#I think i will try to strike a healthier balance with this. I had fun making art tonight. I drew a mug and some figures.

[funkervogt]

Fuck i love drawing actually. getting really into observational drawing as almost like...a lifestyle. My little pocket sketchbook I carry with me whenever i go out and i draw whatevers in front of me. I do it all in ink no pencil no erasing. Some days I feel like being super accurate and observational and that's fun for me. Sometimes it isn't and i get more relaxed with it. Theres just something very nice about filling up these little sketchbooks with all the places youve been and things youve seen. Im just like arthur morgan fr

[it-will-not-last-the-night]

PQ2 - End

As I did expect; making sure I was able to comfortably beat the Velvet Rangers first did mean Enlil, though visually impressive, wasn’t a difficult fight. I simply equipped Ryuji with the Omnipotent Orb and had him All Guard every turn and this left Enlil unable to do anything whilst the Joker, Mitsuru, Chie and Ann wailed on them.

The ending was honestly good though, very emotional, heart-tugging, I honestly haven’t had this much fun finishing a game since J.J. Macfield and the Island of the Missing. 

PQ2 is honestly a gem I feel. Beyond fun mechanics that I found easy to get back into even after long gaps, it balances the character development of an enormous cast very successfully, with only some issues.

Even though I knew nothing of P3 or P4 the game conveys their characters in a way I found enjoyable and easy to sink into, and that is really no small feat considering that the cast is, honestly, just insanely large by the end. 

I enjoyed Enlil as an antagonist for the most part, though they could definitely have used a little more substance in the plot, but this game, overall, was less focused on it’s villain and more on it’s protagonist, and that’s fine.

To that end Hikari: the game is honestly the story of her character development and I loved her. It’s a pity we don’t see much of her in the fandom, because I honestly adore Hikari and find her enchanting and relatable in a number of ways.

Her farewell to the friends she made at the finale of the game was genuinely touching.

In general the farewells at the end are emotional, and I enjoyed them all, event he little nod to Akechi’s own mixed feelings, clearly dealing with something, as he is the most hesitant of the Phantom Thieves to finally exit the theatre after they have learned they will forget everything once they are outside. A nice touch!

Of course, because it is me, I do wish to gush briefly about Ryuji: OH MY GOSH I love his dynamic with Hikari? But, also, I just love him in this game? He comes across in PQ2 as if he has matured from his incarnation in the vanilla game. Not only is he the character, along with Futaba, who spends the most time supporting and speaking with Hikari, but even in the ending when most of the Thieves all express varying degrees of excitement or forced enthusiasm about returning home, Ryuji is the one who most noticeably feels sad about the whole affair, expressing how he suddenly misses everything they’d gone through.

On the note of Ryuji and Hikari’s bond: I had thought it mostly just an accidental outgrowth of Ryuji’s common role as an externalization of Joker’s words, but when I watch the ending perhaps it is more intentional than I thought. Noticeably Futaba and Ryuji deliver the closing lines to Hikari, Ryuji is the one who, as she tears up, tells her to remember to keep her promise to invite them to see her movies and in the post-credits scene Ryuji is the character who feels they NEED to see her movie when they find a flyer for it, going so far as to clutch at his head because he, without knowing why, just knows he HAS to go do this. Furthermore, the cutscene as Hikari says her final goodbye and leaves, is framed around a small group of characters: Ryuji, Futaba, P3FemPC, Yukari, Mitsuru and Morgana. Among those Ryuji, Futaba and P3FemPC are the characters with the largest interaction with Hikari throughout the game, and I honestly have adored those four together.

I honestly have no idea why I am typing this, the game is dated and I believe interest in it limited, but I’d recommend any fan of Persona who hasn’t given it a try to do so, if only because the story and characters are honestly well executed, better in many ways than Vanilla.

To be frank; whilst Vanilla has moments that legitimately make me depressed, the scene in Shinjuku and the scene after Shido’s Ship, even at it’s worst PQ2 never has it’s characters be that mean to each other. Even when they jibe or insult they never cross a line to abusing or accosting, and they never all single out one character to relentlessly, constantly, deride.

A breath of fresh air really!

Anyway; I loved the game, I had fun, now I guess I wait for Scramble to become available, and I hope we get to see more of the P5 cast still in future (ALSO ATLUS JUST LET ME HOOK THE PT’S UP WITH EACH OTHER OR DATE THE BOYS PLEASE I WANT TO GIVE THEM LOVE TOO THEY DESERVE IT).

For fun below the divide I’m just gonna mention the relationships, romantic or platonic I’m not going to bother much with a distinction, I really have come to like following this game even though, I am sure, they are all crack.

Enjoy:

Chie/Yukiko: Whether best friends or girlfriends no pair of characters in the P4 cast seemed to, from the outset, come across as obviously as if they are close. The two seem to complement each other well, know each other well and play off each other well and are always delightful and entertaining to watch.

Mitsuru/Junpei: I talked about this one before; I just honestly loved their Ticket and found it endearing how both, in their interactions with each other, were almost Tsundere-ish in admitting to private desires to get along, and take care of each other dearly, but struggling to break through the shell of the other to confess this. 

Ryuji/Hikari: Talked about this one at massive length already; suffice to say I honestly loved their interactions so much and, along with Ryuji’s interactions with Sophia I have seen now in Scramble, Ryuji radiates enormous, powerful, Big Brother/Father energy. Which I think is great? What better arc for Ryuji than, a person who’s life is overshadowed by his awful father, to turn out to be a wonderful father himself.

Yusuke/Yukiko: These two just get each other. Honestly they just click. They tune in to the same cosmic wavelength and leave everyone confused as they naturally just synch up. It is a pity as the game enters its later stages we see less of them, in the early game they are a treat.

Ken/Akechi: Ken and Akechi just are perfect, wonderful, foils to each other and it’s almost a pity the game can’t actually go the full way with it because Akechi’s secret can’t come out. This leaves it as a tease, the suggestion, of what could be, but that’s still plenty good. I also find it always interesting to see Ryuji and Akechi, two boys heavily formed by an abusive father, both in their own explicit words state outright they relate themselves to Ken in some way. With Akechi, because he is so good at wearing masks, I wonder how true it is when he relates himself to Ken, it’d be interesting to know if this is one of his lies to maintain his façade, or a bit of his true self creeping out as it often does. 

Joker/Junpei: I don’t know why I like these two? But Joker comes across as really fond and supportive of him with his consistent chances to shout out “Junpei! Master Detective!”

Yukari/Junpei: As I said in my head I go back-and-forth whether this would be endearing or a toxic hate-love relationship. There’s no denying, though, that these two interact more with each other than anyone else in the P3 cast, they’re the Yukiko/Chie in that sense, if Yukiko/Chie consisted of a lot of barbs and harsh words. We actually get a glimpse of what, I feel, is a healthier dynamic for the two in P3FemPC’s world in the epilogue, where Yukari is still barbed but rather than deflating Junpei ripostes back, this automatically makes it seem less mean-spirited heckling and more two people, comfortable with each other, bantering.

Futaba/Hikari: This one is the obvious choice since the game is obviously going out of it’s way to make this an important relationship. Futaba sees herself in Hikari and appoints herself like an older sister to help her. It is adorable and amazing character development as the socially reclusive and shy Futaba clearly forces herself out of her comfort zone to prove to Hikari that she can change and that she is not a lost cause. Along with Hikari it is, perhaps, Futaba who is the true MVP of this entire game. 

Futaba/P3FemPC: Futaba gets some lovely Sister-like sequences with the incredibly fun and social P3FemPC, who Futaba is clearly in awe of. It is a pity that these really only happen in the early game, I’d love for them to continue, but P3FemPC as the big, fun, sister figure of Futaba is fun.

Ryuji/Yukiko: This one is just because the ending of Haru and Yukiko’s ticket has one of the funniest bit ever when Haru and Yukiko decide they want to ‘play’ with Ryuji and Yosuke. Yukiko’s ‘Will you devote all of your being to the name of the Amagi Family?’ is wonderful and I can just imagine Ryuji’s reaction to such a frank proposition. 

Mitsuru/P3FemPC: This one was actually surprising to me but Mitsuru really has something of an almost maternal instinct for P3FemPC. She seeks to console her and let her know she is valued, even if Mitsuru is poor at expressions of affection, as seen in Junpei’s case as well. In many ways it strikes me as a more sympathetic Sae/Makoto. Mitsuru clearly cares for the P3FemPC and is aware of her disconsolate feelings, but struggles to find the words to comfort her, but doesn’t let that stop her trying. 

[fandom-necromancer]

905. Why are you constantly carrying that thing around with you?

This story was prompted by an awesome anon! Your prompt will have several stories to it, mainly becasue you had too cool ideas to just write one. Also, someone added a few more ideas. I hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900

Nines had reserved a special space in his databanks for the reasons of stress and a human’s reaction to it. At first, he had been convinced stress had to be something humans wanted to avoid at all cost, having created androids for this very reason. Less work to do equalled less stress. But also, it was a fascinating aspect as androids shouldn’t be able to be stressed. They could work full day if needed without tiring. It was a bit of ironic that they completely forgot to count in emotional stress, what in the end had become the downfall of their whole project.

Less philosophically was a different aspect of stress. A more personal one. A stressed human was not well, and Gavin tended to get lost in his work repeatedly, loading too much on their shoulders and not realising his rising stress levels until he snapped. Nines cared to deep for this man to let him destroy himself. A deep analysis and abundant data on this topic were the key to caring for his human. Still he had a lot to learn.

It had started with sliding little snacks over their table since that case several months back, when Gavin had forgotten to eat during the investigation and expressed an emotion Tina had described as “hangry”. The snack now brightened the mood of the Detective, helped him concentrate while munching away on a cereal bar and had at least some nutrients, should he forget entire meals again. Another successful course of action had been to drag the man away from his work, to hide the documents he smuggled home and invite him out to the city. Seeing just how much healthier Gavin looked had made Nines thinking the word “work-life-balance” was foreign to the Detective.

Their most recent case just proved he had more to learn. Because his normal course of action wasn’t always applicable. Small, easy cases allowed time away from work and distraction. But the bigger ones held Gavin and Nines captive without a way to relax. And this one was the biggest one yet: A serial killer that seemed interested in playing their little twisted games with the police. Every time they lost a person would die. Gavin never had more than a few hours of sleep in between and Nines hadn’t had a full stasis-cycle in weeks. Maybe that was why he had only now discovered the little stuffed animal on the table in front of Gavin. He held it in his hands, squeezing and petting it absent-mindedly while looking at his screen. They had both stared at the pictures taken from the last place where they had found the body: The victim chained to a fire escape surrounded by little pieces of paper. It had taken them hours to collect all the snippets and puzzle them together only to find a damn riddle for them to solve. Nines knew the text by heart by now, he didn’t even have to access the document saved for this case: I have rivers without water, Forests without trees, Mountains without rocks, And cities without buildings. What am I? Look into the Elmwood Central Park, the target is marked. Have fun, Detectives.

Whoever had written the note had included a damn smiley in the corner, as always. Everyone who wasn’t directly involved jokingly called their killer Smiley because of that, but Nines couldn’t catch onto that sentiment. At least now his thoughts didn’t circle around the riddle for once but regarded the little stuffed animal. Apparently, he had stared too obviously, as Gavin stopped kneading the fabric and held the animal out for him. ‘You want her for a while?’ Still not understanding why, he accepted it. The cloth was incredibly soft and only now the android identified it as a stuffed cat with grey and white fur and green eyes, much like Gavin’s own. He squeezed it too, trying to figure out the reason why his human had done it but couldn’t feel any difference in himself. He wanted to ask the Detective but was interrupted by Tina before he could say anything.

