#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore

[6mayhem]

anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

[nobodysystem]

i have wished for three desperate years that someone would find my writing-- my posts, my stories, my shitty little poems-- and tell me i obviously understand, even enough to (so technically) count. this will, of course, never happen. and so i spend my time looking in on real people, reading their stories and watching them without ever starting a conversation and then, later, involuntarily performing an awful dreamlike parody of the things they say their lives are like alone in private. Look at me. I completely get it.

part of the reason this is such a bitter pill to swallow is because feeling like a fetishistic creep is a visceral and common part of closeted transness. i read about people who felt the exact same ways i did, except they had the capacity for redemption-- they were what they were so afraid of infringing on the whole time; i, of course, do not have this possibility. i will be a creep forever, reading story after story about people who feel just like me-- but who, crucially, could change.

i think it is better for everyone for me to stay like this in my pretty headspace bedroom and in our blog nobody reads. "cis people who want to be their own gender but trans" are not looked upon kindly anyway, and i specifically have tangled the idea of transness into my heart so deeply that i relate to things in a way that could only be horrifically inappropriate for anyone who wasn't trans in that specific direction. i am so easy to hurt and such a liability socially that there's no way i SHOULD be barging into (invading, haha) trans spaces of my gender when that could only ever end in tears. but i want to. achingly, shamefully, condemningly i want to

[kn11ves]

hey so after hearing an utterly horrific pronunciation of the word "nahuatl" that scared me straight out of my native skin ("nah-wah-toll", he said) just as a pointer whenever you read a nahuatl word the ending "-tl" is pronounced sort of like a hiss with a tongue touching the roof of your mouth? its not nah-wah-toll, its not even nah-wah like a lot of mexicans believe, the "tl" sound comes from the way you push air through your mouth from the back of your throat

the way i figure how to make the "TL" sound is to put your tongue on the roof of your mouth. now, without removing your tongue from the roof, try making the sound of an "h" with a mouth halfway closed. you should feel the way the air blows through both of your cheeks and comes out sounding like a lisp-sound. thats the point! the hiss definitely sounds like a lisp. you may need to practice this a bunch to get the sound right

there isnt an phonetic equivalent to "tl" i can figure how to write out for you because "tl" is a sound of its own. you have to say na-hua-TL its already written the way its supposed to be read! the only problem is that people do not know how to pronounce the "tl" sound and will make approximations which i know its tough but it is wrong (though ill take nah-wah over NAH-WAH-TOLL)

this is a YT shorts of a man saying "nahuatl" and different nahuatl words and how theyre pronounced

this is a 7 minute video of a man who guides you on HOW to make the noise "tl"

some reminders while im at it:

-we are not aztecs, we do not speak aztec. we are native mexicans (most of us. im not speaking about immigrants to mexico obviously) and most of us who speak an indigenous language speak nahuatl, so we may call ourselves nahua or descendants from the mexica

-though not everyone speaks nahuatl, there are 68 different indigenous ethnic groups in mexico we have. variety.

-certain dialects of nahuatl spoken in michoacan or just southern mexico for example may choose to prefer the "T" in nahuatl words and pronounce say ahuacatl as "A-wah-cat" or maybe prefer the "L" sound and say "A-wah-cal". it really depends

-(pet peeve but) AXOLOTL is "ah-sho-lo-tl" and not "axe-ah-loddel"

-no u are not saying the word in english and therefore are going to pronounce it like a yank

-if you can say rendezvous like "ron-deh-vu" and not like "ren-des-voos" then you can say nuahuatl words the way theyre meant to be said!! our language has gotten so eroded and the only way we can keep it alive is by trying to say things as theyre meant to ok

[arundolyn]

hot(?) guilty gear take:

danger time is fun and not nearly as bad a mechanic as some people like to claim. they're just salty when they lose to it

[widevibratobitch]

.

[stonerzelda]

ah fuq i did not factor in canadian prices for that. Special edition arzette collection uhm. So much for the idea of quitting my job soon to look for others again lol

[fappellmoan]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[carpathxanridge]

just realized i had a fully vegetarian day of eating without trying, which i’ve probably done before but this is the first time i feel like i actually got enough protein too without being like intentional about it. im pretty excited even though it wasn’t all vegan, one meal was and the other wouldve been easily veganize-able if i had vegan cheese. and like as someone who used to be such a picky eater i had a list of foods i’d have to introduce into my diet before being able to even THINK about eating vegan, it’s exciting to see i’ve done enough of that introduction that i can have a day of low-effort eating that’s unintentionally vegan-approaching. like i forget how limited my diet used to be until i actually examine what my current diet looks like and go whoa i wouldn’t have eaten like 2/3rd of this even just a year ago lol. and tbh i dont know if i ever intend on going fully vegan but my goal is to limit myself to maybe cooking with meat and/or dairy only once or twice a week, and the only animal product to keep a staple would be eggs (i want to have my own chickens.)

