead.
He was not dead.
I will always find you.
Elide scanned the gates, the skies for any sign of a ruk that might carry her. But they soared to the upper levels, crawling with soldiers and healers, some even depositing their charges onto the mountain face itself. And at ground level, none would hear her cries for help.
No soldiers would stop, either.
Elide scanned the other end of the gates' entryway.
Beheld the horses being led out from their stables by frantic handlers, the beasts bucking at the panic around them as they were hauled toward the teeming ramps.
A black mare reared, her cry a sharp warning before she slashed her hooves at the handler. Lord Chaol's horse. The handler shrieked and fell back, barely grasping the reins as the horse stomped, her ears flat to her head.
Elide did not think. Did not reconsider. She limped for the horses and the stables.
She said to the frantic handler, still backing away from the half-wild horse, "I'll get her." The man, white-faced, threw her the reins.
"Good luck." Then he, too, ran.
The mare Farasha-yanked so hard on the reins that Elide was nearly hurled across the stones. But she planted her feet, leg screaming, and said to the horse, "I have need of you, fierce-heart." She met Farasha's dark, raging eyes. "I have need of you." Her voice broke.
"Please."
And gods above, that horse stilled. Blinked.
Horses and handlers streamed past them, but Elide held firm. Waited until Farasha lowered her head, as if in permission.
The stirrups were low enough thanks to Lord Chaol's long legs that Elide could reach them. She still bit down on her shout as her weight settled on her bad ankle, as she pushed, and heaved herself into Farasha's fine saddle. A small mercy, that they had not even had time to unsaddle the horses after battle. A set of what seemed to be braces hung from its sides, surely to keep Lord Chaol stabilized, and Elide unhooked them. Any weight, anything to slow her, had to be discarded.
Elide gathered the reins. "To the battlefield, Farasha."
With a whinnying cry, Farasha plunged into the fray.
Soldiers leaped from their path, and Elide did not stop to apologize, did not stop for anyone, as she and the black mare charged toward the gates. Then through them.
And onto the plain.
#Chapter 59#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Aelin Galathynius#Nesryn Faliq#Chaol Westfall#Yrene Towers#Gavriel#Princess Hasar#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Fenrys Moonbeam#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 59 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#Aelin won’t take itUnleashing&releaseI KNEW SHE HAD A PLANdeeply waitingHis mate-Their world-Wild-Irritation-She didn’t get impressed#Out of calm-Too soft-NowNOW-Pick anywhere and go-the magic-address later-she gave an option: panic.-Her water magic daughter of Mab#can she control it?-She knows he’s alive because she still is but Valg the fear is real-Ruken yes-Refused to go-Lorcan NO DYING#the audiobook of this will destroy me-THANK YOU ELIDE GOOD QUESTION-Strange ancient-how had no one wondered#I cant/uwont-he didn’t mean it like that-leave it-why?-I will always find u-THATconversation!what was the conversation-floods-shared power#Had he not been swept into the dance of battle he might have stopped to marvel at them. — The Darghan#And those that don't make it to the ruks? the princess pressed something like panic cracking through her fierce face.#Rowan's own heart thundered. They had won the battle only for the enemy to get the final say in their victory. Morath.#It would destroy this army this shred of hope in a simple brutal blow Was it a trap all along?-It’s a trap! Did he pick Anielle for this?DA#NoNot like thisTheres nowhere for them to goThink laterRunNowPut them on the rocks anywhere.magic what if-open the gates-Oakwald#Sent by Yrene to see how Chaol fared a panting fearful question from a wife who had not heard anything of him since the battle#ELIDE KNEW#where is Lorcan going on the list of things that broke me cause Elide knew but also her heart knew cause it wouldve stopped without him#the protective LAY OFF Fenrys and then snarl and Rowan’s snarl back for Lorcan but then explanation & almost pack like mentality#I WILL FIND YOU I WILL ALWAYS FIND YOU#DO THEY HAVE MACELENA VIBES
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what do you consider the heart of californication? like really carries through the series & makes it compelling
thank you for this question, i really love it. to me, it's a number of things, starting with that the show cares deeply about hank and takes him seriously in a way that the culture doesn't. in a way, yes, he's their dog and pony show with the funny one-liners and the salacious pull. but the arc of the series is unequivocally aligned with him and his desires and his needs and his values.
hank wants to be with his family, wants to be better for them, wants to not let them down- and the show needs him to fail at all of those things. for the dog and pony of it all, for their viewership and for their thesis and for the food in their mouths, but it simultaneously feels bad that he is failing. simultaneously knows that this isn't what he wants, and that it's sad. and it can be as simple as a dream sequence or a look or a quiet final scene, but every single episode is ultimately going to remind you that everything you're laughing at is a loss.
which, like i said at the top, speaks to a level of respect that the show had for the character that is just gone in discussions of the series. they take the time to recognize that he is missing something. he is losing something and he is without everything that means anything to him, this is the cost. equally important, duchovny respects that character and understands the same.
i was listening to an interview last night (trish you heard this) where he was speaking with some podcast dudebros and one of the hosts said that he always wanted to be just like hank moody, and then he made some "bad decisions" and got there, and he doesn't like it. and duchovny said that every time people come up to him saying "i'm just like hank moody," he says "i'm sorry."
men watch and they want to be just like hank moody and women watch and they want to fuck hank moody so bad, and all of you miss what the source comprehends: that it's an irreparable deficit.
other than that, i feel like what roots that show is that it really isn't all that cynical. not in the way that it could be. and the show believes in hank.
there is a lot of kindness and hope (often false hope) that runs underneath most every relationship and interaction and dynamic in the series and i really really appreciate that about it. it's like in the pilot when hank is being mean and he wants marcy to yell at him and she just says "go home, honey. sleep it off. tomorrow's another day."
there's always a little bit of understanding and grace amongst the crazies and i think there's something really special about that
#gave up on this <3 you're gonna pick up what i put down. i trust#people on this show love each other. that's the heart of californication#at the end of s3 when one of the women that hank had slept with (felicia) says 'it's all done with great affection' about#them dragging him to HELLLLLLL all day lol#'come here. be happy in new york.'#and she goes back in to her husband. happy and laughing#that's just one of my favorite scenes because everyone on the show wants the best for each other#and it isn't just people being lenient and softer than deserved with hank#he is extremely loving to family/friends/random women#and all of the characters are so good and thoughtful to each other#it's nice in a way that stands out in a sardonic comedy that's reduced to 'tits and ass'#there is so much compassion and care cycling through everybody#that's what carries the series for ME. and i don't think i could really explain it further#even random scenes like lew ashby coming into the bathroom to talk to becca when she's sobbing and won't let her mom in#there isn't any reason for him to do that. it isn't because he wants to fuck karen. it isn't because he's a particularly charitable person.#it's because it's his buddy's kid and he wants her to feel better#i don't think there's a character on the show who wouldn't do that for bec or for the core 4 or for mia#but anyway i know what you mean and i think those things are mainly what grounds it#that it's ultimately compassionate and that it respects its lead#californication
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