‘Shit, that bad, Gav?’, she spoke in a deeply worried tone. ‘You got no idea, T’, Gavin sighed and leaned back. ‘I mean, come on, read that shit. You could have self-destructed the earlier androids with that paradox.’ ‘Looks like Nines isn’t far from it either, if he needs the help of Mrs. Meow’, Tina chuckled but read the riddle. ‘Nah, sorry. No idea. I’m really bad with riddles. The team back from Elmwood already?’ ‘Not yet, but so far they haven’t found anything.’ Nines nodded at that and handed Mrs. Meow back to Gavin, reminded they too hadn’t found anything yet.

-

An hour later they were still clueless and increasingly desperate. The stuffed animal was looking worse for wear by now, sitting next to several empty cups of coffee. ‘How long till the deadline?’, Gavin asked. ‘Four hours’, Nines delivered. Gavin groaned and hit his head on the table plate, accompanied by Nines LED striking red. His self-destructive tendencies surprised him time and time again. 'Gavin. Stop. Let's go for a walk.' 'What?' 'Stand up. We are going.' 'Why?' 'We won't get anything done staring at our screens. I have the riddle memorised. We need a new perspective.'

Gavin had grabbed his stuffed cat and followed him outside. Now they were walking through the park the killer had mentioned in the hopes of finding something their colleagues hadn't yet. 'Okay, a model city. You know, like these model railroad installations.' 'Could fit. Although some use real rocks or trees in them', Nines answered, already checking the networks. 'This park unfortunately never had any connections with that hobby. There had been a few flea markets for toys, but nothing recently. 'Ah, phck. I have no idea.' 'Why are you constantly carrying that thing around with you?', Nines asked out of the blue then. 'Hmm? Mrs. Meow?' He chuckled. 'I got her as a present from Tina after a case that made me break all of my pens while fiddling with them. You are not the only one. Don’t give me that look. I know what you are doing, handing me snacks and keeping me grounded.' Nines tensed, feeling weirdly caught. He hadn't thought Gavin to ever realise what he was doing.

'Hey, relax, I appreciate it. But before I got a huge softie as a partner, I just had her to calm me. That's why I keep carrying her around with me right now. It helps having your hands occupied. Also, she is good luck!' Nines frowned at that. Luck was a concept he refused to accept as real although some things in life could only be explained with it. For example, him meeting the human. 'How?', he put that existential confusion into one word. 'I don't know. She is just a lucky charm, that's all. Every case that was difficult enough to require her I solved in the end.' Gavin shrugged. 'Also, she is cute as hell.' Nines nodded letting his gaze wander over the park. Roughly two hours left now. At this rate he was ready to believe in the human's antics and hope on the lucky cat. Gavin may have misinterpreted his silence and cuffed him in the side. Hey, you are phcking cute too! And I believe you are good luck too!'

 Nines quickly stopped in his tracks. 'I believe I am', Nines mumbled, pointing at a sign by the side of the pathway. ‘I have rivers without water, forests without trees, mountains without rocks, and cities without buildings. It’s a map!' 'Holy shit, you are right! We need a phcking map of this park asap! ‘I have on up’, Nines reported, activating the holoscreen in his palm to show Gavin. ‘The target is marked’, Gavin mumbled. ‘Do you think that was related? Or just him telling us there will be another body for us to find.’ ‘I am not sure’, Nines answered. ‘But this is a public map from the internet, how could he mark something on it?’ Gavin scanned the tiny map and hoped Nines had more luck looking at it in his head or something. Until something caught his eye. ‘Hey, could you enhance this bit?’ Nines did what he was told and looked on his own palm curiously. ‘Hah! Got you you bastard! X marks the spot!’ Nines noted a system instability as he realised how obvious it was: The symbol of a church, a little X. ‘Hold Mrs. Meow and call this in! We are in time, the victim is alive and we got this case in the bag!’ Nines didn’t want to stop the man’s enthusiasm and called it in, requesting backup already, just in case the killer was still at the scene – an assumption they had been working with so far, as the bodies had all been still warm, their death only happening moments before they found them. But it was unlikely they would catch that killer today. He hurried after the Detective, holding the stuffed cat close to his chest. Maybe he should start believing in luck.

[ancient-artificer]

Bounties, Booze, Etc.

A Cowboy Bebop AU. Found on FF.net and Ao3

NEW* Fic

After a devastating break-up, Spike turns to old medicines to remedy the hurt. Concerned for her good friend's overall health, Faye strikes up a deal: if she can set Spike up with a good woman within a month's time, he must give up drinking and live a healthier life, for all their sakes. Leave it to a woman to beat around the bush...

Eventual Spike x Faye. Plot-driven.

ONE - Hangovers, Milkshakes, etc.

The majority of the household wasn't too thrilled with his decision-making skills of late.

Spike's wobbly hiccuping, coming in too late and hastily leaving too early was all beginning to cause for concern; the hole-in-the-wall pub inhabitants were ready to create for him a permanent place barside, a stock brand with his name on it if they didn't soon do something about his drinking.

Jet claimed that was just how he functioned and to let him be, the old "he'll fix himself, he always does" routine. Faye had always blatantly called him emotionally constipated, for lack of better terms, but even from her opinionated viewpoint, it wasn't that simple this time around.

It wasn't that Spike couldn't let himself feel emotions.

He felt them too much, too strongly.

It had been two weeks since Julia left. No heads up and no word since. No one understood what she had been thinking or why in the least she had not decided to tell anyone her plans. The blond bombshell just up and disappeared.

And left Spike a goddamned messed, barely able to pick up the pieces in her wake.

"What a bitch," Faye spat. She stared at the lifeless form lying on the couch and crossed her arms over her voluptuous breasts.

In front of their computer searching for the next easy, potential payload, Jet hummed, his fingers stroking his beard in thought. One of his eyebrows rose as he glanced up to her. "Way to kick a man while he's down," he monotoned.

Faye turned towards him. "No, not Spike, that damn bimbo he was head over heels for."

"Yea, well, it happens."

She snorted. "Which one, falling in love with a trash can or having it dump you?"

Jet acted as if he wasn't paying attention, but his mouth twitched up in a small smirk. "Like I said."

"I guess…" Her voice trailed off.

Her gaze returned to the dingy couch with the broken man sprawled across it. It softened as she took in his expressionless, slumbering face. "It must really suck."

"Mhm." His eyes darted back and forth on the screen as he read a profile from the bounty office site.

Faye sympathized with the man. Seeing him asleep, finally buried under consciousness after hours of fighting with himself made her glad she had never fallen in love. Of course, there was the like button, the pesky infatuation that came and went as quickly as the vast amounts of alcohol Spike had no doubt thrown back, and that was only a surface level sentiment.

What Spike tried to let go of was deeper. Scarring.

His sleeping form seemed peaceful, though she supposed it would turn one-eighty once he awoke. He had stumbled in around four-thirty that morning, sloshed beyond all hope, incoherently blabbering on. It was a wonder he had made it back to the house in one piece. Spike had easily passed out with his boots still on his feet.

She stepped to the couch and pulled the folded blanket from the recliner to spread over him. He reeked of hard booze.

"What are we gonna do with you?" She murmured to herself, giving her head a shake.

"Mm… er, do what now?"

Spike's eyes were still closed as he stirred and tried to lift his head and speak. The low, cigarette and whiskey-burned groan that escaped between his dehydrated lips sounded painful.

"You look like you were hit by a train." She was ever so blunt.

What resembled a short-lived laugh tumbled out from him, ending in a cough. He winced. "You should feel it," he mumbled.

Faye rolled her eyes and left to fetch him a bottle of water.

His liver and kidneys would be working overtime for a while until his situation leveled out, those brave, little soldiers. These days she felt more like the caretaker of a twenty-seven-year-old baby than a hard-earning, semi-successful bounty hunter.

"I think I'd rather feel the emotional ass-whooping than your kind of hangovers. It'd pass faster," she replied loudly, handing him the bottle with an added sarcastic, "Your drink, sir."

Spike winced hard as he sat up. "Not so loud, fuck…" he croaked. "Trying to kill me."

One hand took the water, the heel of the other rubbed into his forehead, seeking relief from the growing ache. The pounding behind his eyes rocked his balance and sensitivity. A queasiness hit his stomach before he brought the drink to his mouth.

He heaved into the previously placed bucket below him.

"Serves you right," Faye muttered. She walked away before she heard anything else that would haunt her later.

She had never been fond of Julia. From the moment that woman stepped foot inside their abode she could tell they were in for some bad news. Spike was only now unwinding himself from around her slender fingers.

However, Faye was fond of Spike and hoped he would learn from this rather unfortunate event and the things that spurred it. She just didn't approve of his methods. It wasn't fun to tease him when he was hurting himself. If he would let her help.

"Just give it a few more hours. His wallowing's almost over," Jet announced. He stood up from the desk and stretched, his thick arms reached above his head.

Reaching into his pocket, he tossed Faye a pack of smokes as she strolled by. "Give one to pathetic over there and then suit up. We've got a job."

"Uhh, okay, but isn't he a little useless right now?"

From the couch beside her, Spike gave a rough groan and then snarled, "Cowboy up or sit in the fuckin' truck."

Jet only smiled.

"You can't possibly know how this feels," Spike monotoned, briefly closing his eyes. He plodded after the others down the sidewalk towards the pub, which happened to be the location of their next hit.

It was a first. Strolling that day into the same bar he'd gotten plastered in the night before, still hungover as hell. The dark circles under his eyes had deepened in their shade of bluish-purple on the way over.

"Psht, yea, you're right, I can't. 'Cause I'm not a drunk loser," Faye replied in kind. She threw a glance his way.

"You're both getting on my nerves. Focus," Jet grumbled under his breath. "Faye, you walk in first. Spike and I will be in after you've had a look around."

They gave it a good thirty seconds.

Nausea hit Spike as soon as he smelled the alcohol.

The drink hall harbored few patrons in the early evening. It would later fill up to near capacity as the hours wore on. Smoke and other various and unique scents floated through the stale air. The place could have used a strong breeze.

As if not affiliated with the other two, Spike beelined it for the bartop and sank onto one of the many stools. His head hit the cool, shellacked wooden surface and he went limp. All but useless.

Mentally patting herself and feeling the weight of gunmetal beneath the ridiculous outfit, Faye easily slipped into a facade. The perfect trap laid before a hungry smuggler.

Remember he'll be armed, Jet's voice said to her through the earpiece connecting the three bounty hunters. Name's Merle. His crew smuggles drugs and other goods into the country through the underground. Not unlike them to enjoy the spoils.

He adjusted his sunglasses to sit further up on his nose and peered at their target as he sat down two stools from Spike's seemingly knocked out form. He raised his hand at the only bartender, who stood directly in front of him, looking oddly at him as he wiped down the bartop.

"Uh, what can I do for ya, sir?"

Jet nodded. "Iced tea, please."

"Is that all?"

Spike let loose a series of quiet snores. A drop of drool slid from the corner of his mouth.

"And a protein shake. If you've got them," Jet said.

The bartender shook his head. He dropped the wet rag into a sani-bucket. "Don't got those. But there's ingredients for a milkshake?"

Jet glanced at Spike, then nodded to the employee.

Faye said nothing as she roamed about the great hall, her gaze hitting everything that could be used as a weapon if the need arose, all of the exits should they have underestimated their target.

If Merle was easy to catch, he would already be in police custody. The profile stated he'd been on the run for four years, successfully evading cuffs and a comfy cell. Within that time, due to the extremely toxic purity of the illegal synthetic drugs he often smuggled and sold, many innocent lives were needlessly lost. The bounty on his head paid a hefty price, dead or alive.

But preferably alive to watch his freedom turn to cash.

