#I am just tired of it. why am I infantilized like this. why do I feel it so much in my head too

[girlscience]

Why do I feel so immature compared to literally everyone I interact with. Why does everyone treat me like I am some naive baby that needs to be protected. Why does everyone act like I am incapable of putting myself out there to get things done.

[musical-chick-13]

Fandom be normal about bi women challenge (impossible. apparently.)

[wattscn]

getting the ick abt the men i have to be around again 🩷

[luvsickstxlkrr]

toby but he’s mean. he’s so, so mean. he’ll call you names and push you around. he doesn’t quite understand how truly unflattering it is because of his lack of normal and consistent communication with others. he sees it as a game, fun to him. you don’t mind it at all, you’re not exactly into it but you understand why he is the way that he is. tho, he won’t tolerate other people treating you this way. it’s not that it’s because they’re being rude, but because they’re doing what only he specifically can do to you. he’s very difficult to understand and get along with. he has an incredibly specific type of humor and way of going about things and you just happily smile along and go with it, because letting him do as he pleases makes you happiest. toby, but he’s a creep. he’ll lean in when you least expect it and smell the scent on you that he enjoys so much. he steals some of your clothes and keeps them until he’s made his use of them and eventually you find them outside your room. he remembers every little thing you’ve ever brought up.

[yes this is partially inspired by what Toby ACTUALLY acts like in Kastoway’s words bc I am very tired of the infantilizing of Toby]

[floofanflurr]

I! Am so tired of the infantilization of Papyrus. I'm so tired of the infantilization of autistic people, and autistic traits. I thought we were past this in this fandom... but NOPE.

I am absolutely NOT going to name any names, (especially because I don't think ANY of this is intentional!!! I don't think people are doing it on purpose!!! And I don't want to hurt people. And also because it's SO many people now. I see it all the time from so many different places. It would be impossible to list them all.)

But??? I am getting increasingly uncomfortable with the casual ableism in Papyrus fans, bloggers, and writers who don't even realize that's what they're doing. People who say they are against the infantilization of Papyrus.

(Sticking the rest of this under a cut so I don't clog any feeds)

I just!!!! It's all well and good to have your headcanons about Papyrus! He's a really mysterious character that we don't know a lot about! I'm not denying that! But I see SO many people just… saying things like:

"Papyrus would NEVER do (insert autistic trait here) because he's an ADULT! CLEARLY it was a joke."

or

"People take him seriously or at face value when he does (insert autistic trait here) but he's not stupid???? Clearly it means something else-"

And so freaking many variations of that.

Just. Have your headcanons about what Papyrus means or doesn't mean. That's okay! If you think he's joking that's FINE! But PLEASE don't shit on other people and be so casually ableist by saying that he could never be these things, or that these things would mean he was stupid, or childlike if he ACTUALLY meant them or did them.

ITS LIKE. Taking the initial infantilization of Papyrus in fandom and spinning it on it's head so far it goes right back into infantilizing autistic people by just. REMOVING PAPYRUS'S AUTISITC TRAITS AFTER LABELING THEM STUPID OR CHILDLIKE.

"You're infantilizing Papyrus! CLEARLY he could never actually MEAN these things or do those things for real because he's an adult-" AND LIKE. BABE. THOSE THINGS ARE JUST AUTISTIC THINGS.

And just.

It's really really upsetting to see the traits that I personally relate to in Papyrus have people saying "he could NEVER actually mean/do that! CLEARLY it was a joke, or subterfuge or insert something else here-"(the very strongly implied "because only Children do that" is so clear it's nauseating) (And often stated, but just in slightly different language. "It's clear." or "Of course Papyrus wouldn't-" or "He's smart!" or "He's an adult!")

Most of the portrayals I see of Papyrus are wonderful. While I've seen this a lot in fandom, I don't think it's the majority of people who create or write, or blog Papyrus content. But it's a big enough chunk that it is incredibly worrying and upsetting.

I'm also not trying to wave away any level of subterfuge, or mystery that Papyrus has. Because he has a lot! And!!! He's a grown ass adult! (A HILARIOUS one who cracks a shit ton of jokes and is witty as hell.) Someone who is very sneaky about many things, and masks a lot, and is clearly hiding SOMETHING. Have fun theorizing about him, because there sure is a lot to theorize about! Sneaky, sneaky skeleton...

Just. While I'm not trying to change anyone's headcanons... It might be worth it to see if the Papyrus you create has been removed from all of his autistic traits that are deemed undesirable (a level of social ineptitude or not understanding others, routines like bedtime stories, and so much more) while only leaving the ones you think are quirky or fun (things like masking, or stimming with big, flailing gestures, special interest in puzzles, etc.).

And if that's true, why might that be?

If the answer is "because Papyrus is too smart/mature/clever/etc. to mean or do this seriously." then that is no longer an innocent headcanon. That is saying that people who DO have those traits aren't smart/mature/clever/etc. That is infantilizing autistic traits. (And yes! Autistic people can also do this by accident! I used to fall victim to internalized ableism that I didn't even realize was there, and I've seen other people do it, too.)

