#it makes me so fucking sad im scared to see my own family bc of my trauma

[truckstoptigers]

my cousins miss me but i can't talk to them yet

i have to get better at coping with what i remember before i can do that. i love them so much but sometimes the abuse happened in their trailer while they were home and i can't help but think about that whenever i do see them (very very rare occasions).

they don't know what their uncle (my father) did to me or how badly it fucked me up. they have no idea that the reason i don't feel like i can talk to them right now isn't because of them or because i'm not interested, it's because i'm too fucking scared i'll let something slip or that, somehow, that information will get into the wrong hands and i'll end up with a shitstorm of victim blaming, gaslighting, and denial (not from my cousins, but our extended family) because i know the adults won't believe me. i know. they've shown me just how much they 'care about' me before.

my older cousin has a son now. he's beautiful. i can't wait to meet him someday. i just... don't know when that will be, and i wish i did. i just don't think i'm ready.

[babiebom]

HATE THE TIME LORDS WTF

I’m watching the end of time (SPOILERS)

THEY SEEM LIKE SUCH ASSHOLES

Like knowing what we know about the timeless child and everything they’re the WORST

Like sorry to the tenth doctor I would’ve actually shot the time lord president without hesitation the second he said “you are diseased…be it a disease of our own creation” to the master

Like yeah I know he doesn’t kill the master but the whole pointing the gun at him I’m like ABSOLUTELY NOT

Like they actually made me feel bad for him…for BOTH of them. Like what do the time lord council do other than BE ASSHOLES? Given I haven’t seen original who idk what they do there but I DISLIKE THEM SO MUCH actually all they do is use people

I know he’s killed people and been an absolute menace and a monster but like :( they did this to him

Also I think it would’ve been really funny if everyone had his face but their normal bodies. So it’s the masters face and like tiddies if he was a woman or something. Like it’s literally just his face in their bodies instead of turning into him completely. Idk why it would be funnier to me.

Also him giving his life to save wilf makes me CRY like I’ve never seen the specials before bc I could never find where to watch them. Also this whole tantrum he’s throwing is throwing me off like BROTHER he honestly just saved someone and you’re throwing this tantrum IN FRONT OF HIM my feelings would be hurt but at the same time I understand because I too would throw a tantrum if I had to die

But maybe it’s bc I don’t really like hurting peoples feelings that I just would be like DAMN guess I’m gone then bc I wouldn’t like to hurt Wilfs feelings like when he says “you’re unimportant” like I KNOW he is just upset but PLEASE MY FEELINGS SIR.

Also THIS IS HOW IM FINDING OUT THIS IS HOW HE REGENERATES INTO ELEVEN???????????the website I watch these on DOESNT have any of the specials so I’ve had to go searching for them and WOWOWOWOWW

also I hate Martha and Mickey together I preferred her with the Milligan man. Like yes they’re cute together but I would’ve like her to stay with dude MISSGIRLPAYATTENTION nvm

He’s saving people?but in a sad way?

He’s staring at Jack??? Oh he’s hooking him up with someone OH ALONSY ALONSO OH

oh it’s miss nurse from the family of blood. I hate those episodes. WaS sHe hApPy iN tHe EnD? FUCK OFF

CUTE I DIDNT KNOW WE GOT TO SEE DONNA GET MARRIED OMFG

who is Heffery? Is that Donna’s dad? Bc if it is THATS SO CUTE BUT SAD?????THEY HADA WEDDING IN A GRAVEYARD?

oh it’s a church with a graveyard

Kinda poetic but OOF ghosties scare me also SAD BYEBYE FOCTOR

oh god it’s rose again

BUT ITS THE ORIGINAL ROSE I LOVE HER

THIS IS WHERE THE ICONIC GIF COMES FROM??????????

I FORGOT IT WAS 2005 IM LITERALLY 4 WHEN ALL THATS HAPPENING? (The first series I mean)

like it’s weird to think about where you would be in time in the universe during doctor who

Like I would literally be a child in Texas who probably missed EVERYTHING because who would destroy TEXAS? California I get but unless they realize how big Texas is they’d go for like Washington or something

AN OOD?

their faces are icky but they’re also cute? I love them except for when they’re evil <3

I also always read the Police public call Box as “police the box” and idky my brain is like NAUR the LETTERS ARE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER AND SMALLER IT MUST SAY THE???????

Goodbye ten I can’t believe that this is the first time I’m seeing him regenerate. I literally went through the entirety of nuwho and haven’t seen the Specials omfg. OH NAUR HE DOESNT WANNA GO PLS.

Omfg you destroy the tardis every time so rude HELLO ELEVEN MY LOVE HIS VOICE IS SO SQUEAKY I LOVE HIM

[julietasgf]

first of all I love long answers, so no apologies in fact I'll apologize because I plan to ramble on.

I also love the movie but I have so many problems with how little we were given of the Plinth family, that they didn't fully exploit Marcus and Sejanus relationship and the sandwich scene (no ironically I have so much to say about that I may do another post explaining in depth why I hate how they executed that scene) so I feel you buddy

Yes I also think it was a bit of an unnecessary change in that regard, I'm not complaining at all about a scene of Coriolanus crying while looking at a picture of him and Sejanus together, it's cute to see him that pathetic crying and my heart was broken bc we could see again that Coriolanus means the world to Sejanus and yet that happen, but still I think it's more interesting, dramatic and hilarious to witness Coriolanus frustration at seeing that there's a picture of Marcus, of all the people.

Is someone else and NOT HIM, THE ONE THAT INSPIRE SEJANUS. Like as a snowjanus fan Im more into that shit of Coryo in denial screaming and thwroing bc ITS NOT HIM. But thats probably only me /j

You summarized very well many of the aspects in Marcus and Sejanus relationship that drive me crazy. I also belive they had such an unique relationship in the saga, Im so angry bc the movie dont fucking explore them in depth.

AND I AGREED WITH EVERY WORD YOU SAID ABOUT SEJANUS, THAT MOMENT OF KIDNESS IN THE END IT DEFINED HIS CORE, YEARS LATER HE MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO BE GUIDED BY THE ONE MOMENT WHEN A STRANGER OFFERED HIM HELP AND COMFORT OUT OF COMMUNITY AND EMPATHY.

Yeah it's obvious that much of his character is ultimately shaped by his mother, but he makes a very conscious decision to live by that interaction, to decide that if no one else is willing to make that selfless gesture, he'll be the one to take care of it. Even if the world tells him he's crazy and wrong for going in that direction.

About Marcus I agree that he probably thought that and it makes me so sad because I can't help but wonder what it was like for him, again I know in the book they mention they were more classmates than friends but I don't know, childhood in itself seems to me a stage where you tend to connect deeply with others as you are not yet fully aware of the barriers, and while I can see some classmates already having reservations towards Sejanus because of what Strabo had done and what their parents told lf Plinth family, it seems to me it shows that Marcus was not one of those kids.

So I like to think he thought in his own way about Sejanus. About how nice he was despite the nasty reputation that was forming of his family until finally Sejanus moves in and people tell Marcus that the Plinth's are traitors and other terrible things.

How to reconcile that image with that of the scared little boy he helped and thanked him deeply for it? I think it takes years (and the games ultimately help deepen the rift because Sejanus is safe and they in the district aren't) for him to come to that conclusion.

Then Marcus is reaping and it must have been painful and horrible to see Sejanus standing behind a fence, in an expensive and extravagant uniform, trying to offer him a very hearty sandwich. We know it is a gesture of help and comes from a place of compassion but god I can also see how it is at the same time a kind of cruel mockery.

Because Marcus is going to die and he doesn't need a sandwich, or an apology, he needs to be taken out of there, he needs to do not be killed and forced to kill others. So it makes sense his resentfulness will grow, also the image of Sejanus in his memory as his classmate who did wear a nice suit more expensive than others yes but still was from district 2, still live and suffer the war with them, was destroyed, now he can only think of this Sejanus totally capitol from his eyes, a fucking traitor in a red like blood uniform.

Marcus must have been totally hopeless... We know the people in the capitol saw him as a possible winner but I don't think this was his vision. Like the rest he was a scared kid, probably resigned to his death.

He could not give in to ask for Sejanus' help, to take his hand because what would that mean? That he too would become a traitor, that he was not loyal enough to his family and community? He did not want to die with that weight on his conscience and also facing Sejanus sounds anything but helpful.

He doesn't even know from the sandwich act if Sejanus is the same. He already looks different. What if he turned into one of those whimsical, conceited children? Will he be able to stand talking to him? And what could Plinth do for him? Give him a better weapon? Give him a fucking cake?

There was no point in saying anything. Nor to do it.

I believe the bombing and when he sees a way out is the only time Marcus regains hope and we know what happens to him because of that...

I love recommending caifanes songs that reminds me of Sejanus too much what can I say... And I love even more that you listen to them and see the vision. Im out of caifanes songs for now but if you can handle the trigger warning of spain spanish I can give you:

From the treasure planet the spanish dubb version of Im still here / Estoy aquí by Alex ubago. Its so Sejanus CODED. I choose the spanish version bc its a more youthful voice than the original.

I always apologize for answering too long answers, I genuinely fear being annoying for it 😭

yessss!!! in the movie, I have the feeling that excluding so much of the plinths didn't really show the impact of how fucked up it was what coriolanus did by the end. he stole a boy's whole life. he knew his parents, he knew his mother, and still, he got him killed and stole his life anyway. it's so disturbing when you stop to think about it, but since we don't really see much from the plinths in the movie, I feel like it weights much less than it should (ALSO, YES, THE SANDWICH SCENE WAS A CRIME, it was really poorly executed and another point where it seems to make coryo better imo)

it's so funny to me that scene in the book bc coriolanus says with all his chest that it shows "where sejanus' loyalty laid with". bro really came to the conclusion JUST NOW that maybe, and just maybe, he isn't the center of the world and neither is the capitol 😭 while reading I though of him turning to the camera like a the office episode plssssss (and I absolutely AGREE HELPP, coriolanus screaming crying throwing up because sejanus has a pic of MARCUS, of ALL PEOPLE)

the movie had so much potential to explore their relationship in a more visual way. I absolutely understand why storytelling-wise they would rather to explore of sejanus and coriolanus' relationship.... but marcus and sejanus are so important and interesting and UGHHHHH (and plus, they remind me so much of katniss and peeta, I've seen some parallels that DRIVE ME INSANE and I would actually kill for a 4 hour cut with scenes of them together)

AND YESSSS!!! everything regarding the districts in tbosas, everytime we see something about their lifestyle, is about community. marcus and sejanus were not even friends in his words, they were classmates, and marcus went and helped a child that was probably left out and despised by most of his classmates, and he didn't want anything in return (another thing that drives me insane is how coriolanus is quite the reverse of this; he helped sejanus out of interest, pure interest, and how this is pure capitol, while marcus is pure district).

at that point of the rebellion, the plinths were probably so despised at D2, because the way sejanus cherishes that memory is just so important to me. it's the kind of thing you'd probably forget, but he remembered marcus' name, he kept his pic and everything, and he probably talked about it at home enough for his father to know about marcus and. yk. do what he did at the games to "teach sejanus a lesson". marcus' kindness was THAT remarkable. another thing that I think abt 24/7: what was marcus thinking all this time? we never even see him talking. what were his thoughts? I would actually pay suzanne collins just to KNOW.

during the zoo scene, I felt physical pain because I could only think about how OFFENDED marcus probably felt. because, in his place, I at least would feel extremely offended. because let me get this straight: after your father betrays our district, you leave for this fancy town, with fancy clothing, and now I'm about to die, and then you come here offering me a sandwich? (also, this sets another interesting thing about marcus, he's so proud, and I'm just mentioning it bc it seems like a common trait between people from D2 in the future) and plus, he probably saw coriolanus going to talk to lucy gray for the first time at the train. okay that coriolanus' intentions weren't pure, but how marcus felt that sejanus actually KNEW HIM and didn't go to see him, but this boy who never met this girl actually went to the train station? and then his first interaction with sejanus is him offering him food as if he's an animal?

one thing I read once, and I really can't recall from where, was an interpretation that marcus never even spoke to sejanus (not even to curse him or tell him to fuck off) because it was much better to die with the little boy he knew still on his mind, kind and gentle, than to talk to the boy he doesn't know and discover how he actually changed into something marcus despised.

I also do think marcus was resigned to his death. the way he doesn't even try says a lot, even though everyone agreed that he was the tribute with the most chances. D2 is big, it's not like D12, which is smaller. what would it mean for marcus to return after accepting help from a plinth? what would it mean for him to return after 23 another children getting killed just so he could get out alive?

also, in some form, I think marcus and sejanus' dynamic as tribute and mentor as some sort of anti-lucy gray and coriolanus. they're the reverse of each other.

it's so tragic, really, that he had hope for the first time just to end tragically like that. now, I'm going to punch a wall and cry for at least two days in a corner, because marcus is genuinely one of the most interesting tributes and he didn't even got to fight in the games to be this interesting.

(suzanne collins really went HARD on creating characters this time, not that in thg she didn't, but how is almost every character in tbosas is special and iconic to me?)

and I love getting recommended songs!!! ☝️ NOT THE SPAIN SPANISH TRIGGER WARNING (spain spanish and portugal portuguese are really cousins, it seems) ☠️ first, omg, I was just today thinking abt the characters as disney songs, I'm kinda screaming that you sent me this!!! specially bc as a kid my hobby was listening to different versions of the same disney song, and I RECOGNIZED IT, but I never actually stopped to pay attention to the lyrics and YOU'RE SO RIGHT, I get amazed bc every single song you recommend I stop and stare at the wall thinking of how, actually, it makes total sense 😭

[freefolkfightorflight]

Brain Dump

I started my adhd meds again for the first time in 2 years and my brain is like hey. We got a lot of thinking to do so here you go. My current fixation as I sit on the bed telling myself to clean and wash my damn sheets im covered in.

——-

Me: I just feel so ugly

Him: you are beautiful and good. You just have one defect and you know what it is. (I’m kind of a ho who lies when I think imma be in trouble😩)

Me: you too. You are handsome and good. You just have one defect and you know what it is. (He’s insecure and jealous)

Him: do you want to marry me?

Me: yes

Him: ok good

Me: ok…😍😂 wtf, Alej

———

I think we are both broken children just trying to make it through life and it’s sad and ugly sometimes. But a lot of times it’s really passionate and beautiful.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. This isn’t new news. We’ve talked about marriage before. I’m there. He’s there. I have a ring. he called it a pre engagement ring. And I’m like so a promise ring? And he’s like no. PRE! Lol. but it’s NOT an engagement ring. I don’t care but he does.

Speaking of. He’s more traditional than I’m willing to ever be again. I will never cook every single night. I will never commit to do things like that on a forever basis again. Sometimes I’m scared he will be disappointed in that. But I haven’t faked it these past 2 years. He’s gotta know exactly what he’s getting with me.

It’s just challenging because he’s an immigrant who still has a wife in Mexico. They married super young. they’ve been separated 25 years. She lives with her ‘fiance’/boyfriend etc. but she refuses to sign the divorce papers. Every few months she dangles signing the divorce papers in front of him, asks for money, he pays her, she disappears til the next time she needs money. Currently she’s saying she will sign the papers and he’s just done being used. I keep thinking maybe she means it this time. But he knows her better. He wants to go back to Mexico to sort it out but *I* don’t want him to bc it’s so fucking dangerous coming back. He’s got 3 kids and his mom here. Please don’t leave me to care for them all if you die. Lands alive.

That’s another obstacle. The mom doesn’t want to live with me. SAME😳 but I’d at least attempt it for the good of the whole family. She said absolutely not. He said absolutely not. She wants/needs her own place when me and him get married. Have you seen rent now a days? How will we afford a place for 5 kids, and then at least 2 bedrooms for her? (For when she has his girls). Lol. He doesn’t seem concerned about this part, but I am.

I have an evil ex who put in the child custody agreement that I’m not allowed to live with a significant other unless we are married 🙄bc yes let’s do this again. otherwise I wouldn’t care so much. Like we are two years in. I’d rather just live together. Test the waters. and fuck marriage prior to that just bc of how bad it’s been in my history. But I do see myself being with him forever. So it’s fine. Whatever. Except we can’t bc his ‘ex’. Brah

I just feel chatty and already talked his ear off🙈

I texted every girlfriend I know and they’ve all stopped responding bc I’m talking too much. Send help

[spacehostilityy]

My NNT rewatch s1ep19-24

Ps these are backlogged lol I watched fast but then ran out of time for work. Posting this now bc I'm going to Appalachia to visit family and will have very little wifi lol

I know Elaine is pretty underdeveloped (nothing a little fanfic can't fix), but I do love how even in flashbacks, she's more serious and responsible than king

Why was Diane still like 6 after hundreds of years ?? Like why wouldn't they just show her aging?

ITS BEEN 500 YEARS? Meaning only a couple centuries before present?? WHY IS DIANE SO SMALL? HOW BAD WAS HER GROWTH SPURT???

Damn king rlly said mercy kill

The Druids having the technique Enslavement of the Dead is actually really cool because it shows us that the goddess race really was that fucked up from the very beginning. Like the characters realize that Ludociel and Nerobasta are not all there made out to be eventually, but we can see just from the types of abilities the druids (aka those closest to and led by the goddess race) possess

Hendrickson saying "bien, princesa" or EVEN BETTER "THAT'S A GOOD GIRL" LIKE ASDJSKFJSL hes evil and a little annoying but so fcking hot

Ban telling Meliodas he loves him and then trying to kill him while meliodas is just like bitch I'm busy we can do this later is so funny

this man gives zero fucks

Ban being the first to realize (after merlin obvi, but she always knew) that Meliodas is a demon and also being the first to accept him means so much to me. This is why I love their relationship. No matter how horrible the other seems to be (or is lol), they stand by each other. I mean not in this specific scenario, but Ban only cares bc the horn of cernunos told him to, so I don't think it really counts. (im delusional)

also I'm typing this on my laptop now and I forgot that I can type this fast ehehe AND i found a way to screenshot so no more taking pics of my laptop for meee

Something about characters begging for death (ban and meliodas) makes me become obsessed with them (i am mentally ill)

MELIODAS BEING WILLING TO LET BAN KILL HIM (if he can do so successfully lol)😭 I know he would just come back, but he would be stuck in Purgatory ASJDKFJSL I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCHHH

every day, i find out just how i much i am capable of shipping them and every day that limit is surpassed

straight besties that would literally die for each other is the ideal fictional relationship

esp bc melizabeth (my actual main ship) doesn't get rlly good until she regains her memories/is a flashback

AJSHDFKSDB FNFKS BAN PICKING UP GIL WHILE MARGARET AND VIVIAN SOB AND JUST TELLING THEM "im borrowing this"

bro i totally forgot dreyfus fucking dies how does he come back??

ok ban is having his MOMENT after finding out hendy has been using the corpse of the red demon HE killed 20 yrs ago

also I know ban is like 43 and the whole twilight argument is edward is basically just a 100 year old man so following that logic, Ban is middle aged BUT as someone who is close in age to Ban from before he became immortal, that man is the most 23 year old man to ever 23 year old man. He is chronically in his early 20s frfr

king realizing in that moment judt how wrong he was abt the destruction of the fairykings' forest is the biggest oh fuck moment lol

also i may have 🏴‍☠️ed the bandit ban ova to hurt my own feelings

hendy taunting ban by saying his demonic powers are all thanks to him and ban just saying he's "always happy to help" is such a mood honestly

hendy gets hotter with every demon transformation😔

Meliodas and Ban mourning hawk actually makes me so sad wtf

elizabeth is such a bad bitch when she awakens her power i love her

also hendy being like wow such a powerful druid as if he himself is not a druid and should know this power (and her eyes) is goddess level 🤨

i bet meliodas was shitting himself trying to see whether or not re reawakened her memories tho like damn he was actually probably so scared he would lose her in 3 days without the chance to break their curses

Diane and Ban having the exact same expression is actually rlly funny to me

LAST EP OF SEASON 1!!!!!

WAIT OMG IS HE GOING TO REVENGE COUNTER👀👀

wow i remember so little of season 1 lol

them all just beating the everloving shit out of meliodas is entirely too funny to me

HAHA i was RIGHT about revenge counter im literally a genius

😏 face down ass up babygorl

this is one of the cutest frames in the whole show fr fr😌

Diane: "Sorry we didnt come for you sooner!☺️" King: "Yeah we've never kidnapped a princess before haha :}"

so in the very last after credits scene, gil, howzer, and griamore are all standing around Dreyfus's work table staring at the drawing of meliodas's demon mark as. But as we know from other characrers later on, can have lots of different marks. Meliodas, Zeldris, and Estarossa all have the same one, but maybe this is a family thing? But if it is, why would demon!Hendy have it?? is the grey denon somehow a relatuve of the demon bros lol

anyway I FINISHED SEASON ONEEEEE

ill do a mini ramble over the ovas that netflix likes to call season 2 then move on to the read deal

[dynamicspacebud]

was just doing my moms dishes bc i felt bad for her when i just really started to dwell on how she is as a mother like WOW is she a SHIT mom and i mean that like my god she is awful. I don’t like to remember stuff like this or hold it in my head like how i really have to dig deep to re-remember all the ways my father is horrible but right now with her i don’t know i want to write down what i was thinking about. How less than a year earlier we had to change the locks on the door because he threatened to come even though she said no and i got really scared and started having terrible nightmares about him coming in and killing us and then she just surprise told me he is was coming over one day and completely disregarded my concerns and feelings about how i told her i felt uncomfortable and unsafe with him around she just did not care and was so selfish even though this was supposed to be my home too. Or how that night she was like I’m an adult i can have casual sex when i simply asked if he was staying the night and she was like i’m just being honest when i went wtf as though a year prior she didn’t blame me for him financially/ sexually abusing her for getting money for sex and she blamed me because i was using her credit card and not paying bills as though i wasn’t a teenager who didn’t even know any of this was happening i just got blamed. How could she even put that on me i knew then and now it wasn’t and had never been my fault but that’s such a sick thing to say honestly it makes my stomach curl. Her asking how and why my relationship with my father has to reflect and effect my relationship with her as though i didn’t write a whole fucking peer reviewed essay about how it does like how is she so fucking awful as a mother like i’m very glad i was born but god she should have never been someone to take care of someone else or anything else like how she also abandoned her cat when her boyfriend wanted her too. It’s so sick i don’t and never did deserve the terrible parents i have. I don’t want them. I cant wait to get to a place when i can genuinely never have contact with them again. Seeing and being reminded of it all holds me back i know that. I don’t want that. I cant have that. And every year in close and closer to breaking away. I’ll get there i know i will and i’ll never have parents i’ll only have s** and a***** but i’ll still watch bluey and cry cry cry because someone has those parents and that makes my heart warm enough. And maybe i’ll even be that parent one day. Mine are so beyond awful i will and can never be them it’s not even possible. I’m very lucky i got out i mean look at my shit brother that hateful bigot. Good for him tho he barley talks to them i wish i were him in only that way. They hurt him more than me and because he’s cishet and grew up in a rich highschool i think that’s why he turned out that way. I don’t know i want to say maybe he has changed but as a cop i know it’s impossible he has. I won’t have any contact to my immediate bio family. My uncle today asking me how long it’s been since i talked to my brother and me saying years. I mean often i genuinely forget i have a brother which is funny in a way because we lived together until i was like 19 it’s not even like we didn’t grow up together or he left when i was young. My mind just has such a strong way of blocking everything out. It’s for my own protection but i don’t know how good that is honestly. Like with hannah it did the same thing. Nes being like I REMEMBER how do you not ??? you were so close and i have to really think about it or see pictures or texts to remember and when i do it’s strong and im sad. I guess my mind doesn’t want me to be sad. But i don’t know i don’t think that’s a good thing. Not entirely. Ok funny enough im rewatching the 100 and they have kind of touched on this subject with raven not remembering finn and jaha not remembering his son but them being “happy” because they can’t feel the pain of losing them even though they don’t remember the happy and good stuff either. I think that’s kind of what my mind is

[theguest2]

im just really, really sad about my family. my brother couldn't make it out here bc hes working so much so we didn't get to see him. and like i knew shit was bad w my moms health and our family home but it is really, really bad and i feel so helpless bc im only one person with no fucking money and my own issues but i hate seeing them suffer by themselves devoted to their guilt powered causes of just making it through life and idk how to help or breakthrough to them. like it's stressful and hard but i hate being so far away both in distance and emotionally. like what can you do? idk. im sad and scared. i wanted to do more this trip, like it hasn't been a bad trip just not as poignant or important as i thought it'd be. it sucks, this sucks, i have to drive all day back home and god knows when ill see my mom again we're both broke and struggling like it's a miracle this trip happened at all that's why it feels so do or die to me. just... fuck. this is so fucked

[senbons]

I love how you put the note to discuss the ending scene in ch 2 because I NEED to discuss it!

I dont know if I interpreted it right but "you could do it" was more like an invitation than a challenge. She wasn't challenging him. In my head she was asking him to release it, release them. They both want it and they both knew. And SHE knew. But when his fingers grasps too tightly into her neck, she realized and that's why she is so scared. She did not expect it. She thought she got him. (And you fucking got me. Really thought that they were gonna kiss until he mentioned that he's imagined doing it to her for years lol). I think that was the first time she actually realized how much he hates her. Like, hates her. He is so hard. But he's been through alot. The beginning of the chapter and the brief explanation about the occupation, the war, and his family really gives so much into that end scene. The feeling of frustration and guilt Shikamaru experienced in this chapter brought tears to my eyes in the end (even tho it ends with him looking at his sperm-covered hand lol).

ANYWAY, THIS IS ALREADY SO FUCKING HOT.

It's sad but it's hot and it's soooo goood I literally shiver.

Just please fucking update it soon!

LOLOLOL that's not AT ALL what I wanted to discuss about the last scene -- my reasons were absolutely without substance 😂 dying that you're like making a critical analysis and I'm just giggling in the corner like "hehehehe semen"

----

Interesting interpretation of her line. I honestly don't think it's incorrect at all. I love so so much that you're focusing on it -- and forcing me to really articulate my way through it! I love that! In my take it also is said with multiple meanings/intentions, and then, of course, his action leads to more mixed/multi emotions.

I took first and foremost her line as a power play. Like showing that he has everything he needs in that moment to do what he wants to do most -- her life is literally on a silver platter before him. Like a pig with an apple in its mouth put before a starving man -- and that he stilllllll won't do it because she is (ALWAYS) in control of him. He will look at the pig but not eat it (weird analogy idk why i'm running w it). So it's like her showing off and also torturing him kind of with her power (but obviously in that really subtle way where they know it, but it's overwhelmed by the other thing -- it isn't a torture he wants to escape in the moment, even if he knows in the back of his mind he should). Really the "you could, but you wont" part of it.

Second, I think her line is also a kind of a dare. And I mean that not as a challenge... because even though I think the challenge is part of it (see above) I think the dare is kind of like... idk, a request for him to actually do it. Not to push him, but requesting him to do it. To make her physically feel the weight of herself. Like he said, she's stifled. And obviously has really complex feelings about her own life and role. And so there is this "do it" kind of proposition that has this unspoken "please" on the end of it. And to have him do it would be different because she has this thing with him. Whatever it is, they have a thing. He describes it as something in this chapter, but regardless of the truth of it, it's definitely a thing (whatever that means) (also please write me later (after next chapter or so) because i have more thoughts on this issue but dont want to say too much yet!)

And then, also, as a third thing (though honestly there's plently more one could get through here) there is the sex. Like, obviously, there is always the sex. The touching, the control, the desire to be controlled, the intimacy of that specific action (not at all trying to advocate a choke fetish please do not take this that way like the way people had a tie fetish in aibg 🤣🤣🤣 (everyone read that nyt article about the prevalence of choking in teens? bc im not saying im not into it, just be aware! 😂)

I think the squeezing of the throat scared them both because it was some form of actualizing all of the above and neither wanted to actually take the jump they'd primed themselves up for. like they both walked to the edge of a high dive and then shikamaru shook the board and they fell back terrified. HILARIOUS you thought they were going to kiss bc it didn't even occur to me. I am going to have to go back and read it! I love that. I mean, the intimacy is there. They're so dangerous together rn. (as you said, they both want it and they both know it).

Honestly though (per usual) Shikamaru is the big mess here -- like you said, his frustration and guilt is so overwhelming... I know she is also going through soooooo much (more than him honestly), but I'd date the temari in this story in a heartbeat over the shikamaru 😂 he's a wreck

long long response but thank you so much for sending this and hopefully everything written above makes some semblance of sense! and thank you SOOOOOO MUCH for reading! the fact that you're into it is literally the best compliment I am so thrilled. Thank you!

(oh god, now how to even unpack her still feeling her throat after he leaves.... what is going through her head tonight?!??? oy vey!)

[thecurseofclever]

i don't know how to write anymore but i know i should. it's the only thing i have left it seems.

i wish there was something in this world that excited me or made me feel anything. well i guess feel anything other than lost.

lost & anxious. that's the only two emotional settings i've had for a while.

as much as i tried to dissociate from the whole experience losing my mom has made my life empty in a way that i don't think it will ever really mean anything again. she was my reason not to off myself bc i knew she would be so sad if i did something like that and she had to live without me. that and the fact that i promised God I wouldn't do it again after the last time didn't work (& we all know there's only one consistent thing about me & it's my fear of him).

im just tired man. tired, scared, & lost as fuxk.

i moved back to the place i had enjoyed most so far in life. only coming back it's just as much of a hell scape as anywhere else i've been. there's too many people here now. i just want to be alone & unbothered.

i stumbled my way into my first actual relationship born out of not great circumstances. really the whole thing has been confusing. sometimes the logical part of my brain is activated and i can see all the ways that this whole thing might fall apart. she says she loves me & i can tell that for whatever fucked up reason it's important for her to have me in her life...

& i am afraid in a way that i can't nor will i ever be able to explain to anyone close in my life.

i have no family. i want to be involved in my friends' life and still add value to theirs but i am so disappointed in the fact that i am not the person they were friends with before this all happened. i can't get past that let down of my own expectations enough to reconnect with anyone. not only that but everyone seems to have found their own things in life. & i don't want to be uncomfortable squeezing myself into spaces that aren't intended for me now. so i isolate bc it's what's best for everyone involved and it's an easier outcome for me. im saving them the disappointment of my life and i don't have to make myself fit.

life is getting too serious in a time where nothing is safe. i can't imagine myself ever having a career. my gf wants a baby and for someone whose seen all the different types of parenting and struggles with a child i cannot imagine anything worse. being a parent feels like a death sentence in a way i can't ever fully explain i just know i don't want it. i want to get married and there's a chance i could but i only want it to know i have something in life that belongs to me. i have no intentions of a career or school or anything like that bc i can't unsee how fuxked up the conditions of the world are so why would i inconvenience myself for something that's not promised to benefit me. my body is so broken and needs so much work to be a valid member of society but i can't afford healthcare. my depression is kicking my ass. i can't keep paying for antidepressants and i don't have time---

i don't know man i just feel alone anxious tired and in a constant state of confusion and i just want to find just one little part of me before it's too late

[stupidthoughtsinwriting]

i need to dump so leave if you don't want to read what i have to say

I don't complain about my mum. She's done everything for me and my brother and i will forever love her for that but damn it she says things that hurt.

i need to let this out bc i really have no friends to vent this out to but even if no one sees this, it's out there and i let it out.

I am a nice person. I like to believe im a nice person and the reason I doubt that is because i constantly get told the opposite by my own family. I try my best, to do things in the way my mum approves of and i really really try but still it isnt enough for her. i could easily forget one thing she tells me and she could ruin my just fine day by yelling at me for the smallest things and calling me ungrateful. Yes, i didnt do what i was supposed to but for christ sake i forgot. for every little thing she yells at me for it and it just... i can't stand sudden loud noises anymore because i have been yelled at so much, every loud thing startles me. I don't say my gratitude, yes but i try to show it because i didn't grow up close to her, not in that way and now i find it hard to express what i really feel and i can't tell her any of this because im scared.

the other day, i said i was nice. that i was a nice person and she said i wasnt. I replied saying I was, just not often at home and she said something along the line of 'because your not nice at home, you aren't nice at all. it starts at home' and that crushed me. did she consider the fact that i wasn't nice at home because nobody is nice to me at home. I constantly feel like i have to defend myself because of the tone that is said to me and when I give out any sort of emotion, she will fight on the fact that we/I have no right to feel mad at her because of her sacrifices.

For FUCKS SAKE i can't express emotion?!!! I can't be mad, or annoyed or tired or lazy for FUCK SAKEEESSS

you interpret completely innocent things as disrespect and we didnt even mean to do it. breathing out heavily, looking away from you. can't i just be tired and breath out?!! or look away because i dont want you to fucking ridicule the way my eye moves so you can interpret it to something you say is disrespectful to you.

i dont say any of this to you because i have it. i hate the yelling and im scare because of it.

another thing i dont want to say to her face is, I didnt ask for this. to be born. I didnt ask to be brought to life and i know, im being selfish or something but really, I didn't. you say things and make it like were such a burden to you but I didnt ask to be born. you wanted me, you raised me. understand that i can't always do everything and yelling only make it worse.

i don't say things to you because i don't feel that we're close enough to be like that bc for years, you focused on my little brother. for years, I felt that he was more your favourite than me and being the child i was, i accepted that. maybe it's me who's at fault for not learning how to open up and i take that. it's my fault.

when I do talk about something, mostly about the things im interested in, i am ignored. im dismissed. im talking too much. if so, I shut up and you take my silence as something else or nothing at all.

fuck i maybe being dramatic, as would seem to others but fuck, i need this out. i need all of it out. even just to a void no one listens to, i need it out.

it's the reason i could be so obsessive. In my head I take these characters and used them as my comfort because where else could i get it. I am sad, alone or lonely in a crowd, starved of affection that i don't know how to process and push away and these characters are all i've got to keep sane.

Mock me for feeling emotion, for crying when your mad at me and you wonder why i'm distant. why i don't tell you things about my life. why i dont answer? because i wasn't asked. because you didnt care before, i cant comprehend how you can now.

I really needed to vent this. I am so sorry for those who read for burdening you with all this but tbf you were warned. I don't care if anybody reads this, I just needed it out. Even if the person this is directed to, doesn't know any of this.

I needed to vent and truthfully, my heart feels a little bit lighter letting it all out. maybe i'll cry again in the shower or before i fall asleep but, i let it out and im kinda proud of myself for that.

[maxthesillyy]

i bet everything i own that if i push the look button max is gonna say smth quirky and funny— wait no. we cant look at anything… UNCOMMON DE WIN

nope nvm she looked at thefucking santa hat NEVERMIND. and the table sign… and. a bunch else. okay…..

still soso cuirous bout rhe polaroids

literally just watched safi tell her to pull the trigger and is still absolutely fine with her.. okay

LORETTA!!!!!!<3

OH SHIT YAY i was hoping wed get a “max fucks up timelines” moment :3

loretta y r u like rhis… freak<3

the talk to the future/past thing is so much cooler now considering

not even an animation for the “change his grade” thing??

SORRY PLANT I JUST DIDNT WANNA RISK GWEN FIGURING OUT I WAS THERE

gwen hates max in my play through so much 😭

oh straight up? nice

“whyd u do it” “IT WAS HARD AND I DONT REGRET IT”

safi…. safi im so curious

MAYA MENTION MAYA MENTION MAYA MENTION

amberprice vibes? parallels i guess?

so clearly the call was safi learning the book was cancelled

max never fucking stops 😭😭

people who want to romance gwen r projecting themselves WAY too much into maxs place,,, maybe its just me but this is like. exhausted parent and rebellious teenager 4 lack of better words

NO RECORDS OF ALDERMAN??? this is so cool

oh hey firewalk poster in gwens office

stop mentioning explosive shit ur scaring me

THE RINGING IS SO ANNOYINGGGGRGEFFEFEF

oh???????? timeline fuckery???????? i dont think shes lying she looks way too chill.

“everyone seems to have a different opinion of Maya” I AM FED UP WITH THE RACHEL PARALLELS!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THIS GOING 💥💥💥💥💥

“because she (safi) trusts you. and i (yasmin) trust you.” staring staring staring. something something ‘pull the trigger.’

I DONT WANNNA TALK TO VINH OH MY GO

me and all the homies (except ky) HATE VINH

AMANDA JUMPSCARE HOLY SHIT like that genuinely startled me. just seeing her stand in the corner like that LMFAO

MAYAS WAS A STUDENT?????????? I TAKE BACK EVERY AMBERPRICE STATEMENT MY BAD MY BAD

im trying so hard to care about the npc sideplotlines. would be easier if i could engage in the conversation.

STOP BEING FLIRTY I DO NOT CONSENT‼️‼️

OH! DIAMOND AND MOSES.. or just diamond?

the audios weird again

the chapters feel so much longer… but that may just be bc i dont know what to expect next unlike previous games.

oh. damn. i liked lucas,, idk whether to trust vinh but. idk.

hell yea not cashing in on the favor he owes me

safis like a force of nature when shes angry. this reminds me of no one.

ugh i guess i dont totally hate vinh

HELP MAX I WAS JUST ABOUT SAY— not another pedo teacher please 🙏

wow <3 love this photo of lucass family. definitely not a pitch black screen for some reason.

OF COURSE THATS WHERE THE FUCKING THING TO PROGRESS THE STORY WAS

OH SHIR HES A THEIF

i like that DE has more achievements other than the collectibles

SAFI TIME

these chapters are SO LONG

“safi, hey!” said too casually

dude im scared of safi now

WHATS GOING ON?! IM SCARED!!! /reference

maxs number 1 talent is pissing off pretty women

MAX PRE DE POST HELL WEEK LORE

THE CHLOE SHIT IS GONNA MAKE ME GO INSANE. WDYM U WERE ALONE FOR SO LONG. WDYM CHLOE IS PROBABLY PARTYING. WHAT DO YOU MEAN CHLOE WOULD PICK UP FOR YOU BUT IT ISNT HER JOB TO YAKE CARE OF YOU. YOURE GOING THROUGH HORRIBLE TRAUMATIC SHIR LITERALLY CALL HER

UGHGSGEGFFRGGEGGEGGRGFFAHHHHHHH

OH WAIT LETS FUCKING GO— max makes a parallel comment on lucas and jefferson i knew it was real

“heh…. thats the reaction im expecting at this point……” max shouldve been a teen on 2020 tiktok

ARO DIAMOND????? 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

i cant play this all night when does this chapter end?

so were calling polaroid max alternate max

safi vague vent posting LMFAO

max messing up timelines 😻

lowkey getting annoyed amanda’s One reaction to anything sad max says is “LOL EMO i refuse to respond seriously” it’s nitpicky

also the audio is weird again,,, WAY too loud music rn

“bitch shut ur dumb eyes!” same vibes as when someone tries to do the “be mean to friend jokingly and everyone finds it funny” way too early on in the friendship. clearly max doesnt think so tho so.

this reminds me of that one moment in the tlou dlc

this is not fun,,,,,,,,,, classic LIS dance scene tho! cant live without it

AYYYYY LETS THRASH SHAKABRAH MOMENT

ugh that wasnt fun but it was kinda cute + necessary LIS dance scene + max is happier now

PH THE BG MUSIC IS GOOD NOW?????? HOLY SHIT ITS LIKE. BTS LEVELS OF GOOD

oh yay amandas finally giving max a normal response

“why are you so nice to me?” MAX GUILT AND TRAUMA MAX GUILT AND TRAUMA

“shit,,, im doing it again” LITERALLY WHAT AMANDA. WHAT. LITERALLY WHAT.

“my therapist says i latch onto people too quickly…” SHUT UPPPPP FUCK OFF

okay sorry i officially dont like amanda. reminds me of way too many annoying people i know

“please dont vs that would be hot” 😕😕😕😕😕

when max acts cringy its okay bc its max but when AMANDA ACTS LIKE A NICE GUY ITS SO ANNOYING

I LITERALLY SAID SHE ISNR MY TYPE AND ITS A FRIEND THING STOP SHOVING HER AT ME— AT LEAST VINH IS RELATED TO THE PLOT.

“heh… i guess i just have a thing for emotionally unavailable women” FUCK OFFF I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE ALL ABOUT BOUNDARIES

“but dw you didnt feel the same way and i respect that” CLEARLY NOT???

okay the gwen is hot joke is actually kinda funny

whateva whateva idec

i wanted to like amanda so much but i CANT

oh hey trauma and guilt again 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

max was so excited to see safi too </3

MAX STOP FLIRTING WITH PEOPLE I DO NOT CONSENT /joke

“safi was obsessed with you” SAFI LORE GO ON PLEASE

anybody else waiting for More rachel mentions

stop making me not hate you vinh… this chapter has reversed me— like vinh hate amanda now

WHY ARE WE SMASHING OR PASSING STOP IT STOP IT IM TOO AROACE I DONT LIKE THIS GAME STOPPPPPPP

say safi so i can say smash

“my students are off limits” THANK GOD i was so scared they were gonna be dumb tbh

VINH BACK OFF NOW— BEAR SPRAY GO

OH FUCK OFF IM NOT KISSING HIM— NOT NOW OF ALL TIMES

“dont take this the wrong way—“ TAKE IT. TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY

please tell me were at the end please please please

YEAH I AM ROMANTICALLY DISENTANGLED THANKS FOR NOTICING— although thats. an odd achievement. but i can support an achievement that encourages you to not gaf about romance for two seconds.

SCARY TF

max canNOT get a break

close the door damn

WHAT RHE SHIT

WHATS GOING ON?!?!? IM SCARED!!!!! /ref

THEY WENT INTO THE DARK ROOM??? FUCK OFF

kitty!

OH HEY I REMEMBER— THE HOUSE BREAK INS THEY MENTIONED EVERY OTHER MINUTE

WHAT RHE FUCK WHAT RHE TUCK EHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

THATS SAFI IM CALLING IT— JK I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW? NO SHOT THATS ACTUALLY MAX?

THIS IS COOL AS FUCK DUDE

OH WAIT OR? MAYA? EITHER WAY THIS IS NOT MAX SHES ACTING WEIRD AF

NOT MAX THAT IS NOT MAX

OH MY GOD LITERALLY WHO ARE YOU

JESUS CHRISTTT

THATS WHAT??? CHLOE CALLED HER????????? SUPERMAX??????

OKAY SO. WHATEVER. WE WERE RIGHT. BUT NO NEED FOR HER TO HAVE CALLED HER SUPERMAX

WHAT RHE FUCK EVER

so!!!! that was fun!!!!!!!! ill collect my thoughts!!!!!! soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAT I AM SO EXCITED AND DREADFUL

[dellinah]

MAJOR HELLUVA BOSS EPISODE 7 SPOILERS!

Because I am emotionally invested let's go through the pictures one by one so we have enough time to suffer! :D

1. The Stolas pic (aka the one that wrecked me)

Awh, lookie.

This is probably one of the first times that we get a sign from BLITZ that he doesn't see Stolas only as a transactional fucker and instead somewhat appreciates his company. So far most of the time all the affection signs came from Stolas, with Blitz not being very receptive. But here, Stolas is asleep, so Blitz's taking the pic for himself, bc he wants to have the memory on his phone. This pic, tied up with Blitz's sad comment about how Stolas has made it very clear he's just a fucktoy just tugged my heart bc Blitz's wants more from him, but can't reach it

2. Da crew

Oh my fucking god this fucker just wants a family so bad he has no self awareness whatsoever, bc he's clearly not supposed to be there. But then again, I think he does realize he's being inconvenient, he's just SO lonely he's willing to bother everyone. Someone get him a therapist or a horse to keep him company

3. MOXXIE (aka my baby)

This one actually made me wonder about a few things. I don't think it's been clarified how long IMP has been in business for, and we learned Moxxie and Millie have been married for a year. Could it be that maybe they met each other when Millie went to work for IMP, since she's not in Moxxie's sign up pic? If so, that must have been so painful for Blitz, seeing his two employees getting closer and leaving him behind as they became a family and he was just work for them. The poor imp

4. He has a daughter now!!

LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS! This one raises so many questions. I do wonder what happened to Loona's family, or if she had one to begin with. Also how did Blitz come across her in the first place? Did he know her parents? Was she an orphan he came accross? I WANT ANSWERS

But awh, Blitz wanted a child so he went and got one. Now we need a sad ep about how she wants him too

5. Oh my god they were actually a happy couple

I think most people assumed that Blitz and Verosika had a very surface level relationship, but here it kinda seems to imply they were happy at least for a while. If Blitz has his walls up bc he can't accept love and is scared of being hurt so he shuts himself out it makes sense he'd drift away from her and thus that's why she says he was selfish. He didn't mean to be, but he's too scared of being hurt if he loses someone he loves, so he doesnt let himself be vulnerable, so he becomes selfish, and so he loses the ones he loves. He's his own worst enemy, but i dont think he sees that

6. Oh he actually fucked that clown

BABY BLITZ!! TEEN BLITZ!! He was actually friends with Fiz?? I didnt see that coming. I thought they just worked together?? Holy shit. What did he do to lose such a long time friend? He was clearly unhappy in the Loo Loo Land flashback. Best guess is that he got jealous of Fiz's success and that drove them apart but who knows...

7. AHH

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ARE THEY ALIVE BLITZ DO YOU WANT A HUG SHIT

Im not alright. Im losing it. I want answers. WHERES PART 2??

[ayyden-apoloe]

ok im here to read 2 days late bc of sickyness :D !! godgodgod okaY SO thank you for actually replying omg im so excited waHhhh

readmore bc i got really autistic about this and its long aaaaaaaAa i love this ty bye

ooooourgh i feel like the walking in the dark thing could also be them both feeling isolated and looked down (maybe unintentionally) by the other guild members on for wanting to interact w each other. the gajeel side of that is obvious, nobody trusts him and they all think he doesnt belong and he cant blame them for that.

but with LEVY i feel like after The Incident she and droy and jet dont really ,, talk about what happened and seeing each other while theyre healing just makes them angry and sad so they distance for a while (maybe 2-3 weeks ? a month ? however long it takes them to physically heal) and then try and gloss over it w maybe the occasional outburst from one of them ((for that goodgood healing-from-trauma story spice)) and when she decides to listen to her heart and maybe give gajeel a second chance shes Scared and Confused and maybe a bit Ashamed, bc why should she even give this asshole the time of day, he tried to kill her family. when she says this team shadowgear gets into a fight. like a screaming sobbing awful terrible fight where jet is mostly just angry, he thinks levy feels she Has to forgive gajeel bc shes gotta be the bigger person and/or that if she Doesnt shes afraid of what gajeel might do in the future. droy is fucking afraid tho, he hasnt really had a proper convo w his 2 best friends in the world for a monTh and then suddenly one of them decides to let the guy who nearly killed them and made it a public spectacle just start ovER ?? what the fuck ! where did his headstrong and reliable levy go and who is this girl in her place ?!? and levY is the most confused of all of them bc shit jet and droy are right ! theyre fucking right !! whY is she sticking her foot back in that beartrap and why does she feel like if she doesnt her world will crumble around her ? (i think she doesnt handle anger very well she doesnt know what to do w all the energy and it just consumes her thoughts and she sits and stews) she Shouldnt forgive gajeel hes a dick and hes proven it and christ if jet and droy are feeling like this then how will the rest of the guild think, she already cant barely stand to be around most of them rn, theyve only looked at her w pity or a wince of pain for an entire month and she feels like she let everyone she knows down

NEXT !! (had to force myself to set that last paragraph down i have so many thoughts and ideas) i see your gajeel feeling like a fake and a mess bc hes not Actually a terrible guy and he doesnt want to be but fuck its all he knows to do at this point and i do the gif of the kid at the desktop nodding and doing a thumbs up, you know the one, i have no notes youre right and fantastic and SOSO smart

GOD YES DEMIROMANTIC GAJEVYYYYYY YEAAAHHHH im demiromantic and demisexual myself so i GET IT DUDE RAAAAAAGH :D !! when they first started talking a little normally i was like wait wtf this is going too fast, they should hate each other but then it grew on me. and i really Really like that feeling of gajeel and levy feeling forced and awkward and painful to watch interact for a while, its shows theyre human and you gotta have room enough for the original feeling of my the viewers' disgust to die down before jumping into even complicated aquaintance territory, let alone anything romantic [i have a bigbad hc about the SG getting beaten incident thats honestly really dark that adds to my thoughts and feelings on this but thats a whole entiRE can of wyrms]

sits and listens raptly and eats popcorn for the last few quotes bc yeysyesyes no notes, levy NEEDS to be her own 3d person who has issues and insecurities and and aND (hers is the more interesting side of their whole trust issues situation imo)

ANYWAY BITES AND TEARS AND RENDS AND CHEWS AND RIPS AND GNAWS AND AND AND AND !!! but yeah i also super get the fear of being soso invested in smthn other people might look at as weird and crying bc you Gotta share but what if people are mean waiLS ! so ty for actually answering w so many thoughts aaaa this is everything i couldve asked for bWAH im sending my admiration to you as we speak it will arrive in the mail by sunday

bore the shadows that you made, with no light of my own, i shine only with the light you gave me

sniffle sniffle …… gajevebebebeytt and this song … GRAH,, also an alternate version under the cut :3

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[demiro-ace-culture-is]

probably not the right blog to ask this but fuck it, im really quite lost.

so, im very asexual and i thought i was heteroromantic for quite some time (i still can only picture myself in a relationship with boys). but. im now questioning for somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, too.

not 100% aro because, like, im way too obsessed with the idea of romantic love, i think. that's not much aro-like, i know, i don't wanna intrude, it's just... questioning. somewhere like demiromantic, but shit, how would i know if it never happened??

i know some aro people want relationships but they don't feel the romantic attraction and that's okay, except some internalized shit makes me very sad at that idea. cuz i really, really want a romantic relationship, the vibe is just different from friendships (not more important, just different and i wouldn't know the difference, but i think there is).

i could never date someone unless i loved them, but im not sure im even capable of romantically loving anyone.

15 years of life and not. a. single. crush. im literally the only person i know that can say this. my own family doesnt believe me when i say it.

even when i find nice people it's never "i want to date them", it's like "they're nice. i wish i would find someone that nice that i could date, later. please, someone just have me" but its not personal.

there's just so long i can blame "no one is interesting" before the problem is me, so long i can claim being picky but even my literal perfect fictional characters in my most perfect scenarios are happily dating each other, maybe some faceless person with me, but the ones i really care its "they're perfect therefore i would die for them" and never "they're perfect therefore i wanna date them", there's just so long i can blame my asexuality while literal kids have purely romantic childhood crushes and me nothing at all.

it's so fucking frustrating cuz i want to feel the butterflies and love and be loved by someone like the characters in all my favorite books, but it just never ever clicks and i cant understand how easy it is for everyone else to see someone nice and start to feel things for them :(

maybe im too young to know? maybe it's my own self-esteem issues (although i dread the idea that thinking you are unlovable could be punished by actually being and the age thing feels like an aphobic excuse, it can still be true)

i know certainly no one has ever liked me, anyway, so its not like i ever rejected someone or dated to know if something feels off.

how do i even know i don't feel something or if i just haven't felt it yet with the right person? if i find a right person (unlikely) is it even aromanticism anymore?

it's just i do want the dating thing and i want it with a specific gender and i want not only the domesticity but actually all the love-sick puppy eyes cliche thing, i want to want someone as much as i want to ne wanted, but actual aro people would not be that crushed about missing out as i am specially since im so okay with missing out the sex bit ever since i learned about asexuality. aroace feels like such a heavy title, i don't know.

i really don't want to be offensive, im kinda just grieving at the possibility of never getting things i always thought i wanted just bc i cant actually want it hard enough.

god, romance seems so fictional, so out of reach, like even if i found something good i wouldn't recognize it but i also can't prove it because i never found something good.

so,,, anyone with a similar experience? or how did you find out you were 'actually demiro' instead of just picky or haven't found the one? im kinda scared of being right but i know I'd learn to own it, too.

it's ok to ask this here <33 if you have more questions, i can direct you to @qandgay !! i run that blog too and it's specifically for questions :) let me just break this down for you. but first, a few notes:

you are never intruding on aro or ace spaces by questioning! you're totally welcome here :) and even if things end up changing, you aren't wrong for it, and you won't be shamed

there's no box for "actual aro people". we all use the label that works best, and in fact, you dont even have to label yourself if it's too much!!

so let's start breaking this down and answering some of your worries :)

not 100% aro because, like, im way too obsessed with the idea of romantic love i think. that's not much aro-like, i know

you don't have to be 100% aro. aro people can like the idea of relationships and romantic attraction, or even want a relationship. you also don't have to be "aro-like"!!!!! as i mentioned, there is no box you have to fit into. i myself am demiromantic, and i relate to much of this!!! im still arospec :)

...i really, really want a romantic relationship, the vibe is just different from friendships (not more important, just different and i wouldn't know the difference, but i think there is.)

yes!! you're right! there is a difference. may i direct you to two things:

the existence of qpr's (queer-platonic relationships), which are different from both romantic and purely platonic relationships. my good friend @pat-e-cheese knows much more about this, and im sure he would be happy to answer some questions abt it!! i also recommend @aro-culture-is :)

15 years of life and not. a. single. crush.

it's totally ok to not experience a crush for a long, long time, or even ever. i was almost 16 before my first crush (im 17 now) and before i fully started understanding the different types of attraction and how they feel. don't feel like you have to experience these things just because others do. i promise, you aren't missing out.

even when i find nice people it's never "i want to date them", it's like "they're nice. i wish i would find someone that nice that i could date, later. please someone just have me" but it's not personal. there's just so long i can blame "no one is interesting" before the problem is me, so long i can claim being picky but even my literal perfect fictional characters in my most perfect scenarios are happily dating each other, maybe some faceless person with me, but the ones i really care it's "they're perfect therefore i would die for them", and never "they're perfect therefore i wanna date them", there's just so long i can blame my asexuality when literal kids have purely romantic childhood crushes, and me nothing at all.

i wanted to include all of this, because i wanted to address all of it. you don't have to be attracted to someone just because they're nice, or pretty, or perfect. it's ok not to. you can have a close friendship and it doesn't have to be romantic, despite what others may say.

but it's also ok to want to date someone. again, just remember, you're not missing out for not having romantic attraction. you're not unlovable if no one loves you romantically, or if you love nobody romantically. you are loved <3

you don't have to blame anything, or anyone. it's not your fault, and i can promise you're not the problem. your age has nothing to do with it, your sexuality is not a problem, and your lack of attraction is not something that can be controlled. you don't have to feel bad. your experience is unique to you, and that's a good thing!

...it just never clicks and i cant understand how easy it is for everyone else to see someone nice and start to feel things for them :(

hey!! i have a secret: for a ton of people, it doesn't "click" in the same way you might expect, or even at all. for me, it took a long long time to figure out if i was feeling romantic attraction towards my first "crush". it's complicated. you don't have to try and force something that isn't there.

maybe im too young to know? maybe it's my own self-esteem issues

there's no such thing as "too young to know" but it's also ok to want more life experience before you stick with anything :) waiting is ok!!

(although i dread the idea that thinking you are unlovable could be punished by actually being...

luckily for you, i know about this topic!! it's similar to the, "spiritual choices and ethical stances/karma can lead to worldly sickness" idea. which is not true. this isn't true either, but it's ok to have that fear. just know that you aren't being punished for thinking you're unlovable. you just need to work through it.

and the age thing still feels like an aphobic excuse, it can still be true)

i promise you're not being aphobic here :) especially when referring to yourself. if you feel you need more time to know, that's totally ok and valid!!

how do i know i dont feel something or if i just haven't felt it yet with the right person?

to be honest? you don't. but the good thing is you don't have to. get comfortable where you are! you don't have to date to be happy or loved, and you don't have to know if there's a right person or not. it's hard not knowing, but becoming at ease with it will help immensely.

if i find a right person (unlikely) is it even aromanticism anymore?

yes. yes yes yes yes!! if you still feel comfortable with the label, it's STILL aromanticism. my younger sibling @axellion is happy to answer questions regarding this as well!!! meow identifies as an aromantic lesbian :)

it's just i do want the dating thing and i want it with a specific gender and i want not only the domesticity but actually all the love-sick puppy eyes cliche thing.

it's ok to want this!!! in fact, even if you're aro, it's not unattainable <3 it seems like that contradicts, but it doesn't have to

but actual aro people would not be that crushed about missing out as i am specially because im ok with missing out the sex bit ever since i learned about asexuality.

again, "actual aro" people can experience this as well. it's ok to feel this way. whatever label makes you most comfortable is right

aroace feels like such a heavy title, i dont know.

you don't have to label yourself as aroace if you don't feel comfortable <3 questioning is ok, and mixing and matching with labels is ok.

i really don't want to be offensive, im kinda just grieving at the possibility at never getting things i always thought i wanted, just because i cant want it hard enough.

you aren't being offensive, i can promise you that! and it's totally ok to grieve, but i know you can still have those things. it's part of discovering yourself and having new experiences. i also recommend @tertiary-attraction-culture-is to answer some questions about tertiary attraction :)

i relate to a lot of what you said. i used to have tons of similar concerns. the number one thing i recommend: find someone to talk to about it!! a friend you trust, or even a therapist can help.

i found out i was demiromantic through experience. at first i identified as demisexual, but then i realized im sex repulsed ace and that the demiromantic label fits me best. as for my attraction, i just ID as queer, because i haven't found a better label for that!

you can simply ID as queer, or questioning, or explore some microlabels if that suits your fancy! this stuff can be scary and confusing, and that's ok!!

i have no singular solution for you, but there usually isn't one. you don't have to have everything figured out now! you're 15, and it's never too late to do some new discovering. i hope this helps <3

[ryderdire]

Live blogging hollow mind because im scared

starting the ep now and im afraid

jumping straight into the plot i see

HOW THO flash back whispers of an attempt to invaid the empoeres mind with wild magic RAINE!!! DARIUS EBERWOLF??????

THEIR.... DOING GLYPHS

LUZ MY BELOVED WAIT OH NO RAINE KNOWS EDAS KID IS TRAPPED OOOOH ANGST

(Walkie takie scene)

SIBLINGS NO CUZ I USED TO DO THAT WITH MY SISTER IM

LUZ TAUGHT KING SPANISH ANGST IM SCARED IM TERRFIED SAME LUZ IS RIGHT THE TiTAN HATES HIM belos = Phillip

Proof that hes up to somthing

Fear

Thats such a good point

iS SHE GONNA ASK ABOUT THE GRAVESFLEID SYMBOL RAINE NO LUZ IS EDAS KID U PUT HER IN DANFER OH So THATS WHY FLAPY ISNT WITH THEM

"you wanna prove my uncle is evil and you think ID wanna help???!" HUnter honey

why do i feel like thats gonna age

luz ily

hunter honey uhhhh

HE WAS PROBALY A WITCH SACERFICE HUNTER NO WHY DOES DARIUS LOOK SO SAD BITCH WHAT DO U THINK HIS MENTOR IS GONE BECAUSE BELOS IS AN ASS

(okay m being mean hunters been in this cult his entire life hes basically been brainwashed to belive alot of shit) SO If theres a baby belos then

yep wHAT IS THAT OH DAMN WAIT ITS THE CURSE UHHH TGHATIl;K"bgfm,.bvcdkl[o

;blk'

THAT CHILD IN THE BG LOOKS JSUT LIKE HUNTER ALSO THE BIRD THAT WENT BRRR THAT WAS IM SHAKING SHIT SHIT HUNTERS BOUT TO FIND OUT IM SCARED being punished bc you provoked his innerself

HATE THAT NO HAD A THOUSAND GLOWING EYEBALLS lol darcy

oh nooooo eye ballls

dude istg

THE WALKIETALKIE HAS MCFUCKING RANGE FlAPJACK protective hunter is protective

edas gonna be so worried

i need a mintue hold on

Okay okay so

hunters def a clone or smth

i wonder if belos is like

some kinda werid ass fusion between the collector and phillip

idk how that would work but eh

hes def cursed

probs cuz of his own actions

okay back to episode

Eda is such a mom

get away

strong emptions matrailize

concerned about bby hunter (probs cableb) having his eyes scratched out HUNTERRRR LOVES HIS LITTLE BIRB AWWWWW Luz >:} baby belos

kid belos

sense of guilt

sense of innsonce

INTO THE PAINTINGS

B plot eda saves her daughter and her soon son

raine in the bg

"cool cool time to save luz" DARIUS " SHIT DAS MY SON" LOL raine knows how to sneak into edas house

Titan his old mask

i call bullshit

HES ALWAYS BEEN A PEICE OF SHIT TO HUNTER

The rest of these

Its was a lie

it was all an lie

"Its for the greater good"

hunters rlly drikin that koolaid and it hurts

a city can rise from the ashes

but a soul

hE KILLED A BITCH sacerfices

still alive

STILL HAVE SOME WORK TO WHAT THE FUcK FUUCK

WHAT

THE HELL WHAT THE HELL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

im currently like dying WHAT IS THAT THING Hunter.... Siblings

they are siblings

ofc The collector

nine bright hues

collector

wants to play Oooh

im starting to think i make these things just to destroy them

WHAT HUH GRIMWALKER EDA WOULD ADOPT U SO EFFEN FAST pallismin Child is evil didny see that coming

hunters so dead

he knows he knows he knows he knows heknowsheknowsheknows

HE KNOWS LUZS NAME IDK WHY THATS SENDING ME GET AWAY FROM THEM

Wheepy pallismin souls

UR SUCH A BITCH

hunters so scared

shout out to his va cuz

to our family

HUNTER!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NONO HUNTER NO NO FUCKING NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NI NI NIO NO NO NO NO WITCH HUNTER WITCH HUNTER WITCH HUNTER ITS PHILIP

i need a minute

LUZ DONT CRY PLEASE IM HAVING SO MANY FELINGS THERES ONLY 3 MINS LEFT

plz save hunter

plz i cant do this

okay okay okay i keep pausing i need a mintue I NEED 5000 mintues

LUZS REACTION HURTS STAY AWAY FROM HER

hes about to kill her and hes taunting her and its making me cry

she looked up to him its sending the ren

raine secert sercet sercet admirer the titan blood

save hunter please

HUNTER OML HES OKAY HES OKAY HES OKAY I LITERALLY SCRREMEED HES OKAY HES GOING TO BE SAVED he made it

im

im shaking tf

i need a few mintues

HES HAVING A PANIC ATTACK IM SCARRED I YEETED MY HEAD PHONES IM

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK