#first day back in work today and it was difficult
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Today is normal . but …
tomorrow be First appointment with trauma therapist in whole month .
Wednesday be First time at art studio in 3 weeks .
Wednesday evening First Special Olympics ski race practice in whole long year .
Thursday is first official “ no caregiver on Thursdays “ day since this caregiver started work with Pixie , long time ago . ( Guardian Wizard said will try no have caregiver Thursdays and see how Pixie do before try get an other different caregiver for Thursdays )
Friday is First day back to Specialized Programs in whole month .
Pixie not know how will manage so much change in just one week . Already Pixie intensely overwhelmed and feeling sick . have meltdowns hurt head . just trying get things ready . Checking on all Pixies gear and equipment make sure everything is good . get bags packed . for so many new activity things …
And . Pixie lost list of thing's !! not can find skiing checklist . so . not can do anything without checklist . not until guardian Wizard come back home from work .
Even with lots help . Pixie is still have . very very very difficult time . get more and more overwhelmed .
And .
Pixie waste all morning afternoon on making this post . Instead of actually do anything useful
#changes#overwhelmed#actually disabled#actually autistic#actually nonverbal#autism#severe autism#nonverbal#nonspeaking#meltdown#level 3 autism
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90 Day Baby Daddy - Adam - HH
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Author's Note: Plot lost itself a little but it'll be explained in the next chapters! I have no idea how long this will be so hopefully we'll find out together
CW: Adam cursing in front of babies, mentions of stalking (but not really emphasized)
Enjoy!
Arrem looks worriedly over at her friend typing furiously at her laptop.
“Hey man, I’m just saying…maybe get a student loan? Instead of like selling feet pics to save up for some semesters for college seems a little much, right?”
“I really don’t want to be in even more debt to be honest with you and I am NOT selling feet pics! I was just writing someone’s essay for a couple of bucks” Y/n made a face before picking up her coffee. “At least we can mooch off of some wifi around here”
Arrem nodded and toasted her cup before taking a sip. Her eyes occasionally flitting back and forth to her book and to Y/n.
“Okay what is up, you’ve been staring at me looking like you wanna explode or something” Y/n took another sip of her coffee and placed it down on the coaster.
“I still can’t believe that…” Arrem leaned closer, whispering, “I still can’t believe Adam is the guy that knocked you up…why didn’t you tell us?? We could’ve sued the pants off of the guy for unpaid child support”
Y/n snorted, shaking her head. Arrem was always the practical one, even when her suggestions tend to be a little psychotic and the only one who knows her kid’s actual father.
She looked at her friend, dressed simply with her boots and long sleeves. She’s sometimes jealous that Arrem and the rest of the guys managed to finish their studies with relatively no problem.
Pen and Arrem took the same degree and are studying for their work licenses, working in the diner for the mean time to have some extra cash in the bank.
Fish finished his teaching degree a year before them, gave up teaching after seeing how fucking dumb the students of today are, thus crushing his hope for the younger generation and sunk his savings in a diner that’s surprisingly doing well to support him and his mom.
Which was sweet.
It’s a little difficult to not feel inadequate when you’re stuck someplace you can’t seem to get out of. She did try to finish college, hell she only had a couple of classes left to but being heavily pregnant and having to walk everywhere just to get to class just got too difficult. The judgemental stares didn't help either.
She had to drop out and take care of her baby.
It’s not all bad, she’s grateful for the kid and couldn’t imagine not having her after seeing her after birth. She just wishes she got pregnant on her own terms. Hell after graduating would've been nice.
Y/n frowned, she still couldn’t remember how she got into Adam’s bed in the first place and it’s really bothering her when she has some time for herself to think.
“I’m serious!”
Y/n snapped out of her thoughts, “Hm?”
Arrem sighs, taking a bite of her hashbrown viciously. Girl loves her potatoes. “I mean if it weren’t for him—”
“I know but it’s no use dwelling in the past...besides you love the little bean, right?” Y/N grinned.
Her friend crossed her arms and looked away, “Yeah, I do…she’s got spunk but what’ll you say when she grows up? Toddlers are smart sometimes you know”
“I’ll get to that bridge when I get there right now, I’m enjoying the baby ride”
Arrem uncrossed her arms and turns to look at her, “I’m still sorry…I feel partly responsible for what happened, I shouldn’t have given you all that alcohol and I should’ve kept an eye on you”
Y/n looks at Arrem in surprise. Arrem looks so mad at herself. Has she been holding on to this guilt the whole time?
“Hey, don’t feel responsible, I’m pretty sure I went and wandered off on my own anyway, it just so happens to be Adam I got with”
Her knowing Adam being the father of her child was no baseless accusation.
She knew it was Adam that she got with because she remembered waking up sore but utterly satisfied and his huge autograph written on her stomach along with his “phone number” …in permanent ink.
It took her 3 days to completely scrub all the ink off, (After having Arrem take a picture of course, the picture is tucked away in her little journal along with the rest of the merch she has of Adam’s band. She hates how obsessed she was before the incident)
“Shit man, don’t look now” Arrem mumbled against the lid of her coffee cup.
“Huh?” Y/n discreetly looks at the door, the bell jingling indicating a new customer.
Murmurs start to echo in the small coffee shop and not the usual kind of white noise either. It’s more…excited, quick, hushed whispers and the snapping of phone cameras.
“Yo…hook me up with a venti flat white, would ya? Ya’ll got supersize?”
Y/n internally groaned at hearing that annoying accent. That fucking drawl she thought was charming at one point. Adam has this way of speaking that you can’t really tell where he’s from, like a mix of speech patterns you can’t pinpoint. Y/n just chalked it up to travelling around so much.
The barista flinched at the order before nervously looking at the large man. With that boyish attitude on interviews, Adam still looks intimidating with his studs and spikes with golden eyes lined with what looks like dark smudged charcoal.
Okay she needs to stop.
“Uh sir...that’s more than enough espresso to give a normal man heart palpitations…are you sure?”
Adam looks at the barista like he’s stupid. “Then serve it to me in those little cups then?”
The barista opened his mouth before shutting it closed, nodding his head in defeat, “Yes sir that’ll be $149.99 please”
Y/n choked on her iced coffee at hearing the price, gaping as Adam easily pulled out a black card and swiping it at the machine. “Jesus man, I didn’t even know this place have those”
Arrem shrugged, tapping on her phone, “He says he’s a struggling artist but you never know with types like him”
“Helloooo ladies”
The two women let out annoyed sighs, one rolling her eyes before looking up at Adam.
