#ive already dropped out once
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sickening that i have to think about studying rather than 50 different fic ideas floating in my head tomorrow this should be considered a crime
#finally having creative energy#after MONTHS of absolutely none of it#only to be squandered by the fact i have exams in a month#and have done fuck all to prepare for them#see the thing is#i can pass exams in my sleep#don't ask me how ive no fucking clue#it's like magic i swear#i could get straight As if i tried#i just don't#but im still constantly guilty that im not studying#like why can't i be nonchalant about this#i just want to go about my day blissfully unaware#but like#ive already dropped out once#can't really do that again#times like these i just want to become a youtuber instead#i feel like i was built to be a video essay youtuber#my 5 hour long dissection of mako mermaids would go so hard#as soon as i get more confidence and less acne it is ON#tbh that applies to pretty much everything in my life rn#once the acne chronic pain and mental fuckery is sorted im gonna be unstoppable#way to turn around this rant to a positive note#hell yeah
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I don't want to be mean but you all sound batshit when you try to convince milkvans byler is real by talking about pure subtext and color theory and "Mike was checking Will out in this scene!!!" there's CLEAR plausible deniability in your own interpretation of someone's acting. The duffers intentionally kept it all vague enough that most people wouldn't figure it out until they get the chance to shove it into people's faces and if the majority of people look at the scene you're analyzing and go "aww they're finally friends again yay" and you go "Mike was blatantly checking wills ass out in the beginning" when...he was taking a breath to settle and prepare to reconcile with someone he's been "off" with for a year... you end up sounding a little insane. Those types of takes are subjective, and you can make a funny video with zooms implying that that's what he was doing but actively trying to convince someone your headcannon is canon will almost always make you sound deranged.
There's a reason you don't go up to milkvans and go "b-but blue meets yellow in the west" and start talking about the intricacies of making film and how everything is on purpose, that stuff isn't for normies. Analysts love that shit but to someone who just watches the show for fun they hear you say all that and go "you're reaching" because you took someone who is at a zero and shoved them into a thousand without showing them why you ACTUALLY ship byler and just tried to prove that it's real
#also milkvans arent even at zero theyre at -100 bc they actively ship mike with someone else#so trying to prove to someone who already doesnt like byler that its happening because of a couple colors? bc finn wolfhard fidgets a lot?#its not getting you anywhere.#if you actually want to try to make someone a byler i would start with a comp of all their scenes tg and then a comp of mike/el#as a start#anyway i really am not trying to be mean soldiers i just know ive talked to normies and they just brush off what u say if it doesnt#make sense to them immediately.#🙏 dont hate me i am an observer#byler#stranger things#will byers#mike wheeler#byeler#i once went 'i think mike is gay' after s3 during theory talk w my brother and he didnt even hear me out#he went “mmm as a straight man i dont agree.' and immediately dropped it#if it doesnt make sense immediately they wont listen to you.
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Massive Milgramsona art/info dump as a treat to myself!! Alas, my fatal flaw is being unable to shut up about anything even while simultaneously embarrassed/nervous to share, so here's literally all the info I have on her 😅
Profile:
Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!
Number: 012
Color: #E7355B
Age: She’d be 20 when Milgram started
Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician
Song genre: Pop/theater (a mix of Mahiru and Kazui's vibes)
Backstory: She is studying abroad in Japan to work on technology related to the mv machine when she stumbles into top secret info about the trials. Horrified at the lack of prior testing, she demands to be included in the experiment to make sure the brand new tech runs smoothly and doesn't harm anyone in the process. To prevent her leaking info to the public and deciding an extra participant wouldn't hurt, Milgram agrees.
Role: Rose performs routine maintenance and updates on the extraction machine, and checks in with prisoners' health to make sure it's not having any adverse effects. She listens in on the interrogations, ringing the bell to signal Es when the machine is ready for use (re: my theory on how it works >:3). She then watches the mvs after Es to make sure there are no glitches.
(Though she is a personal milgramsona, her role in the story is supposed to reflect the audience's experience overall when it comes to how much info we know, emotions we experiencing regarding guilt/responsibility, and how much power over events we actually have given the voting system and trial breaks.)
