#incorrect office quotes

[tiger-grace]

Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?

Bruce: Rehab.

Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?

Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.

[superbat-love]

Daily Planet employee 1: Don’t you think Clark Kent and the new CEO have been quite… close lately?

Daily Planet employee 2: Yeah, they do seem to get along a lot better these days. I wonder…

Daily Planet employee 3: Shh, they’re coming this way! [pretends to be busy with her work]

Clark: Are you still feeling sore?

Bruce: No thanks to you slamming into me. A little warning would have been nice.

Clark: Sorry, I got caught up in the heat of it. At least it ended well for the both of us, right? And we got back here as fast as possible without anyone noticing.

Bruce: Don’t remind me. [wincing] Riding you was a bad idea.

Clark: But I made sure to move a bit slower so you’d feel more comfortable!

Bruce: It’s not about how fast you were moving, Clark, it’s about the position. I hate it.

Clark: Oh, come on, don’t be like that. We can try different positions next time. I could hold you up by the waist…

Bruce: [muttering] Should have just taken the jet…

Daily Planet employees: ?!!!

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: The security at the Watchtower is a joke. Last year I came in with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at Bruce's desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

[imsofreakingtired]

Silco: I don't think you should be dating my henchwoman.

You: You don't have all the facts.

Silco: Which are?

You, tearing up: I love her.

[shortnsweetsposts]

*Tim had to create a website for a mission*

Damian: If I had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself.

Tim: Do you have a question, Damian?

Damian: Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

Bat!reader: *starts to clap*

[trek-and-wars-are-equal-stars]

Julian, elaborating on his genetic enhancements: through intense mental concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will

Miles: why would you want to raise your cholesterol?

Julian: so I can lower it

[prettybabyimblue]

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (1/3)

Bailey's stripper jacket my beloved

[padawansuggest]

Thire: *points at Fox’s tooka sleeping face down on a shelf* Does it do taxes?

Fox: It evades them, actually. He’s under arrest, it’s why I have custody.

Thire: *in awe* a scoundrel!

[concept-sketch]

Moxxie, to Millie: So... How's the most beautiful demon in hell doing today?

Millie, giggling: I don't know, how are yo-

Blitz, shouting from the other room: I'm doing great!! Thanks!

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Carol: For this mission we should split into groups of two. Yelena, you pick first.

Yelena: Pass.

Carol: You can’t pass.

Yelena: Fine. I’ll pick Kate.

Kate: It feels good to know I’m Yelena's second choice after “pass”.

[incorrectquotesfromthelighthouse]

Lucanis: Before I do anything, I ask myself "Would Spite do that?" And if the answer is yes, I don't do that thing.

[superbat-love]

Clark: Can you please just hold still? Do you want to bleed all over the restroom?

Bruce: Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

Clark: Trust me, I’ve seen Alfred bandage you enough times to know how to do it with my eyes closed. Seriously Bruce, I can’t believe you! Were you really going to silently sit through the meeting while you’re bleeding out from your ripped stitches?

Bruce: Ugh, spare me the lecture and just help me. We need to get back to the meeting soon. I don’t need to give your boss any more reason to give me dirty looks across the room.

Clark: That’s just Perry’s default expression.

The door to the restroom opens and someone steps in. Bruce immediately yanks Clark in close to block his injuries from view. Clark slams his hands on either side of him with a grunt, careful not to crush him.

Jimmy: Clark? [stares at the half-dressed Bruce underneath him] Mr Wayne??

Clark: J-Jimmy!

Bruce: [angrily whispering to Clark] You forgot to lock the door didn’t you? Get rid of him. Now.

Clark: Jimmy, this is not what it looks like! Me and Mr Wayne uhh… We’re just uhh…

Bruce: [Moans when Clark accidentally brushes against his wound]

Jimmy: Umm…

Clark: [whispering] Sorry!

Bruce: Hi Jimmy~ Care to join the fun?

Jimmy: N-No! Sorry to interrupt you guys! I-I mean, I don’t think I need to use the restroom after all. See you around, bye! [flees the restroom]

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Everyone has called me Boris all day. I think Tim paid them to.

[later]

Tim: Absolutely. Five bucks each and it was totally worth it.

[6ft-under-beacon-hills]

Derek, limping into Stitles' room: Stiles, I need a favour. Stiles: Okay. Then you have to call me by my name. Derek, leaning against the door frame: ..what. Stiles, holding up a sign that reads — Mieczyslaw Stilinski Derek: ... Derek: Forget it.

[wildlyincorrect]

Elphaba: We’re not seeing each other anymore. Can you accept that? Glinda: Fine. I just want to be friends. Elphaba: Good. Glinda: Plus a little extra. Glinda: Also, I love you. Elphaba: