#its not like i didnt know they were messy
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Watching a video of the "fight Solas" ending and I find myself really disliking the fact that Rook declares that the Veil must be tied to the life of an elven god. It is treated like a fitting punishment for Solas, and even in the redemption ending, Rook all but orders Solas to sacrifice himself to maintain the Veil (or the status quo). I also can't help but feel that Solas, the last of the elven gods, is being sacrificed to maintain the Veil that he, alone, is somehow expected to magically maintain, allowing everyone else to go on their merry way. The implication here is that the elves are losing the last of their history, or pantheon, and this is a GOOD thing, and now we can all move forward and live peacefully. Am I overthinking this? 'Cause if this was the intention it does sound kind of bad.
yeah. i do agree and i dont think you're overthinking. and even if you were, im about to overthink way harder so don't worry. forgive me for getting on my legal philosophy soapbox but thats my whole brand at this point so here we go: it is a very retributive view of punishment and desert (deserved-ness) that i morally disagree with and feels outdated in the political landscape of 2024 to me PERSONALLY!! the foundation of retributive justice is:
(1) that those who commit certain kinds of wrongful acts, paradigmatically serious crimes, morally deserve to suffer a proportionate punishment; (2) that it is intrinsically morally goodâgood without reference to any other goods that might ariseâif some legitimate punisher gives them the punishment they deserve;
obviously this is how much of the western world conceives of punishment and western media is consequently saturated with narratives that espouse this. most of the time, restorative justice is seen as mutually exclusive with retributive justice, though there are some people who say they can be used in tandem. i disagree anyway.
i think solas's endings grapple with these ideas in a way that is... messy. its confusing because we dont actually know if he is truly imprisoned, in the sense that he cannot leave. we know he is in A prison, though its unclear whether its the new regret prison that rook was in, or the black city (epler refused to clarify this during the AMA because of "spoilers", while trick said the implication is he is "going back to the prison", the epilogue slides imply he is in the black/golden city, as does his quest to heal the blight which only exists in the black city). we also do not know what capacity he has to leave. with lavellan or after being "redeemed" by willingly binding himself to the veil, he does not have the lyrium dagger but he does have the capacity to free himself from his regrets (if hes in the regret prison) or heal the blight (if he's in the black city), exemplified by his golden epilogue slides. if he is tricked or fought, he is not in a mental space to overcome his regrets and does not swear to atone by healing the blight, but he does have the lyrium dagger with him, so we can assume he can just use it to leave, the way we literally see him do earlier in the game lol. whatever message they are trying to send with his "punishment", i think it is muddied by the vagueness of what actually happens to him in the end and where he goes.
if the message truly is that he "deserves" to be imprisoned in the fade for his long list of crimes, i find that lazy and nonsensical. first of all, he loves the fade and has been dying to return to it so thats not really a gotcha, but more importantly, which crime warrants this punishment? and is his punishment proportional? this is impossible to answer because we do not know what the punishment truly is. we also dont really even know what crime he's being imprisoned for. taking down the veil? he didnt actually get to do that. are we punishing him for something he didn't do yet? is it for killing varric? sure, i guess that one works. its the strongest of the options we have, but the game is also pretty clear that its not what varric would want. what about all of the other people he has killed? the spirits he sacrifced in that siege on elgar'nans temple? the mages who summoned and corrupted wisdom which he incinerates alive? flemythal and felassan? do they deserve retribution via solas's imprisonment? would they want that? would they find it just and satisfying? the game does not ask these questions. so we dont know. does he deserve to be imprisoned for for what he did to the titans? ok, maybe. this is stronger than the others at least. but in the trick/fight endings he doesnt vow to heal the blight, so what does his imprisonment do for the dwarves and the titans spirits? this is what i mean when i say his imprisonment is retributive, but it is not even thoroughly retributive. it does not think deeply about what solas deserves for his crimes and the proportionality of such a punishment, but it is clear that we are supposed to that he deserves to be in prison, it is morally good that he is receiving "justice", and rook is a hero for imprisoning him. his punishment is presented as a moral good because he deserves it. unfortunately for veilguard, i dont think i would ever be convinced by this message in any narrative anywhere, even if it was better written, because this is not a moral philosophy that i subscribe to.
his redemption endings feel so much better and more satisfying because his vow to use his immortality and knowledge to heal the blight that he created is restorative and has a direct correlation to his crime of creating the blight by tranquilizing the titans in the first place. his imprisonment achieves nothing outside of removing him as a "threat", which is ruined by the fact that he has the dagger and can just leave lol. devoting the next significant portion of his life to alleviating the titans suffering is not just reparative remedy that directly affects the people and creatures he has harmed, it also actively makes the world of thedas a better place. to be clear, im not saying solas is innocent. he is guilty. of a lot of things. he bears responsibility for a lot of things. he would qualify as a war criminal. but i do not believe in retributive justice. veilguard having solas kill varric because trespasser made me sympathize with him "too much" is not going to make me believe in retributive justice. for the non-atonement imprisonment endings to feel satisfying you have to subscribe to this ideology of moral desert and punishment and a lot of people do. the entire american carceral system is founded on it. so is christianity. and bioware clearly subscribes to it as well. you might disagree with me and subscribe to it yourself. thats fine. but i believe it has caused a lot of harm to our world and continues to do so. seeing it manifested in media is always disappointing to me.
regardless of the technicalities of his imprisonment, his binding to the veil is the one thing that happens regardless of his ending, and i agree that it is icky for similar reasons. the veil is his responsibility, as is the blight which he will be keeping contained with his life, so i guess you can interpret it as proportional? but again, what crime is he paying for with binding his life to the veil? is he not paying for a crime at all? is binding his life to the veil even part of his punishment? or is it just something he has to do because he's the only person alive that can do it? if that is the case, that it has to be him because he is the only proper sacrifice, and not that he deserves it, then what does it say about rook that they sacrifice someone undeserving? if he is deserving, why exactly? if he wasn't the only elven god left alive, would he still be deserving of such a fate? if the answer is no, then he does not deserve to be bound. what gives rook the right to make this call? based on the convo they have before the ending where they plan to bind him to the veil, its not clear if rook binds him because they think he deserves to be bound to one of his greatest regrets, or because he's quite literally the only option. either way, i think there is an argument for it being cruel, and unearned coming from someone like rook, who really has barely been a victim of solas's sins outside of a 2 week time-out. literally harding binding him would've been far more satisfying. or imagine if fragment mythal went rogue and did it, or morrigythal did. mythal would not be justified either but at least it would be fucking banger and evil and interesting of her. anyway.
i think your point about what it means for the elves to lose their final living god, outside of mythal who is [redacted] ? is a fantastic point. through solas's binding, they also lose the veil-less future he represented that was promised to be a better world for them. would it really have been? probably not. solas clearly thinks so. but we will never know lol. the failure of the story to grapple with the dissolution of the elves entire belief system is one of its most egregious ones, and i think this is a symptom of it. dragon age's elven lore got itself into a weird spot by veilguard and i think they just abandoned it rather than attempting to write themselves out of it. i love stories that grapple with the average person's culpability as complacent in imperialism. this is part of why fullmetal alchemist is my fav story of all time and you should watch it (fullmetal alchemist:brotherhood on hulu please im begging. but you have to watch the "brotherhood" one not the other one. its complicated dont ask). veilguard seemed to want to do something like this, but they got themselves into weird spot with the elves because their evil, slavery-based empire is a thing of the distant past, and in the present they are systemically oppressed and have no social or political power.
usually in these sorts of stories, someone currently living in an imperialist society who is directly benefiting from that imperialism is confronted with their complacency and asked to rise to the occasion of standing up for what is right, despite their material best interest. they often sacrifice their privilege as a benefactor of imperialism in the present to attempt to make up for the evils that system has inflicted on others. fmab does a wonderful job of this. there is at once both an acknowledgement that no, this is not literally YOUR FAULT, you did not order a genocide or press the nuke button, but you have benefited from it and/or participated every day of your life, whether that is through the stolen land you live on, the fact that you have never seen war in your home country, the way you can buy whatever fruit you want at the grocery store any time of year, or the way your tax dollars fund the bombs being dropped on children thousands of miles away, and you do have a moral obligation to do whatever you can to fight back. i believe this is a very important lesson for the average american (and canadian since we are talking about bioware), and anyone that lives in an imperialist country, that a lot of people have not yet learned ... lol.
