#but this is not what aspectrum is about

[pageofheartdj]

It's so weird, I am sex/romance averse aroace, yet when I see people describing aspectrum only as not wanting/doing romance/sex, I get upset.

Because this is not the core part of being aspec. Allospec can not want and do these things too.

It's just creates a mess where allos think they can't be allo because they don't want/like it and aspecs think they can't be aspec because they do/like it.

That's just unfair and limits aspec experience despite it being so incredibly diverse.

[bee-dazzle]

Ran into a guy the other weekend at a drag king show. I last saw him in person at a transmasc meetup pre-lockdown, where he was looking to start transition age 68. When I saw him he was 72, relaxed and comfortable in his own skin, shirtless post top surgery in a bar full of other queers and gender outlaws.

We hugged and caught up a bit- he has a boyfriend (younger, 64, he's very proud of himself for that) which is a fun adjustment for him after '40 years of being a lesbian.' He showed me his new tattoos, fresh ink on lived-in skin, a David Bowie quote about aging being the process of becoming the person you always were.

We're here, we're here, we're here.

We always were here.

We will always be here.

It is never too late.

You have a future.

just talked to a 65 year old genderfluid person on an internet forum whose topic was completely unrelated to queerness. people love to tell young genderfluid people that we're "confused" or that it's "just a phase" but that just ain't the truth. we're out here, and we make it to old age, just the same as we were all those years ago, unchanging in knowing who we are on the inside. my heart is full, my skin is clear, and my crops are flourishing

[mylavellan]

Okay let me talk about it.

Like everytime a character is canonized aroace people started to get annoying about it, shouting that aroace people can have relationships and if you are uncomfortable with them being shipped with another character you’re aro/ace-phobic.

Don’t get me wrong, they (we) can have relationships but I don’t think this is what people are uncomfortable about.

I personally think the problem is that you (generic person, not you reader) don’t really care that they are aroace. You don’t try to understand aromanticism or asexuality, you only use them to defend your ship.

What I’m saying is sure you can ship them, there’s no problem, but please at least try to understand it, try to talk to aroace people to know better the subject, most of all if you’re a fanfiction writer.

Sure, there’s aspec people too whose ship aroace characters, I’m not saying they don’t or that they shouldn’t, but I’m not talking about them now.

Not use the aroace spectrum just when it’s convenient to you, remember that it’s an important trait of the character.

Let’s not erase a sexual/romantic orientation that it’s so under represented and let’s use this “opportunity” to learn something more about aspectrum.

so, ship anyone you want, but try to contextualize it.

[romancerepulsed]

maybe this is a "hot take," but it's something i genuinely believe is true. aphobes can broadly be sorted into 3 categories: the uninformed, the bigot, and the bully. there is overlap between all 3, and i'm sure there are some people out there who are aphobic in a fun new way that i can't possibly conceive of yet, but i think these categories are fairly accurate and helpful for an aspec to recognize.

the uninformed aphobe is what it sounds like– they either don't know anything about the aspectrum or they've been fed false information about it. this is the only type of aphobe that is ever worth engaging with, and only to politely correct them and point them towards resources that would help them broaden their understanding. i'll be completely honest though: you'd be pretty damn lucky if you managed to actually singlehandedly change their mind. if they're not receptive to your corrections, simply move on. it's not worth the headache. you at least gave them something to think about.

the bigot, in contrast, is absolutely never worth engaging with. the bigoted aphobe is aphobic simply because aspec people are queer and they hate queer people. terfs famously used (and still continue to use) aphobic rhetoric as a sort of gateway drug for transphobia. the people who will argue that aspec folks aren't queer are often the same people who despise us because they associate us with queerness.

