#like i think i still have so much resentment for my parents that i dont think i will ever get over
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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i dont think my brain can conceptualize love. or at least from the information i gather
#inspired by me experiencing another failed family event and also talking to a 16 year old#whos in a relationship right now#and i know teenage love yea#but its still a form of love#and i realized. that is always what i yearned for#and i never got it. shes living what i will never have. and never will tbh#because i dont think im able to feel love. even familial love is shakey. to me#i love you because youre my mom and you are part of me and you have took care of me and i find your presence comforting as i have always#known it. is that love? or do i feel like im obligated to love you because otherwise im ungrateful of what ive been given and i hurt someone#who has given me her life for mine in a sense. is that love?#because you also hurt me. i also feel at my worst around you. so it cant be right?#and i love you because youre my dad and im concerned for your health and i know how much you have given up for me#and id give anything to get a fraction of that for you back. is that love?#or is it an obligation. is it guilt. because i cant share my deepest secrets with you#i cant share what i enjoy or listen to. because you dont really care. you only really care about whats yours#and thats fine. but i dont know if thats “love”. or im tethered to you like guilt#and i love you because youre my brother and you were my first friend and first guide in life#but i dont know. how much of that is guilt#because of what resentment you feel towards our parents that i have to take your side lest you cast me aside too#i feel like i am loved on conditions. or did i set these myself? i dont know how much it has been pushed on me nd how much it is#self inflicted#i feel like i also love on a condition. and i dont like it#i want to feel unconditional love towards a person. i dont think i can#when love feels so much like a chore and an expectation#i cant love you i cant miss you i cant think about you#is that my fault? am i broken? is it me whos evil? is it me whos cold?#or have i just been left on my own to figure out how to be loved and how to love back#without feeling
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do i resent my parents for moving us when i was a kid ? yes because i dont think they considered at all how alienating it would be for us as kids like all they thought was "oooo good weather for me and cheap housing!" but like
#i had to deal with so much racist nonsense#i forgot my own language because i had no one to talk to at all#then theyre mad at me for not knowing my own language or not caring about my culture#when my culture was the reason i was constantly singled out#not to mention they moved us to a conservative redneck hateful ass state#with shitty education no job prospects nothing#like what were they even thinking#also they both had mental health/anger issues#and beforehand when shit got bad my aunts and uncles could come over and take me and my sisters away until my parents were done with their#tantrums and then when we moved far away from everyone else#no one could do that for us and we just had to live with it#like i think i still have so much resentment for my parents that i dont think i will ever get over#at the same time they will never understand or actually feel bad either#theyre just like OH GET OVER IT AND FORGIVE US AND WHY DONT YOU PICK UP THE PHONE AND WHY WONT YOU MOVE BACK HOME#like no bruhh no waaayy
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I'm so lucky I realized all I did after my first long term relationship and not like...multiple in
#i was talking to my therapist like#'i'm starting to doubt there's anyone out there who will treat me right and not explode or try to hurt me or xyz'#and she was like 'good. you're realizing this isnt what you want. you're realizing you need to wake up the part of you that detects—#—red flags and warning signs.'#like in every dysfunctional family and every generational abusive cycle there's one person who wakes up and says hey. what the fuck.#and that's who i am to my family.#and im done letting ppl treat me this way because it's how i grew up and what i learned and what i know#it's time for me to start healing and breaking the cycle and unlearning this shit#first red flag abt my ex was he was possessive. but i was raised to believe that was GOOD and i even told him i LIKED that#because i did i genuinely did#and now i realize...even if i still do find it appealing...it is not. healthy.#i find toxic things attractive because of what my family (and society yes) taught me#and now i really need to do the work of unlearning that so i dont repeat what my mom and dad did to me#ending up w someone i cant get along w and having kids because i think it's what i want just to find i resent myself for bringing them into—#the horrible family i've built in this already fucked up world#i refuse to be a parent who feels so guilty that i end up fucking up my kid.#either giving them too much and coddling them and never making them be independent or screaming and yelling at them because they're not—#—independent ENOUGH...even though they're just a kid.#im not bringing my wounds to my future children.#and i refuse to be with someone who doesnt feel the same and doesnt do the godawful hard work of unlearning shame#that's all it boils down to. shame.#find what you're ashamed of and embrace it.#goddammit.#people man
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hater mindset possessing me
#i just cant not stop thinking about the parentals and how much i want to yell at them bc theyre barely good parents to adults and#theyre less than compassionate when it comes to money housing teaching etc. theyre fucking horrible parents.#like they dont even have to be home i will still think about how much i hate them for being nothing but a stressor on their son.#i just want them to fucking#feel the hate i have for them#the depths of my hate is far deeper than they can fathom.they give me such emotions of disgust and resentment because theyre not good human#i hate them!!!!!! i hate them and i have long since passed the guilt threshold keeping me from saying so and i need them to fucking overhea#i hate them and i no longer feel sorry for hating my bfs parents when they have done nothing and been constantly ableist & fucking willingl#ignorant about so many fucking things. one of them being fucking mental illness and chronic illness & pain & the ability to fucking clean#i hateeeeeee themmmmmmmmmm. i hate them.#text#diary#original
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judging earthspark s3
contains spoilers!!!
