#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm

[angelstrawbabie420]

grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it

[cunningambitousdetermined]

The Plan (Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader)

title: the plan

pairing: natasha romanoff x f!reader

warnings: mild swearing, mentions of homophobia, FLUFF with a dash of angst

summary: Y/N has been in love with Natasha Romanoff for a VERY long time and honestly, Tony is getting sick of watching it. Natasha has been in love with Y/N since the very first day and Steve can’t take the assassins obliviousness anymore. Steve and Tony, reluctantly of course, team up to make the pair notice how perfect they are for each other. (OH SHOOT IM SORRY I SUCK AT SUMMARIES WOW)

requested by @iamninaanna: 

Hey Sunshine, I love your writing, so I'm here to request something :) 

Can I please request a Natasha Romanoff × reader, where the Avengers are playing truth or dare, and somebody challenges Natasha to kiss the reader, or something like that, and then they confess their feelings to one another. I was having something in mind, I hope it's not to specific, that like Natasha rambles about the reader to Steve A LOT, and he's so sick of it, he has to do something about it, while it's the same situation with reader, just that she's talking to hers best friend, which can be any of the Avengers, you decide, and then Steve and the reader's best friend make a plan together, and well, you know the rest <3

Okay, that was a lot, but I'm really excited😊 Thank you if you write it!!

a/n (i think that's what i put when i’m responding, if i screwed it up please let me know, it would be much appreciated) :

hi taja! thank you so much, this is the first time someone has requested something and im really excited. but also terrified. more terrified. reader is a girl but if someone wants me to rewrite this as gender neutral, i can.  hope i do it justice and if your reading this, thank you for reading. if anyone has any feedback, it’s always welcome. okay here i go!!

the story: 

Y/N Y/L/N flopped backward on to Tony Stark’s bed, grabbed the nearest pillow and let out a angry scream into the unsuspecting piece of cloth and feathers. 

“Woah kid, what’d the pillow do to you?” Tony joked, his eyes still trained on whatever new gizmo he was working on, chuckling at his best friends antics.

“It’s fucking Natasha” Y/N mumbled quietly into the pillow, her voice muddled by the soft white sheets that she buried her head farther in. Tony was silent, the only sounds was the clinking of the Tony’s robots and tools working, so she assumed he hadn’t heard her. Not that she wanted him too anyway. 

Y/N was in love with Natasha Romanoff. Head over heels, fully in love with the assassin that she’d worked closely with for the past years. To describe how Y/N felt about Natasha in words would never to how she really felt in justice. Natasha was a tall glass of Coke: Orange Vanilla. Rare, unsuspectingly sweet, and utterly addicting. Her red hair, the black bodysuit, the way she fought, she could take down 10 men on her own, with her bare hands. She was sweet- always sharing her secret candy stashes with Y/N- smart -helping Y/N out when she was still taking classes. 

Sometimes Y/N really thought Natasha felt the same way, then she flirted with a guy here and hot girl there and the idea fled from her brain.  Y/N had never seen Natasha have an inclination toward women, she flirted with every living thing. Y/N liked to think it was a coping with feelings for someone and that's why she was so flirty but in reality, Y/N knew there was no way she felt near the same way. She was an extra to the Avengers. And besides, no one even knew she liked girls. 

“It’s what, darling?” Tony had moved and was now sitting in front of Y/N, spinning around in his chair like a little kid in their dad’s office.

Y/N wanted to tell him how in love she was with Natasha, she wanted to tell him all the little things she noticed, all the little things she loved. But she couldn’t. How would Tony take it? Tony might take it okay, but the team? Steve? Bucky? They were from the 40′s, women didn’t love other women openly back then, did they still think it was... unnatural? She didn’t think she could deal with being any more of an outcast. Did Natasha like girls? The thoughts were drowning her slowly, cutting off her air supply, the last bit of air building up into a scream that she would never let out. 

Tony coughed and Y/N realized she’d been silent for too long. “Tony....” she took a deep breath in, “I- uh-...,” Tony raised an eyebrow, waiting for to go on. Y/N coughed clearing nothing from her throat, elongating the silence before she just spit the words out like hot fire. “I’minlovewithNatashaandIdontknowwhattodo?” 

“You’re what?” Tony asked, having caught nothing of that sentence, something about Natasha but honestly he was still lost. 

Y/N felt a little better and slowed herself down. She trained her eyes on a seam in the comforter and whispered, “I’m in love with Natasha and I don’t know what to do”

There was a silence and Y/N could feel it smothering her, pulling her into the water, dunking her head under, she was drowning and, and and- Tony erupted in laughter. Y/N’s head shot up and she stared at him, color drained from her face. Tony rocked back and forth but when he came up again, he caught the absolute terror on her face and his smile dropped. 

“Y/N?” he asked softy, he stood up, plopping on the bed next to her, “Babe?” Tony tried to catch her eye, ducking his head but she turned away. He grabbed her chin in his large hands, “Babe, I wasn’t laughing at you. God, I’m such an idiot.” he blew out a harsh breath, “I was laughing because I already knew, not because you are in love with her.” Tony felt her face relax and he turned her chin to meet his eye. 

“You knew?” Y/N asked softly, tears still gathered in her eyes. Tony’s eyes softened as he saw the tears and he used the pads of his thumb to wipe them away. 

“I’m sorry Y/N. I don’t care if you like women. I’ve known you had some sort of feelings for Natasha for a while, you can see it when you look at her. I was just waiting for you to tell me.” Y/N laughed at this now and threw her arms around Tony, who wrapped her up in a hug. “Now, tell me more about Natasha and this ‘love’” he said, his voice muffled by her hair. 

~

“STEVEEEE” Natasha groans, letting down her normal assassins façade. 

“Mmm” Steve hummed in reply, motioning for her to come in to his room. She smiled and darted to the spinning chair in the corner, propping her feet up on the desk. It was silent for a little bit, the pair just enjoying each others company when Natasha spun her chair around and broke the silence. 

“Do you think Y/N likes women?” Steve already knew the Natasha liked women and he was totally cool with it. Nat has been surprised when he had been super supportive but was very grateful for all the love and reassurance he’d given her. 

“Nat,” Steve sighed dramatically, “She can’t NOT know your in love with her, unless she’s totally oblivious which she may be...” He turned to face her, jumping on his bed to be closer to her, “You should just tell her” 

“But...” Nat frowned, “what if she doesn’t like women? And I creep her out? And..” She stopped as she felt Steve lay a hand on her shoulder. 

“How could she not like you?” he questioned, “And trust me, it’s quite obvious how she feels.” 

“HOW SHE FEELS?!” Nat practically screamed, so unlike her that Steve leaned back. She cleared her throat, “Sorry- she feels...?” 

“She’s in love with you, obviously”

Nat grabbed a pillow from the bed and screamed into it, then looked at Steve, wary, “Really? Y/N with her...” Steve tuned out the rest of what Nat said, he’d heard it all before. Too many times. Nat sighed, in a happy way that Steve had never heard from her before, “Y/N...”

~

Steve knew that this had to end, Natasha and Y/N pretending they weren’t head over heels for each other. He’d heard enough of Nat’s wistful rants, it was so unlike her, it was starting to worry him. If he was correct in his guess, Tony was feeling the same way. So, despite Tony being, well, Tony, Steve sought him out to solve the mess. 

~

“Truth or dare, old man?” Clint smirked at Tony, all the avengers had settled for a night in and decided to play truth or dare. Y/N had rolled her eyes at this, they were too old for it, but settled in next to Tony anyway. 

“Dare, obviously” Tony rolled his eyes at Clint, eagerly awaiting his fate. 

“I dare you to stand on top of the tower and sing at least 30 seconds of ‘Rich Girl’ by Gwen Stefani and livestream it.” Tony laughed at this and stood up. 10 minutes and one livestream later, all of them were laughing harder then they had in a long time. 

“Okay, okay, my turn to ask,” Tony smiled, “Natasha, truth or dare?” Steve couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face, the plan was in motion. 

“Dare...” Natasha didn’t let her voice waver, her signature smirk on her face. 

“I dare you to kiss Y/N”

The whole room fell silent. Y/N’s face flamed and her eyes filled with tears. Was this a joke? Tony knew how she felt. How could he? The eyes in the room were on Nat and her but she ignored them as she got up and ran out of the room. Tony’s eyes widened as Y/N darted through the door. 

“Nice going, Tony. You upset her.” Natasha’s glared at Tony, angry. But inside she couldn’t help but wonder if she ran because she didn’t want to kiss her. Maybe she hated the idea. Maybe she didn’t like women after all. Nat got up, she had to face this. “I’ll go get her” She dragged her hand over her face and got up. Tony and Steve exchanged a glance as she left, hopefully this wouldn’t blow up in their faces

~

“Y/N!” Nat yelled down the hall, “It’s me, I’m sorry Tony was a jerk. Can we talk?”

Y/N heard Natasha’s voice and faltered, she had to face this at some point. She took a deep breath, letting the cool confidence she had on missions fill her. 

“Yeah, I’m here Nat” She called back and within seconds Nat ran around the corner. Nat’s eyes softened as they looked into Y/N’s beautiful eyes, still just as mesmerizing, puffy and red. Nat took an unconscious step forward, her thumbs caressing the hidden tear streaks. Y/N’s breath caught, her heart flipping at Nat’s touch. Before she could think about it, Y/N leaned up and let her lips meet Nat’s. Nat responded immediately, pulling Y/N to her, wrapping her arms around her, teeth tugging at her bottom lip. Y/N groaned into the kiss, letting her fingers card through Nat’s hair. They pulled away after a minute, smiling like idiots. Y/N looked down slowly before glancing back up shyly at Nat. 

“Um... I really like you Nat” She whispered, with a smile

“I really like you too Y/N” Nat chuckled, pulling her in again for a sweet, soft kiss. It said everything they hadn’t said. All the nights of longing, the confusion and the love. 

Tony, Steve and the rest of the team watched from the security room, smiling and high fiving at the happy couple. 

AHHH I HOPE YOU LIKED IT!! feedback is always appreciated!!

tagging: @iamninaanna (to be tagged when i write something just drop me an ask)

[chemiste]

Voicemail. ~one-shot~

a/n: howdy babes, last night i was reading through @toothpastekissy​ masterlist, basically gobbling up everything and came upon Leaked Feelings! I loved the concept of it so I decided to write my own version :) lmk if y’all want a part two!

ALSO, i recorded myself singing both songs i wrote for harry,,,, if ya want to know the tunes i was thinking for them, comment if you want them and ill post em.

my masterlist

There they were.

The leaked files.

When you got a call at 4 am this morning, you did not expect your publicist to be telling you some of your exes songs were leaked.

“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, still half asleep.

“They’re about you, Y/N.”  Well now you’re awake.

“What?” You shot up out of bed, padding over to your white desk, fuzzy pink socks on your feet. You opened your laptop and jumped onto twitter, scrolling through with one hand while the other held your phone. #StylesLeak was trending worldwide, as was #Y/N.

HarryUpdates tweeted:

OMG OMG RED ALERT WE GOT LEAK SONGS Y’ALL

FineFuckinLine tweeted:

OOF, what the fucccccck did harry do to Y/N? These are all apology songs!!! No wonder the break up was hush hush

E!News tweeted :

Hey everyone! We know Harry Styles and Y/N L/N stans are up early this morning! Leaked songs from Harry sales have been put out on the web for everyone to see. The two singers had called it quits 3 years ago, but now they’re the trending topic again! #shipname is now trending #1 worldwide, I didn’t ever think we’d see that one again! Go to our website for more!

