#what happened to me when I was a teen was indeed traumatic and part of it remains unprocessed

[thatscarletflycatcher]

I was surprised when I first heard people say the first Lord Peter Wimsey novels were too caricaturesque, because I don't remember a time I felt more identified with a character that when Lord Peter gets so focused, worried, and disturbed by his discovery of the nature of the crime in "Whose Body?" that he goes on a full blown PTSD attack. And then he is so very tired. And needs several days of rest to recover. But he's talking it in the exasperated philosophy of "going on a stupid little walk for my stupid mental health". Extremely relatable to me, whatever that says about my mental health state.

[clatterbane]

While I am evidently on a ranting roll tonight, it also really fucking bothered me that the new endocrinologist that I happened to see for a routine yearly diabetes check-in a few weeks back, after the last one moved? She apparently decided that as essentially an ethnic minority of one here, I look weird enough that it might well be pathological.

(I would probably feel a little different about it if she weren't also from anothet ethnic minority--albeit one that is MUCH more common locally and in this country at large. It doesn't hit quite the same that way, but I still found it pretty damned offensive.)

It also didn't help that my basic build helped get me treated like garbage so much under the NHS--with definite racial undertones at times. I would just as soon never hear a single word about my meat form again, which is not very directly relevant to the issue I have come in over, and in a non-fatphobic way.

But yeah, I have ended up looking like a lot of my mother's family in middle age. If one of the thinner versions these days.

Shitty crop of me with my mom, 20 years and at least 50 lbs. ago.

We have big kinda flat faces with barrel chests and big shoulders--and our arms and legs also turn skinnier-looking by comparison to the big old torso as we get older. No matter how much meat is over it (and I am still fairly scrawny now!), you are still gonna be mostly shoulders and a ribcage which is NOT dainty. Mr. C half-laughingly backed me up that half my family is just Like This, and he hasn't even seen all the extended clan together.

And the (very) extended family resemblance kinda goes farther than that. (Thus the ethnic part being very fucking relevant.) I don't always necessarily like it, but that's just how we're made.

So yeah, that new endo decided to send me to be tested for Cushing's Syndrome, entirely based on eyeballing.

Look, it's me! Go off, I guess.

(She also asked some pointed questions like whether my freakishly skinny arms made it difficult to wheel myself around in the chair. Erm, NOPE, not at all. Absolutely no symptoms other than striking her as Wrong Looking. She also recorded in the notes which I can see online, that I was getting less exercise than I said I was--very possibly mentally filtering my actual answer through that Freakish Twig Limb perception.)

What gets me even worse is that I DO totally coincidentally have experience with Cushing's, from when I got that pituitary tumor in my teens. She knew nothing about this when she brought the subject up out of the blue.

As the first medical professional to ever do so over the past 30-odd years, I might add. Nobody who has actually been aware of that history has triggered on it either.

Cushing's is very noticeable and very hard to live with! I got extremely sick, gained like 80 lbs. over a year from it, and developed the actual corticosteroid moonface then! Nobody much wanted to listen to me at the time, likely mostly because AFAB teenager! But, I do know very well what that fucking feels like!

But yeah, that thankfully got fixed and I haven't experienced symptoms for like 30 years. That whole experience was also very freaking traumatic, which is probably not helping my reaction now with it getting brought back up so bizarrely and unexpectedly. (Also, could I somehow be secretly Very Sick now without realizing it?! I do very much rationally doubt it, but doubt still keeps nagging at me.)

I guess I had better play along for now. In a way, it is good to see another demonstration that they don't seem to do the same kind of foolish pennypinching here as under the NHS. They will refer you for whatever testing they think is necessary, even if that sometimes includes a labwork wild goose chase based on some terrible assumptions! I would rather have them be thorough, even when it's dumb as hell and kinda insulting.

I am indeed pretty confident that I just look like a middle-aged $SURNAME from another freaking continent, who is also recovering from malnutrition and still pretty scrawny. (Which the doc was aware of.) I am also still feeling some kind of way about this fact setting off weird alarm bells in some new doctor that I am stuck dealing with for the foreseeable future.

I could easily make some of my own unflattering speculations based on her appearance, which was very different from my own. Sorta Marfanoid, with buggy eyes possibly indicating thyroid issues? (Maybe there's also some wider ethnic thing going on there too, for all I know. I have seen a lot more folks from her part of the world than basically anyone here has from mine!)

But yeah, that really really would not go over too well. And it's not my place either.

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

Finger Trap

Summary: Three has a little fun with One's latest creation.

(Anyone else know about those little finger traps?? They usually get handed out as part of the party favors at kids' parties?--Or atleast they used to 🙃--They are the hardest things to get your fingers back out of once they're fully in! ❤️ Hope you guys enjoy! :) ❤️)

"Almost . . . Almost---nononon!"

A loud thud followed.

Peter 3 set his phone down and followed the sounds. The voice sounded like it belonged to Peter 1, but the middle Peter couldn't place what the thuds were that followed. It might just be the overprotective genes in him but he decided to go and investigate.

Another thud had him quickening his pace until he finally found himself standing outside of Two's guest room.

"Come on . . . Come on . . . Wha-Oh come on!"

Three knocked on the door. "One? You okay?"

All the noises stopped. "Um, yeah! E-everything's good!"

"Then what's with all of the thudding?"

"Thudding! Nothing's thudding! Who said anything was thudding!"

Three grabbed the door handle. "I'm coming in."

"Wait!"

Peter 3 found One sitting stiffly on the bed with his hands behind his back. ". . . One."

"H-hey Three! What-what's happening?"

The middle Peter stepped further into the room. His eyes scanned the area looking for anything out of the ordinary. "What were you doing in here?"

"Just . . . Shooting practice?"

Three noted a few stray webs but they weren't on the walls or ceiling. "On your jeans?"

". . . Yes?"

Peter 3 took a few steps closer. "Then what's--?"

The conversation paused when the taller Peter's foot stepped on something. He bent down to pick up a small container that looked like pepper spray. "Web dissolvant?"

One bolted.

However, he didn't get far. Three used his free hand to pull him back by his shirt sleeve. "Where are you going?"

The youngest Peter blushed. "I-I wasn't---!"

"Why are your hands still behind your back?"

"I . . ."

"One?"

". . . Yeah?"

"Show me your hands."

The youngest sighed. "I can't."

"I promise. Whatever it is, I won't be mad."

"Th-there's nothing in my hands."

"Peter---."

"My fingers are stuck!"

Out of all of the things Three expected to hear come out his younger brother's mouth, that sentence would have never crossed his mind. "What?"

Peter One looked down at the carpet. "Y-you know those little finger traps?"

"Yeah."

"W-well, they always break when you have spider strength. So . . . I thought, 'Hey! I'm smart! Why don't I make one out of my webs? It'll stand up to spider strength!'"

"Why would---."

"So I-I did and . . . well . . ."

Three's eyes widened. "Are your fingers stuck in your own webbing?"

"In hindsight . . . Putting it on behind my back was not smart."

It took everything in Peter 3 to not start dying of laughter! He huffed and massaged both sides of his jaw to keep it hidden. He wasn't mad, just amused. Three had been a teen once. He knew all about how they got themselves into sticky situations out of pure curiosity.

So after a moment to compse himself, the middle Peter gently turned One around. Sure enough, both of the youngest's pointer fingers were securely fastened by a mess of webbing that did indeed look like a makeshift finger trap.

And Three lost it.

"Hey!" Peter One turned to kick and scowl at his older brother. "Don't laugh!"

"Ihim sohorryhy! I'm sorryhy!" Three ruffled his hair. "Ihim nohot trying to behe mehean! Ihim just relihieved wehe're not havihing aha totally different cohonversahation."

One's eyebrows furrowed together then shot up to his hairline a split second later. "Oh please no! Aunt May's was enough!"

Three's laughter redoubled. Yeah, Uncle Ben had had the same one with him and it was pretty traumatizing.

One was quiet for a bit, then joined Three in laughing. Soon, both of them were doubled over at the hilariousness of the situation.

Once his laughter was finally calmed, Three righted himself. "Ahalrihight, lehet's get thihis startehed."

One giggled.

Three studied the work on the youngest's fingers. "Can you really not get out of this?"

"Nope." One wiggled his fingers as if to prove his point. "I usually cahant."

"Usually?"

"Yeheah. Ive had similar situahations woth my weheb shooters." Peter 1's blush darkened. "Tony always had fuhun wihith that."

A slow smirk spread across Three's face. All of the questions he had about this situation clicked into place.

And it would be such a shame if he didn't give One what he was looking for.

To keep down suspicions, Three shook the can of dissolvant. "Soho what would hehe doho?"

The hairs on One's arms stood up. "Um . . . Well, he would . . . You know!"

The dissolvant slipped quietly into Three's jeans pocket. "I don't think I do. Could you elaborate?"

One groaned. "But you already knohow! Ihi know you doho!"

"Mh-hm. Would it have something to do wiiiiith . . . This?"

A moment later, Three wrapped his arms around the youngest before falling backwards on to the bed.

"Wait! What are you doing!"

Three rolled to the side with his arms still around his baby brother. "Oho, you're ahasking fohor it."

Nervous giggles spilled out of the youngest once he recognized the tone. "Dohont yohou dahare!"

"What's wrohong Uno?" Three's fingers spidered across Peter One's tummy. "Ticklish?"

One squealed. "Threhee!"

"Yohou got yourself ihin this situation Uno."

The youngest Peter squirmed in the cuddle. He may be making a vocal fuss, but he sure wasn't trying that hard to get away.

"Tell me lil Pete---."

"Nohot lihitlehel!"

Three squeezed his side. "Hush child."

Another squeak.

"Now tell me, why were you trying to make a finger trap that wouldn't break under your strength hm?"

The blush darkened.

Three crept his wiggling fingers closer and closer to his baby brother's ribs. "Why Peteeeey?"

A snort slipped out of the youngest as Three's fingers paused just under his ribs, but he made no other reply.

"Also, why did you make sure to mention that fact about Tony you getting stuck in your webs?" The middle Peter jumped his fingers up to spider along One's neck. "You didn't have to mention that information. Just like you didn't have to sit on the bed when I got here or run out of the room or even secure the trap behind your back."

Peter 1 trutled into his shoulders as his blush grew even deeper.

"So let me ask you again lil Pete--"

"Nohot littlehel!"

"Why did you make a Spiderman worthy finger trap?"

"Noho reasohon!"

"Ihi think there was a reason." Three immediately jumped back to tickle One's tummy again. "A tickle reasohon!"

By now, One's face was entirely red as he kicked out his legs and squirmed onto his back instead of his side.

However, no retort ever left his mouth.

"Oh?" Three's fingers immediately spidered to his other side. "Is this why you made it?"

"Shuhut uhup!"

"Awww, that's so cuuuute! You made a tickle trap for yourself!"

"Shuuuhush!"

"No wahay!" The middle Peter jumped his fingers up to tickle under his baby brother's chin. "Ihim never letting you live this dohown!"

"No!"

"And I'm making sure Two hehears about yohour adorable idehea."

"Jeherk!"

By now, Three's fingers were tickling behind the youngest's ears. "Cutie!"

One's face managed to get a shade of red darker and his giggles got even higher pitched. He pulled his knees up to his chest, his feet kicking up and down adorably.

"Ihi don't mind ihif yohou ask for tickles Petey." Peter 3 wormed his fingers into One's ribs. "Buhut it's adorable toho sehee the ways you come up wihith to ahask for them."

The loudest squeal yet erupted out of One's mouth. He slammed his legs back down into the bed.

"Wohow. Big squeal for such aha little guhuy."

"NOHOT LITTLEHEL!"

"Absolutely itty-bitty tiny little Spider dude."

"SHUSH YOHOU STUPIHID HEHEAD!"

Peter 3's fingers froze. "Stupid head?"

One took a moment to gather his breath before he smirked at Three. "Y-yeheah! Bihig stupid hehead!"

The older of the two growled. "Sassy are we?"

"So whahat? Whahat are yohou going toho doho about ihit?"

"Oh, I'll show you exactly what I'm going to do!"

With all of One's squirming, his shirt had twisted up, leaving most of his torso exposed. So Three took the opportunity to dig into his bare tummy and ribs.

"I'm going to do this!"

The youngest Peter's eyes were screwed shut while loud laughter poured out of his mouth.

"Are you going to behe sassyhy again?"

Peter 1 nodded his head.

"Well atleast he's honest." The middle Peter wormed his fingers into One's armpit. "Buhut that's not ahalways the best policyhy."

The youngest curled on to his side, unintentionally pinning Three's hand in place.

"What's that?" Peter 3 wiggled even more. "You want me to stay in this spot?"

"NAAAAA--."

Three paused his tickles as all other retorts from the youngest fizzled out into snorts. "Yohou gohood?"

One nodded. "Yeheah."

"Good." Three ruffled his curls. "Wouldn't want to kill ya."

A moment later, the youngest rolled over and wrapped Three in a hug.

"Waaait a minute." Peter 3 lifted One's arm so he could study his fingers. "What happened to your finger trap?"

"Oh! Uhum . . . Wehell . . . My wehebs mahay or may not disintegrate ahafter aha certain amount ohof tihime?"

"Awww. Guess you'll just have to rebuild it again for next tihime."

Peter 1's blush returned full force. "Shut uhup!"

"Or maybe next time we can just, I don't know." Three gently ground his knuckles into the top of One's head. "Use our words ahand ask for them."

One playfully pushed at Three's arm. "Yohou fihirst."

Immediately, Peter 3 felt his own face flush bright red. "Shut up!"

One managed to escape Three's hold. "You cahant make meee!"

Three chuckled before chasing after Peter 1. "Get back here yohou little stinkeher!"

"Nohot littlehel!"

"But definitely a stinkeher!"

[moibakadesu]

Hi all, I have some Milgram observations to bring in the table.

Thos came to my mind in light of Muu's second MV release and there being a new increase of people being very ... "oh no, how can you mischaracterize a character so much, bohoo" going around.

This is absolutely not only a thing that applies to Muu, but it became especially apparent again, because opinions there seem to be quite heated.

So what we want to take a look at here is:

The inability of people to read tone of voice

That first sounds a little mean, but I don't mean it that way at all. Reading a person's tone correctly can be a problem for a lot of people, especially people who are on the autism spectrum and similar. So it's not uncommon at all. So it comes at no surprise that this highly influences how some people might read a character and that it comes to differences in opinion.

I will use Muu here as the prime example, because she has A LOT of emotion to her words, which makes it easy to showcase. First, we have to start with my stance on Muu though. In the beginning I had her coined as a character I might quite like, but once I got to listen to her first VD my suspicions began to rise already. And at this point I can say Muu is a character I very much dislike, because all my suspicions just got proven right with each new relevation that happened.

So what threw me off in her first VD that gave me a hint that she might be not just "the poor pitiful bullied girl"? It was the threat towards the end towards Es. The "I won't forgive you if you don't vote me innocent."

People also like to consider it a bad take when I claim that Muu is very clearly lacking in remorse and compassion/empathy. But I think it's very obvious? The WAY she is speaking is not like a traumatized teen, she is not weaseling her way out of the blame as a defense mechanism, she just ... simply does not see anything wrong with her actions. Let's take a look at another voice line for that, from the t1 voice trailer, her distorted voiceline. "It's their fault for doing terrible things to me first." Along with a little giggle and said pretty cheerfully for such a statement. Well, by now we know that this is not only a lie, with Muu having been a bully first before she got a taste of her own medicine, but also it always seemed very not genuine even without that context. Muu sees nothing wrong with murdering her victim at all, that is her belief. And if Rei (yay, we finally got a name for her yesterday) really just stood up against Muu and exposed her for her bullying ... well, I'll just say, that is already a good reason to dislike Muu a fair bit.

Even more of "tone of voice speaking volumes" we have in INMF. So much indeed. The song is very much Muu showing her true colors to us, now the she got affirmed, she is not demonizing herself, that is how she is and she is not afraid anymore to show it. There is a lot of high and mighty in the way she is saying/singing things here, very good examples being the "You know the consequences, right?" parts, but also just overall. The way that she likes to present herself as whiny with fake-crying behaviour to garner pity from people is also very apparent here, with what got translated as these drama queen lines ... a bit free form, but it actually hits the tone well. Best example is the line right after we see her stabbing Rei, where she just absolutely sounds like a whining child.

I could also go into a lot more with her second VD and how it showcases perfectly does she does not care about people as people, but as convenient tools, but for that I would have to go into a lot more detail than just the tone she is saying things in, and that's not the plan here right now.

Fuuta is another one who got hit with the whole problem. When people started to claim that he is not feeling sorry, I was just like "did you not hear his terror and panic in Backdraft and ESP in his second VD??" The man is absoluty terrified about how his actions got so out of hand, of course he is feeling remorse.

There are more fine nuances here, and I could ramble on some more, but I think I got the core point across.

And no, this is not meant as a Muu hate post or anything, it's just my opinion and observation. And before anyone claims that: no, this is not about Haruka either, his involvement might add some fuel to the fire for me, but you could completely take him out of the equation and I would still dislike Muu for all the same reasons.

[very-grownup]

Book 14, 2024

I've been having some trouble putting together my thoughts on Alan Bradley's last Flavia de Luce mystery, "The Golden Tresses of the Dead". When I was reading it I noted on bluesky -- and, indeed, when I bought it -- that it was a difficult book to contemplate reading. Not because of the book's contents, but because the Flavia books were ones recommended by my mother, because she enjoyed them and Flavia (a too-smart English pre-teen who loves chemistry and murder) reminded her of me when I was younger (in, I suspect, that Flavia can be a nuisance and a little shit in an endearingly frustrating way). For several Christmases I bought her later Flavia novels and when she was done she would give them to me.

"The Golden Tresses of the Dead" came out a few months after she died.

I said this when people were posting about the final seasons of BETTER CALL SAUL -- it doesn't seem right that something she enjoyed kept going after she was no longer there to enjoy it.