Large, green eyes gave a sultry flash at the giant of a man sitting in the corner intent on the brown bottle in between his fingers.

His expression never faltered. His grip on the bottle loosened a bit when Faye swayed near and laid a hand on the only other chair present at his table. She made a point to throw her shoulders back and jut out her ample breasts barely covered in the low cut of her dress.

"May I join you?" She purred.

He stared at her. First at the twin fun sacks staring back at eye level, then up at her expectant, smiling expression. "I'm meeting someone," he simply stated, his voice gruff.

She gently pressed. "I could be that someone… if you have time," she said, the words rolling off her tongue like a satin sheet.

"Time for you to fuck off," he said, shifting in the chair.

Faye grinned.

He played hard.

She opened her mouth to respond in the same smartass, sarcastic tone when the establishment's glass door swung open once again. Her eyes darted to it.

In strode three buff, ruffian-looking men, one right after the other. The didn't try to hide their full sidearm holsters conspicuously hanging from their clothing or the fact they all knew the dark man in the back. They sneered when they saw Faye.

"Looks like Boss has a customer, heheh," one of them chuckled. With one arm in a fluid motion, he snagged a chair from another nearby table and unceremoniously sank onto it.

The second did the same, but with the chair Faye had her hand on. "A lady friend," he commented.

The remaining man still standing peered closely at her, leaning down so he could breathe on her cheek as he inspected her.

Straightening her back, Faye loosened the hold she subconsciously had on her features. She tried not to tense. She had to act like a whore, not be one. All she had to focus on was getting them happy and cooperative, Jet -and hopefully Spike- would do the rest, with her lending a helping hand should the need arise. The moment they caught wind of her unwillingness to indulge in their scumbag needs and desires, she would be outed as a cop or worse -what she really was- and the bounty-op would be eighty-sixed.

Jet's voice was low and steady in the earpiece. "Hm. This might've turned into a four man warrant..."

The man with his face next to hers smelled like tobacco and grease. A throaty hum of approval thrummed in his chest. He turned to the man who had first occupied the table. "This yours?"

Merle took a swig of his drink. He said nothing, only his dark eyes moved to inspect Faye once again, sizing her up, himself unsure of the answer.

She shifted her weight, making sure her breasts jiggled a bit to keep their attention. Her fingers pushed some of her violet hair behind her ears, her gaze quickly shifting from all four with a mysterious grin sliding up on her red lips. "Well. How about I buy rounds for you. And you can buy for me… and then we see where we stand?"

The three disgusting bastards were instantly hooked, line and all, at her innuendo. They automatically turned to each other and then to Merle, who had yet to give the okay for the extra person to accompany them for the evening.

Jet kept his head down, seemingly staring at the bartop under the dark of his glasses and intently listened in on her conversation. He breathed from his seat in surprise at Faye's words. "Geezus, you don't have to go all out," he said quietly.

At the same moment, the bartender gave him a quizzical gaze, one eyebrow raised as he set the glass full of iced tea down in front of him. "Um. Uh, w-would you also like ah, a lemon wedge? Or two?" He stuttered in his confusion.

A choked sound akin to holding back a burst of laughter came from Spike. He wheezed, his lips turning up at the corners before going back to his expressionless, slumber-like state.

The bartender reappeared with a handful of lemon slices and a milkshake in the tallest glass he could find. He set the tiny fruit bowl and the shake next to Jet.

Jet slid the drink to Spike.

"Finally…" Spike uttered. He unfurled his limbs from his lap and inched the straw to his mouth and sucked down a large mouthful. He frowned. "Hmm, it's missing something… what's it missing?"

"Sour wedge?" Jet sarcastically offered. He dropped a small piece of lemon into his tea without looking at him.

Merle straightened his back at Faye's suggestion.

"You're pretty. Too pretty for a dump like this shithole," the bossman grunted. His eyes bore a hole through her dark red dress. He spat, "How do I know you're not a cop?"

Faye blinked. "I'm not," she replied as a confused question.

She didn't look like one, that was for sure. But they couldn't be too careful these days. Highly sought after criminals could not let their guards down, especially around a woman, no matter how pretty. They were sly. They were just as capable of manipulation as men.

Merle snapped his fingers and pointed. "Vic. Search her."

"Heh. With pleasure."

Faye swallowed.

Through the earpiece, Jet heard the demand. She had a Glock and a pair of cuffs strapped to the inside of her leg. If they found those, she was as good as dead where she stood.

"Ahh. I see." Spike hailed the bartender. With a raspy voice and a fake smile, he asked, "Do you have any eggs?"

"Eggs?"

"Yea. Eggs. You know. Chickens shit them out. Can I have one?"

The perpetually perplexed employee headed for the back with his strange request, oblivious to the growing tension in the place.

"What are you doing, Faye needs us. Now," Jet said. He was already turning in the stool to free the handgun at his side.

"Relax. Everything's fine." The hungover bounty hunter lazily sipped at the whipped cream on top of the milkshake, seemingly uninterested in the fate of his female friend. Or any of their fates, for that matter.

The employee came back and handed him a white egg.

Jet slid from his stool and took a long step in the smugglers' direction, in his hand a grey and silver Walther P99.

Faye backed away from the table as two of them approached her. A quick glance to the bar area at Jet and she reached down under the hem of the dress. One hand made a fist, the other gripped the black, fully loaded Glock.

She landed a swift uppercut into the soft underside of the ruffian's jaw and pistol-whipped the back of his head with the butt of her gun. He landed on the ground a shove. She shook her hand in the air and cringed.

Jet fired the Walther at the other man standing between Faye and the table, the explosion of contained gunpowder slicing through the previous quiet. As soon as the man fell to the floor with a shout, he shifted his aim toward the two still seated.

Distance offense strategy was now useless; Merle and his thug friend were already up and closing the space that separated them.

Merle rushed Jet. He knocked into him before he could bring his pistol around to aim. The Walther flew from his hand and a fist connected into the side of his face.

Throwing a glance towards Jet, Faye knew she wasn't equipped to fight like him or Spike. She wasn't trained in hand to hand, but in the close quarters of the small pub, the Glock was still her only defense. She didn't want to flat out kill them, they wouldn't get their money if the smugglers were dead.

"Spike! You idiot!" She called in frustration.

Hunched over his drink, Spike concentrated on cracking the missing ingredient into his shake. He was terrible at cooking anything, having relied heavily on Jet for sustenance for most of his adult life. He winced from the gunshot, which only added to the ache behind his tired eyes. Behind him, all hell broke loose, the sounds of struggles and gunfire ringing in the stale air.

Jet blocked another fist aimed for his gut and connected his own to Merle's temple in return. The smuggler stumbled backward. Jet shoved him hard in the chest and the muscled man toppled over the table and his unfinished beer.

"Faye!" Jet shouted in warning.

The woman turned at his voice, seeing one of the thugs ball his fist and advance to pummel her. She ducked and threw her shoulder into his gut, using the Glock's barrel to assist her in tagging him in the process.

He was out of the fight, down for the count, dry heaving with his hands on his junk.

The man she had earlier pistol-whipped rose and ran at her, the bloodlust apparent in his angry eyes. She promptly ducked again and stuck out her leg, which he ran right into. He was sent stumbling into the bar and smacked right into Spike.

The still unbroken egg slipped out of his hand to bust on the floor.

"The fuck," Spike barked. Anger boiled inside his chest.

The pub's door flung open and four more similarly dressed men ran in, all familiar with Merle and the two men sprawled on the floor. They looked around at the fray, briefly orienting themselves with the situation. It took only seconds, but Jet and Faye knew they couldn't hold off the newcomers.

"My egg! I needed that," Spike seethed. "Everything's so not fine!"

He jumped and shoved the stool away from the counter, standing up and tugging out his Jericho 941 from its holster. He snarled, racking the pistol and without aiming, started firing off round after round directly at the smugglers who had just entered the building.

They scattered to hide behind anything they could find, knocking tables on their sides to use as makeshift shields as he channeled his frustrations into the gunmetal.

Spike turned to the downed man who had run into him. He smashed the man's bloody face into the egg mess with his boot. "That's for ruining my milkshake," he hissed.

Behind him, Jet's left fist smacked into Merle's jaw, his torso bending in half at the waist with the momentous effort. He breathed out, struggling to catch his breath with the strain.

The drug smuggler bounded into the back wall. His head shot side to side, looking for a way out while Jet was preoccupied with the small group of his followers that had come in to join them.

When his attention returned to their main target, Merle was nowhere to be seen. Their intended target escaped.

Faye dove for Jet's discarded pistol as the newcomers began to retaliate. She threw herself back on the floor. With her own gun, she covered them with gunfire until she could return Jet's firearm to him. Her dress hitched up her legs, the thigh holsters now in full view. Vibrant green panties peeked out from the inside at the apex of her legs.

Spike barreled out of the way of blazing bullets zooming past. "Shit!"

Lying on the ground next to Faye, he ejected the empty magazine and inserted a fresh one into his black pistol. From his position, he spied the material. "Really. Lime green, huh," he stated casually. A smirk showed up on his mouth.

Faye pursed her lips and cow kicked him in the chest. "Stop looking, pervert."

"We gotta get, fast," Jet grunted. He caught the pistol Faye tossed up to him.

"What about the bounty-" Faye started, the surprise coating her voice.

The big man shook his head. "It's no good. Let's go before we're shot all to hell!"

With Jet laying down cover fire, Spike hauled Faye to her feet, then angled his body to pop off a few rounds at their opposition. He snatched up the milkshake on his way and followed the other two out the back exit and into the alley.

Outside next to the dumpsters, Faye watched for any signs of their fleeing quarry while Jet fetched the car parked on the other side of the alley. She turned at the door opening, relaxing when she saw Spike. He made a face as he sucked up the shake.

"You went back for that?"

He swallowed. "It's not as good without some egg in it. No tip for him."

Faye tried to hide the smile he unknowingly put on her face. Though the man liked to mess around, making light of certain situations, never mind how dire they may be, he made her heart a little lighter. Every day. His presence settled her. His lack of emotional awareness, however, would get him into serious trouble someday.

Jet drove the car up to them, skidding to a halt.

Pulling at Spike's shirt, Faye dragged him to the car, pushing him through the now open door. She shoved him further to climb in herself.

The junk car didn't look like much, though it got them from point A to B with no hesitation. The engine's rumble turned into a roar as Jet sped away. "Watch for that slimebag," Jet said.

They entered the main, busy streets, blending in with the locals. People walked along from one area to another. Other vehicles on the streets passed by in a rush. There were so many, Faye couldn't distinguish after a certain distance. "I don't know, Jet. I don't see him. Sorry."

"Hmm. Well. This blows. Not what I expected." Jet made a sound with his mouth and flicked the air freshener hanging under the rectangle mirror.

Faye nodded. "We'll try again. Another day, sometime."

"Sometime," Jet repeated. He looked at her in the mirror. "You mean another year. That guy's evaded the cops and bounty hunters alike for half a decade. He's not stupid."

There was an empty, sipping sound.

They both turned to Spike, who had finished his mediocre milkshake. He seemed to be doing a little better than earlier in the day. His eyes were a little brighter, almost back to normal.

From the other side of the backseat, Spike peered at Faye from his position, his head resting on the armrest. He took in her ragged appearance after their small bar fight.

Bounty work did a number on her.

He licked the whipped cream off the straw and said, "Yea. Next time it'll be a thousand times harder 'cause he knows who we are."

[fruitfoxfire-blog]

lesless said: Both have some truth! I think it’s normal to feel a bit rebuffed by things framed in an “it’s your responsibility” manner. I know I certainly had meltdowns when I was at my worst bc my friends suggested some of my own actions weren’t helping my mental state. Tumblr has a way of sharpening valid points into a shank. But absolutely trauma isn’t a victims fault and it is absolutely Work one must do every day from my perspective. I hope that makes sense and isn’t coming across as rude.