(my own opinion + not that serious :))
not in order bc i sketch-wrote these down while watching first but guys im so im so .head in hands
-15 pts for the character development, relationships, ideas, etc set up in s1 that were thrown out in s2 and s3. war trauma, immigrant experience, ghost aftermath, individuality, healing process, autobot guilt, byebye. so much character assassination still happening
+1 for following through i guess
+1 shockwave 'all are dead' comic cover reference and having him react to it
+5 every appearance of frenzy and laserbeak. theyre professional hecklers i love them
-1 bc of how the art direction was already established having 2d handdrawn effects but obv their animation has been toned down, there are quite a few instances of 3d smoke made to look like 2d shading which is not necessarily bad on its own but doesnt feel like it fits here
+1 rage virus had nice potential for bringing simmering resentments to surface,, wish the show delved deeper into the characters thoughts + fallout
-1 megatron's va sounds like he was given direction to hold back somehow on his delivery ?? idk it just feels like forced gentleness compared to earlier performance like his lines don't fit him
-2 animation lacking feeling of weight, movements are stiff, unnatural esp for huge guys made of metal. how in the world did twitch push megatron over
-2 fight choreo is more generic and plain,, characters tend to fight in similar ways when they wouldnt, considering different sizes, abilities, personalities etc,, everyone is just tossing each other around
-2 teasing us with breakbee and then actually setting it on fire and then killing bumblebee's personality too and while we're here thrash and mo as well
+1 escape room ep overall was kinda fun. i like the idea of leaning into twitchs big sister role but like u dont have to water down the others when highlighting one character?? the maltos are kids, but theyre not like.stupid
+1 optimus pushing megatron down to protect him and megs glancing down where optimus' hand is on him. someone in story room is pushing megop
+1 prowl being a skilled Hater on entrance
+1 "organics" (derogatory)
-1 optimus tells prowl that the war is over in defence of megatron but literally theyre fighting decepticons again two seconds later so make up your mind earthspark
-5 what are the autobots and decepticons even fighting for at this point? let's shoot them into space so we don't have to worry about that conflict anymore except megatron but he's our friend so don't think about that trust us this is earthspark our show was formed on the basis of being the aftermath of the war hasbro im going to kill you
+1 constructicon mention
+3 prowl being huggable and pickuppable (+1 optimus, +1 elita, +1 arcee)
+1 "terran thrash" "terran nightshade" "stygi-terran" "clan malto" can't tell me thats not objectively cute
+5 blaster feature
+2 megop being deeply embarrassing about robby's weird girlfriend
+5 dramatic megop fight. intense music, personal arguments, falling through the ice sinking to the bottom of the lake together, if i'm going down you're coming with me etc i love it
-1 grimmy not having a single speaking line?? am i tripping
+1 thrash throwing the hat perfectly onto prowls antler tip
-2 duller lighting and colours overall </3 my guy was seriously looking grey in ep 6..,.
+1 "romantic entanglements have hobbled many a soldier. ask optimus." thank u es writers
+1 "there are no implications. there are only facts." banger
+1 multiple pronouns used for the shapeshifting quintesson i just thought it was fun
-1 thrash's character being largely reduced to That One Kid
-1 might just be me but the whole plot with the fake girlfriend was just weird as hell ?? what purpose does it have in robby's character development,,,
-1 dot and alex being less compelling as caring responsible parents. like they're still nice,, but the way they've been written just feels less careful
-1 that movie and confession scene sorry i know it was on purpose but i could not handle the secondhand embarrassment
+1 mole-bots tbh i thought they were going to pull scraplets but they were fun
-4 starscream neglect. where is the justice. nothing but a silhouette all season and then finally all he does is go crazy and get pulled back to jail??wtf
+1 quintesson ship entrance
-1 generic character body language/performance
+1 weird al yankovic going so hard
+1 saving civilians
-2 quintus powers being suddenly able to save the day when they need it because plot
-2 how the chaos terrans are not written
-1 environments are sometimes not that fitting for the action taking place there?? like for the final fight i know theyd need a lot of space for the titan but seriously just a green grassy field and blue sky come on?? give us some artistry,..,.