the third aphobe is actually the most common on this website, i think, and they're the reason i'm making this post. the aphobic bully may know full well the fundamentals of the aspectrum, but they will simplify and misrepresent it on purpose in an attempt to make aspec people look bad. aspec people have long been "acceptable targets" of bullying on this site for a reason that is fairly obvious to me but one i haven't seen anyone else point out: aspec people are largely neurodivergent. it's really no coincidence that ace discourse and cringe culture peaked at around the same time– they were one in the same, and the treatment aspec and autistic people received were (and still are) damn near identical. portraying aspec people as cringey teenagers who watched too many cartoons and are just too socially awkward for anyone to love them or whatever... it's a sentiment thats existed for years and years now. it took me a while to realize it, but this is why so many "tumblr funnymen" and other assorted popular blogs were/are aphobes too– they've got egos the size of china but they know they can't get away with blatantly picking on autistic people. so they'll hide behind a guise of aspec exclusionism, something that's unfortunately viewed as a real and valid ideology for someone to have. even aside from the thinly veiled ableism, bullies are always coming from a place of insecurity and projecting it onto other people. i've found that a lot of the most vicious aphobes are people who are struggling romantically or sexually. you can see them post about it, you can see even in the most recent discourse so many of these people are deeply stressed and hurt from whatever romantic or sexual struggles they're facing. to them, someone being unconcerned with those sorts of things is almost offensive because it means so much to them. they read it as a challenge to their own allo identity. so, why not take out that frustration on the aspecs?

it goes without saying that the bully isn't worth engaging with, either. they want to rile you up because it makes them feel better about themselves. don't give them that satisfaction.

[lovelessrage]

An aroallo canon event is walking into a space designated as friendly and safe to "all of the aspectrum" [awesome, sounds good, I like being able to talk to people about issues that affect all of us] and realizing very quickly that you are not included in "all". It's the constant need to stick up for yourself in what is supposed to be a safe space that burns aroallos out of your community spaces. If you have a stark lack of aroallos in an all-inclusive zone, ask yourself if the environment is actually safe and welcoming, or if they are expected to constantly be their own advocate with no safety net. It's immensely common and underdiscussed.

Are you sticking up for the aroallos around you? Are you asking how you can be better? Are you expecting to rely on being "called out" rather than learning for yourself? Do you know what aroallophobia looks like? What sex negativity actually is? Please don't let aroallos fade away into the background of so many boundaries crossed and lines drawn that they have to go. We need bridges between the community now more than ever, and that means making it a two way street on each one.

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

What Phobias do you headcanon, Vox , Lucifer and Alastor have.

I myself headcanon

Lucifer has a phobia of Heights

Vox has a Phobia of Spiders.

Alastor has a Phobia of Dogs

Phobia Headcanons

Vox - scoptophobia (the fear of being stared at), pathophobia (fear of disease), mysophobia (fear of dirt and germs)

Lucifer - Ataxophobia (fear of disorder or untidiness, Atelophobia (fear of imperfection), and atychiphobia (feel of failure)

Alastor - philematopphobia (the fear of kissing) and/or philophobia (the fear of love) bonus points for Aphenphosmphobia (the fear of being touched)

I think it was canon that Alastor doesn't vibe with dogs. Either that or a headcanon in the fandom that got big but it makes sense so I can get behind it. Of course there's the intimacy issues he has so I listed those here.

~

Lucifer carries a lot of stress on his shoulders trying to take care of Charlie but he has such a history that of course he worries from time to time if he could have done things slightly differently to help his daughter more. That plus he hates his own perfections but he also hates seeing them in others when it holds people back from their potential. He was the "number one fuck up", he doesn't want his daughter to accidentally follow similar thoughts that could mess her up later. He's always so worried about it honestly..

Vox has a reputation and I've mentioned before in posts that he's definitely sold himself out before just to get things he really wanted. I feel like him being a germaphobe is interesting. Like he likes to keep clean and tidy especially for TV so he dislikes when he's not. A good example of the not liking to be stared at part would be him having one of those nightmares where people go to school naked or little clothes. Like yes he's a business man but imagine like Valentino tries to dress Vox in things before he's fully ready and he gets mad because everyone has seen him dressed professionally, what will they say and think of he changes that even to just put on lingerie? Or something silly like that..

Most likely he views himself too differently in his head when he does have to do those things.

(he'd do it for Alastor in private).

