#just not dick
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Batfamily Reversal AU! Idea (Where it starts out just the four boys,)
Where Bruce has Damian and adopted Tim first, but it isn't until the Flying Grayson's come to Gotham City and Dick's parents die- that he takes in Jason and Dick.
Why? Because Jason's in the detection center with Dick. The only reason why Dick is even still alive is because Jason is protective of Dick. All to the point where Dick won't leave unless Jason comes with.
And like, maybe Dick is placed in Jason's cell, and at first, Jason refuses to even acknowledge the scared eight (nine?) year old who just lost his parents. But then Dick doesn't stay down when the much older boys attack him and that impress' Jason enough to make it that Dick is under his protection.
So, by the time Bruce (with Damian and Alfred) come to the detention center and want to take Dick home- Dick begs Bruce to also take Jason.
#dc comics#batfamily reversal au#bruce wayne#damian wayne#timothy drake#jason todd#dick grayson#where dick and jason meet in the detention center#they become best friends#and dick grayson will not leave without this brother#jason is the only one who allows him to climb all over#and everyone is scared#just not dick#because jason is a teddy bear#i don't know
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characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that
#tim drake#bruce wayne#can i just tag the entire batfam.... this applies to all of them i think#all of them deal with their issues by putting on spandex and beating up criminals. none of them are exempt from this post#let them make bad stupid inconsiderate decisions... its funny entertaining and free#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#dick grayson#batman#dc batman#dc comics#additionally:#arthur lester#john doe#malevolent john doe#martin blackwood#jonathan sims#tim stoker#sasha james#elias bouchard#peter lukas#tma#every tma character ever actually. they all suck soso bad ❤️️❤️️#melanie king#daisy tonner#basira hussain#georgie barker#can i tag bruce again. because like
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gotham rainy nights
i firmly believe in Duke doing silly things with his power
hiding under your dad's cape when it's pouring outside can be something very special + bat-rain-poncho, several years later
#dc#i was spectacularly stressed out then i remember i had ibispaint installed#and i can always just put some little guys in situations#dc fanart#batfam#batman#robin#bruce wayne#dick grayson#damian wayne#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#duke thomas#ft. 2 pixels of#cassandra cain#black bat#batgirl#spoiler#signal#red hood#red robin#anw hc: damian got sick for a week after being under the gotham rain for the first time
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i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.
adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.
right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.
it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.
still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.
i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.
i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.
so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.
coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."
and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.
still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.
i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.
so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went
...oh.
and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.
so i did.
i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.
i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.
it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:
*ptooie.* "that all you got?"
i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!
but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.
my coach did not.
i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.
"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"
and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said
"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."
which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.
and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.
fine.
but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.
and then he left.
and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."
but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.
and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.
he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.
and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.
#whew boy this make me anxious just typing it#wrestling#middle school#the dread#i feel like i have to write some stories about my grandpa not being a dick#because he was actually an amazing grandpa#he just had a few goofs are very comedic moments#and you know if you're gonna have a goof making it comedic is a virtue in itself#he was there for me more than a lot of my classmates dads were#and i dont want that undervalued#yeah#babylon-lore
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The funniest aspect of a child crime fighter is that sometimes they’re going to run into something that makes no sense because they don’t have the life experience. Because they’re nine.
Like Robin runs into a guy who works for The Penguin and the guy just throws his hands up like, “Don’t hit! I’m not an enforcer. I’m an accountant.”
Robin:
Robin, squaring up: I don’t know what that is.
#Robin who does know that Dracula was a Count: …you’re a vampire#Accountant: no! I just count things#Robin: I know the lore!#Robin#dick Grayson#batfam
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i could, in theory, buy a tofu press
#cole in the kitchen#moby dick#stop asking me why i have so many copies of moby dick#also the abridged small one is the bendon edition cause it has a cool cover#just wait until i finally find that beautiful italian edition
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What will you be tonight? That’s the question
#fanart#dc comics#art#batman#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#redhead jason todd because!!!#stephanie brown#did you see the half a heart? well thats just me and my subtle stephcass agenda#damian wayne#tim drake#robin#robins#nightwing#red hood#yes thats damian feeding the rats yes i think he would
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pay attention to him NOW
#dc comics#dc#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#robin#robin dick#dc robin#nightwing#batfamily#batfam#he's just a silly bird. this is not his fault#do not tag as ship or i will be upset
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the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?
Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??
Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.
Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.
Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.
#batman#batfam#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#damian wayne#stephanie brown#dc comics#icb i posted this w/o tags the first time#what is wrong w me#superman: where do you find these kids#bruce: they just show up tbh#especially tim. he LITERALLY just showed up#anyone: so which one is really robin?#bruce: they are all really robin.#bruce: dick wanted to kill a man.#jason tried hijacking my tires in CRIME ALLEY.#tim just appeared and made himself robin that was NOT me#stephanie also wanted to kill a man.#damian did kill a man. or two.#YOU try to parent these kids then come back to me clark
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and while i’m on a self indulgent thing? i think that any of the kids calling Bruce “dad” changes his whole demeanor. it helps him know that whatever they’re talking about is serious.
hearing his name shouted across the house does nothing for him. a hundred people say his name all day, including his kids. whatever the situation is can be fixed.
but hearing “Dad!”, cried out in battle or screamed from the other room, has him rushing to their side. what is it love and i’m here you’re alright and shh i’ve got you
“Bruce, I need help” = can’t open this large jar, have a question about math homework, need someone to look at this case file for me
“Dad, I need help” = I am hurt. I am scared. I am in danger. I need you to make things better. I need you to protect me.
#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#robin#batfam#tim drake#damian wayne#cassandra cain#i just be talking#i’m not including duke or steph here bc i don’t think they’d do that#but what do i know!#good dad bruce wayne
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In a happy world where Jason is legally resurrected and gets to go to college like he's always dreamed of
#this was going to be a quick little thing and ended up consuming the better part of a day#why am I like this#while we discuss batfam doing sports just for the fun of absolutely crushing the competition#I raise you quarter back Jason#He's got killer aim I'm told#jason todd#jason todd fanart#batfamily#batfamily fanart#gotham knights#gotham university#gotham sports#gotham knights football#bruce wayne#barbara gordon#dick grayson#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#tim drake#duke thomas#damian wayne#gothamites are scary#singswan-springswan art
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Jason but he wears this helmet 😼
#jason todd#red hood#dc comics#batman#my art#digital art#just something really quick because I saw these helmets for the first time a few days ago and have been thinking about them ever since#won’t tag dick because he’s not even really here#also dick doesn’t know what he’s talking about cause those helmets are sick as hell#mister hypocrite DISCOWING grayson
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Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer
wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?
Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)
<- Prev Masterlist Next ->
Bonus:
Happy birthday, Tim 🥰
#duke thought for a minute he was gonna become the protagonist of get out#u can interpret this as bruce suddenly deciding to text like this#or his children just never getting used to it even after 10+ years of knowing him#bruce: i dont understand why my children are so paranoid#clark: last night you texted me ''see you soon...'' and i wasnt sure if you were threatening me or not#social media au#batfam#batfamily#dc comics#bruce wayne#dick grayson#cassandra cain#jason todd#stephanie brown#tim drake#duke thomas#damian wayne#incorrect quotes#tweets#texts#twitter#batdad#batkids#batman#fanatical posting#crack
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happy booping! 🐾
#and happy halloween!! 🦇#dick grayson#damian wayne#daminyan#dynamic duo 2.0: what would you do without me?#booping and kneading are v different things but. kneading cute 😔#felt fitting to do beast world art for this year and the return of boops was perfect timing 😭#will return to my vampire Damian roots tho haha i miss him!!#also first time making a gif so not sure if the quality is just always Like That lol
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absolutely lost it over this fic by @neuro-psyche so. have this comic o(- (
go read it rn if u also love some Good identity reveal fic!!!!
#jason todd#dick grayson#dc comics#red hood#nightwing#batfam#dc#this is just one scene i like u guys. read the beginning read the end#!!!!! i died#fic rec#my art
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wahoo finished this in time for superbat week day 5: tired dads!!
#superbat#superman#batman#batfam#superfam#bruce wayne#clark kent#dcu#dc comics#kara zor el#conner kent#jon kent#damian wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#barbara gordon#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#duke thomas#my art#mine#oh my god i am tired just like they are these two have too many children!!!!!!!!!!!!!#yes i am stretching the definition of children but consider this:#i wanted to draw kara and barbara and steph and whoever else is technically-not-actually-their-child
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