#like aspectrum

[pageofheartdj]

The problem I have with name dropping QPR in shipping is that QPR means literally ANY kind of relationship. It doesn't explain a thing when someone says 'I like this ship more like QPR'. Because what do you mean by that? Platonic partners? Romance lite? Friends that fuck? QPR can be any of it and more! So maybe it's better to describe what specific dynamic you prefer because 'QPR' explains nothing.

[braincloggedwithcats]

Hey . Kissing repulsion is always ok. If you're kissing repulsed you're awesome and I care you. It doesn't make you silly, it doesn't make you childish and you deserve respect. It doesn't matter why you're kissing repulsed, if you have a reason at all, how old you are or how much or little you can tolerate, you're not hurting anyone and it's ok. I'm sorry if you've been made to feel bad for it, I'm sorry if you've ever made yourself feel bad for it, I'm sorry it's so hard to avoid. You're cool and you're allowed to feel however you want about it and that should be respected. You're ok

[krisssssssy]

like what on earth even is romance

[dawnbreakerluna]

the crazy thing about being aroace and generally identifying with the aspectrum is that you find the true safety in experiencing sexuality / sexual pleasures in fictional spaces & honestly that’s very okay and very valid

[djpisskink]

the experience of being schizoid makes me very sympathetic for people on the aspectrum because wtf you guys are constantly either being questioned, invalidated, having your boundaries breached, or straight up given up on and discarded by allos/platos because they cannot wrap their minds around engaging into even mere colleagueship with someone if there is no chance they will ever experience feelings that coincide with their ideas of what a relationship should be like. and then when you try to make a space to discuss those experiences you get talked over or people shift the focus of the conversation to something unrelated or they're like "well not ALL of us" like what the fuck i really fucking feel you guys. can't even get the bare minimum of respect around here.

[batri-jopa]

Lightweight

[ifwebefriends]

Asexual ships drive me crazy (extremely positive)

[frogfriend-247]

I wrote a reply to someone on Insta a couple days ago explaining queerplatonic relationships, and I wanted to share it here:

I kinda ate with this ngl

(Edited out pfp and name bc it’s my private Insta account.)

Hopefully the alt text was successfully added, I was never actually taught how that stuff works fjdkfj

Anyway, feel free to reach out to me with questions if you have any!

[codthefishgod]

A list of rules when interacting with an aroace person, by an aroace person:

- Do not romantic our platonic. We will not hesitate to smash a rock into your skull.

- Do not piss us off. We're all attached by invisible walkie-talkies. It's like roaches--if there's one, there's definitely another one nearby.

- Do not say things like 'when you're married' or 'when you meet that special person'. Trust me, coming to terms with an aroace identity in a romance-centered world is not a fun, quirky choice.

- Do not assume that we don't like seeing romance/sex in the media. I'm aroace and one of my favourite genres is romance.

- WE ARE LGBTQIA+. Doesn't matter if we're cis, heterosexual but aromantic or heteroromantic but asexual or any other combination of all the various shades of aspec, WE COUNT AS QUEER PEOPLE.

- Do not equate being aroace or on the aspectrum to being celibate. It's not the same thing. Being aroace is not a choice.

- Being aroace does not mean we're all lonely or sad. Eating garlic bread is scientifically shown to boost your serotonin levels (don't fact check me on this)

- Living with someone or wanting to live with someone doesn't mean we want them romantically! If you have the option to establish a hideout for you and all your buddies, why wouldn't you?

This was, again, a list of rules when interacting with an aroace person, shown to reduce chances of dying by burnt breadsticks and pasta by 100%!

[pageofheartdj]

It's so weird, I am sex/romance averse aroace, yet when I see people describing aspectrum only as not wanting/doing romance/sex, I get upset.

Because this is not the core part of being aspec. Allospec can not want and do these things too.

It's just creates a mess where allos think they can't be allo because they don't want/like it and aspecs think they can't be aspec because they do/like it.

That's just unfair and limits aspec experience despite it being so incredibly diverse.

[genderqueerdykes]

i want to see more asexual, aromantic & aspectrum representation this year during pride month 2024. we've been made to feel like we're not queer at all, and when we are seen as queer, we are pushed to the VERY bottom of the priority list, seen as not as queer as others, or not a priority because we do not suffer from any kind of oppression.

i want to break the silence on this matter this year. even if an aspectrum person isn't affected by any sort of societal oppression, they still deserve to have a space to talk about how they experience their identity. having a complicated relationship or no relationship at all with romantic feelings and relationships in a society that guilt trips people into developing romantic relationships starting in their teens is not in line with our societal view of what is "normal" and "correct". constantly being told that you "haven't found the right one" is harassment.

Not experiencing sexual attraction, refusing to have sex, or having a complicated relationship with sexual feelings is 100% queer and outside of the norm in a sex-obsessed society that guilt and mocks people for not having experienced it, and at the worst of time, forces it on people, telling them that they'll have a changed opinion of they just experienced it for themselves. being guilted or forced into interacting with sexual media or having friends try to force you into sleeping with someone is harassment and assault.

having a complicated relationship with gender that results in someone feeling agender, whether they have no gender at all, or have a gender that feels partially agender and partially another gender often results in someone being told they're confused, or have no idea what they're talking about. many people refuse to acknowledge someone who totally lacks a gender identity, or identifies with gender neutrality.

aplatonic people are frequently told they are losers, or just have anxiety or are experiencing their feelings due to depression or something similar. aplatonic people are told they do not understand their own feelings, when it is a very valid experience to not experience platonic feelings or have a very complicated relationship with them that leads one to feel happier not engaging in those relationships.

these are very real issues aspectrum people face. even if an aspec person doesn't face these problems, they are still queer. they are still aromantic, asexual, agender, aplatonic, or some other like of aspec. you don't get to tell them how they experience their identity, and you don't get to tell them they're not queer or don't experience hardships and denial of their identity. i want to see more people talking about and accepting these identities in 2024. no more pushing aspectrum people to the back, we are here in the front with everyone else, shouting alongside you. we all deserve to be heard- including asexuals, aromantics, agender people, aplatonic people and other aspectrum folks. we are all shouting for our rights together. let's shout for each other, too.