You heard you publicist let out a big sigh, you put your phone on speaker and set it down on the desk next to you so you could keep looking.

“There are 7 songs, and each one has your name in it or as the title.”

It was a bit of shock, to say the least.

You had hung up with your publicist a while ago and were now debating on whether to listen to the songs or not, you had found a fan account that had the leaked files all ready to go for your entertainment, but something made you hesitate clicking the url.

“You Bastard!” You screamed, shoving him back into the wall. 

Mascara was streaming down your face, the satin red cocktail dress you wore now crumpled as your crouched to grab your suitcase from underneath the bed.

“Please listen, it’s not what you think—“ Harry started, you whipped around to the man before you, fire burning in your eyes.

“Oh, really Harry? How is me hearing you say ‘yeah Y/N is alright, but gotta keep the media happy ya know’ on a voicemail I probably wasn’t supposed to get not what I think?” 

Quickly, you zipped the bag closed, kicking your heels off and shoving your feet into your beat up converse. He let out an exasperated breath, tears starting to shine in his eyes.

“I—I was drunk Y/N! I was with some friends just joking around and—“ 

“Drunk words are sober thoughts Harry.” 

You snapped back, slipping your tench coat on and racing for the stairs, luggage in hand. You rubbed away the endless tears running down your face as you made it to the living room, collecting your keys.

H raced down after you, mumbling over words—

‘Excuses’, You thought.

Right before you opened the front door, he grabbed your hand that was wrapped around the handle of your suitcase. 

“Please Y/N, can’t we just sit down and talk this out—“ 

“There’s nothing to talk about Harry, you made that perfectly clear when I had to listen to you compare me some ‘other models’ while at a very important record dinner! I had to fucking sit there, eyes on me, and act like you weren’t ripping my heart out one word at a time!” 

You snatched your hand out of his and moved out the door, 

“Don’t call me,” was the last thing you said before slamming the door shut.

Bringing back those memories was something you didn’t want to do, it had been 3 years since the break up. Harry didn’t come after you, even though a part of you wished he had. Wished he had tried harder to get you back. But alas, shortly after, he started dating a model, Camile or something, and your relationship was tossed aside like yesterdays newspaper. 

You moved back and forth with your mouse on the link, eventually you closed the page. Instead of fully chickening out, you decided to go to your favorite platform for celebrity gossip, tumblr.

“At least one of his die-heart fans must have the lyrics written down already.” 

You mumbled to yourself, logging into your secret side blog about cats, Captain America, and cute outfits. 

After not that much digging you found a blog, harrysmygod, (you definitely rolled your eyes at the name) had a whole posting written out about it already.

“They’re sure on top of everything, I’ll give them that.”

You started to read.

Hello my harries! 

So if you’ve been up these past few hours, something big has happened! HARRY STYLES HAD SOME FUCKING SONGS LEAKED!!! And no, I don’t mean songs that could have been on the FineLine album, I mean OLD songs! 

And they’re about, you know my fav girl, Y/N! Now, we know their break up 3 years ago was very quick and hush-hush, not much details ya know? 

BUT WE GOT THE JUICE NOW LADIES!! 

The boy wrote 7 songs that got leaked, and you wonder why I know they’re about her? Y/N is a lyric or title word used in all of them! Thats right, all 7 songs. I’ve done the best thing for everyone and written out the lyrics for you to look through, I’ve only kept one chorus and each new verse, if you listen to the song and its repeated I only wrote it down one for you, blah blah you get it? 

Great! Heres the first one, it’s called Voicemail.

You took a deep breath and scrolled down.

The look on your face,

The hurt in your eyes,

Made me realize, my lover was gone,

I never got to say goodbye.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

The words I had said, not true,

I’m so sorry you heard them too.

When you came home in that dress,

Mascara dripping onto your chest.

I knew I had fucked up,

One voicemail turning us to dust.

If you ever hear this song,

Know that I was wrong,

You were the best thing in my life,

Now those flames have turned to ice.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

Y/N, please remember the love we once had together,

So I know I am real

And then maybe, we could try to heal.

Heaaaaaaaaaal.

Wow you guys, this SONG! Totally sucks that harry didn’t mean to release them cause totally invasion of privacy (sorry harry), but lucky for us we’ve got some info on what happened between Y/N and him! 

I’m thinking maybe a voicemail gone wrong? They could have been in a fight and he said something that cut too deep? Lmk what you guys think, heres the next on called Gone.

You scrolled through them, you read all the songs. Lover’s Funeral, Drunk Thoughts, Empty Seat, Your Sock Drawer, and then finally, Y/N.

Alright, we’ve made it to the last song my dudes. And personally it’s my favorite!!!! This was the last song leaked, but I feel the most important. Here’s Y/N.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,

You make my heart fly,

I feel as though I could touch the sky,

I only need your love to try.

My love, love, love

You shine brighter than any star above.

Make me count everyday,

I should have tried to make you stay.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N

I know we can agree

That I’m a bastard

Im a flake,

You made the right choice

Walking out on me

But could I have

A second chance,

I know it would be worth it

In the end

Because I’d get,

On one knee,

And promise myself to you

For all eternity.

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

You gasped, basically jumping away from the computer like it was on fire. Thoughts raced through your mind, you grabbed your head, trying to keep it all together. 

He wanted to marry you? Impossible. 3 Years ago this man was thinking about proposing, then how could he say all those horrible things about you?

“He’s not worth another heartbreak, stop it, stop it!” You chanted to yourself.

While you paced back and forth making a dint in your soft white carpet, you had tuned out the notifications for instagram, twitter, and calls coming through to you. 

But then a certain dial tone popped up that you had only set for one person.

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

You glanced to your phone on the table and froze.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent you a message.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent you a message.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “Mrs. Styles.”

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “I Should Have Fought.”

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “I’m Sorry.”

<3

here’s part 2!!!!!!!!!

[driversmutbucket]

Kitten Part VII

Kylo AU x Reader

Here we go againnnnnn. Im not sure how the hell this fic has become so long. It’s going to start wrapping up in the next part. Enjoy friends!

Warnings: NSFW, oral sex, dom/sub dynamic, daddy kink, praise kink Tag list: @reyloaddict55​ @candycanes19​ @jediminddicks1000​ @finn-ray-nal-beads​ @maybe-your-left​ @thegreenmatt​ @morby​ @sydneyssmut​ @contesa-lui-alucard

To start this fic from the beginning, please refer to my masterpost. 

The week slipped by.

Your dress from Kylo arrived at work on Friday morning, no chance to back out of wearing it.

You took the garment bag and an additional box into your office and shut the door. 

You hung the garment bag on the back of the door. Too nervous to open it just yet. You had enough information to trust his taste, he had your sizing, but part of you was still nervous you would be faced with a dress 2 sizes too small that resembled a wench costume.

Exhaling through your mouth slowly you opened the box. 

You frowned. There were 2 separate parcels. Black tissue paper - of course. You almost rolled your eyes.

You removed the first parcel. Definitely a shoe box. You gasped when you removed the paper and opened the box. 

“Fucking hell Kylo.” You muttered. .

You had watched enough Sex and the City and read enough Vogue to recognize the unmistakable embellishment. Black Manolos. 

You stroked the shoe in wonder, marveling at the craftsmanship. 

You repeat your deep yoga breaths, trying not to panic. This was a lot. Extravagant. You knew damn well how much shoes like this cost. You purchased luxury goods from time to time, usually feeling nauseous after the transaction.

You moved to the next parcel, removing it from the box carefully.

Teasing open the tissue paper you broke into a grin. Black lace. A tiny scrap of a thong and a strapless bustier. You grazed your fingers across the fabric, it was beautiful, the bustier was mostly sheer, the boning visible. 

You were seeing the vision, and you were in support of it, chewing your lip as you imagined yourself in just the lingerie and heels. Imagining the look on his face when he saw you in your gifts. 

“Ok, let's do this.” You murmured to yourself, walking over to stand in front of the garment bag. 

Another deep breath. You slowly unzipped the bag. The first thing you saw was the label. You were going to kill him. This was too much. 

Alexander McQueen, fucking McQueen! You knew it was going to be perfect before you even had the whole bag open.

The neckline was an elegant sweetheart cut. The hourglass silhouette, midi length and black fabric exuded understated elegance. You turned the dress to find a back slit at the hem. 

You held it, staring in awe. It was beyond anything you could have expected. 

You hung it back up gingerly.

You sat at your desk feeling dazed. Overwhelmed by the generosity, unsure what it meant? Just- everything. 

-

You had agreed to meet at Kylo’s prior. 

You felt amazing, the dress fit like a glove. You had never worn anything so beautifully made. Everything you liked about your body was accentuated. The bustier clinched in your waist and pushed up your breasts just enough; you had stared at yourself in the mirror in slight amazement. 

And! the! shoes! So comfortable for a pair of heels, so much so that the price suddenly seemed reasonable. 

In a last minute panic you had had your hair and makeup done. You’d be damned if your cosmetic skills were going to let the team down. 

Your stomach flip flopped as you rode the elevator to Kylo’s floor, nervous excitement coursing through your body. 

You knocked on his front door and waited. 

The door opened. Your jaw went slack as you took in the glory that was Kylo in a tux.

“Wow.” You breathed, walking in the door. 

He was frozen in place, slowly taking you in.

He met your gaze, “Y/n, you look—..fuck you look amazing—...beautiful.” 

“I- this” you motioned at your dress and shoes, “this is too much-...what I mean is, thank you, it’s so generous, but-... fuck Kylo, Manolo’s? McQueen? I just about passed out when I op-”

He cut off your babbling by stepping forward and grabbing the back of your neck, greeting your lips with a bruising kiss.

“So you like them then?” He smiled, against your mouth. 

“I love them. I—” he again swallowed your words, his kiss slow and passionate.

He traced along your collarbone with his fingers, “should have got you a necklace.” He mused, breaking the kiss.

“No…” you shook your head, sighing as his soft lips kissed down your neck. 

“Stop being so oppositional.” He murmured, lips still planting delicate kisses on your décolletage.

You huffed. He stood up to full height, eyes twinkling. 

“Accept it, Kitten. I’m going to spoil you. I want to.”

You sighed, fingering the lapels of his tux, “it makes me a bit uncomfortable” you grumbled, “so much money…”

“I don’t have anything else to spend my money on.” He said softly. You felt a twinge of sadness. “Do you want to know why I got you that dress?”

“Mmmm why?” 

“The collection was inspired by art nouveau which you said you loved. Remember, you showed me that work by Klimt?  Also I knew you would look incredible in it.” 

You look up at him, right into the dark amber of his eyes. You were moved.

“Are you serious?” You murmured in wonder.

He nodded, eyes crinkling with a smile, notably chuffed at your reaction.

“Kylo… this is, wow—...I’m really touched. I have only known you what? 8 or 9 months and this is the most thoughtful gift I have ever….” you trailed off. Feeling a wave of emotion that made you choke up.

“Oh, Kitten, I didn't mean to upset you.” He soothed, pulling you into his chest, it felt so safe there, engulfed by his arms.

“It’s a good upset.” You sniffed, pressing your face to his chest. 

“Oh shit! Fuck!” You pulled away, “fucking makeup, You inspected his shirt and tuxedo jacket, relieved to find no traces of foundation.

Kylo looked at you amused. “I wouldn’t have been totally upset if we couldn’t go because my shirt got stained.”

“Behave.” You grinned giving him a playful smack on the chest before taking his hand, “come on, we better go.”

