#Cuz the narrative can mean something to them

[maipareshaan]

Saw someone from obvs d*sticule say they like the 'prequel' cuz its very much found family, its so weird to me like this obsession with found family and it being the criteria for them and how their entire spn viewing is based on it, like??? Do media right i guess, watch terrible tv for found family crumbs, jeez.

[navree]

Who do you think the most similar characters to Aegon ii in Asoiaf ?

Oof, tricky, cuz at this point Aegon doesn't really have an arc. Aegon was very much treated as a side character in season 1, considering that we only met him halfway through the series, he's only in four episodes as a not-toddler, and the childhood episodes were more focused on Aemond's character than any of the other kids. A lot of what I and others notice in Aegon's character and potential development comes from being particularly eagle-eyed and from choices that TGC himself is making wrt his acting. It's also tricky because the book this is based on is basically a history book, and historical figures don't traditionally have "arcs" because, they're historical figures, not authorial constructs.

I think, and this is conjecture, that Aegon's arc is likely going to see him go down something of a dark path, as by all counts his "arc" is going to result in what happens after the Flight to Dragonstone, when he technically wins the Dance, and what he does at Dragonstone is pretty dark (it's another one of those scenes where I need the writers to go all out). Aegon's arc could potentially see him abandon vices to focus entirely on the war effort as a way to cope, getting more ruthless and crueler, abandoning this party boy identity he has for a colder one as he suffers not just physical injuries but deeply personal losses (the Dance is going to end with everyone Aegon has ever been close to, ever loved, except for his mother and his daughter, though Jahaera kinda comes with a big asterisk next to her, dead as a result of fighting for his succession) and has to deal with it while at the same time being a reigning king.

Based on that, on that overall through line of "going down a darker road because of the really bad shit you go through" is actually very similar to Tyrion's. I don't think it will be quite the same, as I do think Tyrion is going to eventually pull himself out of the hole he's in, whereas Aegon never entirely manages, but I think it'll be the closest.

[reineyday]

ah, i started rambling in the tags and then hit the limit 😅🙏 but yeah just wanted to reiterate despite the things i'm questioning in the tags that i do like your take that it's tragic because it's not enough in spite of it all. it certainly lends an extra layer of sadness to the demon stories we as readers connect with the most.

something something akaza and douma are such a haunting set of characters because douma feels nothing and he's so detached from not only his own but humanity in general due to his upbringing and the way he embraces his monstrosity but feels nothing in the process makes for a very dark take on the deeply unsettling nature of faking joy and gleefulness in the face of cruelty and violence instead of even making an effort to fake a more appropriate emotion like grief or disgust vs akaza who is so emotional and so incapable of not wearing his heart on his sleeve and chases the humanity he lost but craves because even though he can't remember what it is there's a strong feeling tying him to his mortal existence and the way he tries to capture that humanity by regulating his monstrosity with a pointless moral code and him searching for humans that are on par with him in terms of strength in order to subconsciously prove to himself that it's not a waste of time to hold onto humanity and that there's purpose to be found in it even if his monstrosity tells him otherwise to then regain a smidge of his humanity in the end only by succumbing to weakness makes for an equally dark take on the tragedy of doing everything right but ultimately losing to the circumstances that pushed and pushed and pushed you until you were too far gone to find any other way out than death.

something something douma faking grief about akaza's passing for a moment before coming to the conclusion that upholding this facade of humanity is not worth it makes my heart clench.

[kkpaaw]

I hope that we see a moment where Jay just snaps.

What I mean is up until recently Jay hasn't had much of a say in his life post merge. He was forced to work under the administration for years and then Ras showed up, fed him a shit ton of lies to get him to join him and then was promptly dumped when he was deemed no longer useful and now he has the ninja following him around tryna get him to go with them because "that's where he belongs"

Jay has had NO say in his life recently and I hope that gets brought up

Sure u could say he chose to join Ras but that's also not true. Ras fed him lies and twisted the narrative so that Jay would do what HE wanted him to do. That's not a choice. That's him being tricked. Of course he would go with ras, ras "saved" him and "gave him a purpose" that he's lacked for years. But Ras also did all that by denying Jay the truth to his past and his relationship to the ninja. So Jay really didn't get a choice. It was more of an illusion of one.

So I want there to be a moment where he just snaps and yells at whomever is near (likely the ninja) and goes on and one about how he's just tired of everyone telling him who he should be or who he should follow.

When is he gonna have a front seat in the choices that involve HIM? When is he gonna be able to choose his own path without someone leaning over his shoudler telling him he made the wrong choice and that this is where he should be instead.

For the first time in his life post merge and post the tournament he's finally free. Now that he's not with the administration OR Ras he can finally make choices that HE wants. Choices that aren't influenced by another and I think mentioning that is important too

Im ranting i dunno I just think something like that would be impactful cuz it's true. He really HASNT had much of a choice in what happens in his life recently and I feel like that's important to mention especially for amnesiacs

[paper-mario-wiki]

What is your favorite bar from the myriad of good bars from Kendrick Lamar involving drake, i.e. Euphoria, Meet the Grahams, & Not Like Us?

note: when I say "Drake" I mean the constructed pop star. when I say "Aubrey" I mean the human being and actor behind the narrative that is "Drake".

Euphoria my favorite bar from this track is the whole "I'm the biggest hater" refrain. i like it because that singular section alone completely obliterated Taylor Made Freestyle. by paraphrasing the late DMX's famous quote about Drake, he is demonstrating how you can respectfully and powerfully use words from the mouths of dead predecessors to discredit your opponent, further showing how much of a stupid tactless clown-show popstar-turned-con-artist Aubrey Graham is in using the AI mockery of Tupac's voice to taunt Kendrick, the current voice of the West Coast and-- to many-- the people's successor to Pac.

6:16 in LA with a slightly lighter tone than the other disses, i consider this song to be a person to person sit-down and final warning to Aubrey that Kendrick is willing to provide. he explains that OVO is full of moles and wires, Aubrey is being hustled with nobody on his side, and going as far as saying "you can't sleep, these images trouble you" hinting at the fact that he would be going after Drake's personal failings that he thinks about when he goes home at night and stops being Drake. which he totally did in meet the grahams. also, bonus points to my favorite rhyme scheme in the song, just cuz it's so much fun to say:

Your lil memes is losin' steam, they figured you out The forced opinions is not convincin', y'all need a new route

like, what a perfect little two-bar rhyme scheme.

meet the grahams in this song, the most powerful lyrics to me (and the ones that usually make me start tearing up) are the ones where Kendrick stops being sorrowful and starts being angry.

You a body shamer, you gon' hide them baby mamas, ain't ya? You embarrassed of 'em, that's not right, that ain't how mama raised us Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements, Why believe you? You never gave us nothin' to believe in

this reminds me of every traumatic scolding i ever received as a child. i think that the word "disappointed" isn't strong enough to convey the feeling here. something closer would be "let down", because Kendrick's whole thing recently has been peace and uplifting people. he was willing to tolerate the competition for the game, but there were so many times that he warned Drake to not mention Kendrick's family. ultimately, in this stage of their careers, what they were fighting for was not fame or power, it was their legacy. they were fighting over how they were going to be remembered, and Kendrick was not about to let his pacifism make him passive in watching someone pretending to be a part of his culture stain how he will be written about in the records of Hip-Hop history. in specific, i love the line "take that mask off, i wanna see what's under them achievements" because he is BEGGING Audrey to respond honestly, as himself. he is begging him to cast off the facade of "Drake" and speak with any amount of dignity, because at this point there was no more room to speculate on whether or not he actually was who he claimed to be with regards to his music. at this point, the consensus was pretty thoroughly in the camp of "the actor Audrey Graham has been co-opting the image of the American Rapper for his career".

Not Like Us i think i love the bar "he has all eyes on me and imma send it up to Pac" because it goes back to the core of what this is about to Kendrick in fighting for legacy. the media, specifically the white dominated media, sucks the culture (that is to say, Black culture) dry for all it's worth monetarily, and in the process there have been many twisted caricatures or unfair narratives left in the wake of black creatives who are no longer alive to defend their own names. there's an entire tangent about how tabloids disproportionately affect black creatives due to the very fact that white supremacy discounts the respect these names have to the (largely un-melinated) higherups in hollywood, and as a result there is less PR dedicated to keeping their image clean, but i think im not qualified to go off on it. the point is, Drake disrespected Pac's legacy (and continues to do so by owning his ring, really, instead of having it be in the possession of someone who's at least from the west coast), and Kendrick wanted to put some honor on his name. he made sure that he was not just mentioned in the shameful (Taylor Made) and angry (euphoria) parts of this beef, but also its most triumphant moment.

[blu3n]

["Hi, Blu3n, what do you think? how would Jason Petrr Todd be in a relationship? "]

Anon.

"1 he would be sooo communicative, i mean since the day he got back he's been telling bruce that he has a problem, he's told him exactly what that problem is, how it hurt, and how he can fix it. Everyone say's he never stops complaining and its like, yeah? cuz honey is still mad?? kill joker and he'll stfu about it bc he's still hurt. like he's not going to stop being upset until he's dead, and everyone is pushing the blame on him from bringing up valid arguments bc it makes them uncomfortable to admit that their system protecting their own moral comfort isn't working. If jason had a problem he would tell u about it, and you could actually fix it if you cared about it (unlike bruce...) also he would not hesitate to tell u he cares about you, he's said i love you so many times to love interests, idk if he's said it to bruce, but we know the sentiment is there. he would tell u he cares."

