#it's my mental illness and i get to choose how to cope

[n0anix]

whatever *domesticates your Carnivàle Lecroux*

[crimsonkenjii-writes]

Aki brainrot. Must have child together.

Still coming up with a name for her. I saw Akihiro and Hana and I liked those two the most so far….

[pebbibrownstone]

you guys every just want to take a bite out of a tree? like just a huge dummy thicc with two c’s humongous chomper domper out of a tree?

[scrupulosity-comics]

hey is racism one of your obsessions? also white and ocd. if it is, how u cope with it? i'm really afraid all the time to hurt my loved ones who are black people, and they're the majority of my loved ones. and how do u identify whats racism from whats an intrusive thought?

Most of my race-related OCD is abstract stuff like “if I move out of my parents’ house and try to live my own life outside of their control, I will have to find somewhere I can afford to pay rent, which will probably mean moving into a low-income neighborhood, which would mean inadvertently helping to gentrify the community, which would gradually push the original residents out of their homes and disrupt community ties and support systems and creating housing insecurity, so therefore I can’t move out or move on”.

I think that’s just part of a larger existential terror that I can only ever make the world worse by living in it—a net harm to the universe, molecule by misspent molecule.

I have been letting this ask sit in my inbox for weeks now because I’m convinced that anything I say will be destructive. What if my answer enables or excuses racism? What if my answer fuels the anguish of the mentally ill?

The rational and compassionate part of my mind insists that your loved ones (and mine!) understand that you (and I) are white, and have likely dealt with white peoples all their lives, and are capable of judging for themselves whether you are good to them and deserving of their intimacy. It is impossible to go through life without hurting and being hurt by people you care about—always you will have blindspots and miscommunications and competing needs. That’s just part of the curse of consciousness and being a social species. We all get a little blood on our hands eventually, one way or another… friendship involves knowing this, accepting this, and committing to avoid it and then, that failed, to make things right.

Again: your friends know you’re white. They have reason to expect the best of you or they wouldn’t be your friends. They choose to have you in their lives; trust them to trust you, and to recognize the difference between a beloved friend struggling with a treacherous and unkind brain and doing their best in an inescapably racist society, and a racist who whose bigotry makes them unworthy of their time and affection.

I do think racism obsessions are a particularly difficult manifestation of OCD to cope with because they’re hard to discuss at all without feeling like you’re implicitly asking for absolution. With other types of OCD, it’s common to seek reassurance that what you’re obsessively afraid of isn’t true—but what feels more racist than asking someone to reassure you that you’re not racist…? LMAO.

They say the “cure” to OCD, such as it is, is just to learn how to embrace the existential horror of uncertainty. Tall fucking order. Hell on Earth! But in a bizarre way I have found the rhetoric that “everyone is unconsciously and incurably racist” to be unexpectedly helpful… there is no total psychological purging and mental purification we can undergo, no amount of ritual self-flagellation that will drive the demons out, no pristine state we can aspire to and hate ourselves for soiling. Only mundane everyday commitments to compassion and empathy and solidarity and cleaning up our messes. But even then, a thought isn’t a mess. A thought I’d not a thing that happened or a choice you made. It doesn’t represent an alternate timeline branching off into a parallel universe where you have acted on it and hurt people.

Earlier this year I was playing a video game—during my lunch break I got to wondering what happened if you failed a skill check that I had passed in my own playthough, so I looked up a clip on YouTube and was so triggered by the answer (the player character calls his companion a racial slur in the heat of the moment, without meaning to, even if you’ve played him as a committed anti-racist) that I immediately spiraled and was close to throwing up in the broom closet, and when I got home I opened my own save and tried to make the player character kill himself as catharsis. It was an incredibly unreasonable guilt response to a completely fictional scenario that I hadn’t even gotten in my own playthrough, but in retrospect it was a safe way to explore fear of my own internalized racism hurting somebody and what might happen if my intrusive thoughts came true. It sucked and it was terrible and I was angry at myself for being crazy about it, but it ended up being a small dose of exposure therapy and practice at not repenting for nonexistent through self-abuse.

