#incorrect quotes the originals

[ct1409lover]

Sam: Truth or dare?

Eeva: Truth.

Sam: I dare you to kiss Bucky.

Eeva, already getting up: Alright, fine.

Kol: They didn’t even pick dare?

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2605

Don't forget to feed your wizard. (Dialogue is just made up, lol.)

[olailamajnoon]

Headcanon: Jason, after coming back from the dead, decides to fuck with Bruce for revenge and also because it slaps, but mostly for revenge ykwim

Bruce blames coffee and lack of sleep for the fact that the pizza delivery boy looks like Jason, the club bouncer looks like Jason, the clerk in Damian's school looks like Jason

Jason: here's your pizza, mister *shoves it into Bruce's face*

Bruce: 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 can I ask your name

Jason: Percy, but everyone just calls me Purse. Like in "cut purse"

Bruce: *under his breath* jesus, you even SOUND like him

Jason, wide innocent eyes popping out of his chiseled man face: you okay dude?

Bruce, convinced he's finally lost his mind, but still holding on to the "illusion": Do you want to come inside?

Jason, deadpan: dude you're rich white and famous, you really think imma let you take me inside your gargantuan Gothic mansion? Being killed one time's enough

Bruce, turning around: *wHaT dId YoU sAy*

[sir-ballister-boldheart]

They were so insane for this

[protagaster]

Ares, seeing 17 year old Penelope swoon over Odysseus: [sighs] I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some... guy.

Penelope: This one is different. He's smart, and he's kind...

Ares: Please!

Penelope: He would never do anything to hurt me.

Ares: He's a guy!

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Jason, laying on the couch: Do you think that 9/11 happened in the paw patrol universe?

Bruce: Sometimes I wish I hadn't adopted you..

[percabethconvos]

[Between BOTL and TLO]

New camper watching Percy and Annabeth flirt during capture the flag: Are they lovers?

Clarisse: Worse, they're fucking stupid

[aludraslytherin]

Lily: Does anyone know why James and Regulus are sitting back to back holding hands?

Barty: They got in a pretty bad fight, Reg is mad at Potter.

Lily: Okay but why the hand holding then?

Remus: James got scared that Regulus doesn't love him anymore, so that's their solution until they calm down.

[enigma-the-mysterious]

If someone told me that a submersible named the Titan, owned by a company called OceanGATE, carrying three billionaires, had gone missing on an expedition to the Titanic, I would think it was some pitch for a new thriller mystery novel and not something that had actually happened due to the hubris and stupidity of rich people.

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Liu Qingge comes back to find out that everyone believes Shen Qingqiu murdered him and he’s offended that anyone would think Shen Qingqiu could beat him in a fight. And, as Liu Qingge bitches people out for believing such a ridiculous tale, Shen Qingqiu is off to the side muttering about how he “could absolutely kill that brute if he wanted to.” Liu Qingge turns to him exasperated, grumpy, and annoyed and snaps, “You couldn’t even stop me from killing myself.”

[greghatecrimes]

this is definitely how it happened in canon

[ct1409lover]

Freya: What does 'take out' mean?

Marcel: Food.

Rebekah: Dating

Klaus: Murder

Eeva: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

[batfamilycannons]

Dick*the eldest daughter reaching a breaking point and it was this or manslaughter*: Due to my emotional trauma, I have decided I will be reverting back to my childhood Goblin lifestyle

Jason*always one for chaos*: Good for you

Bruce*traumatized from the first time not sure if he can survive a pt.2*: oh no

Tim*never left his Menace Lifestyle and is very exited to help cause more problems*: yay!

Bruce*even more scared*: oh no

[olailamajnoon]

Dick: Bruce, you look down in the dumps.

Bruce: How do you know that's not just my face?

Dick: Because your face usually says 'existential despair', not 'terminal illness'.

Bruce: Well. It's nothing. Anyway...

Dick, shutting the laptop: Bruce I'm not moving from here until you tell me.

Bruce: *sighs* Fine. Selina doesn't want any children. We've been talking about our future together, after marriage.

Dick: Oh.

Dick: Wait.

Dick: You want more children?

Bruce: Well...isn't it a normal, healthy instinct?

Dick: Bruce, I think you've left normal and healthy a couple of light years behind you. You have six children, dammit!

Bruce:...

Bruce: Do you think I have a problem?

Dick: Well....

Bruce: *puppy dog eyes*

Dick: Absolutely yes.

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Daryl: Me an' Y/N don't argue.

Y/N: We don't.

Daryl: She tells me to shut up an' I do.

Y/N: Mhm!

[protagaster]

Penelope: Hey Ctimene, are you free tonight? Like, around sundown?

Ctimene: Yes, I am.

Odysseus: And you, Eurylochus?

Eurylochus: Umm... yes?

Penelope: Great! Because we're not.

Odysseus: You two go out without us. Enjoy your date!

[Penny & Ody run away hand-in-hand, giggling between themselves]

Eurylochus: ...

Ctimene: Did they just-