".2 his compassion babay!!!! hes sooo empathetic, he get so angry on behalf of the victims that he kills for them, and thats like, ugh, amazing. he knows what its like to be a victim and he can apply that feeling to everyone who needs an ear. he knows what its like to be a murderer too and so he holds nothing back for his victims (the self loathing is cute but sad.) his anger is his compassion weaponised, and im gonna make out with him for it."

".3 he's dependable!!! we all know that if he cares about you, bestie nothing will stop him from keeping u safe. he will kill for you. thats it. if your in a situation where batman needs to choose between u or someone else? jason would storm in, kick him to the side and choose you over and over (if he cares that is, gotta win his heart first am i right?) his code makes me feel much safer than bruces thats for sure. if i go rogue he can kill me."

".4 HE'S LOYAL!!! even after dying he still comes back to do what bruce taught him to, just a bit further u know? like he continues to protect gotham in his own way, he might not work for the bat but he's still a gotham boy and he loves her, protects her even after dying, he'd probably show u the same loyalty bc he's desperate for it back. he'd never cheat, tho i do expect him to be a bit jealous, but thats okay, i get the same lol."

"5 honestly his will to live turns me on a lil bit. im sorry you have to read this but when crawled outta the grave? i'd make out with him in that mud. i'd roll around with him in that mud. I'd tell him he's a good boy in that mud. maybe its not really a will to live and more a need to make them pay, but ugh,,, just his determination gets to me. theres just something so beautiful and gorgeous about crawling out of your grave, like yeeeessss im so angry that not even death can hold me back. i am alive and there is nothing you can do to stop me now, i will haunt the narrative except i wont haunt it because, im actually alive and im going to reshape the narrative to fit MY revenge and make the whole idea of death seem obsolete. suck it batman."

!! Owner of the post. !!!

NOTE:

Stop thinking that Jason would be terrible, in fact he has his disorders, but he would take care of you as if you were THE ONLY PERSON IN HIS ENTIRE WORLD!!!!

[davidisnotmyname]

MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS FOR THE SEVENTH COMIC (also this post is really long be warned)

Okay I wanted to give my thoughts on the seventh comic because I, a sleep deprived teenager with absolutely no knowledge on comic making or writing, feel that my opinion is logical and good /s

First off, my immediate reactions to the comic:

OH MY FUCKING GOD THATS A CHILD. THATS SOLDIER’S AND ZHANNA’S CHILD. THATS THEIR BABY. WHAT THE FUCK

the second I saw this shit I knew this comic was gonna give me an aneurysm (in a good way).

waitasecond…

THERESTWOOFTHEMOHMYGOD (also im so fucking happy that the joke I see in fan media a lot about Soldier naming his kids stuff like that is officially canon)(also east meets west fans were eating good this comic)

I like that the comic creators have put so much focus on Spy and Miss Pauling’s relationship. Not only is their dynamic great, but it shows that Spy isn’t a heartless jackass and he not only genuinely cares about the people around him, but can and will show it (I mean most of us knew that already but… someeeee people have fallen victim to the temptations of flanderization)

you’re gonna see this come up a lot in my rambling but I fucking love the shit the mercs are doing in the background, their expressions are so funny: Heavy is sick of their shit

Demo is asleep

Scout can’t breathe

Spy is also sick of their shit

Medic (and that godforsaken baby baboon) is sightseeing

Pyro is having the time of their life

and Sniper and Pauling are just trying to make sure they don’t all fucking crash and die

This is irrelevant as fuck (but most of the stuff I say is) but I just wanted to bring up how much I liked the secretary’s design. It’s very pleasing to look at.

They are like ants to me. I want to put them in a jar with holes in the lid and a bunch of leaves and then roll them down the stairs

I know this might not be what the scene is trying to imply, but fuck yeah, lesbianism (also thank god they gave Scout some semblance of character development, they are very cute as friends)

more background mercs. Medic and Pyro in particular have me in hysterics (this comic has so much good shit I can use for my discord pfp). Also Demoman my belemoman

GOD I FUCKING LOVE THE CHARACTER DESIGNS SO MUCH, thank you young Administrator for reminding me that I am in fact gay in every direction. RIP Admin, she served cunt and died

Get that fucking thing away from me

MAKAMI!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! THIS SHIT BELONGS IN THE LOUVRE!!!!!!! THIS IS GENUINELY THE MOST INCREDIBLE PANEL IN ALL OF THE COMICS, I AM AWESTRUCK

Yet again more background mercs. They saw your AO3 history.

okay I was gonna say something but my phone flagged this image as nudity for some fucking reason? What

anyways, as I was saying:

GAY (guys listen it’s canon okay you have to believe me guys wait come back no wait)

also my first thought when I saw this was “heavy is trying to hold him back from doing weird shit to the corpses,” and I don’t care how anyone else interprets it because I am objectively the most correct /j

also looking back at this I’m realizing heavy’s hands are almost the size of medic’s entire torso lmao tf2 isn’t beating the yaoi hand accusations

I’m actually gonna be sick and die oh my god what the fuck is wrong with me

I’m not gonna put all of the panels cuz I feel like it’ll get annoying quick + the image limit, but the whole series of Pauling just standing there as the Admin is cosplaying a Nature Valley Honey and Oats Bar while everyone slowly trickles out of the room just hits so hard and so good. These comics are such a compelling narrative disguised as a series of shitposts and I’m all for it.

MISS P. NAME DROP???!!!!! (Also can we get an F in the chat for all the Francine Pauling truthers)

He is literally her dad I don’t make the rules (also yes I’m aware that it’s stated that he’s her legal guardian literally two panels later so this joke really isn’t funny, but none of my jokes are so what’s your point)

Yet another casual masterpiece by Makami, with the added bonus of the subject being a beautiful hairy old man who’s built like a fucking brick house. Heavy Weapons Guy TF2 I wish you were real. Also bearded heavy goes hard, i need to cook him into a fucking soup oh my god

Hey chat so did you know I’m actually going to be inconsolable for the next three years. Also this is obviously photoshopped we all know his last name is Elbertson (no but seriously I actually started running around my room and rolling on the floor when I got to yet another name drop)

Okay, I need to either say this now or have it fester in my psyche for eternity. That haircut gave me physical and psychic damage when I first saw it. Scout tf2, you’re ugly as shit but that’s honestly poggers, welcome to the club man (also oh my god he looks so much like Jerma I’m screaming, but Jerma isn’t ugly though I promise I would never diss my king like that)

Nobody talk to me

I SAID NOBODY FUCKING TALK TO ME

spy with his granddaughter, he loves her so much but still can’t bring himself to reveal who he truly is. I actually can’t fucking do this anymore this comic is gonna have me keel over and die of a heart attack

That’s it. Get in the fucking wood chipper right now /j seriously though I can’t even begin to explain how much this scene means to me. Spydad was one of the main things that got me so interested in tf2 over a year ago, and seeing him and Scout not only being civil about it, but genuinely caring about each other is everything. I’ve never been one for spydad angst (no shade if you do like it, I just personally prefer happier stuff), so I’m glad that this was the route the comics took with that plot point.

also don’t think I’m not gonna bring up the fucking mask. after seventeen years, we finally have spy’s face. Not only that, but the reveal was done through him giving it to his granddaughter. It’s done in such a casual and sweet way but it’s so impactful. He can be vulnerable around these people. This man, who’s spent his life building up walls around himself, refusing to let anyone through to the point of wearing that stinky ass balaclava everywhere, can now freely live as himself with his son and grandchildren. I’m gonna start eating screws I swear to god.

oh fuck I hit image limit hang on I have a little bit more to say check the reblogs the rest of my descent into madness will be present there shortly.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

very opionated talk underneath the cut

this is what I get for keeping checking out the fandom tag, but oh well 😭

seeing the reasoning behind the “Marika and Godfrey would have been proud of Godrick for the grafting” take is so wild to me like… are we just going to ignore the fact that Nepheli - who is implied to be Godfrey’s descendants, said Godrick’s deeds “taint the very wind” and helped us beat his ass and it’s her who later becomes the rightful Lord of Stormveil ?

+ Roderika, who is thematically a reflection of the girl Marika was pre-Godhood, losing all her companions and being left alone scared shitless and heartbroken in a shack, blaming herself for not being strong enough, brave enough to go die with her friends, all because Godrick is making a mockery of Godfrey’s name and enacting the same tragedy that befell Marika’s people ?

Like, I can sorta see why people refuse to see the Living Jars in the Lands Between as Marika reclaiming a practice that was tainted by the Hornsent deeds, returning it into something done to honor the dead and let them be returned to the Erdtree to continue the cycle of life - death - rebirth (is scattering ashes of the deceased to the sea not a thing in many irl cultures anymore or am I going crazy), cuz if one has certain…views on her, it can be hard to see anything she does in a positive light (actually even if you don’t see it that way, equating jar innards made of dead warriors in a ritual to honour them with living ppl being cut up and forced to meld together as a form of torture is… a choice), but to completely ignore Nepheli and Roderika’s stories and their role in the narrative? 💀

Plus, where in the game is it even stated or implied that Godfrey being a battlefield maniac means he is ok with *read writing on hands* some guy sending his lackeys out to hunt Tarnished (Godfrey’s own warriors) and making them into unwilling extra limbs?

The guy that gives his all to fight the player by himself and compliments us on a battle well fought… will see honour in gaining strength via kidnapping ppl and stealing their strength, instead of fighting your own battles, honing your own skills and getting stronger on your own? Huh?

And even ignoring all that, Kenneth - a mere nobleman, not even demigod or anything, fr called Godrick a “jumped up country bumpkin” who fleed from Leyndell, holed up in Stormveil to hide from Radahn (why are we forgetting this…bro can’t even pass the Godfrey’s no.1 Stan vibe check) and then got beaten up by Malenia?

