#it just makes me depressed
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i will really try to have breakfast tomorrow AND sleep before 23.00 tonight bc like....😵
#2 - i want to take my rilakkuma bag to work tomorrow....push some boundaries fbvgvbhvv#there r clothing regs not bag 😈#xx#3 - ill stopppp stressing abt appearing normal™ and forcing myself tbh idccc#it just makes me depressed#i can n should force myself to interact w a few ppl to progress to b friends™ but i cant do it for too long just have to accept it#that#4 - i need to lose weight and ----apply for flight attendant they def have it better
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Me: oh boy a new Aly & AJ song! 😄
Listening to the lyrics 40 seconds in realizing it’s about how America sucks but not in a bop way: ☹️
#it’s such a good song but#oof it’s too real#they’re my happy escape artist#it’s a GREAT song though like probably their best#it just makes me depressed
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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#female depression#the cure#holding him would fix me#i miss him#girlblog#girlblogger#girlblogging#hell is a teenage girl#girl interrupted syndrome#im just a girl#this is a girlblog#just girly things#female manipulator#female rage#divine feminine#divine female#female hysteria#future husband#femcel#the virgin suicides#girl interrupted#this is what makes us girls#girl hysteria#feminine hysteria#feminine rage#girl rage#girl interupted syndrome#girl gone crazy#sad girl autumn#autumn depression
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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People ask me sometimes how I'm so confident that we can beat climate change.
There are a lot of reasons, but here's a major one: it would take a really, really long time for Earth to genuinely become uninhabitable for humans.
Humans have, throughout history, carved out a living for themselves in some of the most harsh, uninhabitable corners of the world. The Arctic Circle. The Sahara. The peaks of the Himalayas. The densest, most tropical regions of the Amazon Rainforest. The Australian Outback. etc. etc.
Frankly, if there had been a land bridge to Antarctica, I'm pretty sure we would have been living there for thousands of years, too. And in fact, there are humans living in Antarctica now, albeit not permanently.
And now, we're not even facing down apocalypse, anymore. Here's a 2022 quote from the author of The Uninhabitable Earth, David Wallace-Wells, a leader on climate change and the furthest thing from a climate optimist:
"The most terrifying predictions [have been] made improbable by decarbonization and the most hopeful ones practically foreclosed by tragic delay. The window of possible climate futures is narrowing, and as a result, we are getting a clearer sense of what’s to come: a new world, full of disruption but also billions of people, well past climate normal and yet mercifully short of true climate apocalypse. Over the last several months, I’ve had dozens of conversations — with climate scientists and economists and policymakers, advocates and activists and novelists and philosophers — about that new world and the ways we might conceptualize it. Perhaps the most capacious and galvanizing account is one I heard from Kate Marvel of NASA, a lead chapter author on the fifth National Climate Assessment: “The world will be what we make it.”" -David Wallace-Wells for the New York Times, October 26, 2022
If we can adapt to some of the harshest climates on the planet - if we could adapt to them thousands of years ago, without any hint of modern technology - then I have every faith that we can adjust to the world that is coming.
What matters now is how fast we can change, because there is a wide, wide gap between "climate apocalypse" and "no harm done." We've already passed no harm done; the climate disasters are here, and they've been here. People have died from climate disasters already, especially in the Global South, and that will keep happening.
But as long as we stay alive - as long as we keep each other alive - we will have centuries to fix the effects of climate change, as much as we possibly can.
And looking at how far we've come in the past two decades alone - in the past five years alone - I genuinely think it is inevitable that we will overcome climate change.
So, we're going to survive climate change, as a species.
What matters now is making sure that every possible individual human survives climate change as well.
What matters now is cutting emissions and reinventing the world as quickly as we possibly can.
What matters now is saving every life and livelihood and way of life that we possibly can.
#hope my reasoning here makes sense#idk I'm just a person who does a lot of research and posting talking about my take on things#I'm not any kind of Real Authority#but still#and for what it's worth the climate and climate transition data I've been following DOES make me confident in this conclusion#I struggled with the line between recognizing the very real damages of climate change#especially on the global south and especially in the last few years#and focusing on the positive instead of regaling you all with depressing situations#especially when there is so much amazing work being done throughout marginalized countries and marginalized groups#literally if rich countries just paid climate reparations and did actual decolonization/landback#a lot of communities could sort out the shit they need to sort out themselves#and/or in alliance and solidarity with each other#or at least most of the things they need to sort out!!#cough anyway#climate change#climate action#climate emergency#climate crisis#global warming#climate solutions#hope#hope posting#not news#me
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i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.
yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.
he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.
i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.
i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .
#and for the record i consider my deformity pretty mild. maybe i’m just used to it but things like amniotic band syndrome can turn out a lot#more severe. i rarely even call myself disabled because i don’t feel like the term is applicable to me. i’m more hindered by like#my adhd anxiety depression etc than i am my hand. so for those kids to react that way to what i THINK#is a pretty small thing. makes me worry about people that are more visibly disabled#Kids.That are more visibly disabled
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young ford² and stanley 🌧
#SAVE ME STANLEY PINES SAVE ME#their stories make me depressed#if you saw my other drawing of adult mabel & dipper i like to think those cheek dimples i give all the pines’ run in the family#i feel like i didn’t make stan and ford identical enough but whatever……. these are just doodles trial and error#stanley pines#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#bill cipher#<- sort of#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#stanley pines fanart#stanford pines fanart#fiddleford mcgucket fanart#my art#reblogs are welcome
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Broke: "Dick Grayson was upset at a new kid taking over his mantle because he doesn't think Jason will be good enough as Robin"
Woke: "Dick is upset at Jason, not because he's suddenly taking over the mantle he created, but because Jason isn't nearly feral enough of a child to drive Bruce insane in Dick's place"
Dick: You wanna be my successor? Go swing from that chandelier right now.
Jason:
Dick: As a matter of fact, I need to see you crawling all over the walls. Make a ruckus, break some furniture
Jason: But Bruce-
Dick: SCREW Bruce. Your job as my new brother is to make his life HELL. Why are you so polite? Why are you so calm? Where's your DRIVE, your PASSION, huh? You may be worthy of the title of Robin, but are you WORTHY of being my disaster brother?
Jason, a little scared: I dont-
Dick, scoffing: The youth these days just don't rebel like they used to.
#Bruce watching Dick take Jason out on a lil hangout day: Im sure everything will be fine :)#Alfred: You have no idea what youve done.#Dick: do you at least have any hobbies#Jason: i read#Dick: (in tears) i got such a BORING brother#[jason coming back as gotham's new uprising crime lord]#dick: see THATS what im talking about FINALLY a worthy successor#dick: remember littlewing when u turn 16 u gotta up the angsty teen performance tenfold just to REALLY make B's life difficult#jason a few years later: *dies in the most horrifying way possible leaving Bruce an anguished depressed mess*#dick: Wow ok I did NOT think he'd outdo me like this#this is how they bonded as brothers :)#this is kinda a continuation on a prev post abt Robin Jason being the polite kid lol#jason todd#dick grayson#nightwing#robin!jason#red hood#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batdad#batkids#batbros#dc#crack#incorrect quotes#fanatical posting
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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rotating my OC in my head wasnt enough. I had to bring him into the physical world too. four different times.
#my cosplay#cosplay#oc art#oc cosplay#ocs#original character#also not me just not realizing sulu is basically my mascot for depression#its like i usually make stuff for him when im in the throes of an acute depressive episode#and babygirl lets just say i have clinically diagnosed bipolar II 😏😏😏#also did you guys know that they came out with a bipolar III#like sons of bitches out here releasing sequels making the worst trilogy known to man#if bipolar II was so good why didnt they make a bipolar II 2#except they did and its bipolar III
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teresa of the faint smile.
if you like my art, consider donating to one of these palestinian fundraisers.
#the most depressed woman in the entire world#self care is projecting your own mental health issues onto your favourite character and then going 'shes just like me'#rereading claymore recently makes me realise i hc a lot of the claymores as a lot angrier than they canonically are#but i think personally that was a skill issue on norihiro yagi's part for not investing more in female rage#anyway#claymore zine time#i gotta make it this year or itll never happen#claymore#claymore manga#teresa of the faint smile#teresa claymore#stillindigo art
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a non-modernized take on my anthro au! starting with spears and riv :D
#my art#rain world#rain world fanart#sleepys rw anthro au#<- using the same tag srry. i hate it to be cluttered but i don't feel the need to make a separate tag either#rw anthro#rw anthro au#rw rivulet#rw spearmaster#rw fishstick#sorry for the lack of art recently#burnout + depression + other life stuff has been killing me#but i’m back!! i’m working on stuff i promise!!!#just very. slowly#Zzz
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Maddie and Buck in 3x16 and 5x15
#actually so weird how margaret and phillip died 80 years ago and these are my adult children.#anyway i was trying to make something much more depressing but the coloring was Not working with me so y'all are safe.... for now....#tv: 911#911 abc#911 fox#911edit#911gifs#buck buckley#evan buckley#maddie han#maddie buckley#buckley siblings#tvgifs#televisiongifs#tvedit#mythtakensgif#cinemapix#dailyflicks#food tw#(buck's single forkful of salad i'm just being vigilant)
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havent drawn all of them in a WHILE ✸
#critical role#bells hells#critrole#ashton greymoore#orym of the air ashari#imogen temult#chetney pock o'pea#fearne calloway#laudna#fresh cut grass#bell's hells#art#my art#almost gave up on this so many times#but that chet wolf and side profile ashton were just too good to give up on#and as always fearne looks so good#really proud of the imogen here too i think she looks so cute#i had to redraw her so many times im so bad at drawing her :[#ANYWAY HI I FINALLY MAKE ART AND POST IT#been having the worst art block ever :(#its made me so depressed and then i got even more depressed cuz i wasnt being productive but i couldnt do anything cuz i was depressed#:((( why does my hobby make me sad and want to quit#um anyways did you guys watch that new dungmeshi episode#the tonal whiplash was fucking crazy i loved it
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