#it’s just that however much is too much changes over the years

[limarkova]

Yandere Batfam x Neglected Reader x Yandere Al Ghuls

Pt 7.

Prev

The gun was cold in your hands. After everyone had left for patrol, you had snuck into Jason's room. Knowing he wasn't in the manner made it easier to do soon. You took one of his smaller guns and 4 boxes of ammo. It took you longer than you would have liked to match the bullet in the gun's magazine. Still you were able to find the right ones. He also had throwing knives hidden in his room which you gladly took.

Now standing on the small private beach in the back of the manor grounds, you shot at discarded cans. Your old tablet played videos on gun safety and how to aim. Still you couldn't hit a can. It was different from throwing a blades.

With a blade there were many factors. How you held the blade played a part. The best way you found was to hold the blade towards you balancing it on your middle and index finger. Than lightly push down with your thumb towards your palm. Bring that up over your head than throwing and releasing. When you released, how much power you put in, and amount of pressure you placed with your thumb depended on distance. Aiming was just a matter of when to let go.

Yet it seemed like very little of that applied to guns. Sure there were sights to help you aim. But that didn't mesh well with how you were used to aiming with knives. Plus the kick back was starting to make your wrists ache. Jason was doing this shit one handed. Maybe you were holding it wrong, the videos weren't giving you a good view. Adjusting your grip you tried again.

Bang. The can stayed upright but at least the gun didn't kick back as much. You were able to keep from flinching too much as well so you were adjusting to the noise. There was a new chip in the rock next to the can. You sighed before setting the weapon down. This wasn't working.

Yes, you had improved. No longer hitting the sand or the cliff face behind your target. Still you weren't hit the can and weren't even that far away. There was no way you could face these guys without a weapon. Grumbling in frustration, you took one of the throwing knives and threw at the can. That one actually hit.

You reached over and paused the video. It was than you heard something. It was faint an inhale of breath from behind some rocks. Breathing throught your nose, you steel your nerves. Going off on Dick ealier was going have consequences. Maybe Bruce had sent someone to take you back. There was no telling. Smiling at the screen, you said, "Break time."

You changed the video to a dance routine you liked. Taking the first position in the dance you waited.

Dance was a hobby you picked up from Barbara. You had watched her do some old ballet routines from when she was seven. Orginially she had preformed them for Dick back when you were one, you could barely remember the movements. Still caused a small spark in you, a want to be like your big sister. The spark remained for two years. You started learning from videos when you were three. You never did them where anyone could see you, preferring to learn privately. In the experiments, you would use the routines in your cell to check that your muscles still functioned properly.

Now you used it as a way to observe subtly. The spins and position changes allowed you to take stock of your surroundings. Mid song is when you saw him.

He was hidden in alcove with a deep green cloak. He was tall around the same height as Jason. A part of you question if he just came from a Ren Fair because of his clothes. However that didn't seem to matter as much as his size and the sword at his hip. He was probably trained to use it too. You didn't doubt he could fight just as well as Bruce. You would have one shot to take him out.

The choreography had you turn away from him. When he couldn't see you grabbed a knife from the holster. Twirling back around, you flung it straight for his head. He caught it by the handle right in front of his throat. Too low. "Impressive. Going for a killing blow before I can start the fight."

The man step forward spinning the blade in his hand. You step back and began thinking of ways out. He stopped five feet away from you and tossed the dagger towards you. "Though your throwing form was off causing the blade to not have as much force. I can excuse that for the creativity of blending it with a dance."

"What?" You caught the dagger feeling it sink into your hand. You turned it subtly allowing the wound to heal.

The man nodded to your hand, "That also makes you intriguing. A girl capable of healing with great potential that needs only to be refined."

The climb up the cliff's edge was not a viable option. You could run into the sea, swim or just let yourself drown. Yet you couldn't judge if he was capable of swimming or if he would buy the fake death. If he came from the experiments he would know drowning didn't actually kill. There was no way out. The man gestured, "Get into a throwing position."

You paused, looking at him. Why did he want you to get into throwing position. If he was take you back than letting you fight him seemed useless. He tilted his head making his gesture again, "Do you not wish to learn?"

Slowly you got back into throwing position. He walked over to you. The first thing he did was kick your legs slightly further apart. Afterwards he made you bend your knees slightly. He than grabbed your hand, paused, and had you pull it back just a little further.

Once satisfied with the adjustments, he walked back to his spot 5 feet away. "Throw."

You did. This time he had to stop in front of his face. The throw felt more powerful and you had an easier time staying balance. With some minor adjustments he fixed a problem you hadn't fully realized you had. This allowed you to grab another blade and get in position quicker.

He smiled once more. "Again." You did, this time aiming for his throat. He caught the knife once more, nodding once again. The two of you practice knife throwing for a few minutes. In that short time he had you do underhand throws and side thows. He clapped after another successful throw, "Enough."

You were out of knives. He moved towards you again and handed the blades over to you. As he handed them to you, he started to speak. "Don’t fuss with the gun for right now. With a blade you are more dangerous to people not paying attention."

Once done he handed you an ornate blade. It was incredibly sharp with a blood red handle in the shape of spider lilies. The handle was a polished wood that shone in the moonlight. There was a sheath underneath the blade that could be strapped to your hip. "When next we meet I will show you how to use this blade efficiently."

"Where will we met again?"

"You'll know." He turned and left without another word. You grabbed Jason's gun before leaving yourself. The whole encounter felt like a dream.

Stephanie was physically watching Orphan's assigned target but mentally she was thinking about (Name). When she first arrived at the manor, she had been fed stories by Tim. Of how she stole his mask and yelled at him for replacing Jason. So as the next Robin she avoided the girl.

Than she became Batgirl for a brief sprint. Which made her made her more wearily about accidentally coming off as replacing Barbara. When she did try reaching out to the girl it was awkward. Plus the girl seem perfectly content living life without her barging in.

Steph had left her be figuring she had plenty of other siblings to bond with. There was no way in a manor full of people she was alone. Right?

God, now she just felt stupid. Assumptions really had made an ass out of her. Right now she was just waiting for the man to get off the phone with whoever he was talking to. After struggling to find anything beyond (Name)'s mother and she had switched task with Cass. The girl seemed more interested in doing the research anyway, so what was the harm.

She would finish investigating for the day, take a nap, than take the girl out somewhere. Maybe have a girls day with Barbara and Cass tagging along. Get their nails done, haircuts, bat burgers, maybe karaoke. Was any of that stuff (Name) was interested in? Whatever the girl had gone through was pretty traumatic, based solely on the breakdown Dick described. She deserved to have a fun day where they could spoiled her. Maybe she could take her rollerskating. Steph stopped her planning as the guy finished the phone. First they had to make sure these guys were handled.

Crashing through the window, Spoiler caught the guy off gaurd. He jumped reaching for a weapon. She grabbed his wrist and pinned him to wall. "Hey Matthew. Let's have a quick chat."

"Look, Whatever you're here for I didn’t do it." The guy, Matthew Jenkins, struggled against Spoiler's hold. He had worked with James and Marcus at a security firm two years ago before spontaneously quitting four days before (Name) disappeared. The same had occurred with two other man, Henry Duncan and Gregory Hartley. Signal had already reported that Henry was dead and had been for awhile. Maybe five or six days

"Oh, okay. So you have no contact to (Name) Wayne?" Spoiler pushed on his wrist a little harder making him cry out in pain.

"Who?"

"Playing dumb won't help you. I already know you were using her debit card to pull cash." They didn't actually know which of five man were pulling cash from the card. Based on video analysis there had be at least three of them making the pulls, so odds were good.

Matthew froze in Spoiler's hand, sucking in a breath. Looks like she was on the right track. "Shit, that girl really was a Wayne?"

Spoiler twisted his wrist just a little bit. He hissed through his teeth, "Yeah. Keep talking."

"Fuck. Look we didn't know exactly what they were doing to the kid. We just watched the room they kept her in and moved her to research room when asked. They usually carted her back when we were on lunch. It was just a good paying job and she never looked to badly hurt."

"How much were they paying you."

"Fithteen hundred a week." Matthew lightly banged his head against the wall, "Shit I should have tapped out when Henry did. I knew the girl was going to get us in more trouble than she was worth."

"Henry Duncan?"

"Yeah. Is he doing okay, we haven't heard from him since he stormed off the job?" Matthew shifted in Spoiler's grasp.

"He was found dead in ditch two hours ago. Marcus Antonio was found shot last night in his apartment." Matthew let out shocked breath and shook his head.

"We are fucked."

"Maybe not. If you answer all my questions I might be able to get you out of Gotham." It was a gamble but one Spoiler had to take. This guy could give her at least a location on where they held her and maybe who was paying them. Especially if three of them were dead. "First, you mentioned Duncan tapping out. What happened to make him leave?"

"They had said the testing was almost completed. They just had one last test to make sure everything was successful before we would know if we'd be getting raises or let go?" Matthew started. "We were informed to never look in the room unless instructed to."

"Henry didn't listen did he?" Spoiler let up on his wrist. He was more scared of these guys than her right now, better to let that fear keep him talking.

Matthew shook his head, "Henry didn't listen. After the final test he got curious because she was oddly quiet. We could usually hear her muttering to herself. He said she looked like a deflated balloon."

Matthew paused taking a deep breath. "We all looked. I don't know what they did but her chest had caved in on itself. There also something growing in her. Honestly I thought she was dead until she blinked. Henry lost it, said he wasn't going down for whatever they had done to her. We all almost walked out but James stopped us. If the last test was marked successful we'd each get a raise to five thousand dollars a week."

"You know what happened to James?"

"The kid killed him. She also took out Greg's eye with a fucking scalpel. No amount of money is that shit." Matthew banged his head to the wall.

Spoiler paused processing. Money was a huge motivation to this guy, so chances were he knew who was paying him. "Where was the money coming from? Not just for your paycheck either."

"The girl’s card and her tuition. Her dad was giving her fifteen thousand a week. They use that to buy a generator and some other shit to keep the building off grid. We would pull cash for them every once and a while but most of it came from the accountant. They would divert the kid's tuition to James, he paid us." That explained where the tuition was going.

"Who was in charge?" Spoiler needed a name. Sure she had a lot to rely back at the cave but she needed just a little more.

"I don't know." The pressure return to his wrist. Matthew started struggling, "I don't know, I work with some intern chick who took notes on girl's status and the accountant."

"Good enough. Give their names." Spoiler gave his wrist one last twist.

"The intern chick's name was Isabella, I never got a last name. Just heard a rumor that she was related to the big boss. The accountant was..."

