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littlelightfish · 7 months ago

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Holm nation... I have a heartbreaking announcement to make.

We didn't get to see this panels animated.

(I wanted to see Laios helping him, this one isn't the one this post is all about)

I feel it's important to his character enough that Kui decided to dedicate three panels about how he aproaches and resurrects Kabru.

He is used to resurrecting people, his party sucks at keeping themselves alive. He walks up to Kabru's corpse with a worried look on his face. Then he kneels besides him and takes a second to process what he is seeing. He is seeing a young man, Kabru, dead. It makes him feel unseasy, a bit of shock that he can't take the luxury of process at the moment. He doesn't want to look, so he closes his eyes and focuses on his spell. He is realizing he is the only one alive from his party (he doesn't know where Mick is or how he is). He is the last one standing. The reality of it all slaps him in the face.

The panel of him just... looking at the mess Kabru's corpse is was just... It was important. It talked about him as a character. "I'm not doing this because I want to, but because I have to". He doesn't has time for emotions. He has a job to do.

It's just three panels. But they provide lots of context between the ones that came before and after.

He doesn't just rubs Kabru's head because he's being afective. He does it because he cares. He does it out of relief. "As long as I'm here, any of you'll be dying soon. And I'll always be here. Don't worry." He is far from being OK after all this. Marillier died, Daya died, Kuro died, Kabru died, Rin died, Mick probably died too (but he doesn't saw it). He... By the time he was the only one standing, the fight was over, and he could alredy resurrect them. He wants to feel sad. To worry, to be concerned, to mourn. But he can't. It isn't necessary.

He is a cleric. He for sure has a notion of dead way different than anyone and feels a certain way about resurrection. "Dying is dying, even if you resurrect." It's a bug at the corner of his mind, he doesn't pay it any attention. He gets resurrected multiple times, he is gratefull he is alive. But seeing all his friends dead? And the most of them mutilated? Covered in their own blood? He has this desire to mourn. To cry the loss. To panic. "They are all dead."

He knows they'll come back. He has to make them come back. So he does. And they are alive. But they weren't a few seconds ago. And he just plays it off, he puts his calm face on as soon as there is another party member alive that could ask him what happened that it disturbed him so much. He throws all those sad feelings under the rug and focuses at the task at hand.

They're going to be ok, he just has to do his job: bring them back from death. They shouldn't even be dead. But they are. And he's going to fix it. No point on feeling sad about them dying if they can be alive soon!

I think the concern that the anime puts here it's something that could come close to what he feels inside. Those seconds are the only ones we see him looking something akin to worried for his friends.

But then...

His worry vanishes in seconds. The moment Kabru revives, he does it in such a "Kabru" way, that he tells himself: "This is fine, they're going to be back soon, nothing to worry about, I just have to hurry". He wants them all back to live. We know for sure that in his priority list there wasn't any "reviving Toshiro's party members first". He was going to make sure all his party, all his friends, were alive before even thinking of resurrecting other people if he still had the magic.

Those three panels they didn't animate are something that was there for a reason. To give depth to Holm. This last episode is definitely the one in wich he shines the most. He isn't the main character at all this episode, but he does the most important stuff on the background. He revives them all. This all lack of something if you don't show what Kuy drew on those panels.

Here he just... goes to work. He says: "lemme handle it" and he does. No concern, no worry, no, nothing. He just does. No thoughts.

It makes me sad. Those panels were important. :(

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majeoeje · 5 months ago

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Casual

Kabru x reader (gender neutral)

It’s hard being casual when you always find ways to litter little parts of you in my life

Warning: explicit

Unison gasp exhaled from both your lungs, it felt like your chest could be crushed by the tension alone. You could get off with the way he held your you by the back of your neck, it felt as if your body could burn away by his touch and he of course was well aware of this. You only wished Kabru’s piercing eyes wasn’t so fixated on you the whole damn time you’re trying to undress him.

You hate to admit that it made you a little nervous. You knew that he was taking your every little reaction into account. It made you feel somehow vulnerable.

“I told you not to psychoanalize me while im trying to fuck you, Kabru”

You were expecting a heavy teasing coming your way, he knew you were into his dirty talk, so he tends to be vocal during your intercourse, it was more weird to not hear him say anything.

“My bad” he quickly said, caressing your cheek ever so softly, before slowly dragging your hand to the button of his pants “continue”

He hides away using your crave for physical affection to his advantage. You would’ve probably skimmed through it if it wasn’t from how distant he seemed. He was trying to hide something. It wasn’t evident whatsoever.. but you could tell like he does with you that he wasn’t really into it this time.