So the reading experience was strange. A bit disconnected, submerged in melancholy like a fog.

The series itself has also reached a big changing point with Flavia. Motherless at the start of the series, she has since lost her father. The youngest of three sisters who didn't/don't attend school and have essentially raised themselves and followed their passions, the oldest is now getting married and the middle sister is handling this by drawing further into herself and her writing. Flavia is essentially alone in the family home after her eldest's sister's wedding (and the traumatic but quickly iced over discovery of a finger in the wedding cake), save for the family butler, an old war companion of her father's who is indulgent and helpful in Flavia's mystery solving when he isn't having PTSD attacks, and a younger also orphaned cousin who is weird even by Flavia's standards.

The mysterious finger and possible wedding sabotage (the wedding stuff is quickly dealt with, Bradley appears to be as disinterested as Flavia in the whole thing) leads Flavia to investigating a desecrated/stolen corpse, an elderly patent medicine shyster in a care home and his Very Concerned Daughter, and the sudden imposition of having been volunteered to put up two lady missionaries recently returned from Generally Africa. Part of the mystery, as it often is, is what any of these have to do with each other.

It's fine. Everything feels a bit disconnected, puzzle pieces that fit, sort of, but not in a fully satisfying way. It's not surprising. I think this sort of mystery novel can be perfect reading in certain mental bad places, but not the melancholy and grief I slide into so easily. There isn't much to latch onto -- Flavia's a strong character, but one of her strong traits is a childish self-absorption that makes other characters feel less real or present -- and Bradley doesn't write the sort of mysteries where you can try to solve them along with the detective. The book simply happens.

I do think that, aside from what I was bringing as a reader, Bradley seems to have written himself into a place with the character and series that finds him without some of the reliable supports he had in earlier books without having a concrete plan as to what he'll replace them with. There's the material for deeper character work, but that's not something that interests him.

I thought "The Golden Tresses of the Dead" was Bradley wrapping up the series and some of the disjointed nature was a reflection of that but I did a quick check and apparently another Flavia novel is coming out later this year. Maybe he'll have figured out a more solid foundation for Flavia solving mysteries in this new stage of her life in this one.

But Mum still won't be here to read it.

[lumiele]

Hello, French here,

First of all i'm sorry that your previous experiences with minecraft communities were bad in terms of representation and inclusivity. I have never followed minecraft streams before QSMP, so i am quite ignorant ( but eager to learn) about the latin americans previous expreriences, within international communities.

In a very candid way what i like about QSMP is the fact that there are CC from countries that are not usually put on the spotlight ( in my very eurocentric POV of course), and i have loved discovering small part of ,for example, Brazilian culture through QSMP and their CCs.(ex: festa junina)

I think i understand and emphathize that in every piece of media and especially in international event it is often dominated by white english speaking americans, and that other communities can suffer from that as they can feel disregarded.

(Apologies for my poor english)

I didn't know Quackity before qsmp and if i remember correctly i think that the picture of his teen bedroom was indeed passed around as a joke, i remember thinking it was a montage (just an example of my ignorance) which was confirmed not to be by Quackity. The reaction i had was not mockery, i thought that it was or rather is amazing (at such a young age too), to have this growth as a person, and i remain admirative of his career and grateful for the QSMP. ( i saw the talk between Quackity and Forever and it was very touching)

I have never learned spanish or portuguese in high school ( only german + japanese which doesn't really count 'cause i'm shit in those language) but the QSMP has also been quite the motivator to pick up another language ( leaning toward portuguese)

Back on the ignorance there is with the french POV, back in school we mostly learn about europe, we are aware of some parts of US history because they are the dominating force in the media (movies, music….) industries. And maybe it's just me who's not cultured enough ( i will not argue with that) but i'm not familiar with either Brazilian, Mexican or Argentinian culture as such i was not aware of certain cliche (like dictator jokes?).

While it my personal opinion i do think that most french people aren't either knowledgable about those cultures and stereotypes that are harmful to the latins communities.

On the Aypierre situation,his humor and general RP is definitely not everyone cup of tea,it's not exactly mine. i will say that, yes, French people do have a dark sense of humor, this is not debatable, what is , is if those jokes hurts someone then because of some bigot cliche then the cc can check after and apologize if necessary , which Aypierre did after talking with the CC that was concerned. as european we make jokes about the little man with the mustache often i do think that the joke was made without any ill intention.

i would like to know in this situation (especially for Aypierre) :

A poor joke is made

Said joke is actually one that is used usually a bigot tools and hurts a community

The Guy who makes the joke checks with the CC if said person is okay

The CC confirms he is okay

The guy who makes the joke apologize then publicly

In a very genuine way what can the person that makes the joke do more after taking the above step ?

In france there is a saying that "we would rather laugh about it, than cry about it", i think this expression illustrate well the french mindset when it comes to humor, so that when traumatic or sad stuff happens we make jokes about it ( a personal french example would be jokes about the charlie hebdo attack soon after it happened). And i agree that it's a cultural difference that can be hard to understand (which is why QSMP is a great learninn experience for everyone).

Regarding the "adding german" or "stealing the spotlight" comment, i avoid twitter/x like the plague as it doesn't feel like an accurate representation of the QSMP people as it is often the most toxic and loud people that seems to bash or rant and this site. And while those people do not represent the majority of the community imo, there is definitly bad terrible people who are in the community and are absolute pieces of s*** by being racist, sexist, harrassing fans and CCs…..etc

QSMP is still imo a work in progress it is already a great project but with more people joining and more event happening i do believe that the organisation will just get better and better and i still think that the work provided so far by the admins is already amazing.

I'm sorry if this is a bit long, i'm usually a lurker and not used to voicing my opinion online. Your post was very informative and provided and really good insight to me in regards to the latin community experience with minecraft server.

meta talk. i don't quite know how to word this properly, but adding french creators to the qsmp is the riskiest thing quackity studios could've done and it doesn't surprise me that the success to which it was executed was minimal.

adding portuguese speaking creators exclusively from brazil as the first batch outside of the initial english and spanish speakers was the perfect "soft expansion" for the server when you consider the reason for the project's conception - because quackity had experienced poor treatment from white americans as a bilingual latino creator and sought to unite his two communities in an empowering way, further expanding this very noble and personal idea to encapsulate all communities and all languages spanning across the entire world. inviting more latino creators who have likely had the same experiences and would be able to appreciate what the project is trying to achieve is a no-brainer.

it's an uncomfortable thing to touch on (which is why i've never, ever, seen it spoken about on this website), but minecraft projects and communities have always had massive problems with all forms of bigotry, but especially racism. white americans and white europeans have probably not felt the euphoria of seeing their culture celebrated in mainstream global entertainment projects as they already absolutely dominate the entertainment industry on a global scale. as someone who is visibly brown and living in europe, i've always got a lot of grief from classmates and co-workers in the form of ignorant jokes and flat out exclusion - it's an unfortunate cultural norm that bleeds into streaming due to the medium's casual and open nature, unnoticed or unchallenged by white viewers who don't want to have to confront a content creator's bigotry in fears of having to stop watching them. something that cannot be ignored by the people it's actually affecting. there is a reason dsmp and hermitcraft cosplay meet ups are dominated by pale skin.

i love the qsmp because its inclusion of latin american creators and quackity's selectiveness based on personal experience have largely (and i do mean largely, not entirely, but that's a discussion for another day) eliminated that problem.

the most prominent and succinct example i can think of is the photo of quackity's bedroom that was mocked countless times by his english speaking community and his bigoted english speaking friends when he streamed on the dsmp - when that photo was brought to the qsmp, forever, a fellow latino creator, was the first person to gently offer solidarity because he had come from the same impoverished latin american background. to me, and to a lot of minorities, that is what the qsmp is about. yeah, sharing languages in a minecraft server is novel, it's a fun way for americans who did poorly in high school to get back into learning spanish, but it stands for so much more when you're a racial minority. when your pleading in the dsmp fandom was drowned out and ignored for the entire duration of its run. when you're completely unrepresented in minecraft tournaments, and when known bigots are encouraged to participate in said tournaments to boost viewership because numbers are paramount. when you are finally seeing your culture appreciated rather than mocked on streams with tens of thousands of viewers all over the world as part of a massive project with a brilliant, engaging story.

it was obviously necessary to branch out of the americas at some point with what the project is attempting to achieve, but such a task is daunting when the next group you're inviting and their community probably do not have the capacity through personal experience to appreciate what the project stands for at its core in the same way the first batches do. can non americans all relate in discussions of the internet and entertainment industry being america and by extension english speaking centric? yeah, of course. but can white europeans relate when the only representation you have in said media revolves around harmful bigoted stereotypes? can there be a quiet solidarity between a white frenchman and a brown brazilian based on experiences with government, racial profiling, and online mockery? no. and in the landscape of livestreaming stupid jokes for entertainment alongside fast paced gameplay, these nuances are probably not going to be acknowledged.

in complete contrast to the solidarity exhibited between quackity and forever when discussing their poverty growing up in latin america, i have not forgotten and never will forget aypierre excusing his constant racist jokes aimed at the brazilians on his uniquely "french dark humour" that the brazilians, hurt by his comments, could "not understand." this is not an excusable cultural difference, but a symptom of white european privilege, and total ignorance towards what the project is meant to stand for. a smooth integration of all the world's cultures necessitates white european and white american introspection in a way that i haven't seen a lot of streamers capable of. admitting fault to such a degree and the ego of a large online personality do not often mesh well.

i'm always very irritated when people (especially english speakers) complain about them not "adding the germans" sooner despite us seeing applications for german speaking admins many months ago - because it would not be a task of simply throwing out server invites to content creators and cobbling together an animation of a submarine crashing into the island. you cannot downplay the ambition of this project and the mammoth task its trying to accomplish. people take for granted and forget that this is an unprecedented melding of cultures that would never otherwise interact and clash on the rare occasions they do. the french qsmp community being small and the french creators largely being outliers when it comes to the qsmp is not something born out of malice or purposeful exclusion, but simply a symptom of an unspoken lack of solidarity and inability to meaningfully relate based on everything from wildly varying privilege to global placement.

and don't get me wrong - i'm not excusing things like the times at which events are broadcast (i literally live in europe and have to stay up until sunrise to see most events, i think the admins do have to bite the bullet and begin structuring events around a new timezone that isn't the globally inconvenient unsustainable PST), or the exclusion of clips from french content creators at the presidential dinner, but i think attributing those admin choices to the brazilian community being unfairly favoured is downplaying what the qsmp as a project means for minorities, especially when the brazilian community receive the most scorn for infamously being the first to call out bigoted behaviour from qsmp content creators. yeah, it sucks that the french haven't slotted into the qsmp as well as the brazilians and aren't anywhere as numerous, but with all these unspoken contributing factors being taken into account, i can't be surprised.

i wish quackity and his team the best in smoothly integrating more languages and cultures in this amazing project in the future, but for the love of god please understand that the implications of this project and its impact are far larger than any streamer "drama" you might've witnessed in the past. and stop underplaying what this project is trying to achieve in an online landscape saturated in bigotry.

[zivazivc]

Pinocchio AU

Okay people want the explanation for this comic so here it goes. It’s long and complicated and MESSED UP because of course it is, this is me. I’m going to write in points because my small tired brain can’t handle good english atm but basically to sum up the Adrien was a sentimonster theory or Pinocchio AU as I like to call it:

Young married Emilie and Gabriel can’t have kids. Gabriel reluctantly accepts this fate and even brings up adoption as a possibility once, but Emilie doesn’t want to hear any of that. She’s a bit of a Marinette in the sense that she pictures this romanticized ideal life for herself and a child—her flesh and blood—HAS to be in it.

They keep trying to get a baby while other young families Emilie knows keep growing. She feels left out and hurt and depressed, then her newlywed twin sister announces she’s expecting a baby too and something within Emilie just unhinges.

She eventually lies to some of her friends, who she was out for coffee with, that she’s pregnant too. She mostly does it just to see their reaction and feel what it would be like but it quickly spirals out of control where she just starts pretending she’s pregnant until you can’t even tell if she believes it herself.

Gabriel is confused at first because he hears the news second hand (a friend/family member congratulating him) so he’s apprehensive when he approaches his wife but she convinces him that they really are getting a baby and Gabriel is ecstatic.

It’s only later at a doctor’s check up that Gabriel learns that she indeed is not pregnant. The doctor even speaks to him alone explaining that his wife is in denial and that he should make sure she goes to see a psychiatrist, something she definitely wouldn’t do alone.

Gabriel is unsuccessful with that because he’s not entirely persistent, doesn’t want to be the guy with the crazy wife having to tell everyone she lied about being pregnant, and hopelessly believes she’ll just get over it eventually.

That is until her “pregnancy is near due”—her sister already had Félix in England a few months ago—and he stumbles on her transformed with her peacock miraculous (they already have both of them) creating a sentimonster newborn.

They have a huge fight about it but because Emilie refuses to destroy it, won’t tell Gabriel where the amok is, and Gabriel can’t just hurt the baby with his hands, Emilie just… wins. Fucked up, yeah?

Now she tried creating kids before this one, using her imagination to try and blend her and Gabriel’s looks but it just wasn’t working. So she decided to copy of photos of baby Félix because he already looked almost like a copy of his mother, and Amélie and Emilie already looked alike so it’s not so weird?—is what her mind was telling her.

She didn’t dare alter his looks but she decided to give the baby Gabriel’s eye color to include the “father” in some way. (Yes in that comic I made I gave Adrien a mix of green and gray but that was mainly to get the point across to the perceptive readers)

Now we got Adrien, a normal baby boy to the whole world except for Gabriel who’s forced into his wife’s fantasy through social expectations.

Why are we only at this point and this post is already so long AAAAAAAA!!!

Adrien physically basically grows in a way where Emilie just keeps changing his appearance to match what Félix looked like a few months prior.

Mentally he’s like a robot just taking in information without really needing to learn it. So Emilie decides when he says his first word, she decides when he learns to walk,… He knows how to walk, he just wasn’t given the command to do so yet.

But even so he does develop a personality over time, just slower, because unlike a normal child who’s always testing his boundaries, how far they’re allowed to go until they’re in real trouble, Adrien just can’t misbehave. At all.

But he does have his favorite foods and favorite toys, and jokes that make him laugh the most. The problem is just that Emilie could just decide that his favorite food is strawberries and he’d just start acting accordingly, rewiring his belief. 

He also isn’t allowed to argue or be mean to others which is why Félix thinks he’s a goody two-shoes weirdo while Chloé the brat adores him.

This behavior isn’t so hard to hide with a toddler who’s fickle but it’s harder and harder as the kid grows. Which is why the family becomes very secluded over time.

Gabriel always keeps distance with his “son”. He’s not Dad, he’s Father, he doesn’t do hugs and cuddles, he doesn’t say I love you. But Adrien knows he loves him because his mom told him so and he loves him back unconditionally because Mom said that’s what families do.

Now even though Gabriel is traumatized by this whole ordeal and knowing Adrien “isn’t real” freaks him out he does soften a bit over time. I’m going to give an awful example but like someone who hates cats softening for a cat that their partner/roommate decided to get/had from before. Continuing with this example: But still becoming appalled when the cat starts acting odd/unusually.

Okay I think you get the gist. Let’s move on…

Emilie loves her son more and more as he grows and his sentimonster behaviours start bothering her more and more too. She hates being reminded that he’s not a real boy by people mentioning he looks young for his age because Emilie forgot to make him grow for a while. She hates when he does everything like he’s told. She hates that he has no real friends because they’re afraid to expose him to the outside too much and without supervision. She hates to think about his future.

Her desire for him to be real keeps growing and is what drives her to search for a solution in the miraculous spellbook.

She cracks the script after years, when Adrien is nearly a teen, and finds a way to transfer the creators soul into a sentimonster.

It’s a long process that takes time and while she falls ill to everyone around her, Adrien becomes more real.

Gabriel starts realizing what’s happening when he notices Adrien hesitate for a second when he’s playing a video game and Gabriel wants him to do something, groan when he gets bothered watching TV, huff, complain, have slightly opposing opinions to his and Emilie’s, when he argues with his mother when she tells him she’s feeling fine; when he notices his son’s eyes are greener. Or is it all in his head?

He confronts his wife too late, when she’s extremely ill already, her normally vibrant eyes dulled match Adrien’s bluish gray, and he pieces together in his head what she’s doing.

Before Gabriel could properly think what to do to stop the love of his life from turning into a lifeless doll, in a fit of panic he tries to take her wedding band (where he knows Adrien’s amok is) to get rid of Adrien instead, but is unsuccessful in getting it off her so he snatches her peacock brooch instead (which she needs to complete the spell obvs) and breaks it. (Heyoo! broken peacock miraculous. things are coming together)

Because the spell was almost complete anyway it’s Emilie who falls unconscious. But she doesn’t disappear because she’s not a real sentimonster, she just becomes dormant like one.

This is the point in the story where Gabriel makes it seem like Emilie ran away or something like that—basically disappear. Now he’s living knowing he has an almost sentimonster wife in the basement, knowing he almost killed his son (or her), and having to care for a son that suddenly became much more alive, questioning, arguing, angry, screaming, not accepting, crying, grieving, staring at him with Emilie’s eyes.

Instead of becoming a real parent, Gabriel shuts him out.

Soon Adrien evolves desires for socializing, company, getting away from the suffocating home which eventually leads to him going to a public school.

He slowly starts to live life freely without the restrictions that were put around his thoughts.

Gabriel has an even stranger relationship with Adrien now because he still loves him in a way but also holds resentment toward him. But mostly he sees him as something valuable.

The show happens here…  And now finally we get to the comic…

Gabriel gets a hold of the ladybug and black cat miraculouses. (There’s no epic fight in his lair as you see there’s no Ladybug in the comic but that’s not really important)

What’s important is that Gabriel had deciphered the miraculous spellbook with the help of Emilie’s notes and had decided to use the unification’s “wish” power to awaken Emilie.