-1 slightly weird voice effects for quintesson characters but that might just be me
+1 sharkticon pit plucked right out of g1 movie i love it
+1 mo being so polite "mr optimus" "ms elita" "mr prowl sir" sweetheart
+5 what the fuck do you mean "i appreciate you, megatron"
+1 hard confirmation prowl is a hugger
+1 epic titan fusion
+1 prowl being nice. dialogue with bee in that scene felt kind of in your face but it was cute
-1 arresting starscream. girlie was probably starving in there
+1 "little bird"
+1 i'm just happy to have an animated prowl having so much relevance to the main story again.tfa prowl i miss u every day
-2 tarantulas never being seen nor heard from ever again. he had an awesome design, fantastic voice acting, super well written just for hasbro to be cowards
-1 again for just dropping pretty big story points from season 1 for unclear reasons. like i said,, current state of earthspark works fine as a kid's show alone but after how mature and well-handled season 1 was it feels like watching the tv spinoff series to the actual thing. sorry but like zero integrity to the shows basis and values and what the original writing had set up for the world and the characters
#im just rambling guys but if yall have opinions as well shoot them at me#transformers earthspark spoilers#im obviously still sad about the quality compared to s1 but it def still has some fun moments#head in my hands hasbro im going to .urhfgg
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aaaa poppy going crazy bc stepsibling jordan who's older than u and just thinks you're so cute!! and is unbearably mean to you becuase of it teases you for being so sweet and oblivious :( makes fun of your girly little room and your pretty little outfits :( teases you for walking around in your tiny little sleep shorts nd how nervous u get when its just the two of u home alone. im afraid i cant take it
-🦸♀️
naur bc they intimidate you so bad. you dont know if they genuinely hate you, because they're always picking on you. you can't help but want their attention, even when its the two of you bickering it makes you buzz inside because their focus is on you. and oh, you can't help the way your heart pulses whenever those dark eyes land on you - zero in on you.
and we're you're all alone in that big house... a part of you is excited, like buzzing. you subconsciously dress cuter, because you've seen the kind of people jordan hooks up with, know they like feminine women and dumb himbos - you're not a himbo, but well, you put on your pinkest socks - your most delicate pjs. little bows in your hair. loiter outside your room in the kitchen, living room, just for the hopes of running into them.
when you do, its when they come back from the gym, nylon shorts hung low on their hips, tank dotted with sweat. you're sitting at the kitchen counter top, spoon dipped into your strawberry yogurt and you just kinda.... take them in. they yank open the fridge and guzzle half a water bottle down in one sip, and its almost pornogrpahic the way some spare water drips down their throat.
in masc!form you can see the way the tank clings to their chest and abs. the corded muscle in their arms. the tattoos running down their skin - gotten to piss off their dad after marrying your mother - and you're just a girl.
"parents are out." you say softly, looking down at your yogurt.
their eyes fix on you and that flush you always get around them starts in your cheeks, warms down to your belly. they finish off the water bottle, crush it in their hands. they approach the island, rest their forearms on it - jesus they're so big - your eyes dart to the silver chain that dangles around their neck. half silver chain, half pearls.
"you sound excited about that," they note. "you plannin an epic rager I should know about?"
you shake your head, giggling a little. "i dont think i even know enough people to throw a party. plus, i dont wanna anger your father - hes scary."
jordan rolls their eyes. "hes a pussy."
"jordan!"
"do what you want - he wont give a shit. you're the good girl." the way jordan says it, with a hint of resentment, deflates you a little.
"I'm not that good."
one dark brow raises. "oh yeah?"
you figet. push your spoon around the cup. "well, i haven't done bad things, like-"
"like me?"
"no!" quick to reassure. "i mean in general things that are viewed as bad. partying, drugs, alcohol, except for that one time i accidently took a sip of my moms spiked eggnog during christmas-"
jordans lips fold together like they're holding in a smile, but a little dimple peeks out. these little things you dont notice, too flustered with your own overexplaining.
"- but besides that one time, i haven't done anything but. but im not good - i mean, what is good anyway? cause a person can do all these good things and then still be a bad person with the way they think, you know."
teeth dig into jordans bottom lip as they appraise you. its clear you're embarrassed at having spoke so much. you dont realize how fucking cute you are, and that makes them want to mess with you. a little. alot. they rest their hip on the island, looking down at you.
"you have bad thoughts, baby sis?"
there goes that face flush again. "well, not evil ones."
lips quirk to the side, they tilt their head at you like you're an interesting puppy playing a trick for them. "uh huh." they hum. "what kind are they then? spiteful? bitchy? or..." they shift then, voice changing half way through their talking. "are you a little fuckin' perv up there?"
if they could frame your face they would. squirming in place. shifting in your seat, eyes darting away quickly. basically all the confirmation they need.
unbidden, the thought of you in your bed, hand between your legs, rubbing that little clit furiously to fantasies running through your head hits them and they have to swallow. fuck. they imagine your skin flushing, grinding your hips because you cant hit the spot right, frustrated. would you give upn teary eyed? or would you roll over and hump your pillow. what kind of sounds do you make? quiet and soft? throaty? they think there'd be alot of whimpers. their eyes trace down your skimpy sleep shirt. god, yeah. they could make you whimper. it'd be so fucking easy. you'd let them too. the way you're constantly looking at them with those big eyes of yours, vying for their attention. makes them want to squash you under their thumb. and make you cum.
