#i would have her thought be like:

[senbons]

I love how you put the note to discuss the ending scene in ch 2 because I NEED to discuss it!

I dont know if I interpreted it right but "you could do it" was more like an invitation than a challenge. She wasn't challenging him. In my head she was asking him to release it, release them. They both want it and they both knew. And SHE knew. But when his fingers grasps too tightly into her neck, she realized and that's why she is so scared. She did not expect it. She thought she got him. (And you fucking got me. Really thought that they were gonna kiss until he mentioned that he's imagined doing it to her for years lol). I think that was the first time she actually realized how much he hates her. Like, hates her. He is so hard. But he's been through alot. The beginning of the chapter and the brief explanation about the occupation, the war, and his family really gives so much into that end scene. The feeling of frustration and guilt Shikamaru experienced in this chapter brought tears to my eyes in the end (even tho it ends with him looking at his sperm-covered hand lol).

ANYWAY, THIS IS ALREADY SO FUCKING HOT.

It's sad but it's hot and it's soooo goood I literally shiver.

Just please fucking update it soon!

LOLOLOL that's not AT ALL what I wanted to discuss about the last scene -- my reasons were absolutely without substance 😂 dying that you're like making a critical analysis and I'm just giggling in the corner like "hehehehe semen"

----

Interesting interpretation of her line. I honestly don't think it's incorrect at all. I love so so much that you're focusing on it -- and forcing me to really articulate my way through it! I love that! In my take it also is said with multiple meanings/intentions, and then, of course, his action leads to more mixed/multi emotions.

I took first and foremost her line as a power play. Like showing that he has everything he needs in that moment to do what he wants to do most -- her life is literally on a silver platter before him. Like a pig with an apple in its mouth put before a starving man -- and that he stilllllll won't do it because she is (ALWAYS) in control of him. He will look at the pig but not eat it (weird analogy idk why i'm running w it). So it's like her showing off and also torturing him kind of with her power (but obviously in that really subtle way where they know it, but it's overwhelmed by the other thing -- it isn't a torture he wants to escape in the moment, even if he knows in the back of his mind he should). Really the "you could, but you wont" part of it.

Second, I think her line is also a kind of a dare. And I mean that not as a challenge... because even though I think the challenge is part of it (see above) I think the dare is kind of like... idk, a request for him to actually do it. Not to push him, but requesting him to do it. To make her physically feel the weight of herself. Like he said, she's stifled. And obviously has really complex feelings about her own life and role. And so there is this "do it" kind of proposition that has this unspoken "please" on the end of it. And to have him do it would be different because she has this thing with him. Whatever it is, they have a thing. He describes it as something in this chapter, but regardless of the truth of it, it's definitely a thing (whatever that means) (also please write me later (after next chapter or so) because i have more thoughts on this issue but dont want to say too much yet!)

And then, also, as a third thing (though honestly there's plently more one could get through here) there is the sex. Like, obviously, there is always the sex. The touching, the control, the desire to be controlled, the intimacy of that specific action (not at all trying to advocate a choke fetish please do not take this that way like the way people had a tie fetish in aibg 🤣🤣🤣 (everyone read that nyt article about the prevalence of choking in teens? bc im not saying im not into it, just be aware! 😂)

I think the squeezing of the throat scared them both because it was some form of actualizing all of the above and neither wanted to actually take the jump they'd primed themselves up for. like they both walked to the edge of a high dive and then shikamaru shook the board and they fell back terrified. HILARIOUS you thought they were going to kiss bc it didn't even occur to me. I am going to have to go back and read it! I love that. I mean, the intimacy is there. They're so dangerous together rn. (as you said, they both want it and they both know it).

Honestly though (per usual) Shikamaru is the big mess here -- like you said, his frustration and guilt is so overwhelming... I know she is also going through soooooo much (more than him honestly), but I'd date the temari in this story in a heartbeat over the shikamaru 😂 he's a wreck

long long response but thank you so much for sending this and hopefully everything written above makes some semblance of sense! and thank you SOOOOOO MUCH for reading! the fact that you're into it is literally the best compliment I am so thrilled. Thank you!

(oh god, now how to even unpack her still feeling her throat after he leaves.... what is going through her head tonight?!??? oy vey!)