this feels along the lines of what veilguard was going for (or maybe they werent and this was accidental, idk which is worse), but it fails because the elves are not currently benefiting from their past empire, like at all. actually, they live in squalor and at risk of constant violence from human empires. they have experienced centuries of genocide, violence and slavery at this point in modern thedas. the imperialistic success of the elvhen empire has absolutely no bearing on their current lives, it provides them with no privilege, and it gives them no culpability in its evils. they are thousands of years removed from it. and its not like "oh the british empire was dissolved 50 years ago so imperialism is over" no. because britain's wealth and power are a direct result of that imperialism, thus they do still benefit from it presently, even if the "official empire" is dissolved. this is true for most empires. but with the elves of thedas, they have none of the power or privilege that the elvhen empire accrued through its evils. if anything, it is tevinter that benefits most from the lost elven empire considering how much of their society is founded on its technology, and the fact that. you know. they are currently, modernly, presently an empire based on slavery. OF ELVES. so why, then, does veilguard present the elves as culpable? why does the angry titan harding creature say they are "thriving" at the titans expense? why does bellara take personal responsibility for the evils that elgar'nan and ghilan'nain commit when she had nothing to do with them? the messaging with this is so strange. it would make sense if elves were still the ruling class but... they're not. the only remnants of the empire that they have access to is their own bodies... which are systemically, bought, sold, and mutilated. though the game does erase much of the racism they face in what i can only assume was an attempt to make this work.
the combo of this + solas's trick/fight endings for what is fundamentally, according to this game itself, a desire for a better world for elves and spirits, no matter if it is misled or his methods are violent, is a depressing, bleak message that i find to be irresponsible to be sending in 2024 and considering the real world groups of people that elves are based on, most notably of the dalish as indigenous north americans. veilguard sees elves lose not just their understanding of their past, dissolving their entire worldview, their conception of their cultural identity, and their relationship to their religion, all without sufficient (or any) exploration of how devastating such a process would be, but by imprisoning solas, erasing his followers and supporters from existence, and binding him to the veil, it also robs them of the possibility of a more just future... while asking you to cheer because he deserved it. dont try to make the world a better place unless you do it the right way. work with the world as it is. your attachment to the past (when you werent being genocided regularly) is a disease. you deserve to go to jail because you tried to change the world in a way that that was too disruptive. get over it! move on! rot in jail!
#thanks for prompting this anon xoxo#didnt expect to write today but it came out of me like it always does#veilguard critical#character analysis#mine.txt
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I was today years old when i realized that NO ONE in victorious has a healthy home life
#i mean#its not like i didnt know they were messy#but damn. its ALL of them#victorious#nickelodeon#sitcom#show#tori vega#jade west#cat valentine#andre harris#robbie shapiro#trina vega#oh wait#we dont have any evidence that#beck oliver#has horrible parents#like. he lives in their garage so he wont have to âfollow their rulesâ#but we cant be sure if theyre actually assholes or if hes js being a edgy teen as god intended
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looking through the dual destinies and spirit of justice sprites really has me like "did ace attorney have a rough transition to 3d or do some of the sprite animations just not work in 3d like they do 2d"
#yes theres a difference. ârough transition to 3dâ generally means the entire game is messy#additionally usually ârough transition to 3dâ implies they couldn't help how the 3d stuff turned out#100% convinced that if they hadn't stuck to some of the 2d sprite animations it wouldn't be QUITE as awkward as it is#not all the sprites in dd and soj are awkward either. they just decided to keep the 2d sprite animations#for some characters that works (ema and trucy for example) but for others (APOLLO) it feels SO awkward on some animations#klavier. i just hate klavier's model. i love his animations though lol. his hair flip after his laughing animation? 10/10#the other issue is that dual destinies and spirit of justice feel like they were animated using a regular 3d animation software#im 100% convinced that the reason the animation on tgaa's sprites is so nice in comparison is because they used motion capture#i dont know if dd and/or soj used mocap but it feels like they didnt and i think its one of the issues with the sprites#most of the designs arent any more or less realistic than tgaa's designs. mocap would work for dd and soj's sprites#anyway enjoy in-the-tags the ramblings about the sprites of a game i havent played yet lmao#ace attorney#dual destinies#spirit of justice#ramble in the tags
