#it just is whatever i make it out to be and im tired of making everything out to be more and allow it to define me
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WISH YOU WERE SOBER
sum: confessing to him when youâre drunk
pairing: kinich x gn reader
contains: drunken confession, slight mention of his backstory
a/n: i was listening to âwish you were soberâ by Conan Gray and thought of this, this is my first fic so uhhhh enjoy đđâď¸ i have not written a fanfic since middle school and im high asf rn so it might be bad LOL might be ooc
âââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
This party's shit
Kinich sat around while everyone else was celebrating, he saw how you drank bottle after bottle. It hurt to see someone he cared about so deeply drink, it reminded him of his father, who he hated. But he couldnât hate you, even if he tried.
wish we could dip, go anywhere but here
After a while you sat next to him, he didnât want to come; he came for you. You excitedly asked if he was going to the celebration your tribe was having, he only agreed because he knew you would be there.
Don't take a hit, don't kiss my lips
You were awfully clingy when drunk, an equally drunk mualani had to pry you off her. You did the same to him; grabbing his arm and whining.
âI love you so much thank you for being my friend!â you cried
friend.
Thatâs all he was to you, just a friend.
And please don't drink more beer
He took the bottle away from you, poring what was left of it onto the floor and placing the empty bottle on the crate he was sitting on. He rolled his eyes as you whined
âYou drank enough for tonightâ
It hurt to see you drink so heavily, but he would never tell you that.
I'ma crawl outta the window now, âCause I don't like anyone around
He looked around at everyone there, drunk, dancing, and celebrating. He never really talked to any of them and didnât plan to, after all he only came for you. The few people he did talk to was strictly business. He slowly got up and took his arm away from your grip.
Kinda hope you're followin' me out
But this is definitely not my crowd
âWait..!â
He turned around to see you stumbling behind him.
âWhere are you going?â
âIâm tiredâ Lies.
ââŚMe too..um- can- can you walk me home? Iâm scared to- to go aloneâ
âYeah, I wouldnât want you waking home alone in this state either..â
Nineteen, but you act twenty-five now
You always thought he was mature for his age, in Mualaniâs words he always âhas a stick up his assâ. You couldnât blame him though, with the environment he grew up in..
Trip down the road, walking you home
âCome on, trouble magnetâ
He waited for you to catch up and put an arm around your waist holding you up so you wouldnât fall, you could barely walk and he was annoyed, sad even.
âThe stars are so prettyâ
âItâs really hot..â
âWoah look at the moon!â
He was getting tired of your endless sentences. He couldnât understand how you could be such a heavy drinker. Was it a coping skill? He went through a lot and never thought about picking up a bottle. Did you enjoy the feeling? He wouldnât know, he always swore to never try it. He didnât want to end up like him.
Pullin' me close, beg me, "Stay over"
âStay over..itâs too late and- I dont want to be alone right nowâ
He looked down at your drunken state, eyes half lidded, cheeks red; you looked so beautiful. He was always confused on how you were never like his father when drunk, you were always smiling, laughing, dancing, the complete opposite of him.
But I'm over this roller-coaster
He listened to you talk about whatever popped up into your mind, he turned to look at you after youâve been quiet for some time. You were just looking at him, his lips.
âThis- this is a dream right..?â
He looked at you confused, dream? Where did that come from?
âSure, yeah this is a dreamâ
He didnât really think anything of it, were you going to tell him an embarrassing memory? A secret no one else was supposed to know? Or- no. You would never..you said it yourself he was just a friend.
He looked at you, the moon light making you look almost angelic. He noticed you looking at his lips and then his eyes.
âIf this is a dream then i canâŚâ
He felt your lips press against his and it felt like time had stopped.
You pulled away, whispering an âI really like youâ before passing out almost immediately. He just sat there, a million thoughts rushing through his head. What the hell just happened? He looked down at you and noticed a small smile.
