#idk what is wrong w me
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i feel absolutely awful and idk how to do this
#ppl can be so mean bc like#i get that im pathetic#i get thqt he doesnt want me#i fkn get it#but idk... if he was the one good thing in my life that gave me comfort and hope#ofc im fkn broken up abt it bc i thought i would get to show him how much i love him#and i know he wanted me and loved me too#i just fucked it up w my dumb ass avpd#so i cant be mad at him and im not#ive always only ever wanted him to be happy#i thought i could love him as he needs but ..#ill never know#at least i can hope for him now#i love him sm and i want him to not do bad and feel bad and i want him to br happy#but i am still fkn sad and im allowed to be#ppl can think im pathetic bc i am#but i cant pretend this doesnt hurt so bad#like also... i dont have friends or a job or anything to do so#all i think abt is how badly i wanted to spend my life and all my time w him but now i dont get to#ppl probably dont get it but#i have never ever felt this way before#like the only person i care abt is my mom and i love her#but besides that its just him#avpd makes me feel dead and empty#ofc its not that i dont care care abt other ppl#i just dont feel that much#i dont say it to be an asshole but it is just how i feel#idk what is wrong w me#but it is scary and awful bc genuinely....#i dont really care when other ppl leave me bc im like oh well just another one
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ribbonwood
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu hyrule#(also zelda 1!!! but idk how people would feel about me tagging it since I used Jojo's design?)#(ya'll can always tag my gen loz art as LU (or as any linkverse honestly if it inspires you to think about your favs) and vice versa)#(I want to inspire you to think and create! If you see my gen loz art and want to add that to your headcanons or it changes how you think??#take it! play with it! invite me to play as well haha!)#(not ocs but like- gen stuff??? ye go for it)#mom walked in and looked at the comic I was working on#so I started rambling about my plans with it and what my peers are working on and how cool it all is and how I want to have more of that#and she said “what a waste of time”#so I got loosey goosey with it :\#nice exercise to just draw w/o doing guides or being careful#did this in like under 15 minutes! >:D#but anyways#I haven't slept yet so gn!#.. he's holding stuff in the wrong hands!!!! a#look up ribbonwood / redshanks trees! If Hyrule was a tree- this is it#I imagine zelda 1&2's landscape to be california chaparral!!! I'm really passionate about it!!!!!#check out the california chaparral institute's website -> chaparral -> chaparral types#it's Hyrule's Hyrule!
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I've been binging Batman Beyond recently (Terry ily so much) and thought about how- bc of the JLU twist which I think isn't even canon to the comics BB verse but shhh bare with me- he'd technically be Damian's half brother??? Which is just so ridiculously soap opera to me. I need them to interact in a silly time travel adventure so bad you don't even understand (ID in alt)
#dc comics#damian wayne#terry mcginnis#batman beyond#batman and robin#mine#also feat the mild damian uniform redesign i like playing around with. it's fun i like her. i love u classic robin colours#the backstory for this image in my mind is that Terry knows of Damian/has maybe met him#in the future (whether we're going w the rebirth ''damian rejoins the league'' angle that i. don't love conceptually but can't judge-#-bc i haven't read. or if we go w/ some other potential future route for damian) and Terry is like. experiencing whiplash at meeting him-#-as robin. like you are 5 feet tall why r u so bossy. where is your dad good god. this is why i don't have a robin (?this is pre matt-robin)#but Terry's in an unfamiliar time trying not to cause a paradox so he puts aside his indignitude(?) at being bossed around by a kid#just long enough to make sure nothing goes horrifically wrong. hence this image takes place#<- i could've been a lot more eloquent explaining this but it's very late and i should've been asleep ages ago#anyway. absolutely crazy to me that Damian has had multiple flavours of secret brother plots and terry is a potential addition. rip damian#(also in my ideal future damian took up the nightwing mantle (EVERYONE READ NIGHTWING MUST DIE!!!) before retiring(#idk what his future career is. lowkey hes a webcomic artist in my brain but that's so horrendously self indulgent i can't condone it#also i decided to try my hands at lineart again. evil. how are you so stiff looking and difficult to do. waughh#anyway if things look weird. no they don't
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IN TEARS. I SOMEHOW SPENT THREE HOURS ON THIS. 😭
guys please forgive me 😞
#guess who Sn84pGng is#i spent sm time editing the template. what the hell.#what year is it#ibispaint is crazy#but uhh idk man i thought itd be funny to draw bruno and abbacchio on this meme template 😭#im so silly x3#(something is wrong w me)#jojo's bizarre adventure#jjba#jojo no kimyou na bouken#leone abbacchio#bruno bucciarati#bruabba#meme#hot yaoi base#shitpost
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*** 18+ drabble MDNI ***
“sweetheart, please, I-“ Matt begins to speak but is once again cut off by the way your hips are rocking back and forth across his, not lifting an inch for him but getting yourself off.