He’s aware he’ll need to sacrifice something for the wish to come true and he’s certain Adrien should be enough because the soul inside him is literally the one thing Emilie is missing.

✨Adrien (poor boy just lost his miraculous) is taken to Gabriel’s lair, where he finds out his father is Hawk Moth, sees his mother, learns he’s a sentimonster, and that he’s going to become a sacrifice ✨

Of course the last part is not what happens. It’s Gabriel who ends up being sacrificed.

I can’t decide if Gabriel ends up sacrificing himself because he changed his mind in the last moment while Adrien was screaming for him to stop, OR  because he didn’t love Adrien enough for him to be considered an equal exchange for his wife… O.O

But anyhow…

Emilie wakes up with Gabriel’s soul within her (hence the bluish gray eyes in the comic).

Adrien is traumatized for life.

This took me hours to write… I knew there was a reason why I didn’t want to do it. I hope I didn’t forget anything and my brain made sense of it all

Well there you have it, peeps. The Pinocchio AU. It’s as messed up as my sleep schedule. Good night. 

[howl-fantasies]

A/N - LONG POST - Here's the part 5 of the GOTHAM ASSASSINS series. Takes place during the last episode of season 1, when Penguin tried to convince Connor, a hitman, to kill Maroni and his underlings. It still follows the main story but there are mostly Y/N and Zsasz interactions in this one.

Hope you'll like it, here are the

P1

P2

P3

P4

P5

P6

Masterlist

Enjoy! 🥰

"We are looking for a dangerous serial killer who was responsible of the murder of numerous women during the last decade. The Ogre..." She cut the TV with a grunt and stretched like a cat.

So Jimbo has indeed decided to play with the big guys and publicly targeted one of the most terrible serial killer in town. The dude had strong steel guts thinking he would catch the Ogre that easely.

Nobody, even her, knew the face of the killer. Only that he was some kind of maniac, obsessed with women who he kept for weeks or months, before killing them and tossing them on the side of the road.

And here comes St James, on his white horse, thinking he'll catch the psycho and succeed where everyone failed. Don't misunderstand her, if someone was capable enough to do it, that would be Jimbo. But at what cost? That, was the interesting question here.

Two bare forearms trapped her throat and tightened around it, and she felt a hot breath just against her left ear which makes her shiver. "Be aware of the terrifying Ogre, who devoured defenseless little lambs" whispered the owner of the voice.

She snorted and lean her head back to watch Zsasz from upside-down, offering him a very tempting view of the delicate flesh of her throat. "Sorry Mister Ogre, but you just really happen to look like an homicidal maniac I know for a long time." She blankly said.

He clicked his tongue in disapproval. "You're no fun". The woman falsely beamed like an idiot and put her finger between his slightly frowned eyebrows. "I absolutely love role-playing with you dearest, but The Ogre doesn't really excite me you know..."

He hummed pensively and finally freed her throat, after putting a peck on her forehead. Zsasz walked around the sofa and sit next to her where he grabbed the remote and launched the TV again. He then leaned back too and put his left arm around her shoulders.

They didn't have much to do that day. A few marks to track on separate ways, then a bit of Oswald stalking at night. Uneventful, really.

Before that, here they were. They bought this flat last year because it was perfectly situated, in the middle of the city. Pretty convenient to store a few weapons, electronics, tools and just relax between two contracts.

Y/N closed her eyes, perfectly at ease, and lulled by the sound of the TV. "Some news about how Maroni will try to deceive Carmine after their touching little truce?" She asked airily while laying down and putting her head on his thigh.

Victor's hand was now playing with her hair pensively and he hummed. "Not really", he seemed disappointed a bit. "Calm before the storm, uh", she mused. "Never liked that bastard. Can't wait to see his third eye being opened with the help of a bullet" She Added.

Victor sneered at her comment and pulled her roots a bit, making her groan. "You don't like much people for starters, sweetness" He said. Y/N cracked an eye open and glared a bit at him, "Look who's talking, Mister psychopath".

He just shrugged her comment in a carefree demeanor. She was right after all, and he wasn't ashamed of it. At all. And she was not that different on the matter, the woman saw more than one horrible thing here in the crime city without being moved by it. And he tends to think that Gotham itself represented one big factor in the numerous cases of sociopathy and psychopathy blooming days after days.

Y/N herself was a good example of it. Psychopathic tendencies appear in general during teenage years. Young teens develop it has a way to deal with violence, and traumatic events. She did it so well, that she never ever look aside during his best torturing sessions. She stayed perfectly still, watching him as if he was painting or doing some mundane activities.

From what he knows, she used to be a wary little thing, cunning enough to survive in the Narrows and escape human and organ trafic which were two of the top activities in this part of the city.

She told him she had once been abducted and placed in a brothel. She litteraly cut her client in half with one of his own blades, decapitated him and scared the shit out of the clients and staff.

When the manager came and saw the massacre, he was ready to kill her like a mad dog. But she had been cunning enough to offer him a deal: ruining his rivals business by infiltrating them and perform the same slaughter to scare the clients enough to never come back again. It was a big bet on her life, but the manager accepted the offer.

The brothel slaughtering was her first contract. And even him, before his spiraling to hell, heard about it. The cops and coroners rarely saw a massacre like this one that time.

After his fall from sanity, a bit after he started to work as Falcone's hitman, he had to find her for a trivial thing. The Godfather didn't appreciate the death of one of his closest men she had kill for a contract. And when he stalked her and found out about the brothel slaughtering, he had became a big fan of her work.

That was probably why he didn't shoot her from distance that day and choose to broke in her flat to see what she was going to do.

And man, she didn't disappoint. Without using force, just with her silver tongue, she snaked her way out of Carmine blacklist with only a few words. She also convinced him to offer her a job. The rest was history.

--

*Are you already in position?* Asked a voice in her earpiece. Y/N was currently on the top of a building, laying down on her stomach and aiming at an empty street, minus some cars driving down the road.

"Not my favorite one to be honest, dearest", she hummed quietly. "I would much prefer lay on my back, like a few hours ago", She sneered with a toothy grin she was sure Victor could picture right now.

"Now, now, don't flirt during work sweetness, and don't tease me, I need to be able to walk without a painful pointer at my twelve" He chastised. This time, she chuckled. "Your problem, Vic. Now, back to business, I can see the car", she whispered.

He grunted in approval inside of her ear. "Same here, the two rats left their little secret reunion at the same time. Ready?" He asked.

"Since the day I was born". They pulled the trigger at the same time then looked down the street just in time to see the impact of the bullet and the blood on the windshield. While two drivers seemed to lose control of their black vehicles at the same time and in two opposite districts in Gotham, the assassins reloaded their gun.

"Mine is exiting the car", said Y/N just before a second muffled shot resonated and an Italian mobster fell on the floor, hit in the head. "Got him", she stated.

The silence from the other side, made her frown but didn't stopped her to place her riffle in a suit case then leaving her hidding spot. "Dearest?" She asked after a minute.

"Shot the mark but have some cops on my tail right now", She heard him sighed. "Need a hand?" Asked the henchwoman. "More you giving me a head, love."

"You can't knock out cops using your boner, Vic. Even a pretty honorable one, it would be a first in the history. Need help or no?" She asked, ignoring his previous comment.

"No, they'll become sweet sweet scars on my body in a min. Hang on." He purred. She rolled her eyes and walked to the fire esacpace stairs, climbing down. Soon, a few pained cries resonated in her earpiece and she sighed. "You're having a ball right now. Don't deny it Vic. You wanted all the fun for yourself, you greedy little thing".

He chuckled then admitted. "Guilty. How disappointing, they never last that much..." Now it was her turn to chuckled. "Don't pout dearest, makes you act like a brat after".

"You're the brat sweetness and I am the brat tamer" He growled a bit. "Eh, don't daddy me now, my love. I'm much more a mommy than a brat anyway." She laughed. "Let's put a brat in mommy then" He mocked and she can't repressed a shiver of disgust. "Nope, not even with a fucking gun pointing at my head". She said. "Now that's my woman~"

--

Hidding among the population had always been one of her talents. She just had to use the back door with Butch complicity to walk in Oswald's club. The poor brainwashed dear was loyal to Penguin, yes, but his maker's orders were absolute.

Here she was, blending in the shadows, looking Oswald from afar. The little conspirator was actively talking with Connor, another prolific assassin in Gotham, just after Victor and her. "Look at that little snake", she snorted quietly. "I can see that. Connor, uh. How disappointing", said Victor in her earpiece.

Since he was esay to spot in the club, they agreed for Zsasz to stay at their flat, spying via the cameras she hacked back when Fish was the owner of the club.

On the other hand, she, would enter inside and check what the ex-snitch was doing. And his little discussion with Connor wasn't good. Cobblepot was scheming something.

When the duo finally seemed to agree on something, Y/N waited to see Oswald walks back in his office and followed him a bit after. In front of the door, the drawed one of her guns. "Can't see what he's doing sweetness, stay alert", said Victor's voice in her ear. She hummed quietly and finally decided to open the double doors.

When she walked in, Oswald was behind his desk and lifted his head with a schoked face. "Y/N!" He squealed. "Oswald dear", she greeted with a calm voice and pointed directly her gun at him. "Now, now, how good your acting skills are, Mister Cobblepot. I can now see how you were able to deceive Fish, then Maroni. You've got some strong talent here".

The young man frowned and sighed deeply. He lifted his right hand, which had taken a gun from under his desk. "Bloody harlot" She heard him muttered. "Relax Penguin. Why don't you put your toy on the desk first, uh? You know you have no chance to be faster than me at this little shooting game. Victor is the only one to have that skill", She said while hearing said hitman cooed stupidly in her earpiece.

When Oswald put the gun on the desk, she walks until she was able to grab it. But the man was sly enough to draw a blade and pin it in on the surface. She just had the time to extend her fingers and dodge the weapon which was now deeply stuck right between her thumb and her index.

Y/N put the cold metal of the barrel of her gun against Oswald forehead. "Ha-ha-haaaa~" She warned him and lifted the security. "Swift, aren't we? Sorry to ruin your moment, but Maroni is more agile than you and even he, has some struggles touching me." She threw Oswald gun away in the room and took the blade in her now free hand. "I'll keep that, if you don't mind."

Threatened by the gun and the blade, Cobblepot was now livid. "Look, Y/N. I just wanted to defend myself, nothing personal here" He tried to argue quickly. "Against what? Aren't we suppose to be part of the same time, dearie?" She purred while he gulped loudly.

"Well, just so you know, you are quite intimidating. And I would be a fool to not be wary when you're around" He stated. She laughed airily, "My you have a valid point here Mister Cobblepot" But she suddenly lose her enthusiasm.

"You should indeed be veeeery wary when I am here and also when I'm not. I told you we'd see everything you would do." She put some distance between them and place the blade in her back, between her shirt and pencil skirt. "Now, I really would like to know why you were meeting one of Gotham's top assassins in here tonight." She said.

He blinked a few time and relaxed just a bit seeing her less aggressive posture. "I had a mission for him. Since Victor and you are devoted to Don Falcone, it's only natural that I try to find my own assassin's team, isn't it?" He answered with a convincing smile.

But he jolted and screamed when the cristal glass just behind his head was shot and exploded, hurting him a bit. "Cut the crap. Or next time I'll blow your ear Penguin. " She said with zero emotion on her face and her sharp eyes firmly locked into his. He was trembling like a leaf.

"I-I... Ok! OK! Please calm down. I made a contract with Connor ok? I asked him to kill Maroni. I know he'll be in a bar to celebrate Tommy Bones' return!" He said, now sweating bullets.

The silence which answered him was oppressive and he had to hold his breath and pray to see another day. "You want to kill Sal. Why would you do that exactly?" She finally asked.

"To prove my sincerity to Don Falcone! To prove him he can trust me and that I'm on his side!" He snapped. Again, a tensed silence answered. Then, he saw her slowly put her gun down. "Alright." She said. "Alright?" He asked skeptically. "You'll have to call the Don to tell him, but alright. I'll not interfere further in your grand Master plan." She explained. "But please pay an extreme attention at what I am going to say, Oswald." In a few steps, she was on him, looming on him and gripping his jaw painfully. "Be very careful about what you are going to do in the next days. Or it could backfire pretty badly. Got it?"

Penguin nodded quickly and closed his eyes, too scared to look into hers. He didn't move until he heard the 'click' of the double doors.

--

She was in the gloomy streets, walking peacefully. "What do you think, my love?" Asked finally Victor who stayed silent during all her interaction with Oswald. He trusted her judgment, deeply when it comes to find out what a potential foe was planning. He was himself pretty smart and sharp, in an instinctive way, but he had to admit that Y/N's capacity to think two or three steps ahead made her better at plotting. A quality she shared with Carmine. "I'm calling Carmine before the rat". She said in a very cold tone. She was furious.

She didn't had to wait too much for him to answer, and she made sure to find a spot on a roof where she wouldn't be seen nor heard. "What are the news Y/N? " Asked Carmine in his Godfather's demanding tone.

"Just came out from Penguin's club. He enrolled a killer to blow Maroni's head tomorrow during the celebration of Bones new freedom." She said quickly. "I told him to call you and inform you himself. He doesn't have the choice now." She added.

"What were his reasons, to do it without informing me before?" Asked again Falcone in a cold tone.

"A full package of bullshit to be honest, Carmine. May I speak freely?" She asked too. The Italian boss chuckled but hummed. After all he told her himself that she was now allowed to talk when she wanted to.

"I think he's plotting against you. I don't know how exactly, maybe he asked Connor to send lame underlings and fail the mission, maybe he wants to send him to negociate with Maroni and will plot against him later again, or something else completely. But I think you are his main target, Carmine. And he'll not be the one to directly pull the trigger on you, he's too fucking coward to do that. But he's clever enough to make other people do it. Directly or indirectly."

Falcone let a very long silence on the line after that. Then, after two solid minutes he sighed deeply and tiredly. "All those traitors, the betrayals, the shootings, I'm tired of this." She clicked her tongue and sighed too, "If you're tired, prepare your retirement and go spend the rest of your life in a boring mundain way somewhere safe. I don't know, buy horses, chickens again... God the chickens... Do some gardening, cook pastas... But don't you fucking dare die here, die on Victor and I, because of a petty power struggle you don't care about anymore." She was harsh but he needed to be told that.

Carmine Falcone needed to step back, maybe, but not killed by an opportunistic brat. He was respected here in Gotham, he was a legend and guaranteed 30years of relative peace, which was incredible, knowing the monster which was the city.

She heard another long sigh. "You've got quite the sharp and foul mouth, you know that my dear?" He mocked a bit. "But you're right. I need to plan my retirement properly before things go south. Thank you, Y/N. See you at the mansion."

She hang up and started walking again. "I'm in the car, sweetness. I'm taking you then we join the boss" Zsasz said and she hummed. Now it was their turn to plot against Penguin.

[winterhalters]

This year Starz relased 2 series that portray adultxteenager relationships that happened ok the past... There was so much expectation about Seymour/Elizabeth, the most famous of the 2 (I expected the show to be more straightforward about It being abuse & wrong, BTW), but not so much for the lesser known Diane/Henry in Serpent Queen... My question is: do you think the Diane/Henry scenario is similar/different to the creepy, abusive Seymour/Elizabeth?

i think i must have been crafting a reply for about an hour and i'm still stressed out it will come out wrong lol

the interesting thing about elizabeth/seymour versus diane/henri is that, to me, both dynamics are indeed using grooming mecanisms but in different ways. Now, I'm not a specialist when it comes to Seymour/Elizabeth, so maybe other people could bring you a better answer when it comes to them, but a lot of their dynamic rested specifically on the authority he held over her, and the imbalance of power it created. Seymour was a predator, who used and abused his position to ensure that Elizabeth would remain under his complete control.

The dynamic is naturally very different from the start between Diane and Henri; while Diane was indeed the governess of the royal children, it was a formal title and a formal position that had little to do with actually raising the kids. She was not a mother figure to Henri and never claimed to be, no matter what historians have been making up over the centuries.

Interestingly enough we can draw parallels between Henri and Elizabeth on several aspects of their childhood. They both lost their mother at a very young age (3 for Elizabeth, 5 for Henri), were subsequently removed from their father's care (she was ruled a bastard, Francis was captive in Spain), and led very reclusive lives for their formative years (Elizabeth under Seymour's 'care' and Henri in captivity in Spain). Those traumatic events happened in an excessively rapid succession and created what i can only assume would be devastating, lifelong emotional consequences, that probably rendeered them both very pliant in certain situations and, perhaps, prone to abuse and grooming.

It's immensely difficult to come up with a definitive answer for Diane because you need to break down a lot of stereotypes and detangle five hundred years of sexism and misogyny. Men too are subject to grooming, especially young men in desperate need of affection and validation like Henri was. It's also true that an imbalance of power with women at the top and younger men at the bottom was (and still is) considered attractive on some level, okay on others, suitable sometimes. For a long time, in the decades and centuries following the rise of courtly love all the way to the Italian quattrocento and later on, women of aristocratic backgrounds, generally older, were often asked to teach younger men the 'ways' of society, mainly in the art of conversation and manners; i haven't found any conclusive work led by gender-studies specialists to know if those theories are still maintained or have been debunked ever since.

Either way, what remains of those theories to this day is that for a long time it was somewhat okay for older women to have near-complete authority over young men, and if it became sexual, then it wasn't perceived as anything reprehensible (key word being, perceived). Considering the way society looks back on cases of grooming over young men in this day and age, i wouldn't be entirely too surprised to find that this level of toxicity was already part of the social landscape of the 15th-16th century.

It is possible that the dynamic that developed between Henri and Diane in his late teen years was motivated by a relation of interdependence between education and grooming. Diane had an impeccable, spotless reputation at court as a very dutiful, gracious and down-to-earth figure; it wouldn't have been alien for people (including Francis) to perceive any form of friendship between her and a very moody royal prince perfectly suitable. People are generally split into two categories when it comes to Diane and Henri entering a sexual relationship. Some say 1538 (which would make him 19), other say it's unlikely they became intimate before his rise to the throne nine years after that. Regardless, Henri was already married (1533) and a father (to a bastard girl, 1538) by the time he consumated his relationship with Diane, who was walking an extremely tight rope herself.

Their dynamic is unique in the sense that Diane had everything to lose in pursuing a sexual and intimate relationship with a younger man, Dauphin or not, after spending years carefully crafting a reputation at Court. An aspect that is often slept on when it comes to Diane is that her much, much older husband could be brutal with his words, and that his own father had murdered his mother in cold blood after finding her in bed with a lover. Entering a marriage at only fifteen with such a heavy precedent in a household can't have been an easy thing for her to navigate through. It's possible that the age difference in her own marriage affected her perception of men/women dynamics and/or created/affected her emotional needs.

In contrast, Seymour could have lived well enough without assaulting a minor under his care. Had he been a decent father figure, it seems unlikely that Elizabeth would have turned her back on him after ascending the throne. I'm not saying there was only love and an innocent romantic bond between Diane and Henri, as opposed to Seymour and Elizabeth. What I'm saying is, the patterns are different from the start because Diane never had any substantial authority over Henri. If she used grooming methods on him (which might honestly be the case), i do believe those may have been enforced by the context and the toxicity of men/women dynamics of the period.

[brotherhoodoftheblade]

As a John/Percy fan, I'd say be grateful you haven't read Bees yet. I was looking forward to it finally coming out for so long, and now I just wish I could bleach the traumatic details from my head entirely. 😑💀

As for the book as a whole, I feel like - despite it being a whopping 900 pages long - not much of consequence actually happened in it (to me anyway). *shrug* All the same loose plot threads from previous books are still hanging about, unresolved. It seems like its main purpose was just setting the stage for the last book of the series - which, if the length of time it took DG to finish Bees is any indication, we probably won't be getting for like another decade. Rather annoying.

(And given the rotten state of my health, I don't even know if I'll be alive to read it anyway. *sigh* But, in truth, if poor Percy is really dead I won't want to read it at all. 😭)

Indeed, what even is the point of the Fergus mystery she's now dragged out for three whole long-ass books??? If it's not actually true then she'd have just wasted our time for nothing - so that's why I feel, as a writer, that it would be illogical for her to have spent so long drawing this storyline out if there wasn't truth to it. (In which case everyone owes Percy a huge apology!! 😤)

Agreed, if DG wasn't going to actually DO something meaningful with the Beauchamp plot then she shouldn't have even introduced them in the first place. And yes, you're quite right, Fergus would have to take St. Germain’s last name, not Beauchamp (theoretically, if he intended to claim the Comte's estate as his legitimate heir - though I have trouble seeing him being willing to renounce the name Fraser given the sentiment attached to it) - which means, of course, that Fergus would still be Claire's ancestor, just perhaps not by direct line of descent. (He could, instead, be a distant cousin, rather than a many-greats-removed great-grandfather.)

Yes, Percy has said he and Cecile have no children - and didn't mention her having had any children from a previous marriage either. (Nothing changed on that front in Bees.)

(It's quite possible she could've been married at least once before she wed Percy as well, because she had to have been between 42 and 48 years of age in 1776 - a supposition based on the presence of the portrait of Claude, Cecile, and Amelie as children John mentioned seeing at Trois Fléches (Echo, Ch 45). Since the three of them were painted together before Amelie disappeared and later died, then Cecile can't be any younger than 42 years old (because Fergus was born in 1735); but she's also younger than Claude who was about 49/50 in 1776 (having been said to be a few years older than John who was himself 47 when he met Claude).

So she couldn't have been any younger than than her mid to late twenties when she married Percy and, of course, this is the 18th century we're talking about, so her father most likely would've married her off to some French nobleman back when she was in her teens. I headcanon that Cecile's first husband was served as an officer in the French army during the Seven Years War (1756–1763) and died sometime during those years, leaving her widowed by the time she met Percy (and she chose to reassume her maiden name after her first husband's death). I also imagine she might be unable to have children if at least two marriages didn't produce them - and we know that she and Percy didn't have a wholly sexless marriage (even if her brother was sometimes present during their interludes *cough cough* lol). As for Percy, he'd have been married to her and a part of France's Black Chamber/Secret du Roi no later than 1764.)

As to Claude, we don't actually know for certain either way whether he has any children. We weren't told he has children, but we also weren't explicitly told that he doesn't have them either. I headcanon that he does (because a titled nobleman's first duty is basically to produce a male heir to inherit his title after all) and his wife died in childbirth or something at some point, and he never felt the need to remarry (hence why he has no wife in 1776) because he already has an heir. And given his age, his children would most likely already be young adults/adolescents - hence either married or away at university - thus explaining why none of them were present when John visited Trois Fléches. So it's quite possible that Claude at least has a son.

But regardless of whether he does or not, what we do know for certain is that some male relative does indeed carry on the family line in England after the French Revolution. Even if Claude didn't have children himself, that doesn't mean he doesn't have extended family. Maybe his father had younger brothers who had sons, and it's actually Claude and Cecile's cousins who carry on the Beauchamp name - who knows? (There's enough canonical ambiguity to leave things open to multiple possibilities.)

Though the writer in me doesn't think it's a good idea for some unknown, never mentioned, Beauchamp cousin to actually turn out to be Claire's direct ancestor. It should be a character we already know, or at least someone closely connected to them, such as a child of Claude's we just haven't heard about yet.

Of course, ideally, I'd have had Percy and Cecile be the ones Claire's descended from. (I'd initially guessed - before Bees - that maybe DG had chosen not to give Percy any children because she meant for he and John to get back together eventually. And him not having any kids would've made it easier for him to start a life somewhere else with John without him having to choose to abandon his children.) And Percy and Claire even have a superficial resemblance on paper (curly brown hair, "sherry" brown eyes, pale skin, delicate features, slender build), so it wouldn't have felt like that much of a cognitive leap for me. And it would've given Percy a connection to the main characters, which would've played out interestingly with John.

But then we got Bees instead. 😑

And I have no idea what the hell DG even thinks she's doing anymore, since Bees basically threw away everything she'd spent Books 7&8 building towards with John and Percy. 😒💀💔

Still rereading Voyager, and this description of Claire’s eyes has me thinking again what a missed opportunity it was for Percy not to have turned out to be her ancestor. *sigh*

Keep reading

[stellocchia]

Okay, time for another overly long analysis of our favourite green blob with a god complex and traumatized teen!

I will be discussing both the “Trapped in prison with Dream” stream and the “Am I dead?” stream as I think they should be analyzed together, so espect spoilers for those. It also goes without saying that, from here on out, unless stated otherwise, I’ll be talking about the characters and the roleplay only!

So here we go! More under the cut and be advised that this will be a long one!

First of all it’s essential to keep in mind that Dream’s view of his relationship with Tommy is extremely different from Tommy’s. I will be going more into details as the analysis proceeds, but it’s very clear by now that Dream is under the delusion that Tommy’s attachment to him is as strong as his for Tommy. 

We have multiple examples of this, but the strongest one (until the revival stream at least) was back in the season 2 finale when he kept believing that Tommy wouldn’t kill him as he wouldn’t kill Tommy. We also have instances like him saying “exile wasn’t that bad, you had me” and his insistence on them having “so much fun together” that all point to the conclusion of Dream believing their game is played on both side.

Tommy, on the other hand, made it abundantly clear that he despises Dream entirely. He recognizes that Dream actively makes him a worse person when they’re together and he recognizes that he abused and manipulated him along with many others. Tommy doesn’t reciprocate Dream’s obsession in the slightest and actually seems extremely taken aback any time the green man proposes the idea of them being a theme. 

On that last point it’s interesting to notice that the actual idea of them working together (Tommy and Dream vs the world style) is actually something new that Dream introduced with his stay in prison. Proposing they could “escape tigether” when they first ended up stuck there and even more in the two latest streams... Dream’s interpretation of their relationship seems to have shifted from “fated nemesis who have fun together” to “friends”. No, this is not a positive shift, and I’m not framing it as one. Dream’s idea of friendship is as twisted as can be and Tommy has zero say in the matter. 

Now that the introduction is done, let’s get to the actual analysis!

Trapped in prison with Dream

So the stream starts with Tommy trying his best to annoy the Hell out of Dream. Then PussBoy is introduced... 

One thing to point out is that Tommy seems to fear silence and lonliness over everything (as we’ll see proof of later on), so it’s honestly no surprise that he would not be able to bear the silence for too long. 

“The cat is the best thing that’s happened to us” Dream is already sort of shifting from the “me” talk to the “us” talk, which is rather interesting. That also mirrors his “You being stuck here is the best thing that’s happened to me since I got to prison” statement.

Then there is the interaction with Sam where he decided to leave Tommy in there longer in order to solve the issue. We also get a very rare instance of Tommy showing a lot of his vulnerability, talking about exile (though it’s clear he doesn’t know Sam knows as much as he does about exile), which promptly gets ignored in favour of Sam continuing to work on the security issue.

A few seconds after Sam left Dream already burns the new clock. The reason he’s doing it is obviously to keep Tommy in a more vulnerable state of mind by continiously insuring he has no way to tell how much time has passed. All the while acting like it’s no big deal of course. Like his actions aren’t deliberate.

“What if we get out together?” “No, no! Because then you’ll break out with me, I don’t want you to break out with me” Dream already gave a similar proposition when they had just got stuck together and, again, the reason why this is so important, is because it seems to indicate a shift in Dream’s mind between the “me vs you” mentality to the “me and you vs the rest”. 

There is then the whole debacle with PussBoy where he’s killed. There isn’t really much reaction from Dream for it (really, Tommy shows more panic about it then Dream does any emotion. Please people, re-watch that scene and stop using the damn cat as a motivator there). “Look Tommy, I’m gonna get out” is literally his only reaction. That and saying that Tommy is and always has been his motivator: “You motivated me, well, you motivate me all the time”. It really couldn’t be clearer here.

“I’ll get out and, when I do, I’ll get my revenge” (...) “On who” “On everyone who’s wronged me” “Oh on fucking everyone won’t you! You’ll go and you’ll kill fucking... you wouldn’t kill anyone would you? You wouldn’t, you wouldn’t kill someone (long pause)... of course you fucking would...” Now, why did I highlight this whole thing? Well, because there’s a lot to unpack here. 

1) Dream is still fully of the idea that he was in the right, hence his desire to get revenge on “those who wronged him”. His mentality has not shifted at all so we can conclude, once and for all, that his “meek” act during most of the visit was indeed just that: an act. 

2) Callback to Tommy saying he feels like his brain is “wired to be Dream’s friend”, despite having already been killed 2 times by Dream, Tubbo more recently almost dying to him and knowing what he is capable of in general, it still takes him quite a bit to remember that yes, Dream would kill someone, he would hurt people. Tommy still has a hard time admitting to what happened to him and the impact Dream has had on him and he’s not entirely out of Dream’s manipulation (once again, good representation, because you don’t heal from something like that in a month), he is however now better at recognizing it and correcting his own faulty thinking. 

“I have a plan” I did not notice this on first watch, but was Dream’s plan to send Tommy to the afterlife from the start? Or, at least, to send someone there so he could study it? It could very well have been. He’s shown in the next stream that he wanted talk to Schlatt immediately asking Tommy about him once he was back. We can’t however ignore that he mentione that “someone who owes him a favour” may be a part of his escape plan, so that feels rather important for the future once he’ll have brought Willbur back to life. 

So then there is more of fight that start. Dream is getting annoyed at Tommy’s “whining” and tries to make him see things from his perspective (aka “it’s not so bad because we have each other” again with the trying to establish their “friendship”). 

“You don’t have ME, you never have ME, we don’t have each other, alright? I am me and you are this fucking looser who goes around manipulating people and lying to get what he wants” What this is is 2 things: 

1) Tommy recognizing what Dream is trying to do, the subtext of what he’s saying and refuting his claims (hurray for the bit of healing he’s had!)

2) Tommy actually recognizing the possessive side of the claims Dream keeps making. I don’t see this talked about that much, but, to Dream, Tommy is most definitely his propriety, just like Tommy’s disks were Dream’s in his mind (remember that speach? He literally referred to them as “my disks”). I mean, he clearly acts like that’s the case, enphasizing time and time again how he has absolute power over Tommy (I’ll go a bit more into it towards the end of the analysis of the other stream, for now though, keep this in mind)

“Even when I’m in here I’m more powerful then you are when you are outside” back on the theme of Dream’s God Complex I see. He seems to like showing off as often as he can “how powerful he is and how powerless Tommy is” (in Dream’s words from the season 2 finale), though that’s most probably to keep enforcing the dynamic that he already established in exile, the whole thing with Tommy being entirely dependent on Dream. He seems to like that aspect of their dynamic as he has expressed multiple times his appreciation for that specific period of time. 

“If I wanted to, right now, I could just kill you. And the only reason I’m NOT is because of my friends, for Tubbo, because WE need that fucking revive book, alright? That’s the only reason I’m not killing you” well, I mean, we’ve known this for quite a while. The only reason Dream got to keep his last life was because of Tommy’s attachment to his friends. I’ve seen a few people saying that it was specifically to revive Wilbur and, while that may have been an idea at first, by now he had already shown multiple times that that was not the case (even before spending time with him in the afterlife). When he went to “Wilbur’s revival” (the failed one) he showed that he was already incredibly uncertain about wanting Wilbur back (describing him as “not so poggers” in very Tommyinnit fashion). No, the actual reason why he wants the book is most likely because Tubbo is on his last life and we know he can’t live without his best friend. 

“Tommy, I’m never, I am NEVER EVER going to use the revive book to help you or any of your stupid little friends, okay?” So now the question is: was this a lie or a twisted version of the truth?

I’m gonna say the latter and here is why: Dream DID, in fact, revive Tommy. We know this now, it’s canon. But he really didn’t do it FOR Tommy. One thing I want to make clear is this: while Dream may, in fact, consider himself and Tommy “friends” he doesn’t CARE for Tommy himself, not in a way that’s commonly considered as “caring” at the very least. He finds him fun, entertaining and he seems to be rather dependent on him, but NONE of this things equate to caring about HIM. So, now that that’s cleard up, the resons why he revived him in the first place should be rather obvious: 

1) He wanted to see if he could and learn more about his power in general

2) As I said before, there is a degree of dependency Dream has on Tommy. It’s very obvious in the fact that, despite having let go of every other attachment, he doesn’t seem able of letting go of Tommy, not permanently anyway. He seems to actually need to have a degree of control over Tommy at all times

“I will never use the revive book. I will NEVER use it on you, I will never use it on any of your friends, I will never use it to save ANY of you” now THIS one is a straight up lie. What Dream was trying to do here was provoking Tommy enough to see if he’d actually kill Dream or not (which was a useful information for him for later). To see if Tommy could bring himself to do it (he can’t)

“I’ll get out eventually because, either you’ll let me out or... people will be dead” way to be ominous green man! We could assume by this point that his plan to escape may have been along the lines of “getting Techno to repay him by killing one of Tommy’s friends therefore forcing him to let Dream out to bring them back”, or something of the sort.

“This isn’t worse then exile (...) because in exile I thought you had all the power (...) here’s the thing Dream, here’s the thing I know: I don’t think the revive- I- how could I be so fucking...? The revive book Dream, it’s not real is it?” Here is where things start to actually go downhill fast. There is nothing Dream hates more then Tommy questioning his power, there is nothing that makes him angry faster (I’m sure the whole “I don’t give a fuck about Spirit” speach comes to everyone’s mind when I say this, as it should). Dream, as much as he presents himself to be a logical mastermind, is actually very emotional in the way that he is very easily overtaken by anger. He does irrational stuff every time he gets mad, that’s no secret. If he wasn’t already planning to kill Tommy to test his power, this push is what convinced him to do it. Also this is the exact reason why he likes Tommy (weirdly enough, their relationship is so very complicated) in the first place, because he’s the only one who’s constantly questioning him and challenging him. 

As we know the fight escalated and Dream ended up killing Tommy telling him to ask “Schlatt” about the book. Though before that there are quite a few exchanges were Tommy expresses that he thinks Dream is powerless now and was lying about the book all along because that’s generally what he does and Dream keeps insisting that he’s not lying and that Tommy’s life is still in his hands, that he still has all the power (turns out he wasn’t so wrong...). 

Also, last line to analyze from this: “I might as well be a God Tommy! You can’t kill me and I can kill you” pretty sure this is the first time Dream outwardly announces his God Complex and it’s interesting that his idea of power revolves entirely around having power over Tommy specifically. Because, even having power over Tommy’s life he’s still in prison, he stil has no real power of any kind. Everyone on the outside still hates him (aside from the anarchist duo), they still aren’t letting him out. Who comes to see him and what he can keep in his cell is still entirely dependent on Sam and not on him. But the fact that he has power over Tommy is enough to make him a God in Dream’s eyes.

Am I dead?

Fisrst things first, the afterlife part:

It seems that we may be seeing pieces of conversation had at different times. Let me explain myself:

Tommy opens up asking if he’s dead, then he has an interaction with Wilbur that sounds like it could be their first interaction after his Tommy’s death as Wilbur asks how he’s doing. 

We know however that he’s been ther for at least 2 months, probably more considering he seems to have interacted with Schlatt, but Schlatt has been comatose for 3 months. We could then assume that what we see is a sort of very short montage of Tommy’s time in the afterlife.

The next scene we have Tommy asking “How long is left?” (we don’t know what he’s referring to, though it could be to his revival) and Wilbur responds saying that, to the end of the Universe it would be still 8 eons. Then Wilbur asks him to play competitive solitary and they randomly chat for a bit.

New change of topic (probably next scene again) we have Wilbur telling Tommy he’s happy Tommy is there (dead) with him as the tw of them were never good for the server and caused all the problems (which we know to be incorrect, but it was Wilbur’s mentality at the time of his death and it makes sense that he would have kept it). Tommy also has a very clear panic attack which Wilbur generally ignores. Wilbur also says that, if he’s brought back to life, he knows for a fact that the server will be in shambles because, in his words: “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue”. 

Like it or not people Wilbur is most definitely implying that he knows he wasn’t a good person and that he won’t be different when he comes back. Simple as that. It’s also a further confirmation of his self-deprecating nature that brought him to self-destruct in the first place.

There is another pause that we could consider a cut scene and Wilbur is then talking about making a solitaire arena in a couple of months to an exasperated Tommy

Now for the revival itself:

First thing we notice once Tommy is back to life is that he’s most definitely experiencing a sensory overload. He’d gotten used to living in a colorless dimension with almost no sounds (aside from Wilbur’s and Mexican Dream’s voices I’m guessing) and no sense of touch aside from the constant pain that being back on the living plain may be quite ovewhelming for him.

“So what was it like?” Dream doesn’t loose a beat once Tommy is back before starting to ask him questions. He literally sounds like an eager kid who just got a new toy (and I gotta commend cc!Dream for the voice acting here!). The book worked and now he needs to find out exactly to what extent he can use it (the idea of immortality being on his mind as we’ll see later).

“Void, it was dark, it was all dark” “There was Schlatt, there was Mexican Dream” “There’s so many more drugs then just alcohol” “Mexican Dream, he was there, which was confusing, he was loud. And then there was Wilbur...” “(Continuation from below) and then I came out and I was in a long long hole, a tunnel of black and void, not even black just colorless” “When I was there it all felt so real, but so torn apart. It felt like I was in pieces, like I was stomped on” This is our best description of the Afterlife so far. A static void with no colors or viable sensations, with only 3 known residents now that Tommy is not there any longer. A weird reality with a seemingly entirely different set of rules to our own.

“Death felt like my body was taken apart and then put together and then taken apart and put together here. It felt stretched man” “It felt like I was shredded to dust” “No it didn’t feel goo- it felt like I was put through a shredder, but there was no blood, there was no flesh it was just essence, like a powder and I was put through (continues in previous section)” This is Tommy’s complete description of his experience with death and what it felt like. Having to stay for months with this constant sensation it’s really no surprise he would be so hypersensitive to touch.

“Honestly I was kind of scared it wouldn’t work” So, here we got another indication of the fact that, while Dream killed Tommy in rage, having him stay dead was never his intention (despite him claiming he would never use the book on Tommy a couple of days prior). He never intended to severe his last attachment (I’m honestly not sure he even CAN seeing as how dependent he actually seem on Tommy), he literally only killed him because he was mad Tommy would question him and wanted to prove a point, but to prove his point in the first place he needed Tommy back. It’s also probably why he revived him so fast, his weird need to have control over Tommy, which he couldn’t have while Tommy was dead.

Why did he care so much about Tommy not believing him on the book, you may ask? Was it to save his own skin? It’s possible and I think that’s part of it, others being convinced that the only reason they kept Dream alive was a lie could cause his death. The other reason is that he seems, as I said before, to want to shift his and Tommy’s dynamic to an “us vs the world” type of deal, which would require Tommy in particular to believe everything he says.

We can now add being hit at all by Dream to Tommy’s ever growing list of trauma triggers as he seems to have a very vivid recollection of his death by Dream’s hands... also we need to point out their body language in this: Dream is constantly trying to get close to Tommy as much as he’s constantly insisting on getting more information, while Tommy alternates between getting close to Dream and pushing him away (could be he’s both seeking some kind of comfort, but is also very overwhelmed).

“Tell me, one more time: what was it like when you died?” “Did it feel good?” Dream’s insistence and exitment about Tommy’s very obvious extreme distress is honestly concerning, but expected. By now we can safely assume that he doesn’t really have any empathy, I know, bold claim, but is there any evidence to refute it? Any evidence at all? Because, so far, he has shown a distinct lack of empathy in any and all situations...

Another interesting thing was Tommy’s reaction to Dream’s probing questions: while he seemed to get increasingly distressed by them, he kept answering Dream every time with little hesitation only at times adding on things like calling Dream a monster for the way he was treating him. I honestly think this may have been because he was in desperate need of comfort, and having someone to confide into is part of that. And Dream was the only “someone” he had there.

We then get the whole exchange about how time in the Afterlife is different then in the normal plain of existence. I’ve seen people equate 1 day to 1 month, however that’s incorrect. That was Dream’s wrong assumption but, from whet Tommy said, we can guess that it was much more then that. Frist of all, the first month and 18-20 days Schlatt was still awake and he was the one making them keep count. That said, we know Schlatt has been asleep for around 3 months (we don’t know exactly how much as they lost count). Which means that Tommy’s stay in the Afterlife was much more around 5 months then 2, meaning 1 day in the Real World should equate to roughly 2.5 months in the Afterlife give or take. That is, of course, assuming time there moves in a regular way and there is an actual correspondence between Real World time and Afterlife time, which is not a given.

Tommy keeps asking for the people he find reassurance in (at least we can assume so) which, in this case, are: Tubbo, Jack, Phil, Fundy an Sapnap. It’s a pretty weirdly matched group of people but, apparently, they are the ones Tommy seeks out when he’s distressed. It would be interesting to see an analysis of his relationship with each of them, but this one is not about that I’m afraid. 

“Wait shut- shut up! Shut up! Sorry, I’m sorry” Tommy seems to have re-acquired some of his exile mannerism such as being overly apologetic and skittish, together with the lashing out more. None of this are good signs... he had just started healing as well...

“I... I’m a God! I can bring people back to life, I wasn’t even sure that I could, but I can!” Bringing Tommy back to life worsened Dream’s God Complex even further, because now he doesn’t only have power over Tommy, but everyone else as well. And, I mean... at this point he IS basically a God, he’s not even wrong on that. 

“Dream, Dream, listen to me. The things I saw, the things he talked about, the things he said he will and the things he WILL do... do not- promise me, never EVER bring back Wilbur! Please, please, please” In case anyone was wondering this is the exact thing Tommy said on Wilbur. He didn’t say he’s worse then Dream here, but he IS bad news, at least if we trust Tommy on it. Wilbur wasn’t only self-destructive when alive, he was destructive in general. He was dangerous to others as much as he was to himself and he DID hurt people. And this side of him seems to only have been accentuated by death.

 “Do NOT bring back Wilbur. Ever! Promise me you’ll never do that, alright? Dream, Dream, you are nothing, you’re nothing, you’re fine Dream! We can be friends if you don’t bring him back! You’re not even- all the tragedies you’ve done-” and here’s the part that I’m guessing people are interpreting as Tommy saying Wilbur is worst then Dream which is... a fair interpretation actually (considering that Tommy is not a reliable narrator). Now please don’t get me wrong, Alivebur as he was, wasn’t worse then Dream, but he had years in the afterlife to become even more radicalized in his beliefs. There is also the fact that Tommy doesn’t seem to put the harm done against him on the same level as that done against others: Dream has hurt Tommy worse then Wilbur ever did, but Wilbur’s potential harm against others might be greater in Tommy’s mind then Dream’s. That’s the reason why he’s offering something he knows Dream wants, which is his friendship, in order to keep Wilbur from coming back: because he truly doesn’t care about his own wellbeing as long as others are safe. Of course Dream’s response to this is: "It’s not up to you. It’s up to me because I- I have that control” which is very in character for the green blob with a God Complex

“What if, now that we know, we could send you back and you could figure out-” We can see that Dream has an utter fascination with this whole concept and, now that he knows revival works, he has no qualms with sending Tommy back (no matter how obviously traumatic it was for him) to get further information because, guess what? Death is not in any way an escape anymore. He can simply pull Tommy back as he pleases.

There is then the exchange about burning the book, but, as Dream has it memorized, they would need to kill Dream to get rid of the knowledge, but Tommy can’t bring himself to do it because he’s even more terrified of being stuck alone in the cell then he is of Dream bringing Wilbur back. 

“I wanna know about death. We can study it! We can study it together! We can become immortal together!” Again, if there were any doubts on Dream’s constant need of having Tommy under his control, this should dissolve them. There is truly not much more he can do to show how obsessed he is then offering Tommy to be immortals together, especially because we know that the ideal for him would be to have Tommy be completely dependent on him again. To have his favourite puppet under his control for eternity apparently... “I want absolutely fucking nothing to do with you” of course, as we said many times, Tommy doesn’t view their relationship in the same way. Tommy actually hates Dream and truly doesn’t want anything to do with him.

“You owe me your life” “Owe you my life? You beat m-!” Who’d know that Dream had some similar arguments to his apologists huh? But this does show how warped his view of reality is. I mean, he’s fully aware that he beat Tommy to death, but he still think Tommy should be grateful to him for bringing him back. 

“Now you can tell everyone that the book exists, that I'm not a liar!” Dream really went hard with the whole God Complex thing, even going as far as choosing his profet huh? Man’s just on a high horse and will never get down...

“Everyone... is my puppet” Welp, this is the culmination of his God Complex. The realisation that he has absolute power of life and death over everyone else. That he can play with them as he pleases. Also, may I add that, for basically this whole stream, he has used the “soft voice” he tends to do with Tommy whenever he’s trying to get him to comply? Like, I’m mentioining it now because it was particularly obvious in this last exchange, but it’s been there on and off the WHOLE time. 

“You killed me to prove your own point. You could have just showed me! You could have just- this is so evil. This is- this is- this isn’t like before. This isn’t you’ve blown up and- you’ve put me through torture, through pain, to prove a point, that’s fucked! You can’t do that to me... to anyone!” It took almost half an hour but Tommy has finally come to the full realisation of what happened to him, of why it happened and he’s honestly very understandably distraught about it (though it is to be said that it's arguably quite good that he understands that it wasn't okay for him either to be put through that as he tends to downplay his own suffering greatly). He has been through something unimaginable for us because Dream was upset that he didn’t believe him about the book. That’s all there was to it, that’s all the reason for his suffering. Like, he’s not wrong at all when he describes Dream as a monster, that’s literally the only accurate description of him. No normal person would put someone else through this for such a petty reason. 

“You’re soft Dream, you’re soft” Another valid point by Tommy. While Dream IS undoubtedly extremely powerful and extremely clever, he’s also petty, stubborn and childish. He throws violent temper tanrtums every time someone (especially Tommy) disagrees with him and mostly gets away with his bs because he has the power to back them up. That said he hardly ever lost, the only true loss he had was being locked in prison, and he managed to turn even that in his favour! But that’s the think: loosing makes you stronger, it often teaches you a lot and pushes you to get better. He (along with a couple of others) basically never had that. Tommy’s been through literal Hell and he survived that, he knows he can survive that. Dream? He may break at the first real hardship as far as we know!

“I’ll let you free, I’ll let you free alright? We’ll call for Sam, we’ll get him in here, he’ll let you out, but... I’m gonna bring back Wilbur and Wilbur- Wilbur is gonna help me escape” 2 things to unpack here (aside from the fact that he’s using the “soft voice” to say something extremely disturbing again):

1) Dream is, once again asserting his power over Tommy in two ways: by frasing it in a way that implies that it’s up to Dream wether Tommy leaves or not and by confirming again that Wilbur’s resurrection is entirely up to him and that Tommy’s opinion on the matter is utterly worthless

2) He fully intends to use Wilbur as a puppet as well because, as he says a bit later, if he brings him back then Wilbur will be indebted to him

And that’s how it’s concluded! 

My closing thoughts on this are that, generally, Dream’s level of dependence on Tommy seems to worsen as fast as his God Complex. man went from telling him that their story “would never be over” to offering him immortality in the span of little over a month. Tommy is Not Doing Good, AT ALL, but I’m hoping he’ll ask for help this time from other people because he literally cannot deal with this on his own. Wilbur will not be good news, but what he’ll do is still entirely uncertain, it is to be pointed out however that, at the beginning, his frasing at a certain point sounded scarily similar to Dream’s idea of “us vs the world” when he said that him and Tommy specifically are the single cause of conflict. I hope I’m wrong there because the LAST thing Tommy needs is another obsessive God-like individual in his life!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

[kingstylesdaily]

Harry Styles — ‘It’s about bringing more music to Manchester’

The One Direction band member and solo star on launching into his first substantial business venture.

Two weeks ago, the stark phrase “HE CUT HIS HAIR” began trending on social media. I can confirm its truth: the One Direction member turned solo star Harry Styles has indeed cut his hair. The usual curly tresses are gone, scissored into a tousled, swept-back look. It’s for a film role he’s currently shooting in Los Angeles.

But the star hasn’t joined me on a Zoom call to discuss traumatic haircuts. Instead, we’re discussing what’s being billed as his first venture into the world of business. Styles is the public face of a new arena to be built in Manchester, which will be one of the largest indoor venues in the UK when it opens in 2023.

It’s being built by the US entertainment company Oak View Group at a projected cost of £350m. The capacity will be 23,500. Following a link-up with the Manchester-based business The Co-operative Group, it will be called Co-op Live.

“It feels like full circle for me to be doing this,” Styles says, speaking in what looks like the stainless steel confines of his LA film trailer. He grew up near Manchester, in a village in the neighbouring county Cheshire. “My first job was with the Co-op, it was delivering papers for them,” he recalls.

Manchester was where he went to gigs with friends. It was also where he auditioned for the television talent show The X Factor in 2010 when he was 16, singing an unaccompanied version of Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely”. It led to him joining the boy band One Direction. Transcending their talent show origins (they came third on The X Factor), Styles and his bandmates became a global phenomenon. They were the first band in US chart history to have their first four albums debut at number one, outdoing even The Beatles. With his newly shorn hair, a green jacket with big stitching, a T-shirt with blue palm trees and a cross dangling from his neck, Styles manages even on a visually unflattering Zoom call to look the part of the teen heart-throb. But, whereas other boy band singers have struggled to establish themselves as individual acts, Styles has made a handsome success of it. He launched a solo career in 2016 and has released two accomplished hit albums. In 2017, he made his acting debut in Christopher Nolan’s war film Dunkirk. He’s currently shooting Olivia Wilde’s horror-thriller, Don’t Worry Darling.

Diversification from the evanescent world of teen-pop continues with his involvement in the Co-op Live arena. It links him with two big names in the US entertainment industry. Tim Leiweke, former CEO of the concert promoter AEG, and Irving Azoff, former CEO of Ticketmaster, run Oak View Group, the company building the arena. Azoff’s son Jeffrey Azoff is Styles’s manager. “This is a big project and it would be a lot scarier if I was with people I didn’t know,” the singer says.

He has a financial stake in it as an investor. “I didn’t get into music because I wanted to be a businessman,” he says. “I got into music because I love music. That’s always going to be a first for me. But when an opportunity like this comes up, for me it feels so much about what I can bring to it as a musician, and also as a fan.”

Construction of the arena is due to begin in November. Styles has a vaguely defined role as an adviser in its design and decor. “Obviously I’m not an expert architecturally, in terms of building an arena,” he says. “I guess the weight of my involvement falls into the idea of what you want backstage as an artist. People operate in different ways after a show. Some people like a quiet space, some people like a place where you can invite all your friends.”

Arenas have a reputation as soulless venues, the kind of interchangeable setting where a forgetful star can get the name of the city wrong (as happened to Bruce Springsteen in 2016 when he cried, “Party noises, Pittsburgh!” during a show in Cleveland).

Even at the tender age of 26, Styles is a veteran of these cavernous spaces, which he refers to as “rooms”.

“There’s a lot of cold rooms that you can play in,” he says. “You definitely remember being in the ones that sound better, the ones in which you can create some sort of feeling of being at home.

As an artist, it’s rare to find that if you’re touring for months at a time, to go in these big rooms and feel that comfortable.” Manchester’s new arena is being designed to maximise sightlines between performer and audience. “That’s usually the first thing that you miss when you go into big rooms,” he says. “There’s a point when you’re doing shows and you can see the whites of people’s eyes and you can have that connection with people. It’s easy to lose that if you can’t see people’s faces.”

The first time he sang in public was in the canteen of his Cheshire school, for a music competition. He recalls the feeling of exhilaration: “You’re so used to sitting in the classroom and looking up at your teachers. All of a sudden everyone’s down there and the teachers are looking up at you.” He gets the same sensation when performing for tens of thousands of people. “It’s obviously on a different scale but that feeling is very much the same,” he says. “I think it’s the same chemical. It’s just like such an unnatural thing. It’s kind of like — this isn’t supposed to be like this, this isn’t how life works. That kind of adrenalin I think is just something that you wish you could share with people that you know. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s a really special moment.”

The coronavirus pandemic poses an existential threat to venues. “It’s such a strange time to be talking about live music, because right now it just doesn’t exist,” Styles says. He insists that the Co-op Live is designed to enhance Manchester’s live infrastructure, not overwhelm it. (The city already has one of the UK’s largest indoor venues, the AO Arena.)

“The purpose is not in any way to try to monopolise the city in terms of music,” he says. “It’s about bringing more music to Manchester, wanting to bring more artists there, to use this building as a reminder of why it’s such a great music city, not trying to wipe out other venues.”

After its projected completion in 2023, Co-op Live will be able to welcome its celebrity investor on stage (“If they’ll have me. I’ll have to speak to someone and ask about that”). In the meanwhile, Styles is due to embark on a world tour next February, although the pandemic has cast it in doubt.

“It’s one of those things of just seeing how things go,” he says. “I don’t think anyone wants to be putting on a tour before it’s safe to do so. There will be a time we dance again, but until then I think it’s about protecting each other and doing everything we can to be safe. And then when it’s ready and people want to, we shall play music.”

via the Financial Times

[hldailyupdate]

Two weeks ago, the stark phrase “HE CUT HIS HAIR” began trending on social media. I can confirm its truth: the One Direction member turned solo star Harry Styles has indeed cut his hair. The usual curly tresses are gone, scissored into a tousled, swept-back look. It’s for a film role he’s currently shooting in Los Angeles. But the star hasn’t joined me on a Zoom call to discuss traumatic haircuts. Instead, we’re discussing what’s being billed as his first venture into the world of business.

