#incorrect office quotes

[tiger-grace]

Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?

Bruce: Rehab.

Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?

Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.

[superbat-love]

Clark: Can you please just hold still? Do you want to bleed all over the restroom?

Bruce: Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

Clark: Trust me, I’ve seen Alfred bandage you enough times to know how to do it with my eyes closed. Seriously Bruce, I can’t believe you! Were you really going to silently sit through the meeting while you’re bleeding out from your ripped stitches?

Bruce: Ugh, spare me the lecture and just help me. We need to get back to the meeting soon. I don’t need to give your boss any more reason to give me dirty looks across the room.

Clark: That’s just Perry’s default expression.

The door to the restroom opens and someone steps in. Bruce immediately yanks Clark in close to block his injuries from view. Clark slams his hands on either side of him with a grunt, careful not to crush him.

Jimmy: Clark? [stares at the half-dressed Bruce underneath him] Mr Wayne??

Clark: J-Jimmy!

Bruce: [angrily whispering to Clark] You forgot to lock the door didn’t you? Get rid of him. Now.

Clark: Jimmy, this is not what it looks like! Me and Mr Wayne uhh… We’re just uhh…

Bruce: [Moans when Clark accidentally brushes against his wound]

Jimmy: Umm…

Clark: [whispering] Sorry!

Bruce: Hi Jimmy~ Care to join the fun?

Jimmy: N-No! Sorry to interrupt you guys! I-I mean, I don’t think I need to use the restroom after all. See you around, bye! [flees the restroom]

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: The security at the Watchtower is a joke. Last year I came in with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at Bruce's desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

[shortnsweetsposts]

*Tim had to create a website for a mission*

Damian: If I had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself.

Tim: Do you have a question, Damian?

Damian: Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

Bat!reader: *starts to clap*

[prettybabyimblue]

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (1/3)

Bailey's stripper jacket my beloved

[padawansuggest]

Thire: *points at Fox’s tooka sleeping face down on a shelf* Does it do taxes?

Fox: It evades them, actually. He’s under arrest, it’s why I have custody.

Thire: *in awe* a scoundrel!

[concept-sketch]

Moxxie, to Millie: So... How's the most beautiful demon in hell doing today?

Millie, giggling: I don't know, how are yo-

Blitz, shouting from the other room: I'm doing great!! Thanks!

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Carol: For this mission we should split into groups of two. Yelena, you pick first.

Yelena: Pass.

Carol: You can’t pass.

Yelena: Fine. I’ll pick Kate.

Kate: It feels good to know I’m Yelena's second choice after “pass”.

[6ft-under-beacon-hills]

Derek, limping into Stitles' room: Stiles, I need a favour. Stiles: Okay. Then you have to call me by my name. Derek, leaning against the door frame: ..what. Stiles, holding up a sign that reads — Mieczyslaw Stilinski Derek: ... Derek: Forget it.

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Husk: I hate being touched

Husk: The last time i maintained physical contact with another person was in battle

Vaggie: Angel is literally in your lap right now.

Husk: *Angel lounging across his thighs* This means nothing. Fear me.

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Kaz: Why would I be happy? You all appear to know a very private piece of information

Jesper: Its just your birthday

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Everyone has called me Boris all day. I think Tim paid them to.

[later]

Tim: Absolutely. Five bucks each and it was totally worth it.

[pineappical]

honey honey, how you thrill me, aha

[cod-dump]

Ghost, eating dinner: Yeah, can you believe it? Soap fuckin saved me a seat.

Gaz: Uh... yeah?

Ghost: I told him no, obviously. Can't think about that kinda stuff right before an op.

Gaz: Uh huh...

Ghost: Me n my subordinate? In carnal embrace? Nah, not fuckin happening.

Gaz:

Ghost: Pass the butt stuff.

Gaz: O_O

Ghost: THE BUTTER. THE BUTTER. I just want some head and butter--BREAD. BREAD AND BUTTER.

Gaz:

Ghost: BREAD AND BUTT SEX FOR THIS BIG PIECE OF MEAT I'M EATING--FUCK DAMMIT--!

Gaz: You feelin okay, mate?

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: [walks in covered in blood]

Bard: Amazing costume!! Happy Halloween!

Rogue:

Rogue: Oh it’s Halloween. That’s convenient.