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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Sucked it up and drew the Snowbird girlies myself
Based on this comment under a youtube video
#my art#digital art#snowbird adjacent#its them#the lesbians#the colours were a bit brighter on my drawing tablet -_-#the lines are pretty messy but you know it is what it is#please ignore rumis arms#seras coat is really bulky lmao#WAIT I DIDNT MAKE SERAS LINES THINMER NOOO#oh well. sera is the only person with a thick outline in the entirety of snowbird#wow the artists really werent joking about tumblr nuking image quality#sera kaishurr#rumi erudite#rumi looks like a wet cat. ive drawn her perfectly.#i think i messed up seras face a little actually i dont know how ive done that#rumi is perfect sera needs a redraw#okay there this is the fixed version#so much better than before i like this way more#fixed rumi's uneven eyeliner
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a âoh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique mediaâ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of âthe clubâ whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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It's really weird when you know someone in a context different from how everybody else knows them so you look at them and you still kind of see that person they used to be
#this post is about the boy i dated my senior year who was so incredibly sweet tbh wouldnt be the person i am today if i hadnt met him#but he was so fucked up he had so many issues it was really hard so it didnt work out but i loved him and i think he loved me too#but hes in a moderately successful band now which i just found out about do i looked them up and theyre good#but its so weird because its like i know that when you were 17 you wanted to be an underwater welder#i helped you clean your room at your grandmas house because you were so sad you couldnt do it yourself#i ditched 5th period AP English to sit on the steps behind the auditorium and listen to you talk about whatever#you pushed me on the swings and we took the bus to the movie theater and you liked cherry wraps and you played me my favorite songs#i havent REALLY thought about that guy in years and we were only together MAYBE 6 months but its so weird what you remember about people#and especially how you remember how they made you feel because he made me feel so good like i was in control#all my previous relationships was me trying to desperately please someone who wouldnt do the same for me#and honestly a lot of my relationships since have been the same especially in college and with the one girl who honestly if she called me#today i would drop everything and go be with her again no questions because i cant get her out of my head#but stuff witj him was never ever like that it was so easy it was like breathing even though it ended messy i have 0 regrets#and its nice to know that things are going well for him because honestly he changed my life a little bit#the way i dont give a fuck now is something i learned from him#ill probably delete this later but you know
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like pirating is so normal 2 me i forget there r ppl who r like antipiracy which btw is stupid. obviously
#LIKE. IDK ITS JUST WEIRD. WDYM YOUR PARENTS JUST.. BOUGHT MOVIES ?????? did you not eat as a child. be serious#that happens sm where ill be like haha. yeah. you guys remember the ol 'oh im not hungry' trick your dad used to pull#and everybodys like what. no and im like no you know where hed be like oh im not hungry but after everybody else ate hed grab the leftovers#it is like annoying. like i understand not everybody grew up in poverty but the way ppl will act like its likee. insane#there was this one time where we were doing wants vs needs for 4th grade#and one kid was like a need is having your own room. and i was like <- shared a room with both of my siblings at the time Thats not true#and everybody in my class looked at me like i was crazy. like ok laura sorry your basement movie theater is bigger than my apt but we cant#all live like that. thats true btw there were these twins and they had a halloween sleepover party and they hsd to invite me bc class rule#and it was so like. there house was hugeeeee we didnt even go to their rooms bc 'they were messy'#but we just hjng out in the basement where there was legit a movie theater. and an entire seperate living room from their main living room#which we also werenr allowed to go in#genuinely think its bc they were forced to invite the poor kids Lmao. so we werent allowed to go to the main house#lest we get our poverty germs everywhere or steal something#but yeah it was awesome. but i also think that was one of my huge Oh life is unfair radicalization moments#but i mention likee. even lighthearted shit from my childhood. and ppl r like O_O THAT SOUNDS SO TRAUMATIC#and its like. the traumatizing part of poverty isnt like#being close witj my siblings and having done a lot of activities outside of like. going to disneyland#or getting a new toy every week. yk...im not saying poverty isnt traumatizing bc it is but its like#annoying that you mention anything abt it and evrrybody in a 50 mile radius is like POOR THANG!!! like. no i think its funny that we always#got rly shitty junker cars that my grandpa sold to my mom. i was joking sbt the fact that my moms never had a car eith functioning brakes#i wasnt like. asking for pity#but whatevrr