I dunno. This has been a long uncomfortably personal ramble but I hope it’s helpful. I don’t know if your friends know you have OCD (or how it manifests) and I don’t know whether telling them would help. But allowing yourself to trust others to trust you is far more useful than beating yourself up for thoughts you don’t want. I have on occasion warned people that I am cautious about doing certain things with them—particularly drinking—because there is a risk that I may spiral and show symptoms humiliating and uncomfortable to both of us, and I don’t want to put them in a position where they witness or feel like they have to help me manage the white guilt elements of my disorder. These conversations have usually gone well, and the mutual understanding to boundaries takes some of the tension out, which seems to reduce the triggers. It’s messy and awkward and maybe it limits who is willing to be friends with me, but IMHO it’s better than surprising someone.

As for determining whether something is an intrusive thought or actual racism, I guess my answer is: does it matter? Would you manage them differently? Intrusive thoughts may be an evil voice in your brain, but racism is an evil voice in society’s brain.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

„but she wants to be a prostitute, so she should be allowed to be one“

the nordic model is not criminalising prostituting yourself, but prostituting others. the statement above actually means this:

„but she wants to be a prostitute, so men should be allowed to buy access to her body for their own sexual gratification“

and „i want to be in prostitution“ is not a statement that really says anything. it can mean:

i need money/im in debt

i dont have any viable alternatives or i would take them

im being discriminated against on the regular job market (due to misogyny, ableism, racism) and i dont know how to make enough money any other way

i have a family to take care of and exploring other options is too risky

i have substance abuse issues/im homeless and no employer will take me

being a sex object has been normalised and glamorised by the people surrounding me

i have been used and abused by men before so i at least want to make some money off it

im out of touch with my own sexuality and do whatever my sexual partner wants/want to experiment which means i let men do what they want to me

im mentally ill and this is self-harm to me, or i have issues keeping down a regular job

i want to rebel (against my parents, against religion, whatever) and its way too easy to enter prostitution so i chose this

i have been groomed and manipulated from a young age

my self-image and self-worth depends on men wanting to use me as a vessel for their desires

ive become numb to my abuse/ive accepted my fate of being abused by men

the brothel is my family and i have no security net or connections outside prostitution

i live in the brothel so i would be homeless if i exited

ive intellectualised prostitution to a degree i can rationalise the inherent abuse to myself and others

im very privileged and in the fringe minority who can actually pick and choose who pays me for sex but i dont see that only the fact that marginalised women make up the majority of prostitutes allows me this position

my level of education and skill hinders me from getting a job with a viable income

i need flexible working hours that no employer is willing to offer me

i want to open my own business but no bank is willing to give me a credit

im saving for something and there is no other option to make enough money to save some due to capitalism, misogyny and marginalisation

im desillusioned and disappointed with heterosex

ive been told this is my only option

ive been in prostitution too long to exit even if i wanted to

i cope with the abuse by defending it

ive been failed by institutions and people that were supposed to support me

i want to get out of an abusive relationship so i endure the abuse of prostitution to make enough money to leave him and prostitution/my boyfriend makes me

i want out but i cant right now

etc etc

these are not mutually exclusive either. it is clear that entering prostitution hinges on other mechanisms without which no woman would choose to enter prostitution: there is no intrinsical will to prostitute oneself. the ways that lead girls and women into prostitution are diverse but they all lead to one thing: being used by men as a sex object, which means being dehumanised on a regular basis.

[ladydeatharcheron]

“The HoW was rehab”

This is a common argument I see in our fandom when it comes to defending the inner circle’s actions towards Nesta in the beginning of acosf. And I am here to tell you that this argument is null and void, using the guidelines of a healthcare institution linked here.

1. The most important thing is to set a positive, supportive tone. Ensure that the individual is treated with love and respect and maintain a calm, level tone, even if they react unpredictably.

Here is the love, support, and respect the inner circle has given Nesta during her so called intervention:

“You look atrocious,” Amren said.

“Sit down,” Rhys snarled.

“Though I bet it’s hard to look good,” Amren went on, “when you’re out until the darkest hours of the night, drinking yourself stupid and fucking anything that comes your way.”

Rhys scented that fear. She knew it from the second one side of his mouth curled up in a cruel smile.”

“You,” Cassian said from the armchair to her left. “This bullshit behavior.”

The High Lord of the Night Court gestured to the sloping lawn beyond the windows. “We’ve got plenty of space out there for a brawl.”

2. Because many who live with mental illness feel trapped, it’s helpful to lay out a clearly defined plan with options for the individual to choose from.

Now here is the options that were given to Nesta:

“It’s not up for negotiation,” Amren said.

“Your apartment is being packed as we speak,” Amren said. “By the time you return, it will be empty. Your clothes are already being sent to the House, though I doubt they will be suitable for training at Windhaven.”

And this gem too:

Wow! I’m sure that the choice of being locked up with no way out (no, walking 10k steps is not an option for someone as malnourished as she), or being sentenced to die in the human lands didn’t make Nesta feel trapped AT ALL. Good job inner circle. Very touching.

3. However, someone living with a condition like depression or bipolar disorder is highly unlikely to react in the same way. A much smaller group of just one or two friends or family members will likely create an environment more conducive to success.

I fail to see the productivity in shoving Nesta in a room with a man she has repeatedly stated she wants nothing to do with, a woman she had a bad falling out with, and a High Lord that taunts her and abuses his authority to get her to do their bidding.

Here’s a Q&N because I can already hear some of you guys from miles away:

1. “Isn’t that giving Nesta a choice?”

No. An ultimatum is not a choice. Even Cassian admits that it is:

Cassian didn’t miss the look between Feyre and Rhys: the utter agony in his High Lady’s face at the ultimatum he knew was to be presented to Nesta…”

Here’s a definition of an ultimatum:

Ultimatum (noun): A coercive manipulation that utilizes the illusion of choice.

Hence, not an actual choice.

2. “Would you rather they had done nothing?”

No. Nesta needed help. A more constructive approach would’ve been an intervention with Feyre and Elain only. Her actual family. No insults, no jabs, no belittling. They could’ve laid out several options (did she want to train? perhaps dancing would’ve helped her more? maybe she would’ve preferred helping out in the library only?) and let her decide the one she saw fit. Locking her up is not an answer and I’m a strong believer that the most powerful High Lord and Lady of Prythian would’ve managed to make alcohol inaccessible to Nesta regardless of where she was.

To the people that consider it rehab after everything proves that it’s not, please note that the entire point was to get Nesta to stop drinking and sleeping around. Tell me, why is it that when she slept with Cassian, despite sex being her coping mechanism, no one batted an eyelash. That’s insinuating that the inner circle does not in fact care who Nesta sleeps with, as long as it’s under their control, no?

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[jellvisk]

Chronic pain sucks, but I think something people don't talk about is how chronic pain also give you mental illnesses/worsen already existing ones, such as depression.

I fight everyday to not thrive, but simply to survive. That's not good enough, though, for the pain tears down my psyche and willpower day by day. My depression gets worse, and on days I'm feeling less depressed, my chronic pain will remind me it exists, tear apart my dreams for the day, and pull me back into that familiar pit.

Instead of just apathy, it has to also be pain.

Depressed and hurt, now at the bottom of the sea, how much worse could it get? I can barely focus on anything, let alone start any task because of my ADHD/executive dysfunction. Perhaps it would be easier to start tasks if I wasn't punished with literal pain for doing so; the illnesses all stacks ontop of eachother like some fucked up Binding of Isaac build.

Now I'm rewarded for doing giving in to my ADHD and doing literally nothing: because there will be less pain.

So I'm paralyzed: surely it couldn't get worse. But then I realize all of this is invisible. All of it, including my pain. So now that simple fact adds to the fuel to the flames that is my self hatred, because not even I will believe I am struggling if it can't be seen with my own two eyes. "I should just be stronger, I shouldn't be so lazy; my pain can't be that bad, there's no blood!"

Now here I am, chained by spikes, self loathing under the pressure of the murky ocean.

I try to reach my dreams, but then they're shot down by illness and then I'm punished.

I try to cope, so maybe I can fight my mental illnesses. Oops! If I cope, my body chooses violence!

This post has been mostly a personal ramble. All things aside, whatever you're facing, keep fighting.

[ikamigami]

Although I see your point about how the show's titles make Moon seem, Moon is pretty mentally ill imo?

Like, not in the """scary dangerous moment 😱""" way that the show may not realize they're perpetuating, but I think Moon had just actually been recovering for a while. Not like, in the "everything is peaceful so now I can chill out" way, but in the "I'm managing my symptoms and I'm in the path to getting better" way.

It just seems that now, all the symptoms are resurfacing because of the constant overworking, grief that isn't being coped with healthily, and of course the nonstop stress. It's all leading to a huge breakdown, but the way the show is choosing to describe it is... less than ideal, I think.

Yeah, I get it. And I agree with you, dear anon.

I just wish that show treated Sun as seriously as they're treating Moon..

Am I asking for too much?

Many people think so.. including the writers it seems..

Though I don't think that Moon has any other mental issues beside depression and paranoid thoughts.. it's a lot already.. and with stress and grieve it's understandable that Moon is acting the way he is.. but it annoys me a bit.. like I said because of these double standards for main characters..

Also Moon had a mental breakdown already.. I know he can have another one.. but I think that some characters could've handle things with Moon better - mainly Earth and Monty.. I'm glad that Eclipse at least tries to help and that Sun seems to suspect something is up with Moon..

I know that Sun is probably also in the category "I'm managing my symptoms and I'm in the path to get better" but it's a bummer that they just push Sun aside so much and that we never heard from him about his trauma and other stuff..

Hope you don't mind a bit of a rant from me, dear anon ^^

[keresnotceres]

ker’s masterlist:

A list of my works for your convenience. Anything listed that is not underlined is unposted but is in the works! This is a working post, so it will update. As a result, more fandoms may be added.

This account is a side blog! If you get a reblog/like/follow from miloticaquarium i promise it’s me!! just like,, a less cool version of me lol

I also take requests :) Rules + Information under my works!

CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE II (2022)

headcanons:

TF 141: General HCs [sfw]

TF 141: NSFW HCs [nsfw]

TF 141: Civilian Lover [sfw]

TF 141: Realizing They Love You [sfw]

TF 141: “I Love You” [sfw]

MW2 Characters: as Lovers [sfw]

MW2 Characters: as Lovers (Angst) [sfw]

Valeria & Alejandro: 3some HCs [nsfw] (afab reader)

Ghost, Soap, & Gaz: Tattoo Artist Lover [sfw]

MW2 Characters: High School AU [sfw]

tbc…

oneshots:

ANGST:

You, With the Watercolor Eyes (Ghost x GN!Reader)

While on deployment, Ghost has nightmares in which you, his lover, fall out of love with him. The emotional turmoil from this causes him to fall into old, self-destructive habits. [sfw]

tbc…

FLUFF:

tbc…

SMUT:

Good, Good, Great (Ghost x Fem!Reader)

The two of you are roommates. You’re a bottle girl for the local strip club Myth, Ghost had been coerced into discussing information at the strip club. You’re miraculously on shift, and you’re flirting your way into a damn good tip. Just so happens that Ghost doesn’t like to share (even if you aren’t really his). [nsfw]

Say You're Mine (Ghost x Fem! Reader Good, Good, Great pt 2)

A few months later, Ghost takes his leave without telling you. He shows up to Myth unexpectedly on a busy Friday night while you have a plethora of tables to attend. Ghost doesn't seem to enjoy how you're serving a bachelor party, and he chooses to do something about it when the two of you get back to your shared flat. [nsfw]

tbc…

STAR WARS (THE MANDOLORIAN)

headcanons:

tbc…

FAIRY TAIL

headcanons:

Team Natsu: General HCs [sfw]

Sabertooth: General HCs [sfw]

tbc…

I usually stick to headcanons, but I sometimes stray to a one shot occasionally, requests are open for both! Please read the information below carefully before you request :)

I WILL WRITE: (I will gladly take requests for these)!

FEM and GN readers: As a cis girl, I am not particularly comfortable writing a male reader. Keep this in mind when requesting, please. If you don’t want a feminine reader, please let me know to write with a GN reader in mind and I’ll happily do so!

Fem and Masc characters: I will write for both! I like both so why wouldn’t I write for both?

Angst: My FAVORITE thing to write!! Please send me sad things to write about and I will literally speed right through it like a child mowing through a bag of apple slices.