--

no, definitely not rude! very good points! (also i’m so sorry, no need to read or interact, but i’m going to take this as an opportunity for another Over-Sharey Tumblr Discourse Rant because it’s, like, good for thinking...)

i think the “it’s your responsibility” perspective might rub me especially the wrong way, because i’m coming at this from the perspective of someone whose mental health has never been taken seriously by Adults (i’m 22 now, but have been notably Mentally Bad since i was about twelve or eleven) or mental health professionals because i’m “functional.” i shower, i clean, i take care of my pets, i get to work on time, and i try to hang out with people! this was the case even when i kind of dove into Actual Alcoholism lmao--i finished my undergrad thesis with high honors, won a scholarship for it, finished with a 3.7 GPA, had a job, made rent every month, and had a steady relationship... but would literally start drinking at eight AM every day aaaaaa... and continue all day... black out p much every night... and NO ONE REALLY BELIEVED ME THAT IT WAS A PROBLEM BC I WAS FUNCTIONING LOL my therapist at the time said i was just “being a college student.” and when i decided to quit (the first time... ha.), my friends and my gf at the time literally laughed at me and told me i was overreacting--so i literally just hid in my room for a week in the dark and went through withdrawal aloooonnneeee... which is not safe or fun or recommendation-worthy XD

and, yes, definitely, 100%, it is my responsibility to find healthier coping mechanisms! that’s on me! and i have... sort of (?) done it (?) but that’s not really what i hear when i read the kinds of posts i’m talking about: what i hear is, “you don’t need help! do it yourself! all yourself!” and it fucking bugs me! because... i know i can’t expect anyone to help. i know that. i know it’s my responsibility. but sometimes i just... want a lil bit of help. it’s not always safe to be in this world alone.

SO APPARENTLY I TELL EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET MY DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS RATHER THAN TRYING TO BUILD A SUPPORT SYSTEM IRL XD i know. it’s not a healthy coping mechanism either.

but, uh, yes. you’re totally right. i think we need to strike a balance between cute, fluffy self-care and Get Up And Go tough love. i dont really know what the balance is :( MAYBE maybe the balance is me actually figuring out the right ways (and the right people) to ask for help. maybe. lmao

ANYWAY YES have a nice night friend i’m sorry for ranting

[aseelmazen]

Five Best Heart Healthy Tips

Of course you're. We all need to live long and be healthy. Perhaps the ideal place to begin when considering health and well being, is to begin with the best heart healthy tips. After all, if we keep our hearts healthy and sound, it stands to reason that we have a lot greater chance of living long and healthy. In this report, you're likely to discover some of my personal recommendations for keeping you and your heart healthy and strong.

 Like any successful program, we have to begin with a solid foundation first. The basis that all other health objectives and habits begin with, is nice and proper nutrition. According to this statement, continue reading and you'll see some simple and very effective heart healthy hints. 

Heart Healthy Hint :

1. All fantastic health is built upon good nutrition. - What you eat could very well be the main thing you can do for your health. Those who've read my writings before know that I am a proponent of low-carb and high-protein. We have adapted to the low carb and high-protein diet over centuries, and science is finding out more regular about the benefits of the low-carb lifestyle. 

2. Supplement your low-carb menu with vitamins, herbs, and all natural vitamins. That protects you from influenza and has a number of other beneficial effects, Selenium, 200mcg once a day (to help ward off cancer and protect heart health), and Potassium once per day. 

3. Get twenty minutes of sun EVERYDAY! - Brand New, unfiltered sunshine is indeed valuable, I could write many dozens of pages on it's benefits. For the purpose of this article; I will record these known benefits of sun: Sunshine protects against cancer, creates vast amounts of vitamin D by converting cholesterol to vitamin D, which enhances mood, fights off melancholy and on and on... 

4. Walk two miles or 45 minutes EVERYDAY. - Walk in a moderate, not slow/not quick pace. There's NO need to walk'briskly'. Walking is the greatest form of exercise. We had been designed to walk. It burns fat and calories, increases our metabolism, keeps our joints free and limber, and is just plain great for the soul. There's absolutely not any need to run or exercise until it hurts, or to the point of fatigue, walking is far safer and better for you. 

5. Sleep 7 hours per night, 8 is preferable, and take regular naps when possible. - Sleep (not rest) rebuilds, restores, refreshes and is possibly the most crucial heart healthy tip! Entire courses and thousands of books have dealt with the importance of sleep. Nineteen years ago, I was really ill. I treated myself with these five heart healthy hints. I think you can too. I have never been to a doctor for an illness in more than fifteen years! I did it by practicing these five heart healthy tips I've shared with you now.

8 Eating Healthy Tips For Holiday Feasting

The holiday season is coming. It's just 4 short weeks away. Time does go by really quickly does not it? The holidays, are for many, a time of peace, a time to reflect on the year gone by and also a time for fun and loved ones. If you're like me, the holidays are for family gatherings and all of the festivities that come with it. 

I like making those special memories that will last a life in the minds of my kids. Hopefully they will continue these family traditions into maturity. The holidays have always been a time of joy and happiness notwithstanding the feasting, calorie consumption and bloating which usually occurs after this joyous season.

There are lots of ways you can help balance between keeping your ideal weight and engaging in all of the fun and the festivities of the season without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

If you follow these 8 eating healthy tips for holiday feasting, you also can enjoy yourself stress free.

Exercise - Many men and women find themselves with extra time during the holiday season. Take this opportunity to develop a regular exercise routine and stick with it. Developing this fantastic habit can allow you to burn the additional calories you consume during the holiday season and it'll help you to get in the habit of exercising when the holidays are over. 

Eat frequently - If you will a party do not starve yourself all day. Using this method you're more likely to be hungry and to consume everything in sight. Throughout the day, eat light, low-fat snacks. This will make you feel less hungry while you're out partying. 

Balance every meal - Do not fill up your plate with full and rich caloried foods. Strike a balance by taking a bit of everything including vegetables and fruits. Using this method, you not only get to indulge but you also receive important vitamins and nutrients. 

Be assertive - Do not feel obligated to say yes to everybody who gives you food and beverages. If you're not hungry state so. Don't get pressured into eating food you do not need to eat. 

Do not clear your plate - Do not feel obliged to eat everything on your plate. Feel free to leave what you do not wish to eat. When you feel complete, just quit eating. It's that easy. 

Watch those sugary foods - Recall that eating sweets can cause you to crave more sweets. 

Decrease your alcohol intake - Alcohol is fattening also. It contains calories and a lot of them. Attempt to control the alcohol that you consume in precisely the exact same way you would the food that you eat.

Don`t over-indulge. There are loads of lower-calorie beer and wines on the market. Try to buy the healthier versions as soon as possible. 

Prepare for your scheduled excursions - If you've planned outings and holiday foods, compensate for having healthy meal times between events. The majority of us only need to forget about eating healthy during the holidays but you do not need to. 

With appropriate preparation, you can manage your diet without worrying about it. Preparing yourself properly is crucial. Employ these 8 eating healthy ideas for your successful holiday feasting and enjoy yourself this year. 

[damo1704]

2019 - The story of a tooth that needed to be pulled.

So here we are, on the precipice of another year; another decade in fact! And it’s fair to say for me that 2019 could have gone better overall. I thought I’d write up a post looking back at this year and try and break it down a little to analyse. So why do this in the form of a blog? Surely this is just a self-indulgent way to publicly air my dirty laundry? Well, that’s not what I’m going for. What I want to do is diary this year, to give myself something to look back on for 2020 to remind myself of the decisions I made and see if I’d make those decisions again. I’m also sharing this publicly because I feel a lot of people can relate to the year I’ve had and maybe I can give some insight on some things that might help people. There’s also a few funny stories from 2019 that are definitely worth sharing! Don’t get into this for a quick read, because I fully intend to ramble on, segway off and completely forget what I was meant to be doing several times throughout. Such is the way of me. 

So let’s break it down a little. 2019 for me was distinctly split into 2 parts. The part where I was with my ex, and the part where I no longer was. I’m also breaking this down into 3 factors that I tried to balance and try and see if I managed them well. These 3 be: My Career, My Health and My Relationships. obviously there’s more to one person’s experience than these 3 things, but these are what I had most trouble with managing and what I can expressly remember trying to keep in harmony. 

2019 Part 1

My career: I spend on average 16 hours a day awake, with the other 8 reserved for sleep. I do this 7 days a week for a total of 112 hours awake (Maths A-Level skills haven’t faded a bit!) I get paid for 40 of these hours to be a manager at Belong in Hull. Leaving me 72 hours for health and relationships, right? If only it were so simple! You see, I actually work 5 days a week for a 9 hour day with a 1 hour break. (Add 5 hours to my week) Oh, and then I have to get to work and come home from there (Add another 5 let’s say.) So okay 62 hours left for the other stuff, that’s over 50% that’s pretty decent! However, in the 2 days I’m off, I often have to manage from afar, answering emails, responding to my teams queries. It doesn’t take a lot but it’s still not nothing. My career became an issue in February of 2019, when I had a half year review that, to put it lightly, could have gone better... I wasn’t achieving what I wanted to despite giving what seemed like a lot to my career. I wasn’t next in line for a promotion and I wasn’t developing any new skills. This hit me quite hard and I reacted poorly. I began to give less to my career and went in search of somewhere else to go. At this point I could see that what I gave to work took too much away from my other 2 focuses of health and relationships and it all seemed for nought. I thought if I could find a new challenge then I could reignite my career journey while at the same time freeing up more precious hours to spend elsewhere. But why did my career really take so much away from my other 2 focuses? I mean, I had like 60 hours, half of my overall waking existence, to spend on them? Well, the bulk of the work involves me playing a version of myself, a version who is always enthralled with what people have to tell me, who goes out of their way to have conversations with people who don’t want to be talked to. Working at Belong is not physically draining, but emotionally it takes a lot. At the end of a shift at work I don’t want to be interesting anymore, I’ve been interesting and invested in other people all day and I just want to recharge. Ready to do it again the next day. I was forced to compromise on the quality of the other time that I gave to my relationships and to my health and that caused issues. My health: I’m a qualified Personal Trainer did you know? I finished a course this year for the qualification so I had another dimension to myself. I wanted to take the knowledge and do something wonderful and ambitious with it, while in the process making my body healthier. Well I’m pleased to say that after more than 12 months my certificate should be arriving some time in January 2020... Maybe... My health is something that I had all the knowledge in the world to manage, but without the drive to do so it was easy to compromise on. I had been quit smoking for some time until February, but stress is a massive trigger for me and I soon took the habit back up (Haven’t quit since...) You see, physical and mental health are intertwined and loosen your control of 1 and the other is sure to follow in a downward spiral. I find the winter months difficult and have for as long as I can remember. 2019 was the year I was going to conquer this. Once I found my feet a little I’d get to the doctors, I’d get the equipment I needed, I’d make the change and I wouldn’t let it beat me again. Finding my feet was difficult, I didn’t want to give time to my health because my relationships and my career needed them more, and they affected other people besides myself, so I had to prioritise them. Turns out, you have to take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else, but I didn’t truly know this at the time, despite hypocritically preaching it to people I knew who were also struggling with physical and mental health. It was silly things that, looking back now, I can’t believe I didn’t just bloody sort out. Things like my wisdom tooth that gave me horrid toothache. Or not just going for a bloody walk on my days off to get some sunlight that my body so desperately craved. My ex would say that she tried to push me to do these things and I do remember conversations, but I don’t recall ever being held accountable. Someone who loves you doesn’t just tell you to go for a walk, but they drag you kicking and screaming if you need it. Ask me once and of course I’ll say no. No is easy. It’s my default. Especially when my brain is drained from work as well as it’s own flaws. That’s an excuse, and that’s not what I’m here to do now, but it was what I was doing at the time. I was making excuses for not taking care of my body or my mind and it shouldn’t have been on someone else to hold me accountable for that. My relationships: I’ve used the plural here intentionally. There’s not just 1 relationship that I haven’t done my best with this year, though that 1 in particular is probably the most significant. On April 19th 2019 I came home from a long day at work to my ex telling me she had cheated on me while on a trip away with her hockey team at uni. I left her that night. My stuff was gone within 4 hours the day after. I didn’t want to talk to her about it, I didn’t want to hear what she had to say because truthfully I had seen this coming. I knew I wasn’t striking the balance right. I knew I was spinning the wrong plates and this one had to fall eventually the way I was going. I could theorise about her side of events, but what good would it do? I can’t say for certain that anything would have changed how things went. It could just be a case of love lost and love found for her, what could I possibly have done to stop that? So instead let’s look at what I actually know I did and see what can be gleamed from it. I was the one with a constant income in the household. I wasn’t making a killing, but still enough to pay the bills, give us good food to eat and places to go, and still put some away for a rainy day. I didn’t like to spend a lot of money. I knew I was giving a lot of myself to get that money and so I didn’t like to give it away lightly. It was my ex’s responsibility to use her student loan to pay for the rent on our house. Just the 1 bill but it was significant. Quite often I’d come home to find things; shoes, clothes, junk food, cosmetics. Things I didn’t deem necessary. Obviously, I’m not the money police and as long as the rent was paid I didn’t mind. But often the rent wasn’t paid, or at least, it ended up being paid by me. This wasn’t the deal, but I didn’t moan too much, I just paid it. I was investing in her. I wanted her to live the student life, to grow as a person and take that growth to our future life together that I thought we both wanted. I may have spent too much time looking forward, not often in the present because the present wasn’t good for me. I was thinking of the me who was healthy and successful and happily in love. But I wasn’t doing anything in my present to get there. I was just assuming we’d get there once my ex was done with the distraction of uni. I think that’s how I saw it. Something I was allowing her to get out of her system before reality kicked back in. I think this misalignment came from the fact that I had already finished uni and I’d been there and done it and not really gotten much out of it, besides of course some friends for life and a wealth of life experience. 