-

You stepped through the main door of the venue. People were milling around everywhere, beautifully dressed women and dapper men chatting loudly, armed with drinks.

Kylo took your hand and squeezed gently.

“What these things are good for is the booze.” He said as he steered you towards the bar. 

You were soon armed with generously poured cocktails. 

“I’m going to apologise in advance for the incredibly boring conversation.” He said in a low voice.

“It’s ok, I have to go to shit like this for the gallery all the time. Keep the patrons happy, fundraising and all that jazz.”

“Probably more interesting people than this bunch.” He grimaced.

As if on queue a deep voice boomed, “Dr Ren!”

An older gentleman ambled up to Kylo and whacked him on the back jovially. “How are you son?!” 

They shook hands, “great to see you again Sir!” 

The man turned his attention to you, you smiled politely.  

“Ren, who is this lovely lady you have with you?”

“This is Dr y/l/n, y/n is the director at the city art gallery.” He introduced you, a touch of pride in his voice. “y/n, this is Sir David Walker, chair of the medical council.”

“Lovely to meet you Sir.” You shook his hand.

“Likewise, likewise.” He smiled at you warmly. “Excellent to have such bright young minds among us old decrepit lot.”

You laughed as he turned back to Kylo. 

“So where have you been hiding this one, Ren, keeping her away from all this malarkey as long as possible?.” He joked. 

Kylo’s hand crept to the small of your back, where it rested.

You sipped away at your drink as they got into a conversation about the stock market, nodding when it seemed appropriate. 

You crept away at one point, getting another round of drinks for you both. 

You came back to find Kylo alone, you handed him his drink. 

“Told you.” He grinned.

“Oh stop, he was very nice.” You chided, sipping your drink.

-

2 hours later you were many cocktails deep and chatting away to whoever was around, Kylo was a few steps away with a group of men discussing the driest topics known to man. You had tapped out pretty quickly, opting for another drink and mingling.

 His eyes drifted every now and then, checking on you. If you caught his eye you would wink. 

-

It was nearing midnight when you came back to each other. 

You were leaning against a pillar, watching some of the guests dancing outrageously. Kylo came up behind you and slipped his hands around you. 

“You look sooooooooo fucking hot, Kitten.” He murmured in your ear.

Oh he was tipsy. Definitely tipsy. Handsy as well. His hands brushing the underside of your breasts.

“Hiiiiiiii baby.” You grinned, reaching back and stroking his face. “Are you drunk?”

“A little, I’m also hungry, all they have is fucking canapés the size of thimbles.”

“Oh god don’t even talk about food, I’m wasting away here.” Your stomach growled as if in agreement.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here and get pizza.” He decided.

“Now we are fucking talking!”

You were feeling rather tipsy as well, your feet not quite coordinating as you wished. You swore as you stumbled a little. 

“Fucking martinis.” You grumbled, as Kylo’s arm shot out to steady you.

-

You managed to get yourselves down the road and into a pizza shop. Collapsing gratefully into a booth.

Because you were both slightly inebriated, ordering 3 pizzas seemed like an amazing idea, because how could you ever choose? 

When the table was heaving with giant pizzas you realised the absurdity of your order. 

“Babe, smile- this is fucking ridiculous.” Kylo laughed, holding up his iPhone. You posed with your slice of pizza, grinning at the camera. 

He snapped a few, chuckling. 

You both did an impressive job at getting through most of the pizza. Glad to soak up some of the booze sloshing in your stomach. 

Feeling less like a legless teenager, you held Kylo’s hand as you walked down the street. A breeze picked up and you shivered. 

Pausing, Kylo took off his tuxedo jacket and draped it over your shoulders. 

“What a gentleman, thank you.” You smiled, kissing his hand softly. 

“Looks good on you.” He winked, as he opened the Uber app on his phone. 

The car pulled up within minutes. Kylo pulled your body into his, in the back seat, keeping you warm. 

-

You unlocked your front door, “welcome to my humble abode, it’s not quite Casa Ren, but I like it.” 

Kylo walked into your apartment and his eyes flitted around. 

It wasn’t small, but it wasn’t big either, somewhere in the middle. The walls were covered in art, well actually, anything that made you happy really. 

“This is so…..you.” He smiled, seeming much more relaxed than you had expected, “it smells like you.”

“I hope you’ll be comfortable here.” You said softly, tucking yourself under his arm. He kissed the top of your head, wordlessly. 

“Can you undress me Daddy?” You whispered, snuggling into him.

You felt him freeze, and exhale with a soft hum.

“Just let me know if i take it too far or something ok? I’ve never done this...er, roleplay” you looked up at him biting your lip.

He chuckled, eyes fiery “neither have I Kitten, but say it again.”

“Dadddddy.” 

“Fuck.”

“Show Daddy the pretty lingerie he got you, Kitten.” 

You took off the dress carefully. He didn’t take his eyes off you. You looked at him and twirled. 

“What do you think, Daddy?” You asked with a little smile. 

“Jesus Christ, come here.” He said softly. 

You walked and stood in front of him. 

“What’s that in your trousers Daddy?” You asked coyly gazing at his obvious erection, before being unable to control yourself and letting out a laugh. 

His hand landed on your backside fairly hard, making you yelp.

He was grinning, “why don’t you put your hand in there and find out little girl?”

You pushed him against the wall and worked his belt open. You watched his face as you put your hand into his briefs and wrapped your fingers around his cock. 

Sucked in air through clenched teeth and met your gaze. 

You widen your eyes, “so big Daddy!”

He smirked. You were both finding this whole roleplay comical, but it was quickly becoming insanely sexy, you were getting lost in the moment.

“Do you think you can fit it in your mouth Kitten?” He almost purred.

“I can try my best, Daddy.” 

“That’s my good girl.”

You hummed happily at his words, getting down on your knees and pulling down his trousers and briefs.

Wrapping your hand back around the base you began to kitten lick his tip. He leant his head back against the wall making a strangled sound. 

Flattening your tongue you licked him in one slow motion from base to tip, pausing to tease that one spot you knew drove him wild.

“Hhhhnggh good gi-... jesus!” You took him entirely in your mouth without warning, until you gagged.

You sat back on your feet and pouted up at him, “it’s too big, Daddy.” 

His eyes crinkled with amusement, “Shall i take you to bed, little girl?” he asked, kicking off his shoes and trousers. 

You nodded eagerly.

“Use your words, Kitten.”

“Yes, please Daddy.”

He motioned for you to stand up, when you were on your feet he picked you up. 

He carried you to your bedroom, your legs wrapped around his waist.

“Don’t fucking stop with this, it’s so fucking sexy babe.” he breathed in your ear as he walked. 

You chuckled, “this is fun, Daddy.”

He growled, before placing you gently on the bed.

He slowly took off his shirt, you watched, you could almost see his mind ticking.  

“What do you want me to do, Daddy?” you smiled, leaning back on your arms. 

“You can start by taking off those panties and showing Daddy your pussy.” he said casually.

You lifted your hips and slid the tiny thong off, kicking it at him. Leaning back on your elbows you spread your legs wide. 

“Touch yourself, tell me how wet you are.” he instructed, roughly. 

“Yes Daddy.” you purred, taking two fingers and running it through your folds with a little groan. 

He looked at you expectantly, now completely naked, cock angrily red and erect. 

“It’s very wet Daddy, what does that mean?” you asked with a smirk. 

“It means, little girl, that you are ready for Daddy’s cock.” he breathed.

You nodded in agreement, grinning as he got onto the bed next to you and lay on his back, then patted his thighs, “come sit here Kitten, Daddy wants to see your pretty tits bounce in the lingerie he got you.” 

You clambered over his thighs eagerly, dragging your pussy over his thigh greedily. 

He grabbed your hips and lined you up, so you hovered just above the tip of his weeping cock. 

He pushed you down onto his cock agonisingly slowly, watching your face intently as it contorted with pleasure, little whimpers tumbling from your lips as he stretched you out. It wasn't until he had you fully sheathed that he threw his head back with a loud moan. 

“Good girl, good girl, good girl.” he moaned. 

You used all your willpower to stay still and wait for instruction. 

“Fuck, Kitten, move baby girl.” he hissed, taking your hips again and setting a pace for you.

“Perfect, you’re perfect.” he moaned as you moved up and down, rolling your hips slightly. 

His eyes did indeed watch your tits bounce in the bustier, hands caressing your thighs. 

Your hands crept in between your legs, seeking your clit. He batted your hand away and replaced your fingers with the pad of his thumb.

“Oh god, Ky-..Daddy-” you cried out as he pressed firmly on your clit and began to thrust to meet your movements. 

“Need to cum Kitten?” he asked, pausing his thumbs movement on your clit.

“Mmmmm yes, yes please, Daddy, please!” you pleaded. 

He doubled his efforts, sending you barreling toward climax with a gasp. 

You came with a sob, chanting, “Daddydaddydaddydaddy.”

He flipped you both over, so you could lie bonelessly as he held your legs to his chest as he thrust into you to reach his own climax with a loud growl. 

He collapsed next to you panting, “That was…”

“Hot.” you finished before laughing and rolling over, tucking yourself under his arm. 

[tillmays]

Is just her. II

Riley was on her element, she liked to play, and she knew he liked it too.

so tell me mr.groom, why are you the way you are?

James-  well is not that easy to tell.

Riley- you know, is so easy to talk to stranger.

james- is it?

Riley- fine let's make it a little loosely. she she reclines on the sofa, spreading her long legs making the dress fall between them, putting an arm behind the backrest, the lights in the room were off there were only two lamps on, and she was illuminated by the light that came through the large window. - i will ask you something and you will answer exactly how you're feeling i will go first, bored or.. she made a pause and she did a little flicker and raised her eyebrow, make a grimace with her lip and said very slowly - eager?

James- he shrugged his eyes and just saw her. his eyes speak with a desire for her, you know that when a man sees you that way it means that there is only one thought in his mind only the idea of not being able to touch you kills him inside, he said in a very deep and penetrating voice -eager.

Riley- what's wrong Mr.groom you wanna dick me down? *in this hot way he smiled and laughed softly*

James- haha you're very funny, i like that, but you know that i can't.. if i had met you 3 hours ago when i wasn't married, you wouldn't be sitting on that sofa

I'm not going to lie, that made her feel excited, and she was intrigued to see what could happen but as I said she likes to play. Riley- you know, some of your friends call you the christian grey.. and you forgot to ask, it your turn. *she said sarcastic making a little joke referring of what Bozer said earlier obviously he didn't know but it didn't matter*  

James- what.. ahaha i didn't know you knew my friends... and no i didn't forget, was thinking for the right question to ask.. with company or lonely.

Riley- lonely. sad or tired? he stared, didn't said nothing for a minute looking at her straight in the eyes, james felt those words really heavy he knew somehow that she felt the same way.

james was with his hand holding his jaw and his fingers over his lips said -you know is both. he sighted- you know i feel i can trust you but at the same time i know you don't care but at the same time you do so.. i this point i don't really care what happens to that man.*he started to tell her about his dad, his work, everything he even told her the name of the person who was going to buy the uranium and what was the business of this person* Riley mumbled very quietly and said- Mac listen. Mac answered. Mac-  yeah i heard it all of it, bozer we are ready. Bozer was in the bathroom with the laptop of Riley working on helping mac. desi was waiting for Mr.Oliver to make a move.

James- well it's your turn to tell me something now. what about you, why are you the way you are?

Riley could breath now, cause the team knew what to do now, after hearing what james just confessed about these mens she just needed to keep him distracted so he wouldn't suspect about her. 

