#like i cant say im good bc of the Sadness but i am Good. just sad. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunnihearted · 12 days ago

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ཐི ₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ཋྀ

#oooof... it's officially my birthday #and i always have bad anxiety the entire day #just seeing the date on my phone or ipad makes me wanna vomit :///#i just hate it so much....#i know it is dramatic but yeah.. :(( i just dont feel good at all and i never do #it's such a deep feeling of that i am so very unimportant #and all i am is a worthless burden on everyone and i should've never been born #i fantasize abt being important and revered and like...#i feel embarrassed even saying it lmaoooo but i fantasize abt my birthday being inportant #even if i know that as an adult and the older u are the less big of a deal birthdays are #it's just that i missed out on sm of it... so i still wish for it #but i feel silly for even feeling that way bc im asking for too much to be important at all #i feel demanding and unfair and expectant and #it is so much easier to just hate myself and wanna die lmao #rather than ...... disappointment and sadness... even after all of these years i still feel so saf #SAD******#and i see my old friends having birthday parties and dinners with a lot of guests on their birthdays #and they still post on eo's walls and like #i wanna cry..... bc i cant even imagine more than one person doing that for me and barely even that tbh #and ppl.. allowijg ME to be important and centered for one day...? thats batshit insane never would happen #allowing******#i know its oversensitive and dramatic and every year im like god shut the fuck up crybaby #u havent been important for years and years and years get over it%#!!!!!* and i try to do that but still every year i get so unbelieavably depressed #excuse me for still having this childish need to want to be important #the way see all of them be.... 🙄 ugh anyway #i wanna die so i can stop being a bother and a burden and suffer everyday bc im not allowed to exist 🙏#im really trying to be brave and shut up abt it but my entire chest burns and my heart aches i feel so so so bad i just wanna cry but i cant

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months ago

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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

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killerslowpoke · 6 months ago

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with the number of banana fish posts you put on my dashboard you are now legally obliged to rant and explain to me why i should watch it. take your time 👉✨

WELL... it's a very well-written, animated, and orchestrated piece of media. Please read its DTDD page first bc from the moment it starts to the second it ends it is an absolutely Tragic story: https://www.doesthedogdie.com/media/15970 That aside, I like it because it explores some themes that not a lot of anime do (like male victims of assault, human trafficking, street gangs) and knows how to intercut comedy with the heavier scenes and plotlines just the right amount. It has a unique style that I didn't like at first but eventually found it suits the show really well. The characters are interesting and I find that there's few that I truly hate, most of them are complex and show a side of humans that most of us can relate to, if even just a little bit.

The most prominent aspect that made me love it is (I guess general spoilers for plot but) the main character Ash deems himself a ruthless monster from the crimes he's committed, sullied by the abuse he has suffered, and unworthy of any love he was denied as a child. Then he meets this guy Eiji by chance, and Eiji, after only learning about how powerful and influential of a gang leader Ash is, treats him so normally. He tries to protect him, he tries to save him, he tries to get Ash to see himself as someone who's worthy of safety and happiness and peace.

#also Gay haha #anyway #dont let the fanart fool you. it's all happy and beautiful bc everyone's trying to beat back the sadness and dread #im sorry u sent this in at 4 am and I fell asleep at 3 am and only just saw it at... 5pm #they are SO important to me and i cant say too much on it really because I only just watched it in october #and then some ''Life'' stuff happened in NOVEMBER and. well. what can I say except i go into the dark headspace and I absorb the dark media #ummmm I'm not gonna lie a lot of side characters die... if you get attached to characters then good luck #if youre OK with like... Law & Order level of dark then this will prob be fine? it's the psychological dark not necessarily gorey dark #ks ask

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silouvertongues · 6 months ago

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gotta get up early for class tomorrow im so sleepy but i suddenly felt the urge to calculate how much money's been spent on my post secondary education till now and i literally feel nauseous

#LIKE.... what the fuck .#and the way my contribution has been minimal how am i ever gonna like . repay my dad for this #also how does he just .....spend so much . he'll always pay for anything school related w/o saying anything weird #like why is this genuinely making me crysjrjfjskwkfj #i KNEWWWW it was a lot but i was just thinking id love to pay him back for it somehow #so i was like lemme pull up all my undergrad invoices and the current stuff too and i did the math and .....#LIKE I FEEL SICK obv i have Issues w my dad but sometimes i feel so bad for him his dad passed away when he was 15 #so i feel like he jas that Thing for like being super present in his kids' lives #and education is like a Biiiiig thing for him bc he had to work and earn and pay for his own (ig his mom helped as much as she could)#THIS IS MAKING ME SOB IM SO SAD #and the way i cant even fucking find a job to at least earn SOMETHINGGGG i can help with its so stupid #anyway idk Whats going on in my brain rn i should sleep god #like im so grateful but theres so much guilt too ??#desi culture is insane bc imagine you work your whole entire life and then you have to pay for every one of ur kids' education weddings etc #OK GOOD NIGHT will i delete this is it too . personal . idk #h talks

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thedevotionaltour · 5 months ago

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I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO

#the only benefit of art school is MY FRIENDS!!! maybe i would be better at art now if i hadnt gone bc i could have kept it as a hobby...#but i do love everything i have learned. i really do. unfortunately i think more than anything i am just bad at existing and doing things #i used to be able to do things. in high school. existing i still wasnt good at doing that there either. but at least i did things on my own #and at the time felt i was good at them. now im just bad at existing and doing things and do nothing worthwhile that i love anymore #oh it sucks to have this realization every other day. to just know you are very bad at what you wanted to do so badly. and just feel like #all you can do is give up on it. i know i shouldnt. but it's very hard not to want to. when you see everyone else around you getting better #and still doing art on their own time. and you see your own stuff and realize you have gotten worse. dont progress. and cant even do it as #hobby anymore. when you see how far behind you are from everyone else and see how your work has lost confidence it just sucks badly. yknow #i wish my brain worked better desperately bc i do think that is part of it. but im just lazy. and bad at this. and have no drive for anythi #im not very good at any of this overall. and it makes me sad. im the only thing in my way of what i want but i dont know how to move forwar #oh well. one day something better will come my way if im lucky. if i do better. one day i'll do better. i hope. i really really hope.#static.soundz #vent.txt #SORRY i got whiney and self pitying in my tags even though i said i wouldnt well unfortunately I Am Not Strong and need to make posts #bc this is my diary where i say everything ever good and bad beneficial and detrimental bc what else should i be doing with this blog huh

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rainc0at · 6 months ago

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I LOVE THIS FUCKIJG FILM SO MUCH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS PERFECT

#the casting is so good its oerfect they all do such good jobs iCAAAANNTT #roman and zsasz do SO WELL they creep me OUT its so GOOOOODODODO #“fuck fsmily! all due respect but fuck that!!!” all his. tantrums? how else would i word thst idk so. and like from the little bits we see #we learn so much about them. like idk shit avout them sorrt im a poser. but FUCKKXKCK its just so good #obviously margot robbie does incredibly. and cassandras actress! i know people have said they sorta dilute her character down which IS sad #esp bc i dont know anything about her either. but fuck #and the way it depicts gotham!!!!!!!!!! ive talked about this alot before and god its always sssoooooo #ITS JUST ALL SO GOOD. the humor THE WARDROBE. once again the causal lgbt rep. all the sexism stuff.#its just perfect its genuinely perfect #AGRGRHFHSJ I LOVE THIS FILM.#birds of prey #AND JUST THE WAY EVERYONE TALKS AND THE DELIVERY OF EVERYTHING. I DONT KNOW ITS JUST ALL. PERFECT.#also another mention to roman and zsasz. they do it SO. WELL. the changes in zsaszs voice AND JUST HIS GENERAL ATTITUDE. sionis and how wel #his actor does the quick switches. and again the delivery of ALL his lines. also special mention to his little spin at his first scene.#ALSO HIS AND ZSASZS LAUGHS ohmyod #and montoya does it all so well and inlove her voice and same with canary and i cant say much on them because its ALL so good that i cant #pinpoint it??????#ALSO THE HAIR TIE SCENE 💘💘💘💘💘#also forever thinking of roman and his thing with how people pronounce words. actually im sorta just always thinking about him and zsasz #zsaszmask hoffstrahm and now hannigram all live in my head. and another ship i wont say incase noah sees this. OH AND SUKEVE.#another mention to the soundtrack. oh. my. god.#another mention to how it depicts gotham. like you just see people living. in the daytime. hanging out living rhwir lives. and you see smal #businesses and a supermarket and a club and the graffiti and just somuch of the film being. in. the daytime. AND THE SKATING DERBY!#GOD i love this film so so so much can you tell #also why is all the content of my posts only ever in the tags. like okaaayy sure.#DINAHS SIDE EYE AT ROMAN AND ZSASZ WHEN THEYRE BEING EXTRA GAY I CANT DO THIS #am i gonna go and look at loads of zsaszmask content now. yes. dont judge.#also anti-big establishments moment (her robbing the store) and her promising to get sal the 75 cents. support small businesses #also bruce wayne mention theyrr always so funny #rain rambles