I was going to get into a more in-depth list of Papyrus’s traits that are autistic traits or could be caused by being autistic, and basically write an entire fan essay on the whole situation, starting from the beginning infantilization of Papyrus in fandom (equally as bad) and ending with where we're at now as Papyrus fans. (This right now is not an essay. It's a vent, and a plea. When I say essay, I mean with cited sources, properly structured... An actual ESSAY that would help people.)

But… I’m tired. I know it’s an accident in most cases. I know that most people probably don’t realize they’re calling autistic traits “stupid” or “childlike” or “papyrus would never because he’s not a child—“

And I know that this one simple post isn’t enough to explain how autistic peoples’ brains frequently work, or why these things don’t mean someone is stupid or childlike.

I know that without a thorough explanation there’s so many people that won’t realize that they’re doing this. And it’s certainly not as gentle as I wanted to be. I want to be kind, because I know that it's an accident, and that people aren't trying to be cruel or harmful.

But I’m just… tired. I’m so, so tired. It’s hard to gently explain to people that are actively harming you and your community why what they’re doing is hurtful.

Maybe someday I’ll actually write that essay, and I can include helpful tips on what autism can look like, or how Papyrus's differing things COULD be (not necessarily ARE) an indication or presentation of autism, and also some more tips on how to integrate some of Papyrus’s characteristics in different ways in a fic that keeps his wonderful autistic swag if that's what you want to do. Maybe I can delve into some more of the nuance of this discussion, of which there is much.

But right now I can’t.

If you're worried you might be doing something like this but you really do need an essay or more structure and specific writing breaking it all out, then. Well! I want to help people. If you have questions about what I said and genuinely want to learn, I can do my best to answer and help in an essay if there's enough questions, or in asks if its just a one off question.

(Though absolutely no promises. The entire discussion is draining and triggering, so... It's hard. Please don't be surprised if I'm unable to keep conversation about this going.)

I don't want to write the essay if it's not going to help anyone though. So… let me know. Maybe in reblogs. Just please not in my DMs. I'll turn on anonymous asks for the next month or so, and if people use them to be cruel, or confrontational, I will be taking that away again.

If you've made it this far... Thanks for reading.

...And, you know what? Shitty TLDR:

Papyrus is a grown ass man who can say fuck and be a bad ass bitch, and who can also be an autistic adult. These things are not mutually exclusive to each other.

Edit: Someone sent me a wonderful essay written by the-irken-pony about Papyrus and autism that was written in the earlier days of the fandom and Papyrus infantilization. (I have no idea how I haven’t seen this before.)

It’s not the current issue of “wow you became the thing you most sought to destroy (infantilization)” in Papyrus’s fan base, but it’s a wonderful breakdown of autism in Papyrus. It’s a good thing to read with this. You don’t have to accept the various headcanons as yours, but please take note of the various things that could be caused by autism. And then make sure that you aren’t calling those things childish.

[ragingadhd]

I was going to put this in the corps therapy blog, but yk what I think it deserves a whole post.

It kind of bugs me when people feminize Will. He's definitely a more feminine guy, don't get me wrong, but l'm so tired of people seeing a guy who isn't 100% masculine and immediately taking that as an in to feminize/infantilize him.

I love his feminine side. I love how he's so caring and loving, how he pays attention to details and is a great listener. I love that he loves music and animals and cooking and having fresh flowers in his cabin. I love his loyalty to his friends. I love how smart, quick witted and clever he is.

But I also love his masculine side. I love how willing and capable he is to fight, especially for those he loves. I love how much thought and care he puts in to keeping his body fit and muscular. I love how intimidating he can get if he chooses to, and how he allows himself to get angry from time to time.

That’s part of why I love TRR as much as I do, especially when it comes to Will’s character. I read that series and I see a man who is more comfortable and balanced in his masculinity than ever before.

Of course, that’s all in the view of a fairly traditional idea of femininity and masculinity. Really, those are made-up labels for very abstract ideas. I firmly believe all of the “feminine” traits I listed are very masculine in their own right, and vice versa, but I digress.

I’m certainly not going to be over here trying to police how people enjoy the series, nor am I trying to say it’s wrong to view Will in a feminine way. If you enjoy the series that way, who am I stop you. My point in making this post is simply to vent a bit and maybe start a discussion. In my personal life, I am so tired of people dismissing or even denying my masculinity because I am a more feminine man, so I’m a little more inclined to be upset about my favorite character receiving a similar treatment.

I don’t see much of this issue regarding Will in the main series. I’ll see someone basically “uwu soft boi” him on rare occasion, but that’s the extent of it. I mostly see this happening with his character in The Royal Ranger. So many people hate who he’s become or even refuse to acknowledge the series. Again, I’m not trying to police how anyone enjoys the whole RA franchise. It’s a fictional book series at the end of the day, not that big of a deal. And of course there are a million different reasons why someone might not like TRR, and I’m not going to be over here accusing everyone for not liking it because Will is more (in my opinion) masculine.

Anyway I’m gonna close my ramble off now. Don’t take any of it too seriously, it’s just been floating around my head for a minute.

[smaeemo]

As a whole, I think so many people don’t truly understand what “being an adult”/having a developed brain, can look like. What I see so much of the time is writers/fans making these fully grown characters act well like teenagers. Which, isn’t suprising given that most of us are in fact teenagers. AND THIS IS NOT A CRITICISM. But more as an observation. I think that when we see a character, say, Buck, and we start to project onto them we turn them roughly to our age. Or whenever we really look at characters/character relationships, we are looking at them, from OUR ages. And so, when I see people head cannoning/speculating things that are very “teenagery” I get the sense of this. And AGAIN there is really nothing wrong with that, until it becomes toxic. And so, you know, I interact and I enjoy these things, until it starts to get out of hand. Such as, the whole “lets all hate on tommy/lou ferrigno jr” situation. And I am FULLY aware this wasn’t just buddie shippers. TRUST. But, what we see there, is that their own insecurities are showing through, and their own perceptions of what relationships will look like in a (teenagery) personal perspective.

And I really, trully and honestly relate, understand, and totally get where we are coming from. And I would be super hypocritical to say I don’t sometimes do this, but when it gets to the point where there is such intense infantilism and drama coming from/to these 40y olds, it starts to get a little tiring. Because, so much of what makes (healthy) adults, “adulty” is the way they interact and view relationships and themselves.A

And because we as teenagers/trauma havers/etc. don’t really see what it’s like/have experienced it, specifically if you’ve never been in/seen a healthy relationship OR the contrary, we don’t really understand what it means to really have this healthy developmental understanding. So, when we look at these characters and relationships, we see it from a teenage/etc. perspective, rather than the target age that the characters are themselves.

Which is why, if you’ve ever rewatched a show, even if just a few months or years apart, you start to notice and see more things. And that just shows that we as people are always maturing and developing. Which is why, when we get older/a broader perspective, so many shows and characters will become so much more intense or understandble.

So again, I will reiterate, I understand and relate to everyone that continues to project onto or understand characters from these perspectives, the only time I don’t is when it starts to become an issue.

And ofc. If none of this applies to you, it’s fine to just scroll, reblog, etc. Just don’t provide negativity or hate. lol.

Also, I am speaking more from a sense of self reflection more than anything else. As I continue to mature I start to realize so much more of everything. Like rewatching friends has been a JOURNEY.

Anyways, send fic recs and q&as if you made it this far!

XOXO,

Leenya

[aimlesswalker]

I just want to be some guy

As a trans man, I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere in the lgbt+ community because I’ll never be attractive to anyone (which is why I ID as queer but even then I feel outcast) and it…. it really hurts sometimes. I’m simultaneously too masculine and not masculine enough.

in the men who are attracted to men spaces, most people when they see me think I’m a twink because of being short/small and/or for being trans/nonbinary. They think I’m hairless, feminine, boyish, submissive, etc. I’m…. at this point in my life I am really really not. Testosterone has made me male and everything that entails. I’ve gained (healthy! good for me!) weight and my stomach sticks out, I’m covered in body hair, I am partway to balding. All the things that are conventionally unattractive about men. All the things that are demonized in trans men. I’m too masculine to fit their idea of a nonbinary person. But masculine in “the wrong way”. I have to either be muscular/fit or small and hairless to be wanted here. I don’t even count as a bear, you’d probably just call my shape a “dad bod”. This isn’t just some vague feeling I get in these spaces- people have legit said to me “oh I love twinks” or “oh I love femboys” and I have to awkwardly explain that no I’m not one actually. I’m not what they want me to be. And I’m really tired of people placing that expectation on me- that I’m a slender hairless twink who is submissive and likes bottoming. Just because I’m small and/or trans. so gross. 

and then in the women who are attracted to men spaces well… they’d never look twice at me. I’m short and not at all muscular/toned/fit. Again, I have gained weight, am hairy, and halfway to bald. Bedsides not being conventionally attractive- they usually want a man who can “provide”. I am disabled and can’t work. I can’t drive. I can’t give them flowers or pick them up for a date. I can’t be any of the things they’re looking for in a partner. Being disabled makes me seen as “less than”. Being dependent on other people is a trait that is endlessly mocked in men. I’m not masculine enough. 

so where the fuck does that leave me? I’m not even going to talk about how being aromantic in queer spaces alienates me further. I love testosterone, I love what it’s done for me and how I feel healthier on it. But like. fuck. I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be attractive to anyone. I never get to feel pretty or handsome. I never get to feel happy about my appearance anymore and that makes me so sad. I used to derive so much joy from picking out outfits and accessorizing and applying glittery make up. I’m too sick to leave the house ever so I don’t do those things anymore, besides the fact that I *can’t* present feminine anymore without risking my safety. People would assume I’m a trans woman and act accordingly because they see a man attempting to be feminine. I am fully man and fully nonbinary, but I never get to exist as both at the same time. I can’t be feminine without people invalidating/forgetting my manhood. I can’t be masculine without people invalidating/forgetting my nonbinary-ness. I’m too masculine for nonbinary spaces and too nonbinary for masculine spaces. I just…….. I get incredibly sad about this.