To add insult to injury, Godwyn’s body lying beneath Stormveil will literally stab anyone coming close to him (which is sth I have an interesting conversation with ppl on twitter about. there’s one person bringing up an interesting interpretation that Godrick probably took off with a relic of Godwyn’s body hoping to graft a piece of the Golden Prince onto himself, but Godwyn body was like “no” and infested the castle ground like a disapproving ghost 😭 but Godwyn is cool with us because he knows we have Marika’s sanction 😊).

Godrick… has no support whatsoever from Marika and Godfrey’s direct descendants, other than maybeeee Morgot who probably was only there to keep an eye on Stormveil - a place of importance to his dad and maybeeee a bit family pity for Godrick, definitely not because he’s proud of the stuffs Godrick is doing (he astral project there to scare us a bit then leave. We gonna kill Godrick? None of his business.).

And there’s also Godefroy who literally got locked up in a gaol… by a Leyndell Knight who later got the highest honour of Erdtree Burial after he passed away - specifically because of his feat in capturing Godefroy. Why are we forgetting Kristoff???

No one in Leyndell likes the Grafted guys, no one in Limgrave likes the Grafted guys, there are numerous items in-game expressing disappointment and sadness at the decline of the Golden Linage…. it’s a real damn no one likes you situation 😭

Then later on, Godrick got replaced by Nepheli.

So who are the ones being proud here ????

I’m not even a Godrick hater, I think he’s a fucked up, but compelling!, conclusion to the linage that Marika has with Godfrey - who is probably one of few people who actually knows what she used to go through.

I could even see the kind of pressure and struggle he must have gone through, humiliation after humiliation, hiding from and losing to Radagon’s children of all guys, carrying a legacy that is too big for him to handle. But to say that Marika and Godfrey would have been proud of him? Or that grafting is somehow a reclamation of the trauma Marika’s people went through and turning it into strength ????? He doesn’t even know that Marika was once not a God, let alone anything about her people’s suffering to reclaim anything ? That’s not his pain to reclaim ???

Someone else already did that. Marika herself. Rakshasa herself. You really do not have to give a man all the flowers for something women (who actually suffered and went through that trauma) already did.

[pixelxgore]

hers a billfold wip as a treat i changed his face bc i have free will

The art is to encourage you to read my silly little insanity (you should totally do it btw)

I'm dyslexic so sorry if anything is spelled grotesquely wrong lol autocorrect sometimes has no idea what i’m trying to spell

Starting with my head cannon because every thing will make more sense with it (or it wont that's entirely up to you) Imma try my best to make this enjoyable

So I head cannon both bill and ford as aspec this is important for the rest trust (I'm Aroace myself so some of my words are based of of experience ) being aroace doesn't mean you can't have a toxic one-sided relationship with a triangle

(most of this is pretty vanilla but I still wanna talk about it)

I believe it started of as a one-sided relationship on fords part (wow shocker) but it wasn't really love because he's ace it was more of infatuation (this stems from the fact he is a science boy and like ooo demon triangle thing) mistaken for love (I'm pretty sure this is common among aroace people or I just had an original experience) and maybe bill had just a little bit of the same feeling but instead of infatuation it was just pure obsession and when they had there little “tragic break up” and bill finally came to realize his obsession and it consumed him (idk i think that how abusive obsession is) and he realized he can’t live with out ford (i man he can but unhealthy obsession) and thus bills one sided relationship with ford where he just tries to get his puppet back but can’t figure out why he needs him so bad so he comes to the (subconscious) cuncultion there in love (because of course that’s the reasonable decision) and then you all know what comes after

I think bill has major will wood music vibes so I have nominated three songs of his for bill ford (cuz I'm genuinely going insane over them)

This is for fun and based off my head cannons

All of my discussions are made purely of the vibes the song gives me and how cool than animation in my head looks so take everything you know about these will wood songs and throw it out the window cuz none of that is relevant :3

i saw someone say “Will Wood songs can really be interpreted in different ways, and most of them seem like wisps of similar thought rather than a concrete narrative, so you're always a little bit right and wrong when you take a guess.” and i think you should keep that in mined

(I'm gonna embarrass myself so hard (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) )

I'm not gonna elaborate much but just trust me ok I put it kind of in chronological order

fords one sided relationship with bill: ...well, better than the alternative

Ok so this one is the least perfect out of all of them cuz it only half what I want (obviously this song is a stretch but hear me out) It's mostly for the like the last half of the song (remember what I said about throwing out the meaning for get that i lied) this song about the struggle ls of growing up and is a heartfelt plea to be understood and accepted for who we are (which obviously ford was a wired kid) and this kinda ties into the one-sided infatuation because it also is about the romanticism of nostalgic love, and the pressure of society telling you to find someone and "settle down" as we get older (witch yk aroace can’t really do that) so he’s grasping at the fact that he is enamored with this demon he just summoned (because science) so he can come up with this narrative in his head of how he is in love and can finally fit at least one of the societal boxes (idk it sounds like something to me probly ooc but I'm having fun)

bills one sided relationship with ford: ¡Aikido!

obsession with someone and how people often use coping mechanisms such as drugs to help with their feelings of uncertainty and helplessness. (yes this is copied not fully of a site this is tumblr not an english assignment) it also explores the idea that love and obsession can often manifest in neurotic and even pathological behavior.(oooo oooo look i’m so smart like staring the apocalyps) i’m not this cool this whole thing started with the first like whit h is “I apologize for playing with your eyes But I’m obsessed with you” witch reminded me of how bill used for as a puppet and then yk fords whole world came crashing down (this one explained its self more i have to do less mental gymnastics) and he’s like im sooo sorry i can’t live with out you

there whole relationship from the deal to the end of bill: Misanthrapologist ("In case I make it,"

Outtake)

ok this one is the one that mostly made of vibes because the song is about an unhappy codependent relationship through metaphors of christianity, nihilism, outer space, and mozart (witch only really encompasses a portion of the relationship) the song stars with “I wanna meet your make Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapel Holler "Look what you've done Gave this planet a sun And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"” which makes me personally think of obviously the deal fore made with bill and how bill stroked his ego all the way through there partnership um you can see where i goes from here just go listen to the song

ok this one’s off topic and only for my imaginary animation but the line “So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance With the way you sweep me off these two left feet?” just like imagine this with me it’s bill (human probably cuz i don’t work with the triangle) and young ford in the minedskape thing and its bill dipping ford and when it goes down it switches to bill and fort in bills pyramid thing with ford chained up do you see the vision ok I’m done now (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

[sanduchengjiu]

The thing about jc and wwx is that i do not take any other characters interpretations on their relationship seriously, tbh only jyl would have a chance to understand those two and she’s dead by the end of the story so we don’t get her side (regretfully). But no other character in the story (not even chengxian themselves rlly) can understand their relationship without putting some of their own biases in it. Like lwj from his perspective sees jc as a selfish abusive brother but he’s not privy to all the experiences jc and wwx have had, he met them when they were 15ish and was in and out of wwxs life (without jc) until his death. Wn (no offense to him) is clearly only aware of what wwx did for jc, not the other way around. The thing that irks me about the story is that jc doesn’t have riders and shooters like wwx does for many reasons (he’s a bitch) and any person that can vouch for jc is literally gone (see: dead family) or a child (see: Jin ling) so we as the readers are the only ones who get to see their relationship fully since we are not being deceived by anyone and can see the way outside influences as well as internal ones culminate in the relationship between them.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s obv jc’s story ceases to be important in the eyes of the narrative bc mdzs is a romance novel at the end of the day, so for people who enjoyed the back and forth between chengxian (romantic or platonic) were left with an unfulfilling ending where jc also sacrificed something before wwx did so technically there’s nothing left to say. I do enjoy the fact that they ping pong sacrifice back and forth for each other but I can also see that ending their story there just plays into the narrative that their relationship is transactional, that is if you don’t read much into it, which is what most people who read mdzs do. Cuz most people only show up for wangxian which is perfectly fine and what youre supposed to do, I mean that’s what the story is about. But I can definitely see how the opinions that other characters have on chengxian and their whole mess (affectionately) of a story can lead to readers misunderstanding jc or wwx and woobifying one to make the other the innocent party. It’s also very frustrating and we’re allowed to complain about it lol.

[sxtvrns]

industry’s favourite lovebirds

🎶 now playing: perfume – nct dojaejung

P: Choi Yeonjun x Fem!Idol!Reader

S: A deep dive into the lives of the lovebirds of the industry, from their first meet to where they are today.

G: fluff, narrative fiction

W: guess who’s back!!! I SWEAR IM ALIVE but my writing has definitely gotten shittier after a year long absence cuz it gets difficult trying to come up with lots of different stories and furthermore writing them!! pls lmk if i should add any warnings to this i am trying my best :>

view the full perfume collection.

please interact if you enjoy!

“Are you two ready?”

“Yes.” You both replied, fidgeting anxiously in your seats.

At first, you hesitated at the request for this interview. However, the company had explained what would happen in such great detail that you accepted, as did Yeonjun.

When you arrived at the studio, they further explained what kind of questions were gonna be asked, the atmosphere, and the idea of making it a safe space for both of you. If at any point you two were uncomfortable, you were allowed to back out or move onto another question.

Two comfy white chairs situated rather close together sat in front of the camera. One had a fox plushie, and one had a pair of headphones— your representative emojis.

“Are you nervous?” Yeonjun asks, looking at you.

“A little.” You chuckle, your hand brushing against his.

The director behind the camera sits in his chair with a stern, but welcoming expression. He begins to speak.

“And… action!”

