#let me get into some tws first

[thisismisogynoir]

I love it when women hate men. I love it when women are allowed to vent to each other about how horrible and creepy men are. I love it when women form friendships with and prioritize each other over relationships with men(whether they're attracted to them or not). I love it when women put men dni in their bios and on their nude photos and on posts on their blogs. I love it when women refuse to mollycoddle and accommodate entitled male feelings with "but this doesn't mean I hate all men, I know a few men who are great, I love my father/sons/brothers/uncles/male cousins/guy friends" I love it when women complain about men WITHOUT "not all men" being a disclaimer. I love it when women avoid socializing with/refuse to be around/befriend/get close to men because they know men can't be trusted. I love it when women make "kill all men" jokes. I love it when women offer absolutely no concern or care for men's feelings and if their misandry offends men whatsoever because why should we, men are the oppressor class who have raped and killed and abused us and kept us as subjugated as second-class citizens for millennia, they regularly mistreat us and the women in their own marginalized communities still every single day and make this world so much harder and more awful for us to be in, and if we choose to hate them and not spare them any sympathy then so be it, and I don't just mean "men as a class" either, you can be a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with any man on an individual basis and completely cuts off men from her personal life too and ykw I will love and fucking support you in that because men deserve absolutely NOTHING from us. If they're so tough and strong then they can handle it just like they can handle being lonely. If you are a woman who hates men, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LESBIAN AND/OR A TRANS WOMAN, then just know that I love you. I love you, I support you, and you are safe here.

[crow-with-a-pencil]

Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)

[cashmere-caveman]

Hanif Abdurraqib, it’s not like nikola tesla knew all of those people were going to die | Anne Carson, H of H Playbook | Richard Siken, Snow and Dirty Rain | Franz Wright, Heaven | Toby Whithouse, shooting script for Being Human S1E1 | Franz Wright, Heaven | Erin Slaughter, I Hope My Salt Lamp is a Weeping Deity | Richard Siken, Straw House, Straw Dog & My Country: The New Age, Episode 16

image descriptions in alt

[eggmeralda]

do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option

[rawliverandgoronspice]

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[dcrlingmuses]

recent adhd hyperfixation + childhood movie trilogy =

POTENTIAL MUSE HEAR ME THE FUCK OUT-

[blueheartedwolf]

I wish I could find a doctor that wants to find out what’s actually wrong with me instead of recommending prescriptions to address the symptoms. I’m so tired of being recommended ibuprofen for debilitating pain. Tired of relaying my medical history to a new doctor and getting the same furrowed brow and shrugging shoulders I get every time. Tired of having so-called medical professionals ask why I need a cane if I’m able to walk down their clinic hallway without it. When will someone fucking help me?

[ephemeral-winter]

WHY is EATING so DIFFICULT!!!!!!!!

[thisismycorneroftheinternet]

I realize that to others, having recurrent suicidal thoughts and other violent intrusive thoughts, having several coping mechanisms that are in some way or another self-harm and dangerous habits, having difficult to control memory flashbacks out of the blue that ruin your entire mood and bring you down, and having a generally almost constant level of demotivation and negativeness, derealization and depersonalization, and sheer panicked internal anxiety and paranoia that can go overboard at any second, are not normal. But like, that's been most of my life since I was 13ish, very few times I have not felt this way. I've just learned to carry on and not talk too much about it, because it scandalizes people to hear that sort of stuff, and that means they turn against you and abandon you, because they think I am either too much to handle or am acting out too much.

[whump-me-all-night-long]

.

[dollopheadedmerlin]

Things that have happened at the job I just lost

Got promoted to Quality Assurance Manager

Had a sexist co manager start getting people fired if he didn't like them and bribing coworkers to lie for him to back up his claims - we'll call him M

M refuses to listen when I bring up quality concerns, and then blames me for all quality issues (which is very easy to do, as I am Quality Assurance)

Our boss - we'll call him B - hires an outside general manager to mediate - we'll call him S

S immediately takes Ms side on things because they are similar ages and both a lil bigoted tbh

They are so bad at making our product that when I was out for a week, our reject rate was 40%. When I returned, within two days, I got it lowered back to 2%.