Real sweet, but I wish you were sober
#kinich x reader#kinich#malipo kinich#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#kinich fluff#kinich angst#genshin angst
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above all else a trans woman is a person. above all else a trans women is a woman who goes to the same grocery store as you and buys fruits in the same grocery cart as you and goes home and eats her dinner the same as you. above all else a trans woman is a woman who dresses like you do and talks the same way you do. above all else a trans woman is a woman who wants to be cared about the same way you want to be cared about and a trans woman is a woman who makes friends the same way you make friends. above all else you should care about trans women because they are people. treat her as such.
#pig originals#im so fucking tired. right now. let me know if something here doesnt make sense or whatever but god damn#its always the fucking singling out of transfem people i just. want everyone to have a normal life#i want everyone to have the chance to worry over their clothes or whatnot not whether. they're going to be respected as Actual Human Beings#i want us all to have the opportunity to live quiet happy lives forever#can we fucking do it!!!!! ahh!! ahh im going to explode
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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phinktober day 11: ur fav AU
i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo
(danâs tats r carnations and snowdrops and philâs r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason đ¤)
ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldnât pick <3
#soz copied caption from twt i have been drawing for 7 hours straight i need to drink water eat something take a piss and a shower and sleep#no braincell rn#goodbye it is wine time#hope yall like this idfk what people what these days other than ship art but im not doing that so sorry no knights fucking for you#just me making them look like me bc iâm a narcissist etc#god i am way too tired to be yapping rn i have no filter whatever ABYWAY HASHTAG DANIPHIW#art2 and craft2#dnp#phanart#dan and phil#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#phinktober#punk edits irl come back to me please#iâm missing a fkn hashtag i just know it whatever i donât CARE im TIRED i have eaten nothing but half a jar of picked today i feel so goblin#idk why i tunnelvisioned w this piece itâs not even that good or detailed LMFAO#actually the tattoos were a BITCH and also made me sad bc of my whole failed tattooing career etc#OH MY GOD WHY AM I YAPPING SO MUCH SOMEONE EUTHANISE ME#good NIGHT !!!!!!#pickles not picked btw but iâm not retyping all of that#now iâm sad bc iâm out of pickles and itâs 10pm and everything is shut:( hate my stupid gay life
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i love being ace in a way that confuses the shit out of allo people, god bless
#asexual#aroace#ace#asexual positivity#aro too but like yeah#honestly im just tired of pretending to be like âgrossed outâ or baffled by sex or whatever bc it fits the perception allos have of aces#like i actually am quite interested in sex and know a lot about it ⌠lol#i can read smut and be interested in kink and so many other things and it wouldnât make me any less ace <3#and i can do all those things whilst also experiencing fluctuating sex repulsion at times#if that confuses u thatâs a u problem.
