#ill be ok. i dont have a choice.
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Actual footage of me after an 18 hour work day complete with guilt spirals and shame.
#worked a night shift last night after not sleeping well already. then had to take a client in for surgery. be at the hospital for ~7 hours.#then leave. get him food. get him home. realize none of his meds are in the mar so my staff cant record when they passed meds.#finish with that and go to drop off the company car. dont have my office keys so cant bring them in. fine ok jesus.#get home and have a hell of a time trying to park Husbos car cause its big and im not used to it.#already feel like shit so go to have a shower. then out of fuckin nowhere start guilt/shame/self hatred spiralling because thinking about#clients that died that i knew and how shit i feel because i shouldve done more or done something different or said something#and feeling angry at myself and sad and just fucking missing them#im finally in bed now. ive had a good cry. now im going to bed.#sorry for the vent#just. suddenly everything hit me all at once and it was a lot#ill be ok. i dont have a choice.#the artist complains#the artist has spoken
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redrew that one paceslayer frame cuz the og creator was a mega loser
#was plannin on yk painting it buuuttttttttt dont ask me to paint digitally ill start tweaking out cuz it always feels lame to me#eternal struggle of feeling my art isnt SWAG ENOUGH FUCCCKKKKK its ok#w my every line choice i say ‘this needs to have swag’ it improves my art#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#toontown pacesetter#graham payser#graham ness payser#pacesetter#toonblr#cogblr#toontown
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steddyhands modern au inspired by this post:
(1828 words, themes of kink but nothing explicit, established blackhands & gentlebeard-centric. Happy Pride!)
Stede picks up leatherworking in the wake of his divorce. He's not exactly sure how it ended up being such an important hobby for him, only that he had always admired the intricate designs on his horse's best bridles, and with little else to do with his time, he decides to give it a go.
It's rocky going at first, but he's having fun working with his hands for the first time in his life, and there's a sense of satisfaction in seeing the design come to life as he works. With practice, his skills improve, and he learns how to make things that are truly one of a kind.
He starts off posting his pieces online, as a way to reach fellow enthusiasts, but quickly finds himself with a rather large audience. Stede’s style is unique, and, after many requests from his followers, Lucius encourages him to make some more basic pieces he can sell. It's not about making money for Stede, but another way to meet new people who share his interests- as Lucius keeps telling him, it's sad that his personal assistant is the main person he talks to these days.
So Stede sets out on a new adventure, and has quite the time designing a new range of patterns for the market. He makes purses, belts, bracelets, and, most importantly, dog collars- all still with his unique designs embossed into them, of course. He rents a booth at his towns monthly craft fair, and very quickly finds himself with a new group of friends in the other regulars- Pete, his usual neighbour, who sells an array of wooden figures he carves, Roach, who runs a stand for his bakery, and Frenchie, who isn't actually a stallholder, but is almost always busking near his friend Wee John’s stand of knitted goods, bringing life to the market even in the pouring rain. There's also Buttons, another regular at the market. Nobody is exactly sure what he does there- he doesn't sell things, or seem to buy anything either, but rain or shine, he's there with the birds.
Stede’s been doing this a few months by the time June rolls around. As he's setting up his stand, he notices that the area is much busier than it’d normally be at this time of morning. Lucius, who got roped into helping run Stede’s stall somewhere down the line (despite his protests that this is not what personal assistant means… But hey, he got a boyfriend out of it, at least), reminds him that there's the parade today, too- not realising that Stede had no clue there was a parade today, and especially not that it was pride. Stede immediately jumps to fretting about the amount of stock he’s brought, and Lucius takes the cue to escape, saying he’ll go and grab them coffee (but really, he's off to flirt with Pete)
Lucius is still missing when Ed stumbles across the little leather stall. Stede’s just ran back to his car to fetch his last boxes of inventory, and by the time he returns, Ed’s already begun to narrow down his choices. Stede greets him, starting to tell him that they're not actually open yet, but before he gets more than a couple of words out, Ed’s exclaiming “You're a Kiwi!!!”