Despite Kabru’s efforts, you retracted your hand before placing a sweet kiss on his cheek.

“Maybe not tonight Kabru, i don’t want to soil your clean sheets just yet”

the disappointment was evident in his eyes, but it wasn’t out of a want for intimacy on his part. It was for the fact that he failed to deceive you, he failed to control the situation, he miscalculated on the outcomes of your behavior. But most of all, he failed to please you.

You saw right through him. And it scares him.

“I’ll make us dinner, i was thinking steak tonight.” You finally broke the silence, distracting Kabru from his thoughts

“Feeling fancy are we?” He rested his head in the palm of his hand as he watched you get dressed. You hummed in respons giving him a wink.

As soon as you buttoned up your blouse, you waltz your way to his kitchen, which wasn’t far away considering he was staying in a cramp inn.

“You’re getting skinny, i need to feed you well” you had said as the sound of you preparing food filled his ears.

He layed there, still shirtless, the scent of his freshly washed sheets filled his nose while the contact of the fabric ignited multiple indecent memories of you and him. He gets addicted to the feeling of your skin pressing on his but he wouldn’t say it was all physical…. At least on his part.

He reminisced upon your words just a few weeks ago in the tavern as he watched you cooked. He wondered if the weight of this relationship was equally heavy to you as it was to him, knowing well the scales were imbalanced.

“It’s casual” you had said to your friend, a pen pal that he had never met, who previously asked you about ‘that guy you were seeing’.

Your words felt like a pang to his head. Casual? Well of course it was.. It’s not like you two outright agreed to a commitment filled relationship.. but it’s natural to think you’ve begone to care for him by the amount of time you spent together. Was he really getting the wrong idea?..

“It’s not like this is going anywhere anyways” you said before continuing to drink your beer as your friend laughs

At that moment he could vividly imagine the scales were tipping down on him and lifting you up.

It bothered him that you think so little of him. But it bothered him more that HE was bothered. Just why the hell was he so mad? He internally screamed thinking of the implications, burying his face to his pillow. You didn’t pay any mind to his frustration, too busy simmering down the two steaks on his stove.

“Dinner’s ready!” you voiced plating two steaks across each other on his dinner table, even lighting up a candle for him.

As he sat himself watching the steam off the freshly cooked steak, and practically homemade fancy date was that he wondered…. Was this casual?

The thought to strangle you cross his mind. Why would you even go to this lengths just to fuck him on the weekends? Was he really just some guy you seek just for a quick sex? His curiosity burned him like an unending itch that he couldn’t scratch.

“Easy there”

You wiped off a smudge of sauce from the corner of his lips. If he wasn’t chewing so menacingly maybe he wouldn’t be so messy

“Thanks” he said shortly. He wasn’t even hiding his irritation, purposely clanking his cutlery.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong? I can tell you’ve been mad at me”

Kabru’s blue eyes looked at you piercing through your soul. That was probably the first time you ever said something direct to him, it felt breathtaking and frustrating at the same time because he could tell that your words were completely empty.

He wanted to say that you tidying his room for him every chance you get was far from casual. Bathing him that one night because he puked all over himself after being intoxicated wasn’t casual. The way you would cook for him every time you come over wasn’t something casual. Your stuff littering his closet wasn’t casual.

But he couldn’t. Because if he were to yell all those things to you and finally hammering some sense into you would mean he had to say that he wanted to be more than casual. He would have to admit that he genuinely enjoy your company. He had to be honest. And he might actually have to kill you if he ever does that

“Haha! You’re overthinking.. Maybe you’re tired. What about staying the night?”

“I was planning to anyways” you said, talking to Kabru always felt like you were planning a war strategy in your every move. Walking on eggshells would be an understatement knowing his analyzing skills. So it’s better not to press him.

The rest of dinner wasn’t quiet, though maybe you would’ve preferred that hearing his subtle questions to get you to spill your whole backstory once again. Your head hurts from dodging all his questions from shifting the conversations and giving lame excuses. You were more than relieved to go to bed.

