#just me making them look like me bc i’m a narcissist etc

[theythemmer]

phinktober day 11: ur fav AU

i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo

(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)

ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3

[npdzane]

Hiiiii, could you explain you npd Zane hc to me? As someone who lives with a narcissist, I’m very interested.

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT!!!!!! FOR SO LONG!!!!!!

Tw I think bc ik i will be mentioning sh. But only for a sentence or two.

Mostly just "he's just like me fr". I get how it can sound confusing, especially as a lot of people tend to see Zane as the opposite of what a (stereotypical) narcissist would act like, so I'll try to explain in a way that makes sense.

I'm going to list off traits I see in him, and then what caused it and how it developed over time. Starting with the traits.

- Pixal is 100% his fp. I don't think there's anything to say about it that hasn't been said already. You don't just give a girl half your heart because you "like her a little" without having some issues.

- "Be envious of others/believe others are envious of them". He stated himself that he envied Kai. He also has moments where he does things that make him look better than others ("I personally find old video games to be unchallenging", something about his tone when he was saying "being a nindroid, I wont be able to be digested.", he also just does a lot of random flips and shit when its not needed?? That part may be a stretch though.).

- "Withdrawal from situations where they may fail." In Quest for the Lost Powers, he almost quits out of fear that he won't be able to face the Ice Emperor without breaking down. He also tends to tell someone they shouldn't do something because the chance of failing is too high.

- "Feeling depressed or moody over not reaching perfection/secretly feeling insecure, shameful, and humiliation and fearing being exposed as a failure" In s4, he panics over feeling like he'll always be just a replica of the original Zane. He's desperately begging Pixal to save him from said panic too (which fits into the last trait). He still has similar fears to this day, feeling like being seen as just a robot takes away from his original design. Meaning he failed at fitting in, which was always his goal.

- "Have trouble interacting with others and easily feel sighted" in the entirety of S1-3, he struggles HEAVILY to talk to the others. Granted this does get better throughout the series, but it's getting bad again it seems. He often goes on solo missions or stays in the monastery/Destiny's Bounty. I personally think it's because he feels the others don't see him as vital to the team as they should, or he believes he doesn't need help with anything from anyone (but Pixal). The point is there is some sense of "they don't appreciate me enough".

- "React with rage or contempt to try to belittle others to make them appear superior". Again, bringing back the "I find older video games to be non challenging" quote. As well as the fact that every time Pixal is obviously very annoyed by him, he ignores her and carries on with what he thinks is the right idea (Detective/Pirate Zane obviously was a bad idea, but noooo Zane can't be wrong ever). He doesn't react with rage as much (at least not openly), however he does ignore people when he's doubted.

Ok! That's not as much as I thought! A few other things I wanted to point out, although these are also headcanons:

- His self esteem is TERRIBLE.

- What he believes he doesn't make up for in battle, training, etc, he tries to make up for in smarts and hobbies to impress people.

- He bases his opinions on people based on assumptions. For example, he'll assume everything about a person's personality and hobbies (sometimes even their skill level at those hobbies) based on first impressions. So, say he meets someone like Jay who seems very excited about something he doesn't like, his first assumption will be "this person is most likely annoying and a waste of time because they're trying to be as good as me, that's not egotistical that's just an observation. Everyone complimenting them is simply lying to them.".

- He refuses to believe any of his flaws are his fault, sure he can say he has flaws but they're all someone else's fault. It's never just how he is, it's always because "someone caused me to act like this".

- He switches between "I'm literally amazing I'm so smart I'm funny I'm good at everything" to "Everyone hates me for no reason I dont deserve any of this they're all terrible awful people" and then again to "I'm not good enough yet I need to push myself more so they'll see I'm better than they think". All because of a small bit of criticism. He absolutely cannot handle criticism. ("Why are you doubting me!? I'm a nindroid!" <- when Kai tried helping him, "Not now Pixal!" <- when Pixal told him trying to out-smart Nadakhan was a bad idea)

- I think him and Pixal argue a LOT. It's why I don't openly ship pixane. I believe ever since he found out she was Samurai X his trust issues got way worse (While he is easily trusting, once he does trust someone it's hard to not break it). He constantly uses their "no more secrets" promise agaisnt her, and he thinks that no matter what she or anyone else tells him, the probability of her keeping something from him is high, and he has to stop it (even if it means being extra clingy, possessive, and controling). But the other ninja somehow haven't noticed this from them, they just believe it's normal couple banter.

Sorry, like I said, this headcanon is coming out of my ass. Now I can talk about what caused it.

I see Dr. Julien as a good father to Zane, just not the best one. Like he's at the lower end of average. Not abusive so to speak, just overly critical and slightly neglectful. Zane's a robot, so why can't he do the things Dr. Julien tells him to do well enough! Julien accidentally made him too similar to the (daughter..ftm moment.) son he wanted, so similar that it turns out Zane needed the same amount of attention and support an actual child would've needed, which Julien didn't account for. Zane was used to only receiving the bare minimum of those two by s1. Unfortunately the bare minimum is far from enough. Not to mention the isolation he had to live through living in Birchwood, far from the village.

I think what we see as OG Zane is basically his child/early teen stage. Anything past s4 is late teen/adult, which is when his symptoms started showing up more. The other ninja, especially Wu, noticed he was starting to cling to Pixal much more (especially since she was in his mind). He'd also start spending more time on hobbies and things to impress people. Thinking if they thought his new self was better than his old self, he wouldn't be seen as a failed replica of the original Zane. He thought he could hide the fact it was all just to look better than everyone else, but either Kai or Cole picked up on it (Kai because he acts similarly in that way, and Cole because he's usually the first to notice things wrong with Zane.). When they showed their concern, Zane only saw it as motivation to try harder and them trying to take Pixal from him.

After the Never Realm, his self esteem and worth went to absolute shit. Not only was he abused and manipulated, he was at fault for the deaths of thousands.

But worst of all, he let himself be abused. Or at least that's what he believes (the Quest for the Lost Powers also confirms this!). He blames himself massively. How could he let himself fall for that? Why didn't he fully cover up the cave to stop threats from coming in? Why didn't he kill Vex when he got his memories back? Why did he let Vex control him? Isn't he supposed to be perfect? How could someone who claims to be perfect let himself slip up like that?

He definitely started to push himself more after coming back. In training, in battle, with maintaining the monastery, with cooking for the others, hobbies, you get the point. He'd completely forgotten to be patient with himself while trying to gain control over his powers and his life again. Meaning the next time he tried to use them in training, they were out of control and he ended up failing and hurting himself. But how? How could he not be perfect if he was trying as hard as he could? If he was programmed to be the best, why isn't he?

Pixal was also starting to get annoyed with Zane, he was way too attached and she knew that. It made her fall out of love, if there was any in the first place. Zane refused to let her separate from him though, especially since there was still the idea that she was keeping things from him. He believed Pixal didn't think he was worth caring about, causing him to purposely make himself worse in hopes her pity will keep her with him. He'd already been struggling with self harm, but now it was as a punishment for failing as well as a way to get Pixal not to leave (See why I don't ship them now?). I would love to talk about how I think he s/h but it'd take another post.