"Mr. Davis, so glad to finally be able to meet you." The man zip tied to his office chair glared at you. After the training on the beach you discovered you still had five hours before anyone got back to the manor. Using the Gotham Subway you had gotten to Davis' office. Surprisingly the man was still there. Hurriedly packing files into a briefcase. You used the knife to keep him under control until you could zip tie him to the chair. The man had proven right, a knife was more powerful.

You glanced at the files. Documents approving a change in wiring numbers, written approval for changes to the limits on your checking account as a minor, and so much more. All incriminating with Bruce Wayne's signature on the bottom. You turned your gaze to Davis twirling a throwing knife in your hand. Sitting on his desk made you eye level with him, "Now what were doing with these?"

"Fuck you brat." His word turned into a cry of pain as you threw the knife. It cut a line across his cheeks.

Standing from his desk you walk towards him. Pulling the stranger's dagger from the sheath you held it over his hand, above the knuckle of his left thumb. "Let’s try again. What were doing with those files?"

"I'm not scared of a fucking ten year old." Of course. You were a baby faced ten year old. Who would be scared of you? If you wanted information from this man you had to scare him into giving it to you.

Pushing down on the blade, he started to scream. It took a minute find where the blade could cut through. Mangled his hand pretty bad but eventually his thumb came off. He slumped in the chair, panting. Was this how you looked when they cut off your body parts?

"Will you answer me now? I really don't want to have cut off another one." You picked up his severe digit, rolling it around in your palm. There was a disturbing calm in the violence. It was as if you could finally relax. Maybe the experiments had messed with your head more than you thought, "Well."

"Fine. I was told to destroyed them." Davis spat the words out inbetween harsh breaths. Finally information.

You lifted an eyebrow and set the thumb on his desk, "By who?"

"Clint Owen. He was my son's doctor." You began to think through the people you saw in the experiments. There were six scientists that would poke at you. Clint was probably one of them, especially if he was a doctor. They hadn't used names near you.

"What did he tell you about the experiments?" The more information the better, you needed to know what Bruce gained from this. Davis stayed silent. There was an intense staring contest between you two. Finally you sighed, "Okay, fine. Your ring or your pinkie? I'm thinking pinkie, personally."

"No, I'll tell you." Davis started to struggle in the chair as you walked closer. "Owens told me, it was a way to get organs for dying kids. That's all I know, he offered to give my son one of the kidneys."

"Really? You did all of this for a kidney?" At least you knew where your kidney was now. Wrong thing to focus on but your head was getting buzzy from the violence.

"He would have died without it." Davis shook his head. A part of you felt a little bad for cutting off his thumb. The man was just desperate to save his kid. Could you really blame him for that? "Beside, the Waynes needed to be taken down a peg. Why not remind those idiots their money can't do shit to save anyone, even their own? The little bitch had it coming."

Nevermind. You stabbed the knife through his right hand. He pissed himself, gross. You began talking over his screams "Did I ask for your shit rate opinions? No, I didn't. Stick to telling me the facts or your losing the hand. Who was involved in the experiments?"

"Three doctor's from the Martha Wayne Childern's Hospital, One researcher from Gotham U and his student assistant." He screamed the words at you. A part of you contemplated twisting the knife just because you could. When had you got so violent? Eh later problem.

"Names." You sounded bored even to your own. Maybe you should be concerned, how do you get here again?

"I don't know." The darker part of you won, twisting the blade in his hand. He started struggling again. "I'm telling the truth, I really don't know. They weren't on any payroll I had access to."

"Who's Sionis?"

"Black Mask. He provided the weapons for the guards." Oh that wasn't good. Black Mask was violent hopefully you could just ignore him as an ignorant arms dealer.

You paused looking him up and down. This wasn't a lot of information. Yes, you had a name and occupations for some of the scientists. There were also the documents showing Bruce Signed off on this. The paper proved he was involved by themselves. But than the take the Waynes down a peg comment didn't fit. "Who was on payroll?"

"Doesn't matter half of them are dead."

"Is that an opinion?" You removed the knife from his hand.

He paled and began pushing back in his chair, "James Lenon, Marcus Antonio, Henry Duncan, Gregory Hartley, Matthew Jenkins. They were the ones guarding the place. The first three are dead, the fourth guy left Gotham after losing his eye. Jenkins is the only one left in town."

Maybe you could get to Jenkins before he left. Than again those guys didn't seem to know much. You could hear them talking through the door at night. They nickname for the scientists and never talk much about the experiments other than supplies. What else could you get from him, "Who was in charge of the experiments?"

"Owens."

"Are you sure?" Davis paused. He gave you a wide eye pleading look while nodding. You looked out the window while trying to connect the pieces.

If Cass was the one who found 'the school' than you needed a connection between her and Owens. Of course Bruce wouldn't let someone like Davis know he was connected. With Davis's disgruntled attitude towards Bruce, he was likely state up to rat on the wrong people. With no clue about Bruce's real involvement it be easy to brush him off as a rouge accountant. Probably claim forgery on the signatures too.

"Well. I got everything I needed." You flipped the knife in your hand. Grabbing the briefcase you turned towards the door.

"Wait, you gotta let me go." Davis tried shuffling the chair. You looked towards him and considered. He could alert Bruce to your investigation.

You gave him a sheepish smile. "Right my bad." You walked behind him and the smile dropped. The next few moments blurred into your mind but than you were the fire escape. Holding a briefcase and changing into some clothes you had brought with you. Checking time you realized you had 3 hours to get back to the manor.

The rest of your investigation would be on hold until you were fully trained and they were lulled into a false sense of security.

Bruce starred at the body of his accountant. His hands had been mutilated and his throat slit. Written in his blood on the wall behind the body was, "Don’t Forget Me."

Both remaining gaurds had implicated Davis as the one that tranferred the tuition money to them. Said they didn't know names but faces of the scientists. Their last lead pointed to Davis as having more information. (Name) wouldn't tell them anything if they went by her interaction with Dick. Yet he was dead when they got here and all of his financial records had been thrown about the office be covered in blood. It seemed most of the ones on (Name) were missing either way.

The next best hope was to look into Meta Traffickers who went off the grid two years ago. Maybe they could look into doctors too since one was needed for that kind of experiment.

Bruce's eyes drifted to the words on the wall. There was no way they would forget this person. Not until who ever they were was behind bars for what they did to (Name). Bruce's hands drifted to the center pocket of his suit and pulled out a photo.

It was him holding (Name) as an infant. A broad smile on his face as he cradled the squirming infant. Looking back at the scene Bruce made a silent vow to not let the people who hurt her get away.

Prev

Taglist:

@stove-top96 @00hellohello00 @mysticalhills @yhin-gg @charlenexoxo1 @a-lurking-fae @moondust-clouds @darkumbreon92 @jsprien213 @bellethesleepypotato @time-shardz @randomlyappearingartist @kittzu @bat1212 @vanilliona @welpthisisboring @plsfckmedxddy @tulnukaz @eyeless-kun @daisy56789

[saltinyourwound]

let me (nam-gyu)

nam-gyu x gn!reader, 1.9k words, angst, fluff, smut

synopsis: you know your roommate, nam-gyu, has been struggling, and you offer him help him out in a… different way

warnings: smut!, illusions to drug abuse(nothing in detail), sub!nam-gyu, softdom!reader, handjob, really nothing too crazy, might be a little ooc nam-gyu

note: hi! this is weird for me because i haven’t posted my writing in years, but i wanted to share this because of the lack of squid game writing on here <3 i’m unsure whether i’ll post anything else, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless :)

—

sighing under the steaming hot water, you allowed your shoulders to relax for what seemed to be the first time all week. finally, it was friday, and your work week was over. finally, you had your break from your crappy 9-5 where you could feel your body rotting by the minute.

you wanted to quit, of course, but this job was the only thing keeping a roof over your head when you had to pay your share of the rent, and you knew surely your roommate wouldn’t be able to pay it by himself.

your roommate— nam-gyu— was not necessarily the ideal man to live with. you had your fair share of him stumbling into the apartment intoxicated, or him and his friends yelling obscenely at late hours. however, your past roommate had left without warning to move in with her boyfriend, and you were left scrambling.

thankfully, your friend se-mi, introduced you to nam-gyu, a man working at a club who had just been evicted from his last place for reasons he would never care to share. you had assumed it was something to do with the suspicious look in his eyes when he would come home in the middle of the night, sporting a chatty, boyish demeanor that clashed greatly with his typical standoffish and sarcastic personality. however, he never let you see what he actually took, murmuring something about it being “not anything someone like you should worry about”.

nam-gyu left you perplexed most of the time. of course, you were frustrated with him as a roommate, but there was times when you wished he would let you in as a friend. you knew nam-gyu wasn’t a bad guy. he kept his space clean and feed the stray cats outside of your apartment complex. he showed up at a moment’s notice when his friend called him after he was badly injured in a fight. however, he didn’t allow you to see when you knew he was struggling, even when you could hear his pained sobs he tried to muffle through the thin walls. you really had no basis to act on, but you knew that you wanted to support him.

with a groan, you turned off the running water and stepped out of the shower. tonight, there was nothing you could do about the pesky situation with your roommate, as you knew he had probably already left for his evening shift at the club. you wrapped a towel around your body and began your walk to your bedroom to get changed, but you gasped when you nearly bumped into another person.

“you scared the hell out of me!” you exclaimed, hand on your chest as you stared wide-eyed at the man in front of you.

“woah, shit, sorry. didn’t mean to scare you.” nam-gyu laughed, holding both of his hands up in surrender.

“what are you doing here, not at work?” you asked, shaking your head slightly to rid yourself of the shock in your lungs.

“ah, i got that one new guy to take my shift. i wasn’t in the mood to deal with shitty customers today.” he explained, stress evident in his tone. he rubbed his hands on his face before actually taking a second to look at you. when he realized your still damp body was only covered by a towel, his breath hitched in his throat, and he quickly adverted his gaze with pink ears.

“okay,” you paused with suspicion, eyeing nam-gyu in front of you. “just— are you going to have people over tonight? ‘cause i really don’t want to deal with so much noise.”

“nah, i won’t.” nam-gyu still wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“alright, cool. i’ll be in my room if you need me,” you replied, relieved, and made your way past him towards your room to get changed. nam-gyu froze in place as you walked past, squeezing his hands into fists at the smell of your body wash. he rubbed he face once again, before making a beeline towards his room, abandoning the soda he was about to grab in the fridge.