Considering Alastor's sexuality and considering the fact that I myself am on the aspectrum, I feel like these fears we share. It takes a lot of energy and care to be close to people in such a way and every time it threatens to pop up he tends to freeze up. It's a dreadful feeling for him whether that be for how much his dislikes it or the fact that love has and seems to always will be something Alastor will never grasp. Meant to live an eternity alone to rot. In the ships I put him in he's capable of finally being comfortable with SOMEONE enough to truly be himself.

[yes-17-15]

Hargreeves sexuality and gender headcanons cuz I’m bored.

Luther-

I 100% believe he is CisHet but he is absolutely an ally. He probably didn’t understand everything at first but Viktor and Klaus helped explain and he got the gist of it. He also maybe uses He/They pronouns? He thinks They/Them just sounds nice.

Diego-

I know a lot of people think that Diego is a trans man and I think that would be cool (as a trans man myself) but I just don’t really see it. I kind of understand it but I don’t really agree. I definitely do think he’s Bi though, female leaning. Definitely He/Him.

Allison-

I also see lots of people thinking she’s a trans woman, and I think that’s a great headcanon imo but I again do not agree. I absolutely don’t see her as anything but Cisgender Heterosexual. And I honestly like it that way. I don’t think all of the Hargreeves siblings have to be LGBTQ+, I think some of them should be straight too. I think Allison might have messed around with girls but she just didn’t really feel a click like she does with males. She/Her.

Klaus-

I think most of us agree Klaus is not Cis or Straight. There is no way. I would probably say he is Non-Binary or Gender-fluid. He never heard those terms until they were a bit older, probably after Five disappeared, and the first time he heard it was someone shit-talking it, and they wanted to look more into it. So occasionally Viktor and Grace would be allowed to go to the library because Viktor usually didn’t have much else to do so Klaus asked him if next time he goes if he could look up those words for him and Viktor obviously said sure. He came back and told Klaus about it and Klaus was like, “yep, that’s me.” They were happy there was a word for it. I also think Klaus is Pansexual, but he also isn’t very fond of labels anyway. They honestly just think everyone’s hot (EXCEPT CHILDREN NOT CHILDREN). Any pronouns but mainly He/They.

Five-

I think Five’s above gender and stuff like that. When they were kids Viktor had a crush on Five and Five just found it disgusting. Partially because they’re like siblings but also because Five does not want a relationship or anyone to have a crush on him. Five also never liked gender roles and was confused why there were differences in the uniforms depending on gender. Five saw Viktor and Klaus wearing each others uniforms and was a little confused why Reggie wouldn’t just let Klaus wear what he wanted but also was kind of confused why Klaus even wanted to wear skirts. Five never really thought about gender much though because he thought it was incredibly stupid and useless. Five always thought that way. But especially whenever Five was in the apocalypse, he had absolutely no use for it. Five wishes that they didn’t live in a gendered society but he we are. If he has to use terms for himself, he’d say he’s Agender and AroAce (Yay AAA battery). Five doesn’t like using pronouns and prefers his name but if it’s mandatory Five uses He/Him pronouns but Klaus uses They/them for him cause he knows Five likes it.

Ben-

I don’t know enough about Ben to give a really detailed answer but I have a simple bit to say. I would like to think he’s Bisexual, but I don’t really think he is. I like the headcanon but again we don’t know enough about him. I think he’s Cis too but maybe DemiBoy? I’d probably say He/Him but maybe some neos?? I’m not experienced in them though so I don’t really know any he might use (I’m also talking more about Brellie Ben than Sparrow Ben).

Viktor-

I absolutely adore Viktor. I know lots of people thought he was a Lesbian before season three but no, that’s not the case. He actually liked Leonard/Harold. Before he found out about all the things Leonard did he actually liked him. And when he was younger it’s confirmed (I’m pretty sure??) that Viktor had a crush on Five. Viktor doesn’t only like females, he actually does like guys. I absolutely think Viktor is Bisexual, possibly Pan. I think he could also be on the Aspectrum maybe? But he definitely doesn’t only like women. I also thought he might have been Non-Binary before he transitioned but now I absolutely like him as just a trans man. He/Him maybe He/They and possibly neos?? Again I don’t know much about neos so.