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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years ago

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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

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xamaxenta · 2 years ago

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It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way

This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow

but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month

None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion

#like i should be doing more #im very sorry for complaining so much online #i just dont really have any other way to express myself #i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear #but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter #matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal #but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time #i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to #but i also want to if that makes any sense at all #i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally #i want to stop being toxic towards myself #i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way #but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up #I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it #doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling #it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard #this is so woe is me #im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create #and i have none like thats so unfair #this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it #i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again #please im done i just dont want to

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bunnihearted · 1 month ago

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im sorryyyyy i dont wanna be a mean bitch but genuinely i feel like im the one of only ppl who are actually alone bc i keep seeing all of these ppl complain abt how alone they are then they post a bunch of pics with their friend groups and they go on trips and celebrate their birthdays with friends and im like 😦?????????? im ngl i lowkey feel betrayed bc like yes sure we can relate on "feeling lonely" but ig at the end of they day im so sorry im not saying this to gatekeep loneliness or whatever but like u just cannot relate to what it feels like to not only feel lonely but also be alone and not even have people who want to spend moments with u. and feel and be like on your birthday you're alone. on your insta you're alone. irl u dont have ppl who even want to make plans with u. i know i know that everyone's loneliness is valid and you can still have partners and friends and feel lonely and that is valid i really do think so. idk i just feel so fkn alienated from everyone, including people who say theyre lonely - bc they still have ppl to talk to and ppl to be with and ppl who wants to be with them and consider them their friend lol.... i dont have anyone to take pics with or have groupchats with or go to concerts with or go for walks with and i dont have anyone to message abt stupid things or blah lahblahblah it doesnt even matter atp

#and like i am really really lucky that i have one person i talk to on a regular basis and have been for almost two years #and that he stills wanna be friend even if hes seen my insane person rants abt him on here #like genuinely i'd prob slowly wither and die without having had experienced talking to him #ig its not even only other ppl it is my avpd #if i just send a message thats like casual everyday talk between friends #im first freaking out abt it for hours bc i obviously deserve to DIE for even bothering them with a message #so even if i long for certain things its like well yeah i cant do that bc i deserve to die and im worthless useless and a bother and burden #and why would i force someone to waste time on me when they have ppl out there who are actually worth their time #i dont know #i just feel sad bc i checked insta and someone who talks abt being alone often posted pics of them celebrating their bday with friends 😭#and ofc everyone are valid to feel what they feel!!!! i know that!!!!!! it just hurts selfishly lmaooo #bc i am lonely but i will spend my bday crying in my room alone #like i have been for the past years #not even my own family wants to spend it with me #i talk a little abt plans w my mom and she acts like im holding her hostage 😭😭😭#so idk she'll prob agree but it wont feel great bc i know she doesnt really wanna spend time w me #anyway...... we're all alone as i get to hear all thw time #its just that most ppl who are alone also have partners and friends and family members or even a therapist haha 👍#i dont care tho its all good ^-^#also one of my old bully friends is marrid and just got her baby and she messaged me like hii how are u?#like what do u even want me to say.... cool... u have traveled the world u have found love u have made a ton of new friends #while still having your old friend group (that i got dumped by) and u even have your own kid #i am a fkn loser who should just die tbh #so yeah im doing great hahahha just gonna kms real quick 😸🙌🏻#but idc tho 😁

