#just in a healthier aspect
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me and my tumblr dot com twin (@fear-is-truth)
#sincerely faye ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི#jackie and i are literally them#just in a healthier aspect#we actually predict what the other will say like 99% of the time#bette and dot tattler#american horror story#ahs season 4#ahs freak show#american horror story season four#american horror story freak show
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I think the funniest part of Ashley always making borderline incestuous jokes is that shes fully ready for Andrew to return that energy and Andrew thinks shes just being weird on purpose
If Andrew had responded to "what do you want in return, my virginity?" With literally any semi positive answer I think Ashley would have been fine with it or kept up the energy. Andrews in deep denial though about wanting to fuck Ashley, while Ashley just accepts that, yeah, her brother definitely wants to fuck her
The main difference between the two of them is that Ashley fully embraces their nature and has completely given up on trying to fit into normal society ever.
While Andrew is in denial about it and is still masking 24/7 to try to keep some semblance of socially acceptable normalcy.
Basically yeah lol she knows how her brother is to a certain degree and he knows her too they are just silly.
#love how conversational this ask is like yeah dude same#i say to a certain degree because there's core aspects of each other that they just dont understand at all#and them getting a healthier ending on the love/friendship routes pends on them acknowledging them and trying to understand them#soleil asks#the coffin of andy and leyley#ashley graves#andrew graves#coffincest
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Fuck i love drawing actually. getting really into observational drawing as almost like...a lifestyle. My little pocket sketchbook I carry with me whenever i go out and i draw whatevers in front of me. I do it all in ink no pencil no erasing. Some days I feel like being super accurate and observational and that's fun for me. Sometimes it isn't and i get more relaxed with it. Theres just something very nice about filling up these little sketchbooks with all the places youve been and things youve seen. Im just like arthur morgan fr
#I think everyone should do it. Its fun its rewarding. Well its not for everyone but it makes me happy and enriches my life. so#I think like...there's part of me that wants to get on an art Grind to improve really fast because i feel like ive stagnated#And in some aspects like learning to draw more types of faces and bodies and such that's fun and draws me in#But in others its a little stressful...like the pressure to improve quickly and efficiently rather than letting it happen at its own pace#Which like. For me it doesnt even make sense because i dont want this as a career in the slightest#But there are unhealthy reasons driving me to improve quicker too and its just a very negative feeling to try and expedite this#When part of me wants to do it because i feel threatened that im not as good as other people are now. Its a little hard to ignore but#I think i will try to strike a healthier balance with this. I had fun making art tonight. I drew a mug and some figures.
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the whiplash from going from literally any other social media to tumblr is so insane
#im not a big fan of indulging in fandom culture on tiktok annnd stuff in the first place#since im mostly there to see stuff from all my mutuals there#but dear GOD is it different even from the outside#why are you guys fighting over silly things??? nobody cares if somebody's having fun shipping a totally legal and healthy ship#why cant you put your efforts to other issues#that are genuinely important#WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!!!!!!!#tumblr is just so much marginally healthier in that aspect that itts almost comedic
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New year, same shitty mental illness 💔
#first day back in work today and it was difficult#it's strange#I've done this job for 8 years yet I'm struggling with it so much of late#the mundane aspect of it#feeling of wasting my time#I legit had a breakdown at one point today where my head spiralled and just thought what's the point of it all#like I don't know what's up with me of late#like i feel crazy#like I'm lost but have no real reason to be#I'm lucky. I have a job. a roof over my head. food in the cupboards and a loving family etc#yet my brain just feels numb and dark#I know it's the mental illness but it's draining of late#I think it's time to go back to the doctors#discuss some stronger meds and perhaps find a therapist#I'm 33 now and I just want to have a normal life with someone I love and a future to look forward to#right now all I feel is alone and I keep people at arms length because I'm damaged goods and its easier then letting them down#… its 1am right now and I'm just rambling#im sharing this stuff because it's healthier to be out with it then keep it bottled up#this is my blog after all#I don't want nor expect peoples sympathy or attention from this either#we all struggle and while I feel I have no one right now. I will always have this blog to share my thoughts without judgement#i will get better#i will get through this#….#mental illness#depression#tw depression#trigger warning#personal
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plants have made me cut down on drinking so much. when i think about what i would rather spend 20 bucks on, a plant that i can look at for years (or months, at the least) and which will continue to make me happy and give me a purpose, or a bottle of vodka which will last a week or two and will make me happy, yeah, but it will also make me sad angry guilty and sick... the choice becomes so much clearer
#not only that but the time commitment is great for me#do i want to get drunk and sit around playing video games all night?#or do i want to spend my night getting my hands dirty pruning leaves and propagating and installing grow lights & shelves etc.#i've even started painting my own pots and making homemade trellises#i just feel like i'm occupying my time in a much healthier way now#unfortunately the only thing people see from the outside is that i'm ''addicted to plants''#like maybe i am lmao but this is an aspect of my personality that i can't erase so i might as well direct it towards something healthy
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I’m not sure I want a romantic partner, I think maybe I just want someone to watch anime with me.