Now that Pixal is gone, he's getting way worse mentally. Which is why he seems like he's not working as well as usual (in the tournament). It's not like he's not trying anymore, it's that he hasn't let himself rest enough for his efforts to work.

That was way less than i expected to say (⁠･⁠o⁠･⁠;⁠). Anyway! Yeah!!! It is just mainly headcanons, but if Zane were confirmed to have some kind of personality disorder in a different world where ninjago isn't for tiny kids I wouldn't be surprised!!!

TY TY TY TY FOR ASKING IVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO YAP ABOUT THIS. 😭😭😭😭

[traumatizedjaguar]

how do you tell if someone you love is a narcissist and what to do?

First I’m confused on why you’re asking this question and exactly what you are looking for? Some people have asked me bc they tell me they’re living with an abuser so that’s how I’m going to take your question…

If that’s the case and you have an abuser you’re living with and you can’t get away yet I don’t exactly have any good advice other than the usual we survivors always tell each other:

leave when it’s safest

keep everything low key and secret from your abusers such as passwords, accounts and users, jobs you’re working, etc.

Don’t leave papers with your passwords and usernames written down laying around your bedroom if you’re living with an abuser

!!! Lemme add: I used to write down on paper fake usernames and fake passwords and I’d leave it on my desk or in a drawer easy to find so my abusers wouldn’t know my actual accounts and passwords !!!

grey rock technique is always useful

And you can’t control how people perceive you when you’re being smear campaigned, so it’s best not to care about it and do your best with your life for yourself

Look for local DV shelters

Also do t leave journals or diaries laying around, I keep an online diary password locked

I’m posting a master-post soon about how to do your best living with abusers still in your life based on techniques and other things I’ve used to help myself deal with abusers. I’m almost done with it. It’s kind of based off one persons experience I.e. my own lol and everyone’s experience with abusers is unique. So some of what I say might not work for you, some will.

I can’t use words like narcissism on tumblr when talking about abusers, although about 6 of my abusers actually had NPD, ASPD, other stuff and Conduct Disorder (some were flying monkeys who abused me) and these disorders certainly impacted how they behaved with me (using fire to harm people, abusing animals, bullying, physical cruelty, sexually abusive both coercively and violently, excessive lying issues and manipulation, deceitfulness, justifying harming others, vandalism of property, conning, severe possessiveness and jealousy issues, lacking in remorse and care).

It’s common for psychological abusers to have “gangs” of others just like them/same personality and behaviors. Which is why you often see them together in numbers behind the scenes.

It’s best to use the word abuser or psychological abuser instead at least that’s what I do on my tumblr account as not to cause uproar. But you can still be honest about how their symptoms impacted you, as I still talk about it too.^

Idk if this person you’re referring to is someone abusive, someone you wish to keep in your life, or someone you’re just trying to help?

You can’t help abusers nor should you try, I’ve been there with all of my abusers and it’s a bad cycle to stay in. Don’t try to get them help if they’re abusive, just leave when you can. Grey Rock everyday. Please never try to stay and help an abuser.

——————————————

If they’re a loved one who isn’t an abuser (rarely have people asked me it this way ahhh):

Then it’s best to just bring up the disorder casually instead of accusatory.

Like say you’re interested in psychology and want to share what you’ve learned and you can go over the symptoms like, “such an interesting disorder I have been learning about!” And then go over the symptoms more so in depth with examples of how the symptoms can manifest and see if they start thinking about it as “huh I do that?” That way you don’t make it sound accusatory, but instead you are just casually talking about a subject!

That’s all I can come up with unless you have specific questions or specific needs? I’m not the best with advice but we’ll see hah

[beetlebuggy01]

Todays “serious talk” with my mom ended with me being happy about being Autistic and I feel like I should share it with tumblr.

Like I said Today’s “talk of the day” with my mom was about autism because it was on the news and at the end I brought up how I love how I’m autistic, bc it makes me me. Like if I were to go into some magically scenario where I could see ANYTHING and I asked to see me but without autism I feel it’d be a different person entirely! Like if I was me just magically without my chronic illness it’d still be ME. but me without autism I just can’t see it being the same person? Like when it comes to earlier this morning my mom got a letter, and I was TRANSFIXED by the envelope bc the stamp has a shark on it. And when my mom asked what I was doing I I told her excitedly “Mom look! You got a letter and the person who sent you it put a shark letter sticker on it!” And immediately going into the different breeds of hammerhead without prompting. Which I gave the letter to my mom and said I wish I could keep the cool shark stamp! afterwords my mom tore the corner of the envelope with the stamp off and gave it to me. And then me getting excited at the idea of putting the stamp on my water bottle! In which my mom helped me gently peel the stamp off the paper and stick it to my bottle, and even helped me cut a perfect peice of tape to keep it on so it wouldn’t fall off and after getting said shark stamp to stick onto my water bottle I literally got so happy I DANCED AND SANG. That interaction is so inherently me and I can’t imagine having done that if I didn’t have autism. or other stuff like going to museums or aquariums and telling my mom a million fun facts I know about the exhibits! Or getting so happy I cry bc I found a pretty pebble and I can identify the material it is! If I were to imagine myself without autism I honestly can’t see myself doing those things, and those things make me fundamentally me yknow? Like the version of me without autism realistically would probably still be me, but to visualize it in my brain feels like I’d be a greyscale “WRONG” version of myself? Like some kind of dissociative experience or version of Uncanny Valley where I’m looking at my face but it isn’t ME. All my character all the parts that make me, me. Just gone? I just love being autistic honestly, and to be a little narcissistic? it makes me such a wonderful individual and fun and cool and awesome! I have fun facts and knowledge about such fun silly things! And I know so much and thrive on learning more! and without it without autism like I said I can’t imagine being the same person without it! Like getting happy over stamps that have sharks on them and in the end when I get it on my bottle I DANCE and SING from joy! Or being excited to listen to HOURS LONG video essays on topics I like, crying out of joy because I see a cute cat or I find a pretty rock or feather, it’s so inherently me, but also the fact that autism isn’t quantified by like “this is something because of autism this is ‘the real u’” (there is no such thing/way to do such. every part of me is because of autism and also the real me.) So therefore all the things i love that make me, me, are BECAUSE of the autism, and I love the person i am so therefore i love being autistic yknow?? This is really just a psudeo post on how i love being autistic, and how awesome and unique it makes me. I love being autistic <3