The interviewer did not have a microphone; her voice was soft, yet loud enough to be picked up on the microphone.

“Alright, let’s have you guys introduce yourselves.”

“Hello, I’m Y/N.”

“And I’m Yeonjun.”

You both wave to the camera.

“How does it feel to be known as the lovebirds of the industry?”

Yeonjun speaks up. “Well… we certainly weren’t expecting it. I mean, if we weren’t idols, I’m sure we would’ve just been a regular couple. But we take pride in that label, and we carry it out together.”

“Now, on behalf of everyone, we’d like to know how this all started. When did you two first meet?”

Yeonjun puckers his lips in thought before speaking again. “If we’re talking first-first meet.. it wasn’t long after TXT debuted.”

“Yeah, I was still a trainee.”

─────────

You were parched. And the water machine was broken. The other one was empty. You still had some weird thing against sink water.

So when you were about to buy water from the vending machine in the building, you were pissed to find out there was none left. You just missed it.

You groan in defeat as you head to the elevator, waiting for the door to open. You’re too busy cursing the world in your head to notice someone tapping you on the shoulder.

“Hey.”

The voice finally makes you turn around, and you’re greeted by a familiar face standing in front of you.

“Yeonjun.” You mutter. “Hi, um, is there something you need?”

“Take this.” He hands you a bottle of water— the same brand that was in the vending machine. “You grabbed the last one?” You ask.

“Yeah. You look like you need it more than I do.”

“Do you want me to pay you back? I can–“

“No, it’s fine. Just take it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I insist.”

You reluctantly take the bottle from him. “Thank you…” Your meek reply is followed by aggressive chugging, almost downing the bottle in one swift gulp. Sighing contentedly, you enter the elevator with him following behind you.

You’re unsure of how to ease the awkwardness in the air. “Um… congrats on your debut.” You say.

“Oh. Thanks. Have you… are you still training?”

“I’m debuting soon. Hopefully.”

“Really?”

You put my hand over your mouth. “I don’t think I was supposed to say that.”

He chuckles. “Don’t worry, it happens. Beomgyu almost revealed too much before our debut whenever we were out together.”

You smile.

His eyes land on you. “I’m looking forward to it.”

The elevator door opens, Yeonjun standing up straight to walk off the elevator. “Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye–“ You manage to reply before the door closes fully.

He knew your name.

─────────

“Really? Is that what you thought?” Yeonjun smiles, holding back a laugh.

“Well, I hadn’t debuted yet, so I was surprised!”

“I remembered seeing you in the halls when I was a trainee, and I asked what your name was since we had the same dance instructor.”

“You remembered?” You look at him in awe.

“It’s hard for me to forget a pretty face.”

You laugh and look away, embarrassed by the sudden compliment.

“How did you guys find out you liked each other?”

This time, you answer. “Yeonjun and I had each other’s KakaoTalks, so we’d been keeping in touch. We did it really carefully, so only our members ended up found out. As for how we found out…”

─────────

You notice an unfamiliar, alluring scent coming from Yeonjun. “New perfume?”

“Yes, how’d you know?”

“It’s strong. And not like the one you usually wear.”

“Is it too much?” is what he said, but he was really thinking about the fact that you noticed the change.

“A little… but I like it.”

“Yeonjun, I thought you were getting us drinks…” One of his group members, who you recognized as Beomgyu, came up behind him.

“I am, I’m just waiting…”

“Y/N! I really liked your solo song, but Yeonjun likes it even more.” He nudges Yeonjun’s arm.

“Hey, cut it out.” Yeonjun nudges Beomgyu even harder to make him stop.

“He won’t stop listening to it. He has it on repeat 24/7.” You look at Yeonjun, surprised, as he can’t meet your gaze. “Really?”

“Is she the girl you said you liked? She looks a lot like her.” Beomgyu’s clearly said too much since Yeonjun glares at him while your eyes go wide. “I’m sorry?” Your gaze shifts over to Yeonjun.

At that, a tray of iced americanos and chocolates are served, Beomgyu picking up the tray at once. “Well, I’ll bring this back down since you two are still chatting.” Yeonjun quickly swipes his own drink from the counter as Beomgyu waves a quick goodbye before making his way to the elevator.

“So…” You look at Yeonjun as your own order is served. “You like me?”

He’s at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond. There was no use of lying anyways. “I guess you could say that…” He mutters, watching you sip from your straw as his grip on his own cup gets tighter. “I get that we can’t move forward with this. Call it admiration.”

“But do you really like me?”

He pauses again. “Yes. I do.” This time, he sounded more sure.

“What do you like about me?”

Lost in thought, Yeonjun recollects everything he knows about you. “A lot. Um, I like your smile. I like your resilience. I like the way you aren’t afraid to take creative liberty with your projects. I… admire your leadership. You take such good care of your members that I can understand why you all have such good harmony. I’m envious of that sometimes.”

What struck you deeply was the fact that the qualities he listed had nothing to do with your appearance. It was merely who you were as a person. For him to love the aspects of you that were apparent but subtle, it made you fall in love with him almost instantly.

“I, um–“

“Let’s walk and talk. I mean, while we go back to work.”

“Yes– yes, of course.”

It takes a few extra seconds for the elevator door to close after you both entered. “Y/N, I understand we can’t… y’know. You’re probably preparing for your next comeback and–“

“I want to try and make this work.”

He looks at you, dumbfounded. “Really? But–“

“I know there’s risks. I know our careers could be ruined. But… no one’s ever talked about me in the way you did. I wouldn’t mind losing my fame if it meant being with someone that truly appreciates me.”

He feels his face heat up, struggling to find the right words again. “So… so– you like me too.”

This time, your eyes stray from his. “Yeah. Maybe just a little bit.” You both laugh at the situation you found yourselves in. What a coincidence. “We have to be really careful. We might already be busted from the cameras in here.”

“I don’t think they pick up audio.”

You sigh. “That’s a relief.”

The elevator door opens on your floor. “I’ll see you later.” You say, stepping off.

“I’ll text you!” Yeonjun replies as the doors begin to close on him.

So much just happened in the span of 15 minutes.

─────────

“Thank you, Beomgyu for oversharing.” You laugh. “What happened when you got back to your dorms after?”

“I yelled at him.”

“Why?”

“I got mad at him but then also told him thank you but didn’t tell him why I said thank you.”

You snicker, placing your hand on the armrest of the chair.

“So, I’m assuming he asked you out first?” The interviewer asks.

“Yes, I did.”

“And how was that?”

─────────

It’s late at night, and you’re dropped face first on your couch while the broadcast of Inkigayo plays faintly in the background.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Your roommate and member, Haeun, asks, staring at you with great concern on her face. You tiredly hold up a thumbs up as she walks into her room. “Goodnight…” She says.

“Night…” You reply, half-asleep.

A knock at the door drives you out of your sleepy state as quickly as it had settled in. You approach slowly, planning to mutter a few words and get it over and done with until you see who’s at the door.

“Yeonjun.”

You looked like a hot mess right now, buried in the length of your hoodie with your hair unkept and messy. “What– what are you doing here?” You ask, desperately trying to make yourself look the least bit presentable.

He looks around quickly before pulling out a bouquet of flowers from behind, enjoying the surprised look on your face.

“Y/N, can I take you out on a date?”

For as long as you have been talking, you never expected to be asked out on your first date like this, so sudden and unexpected.

“Are you serious?” You ask, taking the bouquet from him in awe.

He nods. “I figured sooner is better than later to ask you so I can plan stuff out and–“

“Of course I’ll go on a date with you!”

The brightest smile appeared on your face, contrasting with how you looked at the moment, but Yeonjun didn’t seem to mind. All he cared about was the pure bliss that came from your reaction, and the mutual feeling of excitement that lingered between the two of you.

“But… this is really sudden; where did this come from?” You ask, looking at him.

“I didn’t want to wait anymore. I like you, you like me, I really enjoy talking to you and I just– I know we can make this work.”

You’re stunned, merely staring at him and the flowers without a word.

“How do you know for sure?” You finally speak.

“How do you think we’re still talking like this without anybody else finding out?”

When you don’t respond, he chuckles, messing up your hair like how it looked before. His hand moved down to your cheek, watching your eyes move from his hand to his face as he cupped your face.

“I’ll get going, otherwise I’ll worry the rest of my group.”

“Okay.” You respond, breathless.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? Hopefully we can talk more.”

“Yeah.” Your tone is airy and light as if you’re stuck in a dream. He chuckles again at your reply, pinching your cheek. “Bye, Yeonjun…”

“Bye Y/N. Get some rest.” He says as he walks away. When he’s a safe enough distance, you lean against the door until it’s completely shut, locking it as your mind races at a million miles per second.

The door to Haeun’s room opens as she looks at you with wide eyes. “What happened here?” She asks.

“Nothing! Nothing happened!” You panic walk into your own room as Haeun trails behind you, bombarding you with a bunch of questions.

“Y/N, who are those from?!”

“Nobody!”

“Who was at the door? Tell me!”

“No! No one was at the door!”

“Y/N!”

─────────

“You came when I looked like a mess; I was so embarrassed…”

“You looked cute.” You pinch his cheek as he pouts playfully, hand subconsciously resting on top of his.

You aren’t used to it, holding hands with him in a professional setting like this. But the feeling is natural, comfortable, and welcoming. You both could hear a collective “aww” from the crew behind the camera, making you both giggle.

Though unprompted, you elaborate on the topic. “So… Yeonjun loves talking about our first date for some odd reason.”

He sighs. “It was the moment that I knew you were the one for me.”

“We snuck out and ate barbecue.” You scoff.

“Then had a drunken walk home. I got to hold you in my arms for the first time.”

