#ppl can think im pathetic bc i am

[bpdbunnyy4ngel]

i feel absolutely awful and idk how to do this

[bunnihearted]

regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p

[ichigosoju]

🍪🥛

[gaystardykeco]

not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again

[orcelito]

that one bookmark is gone and on one hand im glad i dont have to see it anymore but on the other hand im a little embarrassed at the thought of them having seen me have a whole mini spiral about it at like 5 am. like sorry random person ig

[phagodyke]

I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.

[omanu]

.

[bruiisedpetals-a]

.

[prosciuttoon]

Toshiro/Shuro is overhated

(mirror of my thread on twitter)

ever wanted to talk abt something so bad but u have so many thoughts so u cant even begin to organize a sentence. thats me abt shuro and its why i cant give my thoughts on him. i NEED to get this out of my system bc its takign up so much memory in my brain i need that space for thinking.

so i was really surprised to find so much hate for him even tho he seems pretty normal and rational out of the whole cast. ive deducted that its mostly abt his laios fight and that the ppl who hate him probably had bad experiences w social cues and relationships w neurotypicals bc of that. theres no way to avoid it bc its pretty much Right In Your Face that laios is ND. but thats not the only factor in why their relationship is rocky. its also the culture barrier. u have to understand toshiro was raised as JAPANESE NOBILITY ofc he would be a little conservative

also culture shock. idk if u know this but jp culture is very Mind Your Own Business like a lot of other asian cultures . ofc hes gonna be weirded out by a stranger invading his space. also his names not even Shuro. its just yt ppl not pronouncing his name right and settling for whats easiest.

img src: fan translation by savaralyn2 , i think its from the adventurers bible Complete Edition bc i dont remember it in the old one

ok you get the gist of the culture aspect of it. lets go into the ND/NT clash aspect of it. yes i understand its pretty hurtful to never be told when youre acting inappropriately. i am autistic too lmao. but you have to understand that shiro is one guy and he even does realize that repressing things is one of his fatal flaws. again. asian culture. non confrontational. that sorta thing. but these are genuine frustrations. if i were him id be annoyed too but id speak out about it. set boundaries. bc im blunt. shiros not. he was taught crazy strict manners (hierarchies, respect, politeness, etc).

his problem isnt ableism its a culmination of culture barriers, how he was raised to behave, and terrible lack of communication as thing caused by "all of the above" plus he just generally keeps to himself a lot which means repressing frustrations that will explode leading to a pathetic fistfight while hes starved, exhausted, and dehydrated. also. if he was ableist he would hate laios. he doesnt hate laios. at the end of the day, they are friends. NT and ND ppl can be friends u know. there will be rifts (like their fight) but you just have to communicate misunderstandings. theyre gonna be fine lol

anyways that was my whole spiel abt it. i think i got everything out that i wanted to? my head still feels a little full so i may add more later when i remember something

also i think its a little unfair to rule out the possibility of laios and him just being 2 very different kinds of ND bc its very common for misunderstandings to occur even then. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! but for the sake of interpreting the Fight as a commentary on NT social rules and ND frustration, ill say toshiros NT. will we ever know? hes so far in the sidelines... youd really have to dig in the extra content to see the intricacies of his character.... please give him a chance

[djpachipikachu]

guy whos thinking rly hard about aroace leo and his issues with intimacy/vulnerability which in turn gives him trouble on how to approach any relationship that isnt familial ,,, bc with surrogate father figures he can blindly hope and believe and stay loyal to them in hopes for a specific kind of attention he never got enough of from splinter but like? any other kind of relationship ? Regular ass friendships? dude doesnt know how to make friends have you seen him … he can be charismatic and charming in a pathetic way but like what fucking friends his age does this guy even have (april , casey, and cj dont count bc theyre all family) (sunita is april’s friend and only his by proxy)

smth smth hes so ready to spill his shit to a father figure who might listen but its sooo much harder with someone his age … dude puts up a strong barrier that makes it hard for anyone to be close with him unless they’re his family

and Then the whole conflict of “am i aroace or do i just have problems” and “do i have these problems Because im aroace and afraid of a friend taking my trust and affection as something romantic” and “i am aroace and i value platonic and familial love as smth just as powerful as romantic love is portrayed but Boy Oh Boy i dont know how to navigate loving ppl casually bc i will literally die for ppl i love”

tldr ive been listening to a song on repeat and gettinf emotional over aroace leo again which is nothing new

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[gaystardykeco]

need to sleep but the Dread is consuming me

[konjkitkatty]

okay i am AWAKE again an after clinking hebe n maia together i believe i have an idea of how maia would feel abt hebe ,,, in short: maia would think hebe is pathetic

maia is Not tha usual idea of a god of life that most ppl would think of - they r not sweet nor nurturing . they're pretty cold an cutthroat , has a very "you get what you get and if you don't like it then just suck it up buttercup" mindset . it's either their way or the highway . they hold onto grudges like fucking Crazy an don't like most other gods , ESPECIALLY tha bishops (since shamura killed yngya ,,, who is maia's sister!). IN FACT ACTUALLY in rotaf maia wants to kill tha bishops once she finds out they killed her sister an That kick-starts tha whole conflict

maia would find hebe pathetic (plus a whole lot of other things) Solely bc she was defeated by tha bishops an became a fallen god . after all , what kind of god of life Was hebe to just be bested like that ?? obviously one that didn't wield their power and crown properly . that would NEVER happen to maia, they would NEVER be beaten by anyone, they've been around since the beginning of everything!!! who could beat them? (said ominously)

also here's smth i drew of them while thinking abt what maia thought of her

seething frothing convulsing crumpling compacting and folding UGH i love them!!! she WOULD be pathetic in Maia’s eyes and im not even fighting u on that!!!!

i can already see Hebe not liking Maia AT all- solely because as a former goddess she’s of the belief that its unbecoming of a god of LIFE of all things to act in such a horrendous way. Is she gonna say that to their face? No. She’s gonna stew over some stew and hope the mean green god doesn’t come by her burrow again.

[wildcatfourteen]

how do you come up with such interesting composition? your pieces are always so captivating 💗

thank youuuuuuuuuu <33 and the truth is. idk. i am kinda just winging it and making a lot of adjustments as i go.... im not very orderly about it and have my thoughts kinda all over the place. heres some examples under the cut w what process pics i could find

direction process goes >>>

first did a pencil sketch for big shapes. was just placing stuff down. i wanted to make ref sheets for an art trade but didnt want to make a traditional type bc i hate drawing ppl standing full body (bc im bad at it 👍) also i did not have specific outfits in mind and was going more for a reference of the general vibe of the characters, so i just wanted a full body pose + face close up. to avoid having to show specific details. bc i was cheating. was originally going to have multiple text bubbles around for the character facts

did like two sketches digitally. messed around a LOT with placement. the little emote heads came out of me feeling like it was empty and boring on its own and they are fun to draw so why not include them. the multiple text bubbles seemed like a bad idea now so i took them out and just did one text wall.

i actually dont like the text wall now and think breaking it up wouldve been more fun visually but that would've required effort i didnt wanna put in LOL

^ i lost the pencil sketch for this one (i always do a pencil sketch) but it was actually just the two half body drawings at first with none of that shit at the bottom or the close ups until i was like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i gotta add smth around to make this look like theres stuff happening..... the idea was to draw the two main characters of the labb novel in some kinda comic format w panels around and i then. kept adding things until it seemed like i was getting somewhere. thats kind of my process for everything TT i think it helps to stay in a workshopping stage for longer if needed to get somewhere but i often get impatient LOL

im putting a stupid note abt this here bc im still annoyed at myself but in this novel, there was a bit about a crossword puzzle related to a murder case and i only thought of it afterwards that it would be kinda cool to put the sugar cubes in like a crossword puzzle formation....... why didnt i do that......

^ and heres some of the process for this one, but i lost a LOT of the steps for this. the beginning was totally different. the character wasnt as pathetic and scared looking at first but then i was like uhhhhh lets draw him that way :)

the first pencil draft was from a different perspective and it was gonna have a mirror composition to it kinda? but i wasn't able to make that look appealing so i deleted it. it still had the curtains tho but then i also included stuff with framed mirrors + other frames around

i decided to instead make the curtains be the focus of the whole piece to not make it so cluttered. character's pose was so different at first it was so bad i dont even wanna remember it. i took out the frames entirely bc i didnt think they added much to the piece in terms of the atmosphere. since like. the more i worked on it w the character's + the goat's expressions the more it gave a 'being hunted' feeling to it and portrait frames dont fit that vibe. which feels funny bc u look at it and thats all u can think abt but i wasnt even gunning for that when starting out. BE FLEXIBLE. TRUST THE PROCESS.