Trial 1
Jackalope's comments during trial commencement: Oh, I almost forgot participant 012, Rose. We've never had more than one staff member before, so we figured that sort of numbering would be fine. Hey, don't look at me, it's not like it was our idea to include her. She's not a prisoner -- the only crime she's committed is sticking her nose where it didn't belong... You can ask her for the details, but she's just here for maintenance on our extraction machine. It's not easy keeping that thing running smoothly, you know? As part of her duties, she'll be privy to all the same information as you, but don't let her be any more of a busybody than she already is -- she has absolutely no authority when it comes to your verdict decisions, got it?
MV: Mic Check - “Can anyone hear me?”
VD: Positive Feedback
Cover: Pathological Facade - Ghost
Her album would release last in line. The VDs aren't interrogations since there's been no crime -- Es asks about her duties and observations of the prison. In them, she admits her predictions that she and Es will eventually be on trial for their involvement in the prisoner's fates.
Thus, her mvs are focused on her emotions towards the prisoners, her pride in helping bring justice, and her guilt at providing Milgram a means to pass judgement on people she cared about. I'm going to Goncharov the actual mvs/songs, but Mic Check is generally an introduction to her job behind the scenes prepping the equipment that will allow the prisoners' songs to be heard, as well kick off symbolism of her as a performer herself. She'll make a comment about how the experiment is leading to tragedy, "as if someone said Macbeth" (then covers her mouth, as she's standing in a theater herself).
I kept getting tripped up looking for Deco*27 songs that worked and weren't already taken, so I decided to go with some favorites and vibe-matching songs from other artists!
Comments during trial closing: It's good to hear you weren't a pushover when Rose gave her thoughts on the verdicts -- you guys disagreed on quite a few of them, eh? Ah... so she's not the type to pick fights, is that it? I guess that explains how she's managed to get along with everyone. (sigh) Even you knew better than to get attached like that. Well, at least she's kept our machine up and running the whole time.
Trial 2
Commencement: Now I need to wake Rose. We're going to need some extra upgrades to our machine if we want to get the most out of this round of extractions. I've got a sneaking suspicion that she and her bleeding heart are going to try and sway you during this trial. Her duty is specifically to look out for the prisoners' safety, but yours is only to judge them. Don't forget that.
MV: Changement - “Don’t say ‘break a leg,’ if it might just break.”
VD: Control Variable
Cover: TOXY - Kujiragi
I did my best to write out the title pronunciation out in katakana since I wanted it as the name of the dance move, not a direct translation of meaning. I went with シャジェモ "sha-je-mo" as the closest I could get to the "shanj-mou" sound, but feel free to correct me if there's a better way to write it. The door is based off of various set designs for Clara's home in The Nutcracker. (There's no deep meaning that this is the only one not opening -- I realized too late all the others are cracked open and my art app doesn't have the tools to easily fix that so I'm sticking with it 😭)
A changement is a small jump in ballet -- I thought it was fun to combine that (which means "to change") with Control Variable (refering to the variable in an experiment that never changes). The video shows conflicting emotions as her decisions/inaction caused so much to happen between trials, yet at the same time she feels like there's so much she'll be unable to change even if she really wants to intervene. Her mvs show the prisoners pretty regularly (since they are her crime, she's realized), and the teaser line is paired with references to Mahiru's broken leg.
The thumbnail combines different areas of study -- mechanical, medical, musical, mathematical (theater spotlight, muscles, Weakness notes, motion formulas). I think it's super cool how many areas of expertise are passed around the fanbase when discussing the characters. I've picked up new facts about plants, food, anatomy, geography, music, animals language, (sigh. color theory.), hobbies, professions, mythology, etc from fans with different fields of knowledge. While that's one of my favorite aspects of the project from the outside, I think it would be super intimidating to someone on the inside trying to tackle so much information at once.
Closing: As for Rose... (laughs) I thought she was dooming herself before--! Not only has she gotten hopelessly attached to everyone over the course of this trial, she's even started a relationship with one of the prisoners! And of all the people she could have chosen... Eh? Oh no, we have no policies against that for our staff. I mean, the whole point of Milgram is to explore human nature, the power of emotions, the complexities of connections, all that crap. I'm just grateful she shows a bit more common sense when she's operating the machine...
Trial 3
MV: Showstopper - “There won’t be applause, but I’ll take a bow, okay?”
VD: Please Exit Left
Cover: Ironina - Nilfruits
I don't know the album theme yet, but this is the tentative sprite and thumbnail design. The T2 sprite was kind of an "innocent" one, since at the beginning she still has faith in her role in the prison, excited to work with everyone there. (Plus, I joined the fandom a little after t2 started so that's peak excitement time lol). The T3 sprite has much more of a "guitly" feel to it because, at the end of T2 and after this hiatus, she'd harbor a lot more guilt about her position and fear about the experiment's conclusion. As a fun little detail, her pencil has been replaced with a more permanent utensil as final verdicts are locked in.