The two of them smile at the shared recognition, and Stede says he’ll make an exception, just for Ed, and asks him what exactly he was interested in. Ed tells him that he's looking for a collar “for his boy”, and points out the particular design he was looking at. It happens to be one of Stede’s favourites from this latest run of work, a fact he mentions to Ed. It leads them into a discussion about Stede’s craft, and Ed’s Izzy, and then everything in between. Ed’s listening intently to the things Stede’s telling him, completely drawn in by the process, and by Stede himself. He watches as Stede stamps Izzy's name into the collar, and Stede even lets him have a go at one of the stamps.
Lucius reappears sometime in the middle of this- only to immediately retreat again, seeing Stede engrossed with Ed. He sets up camp at Pete's booth opposite, watching this man flirt intensely with his boss- and Stede flirt back just as hard. Does Stede even realise he’s doing it? Lucius had known Stede was gay since before Stede even admitted it to himself, but this is on a whole other level.
The pair stand there so long that Izzy comes to look for Ed- the two of them are manning a float on the parade with their crew, and it's past time for them to get geared up. He's already worked up, frustrated to have been left to set up everything alone, when Ed had just gone to see if he could get them both coffee. So maybe he's a bit of a prick, approaching with a brash “where the fuck have you been, Edward”, to which Stede brings the same energy, giving a bitchy “Ed! Do you know this guy?” Izzy tenses, ready to snap, but then Ed cuts in, excitedly telling Stede that this is “his Izzy!” Which confuses the hell out of Stede.
Forgetting his earlier attitude, he asks Ed if he “really named his dog after his friend”, only to be met with confusion right back from Ed at where the hell Stede got the idea he had a dog from. Stede gestures at the bag with the collar in it, to which Ed has to tell him, “oh, no, that's for him.” Ed tells Stede that they're here to run a float for their local leather society, and while Stede is certainly shocked by what Ed’s saying, he's not finding himself… uninterested. It's simply that he’s never even considered any of this before, especially not that people would use the things that he made for this, but Ed sounds so enthusiastic about it all. He tells him about how his friends would love to see Stede’s work, about how classic leather gear is always so fucking boring- but not Stede’s stuff, no, Stede’s stuff is “fresh” and “fascinating” and unlike anything Ed’s ever seen before.
Ed's enthusiasm is incredibly infectious, so when he invites Stede to come back to see their float, he readily agrees. It’s a concept Izzy’s less than enthusiastic about. He doesn’t really want to bring this man who’s dressed like he just walked out of a HOA board meeting to their kinky little corner of the world, but he is having a lot of fun watching Stede squirm, so decides not to raise a protest. He does demand he gets his long-overdue coffee first, though (Stede pays for it- as “compensation for him distracting Ed from his job”, he says, not giving Izzy a second to process before he's tapping his card)
By the time they return to the float, Fang, Ivan & Jim are waiting for them, all already geared up. Stede is stunned silent at the sight for about 5 seconds, before he starts actually looking at the quality of Jim’s harness, and proceeds to go off about the poor quality of the craftsmanship, about how the hardware is tacky and completely the wrong choice with this leather, how his “ten year old daughter could do a better job!!!”
There's complete silence from the group, until Izzy, of all people, bursts into laughter at Stede’s audacity (and, the fact he was staring at Jim's tits completely unabashedly, like he hadn't even noticed them in the first place). Izzy's laughter sets Ed off as he tells the group about Stede’s misunderstanding- “you didn't say he was a person!” “I mean, he's my dog”- and soon everyone's having a friendly giggle at Stede’s mistake.
It's somewhere in the middle of the retelling that Ed remembers that this whole thing happened because he was buying Izzy a gift. After a moments fumbling, he presents Izzy with the collar- It's a rich, deep black, embossed with a rolling pattern that resembles waves. It’s made from a firm enough leather to take the tooling, and to remind Izzy that he’s owned while he’s wearing it, yet still soft enough for long term comfort. Izzy's eyes immediately lock on to it, an unreadable expression coming over his face, and Ed turns it; first so he can really see the design and Izzy’s name embossed into it, and then so he can see the small “Ed ♥” on the inside of the collar, right over his swallow tattoo.