"n-no!" you try to defend. "i just meant I'm not a goody two shoes!"
"sure you're not." they totally think that's bullshit. "wanna prove it?"
you blink at them. "prove it?"
their tongue darts out, licks their bottom lip. they feel their cunt throb in their boxers. they're kinda no better than a dog. panting at the fucking bit to get you alone all the sudden. they've thought about it before, fucking obviously. you dont get a hot new baby sister like you and not imagine fucking her. this is the first time they've considered doing something about it though.
"come on." they push off from the counter, making sure their bare shoulder brushes yours as they pass. they feel you shiver, and smirk. "lets go to my room."
they don't look back to see if you'll follow. they know you will.
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My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)
(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)
Kai Smith:
the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)
self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)
orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form
hear me out on this one, i know he eats junkfood (so do orthorexics okay every 3d is diferent) anyway he never does it alone. he eats junkood only with other people, and he's always thinking he'll "make up for it" later. so yes he eats junkfood and yes he is orthorexic (felt like i had to defend my point there dsfsd)
body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like
"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said
has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"
anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->
guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes
sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)
claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)
has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)
ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others
is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)
lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)
loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does
cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->
his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone
tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)
loves too hard
hates too hard
BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)
trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro
commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom
actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much
great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)
hot. thats all i rest my case
loves himself but hates himself
everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does
hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.
hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)
likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")
infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT
red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red
has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)
everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again
drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)
will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)
wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)
paints his nails black or red.
has a strand of hair dyed red all the time
perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)
would be a hyena i he was an animal
hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing
"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games
loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things
stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->
makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite
selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it
please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain
thats it for now cfdsfdr
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Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3
literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3
how to work hard + actually study (realistic)
forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link
use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.
ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!
parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.
honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.
( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)
You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.
And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!
And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.
Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)
dealing with social media:
put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.
screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.
more *extremely* helpful resourses:
tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying
how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)
studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2
how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls
more blogs i recomend:
@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery
xoxo, vanilla
#agirlwithglam🎀✨#vanilla's pookies💌#vanilla studies📚#vanilla self improvement⭐️#my darling angels#self improve#self improvement#it girl energy#becoming that girl#self development#it girl#academia#studying#studyblr#study motivation#study tips#study aesthetic#how to study#how to work hard#working hard#hard work#girlboss#girlblog#girlblogging#girlblogger#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#asks#vanilla asks#ask#that girl
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nuts reading trigun in japanese 7 - filial piety, and meryl
my alternate readings/translation/interpretation of jp lines are for triangulation purposes and nothing else.
ch 10-12. a more general scattershot of a post than over analyzing the japanese texts this time round. i think meryl in these 3 chapters is the most interesting character for me. but mainly bc she seems to be carrying a baggage: her struggle with filial piety.
^OH's version
ソレが普通ですわよ That'd be the most common sense thing to do. それにもともと家訓からして『自立せよ』ですからね But our house's motto is to first be independent above all. ドライといえばドライなのかも Mine would just be dry beyond dry...
me: hm. an office lady in the context of being written in 1990s by a japanese guy. i understand.
(i actually prefer OH's version bc the implications of what shes saying is the exact same, but more importantly leads into this page)
いきついて見れば When I realized all that 何か大切なものを忘れてるのかも… Realized that perhaps I've forgotten something (filial piety) so important... 私… I...
(you can see how this raw translation fucking sucks. I'd reword it in a way that's along the lines of 'feeling so ashamed as to forget getting angry', but OH's version is a downright banger. 11/10 the implications of what she feels is still the exact same. love it a lot!)
right so.
filial piety.
filial piety for a lot of asians is... kind of hard to break down. but perhaps can be explained as "abandoning ones' parents is the worst sin one can do".
not being filial is an invitation to the most extreme judgement from relatives and outsiders in a society which upholds it as the absolute virtue. at least, for the most part. (late stage capitalism fucked it all up yayy)
abandonment can be in the form of presence and/or financial. if a child doesnt make bank to pay back for their parents raising them up, they're not filial. if a child is absent and not there to take care of their parent, thats not filial.
and not being grateful, not being filial, equals shame and warrants divine punishment. (check out folklores like momotaro and kaguyahime that touches on these themes)
meryl i think struggles with that bc shes likely an only child who is expected to work an office job after studying super hard for it, and is now living independently away from her parents. meaning, she is technically not present to take care of them, which in this context makes her feel immensely guilty.
to make matters worse, it sounds like shes one of those types where her parents possibly had to work a lot to pay for this and that, resulting in a severe lack of communication. so this compounds, and she can only write dry stuff in her mind.
milly, by the way, does not have this problem as much:
she has a lot of siblings who can shoulder the weight of it all together, so in terms of that filial piety stress shes not doing so bad.