#and maybe hold me sometimes#none of that has to be romantic#like idk when I was in college and had affectionate friendships with people and watched stuff with them I was very#fulfilled in my social life?#or maybe I was just healthier in some aspects back then idk#ugh I don't miss college but I do miss living like. 5 doors down from all my friends lmao.#they all live in different states now
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Saw someone from obvs d*sticule say they like the 'prequel' cuz its very much found family, its so weird to me like this obsession with found family and it being the criteria for them and how their entire spn viewing is based on it, like??? Do media right i guess, watch terrible tv for found family crumbs, jeez.
#I get why they are so obsessed with it#Cuz the narrative can mean something to them#Plus it goes from toxic family to on some aspects healthier found famiky#But dear lord their obsession their twisting reality their moralising#Jeez calm down its not that srs and its also not better#Ugh#Wank cw#Srry i really hate them i acknowledge them i say the same wanky things#I would like to say it will get better but it won't they are just everywhere like roaches#They lit act like no other media exists like again do media right throw tantrums about not getting a narrative#Weird
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7, 16, 19 <3
7. Any tattoos?
yes!! i have two, both stick and pokes by my friend laine (hi laine if u see this hehe) one says “lost boy” on my arm and the other is a owl petroglyph above my ankle <3 (i love neolithic art and a lot of my future tattoos involve cave paintings or rock carvings) i dont have many super good photos of them bc theyre at angles where they kinda need to be taken by someone else but i love them both dearly and looking at them makes me so so happy. also i want hand tattoos so bad but im restraining myself for now....
16. I will love you if
i am a quality time bitch through and through....if you dont have time for me, i dont have time for u. i love spur of the moment mini-adventures and i love friends who ive talked to every day for years and i love people who remember that we made plans and stick to them. i really like establishing enough consistency that it becomes easy to be spontaneous. also i love grad students who just impart knowledge onto me at random and the people you share art studios with when working late at night and random strangers in public who will hear a ridiculous conversation youre having with a friend and chime in in a funny way
19. A fact about your personality
this one gets a readmore bc of length lmao <3
i think a lot of ppl, sometimes even people somewhat close to me, dont rlly understand how much work i put into being an outwardly kind person lmao, or they dont understand that i do have to put a lot of work into that? i think a lot of times people confuse my anxiety with being like..."oh you look scary but you're actually so nice!" types of things which can be very true but at the same time, a lot of my current friends have not necessarily seen me when i dont put the care in to be kind and instead go with my knee-jerk reaction to situations (which is almost always some form of anger), because i have specifically trained myself out of going with those responses. i have kind of this weird dichotomy where i am a generally pleasant person who is anxious and can be a people-pleaser at times but to me that feels like a very like....surface level version of myself that can be easily cast off if i care enough to? but i think some people see that part of me as like my deep-down vulnerable self, which i dont really find to be true. because to me i think a lot of my people-pleasing is a direct result of the fact that i overcompensate for my anger. but this is hard to explain to people because since i look alternative or whatever, if you sit there and insist like "no no im actually sooooo evil and mean and tough i promise guys!!" it just comes off as ridiculous and try-hard lmao so i havent successfully found a way to be like "hey guys unfortunately none of this is a joke to me and in fact it kept me alive when nothing else would for several years". anyways idk i just sometimes feel like people view my skittishness as something its not or dont really understand that my "~edginess~" is not actually performative because it has a very real basis in my past experiences and generally if someone is willing to grapple with that they will become much closer to me and know me a lot better than if they just brush me off because they dont really take me for my word
#like i think sometimes ppl do not understand that for me anxiety is a nuisance to remove to become my actual self who is directly#underneath that layer and is a lot bigger bitch but also a lot more constructive and healthier#because i think anxiety purposely stops me from being angry in-the-moment and because of that it has stopped me from like. realizing that i#was in shitty relationships or being treated poorly or whatever.#but when im more confident i am an angrier person but am able to utilize it in a way where it only is used in a healthy manner#obviously anger issues are not healthy lmao. but for me it is a part of me and my genetics and i cannot fully remove it i can just mitigate#the negative aspects of it#thank u for the ask this is such a long response but i couldnt find a good youtube video to watch while eating my late-night dinner so u#got this instead <3#also disclaimer the last answer is not addressed to anyone in specific in my life it is more a general trend i have noticed#over the course of several years#insert heart hands emoji love u all
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Just started reading Credence by Penelope Douglas. Are people who actually like this book okay? Like psychologically? You shouldn’t think that this is a healthy romance book, it’s not, it is so far from a healthy relationship or something you should strive to achieve.