Now listen. My artist brain was constantly fighting my science brain when doing sprite designs -- I know gloves like that and nothing else isn't proper PPE. I know none of those are safety shoes (god forbid wearing just socks??? to the lab???). There should be no jewellery at all. The whole point of a lab coat is that you don't roll up the sleeves and expose your bare skin. However. It's anime character design. There can be compromise.
Referencing Rose's personal life as a performance and comparing Milgram's trials to one, I wanted the mv to play on "showstopper" as both a great show and a literal attempt to stop the project before it reaches its finale. There would be creepy comparisons in the mv between operating stage equipment and prison executions: curtain/set ropes and nooses, heavy duty lightswitches and electric chairs, etc.
Misc.
And lightening things up again -- birthday art and minigrams :3
Birth flower: Camellias. Pink camellias symbolize love but also longing. The fact that they bloom in winter, and have a quick death (the entire flower wilts at once, instead of individual petals falling off), have inspired different meanings in different cultures -- overcoming hard times, facing death in battle, inseparable lovers, and so on
Three minigrams featuring my own annoyance that her design is a bit close to Shidou's coat/gloves look, a mandatory short joke, and a pun that works so perfectly for my Put-In-Situations guy
#lol it really is a DUMP - ive been collecting little pieces for so long and decided to just drop everything at once#my art app doesnt have a good text function so you must deal with my handwriting 🤷♀️#im usually pretty willing to do accurate uniform runes but i did not have it in me to do it this time lol#it was so fun learning to mimic the minigram style!! i tried my best at Manga Humor TM but idk if i succeeded adfsdf#the panel where fuuta is zoning out -- the notes are the mii channel music 😂#aww and i found a really cute wobbly cake reference that i used :D#i own like no fancy shoes (i always borrow my parnters/moms/sisters if needed sadfasdf) so i thought itd be perfect to use my pointe shoes#even though my favorite color is yellow i went with pink because 1. muu already has the standard bright yellow id want#and 2. i own So Many pink clothes and accessories LOL#still -- i didnt want to go crazy figuring out a million outfits so i just drew her in the same one each time rip#definitely a good exercise to combat the usual self loathing..... it was really interesting to do and im... much happier with the#final pieces than i ever expected..... ;-----;
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Oh you KNOW this playlist is full of bangers when I've got 4-5 of them stuck in my head at once
#CANT WAIT TO DO THE TOURNAMENT NOW#the rotation is like#brought this on yourself - remnants of gold - five nights - five unholy nights - chronicles of bonnie#theres a few more that pop in for less time too#this hasnt happened since the first time i listened to nothing but the mechanisms for a week#IVE ALREADY LEARNED SOME OF THE WORDS TO THESE SONGS TOO AND ITS BEEN 2 DAYS#this tournament is going to be so fun#not a poll#OH YEAH special tag update on that btw#all the images are obtained and the bracket image has been made!#so all thats left to do is - edit the images to all be 500x500 - organize the images and songs Into the bracket#- make the poll matchup images - get the polls up and scheduled!!!#once i have the bracket image itself ill put that up an hour or two before the polls drop#so you have time to look if youd like!#okay this was a long update whatever anyway#if you havent listened to these songs yet you are MISSING OUT#theres some that definitely feel like Babys First Song because its a lot of smaller artists#but dont get me wrong. one of the ones with the worst mic quality is probably one of my FAVORITES#i KNOW the big artists are probably going to sweep for sure#but i HOPE its a hard won fight#2023 tournament
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sometimes i feel like swapinverse deviates too much from the concept i originally had (which is that character A goes through events that lead them to having one or more traits of character B) but then i remember that this is all not canon and this is MY CANON and it's all artistic liberty and i have free reign to change things if i think they're too boring or i just want a different aesthetic
nooo stop you can't change logic about the tree of feelings and make it so that the villagers are less hateful as a result to nightmare (melpomene :3) and then also have inspiration from greece that's weird- SHUT UP!!!!! if i want them being named after greek muses and gods and wear drapy loosely inspired clothing then i WILL!!!! normal dreamtale is too boring anyways it's just the sun and moon themes. there's a point where you can't just squeeze in sun and moon symbols without it getting repetitive and trashy
noooo stop you can't completely change the events of xtale/underverse and basically make cross (crash xD) a different character- YES I CAN!!!!!!!!! i mean like what the hell would even happen to xtale if ink didn't exist anyways. xgaster would kill himself?? THAT'S BORING and i needed to find a way to keep xgaster alive so cross can at least somewhat come fron xtale. anyways crash (and also siphon but he's a completely different story that doesn't deviate TOO much) feel very outlierish to me in terms of what they do (since they don't directly do what their character B traits are, those are just a byproduct of their actions)