—

once changed into a comfortable loose tee and pair of sleep shorts, you collapsed into your bed, letting out a sigh. it didn’t take long, however, for you to reluctantly roll your body up due to the empty feeling in your stomach. you hadn’t eaten since your lunch break, but the idea of cooking made your shoulders sag down.

you figured your week was hard enough that you deserved take-out. you also figured that nam-gyu likely hadn’t eaten anything since you left your leftover lunch in the fridge yesterday— you had known he wouldn’t cook something himself and managed to cook too much once again anyways.

after allowing your feet to guide you down the unfamiliar track to nam-gyu’s bedroom, your hand froze in place hearing what sounded like.. your name? you held your breath at the sound, leaning closer to the door. it was, most definitely, your name being called— or really, more so whined, accompanied by soft gasps and erratic breathing.

was nam-gyu…crying? you remembered your thoughts earlier, and your heart felt pained at the idea. you considered your options. you could let nam-gyu struggle, possibly risking him doing something he would regret, or you could try and offer him help. or he could scream at you for intruding and never speak to you again.

you can’t keep allowing him to suffer alone, you reasoned with yourself and slowly turned the doorknob, but what you were meeting with was not a sobbing nam-gyu.

instead, the man lay on his bed with his eyes screwed shut and mouth slacked open, with one hand clutching his bedsheets and the other.. fisted around his cock at a nonforgiving pace. the very sight made you gasp, causing nam-gyu’s eyes to shoot open in your direction.

“holy shit!” he exclaimed, quickly pulling his blanket to cover himself.

you clapped your hands over your eyes, “fuck, i’m sorry!”

you heard nam-gyu swearing to himself quietly, and everything in you wanted to run back to your room in embarrassment, but something kept your feet planted to the ground. slowly, you peeled your hand from your eyes, looking at nam-gyu once more.

his entire body was flushed, and the shocked yet dazed in his eyes made your breath quicken. “i— why are you just standing there?!” he implored, eyes flicking over your face.

“you… were saying my name, right?” you ask breathlessly, and nam-gyu went rigid.

“what? no! no, no, no, of course not i was just—”

“you don’t have to lie.” you took a step closer.

“no, i— i wasn’t i swear. you’re my fucking roommate i wouldn’t—”o“really?” you cut him off again, analyzing his stressed expression. the furrowed eyebrows, sweaty skin, glossy eyes. “huh. i wish you were, though.”

“huh!? what do you— are you fucking with me?”

“no. i wish you were whimpering my name while you jack off.” your voice was uncharacteristically level, yet your heart was beating out of your chest. you couldn’t, however, let this opportunity pass. the idea of him wanting you excited you to no end, and it certainly helped that he looked so pretty like this.

“are you serious?” nam-gyu whispered, trying to detect if you were lying.

“of course. you don’t have to say yes but, i could.. help you out, if you wanted me to...”

all it took was a breathy “please..” for you to join nam-gyu on his bed. slowly, you eased his covers off of him, taking in the sight that transfixed you. his cock was pretty, with a flushed tip and a dribble of pre leaking out of it. what arosed you more, though, was his tear filled eyes and quivering lips.

“you’re entirely sure you want this?” you confirmed.

“yes, god, please. ‘want you more than anything.”

your thighs clenched together at his words. not taking your eyes off of his own, you wrapped your hand around the base of his length, and started to slowly move it up and down. nam-gyu let out a whine at the touch, his eyes casting to the ceiling.

your thumb swiped across his tip before continuing your movements. “doin’ so well, ‘gyu. keep looking at me, yeah?” you could sense how heavily your words effected nam-gyu with how much louder he became.

“‘s so good. fuck, you’re so good. ‘been thinking about this f’so long”

your eyes shot open in surprise. “really? how long, baby?”

“since i fucking meet you. fucking hell when i saw you, ah, in that towel i almost came right there”

your eyes rolled back at his words. he had always wanted you? while you were worried out of your mind about his well-being, he was undressing you in his mind? “fuck..” you murmured, feeling your own breath start to become rushed.

nam-gyu’s whines and groans turned into moans as you kept at your pace. you felt transfixed as your other hand traced his collarbone, feeling his erratic heartbeat in the center of his flushed chest. you knew that your heartbeat matched.

you could tell in the way his cock twitched and his body shook that nam-gyu was close. what made your breath hitch, though, was his own hand snaking up his chest to lace with your own, desperately. as if the touch was what he needed.

“shit, i’m—” nam-gyu came with a gasp, his chest heaving under your hands entwined, where he squeezed your hand with intensity.

“fuck, so good f’me..” you murmured, transfixed on the sight, your thumb rubbing circles on his hand with care.

nam-gyu opened his eyes with caution. “holy shit..” he breathed out, a pretty serene trace in his features that fought with the confusion he still had. “why did you—?”

you felt oddly struck with emotion. your hand tightened around his. “…i wanted to. i want to.. be here. with you. i’m— i’m sorry this is sappy at the wrong time but— i’ve been thinking about you for so long. please— let me be here..? you can use me however you want. even if it’s just a shitty handjob, i want to—”

“stop.” fear and embarrassment clogged up your chest. just as you we going to start apologizing, nam-gyu slowly brought your hand to his mouth, leaving a shaky kiss that left your skin sparkling in its wake. “i want you too. i’ve always wanted you. more than fucking sex. i—i’ve been scared as hell lately about everything but you.. you make me want to try.”

you felt speechless.

“i’m an asshole and you— you don’t deserve that. but,” nam-gyu had a pleading look in his eyes as he sat up, other hand cupping your warm cheek, “i want you. let me prove it.”

you couldn’t hold back yourself from letting the space between you close, groaning quietly as you felt his lips soft on yours. you felt his sincerity. you hadn’t before realized the care you held for nam-gyu had manifested into something so strong, but you felt a wash of relief as you let yourself bathe in the honesty that had bubbled out from between the two of you.

nam-gyu was first to pull away, and he looked at you with care and urgency in his eyes, “tomorrow i’ll take you out on a date. we— fuck— can figure everything out then, but right now i need more of you.”

“then take me.”

[nekrosmos]

John and Nikolai finally have time to spend an evening together, but John came back exhausted from an op and is now fighting to stay awake for Nikolai's sake, while Nik really only wants him to rest.

(Just a little bit nsfw at the beginning)

...

"Are you sure you are up for this, John?"

Nikolai wasn't a fool, he could see the exhaustion on John's face, the way his eyelids felt heavier than the dumbbells he was used to pulling almost every day, the heavy bags under his tired eyes. It was a good sight, a more vulnerable side of John he wasn’t used to showing to the world. To allow himself to drop his guard enough to fall asleep by someone’s side, well, Nik certainly felt like the luckiest man in the world. 

“I am… want to make you feel good….”

Those last words were barely coherent, John’s speech getting worse and worse with each passing minute he was fighting to stay awake. It was adorable. 

“Right. So if I asked for your lips around my cock, you would do it?”

Nik was teasing him, a wide smile on his face as he observed John’s reaction, or lack thereof, as the captain stared vacantly at him, his eyes barely open. For a second, Nik assumed that John had finally fallen asleep, until his hand moved, brushing his tired face with the back of it. 

“Just fuck me, Nik, c’mon.”

A gentle and quiet laugh was Nik’s response. If there was one thing John Price was, it was stubborn. Unless he physically restrained him and tightly tucked him under a blanket, this wasn’t a fight he had a chance to win. There were, however, many ways to win a fight. 

“Da, let me get to it then.” 

It was getting difficult for Nikolai to stop himself from laughing. John was laying on their bed, absorbed by the pillows and the blankets, like he was floating above a cloud. Nik stood on his knees between John’s legs, hands gently brushing the inside of his thigh. 

Spending time together was always a difficult task when both John and Nikolai spent their days on different sides of the world, dodging bullets and risking their lives. It was rare for them to be on the same continent, let alone the same room, despite how much they wanted it. 

When the two finally had some free time to spend together, Nikolai always wanted to do something special for John: taking him on dates, making him try food he knew he would love, fly him to a secluded place and make love to him under the stars. He wanted to make up for lost time, of course, and John knew that, a slight leftover of guilt left in the captain’s heart over the years he had wasted being too scared of this relationship. 

But, sometimes, all they got was a single night together, shared after John came back from an op. Often times, he was exhausted, bruised, and needed rest more than he needed any more adventures. This was such a case, as Gaz had informed Nikolai earlier that no one in the team had been able to get any shut eyes in the past forty hours. John was exhausted, but he was as stubborn as they came and had assured Nik that he was up for this. Right. 

A soft smile still on his lips, Nikolai bent down, kissing the naked skin of his lover’s hips, while his hands kept wandering around the lower parts of his body, his thighs so perfect under his fingers. A low groan escaped John’s throat, a quick glance confirming that his eyes were now fully closed. Not yet asleep, however, and so Nik continued, leaving kisses on his belly and ribs, hands still massaging him as best he could, soft sounds coming from John until eventually, his breathing changed, slowing down, limbs going limp. 

Nikolai smiled softly as he pulled himself up, resting next to John as he dragged a blanket on top of their naked bodies. He allowed himself, for a moment, to just observe the now asleep man next to him.

There was a sternness to John that immediately disappeared when he was sleeping, his brow relaxing, his jaw less tense, at peace, finally. Nikolai knew that his dreams wouldn’t be comforting, they never had been and probably never would be, but he was here, for him, ready to pull him closer when needed, ready to kiss the nape of his neck as his arms wrapped themselves around his shape. 

Perhaps Nik was a selfish man. He had pondered this thought many, many times in the past. To want something as much as he wanted John, to crave him like he was the only thing that mattered, it had been maddening, and still he waited. Now that John finally was his, there was nothing in this world that could pull him away from him. He had waited for so many years, that spending some time watching the other half of his heart slowly drift to sleep as they laid in bed together felt like a well-earned reward. And if that made him a selfish man, well then to hell with it. 

“Good night, John.” 

His voice was barely a whisper as his fingers brushed his lover’s hair, gently kissing his cheek. There were no reactions from John, and Nikolai allowed himself to close his eyes as well, a hand resting against John’s chest, right above his heart. There, in the quiet intimacy of the night, he could almost feel it beat under his palm, the perfect lullaby to lure him to sleep.

[allfortheslay25]

Some family tree stuff I did a while ago but finished today (changed Dan and Katelyn a bit tho after finding out more about their families)

Also to those ppl telling me identical twins aren’t genetic. I never said they were, andreil and Kateaaron have twins cuz twins run in the Hemmicks and Hatfords🫵

Hatford/Wesninski headcanons

Also forgot to write it but Nathan’s dads first name isn’t Natan, it’s his middle name but he discards it when he gets into mob business

HC: Mary doesn’t get along with her older brothers other than Stuart. She’s years younger than them so they forget about her often but also spoil her whenever they have to since she’s the only girl.