#I just#😐#I haven’t even hit the NASTY parts yet and I’m reading it like a psychological thriller#where everything is a looming threat and I am scared#credence#just read healthier romance novels and fan over that#I understand the dark romance aspect of it but border line insest goes way past that
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Actually everything has been too complicated and now that the sun is out I've decided that everything is actually easier than I thought and nothing has to hurt me unless I let it
#drinking coffee and smoking in the sun after a decent day of work#i got to work ot this weekend and do a tough job and the day after i hiked w my mom and ran along the beach w the dog#the longer i keep myself away from the narrative the more further removed and at peace i feel#although sometimes its somewhat distrupted when i see them but i reel it back in real quick#it just feels good to know that i dont have to let anyone in and that i have my people and thats all i need#im goung to carry myself the rest of the way through like i always have#and i dont need anyone elses validation#things will come to me when im ready and its right#if i dont want someone to hurt me then i simply dont have to allow them to hurt me#and if i hurt them then oh well. i need to protect my peace and my self esteem#i have things that i would like to work out but i need to accept that everything i want to have happen i cant make happen#ive been through too much and worked too hard and loved too hard and learned too much to let things like this touch me anymore#my self perception cannot hinge on anyone anymore because only i know what ive done and seen and felt and thought in every momemt of my lif#and how i look is not a solid descripter of all the aspects of me#it is not the bulk of my humanity it is hardly a grain of sand#im not angry or sad im just indifferent and ready for something better and healthier and more secure#and the things and people that i can have by relying on my looks do not hold much value anyways#besides. i am pretty. and im healthy and im good w my money and i laugh w my belly and i know a fuck of a lot more than i ever thought#and ive done more than i ever anticipated#i have a lot of things to be so okay with that i shouldnt even have to think about it#and the fact that i ever do is a luxary not given to the bulk of humanity#ive had the privledge to love many times and learn the lessons that accompany losing#and the privilege to make my own decisions and have my own priorities#i have the time and money to worry about frivolous things just like ive had the same to experience some really cool things#i am full of energy and opportunity and love and i get to decide when and where i want to direct that#if i direct it in a place that leave me feeling sad and empty and confused i can put my focus elsewhere unless i deem it worthy enough to#work at#and when ive poured too much in and got too little back ill know to reframe things#its not that complicated and its not that messy#it just is whatever i make it out to be and im tired of making everything out to be more and allow it to define me
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Missing the point wildly because the consumerism isn't about selling things, it's about selling a feeling. If those particular stories about crystals aren't working for you then.. you're not the target audience. People are paying for the dopamine of the purchase itself, and for the promise that whatever you buy will make you feel better, feel healthier, skinnier, prettier, feel more proactive or organised or smarter or have better skin or something. An easy fix with very little effort involved except spending money on it. And there's the thing - the act of buying it will make you feel better, for a little while. It doesn't last, obviously, so the process all just starts again.
Do those crystals do anything scientifically, objectively? Fuck no, of course not. Are humans incredibly suggestible, especially when there's a good story involved? Hell yes. The power of the placebo effect is WILD. If someone tells you a pretty pink thing will make you less anxious and help you sleep better, and you believe it strongly enough... It will quite likely work to some extent. And then they feel part of a community while they all talk about it working in the comments, and pretty things just... give us pleasure. It's all good brain chemicals. Does that mean the crystal is powerful? It depends what you mean by powerful, because consumer narratives are incredibly fucking powerful and used to deliberately drive most things about our cultural and social and political lives.
I feel nauseatingly like I'm about to quote the frankly horrific ending of GoT but... consumerism is only about selling you the best story. Of an influencer is influencing, that means they've managed to make more people emotionally invest in their narrative, and they have to keep that narrative going in the best way to keep making money. It doesn't matter how or why. Human brains are wired for narrative, not for objective truth. For the purposes of selling anything, it doesn't matter what's true, or real, or objectively better. On a very practical level, whoever has the best story gets more money out of you (or in the case of politics, gets your vote).
(not even going into the part where women are especially susceptible to this online wellness narrative because their health issues and pain problems are so often systematically disregarded and brushed aside, and when you're in very real pain that a trained doctor has dismissed.. you tend to be much more open to try all sorts of alternative remedies instead for very obvious and understandable reasons)
the "spiritual quantum witchcraft mother earth healing crystals herbs vibes nature chakras" scammers piss me off more than I can describe though.
Many people my age, seeking spiritual exploration and knowledge, have got into "witchcraft" and this type of "spirituality" and it's so much just BUYING STUFF. Buy crystals. Buy herbs. Buy more crystals. Buy Spiritual Healing Seminar. Buy Product, Buy Product, Buy Product! Buy incense, buy a Crystal Chakra Healing Kit, Buy a "Shamanic Reading," buy some mushroom, buy this "natural" face cream, buy this rare macroalgae that will rejuvenate your vagina,
You are NOT embracing the breast of Mother Earth! You are sucking directly from the teat of Mr. Monopoly!
You quite literally could not be farther than being connected to the Earth when your spirituality is so centered on interacting with it as a Consumer with little to no knowledge of where your herbs, trendy super foods, and rocks ultimately come from or how it impacts the Earth
Btw that picture of a "mystical druid witch forest aesthetic" shows a commercial tree plantation
#i appreciate the previous posts are just talking about it being bullshit in reality#but if you don't look at why people are so happy to spend their money and watch this shit online.. it's complaining about the wrong aspect#which is also why things like medical advice and dieting vlogs are incredibly dangerous if they're not regulated#all the hormonal cycle girlies selling you their food supplements *sigh*#it's important to acknowledge that buying things can make you feel better briefly and that's why people are so susceptible#if you want to sell them a healthier narrative you have to find a way to tell it better than the shysters and kooks selling snake oil#we're all wired for propaganda
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𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐒/𝐎
<< yandere genshin men with pregnant S/o >>
Characters : ayato, diluc, kaeya, alhaitham, neuvillete, wriostheley, zhongli , tartaglia
After some inconvenience you end up pregnant with your first child in the earliest part of your marriage, and this is their reaction
⚠️ Warning : baby trapping, non con intimacy, and other disturbing content ⚠️
( Based on the last poll I made, as promised this yandere genshin men Headcanon of pregnant S/o )
<< English is not my first language >>
Ayato
< How many kids he wants : 3 - 6 >
Oh what a joyous occasion, when you tell him you were expecting a child, he pauses and smiles saying what a miracle he was already expecting this would happen. Ayaka is also happy with this news she would visit you and press her ear to your baby bump and talk to the baby or basically rub your stomach.
Having a child with you is the only way you are tied to him forever, by having a child you finally have something to stay with him as well as having the next head of the clan, making sure his clans future is secured. He babyfied the entire house for you as well as babying you, saying these emotions are just your hormones and saying the baby is a blessing
He will not allow you to leave your bed, before you are pregnant you're still allowed to walk around the estate but now you're not allowed or step outside your bed. You were put under strict bed rest and if you need to get around you have him, his sister or thoma to help you as well having the shuutmasuban monitoring you 24/7
Diluc
< how many kids he wants : 2 - 4 >
When you tell him about this news he runs towards you carefully of course not wanting to hurt the baby, and hugs you tightly and kisses your forehead saying you both will be good parents and a thank you for giving him the best present he ever asked for. The entire staff was soon aware of this news and started the preparation for a new born. Adeline will monitor you attending your every need when diluc is busy.