“please what? tell me.” you whisper, leaning yourself forward slightly, your mouth resting next to his stubbled cheek as you listen to his chest heaving with the rapid breathing.
“need- shit- need you to ride me.” he stutters, hands still pinned above him by one of your hands.
Matt claims to hate being the sub in bed, says he much prefers having his way with you - but each and every time you start teasing him, the begging comes out. the pleading rears its head.
slowly but surely, you start to bounce up and down, letting go of his hands and leading them to your tits as they copy the movements of the rest of you. “like this? that’s what you want?” you question him, looking down in the red light of the billboard to see his mouth dropped open, short gasps each time you move on his cock, letting him feel all of you, desperate to cum deep in your slick walls.
it’s going to be a very long night for Matt.
#idk what’s wrong w me? i can’t stop writing#like it’s so fun i’ve missed it sm#i’ll probs stop soon and hit a wall and won’t have anything to write for months#matt murdock#daredevil#matt murdock x reader#https l’s thoughts#marvel daredevil#matt murdock smut#matt murdock x you#daredevil fanfic#daredevil marvel#daredevil smut#https matt fic#matthew murdock x you#matthew murdock smut#matthew murdock x reader#matt murdock fanfic#matt murdock fic
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marlo velasco for @rainymoodlet's rock of love!
hii formally introducing marlo after showing them in cas first lmao i'll stick all their info and some bonus pics under the cut :3
they're filipino, nonbinary (using they/them pronouns), and androsexual- for simplicity's sake they sometimes just say they're gay
traits: erratic, hot-headed, creative likes: alternative and metal music, competency, a good discussion, wellness, getting everything just right, being praised(.......), a good visual contrast, travelling, friendly competition, hard workers, vintage artwork, and of course tattoos fhgjhkjkl dislikes: modern decor, elitism, people who lack drive or who follow tradition, being told what to do, stupid questions, green eyes, makeup, phones or cameras or honestly most modern technology, softening their tone in any way, uncomfortable shoes
quick well that was a fucking lie bio:
only child to two very conservative parents, had a very testy relationship with them both throughout their teens and young adulthood. currently no contact with them both
learnt how to tattoo in their teens and joined a tattoo and piercing shop as an apprentice at 21. they met both their ex husband and their current best friend, risa there
married their ex at 25, was truly in love with him despite being deeply unhappy in other aspects of life
came out and began transitioning at 29, which strained their marriage as he tried and failed to accept their true self as opposed to the "woman" he had signed up for
he convinced them to try for having a kid in order to save their relationship shocker, that did not work so mickey was born
after three years they divorced- admittedly marlo was not a stellar parent and left mickey mostly in her father's care while they moved on from working at the original tattoo shop, eventually seeing their kid for only a weekend per month
at 35 opened their new shop Purgatory Tattoos with their best friend risa as co-owner
two years ago, they got a call in the middle of the night, from their ex who immediately started shouting down the line at them for "corrupting" their 11 year old into thinking that she's a girl. they immediately drove the few hours to go pick mickey up and filed for custody the morning after
marlo's relationship with mickey was initially understandably pretty rocky, with marlo being really awkward around their own daughter and mickey obviously being distrustful of them. in years since, they've grown a lot closer, with marlo now really appreciating the work it takes to raise a kid. they're still very anxious about being a "good" parent though, having totally lacked for any role models
has sort of dated around since breaking up with their husband, but hasn't been able to commit to anything serious what with their focus on keeping their business running and the residual sting of a long and painful loss both emotionally and financially from their ex
signed up for this at risa's insistence and also thinking that it'd be nice for mickey to grow up with a more stable and loving environment than they did
fun facts:
they're pretty much tone deaf but nevertheless enthusiastic about karaoke much to their neighbours' detriment
for their employees and apprentices, they're known as kind of a hardass, especially in comparison to risa, but being under their guidance improves skills x10
lactose intolerant but im not wasting a trait slot on that LMAO
used to have piercings, but took their facial ones out years ago because they'd all been done by their ex- all the holes have since closed up
has pretty much no social media presence aside from their shop's instagram account, on which they've got no photos of themselves, not even a candid in the background of a shot. doesnt know wtf a tiktok is even though mick keeps begging them to do dances with her?
can't imagine moving away from tomarang even though they love travelling overseas. a big goal is getting enough money together to take mickey on a big holiday abroad
here are some pics of them and their daughter, mickey! she's 13, trans, she/her pronouns. due to their long estrangement, mickey calls them "lo" instead of any other term
#bro its 4am these status effects r gonna hit like a mf#IVE LOST MY EDITING TOUCH IDK WHATS WRONG W ME#but here's marlo i love their messy ass lots even tho i flopped tonight im sorryyy i swear ill try again later#ts4#marlo#seph.txt
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tlou2 trailer dropped so reminder that the second game sucks and that the creator is a piece of shit and zionist
but i read comments for 30 seconds and got annoyed, suddenly the fanboys who claim that ellie being a lesbian is “pushing an agenda” don’t seem to mind that anymore with the casting of dina !!!