“I did the heart,” Ed says to him softly, intended only for Izzy’s ears. Izzy's eyes flick up to Ed’s, and he raises his chin to give Ed the room to put it on. Ed buckles the collar around his neck almost reverently, a test of the tightness turning into a caress of Izzy's neck. It's a perfect fit.
It's as though something comes over Izzy; so twitchy and abrasive earlier, now silent, staring at Ed with a look akin to worship in his eyes. He obediently tilts his head for a kiss as Ed's fingers move to his chin- It's a sight to behold, and one that has Stede intrigued. He wants to know more about this lifestyle, and these men in particular. He wants to be the one to put that expression on Izzy's face.
The moment breaks as Ed and Izzy pull apart, and Ed calls for the crew to finish the last bits of set up. Izzy shakes himself a little before running off to bark orders again, but even still, there remains a softness to him that wasn't there before.
Ed turns back to Stede with an apologetic smile, already obvious that he has to get going. Before he can speak, however, Stede jumps in -“My business numbers on the card in the box… I'll be around all day”- Ed’s smile turns more genuine at that, promising to stop by if he gets a moment, and that he’ll send his friend's Stede’s way- “if he wants that kind of business.” Stede says that he does, actually- that he's seen a whole new world already today, and, while he was a little taken aback at first, he can feel the passion Ed and his friends have for this life. If there's one thing that's ever mattered to Stede, it's other people's enthusiasm. Maybe he doesn't completely understand yet, but he would like to try.
One year later, Stede’s back at the market on pride weekend again, far better stocked for the crowds this time around. Lucius is finally free to spend the day flirting with Fang & Pete to his heart's content, now that Stede’s roped his own boyfriends into helping him run the stall- and into modelling the merchandise. Ed loves that part, while Izzy needs a lot more convincing, but the puppy eyes Stede & Ed weaponise against him make a very good argument.
#Despite what this post may imply; i actually know very little about the art of leatherwork#Im also not saying Stede got into leatherwork because of his repressed leather kink. But im not not saying that.#(This is not to say that i personally think leather gear is boring- i totally see the beauty in simple/plain designs & i get that the#style is all about the look of straps and hardware. but also. i know in my heart Edward ‘likes a fine thing’ Teach would be head over heels#for fun unique pieces. Its the whimsy of it all)#(not to turn this into OFMD meta but. You can like both; in fact. You can have the leather AND you can have the florals)#ALSO. dont ask me why izzy would find a big difference between wearing gear on the float vs the stand. it just felt right#(ok i do have reasoning. its the directness of it. in the parade its very part-of-a-crowd; every interaction in passing. running the stand#is direct interactions + they are specifically looking at Him. it feels different. but he does it because he loves his partners)#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#edward teach#stede bonnet#izzy hands#israel hands#blackbeard#blackhands#edizzy#gentlehands#stizzy#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#steddyhands#fanfic#sort of... i dont really consider this fic; more. scenario description but ill admit this ended up way closer to fic than i planned#but the weird stylistic choices are because. this wasnt intended as fully fleshed out fic.#i am not a writer & i dont want to be. im just a guy with ideas over here; and the best way to share ideas is through words#(Please dont count the commas per sentence ratio. Thats between me & god)#also. I cant believe i wrote something that can be tagged as gentlebeard centric. Who am i.
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Edwin, looking at the bracelet: what the bloody hell is that?