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had a locked tomb dream in which one of gideons lowkey-only-bc-she-glosses-over-it-in-her-narration powers was teleportation as in she fucking kept teleporting and didnt seem to notice or think it was weird and when people called her on it she was like âyeah its called flash-stepping i read about it in some ancient-ass comic books i dug up in a back corner of the library on the ninthâ and everyone is like â???â bc she says its not a necromantic technique bc everyone who did in it the âcomic booksâ (only the sixth know what manga is) she read was a warrior and most of them used swords so clearly its a secret advanced cav technique. and, she says, its not like it uses any spooky necro stuff, its âjust a matter of honing yourself until you can move really fastâ so it might look like âteleportationâ to all of them but clearly that just shows that she got really good at it and is better than all of their fancy smancy âproperly trainedâ cavs. anyway, it turns out that using flashstep as the framework is the only reason why its been short line-of-sight bursts for her until now, once the penny drops she can straight up pop between planets. also she at one point mentions how âthe windâ roars really loudly in her ears while doing it and it turns out thats the sounds of the feral river ghosts bc she is, and i cannot stress this enough, constantly taking brief dips into the river.Â
#also this time canaan house was derailed by a teleportation accident and they all ended up in bayou country#which in my brain was only at like. somewhat apocalyptic levels of having rotted and been reclaimed by nature rather than 10k years worth#i assume my brain drew some l4d connection here bc gideon ended up stealing a white suit from a dusty wedding store which didnt quite#achieve the full tower prince look but which did passably reach 'nick l4d cosplay' a#also yes the rest of the planet was still pretty haunted. not canaan house mad science lab levels of haunted but it was definitely#more active of a haunting by which i mean there were zombies and creatures and ghosts and during the first of the regular possession checks#that the canaan house crew ended up instituting after a few incidents it was discovered that gideon and harrow#were both possessed at least a little by wake and alecto respectively and possibly counted as being lyctors bc like. gideon just by existin#had ended up tying wakes soul to the conglomerate pile of earth-ghost souls that constituted johns lyctorhood with alecto and that by#maing a connection to harrow like she did alecto also tied harrow into the same. when john showed up towards the end he defended his#sabotage of other attempts at lyctorhood outside the technique defined and oushed at canaan house as being bc it gets 'way too complicated#and messy (both necromanticly & in terms of personal drama & trying to keep track of who is where) to allow multiple bodies running around#as part of the same soul network#also to escape the first gids had to take everyone one by one to the ninth#bc its the only other planet shes been on and thus knows how to get to#and 1) everyone is like damn yall live like this? 2) the secrets of the ninth are exposed to the whole canaan crew by this 3) everyone is#severely adversely affected by going through the river like this and gideon is mostly like 'dont be a baby lmao just walk it off'#4) yes its still cytheria and yes she is having the time of her goddamn life. whatever the fuck is going on with *gestures at the ninth* is#both something shes possibly the only one equipped to fully understand how insane it is and also revealing to her so much about potential#ways to kill john that she is just rolling with it despite the fact that dulcie latched ontoher when gideon took her through the river and#is fully attempting to possess her with the full support of the sixth
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SHE WAS A MAN ? YOURE TELLING ME THEY WERE GOING TO BREAK THE QUIET AUTISTIC COUPLE AWARD REGARDLES???
"they got rid of the best male character in the series"
ok?? die mad about it. they just invented the cuntiest woman in the series. move on
#BRO WHEN I THOUGHT CHANGED THE STORY I DIDNT THINK GENDRSWAP#LIKE TELLING ME FRANCESCA AND STERLING PROBABLY ARENT GONNA LAST IS BAD ENOUGH#BUT TELLING ME THAT STORY WASNT ONLY GOING TO HAPPEN REGARDLESS#BUT THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE STRAIGHT??? RUBBING SALT INTO THE FUCKING WOUND WHAT#YOURE TELLING ME THEY ORIGINALLY BROKE APART THE QUIET AUTISTIC COUPLE FOR A MAN#LIKE AT LEAST NOW IT FEELS LIKE A SEXUALITY DISCOVER WDYM THEY WERE GONNA GROW APART REGARDLESS THE HELL HAPPENED IN THE BOOKS#MAN#AT LEAST ITS GAY NOW IG THEY BROKE IT APART FOR YURI THIS TIME NOT. SOME MAN.#i am so sorry for ever complaining about the fact that Francesca was the one into the cousin and not Eloise#i just didnt want to choose between the gay love and the quiet autism love and wanted both to happen#BUT TO HEAR THEY TOOK THAT AWAY BECAUSE OF A. ANOTHER STRAIGHT SHIP.?#bro its like everything i hated about this decision in s3 but without the positives of the power of queerness#at least i assume the quiet autistic couple is gonna get torn because i am working on putting together tumblr posts#like im trying to build an entire ass dinasour diaciver using digged up bones#idc how endearing he was STERLING AND FRANCESCA WERE NEVER MEANT TO LAST?#at least theres yuri now (<-copium)#i love me a good yuri (<- but where can i find a quiet autism x quiet autism couple i need more please)#CMON THOUGH THIS IS ONLY PROVING LADY BRIDGERTON RIGHT IN THAT WHOLE LOVE HAS TO BE MESSY AND DRAMATIC THING#LIKE THAT SPEECH AVOUT LOVE CAN BE SLOW GENTLE AND QUIET AND STILL HAVE THAG BE TRUE LOVE#THAT PEOPLE CAN BE IN THE SLOW GENTLE AND QUIET AND HAVE THAG LOVE STILL BE REAL AND TRUE#how no one not one of you have to feel the need to be extroverted just to be valid of true love of acceptance of understanding and having#that understanding be RIGHT like pairing francesca up with what seems like an extrovert#or at least someone who Socializes and seemingly shines in it seems to undermine all that#LIKE THE THEMESSSSS#IDK IDK THE BOOK PLOT MAYBE THE THEMES ARENT TRAMPLED OVER MAYBE#I JUST#TELL ME#TELL ME IT ENDS WELL#doctor i know the reading comprehension in this site sucks so please note i am a yuri lover i love yuri scroll down my blog and you will see#i fell asleep near three am yesterday in a yuri frenzelled haze just stalk me <3
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always remember that i am soso cute
#new hair yayyy!!!!#the purple was cute sure but its not. me. plus it faded fairly quickly and bleghghhg#i can deal with growing roots making coloured hair look bad but i can NOT. deal with muted asf colours. sorry.#SO!. were back to something KINDA new.#ive had the lowest layer of my bangs red. ive had the lower layers ALL-ROUND bleached once and red another.#rn we haveee: bleached bangs into bleached sideburns!! but thats it.#rest is brown =w=bb i was so scared i couldnt find the brown i previousely liked but they just. decided to switch the main name wth#ok!!!#its cuteee i thinkkk whenever i look back at my halftoned hair i miss ittttt#not when i did the black and red one but that mightve been bc the cut (ugly trying to grow it out by just not cutting it-style)#=w=bbb#sillyposting#i did a weird shape to divide the bleach and brown so now they overlap on my bangs kindaaaa weirdly but. i know how to fix that next time!!#i just really like how relatively low maintenence this is compared to full-purplee etc#when i had it with red bangs even it was still just.... dye the roots whenever but thats ittt#PLUS!! it looks 'alternative' while being both 'normal' colours which i likey#if i didnt kinda fall in love with full-bleach i wouldve maybe gone back to red but...... i just miss the yellowy blonde too muchh T-T#im excited to like how i look again. unforts the full purple really didnt do it for mee which i did know but still find really upsettingg#OH also. i dont like conditionerrrr........ it feels unnaturally smooth and im not used to ittt#if my hairs smooth it doesnt fall the way i want to (which is messy. im a hastag guy.)#when i was in canada it made sense to use conditioner bc their shampoo made my hair feel ROUGH. like it-feels-like-sand rough.#and. im not sure if thats the case for everyone?? bc its never been like that hereeee.#idk its weird. i dont like conditioner me thinks erm#=w=bbbb new hair me so cute lets gooo!!
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i love you Characters With Strange Relationships To Their Parents
#i think the oc with the healthiest relationship w his parents is Simon and even he still has a lil mental breakdown about them#like they try their best to be good parents but theyre human. they fuck up occasionally (see: the whole New Start Incident)#Devi also has a strong relationship w his parents but. he experienced A Lot Of Shit growing up that they didnt know how to help him-#-navigate. and then he straight up died. (he gets better dw but still. that'll mess w their relationship Forever)#and i Want to say that Avalon is a good dad. and he is!! but in his Canon Dad World (hwu) he kindaaaa. abandons his family to do college.#like dgmw him going to college & getting them out of his hometown was a good thing. but also they were in grade school when he did that#Janey does her best to raise em when Avalon's not around but its hard doing it mostly solo w a more-than-full-time job (teaching)#as for the rcd kids au. umm. well rcd kids au Hunt and Avalon r in a better place mentally to raise kids than canon rcd them.#but they still raise their kids in fucking *hollywood* without stepping out of their very public facing jobs#anyway what is living without having a strange relationship w your parents#there is no ânormalâ when it comes to the people who raised you. & im saying this as an applies-to-everyone-ever blanket statement#thats not to say! that Everyone has a Bad relationship w their parents! its just that life is so messy that theres no such thing as ânormalâ
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I've embarked myself into too much video game story it's all over now
#i was possessed couldnt stop#at last i go to bed.#last time finishing the expac did that except when i got to the trial i did get reasonable n stop to go to bed#this time i just went in (it went so badly fjdjdjs it was a struggle but twas fun in a way) both cuz i wanted to keep the high n i wanted#to know also and also smallest reason i felt agter seeing the guide that if i didnt go in immediately i never would vjfjdnsjs#see aforementioned disastrous go at the fight. it looked like itd be#twas for whole different reasons tho but man it was so messy gjgjfjdjejd i think once the chaos hit there was no return the disorganization?#but in hindsight. i only died of my mistake once. and it was just after being rezzed after the near wipe on attempt2 so. i dont count those.#i was blacked out being revived when boss casted his blizzard ofc i got frozen.#đ excuses#its okayyyyyyyy we were all dying#n everytime i did catch a glance of the party list i wasnt at a healer spot so. granted idk how the healers could even do any damage#considering they had to just rez everyone all the time#how long was it into the fight that i glanced into the health of the boss in the middle of looking at everything but as i was just trying to#not die and keep punchingâ and that guy had basically not been damaged at all since the phase change cjfjdjsjks seeing that thing#near its half health đź oh we're never making it out#but we did! at what cost.#typin cuz i cant sleep rn. thoughts being thunked#im immensely sad i have to do fight replay in my head to not succumb to the sorrows of having endured it all emotionally.#it not being the fight the fight was fun đ#tho gotta say. on attempt two. i did wonder if we were over when i saw the lb. was like oh aint that too early#and then i died âșïž so i was right.#i was right next to the tank who activated it too gbdjsjszj it was the end next time ill remember. stay away from the tanks til its late#time and thus survive if they do a timing mistake thru the power of the ripples like that one other girlie who made it out alive#OH SHIT realised its cuz of her that we kept going actually#had a moment of !?? both healers were dead.... the rdm save ofc#tho granted itd prolly have been much faster to jusg restart after checkpoint if checkpoint was real indeed. sunk cock fallacy....#i sweated and shaked so much thru this encouted this was just like going thru ct the first time but more enjoyable. cuz i was dead the whole#time. just a few times#also nearly lost the qte both attempts!!?? any other qte before that was so fine and easy this one just shrunk so fast tho?
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What I am is an extra layer of skin. Shave me and strip me down; my real blood will seep through my eyes to see the world raw again.
#writers#writers and poets#writeblr#I actually wrote this a while ago and its very personal to međ„#its about my bpd and how for the longest time i was basically just an empty body because i didnt feel anything at all (depression went hard)#like i was faking my personality just so i wouldnt be percieved differently because i did not want to go to therapy and end up like my padre#anywho this just means the extra layer of skin represents fakeness of personality and that if you were to shave it down#it would be very messy and bad because i didnt even know who i was underneath the skin#but also im like fine now im on meds lolll#bpd
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MDNI
Warnings: Accusation of Infedelity, heavily unedited writing (wrote this in a power outage in my notes app xx), fingering, eating pussy, dirty talk, dumbification if you squint REALLY hard.
One message is all it took for you to spiral.
Outrage was an understatement. A month, a single month, into Priceâs deployment you had recieved a message from an unknown number. They insisted of Price having an affair with his so-called âreceptionist.â Being his wife, you didnt believe it. You and John had been married for years now. He wasnt that kind of man! (You hoped.)
Weeks passed and wheels start turning. Seeds of doubt had started digging into you. The late nights he had stayed at base before his deployment, only sending as much as a quick text of âBe home late. Dont wait up.â Or the necessary secrecy between what happens at his job or deployment were starting to plant ideas in your head you wouldnt have ever had if not for that message. Youre being worn down, and its killing you. Its not like you could ask him; being thousands of kilometres away without any time to do as much as glance at his phone.
So the emotional resentment grew. You find yourself wondering how he could do this to you, crying in your empty home that housed the both of you not long ago. Before you even come to terms with it, Youve packed your bags and lawyered up, letting your resentment fester for far to long without any outside input.
On the third month of Prices deployment, you drive yourself up to base with one intention; leave the divorce papers on his desk to find when he comes back and to leave without confrontation.
Security on base knows you as âPriceâs missusâ by now, offering a small wave and a smile as you walk by and into your husbands office. You put the papers on his desk, that frustration and hurt bubbling up all over again. He has your wedding photo framed on his desk and it only hurts more. What did you do to deserve this?
You turn to go, heading back towards his door when you hear muffled laughter and the sounds of gear being unzipped and dumped from down the hallway. Theyre back. You pick up the pace, praying you can slip out before he gets close enough to notice. You reach for the door handle, but the door opens before you can even grasp it.
Shit.
And there he is, your eyes drinking in the sight of the awfully more rugged version of your husband; beard outgrown and messy with tired eyes that light up at the sight of you.
That light dies as soon as sees just how mad you look.
âSo youre telling me, one message is all it took to lose all fucking faith?â Price practically growls, fingers rubbing at his temples. Hes sat in his chair with you on the other side of his desk, just as furious. âEverything makes sense! The staying late at base, the short messages and lack of updates when your deployed!â You hiss, frustration bubbling over making anything small seem huge.