“Adam” Arrem nodded, lifting her cup at him, “Big fan”
Adam gave her a finger gun before looking over at Y/n expectantly.
Y/n looks at Adam with a raised brow, judging him from head to toe. “Not so big fan” She smiled at him almost sickly sweet.
Adam huffs, taking a sip of his heart stopping coffee. “Right sooo…” He looks at her awkwardly trying to keep his cool.
It doesn’t help that a bunch of nosy fucks are filming him right now. His PR manager is so gonna fry his ass later.
“Oh! Right…here!” he shoved his hand down his tight leather pants, pulling out a cloth headband, pink and wrinkled with what looks like a fake rhinestone in the middle of it. “Your brat dropped this!” Adam grinned, handing it over to Y/n. He looked almost proud of himself for keeping it safe till now.
Y/n blinked at Adam before looking down at the thing suspiciously, it looked too…expensive to be her baby’s. Before she could protest that it’s impossible to be Addie’s, Arrem nudged her foot with hers.
“Dude...”
Y/n looked at her friend before finally noticing the café’s patrons trying to discreetly tune in to their conversation.
She bit her lip as Adam’s grin widened almost wickedly at seeing her resolve crumble and taking the hairband from his hand.
“Right…thank you SO much Adam, my baby’s been missing this…thing for a few days” Y/n turned the clip around inspecting it. It was shockingly girly, looking at it now she does remember panic buying a ton of baby girl stuff before Addie was born. Maybe she forgot about this particular hairband?
All in all, it doesn’t look too suspicious. Just a normal run of the mill hair clip.
Once Y/n took the ribbon and tied it to her bag, Adam smirked before turning away to sit at the corner booth at the back, the rest of his bandmates coming into the shop to sit at his table.
“Never noticed Addie wears ribbons like this” Arrem nodded at the hairband.
Y/n doesn’t want to make a scene and shrugged, not knowing what to say.
This was the first time she ever saw this hair clip too.
Y/n couldn’t seem to escape Adam lately. From the sleepy part of the city she knew and love turned into the #1 spot for tours, making her daily life seem a little more…ad conscious. Billboards of Adam’s face promoting his new album or a new music video that they’re going to shoot somewhere nearby or other bands opening for Adam playing non stop in TVs in the grocery stores.
Adam had snuck into her life again, remembering her name this time and even giving out his real number. Which she hasn't tried to call.
It wasn’t so bad, the vibes suddenly started becoming energetic with tourists coming in with all the popup events coming in.
Adam would travel around and would always come back after some months to “catch a break” here before going off again.
Maybe she’s feeling a little too full of herself into thinking that a famous rockstar is following her around but it was a little strange.
Sometimes she feels like someone is watching but when she looks around, no one is there. Or it's some rando not even paying attention to her.
But then who else would leave new baby stuff at her doorstep? Definitely not some good Samaritan. Her friends were pretty stumped too when she called to thank them for the gifts.
It was too much to think about and just let it happen.
“Damn how expensive are the frozen vegetables now…?” She mumbled, placing the generic store brand packet in the cart. The grocery was thankfully quiet, the early morning giving her some semblance of peace with the old folks doing their shopping and the sleepy night shifters minding their own business.
Addie gurgled, babbling and taking a bite of her teething ring as she tries to reach for a rubber duck hanging from the shelf.
A large hand plucked the toy from the shelf and handed it to the baby, making Addie squeal happily.
“I’ve never heard you laugh at vegetables before baby…that’s new…” Y/n’s voice trailed off seeing Adam, smiling at her kid and making a rubber duck squeak in his fist.
“Are you serious??”
Adam’s eyes flickered up at her and grinned, “Hey angeltits, looking gorgeous as usual”
“Man your crush on me is really obvious…your groupies must be so sick of seeing me with you”
Adam recoiled from her, handing the duck over to Addie. “Bitch you’re lucky to be in my presence”
Y/n snorts, putting a can of sauce into her basket, “And yet you’re somehow around us whenever you’re ‘on break’ “
Adam made a face and kept quiet, he doesn’t have a good comeback he has to admit so he turned to Addie, “Mommy’s being a cunt huh princesss? Yes she iissss”
Y/n’s eyebrow twitched and pushed Adam’s face away from her laughing kid, “Can you not curse around my baby??”
He only rolled his eyes before looking down at the sorry excuse of groceries in the cart. Something in his gut recoiled.
| What do you mean?? She can’t be mine!
“Your choices suck ass Y/n” Adam frowned, taking the cart and started shoving actual food into the cart.
| Well...why wouldn’t she tell me then?
“H-hey! It’s not my fault this place has limited stuff-Adam!” Y/n cringed as he grabbed stuff left and right not even checking for the price or sales or even if it was qualified for a coupon before dropping them into the cart.
He even grabbed some of those yogurt bites for Addie.
“Adam” Y/n grabbed his arm, before he could grab a bag of fruit. “Listen…I appreciate the stuff and the concert tickets—”
“Which you didn’t go to and how did you even know it was me sending you those packages?” He pointed out.
She rolled her eyes, “Maybe next time, change your name on the Amazon packages before sending it to my house” Y/n sighs, rubbing her face tiredly. Adam, I can’t afford this stuff…if you think I can you’re sorely mistaken”
Raising a brow, Adam placed the bag of fruit in to the filled cart and started wheeling it to the check out, “And what makes you think I’m letting you pay?”
The cashier started to swipe the stuff in one by one, the prices going up and up.
“Adam—”
“We need to talk Y/n”
Y/n frowned, looking at the man staring nonchalantly at the numbers on the screen before tapping his card easily to pay for everything.
There wasn’t a hint of joking around on his face which was unusual for the normally unserious musician.
Adam took Addie from the cart and carried her, escorting Y/n to the parking lot and letting the cart jockeys help with loading the groceries into the back of his truck.
Y/n wet her lips, already having an idea on what the talk would be with the way Adam was looking at Addie and the way he’s so familiar with holding her…
Shit.
I may have rushed it a little lol
Tags: @sniigura
#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel adam x reader#90 Day BBD#adam hazbin x reader#xreader#hazbin hotel imagine#hazbin hotel x you
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[Azel] Loving Devoutly in God's Harem - Part 1
Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this!
This is a "what if" story.
You, a book merchant, visit Tanzanite and catch the eye of the Living God. You end up imprisoned in the "harem"...
Emma: Prince Azel, thank you for everything up until now.
Azel: Rejected. Why are you casually trying to escape? Wait!
Azel grabs my hand as I try to leave the room with my luggage.
(I guess I can't just suddenly run away without any explanation.)
Azel: Have you forgotten your debt to me?
Azel: You promised to repay the debt you owe me by acting as a shield against women, didn't you?
Emma: If all I have to do is repay the debt, there are other ways to pay.
Emma: For example, I could do other work and repay in installments...
Azel: Rejected.
Emma: Stingy!
Azel: Stingy is fine. Please get to work today.
Azel confiscates my luggage and looks down at me with a frown.
Emma: Then please listen to my earnest plea.
Azel: I'll listen, but that's it.
Emma: The other day, I heard from a merchant acquaintance...
Emma: That the story of the only woman to receive the sole affection of the Living God has already spread throughout the continent.
Azel: And?
Emma: If I were to fall in love with someone in the future, the rumors might become a hindrance.
Azel: Poor you.
Emma: Yes, poor me, right?
Azel: However, even if it's a pity for you, you have an obligation to pay your debt.
Azel: I have no choice but to tearfully bind you to the God's harem.
Emma: ...In the first place, that debt is due to your fraud, Prince Azel.
Emma: You only said you would introduce me to customers looking for books, but then you suddenly demanded a commission fee...
Azel: It's your fault for not confirming beforehand. It was a good learning experience, wasn't it?
(It's no use saying anything else.)
Emma: I've decided! I'm running away tonight!
Azel: Don't declare it so boldly! I'll put a collar on you.
Emma: ...I never knew Prince Azel had such a hobby...
Emma: Eek... W-w-wait a minute!
Azel pinches my cheeks, and when I resist, he picks me up.
Azel: This conversation is over. Let's go to sleep.
Emma: Are we together again today? I don't want to!
Azel: That's how a harem works, isn't it?
(What do you expect from a fake lover?)
The Living God is famous for keeping women at bay.
The harem's caretaker had been racking his brains about this for years, but the situation changed when Azel suddenly brought in a foreign girl.
(I've heard that he wants to do something about the current situation where countless women are flocking to enter the harem...)
(I wonder how long Azel intends to keep me tied down.)
Originally, we were more than acquaintances but less than friends, a book merchant and a customer.
I don't even know why I was targeted by the God.
I'm thrown onto the bed and he embraces my prone body. The warmth enveloping my back makes my heart pound.
(He probably imprisoned me for some baseless reason like, "I'm sure she won't fall for me"... )
(I wish he would realize that's not the case.)
Azel: Let me tell you, this is a measure to prevent you from escaping.
Azel: It's not like I want to sleep with you, so don't get the wrong idea.
(...There are plenty of other ways to keep me from escaping.)
(Since coming to the harem, I've been repeatedly swayed by Azel's suggestive behavior.)
(At first, I could easily brush it off, but as time goes by, it's becoming more difficult...)
(...It's painful to be told I can't fall in love with him.)
-
The next day, my plan to run away at night ended in failure.
Since I'm the only woman confined in the Living God's harem, the people around me are always going out of their way to try and win his favor by any means necessary.
It escalates day by day...
Emma: ...Sigh...
Azel: Don't sigh so obviously. It's contagious.
Emma: I never thought I'd be thrown into the bath while Prince Azel is bathing!
Even though the spacious bath allows for distance between us, soaking in the same water while wearing only a thin cloth is nothing short of an ordeal.
(What will happen if this keeps escalating?)
Azel: Just don't mind it.
Emma: Doesn't it bother you, Prince Azel?
Azel: If it's harmless, I don't care.
(Certainly, if we're this far apart, it doesn't really matter...)
(...That's impossible, isn't it?)
I sneak a glance at Azel, and he's completely averted his gaze from me.
Is this an "I'm not interested" attitude, or is it shyness...?
Either way, there's a prickling pain in my chest.
(Right now, it's just a bath, but there's a possibility that it could become a serious situation.)
(I gave up yesterday, but I really should try to escape, even if it's forced.)
(...)
(...In the first place, I'm a decoy to ward off women.)
(Azel was supposed to hate women who approach him.)
(In other words, if I become like those women, he might get fed up and kick me out.)
(That's right... Why didn't I think of this sooner?!)
The brilliant idea that popped into my head seems like a long shot if I think about it calmly, but...
Cornered, I have no other choice.
Emma: Prince Azel, since we're here, shall I wash your back?
Azel: Huh?
Emma: Or perhaps I could wash your hair?
Azel: ...Ah, so you're trying to get kicked out by deliberately harming me.
(Ugh... He saw through me in an instant.)
Emma: N-no, I wouldn't think of doing something so straightforward.
Emma: It's just that, if I'm going to play the part of the favored woman, even if it's a lie, I thought I should be able to do at least this much.
(Don't be shy. Just a little... just a little more to endure.)
I inhale the steamy air and move closer to Azel through the water.
When I close the distance enough to touch him, his mystical eyes, filled with the starry sky, suddenly turn towards me.
(...!)
Azel: Unfortunately, that's not even enough to be considered harassment.
Emma: ...I'm not trying to harass you.
Emma: It's just... well...
Emma: I just want to love the Living God!
Azel: ...Is that so?
(Huh, he's calmer than I expected—)
(!?)
He puts his hand on my waist in the water and pulls me closer.
Before I know it, our bodies are touching through the thin cloth.
Azel: Then please do your best.
(...Eh?)
.
.
.
Part 2
If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!
#ikepri jp#ikemen prince translations#ikemen prince#azel radwan#azel radwan translations#azel radwan ce#azel radwan collection event#azel radwan stories#loving devoutly in god's harem
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Confetti
She didn’t think it would be this difficult.
AKA - the one where Emily takes a pregnancy test.
-x-
Hi besties,
Today was my first day back at work since 20th December and my brain is a pile of mush, so here's a fic I prepared earlier.