And people generally don’t care??? the sentiment seems to be that trans men who are masculine, who pass, who are stealth, etc don’t belong in the lgbt+ community, shouldn’t be in lgbt+ or queer spaces. They’re not wanted there because of being masculine. These spaces are only for “non-men”. But the second you talk about your struggles as a trans man as a reason for why you should be included, you get pegged as an owo twink femboy to most people. It’s always one or the other (demonized or infantilized) and I’m really fucking sick of it. It hurts. I just want to be some guy.

[makethatelevenrings]

“pet” do you think a man who grew up relentlessly abused and later tortured by a cartel in an attempt to break and brainwash him would call the one person he places emotional trust in…his pet

“Bird” that is just a term for woman in Britain why are we trying to make that a term of endearment

“lovie” please read above again. the man was brutally tortured yet refused to break. so he calls the one individual who he can find himself emotionally vulnerable around is…lovie.

I get y’all like to infantilize these grown men but I am so tired of reading it 😭 the appeal of Ghost is his vicious brutality that could be contrasted with softness, but I feel like there’s such a misunderstanding of how that softness would manifest.

[peggingeddiediaz]

Complaining because we're happy about buck finally dating the perfect guy is something… and comparing Tommy to Taylor, please

I really am trying to not be as petty as I can be.

I'll say it again, I actually like Buck and Tommy dating, I like canon bucktommy but the fanon bucktommy fans have made the ship so generic in record time, it's getting insufferable seeing posts about them.

Also, let's not kid ourselves and pretend that the insane fan support for Tommy/Lou that elevates the character to "perfect love interest" in just 2 episodes, is not largely unrelated to him being a hot attractive white man. (I still remember some of those bucktommy fans calling Tommy a Walmart version of Buck when the Tommy/Eddie speculation was a hot topic, and now look at them…) I do admit that both Buck and Tommy look very similar at times🤭

Tommy is not perfect, in fact that 1st date was really uncomfortable to watch and not only because of Buck.

1st: The fact that Tommy knew that Buck wasn't out and that this is literally his 1st date with a man, who had his 1st kiss some days before, which is the reason why Tommy picked a really out of the way restaurant for the date, but still he made a "funny" comment about closet spaces to Eddie, who he's not out to, was a choice. Specially when Tommy knows first hand how hard it is to come out to your friends.

2nd: The fact that not only did he not tell Buck about cutting the date short before leaving the restaurant, but that he called himself an Uber to go home and left him there on the sidewalk?? (Confirmation that Buck drove them there is nice though, passenger princess Tommy is canon 🤭)

3rd: For someone who knows Buck might not be ready to date anyone right now, saying yes to a 2nd date, after the disaster that 1st one turned out to be, and as a guest to his sister's wedding is a little insane.

I can imagine the vitriol and innumerable call out posts had Tommy been a female love interest. Aside from those points, is also deliciously ironic how fanon buddie is the way it is because fans were "tired" of the: bigger guy means he's a top and the smaller one is the bottom dynamic, but suddenly everyone is salivating at it now with bucktommy. Which again, it wouldn't be such a problem if it didn't devolve into stereotypes, just like in fanon buddie.

The one thing both ships have in common is that Buck is never allowed to be a character but just the "your name" tag, stereotypical bottom, infantilized and woobified to the point he's barely recognizable.

I like canon bucktommy and canon buddie (or their potential canon given Buck and Eddie's personalities, and how they are when dating other people), their fanon versions though, where they are stereotypes firsts and characters second? not so much.

In conclusion, I like Tommy and his potential, but he needs a lot of development to be considered a character at all (getting told he's cool is not character building) and awkward dates don't count either (specially when the same benefit is never given to the female love interests).

[ewwwabug]

If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you like varai anymore? :(

Varai's birthday is today but i cant help but tell you about it. im gonna be serious now. tw possible sexual themes mentioned (nothing critical but be careful)

I can't say that I really hate him, it's just that lately it seems to me that he triggers me and causes me more negative emotions than positive ones. Varai was my vent character from the very beginning and in fact I took it out on him, poured out many negative emotions on him. But I never thought that he would have some kind of huge prescribed story and many versions (wild, worm, young, ect) and I did not think that I would devote so much creativity to him.

I am absolutely not against all Varai fans, really. I am not against drawings with him, any content. I understand how important and loved he can be to many. Really, do whatever you want with him, I can't stop you. I am all for almost any creativity, any manifestation of love for this character. Well, just don't fucking shove worms in your eyes or ass, please, it's very strange, or at least don't text to me about it.

