#its very hard to not react
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ennaih · 11 months ago
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Not Every Film I Watch In 2024
25. The Sleeping Tiger (1954)
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bunnyboy-juice · 1 month ago
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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thatscarletflycatcher · 1 month ago
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I was surprised when I first heard people say the first Lord Peter Wimsey novels were too caricaturesque, because I don't remember a time I felt more identified with a character that when Lord Peter gets so focused, worried, and disturbed by his discovery of the nature of the crime in "Whose Body?" that he goes on a full blown PTSD attack. And then he is so very tired. And needs several days of rest to recover. But he's talking it in the exasperated philosophy of "going on a stupid little walk for my stupid mental health". Extremely relatable to me, whatever that says about my mental health state.
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doctahchang · 1 month ago
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i love seven but it is also very annoying how media overall is more willing to sympathise with characters who committed countless atrocities and talk at length about their redemption arks particularly in comparison to oppressed characters whose fight against status quo is always being framed as terrorism :-)
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lover-of-mine · 10 months ago
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just had an ‘oh shiiiiit’ moment bc what if it isn’t chris who gets hurt playing basketball but actually eddie? looking at the script again from a different perspective, instead of maddie reassuring buck it could be maddie misunderstanding what happened
“it was an accident, [_] knows you didn’t do it on purpose”
‘buck doesn’t say anything’
“evan. you didn’t do it on purpose did you?”
to me that could read like maddie realising like “wait, DID he??” especially bc he says nothing after she first ‘reassures’ him, kinda gives off guilty vibes
maybe buck and eddie argue and buck lashes out and eddie gets hurt? not seriously obviously, just like pushed over and sprains his wrist or something and that’s why buck ‘hasn’t really talked to him’
🤯
Dude, I've been thinking about this but I haven't felt like actually saying anything because people can be mean lol, so I'm so with you on this. He could have very much hurt Eddie. Even more with the tendency this show has of putting buddie in situations in places we will never see again (the fountain, the equine therapy place, the graveyard) so a basketball court could absolutely fit that pattern, and like, things are rocky between them, is very easy to give that impression considering where they are on the season finale, and you take freshly broken up with Buck (if the Natalia is not coming back thing is true) and you create some sort of tension between the two, to have Buck react and do something dumb, and accidentally hurt Eddie, makes sense. Like push him too hard on a play, or throw a ball he would trip on, something that's an accident but could not be if Buck analyzes it enough. And it's really easy to get hurt on a basketball court, I played for like, 7 years, and dude, the dumb ways I hurt myself are ridiculous lol, so like, it could be Eddie and Buck is scared of his reaction. Chris is the easiest to assume, and easiest to hurt, a ball to his crutches and he sprains his ankle or something, but Eddie himself is very much still a possibility. And Eddie dismissing Buck if he tried to help makes more sense than Buck leaving a hurt Chris behind. Unless the situation involves the 3 of them and Eddie is gonna go full overprotective dad because initially it seems worse than it is, let's say there's a moment they think Chris actually broke a bone or something, that lashing out is a reaction we've seen from Eddie before, fear is a powerful things, so even if Eddie doesn't react towards him because he's worring about Chris, Buck assuming Eddie is mad at him could be based on some logic. Also Eddie getting hurt and just saying I'm fine, I'm gonna go home and ice it, and Buck absolutely spiraling that Eddie hates him now is super on brand for Buck.
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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All the angst got the brain kicking and thinking about the human's side too and how they could survive the menagerie of danger they stumbled on. So, Sally's sleepwalking mode is blind to the world and loud/odd sounds activate her more violent side, right?
If the human that enters the studios is quiet enough and vigilant enough to realize the other puppets don't dare to go near Sally, could they end up using Sally's ring of light as a 'safe' zone? Or just tiptoe just behind her robes as she wanders around until she sleeps again?
It could even be the same pic with the whole group staring but slightly tinted blue and bam! Its a twisted game of tag, but its better than facing off with the titanic dog. Let alone what the bird would do.
HA thats a really funny mental image! scooby-doo shenanigans if i may! Sally is a bit too sensitive to sound for that to work, but... that does make me Think...
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arsene-fixates · 9 months ago
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Though all the layers, it’s still me
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blood-choke · 1 year ago
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before i start answering more asks i wanted to say i really appreciate all the nice messages and positive feedback for this recent chapter. it just really means a lot that people are enjoying this story and the characters and relating to mc. i'm honestly kinda overwhelmed, i didn't expect it at all, so i've just been totally blown away this weekend by all the messages 🖤
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honkygay · 2 years ago
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the absolute visceral reaction my body has to the end of mag 101 is horrific. no matter if i know its happening i still feel like IM the one disintegrating and distorting slowly and painfully for the last time before i cease to exist.
anyways its one of my fav episodes
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blyszczopies · 10 months ago
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kinda a redraw of the first ever drawing of a human (or more accurately. something that looks like a human usually) that i drew out of my own free will under the influence of an energy drink drank too late and inspiration wave from watching a warrior cats speedpaint. the biggest furry ever has been officially drawing weird humans for a year now 🎉
didnt want to draw fiona just standing so here she is in a "i need to wag my tail but i have no tail" situation. based on my fic that only two people have read. also i didnt use any references for either drawing. only a screenshot of fiona from the game just to get her design accurately
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arielluva · 21 days ago
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waiting for files to upload and having a moment about feelings ive had my entire life but never realized i had
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synth-spinner · 1 year ago
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All the younger spideys keep finding ways to annoy superior cuz they know he isn't going to do anything except verbally react in a way that's so old man core that it is funny to them. They frequently prank that loser and he genuinely thinks hes just struggling to keep up with Kids These Days </3 but also if they request him to do something he will try even if hes suspicious of it (because he has a soft spot for kids and if he doesn't they'll go running to Peter slandering him) and everytime it ends with him being hit with a Delicious Pie to the face
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girlscience · 5 months ago
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Why do I feel so immature compared to literally everyone I interact with. Why does everyone treat me like I am some naive baby that needs to be protected. Why does everyone act like I am incapable of putting myself out there to get things done.
#is it the way I dress? is it because I have different experiences than a lot of other people?#is it my hobbies? is it the way I talk? the way I carry myself?#my mannerisms?#I really hate it whatever it is#sometimes I wonder if it's something I am doing on purpose subconsciously to like protect myself from criticism#but I honestly hate it. I do not enjoy feeling like a baby#I do not enjoy being treated like a baby#this isn't really about anything in particular.. just some things that were said/done tonight and the way I was feeling with some people#and the way I've been feeling in grad school for the past couple weeks and some things that have been said over those weeks#and things people have said and done at my previous job#and things my family has been saying and doing recently but also other things they have done for years before this#and things people at church and camp used to say and do and the way they treated me#and even sometimes the way friends will treat me or talk to me or react to things I say or do#I am just tired of it. why am I infantilized like this. why do I feel it so much in my head too#I am an adult. I want to feel like an adult. I want to be treated as such#I am just frustrated#I am not stupid. I am not incapable. I am not naive. I am working very hard to not be such a pushover and address my anxiety#I am working to be better about self-advocacy and assertiveness and such#but its like all anyone else sees is a quiet helpless stupid child#is this a neurodivergent thing. is this like a 'oh you are so smart but you dont understand anything in the world at all' sort of situation#is it a white christian woman image thing? like a white woman tears thing? do people do this because I am emotionally manipulating them?#do I look like a small wet animal with the saddest eyes imaginable to other people?#I dont know. it bothers me a lot. I think about this so fucking frequently. I wish it would stop
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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imthatwannabeauthor · 5 months ago
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