[l3v14th4n-03]

Hello there, my dear otakus! Gah- that sounded weird... Anyways! Send me any asks's! [Normies are banned]

What I'll accept in my inbox:

•Vent. [I won't reply to it directly if y'all don't want me to, but, I will make a separate post replying to it so that the vent stay anonymous to others]

•Personal question's about my life or y'all life. [I'll try to help/answer them!]

•Nsfw ask's/requests. [it'll MUCH PROBABLY be awkward for me to reply, but I'll try my best!!!]

•Strange interactions. [Uhm... Just try not to end up being a creep...]

What I won't accept in my inbox:

•Swearing/fight between other anons. [Don't be mean!]

•Any type of bad/mean behavior towards people in general. [Examples: Homophobia & Racism]

I think that's all! Have fun in my inbox!

More details below ↓

Ooc: Check it to see the Anon list and More details about my Leviathan[AU].

🍇, 😼

Anon list:

More details about my Leviathan[AU]:

•He's either Demi-boy or just a Transmasc [or something in the non binary aspectrum, like agender]

•He's Bisexual and Demi-sexual.

•Uses both he/him & they/them pronouns.

•Even though he's a Transmasc, he still likes and feel's comfortable enough to cosplay female characters.

•He's a virgin lol, but he has kissed other people before, like said in one of his interactions with MC.

Ooc: That's all for now. I'll add more thing's during time! ,'P

[clusterrune]

Are narcissists capable of love? I'm tired of seein people saying they can't love .. thay they only care about what you can offer them. ( money, sex inc ) but I honestly think they can be very caring and sweet to the ones they want to. What's your honest opinion ?

yeah absolutely. most narcs even those on the aspectrum are capable of love. wherever you heard that info from is just more stigma and villifying misinfo.

you should check out the book kris made, im sure theres some chapters that might help clear this up.

[aroaceconfessions]

Tw: Allophobia

I was thinking that I may be allophobic and I’m honestly really scared about it. I know it’s so wrong, because we’re supposed to be representing the aspectrum in a positive way but for some reason I can’t help but be afraid whenever I see PDA or hear others talk about their sex lives. I try my best to understand them, because I know I can’t live feeling afraid of the world when alloromantic and allosexual people are most of the population, but I can’t find help for it no matter what and it feels like my problems are never understood even when I vent about them. Sometimes I find myself wishing I were a kid, so I could be sheltered from all this sexual talk and never have to interact with it in my daily life. I know I have a problem, and even though I try to get therapy for it it still doesn’t help. To people who feel romantic and/or sexual attraction I understand that you can’t change who you are and you are completely valid for being who you are.

Submitted June 3, 2023

[losergendered]

ID: a set of 16 images in 8 pairs. each has one image of the listed goodbye volcano high character, with a white outline in front of their corresponding flags, and a second image which is a blank flag splice. END ID

Fang from Goodbye Volcano High is a canon transmasc nonbinary, canon queer, genderqueer, musigender, audiogender, genderpunk, demiaroace dino who is partnered with Naomi! They use they/them but are fine with being referred to with no pronouns ("just Fang") by friends they feel comfortable around! They have autism, but are too busy with their special interest (music) to really look into it!

Reed is a canon queer, bigay dino who is apagender/gender apathetic! He's fine with he/him but honestly doesn't really care what pronouns or titles anyone uses to refer to him, as long as you're not being a jerk about it! He has ADHD and his hyperfix is Legends 'n Lore! (LnL aka "Dinosaur DND")

Trish is a buggender, bugarian, genderpunk, gay, transneu girl/qirl who has ADHD (with a hyperfixation on entomology), anxiety, and OCD! She primarily uses she/her but is fine with any neutral or neopronouns around friends that she trusts! She is questioning being aspec, specifically quoiaroace!

Sage is a canon trans guy, canon queer, glitterbxy, gastrogender, chefgender, and pangay dino who uses he/him and is in a T4T alterous partnership with Stella! He has ADHD and his hyperfixations are cooking, baking, and cute fashion!

Stella is a canon queer, panlesbian, pan femme, transmasc girl who is also tarodesinic, tarostrology, astragirl, and tarotine! She has ADHD and her comfort hyperfixations are astrology, tarot, and divination in general! She's in a T4T alterous partnership with Sage and crushing on Nasir!