“Don’t remind me of that…”

He chuckles again, thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

“You were cute.”

─────────

“Yeonjun, I can walk on my own juuuuuussst fiiiinne…” You stumble over your own feet, prompting him to catch you.

“Let’s go back home.” He laughs, supporting you with your arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“Noooo, not yeeet…”

“I didn’t expect you to get so drunk…” He mutters.

“Yeonjun, you’re so nice…” Your words slur together, almost unintelligible. “And you’re so handsome too… you should dye your hair darker! Black! Black would look good!” Your hand goes up to play with his hair. “How are you so handsome, it’s confusing…”

“I’m– I’m not that handsome–“

“Yes, you aaaareee!” Your hands messily cup his face. “Your eyes, your lips, your entire face…” You lean into his shoulder again, letting him support you once more. “And nice… so nice…”

“Thank you, Y/N…”

“You treat me so well… I’ve never been–“ You hiccup. “–been so deserving. Why are you so nice?! Am I too mean? People– people say I’m mean sometimes.”

“You aren’t mean, Y/N…” He starts, preparing to ramble about something you probably won’t remember the next morning. “I think… you just want everyone to work hard so they do their best, and you’re taking charge of that role. You’re really influential, Y/N. And…” He mutters softly. “You’re also really beautiful.”

You giggle. “You really think so?”

A smile creeps onto his face. “I know so.”

When he reaches your dorm room, he waits patiently for your roommate to open the door after a failed attempt to find your keys in your bag. The door opens with an unfazed Haeun.

“I’ll take care of her.” She takes you off his arms.

“No– Haeun! I wanna stay with Yeonjun!”

“Yeonjun needs to go and rest!”

“But I miss Yeonjun!”

“You saw him 5 seconds ago! He’s still at the door!” She helps you into your room before rushing back to the door. “Thank you.” She mutters quietly, closing the door quickly.

“Haeun, where is Yeonjun!?”

“Back at his dorm!”

“Yeonjun!”

─────────

“‘Yeonjun! I miss Yeonjun!’” He mocks, laughing at the memory. “I could hear you from outside your dorm.”

“I get really whiny when I’m drunk, don’t blame me!”

“I like taking care of you anyways, so it works out for me.”

“Speaking of which– Yeonjun gets me a lot of gifts. Surprises me out of nowhere.”

“And do you still have them?” The interviewer asks, making Yeonjun look at you hopefully.

“Yes, I do.” I smile. “There’s usually flowers in my dorm because he gives me so many, and all the plushies he gave me I still have in my room.”

“Which one is your favourite?” He asks.

“The first one you ever got me. You named it Daniel.” You recall as a proud look appears on his face. “My English name. So it reminds you of me.”

“And it was a fox too, wasn’t it? You posted a few photos.” The interviewer speaks up again, receiving some nods from you. “It was your soft launch for your relationship… but people didn’t really know at the time, did they?”

You agree. “Right, because… my manager ended up finding out, unsurprisingly, but it took them a while to figure it out. The companies knew, but the public didn’t. We really did our best to keep it as private as possible, but I couldn’t help it.”

“We actually have that post pulled up right now…” The post shows up on the monitor; it feels so nostalgic looking back at them.

“This was when I had blonde hair! Ah, that was so long ago…” You sigh, reliving all the memories at once merely from those photos alone.

“You’re so pretty, Y/N.” Yeonjun says out of nowhere, eyes glued to the screen. “Why, what– what did I do?” You laugh at the sudden compliment. “Do you like my hair dark or light like that?” You point at the screen.

“Dark. We match.” He smiles as certain parts are focused on the screen.

“So here’s your caption.”

daniel 🦊❤️

Yeonjun chuckles softly as he reads his own name.

“And the comments…”

The comments— well, at least one half of them:

Y/N SO PRETTYYY

such cuties

that’s gonna sell out so fast now 😭

AWWWW

The other half:

YEONJUN?

GUYS I MIGHT BE TRIPPING BUT ISNT YEONJUN’S NAME DANIEL…

im like 95% sure shes talking ab yeonjun

yeonjun’s english name is daniel and his emoji is a fox erm do you have something to spill y/n

“Now what did you think of everyone’s reactions to the post?”

“Well… my fans are quite smart but only some people figured it out, which surprised me. I saw all the articles made on it and honestly, I read them for fun. I remember sitting with Yeonjun in my dorm and scrolling through everything while laughing. I’m glad it didn’t turn into a whole thing, though. We were in the clear.”

“Yeonjun, what was your soft launch?”

“Y/N talked about her favourite song during a live and I posted it on my story. I picked the lyrics that reminded me most of her.”

“That’s smart, I should’ve been discreet like you…” You mutter.

“Less people noticed compared to Y/N, but somehow there was still an article on it? I thought it was funny when I read the whole thing.”

“Was it fun watching people speculate about your relationship?”

“Yes.” You both replied, in sync.

“And how was it when you both finally announced it?”

─────────

‘We have discussed with both artists and have confirmed they are in a relationship together…’

“Wow. Just like that?” You ask yourself as you read the statement over and over again.

“They’re blunt about it… and they did discuss it with us.”

You look over at Yeonjun, who’s clearly glued to his phone. “What did you just post?”

“How did you know?!” He groans. “I always know.” You go to his Instagram account and see he did, in fact, post something, but you were in the frame. You tap on it immediately to see multiple photos of the two of you, sometimes just you.

surprise ☺️💕

You stare at the caption as the comments begin to flood with shock and utter disbelief while Yeonjun speaks up. “I’ve been waiting to do that for so long.” You can hear the smirk in his voice.

“You’re gonna get in so much trouble.”

“For loving you? I can take it.” He gets up from the couch and walks over to you, putting his phone in his pocket. “We should… lay low for a few days.” He suggests.

“No shit…”

“Language.”

“You were swearing over the phone a few days ago.”

“Inexcusable.”

Haeun bursts through the door, holding her phone out in front of her with Yeonjun’s post open, panting aggressively. “What the fuck is this?!” She yells.

“So much for language…” You mumble, feeling Yeonjun nudge you.

“Are you angry? Happy? I mean, you already knew…” He shrugs, mostly nonchalant.

“I’m very aggressively excited for both of you and extremely worried for Y/N.”

“What about me?” Yeonjun chuckles.

“I can hear your members screaming right now. They’re feeling the same things I am.”

Yeonjun feels his face heat up as you giggle beside him. “I guess we just have to wait and see how this all plays out.” You say, kissing his cheek. Haeun stares at the two of you in pure shock.

You smile at her. “What? You act like you’ve never seen us together before.”

After spending some time with you (and Haeun third wheeling) in your dorm, he goes back to his own, unlocking the door and entering without a second thought.

“I’m home.”

He isn’t fully aware of his surroundings, nearly getting a heart attack seeing Beomgyu in front of him.

“Ah– what the hell, man?”

“Yeonjun…” Beomgyu sniffles, though obviously not sad. “You’re actually so lame…”

“Huh? What did I do?”

“You testify to the executives and didn’t even mention my name once?!”

“He’s all butthurt because you didn’t give him credit for getting you guys together.” Taehyun chimes in.

Beomgyu fake sniffles again. “They never give the right people credit…”

“Hey, cut it out, Beomgyu, it already happened.” Soobin puts his hand on the sobbing man’s shoulder, as if he’d already dealt with this behaviour before.

“I’ll say something about you, Beomgyu, don’t worry.” Yeonjun reassures as if he was talking to a child.

“And give me the credit for getting you guys together?”

“What? No.”

“Fair enough.”

“Yeonjun, what are you gonna do now?” Hueningkai approaches him with his phone opened, showing articles upon articles posted online.

Yeonjun chuckles. “I guess… we’ll just have to wait and see how this all plays out.”

─────────

“And then there was that time on Suchwita with you and Taehyun?” The question is obviously directed towards Yeonjun, who lets out a light laugh.

“Ah, yes, I drunk called Y/N during filming…”

“He did more than that, by the way.”

“Do you really have to tell them what happened?”

“You get to tell a story about me being drunk, I get to tell a story about you being drunk.”

─────────

“Yeonjun? Yeonjun, are you there?” Suga giggles at his guest’s drunken state. “Huh?”

“Ah, okay, he’s still alive.” Taehyun jokes.

“Yeonjun, how is everything with Y/N?” Suga asks. Yeonjun’s face suddenly lights up at the question. “Oh, Y/N…” He says dreamily, drunkenly smiling.

“Y/N’s the… prettiest girl in the world… she’s super talented and she… scolds me a lot, sometimes when I drink too much…”

Suga’s gaze shifts between Yeonjun and the camera. “So you’re going to get scolded for being on this show then?”

Yeonjun tiredly lifts his head up, facing the camera. “Y/N, I’m… sorry!”

“Yeonjun, what are you doing?” Taehyun looks over at the older member, seeing him pull his phone out and open your contact. Suga realizes what’s going on. “Are you calling her?”

You pick up. “Hello?”

“Y/N!” Yeonjun drags as he speaks into the phone. “Y/N, I love youuuu.” He hiccups.

There’s nothing on the other end for a few seconds.

“…Are you drunk?”

His face drops. “I’m sorry, Y/N…” You can practically hear him pouting on the other end.

“Yeonjun, I told you to be careful while filming…”

“I know…”

“How much soju did you drink?”

“It’s whiskey.” Taehyun cuts in.

You mentally facepalm as you hear drunken sappy love confessions spill from Yeonjun’s mouth. But you can’t deny how flustered it’s making you.

“Seriously? It isn’t as strong, but…” You sigh. “Please take care of him, Taehyun.”