It seems to me that I don't want to be known mainly for questionable drawing content, like a jar in Varai's ass, or this ending with eye licking, worms sex, etc. I understand that I have built most of my artistic career on drawing bugs, worms, parasites, but I am tired of Varai, I don't want to draw him anymore (I'm going to draw him only for rival biker boys cgs some day...)

It also seems to me that I also unconsciously sexualized him, mostly because of the way the fans treated him, because of their love and attention to him. and there is a lot of Varai fans you know. I have difficulties with what is considered sexual and what is not... But I feel like some people sexualize his regression/infantile behavior and well... it used to make me feel not good.

also im not really into pastel pink shit anymore whatever

[gardenerian]

I have to say something and I am really sorry. But I hate Ian in season 5 😭 I know he was sick but he hurt my baby girl Mick so bad 💔 is there anything you'd like to say to me so I don't hate season 5-6 Ian? I wanna be better

oh my fucking god. yeah, i've got something i'd like to say. you wanna be better? then be better. that's it, that's all there is. i cannot believe you'd think that i should have to say anything to you about hating a fictional teenage boy suffering through the worst tragedy of his life. if you can't handle it, you shouldn't be watching this show.

because guess what? mickey isn't fucking real. he doesn't need this from you. feel for his hurting, sure. feel upset or confused, sure. but your baby girl is just fine without this energy. not only does this attitude trivialize ian, it infantilizes mickey.

have we really forgotten one of the core tenets of this show: that people fuck up and hurt each other, but we can choose to salvage the relationships that are worth it to us? yes, people that are sick can hurt people, even if they love them. it's a real thing. but every single one of these characters is flawed. baby girl hurt plenty of people as well, and we love him still.

and putting aside this show for a goddamn moment, you know what is real? this illness. i'm fucking real. i'm sick. and i'm so fucking tired of seeing what i go through trivialized here. so for you to not only feel this way, but to think that i need to know about it - and that i should have to hold your hand through it??? it's bullshit. this mindset totally glosses over what mania and hypersexuality actually are, and "i know he's sick but..." doesn't mean anything if you don't think about it.

i've seen too many posts on the dash lately forgetting about the tragedy of ian's illness - the illness that many of us deal with daily. let's talk about it; let's find moments of lightness where we can, sure, but the moment you think "oh this is funny" or "oh i need help with this" - fucking think about it first. think about how you're saying it and WHY.

you didn't have to say this and i don't think you're sorry. if you really wanted to talk this through, there are a million different ways to start the conversation. if i thought you really wanted to talk about ian, that might be different. but i think you knew what you were doing here, and if i didn't think the dash needed to hear this, i'd have deleted and blocked you immediately. be fucking better.

[libbee]

Rising like the phoenix

🌸 Especially for 8th housers.

🌸 So far we know that 8th housers are traumatizing placements. We know that they meet bad people in life. We know that they face unpredictable life events. We know that they are prone to neurosis. We know that they build themselves up from the ashes. Especially after rock bottom. They yearn for the person they were before. The naive emotional and carefree person. The person who never thought twice before taking a decision. The person who was so careless with their heart and emotions. The innocent. The child. Too gullible. Too trusting. They yearn to be that person again because it just felt so good in past, before they were aware of masks, hidden colours of people and ulterior motives.

🌸 What I want to talk about is CODEPENDENCY. If you are in a mental state to understand this, the reason why bad people came into your life was because you were a codependent. A bad one at that. All of us are influenced by the energy of the people we surround ourselves with. Energy and emotions are infectious and contagious. Given the 8th house placements their emotions are already extreme and when something good happens (a new friendship or relationship or even going to grocery) they are really very pretty seriously happy. They are happy in their bones and soul and cells and every atom in their body. That is just who they are. So when the betrayal and shock happens, it hits them hard like every atom in their body is collapsing. This is why they are transformed deeply after every betrayal.

🌸 But what does one have to do after rock bottom? You are in neurosis. You know you have to change your attitude towards life. You have to change your habits. You have to change your emotional reaction. It takes time, I know, it can take years. It is not easy to heal for 8th housers. But you should know what you are doing. You are healing your codependency issues. The person you yearn for was a codependent person. For every narcissistic sociopath there is a codependent. As simple as that. You were codependent because you lacked self worth. your self esteem depended on the words, opinions and judgments of other people. Your mood depended on the mood of other people. You let others take decisions for yourself. I am not victim blaming but it is to understand who you were before. Life has given you an opportunity to fix your codependency issues. You dont want to become a codependent again. Do you?

🌸 An infantile and immature childish codependent person you were living in a womblike state chasing a paradise. 8th house/scorpio/pluto are very bold teachers. But rest assured they will bring to your consciousness your own hidden flaws. In a toxic family line there are abusers and abused - both are magnets to each other - for every narcissist there is a codependent. You might think "I am not codependent, hell naw" but you are. Just dont be in denial. This is the silver lining in your neurosis.