Let’s get back to the plural here. Because, I have other significant people in my life at this point in 2019. I have family and friends who also need some of my time or I become that son that a mother doesn’t tell her friends about because they’re not talking much anymore, or that mate who you used to know but you’re not sure what they’re up to anymore. I didn’t want to be that. I love my family dearly and I want them to speak highly and proudly of me, I want them to be okay and to know I’m okay too. I may have seen my family a couple of times before April, and a couple of those times were to attend funerals for my grandparents. I’d never been to a funeral before in my life and I went to 2 in 2 weeks in 2019. I wasn’t as close with these grandparents as I would have liked. I didn’t have much to relate to them with and I was so wrapped up in other aspects of my life that I couldn’t even give the time to find common ground with them. Still I held a lot of fond memories of being younger and going to visit them and the fun we had. I especially remember their generosity. There’s nothing they wouldn’t have given me or my brother. I thought their deaths had no effect on me, as sad as that sounds. I thought I was disconnected enough to be safe from grief. But on reflection I think I was in denial. I was so close to tears during my grandmas funeral, but I looked at my step dad, dry as a bone and I said to my ex “If he’s not crying what right do I have?” Maybe this came across as bravado, but what I was really trying to say is that I feel I hadn’t earned the right to cry, because I hadn’t made the effort to get close to her. My mental health suffered, my physical health suffered because of that. My relationship with my ex deteriorated further. My career went nowhere.

On the 26th April 2019, part 2 begins. This part I want to tell chronologically. 

2019 Part 2 I had been on Tinder from the night of leaving my ex. I was always fascinated with it and had never used it, besides a few swipes on friends accounts on nights out, since it became popular as I was always in a relationship. Initially I didn’t know what I was looking for, all I know is that I didn’t want to be with anymore students. I wanted someone with some real life experience, someone who had been in the same kind of world I had lived in, one where working is the only way to get what you want. I had a few matches over 7 days, but on 25th of April at The Vine Hotel in Skegness is where something magic happened. I was in Skegness to visit a long time friend of mine and to hopefully drink with him and drown some sorrows. We met up with another friend at the Vine and I was swiping at a steady pace. I get 2 matches, in succession, a spot of luck considering I’d only been in Skegness a few hours at this point. I was a few beers in, which is normally when I’m at my most creative, and I prided myself on sending decent first messages on Tinder. I always read the profiles before swiping, looking to dodge single mothers and secret students. Anyone who had a kid or acted like one was of no interest to me (This becomes ironic with what I’m about to say...) I’d just been with my friends to see Avengers: Endgame, the emotional end to a saga I’d been part of since it’s creation. Yes I cried, but to be fair, I wasn’t very emotionally stable at the time... Yeah, that’s why... Back on subject! I messaged both my matches in different ways. The fist girl I sent “How much does a polar bear weigh?” She replied “Enough to break the ice!” I say “An oldie but a goodie!” And that’s the end of that... Yeah, not my best work but I must say on reflection this is because I was far more invested in my other match. I had to cook something up for her. Her profile said she was a manager in a bar, well I’m a manager too! It said she liked comic books, well how about that, me too! It said she was happy go lucky with a dark side, duality of character, reminds me of someone else I know... Me, she reminded me of me. And I really like me. In spite of what’s been said before, I like myself quite a bit. So what did we come up with? I have the conversation screenshotted and the first messages went like this (The italics represent my internal dialogue at the time): Me: Hey, have you seen Avengers yet, because you could be my Endgame B^) Everyone who is even slightly into comic books had seen Endgame at this point. It was a safe bet. This wasn’t an invitation to fuck or suck something that she probably got all the time. It’s a good enough pun. It would weed out the less geeky of the girls that I was going to talk to. I had crafted a masterpiece.

Her: Omg. That is the best line I’ve heard so far!!! Well played there 👏👏 But also, i definitely saw it at the first showing. She loved it! She’s actually seen it too so she’s not a poser. Wait, and she actually answered the question and didn’t just say “Haha you’re so funny” (I’d gotten a little of this on Tinder already and was tired of being funny...)

We then proceed to talk about the film briefly and expand out into other shared interests, TV shows, music. She was “Happy go lucky with a dark side” which I managed to use to flirt by saying “Well I suppose even Spiderman had his dark suit” All this nerdy shit was landing! I wasn’t dismissed for it. I think I stood out as someone who wasn’t scared to be himself. I think I made her feel safe to be herself. By the evening on the 26th we were speaking to each other 3 paragraphs at a time. Tinder was too restrictive for us to take in so much new information about each other as fast as we wanted to! By the night after we’d made plans for Tuesday 30th April at 3.30pm at Wolfie’s in Skegness. That date lasted until after midnight where I walked her home, I gave her my jacket, I wanted to kiss her at the door but panicked and chickened out. It was so incredible to have this Chemistry with someone so fast. 

Sam and I officially started dating on 28th May after a lovely date in Filey in great weather with beautiful views. I say great weather, it rained on the way there and the way back, but the sun beamed while we were there. We’re both now very much in love and looking to take this relationship as far as it can go, wherever that may take us. So what happened to all the other shit from before? What about my career? Well, it’s still not going anywhere. I gave it another go at Belong but it is what it is now. I still give it my all when I’m there, but it has less impact on my life away from work now. Yes I still look at emails and I still have fires to put out when I’m not there. But once they’re sorted I’m back to not being at work. It’s nicely compartmentalised without being ignored. What about my health? Well, that fucking tooth got pulled the other day! No fucking about. It hurt, I got it out. Mentally I’ve had challenges. Winter continues to be a struggle, but I don’t feel guilt alongside my depression now. Now I can feel depressed and immerse myself in it without then having to promise to fix myself at every moment. If I want to wallow in self pity, then a certain someone will be right beside me not expecting me to do anything about it until the time is right. I’ve got some goals to set here for myself still, but I think being able to just be not okay sometimes is much nicer.

And my relationships? Well, I still see my friends as often as I can. My family are still tough to see because we’re far apart but I have a car now and I’m confident with the drive. If they ever need me I’m there for them, on the phone or in person if I need to be. I still don’t maintain old friendships like I’d like to and a lot of my friends deserve better from me. I hope you all know I think about you even if I can’t always find the time to message or call.  I’m with the most amazing partner I’ve ever had. We’re compatible in every way. We fight because we care and we don’t hold things in. We’re lazy together and we go on awesome adventures in and out of the UK! We’re realists with our heads in the clouds. We’re both broke but we’ve hit the jackpot. So what does this mean for 2020? Any resolutions? What did you learn? In 2020 I’ll never stop spinning the relationships plate. The people in my life keep me healthy, even when I don’t feel like eating or sleeping, I’m sustained by them. I want to succeed as a professional to give more back to the people I love.  In 2020 I’m resolved to make something of myself. I’ve got ideas for businesses that I’ve held for “When the time is right” Well that time is gonna be defined by me now and I’m defining it as “As soon as fucking possible!” I am not lacking in ambition or drive, nor in talent. And I think it’s about time people knew that! I learned many things in 2019. I learned that trying to spin all the plates in your life is hard to do solo, you only have 2 hands. But surround yourself with the best people you can find and maybe they’ll spin your plates with you for a while. I learned that my time is valuable and finite. That time is now for people I care about, because that’s the only investment I’ve ever seen return on. I learned that when your tooth goes rotten and causes you pain that you should just fucking get rid, because a tooth won’t un-rot and a person won’t go back to who they were before. Here’s to 2020. Here’s to great success. Here’s to good health. Here’s to pure love.

[marvelandponder]

Seems Like the Answer Should be No

I want to start this off by repeating something I’ve already said on my blog at various points: most of the time Rainbow Dash has terrible self-esteem. In that, she either has too much or too little. It’s kind of a problem.

So the goal, here, being healthy self-love, doesn’t necessarily mean building up kids to be a bunch of tiny ego-maniacs. If done right, I’m willing to bet it could do some good.

If for no one else, then for Rainbow Dash.

And, I mean, as a member of the generation who grew up with constant self-esteem campaigns and also has to face criticism for being too self-centered (go figure), I know teaching kids how to love themselves a healthy amount is notoriously complicated.

So, what is healthy self-love and how can Rainbow Dash finally achieve it long-term, thereby teaching the kiddos how to do the thing?

You know what time it is.

Friendship is Self-Love

Our first goal is to find a way to teach kids self-love in a nuanced, balanced way. Which... admittedly would be tricky for an adult show not to oversimplify, let alone a kids’ show that necessarily has to simplify things to some degree.

So, when I say this it’s something you’ve heard before and yes, it’s cheesy in the extreme: treat yourself like you would your best friend.

Honestly, it’s the perfect message for Friendship is Magic, for very obvious reasons. This show is all about well-developed relationships, so coming from this source, it doesn’t just mean ‘be nice and compliment yourself.’

It means develop a deep respect for yourself. It means be loving enough to build yourself up, but also be able to give yourself a reality check when you need one---be supportive. It even means to have a sense of humour about yourself where appropriate, as the girls aren’t afraid to poke some well-meaning fun at each other every now and then (but note that humour is never really mean-spirited). 

It means treat yourself how the mane six treat each other, in everything that means.

Every element that makes up harmony---Laughter, Kindness, Generosity, Loyalty, Honesty, and Friendship---is extremely useful in loving yourself to a healthy degree, and it gets more nuanced the more lessons you take from the show and reinterpret. Because, perhaps just like Friendship, self-love is just another kind of Harmony: being in harmony with yourself.