“Bye Y/N, I… love… you!” Yeonjun stumbles over his words, per usual, giggling into the phone.

You pause. “I love you too, Yeonjun. Take care.”

You hang up since he’s clearly too out of it to do it himself.

“Yeonjun, you’re embarrassing.” Taehyun deadpans, making Suga laugh from the other end of the table.

─────────

“You two just continue to go viral.” The interviewer laughs off camera, making the both of you laugh as well.

“Our relationship is like any other, yet people really make it seem like it’s a big deal…” Yeonjun states with an awkward expression on his face.

“This is a first step towards more open relationships in K-pop. How does it feel paving the way for such opportunities for other idols?”

“Honestly… we got really lucky. I think everyone was more surprised than angry? Of course, there was still hate, but it didn’t really affect me. I was more concerned about the safety of my group and his group rather than myself. I promised to take the blame for anything directed towards us, but not a lot ended up coming.” You explain, looking over at Yeonjun for him to elaborate.

“Yes, we were very fortunate to not have so much hate after we announced everything. It’s nice seeing the fans so supportive, it’s really cute.” He chuckles just thinking about it. “I think… me and Y/N were on the same page with enduring the hate on behalf of our groups. It was a natural instinct for both of us since we were the direct subjects of the news. I wouldn’t wanna be caught up in this with anybody else.”

─────────

“This is new, isn’t it?” You say, referring to the interview that just wrapped up.

Both you and Yeonjun were waiting in the dressing room, seated together.

“Mhm. I enjoyed it, did you?” He replies.

“Yeah. I think we gave them a lot of content to work with.”

“Any more and the video would be an hour… this shoot would’ve been longer.”

“How could it go on for longer? We were chatting for hours!”

“Maybe we should apologize to the staff later.”

“We should.”

Yeonjun’s hand brushes over yours, and no matter how many times he does it, it always gives you butterflies in your stomach. While your face shows no change, he knows how it makes you feel, and how you feel right now.

He’s the only person that knows.

“I enjoyed that filming, really. We could be ourselves, no judgement.” He laces his fingers with yours. “I could hold your hand.”

Your eyes finally meet his, the look you two exchange full of love and gratitude.

“I’ve never felt so comfortable addressing everything.” You reply.

“Maybe you just needed some support.” You feel Yeonjun gently squeeze your hands reassuringly. “Was I enough for that?”

“You are and will always be enough for me and everyone, ‘junie.”

You see his gaze falter slightly, as he blurts out, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

His sudden words catch you off guard and have you stifling a laugh. “Really?” He nods in reply.

“I mean, if we can hold hands, we can surely kiss, can’t we?” You say.

“What if someone walks in on us?”

“They watched clips of us slow dancing, that is so much more embarrassing.”

Yeonjun chuckles at that, leaning forward. He’s too lost in your eyes to remember why his face is so close to yours until you finally close the distance, his lips against yours.

He tastes as sweet as his words and moves as meaningful as his desires. His hand goes to cradle your jaw while yours fall down to his shoulders.

He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes lovingly. He gets lost again but is brought back by the sound of your voice. “How was that?”

“Exhilarating.”

You laugh at his choice of words.

For a little while, the world is confined to you and him on the comfiest dressing room couch you’ve ever sat on, telling silly inside jokes at the ceiling while hand in hand.

The one thing that remains constant is you and him.

You wouldn’t have it any other way.

baby i’m comfortable with you, and you’re comfortable with me. 🎧

[bisexual-lemon1]

I wanna talk about the main four mechanisms albums, and the ways in which they tackle tragedy. This shouldn’t be too long, and I’m kinda new to writing essays like this, but it seemed like fun.

Firstly OUATIS, I could go on and on abour OUATIS, like how the tragedy of OUATIS is baked into the genre. from the get go it’s about war and trauma and fascism, all things that while not exclusively, lend themselves to death and murder. You can listen to the first half of OUATIS and realize “oh shit, everyone involved is gonna die” by genre and the thematics of it alone.

Because that’s what war does

That’s what war is

For UDAD it’s a little more esoteric, and I probably have the least to say about it cuz it’s not my least Favoirte, not bad, just my least favorite. I think the best way to describe it is the line from twisted threads “how can you expect to escape if you were caught in a web before you began.” It’s made clear from the base set up that the olympians control everything, and as much as a heroic victory and triumph would be nice, some things just truly are too big to fail. Though arguably, amongst all the albums it has the best ending, the Olympians may not be brought down(in the album), the city might not be saved

But Ulysses gets to die, truly die and rest.

Something billions, perhaps trillions had stolen from them.

HNOC is definitely one of my favorites on this, being such a distinct and fun story and narrative. The tragedy is of the people themselves, and in a way I think it makes it the “most tragedy” out of the four, all of its preventable, yet entirely understandable. Hell, “just this once there could be a happy ending” is literally a line in it. Mordred’s actions are deplorable and violent and ruin everything but they’re understandable. He lost everything, why should the world live? It’s a dip into true nihilism and whag could lead someone to feel that way. Sometimes worlds are saved, and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes worlds are killed, sometimes they simply grow old, but sometimes they kill themselves. And I think what makes it the most special compared to the other three is when it becomes doomed. OUATIS is about a bloody war, UDAD they were born into a web, TBI yhe conflict itself was resolved 80 years before the modern day the story is told through. But HNOC wasnt doomed from the start, the station wasn’t guaranteed to die, the Saxons weren’t guaranteed to be slaughtered. Yet nonetheless they were.

And finally TBI, now it’s what rly got my brain going on all of this, because I had the question “where does the tragedy become inevitable?” And frankly, there’s a lot of answers. TBI is doomed because the nuclear chaos was on its way before lyfrassir was even before. Because Odin wouldn’t stop no matter what. Because even if they hadn’t of messed with kyvasir there would have been dozens of other bifrost trains. But more than ALL OF THAT I think that the tragedy is inevitable because, as the album says. “A day, a week, a thousand years, means naught to what the train draws near.” It doesn’t matter, even if Loki’s missile had killed Odin and stopped the bifrost, someone else would have come along. Even the victory we got in the album itself, it wasn’t a victory, it was merely a prolonging, inevitable death was merely stalled, that’s the closest thing anyone could ever get to victory against the roiling nuclear chaos.

[thesnakeoutsider]

I did this in August.

Of course I did it based on @scientificallywrongsoap story, it was, it is a instant in Johnny’s life in the moments that he doesn’t remember König but he does remember that something he loves is missing. An instant between “The Trust” and “The Glitch” arcs,

I remember that I told Glitch that I wasn’t sure about posting this online. But here I’m. It also can be found in Ao3 In the collection The Glitchverse [Aka The ScientificallyWrongSoap Call of duty AU] (scientificallywrongsoap) .

The collection is bilingual and open. If you have fics or art you can be part of it too. Just follow the faq and Glitch known boundaries. Have fun, Lil Bean Club (?)

Warning for my ramble : grief, promises and dead people.

But…Why I’m posting this until now? That is not an easy question and the answer is even more difficult.

A few weeks ago. 17 days ago to be exact. I lost a friend, a partner. My ex partner. Our relationship didn’t work but our friendship survive a lot. She was part of my daily life and one of my biggest supporters.

When I was making this narrative, she was there. Screaming, rambling, looking all the little details, hiding meanings in colors and begging me to post it. To print it. Baby Girl was her favorite. It was pink.

She believed that my works deserved to be seen. That I needed to show the things that I can do. Specially the ones that our old group of artist ‘friends’ always told me that I couldn’t do. But I keep telling her that I wasn’t ready.

And I didn’t.

But I promised that I will do it someday. She promised to be there. Now just one of us can fill full the promise.

Im not sure if I’m ready, but maybe I will never be. So that’s why this is here, for her, for me and for anyone that stumb across this post. The poem is about being sad. Being blue and grey. I don’t know which one is my shade today.

I just know that i need to keep moving and i need to start telling the stories that we left in the drafts. The old role play session about witches and werewolf’s will become what you dream about it. A Story. I’m using your characters in the way that you wished. The others can scream at me for that.

They can scream more like they did this past days for keep living, traveling and posting, but they don’t know you like I did. They don’t know that we planned those trips, that the plans and the art I will create in the near future still has your touch. Cuz you were there when I decided the things that will see the light the next year.

And that’s how I will grieve you. In the stories that I will tell between the blue and gray shadows sprinkled with your dam fucking favorite pink. A mix of colors like them, even if we know that I’m more Swagger Coded.

[historia-vitae-magistras]

I MISSED YOUUU AND YOUR WRITING :(

SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK!!!!

When, or if you’re comfortable with sharing fics from your stash again, could you please revive these? (or perhaps secure them at ao3?):

The one where Matt was growing (but then failing to) some type of melon in cold dreary rainy England sometime in the late 18th / early 19th century

19th century Baby fight: Wee Jack standing up for baby Zee and punching Wee Ludwig , Matt swooping them up later to deescalate

Mid-19th century fight: Teen jack vs Angry livid Arthur because of a broken statue? Then he drops deceased because Zee and Laudanum 

21st century London: Drunk Matt involved in a bar fight cuz he flirted with a girl, and her boyfriend was not having it lol - Jack came to pick him up afterwards

I’m not sure if these were head canons or if you just briefly mentioned these, but they’re in my memory, and I can’t find them anymore from reblogs of your older/deactivated blogs and I still think about them to this day :(((((

Thank you! and Ah! Yes! I can get those written out or back on the blog in some form. Though, unfortunately the first three are what I've kind of started to call 'pseudo-short stories' because they're definitely getting detailed enough to be fics but have not been written out in any true narrative. I've put the ao3 link to the 4th in the comments and below the cut as its a 'real' short story in that its at least a narrative lol.