gave her clean clothes and a blowout, girl looks like she just stepped out of american eagle and the men are loving it and i’m disgusted. i’ve already seen posts about how they “improved dina’s look” and im so so annoyed like this is fully a vent LMFAO everything ab the second game/second season/fans just uuugggghhhhh
#god forbid she had dirty oversized clothes and body hair#like idk it’s an apocalyptic setting#the comparison is just rly grossing me out like why why why#what was wrong w the way dina looked in the game??? absolutely nothing#hate them acting like this is such a great change#men stay away challenge#seeing posts saying “that's MY dina” just bc she appeals to their standard now and they can sexualize her more comfortably#idk sorry for this LMFAO im just annoyed!!!
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…….. yknow what i’ll admit it i love having a silly lil monkiesona ……. its good for the bones …..
#forget what I said that one night where idk how to use my monkey sona fuck everything#this might become my most used one along with my standard lil human I’ll switch between them 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽#like I’m having so much fun . what was wrong w me two days ago#txt#doodles#🦍🏄♂️🌊#draws! ✏️
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OMG CHRIS MAKING A TIKTOK WITH YN ASLEEP ON HIS CHEST W THE TEXT "my daily yapping session" AND ITS THE LAST NIGHT I DREAMED I WAS A BOTTLE OF KETCHUP SOUND
lolll i had someone req something like this before
the camera is on you, chris grinning as he records you with the silly audio. you’re snuggled into his chest comfortably and you’re snoring lightly. the video finishes and chris posts it to his account with the caption “my daily yapping session”
about an hour later, you’re awake and you see that he’s posted. you watch the video and like it immediately, a smile coming to your face. you go into the comments and type out “erm actually i dreamed i was a unicorn 😵💫”
chris likes the comment and replies, “i dreamed i was a burger”
#very random idk what’s wrong w me#i actually did dream i was a unicorn once#it was very fun as you can imagine#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader
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Is anyone interested in some spicy leegaa + nart 👉👈
Uncensored
#naruleegaa#???#I checked all the tags and there's like 3 posts in all of them#leenarugaa#idk man its leegaa + naruto#he's a guest#he's propositioning them both lolll#autumns disaster art#gaalee#fanart#leegaa#fan art#gaara x rock lee x naruto#don't @ me for making gaara bottom so often I just like my blorbos to fucked silly#they deserve it#these were doodles but I can't not color idk what's wrong w/ me lol#narugaa#narulee
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in case anybody needs it or is interested, i went through the entirety of dungeon meshi's manga to collect every appearance of holm because... well, i love him and drawing him is hard, so i needed lots of references, okay ?
here is a link to a folder in my drive with all the pics individually (117 in total) + a rar file if u prefer to download all of them directly
#holm kranom#holm dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#idk guys am i the only one crazy about this little guy or#whatver this is here for anybody that needs it like me#ive been doodling him all over my sketchbook and i still cannot get his hair what is wrong w meeee#also his hands and feet are hard bcs im always focused on making everythig proportional#but gnomes arent proportional !!! he hands and feet are slightly bigger and puffy !!!!#ryoko kui give me your skill i need it to draw holm wearing linger- (gets run over by a truck)#vanya strawberry flavored#dunmeshi
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idk why this matters to me but in the last few months they've been acknowledging so many things I never ever thought they would. pinof and the touching. the phude multiple times. dapc slime (ok they had merch to sell for that one but still)
no but actually. phil literally said 'i thought we weren't acknowledging it' about the phude and now they just bring it up all the time.
pinof reacts... i still can't believe we're in a post pinof-reacts universe. how did that happen. i was changed permanently--like something shuffled in my dna when i got the notif for pinof reacts 1. this is not a physical reaction but a chemical one that cannot be undone. for something that was so... sacred. and integral. to their existence and history. pinof wasn't generally talked about unless it was pinof time. and even then it was 'it'll be up soon' or 'we just posted it' and then Never talked about outside of that. especially not the first one! we freak out about the We Know You Know in the newsletter but it's Always been like that with pinof 1. so to see them--new (& natural 🥺) hair for them both, in a house they bought and built together, in the first few months of giving the gaming channel a second chance--reflect on how it all began? absolutely devastating. and to lean into moments and discuss them in new ways. in territory previously not breached! the 'they're toUching'?!?!? the '11 hour fuck session'!?!? the '£9000 champagne'?!?!? like hey we're not supposed to talk about that, dan and phil might see!! shhh!! but they're the ones saying it!! absolutely wild.
in a way, it had to happen. especially with where we're at now (them literally selling merch of them holding hands). in order for them to move beyond that... mindset? i guess? that a lot of fans had, they had to defang it. i really see it as one of the biggest walls they've broken down in the way they communicate with us. the 'hey. it's okay. we've seen it. it's not a big deal. we will absolutely make fun of you for it though. but we're good.'
i'm just really curious whose idea it was. (lbr it was probably phil given dans not a react kinda guy. but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to be in the room where it happened when they talked about actually doing it or not, and what it would mean) (big ad revenue thats for sure 🤣 get it kings)
i will never be able to get phil's 'they touched' out of my head and at this point i wouldn't want to. it's absolutely earned. and i guess it makes me a masochist to enjoy the psychic damage it inflicts on me, but such is life i suppose.
the crafts mention really surprised me! i had contemplated a few different scenarios in how they'd go about it, and i'll be honest i feel like they could've committed to the bit a little more but they're forgiven. like what about glitchy interstitials! cuts to the merch website. found footage inserted between sections! i recognize they don't want to 'scare' their usual audience wirh sudden cuts to intense/graphic content but my immersionnn. absolutely shattered by 'oh we have new merch now btw'. cmon boys you love to lie to us. say theres merch up but you dont know where it came from. just that we should buy it 👀 or idk, something clever. and i recognize i may sound like a spoilt brat bc i just got a 14 minute long masterpiece of an unexpected dapc revival, but my immersion. i mean i already bought the merch before they shilled it anyways so it didn't influence me regardless 🤣
ultimately we really are in a new era. even beyond just the revival. i think they're really finding their stride--not only in their content (evidenced by a semi-regular schedule) but also creatively, in doing what they want to do, how they want to do it, and truly not giving that much of a fuck anymore. and i'm really happy for them. phil talked a bit about this in his 'rating my icons' video, where he's kind of decided he doesn't care what people on twitter think, and how it's been good for him, and i think we're seeing that reflected in not only his content, but also the gaming channel. they play what they want. they say what they want. and it's just fun. dan going on the record to say he's really enjoying it makes me so happy to hear, because literally december 2022 he believed he'd disappear after WAD. and now, instead, he gets to play games and make stupid jokes and smile and laugh multiple times a week, and he's really happy about it. he gets to be silly and goofy and crude without having to Stress about it. i keep saying it but they're so settled now. and as someone who's followed them through big changes and turbulent times, getting to see them happy after everything... it brings a lot of hope. and i know theyre millionaires. but there's something to looking at someone you fell in love with 15 years ago the same then as you do now. but instead of it being something scary, something you have to hide, something that feels like it can consume you and everything you have--it gets to be something beautiful. and regular. and embraced. you've read this far you get to listen to me wax poetic about them.
we've been thoroughly boiled and maybe, just maybe, it's warming our hearts too.
#thank u for sending this. ive been writing non-stop since it arrived in my inbox#there is nothing i love more than someone pointing me in a direction and saying alright go for it!#i am always only a few moments away from a dnp breakdown and im glad to share this journey with you all#dnp#dan and phil#c.text#answered#phan#<- for the fandometrics#edited tags: holyshit this is a 1k words w/ my tags. jfc. what is Wrong with me. it took less than an hour but idk when u sent it exactly
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made this a while back bc a friend told me it would be funny
#yes this is demosniperspy#ray does the art thing#tf2#tf2 fanart#tf2 spy#tf2 sniper#tf2 demoman#sorry im posting old art i cant really draw rn#im on christmas break but idk whats wrong w me i just cant
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Thinking about rains tentacle showing through his panties :/
Coughs loudly
Watching him fuck himself with it through the fabric, can only see the print of it pushing in and out while his panties rapidly get darker
#guys idk what wrong w me lately you’ll have to forgive me#but like … come on …#I need rain taken away from me for the time being#I need to nap#rain ghoul#cw tentacles
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Me, a person with 4c hair everytime artists redo Hobies hair to make his freeform locs more manicured:
Me and my black OC watching as they only do this to Hobie in specific:
#You know there's been a trend lately#especially this w-Let me shut the hell up#idk it's like y'all never redo Pavi's hair or Miles#it's JUST Hobie#why#UGHHHHHHH#what's wrong with his hair? 🤨#spiderman#atsv#spider man#marvel#across the spiderverse#hobie brown#spider punk#spiderpunk
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b merciful….#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I don’t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog 😭#This’d be a different topic but. I don’t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so i’d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even then….. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God i’m fine. I’m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesn’t align with ours obvi but#‘Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?’ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc they’re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood 🤔 or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ‘but every demon likes to drink blood’ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesn’t belong as a devil??? bc he’s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought that’s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#There’s a lot more i’d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and i’ve seen a take that the ‘my friend at a farm’ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. It’s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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