nooooo stop you can't give killer angel motifs and make him wear a random ass blindfold for no reason- YES THE FUCK I CAN YES I CAN!!!!! i didn't even have a reason for this i just really wanted him to be angel themed when i came up with the NAME savior (what's the opposite of killing? life. okay but i can't just fucking name this killer "liver" that's weird. i can't name him VICTIM either that's just strange especially considering this character concept. so what else is there? i could use kill on its own and search up antonyms. the strongest antonym of kill on thesaurus.com is save. boom SAVIOR) and then i RAN with the savior concept because if i'm gonna have a character literally named savior with a warped savior complex then i might as well go all in on the angel motifs because im out of ideas on unique design concepts
#tricule rant#dreamtale in swapinverse with (shockingly) NOT have a dream and nightmare that hate each other#becaus i just think they need to stick together and have peace for once#they have several other issues and conflicts to deal with but their brotherhood is NOT one of them#ill be fr i think that my idea for swapinverse cross was actually genius. bc og ink doesn't exist in this he's busy doing other stuff#so what happens to xtale if ink isn't there???? since he was the one that singlehandedly kept xgaster from offing himself#and that's what swapinverse xtale is :3 although i won't focus on that since i wanna focus more on crash himself#crash's entire backstory is one giant butterfly effect of what if ink wasn't there to show xgaster the multiverse#i really have no excuse for the aesthetic changes though i just really think that dreamtale's og aesthetic sucked#and i wanted savior to stand out from the rest of the mst (think he stands out a bit TOO much now but it's ok im a sucker for angel motifs)#biggest swapinverse lore drop as of now. ive been grinding out thalia and melpomene's lore and i have their personalities in my mind#i basically already have those 2 and crash all thought out i just need to actually refine the stuff i wrote and my ideas#and of course it fucking leaves me with vice.SER as the last one. he HAUNTS me having to actually do him is ngl SCARY
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seeing info only about the kiryu and majima statuettes but absolute radio silence on the ichi one is utterly sending me. Theyre hiding the fact theyre gonna make ichi pale as a cracker again
#snap chats#theyre in the lab making a skin tone with melanin in it for once im SCREAMING#JUST LET ME SEE MY BOY PAINTED LET ME SEE HOW BAD THE DAMAGE IS#whether i spend $150 is entirely dependent on if ichi is pale or not and im so serious its why i didnt get his plushie#anyways i got hate crimed today i was getting lunch with my dumbass friend WHICH. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I DO#CAUSE WE JUST SIT IN DEAD SILENCE AND SHES TERRIBLE AT CONVERSATION RIGHT anyway.#we were getting lunch and her prof ask her like ‘oh are you on a date <3’ like prof i would rather kms !!!! then go on a date with this gir#literally my biggest fear i hope people dont think we’re dating id actually drop out#‘snap you make her sound awful’ because she is and i dont feel bad about bullying her anymore NO LISTEN#WE WERE PLAYING Y7 LAST NIGHT AND SHE BUTT DIALS HER FRIEND. LIKE A DUMBASS.#AND DEADASS ME AND HER FRIEND JUST TALK ON HER PHONE ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE SUCKS.. WHILE SHES SITTING RIGHT THERE.#i felt so validated cause everything he was complaining about id complain about like oohhhh my god i should meet him#hes the guy that called me that invincible character. and mystery man. i think i talked about this already wait—#ITS STILL FUNNY TO ME IDC ive never felt so seen in my life. why an i friends with this girl idk we’ll figure out one day#right now i want. ichi statue to be real and tanned#ok bye i have class soon
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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fuuuuuck i think i should not have taken these classes all in the same semester
#the school changed the prof for one of my classes without even notifying me so now i might have to drop it#in which case i cant drop the other class that i WAS already planning to drop cause i wont have enough credits#and ive found out that its probably a bad idea to try learning material for multiple certifications at once. so.#its not that i think ill fail the classes themselves cause i took this prof before and his exams were easy#but in this case the goal is to learn enough to pass cert exams so if im not retaining enough to do that later it feels like a waste#idk. maybe itll be fine. itll still be credits so itll still go towards something.#just feeling overwhelmed DX#and i guess frustrated by my plans getting messed up by the other class changing#i need sleep
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Actual footage of me after an 18 hour work day complete with guilt spirals and shame.