Fluff: Sometimes consuming copious amounts tooth-rotting fluff to cope with the depressing content you just consumed is just what you need!

Smut: I can and will do it because I am nothing more than a simp; but you better look at the thin ice and will not write sections before you even think of asking me. Generic kinks and light BDSM are okay, see other categories for constraints.

Mental Health Struggles: Reader or character! Can include mental illnesses, coping mechanisms, and things like self harm or eating disorders. Not technically mental health related, but insecurities and family issues are also welcome.

THIN ICE: (I could write it, but it icks me).

Pregnancy and/or Breeding Kink, Somnophilia, CNC, and Cheating.

Throwing up/Vomit: I am extremely emetophobic. The only way I'll accept anything with something like this is: a) it's previous to what I am writing and/or b) it relates to an ED.

Slowburn: Not really my thing. Like, I could try, but it won’t really end up being a slow burn. Maybe like a going-the-speed-limit burn.

I WILL NOT WRITE: (If you ask me for any of these, you’re getting blocked!).

MALE reader: I’m sorry but as a person who is not and will not ever be a man I just don’t feel comfortable writing in the perspective of one.

Certain kink/fetishes (DDLG, ageplay, scat, uro, & other such bodily functions, feet), Incest, Pedophilia/Underage, Rape, Sexual assault, and Yandere/Stalker behavior.

KER is the singular form of KERES, a female spirit of death from Ancient Greek mythos. CERES is a dwarf planet named after the Roman goddess of agriculture, fertility, and motherly relationships.

[thedoover-if]

is this my first snippet haha? this got a little long LOL sorry but ill put it under the cut so your feeds arent clogged

little explaining of each here haha

first: you have a drink or more most days of the week. most times you hang around the club, the bartender has to cut you off personally and threaten their colleagues not to hand you any more drinks while they try to arrange a ride home for you

second: i think i responded to an anon's mail a couple days ago but youre kind of aloof, pessimistic and you tend to space out a lot (kind of not there mentally)

third: this MC doesnt spend many nights alone. very much a "no strings attached" kind of person now. they let loose, have their fun for the night and then move on and forget the next. they havent had that emotional bond with anyone since their ex-spouse. its going to be hard for the bartender and the patient to open up to this MC because they dont want to get caught up in that whole thing. by the time either of them take that step therell be heart involved but whether thats the same for the MC is the real question...

fourth: 'tell yourself something enough times, and you start to believe it'. the complete opposite of the second. this type of MC doesnt allow themselves much time to wallow. and they bounced back insanely quick after the divorce but can they keep the happy front up...?

fifth: shuts down every attempt of their friends and family tying to get them to open up. most people only know that the ex cheated and you divorced because of that. they refuse to re-hatch the past and instead of processing the divorce they just ignored it. its like it never happened. so when the ex-spouse shows up at their front step that will completely catch this MC off-guard but youll choose how to react

fyi the bartender's opinion on the ex being back in MCs life will completely differ between a 24/7 happy MC and an MC that refuses to talk about the divorce if that makes sense? they dont like the ex either way but like i mentioned theyre protective and they will be more or less hostile depending on how the MC coped

for the MCs who try to make the ex jealous with the bartender or the patient i want to let you know that by the end of the game you can have pretty much ruined your relationships/friendships with these people cause they wont stand for it

hope this makes sense!!!!!!

[i-eat-mold]

this is not a request and it is not about mold (i’m so sorry). i was just scrolling through your posts because they’re so fun, and i saw that you’re a bio major! i was just wondering what you were planning to do with that degree after college? i hope this doesn’t sound judgmental at all, im actually just curious! im a college student too and i love hearing about peoples plans (if you have no future aspirations career-wise and are just studying what you like or just doing what you gotta do to get a degree thats also a very valid answer)