Cat king: it's an enchanted bracelet. It only comes off once you do something for me. Take a guess at that it is
Edwin: you know what? Fuck you
Cat king: correct
Edwin: wait what
#am i ok? no#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#cat king#dead boy detectives quotes#but tbf edwin would probaly say stuff not fuck#because hes too polite#cat kimg: but since im a fair and continental cat king ill give you a offer#have sex with me or count all of my subjects.#what a hard one#ngl edwin madw the right choice#becasue hes a minor?#(despite being 123 but still)#like hes never kissed anyone so yeh#iwkejfjfjd#i think he could start a menagery of all the animals who are after him#it would be quite petty but its the thiught that counts right 🤷♀️#i dont really like xatwin but i made this anyways 🤷♀️
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idw bumblebee and prowl shouldve broke up bcs he wouldnt stop 𝚊sking prowl to pause his report for just one lil astrosec so he can change his various pastel colored pens while making his cute little aesthetically pretty for no reason & very time - consuming notes with big colorful fonts & cute designs real quick
also another thought abt annoying ass bb trying to make running a literal planet cotteque so he doesn't go crazy bcs hes now a politician when all he ever wanted was to deliver mail & smile & wave at bots who call him cute ---
bee: 𝚠heeljack, im so sorry about this but do you mind repeating the time-stakingly long introduction, instruments, research references, modules, hypothesis, counter thesis, procedures, analysis, second - retrial, results, & explanation that you just spent 700000 earth hours saying because i was busy drawing a cute little bee in the corner of my notes please :] ?
wheeljack:

idw bee trying to run a planet that fucking hates him is just rlly funny to me, especially since everyone views bee as the goody character who everyone loves & he views himself as that & then they finally win this consuming war & he can reap his rewards of being loved without holding a gun & no one fucking likes him. hes even getting on his own old team's nerves & not in the loveable scamp way but the get the fuck out of my face way
#everybody regarding bee during the war: aw cute lil guy! bringing some positivity to this cruel war!! his goofups are so sparkwarming#it's ok lil guy!! we will always support u at the end of the day bcs u remind us of our sparks inside & love is rea-#everybody regarding bee constantly fucking up on how to run a wholeass planet: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#he was just a scout trying to do his best to appease optimus and now hes a bitch still trying to appease optimus for some reason#wheeljack: so i set these tools aside to route a waste system whenever you're ready to establish that legally & ill get to bui-#bumblebee: CAN WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE SO I DONT K*LL MYSELF :D ??#wheeljack: ....... we need a waste system due to disturbed population disrespecting your rules & this planet is getting worse &#bumblebee: please primus wheeljack i Dont know what youre Saying i just want my DaMn tiMeMacHine so people will LiKe mE!!!!#wheeljack: im gonna kill you .#scout bee: grahh who does that guy think he is >:[ im gonna go kick his BUTT!!! being mean to my FRIEND! grah! TAKE THIS#wheeljack: haha no lil guy dont do that ull die lol lets reel back & go back to base to build some cool bombs instead YAYYY they will die :#not US! YAYYYY!!!#* they celebrate in guys who are desensitized to violence *#guys who are desensitized to violence now forced to govern a planet that hates violence but no one else is trusted to do it->#bee: WE NEED TO BUILD SODA FOUNTAINS EVERYWHERE SO PPL WILL STOP PREFERRING WAR CRIMINAL STARSCREAM OVER ME PLS#PLS JACK PLS 😸!!!!!#wheeljack: bumblebee i havent blown up a mech besides myself in so fucking long. im so fucking close.#when ur squad so fucked up the mentally ill undiagnosed ppl pleaser obsessed teachers pet bitch is the best choice#to run a planet bcs everyone else will bomb 99% of the populatjon and leave#bee stills bombs like 5% of it but it's ok bcs theyre decepticons & theyre bad guys & this is def not problematic thinking at all :)#<- literally murder#transformers idw#bumblebee#wheeljack#prowl#transformers#maccadam#tf idw
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BIRTHDAY HAUL courtesy of a very lovely friend of mine 🥺
bonus goofy pics of a bday snack i had earlier with my favorite menace …..


#snap shots#ew hand reveal#I CAN FINALLY BE THOSE PEOPPE WHO TAKE PICS OF THEIR PLUSHIES EVERYWHERE#my lovely friend (same one who got me the comics) told me about the taiyaki at the place i went to !!!#it was SO goof the crisp outer shell coupled with the chewy matcha layer and the cream cheese cream center bringing it all togethr.. perfect#ANYWAY COMICS I GOT !!!! i love this first class series so of course i got more …#this set does. have issues i already down but more issues i Dont#and i said i wanted to read more scarlet witch stories this year no …. hi dötter …..#i actually wanted to see if i could find the 2016 story since i heard that was exceplent but alas#AND OF COURSE I HAD TO GET MY BOY BOBBY !!!!!!!!!!! i love him thats my son#maybe next time.. i felt so bad for my dad he had to stand around so long while i browsed for like an hour 😭#time flies in comic shops i swear its limbo… MOVING ON#lest i forget illyana ….. ill admit i know very little of course however when i saw people talking of this new series#ofc i got the metallic magik cover I LOVE METAL !!! shiny..#i figured now would be the best time to read up … the art here is FANTASTIC#the vibes are immaculate too i love the horror overlay of it… i cant wait to see more of this series#and yk. read This one thoroughly i only skimmed it djAOSJWKS AND LASTLY excalibur.#flipped through it and saw charles was the protagonist AND he was in his chair.. a must buy i fear …#i tried looking for older comics but i never have luck with that but im excited bout these !!#maybe ill get the rest of the excalibur issues- or at least read the rest online. i feel like theres important stuff in there#related to charles at least.. hey does anyone know what issues hve Danger and that whole arc with charles? i wanted that but i forgot…#cashier was like ‘excellent choices’ girl ik….. i have perfect taste… idc if you just sayin that to be nice ik the truth…#ANYWAY !! im sure im running out of tags at this point so for now FAREWELL TEAM#today was a lovely birthday and i thank the lovelies of my inbox (and just following!) for all the love today !!#ok im stretching the tag limit now BYE BYE !! ill read these later for now im sleepy …#thank you so much again to my friend for these lovelt gifts i send her lots of love and care !!! ALL YOU DO THE SAME NEOW 🫵 if you may….
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Kinda crazy that we’ve got 3 different lords of fortune between da absolution and tevinter nights and none of them showed up in datv but instead we got. A half assed isabela cameo. Like ok-
#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age veilguard#dragon age veilgaurd spoilers#dragon age isabela#isabela dragon age#dragon age critical#LIKEEE#im fine with most of veilguard ill be honest#i do have other criticisms but my enjoyment overrides them tbh#but i was so excited for the lords of fortune#hell taash is still like. uhh top 3 companions for me#but as a faction. disappointing#the rivain coast is boring as hell#and also. the lof is like. kinda orientalist#especially since we literally dont see any of rivain beyond that fucking beach#and the annoying ass warden area. and the volcano#LIKEEEE#that section just suffers. so much lmao#and isabela. i love her but why include her#if none of our choices from previous games matter lmao#its kinda weird#im sure someone can say all this better but. yeah idk#i still cant get over like. clearly rivaini ppl are based of romani ppl right???#but not seeing any of their culture makes it soo. eugh.#AND GET ISABELA OUT OF THAT OUTFIT#ok im done i swear. probably
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i've felt iffy about only three choices (all from inquisituon, most from a dlc) carrying over since it was released but hearing someone who got to play the game say "the appearances of certain returning characters are going to feel pretty hollow now knowing that they don't know their own past" which. yeah i knew that but worded like that it hurts a lot. we have a morrigan who doesn't know anything about the warden. who may or may not be under flemeth's control. morrigan who cannot mention her potential son.
#morrigan who doesnt know who ati is and how much she is loved by her#i know bioware decided the warden is on a mission to get a cure for the taint and. idk im just so annoyed#i know dao and da2 choices dont rlly matter in the future tevinter for the most part but i think we should have been allowed to say who our#warden and hawke was. they dont even exist in the time of veilguard anymore#theyre really doing nothing with leaving someone in the fade#i kind of feel like crying about ati and morrigan though bc im so frustrated with this game and i love them so much#and they love each other. theyre friends. morrigan has called ati a sister to her.#ok ill stop thinking about this before i cry#dragon age critical#leevi liveblogs
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by the way. i started playing roblox again for the first time since i was like a teenager. so ummm if anyone ever wants to play roblox with me. come join me in my awsome world
#meant less like my roblox-creation world and more like an 'elmos world' type sentiment. my roblox worlds are from over a decade ago.#n e way i dont know that im comfortable outright Posting my username but ill tell probably anyone who asks :]#i mean its also literally my neopets main username too. so if you have me on there you can probably deduce it yourself#speaking of my awsome roblox world im currently throwing together a bit of a proto towncity-lite map for myself to dick arouns in#this first iteration is mostly just Filling A Map rather than going for ANY kind of accuracy at this stage#oh sorry -- town city is the main location in scavengerverse#oh my god wait i think i actually got a sv ask the other day!! i forgot about that entirely. wait right there im gonna go answer and post it#i do have sketches of town city somewhereee . i plan on eventually making a section of the sv neocities page (under construction) into like#you know the lands in neopets. and how theyre images covered in links and the links go to different 'locations' and have various lore#yeah i wanna do that but for my oc headworld#come visit darians tower come ride the elevator down into his secret lair and see where mastermind operates out of#come to town city hall and learn the events over the past XX years that made superhero/supervillaining into a prospective career choice#come to tje train station and lets go visit vinny's family back home in city town (i dont remember if thats its real name or not)#city town is really funny in theory but in practice i think its probably too similar to town city to be a good choice#town city was once a placeholder name but i think pretty quickly.we were like No i dont think i could think of this city by any other name#fuck it vinnys hometowm can be. yknow littleroot in hoenn. what if he grew up in uh. erm well. bigtrunk town#im like 95% certain that i am joking and that i wont be using bigtrunk town. the 5% is adjusting for the wind#man what the hell am i talkin about. im gonna go look at that ask ok bye i love u
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enjoying archiving characters. taking them to the back and shooting them.
#luly talks#keabin watching me point the shotgun and peepers (deliberate choice just to bring more tragedy into his life)#i think if you shot Bo point blank their eyes would just be all that there's left#idk if i wanna take jack phoenix out tho... i NEED to rework my jack man#ill let him hidden. he's not gotta die. i spare him. go. run as fast as you can boy. be free.#adams too gets to stay. on thin ice tho im less attached to him but thats ok#estefany too is just staying. idk if i want to unhide her tho. i could? it'd be nice.#never had a bad encounter on artfight but i'd ask to be particurlarly respectful w es.#Ace's gang is all getting the shotgun treatment tho sorry#havent drawn any of them full body and tracy and cash dont even have canon designs still#those there? not canon. they're shit. that's not them#i love the description of estefany btw id PROB remove their war criminal past but would smoke weed w you. true..#yeah estefany is coming out of the workshop. heart.#i do have more art of her. god. we need to do something about those fucking pronouns im not joking#someone tell me a good pronoun middle ground between she and they she just hasnt been fitting but they is too far
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balancing "I do acts of service bc I love you" and "I don't wanna mother you" is very difficult at times
#its not that he expects me to mother him#i just have to catch myself as im doing things and remind myself im doing it out kf my own choice and love and not obligation#like ill do ur laundry and sweet uour room bc i love u. dont expect me to do it tho yknow?#anyway tgis is in no way a dig on my bf bc he doesnt expect me to do these acts of service i love him if i told him no hed be like “ok <3”#just self reflecting rn#ratt squeaks
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i can't believe its already july what do you mean half of the year is already over... you're saying ive spent nearly 7 months constantly drawing re:kinder— it has felt like 3 months?!
genuinely stunned it seriously has felt like 3 months to me... I was just so redoing some turnarounds i did for yuu very early on and was thinking. "wao ive really gotten more of a grip at drawing him in these last 3 months!!!" only to check the date of those early drawings of him I made to see the month DECEMBER 2023. HUH???