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therosevest · 1 year ago

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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever

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dokjaism · 2 years ago

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#im sorry im getting feelings again #i was going to say i dont like being in tune w my feelings but. am i rlly LMAO #im not. im not rlly i dont recognize them i cant rlly name them outside of the main 3 #all i know is that wanting smth usually leads to sadness bcs. when will it be my turn. will i EVER get my turn #and rn i want smth so bad which ik will turn into smth bad. sigh #and wanting smth im not sure i will ever get leads me to feeling im wasting my time bcs the things i can do now r very limited and outside #of that i cant rlly do shit. like. i rlly cant and it takes me to self-doubt. it makes me question myself #and i hate questioning myself bcs im not sure about a THING. is it the right path am i doing things right #and i dont know!!!!!! i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know if i made the right decision of dropping out. i dont know if it was the right #choice to start a new major. in a new university. im not sure #and it makes me insecure bcs what if i was wrong what if im doing things wrong what if i didnt do the right thing #idk man. this path has been so lonely and i know i keep repeating myself i just have to wait to do things i want but what if i dont get it #< see i said feeling things usually take the wrong turn #this isn't very silly goofy of me im sorry #i just gotta be my own comedic relief or i will go absolutely fucking insane #idk man. i just wanna feel like i made the right decision and that im doing things for my own good without doubting myself #i wanna feel secure in life and i want to feel proud of me but on the mean time im just gonna live through ppl feeling proud of me #and im gonna live ignoring every single feeling bcs i dont like feeling them at all and im gonna keep protecting myself getting attached to #fictional stories and such #jo.txt #if someone read til here im sorry for the thoughts and stuff i will go back to being silly goofy rn 👍

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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#theres a quote somewhere abt an adviser of a religious leader in... maybe the middle ages? where the adviser is like: we need to convert X #group of people gently. if we force our beliefs down their throats they may just expell it back up #and im thinking abt it bc thats how my brain engages with things. like: oh i like a thing. i must consume as much info abt it as possible #right this very fucking second. and then suddenly its very stressful and my brain tries to reject it #but i cant bc the fucking metaphorical evangelical in my brain is like: no. u fucking listen to me #and im just like 😵‍💫#which is to say that i didnt sleep much last night and overdosed on 0ne piece. which was not a good move bc now i just feel terrible #which i knew would happen bc i was like hm reading this fic sounds like a bad choice. lets fucking gooooo #and then i fucking trigger myself lmao. partly bc of the material in the fic and partially bc the last time i was reading 0ne piece fics i #was a lot more fucked in terms of my lack of self awareness. so it kinda inherently makes me think of back then and im like oh yea i used #to do X bad thing. i should go back to doing that lol. and its like No. stop. fucking. no #make better choices for the love of god. ugh fuck ive got too much i didnt sleep enough energy #im sure ill burn out way hard by the end of the day. channel that energy. channel that energy into finding an apartment in a fucking city #with a fucking housing shortage 😭 i dont wanna go back to having roommates. nooooooooo 😭😭😭#bleh. im procrastinating going to work. work that i am voluntarily doing for no fucking reason except thst i have issues with #compulsive behavior lol. not lol. sad face 😭 hhhh im vibrating. i wanna run around in circles. why cant i be like this when i actually go #for runs >:-[ im always to fucking brain saturated by then and its a ll static and bees in my head #whatever. time to get tf up and take measurements #unrelated #lmao y did i start this with allusions to a religious quote i dont fucking remember hahahaha #ah its bc i find the contrast of serious academic and philosophical topics funny when i go from thinking abt them to fucking anime and #my petty bullshit. idk i habe a weird sense of humor maybe

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leoxxii · 10 hours ago

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u know what maybe ill dissappear for a bit. just for a bit <3 for funsies <3