Whiskey, no so neat.

The woman before Matthew spread herself out on the barstool and looked at him like he was the first apple of autumn in his red toque and brown jacket. He liked it when they did that. There were coloured lights all around the door, a crowd of people, and house music everywhere. A good lager only cost 3 pounds, polished sterling, and he'd had a lot of them. The used glasses on the bar top behind them reflected pretty party lights until they looked like the aurora borealis in his smudged-up vision.

One-night stands made Matthew feel like something had just been invented, something brand new and worth a look at across the bar—valuable, even if only as an ephemeral novelty. Even if it was only because he was pretty.

She swung her arms around him and wound a loose bit of his hair around her fingers. Matthew kissed her and slid himself between her short skirt and black tights and the bar, kissing her again until he was panting and his heart was throbbing to the music at all the pulse points. He looked up at them in the mirror behind the bar, him and the woman. A man stood behind him, glaring murderously from under a ball cap.

"Problem?" Matt asked, looking over his shoulder, arms still slung around the woman's shoulders. He was drunk. He was far too fucking drunk.

"That's my girl."

Matt looked back at the woman.

She shrugged. "An ex,"

"You heard her," Matt laughed. That would have been the end of it at home.

"Get off her!"

"No, thank you," Matthew said, and the woman nudged him closer. They ignored the man. He swung himself around and hitched her up. It was the smoothest floor he'd ever been on, or he was wasted, and he slipped, had to keep adjusting and pushing forward to keep his arms around her and his mouth on her neck. Her moans drew up, and he sighed into her jaw. It's another twenty minutes, maybe twenty-five. They get more drinks. Matt drinks whiskey neat. His fourteenth glass or so. Time doesn't mean much. It clumps up like chunks of ice, making a whole solid in a glass. He's about to ask if she wants to return to her place or his when he's clocked in the face. He's still thinking about how he hopes it's her place because his place is his father's 19th-century sofa and a few quilts half the city over when he pushes her out of the way, hopefully to safety. He cracks an elbow into the glaring bastard's jaw, the way that makes even Alfred fucking hurt and is about to drag the asshole who hit him outside and high stick a few ribs until they're good and dented when Jack's in front of him. He'd forgotten this was a family outing.

"All right, mate, that's enough," He said, gripping Matt's shoulders and steering him towards the door.

The cold night air hit their faces, and they shivered. Matt's baby brother had been in his sunshine-drenched desert continent home until a week ago, and he felt terrible. He curled an elbow around Jack's neck, suddenly wobbly.

"I wasn't finished!" He hiccoughed. "And you should have worn a jacket,"

"Yeah, nah, you're done," Jack said, sounding beyond annoyed.

"I told you to wear a jacket, bud," Matt proclaimed, not responding to Jack but, like all of London, needing to hear him if his brother didn't.

"You're munted," Jack said, grinning. He tossed Matt's arm off and dragged the other over his shoulders like he didn't trust Matthew to stand up. "Just have fucken look at you,"

"But I'm right," Matt said, swerving and thrusting one hand out before him. He forgot to reach a finger out to make the point, lecture, and be the elder sibling. Shit. He hiccoughed.

"Let's find another pub," Matt said, turning around twice before he realized Jack was still to his left.

"You'll find someone to get in trouble over, you goddamn root rat," Jack said, tugging him down the sidewalk.

"Promise I won't,"

"Mate you just arc'd up at some random bloke," Jack said.

"Fucker hit me first!"

"Yeah, I'm sure Dad will love that explanation for why you almost took someone's head off over someone you've never met," Jack said, hailing a cab.

"But she was hot,"

Jack scowled at him.

"D'you even like girls?" Matt asked. He couldn't remember. "Tits are great,"

"Matt, how much did you drink?"

He blinked.

"Heh, too much." Curiosity crept up on him all of a sudden. "Do marsupials not have tits? Is that why you don't like tits?"

"Jesus Christ, mate," Jack was glowing in a street lamp halo of piss-coloured light.

"Come on, if we're out too late you'll still be hurling for that Honore Balzac lecture you wanted to see,"

"I wanted to honour my ballsack on that girl," Matt returned, giggling. Like a child. Like a girl. Except Zee never giggled. She was loud. She laughed as loud as she wanted. Good for her. Matt thought and wondered why his brain wasn't working anymore.

"The writer,"

He blinked. "Oh yeah, I knoooooow," He hadn't, but Matt pulled out the word and was very glad his baby brother held him fast by the waist and shoulder. Baby brother. Bouncy baby Jack hopped up the curb. He was tall. Jesus Christ, he was so tall. Matt grinned down at him as Jack tugged him along.

"I'm so proud of you,"

"How is it you are exactly the same drunk as you are sober?" Jack said, adjusting Matt's arm over his neck, but Matt could hear how pleased he sounded.

"What'stha mean?" Matt slurred.

"Means you're fucken gone, mate, doesn't it? Jesus but it does,"

"You sound," Matt hiccoughed and tried again. The last five shots were kicking in hard, apparently. "You sound Irish,"

"I am Irish you knob, c'mon Matt, make your bloody legs work would ya?"

He must have blacked out a little after that because they stepped off the curb and got into a car. But when the hell had Jack hailed a cab? No, not a cab. Dad's car. Hadn't that been left at the house? Shit.

"If I hurl—

"Do it out the window and I'll hose it off in the morning," A familiar voice said. Father. Dad.

"You called Dad?" Matt asked. His father raised a brow. "Shit! Shit! I didn't kill anyone!"

His father cocked an eyebrow in the rearview mirror. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, when did Matthew find himself in the car? He was stashed in the back on his side, unbuckled. The car was moving.

"You picked us up?" he said, astonished. The soft seat felt absolutely delicious, and he propped his cheek on it, but his stomach was sour—with anxiety, not his bar tab.

"I called him," Jack supplied.

"Why?" Matt said.

"Because you got wasted, horked on the curb and I didn't feel like hauling you all the way home,"

"You didn't have to call Dad!" The world tilted. His guts lurched. He might have been sick all over the car, but then he sat up, and gravity was happier with him. Or was he happier with gravity? His head spun. Had he been this drunk in the bar? He clawed his way towards the other side of the car and leaned between the front seats, holding the center console. "I'm really sorry,"

"It's fine," his father said. At the next stop sign, his eyes flicked up in the mirror, and Matt thought he meant it but still felt terrible.

"I was irresponsible," He said quietly. "Sorry,"

"Really, it's fine,"

"Sorry,"

"Sit back down,"

"Dad,"

"Sit your sorry arse down and buckle up or we will be having words about it!" Arthur snapped. "I mean honestly, Matthew Williams! How irresponsible can you be?"

"Yes, sir," He hated when Arthur whipped out his name like that. Jack and Zee have long since chosen their own, but they'd been given one at least. It was a firm, concrete reminder whenever Arthur said his name in that tone. You're like this because you're not mine. Not really. Secondhand son. Oxfam offspring.

He was beyond drunk if he was thinking like that. He fastened the buckle and remained silent. Jack tried a couple of times to start a conversation, but it got nowhere. Eventually, they sat in sullen silence.

Matthew was quiet but wanted to cry a bit when Arthur glowered in the mirror at him. He averted his gaze and stared at his boots, ashamed of himself for indulging in the drink or the girl. When they got to the house, Jack heaved him up, dragging him out of the car, arm over his shoulder, even when he got his sea legs. This is why he never drank as much as he could actually tolerate. He looked everywhere but at Dad, humiliated enough to stare at his feet. Or he was just so drunk he had to watch his feet move. He'd fall flat on his face even with Jack's balancing

He must blackout again because the next he knew, he was awake in a dark room, convinced he was falling, half-folded onto a chair.

"You with me, mate?" Jack was holding a basin, damp inside. He must have just rinsed it out because his mouth tasted like puke.

"Yeah," Matt said. "I threw up?"

"Yup," Jack said and gave him a pat.

"I suck,"

Jack smiled sympathetically. "Just a bit. You think you're done puking?"

"Nothing left,"

Jack guided him through their father's dark house, somehow steering them both through without breaking anything or falling over. He shoved Matt into the shower, and Matt clumsily washed his hair, hosed off sweat and puke, brushed his teeth, and somehow found himself competently toweling himself off. Jack had found their father's stash of clothes in all their sizes and threw them at him.

"Here, joggers and a jumper for your gangly arse," Jack slapped him gently on the back and Matt snorted.

"Jumper," Matt rolled the word around his mouth. "You're the kangaroo,"

"Jesus Christ you're still hammered. It's like dragging dad off the docks." Jack shook his head, and they somehow managed not to die crossing the hall to the spare bedroom. As soon as he crossed the threshold, Matt's face-planted into the bed and thought the flannel pillowcase was a thousand times better than any tits he would have otherwise fallen face into that night. Jack had said he was like Dad out of annoyance but Matt had the small, and embarassing, flicker of joy. He wanted to blurt out thanks but instead he just laid there in a better mood than he'd been since the car.

"Sit up," Jack kicked him gently on the leg, and Matt rolled over, dizzy.

"Don't want to,"

"Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before you got this drunk," Jack gave him another nudge, and Matt did as he was told. Jack held out a glass of water and a handful of tablets. "Take those, and drink all of that,"

Matt knocked the pills back and drank it all. Jack took the glass from him and filled it again, putting it on the bedside table.

"You're not going to go and choke to death in your sleep, right?" Jack asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked funny, and Matt felt terrible. His spiky hair was wilted, and Matt thought he should put him in the sun. But his head hurt, and light would make it hurt more, so he settled for flopping over and hugging his baby brother.