[phagodyke]

ughhhh

[silverislander]

i know that at some point i'm just gonna have to take whatever job is available to me whether that's minimum wage or smth i actually care abt and it actually feels like the jaws on a bear trap closing around me <3

[packitandgo]

gets stressed

lies down about it

[nagdabbit]

ive never had to be a bouncer at a funeral before

[pyrriax]

what if i just waited to post stuff until i've got my current three Ideas written

just post em all back to back and then sleep for a week

[ !! venting in the tags !! ]

[moonastro]

Groom persona chart

Asteroid groom (5129) in the house

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

So the asteroid groom within the gpc will indicate the overall feeling and overall summed up vibe that your spouse can be linked to. This can interpret what kind of husband he can be and how he may be after marriage.

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[before you read this post... i want you all to know how grateful i am for each and every one of you <33 i took a little break from posting but will hopefully be back and consistent and hopefully will finish this series quicker.]

{ALSOO.. if you like this series and would like to support a small creator, go and check out my readings here--> 🤍🤍🤍}

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Groom in 1st house: your future husband can be a real me person. Can really be self aware and just be a confident and bold. He can be a real star and know himself better than anyone else. he is someone that can have a short temper and can have bursts of anger from time to time. although, your spouse can be a very energetic and confident individual. depending on the sign, it can make him become selfish and mine mine mine. especially if in scorpio can tend to hide things that they own or buy and just may not share as much of important information with you like any other couple would do. your spouse can be quite demanding but will give back always. can be a very attractive individual, takes care of his appearance and for sure can spend time by himself emotionally. this does not mean that he will be totally absent but he may just need his own space to just breathe and think.

Groom in 2nd house: so your husband can be a very much material mann. someone who is literally not afraid to spend money on himself and you. depending on the sign especially Saturn aspected or Capricorn, can indicate hoarding so not wasting money neither on themselves and on you even if they have a lot. spouse can be a comfort person, someone who is there and will listen to you and they dont even need to speak a single word and you will feel as if they have helped you a ton. your spouse can be very protective of you physically wise, especially if in the sign of aries, they will be ready to throw hands on anybody who upsets you or just handles you very badly. can tend to be very gentle with you and be very patient with you whether if its when you are facing your problems or when you need time to figure something out hell be waiting there.

Groom in 3rd house: so your fs can be a strong communicator whether it’s him talking for hours and hours or him being a very good listener and a good companion to those who he is in conversation with. This is an indication of your spouse being chronically online whether it’s not that big of a deal, expect him to know everything that’s going on the internet. Since he may be of curious nature, best believe your spouse is the one to even search and do his research when something interesting comes up on his social media feed. He might even post a lot online too. he can form strong opinions and often tend to make up arguments out of the most silliest of things. he may require lots of attention from you and he may just crave the attention a lot of the times. on the other hand, he is someone who is intelligent, smart and very humble and a person that is comfortable to hang and be around with.

Groom in 4th house: spouse can be very traditional and by that i mean that your future spouse is the one who takes roles of the home very seriously. have a leafy faucet, he will take care of it, you try to fix a light bulb, uh uh uh nope, he is taking care of it that sort of thing. he feels like you already have so many responsibilities so let him take care of the handy ones. if groom is in the sign of taurus or virgo even cancer, they will almost be looking out for you and doing the services in prevention to you getting hurt. so they will be like no sit and rest. furthermore, your spouse can be very witty and love to be too comfortable towards you. sometime referred to as 'tmi'. he can share a bit too much information at times and you may have to just pause that for a second to realise what just happened. but that just means that he is very comfortable and trusting towards you.

Groom in 5th house: this placement gives me real childhood sweetheart vibes and i just love ittt. just imagine the one boy that you met on a summer holiday that you later meet in life and you're just like "wait..🤔i know you". so basically with this placement your spouse can be someone that brings out the most inner fun, exciting, adventurous, romantic person within you. he is someone that will laugh when you are crying, cry when you are laughing literally match your energy in any type of situations. this placement is a very peaceful yet chaotic vibe, it gives the sense of seeing no one as beautiful as you, seeing no one but you, laying eyes only on you. he is literally the ray of sunshine to the point that you may literally crave them, like you'll be at work or something and you just NEED to be near him or to be within his presence.

Groom in 6th house: your future spouse can be what you think a normal town guy looks like. not that its bad but he can be very natural and not have too much going on. can work a job that he has had for many years and be too afraid to move on from fear of not knowing what to expect and how it may turn out to be like. on the other note, he can be a very heart warming and positive guy, that tries to live his life to the fullest. he is someone to be the first when it comes to help people out, he finds warmth and comfort in achieving good deeds. this placement is actually very good for those who need someone that does their own thing and have their own responsibilities. they may not like to be tied down to something so maybe staying at home for too long is not his go to and so forth.

Groom in 7th house: ommggg this placement is the biggest definition of a charmer and a spouse that wants fair share of everything so literally his money is your money. may share on bill payments so he may have the rent and you maybe the electric and so forth. he is someone attractive to a lot of other people so can cause a lot of jealous people around you because they may be jealous of the man that you have and they may hate you for it. your spouse is soft spoken and tries to be positive at all times, he can appear to be someone from a Disney book, can be absolutely perfect in your eyes especially if venus is conjunct with groom. your future spouse can be very into beauty and aesthetics, so he may like your house to have a specific colour, design, sets of cutlery, and so forth.

Groom in 8th house: spouse is full of surprises, can be very mindful and very picky of the information that he wants you or other people to know. he is very careful of the words and actions that he does. depending on the sign, like for example if in capricorn, can be a very isolating individual that like to stay away from people, on the other side can have a secret income of money that you may not know about until later on in the relationship with him. another example would be if in pisces, can be an individual with a lot of mental blockages and a lot of mental baggage. this is not me diagnosing your future spouse, i am only stating what this COULD possibly mean because the whole chart should be taken into consideration. on the brighter side, he can be a very emotionally smart person, the one to understand what your feeling or even thinking without you needing to tell them anything. he can also be very emotionally encouraging and comforting individual. also a very highly indication of them only allowing certain people to view his true emotions, can often appear to be hard as a rock but inside could be different.

Groom in 9th house: your future spouse is most likely a genius and an individual with great wisdom. He is full of ideas and creative finds that sometimes has no place to put them into the world. He most likely is smarter than he looks or he is always doubted by his intelligence. This is a STRONGGG indication of your husband being a foreigner or you meeting them in foreign land. Depending on the sign this can tell us the details of how your spouse may reveal his intelligence by. So in Gemini, may talk in a very sophisticated way and can reveal his wisdom through his words and writing especially. He can be a unique and self taught writer whether it’s for work or for himself. If in Taurus for example, can reveal his wisdom through cooking and money making, he may be a very experimental chef and a great cook with a ton of knowledge on recipes. Another thing about this placement is that your spouse may travel a lot, may go on trips a lot and meet foreign people a lot as well. He definitely has good humour and is someone who is known for his attractive humour.

Groom in 10th house: your spouse is mr. worldwide business sugar daddy rich. 🤭no but fr he can be a very chill yet providing person. may not exaggerate as much but will go with the flow and follow your rules in a way. if the sign is in leo, capricorn or jupiter is involved this for sure can indicate a spouse with his bank full. very mature, can indicate an older spouse physically and mentally. perhaps a spouse that is like your mother figure or reminds you of your mother. he can be serious and can take things seriously too much of the time, unless in sagittarius. can be quite an introvert, awkward person but can be an attractive kind of awkward if ya know what i mean. your spouse is the man that gets stares from strangers when in public and literally all eyes on him. there is just something magnetic about him that pulls others to him.

Groom in 11th house: spouse can usually act inconsistently. Meaning that he is really unpredictable in any situation given. Spouse can be quite isolating and may spend time alone or just refuse to do anything with anyone. This isn’t all the time as someone with good aspects can have a spouse that is social, and great with their social life, but this house is rules by Saturn so there is some strictness, discipline and alone time that is a big part of your future spouses personality and overall being. he can be with his friends a lot of the time though, so maybe he can have friends over to the house a lot of the times or him going over to theirs and all. he may have a sense of equality and sense of achievement that he may want to pursue. your fs can have goals that he is eager to reach so slowly he may like to show off his interests in these things with you.

Groom in 12th house: spouse can be distant in a way after marriage. with that i mean that he can always be away somewhere, travelling for work etc. especially if for example in Sagittarius your husband can be away travelling overseas or simply if he is a foreigner can be away visiting family a lot of the times. spouse can become quite lazy in a sense, of course depending on the sign and aspects however with this placement your husband after marriage has this reaction of already having this milestone completed and they know in a sense that they are secure and safe and comfortable and thats why this can make them a bit lazy. furthermore, your husband can become more and more in love with you the more that he is with you. this may really be a very beautiful placement if in the sign of libra or venus is conjunct groom asteroid.

thats it for now, i hope you enjoyed this post and have a good rest of your day/evening/night <<33

[engstlersbueckers]

E. Engstler NSFW Alphabet

A/N: Haven’t seen anyone do this yet. lets mix it up.lmk what ya think and apologies for any mistakes!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

She’s an angel when it comes to aftercare.Asking multiple times if she was too rough with you and no matter how much you insist you can do it on your own,she always cleans you up. “Uh uh. You stay right here I got it baby.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Emily’s an ass girl. I said wtf I said. She’s always grabbin on your ass. Loves rubbing it when you’re cuddling and dont get me started on when she’s fucking you from behind. The sound your ass makes when she’s hittin it from the back drives her crazy. As for you,her hands(quite literally) have a chokehold on you. All she’s gotta do is move her hands in a certain way and your mind just fixates on it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She’s addicted to making you cum. She wont stop until you’re gushing all over her fingers,tongue,strap,etc. Your taste is something she can’t live without.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory,)

She’s not really super secretive about what she wants to do with you. If it’s something she wants to try she’s gonna tell you straight up.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Oh she definitely knows what she’s doing. The best sex you’ve ever had in your life was from her. The way she fucks is unique,but she can lay it down like her strap is attached to her body.

F=Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy. Like i said a few letters ago she loves the feeling of your ass bouncing against her.And in doggy,she can still get up in your ear and talk to you,pull your hair,and reach around and play with your clit all she wants.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Not much laughing during the act but afterwards she’ll have you cracking up. Usually saying something dumb like “I hope I wont lookin’ at you all crazy I was really into it.”

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She always says “The only hair you’re gonna find is on my head” so do with that what you will.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You mean everything to her so she fucks you like it. She takes her time to warm you up before she even takes off her own clothes.When she’s putting her strap in you, she holds you really close and kisses you while she slides it in. “There it is…That’s my fuckin’ girl.So pretty for me.”

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She doesn’t touch herself much. Maybe on certain occasions like an away game she’ll call you and you get off together. But not much other than that. She has great self control.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

She’s pretty big on asphyxiation. She loves to choke you. Especially if you’re in front of a mirror,she loves seeing your eyes glaze over in the reflection and feeling how tight you get when she does it.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Yall have pretty much done it all over the apartment. But her personal favorite is in the shower.The warm water running down your bodies while you kiss and touch all over each other,the way she presses you against the shower door. Theres something about it thats so hot to her.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The sounds you make get her so riled up,but it’s one particular sound you make every time she hits your g-spot,it almost bottoms her out she loves it so much.“Oh my god,fuck. Make that noise again baby,I love it.”

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything either of you are uncomfortable with you wont do.Pretty straightforward.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She loves giving you head.Every single time she does you damn near have to push her off you to get her to stop. The sensation of her piercings just intensifies it too.So anytime shes licking up your slit,or sucking your clit you can feel them<3

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Definitely depends on the mood. If you’re feeling really intimate,she’ll fuck you nice and slow and deep. Taking her time to fill you up to the hilt. But when she’s angry or really fired up,it’s game over for you.She’ll have your eyes in the back of your head within seconds. Just pounding away at you like you’re her favorite sex toy.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

There’s not really much time in either of your schedules for quickies so you don’t really do them often. Unless it’s right before a date or an important event and you have some time to kill.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Both of you agreed to be pretty open minded with a lot of things,including things that involve your sex life.So she’s almost always down for experimenting.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Baby,she’s an athlete. She can go for however long she pleases. She even teases you about being able to keep up after a couple rounds. “No way you’re tappin’ out on me already? C’mon gimme one more.”

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Most of the toys that you own she uses them on you. Of course you can use them whenever you want but she prefers to help you out. Like if its a vibrator she’ll sit you between her legs and keep it right on top of your clit while she teases your breasts and talks you through it.“I know…I know baby. You’re doing so good for me. Makin’ me so proud.”

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She loves teasing you. When she does it she’ll do something real subtle like “accidentally” resting her hand waay too close to your inner thigh. Then when you call her out she’ll play dumb.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She’s more of a talker than anything.But she prefers when you’re the one getting loud for her. “Dont cover your fuckin’ mouth lemme hear it. Let everyone know whos fuckin’ the shit out of this pussy.”

W = Wild card (a random

headcanon for the character)

Okay..personally I feel like she’s really into phone sex. Like i feel like a broken record when i say that she loves being verbal with you. And she thinks it’s so hot that she has the power to get you off even when you’re miles away from each other. Of course she’ll always leave you anticipating what she’s gonna do to you when she comes back. “Hope you don’t have anything planned cuz once I get home I’m tearin’ that pussy up.”

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She’s not on some wimpy dick shit. When she says she’s packing,she doesn’t just mean there’s a strap in her pants. That thing got some size to it. Her biggest one she has in “the shoebox” is an 8 inch. (It’s also your personal favorite :) )

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

She can be hard to read sometimes,but when her sex drive is high,you can tell because she gets really handsy. Not just the usual touching but she’s constantly grabbing your ass ,kissing all over your neck,she can just be straight up pussywhipped sometimes.

A/N:Yay you made it to the end!! This is my first ever time writing one of these so I really hope you liked it. If you have any requests my inbox is always open. I love youu<3

-S🩷