Riley- oh come on dude, accept the mystery.

James- no no is your turn. what are you broken?

Riley wanted to tease him a little more, she lay down on the sofa and slid a little accommodating her body in a tempting way, she was looking at the ceiling and at the night sky thru the window.

James- girl.. you are deadly.. *She smiled*

Riley- i’m the whole package baby: chaotic, neurotic, erotic

Riley- i was very young and all alone. *riley looked at him and told him some thing about her not the undercover girl, she didn't lie she felt like she didn't have to, that night the two of them opened to a complete stranger and they created their own safe space. he walked to her way, he sat next to her, Riley got up and put her head on his legs, He played with her hair, they kept that energy for 5 minutes. they stayed in silence because sometimes it feels better not to talk. at all. 

Riley finally said something, started thinking out loud. - “I wonder what’s wrong with me. Sometimes I just keep wanting to go deeper and deeper into the world of self-destruction. As if I want to see myself fail completely and disappear.” 

they looked at eachother, James couldn't take it anymore, he asked.-can i kiss you? Riley just nodded. he grabbed her face and kissed her very slowly. that was a very hot kiss. the only thought of Riley was “maybe i teased him a little too much” Riley said to him- we have to be careful, we can't fall in love. Riley was hearing everything that was going on with the team they got the uranium got the buyer but Oliver was still trying to escape. james heard gunshots. and told Riley to stay there. he went outside and saw everybody running in every direction, he saw his dad with a gun and all of his bodyguards with him, he confronted him told him everything, the way he was feeling, and it was time for him to give himself up. 

Mac and Riley

Riley got out the room after james left, she took a a shortcut to get there before him and without him seeing her, she saw Mac and when runnin to him and grabbed her laptop. Riley and Mac when running to the along the side of the castle on a path that led to the large flower-filled garden.

Mac- Riley go to the back and get inside and grab the package,

Riley- okay, i already sent the whole information to matty.

Mac- uh that was fast. *they were standing under the frame of that entrance to the garden. - hey be careful when you get inside, and don’t lose the package, or matty will kill us.. *mac was making the smoke bomb with the thinks he found there* well gotta go.*he went running*

Riley- mac.. * he turned around and went back to her* yeah it’s something wrong? *Mac looked concerned and his eyes started to shine a little from the party lights that were outside, Riley just got lost in them and hold onto the words she was thinking of saying to him, put decided it was better not to.

Riley- nothing, just be safe.. *she gave him a little sad smile*

Mac- yeah don’t worry.. we got this.

Mac and Desi were there, Mac dropped a bomb of smoke to make the bodyguards move Desi and Mac beat them down and there was just Oliver and his son James.. it was the end in their relationship. 

james- you know i'm going to leave Chloe, since it was just for your business and that doesn't matter anymore. you can take him now. *Desi put the handcuffs on him* james went running back to the bedroom but riley wasn't there anymore he looked outside and there she was sitting on the steps of the backyard. 

James- hey.. 

Riley looked back and kept smoking her cigarette, she took the bottle of whisky and to glasses. James sat at her side, she served the two shots of whiskey

James- So what’s next?

Riley-  You heal. You grow. And you help others.

James- you know the whole night you have been a  tormenting vision. 

Riley sipped her drink. -you didn't disappoint me either.

James- hahaaha and there is she. i love how you are flirting with a tiny halo on. 

back with the guys.

Mac- hey boz, it's time to go you’re ready? where's Riley?

Bozer- she's talking with james, the groom, i think someone ended winning today hu?

Mac just looked J- E -A -L-O-U-S  but obviously he kept telling himself that he didn't understand that feeling, he looked at them thru the door that was open.      - yeah i guess... *mac putted back his communicator to see if he could hear them, Riley had not taken off hers. mac was listening.

Riley saw that the boys were ready to go. 

Bozer yelled, -Riley! we are ready when you're ready!

James- so that's your name.. Riley..

Riley- don't wear it out. 

James- well i see you have to go. i'm gonna miss our conversations, your a wonderful woman. 

Riley- me too. i hope you find the happiness you've been pretending to have.

they said cheers to that and was the last drink.

James- i hope we can meet again.

Riley- meet me in my dreams tonight and stay there for a while.

they gave a last kiss. you know what kind of kiss those that are late at night slow hot and spicy and teasing, mac saw them he just turned around when to wait for her at the car. 

  the jet talks, on their way home.

Desi- Riley i gotta said i'm surprised, you literally stole the groom! 

Bozer laughed, - hahaha girl she got you there.

Riley- oh come on, i know yall were listening, and it was more than obvious that he was going to divorce that girl, he texted me and told me that they already are going to be filing the divorce papers. they were married like 4 hours at a fake wedding. They never really got married was all done by his father he wanted to use them to make more money..

Bozer- wait you have his number?

Riley- and? what about it? 

Mac was just listening. he didn't understand why he was feeling that way. Mac changed the subject and said,- well i'm glad we could stop oliver and the whole clan of the guy who was going to buy it, thanks to Riley for making james speak to us about it. 

Riley- what can i say i have my ways. 

Bozer- im gonna miss this, i gotta say its gonna be weird when your gone. 

Riley- dont think about it now, relax, that this is loong flight way home.

Rileys head.

Riley was still thinking of that moment between mac and her. she didn’t know what to do with her thoughts, they were loud way to loud to be about him, not Mac, hes a friend just a good friend from work… i mean we were pretending, if we hadn’t done that we could have been caught, but we could have thought of something different but maybe it was just the moment, did i like it? or is just my fucking mind making tricks on me..? but it was dreamy.. Did i love a dream? maybe i’m just tired. *she put her headphones and reclined to be more comfortable, when i message popped up it was james, she smiled* ahh finally something i can distracted myself on. *Mac saw her smile like that and here was that weird feeling again, he was wondering what or who could make her smile like that.

     ....................................................................

if you catched the quote of  “Daul Kim, from I Like to Fork Myself “  

Photo  of the sky by KizanokZ .

oh and for the ones that were wondering and asking me for the hairstyle that i wrote for Riley it was this one. 

[saibh29]

Minor Head Trauma (Part 3)

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Drugs (misuse)

AN: I’m not a doctor, please don’t think my medical advice etc is in any way accurate. Also i’m not American and haven’t been to Chicago so I apologise if my geography or depiction isn’t right. 

When an old friend of Ethan Choi show’s up in Chicago ED she’s about to make life very uncomfortable for Will Halstead

Part One  Part Two 

********

Predictably, you had not been allowed to rest when you’d gotten back to the base. After giving your team a debrief of what had actually happened to you the General had then sent you straight back to regular duty. Sometimes he made you wonder whether he was more inclined to be your General or your father. You only thought about it sometimes, because if you tried too hard and really thought about it you were worried you wouldn’t like the answer.

That had been a week ago, your head was pretty much fully healed, you were still getting the occasional headache but it wasn’t anything that was making you suffer too greatly, you suffered much more simply from having to deal with Nolan 24 hours a day.

Rooting around in the pockets of your jeans you found a handful of change and counted it up desperate that it reached the right amount for a large mug of black coffee.

Luckily it seemed your pockets for once were deep enough to scrounge the right coins.

You pushed your way into the tiny coffee shop near the base, it was always filled to the brim with off duty service men and women. Men and women who had more sense than to risk the base’s cafeteria.

Elbowing your way to the front of the queue and glaring at any squaddies that tried to get in your way you ordered your coffee from the overly stressed barista and then fought with another customer who insisted that the coffee you’d ordered was his instead of yours.

By the time you squeezed back out of the café you were once again in a miserable, pissed off mood. What you saw though in front of you shocked you right out of that mood once again.

“Dr Halstead?”

“Captain Y/L/N” he looked almost embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was, uh, I was looking for you”

“for me?”

Rubbing at the back of his neck Will took a few steps towards you. “I thought I’d check up on you, on your head”

“My head is fine. I told you, it’s pretty thick” you moved out of the way of a group of squaddies coming through the doors again which put you a bit closer to Will. “How’d you even find me?”

“Oh, uh, Nolan, he had to give a phone number on your arrival to the ED. I rang him, he told me you’d probably be here”

“Ok” frowning you sipped at the coffee in one hand. “next question, why?”

“Why?”

“Why are you ringing Nolan and turning up outside the coffee shop I go to to try and find me?”

Ok, now he really did look embarrassed. It was sort of cute, but didn’t answer your question. “Are you busy? I mean, do you have to head back to the base straight away?”

“I don’t” you did. Why were you saying you didn’t? You were going to get in so much trouble for this. Will was smiling though and your brain wasn’t functioning. “What did you have in mind Dr Halstead?”

“You really need to call me Will”

“You going to stop calling me Captain?”

“Maybe”

He was too charming for his own good, with that little half smile thing he was pulling off, hell the man was just… yummy. “So, what do you want to do Will?”

“Walk with me?” It was getting to be Autumn and even though the chill was starting to settle it was still warm enough to walk without turning into an icicle. “You look good in a uniform Captain”

“You didn’t look bad in your own either Doctor Halstead”

Together you walked down the street, you weren’t in the best area of Chicago and dilapidated social housing marred most of your view. Windows boarded over with chipboard and gang tags sprayed onto them. You didn’t even notice though; you were focused on Will.

Being focused so much on Will was probably what made you miss it, the shadow in the alley coming up in front of you, the hand waving at you and then suddenly the whisper of your name.

“Y/N”

Stalling beside Will you peered around him and found the frantic eyes of your informant. What the hell was he doing this side of Chicago.

“Daniel, what the hell?” you moved quickly pushing him back into the alley out of sight of any curious residents who still had glass in their windows. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you Y/N, real bad like”

The boy was shivering and trembling uncontrollably and the frantic look in his eyes filled you into the problem quite quickly. “Fuck Daniel, you’re strung out”

“Please Y/N…”

“I told you” you snapped “no drugs, I'm not fuelling your addiction”

“Y/N?” Will, crap, he’d followed you into the alley and was looking at Daniel in concern. “He doesn’t look so good”

“He’s fine”

“Y/N…”

“No drugs Daniel. It was our deal”

“I think they were bad” he chattered out “Y/N, I'm not high like usual”

“What?” you weren’t a doctor, you had no idea how different drugs affected the body. Really looking at him though you realised that maybe Will was right. Daniel didn’t look good and you’d seen him at some pretty fucking low points. “Will?”

Will was already moving to Daniel pushing him down onto a broken packing crate, the young man’s trembling seemed to have turned almost violent now and the shivers were racking his whole body.

“What did you take?”

Daniel’s eyes flicked off Will and back to you, not strung out enough to not be naturally nervous of a stranger he didn’t know. “Speak Daniel, he’s safe”

“Don’t know” you could barely understand him, he was finding it difficult to speak from the chattering of his teeth. “They gave me a syringe”

“You fucking idiot, and you just took it?”

“I had no choice”

“Y/N, we need to get him to the ED” Will was pressing his fingers onto various parts of Daniels body, obviously looking for something.

“How did you get here?”

“Drove”

“Let’s go then”

Will got his shoulder underneath Daniel’s arm and helped get the younger man back up to his feet he then rooted around in his pocket throwing his car keys at you. “I want to keep an eye on him, you drive” Will pointed back down the street. “Car’s that way”

That was quite a decent distance to go in broad daylight. The last thing Daniel, or you for that matter, needed was to be seen together. “Wait”

Pulling off your jacket you removed the top layer of your uniform, the simple khaki fleece, put the jacket back on and then shoved Daniel’s skinny arms through the fleece which also had a hood thank the lord, you pulled that over Daniel’s head.