Badwick, the focus of this arc, by the way, faces the same struggles with meryl:
i mentioned the financial part bc from how chill the parents are with him, i think its possible he was trying to sell the land for large sums of money for his parents to retire. theres an added level of resentment going on that complicates their dynamic, with a dead brother and a land that means too much to sell for any sum of money.
and also his parents are... too nice and understanding, jeez.
i dont think meryl has the resentment. i think her case was similar in that her parents worked hard to provide and kinda neglected her in the connection part.
ofc this might then bring up the question of, 'isnt filial piety kinda transactional?', and, yeah. it... frankly can be. some parents have weaponized it, knowing that a society which forces unconditional love and financial support from a child is a good retirement plan. and it sucks. nightow must have realized this and sidestepped it.
whether bc it will not be well received by the then jp audience or if he just doesnt want to tell a story about this, i dont know. there could also be the fact that the 90s was a bad time to be talking about securing retirement for parents when the economy was circling the drain.
trigun gets dark later. we are getting love and peace above all else, at least for now.
...hm something seems to be rising over the horizon. but we can deal with that later. domestic violence
also i think vash is the kind who would also be a filial son to rem. this aspect of him is just lurking silently in the background in hindsight. in a barrel.
(incidentally i think this is also why luida and brad got promoted to surrogate parents position in stampede. much to ponder ponder...)
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assorted f fight club designs!!! emo haired marlon for tylerstesticles
closeups and rambles under cut
before meeting taylor/tyler f narrator would mostly conform to standards for women both internally and externally. she would shave, keep her hair long, dress feminine but i dont think she would invest a lot of time in things like makeup (excluding foundation and such for fight club bruises) or diets. she would be self conscious about her appearance a lot, and would have beauty products but i dont see her consistently using them.
in my mind she collects kitchenware because 1. she expects to get married and take on the caretaking mother/wife role and 2. its less expensive than furniture (insurance call center salary). she could collect makeup. i see her as being pretty insecure that she isn’t married by 30 but doesn’t really want a boyfriend/husband.
as she spends more time with taylor she would adopt taylors masculine characteristics both because of taylor’s ideology and because narrator wants to be taylor.
despite marlon never having sex with taylor, narrator would harbor more resentment for him than regular narrator does for marla.
she would also hate her boss so much more. her boss would see her as daughter-substitute as well as a woman (inherent object to dominate) which would lead to him treating narrator with affection (from his pov) condescension and creepy undertones.
she would hate angel face less, though. still mutilates her but it’s the thought that counts.
taylor/tyler is the one who designwise changed the least. to me shes just tyler with slightly longer hair.
i might change her name bc taylor is too feminine a name for her
she would be very masculine, yes because of her whole liberate women thing but also because this is what narrator thinks is hot. i.e wearing mens clothes (obviously) being built like a brick wall, masculine mannerisms overall
this is also because she fills the same traditionally paternal roles as tyler: 1. the parent (not as nurture but teach/guide. taylor is mother and father substitute but leans more towards father substitute) 2. ideal self (not explicitly masculine but this is who narrator idealizes) 3. God.
i think project mayhem would be more explicitly homoerotic in this au because advocating for independence from men/you can get away with no-homoing relationships a lot more if its between women/??????????
primary members of project mayhem
-disenfranchised housewives (financial dependence on men)
-young women (objectification, beauty standards, etc)
-middle aged working women (undervalued female-majority jobs like nursing, too old to be valued for sex and now valued for nothing)
though taylor’s ideology would be mostly centered around liberation of women etc she would still hate women in management/power. pisses in rich people soup regardless of gender
despite his and taylors relationship being healthier(????) than its canon counterpart due to them being just friends instead of hookups+????? i think taylor would still burn marlon w cigs and call him a human butt-wipe. he’d be fine with it though
he wears womens clothes from the thrift but i dont think he would act particularly feminine
in this au taylor cant steal his moms liposuction fat to make soap as i imagine he doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents
almost gets castrated by project mayhem when shits all going down
overall not that different from canon marla.