M starts to make rumors about S as well, using the fact that he is Christian to insinuate that he is a predator of some sort, with no evidence (we had issues in the past with S making people uncomfortable by talking as though Christianity was the default)

S suddenly starts taking my side, so M uses the fact that S has anger issues to poke the bear until he snaps and threatens M, causing one of our other bosses to fire him

People start to complain to me that they are uncomfortable working with M, I tell my boss, but at this point it is my word against M's and M has been guilting/blackmailing/bribing people to lie for him

One day, we are understaffed, and having trouble reaching our goals for an order that is meant to be picked up that day. B texts us saying that no one is to call him unless it is an emergency because he is very busy

I tell M that I need everyone to work on the goals for the pickup and that the people who come in layer in the day must join in on those goals. He agrees, but once they come in, he takes them to work on a different task and refuses to allow me to borrow any of them

The person comes to pickup the order, and we are not finished and he angrily demands that I call B. I do so. He says that I "should have told [him] about this hours ago" and then hangs up. But there is a delay between when he hangs up and when his phone actually stops transmitting, so I hear him scream "FUUUUCK!"

So I am sobbing and the guy for the pickup starts blaming me for everything, including not being able to find a box that I didn't know he was supposed to take that wasn't where our boss said it was left, pointing at all the bad product and saying "someone isn't doing their job" (like I said, my manager was ignoring my quality concerns), and just all around telling me off

M catches wind of how bad the situation is and tells me that he has to leave early for an emergency

B texts us with a photo of a product that was taste tested and says how horrible it is, telling us that we have to discuss the issue and find a solution before the shift ends

I reply with this (the breakage thing was false, he just did not like the change because it took longer)

I realize that this is the FIRST time that M has not been in the kitchen with me (he never called out) and one by one most of the employees come to me to tell me that M touches then inappropriately whenever I am not there

I tell B on my way home, and encourage everyone else to contact B directly so that it is not solely word against his

I come back the next week to find that M had tried to put in his 2 week notice that day, but B told him not to come in

I am the only manager for a while and it is hell

I find out that M had been telling other people in the building that he was my boss (we had the same level position) and that I was after his job, wo a lot of the other companies we worked around hated me after he was fired/quit

We finally promote this one coworkers who has been "in training" for manager for half a year (M didn't like her so she never got promoted) - we'll call her R

My boss hires another outside manager, who promptly goes missing - we did a wellness check and found out she is, in fact, alive but we never heard from her again

R starts calling out very often because her bf is in a coma with tuberculosis

I am the only manager most days again

I recommend two people for promotions. R rexcomends four (including my two). I advise against one of her suggestions. That is who gets promoted to assistant manager - we'll call her A

She immediately starts to try and change the culture of the kitchen, being ableist towards our autistic coworkers, as well as just straight up not doing her job

I warn my boss that she is escalating, to little support. I say that I am comfortable sending her home if something happens but ask what I should do if she refuses. B just says "call me"

Haha it escalates

I ask for to step off the floor and speak to me and she immediately starts screaming for whatever reasing (idk what she expected that to do) so I switch from "I need to speak with you off the floor" to "you either need to step off an talk with me, or you need to go home"

She freaks out, turns around, and elbows me as hard as she can in my chest

I switch to "you need to get off the floor, you need to go home"

Her friends finally get her into the lobby and I call my boss

B comes in, talks to A, talks to A's friends, and then talks to me

I tell B what happened and he says "that's not what I heard" and proceeds to reveal that A and her friends lied about what happened and A had manipulated one of the autistic employees to lie for her as well, saying I came after he and someone had to "break us up"

I am sent home

I ask if she is also being sent home and my boss says no. I say "I don't think it is appropriate for her to go back into the kitchen after that" (note that I never asks to stay in the kitchen, I just expressed that she should also be sent home), but he insists that she will stay

Ha, I get this email a few hours later

And then this one the next day

I go back in on Tuesday and he gives me a teary eyed apology, I think to myself that this is the last chance I give this job (it's the most I've ever been paid and I am good at it)

He says he is going to hire another outside general manager

This last chance is looking sour already

B has J (one of the people I suggested for a promotion) take over some of A's duties. I get my hopes up thinking he will get promoted, but he doesn't even get a pay raise

R resigns because her bf woke up from his coma and she wants to work closer to him

Another person resigned because she was friends with A

The new GM arrives and I decide to give him a chance because it's not his fault that B hired outside

Spoiler: he sucks - we'll call him K

I leave for two weeks to help my bf with a medical thing and when I come back, I found that they have fired someone for messing something up, despite the fact that they had made her do something she hadn't been trained to do. They hired K's cousin. And changed my position

I am no longer Quality Assurance manager because I fixed all the Quality Issues so well that product consistently turns out great without troubleshooting. They say I will now be facilities manager, and be in charge of equipment and tool maintenance and such. This does not come with a pay raise (despite me finding out that three people have independently suggested to B that I get a raise)

K is continuing to be ableist towards our autistic coworkers as well as lie about me and I am so tired of playing social warfare with all these people B panic hires/promotes that I don't say anything because I plan to give the information to B as I resign so that it is his responsibility

I decide to finally start job hunting

We move from our communal kitchen to our own building

I set things up, help them map out where everything is supposed to go, and whatnot.