David is the heir to the Hatford Crime syndicate but his son dies young and he and his wife spend years grieving before trying again. They arent so lucky. The other boys are pressured to try too but Jacob is shooting blanks and Thomas isn’t keen on even acknowledging his betrothed

When Mary had Nathaniel, her older brothers shunned her for good since she named him Abram. In their eyes, that name belonged to the heir and David had to name his son Isaac instead (Isaac was about a year or two younger than Neil)

Alistair Hatford created the honor and pride of the Hatford name so David wanted to give Abram to his own son in hopes of bringing good luck to their future. To him, Mary had practically killed his son for taking the name for herself

Amrita was Alistair’s fourth wife and being that he killed his last, she made him fall so head over heels for her he’d never so much as lay a hand on her. Amrita knew saying no to a crime boss like him would be suicide so she gave in and manipulated her position to ensure her survival.

Fun fact, Neil (ignoring his fathers color palette) is Amrita’s carbon male copy👀

Each of the contacts Stuart gave them was just the wives/husband families syndicates of their brothers and aunt (Alissa is Turkish, Rochelle is from a smaller French syndicate, Carli is a niece from a Mexican cartel, Maks is Russian, Margarita is Romanian)

Thomas and Charlie are fraternal twins but Thomas and Jacob are the trouble makers of the family

Elizas children cannot inherit the Hatford responsibility because they’re heirs to the Popovs and upon marriage, served her ties to the Hatfords as per agreement

Stuart is acting as head of the family as of current since David has been a mess since Isaac’s death and the other brothers don’t care for challenging him for the position. He would’ve liked Nathaniel to take over but he wouldn’t push him into it after Mary’s death

Minyard/Hemmick/Mckenzie HC

Katelyn’s mom is someone I write differently depending on the au. She’s either divorced/separated from Bruce or she’s dead. Katelyn’s mom is polish but her father is Scottish

Maria has three older siblings and one younger. I hc that even tho she willingly went with Luther, she sort of misses her father and so named her son after him

Tilda used to be known as Tillie by her family, a nickname she loathed

When Tilda got pregnant, Luther demanded she get married or she’d have to get an abortion. However, marriage was too soon and twins were too much so Mr Minyard left

Maude and Evelyn were fraternal twins but weren’t close

Angelica is a good handful of years older than Katelyn but they’re close enough that Katelyn babysits Marcin often

Because I like hiding little tidbits for myself, the Hemmicks have a habit of having two kids max and giving them names with five letters then six. (Ex, Maude, Aaron, Tilda, Nicky are 5, Evelyn, Andrew, and Luther are 6)

Toxic use of religion and neglect pushed Tilda into the life she led but Luther wouldn’t quit on his sister

Just like the Hatfords, the Hemmicks are all short

Boyd/Wilds oc Facts and HC

David is named after Wymack

Miranda is named after Randy

Luca is named after Matt’s nanny, Lucca

Dan’s father was never in the picture before her mother died but Cathy knew what he looked and sounded like (hispanic, tall, and handsome)

Randy and Donald are both tall ppl (6’0 and 6’4) so Matt outgrew them both (6’6)

Miranda goes by Randy too but her parents call her Miranda as to not mix her up. Miranda plays exy her entire life (playing for the Trojans starting line throughout college) and going pro before making Court. She’s the first exy player on the very top to have a clean record on and off court. Miranda has two girlfriends

David aka Dave used to play exy in college but he had a passion for medicine (thanks to uncle Aaron) so he put down his racquet and became a ortho surgeon before settling as a physical therapist for exy players after the stress got to him.

Luca also played exy but dropped it before college since he was never as passionate about it. Randy got him into boxing and he went pro before an injury temporarily had him out of the ring. Dave recommended his best friend to be Luca’s physical therapist. Luca ended up marrying that man

Dan and Matt both make time for their children, whether they’re staying home with Dan or traveling with Matt around the state for his matches

[volatilebrat4103]

Broken cycles and fixed bonds (Part 5)

“Are you two planning on staying?”  Caitlyn’s eyes are hopeful as she looks to the couple.  “I would like to but ultimately it depends on her” Jinx looks down to Y/N’s still sleeping form, peacefully nuzzled against her.  “I could really use my sister around here” Caitlyn whispers heartfeltly, her eyes glossing over.  “I’m sure you both could, I know I need my sister around now” Jinx says with a smile directed at Vi who smiles in return, the feeling mutual.

“Although I’m not sure she is one for paperwork and meetings” Jinx tilts her head ever so slightly.  “You’ll be surprised how well she used to handle the family business with her mother, she was her mother’s prodigy” Tobius speaks up with a warm smile reminiscing.  “She insisted she would learn how to do everything so that one day when Caitlyn took over as the family head, she could assist her flawlessly” Tobius laughs with a shake of his head.  Caitlyn’s eyes sparkle with amusement, as she chuckles at her sister’s antics.

“She really was the responsible one between us.  I was the one who wanted to sneak out and have adventures.”  Vi laughs softly at Caitlyn’s memory, Jinx can only smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners.  Y/N stirs in her sleeps, and Jinx’s gaze immediately falls to her, a look of concern crossing her face. However, Y/N simply snuggles deeper into the blanket, a soft sigh escaping her lips.  Once she settles again, they continue their conversation.  “She was just as bad as you Caitlyn, don’t you worry” Tobius laughs.

“if she wasn’t with your mother doing an abundance of work” Tobius sniggers at his over exaggeration, “she was in the lab or getting up to mischief, sometimes worse than you might I add” he finishes with a laugh, “don’t forget sneaking out to go to the prescient to spar with Greyson”  Caitlyn chuckles now too as Jinx’s eyes light up with amusement, grinning at her girlfriend’s mischievous antics. “Sounds like we missed out on a lot of fun.” Vi jokes with a chuckle, shaking her head.  “I think we had a fair share of mischief in Piltover, definitely more than Cassandra wanted” Tobius’s laughter fades, turning to look at Y/N with a warm, nostalgic gaze.  “it’s nice to remember the good times, she’s been through so much…” His voice trails off and the room falls silent once more, the fire crackling being the only sound in the room.

“Perhaps I should go see Mel, maybe she can help with Y/N’s arcane abilities”  Caitlyn breaks the silence, thinking of Mel Madarda.  Jinx’s expression turned thoughtful before ultimately agreeing before her brows furrow, “wasn’t her mom that crazy warlord that attacked Piltover?” Jinx asks as everyone turns sombre remembering how Ambessa and the Noxus army attacked the city, sided with one of their own, Viktor.  They had all lost so much and so many that day, the room falls silent at the memory.

“as far as I’ve heard she’s got a good handle on her arcane abilities, perhaps she can help guide Y/N?  Help her embrace who and what she is”  Caitlyn speaks up through the gloomy air in the room.  “It’s worth a try” Tobius agrees.  “I will have to ask her to take up my position on the council during my absence, hopefully it will sway her into staying permanently”  Caitlyn’s voice hopeful as she looks to her sister’s sleeping form.  “Will she accept?”  Tobius turns to Caitlyn, his tone wary, “I’m hoping she will, she knows how to run the family business after all, nothing has truly changed in the years of her absence.” Caitlyn speaks confidently, she knows her sister, knows that her family will always be her number one priority.

“And maybe, just maybe, her girlfriend wouldn’t mind helping convince her?” Vi hints cautiously to Jinx who smiles and nods in return.  Jinx’s smile turns sly as she leans in, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “oh I think I can be very persuasive when I need to be” she winks with a smirk, Vi chuckles, a low, throaty sound, at the implication Tobius’s face turns a light shade of pink, clearing his throat in embarrassment. Caitlyn rolls her eyes good-naturedly, a small smile painted on her face.

“Maybe we better get everyone to bed, we can discuss this tomorrow” Tobius says as he begins to clear the tray of teacups.  Nodding in agreement, Vi stands up with Caitlyn, stretching her arms over her head.  “sounds like a plan to me, I’m beat”  Caitlyn hums in agreement before yawning, before turning her attention to Jinx who is still sat in the chair with a sleeping Y/N.  “Are you going to be alright or do you need help?”  Caitlyn questions looking to Jinx, there would be absolutely no way any of them would be able to carry her through to a room, however Jinx just smiles with a small shake of her head, “I’ve got her.”

She waits for everyone to file out of the room, biding goodnight to one another as she gently brushes a strand of hair out of Y/N’s face, “hey toots, lets get you to bed huh” Jinx whispers placing delicate kisses across her face whilst the latter groans in response, deciding to snuggle further into her lover’s side.  Jinx repeating the same action as Caitlyn stood in the doorway watching the interaction with a soft smile.  Jinx’s whispers grow softer, her kisses gentle as she coaxes Y/N into a more wakeful state.  “Come on sleepyhead…let’s get you to bed”  Y/N groggily opens her eyes, blinking slowly as she focuses on her girlfriend’s face, a small smile forming.  “Come on toots” Jinx guides the lethargic Kiramman through the house to the guest room, gently turning the handle and pushing the door open, once inside Y/N is quick to collapse on the bed and back into a deep sleep.

Jinx shakes her head at her girlfriend’s antics before looking around the dimly lit room before spotting their luggage in the corner.  She can’t help but smile at the woman, moving to brush a tendril of hair out of her face once more before placing a chaste kiss to he lips, “I love you” she whispers before standing once more.  Once the blue haired woman has found some comfortable clothes for both of them to ware to bed she is quick to strip Y/N, carefully redressing her in suitable sleep ware before doing the same with herself and carefully climbing into bed next to her.

Y/N is quick to pull Jinx flush against her sleeping form drawing a smile for her as she wraps her arms around her in return, settling into comfort as their grips tightened around one another.  The warmth and comfort they provide each other is quick to lull them into a peaceful sleep, the only sounds is the soft synchronised rhythm of their breathing.

Chapter summary  

Taglist:

@brocoliisscared

[ghouljams]

Hi. I slept around when i was 18-24 years old. I slept with 27 people (mostly one night stands) in total. I deeply regret this. My behavour started due to a sexual assault, which sent me into a spiral of alcoholism, self-hate and depression. I had almost most of my partners in a drunken state, some I don't even remember. Thankfully I have been sober for two and a half years and abstained from sex for three years. I have also reflected upon my actions and turned my life around. My past experiences and behaviour have really damaged how I percieve sex and my body. Since being abstained from sex I have realized how much it means. I want to start dating, to hopefully have a long-term commitment. I am however, terrified that my "encounters" will be a dealbreaker. This idea that men just "have to deal with it" is nice, but I think it is bs in reality. I think for most men it is a deal-breaker, and I have to live with that. But I do not wish to lie about my past to my future partner either, should the topic come up. Any thoughts or tips? Would love some perspective.

Wow. Heavy.

I sat with how, and if, to answer this for a while because I want to approach this with compassion and understanding.

First: I think talking this out with a therapist, if you aren't already, would help you out a lot. There are plenty of therapists who specialize in sexual trauma and I think that's what you should look for if you decide to seek help.

Second I want to say that I think this hard pendulum swing from hyper-sexuality to sexual guilt is too common, but no less harmful to the person experiencing it. I wish I could hold your hand when I say that I think you've moved from one form of self harm to another. Beating yourself up over decisions you made in the wake of a horrible trauma that came from a need to cope is not going to help you in the long run.

The way we perceive ourselves is constantly changing, but that doesn't mean we're always right. I also would caution you against putting "meaning" on sex. Sex is just sex. It's a thing people do for a million different reasons, some mean something and others don't. The idea that sex has some huge weight to it or is a special gift that you only give people you truly care about is incredibly dangerous and will only damage your perception of yourself further. It's also incredibly motivated by the idea that you can shame people into obedience.

Do not fall victim to indoctrination tactics that put you in a position of shame.

Here's the truth of the matter. For some men it will be a deal-breaker, and for others it won't be, but why would you want to chase after the men who dislike you for something you did out of self-preservation? Also in all honesty most men don't give a shit about how many people you've slept with. This idea that all men want a perfect virginal vessel is just absolute horseshit that's been perpetuated by misogynistic media and disseminated to the general population. The only thing a good partner will care about is if you're comfortable and interested in having sex with them.

Men don't care how many people you've had sex with. Men are dogs. Men are lucky to even get sex with everything they've done to you.

I also want to leave you with this: the way you talk about yourself and sex raises many alarm bells. I don't know if you have a deeply christian background or if you've recently gotten involved with a church, but they are not helping you. I would caution you against placing too much weight behind the decisions you made in the past impacting the way your future will go. You are not a sinner who's been permanently marred by your deeds. You are a person who made choices you now regret and that's ok. Your future is dependent on the people you surround yourself with and the way you present yourself. Sex doesn't mean anything unless you want it to, but the people that tell you sex means everything are hurting you.

[tribalauthor]

THE WISEWOMAN (roman reigns ff) <chapter 6>

word count: 2.5k

Sophia's POV:

Heat was roaming over my whole body as I was sitting on Roman's lap, body to body or more precisely clothes to clothes.

Mouth to mouth.

We were having a heated makeout session with slow and sloppy kisses and some little moans coming out of us.

I could feel his not so short beard tickling my whole face. Unfamiliar sensation for me since I have never made out with a too bearded guy. I could also feel his huge hands on my butt and squeezing it.

We stopped for a bit to take a breath and stare at each other. The spark of lust in his deep brown eyes let me know what he wants.

However, it's not the time or place.

"I think we must stop." I spoke through my heavy breaths.

I abruptly opened my eyes and slightly lifted my head.

What dream did I just have?

I swear this didn't happen in real life.

Me and Roman just drank ONE glass of wine then we took a nap, we got in New York and he drove me home. That's it.

I checked the time on my phone and it's almost noon.

I got home really late or must I say early - around 5am.

After I did my morning routine I put on some gray sweatpants and dark blue blouse, ready to drink my coffee and do some pilates.

Maybe talk to mom if she is here. I know it's Saturday but being a surgeon is very, very demanding job and you have to be available 24/7.

It has been like this since I remember myself.

Couldn't spend too much time with my mom, so basically my dad raised me...until he died 9 years ago.

Although it has been almost a decade, you can never get over the pain of losing a parent especially when he was so close to you.

During my college years uncle was the one who supported me to pursue my dreams. He even helped me a lot with the studies and everything.

I learned a lot from him.

I remember ever since I was a kid my dad always told me that I resemble uncle in so many ways. He even said it's like I'm uncle's daugher and not his.

My dad was way different from uncle though. While uncle has this formal, practical persona and so on, my dad was more of like a free spirit.

He was changing jobs constantly. Couldn't really keep himself in one place. I remember him and mom always argued. He just didn't like the idea of mom bringing more money at home than him. That fact was crushing him every single day until he decided to overdose and end it all.

It's kind of stupid, if you think about it, ain't it?

He could have just asked for a divorce and still be here with us but I know dad loved mom with his whole heart although mom is a very, very difficult woman.

Perfectionist at its finest, unemotional, smart.

I mean she needs these qualities for her job, I know that but I admit she is not easy. I also admit that I inherited a lot from her and it's not just the looks.

As I went downstairs to make myself some coffee I heard some voices chattering.

Oh God, did she invite somebody?

When I got in the living room, I saw my mother drinking coffee and eating with my two best friends from college - Tina and Cleo.

My two beautiful, 10/10 best friends who've been by my side since first year of college.

Tina is a long haired brunette woman with light brown eyes, skinny body and the most beautiful smile in the world and I mean it. A literal angel came from heaven and she got married a few months ago to a very good man.

He is meant just for her.

Cleo is a curly girl with light brown skin and hazel eyes. Body is tea, fashion sense too and she got engaged last month. Therefore we shall expect a wedding soon.

"Somebody forgot she invited guests over the weekend." mom scolded me.

I put my hand on my temple.

"I'm so sorry, girls." I said as I went to the table and hugged them.

"It's okay, Soph. You are a busy Wise Woman." Cleo teased me and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Oh me and Noah watched Smackdown last night. He is a big fan of the show and suddenly I am too." Tina chuckled and I slightly wrinkled my lips.

"Me and Jeremiah too. He is crazy for WWE." I scratched my neck. "You were amazing, girl. Best thing of the night and I'm not biased."

"Thank you." I batted my eyelids and looked at mother.

"I took a few glimpses. Sometimes I think you came out of your uncle, not from me." she stated and shook her head. However, she didn't quite use a cold tone, it was rather proud in a way. Judging by her expression, she is lowkey proud.

"That guy Roman is something else though. I made a comment how hot he is and Jer...just agreed." my jaw fell on the floor. "He is his favorite."

"Oh my God." I put my hand on my mouth and headed to the coffee machine in the kitchen box.

"A normal man would feel jealous but he said 'yeah, I know' and continued watching." Cleo still seemed in disbelief but so am I.

"Noah likes Cody more but he made an interesting statement." Tina hinted something and I turned on the machine while being all in ears. "He said that Roman and Sophia look cute together."

"He said what?" I turned around immediately in shock.

"He said that he envisions a deeper storyline with you two." she added and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Storyline as in the show or storyline out of the show?" my mom asked in case she didn't understand.

"I think he meant in the show but who knows." Tina replied as I grabbed the ready coffee and went to them.

"So what's going on with yall?" I finally sat on the table.

Roman's POV:

Right now I am training with Jon and Josh in my home gym. Whenever we can, we train together. We have always been together.

Especially with the twins. We've been like triplets our whole lives. They are my closest family and friends that I have, to be honest.

We literally grew up together ever and have been through so much long before WWE.

"Uce, that Paul niece...goddamn." Josh started speaking while lifting his weights. "Seems like a big gem."

"Yeah, she completely nailed it last night." I agreed.

"And you want to nail her, don't you, Joe?" Jon just put me in the hot chair.

"What?" his younger twin furrowed his eyebrows. "Uce..."

"My plans are long-term." this is what I decided to reply.

Josh seemed really confused as hell.

"She is Paul's niece and probably around 20 years younger than you...and us." he stated and I rolled my eyes.

"Twelve years." I corrected him.

The twins exchanged looks. Josh was confused and Jon had confirming look.

"These two didn't shut up the whole ride. Me and Yoko had to move to the bedrooms." Jon pointed at me.

"Well, good luck with making a young woman like her fall for you." Josh managed to say and giving me that look of judgement.

"It's like yall don't know me." I was actually disappointed. "I can and I will get her." I declared. Damn. 'Believe that' almost came out of my mouth.

"Well, you better start working cause it seems like she has a lot of admirers and now that she got into the business, they will become even more." the elder twin advised me and I just flashed a smirk, looking down.

"Mission already started." I uttered.

Sophia's POV:

"We are in a process of wedding planning." Cleo said and my jaw dropped.

"Already?! I thought yall weren't gonna rush." I exclaimed.

"We thought that too but we tend to talk about it a lot so me and Jer actually started thinking of concepts." my friend had that amazing glow of a freshly engaged woman and the excitement rush of planning a wedding.

I am really happy that they found the right guys for them. Sometimes I can't help but wonder when I will find mine.

The door bell cut off Cleo's storytime.

Mom got up saying that she will check who it might be.

"As of now we are thinking about a small spring wedding, like a garden party with lots of flowers." me and Tina nodded in agreement, liking the idea.

I suddenly saw my mom going into the room carrying a bouquet with a white wrapping and red flowers.

They looked kinda like lilium but I'm not quite sure.

"These ones seem like a great idea." she got into the conversation and my friends also turned to her, shocked at the view.

"Does my mom have a secret admirer?" I cocked my eyebrow and smirked. I mean she is a pretty attractive woman and she has always been but her next man has to be a billionaire or something.

"They are for you actually." she replied and handed me the bouquet.

The flowers were red on the outside and white on the inside. Insanely pretty and smell amazing, too.

Oh my God.

I saw there was a not so little card in it and it was written 'for Sophia'.

"The WWE men started with the wooing." Tina commented.

"Can you read it aloud? Please." Cleo begged.

"My dear Wise Woman. Seeing you last night trying to read "Goddesses in every woman" (I didn't quite leave you but it still made me think) evoked a thought in my head which goddess hides in you. My first thought was Aphrodite but then I realized you are actually Athena - the goddess of wisdom. I also did a research about her that she is portrayed as a companion of heroes (me in the case). I also checked out that the Roman equation of Athena is Minerva and the flowers you see in this bouquet are Amaryllis 'Minerva' symbolising determination and strength. Also, they kinda look like you ;)

Sincerely from Your Tribal Chief"

I rested my back on the chair trying to process everything I just read right now.

My friends had the same reaction and I swear I could see surprise in mom's face too.

"Holy, these old school men don't play." Cleo grabbed her curly hair. "How many times have you two met?"

"Just two. Last night and when I was hired." I replied.

"Olivia, I think you have a son in law in the way." Tina warned mom.

"Let's see how long he is gonna keep this energy. He is an athlete after all." mom shrugged it off.

"A hella romantic one, though. Goddamn." Cleo swore once again. "Old school men really don't play. This is exactly how you do it."

I bit my lips trying to hide the big grin that would stick on my mouth.

This is romantic, indeed adding the fact that I have always associated myself with Athena and Roman has no idea. He was just thinking about this.

"What are you waiting for? Call Roman and thank him." Tina scolded me.

"Right." I mumbled and took my phone then left the table, so I could talk in private.

He gave me his number the day we met, so we have our contacts.

I dialed his number and I felt my heart pounding fast in my chest.

I am still feel the adrenaline in my blood. This is literally the sweetest thing a man has ever done for me.

"Hey." I heard his bass-deep voice that could drive any woman crazy and I am no different.