The nursery is all set up, and everything is set. After Kaeya's departure from the mansion as well as his father dying, the mansion has been quite lonely before your arrival, the mansion has started to have more light and after your pregnancy announcement it grows more. It melts his heart knowing he will not be alone anymore. Your babies will be spoiled a lot by him.
You are not allowed to walk around without him or Adeline supervision or not you're not allowed to walk around because he will carry you everywhere thinking it will cause harm to the baby. He will help you with your daily routine and will prevent you from reading your favorite novels cause stress is bad for the baby.
Kaeya
< How many kids he wants : 1 - 2 >
To be honest, he never expected to be a father. He always thought he would be a bad father. But after you tell him you're pregnant he will embrace you and say thank you and you both will get through this together. This is unexpected for him but he was happy having a child
He was anxious and nervous at first, but he handled it like a pro. Soon he started to enjoy the process when days got rough he would put his head on your bump and talk to the baby as well trying to feel it kicking. These small moments that lead him to start enjoying fatherhood.
After the baby was born he started to want more kids because, he really loves this bundle of joy and you know what can make him more happy more bundles of joy he will try to convince you to have another kid. And on the bright side your relationship is more healthier as well giving the outside a perfect image of your relationship.
Alhaitham
< How many kids he wants 2 - 4 >
He came prepared for your pregnancy, he read tons of books about babies as well about parenting he is prepared for this, he would control every aspect of your life food, bed time and other things
He will monitor you every day, he will free his schedule to make sure you will attend as well following the schedule he gives you during pregnancy. He will be there with your every step buying maternal clothes as well as other baby stuff. He has a very good job and is large payment. has a large savings for this day for both of you and the kids to live a comfortable
He wants to have two kids but he does have a feeling of wanting more but it depends on you if you want to have more. Your body is your choice, you're the one that had to carry the baby he doesn't want to tire you and force you to have more.
Neuvillete
< How many kids he wants 4 - 6 >
He was so happy after hearing about your pregnancy, the melusine will help you with your pregnancy and watch over you. Neuvillete will prepare everything as well using some dragon mating rituals for the preparation.
By collecting large amounts of comfortable pillows and soft blankets to create a large nest for you. To make sure you're comfortable. He will help you around with everything normal chores and walking are restricted your only supposed to lay on your nest to relax.
The melusine called your babies as their siblings and will protect you from anything, the steam bird pushy to share your pregnancy they will ask them to back away. The steam bird has been quite annoying following you around when you want to buy baby clothes as well fontainians love for drama they will approach you and ask about everything it has become quite draining dealing with people approaching you for information on your pregnancy. So that's why neuvillete prevents you from leaving the "nest"
Wriostheley
< How many kids he wants 1 - 2 >
After you told him about your pregnancy, it was kept as a secret in the fortress due to how many convicts are willing to hurt you as revenge towards him. So you were mouth to the surface and sigewine will do once a week checks up on going to the surface.
You live in an isolated place in the surface world, very far from Fontaine as well wriostheley office is built secretly to have an elevator going thru to the surface to visit you and your new home, the fortress is not a safe place for children.
He just wanted one but was afraid that the child would grow up lonely, the duke of the fortress of meriopede being your father makes the child stand out afraid they will be isolated by this information. If there were signs that the child was lonely or wanting a sibling he would not hesitate to give them a sibling
Zhongli
< How many kids he wants 3 - 6 >
If this happens during ancient liyue when he's by far much younger than his current timeline, you would already have lots of kids. They would have been grown up when traveler visits teyvat as well them being full blown Adepti. Cloud retainers would love to baby sit your babies and will tell you to rest and let her baby sit.
If you're pregnant in the current game timeline, you would still have a lot of kids but not as much as the other timeline, you have to stay at mt. Aocang under the watchful eye of the Adepti due to the babies not being normal humans. They are half adepti if you're human. So when the babies come you will deliver a safe birth. There is a large chance of you not surviving the birthing process so he will make sure you survive the birth process with the aid of the other Adepti.
But if you're pregnant during the archon war, you will be forced into hiding as well the news of your pregnancy hidden since teyvat are being a battle growns for gods to dominate and control the thrones and he has many rival gods wanting to destroyed him so what can cause him great pain of attacking his beloved. Everyday he would visit you with blood on his clothes and comfort you even tho you tried your best to stay away from him.