#got like another day of queued stuff i think #and then one side blog has about a week #and then like. what if im just gone #this is not a be worried post btw im just really sad #like i cant say im good bc of the Sadness but i am Good. just sad.#u know how it be #also i have like 10 library books due in two weeks so i need to make a move on that. i overestimated my reading speed #ok so if i do dissappear it wont b forever ill be back i prommy #and if i dont then like ehhhh probably nobody will see this post anyways #.txtii

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bpdbunnyy4ngel · 4 months ago

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i feel absolutely awful and idk how to do this

#ppl can be so mean bc like #i get that im pathetic #i get thqt he doesnt want me #i fkn get it #but idk... if he was the one good thing in my life that gave me comfort and hope #ofc im fkn broken up abt it bc i thought i would get to show him how much i love him #and i know he wanted me and loved me too #i just fucked it up w my dumb ass avpd #so i cant be mad at him and im not #ive always only ever wanted him to be happy #i thought i could love him as he needs but ..#ill never know #at least i can hope for him now #i love him sm and i want him to not do bad and feel bad and i want him to br happy #but i am still fkn sad and im allowed to be #ppl can think im pathetic bc i am #but i cant pretend this doesnt hurt so bad #like also... i dont have friends or a job or anything to do so #all i think abt is how badly i wanted to spend my life and all my time w him but now i dont get to #ppl probably dont get it but #i have never ever felt this way before #like the only person i care abt is my mom and i love her #but besides that its just him #avpd makes me feel dead and empty #ofc its not that i dont care care abt other ppl #i just dont feel that much #i dont say it to be an asshole but it is just how i feel #idk what is wrong w me #but it is scary and awful bc genuinely....#i dont really care when other ppl leave me bc im like oh well just another one

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incomprehensiblegiberish · 7 months ago

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am i the only one who doesn't see purpose in the cycle of work for more work to do more work so that you can earn more work? why should i fucking try if my only reward is getting more work and maybe a "good job keep working". i am. fucking tired.

#i have no clue if im in a mood bc of . or if im actually feeling pissed off and upset right now #i hate so much that i deal with shit like this #i cant even leave my own fucking house #and they have the audacity to say that if something is pissing me off that i can just go away from it #im so tired of having work just to do more work #im fucking tired #im so fucking done with this shit #ive been at it for years it hasnt gotten any easier and they just keep going #i dont know how everyone else seems to do thsi easily and fucking. get a sense of accomplishment from it #i just finish something and feel angry #like i let them win #i am tired of acting like i dont feel things #i am so tired of being upset and being able to do nothing #i am so fucking close to snapping i swear to fucking god #and i know in the morning i'll back to the same shit as always #of thinking about how much i fucking hate my life #and being used as a box as an example of a good life #and im not saying i have a horrible life #im just tired of being told everyday that “at least you didn't have to deal with ___” or “Oh yeah?? Well ___ happened to me”#i dont even know why people want to stay my friends anymore #one of my friends said they don't knwo they'd do without me and i dunno why but it just made me really sad #i dont know what i even did for them #i seem to annoy so many of my friends all the time #i dont know what they mean by that #i dont know what im doing anymore #vent post #tw vent

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our-inspire-verse · 8 months ago

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Im straight up! Having a hard FUCKING time right now. And that is alright! But im not joyful about it⚰

#and tbats OKAY. ILL BE JOYFUL WHEN THIS EASES UP #but im gonna be mentally sick for probably the next little while and that sucks bc i can like.#like.ike i can tell. its mania. its only been 2 days. based on what this is. i think it's go #nna be longer Even still #system babbles #vent #idk idkikdidk idk idk manic #depressed #double combo. my head hurts. waves of self loathing (what gives. we know we rock)#im sad. im sadd. im fuckinf so angry. and im just sad bro.#but im drawing art and im so proud of myself for coping and for the food im about to make myself #and for surviving on the amount of sleep and work im doing. and for the rewards im giving myself. and . and for. persisting #abd for writing ohhh ive written so much! and practiced my HANDwriting. I've done good. i am doing okay. im ok #im so afraid man #im sad. and im sorry like im soooo so sorry im so sorry. i cant even say what for 🤡🧍#i think its kiba fronting #my back just popped like incredibly well but im just sitting here. flexed my ass

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