"Hi, Roman." I replied with my soft feminine voice.

"I received your present." I continued talking and bit my lip. "Thank you so much for the gesture and especially the astonishingly detailed card." I chuckled slightly. "You just left me speechless really." I spoke frankly.

I heard his deep chuckle.

"I am a man of detail, sweetheart. Remember that." he spoke in a matter-of-fact tone and I almost fell to the ground.

A detailed man? Oh my God. Literally my dream.

"I love the flowers too." I added. "Thank you so much once again. Can't spell romantic without Roman." I giggled at the realization I just had and I heard him laughing.

"You said it alone."

"You are welcome, Soph. I am capable of even more but you are gonna see in the future." I swear to God he would wink at me if we were face to face right now.

"Can't wait." I bit my lips.

"By the way, what are your plans for today?" he changed the topic.

"I am hanging out with my friends now then I will work out and then I don't know. What about you?" I literally have no plans for later.

"Well how about we go out tonight?" he asked me.

"Hmm...where?" I replied with a question. I know I shouldn't agree immediately.

"Somewhere nice." I hate him. Why doesn't he tell me the specific place? Did he think about it or he is as of now.

"Okay." I said after a few seconds.

"Great. Be ready at 7. I'm gonna pick you up." Roman said with a note of command which I cannot help but find hot in a way unless he crosses the line.

"See ya." I said and hung up.

Okay, what should I wear?

"Definitely not that" Cleo said with judging tone after I showed them an option from my wardrobe.

"I think you should stop with your snobbish business outfits and pull something out of the slut wardrobe." Tina advised me and started roaming into the clothes in my big wardrobe.

"Something with big cleavage." Cleo gave her clues and she pulled out a very, very short red dress that I have which is more for the club.

"Girls, I am dealing with the face of sports entertainment. He is taking me to a dinner at a very expensive restaurant, most likely and not the local pub, okay?" I tried to explain them the deal since they don't seem to understand.

"Plus, he is an elder man, not one of our peers." I added.

"True." Tina agreed. "Then something classy" she started looking around again.

"And still revealing but noy so much." Cleo yelled after her. "Revealing cleavage but not so short."

"I think I found the one." Tina announced as she pulled out a hanger with black sleevless dress and a black little fur collar.

I put it on me to see where is the length and it's a bit below the knees which makes it perfect, in my opinion.

"Oh my. I completely forgot about this set." I gasped.

"It's even still with the tag on it." Tina almost facepalmed.

"Some black heels and pretty necklace and you are ready, sweetie." Cleo said.

"Plus your signature hair volume and natural curls." Tina made a chef's kiss. "Make him weak."

"He is a professional athlete. There is nothing weak about him." I slapped them with logic once again.

"Okay but he is still a man. Make him nervous." Cleo said in one of these villian-like daring tone.

I licked my lips.

"We'll see." I just said.

[vesseloflukola]

Privacy and Misdirection

So, the last few days have been interesting. As you know, we have not received much of substance from our main characters (Luke and Nicola) for some time now. Nic used to give us a lot more crumbs. We even got some crumbs from Luke (IMO those crumbs were mainly because of the influence of Nic).

I believe Nic and Luke have been together for a very long time, and have been using the adjacent’s as cover for their relationship. The crumbs were for those of us who have always seen their connection and refuse to leave the ship.

However, I think some Lukola shippers may be too close to the detailed truth of their relationship for their liking. I think that is why the misdirection by them and their friends started. I think they first used misdirection to confuse fans (and possibly paparazzi) as to where they actually were, so they could get some privacy. I think they have further used some misdirection by friends and family to confuse fans about their relationship.

Over the weekend, we had someone post a screenshot from a public Facebook page of a distant relative of Luke’s, where she asked about going to Cyprus in October and asked if the weather would be good and Luke’s mother answered that Luke’s girlfriend is from there and she said it’s the perfect time to go.

This is such a red herring to me. It’s odd to me that someone is stalking Luke’s extended family member’s so closely. It’s interesting that a family member, who just happens to have a public profile, also just happens to ask about Cyprus. Then, his mom happens to comment four days later and mention something on social media that Luke has never claimed? If Luke WAS dating Antonia, his mother would know his stance about not putting his relationship on SM and I don’t think she would casually do so herself. I think she would privately message this family member through messenger or text. I personally think the initial ask and the answer four days later by Luke’s mom was planned. Then, I think they made sure that someone knew how to find it, so that it would make it’s way to the fandom. I think Luke’s mom then going back to remove her comment just added fire to the flames.

Now on to today’s picture “leak” from Deuxmoi. I have alway’s believed that Jake is Nicola’s gay bestie. My opinion on that has never changed. They share much love…as friends. I believe he has also helped Nic and Luke a lot as cover for their relationship when needed. These pictures of the two of them look SO joyful. They look like pictures of two best friends up to no good. I definitely get that way with my best friend when we are being mischievous. We become giddy and giggly.

I have always believed what Nic has told us…that she likes to keep her romantic relationships private. I don’t believe for a minute that she decided on a whim to change her mind about that, especially since she has been more in the lime light over the last year. I believe that would cause her to cherish her privacy even more.

I think part of keeping her privacy IS the misdirection right now. I don’t know if the pictures that came out today were planned or if she saw someone taking pics and they decided to play things up, but regardless, they were having fun, being goofy, and telling the story they wanted to tell.

I believe there are probably some big changes coming for Nic and Luke. I think they might be more private in the near future. I hope they do decide to launch soon and in the best way for them when they are ready. I, like many others, think it would be such a sweet reveal if they were to do a Shondaland Friend’s to Lover’s special where they tell us they are together, but I will take what they decide to give us. For now, I will celebrate their past and future projects, be happy with all the interview’s and pictures we have received of them, and wish them both happiness and success.

Mischievous Besties:

The cutest couple:

[gia-batmm-crickle22]

!! Dr. Ratio, Nous & Fuli and Amphoreus Theory !!

Okay, I've got something cooking up, and this is just a theory, don't worry, so please take all of this with a grain of salt ^^; Also, this involves spoilers so please turn away if you haven't played the 3.0 update yet!

So, people have theorized that Dr. Ratio is from Amphoreus. Before the proof was just simply "His clothes and aesthetic are similar to Amphoreus!" But after Amphoreus was released, the theory is actually getting more proof.

Here's one proof:

Ratio and the Titankin of Strife have interesting similarities. Not simply because of the color and the book, but power-wise, they have similar abilities. They both can turn into stone, with Ratio more replicating himself after turning into stone while he has also the ability of wearing a stone bust.

So my theory goes;

What if Dr. Ratio is a half-Titankin that was exiled from Amphoreus?

After the Main Quest, we get a message from Aglaea that sends us to the Adventure Quest "I Once Was In Arcadia", which uncovers a love story between a guy named Paris and a Strife Titankin Furiae Archer.

This was enough for me to understand that Titankins CAN feel more than their original path like Strife. From this quest, I've also understood Amphoreus natives fear Titankins and would have them discriminated at one mistake.

From that, I made the theory of Ratio being half-Titankin. Of course, that would mean his parents were hated and possibly executed. And since Ratio has the face and intelligence of a human with the skills and power of a Titankin, he was seen as a danger to Amphoreus. This aligns to the fact that the Sky Titan Aquila refuses to let anyone leave the planet (from what Aglaea had stated), so the people sent Ratio (probably when he was a child) in attempt to get rid of him. However, Aquila spared him (given he was exiled, not attempting to escape).

Now, ik Amphoreus was destroyed and what we're looking at is just the memory of it, so...

How would this be possible?

Well, in the game, we see that Titankins can change into stone, right? And when you change from Past/Day to Present/Night, the Titankins change too. They turn to stone, almost like a hibernation that keeps them alive despite the years.

With that in mind, I theorize that Ratio was also able to do that, even as a child, his powers/instincts took over and he stayed in stone when he landed in another planet, unbothered and sleeping. When he finally awakens, he's still a child, but Amphoreus is long gone.

Now, where does Nous play a part in this?

As we know, Erudition is one of the paths that's involved with Amphoreus, thus Nous has a role to play in this theory, especially in terms of Ratio. Unlike Fuli, who kept the planet's memory, Nous (as theorized) has no interest with a planet that no longer exists.

This could explain why Nous refuses to answer Herta's questions about Amphoreus.

Now, about Ratio. Ratio was rejected by Nous in joining the Genius Society because he cares about people more than the pursue for knowledge. Ratio has a weakness that Nous makes sure none of the other Genius's have, so THEY turned him away.

But what if it was so much more than that?

What if Nous is aware that Ratio is from Amphoreus and not only do THEY not like the fact that Ratio has a weakness, but THEY also believe that Ratio will take advantage of his place in the Genius Society to help/rescue Amphoreus from ruin? Whether Ratio remembers his home planet or not, Nous didn't want to take the chance, believing that Amphoreus is a doomed planet from the getgo and their fate shouldn't be changed.

This could explain why Fuli (possibly) sent THEIR Memokeeper Black Swan to input the planet Amphoreus into the thoughts and ideas of the Trailblazers while (possibly) sending THEIR Memosnatcher to attempt to distract Nous and Herta from the building of THEIR plan.

When you exit Amphoreus, it's very different from the other Bad Endings. Elio is usually the script supervisor, but Amphoreus isn't.

It's an adventure that started with Black Swan, possibly sent by Fuli, thus the conclusion is that Fuli is the one who tugged on the strings and changed the script/altered the script to have the Trailblazers in Amphoreus, a land that even Akivili hasn't been in, and save Amphoreus.

With this theory, these questions remain:

Why is Fuli trying to save Amphoreus?

Will Nous try to stop the Trailblazers from saving Amphoreus?

Will Ratio return to his home planet after it's saved?

---

Again, this is all just a theory! I'll probably publish this in other platforms, sooo yeah ^^;

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Dan Pfeiffer at The Message Box (01.20.2025):

Today is a day so many of us have dreaded for so long. By lunchtime, Donald Trump will be sworn in as the 47th President of the United States of America. By dinner, he will undoubtedly have signed a series of scary executive orders targeting immigrants and others. Trump will then head off to be feted at a series of inaugural balls (including one paid for by Mark Zuckerberg). Eventually (after too many Diet Cokes and watching all the Fox shows on his DVR), Trump will go to bed and wake up to do it all over again. After today, the Trump presidency will last another 1,460 days. Somehow, as a country and as individuals, we must figure out how to survive all of them. It won’t be easy. Everything seems daunting, and the path back looks long and treacherous. I know many of you want to throw your phone into the nearest body of water.

1. Remember, Trump’s Win Was Not as Resounding as it Seems

Everyone is treating Donald Trump as if he just won in a Reagan-esque 49 state landslide. The Republican Party is so fully in his thrall that Senate Republicans appear willing to rubberstamp the nomination of a weekend news anchor with a reported drinking problem to run the Pentagon. CEOs and billionaires, many of whom formerly opposed Trump, are bending over backward to kiss Trump’s ass in the most debasing way possible. Even the media, which is supposed to hold Trump to account, is adopting an accommodationist stance to avoid angering our incoming tinpot dictator. But Trump’s win was not as resounding as he would have you believe. Yes, he made huge gains across the country. Yes, he became the second Republican since 1988 to win the popular vote. Yes, he made huge inroads in core parts of the Democratic coalition. But it’s also true that Trump only won by 100,000 votes across three battleground states. No, I don’t say that to try to convince you that Democrats don’t have a ton of work to do or to suggest that we did everything right during the campaign. Far from it. The Democratic Party needs to reevaluate how we do everything — our message, our strategy, our policy agenda, and our leadership. What we are doing is not working. However, it’s important to keep in mind that victory is closer than everyone wants you to believe. We can win if we do the work — and make the necessary changes. All is not lost. [...]

3. Channel Your Anxiety into Action

Sitting around your house doom-scrolling and fretting about all of the terrible thing that Trump and his MAGA minions are doing to America is a terrible way to spend the next four years. Maybe, it seems exhausting after the campaign we just went through, but when you are ready, I highly recommend channeling your anger and anxiety into action. There is no easy or obvious way to beat back the ascendant MAGA movement. But we also don’t need all the answers right now. We can do it in stages. The most impactful way to stop Trump is to take back the House in 2026. If we do that, Trump will never pass another law without Democratic support again. Speaker Jefferies will control what comes to the floor. We will have enormous leverage in budget negotiations and, as importantly, Democrats will have subpoena power to investigate the rampant corruption and criminality that will almost certainly be pulsating throughout the Trump Administration. Retaking the House is very much within our reach. The GOP currently has one of thee narrowest margins in history. If a mere 7000 votes across three districts had gone the other way, Hakeem Jeffries would be Speaker of the House right now. Because of the nature of our Trump-era coalition, Democrats tend to overperform in midterm elections, which have significantly lower turnout. With the notable exception of 2022, the first midterm for a new President is usually very good for the opposition. If 2026 seems like a long way off, you don’t have to wait that long. There are several important elections in 2025. Virginia and New Jersey has key gubernatorial and legislative elections. These races will be even more closely watched than usual because while these are traditionally Democratic states, Trump significantly improved his performance in both states compared to 2020. These races will be a major test fo whether the MAGA movement is ascendant or a flash in the pan that succeeded because of inflation and an unpopular Democratic incumbent. If Republicans win, they will be emboldened to be even more aggressive in pushing their extreme agenda. If we win, it will give vulnerable Republicans permission structure to be even more terrible. If November seems like a long way off, you don’t have to wait that long. There is a critical State Supreme Court race in Wisconsin taking place in April. [...]

4. Don’t Give Up Hope

The most important piece of advice I can give you is not to give up hope. I know things seem especially dark right now. I was around back in 2004 when Democrats lost a winnable election to a woefully underqualified candidate with little regard for people’s civil rights. Like Trump, George W. Bush made gains with core Democratic constituencies. Like now, pundits were talking about an emerging Republican majority that could dominate politics for decades on end. And just like in this moment, the Democratic Party seemed to enfeebled to mount the necessary comeback. But two years after that devastating election, Democrats retook the House and Senate. Four years afterward, Barack Obama won a huge landslide victory. Such an outcome is not a foregone conclusion. It will take real work and hard decisions. But none it will be possible, if we give up hope.

Dan Pfeiffer has a handy guide for surviving the four years of tumult that has begun today.

[rebelliousstories]

Girl’s Night

Relationship: Emily Prentiss x Reader

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Request: No

Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of Drinking and Alcohol

Word Count: 809

Main Masterlist: Here

Criminal Minds Masterlist: Here

Summary: When Emily invites another girl to the BAU’s girl’s night, no one is expecting this girl.

Consider Donating: Here

“They’re gonna love you. Stop fussing.”

“Em, these are your friends and the ones you work with. I have a reason to be nervous.” This had been the argument for the last thirty minutes from their shared apartment to this new one.

Emily Prentiss had not only spent the last thirty minutes arguing with her girlfriend, but the better part of the day trying to convince her to come along on her annual B.A.U. girl’s night with her friends. This would be the first time that anyone from work would be meeting someone special to her. It was nerve wracking enough on that qualification enough. Not to mention the fact that she was officially coming out; Emily might be a bit more nervous than her girlfriend. But one of them had to be calm.

Holding a bottle of wine in one hand, she turned to her girlfriend. “Listen, honey, I know it seems scary right now. But they’ll love you, okay?”

“Yeah.” She replied, but did not sound convinced. Sensing this, Emily went over and captured her jaw in one hand, while planting her lips onto hers.

It got her girlfriend to calm down long enough to be stable again. Releasing her, Prentiss waited till she got a nod from the woman, before knocking on the door. A bubbly blonde yanked open the door, far too energized for how late in the day it way.

“Emily! And friend, hello. Come on in ladies.” Penelope ushered them in. Looking back at her girlfriend, the dark haired woman smiled and nodded her head towards the apartment.

“Jay-Jie, Em and her friend are here.” Garcia called out into the room. Another blonde came out to find their new guests arriving with some more wine, which got her to smile even bigger.

“Hey, glad to see the party is finally here.” JJ came around to hug Prentiss tightly before setting her sights on the new woman.

“Hi, I’m Jennifer. Everyone calls me JJ. And that bundle of unicorn sparkles is Penelope Garcia. It’s so good to meet you.” Holding out her hand, the new woman provided her name to the rest of the group.

In the meantime, Emily and Penelope were pouring the new bottle of wine to go with the rest of their snack type foods. JJ led her over to the couch, letting her take it easy for her first girl’s night. She, along with her other two friends, brought food over in waves. Popcorn, candy, pretzel bites, chips and dips; you name it, they had it.

When everyone finally planted themselves on the couch, the questions began.

“So, how do you know our fair brunette bombshell?” Garcia asked, in between bites of popcorn.

“Oh, uh…” she trailed off, looking at her girlfriend. “We met at a makeup store. I was working the counter and Emily needed help finding a new lip liner. Her old one was discontinued cause they stopped making it like ten years ago.”

Her tease made the brunette near blush as she hid her face behind her glass of wine. Emily started up just as soon as she recovered, “hey, I want to remind you that I got you to change from a flip phone to a smart one. There was no way I was going to be calling on that ancient piece of tech.”

“Yeah, sure. There was nothing wrong with my flip phone. Anyways, after I helped her find a new lip liner, she passed me her number. And from that day, it was history.” The woman shrugged, taking a sip of her wine.

“I love that she is getting some more lady friends. Honestly, the B.A.U. is a testosterone nightmare sometimes.” JJ commented, not putting too much thought into her words. However, everyone noticed how quiet the other two women got. This caused both blondes to also pause.

“Everything okay?” Jennifer asked, eyes darting between everyone in the room.

“Yeah, um, she’s not just my friend. She’s my girlfriend.” Emily stated, setting down her wine glass. There was a pause as they processed the information.

“I think we need something extra to celebrate our beloved Emil Prentiss finally getting a date! I think I’ve still got some cake in the fridge.” Garcia was gushing over this, while JJ sat there stunned.

“Is everything okay?” The woman piped up, unsure as to how her girlfriend’s colleague was taking it.

“No, yeah. I’m fine. Trust me, nothing to do with you being lesbian, I just… I’m amazed that you’re dating someone.”

“Well, believe it.” Prentiss chuckled.

However, JJ happily leaned over the coffee table towards the other woman, catching her attention. “I can tell you wonderful stories about all the different people that have tried to tame this mare.”

“Okay. You know what, I think we should be going…”

“I have cake!”

[ladysomething]

i was re reading the chapter where pierre and lando come over so they could ‘smooth’ things over, and while i don’t particularly like lando in this book since i mean he’s causing chaos for charles and max however i can see landos point of view. i understand him completely and i don’t think his reaction is a little too out of the ordinary, to lando, charles has a perfect life who gets to have max and anyone he wants all to himself and everyone is always so inlove and all over him since he doesn’t know about the auction, the yatch party and how the fact that everyone is so inlove and all over him isn’t actually a good thing for charles. lando just wants what charles has. and while everyone here collectively hates lando, i think it’s great that we can also see his view on the situation. i’d love to see that if lando ever was to find out about the auction or how charles truly feels if his view on charles would change. i know you have mentioned that this book is a symbol of gender representation (i think??) and i think you are doing such a great job of it. you have truly done an amazing job of showing how women are always jealous and envy each other and will always be against each other instead of trying to understand and i think the way you captured it with lando and charles is just immaculate. honestly a fantastic chapter (and book) though and i cannot wait for what’s to come !!

controversial take, but I love lando in wygig. not like I love Charles and Max, but like how I love Cersei Lannister. I want to study him like a bug. maybe that's also a little bit because I know where his character is going lmao.

but what do you MEAN he's been in love with somebody for years who just used him for sex

what do you MEAN he's just trying to protect Max from somebody he thinks is using him

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW OMEGAS ARE TREATED IN THE WORLD AND IS THIS JEALOUS OVER SOMETHING HE CAN NEVER BE OR HAVE

lando has never been told no once in his life and does not understand that Charles has been put in a terrible, terrible position, and as such is so incredibly misguided. but lando, sweet lando, wants two things in his life, and that's Max and a Championship and Charles STOLE them from Max and cheated to do it!

he's jealous and envious but has never had to step a mile in Charles' shoes, and it's making him do terrible, awful things, because he is incapable of any level of reflection on the situation.

and Charles ... Charles took one look at Lando, and got so jealous of HIM, that he said "if you go low, I'll go lower."

they're caught in a death spiral, and they're both actively making each other worse people because of it. an intriguing dynamic!!

(ps. yes, this is my dissertation on gender dynamics, and thank you so much for saying I'm doing well!! it's very hard haha)

[skunkes]

for me, the loveliest parts of your drawings are the construction. like veryyy inspired and true to anatomy but very clearly your own flavor. your pdf has really really put that "spark" for me in drawing again 💖 especially since I also draw doodley & small. unfortunately, with my ADHD/current workflow it's a real uphill battle to not give up a study despite desperately wanting to get better at construction. :(

if you use studies a lot, do you have any tips on how to keep studies fun? What sources have worked for you in the past? (especially for fat/wrinkles/clothes)?