[silverskye13]

just binged all of redstone and skulk in one go. HOLY SHIT!!! i left some comments on ao3 but that wasn't enough. i needed to come to your tumblr too bc this fic has Changed Me A Little. it makes sense- i've been subscribed to you on ao3 for a while (remember hound's tooth? i think that was when i started following your writing. and monsters splitting hairs, although i'm not quite caught up on that one), and that was for a good reason- but tanguish and helsknight are something else! part of why i like fanfiction is because i get to see more of characters i already like- it takes a special fic to get me so invested in characters i've basically just met! and you do it so well! like. the subtle character things! the way i can pick out the hermits' (and martyn's, but i'm calling him a hermit for the sake of convenience) traits in the helsmits, but warped and twisted around like a funhouse mirror? fantastic. i love it. im eating that shit up. the ilttle differences and similarities between tango and tanguish, helsknight and wels (bc he isn't acting very knightly right now), impulse and the demon- it's so cool to see! i also saw the other ask you got where you talked about your process, and how you give your characters a list of traits as a guide to writing them- i'm definitely going to have to borrow that trick. it works! so well! it shows in your writing in the consistency of how the characters behave!

some other thoughts i had while reading:

helsknight being religious probably has a lot more to do with him being a knight than wels being a lutheran irl (which is where his name comes from and i find that hilarious), but still. if it's unintentional it's hilarious and if it's on purpose then it's a fun easter egg!

i relate to and understand tanguish, because i too would want to befriend helsknight, and also because if a bunch of big scary people basically adopted me and tried to teach me how to use a knife i would be so pathetic about it.

i relate to and understand helsknight and tango, because tanguish is the weirdest little cat ever and i too am captivated by his pathetic little freak charms, and i want to be his friend.

i neither relate to nor understand wels, because 1) if i saw my friend's presumably-evil counterpart skulking around the shopping district i would likely call them first (just seems like the polite thing to do, and also bc if helsknight showed up and the ppl who found him didn't call wels about it i feel like he'd probably be more than a little pissed), and 2) look at tanguish. he's just a little guy. he's a little guy and it's his birthday. how could you be mean to him.

tl;dr: redstone and skulk has compelled me to the point that leaving comments on ao3 wasn't enough, i needed to ramble straight into your inbox because it's just so good.

Oh my gosh! Firstly: thank you for all the kind words! I'm glad you're liking my writing so far, and thank you both for the comments and the scurry into the inbox. I love hearing people's thoughts, even if I don't have the spoons to respond to everyone all the time :'D

For your bullet points:

-- I didn't know Wels was Lutheran! I knew he was ex-military, and at least in my family's trends, military and religiosity go hand in hand, so it makes sense. But still! Learning new fun facts! I know nothing about the Lutheran Church [I was raised Baptist.] Probably gonna do some reading later.

-- I feel like Tanguish is going through that phase of "all the biker/military uncles have decided I'm one of them for some reason" and as someone who has gone through that before, for the same baffling non-reasons [used power tools in their presence once, a la Tanguish barely participating in a fight once] I sympathize. Very interesting somewhat scary people. Why did you invite me to sit at your table. Why do you keep slipping me tequila and buying me knives like I'm in on the joke.

-- Tanguish is such a specimen we all just want to look at him under a microscope. He is so scared yet so brave. He thinks knives are scary but he leaps off buildings. He's scared of getting hurt and seeing blood but he has no regard for his personal safety. How do you fit so many oxymorons in such a tiny body---

-- Wels please, he's a little guy and it's his birthday! Stop bullying him!!

Addendum: I agree Jackrabbit is very Tanguish coded. It is now on the playlist.

Want to live like an animal?

By the skin of your teeth?

Put your good face on, you're foolin' no one

You're a jackrabbit underneath

One step forward, step right back

Run for the hills, honey, run for the hills, honey

Run for the hills, don't look back

[butterflymarks]

stats / plots / muse

heyyy i'm gonna be real, this intro got chunky. BUT! that's bc i badly want to start writing and i had a lot of Ideas. i'm duha (xe/xem/xir), presenting my goth rat kiyeon with the ability fearsight. 🎈 under the cut, i hopefully explain what the hell his deal is. like this post if you'd like me to reach out for plots (d*sc*rd preferred im scared of getting sb'ed again)! i listed ideas at the end, but i'm also down to just start writing and go with chemistry if preferred. i AM crazed enough to write u a random starter if that's the vibe. ps. my other muse eunjae (aka the Cooler moon twin) is @999kintsugi, but she's on a sideblog, so i won't be able to follow back there unfortunately.

kiyeon, '98

it/its/he/him/his. you'll see me use them interchangeably but feel free to use Any pronouns for him on ur end yipeee

fearsight is the ability to induce potent feelings of fear, hysteria, panic, etc through psychological visions of the target's deepest fears. wherever applicable, their minds may project that fear onto kiyeon and they'll see him as a personification of their fears.

butterfly marks (minor passive "ability"): his skin is naturally covered in moving whorls of black, ink-like markings. they shift and gather into various shapes and patterns influenced by his moods or when he's using his ability, tending towards symmetric or radial patterns, sometimes resembling the patterns of a butterfly's wings.