Styles is the public face of a new arena to be built in Manchester, which will be one of the largest indoor venues in the UK when it opens in 2023. It’s being built by the US entertainment company Oak View Group at a projected cost of £350m. The capacity will be 23,500. Following a link-up with the Manchester-based business The Co-operative Group, it will be called Co-op Live.

“It feels like full circle for me to be doing this,” Styles says, speaking in what looks like the stainless steel confines of his LA film trailer. He grew up near Manchester, in a village in the neighbouring county Cheshire. “My first job was with the Co-op, it was delivering papers for them,” he recalls.

Manchester was where he went to gigs with friends. It was also where he auditioned for the television talent show The X Factor in 2010 when he was 16, singing an unaccompanied version of Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely”. It led to him joining the boy band One Direction. Transcending their talent show origins (they came third on The X Factor), Styles and his bandmates became a global phenomenon. They were the first band in US chart history to have their first four albums debut at number one, outdoing even The Beatles.

With his newly shorn hair, a green jacket with big stitching, a T-shirt with blue palm trees and a cross dangling from his neck, Styles manages even on a visually unflattering Zoom call to look the part of the teen heart-throb. But, whereas other boy band singers have struggled to establish themselves as individual acts, Styles has made a handsome success of it. He launched a solo career in 2016 and has released two accomplished hit albums. In 2017, he made his acting debut in Christopher Nolan’s war film Dunkirk. He’s currently shooting Olivia Wilde’s horror-thriller, Don’t Worry Darling.

Diversification from the evanescent world of teen-pop continues with his involvement in the Co-op Live arena. It links him with two big names in the US entertainment industry. Tim Leiweke, former CEO of the concert promoter AEG, and Irving Azoff, former CEO of Ticketmaster, run Oak View Group, the company building the arena. Azoff’s son Jeffrey Azoff is Styles’s manager. “This is a big project and it would be a lot scarier if I was with people I didn’t know,” the singer says.

He has a financial stake in it as an investor. “I didn’t get into music because I wanted to be a businessman,” he says. “I got into music because I love music. That’s always going to be a first for me. But when an opportunity like this comes up, for me it feels so much about what I can bring to it as a musician, and also as a fan.”

Construction of the arena is due to begin in November. Styles has a vaguely defined role as an adviser in its design and decor. “Obviously I’m not an expert architecturally, in terms of building an arena,” he says. “I guess the weight of my involvement falls into the idea of what you want backstage as an artist. People operate in different ways after a show. Some people like a quiet space, some people like a place where you can invite all your friends.”

Arenas have a reputation as soulless venues, the kind of interchangeable setting where a forgetful star can get the name of the city wrong (as happened to Bruce Springsteen in 2016 when he cried, “Party noises, Pittsburgh!” during a show in Cleveland).

Even at the tender age of 26, Styles is a veteran of these cavernous spaces, which he refers to as “rooms”.

“There’s a lot of cold rooms that you can play in,” he says. “You definitely remember being in the ones that sound better, the ones in which you can create some sort of feeling of being at home.

As an artist, it’s rare to find that if you’re touring for months at a time, to go in these big rooms and feel that comfortable.”

Manchester’s new arena is being designed to maximise sightlines between performer and audience. “That’s usually the first thing that you miss when you go into big rooms,” he says. “There’s a point when you’re doing shows and you can see the whites of people’s eyes and you can have that connection with people. It’s easy to lose that if you can’t see people’s faces.”

The first time he sang in public was in the canteen of his Cheshire school, for a music competition. He recalls the feeling of exhilaration: “You’re so used to sitting in the classroom and looking up at your teachers. All of a sudden everyone’s down there and the teachers are looking up at you.”

He gets the same sensation when performing for tens of thousands of people. “It’s obviously on a different scale but that feeling is very much the same,” he says. “I think it’s the same chemical. It’s just like such an unnatural thing. It’s kind of like — this isn’t supposed to be like this, this isn’t how life works. That kind of adrenalin I think is just something that you wish you could share with people that you know. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s a really special moment.”

The coronavirus pandemic poses an existential threat to venues. “It’s such a strange time to be talking about live music, because right now it just doesn’t exist,” Styles says. He insists that the Co-op Live is designed to enhance Manchester’s live infrastructure, not overwhelm it. (The city already has one of the UK’s largest indoor venues, the AO Arena.)

“The purpose is not in any way to try to monopolise the city in terms of music,” he says. “It’s about bringing more music to Manchester, wanting to bring more artists there, to use this building as a reminder of why it’s such a great music city, not trying to wipe out other venues.”

After its projected completion in 2023, Co-op Live will be able to welcome its celebrity investor on stage (“If they’ll have me. I’ll have to speak to someone and ask about that”). In the meanwhile, Styles is due to embark on a world tour next February, although the pandemic has cast it in doubt.

“It’s one of those things of just seeing how things go,” he says. “I don’t think anyone wants to be putting on a tour before it’s safe to do so. There will be a time we dance again, but until then I think it’s about protecting each other and doing everything we can to be safe. And then when it’s ready and people want to, we shall play music.”

Financial Times about Harry being the new face of a new arena in Manchester. (26 October 2020)

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

St Vincent: “Pour a Drink, Smoke a Joint... That’s the Vibe”

Ding dong! Daddy's Home

By Johnny Davis

19/03/2021

Annie Clark, known professionally as St Vincent, picked up a guitar aged 12 after being inspired by Jimi Hendrix. During her teens she worked as a roadie and later tour manager for her aunt and uncle, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti. Originally from Oklahoma, she moved to Dallas, Texas when she was seven and later attended the Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts for three years, before dropping out.

Clark worked as a touring musician with the Polyphonic Spree and Sufjan Stevens, before releasing Marry Me, her first album as St Vincent, in 2007. By her fifth album, 2017’s Masseduction, she had become one of the most celebrated artists in music, the first solo female artist to win a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album in 20 years.

She became unlikely Daily Mail-fodder around the same time, thanks to an 18-month relationship with Cara Delevingne, and later Kristen Stewart. Her ever-changing music, dressing up-box image and head-spinning well of ideas have seen her compared to David Bowie, Kate Bush and Prince. To complete the notion of her being the "artist's artist", in 2012 she collaborated with David Byrne on the album Love This Giant.

Indeed, she is surely one of few performers today who could stand in for Kurt Cobain with what’s-left-of-Nirvana, performing “Lithium” at their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2014, as well as cover “Controversy” at a Prince tribute concert in 2020, with such guitar-playing fireworks its author would surely have approved.

Following the glam-influenced pop of Masseduction, St Vincent has performed another stylistic handbrake turn. Complete with a new image – part-Warhol Superstar, part-Cassavetes heroine – she has mined the textures of the music she loved most as a kid: the virtuoso rock of Steely Dan, the clipped funk of Stevie Wonder and blue-eyed soul of mid-Seventies' David Bowie, on her upcoming album, Daddy’s Home.

The title refers to Clark's own father, locked up in Texas for 12 years in 2010, for money laundering in a stock manipulation scheme, one in which he and his co-conspirators cheated 17,000 investors out of £35m. It is also, in typical Clark style, a bit of saucy slang.

Back on the promotional trail, Clark Zoomed in from Los Angeles one morning recently – fully caffeinated and raring to go. “My vices?” she pondered. “Too much coffee, man…”

What question are you already bored of being asked?

There’s not one that’s popping out. There’s no question where I’m like “Oh God, if I ever hear that again, I’ll jump off a building.” I’m chill.

I mention it because prior to releasing your last record you put out a pre-recorded “press conference”, seemingly to pre-empt every inane question the media would throw at you.

It’s so funny. It didn’t really occur like that. Originally that was supposed to be a legit green screen conference. Like, “I’ll just answer these questions ‘cos when they need to have me on ‘The Morning Show’ in Belarus they can have this and put their own graphics behind it”. But then when my friend Carrie Brownstein [collaborator and Sleater-Kinney vocalist-guitarist] and I started writing it and it became very snarky. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that “Oh, that might be off-putting or intimidating to journalists” I just thought "This is silly”. So anyway… I understand.

We're curious about your dad and the American legal system.

I have had a lot of questions about that. For some reason it didn’t occur to me how much I would be answering questions about… my hilarious father!

How do you view his time in prison?

Just that life is long and people are complicated. And that, luckily, there’s a chance for redemption or reconciliation, even after a really crazy traumatic time. And also anybody that has any experience with the American justice system will know this... nobody comes out unscathed.

You recently presented an online MasterClass: "St. Vincent Teaches Creativity & Songwriting". One of the takeaways: “All you need are ears and ideas, and you can make anything happen”. Who’s had the best ideas in music?

Well, you’ve got to give credit to people who were genuinely creating a new style – like if you think of Charlie Parker, arguably he created a new style. This hard bop that was just absolutely impossible to play. It was, like, “Check me out – try to copy me!” So, that’s interesting. I think Brian Eno, for sure, has some great ideas about music – and obviously has made some of the best music. Joni Mitchell – completely singular. I mean: think about that. There are some people who are actually inimitable – like, you couldn’t possibly even try to imitate them.

It’s a brave soul who covers a Joni Mitchell song. Although, apologies if you actually have.

No, I have not. And there’s a reason why not. Come on – Bowie. Bowie never repeated himself. David Byrne also didn’t repeat himself. He took all of his influences of classic songs and the disco that was happening at the time, and the potpourri of downtown New York music from the mid- to late Seventies… and synthesised it into this completely new, other thing. I mean, that’s impressive. Those are the ones we remember.

How hard is it not to repeat yourself?

It’s whether people have the Narcissus thing or not. Like, it’s always got to be a balance where you’re, like, “Well, I need to believe in myself to make something and be liberated. But I can’t look at that pond of my previous work and go ‘Oh you! You’re gorgeous!’” So I don’t go back and listen to things I’ve done. I finished Daddy’s Home in the fall and it was, like, “This is done” and it felt great. I loved the record and it was so fun to make. But what I did immediately afterwards was to write something completely different. But then I don’t know, ‘cos there are people who do the thing that they do just great. And you just want to hear more songs, in the style of the thing that they do great.

Right. No one wants an experimental Ramones album.

Exactly. Or, like, or a Tom Petty record. I don’t want a tone poem from Tom Petty! I want a perfectly constructed, perfectly written completely singalongable three-chord song.

The new album has a very “live” Seventies feel. I’d read that some of the tracks are first takes. Can that be right? It all sounds very complicated.

That’s not right. I should say [rock voice] "Yeah, that’s right, we just jammed…" But, you know, I’ll be honest. There are some vocal takes in there that are first takes. But it really is just the sound of people playing. We get good drum takes. And good bass takes. And I play a bunch of guitar and sitar-guitar. And it’s the sound of a moment in time, certainly. And way more about looseness and groove and feel and vibe than anything else [I’ve done before].

Amazing live albums, virtuoso playing, jamming – those were staples of Seventies music. Have we lost some of that?

I mean, I can wax poetic on that idea for a minute. In the Seventies you had this tremendous sophistication in popular music. Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan and funk and soul and jazz and rock…. and all of the things rolled into one. That was tremendously sophisticated. It just was. There was harmony, there were chord progressions.

What else from that decade appealed to you for Daddy’s Home?

It reminds me of where we are now, I think. So, 1971-1976 in downtown New York, you’ve got the Summer of Love thing and flower children and all the hippy stuff and it’s, like, “Oh yeah, that didn’t work out that well. We’re still in Vietnam. There’s a crazy economic crisis, all kinds of social unrest”. People stood in the proverbial burned-out building. And it reminds me a lot of where we are today, in terms of social unrest, economic uncertainty. A groundswell wanting change... but where that’s headed is yet to be seen. We haven’t fully figured that out. We’re all picking up pieces of the rubble and going “Okay, what do we do with this one? Where do we go with that one?” Being a student of history, that was one of the reasons why I was drawn to that period in history.

Also: that’s the music I’ve listened to more than anything in my entire life. I mean, I was probably the youngest Steely Dan fan. It didn’t make me that popular at sleepovers. People were, like, “I want to listen to C+C Music Factory” and I was, like, “Yeah, but have you heard this solo on [Steely Dan’s] ‘Kid Charlemagne’”? That music is so in me. It’s so in my ears and I feel like I never really went there [making music before]. And I didn’t want to be a tourist about it. It’s just that particular style had a whole lot to teach me. So I wanted to just dig in and find out. Just play with it.

Is there a style of music you don’t like?

That I don’t like?

You're a jazz fan...

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

That does sound quite precocious for a 14-year-old.

It’s annoying. Just insufferable. [Thinking aloud] What music don’t I like….? Here’s what can happen. And I feel like it’s similar to when an actor has some lines in a script and they’re not very good – not very well-written – so they overcompensate by making it very dramatic and really overplaying it. I would say that is a style of music that I don’t really like. Where somebody has to really oversell it and it all feels… athletic. Instead of musical or touching.

Did you put your lockdown time to constructive use?

If you need any mediocre home renovations done, I’m your girl. It was fun. I did – let’s see now – plumbing, electrical, painting. Luckily there’s YouTube, so you can more or less figure it all out. I did a lot of that stuff and I have to say it was such a nice contrast to working on music all day. Because when you’re working on music you have to create the construct of everything. You’re, like, “I need to make this song. But what is this song?” Everything is this kind of elusive castle in the sky thing. But then, if you go and sand a deck, you’ve done something. It feels really good. And it’s not, like, “What is a deck? And who am I?” You’re just, like, “This is a task and I get to do it and I can see how the mechanism works I understand it it’s not esoteric – it’s simply mechanical". I can do something mechanical. I loved it.

Which bit of DIY are you most pleased with?

Painting the kitchen cabinets. That’s a real job. We’re talking sanding. We’re talking taking things off hinges. We’re talking multiple coats. The whole lacquer-y thing at the end. That. I’m, like, “That looks pretty pro”.

What colour did you go for?

Oh, you know, it’s just a sort of… teal. But classy teal.

Of course.

Yeah. The wallpapering wasn’t as successful. But, you know, that’s fine. So that was really fun. And then I also went down a history rabbit hole. I realised I had some gaps in my knowledge about the Russian Revolution and life under the Iron Curtain and the gulags and Stalin and Lenin. So, I went down that hole. And then I was like “Oh I forgot – I haven’t read any Dostoevsky”. So I have been working on his short stories – which are great. And then Solzhenitsyn I really liked – I mean liked is a strange word to use for The Gulag Archipelago. I read Cancer Ward… All of them. I recommend all of it. And then, before that, it was a big Stasi kick. I can’t remember the last time I had time to brush up on the Russian Revolution.

There’s a lyric on “The Laughing Man”, “If life’s a joke… then I’m dying laughing”. It’s also on your new merchandise. What do you think happens when we die?

Nothing.

This is it?

Yeah. I mean, I understand that it would be comforting to think otherwise. That there might be a special place. It would be nice! The thought’s never really been able to stick for me. I would say that we are made of carbon and then we get subsumed back into the Earth and then eventually we become life again – in the carbon part of our makeup.

Well, that sounds better than an endless void.

I don’t think it would be an endless void.

In what ways are you like your mum and dad?

Let’s see. Well, my mother is a precious angel who has unwavering optimism. She is incredibly intelligent and also very nonjudgmental and able and happy to explore all kinds of possibilities. Saying that, though… it’s sounding not like me at all. I’m like my father in that I think we have very similar tastes in books, films, music and a very similar sense of humour. My mother’s so kind that it’s hard for me to… Her level of kindness and decency is aspirational to me.

How famous are you, on a scale of one to 10?

God, I mean, like, “TikTok Famous” probably a one, right? I’m gonna say – I don’t know about the number system – but I’m going to say I-occasionally-get-a-free-appetiser-sent-over famous. Which is a great place to be.

What do you look for in a date?

It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. You know, I once read something, it might have been something cheesy on a card, but [it was]: if you don’t like someone, then the way they hold their fork will bother you. But, if you like someone – or love someone – they could spill an entire plate of spaghetti on your lap and you wouldn’t mind.

You play a zillion instruments. What’s the hardest instrument to play?

Well, I can’t play horns or anything like that. The French horn is supposed to be really hard. I don’t like to blag… but I’m an incredible whistler. Like, I can whistle Bach.

Is Bach a particularly tough whistle?

I think… yeah. It’s fast. And noodly.

What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we're out of lockdown?

I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure and a massage. Massage from a stranger. Any stranger.

What about a night on the tiles?

I will probably attend a dinner party.

That sounds quite restrained.

It sounds hella boring. Sorry.

Clubbing?

No, I don’t really go to clubs. I think in order to go to clubs you have to be a person who likes to publicly dance. And I don’t publicly dance. I mean I would feel too shy to dance at a wedding. But for some reason I will dance on stage in front of 10,000 people.

That’s why alcohol was invented.

Exactly! But I swear I would reach the point of alcohol sickness before I would be drunk enough to dance.

The effects of drugs on creativity: discuss.

Unreliable. Really unreliable. Sometimes after a day’s work in the studio you’re like, "I’m gonna have shot of tequila and then sing this a few more times, and then play". It’s okay but you peak sort-of quickly. You can’t sustain the level without getting tired. And then I would say that weed just makes me paranoid and useless. Every once in a while some combo of psychedelics can get you someplace. But, for the most part, you either come back to [the work] the next day and you’re, like, “This is garbage” or you get sleepy or hungry or distracted and you’re not really doing anything. I’ve never had opiates. Or coke or whatever. So I don’t know. I can’t speak to that. But with the slightly more G-Rated [American movie classification: All Ages Permitted] thing, it doesn’t really help.

What do you have too many of in your wardrobe?

