#it’s grown so much since then and i feel like IVE grown so much since then
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hinamie · 1 month ago
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a tribute to celebrate the finale of the manga that has meant so much to me these past few years
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kentuckyfriedmegumi · 1 month ago
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i’ve officially hit 500!!!!!! that’s crazy!!!
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thank you to anyone who’s read, commented, and liked this work!! it’s my baby!!!!!!!!
if you haven’t read this before, check it out, my first fic that i’ve ever written!!!!
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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months ago
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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genekies · 4 months ago
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tag vent
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#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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soni-dragon · 10 months ago
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my pokemon black team! i found my old 3Ds a while back and have been playing through the game whenever I’m home from college, and just finished the game today! Have grown pretty attached to these guys <3
[ID: A digital drawing of a person wearing a long brown coat standing in front of six pokemon. From left to right is Conkeldurr, Darmanitan, Swoobat, Simipour, Whimsicott, and Gigalith. /End ID]
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windupaidoneus · 18 days ago
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sorry if i am weirder than usual right now GRINS EVILLY but not too evilly. i dont know whats up with me today but its like a whole thing it might be the four hours of sleep if im honest
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yuwuta · 9 months ago
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i gave this yuuta fic such a cute name with the plan of it being cute and funny and sort of awkward, and now i'm 8k words into it and yuuta is using biblical analogies to rationalize his love for reader and i've referenced hozier, olivia rodrigo, and sza in the same scene 😐
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marklikely · 2 months ago
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im literally so easy to win over if the movie is Red.
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seven-thewanderer · 1 year ago
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Okay time for elaborating:
IT'S BEEN A WHOLE YEAR!!!!!
I'm shocked, amazed, and so excited!!!
It's been a journey here, honestly!!
I met so many cool people, made so many cool friends, and honestly it's been amazing here!!!
I'm so glad to have met all of you guys!!!
And seeing people (besides my family) who actually like my art, that's so cool!!!! (I do know some of my irl friends like my art, but it's only some cus like... I've basically only shown like, 4 of em my art in the first place. Idk how many exactly)
I'm not the best with words, but im so glad I met all of you guys, all of my friends, my followers, all of you!!
You guys are amazing, and I'm grateful for all of you!!!!
Also, being able to share some of my silly lil aus, and my silly lil ocs, with other people, that's amazing!!!
But honestly, I really don't know how else to put the words together, but you guys are all so cool, you guys are so grand, and I'm so glad I got the chance of meeting you all!!!
I love you guys!!! (platonically of course, but I feel like that's kinda implied from me :P)
💖
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child-ofdust · 5 months ago
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ethan 🌼
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hiveswap · 1 year ago
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Being an older sister in a dysfunctional family living separately from the parent who is raising the kid is like actually being subjected to all circles of hell whenever you think about family too hard
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bmpmp3 · 7 months ago
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speaking of genbu's "serious" sounding tone in his voicebank, i think that might be why he was such a dead ringer for teto pre-synthv-bank-release with just a couple little gender parameter tweaks. wait do my followers know this. sorry i know most of my vocal synthesizer talk is genuinely gibberish to my beloved and loyal long time followers but do you guys know this. for a few years, people had discovered that since utau teto and genbu have this similar strong enunciation and dark sounding tone plus teto can have a bit of a tomboyish edge to her voice anyway -> if u mess with some parameters and phonemes he'll sound close enough to her, so it became a bit of running gag in the community, along with just being a genuine and novel use case for his voicebank. actually recently i found out about someone who made a couple of synthv scripts to set genbus voice to his falsetto pitch and set the tension to drop during each syllable automatically to make him sound like the utau sora amaha. genbu's purpose is to impersonate other vocal synthesizers
#i wasnt familiar with sora until i found that video. apparently she's voiced by lon? like that lon? like the utaite?#which is really neat! every day i find out about another utaite or seiyuu or someone who is involved with vocal synths in some fashion#im still reeling from anju inami providing the voice for a cevio bank! oh and the other day#i learned that the utaite kano was involved with the japanese version of luo tianyi#only to clear up some pronunciations - most of the bank is apparently the original provider. but its really interesting!#also jk jk genbu i love you. you are youre own vocal synth. you dont have to be her (teto). be yourself!!!!!!#i do love when people make teto and genbu have beef though. its so funny to me#tbh ive never been a teto user. shes not bad or anything i just never had any desire to use her utau bank. i keep her sv lite around tho#just in case i feel like making her bully genbu or something. bully that grown ass man#wait is she older or younger. i forgot how her fucked up chimera age worked again. oh well. whether ur 30 or 16 u can still bully him <3#its a family activity. fun for all ages! anyway yeah i was never much of a teto user. tbh i think its just because like#if i want to hear a teto cover someone else probably has already done it far better than i could even think to LOL#i like when other people use her! sasuke haraguchi's use of her in hitomania and igaku has been magnifique#but i think with vsynths i prefer to use voices i like that no one uses much LOL#gives me much more drive to make covers if i know im one of the few doing it HJKDSLJ#whenever i get tired to pitchbending fast syllables (my least favourite part LOL) i think to myself.... i must.... i must....#do it for him (genbu)..... hes not very popular since hes not the only male japanese voice anymore..... i must do it for HIM!!!!!!#(tunes one phoneme and explodes on impact)
