#make better choices for the love of god. ugh fuck ive got too much i didnt sleep enough energy

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[amaderika]

Sitting on yorus face...

SUPERVISION 🌺 YORU ..

cw 2,174 words, smut, f!reader, sub!yoru, pervert!yoru (sorry i had to), yoru is a major pervert just a warning, boss!reader, dubcon, unprotected sex, creampie, face sitting

a/n sorry for not making that many fics !! ive been super busy and unmotivated to write the past few months 😭

working at an office was boring as shit. it was the last thing you'd want to experience, but you had no choice. it had a good pay and your rank was pretty high too. you could just—boss people around. you'd help them a bit, but that was pretty much all you did.

there was this rookie, his name was yoru— well, at least that's what you remembered. he always looked so miserable and tired. he was pretty quiet. aside from that, barely anything interesting happens in this uninteresting, miserable workspace. the gray carpet that silences your black heels, the constant buzzing sound of the air conditioner—

"ma'am," some guy rose his hand to call your attention. "i need some help here. a problem came up."

ugh, again. . . you almost dozed off at work. thank god your co-worker woke you up though, because the rough, uncomfortable texture of your desk wouldn't have been a great place to sleep on. you got out of your seat and went over to his cubicle.

"what's wrong?" you ask him with a very clear tone of disinterest in your voice. you leaned in further to see the problem he was talking about.

what you didn't know though was that your ass was practically in the face of the poor rookie who sat beside your co-worker.

his face was flushed even if you couldn't see it. your soft, supple ass, was in front of his face. it's not like he was complaining! in fact, he was hoping you'd arch your back even more so he'd get a better view of your panties under your short pencil skirt. how did they even allow uniforms like this? it seemed like it wasn't even fit for working conditions.

your blouse was always so tight, too tight you had to unbutton the 2 top buttons just to breathe properly. you never really thought much about those 2 buttons, but yoru did. he always loved how generous the cleavage was. he enjoyed staring at those presumably warm tits sent from the heavens itself. you wouldn't notice him starting at your chest basically everytime he's talked to you so far—which wasn't that many, but he's still grateful!

your pencil skirt that didn't do that well in covering your thighs or in best cases, your panties! yoru would try to take a sneak whenever he could, especially since it was you two who went home the latest.

late nights in the office are his ultimate favorite. why? well, it's the only time where he can creep up on you as you sleep and wait for him to leave.

whenever you have your head rested on your desk, just trying to get a good rest, yoru sees this as an opportunity. he gets on his knees and spreads your legs wider to get a better peek of what's under that skirt. just one sight of your pussy lips outlined through your panties motivate him even more to finish his work so he can make you proud.

those black see through stockings that never fit you properly was just the cherry to the cake. he wanted to bend you over, pull your panties down and rip those stockings off!

"oh, thanks! i owe you coffee later." your co-worker said. you saved the day, as usual. time to go back to doing absolutely nothing again.

it was a different story for yoru. he felt that familiar throbbing feeling in his pants. he was hard—again. and it was all your fault! why did you have to be this sexy?

this was gonna be a struggle. how can he work properly with a boner? it's even worse than usual! for some reason, he's really agitated. he's not usually like this when he's horny! what's wrong with him?

it's been a few hours since that encounter with your ass in his face and he's still as horny. maybe his lust has went down, but it was just a bit. he needs to fuck you. he really does. he made up a plan in his mind—he would wait until his favorite time of the day again and maybe. . just maybe. . make a move on you. he's gonna try, at least.

the people in the office kept getting lesser and lesser as time passed. it wasn't that long until he was finally alone with you.

"working hard again, rookie?" you approached him from behind. you leaned in to see what he was working on and your hands were on his chair. your fingers touched him slightly. that feeling of your fingertips touching his back even just a bit made his whole day. was he seriously getting hard again. .?

yoru looked down to confirm. yes. he most definitely was.

he tried desperately to hide the obvious tent in his pants, but you were making it hard—especially since you decided to sit beside him! oh, why were you so mean. . how was he gonna save himself from the indescribable embarrassment he was gonna experience once you see his erection?

"if you don't mind, of course, i'm just gonna sit here. you seem pretty lonely all the time and i feel bad for you." you placed your hand on his shoulder as a way of expressing your care for him.

"m-ma'am— i mean miss! i mean. . it's t-totally fine with me! i don't mind at all!" he said with a very visible blush on his face. he made sure to not look in your direction or he might've died then and there.

you were a bit weirded out by his response, but you didn't comment on it. you didn't wanna give this newbie a bad experience at work—that would've ruined your spot in the company.

you were telling him some stories as he was working to make his work experience a little less boring at least. little did you know he wasn't listening at all—not even one bit. he was too focused on trying to relieve the feeling of his throbbing cock whenever you even simply just opened your lips.

"i'm so sorry in advance for what i'm about to do. ." he mumbled. you didn't quite hear him.

as soon as you knew it, yoru grabbed you by the wrist and had you bent over his desk.

"ah! hey— yoru!" shit. why did you have to say his name like that? now he was definitely not letting you go.

yoru held your wrists together but moved one of his hands to bring your face up to kiss him. he kissed you with force, but passion. it was clear that he was waiting for this moment his whole life. you could tell by the way his hand was gripping your wrists.

"i'm sorry! i love you too much!" he cried. wait—he was seriously crying? what?

he sniffled and rubbed his eyes with one hand as he rose your skirt up with the other one. oh, there it was. that sight he was so eagerly wanting to see. your panties!

he wasted no time into pulling your panties down and ripping your stockings off. as soon as he got that view of your panties, he immediately buried his face in your plump, plush ass. he ate your pussy out as if he was on death row and he asked for your pussy as his last meal.

"ungh. . .! yoru!" he winced as he heard you call his name again. he pushed his tongue as deep as possible and started licking. the feeling of his tongue in your warm folds were making him so hard. he felt precum coming out of his cock, soaking his slacks.

"miss please—please sit on my face. put as much pressure as you can on me. i don't care if i can't breathe, please! i need to feel you!" you two were practically on the ground, but who were you to deny his pleas? the way he was begging was so adorable, you couldn't stop yourself. as he laid on the carpet, you sat gently on his face at first, but that was clearly not enough for him. he removed your heels and grabbed your thighs, pushing them so you can apply more pressure.

the sound of wet noises were the only things you could hear. you were seeing stars. yoru was sucking on your clit like there was no tomorrow. he kept licking up your deepest spots.

"ngh. . yo-yoru. . . calm down—" you tried to get off. your pussy was too overstimulated, but he didn't listen. yoru grabbed your thighs so you wouldn't get off his face. he licked his lips and licked one of your ass cheeks. he squeezed your thighs and went back to his meal.

you felt that feeling in your stomach—you were close. really close. "y-yoru! yoru i—"

clearly yoru knew this too, as he started licking more intensely now. he felt your juices spilling in his mouth. he made sure to take every single drop on his tongue. he gave your pussy one last kiss before making you bend over his desk again. he wasn't done? your legs were already giving out. . .

you saw his face covered in your cum. he looked so cute—tear filled eyes with cum on the sides of his mouth. he made sure to lick those up and wiped his tears with his sleeve.

he unbuckled his pants, showing you his long, girthy cock. okay, it wasn't that long, but what he lacked in length he made up for in width. he was thick. his thick tip was leaking out with cum, presumably after he ate you out.

your legs were already trembling so much, so how could you take all of his cock inside you without your legs giving out?

"yoru. . can we take a rest? even just for a few minutes. my legs are sore." rest? that wasn't a word in his vocabulary. no, no. you two are not resting now! that's for later! you'll get a lot of rest once this is over!

"nuh uh," he shook his head and pouted. you were giving up on him so easily. . he didn't like that. he held his cock and stroked it a few times before rubbing the tip against your pussy lips. yep, this was definitely going to be a hard fit.

you were already so wet, but he was struggling to even put the tip inside of you. he kept rubbing it against your entrance but it just wouldn't slide inside! what was he doing wrong?

since doing it gently wouldn't work, yoru spread your legs as wide as he could and forced it in. it was like he was being sucked in. your pussy clamped down on his cock. you were squirming so so much. you've never taken something as big as this before.

"hngh. . m-miss. . !" he was crying, again. he was pretty sensitive for someone this forceful.

"pull out if you can't handle it, b-baby. it's okay. . you don't have to force it." you manage to get out of your mouth despite you being in worse condition than him. although, knowing his past behavior, he's probably not going to pull out. definitely not.

he didn't even start slow once he got inside you. he slammed his hips into you, making you moan so loudly you swear it echoed.

plap, plap, plap. .

the sound of squelching sounds filled the room. yoru lifted your blouse up, making your tits bounce. your nipples were hard from the contact. his hands roughly squeezed your soft mounds as he flicked your nipples. he moved his face closer to you and kissed your cheek.

you see him from the corner of your eye pocket your panties, but you couldn't focus on it for that long because of how much he was whimpering. "haa! nhg. . ! miss! your pussy is—it's squeezing me so tight!" he cried in your neck while grabbing your ass. you tried to grab onto the edge of the desk.

"i'm sorry! i'm so sorry! i'm gonna cum inside of you! 'gonna fill you up with my cum, miss!" he moaned, his thrusts getting sloppy. his stamina seems to have lowered as you felt his warm cum filling your pussy up. there were some spilling out, which he was trying to put back in with his cock.

he came a lot. he couldn't stop cumming. he was panting so much as he tried to pull out, but your pussy didn't want him to leave. "i don't wan' stop cumming! i wanna keep cumming inside of you!" his voice trembled.

after forcing his load into you, he pulled out with a pop sound. he knelt down and licked the cum off your pussy before giving it a kiss. he looked up at the cctv before looking back at you. he sat you down on the chair and kissed you.

"i hope yomi didn't mind. . i have something to share with him anyways." yoru mumbled, touching the panties he stole from you in his pocket.

©amaderika

[wellhalesbells]

✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship?  yes, that.  below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back.  it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’  it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying.  i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did.  this was a fucking ROMP, period.  reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community.  mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it.  both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good.  it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly.  it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD!  why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there.  ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2?  raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af.  like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution??  i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?!  a princess winning her own hand?  find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow.  the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat!  p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow.  she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step.  i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling.  it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af.  crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver???  and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it.  such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing.  every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them.  what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada -  this made my heart hurt so damn much.  what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often??  the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow.  i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is.  the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan.  like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever.  i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people?  so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?).  this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun.  they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements.  i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole.  season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?!  it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great

[normal-thoughts-official]

I. t. a

Ahhshshsh I had forgotten how much I loved Diego and Vaaryn <3

I have so many questions about Vaanti traditions but I'm also glad pb didn't went into too much detail because I just don't trust them 😬

Also no, with junior I meant Alesteir (but I DIDI IT! In book 1 he was like "grace, mc, you both are the only worth saving here" and I was like "yes, i won these interaction"... though in the second book I think I spit on him lmao)

And Gurgi was nice, i loved those interactions are like,, very normal but in weird situations Ahshhshs

OMG WE GET TO SPIT ON HIM???? ICONIC CANT WAIT. when grace slapped his face it was so <3 god i miss grace sm. its chapter 6 of the 3rd book WHERE IS SHE

also ugh i wish i were u i love diego and varyyn so much what the fuck

also im proud to say that now for the first time i actually have a theory re: what the hell is going on. i just got to the part where we crash that weird timeless vaanti party and the clockmaker explained to us the thing about the island's heart and i think that we (the MC) are said heart. mostly because she said that the heart came in the form of that spirit and that spirit is us, because

it looks exactly like us dudndidm

im pretty sure its meant to look like us because when craig thought zahra was the ghost thatd make no sense because the ghost's form looked so different from zahra's, BUT it would make sense considering choices always operates assuming the MC will be female even when they give us the option to not make it so, and female MCs' form's options did look like zahra if all u had was the outline

but i also have other reasons for believing that, such as:

we were born in la huerta (and didnt even know it) on jan 1st (pretty emblematic date, the beginning of all or whatever) and we seem to have no discernible past. even rourke couldnt find anything about us, and we seem to have, like, no memories or family or anything from before this trip

the endless/we can control and reset time within the island and ONLY IN THE ISLAND as hes said in book 2's epilogue

we are canonically immune to time loops

we changed the island's hearts without a problem but when quinn did she got possessed by the bizarre screaming thing

so yeah i think we are the island's heart (not sure how exactly we took human form and ended up in college but it's a work in progress okay) and i might be wrong but hey at least ive managed to fucking put something together for the first time!!! jdndjdndixn and thatd be a pretty good plot twist but idk

also oh my god that scene where craig thought zahra was dead was so heartbreaking wtf, one m/f couple. ALSO ive just met kele and i really hope choices doesnt pull some bullshit with him because i love him and im pretty sure hes the only native american character choices has had so far. also not to be a ho but hes so pretty 👀👀👀👀

on a sidenote ive been a little disappointed by most of the embers of hope 😔 other than raj's most seemed kind of flavorless, altho im very happy that in craig's he didn't miraculously get drafted and instead his happy future showed him that it was okay that it didn't go the way he expected and hed still make it big. and it still showed him struggling with his depression but overall doing better which i quite liked. it was no miracle future

but i felt like sean's could've been so much more and diego's was straight up disappointing like dudndi 😭 i wanted at least diego to be able to stay in the island. literally why would anyone want to go back to capitalism when they can stay with the vaanti. especially since diego said many times that he felt like home in elyys'tel and that he's never felt like this before, and his family are pieces of shit anyway but then its like "he got famous and then his family wanted him back!" bruh. thats not exactly a happy ending

a n y w a y sorry it took so long to reply i was really busy and then i forgot until u sent me the other one and then i forgot to reply to that one too 😭😭😭😭 its fine I'm fine

[lokighost]

OC Questions Tag Game (In Character)

i guess since i was tagged by farcry5 fam @dolphinitley im gonna do stevie-lynn (who was a deputy but now im thinking is just better suited as a GFH bc id actually love to write her w other deputies one day~)

[dont know who else wants to/ has already done this so like before please please tag me back if you do this ...or.... literally anything bc i wanna see]

(hey whats with that shitty face..... what are you up to...?)

1. What is your name?

stevie-lynn salt

2. Do you know why are you named that?

my mom couldnt pick one name shes a dipsh*t i love her

3. Are you single or taken?

nobody takes me??? i take them on DATES and thats that

4. Have any abilities or powers?

yeah i make one single face at somebody and they either wanna f*ck me or fight me hehHEH

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Narrator; Mary-Sues Are The Backbone Of Fanfiction

6. What’s your eye color?

deep/dark brown

7. How about your hair color?

brunette

8. Have any family members?

two half brothers who are giants and everybody else is divorced or dead

9. Oh? How about pets?

ive got a few stray cats i feed outside my cabin and i visit cheeseburger a ton.... i obviously..... can’t keep a bear anywhere............

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

theres a MAN in the WOODS outside my CABIN at NIGHT like an absolute fucking TERROR.......... *whips open the front door and shouts into the night* JACOB

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

me sharky and hurk hot-box my jeep outside his garage while his dad shouts for me to pull the fuck out of his driveway and release his son from my hippy mind control heh..... anyway good luck you old fart i memorized backing out of your driveway at fifty miles-per-hour yeEHAW~

its.... such a rush........ im sorry...... its so funny.......

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

i feel like..... ive abandoned my friend......??? but i couldnt go where she was going...... 

i left...... i left her with them........ i.........

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

they.... they never give me a fucking choice....... fucking peggies

14. What kind of animal are you?

big BIG bear.... in my mind im a big bear i love them so much!!!!! have you seen a bear eat a salmon? have you seen a beAR DO ANYTHI--

15. Name your worst habits?

sometimes im a bit too honest and it pushes people away..... there’s also this.... temperament issue i guess..... or thats what angela says 

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

sharky and hurk are actually clever in a pinch but goof offs otherwise... grace has a mean shot but im shit at ALL guns-- we’ll stick to knives, knuckles and baseball bats ..... oh i guess my brothers handle a MeAn fieLd O’ vEgGiEs and we love that round here hah~

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

bi as fuck baebey~

18. Do you go to school?

did a bit of community college classes on agriculture with my brothers but otherwise? nah

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

eeEeeeEEeeehhhhhhh.... this whole subject twists my stomach up lets just skip it--

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

hurk is my nUmBeR oNe fan we do........... a lot together ;^}}}

21. What are you most afraid of?

being separated entirely from my friends and brothers... like indefinitely or just for a long time thats ..... so scary.

22. What do you usually wear?

crop tops, tiny shorts, big boots. SpRiNg JaCkeTs BaYbEy...... NO bra >:( NO. keep it.

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

those snack pack cakes that look like zebras.... god that’s stoner cuisine 

24. Am I annoying to you?

are you? ....am i?

25. Well, it’s still not over!

..........*shrugs* do yer worst b*tch

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

okay wow that is your worst my f*ckin god...... *sigh* i live in a thousand-square-foot little cabin in the woods left to me by some dead relatives and i help pick corn and shit on the local farms i’m basically off the grid pal .... my brothers handle my money, do i look like i can handle my mone--- meh whatever.....

27. How many friends do you have?

sharky, hurk, jess, grace, mary-may, my brothers and i.... i uh.... my best friend angela she uh... she works for joseph now i....uhm.... .... i um........ ang--..... angela is still my friend.. i think....

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

huh!?-- oh of course, after all this sh*t you’re makin’ me say, please?

29. Favorite drink?

root beer~

30. What’s your favorite place?

on my cabin porch at night with a big beer in a rocking chair watching a f*cken weirdo shift through my woods ......f*cken.... *muttering while grabbing a baseball bat*.... werewolf-ass... motherf*cking.... ginger-bear....

*drops the bat* oh no thats actually cute..... oh no..... naw man... ugh......

31. Are you interested in anyone?

i am but you’re gonna need to really butter me up for all that gossip ;^}}}

32. That was a stupid question…

:^||| nah its not i just wanna f*ck everybody we don’t wanna scare you off just yet pal.....

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

lake of course! but i’ve seen the ocean a few times and its pretty fucking scary like people ENJOY the sand? you eNjOy ThE sAnD??? 

34. What’s your type?

steaks right? medium-rare

35. Any fetishes?

*pulls out a damn knife and starts flipping it around* okay, now i stop answering your questions.... 

36. Camping indoors or outdoors?

hm? both both, we do both out here.... or at least *i* do.... any way you can its all cozy and fun right? its a good time. do both! set the tent up in the living room i’ll hot-box that too

[moonraccoon-exe]

COON! You Play Horizon now? First DA:I and now Horizon? Ugh, all those awesome Gaming choices. I sadly didn’t play the game but I watched a playthrough and it is soooo stunning. I am so weak for games with such beautiful environments (one of the aspects why I love The Witcher). And YES for the badass female protagonist. Aloy is awesome isn’t she? I am glad that you are having fun after the initial problems. And i hope you‘ll be having a blast through the rest of the game. :3 -Peridot

PERIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` )

*SMOOCHIE*

HEWWO PERIDOT AKSJFKLAGDJGALKGDJ ZOMG HELLO I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU AROUND AGAIN!!!

And hell yeah, I’m playing Horizong and I’m SO OBSESSED, YOU HAVE NO IDEA KLAJSKLGJFH. I’ve had a few days that I’ve stayed up past 1 am, which is like unusual in me because I love sleeping, just to keep playing. I haven’t gotten to play daily because my bro almost daily hogs the TV lmao, but when I do, dammit, it’s so difficult to take a pause! THIS ISN’T HEALTHY AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

And hell yeah it would be an awesome gaming choice. You’re like me and I’m like you just in different countries. The world was like “Yes, I will just copy paste this creature because Ive run out of ideas and just drop one here and the other across the ocean lmao what are the chances they’ll find each other” but the joke’s on the world because now we’re buddies lol

Honestly, the stuff you like is like. A mirror or like I ghostwrite what you tell me HOW DO YOU DO THAT. Or is it me who is a mirror and ghostwriting? HURRR e3e

But I digress ahahah

It’s okay to have only watched a playthrough! There’s people that do just that and that’s okay. Everybody experiences games in their own way, and not just as in their subjective perceptions of it, but also how they got into it in the first place! I’ve known people into the XV fandom that don’t even have a console, but that doesn’t make their experience any less fantastic!! Same for you, it’s okay to not have played it.

However, I do suggest it if you ever get the chance! I’m a little sad that I got it as second hand because I think “I know it’s just some miserable pennies to them but how I wish I could have helped with the popularity rating in the developers’ offices!”, that’s how damn good and incredible it is. Well designed, every single thing is where it needs to be, everything is so thoroughly thought through (oh my god so many tho’s), it’s absolutely gorgoeous. but I think you don’t need me to say that, you’ve watched the whole thing already and I’m just starting the climax!

Lemme add a keep reading right here, aye buddy? :3

So yep, big recommendation over here!!

I’m SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY WEAK FOR GAMES WITH BEAUTIFUL VIEWS AND ENVIRONMENTS TOO OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWDAKL SFJ DLKHAJ DLIFJA EGKLDJ BAKLDG

*EXPLODES*

SEE, PERIDOT? SEE? WE’RE LITERALLY THE SAME THING JUST SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, HOW DID WE STUMBLE UPON EACCH OTHER, this is like that one movie Parent Trap, and we’re the twins, except we’re not twins and you have your twin alskdjgk lmao why am i digressing so much today .3. 

But really, I really really really love games with big and beautiful maps. It’s one of the reasons it saddens and frustrated me so much to be unable to play Breath of the Wild, I’ve heard the setting there is absolutely mesmerizing and stunning!!! But yes. Games with big beautiful maps and environments are the absolute BEST, they’re my jam, I could buy a game with the most horrible of plots just for the map and I’d LOVE it.

And the environment here in Horizon? Fuknin.g Spectalcular! OH MY GAWD IT’S SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL AND SOOOOOOOOOOOO STUNNING, I CAN’T GET TIRED OF IT IT’S ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC AND GORGEOUS AND SO BREATHTAKING.

There’s lots of snowy mountains and paths, too, which makes me so happy and comfy because I LOVE SNOWY ENVIRONMENTS. And I love climbing to high places to look around (you can tell I love finding Observatories aksldjlkg). I’m in love with ALL THE RIVERS HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MANY RIVERS HORIZON HAS? MANY. MUCH. VERY. LOTS. IT’S SO MUCH WATER I LOVE WATER BODIES AND SPECIALLY LAKES AND RIVERS AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

And all the nature all the plants and flowers and trees gawds fuck me I fangasm, such a BEAUTIFUL scenario!

HOLY HOH, THE WITCHER HAS A BEAUTIFUL ENVIRONMENT TOO HUH??? .3. I mean it doesn’t surprise me, it IS a fantasy plot and an RPG so naturally it has to have a BEAUTIFUL open world and wide map full of nature and gorgeous sights. GAWDS AKJFDG IKLJOLDKJFA GKLDJ KLJAD LK *GRABBY HANDS*

HELL YEAH ALOY IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREAKING...SUPERB FUNKY LITTLE CREATURE, MOST FANTASTIC AND SKILLED AND STRONGEST BADASS BEING, THAT WONDERFUL AND AMAZING OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD I FANGASM AGAIN MY LOVE FOR ALOY IS IMMEASURABLY INSANE AND HUGE GAWDS DAMN ME I LOVE HER SO MUCH ALKSFJ KHD JHKLGF

Gods, she’s such a gorgeous example of a badass strong female lead role. She’s strong and has her own personality and determined and gawds damn me oh my god I melt I LOVE HER SO MUCH

She as a child was adorable and I was like oooh okay I like this, and then in that montage where she’s training, and you see her give a roll when she’s a kid and when she lands she’s an adult? OH FUCK ME TAHT’S WHAT I WAS ARROWED OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD SHE’S SO B ADASS AND SO STRONG AND SO SKILLED AND OH MY GOD IT KILLED ME

I at first was afraid that I wasn’t going to do well with this game, because I’m not very good with technology stuff, and that still counts for in game things. Like, give me a sword and an ancient spell book, I catch my grip. But give me a...the triangle artifact she finds in the beginning? Not sure what it’s called in english. That thing that scans and analyzes, and codes, and metal things and I’m...hngngh...l os t. I can barely understand a smartphone, you can’t give me futuristic gadgets and expect me to do well XD

But I’m doing strangely phenomenal!! I caught my grip really fast and I’m doing fantastic with everything. Agaklsjggadk, the more I type, the more I want to leave to go game, ahaha!! Aaaahhhhhhh, but yes, I was a bit insecure at first but gods damn me am I obsessed now alksjdf dglkdj

I do am having a blast!! I’m doing as usual and going for all available sidequests before progressing in the story, so I’ve been walking around for a while before reaching the Carja place and meeting the sun king and stuff. Current mission of main story is cleaning 1 more corrupted area. EASY PEASY. 

I’m surprisingly having more troubles with sidequests than main story actually ahahaha!! Like, “clean this corrupted area” yeah sure there you go. Sidequest, kill this one lonely machine that popped up from nowhere. Sure pal I’m- DEAD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEAD!?!? OH MY GO- OH MY GOD I DIED AGAIN STOP- HOW DO I HIT IT- NO- NO I’M DEAD AGAIN, OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Main story be like “go clean this corrupted area level 16″ pfff easy peasy. Sidequest be like “explode this zone level 8″ yeah okay OH MY GOD I’M DEAD, WHY, OH MY GOD THAT MACHINE IS GIGANORMOUS WHY IS LEVEL 16 FULL OF SMALL ONES AND THIS ONE HUGE IS- OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!

Ahahahah but I’ve managed to clear sidequests! Some after many attempts, but cleared them. Gods is the explosive trap a miracle .3.

But anyways, that’s that dear Peridot!!! Thank you for whishing for me to enjoy the rest of the game, I’m SO sure I’ll have the blast of my life with everything yet left to do!!

I’m queueing this for an hour that suits you better, dear friend. Hopefully you’ll see this in your morning :)

Anyways!! Dear Peridot, that’s that about Horizon!! As always, it’s such a joy getting to talk with you. Thank you for dropping by, you superb muffin

Talk to you later, buddy!! Hugs for you!!

[xz017]

.

oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye 

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

[misterbitches]

@flootweed ​

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :) 

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess. 

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will. 

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has  a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore  uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it? 

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

 i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE THREE

“this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off!” - nash

HOH: Nash UPSIDE DOWN: Joey & Saira NOMINEES: Brianna & Gina POV: Jacob FINAL NOMINEES: Emma & Gina EVICTED: Gina (11-1), Jake (WALK)

ARIA

https://youtu.be/SyHPQkbxxw8

JOEY

WATCH THIS AGE LIKE MILK:

I feel great!!!!! Nash winning means my ass aint going up, I gave her 2 tokens, and she gave me 1, and I feel fantastic heading into this week

SAIRA

i feel okay about nash being hoh, she wasn't my first choice but i don't think im in any danger of being nominated (hopefully haha) im not sure who i WOULD want to be nominated, i just know who i wouldn't want, so as long as they're okay i'm good!

JEV

I'm once again feeling pretty good this week. I've grown pretty close to Nash since nominating her in week 1 and she told me and Nathan we aren't going up so, there's that! She's told me Gina is going up and will be her target which I'm not thrilled about but hopefully Gina can pull some miracle and win POV. I'm a little worried about Emma and Jake too, as they've both said they haven't spoken to her much which is dumb, bc like hello??? its week 3, i feel esp with Jake, I can understand Emma bc Nash keeps leaving her on read but I don't think Jake has even tried much (crying emoji) So hopefully they can ALSO pull something out

JAKE

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate everyone in this game t b h. why can't people just follow with a plan and go through with it like it aint that hard to put your chips on one person from your alliance so youre all safe like........ i dont think these ppl understand strategy and it's TIRING. i frankly am over people relying on their friendships to get themselves through another week bc fucking nash won an alliance-based hoh comp. now we have to deal w this fucking friend group running the house another week. i don't know if i'm safe i'm honestly probably going to be put up??? even tho nash is the one that CONSTANTLY ignores my PMs even tho ive given her paragraphs to respond to... she's gonna do whatever her little friends want her to do. i mean that's what she literally said to me. i was like pls don't nom me <3 and she was like "im not making any promises im just doing whatever the house wants me to do" like girl............ lkjghklsdfjhg what kind of dumbass bullshit response was that. just tell me you're putting me up or you're not. youre a big girl you can make your own fucking decisions.

i give nash what i would give any hoh if they won and that is "i'd never ever nominate you it's never even crossed my mind" and hoping that's enough to make her wanna keep me. she might think im not going after her but, if she's smart, she'll send me out the door this week before i can retaliate. 

im super super worried that jacob will be like oh jev n jake aligned in BBHOS9 u should put them up together since jev nominated you week 1. like i feel like she'd do ANYTHING jacob tells her at this point cuz shes just another one of his sheep so like hoping im good w jacob but he's such a wildcard idfk

at this point im just hoping me or emma don't get put up and if we do there will be a veto to be won and a nash/jacob to come after next so...... period

ARIA

yall i feel so fucking cracked and tired of everything but itS FINE!!! I got this easy peasy!! Im not going to always feel motivated but im doing my best and thats valid baby!!! So lets jump in, first off lets start with a random information dump of things i've collected

-jacob has talked about me w/ nicholas during pasio

-monty and jacob have a connection ( i dont even remember how)

-nathan nash (maybe jacob) obviously tight lmao

-joey monty close

-Jake made a counter alliance to Jacob's (actually joshes) alliance made of me gina saira emma and josh

-josh emma me alliance

-JOEY RECORDS CALLS

-Jake is wary of nathan (but also thinks hes cute ugh)

-told jake im wary of pasio peeps so he might nom them

-Jacob alliance STILL isnt created

-called with josh and told him that jacob is wary that the alliance isnt made yet

-jacob josh have a pregame

-told josh, saira and nick have a pregame

-josh kiki close

-josh thinks saira is a social threat 

-josh prefers jev over nathan

-told monty to talk to jake more

-told joshua jacob is the most connected person

-got back to nash gina doesnt like her

-jacob kiki nash confirmed trio alliance

-nash told jev gina is the target (jev then told jake)

-josh thought jacob was the original maker of the alliance

-jake thinks jacob/josh are snakes

-jake also thinks jacob-josh-nash-kiki-bri-nick-nathan are an alliance

-josh wants to play the middle w/ me :uwu:

 So from here I want to get into how my ideal week will go and how it will realistically go. IDEALLY Nash noms jev and josh with them not winning veto and the house gets rid of a utr social threat but realistically its gonne be gina and jake with gina going bc she doesnt talk to anyone of have any motivation for this game (I LITERALLY WROTE HER A PARAGRAPH TO SEND TO NASH TO NOT BE NOMINATED AND SHE GOES "hmm idk maybe ill send it" LIKE????) 

Okay the other thing im freaking out about is bc i feel like theres tension between me Jacob Josh and Jake and im not sure what it is about. I mean i kinda do but im missing key components. The whole situation just doesn't sit right with me at all and I feel very at odds with them in a weird kinda way. I've explained this so many times but i have such a bad feeling that josh leaked the janelle alliance to jacob and is more with him than me and now josh is setting these two sides against each other and i just heard from him that nash isnt nomming him so now im really uncomfy ughhhh i have such a bad feeling and i really need to work on people like jev saira monty to make sure i have people behind me i can fall back on, but also im getting the vibe jake really really trusts me which is great because i want to go far with him as well, unless hes just misting me SUPER hard ughhh

god i just have such a bad feeling about this week buts its fINE totally fine ill work it out eventually,,,but now its trust ranking time yay

1.Gina (youre so inactive i adore you!)

2.Joshua (kid GANG!!! thank you for trusting me sometimes <3)

3.Jake (hes a crackhead but hes my crackhead)

VERY BIG GAP

4.Emma (shes chilling what a lovely gal)

5.Monty (better inactive than be active and a threat)

6.Nathan (youre kinda sketchy but hes like a funky older brother)

7.Josh (youre at the center of a balancing act i wonder if u can keep it up)

8.Nick (they always give such an honest vibe,,,,,i dont trust it)

9.Brianna (shes so sweet but the sweetest angels make the fiercest demons)

10.Jev(,,,,your on slightly thicker ice than joey but combined with a little more charisma)

ANOTHER GAP WOOT WOOT

11.Joey (youre on THIN fucking ice buddy,,,,please be more open w/ me)

12.Saira (im begging for u to talk game to me,,, but also since we havent talked u cant snake me yet)

13. Jacob (idk ily sm but youre so fcking connected and idk if i reached ur inner circle yet)

14. Kiki (my favorite furry)

15.Nash (please talk to me im begging ill do anything please plsease plaease plae-)

So update ive been talking around and wow this game loves looking at my allies and kicking them in the kneecaps while spitting in their eyes ugh. So nash is probably leaning towards nomming jake and Gina with gina as the target (really weird that jake is nommed makes me think jacob had some influence there) but in that scenario best case is that veto is used and anyone but josh goes up and that person leaves easy fucking peasy!! Anyway i just talked with josh and apparently jacob was the one who came up with the alliance idea which is interesting bc he tried to pin it on josh. Anyways not to totally contradict my initial rant but me and josh had a really good chat where we're kinda in the same position between two groups (the og alliance and janelle) and we dont know if we should make the og alliance and with who bc of janelle so we're struggling to see whats the correct move from here....or maybe josh is completely misting me but i fucking hope not ugh- either way im surviving this week and thats that!!

JEV

I'm realising that I'm getting myself into a pretty tight position since I have firm alliances with Emma & Jake and Nash & Nathan, as well as being extremely close to Josh C, which could prove difficult for me down the line, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

KIKI

https://youtu.be/6cn8xUFWqhA

BRIANNA

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XvZzg3dTEZ89VeFbG3bxk4JFNtr7Ixm0/view?usp=sharing 

i had to use google drive bc it wouldn't take my file on youtube :((((

JEV

So right now I've somehow accidentally wriggled my way into conspiring with Nash on how best to take Gina out, which is so dumb of me because I don't really want to see Gina leave this week, but at the same time I'm having to fight Nash's decision because she wants to put Emma up beside her and... I can't let that happen because I'm worried Emma would leave over Gina

JEV

So I'm speaking to Nash, taking the heat off of Emma by telling her I feel she could be a number for me/her/Nathan down the line, and now I'm pushing for Brianna to go up since Nash wants someone who 100% wouldn't leave over Gina and I'm thinking like... WHO would vote to evict Brianna, but at the same time I'm feeling super terrible about it because Brianna is a literal angel

JEV

Wow a lot going on so I'm trying to update as best I can, Nash is saying she's going to randomise for who goes to the upside down so I'm having to encourage her not to include me or Nathan in the randomisation just incase she needs us for strategising but REALLY its so I can stay and hang around and try my best to keep Emma from touching the block at all this week.

NASH

sorry for nominating women i didnt mean it.

EMMA

If i am being honest the more this game goes by i get so unmotivated and its only week 3 i suck because well in bbgames like galar and almia i mostly played from the bottom now im like alright i kinda want to fuck up my game for fun but kinda pisses me off a bit that i almost could of been nominated if it wasnt for jev but that pisses me off so much i tried talking to nash but i get left on read i dont take things 100x personal unless if somebody is being mean like laughing etc but knowing that i would be on the block over brianna when i did try talking to nash its still hurts a little but if somebody like gina wins veto if i get on the block it issss what it isss i guess but i played on the bottom way to many times maybe i can do this??

JEV

So my efforts worked and Brianna went up instead of Emma, now I've just gotta hope neither of the noms win POV/that the POV isn't used so I don't have to throw someone elses name out there to Nash :flushed:

JOSH

hello ladies and gays. straights aren't welcome here.

today, we are feeling GOOD because the person we nominated just a few days ago won power and STILL didn't nominate me. is that iconnery or what? i was honestly ready for my ass to be TOAST but i did approach nash before they won HOH and had a conversation about where we stood and they said i would be OKAY this week bc we did start talking. we love to see it, yes we do!

the nominees this week are gina and brianna and.. even though i'm in two different alliances with both of them, i'm not mad at either of them going up. i don't REALLY talk with either and i'd be happy to see either one of them go. the tricky part will be figuring out WHO to vote when the time comes, but we have a POV to happen before we get there. we'll SEE.

if i had to choose, i'd probably send brianna home simply because i find her a bit CHAOTIC where i feel like gina isn't really going to cause a lot of waves with me. she's much more quiet whereas brianna is more likely to be able to pick herself back up.

some other fun events going on:

jake was NOT happy about nash winning and thought he was going to get nominated because of it. he was about to RIP nash a new one and is really brewing with how much he hates them. MAKES ME LAUGH A LIL BECAUSE IT WAS SO UNWARRANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS, it's something to note that jake does NOT like nash.

i think aria is my number one right now bc we get along really well and have very similar opinions. i'm really open with how i talk to her so i'm HOPING she's not spilling everything i say to someone else but i don't think she WOULD? i dunno. i love her energy and i'm hoping we can SLICE AND DICE together in the middle.

my strategy is to take my HOH under my belt and take a step back for a minute while my two alliances (one: jake, aria, gina, emma, saira, me & two: jacob, aria, brianna, kiki, me) get picked off back and forth. i'm going to see if i can craft a narrative for them to go after each other but we'll SEE. there are a lot of people in the middle i enjoy a lot more than some of the people in my alliances so IDK. i feel like some people got thrown into these alliances that i did NOT want but they were kind of forced in so i don't trust it. and i think people KNOW because i'm not very chatty abt it in the chats (and i haven't even made one of the chats. am i supposed to? idk)

anyways that's all for now x 

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp71zzR-wgE

someone help

JAKE

https://voca.ro/g2ZQWs9x8du

JEV

Not miss Nash coming to me asking how I'd feel about being renom :flushed:

JEV

So I literally just woke up from a sleep and in the space of 30 minutes have had to talk Nash out of renomming me, Emma or Jake since we've just made an alliance together so I warned her that probably wouldn't work out for us in the long run. We narrowed it down and she shortlisted Aria, Josh C, Monty & Nick, and I have spun her to try and get her to nominate Aria, because 1. I don't wanna see Josh C go up and 2. like with Brianna I feel nobody here would vote to evict Aria, and Nash wants Gina GONE (crying emoji) so I feel this was the only logical renom to suggest.

JEV

The conversation has turned back to Emma and I just really don't wanna let that happen because I do feel like she'd leave over Gina. Part of me is saying not to stick my neck out too much to save Emma but at the same time she's my number 1 in this game and I hope she'd return the favour if she was in my position.

NASH

this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off! 

ARIA

Well,,,, FBSFJDF I feel like im making so many of these but honestly this game changes everyday so please dont be too annoyed by me uwu, the mood swing i had just this DAY was insane so lets begin w/ the general info-

IN TIME LINE ORDER

-Jev told jake that something about noms but acted dumb when I asked

-Gina/Joshua/Aria alliance created!!

-Saira and Josh are close

- VIDEO DR GOES HERE

-Jake spills Emma-Jev-Nathan-Nash-Jake alliance with Emma/Jev/Jake being a trio as well= Jev created the alliance

-Jev prefers gina out

-jake doesnt believe in screenshots or recording calls

-Jev and Jake are close

-Jev/Jacob/Jake all played together before

-I leaked Bri's backups to Jake as well as Jacob's trio with Nash and Kiki

-nash almost backdoored jev bc he wasnt responding to her

-jev was the reason i was almost otb

-I WAS ALMOST OTB

-Josh AND Jacob both want Jake out

-Bri thinks nash's comp ability is scary

-Nash and Nick are close 

-Jacob nervous about Bri's backup leaking

-Jacob barely talks w/ saira and monty

-made a final three w/ jacob josh called malibu

So now im debating whether its morally okay for me to analyze what happened in the living room in a game sense. FBSdffan So lets run down things in chronological order and I might mention my thoughts if they arent too controversial, Nathan leaks the alliance with jev/nash/jake/emma. Eventually emma says 'i wanna know who put these thoughts in the hohs head" and nick starts to shut the discussion down which is an interesting contrast to their earlier attitude where they were very for the drama continuing, which leads me to begin they had some sort of hand in it. Nathan goes on to say he likes nash on a personal lvl which jake analyzes as a nod to a friendgroup and a mini confrontation between nathan and jake occur. I believe that part was just a misunderstanding on both parties account. Then happy discussion until Jake calls nash out for being in the diary session for too long which leads to a discussion of house guests over analyzing production and using that as a strategy which is ultimately unfair and also at this time I believe nash was going through itTM leading to their friends to be slightly defensive on their behalf (which is valid) and i after rereading things i really hope that they're okay, ultimately this leads up to frustration on Jake's part and his ultimate quit. 

I mean where do i go from here? I have the Bri's angels but that did get leaked to Emma on Jake's way out so i need to figure some way to micromanage that where i think im gonna make a emma jev alliance and work with them as a trio in the future (if gina goes) but rn i feel like this force of energy that is Bri's backups is gonna body for a bit but i think theyre gonna throw hoh leading me jev or emma to step up and body a bit. Like i think i might actually win hoh and nom nash and monty with a nick potential renom bc im BORED and nash continuing to skate by without even talking to me is not valid, and monty is so not here its like??? HEWWO??? but idk thats making big moves i may just chill a bit for now but i dont want jev and emma being targeted in the future bc theyre gonna be numbers for me and thats on PEWIOD!

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L25lY813N1k&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=4&t=0s

[mlm-chanyeol-archive]

you know what? its 2:30 am, im feeling soft and im gonna make a positivity post for all my mutuals. i lov u guys. newer ones at the top n oldest ones at the bottom

@flowerallys we haven’t been mutuals long, but im glad we met because of the dreamie gc! you’re always so happy and i love talking to you <3

@yunjisunq im so happy to have found another ace stan <3 really, thank u for doing my donghun request?? you really made my month and inspired me to make stuff of my own and you’re really sweet and i love when you talk in ur tags!! thats my fave part of following ppl and it makes my dash a little brighter :)

@7deer-ofthe-dawn7 i followed you because one of the nct blogs i follow rbd a mutuals appreciation post bcs i thought i needed more xiuhan on my dash and im rlly glad you followed back!! you’re really nice and even though we dont talk too much its fun when we do! (i hope you’ve enjoyed the fics ive sent you!)

@pcyling man i remember us meeting up on vent and i just decided to message you bcs we both are chanyeol stans and im so glad i did bcs ur rlly funny and nice and we can just thirst over pcy together and just do fun stuff. thank u for not thinking i was weird for messaging you!

@kunpifook we dont talk but i like seeing you on my dash! you reblog a lot of my stuff which makes me smile <3 :)

@hellyeahtd we don’t talk either but thank you for blessing my tag with more topp dogg like it so desperately needs <3

@nctytrack we don’t talk but i remember you asking for more nct mutuals and while when i first followed you i wasn’t a big stan but i am now and i hope im making your dash a little brighter :)

@astros-mom @wonhosassflower maria maria maria ilu <3 im sorry for being a bitch in the gc all the time but ur rlly nice (even tho u blocked me at one point) and ur sweet and i like talking to you. im jealous u got to meet hyungwon tho i can now get a scale of how lanky he rlly is

@live-love-growamoustache niniiiiii we dont talk a lot but i like seeing u in the gc and u post a lot of good stuff <3

@fiizzy-pop tokkiiiiiiii my baby <3 i lov u ur so sweet and nice and helped me out with nct when i was first getting into them and you’re just so sweet and ur our little bun and i hope we can be friends for a long time <3

@youarenotmybias aa i love seeing you on my dash and you post a lot of good stuff!!!! ithinkurinthegcbuticantrememberwhoyouareoops

@99minseok aaaaa i jus lov seeing ur posts on my dash and i lov seeing minseok so much even tho hes not high on my bias list, and just seeing your name makes me smile :)

@ji-hey HEY FUCKER you dont post a lot but we talk a whole bunch and even tho ur mean sometimes to me and al i still love u and i just want to let u know in my time of weakness i think you’re really pretty and im glad we have the relationship we do <3 ur a really good friend soph

@tom-failure aa we dont talk too much anymore but i love seeing topp dogg on my dash and your art is really good and i hope you keep on drawing <3

@flanelltees flan.... mi lov.... you are one of my most treasured mutuals <3 you really mean so much to me and i love seeing you on my dash and i love your deadpan sense of humor and i love helping you start stanning groups and the way you come to me if you need help with something and i love your art, it really is one of the cutest art styles i have ever seen. you’re so talented and im so happy you decided to follow me back because its been so nice talking to you and i love our little jokes and while there are times where we dont talk for a week its always nice to talk to you because you’re so nice :) i lov u flan <3

@brnrnr-prstr we dont talk but again its always nice to see you on my dash :)

@husberttee aleexxxxx my man im so glad i followed you because talking to u was a v good choice :) as a fellow male nakta stan it was rlly nice to talk to you and while its hard to talk bcs of such huge time differences its still fun when we can and even tho you always post abt nugu groups who i have no clue about i still love seeing you on my dash :3

@4jooheon !!!!!! my most sweetest mutual ever!!!! i adore reading your tags when u talk abt jooheon and as a fellow jooheon stan it makes my heart sing bcs same!!!!!! hes our honey bee!!!!!! ive said that so much but its tru!!!!! you really make my dash so much brighter and i love sending you cute asks abt jooheon on anon bcs i love seeing ur reactions!!!!!!! you’re just so soft and i rlly lov u :( thank u for following me back and i hope one day i can reach your level of softness (also i feel relly bad bcs i never learned ur name!!!! ;;;;;)

@annlka annika...... aka sangdo’s wife..... i lov u a lot. your tags brighten up my dash as well and just!!!! i love following ppl who talk in their tags and when you talk abt sangdo it makes me all smiley bcs u just lov him so much and now you’re starting to lov minho just as much and i just LOVE how u tag sangdo as sunshine and minho as moonlight thats just????? so precious i lov ur lov for them and you’re just really nice and understanding too??? and i remember u bringing up the fact that i thought it was a mistake when you first followed me but im glad u did bcs im lucky to have a friend like u annika <3 :)

@dean-winchesters-bootycall even tho ur never on here i fucking.... love you so much ur such a good friend and my best irl friend and im so glad i met you rielle <3

@sweet-jae Al.... Alfie.... The love of my life..... my moon sun and stars.... my entire universe.... words cannot describe how much i love you. When i first followed you i would have never expected us to turn out like this but im so glad we did because it has changed my life for the better. i followed you because you were such a good writer and to this day the choice to go off anon when sending you asks was the best decision i have ever made. you followed me back and we started talking and talking and talking and then we moved over to twitter and when we felt sad we would spam each other pics of our biases and then we moved over to kkt and im pretty sure since that day we haven’t spent a day where we didn’t talk to each other. even if its a simple “good morning’ and “i hope you have a good day today” we still keep talking and along that point i fell in love. now we’re nearing half a year and i just want to say thank you for being there for me. thank you for always talking and updating me on random things because you are the best thing thats ever happened to me. I love you Al <3

@jungjeonkimin we used to talk but we dont anymore but you’re still rlly nice and i love seeing you on my dash!

@ruppels-fox Hi! I know we haven’t talked in like... forever because im not as much into mp100 as i used to be, but you’re a really good friend!!! i loved talking to you and im glad we could bond over mp100 together :) i still love seeing you on my dash

@hybridow1 bro... even tho we never talk and never really have i LOVE seeing you on my dash. you like my kpop posts and you’re a constant presence in my notes and i really i appreciate you dude. im glad we’re mutuals :)

@mushy-mooster Jas.... my baby...... i lov u a whole bunch. ur such a good friend and even though we’ve had our falling outs we’re still friends and the past school year really brought us closer together :) it was always so much fun to help you out with astronomy and i was thankful to have at least one person in the class i knew (and liked cough damien cough) and even tho you post abt dc which i frankly dont like i still love your posts bcs it makes you happy and that makes me happy :) you’re one of my best friends and im glad to have you in my life <3

@bluepandabear329 even if you’re never on here like gabrielle you’re another one of my best friends <3 you helped me through sophmore year and im so glad we became friends mel <3

@rhysymmetra rhys,,,, my man,,,,, we’ve been mutuals for a really long time and i love seeing you on my dash <3 we dont talk but you feel like an old friend and im glad i never unfollowed :) you’re really sweet!

@sanguis-ripam even tho we like... never interact ive been following you since you were trying to boost your go-fund-me for your top surgery, and its been so awesome to see you evolve from that into the man you are today and im really proud. you’re kind of a role model for me and im glad we’re mutuals :) sorry for spamming your dash with kpop lmao

@transmanlukeskywalker god... bro ive been following you since our google plus days. i remember you made a really gay oc like... fuckboy mctrash something and i still have drawings of him... you’re another one of my treasured mutuals and i hope you’re doing okay :) if you ever need anything just talk to me bro! <3

@terezi-py-rope god i think i staarted following you because we had a homestuck roleplay going on??? still we’ve been mutuals for-fucking-ever and even though you still like it and i look back and sigh its good to see you on my dash. hope you’re doing okay :)

@ugh-heterophobia Hey Sky <3 even though we just broke up and you’re not as active i like seeing you and we go way back <3 im glad we’ve stayed together as long as we have <3

@adorkablooderpy like terezi-py-rope im pretty sure we followed because of hs but ive never had the heart to unfollow and like seeing you on my dash :) 

@howmanyletterscaniputinmyurl first, impressive username. it always makes me chuckle. and we interact sometimes, but its always nice seeing you :)

AAAAAAND thats it. all of my mutuals. i just wanted to let you know i appreciate you all even though some of us never talk and others i am really good friends with. okay im done being sappy now ignore me akhdf

[normal-thoughts-official]

Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

[absolutelybifurious]

homecoming feelings inc (spoilers: most of them will look something like i love tony stark i LOVE tony stark i loVE TONY STARK I LOVE ad nauseum) 

peters video recording of civil war what an absolute babe

“thats not a hug im reaching for the door” (yeah right tony we all know you crave human contact)

why does peter know spanish?

peter taking time to pet the cat *_*

peter desperately looking for ways to help and giving that lady directions,,,, my son

“why did i mention the churro”

peter saving the cat and handing it back to the shop owner LIKE OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE HIM 

michelle doing situps with her book

no one will convince me flash doesnt have a massive gay crush on peter parker yall, i mean cmon?? HE MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM CLASSIC CRUSH SIGNS,,, hes legitimately obsessed with him, like i’m not kidding i can’t remember the specifics but several times i was like ok this is just kinda coded like hes into peter actually?

“you’re here too” “am i?” truly the best scene in the film michelle is a gift and zendaya is our glorious goddess who has bestowed this wonder on us

god the van scene, i immediately loved donald glover but that could be bc hes cute. but the thing is, this movie did such a Job of making peter immature. like i was continuously frustrated with him bc he was so markedly different and less mature than any of the other heroes. he screwed up again and again and again and the kidness of him was so well done. like it infuriated me half the time. but damn it was well done

TONY INSTALLED A HEATER IN PETERS SUIT

TONY WAS PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO PETER THAT HE NOTICED WHEN THINGS WENT POORLY

TONY LISTENED TO THE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF REPORTS PETER SENT AND REMEMBERS THE FUCKING CHURRO

tony wants to talk to peter about his college plans

tony stark is the best dad ever, and really in general he is the best person ever and no one will ever tell me that there is a person with a better heart in the MCU BECAUSE THERE IS FUCKING NOT 

TONY STARK IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF US WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM

poor ned :( “that hats not working” i was really mad at peter for the way he kept ditching all hsi real life friends

kinda glad vulture killed that guy what a disrespectful douche

“i thought that was the anti gravity gun” “wHAT NO” hmMmMmMm I LOVE

also he treats his other ppl with a lot of respect and later the ppl still think they can leave and like, thats cool

michelle noticing what peters quit already

i have a hot date with black widow later

that is false

another long one: i didnt super buy peters crush on liz. it felt really faked because he never really made choices for her, and i get that he was more into spiderman but i never felt the significance of the crush... i think that was played over a little bit too much

also i dont think ive been this impressed with a villain in the marvel franchise since loki. vulture was so compellingly realistic. i know they tried that shit with whats his face from civil war but he was so irrelevant i didnt care. vulture was relevant, scary, but also emotionally compelling

fucking taser web

you jumped off the sign and landed on your face

i love karen

i read a post about tony coding an AI thats emotionally encouraging and invested in peters life bc tony is invested in peters life and like iw ant to die

i just dont want to celebrate something built by slaves

THE GUARDS LIKE PREACH

michelle is a gift

“kiss her peter”

“thank you”

donald glover I HAVE A NEPHEW YEEEEEEEEEE BOY GIVE ME MILES I DESERVE IT

the whole interrogation scene was golden,,,, “NEVER DO THAT AGAIN KAREN” 

you’re a criminal!!! you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye!! criminal!! i love peter so much

TONY STARK CALLING TO TELL PETER WHAT A GOOD JOB HE DID IN DC TONY STARK BEING A SUPPORTIVE, GOOD PARENT AND WANTING TO MAKE SURE PETER KNOWS HE IS PAYING ATTENTION 

peter just keeps causing disaster after disaster 

that whole ferry scene had me cringing

but he tried so hard to help everyone!!

tonys anger after it was totally warranted. i dont blame him for taknig the suit. 

MY FAVORITE LINE: if you really cared you’d be here AND TONY MOTHERFUCKING STEPS OUT OF THE SUIT

and god rdj brings the fuCKING PAIN you can see how panicked he is how muc hhe doesnt want to hurt peter but how SCARED he is bc peter isnt listening to him and god!!! what if something happened to peter!! you can hear the self loathing and the pain that hes carrying from all the other movies all he wants to do is make sure nothing happens to peter or anyone else

tony listened to peter to try and stop the vulture, tony takes him seriously!!!!!!!!!!! tony is such a good dad and such a good person and HOLY SHIT!! TONY STARK!!!!!!!!!

hes hurting so much in that scene he doesnt wanna be like howard HE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO GO HELP PETER IM UNDONE

also look how well peter got back on track after he lost the suit

still ??? at the liz scene tho?? i just didnt feel that relationship much at all, there wasnt anything there

PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST 

MMMM THATS SOME GOOOOOOD SHIT 

and once again vulture is incredibly compelling bc that brings a whole new context to why his face changed re: dc and why he didnt try to kill peter on the ferry

michelle doing the casual flip-off, god i love her so much??

holy shit peter in the wreckage, tom holland go off that acting tore my heart in half AND THEN HE REMEMEBRED TONY WORDS

CMON SPIDERMAN I AM SOBBING

FLASH ASKING DO YOU REALLY KNOW PETER PARKER HES IN LOVE

vultures desperation in this final scene is,,,wow, you fucking feel it, it makes sense. hes such a compelling villain.

peter saving vulture what a fucking babe

liz really is a sweet girl i wish i’d believed the crush more bc she deserves all the love

my friends call me mj YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS gimme that michelle/peter RN

michelle acting like she doesnt care and then THAT LOOK THAT LOOOOK OMG ZENDAYA KILLED ME HOW DID SHE CONVEY SO MUCH ACTUAL LOVE AND COMPASSION AND CRUSH 101 IN A 2 SECOND CLIP YALL

happy in the bathroom. goodbye to me.

can we talk about tony? being so ecstatic that peter did all this? tony saying thatw as the tough love moment you needed and being so convinced that it wasnt and so convinced by his own acting that he could never actulally ahve inspired anything like that so hes just going to blaze ahead and not even acknowledge that yes!! it was actually!!!!!!!! he was a great father figurei n that moment and in this whole movie 

but he doesn’t believe that so he’s just going to keep being sarcastic to cover up for the fact that he doesnt think any of this had almost anything to do with him and everthing to do with peter

bc he has no concept of his own self-worth and yet to contrast that he directly inflates it and is so used to ppl disregarding it and accusing him of having an ego that even in this moment when he does something really amazing he makes it about his fake-ass ego and doesn’t let anyone actually give him credit for anything bc he is too busy giving himself fake-credit that he uses as an excuse in every other scene to call himself a piece of shit,,, that other ppl use to call him that bc ppl cant see through it bc he doesnt actually WANT anyone looking too closely, and yet, in this scene, he seems to be using it to exempt peter from actually acknowledging what he did was good bc hahaha im a self-congratulatory egomaniac

anyway hahahaha i love tony stark

also he is sad, he wants peter to stay with him, but he lets it go bc he recognizes it was the mature choice (and probably not the one he’d ahve made) 

hes so proud of peter i want to die

PEPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE RING!!

they’re both so confused about happy and the ring i love it

PEPPER!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE BACK!!!!!!!!! THANK FUCKING JESUS BC IF SOMEONE DIDNT LOVE TONY STARK IN THIS DARK TIME THEN IW OULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BREAK INTO THIS FICTIONAL REALM AND DO IT MYSELF

that little kiss was everything she lvoes him i love them

ugh

this movie was gr8 a++++

i love my son tony stark and his son peter parker and his future wife michelle

[survivor-islands-of-adventure]

EPISODE 8 - MERGE

I’ve officially met my secondary goal of making the merge again! Yeees!! Last Tribal went well in the big picture: Drew idoled, Timmy wasted his, and Dennis went home. Buuuuut, I wasted mine too, which is a huge bummer. I showed my cards too early... either this merge is going to be my second shot, or the death of me.

So real talk, I’m not a fan of these huge merges. There’s way too many plans and players to keep track of... and with this “blind” twist, this round is going to be total chaos. I just hope that the connections I built up pre-merge carry me through this.

God bless Randy and his photoshop skills... he made an INCREDIBLE fake merge idol! I’m really confident that when people see this, they’ll be like “oh shit”. The only person I’ve told is Chris... if we use this right, it’s as good as having a real one!

This being a blind week really has me worried. People are going to feel incentivized to do whatever the hell they want, because they’ll face ZERO repercussions for their actions. As for who I’M voting, that’s still tbd. After last round, I’m taking a little break from calling the shots.

Trying to juggle my Civilians’ alliances with Dan and Tracey while pushing to get Timmy out is proving to be a bit difficult. Chris and Drew are fine with telling them where the villains are voting, but it’s a BLIND round! Why not take advantage of it and make it seem like we aren’t all on the same page?? It would make the two of them trust us more if they really thought we were 100% done with Heroes vs. Villains!

Wow we love a potential swing vote situation. I hate not knowing where that power is because I just find it hard to believe someone got a better time than me for it. 13:37 was faster than Drew’s 14:15 for immunity ugh, unless he’s lying. I’m just frustrated bc I hate being in this position, but also it’s a blind round so if I voted out Timmy, the vote count wouldn’t matter. Unless of course he has the power or the immunity (if Drew is lying). I wish the heroes would come up with a plan bc like I’m stressed. It’s obvious to me that I’m the swing and I just don’t want it to be obvious to others. I’m telling Pat a lot rn just bc if anyone here I trust him the most. But also, it makes me nervous to open up so much in games, I don’t wanna get burned 

I know pat won a major idol so I'm pretty stoked about that!! Idk who the other winner is but i hope it isn't tracey because that's who we're all voting. I have a feeling she won tho.

Dark weeks always scare me because who knows what the fuck is actually going to happen. My alliance wants Tracey out but who knows if that will actually happen. Dark weeks are a good time to go against alliances because there is really no way to know since the vote count isn’t revealed so I could be fucked, anyone could be fucked.

Slow slow slow your boat, gently down the merge, merrily merrily merrily, this game is but a flop.  I feel like its finally starting to pick up but this dark week slowed it down just when it was getting going. Apparently Tracey is Karen? wig. (can i say that if im straight idk). Anyways i can flip on the villains and vote karen ( which i really wanna do ) but im not gonna,, its too early to flip on my alliance. not that i want to, id love to go to the end with charlotte sammy and ricky. but i need revenge for france and thats coming at the expense of karen. 

I’m legit not sure what’s happening tonight I’m screaming. There’s literally so many options and I’m one of them. It’s so nerve wracking 

AHHHHHHHH

okay sorry ive been hella sick so idk what really is going on except that the villains are voting out timmy tonight and that i really wanna work with drew and dan. also mark is very nice to talk to and we're gonna watch wrestling together on sunday god fucking bless. i really want chelsea and madison out soon and im trying my best to steer my four villains away from wanting to vote dan or drew bc i want them here. thats pretty much it lmfao goodnight]

hmmm okay so thing have been interesting. 1-My tribe was the only one that did not have to go to tribal last round.  I was super pumped because I feel as if one of us would have went home.  Then....while watching the tribal.BAM idol play. BOOM. another idol. WHAM. another one.  I am telling you there were idols flying left and right. Like how did y'all find those idols so fast...?  Okay so Dennis got voted out which is like good for me because I knew he would be a challenge threat and a social threat in general.  Moving on, we merged! HaLlElUjAh PrAiSe the LORTTT.  I was getting bored, not gonna lie....but it is still boring everyone is like not talking....okay but anyways, this is a dark round and umm I was so shocked bc I thought I was gonna win the puzzle. I got a time of like 15 mins...how did someone beat meeee:/ that puzzle was a monster. Idk but there are two people that have a lot of power and I am not sure who but I am gonna vote Timmy bc like I don't think he could have won the puzzle? peace yall, hope I am no being blindsided.

Hello meeeeerge!!!!!! So last round was crackt, 3 idols flushed, my boi denny got voted out and I got a vote????? So uh that was wild sjdjkdmdkxn but now merge is here and it's a new game I guess smdjsjndid like personally I was thinking the split was gonna be idk more dramatic but like I don't want to work with the heroes and like they're throwing my name around so clearly they don't want to work with me, except maybe dan????? Idk he's so fucking wishy washy ugh!!!!! I'm like very nervous like I think I can trust the villains bc I've mostly talked to them today and they all seem to want to keep me and me and Chris might even have an alliance going after this which like....how crackt is that?!?! Literally the last person I'd want an alliance with but we're both low on the totem pole so like....we really don't have much choice. I also want to work with drew for sure and maybe mark, the other villains I'm a little if-y about idk like I would like to think me and ricker are on good terms and me and Sammy seem to have left everything in the past so we'll have to see after this blind week. Anyway!!!!!!! Fuck the heroes! Villains are skinny!

Okay so it’s merge and it’s the dark week makes me so nervous. I’m trying to use my mark connection to keep me alive amongst the villains. I’m hoping to keep Chelsea and Dan alive and like somehow make it to the end with one of them. I want a lot of villains on the jury but I don’t want a villain available to get votes. OH I won the reward and from conversation I did the best in the puzzle???? ME???? I don’t believe it but Yas bitch ( to myself)

So I’m super afraid I’m gonna go home this round, I need a ducking idol y’all! I really want Timmy to go home so that’s a mood, if he doesn’t, I’m gonna DIE!

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #11: "okay so heres the tea mawmaw henny... anyways" - Bryce

I guess i wasnt right to be paranoid but doesnt feel good knowing your name was used as a fake target. I really want to win the next immunity but idk. Hopefully i can do well.

nick tried super hard that tribal i got a tiny bit nervous but i'm glad that things seem to be going pretty well and working themselves out with nathan brian and sharky but i feel like nathan's gonna be pretty upset with me after the season :(

Welp I blew another challenge. Good times. Hopefully Nathan won't win because I want him out next. Ideal boot order for me going forward is Nathan, Bryce, Maynor, Matt, Anna. So we'll see how this challenge shakes out and then I can create some beautiful mastermind plot to send his ass home. Tbh he's just gotten too shady. It seems like every round it gets back to me that Nathan has been working some plan that he never told me about. And Nick was always the leak so with him gone Idk how I can trust Nathan anymore. But I feel solid with The FB Bois and with Brian's steal a vote in his pocket we should be able to control the majority from here on out. There's a lot of "hopefully"s in my head right now.

The challenge didn't go so well because I was sleep deprived and reaction time was slow. I don't think Im going to win. It is crazy though that it is the Final 7 already. Im closely working with Nathan in this game. I would totally go to the end with him. This is where we can make a move to keep the majority. Nathan says he is able to get Annabelle's vote and I think I can get Bryce's vote which means that's 4 and enough to send either Matt, Sharky, or Brian home. It sucks cuz I'm also working with Sharky and Brian but both haven't really talked game game to me. They have told me the vote but not really strategy talk. So I feel like I rather side with Nathan, who actually talks to me about strategy. We have to wait and see who wins immunity to really make a plan for tribal.

i really wanted to uh win immunity but JKFASKJ guess thats never gonna happen. i was like how can anyone flop at this simon says game and well. love simon outsold... i want to get annabelle out this round but now it can be hard without the blanket of protection that immunity brings what if it backfires. we still have brians steal a vote tho so thats 3 votes and we'd only need one more barring another idol. speaking of idols i still have NOTHING.

Okay now I'm starting to feel a little guilty. Nathan just came to me stressing. He's never made it this far and he feels like he's so close but he's feeling the pressure to build his resume. I get all of those feelings. And I know if I'm the one to betray him and ruin his streak I stand no chance of getting his jury vote. I'm feeling so conflicted. Nathan is a threat and I can't trust him. But I finally understand why he's been such a mess throughout the merge. What do I do?

So remember how I said I felt bad for Nathan? OVER IT. So I wanted to vote him out this go around. But then I was unsure. And I told him it would be easiest to just vote Bryce. AND HE TOLD BRYCE. I'm over it. he's doing literally too much. He's never made it this far and it shows. Like scrambling and betraying your allies who had your back and EVEN FORGAVE YOU WHEN YOU LIED TO US. Like It's not cute.

ok so heres the tea mawmaw henny. ... anyways i um love stream of consciousness writing NNN so sharky doesnt trust me and wants me out but like everyone tells me why doesnt he trust me ive been nothing but honest anyways gays cant be trusted. but maynor sharky and anna wanna vote matt. and matt wants to vote maynor/anna and i wanna vote anna with brian so idk im just scared that if we use brians vote steal we'll be in danger at f6 maybe voting matt is smarter like if they just voted sharky id be down but i dont want to go into f6 with sharky AND nathan/anna

So I forgot to vote last round before I literally passed the fuck out after work... how sad!  Nick still did go, just like I had worked on... But I'm OK again because I won immunity //again// (a physical threat...) so therefore I'm safe for yet another round.  It's worrying because if I ever lose I become a huge target for the vote, and I think this round is very risky bisky.... but it'll also finally draw the final lines in the sand with people I want to go to the end with.

I've decided that Nathan's messiness and choice in allies is what strays me away from him.  I love Annabelle, but her relationship with Sharky is what deters me from going further with her.  I like Maynor, but his sketchiness during every tribal is what deters me from going further with him.  If Nathan got over his obsession with voting for Matt... Every.  Single.  Round... then maybe I'd feel better about this all.  If he threw out Sharky, then whew, let's do it!  Nathan is one of my favorite people ever, and he's so enjoyable to talk to... his big ass heart is what's making me feel so fucking bad about this decision, but I think it's what's best for me.

At the moment, I'm seeing a very iffy chance at winning come final tribal time, but I still have a fighting spirit to get there and to dominate final tribal.  I'm just worried about losing all respect from people like Nathan, Sharky, and Annabelle when I vote them out.  I know it's very plausible, so I have to start planning around that.  I have to be able to manage talking about a dominating game and also owning up to being shitty from time to time.

Ideally, I'll be sitting in final 4 with Bryce, Matt, and someone else (it's between Maynor and Nathan/Annabelle).  I know Sharky has to go, but I also have to be ready to work around him making finals with me.  Final 3 situation ideally would be with Matt and Bryce and then final 2 with whomever I see it easier to beat.  And that's all the tea I have for now.

To have tied in the immunity record and also be confirmed top 6... I'm so proud of myself and what I have done given all the time restraints I've had in this game so far.  It's impressive, if I do say so myself.  I really hope I can make people proud of me... and even if I go in 6th, I know I did the damnest fucking thing and fought my ass off.

Annajane, Matty, Jack, Jones, and Drew..., thank you for believing in me enough to cast me for this season.  I hope I don't let you guys down and haven't yet.

Marie, I hope I'm making you proud by still being here!!  I'm trying really hard every day to ensure one of us could do the damn thing.

Zacky, Tobi, Loris, Scott, Justin... and to really anyone out there rooting for me... thank you!  I may not know everyone who is rooting for me, but I really appreciate any support you've given me this season!!

So I think this vote might be the breaking point for me and Annabelle. If we're really coming after Nathan I can't tell her. I also told her that Matt's idol was the merge idol which isn't true. But the fact that she asked makes me think she doesn't know another idol is out there. Which is a great sign. I feel bad but I'm worried if she has to choose between me and Nathan she may choose Nathan. Ugh

God I am SO over these people! Like i seem to be the perpetual target every single round! And it is quite demoralising tbh. I seem to be the easy target cause Brian has immunity and Sharky has got close with Annabelle. and we 3 are a "trio!!!" who apparently need breaking up, even though nathan really needs to like fuck off out of here. I appreciate how hard the man is playing but he's just coming off as a dick now. As he has said, he wants to basically be fuck buddies with Brian to the end, which is not a cute look for him, riding Brians coat tails to the end where he will clearly be beaten. I am just SO over it. At least I _should_ be safe (and should is the correct term here) cause we will have bryce with us hopefully going into this vote but if i leave, i leave. I just want these people gone so I can have a stress free game for ONCE. Like please just fuck off out of here and LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

ok so idk whats going to happen sharky threw my name out but now says he didnt and since i want him to vote with me i just say oh ya ofc i believe u. like i want anna out but sharky/matt wants nathan and maynor/anna/nathan want matt. what about what *i* want...

Today is the day where Nathan and I take majority with Bryce and Annabelle anf get rid of Matt or our plans come crashing down in flames. Either way we are making a move. I just hope we prevail and things go our way and our plan doesnt leak.

brian is amazing i need another immunity win so we can just have ari stans only winning immunities. i'm nervous because like this tribal is like anyone can really go the next few rounds but i feel like people still don't think i'm a threat but idk we'll see this game is really like i'm not sure.  

So now Matt is pitching Maynor because we couldn't choose between Anna and Nathan. But they still want to keep it a secret. And that's a terrible idea. We're going to do all this lying and plotting and then vote out the smallest threat. That's a wasted opportunity. I could get behind voting for Maynor but I'm not going to lie to Anna to do it. Plus they want to do it for fear of advantages but like...if Anna or Nathan have anything they'll definitely use it at F6 if we lie to them about the vote. We're overcomplicating this.

ok so like im gone.. idk its so hard to know whos telling the truth. what if sharky leaks to anna i want her out. like anna/maynor/nathan SHOULD be doing matt which means that like as long as me and brian vote together ill at most have 2 votes against me so maybe 3-2-2 but i really trust matt so i feel like he'll vote with us. i really dont wanna vote nathan out when anna is still here... bc she'll go to sharky so quick and take maynor with her. im trying to think of damage control if things do go bad ill just have to tell nathan i wanted anna out bc i thought he was closer to her than me and then maynor idk what to say NNNN... also sharky made an alliance with me matt brian and him but didnt tell me before hand lol love that.. i feel like the abi maria of the season idk why... or like the gabby who doesnt get her way AJSDHFKJA so sad... anyway im a goner :(

It looks like Brian, Matt, and Sharky are voting Bryce. While they think Bryce will vote Sharky. Me, Nathan, Annabelle, and Bryce are doing Matt which will suprise them. I think imma have to do lots of damage control with Brian and Sharky cuz last time I voted differently than they did, Sharky was fine since it wasnt him but Brian was made he was lied to. So like oopsie. But hey its the game of survivor and sometimes you have to lie who ur voting for.

Okay so...I amde a questionable choice...a VERY questionable choice. I told Annabelle everything (almost). She came to me and confessed the Matt plan because she didn't want me to be blindsided. Which verified all me feeling about fighting to save her. So I told her the truth (almost). I said Bryce leaked all of that info to us. I told her the 4 of us came together. I didn't tell her we named it the Fajita Fellas. That's just for us. But then I told her that I had protected her and got the vote on Maynor. Now if there is an idol played it will be on Maynor and Nathan will still go home. I'll send her a PM during the voting and be like SOS it's switching to Nathan. That way I cover my ass. Now I'm just trying to calm Brian down because he is ANXIOUS. Can people just chill out

Nathan is voted out 4-3.

[misterbitches]

i like your optimism! i need more of that. it’s funny cos idk if u watched ITSAY but i was like wow ppl r panicked for no reaosn no one is gonna die but if there’s a chance of fucking the cool satire story up im like cshaking in fear!

i think that the noises are a funny thing bc while i am distracted partially bc of my background, the show is good enough for us to like accept it. for me like. the gulping thing is nitpick-y from a technical standpoint but they wouldnt necessarily have to take it out. and if it works for some people, it works! i  may not like it but it is the choice they made (UNLIKE ALL THE FUCKING EDITING MISTAKES OF THE VISUALS thats like a film school 101 u problem SIR idk who is editing it can u tell im mad1!!!)

oh also i think the sound editing is actually fine i am sooooo tickled actually bc sound in thai dramas has gotten so much better and i was soooo surprised at how crisp and clean it sounded? like i mentioned with the visuals as well. but i am not a sound editor so i can only go off of my brain. it could be done soooooo badly LMAO. the noise thing is def not a make or break and thats rly good bc there’s things that will take you away from a work immediately bc theres nothing else to justify whats pissing u off or nagging at you to stick around. thank god this show is telling us to enjooooy the ride. 

 IA wwww youuuuuuuuuuuuu still enjoyin it. i mean u saw how mad i got at that cut right like. if it were anything else i would have fucking quit. i was that appalled LMAOOOO but i was like ILL DO IT BUT JUST COS UR FUN AND FUNNY 

i agreeee im so confused ppl r saying he’s polarizing but im like, why?? so far we see him as a really sad young kid. that scene with tiffy was really good! (i also dont say this often in this genre!!!) i cant imagine not like...idk. i felt like hes so ridiculous but ur like. holy fuck man. ur lonely as fuck. if that were me i may not have made it through that night, you know? i like your idea btw!!!! i mean in gen but talso that’s a good point about him needing it to suceed for money. in fact that makees sooooo much more sense bc he clearly doesnt like thailand and wants to do cooking in FR and its like.........he couldnt possibly think sib would make that move for him, right? good point!

and yea  im always intersted to see how far ppl push it and then seeing it and what they could have done or saying its cowardice. parasite is a really good example of the symbiotic (this is my new fav word and idek if im readin git right) rship with like art and capitalism. and idek if id say BL would be “art” but in the broad sense of the word it would be i guess? idk im pretentious

thats awesome! i love it! we need more of you!!! no really bc a lot of polsci ppl are not. ummmmmmmm this is stupid but do u watch hasan piker? he was a poli sci student idk if u know him if u dont hes a popular leftist / bredtuber but pretty radical and hes evolved. interesting dude. ur background reminds me of him :) ive been following him for so long and i just went with my feeling and hes messed up but he has changed a lot too and i feel like i went on the journey with him. so clearly we know people have the intense capacity to change. they have to be open and to want it!! i honestly feel like leftist when not being awful which we are it’s like the most open minded you can be. its’ so freeing and fun when we dont get bogged down by tankies or other shit or annoyances. idk. i think that’s so cool. and i realize u dont care if i think thats cool and im probably veyr old compared to you.

thanks soooo much for replying it makeks me feel betetr. idk if you are in undergrad but if you are i hoep you can get to school from HOME iand if ur american and u cant i am so sorry our country sucks. fummmmmand that you and yours are doing okay and if you dont have the vaxx i hope you can soon. also dude oihugahijok[jipahgjokp ugh man i wish i could follow ppl on a fuckin side account the fuckin memes the fuckin left memes on ur page eveyrhting WE LOVE TO LAUGH bc when ur Third Eye is open u need levity 4 the pain (oh my fucking god im joking and also holy shit lmao) ur fuuuun sry for being patronizign and also talking a lot/ :)

——————

beyodn this it’s a wall of bullshit and ould be totally not pertinent to you so dont even bother lmaoooooo

 ive been thinking a lot about like societal implications and work cos there was some dumb book drama on twitter. escapism has such good merits but i feel like....how do i say this. we want to expect things to come in like two values; meaning and no meaning. so for escapism people equate that with mindlessness but, no, it’s a creation of a world that acknowledges the flaws of everyone and creates this world that takes you to a place where it still exists. there is no utopia. 

the other thing is there’s like..ok first of all lmao i tried to like make a video on something and i just got burned out. i stopped and i almost started to cry bc i was just sooooo tired of thinking. afte rbeing online for a long time i needed to get the fuck off for HOUUUUURS and not every post i/we make is gonna be some big statement. i havent even really talked abt any of the shootings that have happened and ive read literally one article on it. and that’s things that are soooo seirous and that i care about but it’s like yea im not thinking we need to be so sad all the time or whatever. god im losing steam right now im so sorry.

my point abt that is like i think ppl think that ur ALWAYS on ur oh boooo bla bla ethics grind. when we know that we can’t be! and there are very unfun people aoon ~all sides~ like just awful leftists and also not fun and cant laugh. which sucks. life is hilarious. the more i see something and want to talk about it, the more i lean in. then when i dont want to, i get out. i recomppose. i feel like people think im operating on some 24/7 agenda like, no, because that could kill me? and when i get to engage with a work as an artist or with my stupid thoughts im like oh man i gotta get it all out. 

and that’s it. no one is telling ppl (im not saying that ur saying this btw!!) they cant turn their brain off or not be one way or another. but it’s funny that when these ideas are introduced there’s an equation of like......the work with the individual who likes it. totally having their blinders on. i kept seeing people say “they want everyhing to be perfect and they dont know that ppl are complicated” and this was in relation to tharntype but people say it all the time. it’s like are you that fucking stupid that you dont understand how the human brain works? are we fucking robots? i swear i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them. and the fucking thing is this is what i cant stand. this is the motherfucking kicker.

neoliberalism individualism WHATEVER im an IDIOT and i am TIRED but all those things have made it SOOOOOOOOOO easy for us to like....be so fuckign vague. be okay with VAGUE sources and anecdotal evidence. be ok with things out of context. like the plethora of comments about seeing “POC” in these shows which is honestly just fucking inaccurate and is affecting the reading of the show and they talk about good progress and “progressive” things and not being problematic but they cannot name a single motherfucking thing. it’s not that theyre not smart it’s just that all ppl do is dip their toes in. so when i see theat and i feel like speaking and if it’s annoying enough (or i just want to engage in gen!) im just lie........we’re meeting from two totally diff purposes.

god to round out this fuckin bullshit i bet a convo between u and i would be a lot more fucking fun and funny and lighthearted and not serious at all then it would be with the user who foudn out what problematic means on twitter like 4 yrs ago but doesnt know fucking anything about like actual people in thailand for exxample like actually gay artists or filmmakers or wonen u know (oh heres another thing: asking for women in bl? why. seriously....and i knoooooowwwww our beliefs are diff but im just ilke ok here’s an alternate um...opinion.)

mate i am so sorry idk what the fuck i am saying i am drinking ive been so anxious. i looooove head empty. i am always head empty. adhd IS head empty. and then it’s get everything out at once. theres SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to enjoy both when there’s probelms and without and even a way to enjoy thinking critically abt something too when u want to! it’s this lie that we cant be functioning human beings with actual nuanced thoguht that goes beyond apologizing for dumb shit or just...not fucking demanding goddamn ANYTHING. tahts’ another thing like goddamn i never knew ppl were so pasive?????/ maybe it cos im black but im like lmao um guys ok i guess? if i feel uncomfortable abt sth (nubsib being invasive!!!) im gonna say it. and even then we know why it’s sort of acceptable in this context that nubsib is LITERALLY fucking weird and what he’s doing is not okay. in the trop and the world they set up it technically is but shit we need to come up with something new then for this outcome. there’s a way to get there. 

wuickly i will reiagine a scene

sib: hello gene: hi sib: my closet sprung a leak bla bla (begs to move in)

all that could be done without us being privy to some sort of truth (i have read spoilers so idk but anyways))  so it feels less weird and it’ssomething we are more inclined to forgive. ok that fib. but the kissing part was actually really not great if you put your head to the fucking grindstone. it’s a contradiction of what they wrote. ironically with every second they drag themselves (when they dont mean to_ and thats not bad to point out. in fact it’s funny bc the show is good right but it’s also like lol. no. ethical. consumption. u know. so we just discuss it when we feel its pertinent!!!! or we want to!!!!!!! but if we were gonna specifically talk about his actions then fuck yea ppl gotta USE THEIR BRAAAAINSSSSS. it’s always so fucking VAGUE like oh this is happening and heres how it makes ME feel instead of the braoder implications or fuck even from a fucking artistic perspective. here is a motherfucking truth: if hyou’re going to take money and energy from the world you could fucking TRY to make something that we want in our eyeballs holy fucking shit and a lot of these programs fucking FAAAAIL EVEN THE WAY PPL JUDGE THE ACTING? oh my god i am so sorry holy shit ive just had so many thoughts and so feewwwww peopl esort of understand where i am coming from. 

when where ur eyes linger was airing i wrote soooo much abt a class and race analysis both as a black woman and then what i know about korea. pointing out what i liked and going on my feeling. if im unsure of something, i try to look it up and see how my worldview affects it but im soooo tired of cultural relativism too. an “oh it’s different over there” as human beings we have fucking thumbs okay it is distinct to us so there is obviously a base fucking moral code and idea of freedom that eveyrone in the world has—it has to be. why are you so incapable of forming decisions bc of being unsure when information is readily available to you? so in the end where does the convo lead?

another good ex omg i was so happy. someone was tlaking about the husband/wife thing and i responded and we all got along and idk it was so cool to see people go “wow ok im thinking a lot” bc i get that from others and idk :(  nnot everything is serious but i sooooooo badly just want people to stop relying on the same things and calling it progress. i cant take much more of the shallowness. and thats probably bc so many ppl hav eblocked me for my ideas ;-; ok im not like widly unpopular i swear but i be tryna rb someone and im like jesus do i even know you?  conveniently from ppl who [redacted]

this is why ppl need to know me irl like i am the same person irl but i talk way less bc im going “erm uh ah hm um” and i dont remember then i get tired. ike after 2m iw ill just stop talking. and also if im hungry u cannot get a word out of me. and also if im tired and need to be alone. i type so much fucking more than i talk esp during  apndemic. most ppl would call me withholding if they didnt know me from the itnernet LMAO. also i got my second wind halfway through this post my adrenaline was like remember those stimulants u took earlier bc u have adhd well we’re back 

Hi! Thank you so much. Lately I've been feeling extra unintelligible like an alien communicating with others. Does wonders for my selfie steam!

Yessss! You know what I mean! It's like a fine line between getting it right. Setting up some solid foundations but can they follow through? And critically what can we expect? Many times, it's even better if a work has flaws so their next time could be better. And we just talk abt what could have been done.

I am the same as you! Do you have thoughts on Aey?

I tend to exist in my bubble so thanks for hearing me out! I feel like how i choose to live my life and what i believe in isnt as conventional yet but idk. I get really bummed sometimes cos im like idk talking too much but not too many ppl talk about this stuff like this and it kills me sometimes cos ive heard refuse to read or engage critically and i dont really get it. I mean I do but the thing is that analysis has always been huge!??? I dont understand why politics and society would constantly stay on the periphery. I cant understand why we wouldnt talk about society and capitalism in a show that, intentional or no, rests on constant poking!

I wont stop! And i dont want to sound silly. I just really need to see more radical ppl in the soace. Everyone join so we can bang our revolution drums together as we while about BL--the ULTIMATE society dealbreaker!

@flootweed