#not art#i talk!!!#like yeah ive obviously havent made dozens of drawings of this in 3 months thats just not possible for the condition of my hands#BUT I NEVER DID NOTICE HOW TIME FLEW BY... time sure flies when you're having fun#and yeah i did turnarounds for a character that isn't an oc of mine because i draw him a lot#and his hair is goofy and such and i want to keep it consistent at different angles. its always been because of his hair www#I DONT KNOW I LIKE KEEPING TRACK OF MY STYLISTIC CHOICES FOR CHARACTERS THAT ARENT MINE#when you draw a certain character a lot it starts to become inefficient to have to pull up multiple drawings of them for angles and color ok#but thats not the point how did half a year pass by#what a good game ... (thought in head every day because it is such a good game)#it onyl speaks to the impact of this game id say. aweosme game#ill be honest i didnt expect for myself to go on drawing this for so long back when i first drew it#when i first drew it i rushed out something not really expecting to make anything more than a few doodles#because i am dense as a rock and cannot be convinced to draw something often very easily its always been one offs for me#SO YEAH SEEING THAT NEARLY 7 MONTHS HAVE PASSED IS SURPRISING TO ME i didnt notice when i started to enjoy it this much#thank you rekinder for awakening me once more to the wonders of art will continue to draw
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...
#stumbling through one moment to the next like ive just been hit in the face#which is to say disoriented. punch drunk. adrift in a sea of mental vertigo#to steal a phrase: emotional motion sickness#i dunno. its just a very specific feeling when ive burned thru all my steam and am moving purely on compulsive action#like someones dragging me forward by the hair. i start to peel apart. im moving but without thinking actions into being#ill be in the middle of an action and my brain catches up. oh? where am i? what am i doing? ok i guess im on autopilot#thats fine i guess. and i start slipping out of my body. which isnt so bad until im trying to draw and then i cant bc my attention keeps#sliding away. i cant draw when im not sitting in my body.#im in the 3 day lul between taking measurements. this is my break. i say as i stay here from 7.30 to 5.30 bc of the other things i have to#do. and i haven't got the data ready for a meeting tomorrow so fuck the rest of my day i guess#ugh. i at least accomplished some things yesterday. but im in a standoff between saying fuck it and paying for an apartment vs waiting to b#contacted by student housing when there's currently a waitlist. i just wanna kno i have a place to go#also ive fucked myself over on another thing i havent done and dont kno how to start. uuuuuugh.#when i take my headphones off my brain has a lag that sounds like static and whispers#y am i doing this to myself? given the choice to make it better or worse i choose worse at each turn#so here we r. worse and worse and worse. have i fucked it all up? maybe so. well see#i have to go in tomorrow too. and i have a meeting Thursday. and thrn were back to 11hr days until Tuesday#then if i have to attend a birthday party my head might fucking explode#unrelated
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the hardest battle on earth is actually when you want to enjoy a character but some annoying bitch is in your ear justifying the characters flaws
#its so hard not to hate a character bc of the fans im fighting the good fight rn...#this is about cait#i love her i wanna discuss her i wanna talk about how bad the decision is and how it reflects onto people like her irl#but then ill have some stupid freak in my ear going “Ohhh u dont get nuance u don't get complex chars” BRO#IM LITERALLY DISCUSSING HER BC I LIKE HER CHARACTER#a character can be both complex and WRONG#she is making the WRONG CHOICES and thats OKAY for her to DO#OH MY GOD#like you can like her and recognise shes on the WRONG SIDE#OH MY GODDD#everytime i discuss her some mf always brings up jinx LIKE OK LETS DISCUSS IT.#JINX WAS GROOMED TO BE WHO SHE IS NOW!!! CAIT KNEW BETTER. CAIT WAS TAUGHT BETTER. SHE SAW BETTER.
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