Nasir is questioning his gender and orientation, but has been too busy to really get into it because of his parent's expectations! He is questioning being a transfem boy, transfemmasc, bigender, aroaceflux, bi futch, and a bi gaybian! He currently only uses he/him because it's what everyone else uses for him, but wants to try out he/she/they pronouns with those he trusts! He has anxiety!

Naomi is a canon queer, bipan, sciencegender, autigender girl with autism and anxiety who uses she/her primarily (but is fine with any pronouns as long as you're being kind and respectful!) She is partnered with Fang and questioning being somewhere on the aspectrum, but is too busy with school to really know right now! Her special interests are Pretty Heroes, cosplay, science, and engineering!

Rosa is a canon trans girl, canon queer, a bi lesbian, cafegender, hibiscusgender, and rosegender! She uses she/her pronouns and has ADHD! Her hyperfixation is botany!

For anon!

[pageofheartdj]

You know what also annoys me about people in HH fandom(well, maybe in any fandom, but this is the fandom I currently interact with).

On topic of Alastor and aspectrum and them claiming how Alastor 'definetely is at the far end'.

I just realized this is blatant stereotyping.

THEY are making sexuality into personality and then using The stereotype of said sexuality. Do I need to say how rude it is?

Aloof/shy person? Asexual. Flamboyant guy? Gay. Snarky girl? Lebsian. Lively and all over people? Bi.

How come Cherri is never hced as ace, huh? Sex-favorable kink-positive asexual! Ah, but she doesn't fit the asexual stereotype.

She is more often hced as bi. Doubt it was to specifically insult people, but yaknow, sexually active and open character being hced as bi is never new.

Again, not a problem to hc like that, it's just for fun, but the Problem is to claim said character just CAN'T be anything else. Their sexuality is SO obvious from their personality.

Gross.

[genderqueerdykes]

i want to see more asexual, aromantic & aspectrum representation this year during pride month 2024. we've been made to feel like we're not queer at all, and when we are seen as queer, we are pushed to the VERY bottom of the priority list, seen as not as queer as others, or not a priority because we do not suffer from any kind of oppression.

i want to break the silence on this matter this year. even if an aspectrum person isn't affected by any sort of societal oppression, they still deserve to have a space to talk about how they experience their identity. having a complicated relationship or no relationship at all with romantic feelings and relationships in a society that guilt trips people into developing romantic relationships starting in their teens is not in line with our societal view of what is "normal" and "correct". constantly being told that you "haven't found the right one" is harassment.

Not experiencing sexual attraction, refusing to have sex, or having a complicated relationship with sexual feelings is 100% queer and outside of the norm in a sex-obsessed society that guilt and mocks people for not having experienced it, and at the worst of time, forces it on people, telling them that they'll have a changed opinion of they just experienced it for themselves. being guilted or forced into interacting with sexual media or having friends try to force you into sleeping with someone is harassment and assault.

having a complicated relationship with gender that results in someone feeling agender, whether they have no gender at all, or have a gender that feels partially agender and partially another gender often results in someone being told they're confused, or have no idea what they're talking about. many people refuse to acknowledge someone who totally lacks a gender identity, or identifies with gender neutrality.

aplatonic people are frequently told they are losers, or just have anxiety or are experiencing their feelings due to depression or something similar. aplatonic people are told they do not understand their own feelings, when it is a very valid experience to not experience platonic feelings or have a very complicated relationship with them that leads one to feel happier not engaging in those relationships.

these are very real issues aspectrum people face. even if an aspec person doesn't face these problems, they are still queer. they are still aromantic, asexual, agender, aplatonic, or some other like of aspec. you don't get to tell them how they experience their identity, and you don't get to tell them they're not queer or don't experience hardships and denial of their identity. i want to see more people talking about and accepting these identities in 2024. no more pushing aspectrum people to the back, we are here in the front with everyone else, shouting alongside you. we all deserve to be heard- including asexuals, aromantics, agender people, aplatonic people and other aspectrum folks. we are all shouting for our rights together. let's shout for each other, too.

