#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phagodyke · 3 months ago

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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.

#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world #but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that #man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection #but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever #and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw #bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call #home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway #so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms #whats even the point man #dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr #so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate #i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs #yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit #its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues #so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever #im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me #let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust #well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else #hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want #except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably #.vent #dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks

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