I’m not a hoarder. I tend to have one thing that I get really obsessed with and then I wear it every day. Some people, having a whole lot of things gives them a sense of safety and security. It gives me anxiety. I can’t think if there’s too much visual noise. If there was a uniform that I could wear every day I would absolutely do that. And at certain times I have.

Like Steve Jobs?

Or, oh God, what’s her name? The Theranos lady… Elizabeth Holmes!

The blood-test-scam lady?

Well, I guess it was unclear how much of it was self-delusion and how much of it was, you know, actual fraud.

Another black turtleneck fan.

And – again, this is unconfirmed – she also adopted a very low voice like this in order to be taken seriously as a CEO.

Like Margaret Thatcher.

Did she have a low voice?

She made hers “less shrill”.

Oh yes. Yes!

What movie makes you cry?

The Lives of Others

That’s a good one.

Right. I rewatched that during my Stasi kick.

I’ll be honest, your lockdown sounds even less fun than everyone else’s.

I mean… Look, I had to educate myself. I went to a music college [Berklee College of Music] where I tried to take the philosophy class and the way that they would talk about it… it was taught by this professor who was from one of the neighbouring colleges in Boston. And it was very clear that he really disliked having to talk Kierkegaard to a bunch of music school kids. He was just so bummed by it. I’m trying to learn, “What’s the deal with Kant?” and he felt he had to explain everything only in musical terms [because he assumed it would be the only thing music students could relate to]. Like, “Well, you know, it’s like when Bob Marley…" I’m, like, “No, no, no! I don’t want that!” So I had to educate myself. This is where its led me.

Where should we ideally listen to Daddy’s Home?

Put it on a turntable. Pour yourself a glass of tequila or bourbon – whatever your favourite hooch is – and smoke a joint and listen to it. I think that’s the vibe.

Daddy’s Home is released on May 14

[hlupdate]

Two weeks ago, the stark phrase “HE CUT HIS HAIR” began trending on social media. I can confirm its truth: the One Direction member turned solo star Harry Styles has indeed cut his hair. The usual curly tresses are gone, scissored into a tousled, swept-back look. It’s for a film role he’s currently shooting in Los Angeles. But the star hasn’t joined me on a Zoom call to discuss traumatic haircuts. Instead, we’re discussing what’s being billed as his first venture into the world of business. 

Styles is the public face of a new arena to be built in Manchester, which will be one of the largest indoor venues in the UK when it opens in 2023. It’s being built by the US entertainment company Oak View Group at a projected cost of £350m. The capacity will be 23,500. Following a link-up with the Manchester-based business The Co-operative Group, it will be called Co-op Live.

“It feels like full circle for me to be doing this,” Styles says, speaking in what looks like the stainless steel confines of his LA film trailer. He grew up near Manchester, in a village in the neighbouring county Cheshire. “My first job was with the Co-op, it was delivering papers for them,” he recalls. 

Manchester was where he went to gigs with friends. It was also where he auditioned for the television talent show The X Factor in 2010 when he was 16, singing an unaccompanied version of Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely”. It led to him joining the boy band One Direction. Transcending their talent show origins (they came third on The X Factor), Styles and his bandmates became a global phenomenon. They were the first band in US chart history to have their first four albums debut at number one, outdoing even The Beatles. 

With his newly shorn hair, a green jacket with big stitching, a T-shirt with blue palm trees and a cross dangling from his neck, Styles manages even on a visually unflattering Zoom call to look the part of the teen heart-throb. But, whereas other boy band singers have struggled to establish themselves as individual acts, Styles has made a handsome success of it. He launched a solo career in 2016 and has released two accomplished hit albums. In 2017, he made his acting debut in Christopher Nolan’s war film Dunkirk. He’s currently shooting Olivia Wilde’s horror-thriller, Don’t Worry Darling. 

Diversification from the evanescent world of teen-pop continues with his involvement in the Co-op Live arena. It links him with two big names in the US entertainment industry. Tim Leiweke, former CEO of the concert promoter AEG, and Irving Azoff, former CEO of Ticketmaster, run Oak View Group, the company building the arena. Azoff’s son Jeffrey Azoff is Styles’s manager. “This is a big project and it would be a lot scarier if I was with people I didn’t know,” the singer says.  

He has a financial stake in it as an investor. “I didn’t get into music because I wanted to be a businessman,” he says. “I got into music because I love music. That’s always going to be a first for me. But when an opportunity like this comes up, for me it feels so much about what I can bring to it as a musician, and also as a fan.” 

Construction of the arena is due to begin in November. Styles has a vaguely defined role as an adviser in its design and decor. “Obviously I’m not an expert architecturally, in terms of building an arena,” he says. “I guess the weight of my involvement falls into the idea of what you want backstage as an artist. People operate in different ways after a show. Some people like a quiet space, some people like a place where you can invite all your friends.”

Arenas have a reputation as soulless venues, the kind of interchangeable setting where a forgetful star can get the name of the city wrong (as happened to Bruce Springsteen in 2016 when he cried, “Party noises, Pittsburgh!” during a show in Cleveland).

Even at the tender age of 26, Styles is a veteran of these cavernous spaces, which he refers to as “rooms”.  

“There’s a lot of cold rooms that you can play in,” he says. “You definitely remember being in the ones that sound better, the ones in which you can create some sort of feeling of being at home. 

As an artist, it’s rare to find that if you’re touring for months at a time, to go in these big rooms and feel that comfortable.” 

Manchester’s new arena is being designed to maximise sightlines between performer and audience. “That’s usually the first thing that you miss when you go into big rooms,” he says. “There’s a point when you’re doing shows and you can see the whites of people’s eyes and you can have that connection with people. It’s easy to lose that if you can’t see people’s faces.”

The first time he sang in public was in the canteen of his Cheshire school, for a music competition. He recalls the feeling of exhilaration: “You’re so used to sitting in the classroom and looking up at your teachers. All of a sudden everyone’s down there and the teachers are looking up at you.”  

He gets the same sensation when performing for tens of thousands of people. “It’s obviously on a different scale but that feeling is very much the same,” he says. “I think it’s the same chemical. It’s just like such an unnatural thing. It’s kind of like — this isn’t supposed to be like this, this isn’t how life works. That kind of adrenalin I think is just something that you wish you could share with people that you know. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s a really special moment.” 

The coronavirus pandemic poses an existential threat to venues. “It’s such a strange time to be talking about live music, because right now it just doesn’t exist,” Styles says. He insists that the Co-op Live is designed to enhance Manchester’s live infrastructure, not overwhelm it. (The city already has one of the UK’s largest indoor venues, the AO Arena.) 

“The purpose is not in any way to try to monopolise the city in terms of music,” he says. “It’s about bringing more music to Manchester, wanting to bring more artists there, to use this building as a reminder of why it’s such a great music city, not trying to wipe out other venues.” 

After its projected completion in 2023, Co-op Live will be able to welcome its celebrity investor on stage (“If they’ll have me. I’ll have to speak to someone and ask about that”). In the meanwhile, Styles is due to embark on a world tour next February, although the pandemic has cast it in doubt.  

“It’s one of those things of just seeing how things go,” he says. “I don’t think anyone wants to be putting on a tour before it’s safe to do so. There will be a time we dance again, but until then I think it’s about protecting each other and doing everything we can to be safe. And then when it’s ready and people want to, we shall play music.”

[storytime-with-moth]

Writing modern teen Dad Sokka (zukka uni)

I wrote this a few months ago, but I ran out of steam and inspiration, so anyone is welcome to take this on and finish it as their own or take it as a prompt and try there own story.

Summer of grade 11, Sokka and Yue spend the whole summer as lifeguards, soaking up the sun, making each other laugh and dreaming of the future.

One night it’s just the two of them in the pool after it’s closed, you can see the full moon through the windows above, Sokka and Yue lay on floaties driving around the pool.

“Hey Sokka?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Sokka laughs “Haven’t heard that since I was a kid and I wanted to be and otter penguin - and no I have no idea where that came from.”

Yue turns over so she can look Sokka in the eyes. “Seriously though, what do you want to do when you can leave this small town and its small ideas.

Sokka could tell that there was more behind the question but tired answering it honestly “I dunno exactly “What” I want to be, but I think I would like to build things, useful things too. And I’m not really a car guy or a building guy.”

Yue snorts “Ya not a car guy, says the guy who failed to get his license twice!”

“Hey!” Sokka splashes yue playfully. “Okay okay, I have been looking the some of the research into mixing prosthetics with robotics and focusing more on make prosthetics one with the body, I don’t know much about it yet. But I guess I started reading all about them and I kinda became obsessed.”

“what about hockey?”

“I love hockey, and the coaches at school think I’m good enough to get scholarships, so if hockey helps support an actual career for me I’m all for it, but I know I want to do more than catch pucks my whole life, I want to really use my brain and solve puzzles.”

“hmm” Yue turned over and looked back at the moon thoughtful.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well as you so gracefully put it, what do you want to do when you can leave this place that’s too small for you and your big ideas and dreams?”

“Well when you put it like that… I want to travel, see places, important places. I want to fall in love, out of love, I want to have enough friends that my house is always filled with good food and loud laughter. I want to be a Mom someday, I think maybe I want to go to school and study philosophy, not sure what kind of job that leads to but I want to ask questions, the big questions like why are we here, what is a life well spent?”

“Whoa”

“Ya… Whoa”

“and have you talked to your dad about that?

“Sort of, and it sort of didn’t go well.”

“he’s still set on you making the Canadian swim team? Duty to country and family stuff?”

“YeP” she said as she popped the P

“That sucks”

“indeed it does”

They floated around in silence for a bit longer.

“Hey Sokka?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to have sex?”

Sokka promptly fell into the water, Yue’s laugh echoing around the empty pool.

They did indeed tumble into bed together that night, an awkward interaction for both of them that ended with the laughing covered in sweat. That morning when Sokka woke up Yue was already sitting on his bed looking at his doodles on the walls.

“Sokka I love you, I do, and I honestly thought maybe I loved you like a girl loves a guy, but I think I just love you because you're my best friend.”

“Ookaaay. I think I should add in you’re my best friend too? Because you’re being weird”

Yue looked to her hands in her lap and a tear fell to her hand. “Sokka, think I might like girls.”

She said it so quietly that it took a second for Sokka to understand what she had just told him.

“Whoa, no I mean, Cool! That’s fine. I support you, wait was I really bad last night?”

Yue’s tears quickly turn into laughs “No you idiot! You ere great, it just wasn’t right”

“Okay well cool then…..”

“Cool then”

“promise you won’t tell?”

“Yue, I promise I won’t tell! I can even pretend to be your boyfriend so your dad can’t freak out, and we can totally go to the girls soccer games this year if you want?”

“Sokka I love you, you big dummy”

“Well I love you to, to the moon and back dreamer”

___________________________________

So Sokka and Yue were still best friends and they spent the fall attached at the hip, and when Yue found out she was expecting a baby and her parents kicked her out, Sokka just grabbed her hand and her backpack and walked into his house stating that Yue lived here now.

Hakoda and Bato nodded and welcomed her home, Katara squealed and fawned over becoming an auntie.

And for a while things were good, they were complicated as they prepared to become teen parents, co parenting as best friends, both of them aiming for scholarships and working part-time gigs whenever they could to save up. But life was happy, they were going to have a baby.

But then things went wrong, Yue went into labour 6 weeks early, her pressure dropped, the baby’s dropped, there was blood, there were doctors everywhere, then there was a small shrill cry, more moving and running and yelling. Then there was a lot of quiet.

Yue died in labour, their baby was in the NICU for three weeks to improve her lungs and even then doctors were worried about how premature she was. Finally after weeks camped out in a hospital next to his baby in a box or in his bed in the dark or the shower staring at the wall, he could bring his daughter home. She was going to be okay.

Her name was Juno Kya Last name, and she was perfect, wide hazel eyes like her Mom, and the sharp cupids bow like Kya, it looked like she would have Sokka’s dark hair and complexion. She watched everything with curious eyes, and didn’t cry unless she was hungry or tired which was often the first few months. But Bato and Hakkoda loved their granddaughter to bits and helped with everything. The diapers, the late feedings, the tummy time, the grieving.

The grieving was the hardest. Mostly because he was to busy trying to be there as a Dad and as a student and as a team player. He spent so long being there for everyone else that one night once hockey season was over and Katara took Juno to a girls sleepover he was all alone, for the first time since he was a little boy after his Mom died.

The dam burst and he sat on the floor and cried, he cried until his Dads came home and they wrapped him up in a hug and he cried some more. Then they made hot chocolate and sat on the couch in thick chewy blankets. They talked and talked, Hakkoda speaking about loosing the love of his life with two young children, being a dad by himself, Bato spoke about loosing his best friend Kya so unfairly and traumatically. The spoke about the unfairness of life and the peace in death, and how he will never move on but he will move forward, with one hand holding his daughter and the other pointing him forward to his own future.

When Katara came home the next day, Sokka was already awake and making blueberry pancakes poorly singing ice ice baby. When he saw his sister holding Juno he scooped her up and gave her a million kisses.

They were going to be okay, because they were loved, because Sokka was smart, because Sokka was going to be driven just like his best friend was, he was going to ask the big questions whenever he could, and love and laugh, so much his home was filled with it.

For Juno and for Yue, and for himself too.

_________________________

So Sokka worked his ass off, he won a full ride scholarship to university for hockey to study bio engineering, he was even able to work on family residence on campus, which took a load off his shoulders of trying to figure out travel to and from school with a baby, now he skates, lives and attends school on campus (which even had a daycare)

During the summer leading up leaving for school Bato revealed that ever since Sokka got into school he has been trying to transfer his job to the same city so they could be closer and he had not only done that but he had gotten a promotion out of it too. So Katara was starting at a new high school for senior year and Bato and Hakkoda were moving to be 20 minutes away from Sokka’s school.

He knew he would have to get used to being more independent, as he knew his dads thought he would be annoyed by them following him, or his sister would be upset about changing schools. But no, katara had high hopes for her new adventure and sokka was just relived to not be alone, and that Juno had more than one badly an adult person in her life.

_________________

Little hands grabbed at Sokka’s hair as he hoisted 9 month old Juno up on his hip. “Well June-Bug this is it our home for the next four or so years”

Juno looked up at her dad with wide hazel eyes and replied in noisy baby babble.

From behind Sokka Bato came up and rested a hand on on his shoulder “Deep breaths kid, you’re going to be great.”

Sokka smiled ruefully at Bato as Katara ran up with a stroller full of baby things and his dad struggled with his hockey bags as he tried to lock the car with one hand.

Sokka looked at Juno again and whispered to her and himself “Deep breaths kid”

Later after they had gotten the crib set up in the attached office to Sokka’s room Bato and Katara took Juno for a walk in her stroller to grab some food. While Sokka and his dad finished unpacking.

“Son are you sure you want to stay on campus, are you sure you want Juno to stay with you? We could take her for the weeks mostly and you could come stay with us at the new place on weekends. I know you expected to do this more by yourself, but Bato would move oceans for you kid and got the new position in town, so we’re here, we can help.”

“Dad… Ya I’m going to need help, so thank you, I will take you up on looking after Juno when I need it, but you and Bato are going to be looking after her as her grandparents and not as her guardians. I promised Yue - Juno and I are family, and I’m not going to pass her off whenever I feel like not being a Dad anymore, she’s my kid and I want to be here for all the stuff, the walking the talking everything, and that’s not going to happen if she’s only my kid on weekends.

“Sokka you’re doing just fine son, more than fine really. Okay okay well when Juno wants to see her Great Papa and GB (Grand Bato) you give us a call, or if you need to pull an all nighter for an assignment you call, anything you call and we can be here. And when you get your game schedule, email us so we can make sure one of us can take her to the games, Bato is very excited about the baby headphones he bought her.”

“Okay Dad Okay, Now get out of here ya old man, and Dad Thanks for being here.”

“Of course Sokka”

________________________

Sokka was pretty pleased with his new place, sure it was small, but it was clean and had more room than he expected to get so he was grateful. The suite was in the family/accessible living accommodations which was a small building with elevators to every floor. This suite had two rooms on opposite sides of the small common area which had a worn in couch and a coffee table. There was also a small kitchen and an even smaller dinner table. Sokka’s room had a small attached office space that he turned into Juno’s room, even though she still co-slept with him most nights, it was good to have a crib for naps and a place to put her never ending supply of diapers, blankets and clothes.

Sokka's roommate was a paraplegic kid named Teo who happened to have basically the same schedule as Sokka so they quickly bonded over advancements in the medical and mechanical fields. Teo also seemed pretty chill and took a liking to Juno right away. Which made Sokka endlessly happy because, well they were now living together and babies cry and poop so he was worried about tiptoeing around his new home.

Day care still didn’t open for the next two weeks while sokka would be attending training camp so his Dad would be taking most of the days with Juno, but it happened to shake out where the first day of meet and greet and skate Hakkoda was attending a support group meeting for retired field medics in a new city and Sokka didn’t want his Dad to miss it, plus it gave Sokka an opportunity to introduce everyone to his best girl.

Katara came to hold Juno while he was on the ice excited to get a sneak peek at university life before her high school year started.

“Da da da” Juno babbled as she mushed her fist into Sokka’s mouth, sokka smiled and pretended to gobble up her hand, the baby shrieked and laughed and Sokka adjusted her baby sweater around her neck.

“Sokka she’s fine, I have diapers, formula, and the big blanket you packet in the stroller, if she gets fussy I can take her for a walk to see the birds, and she won’t get cold because you packed a million layers and she will be held by every limbo there so again, she will be fine.”

Sokka checked the stroller again nodding to what his sister was saying. She was right, he was prepared, he had already emailed with the coaches so they knew what was up and he had coffee with the captain yesterday, who looked like a giant holding his baby, but overall seemed like a good guy. Eric “Wooly Mammoth/ Wooly” Woolner seemed like a solid guy, like physically solid and also like the type of guy Sokka could lean on as a leader while figuring out classes, fatherhood and being on a university level hockey team.