Tartaglia
< How many kids he wants 4 - 8 >
The happiest out of all of these yandere , all his life he wanted a family and finally he was given one. He breaks the news to his family and they are ecstatic. He spins you around the room and laughs.
He wanted to have a lot of kids he came from a big family and he has many siblings so expect to have more than four kids. He will buy you many luxurious gifts as well as many toys he can buy heck he buys an entire toy store for his babies. Will love any gender as long as it is his.
Fatui guards are there to guard you no matter, he will not let you get close to the other harbingers only ones he trusts the most who is pulcinella or arlechinno to watch over you when he's out in work, he move you to a more secluded mansion with a lot of servants during your pregnancy and his family will visit you to check up on you. You are not allowed to do any chores only rest in your bed.
#yandere#yandere genshin#yandere genshin impact#genshin#genshin impact#genshin x reader#yandere genshin x reader#yandere imagines#genshin headcanons#alhaitham x reader#neuvillete x reader#tartaglia x reader#wriothesely x reader#zhongli x reader#diluc x reader#kaeya x reader#yandere headcanons#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere alhaitham#yandere ayato#yandere diluc#yandere kaeya#yandere wriothesley#yandere neuvillette#yandere tartaglia#yandere zhongli#diluc#zhongli#tartaglia
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> Been doing some mental self-care by trying to regulate myself.
> Still getting the voice that acts similar to the rage core from Portal that I have been dealing with for YEARS still trying its damnedest to take over my mood.
> It sounds an awful lot like my narc mom when she’d have episodes of nothing but yelling, screaming and shouting at my brother and I.
> Brain has been letting it run rampant in the background for a week despite the multiple streams of thoughts finally calming down after taking Focus Factor for a couple weeks.
> Since taking it I’ve been able to hear myself think more clearly and it’s not as much of a struggle anymore. That damned screaming meemie still present in the background though.
> Mulling over where the fuck it came from. Brain wouldn’t keep making this a problem if it didn’t need handled.
> During very last shift of work last week, brain throws thought of my narc mom griping and bitching about how CPS was called on her all the time back when my brother and I were still little babes.
> Also throws at me time mom got taken by cops after dad called them just to help calm her down but due to the law, they had to take her for a few days.
> Reason he called cops is her parents wouldn’t help out with it at all. He begged them to take her for a few days during a really bad episode and their response was “no, she’s YOUR problem now.”
> Recall when we were growing up how she’d demand that we shut up and keep quiet when she’d have those episodes. She also not-so-subtly threatened us with violence by saying “you better be able to get to that phone before I do.”
> OMFG THAT’S WHERE IT CAME FROM!
> Yeah, if I saw a mother yelling, screaming and shouting right in her babies faces while they were wailing, I’d call CPS on her too.
> Have to snap self out of daze at work after starting to feel myself beginning to have the urge to cry. Can’t have a breakdown on the clock, nope, nope, nope.
> Since figuring that out, the screaming meemie has toned down somewhat. Still there but it’s not as bad.
#nobody better tell me taking supplements made specifically for certain aspects of my health is 'cheating'#because maybe... just maybe... the reason I'm having trouble being healthier than I am in that category#is cause by a deficiency that I didn't know I was suffering from#i can't afford to go get evaluated and diagnosed so this is the only avenue i've got left#and with the way our healthcare laws are going here in the US particularly in my state#it's going to become too dangerous to seek out mental health care#and as the main earner in my household I can't risk the state and my employer knowing that i'm 'unemployable' due to my mental health#despite how well i do my job
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HI QUEEN 🎀🩷🎀🩷
I literally just atalkws all your marauders fics for like 2 solid hours. You're writing is healing me at this point.
I was wondering if your requests were open? And if they are can I please request a fic that happens directly after the first war (marauders era) and reader has ptsd and maybe got triggered by the smallest of domestic actions done by one of the boys and comfort ensues for the episode and aftermath guilt?
I'm sorry it's oddly specific, just fighting some demons rn and your awesome writing kinda does the trick heheh
please feel free to ignore this one! love u <33
thanks for your request, love. hope things have been easier on you as of late <3
poly!marauders x fem!reader who is struggling with PTSD [1.5k words]
CW: PTSD, post-war, mention of past character death/grief, panic attack, hurt/comfort
The war had taken its toll on all of you; ghosts of the people you lost and the people you all once were haunted you, reminding you of scars both visible and invisible that coloured every aspect of your life.