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narrativedoomed · 2 years ago
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i havent seen any episodes since 2x3 but i think its SO interesting that the fandom will continuously say ben has no power and that no one cares hes an adult but the moment he doesnt step in to help deliver a baby its suddenly "hes annoying" and "you said yourself youre the adult step it up"
#yj spoilers#also like. as far as im aware he has continued to spiral and hallucinate constantly#and also like. i feel like trying to deliver a baby may be Difficult considering his leg situation bc like. idk how they were set up#but i dont think he can like. sit on the floor and he sure as hell cant kneel since one leg doesnt have a knee anymore#like im sure he probably could've helped somehow but i think. i dont think its fair to constantly emphasize his powerlessness#and then get mad when hes. not using what power he does have#'he taught the health class!!' 'he never learned more than pressing play on the video???'#i cant imagine the gay man would be actively preparing himself to know how to deliver a baby also i dont think that childbirth is like#taught in schools but i could be wrong#saw someone say he should know what to do because 'at his grown age one of his friends would've given birth' but like. its not like#its not like he would BE there for that#me getting defensive of ben without seeing the episode or knowing the context akshwls#its very possible that i will watch the episode eventually and they will be right its true#but i just.#ALSO i see so many people complain that bens even still alive and there bc hes a boy but then they complain when their main characters#are stepping up and doing things while he stays out of it#i think. its also quite possible i dont actually care that much ab this and the person talking just had an attitude and it annoyed me more#everyone in the replies was calling ben annoying and im >:(#ive also just been not in the best mood so i think im just channeling my feelings into this thing that doesnt matter akshskskd#negative cw
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keendaanmaa · 1 year ago
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🎸
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mejomonster · 10 months ago
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Creating stuff is so weird. (This time im talking about writing) like. U plan a story. U have an idea or vague vision at least in your mind. Then it comes out of your hand. Scenes expand, new scenes emerge that you didn't even know would be there, which lead to new realizations of what this story Becomes as it starts to exist piece by piece. And word choice, you didn't predict any of it, it came out on the spot, each moment a new surprise at what words your mind supplies, the options it offers in the second its demanded to give you a way to describe what you imagine. New descriptions come out, the words tack on bits of the moment you didn't see in your imagination until they come out, and now in a new light this scene is so much More than you ever imagined. It exists now on a page or screen, it is an imprint of this moment of contemplating it. Because any other moment, other words might have poured out from your hand and mind, because close as it might be to the silhouette you imagined initially weeks or months ago, or even a few seconds ago when the new possibility revealed itself, as it is written down it's taken on the qualities of this moment. Of right now. You never would have made precisely this, you won't make anything quite identical to it again. The image in your head that has existed forever long kept morphing, blurred at the edges or at the minimum in how its details spiraled out to connect to other scenes, and each time you contemplated it was just a little bit different. Close sometimes. And when you finally write it down, the blurred bits solidify into something this moment creates, unpredictable but you've tried to shape it up to this point and even as it happens you're trying to guide the thread of it into a more detailed rendition of what you meant initially or better. And then you finish writing that chunk. And are in awe of what came from a blurry idea.
Even the messes. Even the bits that come out of your hand and you're like: how in the fuck did this turn out so Far Away from what I wanted it to be? Even if you scrap it lol. There is a bit of wow there too, in how some moments your brain just refuses to cooperate or the words dont come and the slightly blurred picture in your mind turns out like when i draw a person and my hand isnt warmed up and i cant even get an oval shape right. In all that mess its like, how did what we didnt want even pour out, whys it in us to begin with, is there any gem in the disaster worth keeping. Is it so off the rails we decide the scene we imagined isnt what we thought or hoped itd be, and decide to throw it out all together and try a new scene entirely.
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blueprint-han · 2 years ago
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did i make a mistake?
#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags#so yeah fair warning#...........................................................................................................................................#idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man#i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk#about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text#or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want#to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes#fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the#relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard#to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call#a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who#asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it.#i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt#think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was#again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy#who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him#and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first#relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant#really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy#himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly.#theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house#has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place.#its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid#i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over#a relationship that has just been going for 1 week#theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of#which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a#long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i#ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog
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