???: he can't see his own reflection anymore. if he does try to look at himself, there's just Something else looking back. he's afraid of it.

his therapist says it's an extension of his main ability that has been stunted. in greater evolutions of fearsight, the metahuman could actually take the physical form of someone's fear.

isn't that something great to look forward to, The Therapist says, you'll grow into something More, but kiyeon just wants to know when he's going to grow into a skin that's bearable to live in at all ?

his fearsight is persistent & triggered by visible eye contact. it can work on other ppl through clear reflections, so he hasn't made meaningful contact with anyone in years tbh.

quiet, nervous, jumpy. probably looks scary bc of his markings but you might have heard him crying in the garden last night.

the journey so far:

lived with his older sister for a while, until he decided to leave about 2 years ago bc he felt guilty about burdening her.

uhhh fell into the serpents' circle shortly after, aka a petty villain group. was inadvertently "taken in" by them (see: he was too scared to leave), and now he's their part time publicity stunt kidnapping victim and part time videographer when they need "organic social media footage" of the crimes they're committing. they're trying to make it to the big leagues.

kiyeon is just there because one of them is apparently making him "a cure" for his eyes. it's been years since that promise now, but. you know. (see again: he is too scared to leave)

finally sought actual help and got into silver line 8 months ago. the research team thinks his markings are fascinating, they keep monitoring him and telling him to contact them if he ever feels "physical turmoil." like girl what??

(they're waiting for his power to evolve to allow him to actually physically transform)

(cw: themes of body dysmorphia) has a lot of feelings about his body and feeling distinctly grotesque and horrific. when you spent ur whole life getting ignored or being looked at in literal horror, how is ur sense of self & image supposed to survive unscathed. :|

anyway he's on a tenuous streak of stability atm. he even got a job at the animal shelter!! he's been substituting company with the animals for human connection because animals aren't affected by his eyes at least.

really a bit pathetic i won't lie. fucked up street cat rizz, if u will.

some connection / thread ideas:

here are some more Formal connections i'm looking for, let's figure smth out

a roommate...!!

he pokes around the places you're not supposed to. someone try to get into the 13th floor with him and then deal with the consequences.

i plan for his fearsight to evolve over time and become something more of a nightmare form, his true potential....wherein his body really does start to take on little characteristics of people's fears, humanoid or not. i think he has a long way to go to full transformations, but any muses who would like to encounter him on that path are welcome to hehe. just please know he'll probably have a breakdown on them afterwards. maybe your muse would be in the middle of one too (because kiyeon scared the daylights out of them yk) but that's a-ok! i love writing encounters where everything's a mess, so let's make them cry together 💢

someone he accidentally beamed with his fearsight before. now they're terrified of him, and he accidentally inherited some of their fears/phobias

he goes to group therapy sessions bc his therapist thinks it's good for him to have Human Contact, but mostly he's just quiet and never looks at anyone. maybe your muse is there too and they just start getting through their shit side by side ?

someone go to the movies with him. he loooves scary movies, he loves watching characters getting tormented by horrors and being like omg me too!!

eden is full of crazy powers so let's throw them in something crazy together !!? i crave high stakes threads

does anyone else feel less-than-human. does anyone else go out on walks in the middle of the night bc they feel like it's the only time they're "allowed" to be out (aka they can't endanger anyone). does anyone else want to be a little less alone on those walks.

fellow serpents 🐍 all kinds of dynamics. i'm thinking the serpents just basically try to cause unrest and chaos; maybe one time, your muse is supposed to be part of the incitement and kiyeon's supposed to get it all on camera .... except it goes wayward, and the others ditch them to throw them under the bus, so now they have to get away from the aeternals :\

anyone who's in that other villain group using the laundromat as a cover. maybe they're rivals with the serpents hehe ? or they cross paths in the villain business ?

be his first resident complaint

thank u for reading this far :people_hugging: