#and he essentially said i just need to be better at my job so we get less calls and that being on call is essential and unavoidable
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need to sleep but the Dread is consuming me
#i just feel like smth bad is going to happen tonight. but also i feel like this p often on random nights where nothing bad happens so.#it could be bc i had caffeine this morning and its still fucking with my. brain#or more likely its bc im back on the overnight call list for work starting tonight and continuing the rest of the time i have this job#being able to not be on it while i was on vacation was so nice like i could actually sleep#still couldnt sleep through the night but at least when i did wake up it didnt take me an hour to fall back to sleep#generally when i feel this much dread on a night i can get work calls its bc theres going to be a call sometime between 3 and 6am that nigh#hopefully there wont be but ik this dread and anxietys gonna fuck up my sleep regardless so whatever#i dont really want to move to nyc but if i get this job offer i think i just need to bc this job is fucking me up so bad#if it wasnt for this fucking on call thing itd be tolerable but i just can't handle the on call thing#the fear that ill get a call and not know how to solve the problem and have to call my boss or coworker to help is killing me#ik its stupid but i have really bad anxiety around waking ppl up and asking ppl for help and calling ppl so#perfect combination to make me Suffer ig#and i did try talking to my boss about it and told him it was the reason i was unhappy on the team#and he essentially said i just need to be better at my job so we get less calls and that being on call is essential and unavoidable#if i dont get the nyc job i might need to just quit anyway which i know is pathetic but i just cant handle this on top of the other things#like i cant have no friends and a useless therapist and meds that dont work and no sense of self and a million other things#and then on top of that a job that makes it so i cant even sleep which is the one thing ive always been okay at and not had problems with#i know its so silly and i know i need to be grateful this job pays me well and shut up#i just am so miserable and i need to be able to sleep like i need that one thing please#sorry for being ridiculous and insane i know its stupid to be this upset over this#sorry dkdkjd sorry about all this i genuinely cant believe anyone still follows me when i post this bullshit#hopefully its fairly easy to ignore and everyones just not expanding the tags so im just screaming into the void#cant tell if i really want no one to see this or if im putting it all here all the time so i can pretend someone is reading it and cares#idk im just so tired and so sad and so scared all the fucking time and i think i just dont want to always be alone in it idk#and i know my problems arent real or serious or bad but unfortunately im pathetic and spoiled and theyre destroying me anyway
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ok yayyy robinfreckle time...
#SOOOO BASICALLY. the first invasion of the camp where coyotespeck was like Time to slay!#so basically. shadefall was da medicinecat for a long time and finallyyy got an apprentice heatherpaw. and heatherpaw is soso sweet like sh#and softspoken but super super good at her medicinecat duties. shes calm understanding sweet amd evrything. also backstory#for heatherpaw. she was the only surviving kit of her litter and her mom was robinfreckle teehee. n now robinfreckle has justtt given birth#to another litter basically. and heatherpaw is just checking up on her like da day after like omg heyy how is it just gotta do checkups..#meanwhile shadefall is talking to burntstar about heatherpaw becoming a full medicinecat bc like i said Shes really good. andthen all hell#breaks loose THE CAMP IS BEING INVADED!! AAAA and heatherpaw even tho she has nooo warrior training is holding them off from the nursery#shes reeally good and she keeps them out but also gets fatally injured. and also so does robinfreckles MATE crowtalon. sad..#shadefall rushes to the nursery but theres nothing he can do for heatherpaw shes going 2 die. and hes like crying super hard bc he like. sa#her as a daughter essentially he was so so proud of her. and he feels like he shouldve been able to save her.. but shes like. content bc#she knows she protected the queens n everythang.. n her only question was like Was i a good medicinecat. and shadefall is like trying not 2#sob and hes like yes đyou were the best apprentice i ever couldve asked for#and heatherpaw just kind of like smiles and then dies. VERY SAD!! and then shadefall is like ohh fuck there was a huge battle i need to do#my job. even tho hes all alone again and he keeps like turning to ask heatherpaw to do something but heatherpaw doid etc...#and then robinfreckle. is distraught over losing her kit yk.. like i said she already lost heatherpaws littermates and now shes lost#heatherpaw too. and then she finds out her mate was horrifically wounded and she falls into such a bad depression she cant care for her kit#and she absically just sits silently by crowtalons side in the medicine cats den and just. prays that hell live. but he doesnt saddd sadd#after a couple weeks he dies. and shadefall and her r like. commiserating basically.. bc crowtalon was his brother and obv he cared a ton#abt heatherpaw bc she was his apprentice. so hes like. theyre both grieving rly hard obbbbviously. and robinfreckle starts to do better#and then both of her kits die. SAD. and shes back at rockbottom she feels like she lost everything. and burntstar is like We have to leave#and shes like. i cant leave their graves. i cant leave behind my family. theyre all i ahve... and then shadefall is like. robinfeather. we#might be leaving their bodies here but they will always alwaysbe looking down from starclan!!! they would want you to be happy they would#want you to keep going!! and even if you feel like nobody is with you physically I am here... and robinfeather is like. omg trueee....#and agrees 2 go aww. and after a while her and shadefall become mates#and as of rn they only have one kit together lichennewt. and idt theyll have anymore bc theyre both oldd#but lichennewt (whos name i might change bc i dont like the double n) looks justtt like heatherpaw basically. so theyre like wahh#and lichennewt is suchh a sweetie even tho hes a warrior.. and he got with podtail btw :] they had a kit but he doid sad. rip shrewpaw it#was just after his apprentice ceremony too UGH..#but yaa im emo abt them.. robinfreckle is the one who died btw. it was a rockslide. but i brought her back bc i was so so mad abt it#literally went into the like savefile and i was like dead = false actually ^-^
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Interdimensional FMK (fuck, marry, kill)
The High King of the Infinite Realms (aka Danny âIâm either gonna marry my childhood best friend or die alone againâ Fenton) was assigned the judge and now ghosts are teaming up to present three candidates from each of their favorite dimensions to present for the game. A ghost from the DC comics Dimension (cough cough Deadman) nominates that the candidates for his dimension should be heroes from the Justice League!
In his defense, the last time they did this game the previous king didnât actually SUMMON the candidates.
Or
Dannyâs best friends married each other so now his subjects are desperately trying to get him to enter the dating scene again because heâs being mopey and the last time the ghost king had a broken heart he turned into a tyrant.
"My King, would you like to play a game while we wait for the Goblins' to get their computer to work?" Asks a man in a circus outfit, his voice ringing over the crowd waiting in line to have an audience.
Danny fights not to scowl, already fed up with today's duties. He knows it's essential to give his people time to speak to him so that their worries about him becoming a tyrant can be addressed and put to rest, but recently, it feels like everyone, including their mother, wants to marry him off.
Oh, they hide it in some issue about the zone, but somehow, it always turns back to "Have you found a spouse, Your Highness?"
It was worse than going home for Thanksgiving. At least there were only his distant family members who did not know about Danny's rule. They just all assumed he was living off his parents, jobless and uneducated.
His parents and sister did their best to tell them off, which was a nice defense, but Danny had no issue snapping back at them. He really liked to rub his aunt's divorce into his face whenever she started, as she believed his sister was better than Danny in every way.
But that was family. He was allowed to be disrespectful when they were disrespectful. As King Phantom, the high ruler of the Ghost Zone, he can afford to be less than regal.
Danny attempts to ease back on his sicky-sweet smile to stop twitching at the edges as he responds. "I don't think that would be appropriate. The Goblins' technical problems are not their fault, and taking my attention away from them would be rude-"
"We don't mind!" One of the little creatures cuts in. He was the ambassador sent to speak about his people's expansion request. "We almost got the system back up anyway."
Dang it.
"Alright. What is the game?"
"It's a really popular one back in my home dimension." The circus man says, floating over the people who all suspiciously let him pass without complaint. They planned this, the rats. "FMK. It stands for-"
"Fuck, Marry, Kill," Danny interrupts, smiling at the surprise on the ghost's face. He sometimes forgets that nearly none of his subjects know he is human or that he commutes from said Earth. Despite his very obvious modern terminology, they all assume he's as old as Clockwork. "I have played before."
"Oh, well, great! Wonderful! I was thinking FMK for Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman, " the ghost says nervously, rocking his heels. "I can describe them for you if you need me to?"
Danny blinks at the offer before he snaps his fingers and calls upon the powers of the Observers. Images of the mentioned people flash through the grand hall, showcasing their events. It seems like they were heroes of some kindâthe fond memories that bringâand because the ghost had used their code names, only events within costume were displayed.
He learned this little trick during his second year of being on the throne after the council of eyeballs attempted to regain their power over the Zone.
It was nice to show them that Danny didn't need them. He could easily do his job, and he reminded them every day that they remained in the council on his goodwill alone.
Mutters of wonder echoed through the room as his subjects swung their heads around, trying to see the three heroes simultaneously. Danny smiled as one particular ghost split his head into two so he could watch Superman and Batman at the same time.
Circus Ghost claps excitably. "What do you think, your highness?"
He hums, rubbing at his chin, considering the images. The entire room leans in closer as Danny's green eyes flicker from one hero to another, and then he snaps again.
"Kill." The images shift to only Superman. The crowd groans in disappointment. He's pretty sure he heard someone exchange some coins.
"Fuck" Woman Woman poses with her sword as the ground room is overwhelmingly filled with her image as various battles rage on. There are cheers from the ghosts.
"Marry" Batman stands majestically on top of the towers of his city, but unlike his comrades, the images shown for him are none of his fight scenes. Instead, they showcase how he and his various children interact. "I like a man who's good with children."
"Good to know," the circus man mutters, suddenly writing on a glowing green clipboard. The volume suddenly increases as everyone in the room starts speaking at once, bubbling excitement and anticipation floating into the air.
The Ghost King is just about to ask why they care so much about a silly game when a bright white flash runs through the room, leaving behind the very same heroes he was just speaking about. They look confused to be in the room of the undead, obviously just been summon against their will.
Superman has a half-eaten donut in his mouth and is holding onto steaming mugs that the other two were about to grab.
Danny's face spams, but no one seems to pay attention to it because Circus Man races up to Batman and throws an arm over his shoulder. "Your Highness, you have chosen contestant number 3! He's Gotham's dark defender, father of nine, and one hell of a detective. Give it up for Batman!"
"Deadman, what is the meaning of this?" Woman Woman demands as the crowd erupts into cheers.
"I will explain later." Deadman- apparently, that's the ghost name he willingly chose?- promises but never takes his eyes off of the King. "First, Batman has a date with the Ghost King!"
"No," Batman growls. At the same time, Danny shouts, "Absolutely not!"
"But Great One, you need love. I know things have been rough since Samantha left you for Tucker." Out of all the ghosts that could have betrayed him, FrostBite speaks.
Danny gawks at him, sputtering, "It was a mutual breakup! We dated as teenagers, and Sam got with Tucker in our mid twenties! I'm thirty!"
"My King." The yeti says gravely, "Do not lie."
"For Clockwork's Sand! This is worse than my parent's house!" Danny groans, covering his face with his hand. "Send the heroes back, please. I'm not dating Batman."
"But-"
"That's an order." He doesn't quite yell, but Danny puts every ounce of authorization, which is far more effective. FrostBite and Deadman immediately cower. Danny glares at them briefly before swinging his gaze to the waiting crowd. They flinch. "And the rest of you, if you pull another trick like this, Pariah Dark will look like a kitten compared to me."
"Wait-" Starts Superman, but the living are gone in another flash, cutting him off from whatever he was going to say. This is getting out of hand, and he's so tired of it. He needs a vacation.
He should visit Sam and Tucker, the two newlyweds who just moved to Gotham after Sam inherited her grandfather's company when her Grandmother passed. The last time they spoke, they were talking about a fancy gala hosted by Bruce Wayne.
He could go for a night of classy drinks and pretty men or women as a treat.
Danny sighs. "Now, what was that about the expansion?"
#dcxdpdabbles#dcxdp crossover#Contestant number 3#spirit halloween ship#When the entire Kingdom nags you about marriage#Danny needs a vacation#Clark was sharing his famous coffee and donuts when they were zapped#Deadman was trying to marry up his friends
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There are a couple more Garrus-Vakarian-related hills I'm willing to die on.
Maybe this particular bit of fanon has faded over the years, but there used to be a lot of insistence that Garrus is young and somehow inexperienced when he meets Shepard. Canon doesn't really support this. Turians start their mandatory service at 15. Garrus has at least a decade of experience. Even if he's 2-4 of years younger than Shepard (according to Patrick Weekes), he's got at least as much field experience as she does by dint of the difference in turian and human "enlistment" ages.
Garrus is really damn good at his job at C-Sec. You don't give the Case of Investigating the Rogue Spectre to a greenhorn. You give it to your best, most tenacious agent. Pallin may not always approve of Garrus's actions, but that doesn't actually stop him from putting Garrus on the tough case. Also, we don't know much about how C-Sec works but we do know a bit about how the turian hierarchy works, and we know C-Sec was essentially a turian initiative. That means it's a meritocracy where failure reflects on the superior, not the one who failed. So, in roughly a decade (Shepard's 29 in ME1; I always think of Garrus as about 27), Garrus has not only done shipboard military service, but he's also risen to be one of C-Sec's top investigators; Pallin wouldn't risk having Garrus's "failure" reflect poorly on HIM otherwise. I'd say that actually makes Garrus as remarkable in civilian law enforcement terms as Shepard is considered to be within the ranks of the Alliance military.
Of course Garrus was scouted by the Spectre program. And honestly, if his dad hadn't stepped in, I think Garrus would have become a Spectre, no problem. Especially for a turian, he's cut from precisely the cloth the Spectres would be looking for: extremely skilled, extremely capable, and--most importantly--he's a turian not just able but willing to work outside the chains of command that turians are taught from birth to revere and be loyal to above all else. This is the reason Pallin is leery about Spectres: he's a good turian. Good turians follow straight lines; they don't carve out their own paths.
Garrus's dad's not dumb, and he's not cruel, and he, too, rose to the top of the C-Sec hierarchy. He took one look at his kid, I think, and said, "I love my child, but I'd say it's a 50-50 chance he ends up a shooting-first-asking-questions-later Spectre like Saren Arterius, and I don't want to see that happen." Yeah, he uses his parental influence to try and jam square-peg-Garrus into round-hole-C-Sec and Garrus resents him for it, but there's no way he did it just to stop his son from getting his way or because he doesn't like Spectres. I expect Vakarian Sr. had to clean up more post-Spectre-interference messes than we can possibly imagine. But we also know he and Alec Ryder were pals later.
So the importance of what Garrus learns from a Paragon Spectre Shepard is this: You can't just do what you want and claim the ends always justify the means. That's what Saren does. Over and over again. Garrus's code and his idealism and his sense of justice and his ability to work alone should make him a great Spectre, actually, but he needs Paragon Spectre Shepard's actions to show him the lesson he tells her he's learned during ME1: "If the people I'm sworn to protect can't trust me... well, then I don't deserve to be the one protecting them." (And the seed of Archangel was planted.) I think for the first time he realizes that even though he believes his sense of justice to be correct, it doesn't matter for shit if he can't show others why that's so. And that's where the trust comes in. (Also, ow, the extra level of importance this gives their exchange where she tells him she trusts him and he tells her she's about the only friend he has left is... a lot. Cool, cool. I'm totally fine. Nothing to see here.)
When Shepard asks him what happened on Omega, he replies, "My feelings got in the way of my better judgement." Something tells me that this never happens to "good" turians, which just makes the line so much more devastating. And although the lesson some might take away from this is "feelings bad; no feelings ever," the "grey" that Garrus has to learn to deal with is precisely the grey of recognizing feelings, validating them even, but not acting on them until they've been examined. (Which is why my Shepard stands between him and Sidonis; she doesn't give a shit about Sidonis. But Garrus has refused to process his own feelings of failure and self-loathing, so they have to take the therapy session to the Citadel and deal with it there.)
Ahh yes. The mountain range of character analysis.
#mass effect#garrus vakarian#femshep#paragon shepard#thinky thoughts#mass effect meta#long text post#i have no idea if i'm repeating things i wrote about more than a decade ago but oh well lol#october is for talking about mass effect i guess#happy birthday month to me
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LUNCH ⯠C. Berzatto
carmen interviews a new girl for the recent waitressing job at the bear, and she's been the recent reason for his journal entries the past two weeks.
carmen berzatto x fem!reader
warnings: sexual themes (18+ MDNI), cuss words, carmen being super whipped but also kind of a perv, reader is kind of a ditz but so am i, reader has tats because i do too, reader also doesnt have much dialogue bc it's mostly from his pov.
word count: 1k
a/n: not really based off any specific episode or season in the series. i just love carmy so much <3
"Chef i need you to take over for at least an hour, i got an interview in 10." Carmen instructed Sydney, walking into the office as the kitchen staff began to prepare for open. The staff- mainly Sydney, Richie, and Carmen desperately needed a waiter in house. With how busy the restaurant was beginning to get they needed more than Nat out there.
"Are you gonna hire her?" Sydney asked; Carmen had briefed her about the applicant a day prior. He sat down, refreshing himself on the resume before meeting with her.
"Well she's the only applicant so far, so I don't really think I have a choice chef," before he could finish his thought he heard the chime of the entrance door. Glancing down at the time it read 10:51.
Early, off to a good start, he said to himself quietly. He gave one puff of cologne on his neck to try and musk the smell of kitchen before going out into the front of house to start the interview. Carmen forgot how to breathe for just a few seconds when he saw her- easily the most beautiful person he's seen walk in his restaurant.
"Um- Hi I'm Carmen Berzatto, the owner, you must be Y/N?" He introduces through a deep breath and a shaky hand that he extends. She takes it with a smile, following his lead. The soft taps of her high top converse against the tile floor, the flow of her skirt twirling as she turns in front of him slightly. It's exhilarating.
"Can I get you something to drink before we start? Water, a soda, coffee?" He offers, standing tall next to the table side. She grins and shakes her head denying his offer, her sweet sounding voice making butterflies flutter around in his stomach. That hasn't happened in a while.
They make small talk for a little while, Carmen asking pre-thought out ice breakers before getting to the real questions. But if he's honest with himself he isn't even listening to her answers. He's too focused on the way her lips move and how she purses her lips when she thinks about an answer.
He's taken great notice of the tattoos she has on her arms, in similar places to his own, all black outlined like his too. one is written in french, he assumes, right above her wrist on her arm. One is two small birds on the inside of her forearm. He wants to pause the interview just to talk about what they all mean to her. Partially because he wants to hear her voice for the rest of his life. He wants to press record on his phone and listen to her talk about whatever she wants to, her voice is that angelic.
"Can I ask you what the tattoo on your hand means?" she asked and he thought he was going to faint because she grabbed ahold of his hand gently to get a better look at it. She giggled when she got a better look at the artwork.
"It's to remind me to be careful when I chop vegetables, essentially," Carmen explained with a chuckle. "What does the one on your wrist mean?"
"Terre Ă terre, down to earth. I dont want to stray too far from who I was raised to be, so that's a reminder. I also have a couple more in french- my grandmother was french so I have a lot of french things in my life." She pulls up the sleeve of her shirt to reveal another tattoo, "Ă©toile filante, shooting star. The first time I saw a shooting star was on my sixteenth birthday, my worst birthday actually."
He reminded himself to close his mouth because he knew he was about to start drooling, hearing the way her silky voice sounded even better in a foreign language.
He breezed through the interview, Natalie insisting that even though there are no other applicants and she'll probably get the job, do it the right way. "I'll give you a call by the end of the week, Y/N. It was a pleasure having you today." He shows her out of the restaurant, walking her to her car for safety, of course."
When Carmen got back inside, before he got to joining the team in prepping for the lunch crowd he pulled out his journal that he started to carry with him. It was full of various things: different dinner ideas to try out on the menu for a special, addresses, phone numbers, and other journal entries. he's made a habit of journal three times a week and he has a feeling he's going to be doing it a lot more with Y/N joining the team.
-
I could eat that girl for lunch. She smelled sweet like fuckin brownies or something, rich and delicious. Her tattoos, her gold necklaces, her smile, her skirt. I feel like a perv but god i know her skin would be so soft, and she'd have the best blind reactions to recipes, and i bet she'd taste good too. I'm closing the applications, this Y/N chick is gonna be the death of me.
-
"Hi Y/N, this is Carmen from The Bear, how're you?" he couldn't even wait a full 24 hours before he hired her. Embarrassing. "I just wanted to call and let you know that we're offering you the job if you are still interested." He bit the cap of his pen with a grin hearing her cheer and laugh on the other side of the phone. "Yea- yeah that's great, listen could you start Monday? I'll get you trained n'all that."
Carmen ends the phone call and moves some papers around on his desk, printing the papers for Y/N and putting them in her folder. He couldnât stop grinning like a kid from hearing her excited voice over the phone.
Instantly heâs thinking of a million things to write in his journal about her. But he doesnât have time, he needs to prep the special for tonights dinner service before anything else. Carmen will be thinking of her, however. Thinking of how soft her hands must be, or how sweet her chapstick tastes. He'll think of how it'll be nice to have her around, not just the help but to have someone with a softer tone around the place, too.
He thinks about Y/N while making glaze, mixing everything together to get that perfect spicy honey taste, he's imagining how her face lights up when she laughs. He doesn't even really know her yet but he's already making up what a first date would be like. He'd take her out for coffee, go see a movie, then go for a walk. But not too late, though. Even if she might be a night owl it's still inappropriate to keep a girl out past ten, at least that's what he read in some magazine a long time ago.
"Chef you ready to prep the team for tonight?" Sydney asked, interrupting his thoughts. He stumbled, dropping the spoon into the bowl and biting his tongue.
"Fuck- yeah, yeah I am."
-
"'M gonna go over the menu with you, if m'goin too fast then stop me." He pulls up a chair and tucks his hair behind his ears. Setting the laminated piece of paper in front of her, explaining each dish to her in firm detail. Carmen watches as her french tip acrylic nails trace along the menu, guiding along the words that he says from memory.
She's impressed, shocked even that he came up with this himself. She jokes that she can't cook and it gains a laugh from him.
"I'll teach you a few things, if ya want." He didn't mean for it to come out sounding like he was hitting on her...but secretly he was. Since when was he that slick with words?
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I can't stop thinking about her. She's on my mind all the fuckin' time. She smelled really good, must have been her shampoo. I would love to just sit with her there, not sexually. Just be. I bet she's really calm and chill. I'd love to get ready with her in the mornings, again not sexually. To spend time, to laugh, to talk. I could eat that girl for lunch.
-
When Carmen walks into the front he catches Y/N taking pictures in the mirror by the entrance. He chuckles, watching her pose and smile. She turns around and gasps, cheeks getting darker when she realizes she's gotten caught.
"Sorry, the mirror is just so aesthetic."
"That? Um, okay? Guess we have different opinions of what aesthetic is." Carmen guides her to the back counter, teaching her how to count inventory of everything.
He feels out of place- no, he feels gross when he watches her bend down. He sees a peek of white lace stick out from the band of her jeans and he knows he shouldn't stare, but he can't help his mind from wandering. He wanders about what other types of underwear she might have, if she has any special ones, what they'd feel like wrapped-
"Carmen!" Sydney snaps him out of his daydream. "Sorry to interrupt, but you have a phone call from the AC guy." He's pulled away, for the better, but he knows he's going to write about this as soon as he gets the chance.
-
I'm interested in more than just being her boss. I could eat her alive, i'd let her take a seat on me wherever she wants for however long she wants. She'd taste like....like sweet watermelons on a sunny summer day. Yeah, something like that. She can't be real can she? I don't know how long I can keep acting professional. I just know she'd be the one for me.
ă»ăâĄ.ă»ăâă».ă»â«ă»ăâă»ă. âĄă»ă.ă»ăâă».ă»â«ă»ăâĄă»ă
feedback | masterlist
#j's writing#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto smut#carmy berzatto imagine#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto smut#the bear imagine#the bear x reader
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Why are you in my head?
Sneak Peek: Eddie and you are soulmates. The legend of soulmates is that you start to hear one anotherâs thoughts around age 16 â not all the time, but when youâre feeling a strong emotion. It simply flows out of you and into the other, the legend also states that the closer you are, the more you can hear them. **The events of season 4 did NOT happen** I did also use some of the dialogue
Bold are Eddieâs thoughts; Italics are readerâs thoughts. (mind you, they are essentially hearing both sets of thoughts)
Eddie Munson x Fem Sunshine! Reader (Soulmate AU)
Fluff - Part 2 Part 3 Part 4** Part 5
Word count: 1364
REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, explicit language, let me know if I missed any!
That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
You had known all about soulmates, your mom had told you bedtime stories about soulmates and how she and your dad met throughout your entire childhood. They had been hearing one anotherâs thoughts for quite a while before your dad saved your mom from being run over by a biker as she stepped off the curb. Sheâd tell you how when their eyes met she could hear him thinking about how beautiful her eyes were and he heard her thinking about how handsome he was. You have hoped and dreamed of meeting your soulmate since you were four years old.
You had a soulmate, that much you knew. You had been hearing his thoughts for the last few years, they were few and far between which frustrated you. Your mom had explained it just meant he wasnât close by, which sucked. You were hoping that the distance would decrease, given your familyâs plans to move.
Hawkins, Indiana wasnât exactly a town that people were flocking toâŠbut here you were. Your mom had been offered a job at their hospital there as the supervising nurse and your parents had decided it was too good an offer to pass up. Your dad had contacted the local police department to see if they had any openings, to which they asked for a letter of recommendation and pretty much offered him the job.
Things were working out well for your parents. You hadnât really been sure about the move. Your soulmateâs thoughts had been pretty quiet the last few days but, a part of you knew it was because your anxiety of this move was clearly drowning out his thoughts.
The car finally came to a stop, and you glance up for the first time since youâd gotten in the car that morning, too focused on the music playing from your Walkman and rereading The Hobbit, again. You looked up to see a modest home in a cookie cutter neighborhood, you were grateful for your parents and their ability to provide you with the things you need, but some days you wished your family wasnât soâŠaverage.
âSweetie, why donât you head in and pick your room?â Your mom suggested.
âReally? I get to choose?â You asked.
âYou have your pick, other than the master bedroom. You and I will organize the remaining rooms.â Your mom explained.
Damnit, if I could just get the chords right.
You quickly jogged up to the door, letting yourself in. You made your way upstairs first, checking out the two small bedrooms up there that were situated opposite the master bedroom, separated by a full bathroom. While both rooms were nice, they didnât give you nearly enough room to âexpress your creative freedomâ as your mom had encouraged. On the main level there was a kitchen, dining room, sitting room, powder room, and living room. There had been a door leading under the stairs, you were pleased to see it led down into a fully finished basement that had a full bathroom.
âMOMMMMM! I chose my room!â You called as you ran up the stairs.
There we go.
*Eddieâs POV*
Hell yeah! This is fucking perfect!
The thoughts had rung out like an alarm in his head. Her thoughts had never been this loud and clear. What had changed?
She better let me make the basement my room!
Had she finally moved? He had been hearing all her nervous thoughts about packing up and moving across the country. She must be closer now if her thoughts were coming in like this now.
YES! YES! YES! NowâŠhow to decorate?
He smiled to himself. She seems sweet based off what he knows. He had asked Wayne about soulmates when he was growing up. Heâd asked questions like âwhy canât I just think of my address, so she could find me?â and Wayne had explained that it didnât work like that. Thoughts were passed back and forth at moments it was needed â in times of excitement, or when we needed comfort, or to vent. There was some sort of neurological algorithm as to what thoughts were sent when.
*End Eddieâs POV*
You had started unpacking pretty much the second your parents agreed to let you make the basement your room. Your dad had even agreed to take you to the hardware store to pick up paint this weekend.
âYouâll start at the high school on Monday. The principal confirmed that he received your transcripts and all your credit hours transferred, so youâre right on track.â Your dad explained.
âOh, awesome! Did he happen to send my schedule or anything so I could familiarize myself with it beforehand?â You asked.
Oh fuckâŠfuck, fuck, fuck! I am so late. OâDonnell is gonna kill me!
Your hand flew to your head, the volume of his thoughts brought forth a pounding in your head. They had never been this loud before.
âBug? You okay?â Your dad looked concerned.
âYeah, Iâm okay! Just a headache. Too many thoughts in there I guess.â You chuckled lowly.
âHoney, was it his thought?â Your mom questioned.
You hadnât told your parents much about your soulmate, only that you had been able to hear him and that he was, in fact, a him. They had also been aware that you hadnât been able to hear him lately â that was when your mom explained that your thought can sometimes drown out theirs.
âYeah, it was and uh, I donât know, I guess it was kinda loud.â You shrugged.
âHow loud?â Your mom asked.
âI donât know, loud enough to give me a headache. It was like he was in the room with me.â You looked at your parents, a knowing grin making its way onto each of their faces. âWhat?â
âNothing bug. Letâs go see if your principle sent that schedule over.â Your dad wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his side.
Monday morning had come way too soon, though youâd had an incredibly productive weekend. Your room was painted and decorated, youâd finished rereading The Hobbit and had begun rereading Pet Cemetery, youâd also memorized your class schedule.
Your dad dropped you off at school, he also told you he was planning to go and check out a car for you after his shift â that had left you pretty excited.
Finally! My own car!
The day was dragging on pretty slowlyâŠtruthfully you were ready for lunch.
Then Vecna will make a surprise return.
What the hell?
This campaign is going to be epic!
His thoughts had come and gone like this since youâd arrived in Hawkins. Just back and forth with random tidbits that left you more confused than anything.
The bell ringing had been your saving grace. It was finally time for lunch, and now you were feeling anxious againâŠwhere were you meant to sit?
You looked around and before you could take a step, a voice stopped you dead in your tracks.
Here we fucking go.
âWe're the freaks because we like to play a fantasy game. But as long as you're into band or science ...or parties or a game where you toss balls into laundry baskets...â
God heâs hot.
âIt's forced conforming. That's what's...killing the kids!â
Assholes.
Kids were either laughing at his outburst or calling him horrible names, but you just stood there. Could this really be him? This super-hot guy who just caused an entire scene in the cafeteria.
âMe, I am army-crawling my way toward a D in Ms. O'Donnell's. If I don't blow her final, I'm gonna walk that stage next month, I'm gonna look Principal Higgins dead in the eye, I'm gonna flip him the bird, I'm gonna snatch that diploma. I'm gonna run like hell outta hereâŠThis year is different. This year is my year.â
He took a step back and bumped right into you, but before you could fall to the ground, he grabbed your arm and pulled you up and against his chest.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
You both let out a quiet chuckle.
All at once, colors were brighter, smells were sweeter, touches were softer. Everything came together in that moment; you couldnât believe it. Here he was.
#eddie munson#stranger things#eddie munson stranger things#corroded coffin#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson fic#eddie munson fanfic#stranger things 4#eddie munson angst#eddie munson au#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x female character#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson angst blurb#sstranger things blurb#stranger things imagine#stranger things x you#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fic#mechanic!eddie#mechanic!eddie x reader#mechanic!eddie x y/n#dad!eddie munson#dad!eddie munson x mom!reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson fluff
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Do you ever think about how Endo said something like, "Fans think Twilight is kind, but I think he's actually matter of fact" and like... the profound philosophy of that?
Let's take it as writ: Twilight isn't kind, he is matter of fact.
And yet, that matter-of-factness manifests in ways that are, almost unerringly, kind. He values consent, he values empowerment for those around him (with some limits, if they impinge on his mission), he privately espouses and practices other values that align with progressive ideologies, like feminism and the rights of the child. Obviously he's 100% antifa and anti-war. One could argue (and perhaps this is what Endo means) that Twilight makes those decisions because they often result in the path of least resistance, making his job easier. And okay, maybe. Except that we're given to understand that the usual company Twilight keeps whilst on missions are the worst of the worst of people; and we've also seen that decisions along the lines of his values, when done publicly, can actually harm his missions (thinking, for instance, of the Eden interview; Henderson intervened on the Forger's behalf, of course, but that was essentially dumb luck). I think it's also true that we're meant to infer that before Strix, he'd started to become cynical or hardened (I often think of his initial reaction to seeing the old woman robbed, that his knee-jerk response is "She should have been more careful" and only when Yor directs her outrage in the right direction does his perspective shift/his compass correct). Even taking that as it is, his values quickly flow to the surface, so they can't have been that deeply buried, only needing someone to tap the ice to let the water flow. (have i lost the metaphor? nvm, you get me)
He lost everything and for a time he poured that devastating loss into destruction and wrath; watched how that did nothing but create more loss and more destruction and more wrath, and instead turned the devastating loss into what is, arguably, a profound act of love. It's complicated, of course, his turn to spying and the sacrifices he made and makes, and the motivations he has and the motivations he tells himself. But also, foundationally, to dedicate oneself to the betterment of society, in this case the eradication of war, because one wants to stop the suffering, is an act of love.
So circling back to Endo. We take as writ that Twilight is not kind; he is matter-of-fact. Taking who he is on the whole, the values he practices and those he prizes, the actions he takes and how they can be perceived, and one must conclude that to be matter-of-fact by Endo's metric is to act in ways which are perceivable as kind, compassionate, progressive and loving.
And I don't want to get too far down the track of how men are often written, particularly men of the archetype from which Twilight (superficially) comes, and certainly the archetype on which Endo is riffing (maybe more accurately, subverting?). But it is true that such a leading man is rare; to conceptualise their interiority in such a way is vanishingly rare. And I think it goes a long way, actually, to explain the tone of SpyxFamily overall.
No idea if this makes any sense but it's been eating my brain for weeks and I just had to get it out!
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Brat. (dbf!Captain Price x Reader.)
!CW! NSFW, Smut, oral sex (f receiving), using worms as bait, age gap, (sorry if I missed any)
Your body feels warm, the hot sun beating down on you as you swam with one of your friends in her swimming pool. You had one as well but her parents weren't as strict as yours so you spent most of your time there.
You had just turned 18 but since you still lived with them for the time being you had no other choice but to follow their rules. You still had a curfew, had to tell them when and where you were going and what time you would be home. They still had to approve of it of course. Although they rarely ever told you no anymore since you were 18.
Your dad sat at an old wooden bar in and old dive bar him and his best friend, John Price liked to hang out in. They've been neighbors for years and years and it's essentially how their friendship started. They spent every holiday, game day, barbecue, and family get together with each other since then. They got along well, never fought. John was invited to everything and since he didn't have a family of his own it wasn't too hard for him to show. He wasn't married, had no kids, and lived too far away from his parents and siblings to plan the flights. He also didn't know when he'd be deployed but since he took on a job on the base and was only backup for missions, he was always home. Usually worked a 9-5 on the base. It was out of the ordinary for him and apart of him felt useless but it paid the bills. He was still there if they needed him anyways.
You dad was tipping the whiskey back like it was water which only meant one thing. Something was stressing him out.
John smiles after drinking some of his own bourbon. "Something going on mate?" He asks your dad. "Ah yeah. Y/N has been driving me crazy lately." He groans. "Me and her mom." He laughs. John tilts his head in confusion. "What's been going on?" He asks. "If you don't mind me asking of course."
"To be honest? I don't know. She's just been a real grouch lately. Has an attitude, doesn't listen, complains all the time. We've given her much more freedom since she turned 18 so I'm not sure where it's coming from." He shrugs. John nods his head. He's still listening. "I mean.. we convinced her to go to the doctor to get a few scans and blood work done, thinking maybe it was hormone imbalance or a mood disorder but those all came back fine and seemed to piss her off even more to be honest." He shrugs. "She got something going on in her personal life? Maybe she's fighting with a friend or boyfriend?" John asks. Your dad shakes his head. "She hates guys her age. Hates pretty much everyone she isn't close with anyways. She always said she won't date until she's older after her first boyfriend but I mean. She was like 12 so it was stupid anyways. She's only got a couple close friends and that's where she is right now. I don't know what it is." He tips back another shot of whiskey.
"Must just be moody. Maybe you guys should come out to the lake with me this weekend. Iâm taking the boat out.â He shrugs. âYeah that sounds good.â Your dad smiles. âMaybe getting out of the house will help her out.â He shrugs.
âI donât know, I just know sheâs in my damn nerves.â He laughs. Once they finish up their drinks, they part ways. Driving down the same roads to get home since they were neighbors. Theyâd usually carpool together but theyâd met after work. When your dad arrives home, youâre home already. Watching a show on the couch. He closes the door behind him as he steps inside, smiling when he sees you. âHey. John invited us out to go fishin this weekend. I said weâd go.â He smiles. âDo I have to?â You mumble. âYes.â A grumble leaves your lips. âIâm not sure what the attitude is but it better quit young lady.â You roll your eyes, going upstairs to your room. Throwing yourself back on your bed with a groan.
â
John smiles at your dad, heâs sitting up at the front of the boat. Youâre laying on your stomach, bikini leaving little to the eyes, youâve got a pair of sunglasses on and you havenât spoken much the entire trip. âJohn, you mind letting me off at the doc? Iâm gonna go get another case of beer.â He nods his head, starting up the boat and making his way to shore. He lets your dad off, letting him know heâs going to go back out with you and to let him know when to come get him. When heâs back out on the lake and the anchor is down, he flips his hat around. Scooping up some water with his hand and flicking it all over you. He draws a gasp from your lips and you turn around, âJohn what the hell!â You gasp. Wiping the water down. âCmon kid. Youâre driving your poor olâ man nuts. Whatâs with the attitude?â He crosses his arms, lazy smile playing at his lips. âI donât have an attitude. Why does everyone keep saying that?â You roll your eyes. âOh come on. The eye rolling, talking back, ignoring people when they talk to you. Being a real brat little lady.â He teases. You grumble, laying back down. âNope. Cmon. Youâre gonna try fishing. Youâll have fun.â He picks up a fishing pole. âWeâre using worms. I mean.. you can use power bait but the stocked fished are smaller than natural spawn fish. Itâs up to you.â He shrugs, holding out the styrofoam container that has the worms in it. You sigh, taking it from him. âYou want me to show you how to put a worm on?â He asks. âYeah sure.â You mumble. âAlright, here. You basically just thread it through the top.â You watch him hook the worm and thread it on, watching as it squirms. You take the pole from him, casting it out into the water and waiting.
Pretty soon, thereâs a boat full of younger guys creeping up near you. They cat call you, yelling out obscenities at you. You ignore them, rolling your eyes. John is a little amused because he knows what your dad has said about guys your age and how you hate dating. They leave just as quickly as they come. âCan we just home? This is boring.â You roll your eyes. âNo, not until we catch some fish.â He laughs.
This is where he starts to see it.
When you think heâs not paying attention, youâre adjusting yourself. Sliding awkwardly on the seat, rubbing up against your fishing pole for any sort of friction. Acting more and more bratty as the time ticks on. Itâs amusing to John really, to see just how frustrated you are. âWhere is my dad? Heâs been gone a long time.â John shrugs. He pulls out his phone. He notices a text from your dad, seeing that heâs received a text from him a few minutes before.
You mind giving Y/N a lift home? Her mom texted me and said she took a bad fall at work and is in the ER.
Yeah no problem at all, see you later mate.
âHe said your mum fell at work so heâs going to go see if sheâs okay. Itâs just me and you kid.â John sits down. âSo we can go home now?â You ask. âNo.â He laughs. You mutter something under your breath. He laughs. Your fishing pole bobbing startles you and John perks up. "You got a fish!" You set the hook, yanking the fishing pole and starting to reel it in. The fish puts up a pretty good fight and when you reel it closer to the boat, John scoops it up with the fishing net for you. Helping you get it off the hook. "Look at that darling." He smiles as you pick it up. "Good girl, see? This is fun." He smiles. His statement takes you off guard, cheeks heating up. "Uh.. Yeah. Whatever." You shut down quickly. He thinks it's odd at first. Once you've thrown the fish back into the water, he sits down across from you at the front of the boat.
He looks around, making sure no one else is around. âLook. I know whatâs going on.â He smiles. âYeah? And whatâs that?â You look at him. âWell.. Iâm putting two and two together here. The attitude, the never wanting to go out.â He smirks. You look up at him. âI mean.. youâve been grinding up against your fishing pole since I gave it to you. Rubbing your thighs together when that boat full of guys came by.â Your lips part slightly, cheeks going red. "And when I called you a good girl." He chuckles, seeing how you start to squirm from his watchful eyes on you. âDo you not know how to make yourself cum sweetheart?â He laughs. "T-that's inappropriate John." You look away from his gaze, thankful your sunglasses help conceal your embarrassment. He laughs. "Oh come on, what your dad doesn't know won't hurt him, besides. You've been on his nerves lately and if I help you out, maybe he won't be so stressed out. So talk to me." He smiles. You stay quiet and he moves across the boat, sitting right next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulders. "You can talk to me darling. I can help you." Your heart rate picks up, it's racing in your chest. "I.. I don't know what you want me to say." You breathe. You're one step away from panting at his close proximity. The only thing you can think about are his hands on you. "Have you ever had sex before?" He asks. You shake your head. "Have you.. done anything at all?" You shake your head again. "I've tried to it myself but it makes it worse." You look down at your hands nervously playing with them.
He smiles. Right now, John is thankful there is a room below on his boat. "I can show you." He rests his hand on your thigh, feeling you stiffen up under his touch. "O-okay." You breathe. "Come on." He grasps your hand. There aren't many boats left on the water, it's getting late in the day and everyone is going home thankfully, you might get a little loud. He pulls you down the small set of stairs into the cabin of the boat. It's really small. He makes sure to wash his hands before he touches you, having you do the same.
There's a small bed and a table and chairs and that's it. "Lay on your back." You swallow hard, getting up onto the bed. His deep voice has your clit throbbing at the attention it knows it's about to get. You're sure you've soaked through your panties. He leans onto the bed, helping you remove your bathing suit. When your bottom half is exposed to him, he wants to drool. "God you're beautiful." He groans. He glides his hands down your exposed thighs, causing chills to rise on your skin. You're panting now, small gasps leaving your lips. "Relax." He chuckles. "I'm going to help you, try to calm down sweetheart. You're too eager." He runs his fingertips over your skin, his touch is searing, it burns your skin as his fingers move across you. You want his hands on you. You want them inside of you. He takes a deep breath of his own, trying to ignore the way his cock throbs against his cargo shorts. "Start slow. Little circles on your clit." He reaches forward. "Like this." He breathes. He uses his thumb, rubbing circles over you. Your lips part slightly, a whimper leaving your lips. Itâs different when heâs touching you. You can feel your lower stomach swirling, something is building already. âYou try.â He draws his hand away. Resting your hand over your mound, rubbing circles over your clit just as he said. The sensation is gone just as fast as it came, causing you to whimper out at the loss, your touch feels like nothing. You draw your hand away. âThis isnât going to work John, it doesnât work.â You blush.
You try to sit up but he pushes you back. âHave you ever cum before?â He asks. You shake your head. âOh darling.. no wonder youâre so bratty.â He smiles. âAll of that sexual tension and no way to release it. Poor thing.â Heâs teasing you, but at the same time actually feels really bad. He knows itâs harder for you to cum. âStop it John.â You try to push him off, tears gathering in your eyes from frustration. âIâm just teasing darling, let me help you.â He moves himself up further, grasping your thighs and pulling you down on the bed further, you let your head rest back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling. The boat rocks back and fourth over the water. Youâre nervous. You donât know what heâs going to do to you. He moves himself between your legs, and you donât understand what's going on until you feel something warm and wet against your entrance. You lift your head up, jumping at the sensation. âOh f-fuck!â You gasp. He glances up at you. Heâs still got his hat on, but heâs flipped it backward by now. Giving himself room to devour you. He moans into your opening, you taste sweet. Youâre breathing hard, clutching at the sheets as he flicks his tongue over your clit. He starts slow, letting your sensitive nub get used to the sensation of his tongue, not wanting to overwhelm you. You clutch at the sheets, melting further and further into him as he laps at your entrance with his tongue. It's clear that he's had a fair share of experience. You feel something building in your stomach and you know you're about to cum.
You're getting louder and louder, crying out his name and he's never imagined himself in such a position.
This is just to help her dad, so that he isn't so stressed out.
That's all.
John rocks his hips into the bed, cock hard and throbbing against his shorts. Begging for some kind of friction. He imagines your pretty lips around his cock, maybe your pretty eyes looking up at him as you take him further down your throat. He groans into you earning another moan from your lips. When you're wet enough from his spit and your arousal, he slides a couple of his fingers into you. Feeling you tense up around him, all of the air leaving your lungs, you've never had anything inside before and he can't help but smile into you.
He sucks against your clit, swirling his tongue around it, you're squirming, struggling to stay still beneath him, even his grip on you doesn't keep you completely still. He sucks your clit into his mouth one more time, lapping his tongue over you, his fingers curling into the sweet spot inside of you and you lose it, lips parting as moans leave your lips. A mewl leave your lips and you squirm out of his grasp as he desperately laps up your arousal from your orgasm. You push him away, closing your legs. You're looking at him with a look of pure shock, panting, a little sweaty. The look you're giving him it's unsettling how fucked out you look. He wipes his lips of you, looking up at you. "Do you feel better?" He laughs. You nod your head. "Good. Try to relax." He smiles. "Still got about an hour of light left, let's make it worth while and try to catch some fish yeah?" He smiles, standing up. When he's out of your line of sight, he sucks the taste of you off of his fingers. Groaning at himself.
What has he just gotten himself into?
#call of duty mw2#soap mw2#cod mw2#ghost mw2#captain john price#price mw2#alejandro mw2#captain price#johnny soap mactavish#mw2 smut#john price x reader#john price#price x reader
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SSR Leona Kingscholar - Platinum Jacket Vignette
"Happy 100th Anniversary"
[Land of Dawning â National Museum of Art]
Leona: Who'd've thought I'd get to lay my eyes on paintings that I've only ever seen in artbooks like this�
Leona: That's the Land of Dawning's National Museum of Art, for ya. This'll probably be good for perusing.
???: Heey, the King of Beasts's got a great lookin' mug in this painting.
Floyd: I wonder what's goin' on? Oh hey, Sea Lion-senpai, you tell me.
Leona: Huh? Why should I have to explain anything to you?
Floyd: 'Cause you're right here. But hey, if you don't know nothin' about it, that's cool too?
Leona: Tch⊠Fine, whatever, just don't start something annoying. You better get lost after this.
Leona: In order for him to establish his ideal nation, he required cooperation from the hyenasâŠ
Leona: Once he came to that conclusion, he himself went to where the hyenas lived in order to negotiate with them.
Leona: There, he spoke at length as to how he could best utilize their strengths and abilities. This painting depicts that scene.
Floyd: Uh-huh. 'N so, what'd the hyenas do? They just went along with what the King of Beasts said without causin' a fuss?
Leona: The hyenas were already pretty hated. And the king was offering a trusted position directly under him.
Leona: It was a tremendous boon for the hyenas, from their perspective. So, of course they took him up on his offer.
Leona: He didn't let what society thought of them sway him, instead he gave jobs to each hyena as what suited their individual abilitiesâŠ
Leona: This single moment shows just how accomplished the King of Beasts was as a ruler.
Floyd: You think so? I know I wouldn't like having someone sizin' me up and choosing what I gotta doïœ
Leona: It's the same with sports, ain't it?
Leona: Imagine having a good shooter stuck on defense, or a spindly guy on offenseâŠ
Leona: If the team goes along with a coach that gives asinine directions like that, they'd lose even the easiest of matches.
Leona: That goes for both you all in the basketball club, as well as us in the Spelldrive club.
Leona: Anyone can be useful, even if they don't have the constitution or strength.
Leona: For example, if you got a guy who's got nimble fingers, you just gotta put 'em where they can steal the ball or disc from the opponent.
Leona: Then, you use someone who can stay in control of game and send them towards the goal.
Leona: There's no need to have everyone rushing around the field. Any number of tactics can be used to score goals.
Floyd: I get what you're sayin, sure, but whaddya do if your teammates don't listen to what you say?
Floyd: See, I donât like doin' anything if it's boring, y'know. There's tons of times I get bored in the middle of a basketball game, too.
Leona: Heheh. What, they not giving you any rewards over there in the basketball club?
Floyd: Eh, you saying the Spelldrive club gets somethin' for winning?
Leona: That's right. We get the finest reward one could ask for:
Leona: Victory.
Leona: Our club runs on the merit system. Anyone who can't show their worth during a match gets dropped from the starting teamâŠ
Leona: But with just a bit of effort, anyone can get their chance in the spotlight and even find their names on the lips of people outside this academy.
Leona: Plus, this school throws a lot of support towards the Spelldrive team, so even certain grades can be overlooked from time to time.
Leona: Essentially that means each one of our victories matter much more than any of the other athletic clubs' wins.
Floyd: Hmmm⊠I thought you guys in the Spelldrive club were a bunch of try-hards, so I didn't think I'd like it, but I'm likin' the sound of that merit system.
Floyd: Maybe I'll join the Spelldrive club too. Don'tcha think I'd be great at it?
Leona: No way, absolutely not. âŠAlso, how long you plannin' on following me? I'm already done explaining things, hurry up and leave me alone, already.
[Land of Dawning â National Museum of Art]
Floyd: Mmkay, next. What's this painting?
Leona: [sigh]⊠This painting's showing the Thorn Fairy's men all celebrating their master's endeavors.
Floyd: They're, what⊠dancing around a green fire? Looks kinda like a campfire! Bet they're havin' funïœ
Leona: True, they look pretty carefree. Seems like the Thorn Fairy's subordinates don't mind doin' menial tasks.
Floyd: Menial tasks� Oh, right, there's a ton of cleanup to do after making a fire, or something like that, huh.
Leona: An astute observation, little merling. I'd expect nothing less from someone so naĂŻve in the intricacies of fire.
Leona: Here on the surface, even the smallest flame can grow into a blaze with a little mismanagement.
Leona: Especially in places where the air is dryer⊠like where I come from in the Sunset Savanna.
Leona: It's not that bad during the rainy season, but there's gotta be extra caution thrown to the wind during dry season. As a precaution, we've enacted regular fire drills.
Floyd: Uh-huuuh. Didja do those fire drills too, Sea Lion-senpai?
Leona: Yeah. Like I said, fire can be a matter of life or death in my country. That's why those fire drills are essential services.
Leona: It's a pain, but the royal family's gotta do it, to set a good example for our people.
Leona: Since a majority of the country get together to observe, it's basically just another huge traditional event at this point.
Leona: Although⊠Let's just say there's been times that I've had other things on my plate that I completely forgot to take part.
Floyd: Mhhmm⊠And so, what all do ya do during those drills?
Leona: To be perfectly frank, it's basically getting practice in with handling water. A buncha people'll hold onto a large hose and put out a huge fire in real time.
Floyd: Wow, that's lamer than I thought. Doesn't sound like much fun to just watch happen.
Leona: Oh, not at all. It's not so bad if you're just there to watch it go down.
Floyd: Eh, whyzzat?
Leona: Because they get to witness the glorious scene of the royal family being tossed around by a giant hose.
Leona: You might think that'll invigorate the gathered public, seeing how willing we are to risk their life for the countryâŠ
Leona: But if you ask me, I think there's something more to it.
Leona: People can see them in regal attire caked in dirt, and their miserable faces all swollen from the smoke in their eyesâŠ
Leona: They can even see those well-groomed manes completely sopping wet and pathetic. I bet it bring a gleam of joy to them all, heh.
Floyd: Heh, Sea Lion-senpai, I see right through you. You say you'd sometimes forget, but you def haven't been takin' part in it for a while, haven'tcha?
Leona: Well now, who can say?
[Land of Dawning â National Museum of Art]
Floyd: Hey, I think this is a painting of when the Sorcerer of the Sands got his hands on a magic lamp.
Floyd: He looks like he's havin' the time of his life. Most of the Sorcerer's paintings are of him lookin' real smart and proper, so this one's kinda cool and different.
Leona: This tale is of one where he finally achieved his heart's desire after a long and difficult journey. No wonder he'd be ecstatic.
Floyd: You mean he worked super hard for that single lamp? Bet all the trouble he went through to get there was fun, at least.
Floyd: It's boring if you can just easily snag something you want. The more you want something, the more it's worth tryin' to get it.
Leona: Makes sense to me. So what, when I saw you slackin' off the other day, that was you trying your darndest to get class credit, or something?
Floyd: You're one to talk. 'Specially since you skip class waaaay more than I do.
Floyd: Wait, so you were in the botanical garden then too, huh. You shoulda said something, we coulda been skiving buddiesïœ
Leona: Unlike you, I ain't all that impressed with conversation. I was taking a snooze in the tree shade.
Leona: I'd just found a good place to get some shut-eye, I ain't looking to waste time on idle prattle.
Leona: I prefer a quieter, cooler, more comfortable placeâŠ
Leona: Now, that would be a place worth sleepin' in.
Floyd: Ahah, that's some stuff to be picky about when you're just plannin' on sleeping there.
Leona: I ain't asking for much. At the very least, all I need is for you to not be there.
Leona: Trying to sleep somewhere noisy'll affect my sleep quality.
Floyd: What, you saying there's different types of sleep, now? Doesn't seem like where or how ya sleep really changes anything to me.
Leona: I am much more of a delicate being than you are, is all. If the quality of my sleep ain't pristine, then it'll slow down my thinking processes.
Leona: I ain't gonna be happy if I can't be quick on my feet and some conniving sneak tries to get the better of me.
Leona: At the very least, I make sure to increase the quality of sleep I can get in my room by taking precautions.
Floyd: Huh, like what?
Leona: I'd roll out a rug under my bed, for one. Even just doin' that'll keep the noise coming from the floor below to a minimum.
Leona: You got all the freshmen, four to a room. There's fighting and arguing over their personal space almost on a daily basis.
Leona: And it wouldn't do 'em any good if I were to intervene on their behalf every time they got in a tussle, right?
Leona: That's why I try a buncha different things to help keep the volume down. It's for all our sakes.
Floyd: You say it's for your underclassmen, but you're just doin' it to get some nappin' in.
Leona: Oh me, oh my. How absolutely wretched that you cannot even see just how loving and kind of an upperclassman I am.
Floyd: Uh-huh, sure⊠Anyway, I'm gettin' bored lookin' at all these paintings. I think I'll go look around elsewhere.
[Floyd leaves]
Leona: Yeah, yeah, get outta my sight already. Geez, his attention turns on a dime. Whatever, I guess I'll also⊠Hm?
Leona: This artwork depicts the scene where the King of Lions introduces his newly born cub to his people. Well now, what an absolutely cheerful looking spectacle.
Leona: When their belief in a future filled with hope is suddenly overtaken by despairâŠ
Leona: I feel like I would be able to say this from the bottom of my heart: âŠLong live the king.
Requested by @farfalla049 and @sakurakudo.
#twisted wonderland#twst#leona kingscholar#floyd leech#twst leona#twst floyd#twst translation#twst birthday
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TLDR: im a black trans artist who can use some help right now following the sudden passing of my only sister - her doberman is now the responsibility of my parents and we can use help for his food, supplements, toys etc.
Kofi (help me send Chewy orders to my parent's house)
Wishlist (literally send him things like toys, treats, etc.)
âŹïž more info âŹïž
hey guys
some of you might be aware of this already, but early October, my eldest sibling & only sister suddenly passed away due to a seizure, she had been dealing with epilepsy her whole life.
this has been incredibly difficult for me, and my family. her passing was incredibly sudden, she was only 30.
for the past month or so ive been struggling to find any motivation to draw, and barely able to work.
she was the incredibly devoted owner of a doberman named Remi(Ramsey). Me and my sister traveled 4 hours to pick him up three years ago. He's a goofball who tears up socks and needs constant supervision. My parents love him, but I can tell he is a lot of work for two people who have fulltime jobs and have lived long lives.
I'm going to try to help them take care of him as much as possible, I feel that it's the least we can do to honor my sister's memory, since she loved him so deeply.
My sister always wanted a doberman, for years she would watch videos about dobermans and talk about them to anyone who would listen.
Remi wasn't easy to raise - I shared a room with my sister when she got him in 2020, she still worked a 9-5, five days a week, so I was his nanny for most of his difficult childhood. I was his chew toy for the first year of his life about - but that only made him bond closer to me. If he wasn't following my sister, I was choice #2. Dobermans are "velcro dogs", they were bred to guard their owners, and because of this, they are fiercely loyal. I've been moved out of my parent's place for going on 3 years, and my sister had just moved with Remi out a few months prior to her passing.
A week before my sister's sudden passing, we had to board Remi at my dog daycare job while my family and I took a trip out of state. When dropping him off, although he was happy to see me again for the first time in months, the moment my sister turned her back to him he began to panic. He got through the boarding all right but my coworkers told me he would cry and wait by the door for me or her. When my sister picked him up, they said he jumped all 80+lbs into her arms.
Since my sister's passing, Remi has been directionless. He's with my family, people he trusts, but he's bored, confused, and heartbroken. My sister would often take him to the dog park, social events, on runs, etc. but my parent's can't do that in their age. If my apartment allowed large dogs, I would take him, but I can't, and I see him maybe twice a month if possible.
Ramsey's Christmas List
I made a christmas list for him of things that might help my parents better take care of him. We're trying different food brands out because he struggles with frequent stomach issues, and we can't seem to figure out what food my sister was feeding him. This list is by no means a necessity for him, but I tried to add things to help with his boredom and keep him stimulated when my parents can't give him all their attention.
i do want to state that my family is capable of providing him with the essentials to live, we arent irresponsible. i would just like to help my parents out since a 3 year old 80-90lb doberman is a lot of work to be suddenly placed on them soley. And I worry for his health and well-being sometimes - Remi has a tendency to eat/tear random objects when he's bored.
please consider donating whatever you can. Everything goes directly to him.
thank you for taking the time to read this, and possibly reblog if possible. â€ïž
#artists on tumblr#black artist#black lives matter#mutual aid#doberman#doberman pinscher#trans artist#trans day of visibility#tdov
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okay here is my weird take about what emet-selch might have done regarding zenos and whatever "experiment" was going on
Joke answer: he's a dragon stuffed into a human body
serious answer: it's the same as the joke answer but longer and explained in an incoherent way.
i think we've been given hints about what the fuck was going on with Varis's Large Adult Son even after endwalker, but i need to reference other things to do that, so let's break it down:
-We have been given more insight into how Memories and Souls work and interact in this setting, especially after Dawntrail. We know that it's possible to implant memories onto a soul that didn't originally have them, and it works fine if you have the technology to do this
-Emet-Selch's whole job involved souls and the lifestream
-We've seen Athena also bring back ancients, in a temporary way, by reconstituting soul stuff and grabbing the memories for those ancients, since souls and memories are essentially different kinds of aether. if you've played FFVII at all, you already know this. one would assume that Emet-Selch would manage reconstituting souls a lot better
-there are some memories that are so powerful that they are blasted or etched into your soul, which is why some faded memories can stick around from past lives
-We know that Emet-Selch was seriously thinking of a way to bring the ancients back without rejoinings, and this was probably attempted via his literal large adult sons and their descendants.
-dragon's souls, as far as we know, are unsundered.
-fitting with the Sephiroth and Jenvoa parallel, they are also canonically aliens
about Zenos:
-the devs have said that he was "born wrong" and that's why he's like that. this seems different than "born evil" because Lyse assumes that this wasn't the case, and that's not the normal philosophy for the game. characters have been wrong before, but if he was experimented on, this is likely referencing Sephiroth, who was also born wrong on purpose, as a joke, via tampering in the womb
-people in the world still have vague, ephemeral memories of the ancients, but Zenos is different. Zenos has upsettingly visceral memories of the final days but he also views the world like the ancients do, particularly regarding accomplishing your life's purpose and then dying right after as a positive thing. this is why his actions at the end of stormblood do not read as suicidal to not just me, but the characters. they're really confused about why he does this! Zenos acting the way he does seems to be the answer to why the ancients tried to emphasize a more communal existence, because what happens when the most powerful motherfucker on earth is also a prince in an extremely hierarchical society? you get Zenos
-However, Zenos also follows the rule of beasts and is much more beastlike, similar to dragons. Dragons aren't evil, but they have extremely different cultures and views than humans, because they're functionally immortal and don't need to reproduce. they are power manifest, and can easily take over an ecosystem. Midgardsomr's covenant with Hydaelyn most likely prevents this, but the point is that dragons are pure power, and that's what they respect the most. like Zenos, although being raised as he was probably made this even worse
-Zenos seems pretty dysphoric, but it doesn't seem to be directed at any gender. he's stated that he doesn't care about his name one way or the other, and that he only wants his body back from Elidibus because of how powerful it is. he otherwise doesn't seem to care about normal human experiences, like human food or sex, or just companionship in general with other humans. as far as food goes, he's the only villain to do this, as the writers tend to get into what foods the characters like in the lore books, even the villains. you can't really say that this is just the product of being a royal or someone in power. even Thordan has a favorite food, and even Varis had a childhood friend, who we've actually met.
-both in The Hunt Begins and in general, Zenos actively wants to be able to use and manipulate aether. this is odd, since Garleans are constantly told that magic is evil and bad, but Zenos goes out of his way to try to do this, including piercing himself with a crystal where the aether exchange could kill him. this could be because his great grandfather is a sorcerer of eld. it could be because dragons not being able to use magic would feel extremely unnatural to him. why not both?
-He seems. REALLY excited when he transforms into Shinryu. like, weirdly excited. i get it, it would probably own being a dragon, and you could say that he was just really excited about fighting the wol the first time, but this has happened twice now, and every time he almost sounds like Susano with how excited he is. it's a total fucking mood shift. also in his last fight he still keeps the Shinryu attacks. since it's in a place that's ruled by emotions, one has to assume that he's attached to them
-He literally has a horde (of weapons)? i know we don't see a lot of FFXIV dragons do this, but Vrtra has a horde that he uses as a bank. what's up with that.
-He doesn't really have a coda yet, and while i don't think he's going to be brought back, or that he NEEDS to be brought back, the wol seems like they're just starting to be comfortable with thinking about what Zenos's deal is with enough time and distance
-how d. how did he know that dragons can just lay eggs like that. yeah he could have READ about it but like. how did he figure out how to do that in the fight. and why. why did he just doooo thaaaat.
IN CONCLUSION i think that in a bid to try to bring ancients back into the world through unnatural means, Emet-Selch took the closest recently dead unsundered soul he could find at the time (a dragon's), imprinted some of his memories onto it (as one would do when making the convocation crystals) and put that shit in a baby. thanks.
#ffxiv#ffxiv spoilers#zenos yae galvus#i know it seems like huge amounts of copium but i can't stop thinking about it.
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hi there,
thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if itâs okay, can i request subaruâs ?
thank you again !
You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha. It's all of them now! Sorry for the delay.
I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.
Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)
"I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting. It's wonderful to see you again."
You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)
"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."
oh no he's anxious about helping--
Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)
"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."
"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."
it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .
"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."
"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."
"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."
that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .
Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)
"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."
DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .
Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)
"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"
baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.
Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)
"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."
Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)
"I wonder if I should apply early to take out any common artifacts I might need for this mission. I'll ask Haku what he thinks..."
Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)
"Ah! Â You surprised me there... I just got back from a small errand. Do you need something?"
Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)
"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"
poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.
Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)
"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."
i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.
Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)
"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"
Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)
"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."
Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)
"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, {PC}. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."
Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)
"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."
Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)
"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."
Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)
"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."
awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.
Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)
"... ...Oh! Hello, {PC}âI didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."
Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)
"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."
Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)
"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."
Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.
Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)
"I didn't take you for a night owl, {PC}. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"
Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)
"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."
why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .
Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)
"It's getting late, {PC}. How about we finish this tomorrow? Thank you for keeping me company all this time."
Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)
"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me upâI'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."
it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.
Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)
"Oh, hello, {PC}. Sorry, I was actually just on my way out. I should be back by eveningâdo you mind if we speak then?"
Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)
"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."
Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)
"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."
he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.
Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)
"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."
BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.
Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)
"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"
he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate) I wonder though, is he apologizing for seeming like he's testing you because he's using his stigma to see what you've been up to or something. . .? Probably not lol it's more likely he just keeps asking if you like him
Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)
"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."
(between 11am and 4pm)
"I have some sakura mochi. I was just about to prepare some tea to go with itâwould you like to join me?"
(between 4pm and 8pm)
"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorryâI was talking about the cherry blossoms."
(between 8pm and 5am)
"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."
Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)
"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"
(between 11am and 4pm)
"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfiguredâ incredible."
Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.
(between 4pm and 8pm)
"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."
(between 8pm and 5am)
"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."
slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.
Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)
"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"
(between 11am and 4pm)
"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I knowâI should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."
(between 4pm and 8pm)
"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."
(between 8pm and 5am)
"On long autumn nights when the moon is shining beautifully in the sky, it's hard to resist taking a walk outside. Don't stay out until too late though, {PC}."
Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)
"...Oh, {PC}. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"
Jin, Taiga, and Ed are all prone to not getting out of bed. and Yuri falls asleep on operating tables when he has down time. Trust me Subaru you are perfectly captain-like.
(between 11am and 4pm)
"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negimaâtuna and scallionâhot pot together. Please, do join us."
(between 4pm and 8pm)
"It's cold out today. I was just thinking about lighting the fire. Would you like to come and warm up with me?"
oh subaru you don't even know how that sounds
(between 8pm and 5am)
"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."
i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.
His birthday: (February 20th)
"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."
Your birthday:
"Um... Happy birthday. Â I really hope this year will be a wonderful one for you."
New Years: (January 1st)
"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."
Valentine's Day: (February 14th)
"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"
nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!
White Day: (March 14th)
"These are for you, {PC}. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jamâI hope you like them."
April Fool's Day: (April 1st)
"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shockâ I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."
i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.
Halloween: (October 31st)
"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."
please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.
Christmas: (December 25th)
"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."
Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)
"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."
(13 affinity and above)
"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."
Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)
"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."
this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.
good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod
#subaru kagami#tokyo debunker#danie yells at tokyo debunker#danie yells answers#danie yells with anons#tokyo debunker spoilers#datamining cw#OKAY TIME FOR BED WHEW
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How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional
Iâll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.
A friend invited me to a party. I donât know said friend very well, but weâre on good terms. I said yes cause why not.
I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. Sheâs from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and sheâs interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.
What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I donât use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that Iâd have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.
I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.
So this is what you learn from example 1:
1. Learn to associate.
When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you donât know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?
In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand whatâs happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?
2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what sheâs interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.
Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.
3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.
4. When youâre leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that youâre leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you havenât exchanged contact info yet, thatâs the best way to do it. âOh letâs catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.â
â-
Example 2. Iâd gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. Iâm very interested in the start up world, and heâs working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups theyâre looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.
Weâre on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever weâre in each otherâs town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out whatâs happening.
Takeaways from example 2:
5. Scratch each otherâs backs. You canât just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesnât have to be work related. Letâs say the person youâve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.
6. Whatâs important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesnât mean that Iâm necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.
So.
Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.
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ok this feels mean to do but, remus and a slytherin male reader. post-prank. essentially, post-prank remus is angry with sirius, but suddenly he find himself close with his 'sleazy' seatmate in charms. turns out, he's not that mean and less of a jerk from how he holds himself and how most people percieved Slytherin men. he's also very good at his studies, he helps remus out when remus seems to need it, he has this nice voice, and an even nicer faceâwait what?
(i'd love to walk in the great hall with my arm around remus lupin's shoulder, maroon and burgundy marks on my neck and a sleazy grin on my face as i leaned down to his ear, just to whisper to him that his ex's staring. let đđ» me đđ» make đđ» that đđ» man đđ» blush đđ»)
:: hickeys and a Slytherin that's tricky...
Now calling....Author: "This was a lovely request!! Though I LOVE wolfstar, this did hurt my wolfstar heart, but I love it nonetheless!!"
Now calling....Synopsis: "...After the prank, Remus prefers sitting alone in case one of the marauders come and he bursts open at the seams, but luckily during potions, a certain Slytherin helps his wrong potion and even fixes his seams perfectly..."
Now calling....warnings: "smoking, drinking, fashion show, personal headcanons, tying Remus to his bed for his health (dw), reader is mentioned to piercings, hickeys, mentions of sexual activity, The prank, angst on Sirius's part, possibly wrong potion making, I couldn't fortunately get my hogwarts letter...I deserve to be there more than Draco Malfoy, that's for sure...male!reader. Ooc? Bellatrix and Narcissa? Bellatrix doesn't like Remus in the beginning, but settles to tolerate him cause his ma was a squib and his dad a wizard so he's a pureblood, right? Bella had sexual history with reader. Beware, this is quite long."
the clinking of his spoon on the walls of the bubbling cauldron did not help Remus's situation, he could still hear James, Sirius and Peter's murmurs along with Severus's glare at him. What potion were they making again? Does not matter especially if you just got your heart torn apart by those you trusted the most in your life...
He softly looked around, Severus's glare still trained on him as he lowered his eyes with guilt, continuing to cut whatever he had as the instruction in his books said, his eyes already blurring the view with tears,
"You're not supposed to put three lacewings...the book says wrong." a gruff voice softly perked up as Remus flinched and looked around to find a particular Slytherin whom he had seen around, mostly smoking, snoozing or being lazy and chaotic.
With messy hair, messy shirt, Slytherin tie, a few piercings around your ears and tattoos poking out from under your sleeves, you stood there pointing at his book.
Seeing him basically zoned out string at you, you snapped your fingers in his face to pull him out of trance, as he shook his head and looked at you, his eyebrow raising,
"And what makes you think you're right?" Remus asked as he glared his eyes up and down you, as you simply shrugged and said,
"I mean, if you add three lacewings which makes the potion acidic to daisy roots who's job is to acidify the potion already, it will become..I don't know? Too acidic for anything to survive in it? We need it just enough acidic so that when we add the base, it will be enough to neutralize...I thought you were smart, Lupin."
and your words left him appalled, but he couldn't speak as he did understand your logic behind it as he scoffed and asked, "And how many am I supposed to add, genius?! Professor didn't say anything." as you looked at your own book at the corrections you made, "...One and a half".
As you said, as if on cue, Snape's cauldron bubbled too much and spilled everywhere leaving blisters on contact with bare human skin of those around as people winced and softly whispered, a Remus looked in surprise, you didn't seem shocked as Snape did think he knew better and added three and a HALF lacewings, idiot.
You simply continued to mix your potion, Remus decided to take your advice and only add one and a half instead of three like everyone did...You finished yours and tested it in front of everyone as Slughorn awarded your with fifty points for Slytherin, he must ave been impressed because this particular potion was a hard one, Remus's also turned out to be good but he was awarded only fifteen points, possibly because he showed it at the last minute.
As you got your things and walked out, the classes were over so you had free time as you walked down the courtyard down the grassy fields near the tree where the Slytherin skittles often sat. Throwing your bag up, you quickly climbed up there, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter before lighting it and smoking out smoke from your nostrils as you hummed to yourself, opening a book to read.
Remus didn't know how, but he somehow walked up and climbed up to meet you, you simply looked his way, nodding as a greeting as you went back to reading while Remus was panting from the tiny climb,
"Uhm....hey, thanks for the tip today in class..." Remus began as you nodded, taking another drag and softly blowing it out, as Remus stood there, clinging to the tree in disbelief,
"..Okay...Uhm..." he nodded to himself as he took a step down, "...What happened to you and marauders?" you asked softly, crawling to lay on your stomach on the slightly somewhat large space the tree had to offer, looking down at him with your face in your propped up hand, noticing the way he froze,
"...None of your fucking business." Remus said in annoyance, as you nodded, "Okay." you said taking another drag and blowing the smoke in his face, making him more annoyed, as he swatted your hand, "Fucking stop." Remus snarled, as you grinned..
Out of nowhere, with unknown confidence, Remus took your wrist and made you place your cigarette between his lips as he blew the smoke in your face before climbing down and walking away as you stared back at him in surprised with flushing reaching up your cheeks to warm them, a soft smile spreading your cheeks as you looked at him walking away.
You quickly gathered the book, the bag and jumped down, following him from a few feets away, walking behind him yet no doing anything, of-course he noticed, you weren't hidden or invisible and yet he didn't do anything. Up until the portrait of the fat lady you followed him and would have followed him inside if he didn't just stop in front of the portrait till you stood beside him,
"What is it? Why are you following me, you fuck?" Remus asked as you simply blew out more smoke, "You looked like shit, so I followed. I need to make you a forest brown again." you said simply as his eyes soften ever-so slightly...sighing, he gave the password and pulled you in, sitting you down and removing your tie,
"Oooh, already so eager to fuck, Lupin?" you asked smirking, making him scoff, "As if me, or anybody in fact, would sleep with a sleaze like you. Only doing it so people don't know I'm hanging with a serpent.", "Okay.. :)"
And the next month flew without a care of world for Lupin and you, as you simply pulled out a cig after classes ended and were pulled by Zahara and if she pulled you, you pulled him, cause if Zahara was around, you needed the 'Casanova' around so people don't think that Zabini be sleeping with you...
Or maybe you'd help Pandora to collect rocks or snails or slugs around the Black lake, while she rambled on and on to you while Remus stood there smoking.
Or maybe you'd be sharing a cigarette with Barty and Evan cause you three were being stingy and lazy to buy some from Hogsmeade as you three glared at Remus in envy while he wasted cigarettes from his brand new packet while he only took two drags before putting it out and pulling out another one all while smirking in your direction cause he knew you three were too prideful to ask him for one.
Or maybe you'd be reading while cuddling with Regulus and helping him annotate while Remus sat beside you hearing both of your interpretation, he didn't think you'd be into literature almost as much as Regulus while you both acted out Shakespeare sometimes.
Or maybe styling clothes with Andromeda, Narcissa and Dorcas and putting on a show for the house in the common room while people hooted or laughed at the dramatic display all while Remus sat there in confusion at how weird the whole house of Slytherin is if you don't notice the idiotic pure-blood supremacists (Lucius, Lestranges, Bellatrix, Snape, Mulciber, etc.).
The month went by quickly, you stood outside the door of the Shrieking Shack, smoking as he transformed for the month...The month had sadly two full moons and it did not go well...
if not for you standing outside until the morning and tying him to his bed, while putting on healing spells and refusing to let him go to class and leaving him there in the Shrieking Shack until the classes ended and you came back with the gang and sat beside him on the floor, playing truth or dare, having a fashion show, smoking, singing songs and playing stupid instruments and more...
For Remus, well it was small, not for the Marauders especially Sirius...No, on the contrary it was hell for them, Sirius could not help but feel guilt as he refused to let himself or James or Peter believe that he purposefully sent someone to be murder and maimed...
He could not let James or Peter turn their back on him, cause he knew that in the two's eyes he was still a good person..and a good person doesn't send someone else to be mauled....
Sirius had begun to cry himself to sleep, putting silencing charms around his bed post and sticking his curtains around him with a few spells as he heard Remus walk in every night, giggling at something another voice spoke, before he heard the sounds of him falling into his bed and the sounds of Remus...possibly kissing the person..No he could not have that in his mind..
Remus had changed a lot, everyone in Gryffindor could tell. He still wore his grandpa sweaters, but he had eyeliner around his eyes, his eyes seemed more hooded and bored, with no concealer covering his scars anymore.
And despite his sweaters, he was more often seen with Blazer, sometimes blood dripping down his nose or knuckles and mostly walking around Barty, Evan, Regulus and you, all five laughing while Pandora clung to your arm and Dorcas fussed over Remus's hair and scars and body, asking him if anything hurt...
Mary, Lily, Marlene, Alice often saw themselves being replaced by Dorcas, Pandora, Zahara and sometimes Andromeda and Narcissa and well rarely, Bellatrix who asked him to tutor her after swallowing a lot of her pride...Sirius, James, Frank, Peter saw themselves being replaced by you, Barty, Evan and Regulus...
Remus wasn't ever seen in the Gryffindor tower now, always roaming around the Slytherin common room, sometimes seen beside the Black lake with Pandora and Dorcas talking with merfolk with sign language, or waltzing with Narcissa in the courtyard who always smiled and laughed as he mixed up his steps...
And seen in the library with Zahara and Bellatrix who wore a scowl which sometimes melted away after a while as the two listen intently to whatever he taught them...
Or walking around Hogsmeade with you, Barty and Evan, Barty and Evan whining and clinging to each other before going away somewhere to make out as you simply bought him his favourite chocolates at Honey dukes and sometimes putting the tiniest bit of melted chocolate on the tip of his nose before kissing it away...
Or talking with Regulus and you about the newest books they read, or three-wheeling Andromeda and Ted, teasing the two with a smirk as you leaned against him, smoking with a smirk, sometimes enjoying him with the teasing. Sirius or other marauders couldn't bear himself seeing it and often teared up at the slightest mention of Remus and his new-found friends..
Despite being everything Sirius hated the most; a pureblood, coming from a noble family, serious, smart, cunning, ambitious Slytherin, you were everything that deserved you got and showed not everything is not as simple as it seems.
you did not worry what people thought when you helped people. Helping Andromeda through hexing a few of Ted's bullies from Slytherin who tried to hurt him for being with Andromeda,
comforting Alice after a fight she had with Narcissa,
sharing some weed with Peter,
helping Lily chase away Snape who was being too persistent,
helping Marlene get the snitch just to spite Dorcas yet make Dorcas laugh the other second cause you didn't want her to feel bad about loosing the match,
taking the blame for whatever Barty, Andromeda, Bellatrix, Regulus, Narcissa did cause you didn't want a letter be sent to their house and make them get punished by their parents,
learning to braid Zahara's hair the way she likes it to help her,
taking Pandora anywhere she wanted,
helping Evan with his homework in library...
You couldn't be thrown into one category cause you weren't like that, you were the hardest thing to navigate, you were always being sleezy, smoking, yet you helped, cared, comforted people who needed it...
The next morning as he stood up and walked down to the Great Hall, Remus left WAY earlier possibly to be with his new found friends... He walked in, and sat down as he simply ate whatever was present before Marlene smacked his hand pointed back at the entrance to see Remus.
In his usual black blazer, hooded, bored eyes, a few piercings, a cig in his hand with his shirt's top two buttons open and showing his collar and neck covered in bite-marks, hickeys...
some were even decorated with stickers as he walked and sat right behind Sirius, yawning as Zahara whistled, as Bellatrix scoffed,
"What, couldn't even handle being with Y/N?" Bellatrix asked grinning with confidence,
"Well, still better at handling him than you, no Bella? He isn't able to walk, last time I remembered, it wasn't him who couldn't walk, it was you who couldn't walk!" Remus said back with a evident smugness in his voice as Bellatrix sat there, appalled and shocked as she simply humphed and looked away as the table softly snickered...
Sirius couldn't bear to think that something he wished he could have was now with someone completely different. Sirius longed to be in your place as he couldn't help the tears which pricked his eyes...How come a large mistake of his took away everything he wished was his...?
He looked back at the entrance to see you softly walk in, slightly limping with a cig in your hand which you dropped on the floor and stamped on to put it out as you walked and sat down beside Remus, leaning against him, trying to catch on sleep which you obviously couldn't complete from last night's activities...
Sirius felt filth inside him at seeing you and Remus be together, through classes as you helped him read and developed spells for him to read through his Dyslexia, helped him sleep with a potion Regulus created to heal his own insomnia which you even gave to James to help his insomnia.
You helped Peter sometimes with his charms when he needed help, told Lily which colour looked good on her, helped motivate Marlene to cause pranks, told Mary she looked pretty, gave advice to Alice about Narcissa and even gave Rita some gossips you heard to satisfy her.
You even helped Sirius himself with pranks to pull on Snape whom you started calling "Snevillous" as well...no matter how much Sirius tried, he couldn't hate you..or even be you...
He saw you everyday with Remus, making out with him in some corner of the library, sitting on his lap to tease him, quoting books he hated simply to annoy him, stroking his scars with your fingers, putting on liner on his eyes, using spells to make drawings that Evan did to turn them into permanent tattoos, wearing his grandpa sweaters and flaunting them in front of the girls all whom laughed or giggled...
You even tried your hardest to fix the marauder's friendship, in which you succeeded..but not because their apologies were sincere, it was because you tried to fix their friendship.
© This writing work belongs to me, rxsilabeth--er, Aurelia, Rosilabeth, Cerine. Reblogging is appreciated, but plagiarizing or copying my works is forbidden, thank you for reading this and if you like this check out my blog!
#now calling â...... â Remus Lupin â#rosiâwritesâ#rosiâanswersâ!!!!!<3333#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x sirius black#remus lupin imagine#marauders#the marauders#marauders era#hp marauders#the marauders x reader#marauders x reader#marauders x y/n#marauders x you#marauders fanfiction#marauders fic#dead gay wizards#the marauders era#marauders fandom#sirius angst#the prank#remus lupin#wolfstar#wolfstar angst#remus lupin scenario#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin fic
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Part 4: A Midnight Summer Dream
a story by @rox-and-prose and @cipheramnesia
Luna was a pale sliver of paint in the stars, a slip of the brush in the forever of the sky.
"That's it," Michele Loren said. "This is where we head our separate ways for the moment."
Laika took her hand of the control vines for Genghis Khan as she stared wordlessly. The earth civ moon, original version, a system unto itself. She had devoured all she could find about Luna, the multifacet god, in hopes to understand the call she felt in the days after leaving home. She'd put the hope of seeing Luna with her own eyes at the bottom of a box and buried the idea. Her muzzle hung slightly agape as she searched for something momentous to say, to share with GK how much it meant to be in the here and now.
She noticed Sy was watching her, and the dryad smiled and glanced away when he saw her seeing him. She blushed and her face felt hot, and she forgot her train of thought.
"I never imagined I'd rob the moon," she said.
"You're only robbing a very, very small part of it," Cat Nguyen corrected.
The crew of the Paperclip were sharing the bridge of Genghis Kahn, with varying expressions of perplexity on their faces watching the werewolf executing the peculiar movements and footwork involved in manipulating the various switches and nerves and pedals essential to a Pilot. Even Doc seemed entranced, silent through all the system jumps, or structure solutions, or whatever GK liked to call them. All except Dandridge who returned to the Paperclip immediately in a sullen huff, vowing never to set foot on GK ever again. Laika was going to need to find out what exactly GK had done to piss him off so bad.
Now they were gathering up helmets and and gloves for their envirosuits, looking around for just the right way to excuse themselves from the room which Laika had seen enough of before she was eight to recognize. "Okay," Loren said. "Well, you know. This should go fine, just stick with the plan, keep it simple, you know."
"I can do better than that," Doc (Laika still hadn't figured out if the woman was Blake Sloane, or Sloane Blake, or something else), pushing her bracelets along with the sleeve of her purple, double breasted, knitted suit jacket. "I can stick the plan to me." There was a mess of writing which Laika deeply hoped was meant to look smeared and half erased on Doc's forearm.
"That's, that's a great- Good job Sloane."
"Doctor Blake, why can't you ever get my name right?!"
"I'm sorry. Doctor Blake. Fantastic work as always." Loren turned to Laika. "Look, I don't know how to uh. You know how much work this has been for me. Well, just be careful. Make sure next time I see you, you have the godseye or Doc, or both. Or don't let me see you again?"
"Is that a threat," Sy asked.
"Think of it as friendly advice," Loren said.
"And also as a threat," Nguyen added, despite Loren's sharp look. "What?" she shot back at his frown.
"Do I have do go with these guys?" Sy looked at Laika who said "no" at the same time as Loren and Nguyen said "yes."
"We'll keep our end," Nguyen said, "along with your friend. You keep yourself along with Doc."
"Who you wouldn't be sorry to see killed, I gather."
"We'd prefer she come out of this mostly intact," Loren sounded almost apologetic.
"Okay, okay, fine. Let's not draw this out, I get it."
Loren breathed a small sigh of relief and Nguyen just smiled. "We'll get going then," he said.
"Take care of yourself," Laika gave Sy a shoulder pat as he walked by, then impulsively pulled him into a hug.
"I'll be good," he said into fur. "You have the hard job."
"Pulling off the heist?"
"Being alone with, uh, the Doc."
Loren and Nguyen waited at the entryway to the bridge. Laika set down Sy from the hug and stood her full height. "Oh," she said. "Before you go? GK, please threaten them."
Its voice coming from nowhere as usual, GK said, "Thank you Laika, for this commendable request. Captain Michele Loren of the Paperclip, please prepare for receiving a threatening missive."
"What?"
"Captain Michele Loren, Pilot Cat Nguyen, and the remaining crew of the ship Paperclip not present aboard myself, I am placing you under the advisement that should even the smallest fraction of an injury occur to Pilot Laika Blackwood, or Sy Drangea, electrical engineer, I will track you to the end of earth civilization space, and to parts unknown. You will never know safety or peace for as long as you remain alive. I will find your dreams, and take them from you. There will be no power up to and including the total heat death of this universe which will stop me from extracting your lives in payment. If you die, I will find yours souls. I will tear apart the essence of your beings. I will disperse the electrons of your bodies into every star of this universe. I will burn your souls to ash. Nothing will remain. Please ensure Sy returns safely to me upon our next meeting."
Loren stared, open mouthed.
"Uh," said Nguyen, "You're... really good at that."
"Thank you," said GK. "Your praise is insignificant to me. Please have a safe trip."
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AMITA for lying to everyone I know about my identityâs as a queer/neurodivergent person?
I (18M) am a bisexual, transgender man who is also autistic, ADHD, and OCD. When people hear this about me, even if they know me, I feel like they build up this image of me as an awkward, âcringyâ 11 year old whoâs obsessed with âcringyâ fandoms. And while i have a qualm with this because I know they are looking down on people who are just less masked/higher support needs, I also dislike that they do this because itâs just not who I am. Without the labels, I mostly seem like just a normal dude, if not a bit nerdy.
I also used to be extremely bullied as a kid (7-12) to the point of a suicide attempt, mostly due to homophobic, transphobic, or ablest remarks about me. Since then Iâve completely changed communityâs and do not talk to anyone i knew before high school.
When authority figures (Teachers, Show Directors, Investors of the teen programs I lead) apply ablest/transphobic stereotypes or prejudices to me, they also tend to be less,,, normal? around me. Less kind compared to other kids, call me an âinspirationâ, or theyâll coddle me when Iâm incredibly capable. I do a lot for someone my age- and I know the connections I make now at conferences and whatnot will help me in the long run. My dadâs family is poor, and my immediate family is more comfortable but not that much. I know Iâm smart, and I can weaponize that to get a better life for my family by getting good scholarships and jobs in good fields. I canât just let people who could be very important to my goals look down on me. So i just.. donât tell them anything about me. They might assume Im odd or ânot normalâ, and for the most part I let them assume whatever, but if iâm ever asked directly about anything I deny it. Especially in relation to me being transgender; I have the very privileged ability to pass without any medical intervention, and I use that to pretend to be cisgender. Living in the deep south of USAmerica, most of who I am could make my social life very uncomfortable to downright miserable.
Hereâs where the problem starts happening. when my social and (what i consider to be a) âprofessionalâ life occasionally touch, I wouldnât be able to be out everywhere socially without someone I donât want knowing finding out. So i donât tell any of my classmates/friends/peers about any of my identities either. I hang out with queer and straight people, never be actively homophobic/ablest, and will be very vague about the two questions iâve ever received about any of that stuff. Itâs very, very exhausting to pretend all the time, every day, especially pretending that Iâm cisgender because itâs a tricky game, but I canât really back down and Iâm afraid that I might get bullied again if I was ever open about it with classmates.
A few months ago, I was dating this guy, who iâll call Kai (17M) Kai is also a transgender man, but does not pass at all and is comfortable with it. Heâll get shit sometimes, but also has essentially no straight friends. I told him I was queer when we became good friends, and then told him I was trans after we started dating. I also told him why I lie about being cishet or neurotypical, and while he didnât seem happy he didnât push it at first. I told him that I understood if he didnât want to be in a secret relationship, but because of where we live and what I want to do I wasnât comfortable with being out again. He said he still wanted to date me, and claimed he would support me, and we had a pretty good relationship overall.
A month after that, he started bringing it up again. He told me that I was more than my identity, and if people didnât see me for who I am instead of stereotypes, it isnât worth talking to them at all. And while I agree with the sentiment, itâd never be possible to just not hear someone if they were harassing me, and while I truely dislike a lot of the authority figures that I engage with, they are in the professional fields Iâm interested in, and Iâm incredibly lucky for getting where I am so early. Kai also said that since I am well known in our very small school (only 300 kids), being out could be a positive influence on what people think about autistic people or trans people. In a particularly heated fight, he even said I was doing a disservice or betrayal to my community by not representing or being proud of being apart of them publicly.
We broke up pretty soon after, but I think about what he said a lot. I know that I wouldnât be the only out person at my school, and that my school is actually a lot better compared to most local schools, which are a lot larger and⊠dramatic, but I just donât think I could be out without going back to how I used to be mentally. And Kai was right about how I could be a good influence on some of the meaner classmates- I do think some of my peers who I ingenuinely connect with might reconsider their prejudices if they knew I was transgender.
Iâm intentionally choosing not to take the opportunity to do better. It wouldnât ruin ALL my relationships with the authority figures I consider to be important holding, since it would just be my school, It might dampen one or two of them. Plus, Iâm lying to pretty much everyone who knows me. They build relationships with a false idea of me, and I feel like an asshole sometimes because Iâm not honest.
TLDR: Iâm a transgender, autistic guy in a very bigoted community. Everybody thinks iâm cishet and neurotypical. AMITA for not being proud of who I am because of potential social losses, and AMITA for lying to people and giving friends/peers false ideas about who I am even if they would not be friends with me if they knew?
What are these acronyms?
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