[nightwithnosleep]

Damnn, you're lucky, my friend just asked what aroace means and after a second of thinking he said: "That means that you got no bitches! Eyyyy" and slap his hands in excitement...(he also got no bitches and we joke about it constantly)

I came out as aroace to an lgbt friend to day.

Not only didn't I get ANY aphobia, I even got an "it's tough to be a god" joke💚💜

I feel amazing

[mylavellan]

Okay let me talk about it.

Like everytime a character is canonized aroace people started to get annoying about it, shouting that aroace people can have relationships and if you are uncomfortable with them being shipped with another character you’re aro/ace-phobic.

Don’t get me wrong, they (we) can have relationships but I don’t think this is what people are uncomfortable about.

I personally think the problem is that you (generic person, not you reader) don’t really care that they are aroace. You don’t try to understand aromanticism or asexuality, you only use them to defend your ship.

What I’m saying is sure you can ship them, there’s no problem, but please at least try to understand it, try to talk to aroace people to know better the subject, most of all if you’re a fanfiction writer.

Sure, there’s aspec people too whose ship aroace characters, I’m not saying they don’t or that they shouldn’t, but I’m not talking about them now.

Not use the aroace spectrum just when it’s convenient to you, remember that it’s an important trait of the character.

Let’s not erase a sexual/romantic orientation that it’s so under represented and let’s use this “opportunity” to learn something more about aspectrum.

so, ship anyone you want, but try to contextualize it.

[sowearecleariamhere]

What it feels like when the go-to queer slogan is "love is love" and you're aromantic

small edit/addition: I do like "love is love" and understand its importance but it just isn't inclusive of all queer people. I personally do not feel included even though I am not aplatonic or loveless, especially since we on the aspectrum are often overlooked and even dismissed so it can feel like an outright denial of our existence (even though that might not the intention). I feel that "Love is love" is only highlighting who/how you are in relation to others, not that just being yourself as you are or want to be is valid, okay and beautiful. (I don't think "Love is love" is inclusive of trans or intersex people either since those are issues gender rather than those of a sexual or romantic orientation, but since I am neither please correct me or add your thoughts if I said something incorrect)

[romancerepulsed]

maybe this is a "hot take," but it's something i genuinely believe is true. aphobes can broadly be sorted into 3 categories: the uninformed, the bigot, and the bully. there is overlap between all 3, and i'm sure there are some people out there who are aphobic in a fun new way that i can't possibly conceive of yet, but i think these categories are fairly accurate and helpful for an aspec to recognize.

the uninformed aphobe is what it sounds like– they either don't know anything about the aspectrum or they've been fed false information about it. this is the only type of aphobe that is ever worth engaging with, and only to politely correct them and point them towards resources that would help them broaden their understanding. i'll be completely honest though: you'd be pretty damn lucky if you managed to actually singlehandedly change their mind. if they're not receptive to your corrections, simply move on. it's not worth the headache. you at least gave them something to think about.

the bigot, in contrast, is absolutely never worth engaging with. the bigoted aphobe is aphobic simply because aspec people are queer and they hate queer people. terfs famously used (and still continue to use) aphobic rhetoric as a sort of gateway drug for transphobia. the people who will argue that aspec folks aren't queer are often the same people who despise us because they associate us with queerness.

the third aphobe is actually the most common on this website, i think, and they're the reason i'm making this post. the aphobic bully may know full well the fundamentals of the aspectrum, but they will simplify and misrepresent it on purpose in an attempt to make aspec people look bad. aspec people have long been "acceptable targets" of bullying on this site for a reason that is fairly obvious to me but one i haven't seen anyone else point out: aspec people are largely neurodivergent. it's really no coincidence that ace discourse and cringe culture peaked at around the same time– they were one in the same, and the treatment aspec and autistic people received were (and still are) damn near identical. portraying aspec people as cringey teenagers who watched too many cartoons and are just too socially awkward for anyone to love them or whatever... it's a sentiment thats existed for years and years now. it took me a while to realize it, but this is why so many "tumblr funnymen" and other assorted popular blogs were/are aphobes too– they've got egos the size of china but they know they can't get away with blatantly picking on autistic people. so they'll hide behind a guise of aspec exclusionism, something that's unfortunately viewed as a real and valid ideology for someone to have. even aside from the thinly veiled ableism, bullies are always coming from a place of insecurity and projecting it onto other people. i've found that a lot of the most vicious aphobes are people who are struggling romantically or sexually. you can see them post about it, you can see even in the most recent discourse so many of these people are deeply stressed and hurt from whatever romantic or sexual struggles they're facing. to them, someone being unconcerned with those sorts of things is almost offensive because it means so much to them. they read it as a challenge to their own allo identity. so, why not take out that frustration on the aspecs?

it goes without saying that the bully isn't worth engaging with, either. they want to rile you up because it makes them feel better about themselves. don't give them that satisfaction.