There were things that the four of you staunchly refused to talk about; Remus refused to speak about his time in the feral packs, Sirius refused to speak about his brother, James refused to speak about Peter’s betrayal, and you refused to speak about what happened when you went missing.
Perhaps there were healthier ways to manage the grief and pain, perhaps you would all benefit from reconsidering those lines each of you had drawn in the sand.
But you were all alive, you were all together, and you had your whole lives ahead of you, and for now, that was enough.
It was enough until it wasn’t.
It was enough until Remus was sitting on the floor of your kitchen with you pulled into his chest as Sirius hovered in front of you, holding your hands against his chest as he begged you to breathe, to copy his breaths, to come back to him.
To come back to him.
You and James had been fussing in the kitchen making breakfast this morning; Remus being wholly uninterested in mornings but very much interested in the two of you had been sitting at the kitchen table in camaraderie as Sirius shuffled sleepily into the room.
He took the time to admire Sirius’ sleep rumpled hair and the faint lines over his face and bare torso, clearly having rolled straight out of bed before going in search of his loves.
You were reaching into a cupboard to retrieve Sirius’ favourite mug when he came up behind you and placed his hand at the nape of your neck at the exact moment that James burned himself at the stove; cursing loudly and dropping the pan which landed on the floor with a bang, closely followed by the sound of breaking glass.
Remus was up from his seat in record time, aching joints be damned, and at James’ side.
“I’m sorry, I’m okay; sorry.” James gritted out, acquiescing to Remus’ probes and allowing him to examine his hand.
“Awe bubs, you got yourself good.” Remus cooed as he cast a quick aguamenti over the burn.
“Shit, yeah.” He breathed out. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“What broke?” Remus asked then, looking down at the pan that had landed horribly close to James’ feet and searching for evidence of a broken bowl.
“What do you mean?”
“Did you not drop something?” Remus clarified.
James shook his head with furrowed brows. “Just the pan.”
Their bemusement turned to concern when they heard a choked “baby” coming from Sirius’ lips.
Remus’ stomach dropped as he turned to see you half keeled over, leaning against the counter with one hand at your abdomen and the other over your mouth as if you were suppressing a scream.
“Is she hurt!?” James asked quickly, moving swiftly along from his own pain.
“It…I- it was me. I-” Sirius started, sinking to the floor in time with you as your legs seemed wholly unable to hold you up in your current state.
“She’s panicking.” Remus surmised aloud, quickly tiptoeing over what he realised were shards of Sirius’ mug that you’d been procuring moments before.
“Dove? Hey, look at me.” Remus offered as he crouched in front of you.
You shook your head quickly and sucked in a stilted breath. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, my love, just look at me.”
You shook your head again and tried to back further into the lower cabinets as if hoping they would simply swallow you whole.
“I’ll clean it up. I’m sorry.”
“Sweetheart,” Sirius pleaded, “we’re not worried about the mess.”
“I’m okay.” You sobbed, sounding anything but.
“I know you are, dove. You’re okay, come now.” Remus said as he finally joined you on the floor, leaning back against the cabinets and pulling you into his lap so that you were fully enveloped in his embrace. “Big breath, babylove, can you do that for me?”
You made a high pitched keening sound and shook your head quickly. “I’m sorry.”
Remus looked over to notice that James had his burnt hand held protectively against his chest while his other kneaded into Sirius’ shoulder as he whispered into his ear.
“Look, dove, Jamie can fix the mug no problem, and Siri’s gonna help you take big breaths, okay?” Remus tired then, stirring both boys into action as James straightened and cast a quick reparo to Sirius’ mug and Sirius shuffled over on his knees to station himself between Remus’ spread legs and in front of you.
“Can you copy me, baby? Like this?” Sirius begged. “Just like this.”
Sirius pried your hands away from your face and encouraged them to flatten out against his chest where Remus was sure you could feel the hammering of his heart as he took a dramatic breath for your benefit.
You choked out a few more apologies that both boys gently admonished you for as you tried to copy Sirius’ breaths; they were nowhere near as deep or graceful, but Remus was thankful for your effort nonetheless.
James reappeared then, his own hand now wrapped with medical tape and smelling strongly of Remus’ healing balms when he held something out for you.