#fight club#tyler durden#f fight club#marla singer#narrator fight club#thank you and congratulations if you managed to make it through the end#very impressive if you somehow managed to understand my crazy ramblings#fem fight club
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funny how people say they hate shuro because his family is rich meanwhile their favorite is Laios, the son of village chief the hypocrisy is astonishing lmao. they can just admit that they hate characters of color so much
i think when laios left his hometown/the army he was effectively cut off but cant say for sure. he does have nepo baby status but wouldnt say hes rich bc if he was he wouldnt have considered selling his partys equipment at the start of the manga. but u just made me realize smth anon
laios and shuro are already exact opposites/parallels(?) of each other, like, off the top of my head i cant remember exactly cuz ive been playing sekiro all day i can still see the ui. but like. laios being kinda free spirited, leaving a situation (like home) bc he had enough of it. while shuro being petrified in his position even if he doesnt like it (i.e not setting boundaries even tho he shouldve) (read this twitter thread they put it in better words).
and then heres another layer of that: their relationships w their respective dads. laios is so vocal about not liking his dad, hates being reminded of him and not wanting to look like him, etc. shuro also has contempt for His dad and the way he just does shit on a whim if he feels like it and also being constantly compared to him made him feel like nothing he did would matter. maybe he even resents his dad for having an affair w maizuru which is conflicting bc she was basically his nanny growing up and, 'rather than his parents, shuro felt admiration for maizuru' (adventurers bible). but he can never say this abt his dad ofc. thats just the rule. <- also yet another polar comparison between their cultures
theyre soooooo opposites. lol
anyways back to the ask. i dont think they can be compared on their nepo statuses, cuz laios has (at least tried to) cancelled his, but it does open up for interesting conversation about their personalities, so thanks for bringing it up!
however, for that reason... i dont really agree with ur point about ppl hating characters of colour - IF THIS is the evidence ur using - bc it doesnt work.
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I will also talk about Tyler because he's also not normal about stuff 🫠
Right from the start you get these signs he's protective to a detrimental level lol
(BTW Aidlyn scene cuz I'm not normal about them ❤️ The way he literally wraps his whole body in front of her sent me lmao. Mans got his leg around her and everything 🤡)
He's pretty much like this with Taylor in all their scenes. In the Sorrel House he puts his arm in front of her when they see the phantom (that he does not think is real, considering his reaction).
He also has a tendency to drag Taylor away from situations with out asking for her opinion on it 🫠 He just kinda assumes she will want to go with him. Like when he drags her out of the house after saying the phantom was just a prank.
Sir. PLEASE. Kinda possessive of you-
I don't think Red did this on purpose because like. She hasnt really brought up their culture/heritage or anything in the story so far lmao (I'm crying). But idk like just this behavior reminds me a lot of the guys in my family 🙃 I think Latino boys get kind of socialized to be more aggressive and protective of their families at their own expense. He definitely seems like the kind of brother to impose a curfew- He has control issues like. We all see it right? He's a control freak.
Obviously his dad dying has a lot to do with this. His mother took it extremely hard, so then Tyler "stepped up" to take care of both his mom AND his sister, he's been parentified since a very young age (he doesn't look older than 10 imo). I think he feels a need to "be the man of the house" so to speak. He genuinely does not seem to have any hard feelings towards his mom even tho she...you know, fucked up. if any of you know the "latino boys are mama boys" cliche, but.
yeah.
(I do think Taylor has more mom issues because she kinda resents how Tyler has been parentified and she's allowed herself to be angry at their mom for leaving them to fend for themselves)
Sidenote: It looks like his family is very isolated. Like, its strange that nobody came to help Marianna after Ethan died. This isn't always the case but usually Latinos have large families (my mom's family had to push together eight beds so all the cousins could sleep in one room lol) WHICH probably means Tyler's branch of the family is, so far, the first and only to have immigrated to the US. He's probably already a second or third generation tho, his mom has only one surname and he and his sister never seem to speak Spanish, so I don't think they learned it (probably some basics). I don't imagine they've ever been to Mexico except MAYBE when they were very young (its kinda rare to visit...since...it's so hard to get out of there in the first place...🫠 I dont think my parents have been to Venezuela in more than 20 years...but also Venezuela is in way worse condition, so...)
But yeah like. His protectiveness of Taylor is something that actively works against her and something she dislikes. She always looks upset when he drags her out of a situation or tells her what to do. She just wants to help :(
BABYYYYY 🥲
Ofc she never says anything because for most of her life Tyler has put himself in a position of authority and is her caretaker. It's hard to speak up to somebody when they constantly say "I'm doing this for your own good, for your own safety, for-" Whatever. Taylor always believes Tyler does everything for her own best interests, so... even when she doesn't feel good about something, she'll still listen to him. It's a veryyyyyy slippery slope that can quickly become toxic, if it isn't already. Because besides being her brother, he's put himself as her parent figure as well.
He does the thing. You know. Where parentified kids try to overcorrect so they kind of coddle their own children and don't let them do anything because they're scared to death something is gonna happen to them 💀
I don't really know what the point of this was I just wanted to talk about how possessive Tyler can be and how unhealthy his attachment style is 😭 If I write Tyler and Logan angst tho just know it's gonna involve Tyler being overprotective and Logan being Not Cool TM about it 🫠
#sbg#school bus graveyard#school bus graveyard webtoon#sbg (webtoon)#tyler hernández#taylor hernández
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Finally after being stumped on a name for so long, the LeshyCat children concept is here, first, of course, some info on the parents :)
(Btw im not a native english speaker)
If you have any questions about them or my other headcanons feel free to ask too!