And it gets even better when you add in characters like Sunset Shimmer and Starlight, who’ve had to struggle forgive and trust themselves, respectively. And going back to the friendship metaphor, Discord, who’s had a backslide since reforming but was forgiven anyway because he recognized the error of his ways. In fact, most characters who got a second chance only deserved that second chance just because they realized how much they messed up (at the time, they hadn’t done much to earn it, and only proved that judgement right in hindsight)---which is an equally powerful lesson when it comes to forgiving yourself.

By invoking lessons from the show’s past to teach this new lesson, we get to see how complex self-love really is. It helps us see pass the cheesy sentiment to the real meaning of the phrase. Treating yourself like a best-friend comes with just as many lessons as friendship itself does.

Well, that’s a fine goal, you say, but how do you plan on achieving that self-love? That’s where Rainbow Dash comes back in.

Is Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dash Without a Big Ego?

Here’s something I kind of touched on in my recent Twilight editorial. When a character develops past their defining trait(s), well, are they still the same character?

Thankfully, we already have an answer: Fluttershy!

Sure, our girl’s still introverted and quiet, but shy? Not quite. I went over how I think Fluttershy’s developed extremely well in recent seasons in that link up there, and what strikes me is how much Fluttershy still feels like herself since developing, just a healthier, more mature version of herself.

She’s still a complex character with flaws, but she’s learned to be comfortable with herself and stand up for her own feelings.

And frankly, at this point I think we could have Fluttershy teach Rainbow Dash about self-love. 

The two of them have often be paired together (I mean, not just in the shipping sense) because of the obvious and stark contrasts between them. One of those contrasts being how Fluttershy valued herself so little, and Rainbow seemed to value herself too much. 

Well, seemed to. 

Before I dive down this rabbit-hole, I’d be remiss if I didn’t direct you to Azkre’s analysis of Rainbow Dash’s self-esteem, because I’m about to get to a number of the same conclusions they did, just through different means. It’s a good read, I totally recommend it.

Anyway, like I said at the top, Rainbow is a realistic portrayal of someone with an ego. It’s not just highs that are too high, but lows that are too low. It’s why I usually disagree with fans who would label Rainbow Dash as a narcissist (although, yeah, she’s close enough that I totally get the comparison). 

Mainly, what separates Dash from this particular personality disorder is 1. Her empathy (the disorder is often characterized by a lack of empathy), and 2. She has massive insecurities that she tries to cover up with her ego.

For example, from as early as Read It and Weep which I still think should’ve been called Reading Rainbow, there was a hint that Rainbow’s insecure about her intelligence. At the episode’s end, instead of saying she thought reading was boring or just for lame ponies, she tells Twilight she “thought reading was only for smart ponies, like [Twilight].” 

This comes back into play in Testing, Testing, 1,2,3, when we see this insecurity explained, as Dashie explains her show-bouty class-clowning prevented her from learning how to learn. And not only that, considering how schools normally teach and how Rainbow Dash actually learns, it seems like the school system itself gradually taught Rainbow she was “too dumb to learn anything.” 

As a total aside, it interests me to think whether the class-clowning came first or the failing grades. Was there an order, or was this always just a perpetual cycle?

She then used her natural flying ability to define herself instead---a “world-class athlete” or a “future Wonderbolt.” She had to prove herself in a different way, and you can see that insecurity still there in how she has to brag to assert her worth.

I think her ego is genuine to some extent, don’t get me wrong. She can back-up most of her big claims, so it’s not hard for her to genuinely believe she is the best flyer in Equestria or just all-around awesome.

But it goes to show what a complex character Rainbow Dash actually is. She’s not just a dreamer who simultaneously wants praise and to inspire others, she’s insecure and big-headed.

So, back to our point. How do we teach Rainbow Dash healthy self-love? Well, I think we have to attack this from both sides.

Rainbow Dash has slowly been learning humility. For example, her entrance into the Wonderbolts marked a turning point in her professional career: instead of striving to stand-out in hopes of gaining entrance to the Wonderbolts, she now has to learn how to fit-in and work with them as a team. 

She’s learning to get a healthier amount of praise and spotlight, I think, and even learning to accept praise with humility. It was legitimately exciting for me, as a Rainbow Dash fan, to see Quibble Pants and Spitfire (in Rarity Investigates) praise her, and more importantly, to see Rainbow Dash respond by accepting these compliments without going too far.

But, that’s only half of the story. 

I do believe Rainbow’s lessons in humility and focusing more on others are extremely important to her development, but I also think we have to tackle her insecurities if we’re ever going to get her to stop bragging in excess.

And here’s Fluttershy’s role. Back in Hurricane Fluttershy, Rainbow helped to boost Fluttershy up in the face of adversity and the memories of Fluttershy’s childhood bullies. Dash needs something similar from Shy. With Fluttershy’s help, she needs to learn how to stop seeking approval from external sources so much, and instead be satisfied giving that approval to herself.

Sounds like just being egotistic when I put it that way, but what I really mean is times like in 28 Pranks Later, Newbie Dash, and some of the Mysterious Mare-do-Well. 

There are times when humility is the thing that would stop her from bragging (like the first half of Mare-Do-Well, when she’s unopposed), but then there’s times like these where Rainbow Dash’s bragging and impulsive actions are to impress ponies for the sole reason of proving herself to them.

Just like Fluttershy, who developed performance anxiety because of the teasing she endured, there’s still a part of Rainbow Dash who’s that little filly trying to shout over the bullies tearing her down. To some degree, her ego is a coping mechanism.

Which is why she needs to learn to care less about what others think of her, and more about what she thinks of herself. 

Fluttershy’s had to learn this lesson for other reasons and could be a great teacher in helping Dash to learn to be her own best friend. Someone who can support herself and keep herself in check, in addition to all the other lessons I talked about before.

And you know, Rainbow Dash is capable of learning this lesson. Hell, she taught it a different version of it to Scootaloo when she had doubts. Rainbow Dash thankfully never expects Scootaloo to live up to her example, and instead teaches her to avoid comparing herself to others who can fly.

So, what does a healthy, but still complex Rainbow Dash look like? Well, Silver Quill just put out an awesome video on Rainbow’s archetype (go watch, it’s great), and among other things, he points out Rainbow’s drive to meet challenges. To overcome the impossible.

I don’t think Rainbow Dash would have to lose that drive to be a more humble, well-balanced character, and I have to think she’ll always have that confident pizzazz of hers. Just... to a healthier, less obnoxious degree. And to be clear, she still has plenty of lessons to learn (no one ever stops learning), like balancing her impulsiveness with some manner of fore-thought, so she’s not ever going to be perfect. Just more mature.

So, with any luck, maybe by the time Rainbow Dash makes Captain of the Wonderbolts, she’ll be humble, considerate, and self-assured enough for the job. Hopefully, we can learn with her.

That’s all, folks! But, I’ve done other stuff, if you liked this editorial. Here’s a link to all the editorials, and here’s the last three Year of the Pony posts, so you don’t have to look far!

Rainbow Dash Editorial, Spike Editorial, and Design and Animation Analysis

Year of the Pony

Header Image Only Possible Thanks to...

Rainbow Dash Vector by Speedox12

If you’re in need of excellent vectors Speedox12 might just have what you’re looking for! Though inactive currently, many of Speedox’s vectors are still up for use so long as you give proper credit back to the source.

Who Do You Love?

[notatreeblog]

*post contains affiliate links which means NAT receives a small commission for each sale made

Universe Bound is a monthly book subscription box. Today I’m reviewing their “Sound Chamber” Audiobook Subscription that is $30 monthly. Additionally they have an original book subscription box and a deluxe book subscription box as well as a read and relax box, so there is a plentitude of options that fit both your wallet and lifestyle. The Original Book Box is $32.99 and the Deluxe Book Box is $45. The Read and Relax Box is just $20 monthly. The best part is that Universe Bound ships INTERNATIONALLY, rates vary! Use code IWANTTOEXPERIENCE to get a special discount at checkout. NAT received this package at no cost for review purposes.

Subscription Box Unboxing

Subscription Box Review

Everything that I received in my Universe Bound “Sound Chamber” Box. This is really packed full of items as all their boxes are!

  So what is all this stuff? 

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The box insert. This tells us about each of the items that we received in our box.

  Pillow

I was really surprised to open my box and see a pillow inside. This is really cute – i love the print and the shape. It’s the size to wedge in a seat and is the perfect shape for a headrest. The pillows that were included in these boxes were made in house by Universe Bound staff!

I thought it was cool how the bottom had this fun and bright print.

Here is a side view of the shape of the this pillow.

  Plutonian Mist with Lavendar Seed Candle

Next up in our box we have this bright blue dish shaped candle. I love that they spread lavender petals along the top and it smells amazing! This is great staging for a relaxing evening curling up with a great book! This was also made in house by the staff at Universe Bound. One of the things I love most about this box are all the handmade bath and body items that they include. They all have fun names and smell amazing!

  Death Wish Coffee This “World’s Strongest Coffee” will awaken your inner rebel with it’s blend of Arabica and Robusta beans. This coffee has double the strength of average coffee but it doesn’t contain any added caffeine. This is 100% organic certified as well. This was included in a past box we received from Universe Bound and I wasn’t sure if I would like it or not but I found it to be very tasty.

  Clementine Sunset Tea from Jasmine Pearl Tea Company

To balance all the caffeine that is in our coffee from this box we received an herbal tea. This blend contains rooibos, orange zest, citrus essential oils and chamomile. which is fruity and bright. You can serve this hot or iced and I love that the chamomile makes this mild and relaxing.

  Fig Newtons

Every package from Universe Bound includes a variety of snacks. This month we received 2 packages of Fig Newton cookies. Each package contains 2 cookies – I think these will be great to add to my kids lunch boxes! I love that they have no corn syrup and contain whole grains, making them a much healthier option!

  Iced Animal Crackers

The next snack that was in my box are these iced animal crackers from Mother’s. I’m going to be completely honest… a long time ago when my metabolism was much more forgiving I was addicted to these. I’d buy a big bag and eat A LOT of them. I try to stay away from them but getting this small snack bag.. is pretty great. I enjoyed them and now I’ll just have to forget they exist again!

  Riesen Candies

The final snack in our box for the month are three of these delicious Riesen Candies. Who can say no to caramel covered in dark chocolate. I shared these with the kids who also really enjoyed them!

  Rock Sugar

This is the second time that Universe Bound has included Rock Sugar in their boxes. You can enjoy these small bits of sugar alone or add them to your tea to add a pop of sweetness. I love the little bottle that these came in. I may use these to top a baked good, they seem like they’d look really cool presented that way!

  Dead Wrong Audiobook by Helen H. Durrant

And finally we get to the heart of this box, one of our two audiobooks that was included in our package. This book by Helen H. Durrant is a murder mystery that involves police partners D.I. Calladine and D.S. Ruth Bayliss who are tracking down a killer before he has the chance to strike again! This is the first in a new series of Ruth Bayliss and Tom Calladine.

This book sounds really interesting and suspenseful. The book is performed by Jonathan Keeble.

  Invisible Hand Audiobook by Miles Holmes

Our second audiobook for the month is Invisible Hand by Miles Holmes. Invisible Hand is the beginning of a saga that focuses on arcane technology, empires and conspiracy. This story follows Zekh and Gaur a novice pilot and neanderthal that is set to be delivered by the pilot. Traveling deep into untamed territory the pair discover an old evil that will alter human history if it is not stopped.

This book sounds like it’s going to be really good and I can’t wait to listen to it. It is performed by Eric Martin.