“Angel, can you do me a favour?” He asked extraordinarily softly that it even had Remus feeling more at ease. “Can you hold these for me?”
Remus watched your face as you wretched your eyes open - another ‘deep breath’ stilted by a sob as you looked to him - to see him holding two large spheres of ice that Sirius had for his firewhiskey.
Sirius kept his hands gently stationed on your arms as you removed them from his chest and accepted the ice from James, still never letting go even as the ice began to melt and drip freezing water down your wrists.
When your sobs became the occasional hiccups and Remus felt you deflate further into his embrace, he braved a gentle caress of your upper arms in warning of his presence.
“Better?” He murmured lowly into your shoulder, earning him a deep sigh that came out only slightly shaky.
“I…think so. I’m s-”
“No, no, dove.” He admonished quickly, peppering slow kisses along your shoulder and the column of your neck. “There’s nothing to apologise for.”
“I didn’t mean to cause a scene.” You murmured quietly, and Remus watched as Sirius’ face crumpled.
“You didn’t cause a scene, baby.” He argued quickly. “You were scared; I-”
James made a sympathetic sound in the back of his throat as he wrapped an arm around Sirius and pressed his lips to his long-haired boyfriend’s head.
“Should we not touch you like that, dove? Here?” Remus asked carefully then; dragging a barely-there finger across the nape of your neck and watching goosebumps appear.
“No, that’s fine, I- it wasn’t that I…it was just both and I…I didn’t sleep very well and it was just…”
“Too much?” Sirius offered as James relinquished you of what was left of your ice that had you and Remus damp, drawing circles into your wrists that he still had secured in his grasp.
“Just at once, I’m sorry.”
“Angel…” James chided.
“I am sorry.” You insisted as you looked at James imploringly. “I’ve not been doing a very good job handling my shit lately and now I’ve ruined the morning for everyone.”
“It’s not your shit, baby, and it’s not only yours to handle; we’re supposed to be helping you too, yeah?” Sirius pressed as he craned his neck to meet your eye that you were trying to avoid.
“And you didn’t ruin anything; you could never ruin anything.” James added.
You sniffled at that and took another deep breath that hardly shook at all as you leaned further into Remus. “Is your hand okay, Jamie?”
James smiled softly at you before bending down to press a kiss to your forehead. “It’ll be good as new, but I owe Moons some healing balm since I used a whole jar from his stash.”
“I’ll buy it!” Sirius announced quickly, surprising a small laugh from you.
“I’d think not, Pads; I’m the one who used it up!”
“Yes but you’re the one who was hurt, I’m the one who upset our girl.”
“I upset her too.” James countered as they began arguing who had played a bigger hand in this morning’s commotion.
You and Remus shared a fond yet exasperated look before the two of you stood - on shaky legs after being folded up for so long - and opted to take a warm shower and change into dry clothes.
It may not have been the start to the day any of you would have liked, but you all made it out okay, you were all together, and you had your whole lives ahead of you.
And for now, that was more than enough.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#james potter#sirius black#wolfstarbucks#poly!marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!wolfstarbucks#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders angst#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders ficlet#poly!marauders hurt/comfort#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#james potter x reader#james potter x you#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#hurt/comfort#PTSD#panic attack#fem!reader
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One screenshot doesn't do the tweet thread justice so check out thr full one here.
https://twitter.com/ENMlife/status/1610383691708235777?t=ThvtcwJ662hCtncBIMDyxg&s=19
#there you go#full screenshots for the thread#I hate clicking through links and this is a good thread#poly#my spouse was the first one of us brave enough to actually suggest poly out loud though we'd both apparently been thinking it for ages#and it was SUCH a slow and miserable start for him#bc the dating scene (poly or monogamous) really is clogged with just a bunch of yucky men online#plenty of great dudes too obvs! but like#it only takes a few really yucky men to make a bitch suspicious about DMs for the rest of her life#anyway at any point you see a 'feminist' argument against any blanket sex practice#you should be questioning that shit#like loads of people prefer monogamy or are comfortable with it as the standard#but polyamory should really be more common and accepted considering like#plenty of people just don't like monogamy! it's not for everyone!#polyamory and kink encourage a lot of communication practices and healthier attachment styles#which can be broadly applied to nonromantic and nonsexual aspects of life and relationships#and having poly be more normalized means making that shit way more common too
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