Price takes a deep breath, a futile attempt to calm his temper. âThe shit I deal with doesnt sleep. Theres reasons i stay back that you will never know, love. The law itself, wont let me tell you. Same goes for messages. Im sorry i dont have the time to let you know im okay when im deployed, god knows i wish I did.â He scowls, his gaze so heated and intense that you almost look away despite your own fury.
âAnd what about this receptionist huh?â
Your tone has changed, soft and shaky. vunerable.
Priceâs expression softens, but he doesnt say a word, simply rounding his desk to pluck you out of your own chair and putting you down in his office chair. He sinks to his knees in front of you, hands rested on your thighs. Blue eyes peer up at you, sickeningly sincere. âLove, I dont interact with her unless necessary. This isnt some romance movie bullshit.â Your heart is working overtime, lips parted as guilt bubbles. âYou- you understand where my doubt is coming from, thoughâŠright? Everything lined up perfectly, and-â
Price simply tuts. âWeâve talked about that pretty little head of yours overthinking too much, havent we?â You freeze, throat drying. You nod. âAnswer me, sweetheart.â
âYes-â you croak. âWe have.â
Price grunts in approval, his hands now running up and down your thighs.
âHave you been feeling neglected, hm? Is that it? My sweet wife needs some attention?â Price rumbles, his large, calloused hands that have been marked by countless battles now playing with the hem of your skirt.
âYouâve got my attention now, luvie. No need to play these stupid games with me.â
Your mind is already growing hazy; your husbands words making you almost want to forget about this whole incident. A finger hooks onto the waistband of your panties, bringing you back to the moment.
âStupid games? John i was prepared to divorce you-â he shushes you, dragging your underwear down your thighs, then your calves and over your shoes before slipping them into his pocket. A cheeky smile graces his face. stupid muttonchops.
âMustâve left you alone for far too long then, if you were willing to take it this far.â
He slings your legs over his impossibly large shoulders, making you squeak as your pulled forward on the chair.
âWouldve come home and fucked those stupid thoughts straight out of your head if i had known you were having doubts about my loyalty, sweetheart.â
He presses a messy kiss to your clit, making you gasp. He grumbles something incoherent (âMe? Cheat? Silly girl.â), before licking a long stripe up your neglected cunt, causing your hips to buck. The taste of you after going months without has price groaning into your heat. He eats like a man starved, a mix of desire to prove his loyalty and that he finally gets to taste his wife after being away for so long.
Hes fuming, really. Toward you? No.
Towards whatever stupid bastard sent you that message. Heâs glad you didnt notice him slip your phone in his pocket, because he knew youâd be against him hunting the fucker down. You just need a distraction to keep that pretty little head thinking too hard. And heâll give you just that.
âOh, my poor sweet wifeâŠâ He grunts, before sucking on your clit with a renewed fevor. He pulls off with a lewd pop, two thick fingers replacing his previous ministrations. Youâre squirming in his office chair, mind hazy and hips bucking.
âThinkinâ I was out here cheating on yaâ⊠you know better, love.â He tuts.
His fingers curl so nicely into that spongey spot that makes you see stars. âM sorry-â youâd slur, âI didnt believe it when I first saw the message I promise-â you gasp as price presses his thumb against your clit, rubbing in small tight circles.
âLovie, you stormed in here with divorce papers. Dont tell me you didnât believe it.â
Your head tilts back as you pant, small gasps slipping past your lips.
âThere we go.â Price coaxes, his fingers picking up their pace.
âWouldnt even cross my mind to look at another woman when my gorgeous girl looks like that as I stuff her cunt full of my fingers.â He coos, watching your face intently as your release crashes down; intense enough to make you writhe and moan.
Price pulls his fingers from you, licking them clean before getting up off his knees. Your throat runs dry, bracing for whats to come even as you grapple your bearings. Youâre mentally preparing for Price to be dissapointed, upset with you, maybe even mad.
He analyzes your expression, leaning back against his desk. His eyes scrape over your small form sat in his chair.
âIm not upset, love. That pretty little head of yours had months to overthink that message without a voice of reason.â
Price tilts your chin up.
âLets just not have to do this again, hm? Then iâll be mad.â
Its sounds like a threat, but it isnt. Price knows heâll always be there to talk his beloved wife down from the edge.
#price x reader#price smut#john price smut#john price#call of duty#price call of duty#cod mw2#cod#price cod#john price x reader#captain john price#smut#im going insane#cod smut#angst?#captain price#price#captain johnathan price
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