Which, I’m going over the ‘good’ parts of autism, I’m not going over the developmental disability part of the developmental disability, the sensory issues, the disconnect between how different neurotypical people think are taught and how I have to be taught and how I think. The things I just DONT and sometimes CANT and never will “get” about the world etc. I’m skipping over all of the genuinely “negative” parts of autism, which I just don’t believe you can label it as bad or good parts? it’s all just autism it isn’t some morality thing where parts of it are morally inherently good and some morally inherently bad. It’s just autism it’s “a force of nature” there is no moral badness to the wolf for killing the deer there is no moral badness to the different traits of autism, it’s just the way it is and you and the people around you (and the world) just have to learn how to live in a world where people are autistic/neurodiverse/disabled and accommodate it, not try to change or “fix” or right it bc it’s wrong yknow? Because it ISNT wrong. There is no good autism or bad autism traits it’s all just autism, at best morally neutral But that’s besides the point. I technically skip over those parts of it before, which the “negatives” are just as much a part of being autistic as the “positives” but I’m still happy to be autistic, because it’s still me, “negative” and “positive” traits alike! And I love me! I love being me I love the way I think and speak and work things out and everything about me! And I love me. Even still with all the parts of autism I love being autistic because autism is every part of me as I am me and I’m PERFECT the way I am. And yes I skip out the “bad” but still. I love being autistic because being autistic means I’m being me <3

Again like I said this is just really a “autism/neurodiverse positivity post/thought” yknow? It’s not really in-depth thought out or some essay I’ve proof read, it’s just me putting how much I’m me and how I love being me on the metaphorical page. And i guess it’s about Being happy with yourself and loving yourself with the “good” and the “bad” parts bc it makes you you and your beautifully you in every way you are <3

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

11, 31, and 53 for the ask game? -S

11. are you listening to music right now?

i am !! I’m listening to the american bison, specifically possum just started playing :)

31. 3 random facts

my morning alarm is currently GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE by the narcissist cookbook. its very enjoyable <3

im supposed to be getting ready for work right now

i really like having my friends art as my lockscreen/homescreen etc bc it reminds me of them every time i look at it <3

53. 5 things that make me happy

My cat (Gwenie)

My bearded dragon (Thorne)

Poetry/Writing & Reading

Dancing

Cooking

Ask Game

[torturedblue]

I’m actually really curious to hear what other opinions people have on this… I know a large fraction of the fandom believe Leo has an inferiority complex and/or possible self-hatred issues so much that it’s basically become fanon. But it’s also based off of so much shown throughout the series.

It’s mainly hard to tell because nothing is really conclusively shown or made canon in the moments that point to Leo having deep-seated insecurity issues. We see him craving validation and approval from his father and really anyone and everyone throughout the show. His brothers, Señor Hueso, The Dunk, etc. He shouts that he’s nothing without his brothers when faced with the possibility that he might never find them again.

Leo parades around a lot, showboating and gloating when he undeniably excels at things like basketball games with his brothers and The Lair Games, and looking at his character as a whole it’s easy to take it at face value and see him as a guy that just likes to rub in his wins for fun and doesn’t take life too seriously. I get why it feels fair to think going deeper into the meaning behind his actions seems unnecessary and like a stretch, but when his words and actions start to contradict, that’s when I think analysis becomes necessary.

As a writer, I question why anyone would make a character who has a prominent personality trait of loud confidence and endless bragging, who simultaneously shows so much need for validation and approval from the same people he’s showing off for. Why make him seem so self-assured and cocky 90 percent of the time and then make him confess he’s nothing without the presence of others in the heat of an emotionally stressful moment?

To me, I think the biggest thing to address is this question: what kind of person needs to show/prove to others that they’re amazing and the best and great at what they do? And not in a playful ironic way or to annoy their siblings or friends because it’s funny, but someone who genuinely needs to have some kind of positive attention on them and to remind people he’s skilled and talented. The only two answers I can really think of are: someone with deep underlying insecurity issues, or a narcissist.

And we know Leo isn’t a clinical narcissist or someone with NPD. Far from it actually. Having lived with a textbook narcissist for a chunk of my life, I can see how the constant bragging and talking about oneself can come off as completely genuine but not to be taken seriously. But a narcissist truly believes everything in the world relates back to them and they only truly love themself. Leo’s self-centric loudness is not born from actually being that selfish or big-headed. (And this is excluding the branch of narcissism that’s such an outlier to the others like grandiose or malignant, that really is mostly made up of purely insecurity and a sense of inferiority bc it doesn’t harm others in nearly the same way as the other types do)

It’s not shown in so many words, but there’s a sense of inferiority there that he doesn’t show to anyone else. In Minotaur Maze after failing to get through Hueso’s wall and the others pull him out, he has this moment where he comically makes a fist at the wall he got stuck in, then walks off looking pretty dejected for a situation that’s so inconsequential. He then proceeds to jump at a challenge meant for proving people as champions and spends the rest of the episode chasing after that title. In Portal Jacked! he literally says “I’m nothing without them” which points to self-depreciating issues and tying his self-worth to others. What kind of character is that who screams to the world he’s the best yet constantly asks confirmation from everyone and confesses the opposite? As a person who grapples with my own inferiority and self-loathing issues I know you can both acknowledge and recognize your owns skills as fact yet at the same time think it all amounts to nothing… It’s a weird phenomenon but it’s totally a thing.

This is the first take I’ve seen going directly against this fanon idea and what’s hinted at in the show so I’m genuinely curious to see varying ideas as to how deep it’s fair to go into his psychology and what the show is trying to tell us through the way he’s written, etc

Just a reminder? that Leo doesn’t actually think he is worthless and useless.

Yes, he has his moments of self-doubt, and he struggled to find his place in the team, but he is perfectly aware that he is Good. That he is skillful and athletic and smart. In fact he thinks he is awesome even when he is not, like his humour.

He just sparks joy all around. I know people like the ‘hides the Pain under the smile’ type, but Leo has a normal amount of issues. Like Raph, Donnie and Mikey.

[t4tdanvis]

Not really related but I knew a mf who gave Katelyn npd and wrote her as so abusive towards travis it was almost comical and then this bitch turned around and told me it was offensive to make katelyn a trans woman because she’s “masculine”.

Like I’m making her trans because I make everyone trans, you’re giving her npd because you want her to be “evil”. I don’t think these are equally offensive.

HELLO??? thats literally so insane what the hell... i cant even process npd seriously being treated as Evil Abuser Disorder atp. like wow when u look at a narcissist u can see they have no heart based off of their Dead Eyes.... they try to consume ur soul through their Evil Aura...... their eyes turn red and Evil........ they r evil mean devil worshippers possessed by satan.......... so scary 😰😰😰😰

i make the majority of characters trans and like. ik theres definitely some ppl who think im Terrible and Stereotyping bc i made dante trans or whatever. but like idc. hes trans he told me himself 😁 transphobic of them to say he cant be trans tbh... :/

every character can be trans. like yeah if ur hc comes off as stereotyping ppl can just ask "hey why do u hc them as trans" or just. look at how u portray them. like its so easy to just go "why do u hc them as trans" "bc i make every character trans/i relate to them/its an important part of their backstory/etc" instead of writing up a 10 page callout post on how this person hcs vylad as trans which makes them transphobic homophobic and ableist

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.

[teacup-tai]

Tai Recs: Crazy Looong Fics

My best friends used to have a running joke about my fanfic reading habits, saying that "Tai wouldn't touch anything shorter than 50k". Let's say they were not far from wrong. xD #facepalm

I am a sucker for really long stories. How writers provide us with a crazy amount of world building and character's development/study, and all kinds of mix of Slow Burn, Scorching UST, Brilliant Case fics, Political Plots, Adventure, Action, Beautiful Slice of Life & etc!