🌸 Healing from codependency is not sunshine and roses. It is not aesthetics. It is not fruits and flowers. It is simple learning and practice. Learning from your mistakes. Learn from youtube, internet articles, books, write, journal, record yourself speaking in voice notes, make videos of yourself, it is about learning skills. Social media makes it look like healing is pretty and beautiful mess. But it is not like that. It is taking 3 steps but slipping 2 back. It is relapsing to old patterns. It is sudden insights and intuition. It is running in circles and ruminating. It is exhausting and tiring and frustrating. You just want it to be over so that you can start living your life like a normal person.

🌸 You are now a wounded healer. A wounded physician. A doctor without a degree - doctor of souls. You feel an urge to help others. Heal others. Like Chiron who could not heal himself but healed other people. Only a wounded soul can heal another soul. It is an experiment. Dont confuse that you be a saviour complex and put yourself in trauma again. But it is to make authentic connection with another soul and do your project together. Perhaps it is now your destiny to merge with other because your poison is your medicine too. This is why all 8th housers are pulled to occult, shaman, astrology, psychology because they want to heal others. It is their task. Their presence is now calming. They are a wise person. If you are 8th houser and you healed some major trauma you know that the only way out is to accept your wounds. To accept your flaws which in this case is codependency issues. It will make you feel powerful over yourself. You wont feel helpless powerless and hopeless. You have to diagnose your spiritual illness that is codependency. Simultaneously, you live a private life. Away from social media and make believe. It is a typical pattern. Just know you are not alone.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Aespa Thoughts on Being an Idol

Now to continue with some recommended girl groups to do. Let's look into Aespa and what their thoughts are on being an idol. Hopefully it isn't as difficult as the one with IVE. Let's see what we get here.

Karina

What she likes? (The Star) The hope, the optimism. This is something she has maybe wanted and hope for. The fact that she can inspire others and live to her full potential or have the ability to show her potential. It was like this was what she was meant to do. She enjoys the spotlight and attention on her. It is cleansing and purifying for her. Not sure why that would be, but okay girl, whatever makes you happy, do you.

What doesn't she like? (The Chariot/The Moon/5 of Pentacles) She gave me a lot here. This may be telling a story. I am seeing that her dream wasn't what it was cracked up to be. She went in very confident. She was ready to dive into it all, but there are illusions here, a lot of uncertainty, fears and worries. There is a sense of lack here or scarcity. Maybe not as much money as she may have thought. There is a lack of support and may not as much money put into them. Is the company in debt or broke? Like they flex more, than they really have. Interesting.

What she has experienced/learned from the past? (Rebirth/3 of Swords) Like what she wanted from childhood wasn't what it was cracked up to be. There is a lot of hurt and frustrations here. She is kind of stunted, she is infantilized. She is kind of stuck. She may have expressed her hurt and frustration in the past as well. It is like she was a child again, maybe reborn again. It is hard for her to grow up, it is like they won't let her mature or be independent. Oh, she got some interesting sh** to say.

Thoughts on fans? (Ace of Pentacles) Well, this is interesting. I mean she sees fans as an opportunity for her to advance and build her career. They are a gateway to that. I asked for another card and got The Sun, she seems to like the attention the fans give her. Does she have any Leo in her chart? It is like they awaken something in her. They bring her joy and happiness. They fulfill a childhood dream.

Okay, she was interesting, let's see if we get something from the others.

Giselle

What she likes? (The Chariot/The Moon) She is giving me a like for what Karina didn't like wtf. She may like stepping into the unknown, the mystery of it all. She may like the challenge of being an idol. There is a sense of wanting to defeat the odds, she has a fighter, confrontational mentality here. She likes that she is able to face her fears with being an idol. It is like she is willing to face the good and the bad of it all.

What she does not like? (7 of Pentacles) That she is molded to fit a standard of the company and maybe the public. There is a sense of stagnation, and inability to grow. She may find aspects of her career boring or there is a lack of passion here. She is a bit stifled here, similar vibe to Karina in this aspect.

What has she learned/experienced in the past? (5 of Cups) That she will face disappointments or just be disappointed in general. There may have been missed opportunities she regrets in the past. Maybe the fact that she didn't enjoy things when she should have. There is this focus on what she lost or doesn't have, but she struggles to look at what she does have and has achieved. There is a struggle to look at the bright side of things.

Thoughts on fans? (10 of Wands/King of Cups) She may find having fans can be a burden, physically exhausting to appease them, or she has to do a lot to please the fans. She may also see them as carrying a lot of burdens and overly tired, she may see them as draining. She may be someone who gets drained with being around a lot of people and maybe they are draining. Do they have a lot of male fans? Not sure why I got the KOC's here, but maybe she protects her emotions around the fans. She adores them, but also knows how to keep emotional boundaries. She cares for them, and she may want to help them emotionally. She may also see them emotionally stable, or she tries to be emotionally stable around them. That was kind of all over the place, but not sure which direction to go here, it may be all the above. She may also like to offer emotional support, or they do the same for her. They may also help her emotionally deal with her exhaustion.