[hinamie]

sympathy for cain

[ciderjacks]

dad issues

+

(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)

[puppyeared]

renaissance dogys

characters belong to @canisalbus

[clownowo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

You made her cry, time to die.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[clouvu]

Cooking up an older Clervie outfit design so I don't have to keep drawing her looking like her child self but Long

[melonsharks]

like a thing, make a character lineup to figure out how i would draw them. thats the way my brain works! you can find close-ups under the cut!

these were fun :] theres a lot of characters in this show that would be fun to draw, is there anyone you guys wanna see next? 🤔

[heartorbit]

find another role, carry on the show

[sofiaruelle]

Just a couple of besties with matching missing 2 front teef~

[theriverbeyond]

Gideon Nav terrible fashion sense is so important to me babygirl has never been free to dress herself in her LIFE and i firmly believe that if she did have that freedom she would wear just. the most dogshit outfits. socks with slides. neon colors. shirts that say TITS with an arrow pointing down. outfits so bad every woman she meets is begging to take her on a department store makeover episode. outfits so bad you wonder if she got dressed in the dark upside down picking her clothing items by chaos potential. outfits so bad they wrap around to being sick as hell before winding back and punching you straight in the face

[magnetic-rose]

at the end of episode 3 when joel and ellie are getting their supplies from bill and frank’s house, they find a box labeled “woman’s shirts.”

tess is the only woman they’re friends with, which means this box was for her. so whenever they’d go to the clothing boutique, they’d find something for her and set it aside for when she visited next time.

i just - they loved tess. they cared about her. they thought about her even when she wasn’t around. they’d go to their little boutique and pick out clothes for her that she could take back home to the qz. “paying attention to things is how we show love.” “i leave you all of my weapons and equipment, use them to keep tess safe.”

and bill talked a bit more about tess in his letter but we don’t get to fully see it:

“... and she decide you’re...”

also bill’s telling joel some wine pairing for food that he can share with tess, probably because one of bill’s love languages is cooking and he thinks joel should wine and dine her. how cute is that.

[0fps]

JANE DOE ❖ undercover r&b

The big bad daddy who cussed you out every day is gone and yet you still miss him. What are you, a bunch of daddy's boys?

[neymiiie]

I just want to see him again.

[puppyeared]

learned something about myself lately

[poppy-metal]

MARRIAGE COUNSELING W ART PLEASEEEEEEEE GOD THE DEVASTATION THAT TAKES PLACE ON THAT COUCH

i think about it alot. tashi staying with patrick, her injury never happening. your arts college girlfriend and now you're married and it feels fucking stagnant, your relationship. but neither of you wants to give up. neither of you wants to reveal to the other true feelings.

under the cut because this got long and i have a whole au in my hear around this concept

you're only in counseling because of tashi. because shes still in your lives, her and patrick. and she recommended it to art when they were having one of their 'friend' lunches. and now here you are, because of course art took her advice.

he hasn't said anything, though. despite pleading for this. saying he wanted to save your marriage, that he wanted to love you how you should be loved but he didn't know how.

so here you are, on opposite ends of the couch, with the counselor staring at the empty space between you like that in itself is very telling. you suppose it is, in a way. couples who want to stay together should be unified, shouldn't they? you imagine how it would feel, if art had sat next to you. put an arm around you. squeezed you to his side. would you even be able to relax into him? its been so long since you touched eachother that way.

"so im picking up on some distance here," your therapist says. shes a small woman. almost swallowed by her chair. her glasses are perched on her nose as she gazes imperiously at empty space separating you and art. "not just physical either, though thats rather obviously there. but emotional distance. do either of you wanna comment on that?"

you cut a glance at art, expecting him to speak up since this was his idea - well. tashi's. but he just looks down at his lap, quiet. spins his wedding band around his finger.

you feel an anger so intense it pricks your eyes with tears.

"well, i guess you could start with the fact that coming here wasn't even either of our idea. it was his friends."

and now. here art speaks. his head jerks up and she shoots you an annoyed look. "you don't have to say it like that. you always say it like that. her name is tashi and she is my friend. and it was her suggestion, yeah, but it was a good one."

you look at the therapist - janet. raise your eyebrows in arts direction like, get a load of this guy. your legs cross and you start picking at a stray string from the couch.

"first words of the session and its to talk about another woman."

arts inhale is sharp and you can feel his eyes on you but you dont look at him. you can't. you wont. you're right, anyway. he can try to deny it all he wants but you know - you know what you are to him. you know where all your problems stem. you dont need to be here to make any grand discoveries over a fact you've resigned yourself too.