[an-aro-without-an-ace]

Step One To Using This Blog Again, REVIVE LTAI (Let's Talk About It, a series where I grab a topic from the community and talk about it, WOOOO)

LTAI Part Four, Sex Negativity

So, unfortunately, there is an attitude floating around the aspec community that comes up from time to time that is extremely harmful. It's harmful not just to the community as a whole but specifically to alloaro and sex positive ace members. Sex negativity, let's talk about it.

What Is Sex Negativity?

Sex Negativity is the attitude or belief that sex is inherently bad or immoral. A very small but sometimes very vocal section of the community expresses this attitude. It's something I and many other alloaro's have faced when interacting with aspec spaces. Common sex negative things you might see are posts expressing how sex is disgusting, anyone who feels sexual attraction is bad or wrong, and just generally making fun of allosexual's and their attractions.

Sex Negativity Vs. Sex Repulsion

There is a very important distinction to make between Sex Negativity and Sex Repulsion. Sex Repulsion is an entirely valid feeling and should be just as accepted as Romance Repulsion in the aspec community. People who are sex repulsed don't impose their repulsion on others. To simplify my point a little, and make it clearer:

Sex Repulsion: "I am repulsed by sex personally, but have no issues regarding if others have sex or not" (Valid)

Sex Negativity: "I am repulsed by sex, and believe anyone who has sex is immoral or bad" (Not Valid)

Combating Sex Negativity In The Aspec Community

To keep things simple, heres a list of ways you can help combat and curb Sex Negativity within the aspec community, and make it a much more welcoming place for allosexual and sex positive members:

Calling out posts displaying Sex Negative attitudes

Uplifting alloaro and sex positive voices (within general aspec spaces)

Understanding that alloaro's and sex positive aces are an important part of the aspec community, and shouldn't be othered or pushed aside because of their relationship with sex

While obviously not a super comprehensive list, those are just a few little things that can be done to help curb this attitude in the community. The aspec community is for all aspec identities, from aces, to aroaces, to alloaros and every identity on the ace and aro spectrums respectively. We need to be mindful of that when expressing ourselves and our beliefs. We share this space with each other, and it should be welcoming to everyone within the bounds of the aspectrum. Peace out losers 🍍

[aspec-tmbd]

Title: [META] A Ship Manifesto for the Ultimate OTP: Murderbot x Respect for Its Boundaries Author: Verso (lunaTactics) Rating: General Audiences Tags: #No Archive Warnings Apply #Murderbot #Meta Analysis #Character Analysis #Agender Aromantic Asexual Murderbot #Asexuality #Aromantic #it's not crack but I couldn't resist the joke title Words: 1,862 Chapters: 1/?

“As long as people don’t know about asexuality—hell, forget about the label, so long as they don’t know that saying no forever and for any reason and in any context is okay—sex education, sex therapy, and popular depictions of sex are incomplete and people don’t have the relevant information to fully consent. Sexual rights should not be assumed and self-determination must never end upon entering a relationship. You can give a no with zero caveats in each and every situation, full stop. You can say no if someone loves you and you love them back. You can say no for the rest of your life." - Ace, by Angela Chen "No, thank you, no. No." - Murderbot in Artificial Condition, on the topic of sex

-- A series of essays on Murderbot's non-relationship with sex, what it means for asexual and aspectrum representation, and how its disinterest in sex reinforces the series' themes of self-determination.

[pickle-the-lad]

Okay, I need to vent about what my therapist said on Tuesday.

"How do you know that you don't feel it?"

And

"These kids, what happens if they meet the right someone in the future?"

I was having to process what she said while trying to figure out how to defend an identity I didn't know I needed to defend from her. And she looked at me like she broke my argument, like she disproved my experience.

"Everyone experiences the desire to be (physically) close to someone." Said in response to me explaining what asensual was about to explain that I am cupio-demisensual.

I'm still mad, I'm just going to remind my therapist Tuesday that her job isn't to tell me how I feel. It's to help me process it. And that if she doesn't want to accept the aspectrum, I need to find a different therapist.