"I've literally never done that,"

Jack squeezed his shoulder and let go. "Dad has," Jack said, starfishing on the bed and shoving Matt onto the far edge.

"I'm not Dad," Matt said, sipping more at the water.

"You mind if I stay in here and make sure you don't?" Jack said. "You hammered is weird,"

"Sorry,"

"You're allowed," Jack said. "It's just weird,"

"Tell that to Dad, he hates me,"

"He wasn't happy, that's for bloody sure," Jack said. "But he wouldn't pop down to the shops at two in the morning to round up the full fry up if he hated you,"

Matt gagged.

"Sorry," Jack pat him on the shoulder.

"Saint Bibiana have mercy upon my soul," Matt groaned.

Jack snorted and gently shoved him onto his side. "Come on, get some sleep, you'll feel less like shit in the morning."

"You and I both know that's bullshit," Matt said, eyes shut against the spinning. "I deserve it,"

"You do not," Jack looked ready to smack him upside the head. "Don't be stupid. You're fine,"

"I'm sorry for being a prick,"

"You had fun for once, it wasn't your fault that whacker wanted a fight,"

"Still, I'm sorry,"

"Stop apologizing," Jack said again. "I puked on you plenty when I was little,"

Matt chuckled. "God, that's true. You vomited all the way to England like four times,"

"You're the one who never believed me when I said I wasn't done being sick!" Jack shot back, smiling.

"You'd been puking for ten hours straight that time, I didn't know how there could even be anything left in you," Matt's guts flipped. "Hgnn, no more puke talk,"

"All right, all right, mate, sleep time," Jack held the covers up, and Matt rolled under, burrowing under the duvet.

"Al right, all right. When did you get a brain cell?"

"Kiwi lets me have custody of it when she's off being the family shame," He snorted and flopped onto the mattress next to Matt. "Promise you won't puke on me, asshole,"

"Jackass,"

"Please, Jackass is my father. Call me Jack,"

Matt was snorting as he fell asleep.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey Nalyra, I always see your posts and love how you explain things and I got some questions and wondered if you could help me understand this.

So in 2x06, in that scene where Armand, Louis, Claudia and Madelaine were sitting together, right before Armand sends the coven to kidnap them, do you think this actually happened like we were told? Because it doesn’t really make sense to me. All Armand wanted was to be loved right? And Madelaine told Armand she could feel Louis' love for him so why would he still allow Santiago to take them?

Unless the love Madelaine felt wasn’t actually towards Armand but Lestat (which she couldn’t know because she didn’t even know about him) and Armand could read Louis' mind and knew that he was thinking about Lestat and not him? I know this show is really complex but is this a bit too far fetched or still possible?

Like it just doesn’t make any sense cuz why would Armand want Louis to die if he thought he actually loved him? Claudia wanted to go travel the world with Madeleine so he would even have Louis all for himself. They could have fled and left Paris but instead he set him up to die.

So either Armand didn’t tell the truth about what actually happened in that bar (or idk maybe he just made that part up where Madeleine talks about Louis loving him?) or it did happen but Armand once again realized that Louis will never be completely his and always love Lestat.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this (sorry if you already answered this). Have a great day and Thankss 🩵

Hey!

So.... I think I did talk about this before, but didn't tag it properly, so here goes :)

In real short:

Armand knew Louis didn't really love him. And that the love talked about there was the love Louis felt for Lestat. And that scene was something like the final straw, him standing up and leaving them to the wiles of the coven the final statement.

Let's dig in a bit:

The scene in the café serves a few different narrative purposes.

For one, it (and the scene after Louis turns Madeleine, where he opens his veins) opens up the fledgling-maker-connection further. It establishes that fledglings can feel their makers. The emotions of their makers, and vice versa.

And then, it establishes that there is a love that Louis feels, that he has not voiced - and Madeleine thinks it is his love for Armand.

And finally, it establishes that Armand is not happy about Madeleine commenting on it, on the contrary, it, and the ribbing Louis subjects him to there hurts him.

On top of it all though... it also carries a few hints that it probably did not happen as shown, for example

Claudia thanking Armand for never treating her like a child(?)

Her calling Louis 'Daddy Lou'(?? at this point?)

But let's take it as seen for now.

There are a few additional things to consider:

within the narrative - and at this point Louis and the audience did not know that yet - Lestat had been close for a few weeks, likely months already. Meaning Louis had felt Lestat - and had probably thought he was going mad.

Louis had told Armand he loved him before, in that scene where he mocks himself via his inner DreamStat - so when Madeleine asks Louis why he does not tell Armand how much he loves him... Louis and Armand both know that it's not Armand this reluctance pertains to.

Louis literally stops himself quoting Lestat there when Madeleine says she cannot read Louis mind.

Armand sets them up there, serves the Judas' Kiss even, knowing everything already.

He knows Lestat is near. He knows the love Louis feels is the one he has for Lestat, and likely feels from Lestat. He knows Louis probably does not know what to make of it, which is also when Madeleine pushes why Louis falls to (quite vicious) ribbing: "Okay, well, let's get the hell out of my soul! He gets enough affection. I don't need his head getting too big to get out the door."

(I actually said 'ouch' out loud then.)

Louis is clearly withholding in his relationship with Armand (as well), by his own admission here. The withholding has been stated from the writers as a characteristic, and it fits with book canon.

Armand knows the love Madeleine feels from Louis there is not the one for him, but for Lestat, even if Louis may not know it yet.

If you look at the gifs for the whole scene, then it is clearly in both past and present - the knowledge, the pain, the betrayal, the perceived betrayal (that Armand feels from Louis), the shame.

Armand was the one who froze the whole café so the coven could get them. Armand is the one who turned his back, the discussion just before likely the last straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

Remember 2x03, Armand's story of how he loved Lestat - there is more to it all, more we will see next season, but this, there, was rejection, on multiple levels - again.

And it broke Armand's heart. And I feel for him! But ... it was never the love either of them wanted it to be - for Louis this was a rebound, and for Armand, it was a need, and then a frantic shaping of Louis, into what he wanted Louis to be. He (later on at least) sees Louis as a vessel for himself, which is, of course, also something that developed from that betrayal.

Because yes - on top of it all, on top of all the facts there, known and yet unknown to the various people... Armand could also read Louis' mind.

He knew.

Ultimately, it won't matter how much of the scene is the truth, or not. The betrayal happened. The reasons for it will still stand. And those reasons have always and will always include Lestat, and the feelings Louis, Lestat and Armand have for each other - or (certain) lack thereof. The next season will make that a lot clearer still.

[akirayuri]

Himeno and himeaki: a rant

I've noticed a lot of people don't really like Himeno and one of the reasons being her apparent romantic attraction to Aki ( and also other than the fact that she almost slept with Denji ) and lmao I do get the hate to some degree but sometimes it feels lowkey forced. And that's why the relationship she shares with Aki kinda gets misinterpreted or it get's watered down to a 'oh he is hot I want to fuck him'

So I just kinda wanna yap my interpretation of their relationship cuz it's not just a typical one sided hetero relationship, it has a lot of layers to it.

For one, I do think what Himeno feels for Aki is more of a personification of her idea of being remembered and mourned. Until Aki came Himeno had a number of partners and subordinates simply dying on her, and it's a very prominent part of her character; watching the people she worked with die. As Kishibe says, Public safety devil hunters have to have a few screws loose and as I say it, you got to have thick skin. The idea of having a 'few screws loose ' including lacking empathy over time which means you don't mourn the death of your comrades.

But Himeno is normal. A country mouse sticking to the city mouse ( Aki ) for his company when she would rather live in the quiet countryside instead. Here there is a lot of parallel between Angel devil and Himeno as they both longed to stay by Aki's side which inevitably brought their doom.

And back to the topic of mourning, I think the idea of being forgotten, so replaceable and discarded into the past had scared Himeno. Deep down she was scared of being consumed by the oblivion that is the apathetic and replaceable management system of public safety. No one would remember her, no one would cry for her. When she probably cried over her drink late at night.

But then Aki happened.

What she loved was his empathy and the ability to feel so profoundly for other people. She wanted that. She carved that. He wore his heart on his sleeves and she was Hungry to take a bite of it. It is selfish, kind of twisted and so uncharacteristically none sexual of Himeno.

She loves Aki but I think it's more of a, "cry me a river and I will gladly hang myself for you" kind. Her tendency to have sex with anything that moves has no effect on her relationship with Aki nor the feelings she feels for him. It's beyond that.

Though I do think her habit of having sex with almost everyone is more of a bad coping mechanism than anything. Just like Aki, she didn't get to process her grief correctly. And unlike Aki, she can't cry.

Here is a bit of parallel she has with Denji of all people with their hypersexuality and the questionable methods of having and viewing sex. Also in that scene when she makes a deal with Denji with the, "you take Makima and I take Aki". For both of them, their person of affection was someone untenable and unreachable, someone who probably didn't return their feelings.

But what Himeno was wrong about Aki not Loving her back.

Yeah maybe he doesn't love her like the way she wanted him to love. He never viewed her as a lover or someone he can have sex with ( I do have a doubt they must've hooked up at some point or Himeno at least tried something very dubious consent with Aki at some point. ). But Aki cared. And He cared deeply. So much so Himeno basically starts to haunt the narrative from this point on lol.

I don't really hate Himeno, far from it. She's so interesting I would love to put her under a microscope and analysis from where that wrecky thought process of her comes from. She's my yaoi girl. What a little freak.

Their relationship is so Yuri coded I don't even count them as a straight ship lmao

But besides anything, my favourite genre of himeaki is bisexual disaster Himeno × gay/asexual Aki queer platonic partners from hell.