imthatwannabeauthor

[imthatwannabeauthor]

Schlorp schlorp schlorp schlorp

Reminder to schlorp some water today, creatures

[imthatwannabeauthor]

jokes on you. i got your motherfucking tail

[imthatwannabeauthor]

Wolf crossing the road in Yellowstone National Park 🐺♡

[imthatwannabeauthor]

shapeshift!

[imthatwannabeauthor]

“Why’d you do that?” Please remember that I am using what I’ve seen in humans to mimic them

[imthatwannabeauthor]

everyone clap for friends that are animals. make it so easy to send u any post ever. bunny on the dash ? oh good thats going to my bunny friend. deer? ahhh yes. mny friend deer my good friend the real deer. you get this . and every time theyre like yesss #my me

[imthatwannabeauthor]

i dont "Practice" anything. i Rawdog it. And if im not good first try i GIVE UP.

[imthatwannabeauthor]

(person who learned from childhood to make themself as small and unimportant as possible to avoid being a burden) yeah its okay we dont have to do my thing if you dont want i dont mind

[imthatwannabeauthor]

terrifying jmage

[imthatwannabeauthor]

welcome to the Murdersex zine, a zine celebrating all things sex and murder. but um. we don't want to romanticize it or anything so don't make your submissions too murdersexy. we will do extensive background checks on all applicants and if we decide a past work of yours has too much sexy murder we'll have to remove you, sorry. we have limits, you know, we want a tasteful gory spread you could put on your coffee table, and having the Wrong people in it would kill the vibe (and we condemn all killing! wholeheartedly!)

[imthatwannabeauthor]

epic tide pooling the other day

[imthatwannabeauthor]

(guy who literally has easy access to painkillers voice) ough,,, everything aches,,, ouch, if only,,, there was something i could do to stop this,,,,,, guess ill just put up with it,,,,

[imthatwannabeauthor]

BREAKING NEWS: The joke of all jokes “Where are you from?” Has returned! Featuring the set up from none other than Sam’s own father!

We caught Sam’s live reaction to realizing this bit was returning and brought upon by his own father.

[imthatwannabeauthor]

the friends ever

first blog, kinda nervous

[imthatwannabeauthor]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[imthatwannabeauthor]

Look me straight in the eyes and tell me your current music taste isn’t what your father played in the car when you were a kid.

[imthatwannabeauthor]

idk if this is happening to anyone else but I’m getting podcast ads for fatherhood.gov that are like “become a dad! being a daddy is so awesome! it’s the most fulfilling thing you can do with your life!” LMFAOOOOO they’re so mad about the birth rate they’re banning abortion and running fatherhood propaganda