This is getting to be a pretty specific ask haha sorry if it's a lot. I hope some of it made sense tho :)

hi hi so idk that i'd endorse it per se but what worked for me was only focusing on stuff i was interested in for years LOL

so in high school i loved drawing hands and arms... so i only ever focused on hands and arms...

i literally did not start fully focusing on/trying to learn Legs (for example) until the last 2 years. you can see even now that idk how to draw shoes (and idk that ill ever learn because ive never cared about em irl and only really use one pair LMFAO but that could change!) and then its slowly come together like puzzle pieces.

All of this came from personal interest....i was fascinated with hands and arms at first, the shapes the forms. then u can combine it with other things. i became determined to draw all sorts of bodies well so i could depict my ocs accurately. i had a focus on noses because i love noses and wanted to have ocs with their own unique noses, so i had an excuse to draw said ocs more to learn. (and then becoming enamored with all the ways skin and flesh can sit and squish helped with wanting to draw bodies more).

stuff like that helps keep it fun. sometimes when i do body studies now i dont draw the heads/faces because its less fun (TO ME) to do that and i know ill end up focusing more on that than the learning of the body.

sometimes i draw the bodies with my ocs heads so i have more fun. when i first started learning legs i only drew disembodied ones.

im not saying to do dis and yes you have to leave your comfort zone to get better sometimes but you have to find what works for YOU... bc if you get too "uncomfortable" then u wont wanna do it at all (see again: i could force myself to draw a page of shoes but i genuinely just dont want to adn i dont care. maybe in a few years ill be obsessed with them. im king of not leaving my comfort zone. i love being comfortable. but i make it work)

however you Learn you can always expand upon it once u have the foundation! like how over the years ive added more little details to some forms (because i like seeing them!)

idk how i learned to get better at drawing fat but i recommend sources like fatphotoref, morpho's book on fat and skin folds, and (18+ recommendation) subreddits for nudes, especially if they're focused on fat people. i like this last one bc you can truly see a range of difference in body proportions and fat distribution etc as well as seeing how other people stylize such things

im going to be real with u and say i SUPER dont know how i learned folds. im actually still learning now that im exploring more fashion in the real world, but even now i kind of just guess from what i know theyre meant to look like. if i REALLY want it to look accurate ill wear a similar garment and use that as a ref and then keep that in my mental library. here's 2 examples i can think of where i really had to take a pic because my imagination wasn't cutting it (and even then the 2nd was exaggerated of course.) this seems like a "leaving the comfort zone" moment but it was truly fueled by curiosity and fascination more than anything, which is good. (but AGAIN. you could not get me to care this much about drawing shoes. so it really depends on You and your interests in order to make it fun.)

otherwise i kinda just guess 😭 this is where i excel at focusing on making something look Good instead of right. i just see what shapes look fun, sculpt them around the body...

morpho also has a clothing + folds book though, so i wld look there ^_^ perhaps try putting a subject you really enjoy into your favorite outfit for practice? stuff like that... that post about how improvement comes from being insanely obsessed with something is real u just gotta find and latch onto whatever that may be

[autisticlee]

I hate when people tell me "friendships don't last/will change over time and fade away" and say I need to get used to/accept it. maybe that's easy for YOU. but most of these people also have committed partners that they expect to stick with for life. why can't I want that too? as an aroace person that needs to rely on platonic relationships to get the support and connection I need to thrive in life, and as an autistic and disabled person that needs consistency and routine and security and constant support to feel safe and comfortable to thrive in this society, telling me "people come and go/friendships aren't forever" REALLY HURTS. it feels awful. it makes me feel hopeless and even more alone. makes me feel like i'll always be drifting through life with no support and alone forever until I can't survive anymore because I *need* help and support and consistent companionship to live a healthy and stable life!

being aroace, I don't have the benefit of getting a partner to fill the gaps a lack of friendship leaves. I have no one to turn to when my friends disappear from my life or betray me. I have to rely on these unstable/inconsistent/short-lived relationships. it's not sustainable and makes my life extremely hard and scary and hopeless. so telling me it's "normal" and I should "get used to it" doesn't do anything for me when I need it to last for more reasons than everyone else uses friends for.

I know it's unfair/wrong to "trap" someone into a committed platonic relationship that makes them feel like i'm "trying to date them" (ive had this accusation thrown at me before, then the person ghosts me after) but I really do think I need a committed platonic relationship. one that lasts and one that's two way and secure and consistent. no one wants to offer that though. they save it for their romantic partners only. the sad reality is, romantic relationships are always going to be placed above, and even replace platonic ones. leaving me, an aroace who needs those discarded platonic bonds, out of luck and left out. forever alone, as the old tumblr meme once went (which i'm sure 99% of those people who used the meme are now i'm committed relationships and/or have at least dated a few times)

I know, i'll be told I need a "queer platonic relationship" but that's not as simple as going shopping and picking one out. I dont even know how you get one! that's as much of an enigma to me as dating and making friends! getting a platonic friend to commit to you're friendship for life and be your life partner and not drop you for no reason, as soon as they make a new best friend, or as soon as they start dating? sounds more impossible than simply making casual friends I can convince to play a video game with me once a month (im lucky if they give me time once a year.....or 3)

i've tried establishing with certain people I feel comfortable with and get along with well that I want and need this type of "qpr" but they either mistake it for asking them to date, are afraid of commitment and ghost me immediately, or slowly start to push me away and decide their new friends are better. so it's not something I can just "get" from any friendship i'm finding. i'm not even sure exactly what it would look like. the best I can use to describe it is the found/chosen family trope where a two or more people come together to form a family where they help and protect each other and live together for life. they don't date. they are more than friends. they are a family and need each other and rely on each other and it stays like that. but that often feels like it can only happen in fiction. real humans aren't like that.

however, i'm told by other chosen families/best friends/people in qpr that it is possible. so then comes the dreaded "one day" they all tell me about. (I don't want it one day I want it NOW. i'm living in the present not the future!) so I have a vague idea of what I want/need, but not what it actually looks like, how to find it, where to look, or how to cope without it. I need more than a couple friends I see and talk to once i'm a while. I need more than a group chat. I need more than someone I get coffee with every weekend. I need a roommate, a forever bond. someone I live with and have separate lives from, but also share our lives together at the same time. the perspn who supports me when i need it, the person I support at all times. but someone who doesn't expect romance and sex. someone who isn't looking for "something better" and using me as temporary filler until they get better friends or a partner. someone who doesn't give up and run away from commitment. someone who wants to stay in my life for the rest of life. someone who puts me first and is committed to me as I am to them.

a life partner, or small family group.

but so far I've just been stuck on my own and I dont have the patience or energy to keep waiting 30+ more years for this "one day" to come and I don't have any options to make it come faster....RIGHT NOW is more important and i'm struggling in the present.

sometimes being aroace really sucks....

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Ellie Williams X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [WIP; Sneak-Peek]

• This is a very heavy WIP! Some elements may be changed quite drastically when I work upon this idea again;

• Takes place after the events of the second part of the game;

• Parts of instalment indicated utilising Roman Numerals;

• There will be more!

!TW(s): Mention of loss + death + guilt linked to it, implied suffering from depression, mention of theft/criminal activity, depiction of a dystopian atmosphere - if I’ve missed any, please feel to let me know; thank you!

Care for Each Other/Not Anymore

I.

It didn’t take Ellie long to decide she should leave Jackson again. What did she have left there, anyway? Sure, there were the remnants of a past life, including what she’d built alongside Tommy, Maria, and the others who’d decided to join them along the way, but now that she’d lost Joel, Dina, and Jesse, what was the point in fighting to keep what was gone alive anymore? All that was left was a memory - a singular memory, combining each moment she spent with each of them into a dark void of regret, and even heavier a portal for crushing guilt to ambush her the way it did, every night she lay in Wyoming, wondering where she should go next, now that so much of what had made up her own life had been burnt down to nothing, but a few ashes, and unashamed drops of tears separating them.

She had to try and harden her heart against all of what had taken place, and she decided to make further decisions as she packed up what she knew she’d need into the last rucksack she had left, the others she’d ever got her hands on just broken and worn mesh she kept under her bed in the makeshift town they’d all put together in Jackson, a few years ago now. She knew it wouldn’t be enough, eventually - of course she did; nothing lasted forever, that much had already been made clear to her, several times before now. She sighed gravely; the anger was still there - no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get rid of it. She only hoped she could try and dissolve it the further she ended up travelling, if ever she did end up going through with it.

That wasn’t to say she liked to engage in the thoughts of a doubtful mind. If anything, they only ended up frustrating her. She forced the last of her canned goods into the bag, before pressing herself up off of her bed, only to falter again when she noticed the guitar Joel gave her stood - lonely, and grim - in the corner of the room. Her eyes darkened a little, and she tried to ignore the emptiness she began to sport again, but she couldn’t forget it, rolling her eyes, before she walked a little half-heartedly and unsteadily toward the instrument. Though she knew it didn’t make her feel the way it did before - and was certainly hard to play, with two fingers less than what she’d had before - she couldn’t give up. Joel wouldn’t want her to.

In a way, neither would she, or Dina, but the excess thinking only added to the pain she tried to conceal all over again.

She carefully slung the guitar over her shoulder, the weight feeling only too familiar, and for a moment she was cursed to remember every word Joel had sung to her, a few years ago. She grunted, shaking her head subconsciously as if it would do anything to conceal her, but - again - there was nothing she herself could do to fix what had already been inflicted upon her. Maybe she’d come back one day - who knows? However, for now, she saw no other option, but to take her travels elsewhere again. She wouldn’t go too far, though, she speculated - if she was needed, then she could be close by, just-.. not here. Anywhere, but here again, at least until the near future.

Once she’d got outside, she whistled for the new Shimmer - a steed she’d managed to steal from the stables without recognition, given the WLF’s costing the loss of her old mare, as well - and her mare whinnied in response to her call, before tossing her head slightly, and then offering it for Ellie to stroke. Of course she couldn’t resist - whoever could, a creature so beautiful? She smiled softly - at least there were some things still light and warm in the world that had grown so much colder overtime. She pet her companion’s neck, before attaching her rucksack to the mare’s saddle. For a moment, she couldn’t help, but hesitate again, looking back in the direction of the city she missed, when it hadn’t been wounded by so many demons the way it had, before, so many unnecessary deaths it made her herself feel dead inside, to some extent.

She knew she shouldn’t dwell on it for too long, forcing a smile back up at Shimmer, before she climbed onto her steed’s saddle, unhitched her, and eased her with grave reluctance into a trot, back away heavily from the farmstead. She wondered if she’d regret it, eventually, and she guessed she had only herself to blame, when she found herself in almost completely new territory.

~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed it, and are looking forward to the dropping of the full version, coming at some point this Wednesday!

As always,

Your ever faithful, H.H. ❤️

[sodacowboy]

getting nauseous when I eat too much is probably definitely something my gi doc should know