I devote my whole heart, gratitude and appreciation to all the Monster Writers, for such incredible long rides, for your time, hard work and for sharing this huge gifts with us!

Welcome to the: Crazy Long Fics 'Rec List! (>300k)

Drarry Favourites

TURN by Saras_girl (E, 306k)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

A classic. No one in the Drarry fandom can go without having read, or attempted to read, Turn. The kind of fic that make you question your life and decisions. The kind of fic that don't let you go untouched.

Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 (T, 302k)

Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness.

ToF is another huge Drarry classic. It goes without saying that it will grab you and not let you leave without finishing. The angst is brilliant, the canon rewrite magnificent. A must read.

Foundations !verse (Series) by Saras_girl (E, 364k)

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

This series is composed by 2 main fics (Reparations (87k) and Foundations (236k)) and 11 adjacent oneshots. Healer Harry wasn't something that I knew I needed until I read this. I learned so much with this universe; about being human, about learning from one's patients, about working with people. Reparations is my fave Saras_girl fic.

The Secret Language of Plants (Series) by @llendrinall (373k)

“Just… tell me. Tell me what is going on, Snape.”

What was going on was that Severus Snape had no trouble tracking down one Petunia Evans, now Dursley, to a little town in Surrey where he saw how exactly she was treating her nephew. Which somehow led to last night and Severus knocking on Lupin’s door with a toddler half-asleep in his arms.

This amazing series is composed by 4 parts, and it starts with Snape and Remus stealing and raising Harry, while falling in love with each other. It's bloody amazing how Endrina retells the story with such a nice canon rewrite, and gives us Drarry with such a nice twist <3

Tales From the Special Branch (Series) by @femmequixotic (E, 1.214k)

When Gawain Robards asks him to form Special Branch seven-four-alpha, Harry Potter knows they'll have to work outside the confines of the law--even though they are the law.

This is one of the most intertwined and interesting Drarry plots I've ever read. The amount of world-building in this 5 amazing fics is insane, the backstories to all the characters are impressive, how everything connects in such perfect way is amazing, how the plot thickens is breathtaking and the sex- lol hotter than firewhiskey. A mix of Action-politics-scorching hot smut-Slytherins being aurors-Harry Potter being a hot mess. (warning: WIP. ;_;)

Next in my to-read list:

Hush of War by @lol-zeitgeistic (E, 453k)

Conscience by sordidhumor (E, 1,450k)

Blood Magic by houseofhebrideanblacks & Thestralsofspinnersend (E, 335k)

My Favourites Outside HP fandom

I'm adding 2 non-HP series, bc I honestly think it is such a loss that there are folks in the world who never read it, so here, have at it:

Death Note (L/Light)

Those Who Stand For Nothing Falls For Anything - The Hinterland Doctrine Series by @halfpromise (E, 676k). 4 fics, WIP.

Light is a politician. What could go wrong?

Look at me: this is THE BEST POLITICS AU FIC I'VE EVER READ IN MY WHOLE LIFE. This is crazy long, crazy intense, it has a very very dark sense of humour, a very narcissistic and unreliable first narrator (Light) and it is such a toxic relationship. It's a utter delight to appreciate how Laura put it so well together, this is a literary recommendation for those with a strong stomach. Check the tags. (I've read it twice)

Naruto (Neji/Shikamaru | multiship)

Break to Breathe (Series) by @okamirayne (E, 1.240k). ffnet | AO3

Neji has always been in control. There's just one problem. It's killing him - and only Shikamaru can tell. But sometimes being pulled back from the edge is just as dangerous as being pushed there.

If you like Naruto and deep psychological plots, you should read this masterpiece. BtB is one of the biggest loves of my life. It should be published in a big editing house! xD Ninjas gone deep and real and raw and in love! This is a monsterfuck rollercoaster wrapped up in 4 books (1.240k). Rayne does a really good job in delving her fingers in the characters and making them hers but never making them OOC. Now my favourite Monster Writer is back and giving us a bit more of deep angsty-post-war-vibes <3

[juni-ravenhall]

i’ve been trying to figure out what to do, bc the more im away from ssoblr the  more it became obvious that i feel intensely fucking shit when i go on here and feel better when im not on here 

- due to the ppl who decided to make shit up about me behind my back and then double down on it and say “look!! he IS mean [for being hurt and upset - as a longterm victim of abuse and bullying, which everyone knows about]” when i try to talk about that. 

i just dont know what to do. i liked it here, and i did my best (as someone with severe social anxiety and with ptsd from abuse! i’m not perfect, but i did my best!) to talk to ppl directly, even the ones who have been rude or nonsensical or mean or whatever other form of disrespectful to other ppl. (that includes anons i received and normal convos.) 

but everytime i go on here now im just reminded about how ppl i thought i could trust would turn on me and make shit up about me instead of actually talk to me, and when i tried to talk to them directly, it would be shut down or discouraged. while the behind-my-back stuff clearly was never actually acknowledged or resolved.  

at this point i just feel so lost. i dont know what to do. when i try to resolve it instead i get told even worse things and got hurt *more* instead of getting a resolution. and i get told “you talk too much” and shit like this, so what? talking isn’t bad. treating others unfairly is bad. i wish i had a penny for everytime someone told me i talk too much! imagine, humans are different! talking isn’t harmful and when i was told to “stop replying to me if you don’t agree”, i did, aka i stopped talking, as much as i feel it’s an odd way to handle things. 

even my gf got grouped in with me as if she had done something wrong. what exactly these things we both did that are wrong, seems really unclear. i know that ppl got upset about specific things but i don’t really see how the things are wrong, and if nobody is ready to explain that, what can i do? what am i supposed to do? when *i* see someone post unfair or mean things, i replied to them and said “hey, this isn’t fair” etc... but the same group of people told me to stop doing that. (either by direct words, or by blocking me, or whatever.)

what do you want me to do then? to not reply when someone is mean, but also to think it’s okay for people to talk about me in private chats, and therefore to not get a chance myself to explain or defend myself since you refuse to talk to me directly about it? i hate all of this. it’s school style bullying at the point that you talk about others negatively in private and don’t have anyone there to offer a different perspective or defend them.

i didnt talk about any of these ppl behind anyone’s back: part of what made some ppl mad is the public posts i made (during panic attacks from severe mental illness and stressful poor life situations!) containing ~narcissistic judgmental mean content~ such as “i can’t handle ppl being irrational and mean”, or “people should stop being irrational and mean”, or “people should get help (just like i do) if they’re unhealthy and immature”. 

bc you know, it’s not like ppl were irrational and mean to me or others, i just made that up. and it’s definitely only about x persons on ssoblr who likes to think all vagues are about them and not the entire humanity (aka: ive been open about how many ppl have mistreated, abused or bullied me, actually, and every fucking time i go in a fandom i meet ppl who latch on to me as an easy target bc im Different. one person being immature or unhealthy isn’t unique; i meet them everywhere; if they treat others with disrespect or unfairly they are causing harm, no matter how common they are, and therefore it’d be great if they tried to fix that by studying psychology and getting mental healthcare. because it’s not okay to hurt others or be mean and you should stop. whoops, am i being a mean narcissist again?) 

i really wish all the trying-to-talk-it-out happened publically because i needed backup. they can keep doing what they do and everyone else thinks they didn’t hurt anyone because i handled this in private out of respect (i don’t believe in cancelling and blocking and all this shit). if nobody knows what happened then they’re also free to keep manipulating the perspective and act as if i really did do something wrong (i’ve asked what i did wrong and i get no answer. contrary to Things People Make Up About Me, i actually do want to know if i did something wrong, and try to make it right - and no, you’re not unique if you Made Things Up About Me, so that’s not just about one person, yet again). 

it’s not comparable to say “you’re talking too much” vs “you hurt me”. it’s not comparable to say “you wrote public posts where you said being mean and irrational is bad” vs “talking behind someone’s back in a private space where they or their friends can’t defend them”. the things aren’t the same. you can’t just act like all emotional reactions are equal when they’re not. 

i really dont know what to do. i dont feel safe or comfortable on here, i feel like shit that they hurt me like this and are still hellbent on that somehow it was my own fault and also it never happened anyway. 

(btw, i was literally told “we talk about you sooo much” and then told “no, we never talk about you”... “he thinks ppl talk about him”... as if i was being delusional or grasping in thin air, for putting together two and two when i know for a fact i had been talked about *and* i don’t see any other explanation than talking-behind-my-back for how some of the rude/mean things even reached me the way they did. anons that mysteriously sound exactly like the people who were being rude/mean and part of the same group? ppl replying to me just to be rude who supposedly don’t even follow me - i’d guess my posts were being linked somewhere? i mean, it’s not a far reach when you know it’s all one same group of people that do talk to each other in private where nobody can speak for me. i’m open to other explanations, but i haven’t been given any.)

also, to be clear because ppl love to make shit up about me:

i dont talk about any of this to insult or shame or whatever. i already talked directly to ppl from the very beginning and talked publically about my opinions and thoughts and this is what made them upset. 

i talk about this because im fucking lost and ssoblr is my only “big” fandom community. i’m really sad to think about leaving, like really really sad. i just don’t know what else to do when the people who hurt me are still here and still acting as if i did something wrong, but not ready to talk to me about it respectfully.

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[yaomomvs]

when fangirls say sike

they are not the only pretty ones in your relationship

OIKAWA TOORU

don’t get me wrong, you knew from the very beginning that dating tōru oikawa meant dealing with his fangirls

more than dealing it’s just that you know they are going to be constantly there

yeah sometimes a tiny part of them are kinda jealous lol obv u got the prettiest boy of them all

but don’t misunderstand, most of them were really sweet to you

they like the fact that oikawa now has someone as cool and kind as you

still oikawa doesn’t know that bc of you being his s/o well...

“tooru! come one that was a jaque mate don’t be a sore loser!”

iwa chuckles while makki hands over money to mattsun.

“what? you are the greatest captain but chess was never your strongest point”

oikawa face now look offended and he puts making you giggle. you give him a soft peck on the cheek and suddenly oikawa’s mood takes a one hundred eighty degrees turn.

“ugh! disgusting y/n-chan” mattsun throws you napkin ball and you laugh out loud now.

“you are just jealous go get yourself someone, oh wait, you can’t” your boyfriend teases.

“don’t go being narcissistic, y/n really needs glasses, shittykawa” his best friend says.

“iwaizumi!” you claim “we have to make him believe that i don’t!”

“baby you are way meaner that these three together!”

“in my defense you did ask me to wait with you four while practice starts”

you left out another exaggerated laughter and high five iwaizumi.

then you hear a soft, almost inaudible sweet voice. makki is the first one to spot the tiny blonde haired girl that stands behind seijoh’s setter. her cheeks are blushing and she keeps staring to the ground way to embarrassed to even look up.

“oi-oikawa senpai i-“

you sigh and give a soft smile to your boyfriend before he turns around. oikawa really did not like when his fans confessed in front of you, he knows you’d never doubt that he loves you and only you, but still it was pretty awkward to him rejecting girls in front of you.

you on the other hand as long as they were respectful really were happy that oikawa’s fangirls treated him right. you sometimes felt insecure because they gave your boyfriend more than you could handle sometimes, like gifts, etc. but still you trust oikawa and that’s all that really matters.

the girl was really nervous and it made her look kinda cute, she was holding a package of... gummies, and a folded pink sheet which you assumed was another letter.

“hello! oh i guess those are for me, how lovely!” the brown haired boy starts cheerfully as every time, he tries to be kind with the girls. however the girl face was reflecting... confussion. then he continues “i’m so flattered! i really am but i don’t know if because you are a first year you don’t know that i-“

“i-, oikawa senpai i need you to move” she interrupts your boyfriend clueless “i’m trying to to talk y/n senpai”

your eyes widen at how suddenly the girl approaches you once again dying from nervousness.

“y/n senpai y-you are gorgeous and i- i just want to please go out on a date with me! my heart is hopelessly devoted to you!” she bows and extends her arms to you asking you to receive her gift which was gummies you recognized and the letter “i’ve heard these are your favorite!”

hesitantly you left out a soft giggle and thank her, you felt your cheeks burn, the thing is that there was this cute girl confessing her endless love to you in front of your boyfriend was just embarrassing and hilarious at the same time.

oikawa is still in his place frozen while disastrous laughs are heard from his friends, iwaizumi claps trying to breathe.

“i- i’m very thankful for this, sweetheart” you say noticing how the girl is about to pass out because of the nickname “but well i have a boyfriend! i’m dating the idiot behind you, i’m sorry but i hope we can be friends!”

at first this girl looked kinda heartbroken but when you took her and and watching you being so genuine cheered her up a bit and she immediately nodded.

“i really appreciate that” flustered, she turned around trying to evade iwaizumi, makki and mattsun admiring stares at her.

but when she passed through oikawa, her expression completely changed to a deep scary looking type, if stares could kill, the setter would be already buried a thousand meters underground

“watch your back pretty boy” she shamelessly said and you and makki once again bursted into laughs.

oikawa glances at you panicking from the boldness of this little girl tryin to steal his s/o.

“you know they’re my- Y/N-CHAN ARE YOU EATING THOSE DEVIL’S GUMMIES??”

“sorry darling!”

MIYA ATSUMU

godddd yk how badly he wants his fangirls to just leave him alone

having tsumu as your boyfriend is pretty much dealing with this fact

but you loooveeed the girls no matter what, i mean once again they are just not mean to you, super sweet and you adored how they got atsumu out of their mind

in fact sometimes when they watched during practice time you made sure you told them embarrassing thing about him

still tsumu having fangirls just meant that he had a reason to keep believing he is just great

however...

“nice kill, tsumu!” you congratulate from the side bench.

it was now a habit you just staying over practice since you had nothing else to do, and besides it was good excuse to see you boyfriend for a little longer. and the coach didn’t mind as long as you didn’t interrupt so it was a win win.

“only for you baby!” he points you just to create a heart shape with his hands.

“that was your first landed spike, asshole” suna bickered and you laugh. atsumu’s face is solely red from embarrassment and proceeds to yell at his teammate.

the coach whistle blew and if you were not wrong, the team was now going to practice serves and receives. therefore, you tried to move in a place where you couldn’t get reached.

“you got this atsumu!” a femenine voice says over at the higher stands in the gym looking how your boyfriend was about to hit the first serve. you recognized the girl since she was always with other two friends always cheering for the twins sometimes she more than her other friends. the other few people looked at them surprised for the brunette girls confidence in screaming that.

osamu is the first one to wave at them, unbothered while the yellow haired twin was in a good mood to look at them and followed his brother action.

“weren’t they here yesterday too?” kita asks politely and you nod.

“it’s sweet that they support them anyways” you assure.

while doing this the girls spotted you and you happily raised a hand.

“they just be blind if they come to see you guys, puag” the inarizaki libero says and a laugh follows up from aran’s mouth.

“they come to see me, jerk, osamu is the less hot twin anyways” the setter boasts himself.

and even tho osamu never wanted the fangirls attention as his brother however he abruptly wanted to mess with his twin.

“yeah sure piss hair”

everyone laughs at osamu’s statement and you just roll your eyes.

“who are you calling piss hair?!?”

“there’s a thing called toner bitch!” suna pushes.

you take a quick look around to se the other spectators’ reaction to one of the twins fights, you get distracted on how the brunette girl is confused and her other girl friends seem... unbothered?

and when your boyfriend is about to go all on osamu trying to punch him you catch suna taking a volleyball and suddenly throws it straight to atsumu.

everything happened so quickly that when the ball hit atsumu, you didn’t have time to react after the ball was deflected towards you hitting you right up in the face.

the girls in the stands squeak panicking.

“love!” you barely manage to stop you bleeding nose and dizziness and focus on your boyfriend’s voice.

“hey don’t-“ aran tries to stop the girls from the stands

“atsumu-“ a cute ginger girl calls out.

aran as well as the rest of the team thought the girls approaching from the stands were just searching the perfect opportunity to intercept the twins. and before kita imposes the girls to leave, he stops.

“not now you jerks, don’t you see-“ the blonde setter starts while kneeling in front of you but then, he feels a pair of hands pushing him to the side.

“atsumu get out of the way can’t you see y/n-senpai is hurt!” the red haired girl says annoyed by his presence.

“y/n-senpai are you okay?” the brunette one who was cheering for your boyfriend asks hyper worried as the other blonde girl hands her a tissue to help clean up your bloody nose.

inarizaki team is shocked and the suna lefts out a sour giggle noticing how tsumu looks at you being all touchy touchy with who we’re supposed to be his fangirls.

“uh these guys are just brutes!” the ginger growls.

“uh girls i’m okay sometimes it happens don’t worry i-“ you try to defend them however somehow they look way more annoyed than before.

your cheeks turn red seeing how well the fans were treating you, after all they were so close and you wondered what this meant. and realized why they were somehow unbothered minutes before because apparently you boyfriend was not the only one they cared for.

you spot aran teasing tsumu and a very confused but satisfied osamu.

“can you please stop they have a boyfriend here!”

“we have to go to the infirmary y/n-san!” the blonde one helps you stand carefully, and completely ignoring atsumu.

“yeah you are only exposed to dangers with this idiotic boys”

before you could say anything they dragged you out of the gym.

“GIVE ME BACK MY BABY!”

[derelicthorror]

okay welcome to the worst post of all time ! ballas edition

this is the one where i’m mostly leaning towards devils' advocate, because this kind of prompt has a hold on the essay-loving side of me and when i tell you it's got claws i Mean it. i have the post clowning on the more. uh clunky and jerky side of the storytelling for this guy and his entire master plot drafted and in the works but this one got Too Long on its own

also, this post is intended as a jumping-off platform for further takes! think of this as me saying “is the earth flat? discuss” but abt whatever the Heck was going on with ballas. varying perspectives etc., and there are some points that i didn’t consider, so with that said i’m all for some further add-ons! this thing is also Not itemized at all it’s potpourri it’s also like 1k words [general content warning here for verbal and emotional abuse/unhealthy relationships, and likely incomplete analysis thereof; also lots of spoilers from the second dream to the new war]

so, ballas. executor of the seven, one of the last surviving orokin, all-around dubious person - but it seems like from the second dream to the sacrifice to the new war, he looked at the slippery slope from “the wet-socks feeling distilled into a man” to “outright abusive in a pretty unfunny way” and he really did grab the sled there now, im not going to b out here dropping phrases off the bat like "rampant narcissistic manipulation" n stuff bc its. a very particular type of language u are employing when you start pulling out the AP psych terms and slinging them around without justifying or dissecting them and also, while DE was very deliberate in the way they wrote him, he is still a video game man. i do, however, find the way he's written to gradually show his worse traits to be really fascinating. like, from the start you know that this guy is kind of bad news and doesn't really care much about how his actions affect others mostly seeing them by the light of his own ego. re: his treatment of margulis, there's always been this almost? dismissive? tone he takes when it comes to the things she has resolved to do on her own? mostly i'm thinking abt some of the lines you hear whispered in the second dream

"Hush, my wilted love. ... tomorrow, you must renounce before the Seven."

i can almost describe the tone here as condescending? like he takes it for granted that his way is correct and that her resolve is this childish thing that he is brushing aside as silly. and then later, after he personally delivers the death sentence, he still seems to believe it's her own fault (!).

"Seven hands raised. For your apostasy, the judgment is death. Margulis… why?"

and my guy knew why; she was very clear in why she chose death. she loved her children too dearly and held her convictions too fiercely, refusing to bow to the court, but instead of acknowledgement, all you get from ballas’s end is this sting of betrayal beautifully delivered by max howarth (in two words no less!! i love this guy's acting). he conveys so well that ballas's disbelief is because she hurt him with her choice, and that's what stood out to him more than anything else. all the way through his story's end, it's like this perceived failing on her part never stops rankling at him and he never stops blaming everyone for it even long after the fact

ballas has a couple traits that start shining through clearer and clearer every time he makes his appearance. there’s his need for control, there’s his vindictiveness, and there is his ego.

he was in one of the, if not the, highest echelons of orokin society. he was one of the executors; he oversaw the creation of the warframes. his influence was such that he could easily silence a dax soldier without raising undue suspicion. ballas comes from a place of power, and even just factoring in the orokin sense of self-aggrandization and superiority, as well as ballas’s own personal character flaws, that makes for a potent mix of prideful and obsessive with the teeth to back it.

but how does his betrayal of the orokin factor in?? how does he handle the hypocrisy that comes from turning his back on his people, because he hurts really badly when the same thing is done to him?? and he doesn’t. he’s already justified himself in his own head (there’s the ego! there’s a refusal to accept blame!). the rest of the orokin made him do this. it’s only right that he turn on them, because they made him pass judgment on margulis, and margulis made him speak the judgment that the orokin forced on him, and he is the blameless one so why shouldn’t they get what they deserve? this mans does olympic level gymnastics jumping through this many mental hoops

so when a particular dax catches wind of his deceit and ballas finds out, his response is nowhere close to shifty or guilt-ridden or anything that would imply he feels Bad about turning on the orokin. he’s angry, and he’s smug, and it’s the first time we see fully just how ugly this man is. rotted through and through

"I've had lifetimes to plan my defection. You spied on me, intercepted my communications, but I saw your move long before you took it. And so... we come to the consequences."

consequences. like justifiable comeuppance? this isn’t the talk of a man who believes he’s wrong and it’s awful bc he’s like that!! the whole time!! he didn’t have to do any of it to umbra; he could have just killed him on the spot. but he drags it out instead, and he doesn’t let it stop at umbra himself, or even just at isaah. ballas makes it clear that in retaliation, he’s going to wipe out everyone umbra cares about.

"This one, a brother. These three, his children. And on and on, all of these gone to the Jade Light."

altogether so far there’s this unwavering belief that he can do no wrong, that nothing in the world is ballas’s fault, and underneath it there’s this malice that just undercuts the whole thiiiing this man is so ugly im. theres no other word for him hes just Ugly great job DE

the thing abt ballas when it comes to margulis the archimedian is that, from his perspective, he seems to have? , really loved her? now, full stop, the problem is that his idea of love is warped beyond all reason. it isn’t the right kind, and it isn’t the healthy kind, and to say that he could do with a reality check or five is an understatement. ballas’s perspective on margulis can be boiled down to I love her, and she is mine to be loved by me, and I know what is best for her. you don’t see him valuing her decisions or taking into account the things that she wants.

re: the flaws of ballas’s relationship to margulis, lundy bancroft puts it pretty succinctly: “Genuine love means respecting the humanity of the other person… This kind of love is incompatible with abuse and coercion.” and he failed on all counts, -11/10

margulis as a character has direction. she has wants. she wants to protect her children. she wants to solve the problem of transference. she wants to salvage the survivors of this wreckage before the orokin destroy them all. she is a brilliant scientific mind and a keen force for compassion and by all accounts, on encountering the zariman problem, she makes the children the focal point of her life, even at the cost of her health.

what ballas sees is margulis turning her back on him to make way for the little void demons. and it’s subtle, the why behind his dislike of the tenno. he’s been calling them devils from that hell the entire time, distrustful of them and reluctant to make use of them.

then the new war happens and it’s. so loud and in your face it’s jealousy this man is jealous of a child because he felt it divided margulis’s affection for him and that possessiveness is integral to what makes him such a shriveled up little pest okay.

and the way he just takes his anger at margulis and places it onto the lotus too? the compartmentalizing is almost impressive. the dissonance. i can’t wrap my head around how this character must think, like??? margulis left me for the demon children. margulis rejected me and chose death instead. she is wicked and spiteful and she is the perfect lover and i miss her every day. the lotus is the new and better margulis. she refuses to be the better margulis??? she is wicked and spiteful unlike my perfect lover margulis like ????? the circles??? the loops??? i dont???

thinking abt why he was like that to the lotus at the end as well, in a lot of ways, ballas finally snapping when he feels an imminent loss of control is like? yeah i can see it. his plan of complete dominion did not succeed completely, and where it did he’s immensely unsatisfied with the shallow compliance of the veiled. but where it didn’t succeed, that’s his focal point, and once he’s getting into his head that he doesn’t have what he wants and it’s all because of this scrawny devil child and the Lotus, who rejected his affection - what else is there to do besides rage?

on that note i still cringe thinking about every single thing he says to her it was textbook. the name-calling. the derision. the refusal to accept blame. i was hiding behind my blanket the whole time

re: the whole eat the sun to power a bus ride to tau thing, ballas did??? speak of tau pretty highly i suppose??? speaking of how the sentients were to bear them “a new, promised land.” maybe?? hes like well who else deserves to see the cool new system than ME and ONLY me. if i can’t have my lover and if i can’t have total control of Everything, Ever then i guess it’s time to Jump Ship and start My Own Club of One. Me.

sigh. the sun-eating thing was. i mean at least there’s a flair for the dramatic that never really goes away

there was a lot of yelling and a lot of doomsday grandstanding and at the end of the day im just glad to be rid of sandal-socks steven

[traumatizeddfox]

Little story, and related to a couple anons….

To that anon that talked about play fighting with your abuser… my cocsa abuser I used to play fight back hard because the rage would build up and I’d get vengeful and do something for the SA i was put through… like one time when we were 11 I learned some martial arts skills from a family memeber of mine, and I put her that arm lock where you break the persons arm, and I broke her arm outta anger😂 then I threw her favorite toy in the trash bin outside and she never found it.

I listened to this guys story when hanging out with a group of friends recently where he said he was bullied in elementary school by this one boy a lot so at recess he got his best friend to beat the bully up for him so he wouldn’t get in trouble, then made it clear to his bully the next few days in class that he was in on the beating, and if he ever touches him or bothers him again, he’d do it himself.

Except when I got vengeful as a little kid, I acted out in the moment which got me in trouble and my rapist accused me of bullying which I know another anon said that on here which is SO RELATABLEEEE.

There was one time my rapist would invite me on the top of her bunk bed and I knew that’s when she wanted to naked cuddle and grind on me, so I would beg her brother to hangout with us as much as possible, but he had his own friends, and she’d want to go into her bedroom id make up so many excuses, e.g. your brother wants to play, my tummy hurts i gotta go home, lets play video games there’s this cool AH-MAZING game youd die for!!! etc. I’d exaggerate things just to entice her into normal kid stuff.

But since her family and mine were such bullies hanging out together and always had the same interests putting high expectations on their kids, judging people/making fun of people, acting superior to everyone around them,..,the adults never left each other’s side meaning I had to see her all the time growing up.

Now I have narcissistic personality and borderline personality disorder, ED, AND CPTSD diagnosed when I was 20. Now I’m 24 and I’m still damaged from all the shit she put me through and what both our families put ME through. Fuck her though her trauma doesn’t matter and she knows it. She still blameshifts and makes me look bad because I have a diagnosed NPD/BPD duo goin on and if anyone found out I’d be fucking hated or dead or who god fuckin knows maybe jumped bc ppl hate us. And I hadenough because I was bullied relentlessly and beat up all my time at school growing up!!!!

i am so sorry anon! youre valid!

[apocalypticgargoyle]

What other fandoms have you been a part of?

*shuffles papers with sweaty hands* um

- the outsiders/'80s fandom (this is my first fan account ever and i stripped it and rebuilt it like 4 times because people were stealing my edits and i didn't know how to cope with watermarks :)) (also i published my first fic on wattpad for this when i was 14) yes it basically was self-insert bc im a narcissist

- harry potter (stop looking at me, i never posted those fics)

- teen wolf (sigh)

- the maze runner (don't talk about p. 250)

- 5sos (no, i will not accept questions)

- 💕 hbowar 💕 (i made my first tumblr for this *cries in nostalgia*)

- the Kennedys (my stan account is niche.rfk on insta if you don't believe me)

- horror/true crime (it was a social experiment and i got 2 emails banned from instagram for giving Jeffrey Dahmer acrylic nails and making Dove ads for Richard Ramirez bc he didn't shower its still funny to me im sorry)

- game of thrones (i can and will write an au. this is a threat)

- peaky blinders (I'm still there you just have to squint)

- queen/classic rock (i got 1000 followers on here for posting audio aesthetics and crying over Brian May. take me back)

- 1917/George Mackay/Dean Charles Chapman (yes the fics are posted and the edits where i photoshopped them into paintings of jesus still exist)

- haikyuu/etc (im a weeb)

and now I'm here with you lovely people :)

[simplaertes]

OKAY here it is breakdown/rant over the rh apology.

 bright side is looking up the waste of a tweet led me to see SEVERAL ah members reactions (presumably, they were pretty understandably vague tweeting) and they were so funny fdksal;fa; 

anyways. back to the angry and depressing stuff. (under a read more ofc)

tl;dr: it was incredibly narcissistic and had some pretty clear hallmarks of complete manipulation. but like, i cannot stress enough. the narcisissm

these past few days have been a difficult time

okay, starting off strong, basic, and lame. pretty usual call to sympathy (boo hoo things have been hard for me) 

but also, a little hidden here and VERY manipulative, is that he’s starting off with a relatable statement. “difficult time” yeah they sure fucking have been. anyone else saying that, we would all agree! it’s a textbook way to start off manipulation

without knowing exactly where to start...

ooooh here is where it starts getting interesting: this is what i like to call “anti-ethos” so in argumentative stuff, ethos is basically the plea to respect/authority/competence/etc. but this right here is the OPPOSITE of that... so what does THAT mean?

basically, it’s there as both a cop-out and another, subtler plea for understanding. “please be nice to me” it begs “i don’t know what i’m doing.” it’s a simple, one sentence way to buy yourself some leeway when you know what you’re abt to say isn’t the best. it’s like having to present in class and starting with a “well, i’m not entirely sure this is what was wanted....” it gains allowance from your audience in a sneaky kind of way

i want to say that i know i let a lot of people down, including those that i am closest too

textbook. it’s all so textbook it’s almost boring. the move here is he’s made himself look like he’s taking accountability and apologizing without doing EITHER of those things. also, look at those fantastic i-statements. “i want, i know, i let, i am” it’s just all about him, like always

also, great shoutout to the general language there: who did he let down? who is he closest too? it’s so incredibly vague. ALSO the way he says “let people down” is textbook downplay-- he doesn’t say what he did and phrases it to sound small, like a mistake rather than... what it is.

this is what i regret the most.

i think this was SUPPOSED to be a like, nice short statement that would hit hard. usually you only do short sentences like that when you’re sure they’re going to affect your audience? but like. this doesn’t work AT ALL which is why i’m prettyyyyyy sure there’s some narcisissm or smthn like that at play here

seriously, it just falls INCREDIBLY flat. letting down ppl you know is what you regret the most? not, y’know, DOING it? like jesus CHRIST. notice how he doesn’t apologize or say he regrets the actions once in this entire thing?? he just focuses on how the consequences have affected him. disgusting.

i take full accountability for the way i’ve conducted myself over these past years.

once again, he REFUSES to say what he’s done!! just talking himself around it. and using “conducted” there...... it’s written as though it’s all abt him, like, being a little creepy. it’s not abt how he “conducted” himself it’s abt how he GROOMED AND RAPED PPL!! 

it was unfair to those i have hurt, unfair to my friends in the community, and most importantly -- unfair to my family

“unfair” is once again downplaying it, my friend. but i do think there’s a little bit of an attempt at ethos here..... by throwing in his “friends in the community” where he doesn’t have to, he’s reminding everyone who he is -- that he was, as of a couple days ago, revered. loved. looked up to. 

also, bringing up his family to illicit sympathy for it. he’s STILL pushing this image of a “family man” and it’s DISGUSTING bc after all this, he’s made it very clear he doesn’t really care abt them at all

[stop harassing ppl paragraphs]

i agreed with this on first read and wasn’t going to comment on it but then i realized that’s what this part was meant for. it gives a break in talking abt things most ppl dislike him for, and makes you (the reader) AGREE with him, briefly. therefore, you form a comradery. this is argumentative essay 101: don’t start with the hard stuff, start somewhere everyone agrees and work from there. 

as for providing clarity to my mistakes, i would like to state: i never set out to hurt anyone

calling them mistakes again, you know how i feel about that. also, the “providing clarity” part is so strange. once again he’s framing it like he’s getting ready to write an excuse, like he’s exonerating himself by saying he never “set out” to hurt ppl

i flirted with and had sexual relations with members of the community

notice how he doesn’t address anything other than that. all he owns up to is flirting and sex. he doesn’t address the age gaps, the money, the rape -- nothing. and look at what he calls them: members of the community. that he makes it so general and broad means it’s CERTAIN there’s far more victims than have come forward. 

i am continually saddened to learn that my actions have contributed to anyone’s pain, especially as my interactions, as inappropriate as they were, always came from a place of what i thought was a shared connection

this is just. So Much. in one sentence. first things first: this sounds like a robot wrote it?? or someone who never experienced human emotions?? like seriously. saddened??? saddened was the best word you could come up with for that??? like. try horrified, floored, distraught, but SADDENED?? it just goes to show how UTTERLY disconnected he is 

and then!!! we get to the meat!!!!!! he says “contributed” instead of “caused,” alleviating himself of some responsibility and throwing subtle shadows on the girls who have come forward -- basically “well. they’re all a bit off in the head” in fewer words. also, using “interactions” there is just so fucking strange as well. you weren’t “interacting” with them. he said what he was doing (at least loosely) earlier in the paragraph, so once again he’s DOWNPLAYING IT

THEN there comes the SHARED CONNECTION. HOOOOOBOY. i have a theory on what this shared connection could be.................. love of fucking ryan haywood. bc it’s becoming more and more clear that ryan really, really loves himself. wtf else could he have possibly believed he shared with these victims??? i cannot see it. 

i apologize for all the hurt i’ve caused... i may never redeem myself, but i am taking steps to be a better person

okay sorry most of that paragraph was pointless so i’ve cut it. here, in the final statements, we get down to it.... the real kicker... have you seen it yet? well, i’ll tell you: he didn’t fucking apologize for what he did. TEXTBOOK, TEXTBOOK, TEXTBOOK NON-APOLOGY. HOLY SHIT. he apologizes for the “HURT HE’S CAUSED” like waaaa baby }i’m so sorry you got hurt. not sorry i did it tho lol”

AND THEN: the one, final appeal to sympathy. the pledge to do better. doesn’t matter if it’s true, EVERYONE wants to better themselves in some way, so EVERYONE can relate to this!! everyone wants to do better and be better and he’s playing on those basic human emotions to illicit sympathy. GROSS.

basically, this was one of the most narcissistic, stupid things i’ve had to read in a while and I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS GUY IS STILL ON TWITTER HOLY SHIT. 

at it’s most basic form:

he mentions himself (says i, my, etc): 37 times

mentions mistakes/accountability/unfair: 13 times

mentions his family/friends/community: 11 times

mentions the other victims: 3 times

...see the problem?