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Coming atcha in this incredible sweater I inherited from my late grandfather
#spitblaze says things#im so sad i never got a chance to ask him to take me clothes shopping before his health went down the tubes and i figured myself out#i kinda feel that way with grief anyway. a lot of oughta coulda woulda shoulda. feeling like i squandered my time with them#that it wasnt meaningful enough. that we didnt form enough of a connection#but whatever its too late now. just gotta keep it in mind moving forwards. making connections and reaching out to ppl is So Fucking Hard#but its worth it and i KNOW its worth it and im tired of feeling like i never truly got to know someone before it was too late#im very bad at initiating conversations. im trying to work on it but starting shit is the hardest thing in the world for me#if we're friends and havent talked in a while feel free to reach our#like. maybe nor right this minute its like 11 and ive spent all day either driving or with family. im wiped#but yknow#see. him face#ftm#transmasc#nonbinary#transmasculine
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GUYS I NEED MORE ZAM AND KABOODLE FICS I'M GENUINELY ABOUT TO CRASH OUT RN PLS PLS PLS PLS
Like idk, somethin about two characters being two sides of the same coin, they both care but it's not enough for them to burn the entire world for each other because deep inside they've already accepted that maybe the other will always be a better person than them. One thinks they can prevent history from repeating itself because they were "already" a bad person from the start but they feel like the other isn't so they try their best to help them. But the other continues to fall down that path because if the person who reflects them can get better, then how will they understand? It's like two people with mutual understanding, yet never being able to TRUST each other again while also being able mending each other's pain and it's like UGHHHHHHHHH THEY WERE DOOMED FROM THE START BRO
LIKE UGHHHH THEY PARALLEL EACH OTHER SO BAD IDK. KAB IS LOYAL TO THOSE SHE CARES ABOUT AND IS WILLING TO RECONSIDER HER PRIORITIES FOR THEM. WHILE ZAM IS LOYAL TO HIS BELIEFS AND IS WILLING TO BREAK PEOPLE HE LOVES FOR IT. BETRAYAL MEETS BETRAYAL AAAAAAAA
#lifesteal smp#kaboodle#princezam#IM SO TIRED I ONLY SLEPT FOR LIKE 4 HRS) GEN DUDE#GENUINELY FEEL LIKE I SLIGHT MISCHARACTERIZED THEM BUT LKE BRO THE FICS PLSSSSSSSNE9EJSISNDISNS THEY R SO ICONIC WHAT#lore.#they make me sick bro#note: i watch kabs pov so ughh whatever sorry man im like half asleep rn frick#as you can see im not well im kinda half delusional rn cuz i just wokeup#pls if they can just pull out a with the power of friendship out of their asses i wouldnt even mind lowk
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
â
version without text + reference image under cut :
â
song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN â Computer Flavor" â kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy â yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive â#â feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want â#â to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of â#â my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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I'll change my everything for you Just keep on doing what you do
Goretober 2024, Day 4: Gut Spill
#artings#wyd!Pico#wyd!BF#wyd!GF#goretober#goretober 2024#gore#blood#gut spill#fnf#friday night funkin#boyfriend fnf#friday night funkin boyfriend#girlfriend fnf#friday night funkin girlfriend#pico fnf#pico newgrounds#rgb trio#im not doing individual ship tags. LOL#art#digital art#digital artist#lets gooooo 30 mins before the day is over for me#i have to be up EARLY but fuck it if i make this late then ill flop for the month and im already further than i was last year#im glad i switched sketches this is soooo much more interesting than the other was gonna be#ill still probably finish that one (if i rember) but . NJGFSNKJFNGJ#everyones on about cannibalism as a metaphor for love or whatever. what about your partners literally hollowing you out#while youre still alive. and you just dont care because you love them and trust them. idk what im on about im tired as shit
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Day 278 | id in alt
At least one of the students is a horrid menace to both curses and curse users. I was beginning to lose hope.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#i imagine she straight up sometimes seeks out random curse users to throw hands with#she's probably still pissed about letting her guard down that one time#now its everyones issue that Kugisaki is ticked the fuck off#cant point fingers if you just think a curse got to em because of how horrifying one user can mutilate sumn#Kugisaki Nobara im fucking looking at you girl#yeah theres also mahito so it just kinda y'know but all curses have the capability to make something look heinous#people really dont like remember that normal ass people can die easily to random curses#they'd rather yap about yaoi and or gojo and its honestly irritating now#ALSO like special grade idiot with the curse let out an entire stampede of curses from kenjaku's corpse out so like THANKS#theres other shit happening other than the damn fight and im actually low-key tired of people not noticing it like#what happened with the soldiers#the even more rampant curses uhhh#the fact theres like a large handful of civiliants or whatever yknow whatever whatever#gege show me the shit you bumbling fool
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gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
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my attempt at lily versions
#wolfgang amadeus mozart#antonio salieri#fate grand order#fgo#my art#ok listen i know literally no one besides me cares about how these are two different centuries#but you see salieri's thing with this to last ish century suits makes putting him in a 18th century clothes looking weird#i figure that 19th is a good middle ground and plus he like. died in that century anyway so close enough#well actually im not sure when that style of coat became a thing. the outer one i mean but whatever#also they still had knee ish length in 19th century but the visual connection with modernish suits also makes it looking weird on him but#but! the longer boots make a similar shape to it and#um anyway#amade is eepy cuz um idk he writes about being tired lmao#<-- the most normal fan of these guys#did a very normal amount of reading on them. also this might be bringing out my mild interest in historical clothes just a little bit#well its not like i *have to* put them in historical clothes its not like this gacha game is very historical...#bwa wrong i do have to and the reason is brainrot
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I wonder how sentients would have sex with a being of a different species. I wanna know what would make them feel pleasure. I think they procreate asexually, but how do they pleasure themselves or get pleasured? I wanna know for science.