How they met: Due to his injuries making it extremely difficult for him to adjust to his new life in the cult (let alone how he would now have to learn how to live with a mortal body again) on his own, the Yellow Cat (who i will be referring to as "Amare" from now on) was assigned as his caretaker to help him deal with the necessities that came with being a mortal again (sleep, water, physical activities and so on) on top of the problems that came with his injury. While Leshy at first felt insulted by this treatment (the whole "i was a god i can do this without the help of some mortal yada yada" thing), he soon realized it was for the better (while also realizing his feelings for Amare :3).
Leshy: Freed from Purgatory in the cult around 100-ish years after his death and 15 years after Narinder was overthrown by The Lamb. All his high priests and his witness (Amdusias, Valefar, Barbatos and Agares) had passed away before his arrival, making the former and current gods of death the only "familiar" figures in the cult (they both changed so much after their last encounters), although he still avoided both of them most of the time (Narinder because of his conflicting thoughts about the older brother, and The Lamb somewhat out of anger at them but mostly fear due to how traumatic Purgatory was for him), but dont worry they eventually made amends along with the rest of the bishops :). Also became friends with bat follower but she isnt relevant for this post
Amare (the Yellow Cat): Rescued from being sacrificed to the dead bishop of chaos in Darkwood after followers of the Old Faith killed everyone else from his village, works as a farmer in the cult. He was the only follower (aside from the first five followers of the cult, who are kept alive and act as advisors and friends for The Lamb) that knew of Leshy's past as an bishop, and though he still held resentment for the former god, The Lamb's seeming disposition to forgive him made the cat consider doing the same for him, volunteering to be his caretaker. Once their relationship was made official, he was given a golden skull necklace to ensure the two could stay by each other's side for eternity.
Now for the children hehe
They are twins (as ive mentioned in my other posts), a daughter named Camellia (Amare chose the name) and a son named (drumroll please im so proud of this name) Havoc! (Name chosen by Leshy of course).
They both have green moss-like fur from Leshy, and the head shape of a cat from Amare, but other than that their bodies are very distinct due to inheriting different parts from their parents
Havoc: His limbs and tail, as well as his longer whiskers, are from Amare, giving him a silhouette very similar to a cat, aside from the antler-like branches he got from Leshy, he also has two sets of eyes like Leshy used to have once, ironically though, he has rather poor eyesight, needing glasses to see things that are a bit too far. Despite his name he is actually pretty calm and enjoys the peacefulness of the cult, though this doesnt mean he is opposed to some occasional mischief, specially with his sister. Wants to help with teaching when he becomes of age (also im thinking about the idea of having him figure himself out as transfem but thats for another time)
Camellia: her limbs and tail, being from Leshy, are quite a bit longer and thicker than her brother's, giving her a broader and taller silhouette, as well as making her quite a bit stronger physically, she also has only one set of eyes and shorter whiskers than her brother, as well as no branch antlers. Is a very active person, playing with other kids and sometimes helping adults with tasks that wouldnt risk injuring her (most of the time they dont let her though). Also loves doing pranks and other forms of tomfoolery around the cult along with her brother. She is also very protective of him, getting into multiple fights with kids (and a drunk adult one time) who pick on him (aka bullies). Wants to follow her parent's job of farming when she comes of age.
#cotl#cotl leshy#cotl yellow cat#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb leshy#cult of the lamb yellow cat#cotl leshycat#again if anyone has any questions about them or my other headcanons feel free to ask!#im so proud of the name i came up with for their son#after being stumped on it for so long
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Ayo random question cuz I’m so interested: what exactly do you head-cannon is Warrior’s past? (If you don’t then just ignore me :D)
so full warning here i have never played the hyrule warriors games bc they're not my thing (i have played fe warriors bc robin my beloved <3). i dont know any of the canon so this is pure headcanon fuckery:
-> warriors is highly based on midshipmen who were young officers in training aboard navel vessels usually from upper class families. except he's army so i call him a middleman instead bc i dont have a better alternative XD
-> he (like all/most of the links) is orphaned. he was old enough that he vaguely remembers his parents but young enough that he couldnt tell you anything about them.
-> from the orphanage, he was adopted by a noble family (which i havent come up with a name for yet). he has four adopted siblings who are all the biological children of this lord and lady
-> despite being adopted young it was always made clear that he was specifically adopted out of charity to make the family look good. warriors spent most of his childhood being paraded around as the poor orphan commoner who is learning how to be a proper gentleman and never as an actual son/brother
-> he is not close to any of his family and in fact resents his adopted father. his adopted mother never really had much to do with him and neither did his siblings so he just has a vague distaste for them. he does not speak to them of his own accord but the child in him still wants to please his adopted father so he is still involved with them
-> he grew up receiving an education and was held to much stricter standards than his siblings. he received very little praise for his efforts and was spared very little affection so he always worked himself to the bone for any scrap of it he could get. as a result hes extremely well read and quite good at math
-> at 14 he was sent into the army as a middleman. his father claimed it was because he was the only one of the children who would do well there. he excelled there if only bc he was finally somewhere he could receive the recognition he so desperately wanted/needed.