What up my dude. Of course your ask is welcome here but I can’t guarantee you’re gonna be satisfied with the answer. To be fair I have been extremely depressed for the last few years. I could go on and on about that but there’s no point in dwelling in that rn. When it was time to choose what to do after graduating all I could think of was that I just wanted to do something that didn’t make me want to kill myself more than I already did. And that was biology. Maybe I should have studied engineering or chemistry or math or something useful like my parents told me. But the truth is that I don’t want to die as much now. Depression still lurks and it will and I get my episodes and I get weeks where the sun won’t stop shinning to me and I get my weeks of paralysis and doing really stupid things to cope. But now most days I can brush my teeth, I can get out of bed, I can shower and I can even take the trash out. I’m studying something that I fucking love and it’s still hard to get out of bed but I love attending the lectures and even studying. Do you know how much that means to me? Honestly if any of this resonates with any of you out there, specially younger folk who are terrified by their own mental illness, it gets better. Listen to me, it really does, you have to live through to see it. You can do what you need to survive. I won’t judge you. People love you.

Also I fucking love bugs that’s why. Maybe I’ll get into research or biochemistry or if I’m really really lucky I can do marine field work and sail around

All that said I’m so happy that you like my blog! I love sharing the little worms in my brain with you all silly little gay people inside my phone

[positive-vibes-in-trying-times]

hello y’all!

i’m claudia and I made this blog because I’ve seen how many people (including some of my close friends) have been affected by this recent shift in the leadership of our country! my aim for this blog is to 1. cheer people up with some lighthearted stuff and 2. allow people to rant/talk seriously about the election results and how they have affected them. i’m hoping this helps people even if it’s just something little <3

disclaimer: as much as i would love to, i usually won’t be able to get back to asks right away or post all the time. unfortunately, im also busy 😭. this blog, for me, is a way of coping and doing my small part to help the community affected by this!! that doesn’t mean ill have enough time or mental stamina to respond to everyone on time. <3

What will I be posting on here?

I will be reblogging small things that might help people to get a little bit of joy :) i personally like cute cats or animals, but lmk if there’s anything else!!

I will most likely be creating polls as well. for example, choose something to do today that might help, like hug a pet or loved one, drink some water/eat a snack, take 5 deep breaths, etc!

I will also be reblogging asks!! feel free to send in any whether it’s ranting, telling a personal story, etc! lmk if you don’t want it to be shared, though!

- I will tag any potentially triggering things as well as rants/etc (basically just anything about the election!!!) with “tw” and hide it under the cut, so you can filter that tag or skip those posts if you would like!! similarly, the positive ones that don’t talk about the election will be tagged with “:)”! -

What is my DNI list?

Obviously, don’t interact if you support trump in any way, shape or form. seems like a given i hope 😅

Also, for personal reasons, please don’t interact if you are against aromantic/asexual people or genderqueer people!! i am both of those and while i would prefer not getting my identity mixed into this, it’s a given for all my blogs!

Also I would hope obviously, don’t interact if you are against abortion or women’s rights, racist, homophobic, or sexist in any way, or are for banning books esp in schools !!

- You will be blocked and reported if any of these!! like my blog name says, positive vibes only <3 -

umm i think that’s it!! feel free to send in asks about rants, any questions, experiences, etc!!

stay safe yall <3

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: CALL or TEXT 988

The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth) Hotline: 1-866-488-7368

[angria]

Maybe TW? I don't know what to call it...ableist language? State treatment of mental illness, SH, SI. Nothing in detail.

Another good MH session with a larger turn out than last week. Although, one woman in attendance came up to me afterwards and ended up talking with me for 20 minutes about her daughter, who has severe, chronic mental illness. Who is under legal guardianship and in a state hospital.

The specific details this woman shared were definitely triggering on top of being caught off-guard by the amount of detail she was going into so quickly. I was trying to validate her desperation and her need to take care of herself while also not getting defensive of her daughter. Certain things the woman said about SH and suicide where completely misunderstood and me trying to explain x,y,z is part of being sick while not invalidating the woman's frustration. Her daughter cannot "rationalize" the same way the woman can ("Why can't she just choose to get better?"). To her daughter, SH and suicide make sense and are adaptive ways to cope with her history. They are "rational." The woman did tell me my class and what I told her afterward helped. She kept asking me "Should I just accept this?" I shared my own experience with the word "acceptance" and how I replaced it with "acknowledgement." She seemed to brighten to that wording.

But oof. Was not prepared for that happening this morning. When already feel like suicidal shit and carrying my own heaviness. This just reaffirmed I cannot handle clinical social work. I have such a hard time not internalizing and absorbing others' emotional experiences and not comparing my experiences with others (look, other people have it worse...who are you to be suicidal or SH?)

(also, I did ask the woman if she had external support and to check in with someone before leaving. She was upset, but not using suicidal language. And she said she talks to her therapist and E regularly about the situation).

[blackstarchanx3new]

Creations AU, But I obnoxiously over explain it PT 12

Pages 331-360

Art continues to deteriorate my art style looks goofy as hell but we're on the final stretch I CAN FEEL IT IN MAH BONES AII AAIII AAAHHH-

*Wrote this forever ago btw. lmfao

Funtime Foxy makes his grand appearance.

I continued to find it hilarious I had zero ideas for Foxy considering he's such a fan favorite but Funtime Foxy I had ideas for.

Foxy that's harassment.

Under usual circumstances I think they're pretty friendly but obviously Freddy's harboring a person in his stomach rn so...Not good. XD

Shinji toilet pose aside, Funtime Freddy being relatable is what I ended up going with for this "Rewrite" in the script. People liked Funtime Freddy's relatability so I ended up choosing that in this segment over him being a threatening antagonist.

Was that a good choice? idk.

If you're wondering:

The original concept was that due to Funtime Freddy's stubbornness and general anxiety, he was the ONE robot Mike couldn't logic talk his way around.

Ended up going with this route of Mike's usual adaptability to switching to soothing Freddy to get him to do what he wants.

Because Creation's Mike's biggest character trait is being a manipulator X'D

Which I can't remember if I've touched on this before buuuut:

Thematically Mike and William having the character traits of "manipulator" is intentional.

Like Mike and William in general are written to have a LOT of parallels.

Both are ill as fuck mentally, Mike just copes with it better.

Mike has support systems to keep him from becoming anything like William.

Mike has the ability to confront things WAAAY better than William.

Mike and William both have shitty relationships with their parents.

They even kinda LOOK similar. (In a VERY early draft I vaguely remember considering Mike to be one of William's kids but this was dropped so early in development but Mike having a shitty father was smth that stayed as a concept through to the final.)

Point is: They're alike. And that's fun to see how exactly our protagonist Mikey boy is compared to William as more scenes with William happen. He's not nearly focused on as much in the FNAF 1 arc but I plan to show him more in other comics eventually. Like Spring Bonnie's friends.

Oh hey color is back.

Mike contemplates what to do moving forward considering Funtime Freddy can't move forward.

Mike NOOOOO.

Flaaaaaashback.

Pep talk from Mike.

Funtime Freddy wanting to avoid Michael.

For some reason.

Michael being sus.

Well, he got dunked on.

IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING. THE REVEAL BABYYYYYY.

Alright let's talk quickly about the reveal shit and all of it leading to this: Michael's design was a huge give away. He's had the face plate design on his face since his first appearance. He's been very obviously a Sister Location inspired robot. Robots made by William Afton.

He and Sammy are the only two people with unrealistic eye colors.

Michael's eyes were often drawn glowing.

Michael's backstory just didn't make any sense if you looked at it hard enough. (This is because he's not a real person)

His "Death" at the hands of mangle show he could get impaled in the stomach and live. Because he's a robot.

And why?

Why did the story take this narrative route: I just wanted to make a robot character that seemed human better than Charlie from the trilogy.

Logic wise she makes no sense and I wanted to write a robot that pretends to be human with more logic behind it. (...Yes fnaf is insane but I do like a level of logic to the stories...otherwise it's just gets silly and outlandish and not in a fun way. ESPECIALLY if you have a twist/reveal...Like those are only impactful in a satisfying way if there's LOGIC behind it)

FSR, out of EVERY bullshit thing in FNAF. Charlie being a robot pisses me off the most. X'D

Originally: Michael was meant to run around in a female Spring Bonnie suit and a reveal was that HE WAS this Spring Bonnie character. (I would still like to do this somewhere down the line possibly without the reveal. X"D) His name was also "Dave" at one point. He was a red haring for the killer back when I first started writing the plot of this comic.

This character evolved into William's weird robot son in a lowkey call back to the stupid af "Mikebot" theory. X'D

SO Michael's entire existence in this comic is "Shit I hated the fandom's/the book's take on, done in a way I enjoy"

Yeah Mike, Michael's your friend.

All of Michael's actions do speak to a level of him caring about Mike's safety and friendship.

I'll let Michael monologue but man I just. Love MIchael so much in this comic. X'D

He's not a good person by any stretch. He's sat idly by while his father MURDERED PEOPLE for his creation.

Also: This comic's name "Creations".

Michael is the creation.

*Dabs* This is so stupid. XD

But yeah Michael: That sweet persona he slaps on is a mask. He's a jaded, kind of evil person. HE IS Afton's children. None of them were good people either.

Like cody: he's too much of a coward to face his father.

Like Josh: He's an asshole

and Like how Elizabeth became: he's a manipulator.

Michael's awful and I love him.

He's also very tragic for the reason he is an entity in perpetual agony and emotionally (And honestly physically due to how he describes the process of Afton creating him) abused by his father.

He feels powerless to change things but wants too, exerts control over characters he KNOWS he can like the funtime animatronics and does so due to being powerless in other fields of his life.

He slaps on a mask of this friendly ignorant facade of the owner's sheltered son so people will like, trust and want to be friends because he's a lonely person who can only make friends with his father's OTHER victims who are trapped inside the suits/animatronics. (Since as I stated Michael IS a victim in this too)

Bonnie even seems to KNOW he's a victim considering Michael's talk with Bonnie way earlier in the comic.

But this mask cracks around Mike because Mike is in a lot of ways JUST like Michael.

Abused by their family, powerless, putting on facades and masks and at the end of the day just want others to connect with them and to change horrible circumstances.

We reached the image limit but I love these characters so much. 💙💜

*And talking form 10/11/2024 now: I have a desire to finish this ARC of the story! So stay tuned and hopefully i stay motivated!

[radioactivewisdom]

I don't understand the last anon's assumption that antinatalists think life is 100% suffering all of the time. I definetly think there's some peace and joy to be had in life but that it comes once you separate yourself from most of the world. Creating a refuge in your heart away from the world's cruelty and knowing you're not contributing to it IS the peace. Why create a new being to go through the world's traumas, just so they, too, can get their heart's pummeled by the heartless masses until they realize they have to go within to find peace? What is the point of doing that and how does one do that without risking their own safety and peace, by making themselves more vulnerable and dependant on the system because now they're now responsible for not only their own, but their child's safety in a world full of predators? And of course most people who are already alive want to keep living. Making the best of a situation that was forced upon you and putting that situation upon someone else is not the same thing. Finding peace in my life after all of the cruelty I've experienced does not mean I should comfortably assume another person will be able to go through it and reach the point I've reached. Is it possible that a child born into a drug infested, abusive home will eventually be able to find happiness in life? Of course, people can take control of their lives even when born into bleak circumstances. But choosing to birth them into that in the first place is still incredibly fucked up. All that said, I'm not involved in antinatalist politics myself. People definetly can have an opinion for different reasons and I'm not very impressed with most antinatalists. Anon is wrong that most people would kill themselves if they genuinely thought life was suffering. I do think life is generally suffering for most people and they know it deep down, but that they think their suffering is worth it as long as they can get high through a variety of coping mechanisms. That's on them and they could choose to stop suffering, but I'm still not bringing someone here just so they can have to live in a world of zombies or become one themselves. They can blame it on people being "terminally online" all they want, just like they do everything else they disagree with, but people who saw through this animal hell have always existed and chosen to not reproduce. But their common sense died with them, that's the point. Everyone who exists right now exists because two people wanted to fuck, meaning their very existence is a result of stupidity and selfishness. So of course they feel the urge to deny the nature of fucking and defend it to the death, while making anyone who sees through it out to be mentally ill.

This was wonderful to read, thank you so much for sharing your message. A refuge in your own heart is key! It can comfort you in even the most dire situations. I agree so much with what you’ve said at the end. So much defensiveness and trying to apply higher meaning to self serving urges. You’re correct in the assumption that most people want to keep living despite how much they suffer, and that’s not a bad thing when choosing for oneself. I can tell that your mind is a well of insights, this is one of my favorite breakdowns of this topic I’ve read.