Everyone met in a blank sort of room with lots of chairs facing a projector, Sokka thought it was probably to review game footage and make new plays. He settled in with Juno on his lap as the other guys in the room took notice that there was a baby in their midst.

“Sokka you brilliant man!” Shouted a familiar face from across the room as he stood up and ran over.

Haru was taller and broader than Sokka, much bigger at least than when they last saw each other when they played on the same club team when they were 15.

“Haru, dude! You’re here! Awesome!”

Haru took a look at Juno and sized her up, then he stuck out his tongue and did a silly dance, Juno hid her face in Sokka’s shoulder and Haru ran around so she could see him and did it again. This time he managed to get a small smile before she hid her face again, grabbing Sokka’s collar with her hands.

“She’s cute Socks, she yours?”

“Yep, this is Juno.”

“Nice, is she gonna be at the games and shit?”

“Easy up on the potty mouth there dude, and ya I hope so, my dads moved into town so they hope to be there and bring her to them and stuff.”

“Wicked, is the uh - mom in the picture?”

“Nah, she passed when Juno was born so it’s just us.”

“Sorry bro”

“Thanks, anyways we should totally catch up properly later. Let’s introduce the team to our new good luck charm shall we?”

Katara was right, Juno has passed from bro to dude to himbo, once she realized that everyone one here was as big and cuddly as her dad she seemed to warm up and enjoy the attention. Then it was time for everyone to get on the ice to pass around the puck and do some laps getting a feel for the other players on the ice.

Juno sat with Katara smearing her messy hands all over the glass looking at the people on the rink until she fell asleep in her stroller tucked under a whole blanket.

Sokka enjoyed the team, Haru was a great comfort of home, Wooly was a level headed captain that set a tone for the rest of the guys, then there was Lucas “Longshot” Cho, Dennis “The Duke” Cunningham, Sam “Rooke” Chesterfield, Finn “Pipsqueak” Biggs, and the team manager Suki and the assistant captain Zuko.

All of the guys were loud and boisterous, including Suki, but Zuko seemed reserved and maybe a little prickly.

Then there were coaches Piandao and Bumi. Piandao seemed more serious, the man with a plan. He had coached a lot of different teams and was sought after for his reputation of the coach who turns coal into diamonds, Bumi on the other hand had coached here forever it seemed. He gave Sokka Manic genius vibes that had him thinking that maybe he should let Piandao hold Juno for the occasional practise instead of the ripped crazy old guy who ran around the ice in uggs.

——————

Later when Sokka was packing up and talking to the coaches about potentially bringing Juno with him in case he couldn’t find a sitter last minute working out how that would work, Katara pulled up with a fussy Juno in her stroller.

“Sorry Sokka I have to run, Dad is outside waiting for me and I have to finish unpacking my room tonight”

“All good Kat, thanks again for coming tonight!”

Katara leaned down and kissed her fingers and pressed them to Juno’s head “Love you little bug”

The coaches bid their farewells shortly after and Sokka packed his stuff into the stroller before taking Juno out to settle her and give her a bottle.

Just as he tucked her into his arms and pulled the bottle from the bag someone walked briskly into the locker room where he was sitting.

Zuko and Assistant Captain huffed in and sat down hanging up his phone and tossing it on the bench.

“Uh hi?”

Zuko whirled around looking ready for a fight before spotting Sokka and said baby sucking on a bottle. “Hi Baby.” Zuko said shyly.

Sokka laughed “ Take me on a date before you call me that.” And winked at Zuko.

Zuko looked like a startled deer so Sokka took pity on him.

“Just kidding dude, I mean sort of I am Bi - what a discovery that was and anyways - sorry I wasn’t coming on to you - I don’t know you - I just thought I should make it clear that I COULD come on to you because I like guys, and girls…. Whelp I would start running away in shame now for oversharing but I’m currently a food spruce for this nugget sooo, yep just going to sit here and wish I could time travel to punch myself in the face.”

Throughout the vomit of words coming out of sokka’s mouth Zuko seemed to relax and then smirk at the other man.

“You do know I was talking to your kid right?”

“Yep, yes I did”

“Well see you around Sokka.”

And Zuko grabbed his bag and left the locker room. First impressions for today might be bit all over the place Sokka thought to himself.

____________________________________

Sokka talked to Juno all of the time. What can he say, he is a guy with a lot of words and they can’t all stay in his head.

So Juno has an interesting and advanced vocal for a 9 month old baby.

Of course she can address the people in her life, Dada, Kat, Great Papa, and GB (Great Bato)

She can also ask for milk, to go up, and uh oh.

She loves to say no but can infect say yes (sokka swears he’s heard that one)

But it also means she tries to say things that Sokka often says to varying degrees of baby success

“Stupid gravity!”

"Monkey balls”

“Shoot”

“I love you to the moon and back”

“hockey time.

And her favourite word of all time

Puck

It stopped making Sokka freeze after the first 2o times he thought he heard his baby say fuck. Now its just a cute funny thing his kid has figured out, Dada has to find the puck, and it is her job to hide them.

She hides pucks everywhere, he swears sometimes she is multiplying them on her own because he always finds at least two in the diaper bag and one hidden in her crib.

So very quickly into the season the team dubs the hockey baby with her very own nickname

“Little puck”

Sokka quietly thinks that Yue would have liked that one because her favourite Shakespeare play was midsummer night's dream.

________________________

The team gets Juno and Sokka a fancy running stroller for her birthday/christmas

It was Zuko’s idea

Zuko sometimes comes by to offer to take her for a run when Sokka has exams.

_______________________

Zuko seemed to always be the last to leave the locker rooms, Sokka would usually rush out to pick up Juno from whoever had her unless she had stayed with Couch Dao during practise which she had today.

On days like today Sokka takes his time, cleans and folds his gear, re-tapes his stick for next practise and actually has a real shower. So today he was tucking Juno back in her stroller after changing her as Zuko put the tape away. They were casually talking about the hilarious origins of Pipsqueaks nickname when sokka realized Zuko had a funny look on his face.

“What? Do I have poop on me or something?”

Now Zuko looked even more confused as Sokka looked at his shirt, twisting around to make sure he was free of baby droppings.

“No, you just never look at it, is all. I was trying to figure out what was so -weird about you other than being a crazy goalie, and you don’t look at it.”

“I don’t look at what?”

Zuko gestures to the scared half of his face glumly. “You don’t look at it, you look me in the eyes, always have. It’s weird I guess. You pretending it’s not there.”

“Oh”

“Forget it, sorry.”

“No! It’s just of course I know it’s ther, I’m not pretending its not there, it just seems like whatever happen was probably truamitic, ya know? And - well - okay so tragic backstory time. My Mom was killed in a targeted home invasion by some racists, super fucked up... “

“Holy shit.”

“Yep, anyways everyone knew about it, in the town we lived in, in the next town we lived in, So it was like everyone could see my big truma all the time, it wasn’t up to me to trust people enough to share something that was hard for me and that hurt. It was out of my hands and everyone knew including people I didn’t feel safe with or I didn’t know at all. So I get it, in a way. I see your scar I do, but I get that it maybe comes with a pretty sucky story that’s not mine to make assumptions and judgments on. If I’m worthy of knowing then I will, but I will always look you in the eyes, I’m not going to look at your trauma first because you’re Zuko first.”

Zuko stared at Sokka with his mouth open. Sokka looked away and finished strapping Juno into her stoller before looking back up at the other player. When he did Zuko was looking at the wall, his shoulders turned away from the young father.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry about your Mom… I promise I won’t tell anyone, that scar can stay between us for however long you need.”

And before Sokka could stay anything Zuko turned on his heel and walked quickly from the room.

________________________-

Sokka wasn’t sure what was up with this Zuko guy, everyone else on the team except Haru and Sokka had played with Zuko last year, so they all seemed to have an unspoken understanding of the reserve alt captain. But Sokka couldn’t even get him to smile. Sokka knew he was funny, he was full of 100% organic grass fed dad jokes for goodness sakes! But no, Zuko would not smile, he would not laugh, actually most of the time he seemed to be trying to not talk to Sokka in general. Which was hard considering Zuko was one of the defensemen and it was his job to protect Sokka, you’d think there would be an effort to become friends.

“Maybe he’s uncomfortable with the whole baby thing?” Suggested Teo from the table where he was copying data to a new chart.

“Nahh, I don’t think so, he even said hi to Juno at the first prac - ohhhhhhh” Sokka fell to the floor from where he was sitting with Juno, she took the opportunity of her opponent on the ground and began to climb on her dad.

“What ohhhhhh?”

“I totally flirted with him after that and told him I was queer and he like panic walked out of the locker room.”

“Ugh so do you think he’s homophobic or something?”

“Maybe or something? I don’t get bully vibes from him more like “I act scary so people won’t pretend to like me and then stab me in the back” vibes from this guy. So maybe it’s just a little internalized stuff and he’s not going to beat me up just might not want to talk about it.”

“Well it sucks either way!”

Juno continued to climb around her Dad trying to stuff toys down his shirt and then take them out again. Sokka kept a hand two inches from her back whenever she got close to standing just incase she decided that gravity no longer applied to her and she tumbled over.

“Hey Sokka, do you think he told anyone? Would your spot be in danger if you were outed?”

A cold feeling settled in his stomach “oh shit, I uh, I didn’t think about that… I don’t think I would be kicked off the team. There are policies like that for the school, but I don’t know about how safe I would be from the boys.”

“Oh,” Teo finally looked up from his laptop and set down his highlighter. “You know if you need someone to back you up, I know I can’t take them in a fight but I am friends with some freelance hackers and I could make their lives living hell.”

“Teo, you my man are one scary dude, and the wheels only add intimidation with that tricked out chair. You’re also a really great friend.”

Teo blushed and shrugged “Eh it’s whatever, us queers in engineering trying to change the way people use bionic tech gotta stick together right?”

“Totally, isn’t Uncle Teo awesome June-Bug?” Sokka picked up his daughter and flew her over his head as she wiggled her legs.

“Too too!”

“Uncle Teo?” teo said quietly from the table.

“Oh, well ya, if you want? Juno needs a village right? And one day you and I are going to start a bionics company together, so ya you’re going to be around for a while right?”

“Right.” Teo smiled.

“Toto!” Juno screamed again.

Both of the boys laughed and the night went on.

_______________________________________

Juno was still asleep and Teo was in the house studying so Sokka took the opportunity to go for a run around his building with the baby monitor clipped on his waist band.

It was rare nowadays that Sokka could get a good run in outside, his feet pounding the pavement, a chance to clear his mind.

He was surprised to see that Zuko apparently had the same idea because soon they were matching each other stride for stride around the complex. It was surprising even after weeks of Zuko evading Sokka at any chance they seemed to be in sync.

They were still going strong when Sokka heard Juno fuss from the monitor and slowed to a stop. Zuko halted a few paces ahead and looked confused.

“Are you tired? We can stop-” Zuko started but Sokka quickly waved him off.

“No it’s Juno, I just want to see if she’s going to go back to sleep herself or whether I have to call Teo to pick her up, or if I should go get her. Come on J-Bug settle down,”

Zuko looking curious came to hover over Sokka’s shoulder looking down at the tiny screen which showed Juno in her crib tossing and turning.

“Come on J look your penguin is right there- YES!” Sokka pumped his fist and did a little dance. “My baby went back to sleep, ah I love you!” He continued speaking to the machine and the sky and skipped around before remembering he had an audience.

It looked like Zuko was thinking about smiling and Sokka thought that that might be worth celebrating too.

“Hehe whoops, sorry man. I just haven't been able to run in forever, it's like she knows when I grab my runners and demands to see me.”

“No worries, Sokka.”

So the two hockey players started up a soft pace again around the building. It came to Sokka's mind that he shouldn’t poke the bear but he also had poor impulse control so as he thought it the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“So have you outed me to all the guys and should I watch my back?”

Now it was Zuko’s turn to stop, he looked like Sokka slapped him.

“What.”

“Ugh! You know, like I can not talk about it and we can just play the game but - should I be making sure that Juno is safe? If she comes to a practise and I’m leaving will I get roughed up by the guys? Because I can take a hit, but my daughter is off limits. Nothing has happened yet so, my guess is you haven't told anyone, but are you going to?”

“No!” Zuko still looked scared “ Never - do I come off as someone who would do that?” He followed up quietly.

“I don’t know what to say dude, you looked scared out of your mind when I flirted with you and practically ran out when I told you I was Bi and ever since you have avoided me, I just assumed you were uncomfortable.”

Zuko looked around as if to check for monsters around them, then he looked at Sokka. “I won’t tell anyone, I haven't, I swear to you that I have your back if you ever want to say anything about it. Juno is safe, I swear it.”

“Whoa that’s a serious tone shift, Um thank you then.”

There was an awkward pause as the two men regarded each other for a moment.

“Just out of curiosity why did you avoid me after? Was it the baby thing?”

“No, it wasn't the baby thing.” zuko mumbled and toed the dirt with his shoe.

“Okay… but were good now right?”

“Ya”

Sokka turned and started to jog again, and soon enough Zuko caught up and they continued for a few more laps. As they were cooling down Zuko still looked amped up, Sokka was surprised, running usually calmed him down but Zuko seemed jumpy.

“Well this was fun! If I can ever join again it would be nice to have company, even company as quiet as you along.”

“Why don’t you bring Juno in her stroller or something?”

Sokka rubbed a hand behind his neck “ Well her stroller is a second hand one we got when she was born, it’s not the kind I can take running without it falling apart or bouncing my babies brains out. And her Mom and I both had much to offer in genetic smarts so I would like my babies brain to be perfect so she can run the world or something.”

“Oh and I guess running strollers are expensive?”

“Ya a bit, and I already spend so much on her clothes, she just won’t stop growing!”

“Too bad, it was also nice running with you.”

“Wow a real Zuko compliment, be still my beating heart!”

Sokka grabbed his chest and fell back and rolled in the grass. Zuko’s lips tilted up just a fraction and butterflies fluttered in sokka’s stomach.

Just then Juno started to cry in earnest and Teo’s voice came over the monitor. “Uh Sokka is her bottle the one in the door of the fridge or do I make a new one?”

Sokka sighed a little then pressed the intercom button on the monitor “Don’t worry about it Teo I will be up in two. Just start telling her the periodic table or something.”

“See you later Zuko”

“Bye Sokka.”

_____________

Sokka’s head was pounding and his vision was blurry, as he stumbled in the dark to the toilet and heaved.

“Fuck.”

At some piont after the sweating and throwing up he dragged himself back to his room to fetch his phone. Juno was fast asleep in her crib because he had a headache last night and homework took forever, so he had put her down early.

Back in the bathroom he rested his head on the cool tile and dialed up his dad with shaky fingers.

After three rings Hakkoda picked up in a panic “Sokka, are you okay? Is Juno okay? Where are you?”

Sokka squinted his eyes at the loud voice of his Dad ringing around his skull. “Dad? I think I have the flu.”

“Oh bud, okay. What’s going on, how can I help?”

“I had a headache last night so I put J down for bed early then I woke up with a fever, I keep throwing up, Dad I -” Sokka felt a lump in his throat and tears sting his eyes. “Dad I don’t want to her her, she was just so small, and I don’t want her to get sick. I know I have to do this, but i love her so much and I dont want to fuck up - “

The tears fall down his cheeks to the floor.

“Oh son, okay. One you love that kid more than anything you would die before hurting her this I know. Two people get sick, people also get better with rest and the I think I can help with that.”

“Dad I know I’m grown up ish, but can you tell me what to do?”

Hakkoda chuckled on the other end of the line. “Sokka, Bato and I will come pick up Juno in 30 minutes, we will drop off some crackers and gatorade too.”

“Dad- “

“Nope Sokka, you asked so I am telling you what we are going to do. We will come and get our baby girl and take her for a few days, You will email your profs and get your homework sent to you, you can only go to class when you don’t have a fever and if you do you’re going to wear a mask, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good you will email your coaches tell them whats what, when you feel better you can go watch practise, the cool might even be good for the fever, but you will not push yourself. This week will not make or break the rest of your life. So you will sleep, rest, do your work form home, and Juno will play at GB and great Papa’s house. And everything will be okay.”

“Okay. Thank you dad”

“We will be there soon buddy”

So Juno went with his Dad’s and he sent his emails and face planted in his bed and passed out for 6 hours.

Later an hour before practise Sokka’s phone pinged, he groaned and grasped around for his phone.

A text from Fire Prince Zuko

Coaches just said you won’t be at practise tonight. Is everything okay? Is Puck good?

Flu bug, don’t want to mess up that pretty ice with my vomit. Juno seems fine she’s at my Dads house until I’m not dying of the plague

A few minutes went by after that and sokka’s eyes started to fall again. “Ping”

I can drop off soup and tea on my way to practise, which suite is yours in family huas?

Dude its fine I can feed myself

Dude. I’m helping at my uncle’s tea shop today. They have soup and tea, it’s no problem. In fact my uncle insists.

14a second floor

And thank you Z

What are Alt Capts for?

Hakkoda was right, everything was indeed okay in the end. Juno had a blast at her grandparents house and sokka managed to get all of his homework done and even managed to watch a few lectures online courtesy of Teo. Zuko was the anomaly he could’t account for but was grateful for none the less. Whenever he could he stopped by with snacks, soup, tea and even weirder sent cute cat and baby videos at random points during the days.

Within 4 days Sokka felt good enough to go to classes and do some dryland training uring practise and after one more day he was back catching pucks on the rink with his daughter sleeping in the bed next to him one hand fisted on his shirt to make sure her dad didn’t leave.

After that week sometimes Zuko would still stop by with a tea, which Sokka had begun to like even when he wasn’t dying. Except now he would occasionally stay and drink his own tea while they watched juno play on the floor.

Sokka was starting to think he might have a new friend after all…

_____________________