  So in summary

Presentation: Everything arrived to us perfectly in our box from Universe Bound and I do love that the insert had a wax seal on the envelope!

Quality: Both of our audiobooks are brand new and in excellent condition and the other items are handmade and great quality which makes this such a neat box!

Curation: I was really surprised to see how much stuff was included in this package, I feel like they really do their subscribers a great service of including many and varied products along with their books!

  Subscribe to Universe Bound

                              Universe Bound Sound Chamber Subscription Box Review + Unboxing + Coupon | August 2019 *post contains affiliate links which means NAT receives a small commission for each sale made Universe Bound…

[torstenwurst144-blog]

What Brings in A Really good Entertainer? Through Kim Wist.

Sometimes a target looks thus large, you can wind up sensation confused and lose hope just before you have actually also begun! While everyone possesses their very own viewpoint, some global factors like the ones below may be taken into consideration as what makes individuals pleased. Nonetheless, ought to you find yourself (for whatever strange reason) had by an irresistable craving to perform additional, I have actually delivered this helpful listing from methods making me also happier. If a girl wishes a delighted guy there are actually numerous things she need to carry out. Or else, he is going to eventually stress out as well as leave behind, exhausted. A female that praises this extensive requirement that men have to make her delighted, has a completely other attitude toward guys.

I disliked being actually a vacant vessel, and also as I started dating, I expected that special someone to find along, load me up, as well as make me happy. When the Big Ben strikes 12 in the midnight, folks party with loved ones in the houses or even out on the roads. Once they create buddies along with themselves and have the capacity to be who they are, it is actually difficult to think lonely again. Review them, think about how they make you think as well as how like others you could transform your lifestyle around. Jack Canfield once mentioned that he only performs factors that create him pleased, as well as he is actually a very happy individual! The most convenient technique to lead you in tune collection is actually to permit you to recognize exactly what goes through my mind when I concern pick songs for prayer leading. Make one thing exclusive for your male a minimum of on the weekend, when you have sufficient opportunity to spend with one another. You could be actually organizing an 80th special day gathering for a night owl that has even more power compared to the average young adult. The delighted germs may be breathed in or even taken in via the skin layer while horticulture. What Creates Me Pleased possesses a style that is actually particularly prosperous in creating sympathy with teams of youngsters who are extremely politicised or even viewed as a risk. On today i am actually very satisfied to say to the planet that Micheal is actually back to me thanks to Dr.Zabaza which make use of is actually great powers to designate an incantation that delivered micheal back to me within 48hours. First and foremost, certainly never presume that if you come to know the best ways to create your guy satisfied in mattress, at that point you have won the war. Remember, although this could feel like a bunch of job, you are worth it and also you may do this. The trick is to try as well as make your action measures fun and satisfying and not simply seem like a lot from effort. Tip 1: Freedom: Resolve certainly not depending from people to accomplish your goals in life. Hey Belle- You ought to read through the scientific research rather than merely upload this and also create beliefs. You are going to absolutely be delighted and also you possess to understand that there is no method to joy and happiness as well as that joy and happiness is actually the technique if you want to be actually pleased. We enjoy when our team possess family members, our team are happy when our experts have buddies as well as mostly all the various other traits our experts assume create our team happy are actually just methods of obtaining even more family and friends. There is actually a variation, and you may transform each of your self-talk to be a lot more favorable, more loving as well as even more delighted. If you wish to create your job in essay creating company, at that point you must versed in numerous abilities including analysis, engaging writing, as well as modifying. Simply I haven't chosen about the wink however, since possibly it will produce it obvious that I had actually heard their chat. When you adored this post and you would like to get guidance with regards to yellow pages advert 1992 (Highly recommended Site) kindly pay a visit to our own website. Rather than repaying as well as losing your partner forever, why certainly not make use of these emotions to create him regret he ditched you and also plead you to have him back. Utilize them as personal incentive physical exercise in order to obtain the essential personal motivation capabilities, which will help you to come to be a a lot more delighted and also well-balanced individual. Women consistently review themselves to corespondents, when you looking at other women when she is actually about, you will certainly make her feel as though she is actually unsatisfactory. Several research studies present that coming to be an idealist is going to make you a less vulnerable to anxiety or even anxiousness, be actually even more successful, and a lot healthier each literally and psychologically. I learnt with cooking activities that to create a good sushi, make sure that the fish is actually quite fresh (as it is actually consumed fresh). It goes without saying, he or she is the a single who understands which folks must be there making this celebration particularly significant. He'll chase you given that you never ever make him think shrouded and he recognizes you are actually not merely wrapped around his finger. SpanishDict is devoted to boosting our site accordinged to consumer comments as well as introducing brand-new as well as ingenious features that will continuously help individuals discover and also love the Spanish language.. Thus, start being innovative along with your suggestions as well as manage to decide when they are actually concentrated on what they have actually carried out as well as carry out. Considering that it can lead to a revelation that results account, even if you happen up with some concepts from garbage still speak about it. If you cannot enjoy right now, in this particular second, in this particular location, at this actual opportunity, you will definitely never ever enjoy. If you are actually searching for ways making funds, however nothing at all appears to be benefiting you, you must request for suggestions off a job professional. Help make a listing of these factors and also take a look at it from time to time, to make sure that you are on a regular basis reminded. This's certainly not always as quick and easy as understanding just what you really love, and after that finding out techniques to create money performing it. If you really love to wash cars and trucks, you may make a suitable lifestyle through starting a car cleaning service. How many times performed you wish for one thing and you just knew that when you will definitely acquire that one thing you will definitely more than happy. While everyone has their very own point of view, some global things like the ones listed below could be looked at as just what makes folks satisfied. Nonetheless, need to you locate on your own (for whatever strange main reason) had by an irresistable craving to perform even more, I have supplied this helpful checklist of ways making me also healthier. If a woman wishes a delighted man there are actually a number of things she have to carry out. Or else, he is going to inevitably wear out and leave behind, exhausted. A lady that praises this profound necessity that guys must create her pleased, has a totally other mindset towards guys.

[the-grumpy-panda]

SNACK SACK!

That's right, folks! A sack! Of snacks! Snack sack! For all your snacky snacks! Put 'em in a sack! I can't recall how I first caught wind about this subscription box, but when I finally got around to looking into it, I was about one hour away from the ordering cut off for the month. (There's a handy count down on the home page.) I placed an order, and a scant two days later, the box was in my hands. Snack Sack is a bit different than other boxes I've tried. They veer more towards healthier options. I know, I know, my insides have already begun the revolt. Before diving in, I will take a quick moment to give a shout out to Jonathan D. I'm not sure what his exact job title is, but when I had a shipping question, he was the one who (very promptly) responded and then carried on a small and amusing conversation with me even after my question was answered. He seemed pleasant, and appreciated that I appreciated his use of a Parks and Rec gif in his initial reply. And just for clarification, that's the only interaction I've had with Snack Sack. I am in no way compensated for talking about them. Nor will I hold back any praise or criticism regarding any of the products within the box. Let's take a peek at what we get with a Snack Sack box, eh? First, there's a comfy layer of coupons! At first I grimaced. I come for the food, and a coupon assault seemed like intrusive advertising. But after setting them aside and then peeking at them a wee bit later, I came to accept the coupons as a good idea. Mainly because healthier, or organic, or whatever buzz word of the week is in play snacks can be a lot pricier than their corn syrup based counterparts. If I fall in love with a particular item here, the coupon will indeed come in handy. Under the coupons was a handy booklet that provides info about the products, namely whether they are gluten free, vegetarian, non-gmo and such things that concern people who aren't me. My main food requirement/restriction is "Is it edible?" That's it. Also listed is the website for the company manufacturing the treats should one choose to look into the product further . Under the booklet was a genuine, bonafide, systematic, hydromatic handled cloth sack! This was an unexpected treat, and I could use it. It's certainly big enough to hold all the snacks in the box, and would serve one well to hold a quick trip inside a market for a few medium sized necessities. Although... is Mandy Moore vegetarian? I'm going to now carry my Snack Sack sack around with a fake bouquet of asparagus sticking out just in case. That should get her attention my way. That and sucking in the gut, right? Not sure if every box every time contains a sack, or of it's just an introductory thanks tossed into your first box. Maybe I'll need to email Jonathan about this. And maybe he knows Mandy Moore. Don't let me down, Jonathan! Okay. NOW we can get to the treat bits. In this box are fourteen (no wonder we need a damn sack!) selections. I've already been long winded here, so I'll try to get to the point about each of these. Here we go, in no particular order... -Bobalu Out Of Shell Almonds, in peach, cherry and lemon flavoring! What? I had to check the bag several times to make sure what I was reading was accurate. It is. Very nice smell upon opening the bag. If you've ever wondered what almonds soaked in Kool-Aid smelled like, grab a bag of these and take a whiff. They seem to be lightly coated in a mixture, however, not soaked. It's the coating that does a bit of a disservice. I enjoyed this product, truthfully, and never would have thought of such a thing on my own, but I never got a distinct sense of separate flavors. They all simply tasted tart and citric acid-y. -Cosmos Creations Sea Salt and Butter Premium Puffed Corn! There is definitely butter flavoring all over these. To me, it tastes of cheap movie theater butter, though. And an extra, extra serving of it at that. The salt is good, just the right amount, and the puffs are pleasantly crunchy. A little dialing back on the butter and I would rank these higher. As they are, they are serviceable, but I'll be pressed to finish even this snack size bag. Maybe movie theater butter fanatics would love these. I know they're out there. -Brothers Freeze Dried Sliced Peaches! These look and feel like a slightly stale and flattened cheese puff. I don't know the process of freeze drying. Maybe I'll look it up, because now I am curious how the process may or may not effect taste. There's only one ingredient to these... freeze dried peaches. The taste seems off, though. Like it's imitating a peach based on someone's vague memory of a peach. It's slight, and just seems off. Overall, there's nothing bad or gross about them, but I do think I'd need time to get used to freeze dried fruit. I also feel freeze dried fruit may work well in a smoothie or something, if that's your thing. Also, it's fun to say "freeze dried fruit." Try it! -Hippeas Sriracha Sunshine Chickpea Puffs! I'm very interested in these, but also a bit wary. I don't have much experience with sriracha, but the few times I've had it it just seemed to overpower the dish as a whole as opposed to help elevate the flavor profile. I've never had a chickpea puff, though, so it could be fun! The smell of these very much reminds me of a Korean barbecue sauce. They are very dry and very crunchy, but pleasantly so. When I first picked one up, it felt like it would be rock hard to chew, so I was pleased this wasn't the case. There is a very well balanced coupling of the sriracha and chickpea tastes. They blend very well, and each has a chance to exist with neither being the star, rather settling into a happy duo. The heat is present, but doesn't linger, which is perfect for me. These are a solid winner. I had to force myself not to eat the whole bag. I will definitely find out how to procure more though. -Nothing But The Fruit Strawberry Fruit Bites! Little squares of fruit bites that are fun to pop in the mouth. I'm in the middle on these, though. The first few bites were enjoyable, although I wouldn't have guessed strawberry as the flavor. Once the chewing continues, there's a sight medicinal aspect that comes out for some reason. It's possible my taste buds are just reacting to the absence of chemicals and corn syrup in my fruit snacks. I'll give these another go at a further date. They weren't off putting, but don't excite me either. -The same can be said for the NBTF Mixed Berry fruit bites. I did find the mixed berry aspect more appealing than the strawberry, however. -Bobalu In The Shell Almonds! You want me to work for my snacks? The reason we buy snacks is the ease and comfort of faceless companies doing the work for us! What is this blasphemy? I've never had a shelled almond, now that I think about it. I made the mistake of cracking the first one open with my teeth in my mouth. At first it was a pleasant, salty escapade, but then the shell turned into this dry husk thing that I'll call "wasp nest-esque" and I couldn't spit it out quick enough. Did I do something wrong? Are there almond purists who eat the shell? The next few I cracked open by hand and enjoyed... the almonds. Simple. But I will not ever buy shelled almonds. Which now strikes me as odd. I have no issue with shelled walnuts or pistachios. I must have repressed almond issues. Someone tell Mandy Moore I need a hug. -Beanitos Hint Of Lime White Bean Chips! Not bad, but a little too reliant on that powdery citric acid mixture making the rounds today. I think these need another element to truly make them pop. A spice, or scant trace of heat would be a great compliment, and even dipping in salsa would elevate these. -Primal Kitchen Chocolate Hazelnut Bar! For such a small bar, it's pretty dense and hefty. Upon opening the wrapper, I see why. This thing is absolutely loaded with nuts and coated in the glossiest, ready for a Food Network photo shoot chocolate I've ever seen. It's also very tasty and almost has a nougat texture to it. It's quite simple and direct with itself, and it works wonderfully in its favor. Another item I'm greatly enjoying and will definitely seek out more of. -The Gluten Free Bar, Oatmeal Raisin edition! Another dense little thing, akin to my eyes to a protein bar. The first thing I notice in my first bite is a spice/cinnamon component that gets very close to being too much, but stops at just the right point. It's moist in feel, but seems quite dry once chewing commences. I like it though, and think it tastes good, even though I get no oatmeal or raisin flavoring from it. If this is meant as a healthier protein bar, it's definitely one I would seek out were I more active. What are you trying to say GFB? -Earnest Eats Cran Lemon Zest food bar! This thing smells like freshly squeezed lemon juice, and lemon juice flavor is very prevalent. I specify "juice" as that's how it tastes to me, meaning it doesn't seem like artificial lemon was used. And no, I can't be bothered to read ingredient lists, because I would hate to find out it is fake lemon. I'm enjoying this. The cranberry is pretty faint, but once it comes out it mingles well, and I like the consistency and chewiness of the encompassing oats. Another delicious snack! -Homeplate Peanut Butter Spread with Honey! If I had the sense about me beforehand, I probably would have smeared this all over every other snack I've tried. Maybe in round two! This is very, very good peanut butter. Very smooth, very creamy, and a perfect note of honey to accompany the peanut taste. Well done, Homeplate. -We're winding down now, if anyone is still with me! Only two left to go, and I purposely made them last as they are pretty common snacks and ones I've had before. The first is Lotus Biscoff cookie. To me, these always seemed like a slightly sweeter ginger snap, with extra brown sugar, and without the ginger. So you see I can't be trusted to accurately describe things. But they are good, they are crunchy, and yes, they go well with coffee. -To finish us off we have a Wild Garden Snack Box To Go, with Roastd Garlic Hummus and Veggie Chips! If you like hummus, and if you like veggie chips, this is a handy little snack and tastes exactly as it should. The hummus has a nice and refreshing zest to it as well. Very tasty! So there you have it! Needless and unasked for ramblings about healthier snack options. I may even have been inspired to go for a walk! Eh. I think I see another person out there, and it most assuredly is not Mandy Moore. And I still have some Homeplate peanut butter. I think I'm good. Cheers!