Winter

What she likes? (Queen of Pentacles rv) Girl, why is this reversed? I don't know; she may like not having her financial independence. She may like having others handle her career for her. That she doesn't have to do it alone and she has others to help her. I don't know if she just isn't good with money or taking care of her own needs. There is a sense of dependence she has, and she is comfortable being taking care of by others. It is like she likes that they take care of everything.

What does she not like? (The Shadow/9 of Swords) The first time I got this card. I was expecting to get this card a lot, and this is now the first time I got it. The shadow card is similar to the Devil card in the regular Tarot deck. So yeah, she doesn't like the trickery, interesting word that popped up. The dark sh**, the negativity, the stress and fears, the sleepless night. The obligations she has. She doesn't like the dark side of this. It can be a very stressful and dark place to work. She doesn't like being restricted and chained to things as well. Lots of obligations she may not like to do.

What has she learned/experienced in the past? (Knight of Swords) Ugh, don't like this energy. Basically, she has to learn to be silent, not speak up for herself. She can't express how she truly feels or defend herself at all. She learned she has to keep things to herself. Ugh, I hate that for her and other idols. It is like sit down and shut up.

Thoughts on fans? (The Sun) Love this, they bring her happiness and joy. They brighten up the dark sides of the industry for her. They give her a reason to enjoy being an idol. She feels seen when she is with the fans. She feels successful and maybe she can be a bit of herself with the fans. She also feels like her inner child comes out with the fans. She enjoys the attention they give to her.

Okay, also likes what she has to say.

NingNing

What she likes? (5 of Wands) She likes the chaos lol She may like the competitive energy. She may have a competitive spirit and likes that about being an idol. She may like different energies coming together. She likes the passion, the aggression and maybe the intensity of being an idol. I am getting she likes the competition and fighting her way to the top. Interesting take here.

What doesn't she like? (The Magician) Makes sense, her inability to show her skills and her full potential. To not say or do the things she wants. She has many talents but cannot showcase it or she is shut down. It is like she has a lot of creative ability, a lot of different things she can do, but can't. It is likes she can do a lot of things. She is multi-talented, but can't show that, or it is suppressed. There is a lack of communication as well.

What has she learned/experienced in the past? (Th Druid) This is like The Hierophant card in the Regular Tarot. She learned to follow orders. That she will be limited in what she can do. That the powers that be hold the power and she follows along. To just listen and do what she is told. She is kind of limited and confined. She also learned that she will be put up against another. I saw this for my Riize reading on this topic, so SM may like to do that, but pretty sure every company does that with their idols. It is like they are taught to always be in competitive mode with one another.

Thoughts on fans? (The World/Knight of Cups) This is cute! She loves her fans all around the world. She would love to meet all her fans. She seems to enjoy the variety of fans she has and would like to learn from them and vice versa. She adores the fans and loves pouring her heart to them. She may express and show a lot of love to them. She opens her heart to them. She may also enjoy giving them loving advice and support and she may feel they do the same.

Okay, this was much better. I agree with the anon that requested this. They are much more open and chattier. I really enjoyed this one.

[boy-above]

absolutely hate how people treat adults who look younger than they actually are. like genuinely i wish people talked more about how borderline dehumanizing it can be to be treated like a baby your whole life no matter what you do. i have never once had a person correctly guess my age and i am perceived as a child by literally every person i have ever met; and they treat me accordingly. they speak down to me like i'm less worthy of respect, they treat me like i have little agency, and worst of all is when they use that certain specific voice that most people use when they talk to kids. yknow the like, "hey buddy how are you doing :) where are your parents? :)" and i have to be like i'm fucking 26 years old and half the time they don't believe you. i got carded at the chuck e cheese, they wouldn't let me Leave The Building until i showed them my ID. and you probably think that's so funny but you wouldn't if you were in my shoes. it's frustrating and embarrassing and just makes me tired. and do not even get me started on how people treat adults who look young who are in relationships. people call their partners creeps and weirdos, saying being attracted to a full grown adult is equivalent to being attracted to a child just because of how they look. if you think like this i need you to take a step back and think about what this mindset means for the "young looking" member of the relationship. you are telling us that we straight up aren't allowed to have relationships. not only are you saying our bodies should never be considered attractive, you're saying being attracted to us should be considered a crime. what are we supposed to do? do you expect us to find partners who also look as young as we do? are we supposed to jump through hoops to make you comfortable? do you know how hard finding a partner who looks your age is when you're this small, especially if you're attracted to men? why do i have to be made to feel guilty about wanting someone to be attracted to me? why do people not think about the implications of what being told it's disgusting to be attracted to you can do to a person? i wish there was more discussion about this because genuinely it's weighing me down. i'm already infantilized due to my autism and i probably won't ever be treated like an adult, not until i go fucking gray i guess. i just want a boyfriend, that shouldn't be a scandalous fucking statement

[thisantithesis]

black brothers angst—1100 words

“You don’t understand,” Regulus explodes, losing his temperament in a way he’s never done before. It shocks Sirius into silence, leaving Regulus to try and reign it in—to control his breaths, dig the hole in his chest a little deeper so his emotions stay buried and never resurface. But it’s a losing battle, because this burst of anger has been brewing for years, and he is helpless to stop the spillage.

“You,” he spits, venom lacing every facet of his voice, yet still not daring to take his eyes off the floor. “You, with your perfect hair, and your perfect smile, and all your friends, and the luxury of being able to step even a single toe out of line.” His feelings scrape raw as they claw their way out of his throat, exposing the most private parts of his soul. “You don’t get it because you escaped. You got to leave, and I didn’t. I’m still stuck, under the thumb of our mother, being dragged around like a little marionette with no will of his own."

Regulus heaves a deep breath, emotions other than the devastation and anger he’s feeling right now making themselves known as the words keep flowing. “Do you know what she did to me, when you left?” He finally chances a glance up to Sirius’ face, feeling his insides recoil at the look of pity and sadness etched in every line of his older brother’s face.

I don’t want your pity, he wants to say. Where was this sadness the night you left, he wants to shout.

He keeps going. “She came up to my room, sat me down on the bed, and congratulated me. Congratulated me on being the one to run you out of the house. ‘He won’t be able to tarnish our family name any longer, thanks to you,’ she’d said. A foolish part of me believed that it was the beginning of a change in her. That, because you left, so did her cruelty.” He lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “Of course, she was just waiting for me to step out of line. The second I did something she didn’t approve of every ounce of malice she’d directed towards you was cast onto me.”

Regulus feels his eyes well up, frustrated tears pushing against his barriers to run down the planes of his face. He looks up to Sirius then, that vicious, snarling part of him wanting to see the effect that his words have on his big brother firsthand. “So, you’re asking me why I don’t just leave? It's because I can’t.”

Sirius takes a fraction of a step towards Regulus, his brows furrowing in a way that shows he doesn’t understand what his little brother is saying. “I thought I was stuck too, but I made it out. I—”

Regulus cuts him off, his voice rising beyond his control once again. “You had help! You had James, and Remus, and Peter. James’ family. I have no one, Sirius. Do you understand that? Mother’s claws have latched deeper into me than they ever were in you. To her, I am her only son, and she will do anything to make me follow the path she’s set for me.

“I’m not like you. I’m not strong, or brave, or even stupid enough to try and get out. I risked so much to simply be able to attend the same school as you. I had to lie and tell her that our paths would not cross—and if they did, I would act like I didn’t know you. She has her eyes everywhere—one little slip up from me, and it’s an immediate transfer to the school she originally wanted me to attend.”

His breaths feel too big for his chest, like his lungs suddenly shrank. His vision is blurred from the tears sitting on his waterline, and at this point he’s simply too tired to care about his perfect composure. Poisonous hatred and that infantile urge to be comforted by his older brother mingle in the same space right above his heart, creating its own little storm.

“So don’t tell me,” Regulus’ voice breaks, “that everything will be fine, because it won’t. I’ll always be stuck here, under the careful watch of our mother, playing the act of her perfect little son like I’m supposed to.”

He’s right on the cusp of crying, more tears gathering the longer he talks. He shouldn’t have even let himself lose control like he did. He’s had years of mastering his emotions now, but it’s as if the simple presence of Sirius makes all of his hard work disappear—like he’s 15 years old again, watching through his window as his older brother escapes through the shadows and leaves him behind.

“I can help you, Regulus. I’m an adult now, with my own money. I could get you out of there, to the point that you would never have to see Mother ever again.” His face is pleading, hands reaching towards his little brother as he cautiously, slowly, closes the gap between them.

Regulus’ heart surges at the idea, filaments of hope beginning to fill in the cracks between his bones. It’s a feeling he swiftly represses, however, because all he has to do is think about the unspoken threats she’d hinted at him before he left, of the web of familial politics he’s caught in to know that whatever Sirius is suggesting will never work.

The hope dies in him, then, just like every other emotion he’s repressed to the point that they’ve wilted inside his chest like flowers without sunlight.

The sweet relief of numbness greets him like an old friend, making his stare lifeless as he turns towards Sirius. “I wish it were that easy, but there is so much more to this situation that you simply wouldn’t understand. The family has changed, big brother, just as you have.”

Regulus straightens out his shirt as he prepares to leave, making sure his appearance is pristine in every way for when he crosses that door. He never knows who could be watching, and he can’t afford to slip up. Not here. “I am the heir of Black,” he says, voice as even as can be, “and I will grow into the title as every Black did before me.”

He walks towards the exit with renewed purpose, knowing he needs to get out before his resolve slips. He doesn’t mean to, but he lingers at the door, hand unmoving on the doorknob. Five seconds pass before Regulus turns back towards the only other person in the room, not surprised at the way Sirius is looking at him. Betrayal, sadness, and anger are only some of the emotions he recognizes that flicker in Sirius’ gaze, so he forces himself to utter his goodbyes and leave.

“I’ll see you around,” and with a simple nod, he walks through the door, leaving his emotions and his heart behind with his big brother.