This is for the wonderful and very talented @eyesontheskyline who did a lot of research for her incredible fic 'reckless (just enough)' - which you should read if you haven't for some reason yet. I borrowed said research for part of this, so it only felt right to dedicate it to her <3
As always, let me know what you think <3
-x-
Warnings: pregnancy, trying to conceive, references to infertility, mentions of blood, very minor Aaron whump I guess
Words: 2.5k
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
She wakes up first, although she isn’t sure she ever really fell asleep. She’d spent the night struggling to drift off, her chest tight with anxiety she couldn’t shift despite her best efforts.
Normally, she’s the last to wake up. Aaron’s love of early mornings was apparently genetic so he and Jack were always awake before her. She’d wake to Aaron waking her up with a kiss against her cheek or his hand on her back, or she’d hear Jack in his room either getting ready for school or playing with his toys on a weekend.
The silence of the house unsettles her, makes her skin itch, and she blows out a breath as she rolls onto her back. She turns and smiles at her husband as his arm stays in place, warm and heavy across her hips, his face slack and his mouth slightly open. She takes the opportunity to look at him, to run her fingers through his hair and smile as it flops back onto his forehead. He looked younger like this, carefree as if nothing bad had ever happened to him, and it makes her ache, makes love fill her chest as she swears to herself she’ll do her best to make sure nothing bad ever happens to him again. She leans in to kiss his cheek, and it wakes him up. He presses his hand against her lower back and tugs her closer, his head turning so he can capture her lips with his.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, scrunching her nose up at his morning breath but kissing him again anyway, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Don’t apologise,” he replies, kissing her forehead as he pulls away, his voice rough from sleep and misuse, “I like being woken up by you.”
She hums and tucks herself up against him, rests her head against his chest so she can hear his heartbeat and anchors herself to him with her hand on his shoulder and her leg over his hip, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He wraps his arms around her and holds her closer, and the sound of his heartbeat drowning out the overwhelming silence of the house. He reaches for her hand and links his fingers through hers as he drops a kiss on the top of her head.
“It’s not like you to be up first,” he says carefully, running his hand up and down her back, his fingers sneaking under a t-shirt that used to be his. He feels how she tenses in his arms, her stuttered breath passing from her chest to his, and he rubs a circle on her back, desperate to ease the anxiety he knew only one thing could.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she replies, and it feels like an understatement. She’d laid next to him most of the night, tried to let the press of him against her and the feeling of his breath skipping across her skin lull her to sleep but it hadn’t worked. She’d drifted in and out of bouts of restless sleep as she thought of the pregnancy tests lined up in their bathroom cabinet, now familiar anxiety bubbling low in her gut as she spent the entire night trying to tell herself not to get her hopes up again.
It had been a year since they’d started trying. They’d been engaged and married since she threw away her birth control and they said that they’d try, both of them hopeful in a way that now felt nothing short of naive. Her doctors in Paris had assured her that the damage Ian had done to her hadn’t affected her uterus, that there was no reason they could see why she couldn’t have a baby if she chose to in the future, but she couldn’t help but wonder if they were wrong.
She didn’t think it would be this difficult. She’d fallen pregnant the first time she’d ever had sex. A few moments with a boy who was supposed to be her friend that changed her life and made her militant about birth control ever since, the harsh words of a doctor questioning her age but not her fake ID who hadn’t realised she spoke Italian still ringing around her head even now. She thought it would be easy this time too. She’d allowed herself fantasies of Aaron standing on the other side of the bathroom door as she peed on a stick and her running out with a positive test in her hands and happy tears on her cheeks. She’d imagined it all being easy because this time this was something she could want and that she could have.
They’d had agreed that after a year they’d go to her doctor, because she knew she’d be told to try for that long anyway, and now it was here the thought made her feel sick. Nausea rolling in her belly when she thinks of taking a pregnancy test and looking at a negative result again, something that was apparently no less painful when she did it for the 11th time last month than it had been the 1st. It felt definitive, like the test she’d take today would draw a line in the sand and bring this part of their lives to a close so the next stage could take over. And she’d have to come to terms with either never having a baby, or the fact it certainly wasn’t going to be simple to have one.
“Em-”
“I should get it over with,” she says, swallowing thickly as she sits up, a chill left in his wake as she separates herself from him and gets out of bed, not sure she could take kind platitudes from him again, “I’ll start getting ready for the day.”
He sighs and sits up, “Em-”
“Aaron,” she says, turning to look at him, stopping him in place with tears shining in her eyes, “Please just…” she drifts off and clears her throat, smiling tightly at him as she flicks the switch for the ensuite’s light, “I’ll let you know when it’s done.”
He nods and stays put, sitting on the edge of the bed to wait her out. It’s where he sat as she did this every month, the amount of time it would take her to come out to see him getting longer each time, the look on her face somehow breaking his heart even more than it had the time before. He wanted this as much as she did, and it hurt to see how much pressure she was putting on herself as time went on. As if somehow she’d convinced herself that his love for her was conditional, that it was dependent on this one thing. He told her time and time again that she was what was important to him, that everything else would be wonderful and a bonus, but that her and her love were the things that had helped bring him back to life, that had helped him feel worthy of love again.
Everything else was confetti - beautiful and bright with her by his side, but just strips of paper fated to dissolve in the rain without her.
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll be right here.”
She smiles sadly and walks over, stamping her lips against his before she walks away again, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
She closes the door behind her and blows out a slow breath, giving herself a moment to try to centre herself before she carries on. She pulls a test out of the cabinet and wraps her hand around it tightly, screwing her eyes shut before she shakes her head at herself and heads to the toilet. Once she’s done she clips the lid on and puts it on the counter, sighing as she flushes the toilet because she knows Aaron will hear and know that the countdown is on. She actively ignores the test as she washes her hands and starts her skincare routine.
It isn’t lost on her that close to 30 years ago she was staring at a pregnancy test and hoping for an entirely different result to what she wanted now. The process was harder then, more complicated and drawn than simply peeing on a stick, something that only added to her panic as she read the instructions again and again to make sure she did it correctly. The thirty minutes she’d had to wait for the result had been tortuous in a different way to the three she had to wait now, the time drawn out into what felt like hours as her fate felt like it had already been decided for her
She pats her face dry after washing it and reaches for her serum, and she looks down at the test despite her intentions to ignore it as long as possible, the result both what she wants and what she fears until she sees it. She gasps as she reads one single word on the digital screen, her hand coming up to her mouth to try and capture it as she drops the serum she’d been holding, the glass bottle smashing into countless pieces as it hits the tiled floor.
Pregnant.
She was pregnant.
“Oh my god,” she says, picking up the test with shaky hands, holding it closer as if the result would change or she’d read it wrong, and she chokes on a sound between a laugh and a sob, relief and love and half a dozen things she can’t name rushing through her all at once. “Holy shit.”
There’s a knock on the door just before it opens and Aaron’s already talking as he walks in.
“Sweetheart, is everything okay? I heard something break,” he says, drifting off when he sees the tears shining in her eyes and the test in her hands. He sighs sadly, opening his arms out to comfort her, “Oh, Em I’m sorry-”
Her eyes go wide as he steps forward, “Aaron, no wait there’s glass-”
“Ow, Goddamn it,” he exclaims, hissing as he lifts his foot, blood already visible from where he’d cut himself.
“Sorry, honey,” she says, placing the test on the counter as she steps over the glass between them. She wraps her arm around his shoulder to guide him over to the toilet and helps him sit on the closed lid, “I dropped my serum,” she says, wiping her cheeks, only aware she was still crying when she kneels in front of him, “That’s expensive stuff too.”
He chuckles and cups her cheek, wiping away a fresh tear, “It’s okay, I think we can afford it.”
She smiles and then winces when she looks at the sole of his foot, “It’s not deep, but it does look sore,” she says, reaching for the tweezers behind her on the counter. She raises her eyebrow and brandishes the tweezers at him, “You’re lucky I love you, I use this for my eyebrows usually.”
“Well, I appreciate the - ow,” he exclaims, furrowing his brow as she pulls out the small shard of glass. She smiles apologetically and shrugs.
“It hurts less if you don’t know it’s coming,” she says, standing up briefly to get the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet, her eyes drifting to the positive test again for a brief moment before she kneels back in front of him, “I’ll just wrap a bandage around it for you to stop the bleeding.”
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he says, watching as she wraps it around his foot, a tender gentleness to her touch that he knows he couldn’t live without. A soft type of love she gave him and Jack without question or the expectation of getting the same in return. He so desperately wanted to watch her love a baby that was half him and half her in the same way. She smiles up at him when she’s done and he wraps his arms around her as soon as she stands up, encouraging her to sit on his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek.
“I know usually we tell Jack you have to kiss an injury to make it better,” she says, kissing his cheek again, “But I’m not kissing your foot, so you’ll have to deal with a kiss on the cheek.”
“I’ll never say no to a kiss on the cheek from you,” he smiles and hooks his finger under her chin to turn her head to face him and he kisses her on the lips, “I’m sorry it was negative.”
She furrows her brow, “What?”
“The test,” he replies, “I’m sorry it was negative, and I’m sorry I stood on glass and took all the focus off of you-”
“Aaron, honey,” she says, chuckling as she cuts off his spiral, shaking her head at him because he’s the only person she knows who would apologise for standing on glass, “It isn’t negative.”
He stops, his brow knitting together in confusion, “It isn’t?”
“It isn’t,” she shakes her head and unwraps one of her arms from around his neck to get the test from the counter, “I’m pregnant.”
He takes the test from her, his view of her and the result immediately blurry with tears, “You’re pregnant?” He says, tears slipping down his cheeks, “We’re having a baby?”
She nods and leans forward, kissing away his tears before she rests her forehead against his, “We’re having a baby.”
He kisses her fiercely, “I love you so much,” he kisses her again, “And I hope you know that would be true no matter what. I love you.”
“I know,” she nods, a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob catching in her chest, “I love you too,” she kisses him again and rests her forehead against his, “We really should do something about the glass before Jack wakes up and comes looking for us.”
He nods, his forehead gently knocking against hers, “In a minute,” he says, kissing her again, entirely unable to stop himself from doing so, “Let’s just sit here for a little bit. We’ve waited a long time for this.”
“Okay,” she says because she doesn’t want to move either, rooted to the spot in his lap, the absurdity of the fact they were having this life-changing, romantic moment whilst sitting on the closed lid of the toilet not lost on her, “Just for a little bit.”
He kisses her temple and slips his hand onto her still flat belly, “You’re never going to let me forget that I stepped on glass and interrupted you telling me that we’re having a baby are you?”
She shakes her head and places his hand over hers, happiness she didn’t think was possible warming her from the inside out, “Not a chance, honey.”
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x emily prentiss#hotchniss fanfic#emily prentiss fanfiction#hotchniss fan fic#aaron hotchner fanfiction#emily prentiss#hotchniss#hotchniss fanfiction#aaron x emily
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Hiiii! :))
This is kinda one of my first times requesting, so I don't know if I'll do this right, so please bare with me 🙏😞
Since you're asking for requests, I thought about a fem!reader x Hwang In-Ho smut one shot? I don't know if you're willing to do aus, but maaaybe a professor!Hwang In-Ho x student!reader au (legal ofc) where the reader is in love with his professor and thinks he doesn't know (he has heard her talk with her friends before) because she's well behaved and all of these things (the professor definitely knows, he just finds it cute and she's much younger). He isn't giving any signs of liking her back, so she thinks he's oblivious (she's grateful for that), till the final day of classes where the professor is giving the final grades, and she got the best of the class, so he manages to give her grades to her the last, keeping them alone in the classroom? And then confessions and smut ensues?
You can change it to your liking, sorry if I wrote too much :')
TYSM IN ADVANCE 💕💕
-🪐 anon (since now)
OMG THIS IS AN AMAZINGGG IDEA THANK YOU SM 🪐 I LOVE YOU❤️❤️
TEACHERS PET // HWANG IN-HO
Pairing: student!reader x teacher!Hwang In-Ho
Warnings: smut so 18+, teacher x student, no protection (I forgor), praising, lowk ddlg idfk, huge age gap, creampie, ig thats it?
An: shiiiii im sorry if this feels really rushed🙁 school just started again and I’m so tired😪 pls enjoy🙏 also omg I watched Bungee Jumping Of Their Own today and I cried so much :(
In school everyone knew you as the kind and well behaving girl. All the teachers liked you and you were top of your class. But between your friends you were known for having a crush on your teacher. All of your friends knew about it, because you cant keep your mouth shut. But what can you do when your teacher is hot as hell and just soo dreamy. In fact you spent many classes just dreaming about him and not getting any work done.
Right after the bell rings, In-ho’s students slowly arrive in his classroom. He’s usually at the door greeting the students, and of course looking for his favourite student who is of course you. He tried not to smile at you as you walked in and sat with your friends. And of course, again, you spent the whole class just looking at him.
At the end of the class he got up and said to the whole class, “I’m really glad that I got to teach you all this year. Now I’ll give you all your final tests back. When you hear your name, come here for a moment and after that you’re free to leave.” You were sat at the very back of the classroom with your friends. You actually wanted to sit at the very front, so you could be close to In-Ho, but your friends dragged you to the back.
Finally, he called your name. You were the very last one in the room. You quickly got up and walked over to his desk. “Here. Good job.” In-Ho said as he handed the paper to you. He watched you smile, when you saw that you got the best grade possible. “You’re my top student.” He told you, as he got up and gave you a little pat on the shoulder. Right when you’re about to thank him, he interrupts you. “I need to talk to you about something”
As you heard those words leave his mouth, it felt like your heart skipped a beat. ‘Is this it? Does he like me?’ Were the only things in your mind. For three years, you had been giving him signs that you were really in love with him. But you never got anything back from him, until now.
“I’ve heard what you’ve said about me to your friends.” He said with a grin on his face. “Oh! Sir I’m so sorry-” you manage to say before he interrupts you again. “It’s okay. I have those feelings towards you too.” He said and stood up from his chair and taking a step closer to you. He lifted your chin up with his fingers and looked lovingly in your eyes. You hesitated for a moment but still crashed your lips together with him. You started to make out on his desk.
You made out for some time and slowly, you pulled away from him even though it was really difficult. “What if Someone catches us?”you asked while you were still holding his face in your hands. “Look.” He pointed at the clock. “You’re not my student anymore, so it’s okay.” He reassured you. ”you still wanna do this?“ he asked, playing his hands on your hips. You looked in his eyes and said ”Yes.”
He pulled you by your hips and turned you around, so that now you were bending over his desk. He put most of his weight on you so you couldn’t get away from him and slowly kissed you down from your neck to your thighs. This was easy for him, because you usually wore a skirt to school, or at least in the summer. When he lifted your skirt up to reveal your panties, a small ‘aww’ left his mouth, when he saw the cute pink panties you were wearing.
“My god.. you’re soaking wet! You really want me this bad?”
You tried to hide your face from all this embarrassment. “Mmmmhm” was all you could let out. You couldn’t even think about what’s gonna happen next, when your panties were pulled down and his fingers were inside of you. You couldn’t help but moan. “Shhhh.. it’s okay…” he whispered while coming up to kiss your neck again.
He pulled his fingers out of you, so that he could unbuckle his belt and pull his pants down. Few seconds without his fingers got you all whiny and desperate to feel him again. “Are you ready?” He said while stroking his cock a few times, even though it was hard already. “Yes.. please, be gentle..” you whined as he began to spread your folds.
He managed to only get the tip in, and you were already a moaning mess. He made sure he was being really gentle with you and always checking that you were okay. “Good girl. You’re doing so good.” He praised you as he started thrusting into you harder.
You kept gripping on the papers on his desk as you came closer to your orgasm. The way he was grunting and letting out small moans made you sure that he was close too. “Mm im gonna come-” he grunted in your ear as he sped up his thrusts. And that was it. You both came at the same time.
He waited for a small moment and before he pulled out,he kissed you on the lips again. ”my baby, you did so good. Tomorrow at the same time?” He asked as you pulled your panties back up. “That’s a deal.”you said and kissed him again.
#hwang in ho#lee byung hun#smut#teacher x student#squid game#front man#bungee jumping of their own#teacher crush#player 001#fluff#18+ mdni#writing#fanfic#fiction#fic writing
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New year, same shitty mental illness 💔
#first day back in work today and it was difficult#it's strange#I've done this job for 8 years yet I'm struggling with it so much of late#the mundane aspect of it#feeling of wasting my time#I legit had a breakdown at one point today where my head spiralled and just thought what's the point of it all#like I don't know what's up with me of late#like i feel crazy#like I'm lost but have no real reason to be#I'm lucky. I have a job. a roof over my head. food in the cupboards and a loving family etc#yet my brain just feels numb and dark#I know it's the mental illness but it's draining of late#I think it's time to go back to the doctors#discuss some stronger meds and perhaps find a therapist#I'm 33 now and I just want to have a normal life with someone I love and a future to look forward to#right now all I feel is alone and I keep people at arms length because I'm damaged goods and its easier then letting them down#… its 1am right now and I'm just rambling#im sharing this stuff because it's healthier to be out with it then keep it bottled up#this is my blog after all#I don't want nor expect peoples sympathy or attention from this either#we all struggle and while I feel I have no one right now. I will always have this blog to share my thoughts without judgement#i will get better#i will get through this#….#mental illness#depression#tw depression#trigger warning#personal
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. not snz
on healing and on fear (tags)
#(typed this up at 3am and scheduling for later) no one needs to read this 🙏#today i went back to the site where i got injured back in may to partake in a sport which i haven't touched at all since the injury#and i think what struck me was the realization that#i don't know if i'll ever be able to stop being scared again :')#for a time climbing was very special to me...#it was one of the only ways i could feel myself improving so tangibly when improvement is usually so difficult to track#i liked seeing myself get better at something 😭 i liked going with friends and puzzling over the same problems... i liked having something#to look forward to after work. and perhaps having something to look forward to sounds simple... but for me it meant so much :')#for the first couple months after the injury i couldn't wait to get back into it#and then one day i woke up and i was just afraid#the fear feels so much more tangible now that i know i am not overreacting... it's awful knowing that in a way i was right to be afraid#i always knew there were risks associated; i have always been cautious#but i had just been starting to learn to be braver 😭#and fuck... today i stood there and looked at the wall and thought. how can i ever not be afraid again?#how can i go back to how things were before? when i loved this? when i could tell myself that - despite the fear - it was meaningful to try#i wanted to come away with the takeaway that i could take things slowly and get back into climbing - maybe precisely because#i remember so keenly how i loved it - but how could it ever be the same?#😭 i know this is just part of growing up but#in some ways i am tired of growing up... :') in some ways i just want that joy as it was then#delete later probably#i suppose i haven't lost anything but typing this made me sob for something i couldn't quite name
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i feel a heavy pressure like someone is sitting on my chest making it so i can’t breathe whenever i think about how every single structure in society and social conditioning makes it so that women have no choice but to inevitably end up with a male and it is pushed so hard as the only possible viable option and it feels choking and inescapable (personal rambling vent in tags)
#even if we supposedly have more options now than ever before it still isn’t enough#it’s still a fight and a struggle to avoid#and i look around and almost every woman i know is shacked up with some dude in one form or another just to survive#even if she doesn’t like it or even actively hates it#like my mom#but she brainwashes herself to try to convince herself that she’s ok with it#it’s all so bleak#i know there is hope#and i’m currently biding my time until i can get out on my own and try to practice more female separatism type living styles etc#but it’s difficult and lonely especially when it feels like you’re the only woman you know trying to go for something like that#hell even my childhood best friend who i love dearly and she is very into women and does things with them regularly#even she is shacked up with some dude and it’s just like god that sucks but i don’t want to be a hater#and maybe i’m a hypocrite because i was with some guy for so long but i realized that it SUCKS and i didn’t have to be forced to stay there#and i left#but even that was tough! when it’s been drilled into my head my whole life that that is the only way i can be or do anything or exist!#i want to get out on my own do my own thing do this medical job get this degree go to med school do do my own thing#keep my name never give birth never get married unless it’s to a woman#i promised myself i would never get in a relationship with a man ever again and i am sticking to it 100% even if i have to fight these dudes#i work with to fuck off#it’s all just so tiring#but i’m getting there#i don’t care how nice or perfect supposedly some guy is because at the end of the day he’s still a guy#and i refuse to deal with that shit anymore or ever again#i should have never dealt with it in the first place but at least i know better now and i’ve learned and i know i’ll never go back#i want to read my books more often#and do more creative things#i’ve just felt very depressed and unmotivated because i feel like my life isn’t where it should be right now#but i went to the therapist today and she said i’m actually making a lot of progress and i shouldn’t compare myself to other people#which it’s very difficult not to but yeah#idk i’m still trying to get my shit together but so is everybody else
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Yes, society runs on the kindness of seemingly uncompensated labor. But I promise, if you stick around and stick with it- you will be compensated with the most fulfilling and meaningful life. With the richness of empathic regeneration. It will go beyond thank you. Beyond hugs and friendship and even love. Being kind to each other is the whole point. The sum of the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts.
Voluntary kindness is EVERYTHING. Today I shared kisses (the chocolate kind) with a few ladies at school.... then a very kind lady with pink hair gave me an ice cream sandwich (she didn't charge me anything :'3 which was a surprise)... and then ANOTHER kind lady came into THAT kind lady's shop just to gift her sweet grapes that she mentioned she grew out of her backyard!!! Then guess what???
The cycle continues!!!!! And we're all so grateful and smiling. We're all so much happier than we would've been just buying these things because we had to for ourselves. Everything tastes better when they're coming from someone who thinks of you and cares. I love people.
I'm hopeful for dream weavers making this happen. College students voluntarily sharing pages of textbooks and lab manuals. Kids voluntarily sharing their toys. Strangers sharing benches and holding doors open for each other. It's all in the spirit of KINDNESS. I'm so proud of the camaraderie I've seen within society and to be a part of it. I'm proud of whoever is reading this for all the nice things they've done on earth too. It might seem unnoticed or uncompensated for now but hold onto this vision. It's a positive feedback loop. It's symbiosis. It's mutual aid. It's humanity! I'm so grateful to play a part.
#i mean this in the most non overexploitative and sincere way#people are good#thank you to the kind person who sent me $ 'for treats' today :')#i thought it would be bad to share what good i received but... it ended up working out exponentially well#i hope that kind person somehow received their kindness back#if they haven't yet then i know they will#<3 i gotta message ppl back ikik btw!!!!!!!!!!!#gotta finish important stuff first and hopefully by the time I'm done... well... i may need to sleep by then#but this post is what's most important and i hope all the ppl waiting for a reply read this#when i tell ppl ty for talking to me or messaging me i mean it so much#it is so incredibly kind to send a friendly message and it feels good to receive#moreso on difficult days when i wake up uncertain that kindness is rly the point of it all#it is#i know this#(don't ask how)#i'm holding onto that vision#tightly and desperately#like it's my final hope bc it truly is#so grateful to play a part WITH YOU ALL!!!!! WITH YOU!!!!!#we're in this together
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ugh there it goes
#our promotion 😢😢#1st place is gone#today was tough our opponents were all way better than us#we only won 1 match out of 6#now they're leading our league well we should at least win our last matchday and get 2nd place#the no1 seed was in another league from ours 6:0 6:0 altough she's quite a good player at our club#we only won one doubles match altough they were not as good by far as their other players#and all the matches were quite one sided they were also way higher rated than us#i also lost my match 😫 altough it was quite close actually but that is even worse sometimes idk#i certainly could have won idk why i didn't i mean there were not many chances but they were there#i lost 5:7 4:6 ugh 😭#maybe with a better serve i would have won#but i was 5:4 up and i didn't win that point like that's when you have to be there and make it#i think this might just be one of my weaknesses i'm really good at conebacks and believing in that i'll win but i have to be more effective#and 'cold' when it matters sometimes i'm quite wasteful with my chances#i often make the craziest most difficult shots which are 'impossible' to get back but then fail at the easiest one's#especially in the crucial moments maybe i should play it safe more and be more patient#nah but winning that first set would have changed everything because 3rd sets are more likely to be my advantage with my speed and fitness#and in the 2nd i was just always one behind i always caught up but never went ahead#my serve also wasn't really there today and my 2nd serve is still too weak opponents take advantage and if i have a bad 1st serve percentage#like today it makes it difficult to win my own serve and i also made many double faults (4) 😕#i aced her once tho 🤪#but my serves are sometimes great but very inconsistent dependent on the day (the 2nd one always bad)#my backhand also wasn't as good as usualy i hit a lot of them out but it got better altough then i took many with my forehand which worked#and my opponent had riddiculous stops they wouldn't go up the ground again 🫠#and she was so good at net and also whenever i went there she'd pass me or lob me 😅#i gave up doing that very soon my best shot at this was just hitting winners and hitting balls deep to her forehand#i succeeded at that a couple of times but it was not enough#i mean i didn't play badly but what a shame#she was very nice though and very fair it was a pleasant match and she told me she was the best opponent she encountered in the league
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we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
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june 27th give it up for june 27th
#purrs#delete later#sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two#back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO#<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2#ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high#energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students#plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my#first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how#things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much#still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest#mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in#an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰#)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first#place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake#reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept#that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an#and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol
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I think the nice thing is that I was not violently angry today like I was yesterday. I was just #SadboyHours for nearly my entire shift bc I was on shift alone for most of it, and that is not very fun on new years day :(
#speculation nation#first hour was so so so slow so i was like 'oh this will be no big deal'#but then it was. very not slow. and it just did not let up for the rest of my shift.#which. for that matter. i came in an hour early and worked an hour late. bc the employee just straight up didnt come in.#didnt get any inventory done (which i was Supposed to be doing during the time i was covering)#so i will be doing that tomorrow. on top of payroll things. blegh#i grabbed some food after i clocked out. ate. clocked back in to do inventory#and i just felt so Heavy. like my limbs r weighted. and i was just like. 'i Can Not do inventory today.'#so i did the counts for the things i Had to order today and nothing more. the sheet itself untouched.#a problem for tomorrow's me. but tomorrow's me will be better rested With an employee that can make drinks#and ALSO it will not be new years day.#so hopefully it wont be too difficult for me to get done.#but yea i did that. did the meeting. came home. showered.#and since i ate earlier i didnt bother with food. im just so fucking tired#limbs still weighted. thumbs hard to type with. takes a lot of effort to type without typos. im trying my best.#just. oughhh. today.....man.#heres hoping...tomorrow will be better.....
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Now I sit in my room anxiously for the next hour and a half waiting for tickets to go on sale, and then I drive anxiously across town too
#like fuck I’m nervous and I need to eat something but I’m nervous and that makes it difficult#also I fucking hate making plans with people that I don’t know all that well 😭😭 like yeah I know them at work but not outside of work#and also going places I’ve never been before?? to do things that I don’t do?? the social anxiety has my belly in knots#and then….. I have to show my parents that I pierced my nose and I think that’s my biggest fear about all of this#number one fear actually: not getting tickets#number two fear: me coming home with my nose pierced and having to tell them#I just got home from work and saw my dad was home and was like oh shit bc when I leave I’m gonna have to offer an explanation#but like once I have the tickets purchased then like 🤷🏻♀️ what’s my mom gonna do tell me that we’re not going#also like everyone keeps telling me I’m a grown ass adult and I can make these decisions myself#I wonder if everyone at work could see how nervous I was and how increasingly throughout the day I’ve been getting like more nervous and#more quiet but like I feel like it’s equal parts ticket sale anxiety and doing something out of the ordinary that my parents might not#approve of while I live under their roof and all that#but on the bright side my dad just left to go do something so maybe he won’t be back before I leave and I’ll just be like hey I’m leaving#um and I’m getting my nose pierced but I’ll be back soon!!#also though like a source of my anxiety right now is that I have to go pick up one of the people I’m going with and I’ve never been alone#with him not that I mean that in a bad way just an anxious way like I’m awkward as fuck#and the other girl who was maybe going with us didn’t work with us today and she seemed a lil hesitant about it and then I texted her about#what time I’m planning on going and she hasn’t responded but I’m pretty sure she read it#anyway I’m literally like buzzing with anxiety right now over getting tickets first and foremost#ALSO I’m supposed to be getting something from Amazon today and it’s not here yet plus I’m waiting on a trade to get here and I just want#it all to just be here
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was walking back from town n not paying much attention cuz I was looking at rim brakes online to gauge how much my brink-of-falling-apart ones are gonna cost me to replace + a woman in front of me on the park path was loudly cajoling her toddler n then I heard her say darling move aside to let this man pass and I stupidly turned to look behind me not realising she was talking to her kid and I'm the "man" she meant... 💀
#had a bit of an autism moment today ive gotten better at it but sometimes being in city centres makes me randomly kind of overstimulated#even if its not that busy. and then my brain shuts off a bit n it becomes rly difficult to navigate whatever i was doing#or communicate w ppl god forbid.... i picked up mail and had to ask the poor woman at the desk to repeat herself like 15 times#tbf she was rly soft spoken i did tell her i was deaf n she said it was her first day at the desk alone so she was a little nervous#but my auditory processing just leaves the room entirely when im nearing overstimulation so its a nightmare#so hard to make eye contact and walk in a straight line. thank god im home now anyway#but yeah just rly weird to pass as a 'guy' today. it doesnt bother me like idrc how ppl perceive me thats their business#just unexpected cuz i usually only get it when im wearing my work button downs n chinos or similarly 'masc' clothes#im only in a tshirt n shorts n im not even binding today ?? i mean i get i have short hair but still#weeeird. she prolly only just glanced at me#anyway god im so sleepy for no reason.. might take a short nap on the sofa#thats enough tasks for the day ill cook my pizza when i can get back up and then find smth to watch this evening#.diaries
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Me: ah yes, finally, my last final exam was Monday and that means today is my first real normal day off of both work and school since July
Work: we need u to cover someone's shift
Me, unable to say no: ...........you're fucking joking
#to be clear i say no to extra shifts and everything during the semester bc doing full time work and full time school is too much on its own#but when the semester is out it's much more difficult to say no. especially when FOR SOME REASON the person I'm talking to is the coworker#and not a MANAGER#i was NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY#i haven't been able to draw in MONTHS i have barely been able to BREATHE in MONTHS i have been INCREDIBLY STRESSED#i got HIVES FROM STRESS#AND I FINALLY GET ONE DAY. ONE. SINGLE. DAY. OFF. OF BOTH. ONE DAY TO RESET AND GO BACK TO NORMAL#i was doodling and sketching!! regaining my sense of personhood!!!!!#MY FIRST DAY OFF SINCE FUCKING JULY#sorry I'm fine. just incredibly pissed. goddamn.#register rotisserie
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