I'm actually really curious too for science- yeah for science, of course!
Okay, yeah the lore gives us nothing. Damn.
#I'm actually really curious too because its clear they feel pain and other things very intensely and are alive however machine they may be#very human mannerisms too at least from Erra & I think Lotus would be easy to excite given she has human aspects mixed in from void#reality altering and whatever tampering Ballas did to her. By easy I mean easy to figure out hypothetically how to yknow do that.#gotta be careful with these tags lmao#and how would one stimulate Natah's mother too? she's a giant spaceship basically in that one small trailer we saw of her#the fandom wikia and devs haven't given us much of anything since it's a 17 and up game sadge but like we can make headcanons xD#I think it would be like a case of what all parties involved consent to and are comfortable with and just a fun activity for a sentient to#help their partner with yknow? Maybe that kind of thing if they don't feel those kinds of sensations but want to love their SO(s)#and indulge in those activities because they know their partners enjoy it; sorry if wording is bad im kinda tired#sentient bodies are fascinating to me like idk i wanna study these sentients and like figure out how they work#also I'm sure Stalker x Hunhow fans are dying to know lmao#mod rose#warframe confession#warframe#nsft
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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vent. sorry iâm honesty hangry and upset
actually iâm still annoyed. has anyone in this damn fandom heard of filtering tags. for shit. they donât like
also like not to be âwhat aboutâ but seriously if your biggest problems are fucking shipping wars on tumblr dot com i envy you. truly.
#misc: personal text#also not to Make It Like That but like#a lot of the people i know who like making art about the legion and/or caecade and vulcade#are people of color as well. like do yâall not hear yourselves. asking racially marginalized people who have historically experienced#slavery/forced cultural assimilation#and a host of other issues#if they LIKE SLAVERY and APPROVE of it IN REAL LIFE#fiction can inform reality yes but truly? it is not that deep. some people like dark themes in fiction. be okay with it#iâm indigenous. much of the legionâs narrative is specifically anti-indigenous. i am *literally the product of genocide*#i still enjoy exploring stories with it. because i can choose to like things. or not like them.#some people like to explore unhealthy dynamics in fiction. that does not mean they approve of it.#and DO NOT come at me saying âwuh wuh wuh well that means you approve of csam and youâre a pro shipperâ or whatever the fuck people are#saying now. because that is NOT what iâm saying and it is not the same. and you damn well know that.#a piece of creative work does not have to always make you comfortable. i like exploring morally challenging narratives. i like nuance.#i like grey areas in my fiction.#does that mean i condone that irl? hell no#because i know what im about. i know my values. and theyâre not necessarily reflected in my storytelling or art#personally i think that exploring horror and toxicity in fiction is a good way to build reading comprehension (once youâve âbuiltâ#the thinking muscles for it).#honestly iâm just so so so so tired of this moral scare around always Liking The Right Things#and if you like the Wrong Things and Wrong Media that makes you Bad.#itâs fucking dumb#learn to filter out the shit you donât like. you are allowed to not like things.
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