#worked a night shift last night after not sleeping well already. then had to take a client in for surgery. be at the hospital for ~7 hours.#then leave. get him food. get him home. realize none of his meds are in the mar so my staff cant record when they passed meds.#finish with that and go to drop off the company car. dont have my office keys so cant bring them in. fine ok jesus.#get home and have a hell of a time trying to park Husbos car cause its big and im not used to it.#already feel like shit so go to have a shower. then out of fuckin nowhere start guilt/shame/self hatred spiralling because thinking about#clients that died that i knew and how shit i feel because i shouldve done more or done something different or said something#and feeling angry at myself and sad and just fucking missing them#im finally in bed now. ive had a good cry. now im going to bed.#sorry for the vent#just. suddenly everything hit me all at once and it was a lot#ill be ok. i dont have a choice.#the artist complains#the artist has spoken
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...
#*problems occur on a project multiple ppl r working on* my boss @ me: what do u wanna do?#me. disastrously burnt out: i couldnt not even to give a fuck abt all this. i dont care i dont care i dont care#but thats not what i say. i say ok ill talk to the ppl and see how i can drop everything to help. and that probably means driving an hour#away to the other uni which is irrationally terrifying to me to the point where it will probably destroy my whole week a prevent me from#sleeping when i already am struggling to sleep. but its fine. ill get it done and itll be fine. for this stupid fucking project i dont#care abt. ay its so weird. ive never been this angry abt things. i mean its not even really anger its more dispair and frustration but it#manifests as just wanting to scream and throw a fit like a toddler. and i mean its my fault. i dont have to live the way that i do. i mean#i do but in an irrational compulsive way that i cant entirely control. but like its Saturday and i sepent 6 and a half hours taking#measurements and then met with my boss for like an hour and she was showing me cool imagines and talking abt cool new collaborators at her#new school and im just sitting there trying to maintain a smile bc my brain is semi disconnected from my body and im so exhausted#ugh. my brain is so fucked rn. i dont want to drive with even lower functioning thsn usual. and i was gonna meet my friend Tuesday morning#for once. and i might have to drive back and forth multiple days. ans what's my reward if were successful? two fucking weeks of watering#and measurement taking and i might have to stand around other ppl in all that time as well. usually im off spinning in circles by myself#amd looking unapproachable. i dont want to have to b a person around the undergrads#god im so weird. its like from the outside perspective if u were looking thru the window at me u would see me using a hammer and assume im#putting something together and i am but im also hammering nails thru my hand which no one asked me to do#so then why do i have to do it? ugh. thats y its a hard thing to complain abt bc ppl r like oh it sounds like ur compulsive habbits make u#productive and successful and yea sure but they're also destroying my life. im laying on the floor doubled over in pain and ppl r like oh#look how useful u r. who gives a fuck everything feels stretched and distorted like im suffering some sort of selfimposed Devin punishment#whatever. fuck this. tomorrow ill try my hardest to relax. literally i cant remember the last time i stayed in bed until at least 7am. ugh#but i also have some bullshit i have to get done tomorrow so well see#uuuuuugh let me leave this place @ schools send me ur official offers pls i wanna plan out my life for the next 5yrs#unrelated
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i literally cant stand people callin ambessa 'a new councilor' and referring to her regal outfit as her 'council outfit'
she isnt a fucking councilor.
even if you havent seen the leaks it takes .2 seconds of critical thinking to realize it makes no sense for her to be a councilor.
she is the leader of noxus. shes a commander. she despises piltover and its citizens. we have literal teaser footage of her invading piltover.
in no world would she ever be a councilor simply because mel is missing in action. shes a council ADVISOR.