Will thankfully didn’t question this just held Daniel still enough for you to dress him. When you were as happy as you could be that no one would be able to recognise him you nodded at Will. “Let’s get him to hospital”

Will bundled Daniel into the back seat of his car getting in as well and you started up the engine. Your driving skills had been honed in a military Humvee, driving through the sand dunes of Afghan being shot at by insurgents hence it had been mentioned by your civilian friends that you were a little… crazy.

Your dangerous (you’d debate that label) driving meant you got back to Chicago Med in record time. Daniel was now turning a sickly yellow colour and sweat was beading his face. He really didn’t look good.

Will had to practically carry him into the ED shouting for various other drugs and tox screenings while he laid Daniel down onto a trolley.

“You idiot” you said again, a lot less vehemence behind it though this time. “What was your big plan here? Wait in that alley until I randomly turned up?”

You couldn’t understand a single word that Daniel said this time. Instead you took hold of his hand. “Will’s a good doctor. He’ll get you fixed up. Then me and you, we’re going to have a discussion”

Will was back and breaking the hold you had on Daniel’s hand as he moved you out of the room. “He needs to be registered on the system”

“He can’t be registered Will”

“I thought that may be the answer”

“I'm sorry…” nurses were running in and out of the cubicle that Daniel was laid in, doing the various tests that Will had ordered. “I can register myself again”

“What?”

“I came back for a check up for my head. Charge me for everything”

“You wouldn’t need those tests for a head wound. It would be questioned why I ordered them”

“Will” grabbing his hand you pulled him away from the bustle of the ED and into a quieter corner. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you’re being involved in this but understand me when I say that Daniel can NOT be registered at this ED. For more than his own sake”

Will remained silent staring down at you.

“Please”

“I’ll bring you the forms. Fill them out for yourself… Y/N if this…”

“It won’t bounce back on you. I promise I won’t let it”

“The general?”

“Among other things. Just don’t let him die Will”

“You’re going to be a problem, aren’t you?”

“Always”

Before you could really compute what was happening Will had bent down, pressed his lips against yours in a kiss that seared a trail all the way through your body and then he’d disappeared again. Striding back into Daniels room, where you could hear his voice shouting out demands for even more tests.

Fuck, this was going to be all kinds of problems and you weren’t even sure if it was Daniel that you were thinking about.

*****

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[bubblyani]

Warmth (Bob Saginowski x Reader)

Bob Saginowski Christmas One Shot 🎄

Genre: Fluff

Author’s Note: Bob is Fluff itself and I always wanted to write something about him. Since it’s almost Christmas, I decided to write this for the holidays. Merry Christmas everyone!

P.S: I repeat, Bob is SO MUCH FLUFF...I can’t even <3

You were almost about to doze off on the bench, feeling a bit too comfortable by the warmth of the morning sun amidst the December chill.  All cause you decided to go for a walk and explore your neighborhood in Brooklyn; so sitting on a bench after that wasn't such a bad idea, wasn't it?

As you rubbed your eyes, you heard a bark. When you opened your eyes, a pit-bull puppy stood there at your feet, looking at you with such innocent eyes.

“Well, hello there! Are you lost?” you cooed, bending down to pick up the puppy, cradling it in your arms. It did seem to have a collar. You read the name, Rocco.

“So…Rocco, are you lost?” you continued, raising the puppy up to your eye line, letting it lick your face.

“Looks like Rocco is not lost after all huh?”

Suddenly you looked up to find a pair of lovely blue eyes staring at you. For a few second you froze, busy scanning this face. He looked handsome and gentle. He seemed gentle. His relieved expression of finding “Rocco” seemed quite soft and gentle as the puppy itself.

A human puppy…you thought.  

You giggled out loud.

“Sorry…yeah Rocco is safe. He just ran over to me. I don't know why” you replied, standing up to hand the puppy over to the man.  

“Maybe dogs can sense good people” the tone of his voice made you feel so relaxed, you just kept smiling.

“Hehehe…maybe” you really couldn't help but notice how handsome this man was.

He had that homely handsomeness to him. The type who will take care of you and who will help you get through everything and anything, regardless of what might happen.  

“So…uh…how come I haven’t seen you around before?” the man asked in curiosity. It seemed quite natural how the both of you started walking together around the park. As if you did this before.

“Oh, actually I moved into town a few days ago, so, pretty much new around here” you motioned to your surroundings.

“So, I’m guessing you haven’t been to my bar then?”

“No I haven’t. And I’M guessing you work there?”

“Yeah…” he replied, slowly putting the leash on Rocco. “ I own it, actually…well, sort of” he smiled, putting Rocco on the ground.

“Oooh..fancy!” you chipped, making him laugh.

“ So…what do you do?”

“Well...” you dug your hands deep in your jacket pockets “I teach pre-school, I start work tomorrow”

“Wow, that’s great” his phone rang, “ Listen…” as he looked at his phone “I gotta go …but um…I’ll see you around hopefully. And feel free to stop by the Bar”

“Sure I will…Thank you” you nodded, about to lift your hand to wave, watching him walk to the gate with the dog.

Suddenly he turned back as if he forgotten something.

“Oh…I’m Bob by the way. Bob Saginowski” he walked back, extending his hand to you. You both laughed. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N)” you shook his gloved hand, still chuckling.

“Y/N…” Bob repeated. You suddenly felt your ears turn red “Good Luck for work tomorrow “    

You laughed shyly, “Thank you” waving at him and Rocco.  

It may have been winter, but suddenly you felt warmer than before.

-------

Didn't matter if the days were sunny or full of clouds, when Bob Saginowski was present, you literally felt sunshine. You’d always greet him outside the Bar every morning on your way to work, where he’d be cleaning or taking out the trash.

The nights when you did stop by his bar, Bob was the happiest you’ve ever seen him. Did not matter how busy the nights were, he would always find a way to tend to your drinks, stop by for a small chat, and even give you his signature soft smiles each time your eyes met from across the room. He went so far to even walk you back home in the middle of his shift.  The days when you were able to get a “Good Morning” and a “Goodnight” from his lovely lips, were the best days ever in your opinion.

---------

It was late. You were just about to crawl into bed, but suddenly heard the doorbell ring. You carefully opened the door to find Bob standing outside your door.

“Bob, what’s going on? Is everything o-”

You were cut off by the sudden embrace he pulled you into.

“I’m sorry…” he muttered softly into your hair “I heard some people threatened you. I just… wanted to make sure you’re okay”

Being in the arms of Bob Saginowski wasn't so bad after all. In fact, it wasn't bad. It was just wonderful. You felt warmth reaching every inch of your body; your bodies seemed to fit each other like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. You couldn't help but return the embrace, by wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. His arms moved down to your waist, settling there with a firm grip. As if he didnt't want to let you go.

But…wait a minute! Threatened me? Who? When? What the fuck?

How was it that Bob knew and you didn't?

Suddenly you heard a deafening noise.

A police siren? What’s going on?

It grew louder and louder. You remained in Bob’s arms, with your eyes closed tight, wishing the noise would stop.

You suddenly opened your eyes.

You weren’t in Bob’s arms; instead you were actually lying in bed. It wasn't nighttime, it was actually the morning. It wasn’t the Police siren…it was actually your Alarm.

You sat up. It was all just a dream.

As weird as the dream turned out, you couldn't help but smile sleepily.

Being that close to Bob felt nice in your head, you just wished it could be a possibility in real life. But, why would you even feel that?

When you tried to close your eyes to continue that dream, the phone rang, making you jump.

It was Bob. Your heart raced suddenly.

“H-Hello?”

“Y/N! Hey…” his voice on the phone was still as warm. You pressed the phone closer to your ear as if to take in all that warmth, on this chilly December morning “Did you sleep well?”

“Uh huh” you murmured “Is everything okay?”

“Uh…yeah. I uh…” he paused “ Listen, I’m gonna go walk Rocco later, do you wanna join me?”

“Of course!” you replied in haste, for your heart didn't stop racing.

Bob chuckled “great…”

You always tried to label what exactly Bob Saginowski meant to you. But that strange dream and that surprising phone call, just sealed it completely.

-------

“Y/N! you okay?”

You looked up to find Bob’s worried self, sitting right beside you. Both of you sat on the bench, watching Rocco encounter some excited children who were playing in the park. You paused, wondering whether you should gather some courage and talk to him about whatever you were feeling. “I’m fine…Actually Bob I-”

“Actually, I have something I gotta say…” Bob calmly interrupted. You nodded in acknowledgement, waiting for him to continue with bated breath.

“Y/N, In my life, I once thought I was supposed to always be alone. Then last year I found Rocco. And you know? we were really lucky to find you, right here in this park.” You smiled. “We really enjoy having you around. And I think it’s safe to say, you’ve made us lot happier. I finally don't feel like I’m alone anymore”.

You were speechless. You were unable to take in all the sweetness Bob was being at that moment.

Am I dreaming again?

“Would you...I don’t know...wanna go out with me sometime?”

You felt a rush of euphoria. You smiled as you bit your lower lip.

“Bob, I SO wanna kiss you right now!” You leaned in, cupping his face, caressing his cheek. His eyes twinkled. “So is that a yes??”

Giggling, you mouthed, “Yes”, pulling him for a long awaited kiss.

Suddenly the morning chill, the winter cold was non-existent.

For you found the warmth that was Bob Saginowski.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more

[emospritelet]

GK Prompt 37: I dont think Santa wears that...

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

AO3 link

Weaver rolled them, turning so that Belle was on her back.  She was giggling a little breathlessly, and he grinned down at her, his skin still tingling from the force of his orgasm.  His pants were still around his ankles, held in place by his boots, and he rolled off her to tug them off, tossing the boots into a corner of the room and sending his jeans and underwear to join them before sliding up beside Belle and letting a hand gently caress her cheek as he turned her face to his.  She was still fully-clothed, her eyes sparkling mischievously, and he felt a surge of love for her go through him.  It’s too early to tell her.  A third date is way too early to say the L word.  Even if it’s been true since about half an hour after I first met her.  God, she’s breathtaking!

“Are you okay?” asked Belle.  “I didn’t short-circuit anything, I hope.”

Weaver shook his head, kissing her forehead gently.

“I’m perfect,” he said.  “You’re perfect.”

He kissed her gently, tasting a hint of his own salt on her tongue, and his hand trailed down to cup her breast through the little shirt she wore.  Belle pushed into the palm of his hand, and he squeezed her, the kiss growing harder.  He plucked at the buttons, getting the shirt open and revealing creamy skin hugged by a black lace bra.  Her nipples pushed against the lace, hard and erect, and he kissed down her neck, letting his tongue circle one, his saliva wetting the lace.  Belle moaned as he sucked at her, and he kissed across to the other breast, tongue scraping on lace, running over the taut bud of her nipple.

She rolled towards him a little, onto her side, reaching behind to unhook the bra and shrug out of the shirt, and then turned onto her back again so that Weaver could pull them from her and toss them aside.  He licked his lips as her breasts were revealed, firm mounds of white flesh with dusky pink peaks, and he bent his head to them once more, his tongue circling, his lips sucking at her.

Belle arched up into him, fingers stroking through his hair as she made a sound of contentment.  She felt incredible beneath him, at once firm and wonderfully soft, and not for the first time since he had met her he allowed his mind the freedom to imagine how it would feel to make love to her, to sink into her and give her pleasure.  To come deep inside her.  He knew it would take a little while before he was ready for that even though his cock was already twitching with interest, and he silently thanked the snowstorm for trapping them.

She wore a little skirt above thick tights, and he slid his hand down over her belly, pushing beneath the waistband of the skirt, beneath the tights, feeling soft skin.

“Wait!” she said urgently.

He removed his hand at once.  Perhaps it was too soon.  Pulling back from her, he watched as she rolled onto her side again, but she simply reached behind herself and there was the sound of a zipper.  The skirt being unfastened.  Belle rolled onto her back once more, her eyes finding his.

“Are we going to have sex?” she asked.

“Only if you’re ready,” he assured her.  “I’m not gonna pressure you, I swear it.”

“Oh, I’ve been ready for weeks,” she insisted.  “I just - well, I guess I rehearsed this in my head a lot, so I was pretty much ready that first night you kissed me.”

God, I love her.  I fucking love her.

“So - so we can,” she added.  “If you want to.”

“Yes.  God, I want to!”  Weaver hesitated.  “I - I don’t have any protection with me, though.”

“Oh, I get a birth control shot,” she said.  “Is that okay?”

He nodded, swallowing hard, and Belle smiled, flicking her eyes towards her remaining items of clothing.

“Take them off,” she whispered.

Thanking his lucky stars, he gently took hold of the skirt and tights, pulling them over her hips and down the length of her legs.  Belle wriggled a little to help him, and once the clothes were gone he saw that she wore a black lace thong, a small scrap just covering her mound.  It made his mouth water.  Belle reached up, stroking a hand through his hair with a soft look in her eyes.

“How’s your day so far, Detective?” she asked, with a grin.  “Did you enjoy the gift I gave you?”

Weaver smiled down at her.

“That,” he said.  “Was the best Christmas present I ever had.”

“What am I, Santa?” she asked, amused, and he grinned widely, one finger plucking at the waistband of her thong.

“I don’t think Santa wears that…”

“Maybe not.”  Fingers trailed through his hair, making him shiver.  “What now?”

“Now?” he said softly.  “Now, I return the favour.”

She made an approving noise, and he bent his head to her breast again, sucking at the nipple as his palm slid over her belly and beneath the waistband of her thong.  Questing fingers dipped in between her folds, and Belle gasped as he touched flesh slick with fluid.  He let out a low growl at the feel of it, and slid a finger along, coating it in her juices.  She was hot and wet, her skin like velvet, and he drew the fingertip back up, feeling the hard nub of her clit.  Belle moaned, hips twitching a little at his touch.

His finger slid lower again, probing the snug opening, and he slowly pushed inside, feeling her flesh grip him, his mind reeling from how it would feel to push his cock inside her, to feel her all around him.  To join with her and fuck her until they were both spent.  His thumb rubbed over her clit, the finger pushing deep, and Belle moaned and writhed, pushing up against his hand.  He added another finger, pushing in beside the first, sliding them into her as his thumb rubbed in a circle, and Belle let her head roll back as he worked, thrusting in and out, wanting to give her pleasure, to make her come apart as she had done for him.

He bent his head to her breast again, lips closing around her nipple, sucking as he pushed his fingers inside her, and Belle jerked at the sensation, letting out a high-pitched cry as his tongue scraped over her.  Her chest was heaving, her body growing taut, and he quickened the pace of his thrusts a little, pushing and sliding, her juices easing his way.  She let out a whimper, that rose to a cry as she came, her flesh clamping around his fingers, and he groaned, wanting to be inside her, wanting to feel her.

Belle settled back with a heavy, contented sigh, and he drew out his fingers, glistening with her fluids.  Her head rolled towards him, her eyes sleepy.

“That was pretty amazing,” she said, her words slurring a little.

“Oh, I’m not done,” he growled.

He tugged the thong down her legs, tossing it over his shoulder as he moved between her knees and pushed her legs apart, bending to kiss his way up the soft inner thighs.  Belle hummed in appreciation, and he let his lips trail higher, his nose catching the scent of her arousal, tongue flickering out to run along the crease at the top of her thigh.  He kissed the hot flesh between her legs, his lips sticky with her juices, and let his tongue sweep over her, tasting her for the first time.  Belle rose up with a cry before falling back, and he pushed her thighs further apart as he bent his head to her, his tongue swirling over her flesh.

She tasted divine, and he groaned as her flavour spread over his tongue, the scent of her covering him.  His fingers slipped inside her easily, her flesh soft and slippery-wet, and his tongue circled her clit as he pushed deep, making her moan.  He licked in a steady rhythm, tongue sliding against her, looping around the hardened pearl at the top of her cleft, and her back arched, her body pushing upwards as her moans grew louder.  He was hard now, his cock eager to be inside her, and he quickened his pace a little, licking and thrusting and sliding until Belle was panting, her chest heaving as she drew near to climax.

He slipped his fingers from her, his tongue running over her wet flesh, and she broke with a cry, hot fluid seeping from her and spreading on his tongue, on his lips.  He groaned in pleasure, licking it from her, swallowing it down, tasting her cum in his throat, as she had tasted his.  She was jerking and moaning, her hips bucking a little, and he pushed up onto his hands as she tried to catch her breath, his rigid cock pressed against her inner thigh.  He was so close he could almost feel her, and felt a tug of arousal low down in his groin.  Belle’s eyes fluttered and opened, and she nodded to him, an invitation.

Weaver took himself in hand, moving forward a little until the head of his cock was pressed up against the wet heat of her.  The sensation was incredible, making him grit his teeth, but he took his time, pushing slowly inside her until he was buried deep, her flesh scalding him, gripping him tight.  Belle let her hips rise up to meet him before settling back on the rug, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as her hands slid up his arms to stroke through his hair.

The rug before the fire was rough against his knees, the heat of the flames a little too much on his naked skin, but he didn’t care.  He stroked a stray wisp of hair back from Belle’s cheek, bending his head to kiss her as he began to move, to thrust in and out of her in long, slow strokes, his hips circling a little, his body grinding against hers.  She let out a contented noise, drawing up her knees to let him push deeper, sliding her feet around his back as her tongue stroked his.  Being inside her was wonderful, her flesh tugging at him as he moved, making sensations build within him, making his breathing harden until he had to pull his mouth from hers, his chest heaving with the effort.

He wanted to close his eyes, to lose himself in the feel of her for a little while, but at the same time he wanted to see her, her beautiful eyes and her flushed cheeks and the way her lips were full and moist and parted.  He could feel her breasts pushing against his chest and the way her fingers traced over his scalp, sending shivers rippling through him.  And he could feel her body growing taut as her pleasure rose with his own, muscles tightening, fingers stiffening.  She moaned, letting her head roll back, her legs tightening around his back and pulling him close against her.

Pleasure burst through him in a wave, making him cry out wordlessly, a rush of bliss stealing his sight as his hips pumped and his cock pulsed and hot fluid squirted into her.  The sensation of it seemed to take her with him, her body stiffening as she let out a cry of pleasure and her walls clamped down on him, tugging at his flesh and drawing his seed deep inside.  He groaned as he moved in short, shallow thrusts, his cock still pulsing, and Belle let her hands drop to his shoulders, running them down his back as he slowed to a stop.

For a moment they lay there, each trying to catch their breath, the only other sound the crackle of the fire.  Belle licked her lips, taking a final, shuddering breath as she settled back with a happy sigh.

“You were right,” she said.  “Best Christmas present ever.”

“Merry Christmas,” he said softly, and she smiled.

“Merry Christmas,” she said.  “The first of many, I think.”

He grinned, and bent to kiss her, his fingers sliding into her hair as his tongue stroked hers.  God, I love her.  I love her so much.

[borntoslay]

I MEANT TO WRITE + POST THIS IN SEPTEMBER 2016 SO IT WOULD BE A YEARLY CHECK-IN, SINCE THE LAST ONE I DID WAS SEPTEMBER 2015, AND THE ONE BEFORE THAT WAS SEPTEMBER 2014... BUT I WAS REALLY BUSY SO HEAr we go:

When we last left off (September 2015), I had JUST starting my 4th album, “Better,” written in the wake of realizing I had fallen into depression again! I was scared and confused, but above all else, I was MAD that this was happening AGAIN. It seemed like literally every single year around the same time, I would always just accidentally slip into a minor-moderate depression, and have to spend the rest of the year clawing my way out... (it was only in late 2016 that I realized it is probably SEASONAL depression... like... DUH...)

Enter “Better,” an album literally written to pull me out!

(disclaimer: again, not a singer, just someone who writes songs as a hobby + likes to sInG LOL! Bolded lyrics are the ones that are featured in the following video)

00:00 – BETTER

00:53 – BLOOM

01:53 – MASC 4 MASC

 / / / / – BRAVO

03:51 – Y.A.S. (YOU AIN'T SHIT)

05:02 – WITH YOU

 / / / / – #TOOMUCH

05:59 – I'M OVER IT

07:50 – GET OFF YOUR PHONE, BITCH!

10:58 – I'M NOT THE ONE

BETTER

The first track, Better, was done in like, 20 minutes, the very first night I realized what was happening back in August 2015. I already posted the full thing that week, but I’ve included the best bits in the above video.

Based off of Bleachers’ I Wanna Get Better, obviously

It’s been day-in, day-out, another drama I’ve been hiding out under the covers Let it go, professional, you’re flexible, incredible, and unforgettable I haven’t been on the weather lately As people go, and the times are changing And I don’t feel like a winner (I wanna get better!) / But it’s such a pain, when it’s all been stuck the same And my fears are rising, but still, I try not to let them get to me / Guess when depression’s in question I just invest in expression Turn heartache into a lesson It’s your discretion to say: I WANNA GET BETTER!

BLOOM

This song was written the same week in August 2015 after having recently reconnected with several people I had met back in 2011; 3 of which had all, separately, told me things along the lines of “I can see you are BLOSSOMING!” and “You really are BLOOMING!”

I’ve always known that I do take a little more time than others to do most things, but it was during that month that I really started to realize that I am a late-bloomer—and that’s ok!

BLOOM was based off of a K-pop song some of y’all may know. I don’t listen to K-pop because I don’t understand any of it, so I tried my hand at writing over this fun instrumental. What I like to do is pull instrumentals of moderately popular songs I’ve never heard before, write my own lyrics + melody over it, and then when I’m finally done with mine, I give the “real” version a listen. In some cases, I feel I have outdone the original, but in this case, I think the original was way better, even without being able to understand it! LOL But I also like what I did with it, too.

My roots have always been a little too sheltered, It didn’t matter if the rain ever came. Not always Great, but I was born Alexander, Wondering how I would live up to my name

And though it took a little while, people compliment my smile and the things that’d get me labeled as “strange” So now I’m planted and a little self-centered with barely any room to re-renovate

Cuz when I do, all of you will direct me to Some other thing I’m not winning Say what you may, but I’m Born To Slay Impossibly From beginning, to the end, But I guess that I missed why You dismissed my assistance’swhy Deep inside me wants to try be Something shiny and now I’m ready to bloom

Don’t assume  I’m too stubborn for this cuz I’m Not a prude,  I just Never Been Kissed and I never knew what the hell I was missing

Combined with why I wanna try To find a guy To enterprise A YOLO mentality So I can gro-ow substatially I know my show’s been a tragedy Cuz I was just a little late to bloom

Don’t get stressed about it, just aim to try Plant the seeds and weed Parasites And set your sights higher Remain inspired Let the spotlight ignite your desires

And rise from the soil Cuz you’re in control Just follow your dreams And reap what you sow

/

I just tried it A little too slowly And I’ll be The first to admit I’m still growing

Nobody can take what you’re taking the time to Outwardly reshape what’s mistaken inside you So don’t hesitate when your greatness is valued And don’t let a date, or a lack thereof undo your bloom

/

Some things are better faster And others take longer to master In which case it’s better late than never So do whatever it takes to be Better

MASC 4 MASC

This is one of the only songs I have ever publicly posted in full, during the week I wrote it. This song literally just CAME to me the week I joined Tinder/Grindr, as I hopelessly scrolled through all of the depressingly bleak profiles and saw the amount of self-hate everyone seemed to have while still managing to like themselves enough to be looking for hookups with strangers. I laid down to take a nap and within the first 15 seconds of lying down, I just heard a lingering voice in my head say “Looking.... Are you looking...?” Shot my ass up, wrote + recorded the whole song in about an hour, and posted it.

Based on C2C,  O B V I O U S L Y !

I’ve changed some of it since that post, and most of those changes are in the above video.

Looking Are you looking Looking out to find a dick to fill your ass? While excluding any asians, fems, or fats Cuz you’re limited to looking Masc4masc

Looking I am looking But I never seem to get a second glance Every gay man never seems to take a chance Cuz they’re limited to looking Masc4masc

Oh, I love my Lady Gaga You could say that I’m a stan But that always seems to stop ‘em when they’re looking masc4masc

And I’m not into straight-acting Cuz I’m proud of who I am But my sisters know that cis-men only look for masc for masc

I’m a catch Too bad you won’t ever see What it’s like to be With someone like me

Cuz you’re Looking Yeah, you’re looking Only looking cuz you’re tired of your hand But you’ll never find “The One” in “one night stand” Cuz you’re limited to looking Masc 4 Masc

Picky You’re so picky Use your preferences to mask your prejudice You want a guy to come around And you get mad when you don’t find ‘im

But we all know That you were never really looking for anything other than a reflection fitting your narrow mind

It’s a shame You’re gay but you’ll never try Try dating outside of muscled and white

Cuz you’re looking Yeah, you’re looking Looking out to find a dick to fill your ass But you’ll never really find your happiness

Cuz you’re hypocritical and Self-hating and fuckin’ Limited to looking Masc 4 Masc

You’re the bottom I’m not into Fucking around with the Shallow ass that you got #Thot

BRAVO

Thanks to Tinder, I had my VERY first date EVER (at age 23!) back in November 2015 with a very nice gentleman who was ALSO an artist, and mutually supportive of ALL of my art forms—my digital painting, my traditional painting, even painting my face! We had a sweet dinner, and then... I never heard from him again!

Bravo was, in some ways, referencing Applause, in the idea that although I would have loved to be with him, I did not need his support (or, “bravo”) if he didn’t want to be with me. (His name also rhymed with the word “bravo” lol). I Will Survive is also referenced because... duh!

I didn’t include a snippet in the video because it’s obviously a really personal song, so the personal meaning is MUCH stronger than the execution LOL

Guess I’m never certain who wants to curtain-pull As my bravo  [meaning, who wants to be there for me at the end] My ******o [his name]

/

At first I was afraid, it took all of me To realize I would still survive without your artistry I could Paint The Night Away, standing tall without a change And I grew strong, ‘cause you won’t get to me today!

/

Yeah, you’re an actor; you made me believe That you would want a girl who keeps her heart on her sleeve But I’m a master of making them leave; The only thing you got away with’s carrying out my routine

/

I’m lonely, but like a flower bouquet I’d rather not be picked at all if I’ll just wither away

/

One second I’ll be waiting, suddenly the weight is me I don’t need you in my heart, And I do not need ****i [his nickname]

Y.A.S. (You Ain’t Shit)

(Created on one of my go-to beat-maker’s beats!)

Post-2013, my goal with writing my music has never been to write a “hit” or anything super commercial or anything for anyone else to consume (especially since I stopped posting + sharing my music altogether, so anything I write is literally JUST for me!)... however, after I came up with this title, this song was to be my MOMENT.

The first verse plays off the mythology of the “YAS,” with Gaga being clamored by the paparazzi and her screaming fans, being a metaphor for all my photos and the attention I was getting on social media from a guy I was talking to and had plans to date almost weekly between September 2015 and December 2015, but never did. As the song goes, I didn’t feel like he was reciprocating the thoughts + feelings I had for him, (“so there goes that potential date”) but whenever I would post something on Instagram, he would like it IMMEDIATELY, and then literally go all the way back YEARS into my posts, and start liking all of my old selfies, my old artwork, EVERYTHING. “When I’m Instagramming, you spam me, and we never even met yet.”

The line about “receipts” is about me screencapping every piece of dialogue I have and sending it to my hunties to help me figure out if this guy even liked me! The line “On to the next one” was told to me when one of those friends saw the receipts and really didn’t think that this guy was interested (and he was right! We’ll get to this part of the story later...)

Cameras are flashin’ And I can’t imagine It any other way I’m not into fashion But I’m so obsessed with You looking in my way

And I’m like, Buzz-buzz, ho! [I used to say this as I was waiting for Grindr messages] Hey, don’t you know I’m tired of getting old alone And I just wanna find a man Who really understands

And I don’t feel that reciprocation So there goes that potential date but When I’m Instagramming You spam me And we’ve never even met yet (YAS)

You Ain’t Shit You’ll never get with this You’re such a tragedy, And the gravity of the sit. is in The way your basic ass Is making me swipe left You ain’t shit On to the next one

You Ain’t Shit You’ll never be victorious Just a B.S. masterpiece But I’m pulling at your seams and You’re even less than what you seem

I know ur trying hard 2 Outshine me, but I’m a star U R an asteroid and coming forth [he is to be a huge part of my life] But I glow in the dark [but I’ll always be special with or without him]

U can’t stand next 2 me, U C, I Can’t keep sending these receipts, Y can’t U text me W/o the sexting [not about him, but about Tinder/Grindr in general] Ur making me wanna scream

(Y.A.S.!)

/

I always think that you’re the one But just as quickly as it comes You Ain’t Shit On to the next one

WITH YOU

I wrote this in November of 2015, and it’s one of the most personal + vulnerable things I’ve ever created. I think this song is the absolute hardest to listen to of anything I’ve ever written because whenever I hear it, I almost immediately fall right into the mindset I had while writing it. It’s about trying your hardest to see a really powerful friendship through, while realizing that as you’ve been trying to help him be “happy again,” you yourself aren’t very happy anymore, either.

/

Hey Don’t cry I know that you don’t need me in your life

But I’ll stay Cuz I Know you’re scared to know you’re always on my mind

And I’m gonna live like this forever Or at least until you’re Better

Cuz when I’m with you I can see the sadness in your eyes But you smile when I smile So it’s nice to know that you’re fine again

When I’m with you I can feel the colors all around And I miss the way it used to be Cuz I’m dying to be happy again

#TOOMUCH

You keep me close, then you let me go, Say you need me then treat me like garbage But I’m not your bitch, And I’m sick of picking up and paying for empty luggage

I’M OVER IT

This song ended up being what Y.A.S. was supposed to be: it’s fun, it’s written well, and as if that wasn’t enough, I also produced the entire thing! It’s a song collectively about all 4 of the guys I went on dates with or even seriously talked to between late 2015–early 2016, but was specifically written about 2 dates I had in particular in January 2016...

Because I’m a FREAK, I literally record all of my first dates (in the event that that person ends up being THE ONE, so I could play it back at our 25-year vow renewal ceremony... Also because I just have a bad memory and wanted to take notes like in class LOL. So basically, less than mid-way through both of these January 2016 dates, while the other guy was preoccupied or in a different room, I mumbled into my phone “... yeah........ i’m over it............................” In fact, after the date with the Y.A.S. guy, I got in my car and recorded what became the chorus to this song.

All the clips in the above video are of me before all 4 of my first dates; the 5th one is of the only SECOND date I went on LOL! More on him in the next album...

You watch me as I’m walkin’ on by And I scream, but I keep it inside I’m sweet and a creeper, a bonafide keeper And you’re really lookin’ my type

I bite my lip as I’m writin’ to ya And sweat when I try to pursue ya But my first dates never leave the home plate So I’m safe not trying to reproduce

You can seduce me a little if you want I’m a little iffy but Not afraid to get what I want And you’re the one I want Like Travolta And I can play the part Like a Mozart

So I make the most of our time You got me at my prime As you rolled out of bed Looking lazy

Said you wanna do it again I said maybe, But in my head, I’m like, “baby, you’re crazy, ‘cause I said—

Ooh, I’m over it Not interested and Ooh, I can’t pretend You’re not overplayed and Ooh, you’re overrated But I can’t complain Cuz you ain’t worth the time of day I’m over it and on my way

You said you wanna meet up But don’t put your feet up yet Don’t get comfortable Fake ham, fake cheese, so Lunchable  And I ain’t fighting, don’t want your bull [I LOVE THESE LINES]

But irresponsibly, I agree to meet you And when the day comes you’re silent You can apologize But you’re wasting your time It’s already been decided I guess Ooh, I’m over it

/

Baby baby I’m over it now Took time but I came to find you’re subar And I’m sobering down No crying when I say goodbye, cuz it’s over

You’re overrated I can’t complain Cuz you never meant a thing to me I’m racking my brain Cuz I can’t believe that I Even bothered trying to meet you

'Cause baby you had your chance, But you blew it I won’t second-guess Cuz I knew it I decided while driving in on the first date You weren’t great And I coped with it

So I bit my tongue Tried to have fun But you weren’t the one And I moved on Don’t need YOU What u gon DO When you send a text but I’m over it, BOO?

GET OFF YOUR PHONE, BITCH!

I also produced this entire song myself, though some of it it sounded a lot like You Know I’m No Good by Amy Winehouse, so I make reference to it in the end.

Parts of this song are about a particular person + incidents I had with him, but for the most part, it’s about a lot of people and situations in general. For example, one of my dates was on his phone for work. Understandable. One of my dates was on his phone scrolling through Instagram while I was talking. Not so understandable. When I’m talking to a friend in the car, I don’t even touch my phone. When I’m at dinner with friends or lunch with coworkers, I ALWAYS put my phone away. Scrolling through social media when someone is right next to you is insulting! So much so that I wrote a fucking song about it.

Hey You called about way too late I’m finally unafraid To say that I’m already home right now, so go figure it out

I’m not made To wait on your ass all day I’m free of that brown nose stain

I know it’s not my duty I’m putting down my phone like I’m about to watch a movie

It’s not OK When you are LOOKING At someone’s PHOTOS For that like BUTTON A millennial cliché And you aren’t even listening to me,

Look at ME And how you never answer ME If you’re always on your phone?

I can see it so hell, I assume you know well And you’re ready for what Imma say, OK:

Get off your phone, bitch! Listen when I'm talking I'm calling you out I know it isn’t that impossible following Conversation I’ve been patient I’ve been feeling alone Cuz you’re always on your Fucking phone, bitch! Introversion ain’t that cute I know you manage Speaking and I ain’t that stupid And you know it Don’t condone it So fucking press Log Out And put that finger down Get off your phone bitch

I’m not waiting for that SMS And I guess that The best you got Ain’t a lot No question

I rest on pretty You awake and trying And in a video I stay outshining And in a room Crowded front to back Side to side I do make the room light up systemizingly-so I said it before I’m Born To Slay, what’chu here for?