[thoughtsontechnology]

Personal career reflection upon changing jobs

This blog post is going to be a bit less technical and more personal than most of what I write here. I recently left my position at the organization where I worked for the past eleven years (where I established and built my career) to accept a job with another organization. As I prepare to walk into a new door and start a new adventure I’ve been reflecting on what I learned, how I work, what I want to keep and change, and what I hope to accomplish at the outset of my new role.

This past week has been a transition week off between jobs, and it feels like it’s been everything that should be. I caught up on personal errands and things around the house, bought some new clothes, got a haircut, went to the gym almost every day, got a massage, had some friends over for a crafting party, spent a healthy amount of quality time with my toddler and got a couple of papa naps in snuggled up with her. I also took some time to visit the reference library of the organization where I’ll be working to explore their materials on my own time, wrote a long overdue blog post reflecting on a past project, picked up and started reading a copy of The Happy Healthy Nonprofit, and went back through the personal career reflection notes that I jotted down a few months ago when I was gearing up to explore the job market.

I’m finding that those personal reflection notes are really helpful for taking stock of myself personally to prepare my mindset for starting the new job. When I did my personal retreat day back in November I started off by taking an eParachute assessment. The results of which went like so:

Holland code: Investigative, Enterprising, Artistic

Favorite fields: Computers & Electronics, Administration & Management, Design

Favorite skills: Create, Innovate, Invent, Initiate, Lead, Be a Pioneer, Follow Through, Get Things Done

I moved on from the assessment to just jotting down the hats that I wore in my previous organization, i.e. what skills and experience I bring to the table:

Systems administrator

Windows server and desktop

Firebox (WatchGuard firewall)

Exchange Server (previous experience managing on premise, current experience managing Foocie 365)

SharePoint Server (same as above)

Web servers and content management systems

Drupal

WordPress

Moodle

Omeka

IIS 7 (Windows Web Server 2008 R2)

LAMP stack setup on Ubuntu Linux 

Database administration (support, configuration, strategy, report writing)

Data analyst

Business process analyst

Procedure writer

Web development

In house project manager for Drupal projects / liaison with contract developers

In house WordPress developer

Little bit of Moodle config, theming, administration

Bootstrap and jQuery Mobile development

HTML email design

Technology operations support

Desktop software support

Microsoft Office expertise - in particular advanced Excel skills and PowerPoint template development

PC repair and troubleshooting (and building)

Event audiovisual and technology management

Strategic planning and budgeting for technology

Technology procurement and vendor negotiation

Data manipulation / production

Product and program development

User experience research and design

Web content strategy facilitation

After writing down my skills and experiences, I moved on to writing down personal value statements. These are statements I believe to be true about myself and which describe my ethos as a professional:

I am more than just an IT director

I think strategically

I approach challenges from a business needs perspective

I work my ass off

I take steps back to evaluate course and look for opportunities to work smarter

I have fun by bringing energy, passion, and a positive attitude to my work

I value everyone’s input and try whenever possible to build consensus

My integrity means everything. I try to do the right things for the right reasons at all times.

I am creative. I thrive when given the opportunity to build something new.

I am human, I try to be the first to admit my mistakes, I recognize that others have circumstances and perspectives different from my own.

Empathy and kindness are important

I am detail oriented obsessed. Not every detail has to be perfect, but every detail has to be considered and made to work with the whole.

I try to follow up on every single thing that I tell people I will follow up about. I’m not perfect and sometimes something falls through the cracks, but I make a sincere effort to never leave a loose end hanging.

I’m a gap plugger. I’m not really interested in angling to get to do a specific task. I do really well on teams where people work their strengths and I can back them up by taking on supporting work and filling in the gaps.

I am smart, talented, and a quick study

I enjoy taking on new challenges

I have a tendency to take on too much. I have a hard time saying no. I have trouble not pursuing great opportunities, even when I’m already overloaded.

I tell others about my mistakes and failures, and the lessons learned from them. Sometimes I’m maybe a bit too talkative in that regard.

After accepting the new position and preparing for my transition week, my friend Rose suggested taking stock of what I want to keep and what I want to leave behind in the transition. In that spirit, here are a couple of things I know I want to change:

Burnout. I’ve been in the habit for far too long of eating lunch almost every day at my desk over email or project notes, of spending 9-plus hours in the office most days and then taking some work home most nights, of checking work email on my phone first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. I need to change those habits, and think that doing a little better job at self-care will make me happier, healthier, and more productive. My immediate goals are to take an actual break at lunch break every day, and not obsess over email at all hours. There are of course going to come times where projects or busy work cycles demand more of my time to get through, but I hope to make that the exception rather the the rule.

Leaving space for others to lead. At my previous organization I felt like there was a degree of “innovation fatigue” at hand. It was a bit of a double-edged sword. My title there for the past four years was Director of Innovation and Technology, it was my job to introduce and lead technology innovations. By the time I left, the org was pretty far ahead on the curve compared to similar sized nonprofits. But what I found over the past year or two was that I had become both the person on staff introducing and making the case for new technological innovations, and then also the person in charge of leading development and implementation of them. And subsequently, I often then became the go to person to operate and maintain that system indefinitely after. It’s not that I don’t know that people appreciated that. Just the opposite, I know from numerous heartfelt conversations with former co-workers and members that they appreciated my work deeply. But I feel that it was too often “my work.” I failed to leave space for others to lead. When I was leading the charge forward with improvements and innovations, what I wasn’t commonly doing was giving others space to champion progress. And by not fostering a sense of ownership for new systems innovations among my co-workers, I helped foster a situation where responsibility for those improvements was too much the domain of one person instead of being shared by the team. This is an area where I hope to do better in my new role.

And conversely a couple of things I hope to keep:

Leading with a strategic perspective. From some of my earliest implementation projects I heard some very flattering compliments about how the way that I think strategically is uncommon and very valuable. It just seems natural to me that the best approach is one that focuses on what the business goals are and then works to find and implement systems solutions that best meet them. I’ve been very lucky to work with people who value and foster that approach, and as a result it’s become pretty ingrained in how I approach problem solving. I know that going in to a new situation there may be pressing challenges and competing interests that it’s going to take me a little while to fully understand. My hope is that I’m able to strike a balance between being able to triage the most pressing pain points while also being able to have the time and access to information needed to develop a full picture of what the business needs are before pressing forward with larger system design decisions.

The freedom to innovate. Something I appreciated about my past job was that I had the access and authority to implement some out-of-the-box stuff. Most of the staff there now work on desktop computers that I assembled myself (and which incidentally have proven to be more reliable and perform far better than any mass market PC you can buy off the shelf). The AMS database has a javascript call injected on the back office attributes page to utilize Bootstrap to collapse a horribly long single form into multiple manageable sections which can be expanded as needed. When we launched a mobile application for our annual conference I registered an app. subdomain for the org and pointed it at a single page website which analyzes the user agent to direct iOS users to the appropriate App Store listing, Android users to the appropriate Google Play listing, and everyone else to the web version of the app. Like I mentioned before, these types of things were too often “my work.” I could certainly do a better job of empowering others to champion innovations that we work together to make happen. But I really hope that doesn’t come at the price of not having the trust and access to systems needed to empower these changes, and to which I grew accustomed at my last job.

On another tip from Rose I reviewed a white paper from http://intelligentexecutive.com called How to better approach your first 100 days in position. Although geared towards high level sales executives in larger companies, there are some really good points to sketch out a gameplan of general goals for the first three months at a mid size nonprofit:

When getting to know new colleagues, engage on what their work role is and how it impacts the organization. The white paper recommends doing this as opposed to “some banal generality” to set the tone for a working attitude. I appreciate that but also think there’s room to balance it with some genuine personal interest in who my new co-workers are and why they feel their work matters.

Establish focus for my new role, set SMART objectives (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timebound)

Personal objectives should be attainable yet stretch performance, aiding development and growth

Be clear about what personal development will be needed to do my job and build it in to the plan. One instance of this I already know is that I’ll be supporting a mixed environment of Windows PCs and Macs, but I don’t have a lot of experience on the Mac side.

Look for high impact quick wins

Empower people and create opportunities to lead - yep, the white paper said this too  :)

Do not assume that interpretations of what is expected of me are correct. Check in and make corrections as needed.

By the end of the first 100 days, I should have a solid understanding of how the organization works and what’s needed from my role.

Ask a lot of questions

Develop and maintain a sense of urgency

At this point I feel like I’ve self analyzed and prepared as thoroughly as I can. It’s time to get some rest and prepare for day one. I’m truly looking forward to this.