#spoilers;#ive seen people saying basically all her treaser shots are of her being a councilor.#like the 'wrath must be met with wrath'#and all her monologues#but she is literally just talking to salo.#because why would she ever need to be on the council when you can so easily sway an already appointed council member.#and she doesnt even need to sway him. he reaches out to her first.#the reason shes able to boss the councilors around so much is because HALF OF THEM ARE DEAD; mel is missing/is her daughter and will alwayy#oppose ambessa; salo is extremely egotistical and ignorant; and the one wit the ticky necklace doesnt have any strong opinions at all#the town is in ruins and everythin is chaotic. people are going to follow the first person with any semblance of a plan.#it makes me so maddddddd#cant wait for people to stop saying dumb shit like this once it drops
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girls who are generally huge fucking flakes to the point where they genuinely do not have Any Idea how or why their friends still want to be friends at all
#im so stupidly fucking grateful that they DO want to be friends still because i love them so much theyre so so wonderful#but dear god if i do not give them Every Fucking Reason to get sick of my shit and drop me#im really really hoping it gets at least a little bit better once i have a car and can invite them out places or go other places#instead of inviting them over <- never knows what to do when people are at their house Ever she is a SHIT host#but also what if thats just an excuse and even once i do have a car im never going anywhere or doing anything with them??#this CANNOT last forever people are gonna get sick of it eventually its an actual miracle they havent yet#and im just. sitting here not changing anything about it always worrying and never DOING anything about it#its not even just offline!! even online its like i can hardly be bothered to actually do things with people sometimes its so.#girl who claims to care so much about people and then doesnt do a damn thing to actually show it ever#and wonders why shes constantly had people in her life tell her that they dont feel like she cares about them#god. need to talk to my therapist about The Food Thing too.#because the thought of changing anything about it is the single most TERRIFYING thing in my fucking life right now#but it stops me from doing So Much and it makes me So Miserable and So Anxious#and no matter how much i dont want to change it i NEED to change it#sorry for being A Downer ive been in a huge episode/relapse the past 5? 6? weeks and its really starting to fuck me up more than-#-it already was#alyalyoxenfree
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Love being a boy who likes others boys like damn this is pretty silly I can’t believe we aren’t all doing this
#the klock keeps ticking#love it when guys kiss too like hell yeah man this is what living is all about like genuinely#oh but you know whats really homophobic? i fixed my gay keychain#i got it from pride last year its really cute its 2 male symbols linked together and it broke when i dropped my keys one day#its like a charm that was glued to a metal holder and the charm just popped out#and i finally hot glued it back together but hm i just dont think hot glue stays when its against metal cuz ughhhh#after having a horrible day already on wednesday i dropped my keys in my car and the charm popped out again#and it went under the seats somewhere and i cant find it and i actually wanna cry cuz like#idk its a really important keychain to me and its like. ive had to kinda keep it away hidden and i was feeling motivated for once#and thought i could fix something and feel good about myself and then i fucking broke it and lost it#i really hope i find it like hnnnghh my life is nothing but failures and hopelessness rn i cant lose this too
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I need to go to work and be nothing short of absolutely mid
#same pay no matter what i do and i need to make it all about meeeeee#as soon as the debt isn't hanging over me i think i need to start really looking for something else#as per what my therapist would say. this job no longer aligns with my values#i need to scale back how i work or i am going to burn myself out really badly and ive already done that once#like yeah the pay is nice but i am no longer being paid enough for the shit we're making me put up with#i just. need something slower. and if i end up getting lucky and supplementing income with my art#it would open a lot more venues; FUCK i could drop down to part time but that's a huge huge huge if#i wouldn't count on it but. you know. i need to keep telling myself how much of this isn't mine#the attitudes given to me are not reflective of me or my work. whatever happens must happen#i want to hold onto that while I'm there and being pressured to do 20 different things#i saw a post with the phrase ''calculated mediocrity'' and. yeah. yeah i think that's what i want here#pay to cover the bills but not enough to break my back over it#shai speaks
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#i am so tired of life i want to drop out of school but i have no motivation to do anything else rn also if i do i am wasting time once again#and i already wasted sm time as is i might as well suck it up and finish but then again i feel like i dont belong at all and like everyone#else can see it too idk#also ive been depressed for months it gets better some days and then it gets worse again idk what the fuck to do anymore honestly#please ignore
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At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in
i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment
#infinite wealth spoilers#snap chats#what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO#i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed#i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was#like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting#esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english#typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others#im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily#it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO#maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in#like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok#thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE#POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time#but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter#like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts)#its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0..#BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time#i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game#and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that#if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point
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