Information age is the present And I get it, and know it won’t change And I’m hesitant to let it You wanna look at screens? You can FaceTime You wanna be with me? You can make time You wanna be with me? Put your phone down I’ll give you the third degree if I’m snowed out

Fuck that misty eye Kiss that bitch goodbye I got bigger fish to fry

I said, I’m all for being cheesy But I'm lactose intolerant When the girls I be following Share their lives like an ottoman Sectionally displaying [an ottoman is a couch that can be displayed in sections] Whether the moment's a monument Blowing smoke up their confidence While my belly is bubbling

I don't like being hollered at If I'm just gonna be ignored 'Cause trust me, you need it more Like that hat you can't afford I'm an image of an winner, while you're out trynna score But you're boring, baby I don't wanna play anymore

/

Met you outside, by my parking stall You start your phone up as I start my car I said “What did you do at work today?” And wait in silence as you scroll away...

So I confess like a pretzel, [this is an inside joke] I think, “I can’t believe you’re an asshole” By the time I take you home, I’m pressed as hell, only heaven knows—

I don’t give a fuck ‘Bout your busted shoe I told you get off your phone, bitch And now, I’m off of you

I’M NOT THE ONE

Continuing my exercise of writing over songs/verses I felt were badly written, I wrote over the first verse of Meghan “you really think I can be replaced, nah, I’m come from outerspace” Trainor’s Lips Are Moving, and this is, I think, the best verse I have ever written! It’s sassy, it’s concise, and it’s catchy as HELL!

This is about all the guys on the dating apps that you thought had potential, but, for whatever reason, end up not responding to your messages until they’re bored/horny again.

The title, “I’m not the one” goes both ways, in Alyssa’s context, I’m saying “you pissed off the wrong bitch,” but in my own context, I’m saying that as these guys aren’t made for me, I, too, am not “the one.”

I seen that read receipt and I know That you ain’t meant for me Survival of the fittest In the Guinness book you’re best at being the biggest douche and I guess that

You f-ed it up: RuPaul Cuz when you’re alone you call

But I don’t fuck with you Had enough And you ain’t enough to get off to

Thought you could be the one I wanted to care for That I’d try to be there for, however I’m kinda getting tired of your piles of bullshit And I don’t need you, so, whatever

I’m getting tired Of all your bullshit Tell me, do you think I’m dumb?

Down to the wire, You’re fucking useless Don’t you try to try me I’m not the one!

Get out my face! Get off your dashboard Done with all your messing around

I said I’m tired Of all your bullshit Baby baby, I’m not the one/

You’re fucking stupid You’re fucking useless Sick of your bullshit And I’m tired, tired, tired, baby

Honey honey, I don’t think you wanna try me I think you’re bound to find me unpleasant Oh no no no, there is no way you could ever satisfy me I’m grown and you’re so pre-pubescent

You’re such a little fuckb0i And I think I’ve had enough, I wannaToss you in the garbage disposer If you chase me imma mace you I wanna just erase you But not till you get full disclosure:

I said I’m tired Of all your bullshit (repeat)

/

Maybe you just aren’t the right one.

This is the closing piece to this album, which started and ended when I started and finished dating/trying dating apps for the first time (September 2015–August 2016). It was a fucking WEIRD time in my life! LOL Not my GREATEST album, but I like it, and there are a lot of things that I’ve learned from it. One day I’ll tell the story about the worst date in my life because I learned more from that one meeting than I have in the last 6 years! LOL

Anyway, I’m just 2 songs away from finishing my NEXT album, which has tentatively been called “SNAP.” All my “albums” have 10 tracks each, and just consist of songs written during that 1-year period. This next album is, as of right now, my favorite! I can’t wait to share Son of a Bitch and Just a Little Piece of Garbage with you guys... I think they’re both in the top 10 of the best songs I’ve ever written!!!!!

To give you an idea of how things are going so far (in comparison to my own work):

Born to Slay (February–May 2013) – 1/5 Delusional (June 2013–April 2014) – 2/5 Intelligent & Beautiful (May 2014–July 2015) – 4.5/5 Better (August 2015–September 2016) – 4/5 SNAP (August 2016–present) – 4.5/5

[lostlegendaerie]

Six Fics of 2016

someone. someone tagged me in this. multiple someones tagged me in this while my PC was broken as shit so fuck. i dont know but i Wanted This, so. originally by @secretlystephaniebrown​ !

So I thought I’d pick 6 fics of mine written during this year, grab a favorite quote from each of them, give a short explanation of why it’s one of my favorites, and then tag 6 people to do the same! Let’s get some self love rolling as we head towards the end of this year!

and yeah i did write other fandoms this year but its like mostly RvB and Entirely in space, so.

6. Save and Restore - York & Delta, canon compliant

“That’s a-- dirty word, D.” A light, airy chuckle follows; one he remembers following an exchange with Carolina years ago. It sounds so much younger than the rest of York’s words, and he realizes he may not have anything more recent. “Better-- clean it off.”

“I… beg your pardon?”

“Nah, it’s free.”

i mean im Mostly so fond of this one because it was how I met @agentyorkdakota​ my moon and stars, but i also really enjoyed just getting to play with language a lot with this? like i’m pretty sure i’ve discussed this before but for a senior year project i worked a lot on a play called The Skriker where the title character kind of... used mixed metaphors and all sorts of jumbled language to communicate and it just. stuck with me. this language that was kind of cobbled together and makes sense but doesn't and yet does? so that was def a highlight of mine working on this fic. (also it placed me in the Angst War, a feather in my cap if there ever was one)

5. blow you like a popsicle stand - Tucker/Wash, canon compliant

He swallows his fear and creeping horror and lifts the lid. Buried under the crystalline ice of the remarkably still-functioning freezer is a collection of brightly colored little packages, all about the size of his hand.

“What.”

“I know!” Tucker replies, with exactly the kind of enthusiasm than ensures Wash he does not know, “I can’t believe it either. Ice cream! Here! On Chorus! Man, Caboose is gonna flip out when he sees this.”

Wash is tired, and adrenaline-tingly, and by this time he should just always expect to be betrayed and disappointed but here he is. He pulled a door out of a crumbling concrete wall for decades old ice cream sandwiches. Couldn’t save the lives of kids under his command, but sure. He can demolish a building in a fit of panic.

“What,” he repeats again, trying to shove all of his feelings into one ambiguous syllable. But Tucker just hip-checks him out of the way, flourishes his sword with a buzz of light, and carves a path through the ice to a red and blue package.

this one was done in a swap for @playerprophet​ (whom i also love and tag in this, there you go) and was just. okay. listen. l i s t e n. if i’m gonna write porn im gonna write specific porn. i’m gonna write mildly kinky porn with new shit y’all aint even knew you liked so someone can find me at a con and tell me to my face “oh yeah you wrote the iceplay fic” and i can be like “y e s” but also i can barely scrub the Feelings out of anything i write, so. SO. this was a pretty lighthearted excuse for Porn and it went over really, really well. so im Happy.

4. Golden Boy - York-centric, semi-canon compliant

Not that York can go back, now; not that there's anything left to go back to, with the entire project turning on itself in a disjointed, cumulative sort of cannibalism as every man, woman, or construct fights for themselves. And he’s not entirely blind to the fact that being wired to Delta on a neurological level makes the Director’s treatment of the AI feel infinitely more personal; makes it easier than it should have been to turn his guns on people he’d worked with for years. No. He’s not blind, not in that sense anyway.

But if he’s going forward, he wants to understand in full what he did in the name of science and progress.

this fic once shared a name with @littlefists​ ‘s epic because it was literally the first thing I wrote in the fandom and I Wasn’t Into Tuckington So I Didn’t Know, and i swear to GOD this is the last time i bring this up but i worked so fucking hard on it, it has Combat and Betrayal and Introspection and World Building and while i’ve gotta better grip on canon now I still really, really enjoyed this fic as an explanation for how York, of all people, could have gone so low in OOM

3. Overflow - Tucker/Wash, canon compliant

His thoughts about Tucker have often felt like a glass of water that’s just a little too full. He moves carefully so they don’t slosh around and make a mess of the place, barely keeping it all inside . And he’d thought that, once the newness of the whole ‘ sure we’ll risk lying to the faces of UNSC police to keep you out of prison even though you’ve done next to nothing nice for us your entire life ’ gratitude thing wore off (it didn’t, not entirely, it still pops up sometimes in the worst of moments and chokes him like the noose he should have gotten) the level would go down.

[...]

Tucker does something to him. Tucker finds ways to make him forget, at least for a little while, all the ways he’s fucked up. Even if it’s just finding more tolerable faults, like how the stick Washington has got shoved up his ass does wonders for keeping his back straight. Tucker talks loud enough to drown out the ghosts of everyone he underranked but outlived, listens enough to make his hard-won experience and advice mean something, and he is terrified for the day that everything overflows.

this was birthday fic for @strangestquiet that i actually took a day off from work to ensure i completed it in time but just. anyway. i’m pretty proud of it because it’s Big and it’s Coherent Mission Fic that managed somehow to tie into a little bit of preexisting lore. i’m also unfortunately very fond of all the little OC children bc i’ve constantly had tons of trouble with original characters and even tho no one else seemed to notice them i had fun and i love them all. but just in general i feel like i had a good balance of humor and feelings and also imagery? but as far as the latter goes it falls short of...

2. gethsemane - implied Shepard/Vakarian, Archangel-centric, game-compliant

On his last trip out of the Citadel, tying off loose ends, he bought a pack of playing cards from a human vendor. He had memories - they’d been fond once, but were souring like milk left in the sun - of losing miserably to Shepard and Williams at some gambling game. Leaving gifts on the graves of the departed wasn’t exactly the norm for turian culture, but neither was it strictly a human one either.

The flowers around the small crystal pillar were already wilting with neglect when he arrived. There might have been other tributes left there, but security had loosened until it fell away, slack like discarded clothes. Garrus left the cards there, under the shimmering list of names of casualties from the attack on the Citadel, and took the next transport ship as far away from Widow as possible.

okay so like. whenever possible i love to put good imagery in fic and like. understate emotions when i can and just in general do the literary version of the color saturated wide shot, you feel me? like the pullback with the characters in silhouette but you can still understand everything they’re feeling? anyway i feel like this fic really nailed a lot of my own personal goals for just Vivid fics. can’t wait to write more mass effect fic but it’s gonna be Hard to meet the standards i set for myself with this one.

1. Throw Away the Key - York/Carolina, Alternate Universe

Carolina fights to find the best angle for her umbrella as gusts of wind swat rain at them in little bursts, but by the time her car gives a satisfying click they’re both uncomfortably wet and she’s run out of things to say. Thankfully, he hasn’t.

“We have got to stop meeting like this,” York reflects as he withdraws the metal blade, inch by careful inch. “This is getting a little absurd. Like, bad soulmate romcom Hallmark movie levels of coincidence.”

“Not my fault if you keep breaking the law.” She’s a little surprised by the movie analogy, but decides against teasing him for his choice in films.

“I am bending it, at best.”

listen i’m fucking neck deep in all the complexities of longfic hell and this sure isn’t the artsy stylistic stuff that i can be proud of (or regret) later on down the road but i’m trying. i’m trying to write something massive and happy and so far it’s working. i can’t say for sure if it’s actually Good because i get to see all my messy drafts and stops and starts that the rest of you are spared, but I wanted so badly to write A Good Longfic for the Y/C fandom and with that, at least, I feel like I’m doing well. if nothing else, literally nothing else at all, i am proud of myself for trying this and i hope that it can continue to give people joy long after it’s done and i’m gone.

i’m gonna go ahead and tag @therewithasmile @sinelanguage @lady-of-rohan @flecksofpoppy @owaire and of course @playerprophet but if you’re reading this and wanna do it go right ahead!