-> he did not have an easy time making friends bc he was a bit of a kiss ass and did not/does not know how to form and maintain valuable close relationships
-> warriors doesn't really know the difference between genuine affection and being praised for his usefulness. it's not difficult to take advantage of him by inflating his ego
-> he sets impossible standards for himself (some of which were forced upon him) and practices a lot of self-loathing when he feels as though he's failed
-> he refers to his adopted father as his "benefactor" but will call him father in passing
-> he doesn't write home
-> warriors saw his first battle at 16. he killed his first enemy at 17. he still has nightmares about both
-> we're getting a little fucky with ranks here but he *is* an officer. specifically a captain which is company grade. he likely commands small units on the battlefield but mostly up until the war of ages worked as a liaison. i think during the war he was given much more responsibility but his rank stayed the same bc chaos. he regrets every person who ever died under his command :(
(continued in part 2!)
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Arranged marriage au with asmo
I need asmo to be in some type of royal otome slowburn manhwa
ramblings ramblings
the drama guys....the DRAMA! dont tell me a bunch of nonsense wouldnt happen
remember the post where i was like indifferent/passive aggressive asmo becoming curious about the MC fics are peak
similar thing is happening here! honestly i think theres some resentment coming from asmos side at first but mc is like ay....you do ur thing and i do mine
im not gonna make u do anything u dont want, i dont have any expectations from this arrangement. lets just try not to make each of our lives hell u know
lol i bet when asmo first meets MC after finding out that hes supposed to marry them he's like thinking "......ig theyre not that bad looking"😒 (he literally would have been flirting with them in any other circumstance)
hmmm mc needs to be apart of a pretty influential family i think since this is gonna be a political type marriage
and asmo,,,,i feel like he doesnt really engage in the specifics when it comes to politics or anything. it's just not something thats important to him. he has his side hobbies and business endeavors that cares about. But topics outside of those things are left up to his family
so perhaps one day, the head of the family (i wanna say lucifer but since i want the person in this role to give off more a mysterious vibe, where his word is final michael might be a better choice) is like... this specific family...theyre kinda important and we want them on our side so get married to their eldest who has rejected every other person ever but has agreed to marry and since u dont do much when it comes to political affairs im gonna have you do this whether you want to or not
and asmo is just like....HUH he tries to get lucifer to help him out here but lucifers like...yea dads not budging sorry lil bro (he doesnt say it like that but similar sentiment lmao)
now mc never really wanted to get married cause they didnt wanna have to go through the motions against their will and they like their life as is but their parents have been breathing down their neck about marriage for years now. And now that this BIG opportunity has present itself to their parents, it feels like the pressure is really on now! at first mc is like shit...idk if i can weasel my way outta this one
and then......they realized that maybe this could probably work out in their favor actually.....
mc agreed to married him cause asmo has a bit of a reputation as a partier and a playboy
with asmo they feel like things can stay as they are for the most part if they let him continue to do as he pleases (not like they could have stopped him if they wanted to lol)
everything can be the same, they can still live their own separate lives, just now they have the title of spouses!
and thats the plan, like i said before asmo comes in being a bit rude at first but it kinda changes to indifference and a little passive aggressiveness once MC is like...yo chill im not gonna shit on ur parade. i just wanna be left to my own things. you do you sir
yes thats the plan...thats supposed to be the plan and it was going as mc expected for a good while
but as we know if u put something or someone in front of asmo enough times hes gonna get curious
#im an AU girlie til the end#thats all ill ever be#this isnt even the drama part#i wanna say like several things happen#cause its not clear in my head#i just know theres potential for stupid shit happening cause asmo is doing the same shit he was doing before he got married#like sure its not a love type of marriage but it definitely doesnt look great#mcs parents probably arent gonna be thrilled when rumors start spreading#and then theres also the fact that#if these rumors are spreading then some ppl will be like#so....i can be mcs sidepiece possibly???#omg sidepieces getting jealous and trying to start shit is on the table#dont even get me started on when asmo starts caring about MC#hes like at the “club”#and hes like....hmmm this isnt as fun as i was expecting it to be#he doesnt even know why#probably heads over to MCs#and mc is like...wth im trying to go to bed why r u here????#i think they should live separately#i think its an option but im not sure#maybe they stay in the same home idkkk#anyways yea!!!#thats all i got rn#and maybe forever#i usually get a burst of ideas like this type it out and then forget about them lol#obey me asmodeus#obey me asmodeus x mc#obey me asmodeus x reader#prime reader insert material right here#if i was at my peak of writing this would have been asmo's datura i think
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