"i see." janet says. "and art having a relationship with this other woman upsets you."

"everything upsets her." art cuts in, sounding tired. his elbow is braced on the arm of the couch and hes chewing on his thumb in one of his nervous gestures. he always did that, as long as you've known him. he was a nail biter, he'd chew his lips raw, he'd nibble on straws, the ends of his pens. he was either lost in thought or agitated. your guess was the latter. "nothing i do makes her happy."

"is this true? are you unhappy with art?"

your skin feels hot. you shift around in your seat. the attention is all on you, and it feels like you've done something wrong, even though you know its literally janets job to ask questions.

"more like i know I'm not what he wants and that makes me...... really fucking sad."

art knees almost knock against yours as he turns his body to face you, giving you his full attention the first time today. you cant meet his eyes still, so you look at the faded spot on his jeans. light blue, like his eyes. you wonder how hes looking at you. cant make yourself look up to see.

"what." he stops. seems to gather some thoughts. tries again, with a steadier tone. "what are you talking about."

you try not to roll your eyes. your arm flings out limply.

"just that this whole thing is a joke, art." and you let out an exasperated laugh, even though nothing is funny. nothing has been funny or light between you two in a long time. "we're only here because the girl you really wanted to marry, told you to get your fucking shit together. you didn't ask us to come here because you wanted to mend something, you're here to please tashi. because if playing a good husband is a role she wants for you - well, you want to play it right, dont you?"

its quiet after that. in the silence you cant help but think about those early days. when you'd been full of love and light and art seemed to be really happy with you. you'd go on dates to the movies, walk through the park together with your hands swinging between you. laugh together and steal kisses whenever you could. you felt high back then.

it didn't even matter that art had a crush on tashi, because hell, you had one too, at the time. but she'd started dating patrick, and they seemed to mesh well together. they were both so intense and passionate. back then, you'd been alot closer to tashi yourself. patrick too. you remember the way she'd rant about how much she fucking hated him, pacing around your room and calling him every name under the sun. and you'd sit there with eager curiosity, and ask her why she didn't end it then. if he makes you so angry, why stay?

and she'd get this faraway look in her eyes. kind of wistful. kind of sad. kind of happy.

"because he makes me feel fucking alive. hes like a - like a drug or something. i cant quit. its addictive, you know?"

that stuck with you. it still sticks with you. you remember being envious of that kind of passion. youe relationship with art had always been so easy. you dont think you'd ever fought by that point. you loved art. you felt safe with art. but were you addicted to him? if you broke up - would you feel withdrawal symptoms?

sometimes you layed awake at night and thought about starting a fight - breaking up for no reason. just to see if he'd fight for you back, if the missing of eachother would be so intense one of you would cave.

but somehow you knew that wouldn't be the case. thats just not how you and art operated. if you got angry, he wouldn't rise to meet you, he'd back down. if you ended things, he wouldn't chase you, he'd let you go.

patrick and tashi were fire and brimstone and you and art was ice and you were....... dirt. solid. walked upon. dependable and not at all exciting.

when art had proposed to you after college graduation it wasn't spur of the moment as it had been with patrick when he'd swept tashi up with a ring and a elopement to vegas. it was talked about and agreed upon and you knew it was coming.

you still said yes.

"you think," and arts voice has a barely concealed tremble to it that makes you look up, finally. you're shocked to see he looks wounded. so many of his expressions you can count on one hand - and this - this wasn't one of them. his eyes are dark, stormy. "you think i dont care about our marriage beyond what someone else has to say about it? you really think that?"

you hate the sliver of guilt you feel, because its not a crazy thing to feel.

"yeah, i really do."

because well, that's the truth of the matter isn't it? you and your husband stare at eachother. and it feels like you're looking at a stranger. not the man who's freckles you used to kiss. who's fears you knew. who's hands you know every callous of, every divot and fingerprint.

"it seems you two have very different views of how the other views this marriage." janet cuts in, sounding curious. she taps her pen against the open notepad on her lap. "art, would you like to chime in on why you wanted to come here? even at the suggestion of someone else?"

art stares at you for a long moment. his face is unreadable to you. his jaw works before his chest expands on an exhale and he looks away.

"i guess i - i just didn't realize how..... stagnant things had gotten until it was pointed out to me. harshly." he winces, and you wonder exactly what tashi had to say to him. you haven't talked to the other woman for some time. contact fizzling out after your marriage to art. he flicks a glance to you, then away again. "im not the best at being aware of shit going on around me." his hand comes up to rub nervously at his neck. "i guess you could say im good at brushing things under the rug. going through the motions. that sort of thing."

janet nods like this makes sense to her. well, great, you think. you know my husband more than i do.

"you're not a fan of confrontation, are you?"

art actually laughs. a genuine one. one that brings a dimple to his cheek and flashes his teeth. you stare at it, like its an exotic animal, and you wont see it again. quickly you catalog the expression in your memory, so you dont forget what he looks like when hes happy.

"yeah, no." he shakes his head. "but I think thats part of the problem. I've obviously let too much shit get put under the rug and now its so full other people are noticing."

you look down at your hands, lips pressed together. your face burns at the knowledge that tashi and by extension - patrick - know your marriage is in shambles. how embarrassing, to be caught lacking in such a momentous way. to come up short and have your husbands friends know about it. you wonder - does he talk about all the ways you make him miserable with them? does patrick shake his head, say, "she's sucking the life out of you, man." does tashi look at him with pity? like hes some poor abused cat that needs to be let in from the rain?

the rain of your marriage.

the rain of you.

you're the storm. you're the problem. you're not enough. art needs fire. you're not even dirt, you're glass. and you can feel yourself breaking.

"that clearly hit a nerve, my dear." janets voice is soft. soothing. she hands you a tissue and you realize you'd begun to cry. "do you want to explain what you're feeling about what art said?"

"i...."

you dab dab dab at your eyes. sniffle. look around the room, trying to collect your thoughts. they feel like flyaway dandelions. you dont know which of them to grasp.

a warm hand settles over yours in your lap and you startle. its arts hand. warm and calloused and tan, covering yours. the gold glint of his wedding ring winks at you, the engraved words etched into them, "my soft epilogue". a shortened version of your favorite qoute i think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love.

at the time, that's what art was to you. your life before him hadn't been easy. being with art had felt like coming home from a long day and falling into a soft bed. it had felt like being able to land after weeks of being made to fly.

you turned your palm up, so he could slide his fingers between yours. he squeezed your hand.

"i think, i. i think i just think - I'm a failure." your bottom lip wobbles. you look at your enterwoven fingers and it makes you so sad that you haven't done the simple gesture of holding your husbands hand in months. "the two most important people in your life are. are so passionate and loud. and i see. i see how happy they make you - and i cant - i cant b-be that for you. we aren't - im not - you dont need me. im not a limb for you how they are. you could extract yourself from me and be. be happier."

your breath shudders out of you.

"you don't need me." you echo.

you wait for him to pull his hand away. this is more than you thought you'd share. some of it you weren't even aware of till the words were spilling from your lips. but they ring true.

without patrick and tashi art would drown. without you..... he'd float just fine.

"and that's important to you." janet says. a statement not a question. "you want to feel needed by art, and you feel as though you aren't. that his needs are met better with his friends than with you."

you nod slowly.

"baby." the word sends a shock through you. not the word itself but how its said. art calls you baby all the time, in a monotonous kind of way. routine. now he says it softly. with feeling. he lets go of your hand in favor of cupping your cheek, still damp with tears, turning your face to his. he looks pained. "of course i need you. i know i haven't been good at showing it. i just - you shut down - after we got married. you've been like a fucking ghost. like you dont want me to touch you. like i could dissappear for all you care and you'd just carry on. i don't know. but i need you, okay? i. need. you."

both hands cup your face, he makes you stare right into him. the conviction in his voice takes your breath away. theres a fire burning there you've thought long put out.

"obviously we have shit to sort out, and we will. but you've got to. you've got to know that. tashi only pushed me to do this because she how - how desperate i was. that's all."

you inhale deeply. exhale. swallow hard. tears cling to your lashes. you reach a hand up to clutch at one of arts wrists. eyes fluttering automatically when you do. you feel grounded again. less like you might float away.

"okay."

"yeah?"

"yeah...." and you smile. it trembles across your lips. but its there. "we'll sort our shit."

art lets out a relieved breath. kisses your forehead, lingering there. the gesture so tender you get emotional again. you want to crawl into his lap, have him wrap you in his arms. you want to feel held by him, like you used to.

"our time is up." janet sets her pen down. smiles. "but i think that was a wonderful first session. i can see the love between you hasn't faded, and that's more i can say for alot of couples who come to see me. keep your chin up."