“How’s your party? Those guys doing okay?” you asked, a lousy attempt on small talk on your part, recalling a hazy memory of you socializing with Kabru’s party at the tavern

It’s hard being casual when he had introduced you to all his friends

You snuggled close to him, his arms carefully embracing you. It felt natural. Like you and him were meant to be. He could imagine holding you in his arms every night in the future and he hates himself for it. He never knew meeting someone exactly like him would be both a bliss and hell at the same time. It was truly tiring to be at war in every conversation with you, but usually he doesn’t have to think much of it from how busy he was fucking your brains out

“Everyone’s doing alright.. we might go back to explore the dungeon in 2 days” Answered Kabru, you could feel his fingers playing with your hair absentmindedly

“Don’t forget to eat yeah? You always get so skinny after your adventures” he hates how you worry over him. And he hates how he liked it.

He asked to himself looking down to your now sleeping form. Your legs tangled beneath the his sheets, the one that you washed for him, he held you closer as he could feel your breathing fanning down his neck. Does this truly mean nothing to you?

Despite his inner turmoils, he held his tongue. He couldn’t let go.. just not yet.

Because only in these moments was where Kabru could pretend that you two were lovers holding each other throughout the night. At least he could have you in another way other than sexual in these moments.

The night went by faster than he initially thought and by morning, you were gone… as always.

Kabru looked around at the washed dishes, the clean floors of his inn, his neatly folded clothes, his organized closet… his place had never looked cleaner. Yet he was never more a mess. It was as if you had came to his life just to fuck with him both physically and mentally. May the gods gave him strength cause he might not have the self respect to not indulge you in your next visit.

But Kabru sucked it up and dragged himself to the market for supplies of the next dungeon raid. Rin and holm had been waiting not so patiently for him, scolding Kabru for sleeping in again.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been with that merchant again, you look a mess.” Rin says, her gaze scanned Kabru’s disheveled appearance up and down.

Despite his residence always being a mess, Kabru usually upheld a kept appearance. It helps him with gaining trust and connection from other people thus making it easy for him to gain information. Though this wouldn’t be the case after a night with a certain travelling merchant, you.

“You don’t need to worry about that, Rin” said Kabru as he smiled charmingly “i just accidentally slept in a little”

Before Rin could scold Kabru more, Holm stood between the two of them.

“It’s best if we start the shopping” he quickly intervenes . As Rin walks away Holm gave Kabru a comforting look

“It’s okay, just don’t be late next time” said the gnome, as he pats Kabru’s back gently.

And with that Holm catched up to Rin discussing what perservatives would be best to bring tomorrow. Kabru tailed right behind them as they talked. Least to say he was out of it.. occasionally giving feed backs here and there about the length of the trip or expenses, but other than that he was a little quiet. Not as quiet for them to notice at least.

It’s not like Kabru wasn’t a genuine person. He has good intentions and he truly is kind. But he was always great at masking. To hide his true emotions wasn’t something that he hadn’t mastered. But it all seems to get thrown out the window once he’s with you. It’s like you could see right through him as much as he could you and he could tell it terrifies you as much as it did him.

Two sides of the same coin was what you are. He never thought he wanted to be understood until he met you.

“Hey, isn’t that the person Kabru was seeing?” Holm voiced, despite Rin’s protest in trying to hide your whereabouts.

Kabru’s eyes suddenly drift to a small alleyway. You were talking to someone, that pen pal again that you were talking to a few weeks ago.

“You’re actually crazy” your friend laughed as if you had just told him something funny. And Kabru couldn’t help but eavesdrop your conversation.

“You know i can’t miss this opportunity.. this is a once in a lifetime!!”

Kabru pretended as if he were browsing the fruits nearby as he hears you talk, your excitement and fear basically pouring out of your words.

“How long before you leave?”

Kabru froze hearing your friend’s words, almost tipping over the basket in his hand. You’re…leaving?? For how long?

“Maybe in 2 days, i bet you’re going to miss me to bits.” You teased.

“Whatever, you’re the one who’s leaving everything behind anyways”

You weren’t coming back anytime soon. It was evident in your friend’s sudden serious tone. This whole conversation was a whole farewell. Kabru only wished that he could be half as accepting as your friend.

He stood there, ignoring Rin’s harsh stare knowing he was wasting their precious time idling by the fruit stall.

Because before your friend had continue to go on a rant on how you owe them a trip to the tavern you had said something so downright lonely he couldn’t shake his mind on the words you had let out.

“There’s barely anything for me here anyways”

What about him? He wanted to ask.

He was mad at himself for thinking such things.. it’s not like he alone was enough to make you stay. But mostly he was mad at you.

“Kabru!?” Your eyes widen upon seeing him, it doesn’t seem like he wasn’t standing there the whole time. You noticed him at the corner of your eyes as soon as your friend left. Holm and Rin thankfully reading the situation and continued their shopping, not wanting to get in on their party leader’s personal affairs.

Kabru walked calmly approaching you, honestly scaring you.

“So.. you heard everything..” you sheepishly asked.

“I’ve heard enough”

And of course you were off to a great start.

“I see..” you trailed off. Again, it was as if you were walking on eggshells around him. “maybe it’s for the best. I wouldn’t know how to tell you anyways”

“Just… tell me why are you doing all this..” Kabru’s voice sounded more desperate than he initially intended, it made you wonder what’s inside his mind.

It’s not like he ever escapes your mind anyways.

“A commissioner from the east asked me formally to be part of their trading association, it doesn’t get better than that now does it?”

“What about your job, you’re just going to throw that away?” Kabru’s words was starting to annoy you, and even he could tell that he has passed the thin line between being worried and nagging.

“Well my friend from earlier was happy to take over”

Kabru notices how you crossed your arms and rolled your eyes. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, he needed to calm down.

“Then what about your friends… your family??”

His more careful words just tick you off even more. You hate how he always hides his intention as talks to you. He dances between wanting to please you and dissect you. It’s especially frustrating now that you’re leaving and you can’t figure out what he was trying to say.

“Can you get off my ass? I know what i’m doing. And my friends and family couldn’t be more happy for me so why can’t you??” You spat, turning away from him, frustrated beyond all else.

“Because i want you to stay goddamnit!”

You turned back faster than you turned around. His eyes were widen, mirroring yours as his hand find its way to cover his mouth, in disbelief of what he just said. It was basically a confession and he couldn’t deny it now.

His mouth open to correct himself, but the growing smile out of the corner of your lips made him swallow his words. Every trials that he thought to try and save himself was lost to the sound fastening beat of his heart.

“Kabru… do you really think that way of m- OW-“

He didn’t know what to do, so he just blanked and punched you in the face

“What the fuck was that for?!?”

You whined as you held him by the wrist, ignoring the growing bruise on your cheek, afraid he might just land you another blow to the face. Though what he said before was probably more shocking than any punch he could land you.

You let go after a few minutes of Kabru begrudgingly saying how he won’t punch you in the face again, you didn’t trust him but it’s better than the other threats he gave you if you don’t let go.

Despite that he had bought you an enchanted ice that was supposed to last longer, said the merchant. He did so that he could apply it on your bruise feeling A LITTLE apologetic for what he did. You find his scowl and how he tries to avoid your gaze quiet adorable despite the situation.

You try calm him down dragging his hand to the beach as a last effort ditch to try and lighten the situation. Perhaps a scenic location would cheer him up?

He sat next to you as he silently held the ice to your bruise for you. You still can’t quite piece together why he punched you in the face but you’ve had more violent sexual intercourse with him that makes it seem tame.

“About earlier..” you hesitantly started, finally breaking the silence. “did you… really mean it?”

You asked, he can’t believe how incredibly fragile your tone of voice was. It was as if you could break any second.

Though Kabru would gladly pick up your pieces and put you back together.

“Yes” he coughed, trying to brush his embarrassment off.

You could only laugh seeing his reaction. You didn’t know what else to do but laugh really…

Everything just seems unreal. The sun setting to a beautiful orange hue, the calm waves of the sea, the soft blow of the wind… but mostly.. it was him. everything felt too perfect that you were afraid you might ruin it. But despite that you couldn’t help but want to connect with him than ever. After denying everything for so long.. is it so bad for you to speak your heart?

“It’s funny how out of everyone in my life, i only waited to hear that from you” you confessed.

Is it casual now? Kabru asked to himself. When you only wanted to stay if he asks you to. He doesn’t want to wonder what it means anymore. He’s done playing guessing games, even if it cost him, to spill his guts out.

“Just please tell me what you’re trying to say..” he asked more desperately he ever had before. you could basically see hope all over his face.

You choked feeling the warmth collecting on your cheeks on the possibility of Kabru actually returning your feelings, it baffles you really that someone as breathtaking as him him could ever want you, let alone harbor feelings for you, making you deny any accusations or any of your friends’ remarks. It was never going to happen.. there was just no way.

Yet the way he held your hand now could prove you a thousand times wrong. Maybe you were always wrong..

“I’m saying that i love you, Kabru”

(A/N: maybe it would’ve made more sense if i split this into a two part but like i spent too much time on this already so might as well 😂😂😂 anyways i listened to casual more times than i needed when i wrote this. Love Chappell roan fr)

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