I get a job offer from an interview

I finish typing up our recipe and process in full (it's never all been written in one place before) and make a detailed list of all the things that they will need to be restocked/maintenanced now that we are responsible for our own building, including links on where to buy compatible brands and replacement parts because I wanted to set them up all nice before I left

The DAY I send those documents over, they ask to catch up after the shift

B stands behind K and has K fire me

They didn't know I was going to put my two weeks in on monday

The reason for firing was "negatively impacting morale"

That's rich since M was far more than "negatively impacting morale" for months and I was forced to put up with that, A and K were both ableist, which I'd say puts a pretty sour damper on morale but alright

B doesn't even have the decency to say it himself, can't fire his oldest and most loyal employee with his own mouth

I had only been back for two weeks and they never brought the issue up with me beforehand

I just say "okay" to everything and then get my stuff

As I stood by the door, I turned around, waved goodbye, and said "good luck guys :)"

I texted our coworkers that I got fired and everyone reacted with either being pissed off or confused as hell. One person thought I was playing a joke on her

I know of at least two people who plan to quit now that I am gone

Good luck, indeed

[marchlione]

.

[strandedthoughtsworld]

I’m just gonna write this here because it’s been living rent free in my mind for..*does the math* eight years. Gross eight years, I’m fucking old. Anyway, this happened when I was at the ripe age of 16. That time where your insecurities are at an all time high and everything sucks and you’re pretty sure no one will ever love you. 

For some reason, I had gotten this burst of confidence and thought: “hell yeah, I think I’ll wear a bikini for the first time this summer”. I had my own job and ordered this real cute floral one online. I also ordered a shirt I liked and waited with bated breath for my package to arrive. It came in a box, I brought it home, my mom asked “Hey, what did you get?” 

I wasn’t quite ready for everyone to know about my confidence boost so I just said “A shirt”, to which she replied “There’s no way only a shirt came in that box, you’re lying. Tell me now”. My my, quite some aggression right of the bat. My fear and anxiety skyrockets and I tell her I got a bathing suit. Well she wants to see it…great. So I show it to her…she wants me to put it on…awesome. 

This new found confidence of mine has plummeted within seconds as I put on the suit. Suddenly it’s too tight, I’m sucking in my gut, and I put on a pair of shorts to maybe hide my shame. 

“I’ll wear these shorts with it,” I tell her. She’s just…staring at me. There’s clear disgust I’m sure. I can see it in her eyes. It’s taking everything in me not to cry. She tells my sister to hand her the iPad so “I can take pictures so you can see what you look like”

She makes me turn around, gets all my bad angles. At this point I’m hoping to drop dead soon. 

After she finishes clicking away, she hands me the iPad and says “Now go look at yourself”. I shamefully rush to my room and close the door. I don’t need to look at the pictures because I already know I’m a fat, ugly pathetic mess. So once I stop crying enough to where I can breathe, what else is there to do except cut the emotions away? Cut them out. Bleed them out. Make everything go away with thin lines on my thighs. 

I’ve never spoken of this with my mom. Never brought up this event since it’s happened. In her mind, she’s justified because I lied to her so…this was an apt punishment I guess. It’s something that’s stuck with me for years. How could it not? It’s one of those defining moments you look back on when you realize why your self confidence is so fucked up. Why you’re so critical over yourself. Even now, writing it out, all those emotions are running back and I’m hating myself again. 

Just gotta fight it. I need be to nicer to that 16 year old girl. I have to show her the kindness my mother didn’t. 

[castielmacleod]

Fics I will never write: IT GETS BETTER

Set in a canon divergent season 11, It Gets Better is a short fic exploring the abusive relationship between Cas and Dean, from Cas’ perspective. Traumatised from being nearly killed by the man he loves, struggling with agoraphobia, anxiety attacks, and depression, a broken-winged angel contemplates what it is he wants so he can decide if this is working or not. Character study with themes of trauma, self-worth, unrequited love, the paralysing effects of being trapped in an abusive relationship, and healing.

[solasan]

thinking about. *spins wheel* aegon freaking out about losing olenna during daeron’s birth :)

[frotting-corporations]

the worst part of being on antidepressants is that i don't feel violently suicidal as often anymore, and also i don't feel much of anything. at least when i was off them i could feel things more strongly (i think. hard to remember), but now everything's flat and suffocatingly grey i can't stand it. <- stands it every day